#tryed to make ryan look focused and serious but in the end he looks like he’s scolding demon!shane

[vira-with-no-v]

Stumbled on this illustration on pinterest and immediately knew exactly what to do with it

[kai-anderson-whore]

Could you do a fluff imagine where Evan is starting to film Dahmer and his mental health isn’t the best and y/n is helping cheer him by visiting him on set, being there for him at home, etc?

Yes so this is kinda short I wanted to write longer I now have work so I apologise I couldn’t write more like I originally intended to do.

You need a break (Evan peters x Reader)

Summary: Evan’s mental health had took a toll since filming dahmer so you decided to cheer him up

Warnings: fluff, mentions of mental health, filming the dahmer series, mentions of Jeffrey dahmer

Word count, 1.2k

•¤❅¤•.•°˚˚°•..•°˚˚°•.•¤❅¤•.•¤❅¤•.•°˚˚°•.

The cold wind clouded around you as you made your way through the busy streets of lox angeles county. Two cups of coffee secured in a cardboard cup holder in hand. You set out to visit your boyfriend Evan peters on set hoping to cheer him up and make his day somewhat better.

You knew that some of his newer roles took a toll on his mental health after playing Kai Anderson in American horror story, but with his newest role of the infamous serial killer Jeffrey dahmer he was spiralling into the darkness once again. You couldn't blame him when he has a role he researches the role non-stop and detaches himself from his co-workers to get into the character.

It was unhealthy but it was his strategy for this role. You just wished he picked something more healthier for his own mentality. You walked on to the set luckily they were on a break, you searched for Evan but you bumped into Niecy Nash, "hey y/n you looking for Evan" she asked giving you a polite smile. "Hey yeah have you seen him I can't find him" you replied the cups of coffee slowly getting colder in your hand.

"Have you tried his dressing room?" She suggested pointing to the end room you thanked her wishing her luck on set before heading to the dressing room labelled peters, you knocked on the door incase he was busy. "Come in" you heard his voice through the door with your free hand you let yourself in seeing Evan on a chair scrolling through his phone doing more research on his role so he wouldn't miss a thing.

"Hey babe" you smiled placing a chaste kiss on his cheek. "Hey thank you" he smiles as you handed him the Starbucks cup. "So how was it today?" You asked striking up a conversation. "A bit stressful trying to portray the role but got there in the end just doing more research so I get it just right" he sighs clearly in another world right now.

"Maybe take this as a breather to be Evan for a moment instead of focusing on being dahmer for a while". Evan nodded his head at your words but you knew he wouldn't take your advice. "I can't what if I can't get back into the character or mess up the scenes I can't risk it" he protested you let out a soft sigh taking a sip of your bitter caffeinated drink.

"I'm just looking out for you Evan I mean look what happened before and this is a more serious and sinister role, I don't want you to spiral again." Your voice was low almost a whisper. Evan knew that you were looking out for him, he knew it wasn't fair on his own health and for you too but it was his job.

"I know you're just looking out for me and I'm appreciative of that don't think I'm not I am, it's just it's not fair on you having to worry about me" he said running his hand down his face in frustration. "What kind of girlfriend would I be if I wasn't" you teased to lighten the mood a little which kind of worked since he let out a small smile.

"Ryan says we get a break for a few days next week you know for a breather" Evan informed you let out a smile nodding your head. "Well tell you what we'll stay home I'll for a few days off of work and we can just stay at home and relax how does that sound?" You offered since Evan started filming the series you barely had time for yourselves at all. You've been busy with work and Evan with the show only time you both really saw a glimpse of each other was going to bed and waking up in the mornings.

"Sounds great" he smiled at you placing a kiss on your lips. "Right I better get going I was only on an hour break but I'll ask my boss for that little break next week and I'm all yours" you said before placing another gentle goodbye kiss on your boyfriends lips. "I love you" you heard him say behind you. Turning your head facing him once again "I love you too Evan" you smiled leaving him in the dressing room.

———

The next week came long you were in the kitchen doing some laundry folding the clean clothes up and throwing the dirty ones in the washing machine. Waiting on Evan finishing filming the final scene before his few days off. You wanted the place to comfortable for him so he can take this time to relax.

You spent the day making sure everything was perfect for him. Buying all his favourite snacks and treats for him coming home, you had planned on spending the evening in bed watching movies and stuffing your faces with food. Once you were finished with all the laundry you had some time to space you decided to order some take out from Evan’s favourite place while you waited for him to come home.

