#trying not to stumble into another breakdown like last year so im just focusing on stuff thats good for me 💀

[eldesperadont]

very low energy lately cause i sleep horribly, also my hype about doing commissions turned into frustration cause of the hurdles in my way thx to my disability, i wanna break my head through a wall

[grasslandgirl]

im distracting myself from the impending doom of a six month hiatus and everything that... happened in MAG160 by thinking about all the Wonderful possibilities for jonmartin dynamics post-159 because I’m a sucker for pining and minor miscommunications and dumb fanfic tropes and I’m dragging all of you along on this ride with me!

1) They’re Both Just Chill: there’s no miscommunications, no misunderstandings. despite what peter said about them not knowing each other super well (and maybe he raised some valid points, despite being an asshole) they DO know each other well enough and had a deep enough connection during the look at me/ i see you, jon scene that they both just (for lack of a better word) Know. they look into each other’s eyes in the middle of the Lonely and they see the love there, and the hurt and the pain and the anger and everything, but they do see the love. and they recognize that, oh, we’ve been so dumb this entire time. and there’s no big Talk, no awkward stumbling around the question, they just move forward from jon and martin to jon-and-martin because they’ve wasted enough time already, haven’t they? they can’t afford to waste any more time at this point, and hey. they kind of have bigger problems going on, right?

2) I Really Loved You, You Know: ok so this one i’ve seen in quite a few fanfics and speculative posts about this one, and jon misconstruing how martin uses the past tense when talking to him in the Lonely, and can i just say....... it’s very good. you have jon, who’s been desperately trying to reconnect with people, especially martin, this entire season, who dives headfirst into the Lonely after him, and maybe he heard martin’s tape with elias from the end of s3, maybe he knows about martin’s feelings for him, maybe he at least suspects, and maybe he doesn’t; but the point of the matter is that he goes into the Lonely after martin because jon’s in love with him and i think we can mostly all agree that at least by MAG159 (and we can argue about WHEN he realizes it, later) jon is aware of his own feelings for martin. but he follows the man he loves, and he finds him, and he’s begging him to follow him out of the lonely, to come with him, and martin tells him that he loved him. really loved him. loved him, as in past tense. which, like, if you think about it? that’s SO heartbreaking. but jon keeps after him ANYWAY, and he breaks martin out of the Lonely’s grasp and they walk out side by side and then you’re left with jon, who is terrified on SO many different levels, and thinks that he failed, again. that he was too late with martin, too late to be his friend, too late to save him from Peter, and too late to love him, and he saved him, he did it, but it’s still heartbreaking, right? and juxtapose that with martin, who’s just been literally pulled out of his own loneliness by the man he’s been in love with for three years, and he told him he LOVED him and jon Didn’t Respond. and like? all the hurt and the pining and the trying to take care of each other despite everything and despite your own hurt that can happen there? SUPER good

3) Clueless Jon Doesn’t Know He Has A Boyfriend: this one kind of crosses over with #2 but it’s a little lighter and a little more fun. essentially you have martin, who says he loves jon and assumes jon heard his tape with elias where he outed martin entirely and sees jon come into the lonely to save him and hugs jon while crying when he comes to his senses and walks out of the lonely hand in hand with jon and thinks, quite reasonably, that ok, they’re dating now. and you have martin “caretaker” blackwood who’s worrying over jon and taking care of him and letting jon take care of him, and making him eat and they do all this vaguely date-y stuff because the world is kind of maybe ending, but hey! martin’s in love and hes going to enjoy it goddamnit. but then one day our beloved archivist, jon “emotionally obtuse” sims, has nearly a breakdown and he starts rambling on about how he’s in love with martin and he’s sorry and he wants there to be something between them and how he doesn’t want to change anything and this is terrible timing and he doesn’t even Know if martin feels the same way but he needed to get this off his chest etc etc etc and martin’s just like “i thought. i thought we were ALREADY dating.” which is.... hysterical if you ask me