About twenty minutes later Evan walked into the door feeling exhausted. Tossing his keys into the little trinket dish you laid by the door sluggishly walking into the living room running a hand over his face. “Hey babe” he smiled lightly seeing you sat on the sofa with some tea. “Hey how you feeling?” You asked noticing his tired expression. “Alright just want to relax with you for the next few days” he sighs plopping down on the sofa resting his head on your lap.

Your fingers played with his hair, his eyes closed feeling more relaxed leaning into your touch. “I went out and bought your favourite snacks and I got takeout from your favourite place, I was thinking we could watch a movie and just have a very chill night” you said now holding his face in your hand’s running your thumb along his cheek bones. Evan smiled nodding his head at you. “Sound amazing babe”.

And if so it was clockwork the doorbell sung it’s little tune. You and Evan got up to answer. “Evan you sit I’ll get it” you instructed he complied sitting himself back on the sofa. You went to the door thanking the delivery driver and tipping him extra closing the door. “Dinner is served” you said setting the food on the coffee table.

After dinner you and Evan went into bed with all your snacks putting a movie on. You both cuddled up stuffing your faces with popcorn. It was relaxing and you noticed it lifted Evan’s mood his mind wasn’t thinking about work anymore. “Thank you I really needed this” Evan smiled looking down at you.

“No need to thank me Evan, I’m just glad your taking a break you deserve it” you replied meeting his gaze pressing your lips on his momentarily. you focused on the movie for another ten minutes till you heard light snoring you turned your head seeing Evan out cold his arm still over your shoulder. You couldn’t help but smile to yourself gently getting out his grasp to put all the snacks away and turn the tv off. You climbed back into bed cuddling Evan drifting into peaceful slumber.

[buddiebeginz]

Heads up Buddie fandom some of the B*mmy stans are actively searching for our posts and tweets to leave harassing comments. When this happens the best thing you can do is block them. They’re looking for attention and they're trying to rile us up and mostly they're worried about their ship. If they weren’t they wouldn’t care this much that we don’t like their ship or what our opinions are. Think about how little we’re going to give a sh*t about them once Buddie is canon. They know their ship is on borrowed time, if Lou even comes back at all. The main reason they’re attacking us is because we represent the biggest threat to their ship and that’s Eddie and Buddie.

Don’t let whatever bs they try to throw at you upset you or make you doubt the fact that Buddie is happening. They can call us delusional as much as they want but they are seeing a version of a relationship that just doesn’t exist. They can try to say the same about us but we have 6 going on 7 years of development between Buck and Eddie. And while Buddie's relationship hasn't canonically moved into the realm of romantic yet they are definitely written has having a much deeper bond than just best friends. This is especially true when you compare them to Hen/Chim or Maddie/Josh or Athena/Hen, etc. None of those friendships behave the way Buddie ever has.

When I say B/T shippers are only seeing what they want to see it's because they have built that relationship up to be something way more serious than it is without any proof to back that up. Buck is literally only dating T*mmy they're not even in a committed relationship at this point and that was only reconfirmed more by that deleted scene. There is a part of them that has to look at everything that happened in s7, that deleted scene (which they originally thought was going to be Henren's seal of approval for the rs), Lou's radio silence and the SWAT rumours and they have to be worried. They might try to put on this front of certainty that their ship is endgame but it's clear from how defensive they get that they know it doesn't look good for their ship.

We honestly need to just ignore that part of fandom and keep spreading the love for Buddie. B*mmy fandom is simply a loud minority and there's no reason that fandom should be getting as much attention on social media as it sometimes does. We need to keep showing that there is still a huge active fan base for Buddie.

I know that since season 7 ended without any serious development for Buddie and Buck still with T*mmy a lot of you are worried Buddie might never happen and I get that. I was ready to give up on the show all together after season 6 but I'm telling you I've never been more certain than I am now that Buddie is happening. It's the most logical direction for these characters and it's where everything is telling us the story is going.

Remember that s7 was heavily focused on Bathena, Henren, and Buddie. For as much as B*mmy's act like their ship is so important (even constantly comparing it to the other main couples) that relationship has had very little development and screen time and even less pr. Which you'd think given how big Buck's coming out was they would have had tons but they didn't. They only even did one joint interview with Oliver and Lou and that was right at the end and they barely even talked about B/T. Meanwhile Ryan and Oliver did a bunch of interviews together and nearly every interview and article mentioned Buddie.