4) Jonathan “Fuck The Lonely” Sims: kind of the opposite of the last two, in which jon is LESS of a moron than anyone expected! jon “the archivist” sims actually... thinks! he listens to the tape of elias and martin from MAG118 and reevaluates every interaction he ever had w martin after he wakes up from his coma and realizes that martin’s in love with him, and not only that, but HE’S in love with MARTIN, but has no way of communicating that to him until 154 and that whole conversation is just jon trying (and failing) to say “i love you. i love you and i know you love me and lets just say fuck this place and go. please lets just go the two of us, say you’ll come with me. i love you.” and martin. doesn’t understand. but then 159 happens and jon follows and they have That Moment and jon thinks that Finally they’re on the same page and meanwhile you have martin, who’s PEAK in his pining time, fresh out of a good year of self isolation and pure loneliness and needs a while to pull away from Forsaken and thinks that he’s alone in his pining after jon, because jon never said anything about the tape with elias, or martin saying he loved him in the lonely, and is completely clueless to the fact that jon thinks theyre straight up dating and are just taking it Slow. and then one day jon is like “hey ready for our date later” (they had dinner plans or smth but this is the first time he outrightly calls it a Date) or he kisses martin briefly on the forehead or cheek or smth and martin is like “WHAT IS GOING ON” and jon is just. baffled cause he’s not used to being the oblivious one in the relationship

5) Just Full On Pining Hours: theres some crossover here with both #2 and #4, but specifically this one is where BOTH jon and martin are full on in love and are idiots and think that the other person Doesn’t Love Them Back :( possibly featuring: jon focusing on the past tense of “i really lovED you, you know,” martin comparing jon going into the lonely to save him to jon going into the buried to save daisy/ cutting the bullet out of her leg to save melanie from the slaughter, jon being dumb and thinking all the statements he’s heard about martin’s “feelings” are elaborations/inaccurate/only in the past/etc, martin being so stuck in the lonely he pulls away from jon on instinct, jon caught up on what peter said about them not really knowing each other and MAD second guessing himself and questioning what his feelings for martin are really based on, both martin and jon throwing themselves MAJOR pity parties about falling to the power of the eye/the lonely respectively, jon going into “im a monster and im the worst and ive lost my humanity” mode and thinking he’s not Worthy of being with martin in the first place, martin being haunted by his time with peter and the lonely and keep falling back into the habit of pushing people (jon) away “for their own good,” etc etc etc etc! just a lot of sad pining hours bc these guys have been through a LOT and it’s hard to just drop straight into a healthy relationship (or Any relationship) when there’s so much baggage and history there in between

6) Run Away With Me, by Carly Rae Jepsen: I said what I said. i want them to be happy and so what if they run away and blind themselves and leave the archives and live in some house in another continent and never think about any of the entities again? i get to make the rules, its my fantasy au world and jonny can’t do anything to hurt them here

[megalony]

Liar- Part 5

Here’s another part to this Roger Taylor series which I hope everyone is enjoying so far.

Permanent taglist: @marshmallowmae @langdonzvoid @jennyggggrrr @butlegendsneverdie @luvborhap @radiob-l-a-hblah @rogertaylorsbitontheside @chlobo6 @rogertaylors-lipgloss @sj-thefan

Series taglist: @caborhapch @im-just-a-musical-prostitute @scarsout

Series masterlist

Enjoy.

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Holding back the tears felt like trying to put up a barrier to stop a tsunami. Roger could snap his eyes shut to prevent them from making their tracks down his features but he couldn't stop them from glazing over his eyes and blurring his vision. He could put his sunglasses on his nose to let a few tears fall, brush his hand under the glasses as if he were adjusting them to kill the tears before they became visible.

Why was she even here?

She should have gone hours ago but she had been buzzing around the studio like a fly that was getting on Roger's last nerves. He could hear her obnoxious voice over the sound of his drums or the tape that was recording their sessions. He could see her fiery hair out of the corner of his eye that always captured his attention in the worst way. The drummer ended up staring at her with such a burning passion to hurt her that he was sure he could put her in the grave with how hard he was staring. No one else cared that she was here except Roger.

He wanted to work without her hovering around to make him nervous or uncomfortable but of course, Brian wanted her here. He liked her input and to see how she smiled as the tape played. He didn't see the way her smile began to turn crooked at the corners to push her cheeks up in a sinister way when Roger's part came into play on the tape. Brian didn't see the way his sister stared at Roger as if he were her very desire that she was desperate to get. He was her prey and she was going to pounce the very moment she could. Freddie liked to talk to her, he could have very random or weird conversations with her and she was kind to John to he had no quarrel with her. No one noticed how Roger was acting.

No one saw the way Roger didn't respond when she talked to him. They didn't see how Roger rudely elbowed her away from him when she perched down beside him on the sofa.

Her arm had rested on the back of the blood-red sofa, her head leaning against it as she stared intently at the drummer until he gave her the attention she desired from him. Her hand rested on his shoulder until he bruised her wrist to shove her away. Her body shuffled so she was pressed against his side until his elbow added the much-needed space between them to let Roger breathe without feeling like he was suffocating in an open room. Little whispers passed through her lips and into Roger's ear rather seductively before he bit back a cruel response that simply made her chuckle as if he had told her the funniest joke she had ever heard. Her lips pressed together, smearing her signature red lipstick over both lips that she kept biting before she finally let him have some peace.

No one came to Roger's rescue when they were leaving the studio to go for dinner.

Of course, Brian had invited his sister to join them since she hadn't left the studio all day and evidently, Freddie and John were fine with that. They normally offered whoever had joined them for the day to go to dinner if they decided to go out instead of back home.

Roger's body stiffened like he had turned to stone when she wrapped her arms like vines around his right bicep. Pressing herself against him as she smiled like the Cheshire cat that made Roger shiver in fear. He knew she wouldn't hurt him like she had been prone to do in the past but he couldn't help the overwhelming fear for his safety that washed over him like a tidal wave. They were in public with their friends, she wouldn't have the guts to do anything that would make Roger freak out or get hurt. So she seductively placed herself on his arm like she was his date. Her body holding some force that she used to drag Roger from his frozen state.

The cigarette clasped between his lips began to waver as he couldn't stop his bottom lip from quivering. He was desperate to scream or to tell her to fuck off and leave him alone but he couldn't. All responses were roughly swallowed down before they attempted to be voiced because Roger couldn't let himself do that. When her claws reached out for the cigarette, presumably to take a drag if it herself, Roger quickly dropped it to the ground, crushing it beneath the toe of his shoe before he tried to pull away from her.

The drummer felt like he was a dog on a leash. He pulled away she simply pulled him back to her side as if nothing was happening between them. Worse still, they were standing at the back. Brian and Freddie were speeding ahead down the street with John right behind them leaving Roger to suffer at the back with Sarah clinging to him like he was her lifeline. Roger could barely put up with her talking his ear off about something his ears couldn't register but his steps faltered a minute later as he felt like he was drowning.

She was scraping her nails along his scar.

Her rather sharp nails were scratching up and down the length of his scar that she seemed to have memorised. Her eyes focusing on the boys in front of them as if her actions weren't even happening or having an effect on the man beside her. This wasn't like what she had done last week, she wasn't delicately tracing her nails over his scar so lightly he wondered if he was imagining the touch. She was actually pushing her nails into his skin to the point she was going to make him bleed. Her movements were slow, calculated and intent as she dragged two nails along his skin, up and down, up and down with the same rhythm that was making Roger want to be sick.

He didn't like anyone else touching his scar, he had a coping mechanism of scratching at his scar when he was worked up or when she happened to be around. Anyone else touching his tender skin at that exact spot made his mind whirl into an abyss he couldn't get out of.

To have her doing this to him like she was trying to calm him down made him freak out internally because she knew exactly what she was doing. She had seen him itching at the scar like he needed to scrape away the skin when she was around and so she was taking it upon herself to do that for him in a way that had him wishing the ground would swallow him whole. A ragged breath escaped Roger's lips as he glanced down to his arm quickly, his eyes widening in pure horror when he noticed a very small trickle of blood beginning to trail from just below his elbow. She had drawn blood.

Roger wanted to wipe that smile right from her features. It was the smile she always wore when she did something cruel to him, she thought it was funny to watch him squirm or back down to her in fear. The only time she hadn't smiled when doing something wrong to Roger was when she cut his arm, every other time she wore that smile that made Roger want to be sick.

He couldn't breathe.

Roger didn't know how he managed to free his arm from her grip, he caught sight of her stumbling as he bashed into John's back to get away from her. The bassist flying into Brian like they were dominos that were being knocked down. None of them had a moment to ask what was wrong with Roger before he walked back down the street they had just walked up. His frame shivering like he was cold in the rather warm breeze swaying around them as his left hand clamped down around his arm. He looked as if he were trying to stop the blood flow from his arm but it was only a small trickle of blood that didn't put a dent in the blood flow he had when he gained the scar all those years ago.

He held his arms to his lower chest which looked as if he were just holding his hands to his chest as he walked down the street. Not exactly a normal look but not one that stood out in a crowd either.

There was no way that Roger could go to the restaurant and sit through a dinner with her either clinging to his arm or staring at him as she sat opposite him. He wasn't putting himself through that, if she was going to be around Roger was going to go home so she was no longer in his line of sight, even if she stayed in his memory. If she decided to keep turning up at the studio Roger was going to have to take time off or else he would have some kind of breakdown.

It had been so much easier before. In the past ten years, she had been busy with her work. She stayed away from Roger for months when she thought he was going to tell people what she had done to him. When she popped in and out of the studio it was very few times and Roger didn't have to worry about her anymore. These past few weeks she had resurfaced and Roger hated it. He wanted her to hibernate and leave him alone, he wanted her to leave the country or to go to the grave to get her away from him and let him have some peace. He knew he couldn't get justice for what she had done to him but he wanted some sense of relief and ease. He wanted her to be away from him if he couldn't tell anyone what she had done to him.

Roger's head turned to the side when he heard Brian and John calling out for him. When her voice mixed into the background noise Roger clamped his eyes closed for a moment longer each time he blinked as he speeded up his walk a little more each time they called for him.

His hand let go of his arm to entangle in his hair, pulling the strands so much the roots nearly came free from his scalp. Turning a sharp left Roger headed round the side of the studio, needing to go round the back so he could get to his car and go home. They were done for the day, dinner was just a nice way for them all the end the day before they retired back home. Roger wasn't doing that and he wasn't talking to them now when he knew she would hang around to hear his excuse for the way he was suddenly acting which was down to her. Roger was going home to (Y/n).

He pulled his keys from his pocket in record time but just as his car came into view a hand clamped down on his shoulder.

The drummer had never felt such a wave of panic like he did at that moment. His body shuddered as he swallowed a scream that was desperate to pass through his lips. Whatever the person said to him filtered through one ear and passed straight out of the other not giving Roger a chance to process what they had said or decipher who had said it. His lungs weren't expanding or deflating, they had come to a complete stop in his chest as if they were unsure how they were meant to work.

Everything started spinning before Roger's eyes so quickly that his eyes had to close to try and make the feeling stop.

Roger determined that it was not Sarah who had held his shoulder, the touch was too tender, too kind and concerning. The person was not digging their nails into his skin, they were not trying to break his shoulder to stop him from even thinking he could walk or run away from them. Their touch was gentle and caring, their other hand taking hold of his upper arm so they could turn Roger to face them. Their hands rubbing up and down his arms to try and calm him down as Roger grasped their shoulder to steady himself. His head dipping forward as his lungs suddenly realised how they were meant to work when his brain alerted them that this was not someone who was going to endanger Roger.

The drummer didn't know how long he had stayed like that, simply waiting for his body to recover from the mild panic attack he had suffered from the sudden urge to get away and go home. When his head lifted he was met with the sight of John and Roger felt horrible for thanking God that it was not Brian stood in front of him. Somehow thinking of Brian helping him through something his own sister had started did not settle well with Roger and he felt awful for thinking that.

"I- I'm okay."

Yet another lie passed through his lips in a breathless whisper. Was this ever going to stop?