We need to stop looking at B/T as a threat to our ship because it's really not. I hate Buck in that relationship and I don't like T*mmy at all and the worst part has been the fans of that ship but T*mmy is only here to serve a purpose. He was there to be Buck's first male love interest and help Buck realize he could explore that part of himself. He's not here to be the great love of Buck's life. To be the person who gets Buck better than anyone else. That position has already been filled.

[carltonmorrow]

Ryan Donowho, Asia's Boyfriend from Houston

Anton quickly got ready, got dressed again and flew out into the street. The walk to Van Gogh Street was not that long, but every meter seemed like an eternity to him. The city was already plunging into the evening gloom, and the street lights created an uneasy atmosphere. Anton, full of determination, glided among the shadows, his thoughts focused on only one thing – to see Asia and try to talk to her. Toronto was a big and confusing city, but thanks to his determination and inner desire, he still found the right area. His legs were already giving out from fatigue, but the thought that this was his last chance forced him to move on.

When he finally got to the right address, he noticed that the house looked quite impressive, with high windows and a well-kept garden. Anton carefully approached the house and noticed that a light was peeking out from the living room window. Trying not to make any noise, he approached and pressed himself against the glass to look inside. Inside, Anton saw the scene he had been trying to imagine for so long.

Asia Vieira was sitting on a large, comfortable sofa surrounded by soft pillows, her face relaxed, and she was holding a glass of wine in her hands. She was wearing an elegant yellow sleeveless dress that emphasized her grace and sophistication. However, this idyll was spoiled by one circumstance – the fact is that next to her sat a man in a gray short-sleeved shirt, and what's more, his arm was wrapped around Asia's waist! The guy looked confident and relaxed, as if this moment was normal for him.

Anton felt his heart squeeze with jealousy and shock. His breathing quickened, and he felt his body tense with emotion. This guy sitting next to Asia was the one who apparently occupied her attention and heart. The guy leaned over to pick up the glass of wine and offer a toast:

"To our evening, Asia", he said with a slight smile. "I'm so glad you're back. How was the event?"

Asia smiled back, her face relaxed and content.

"It went great", she replied, raising her glass. "But I missed you".

The guy nodded, looking a little more serious as he said,

"I thought you'd be staying for a while. While you were gone, I managed to work on a new song a little. You know how much I love this music".

"I know", Asia said with a soft smile. "I'm looking forward to hearing it".

"By the way", the guy continued, "did you remember that we have an interview on Friday? I hope you'll have time to prepare".

"Of course", Asia replied, her voice full of confidence. "I've already prepared a few ideas".

The guy looked at Asia and hugged her, saying,

"You're amazing as always. And I'm glad I can be there for you. I know you're under pressure right now, and this can be tough".

Asia touched his hand, her face full of gratitude.

"Thank you, Ryan", she said. "It means so much to me that you're there for me".

Anton, who was standing by the window, realized who was sitting next to Asia – it was Ryan Donowho, an actor from Houston, who played faggots in the movies like "A Home at the End of the World". Seeing him in person, he felt his hurt and disappointment increase. He already knew that Ryan was not only an actor but also a musician, and as it turned out, he was Asia's boyfriend. Apparently, he had been at her house for a long time, waiting for Asia to return from an event.

As Anton pondered what he had just learned, he felt his dreams of living together with Asia becoming more and more unattainable. Feeling bitter and uncertain, he walked away from the window. Without losing his resolve, he knew he had to find a new plan of action to get closer to his goal. Anton, who was standing at the window of the mansion and still in a state of shock from what he had seen, did not notice Ryan Donowho, putting on his jacket, leaving the house. He continued to stand motionless, pondering what to do next, until he heard the door creak and saw Ryan approach the car parked at the curb. Ryan, noticing Anton's figure, froze. Suspicion appeared in his eyes. Gritting his teeth, he walked towards Anton.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" Ryan said, his voice full of menace and contempt.

Anton, tense and hesitant, flinched and turned to Ryan. His face paled when he saw who was standing in front of him.

"I… I just got lost", Anton mumbled, his voice shaking. "I need to find… find my way back".

Ryan chuckled and looked at Anton with obvious distrust. His eyes narrowed in suspicion.

"Lost, you say?" he said sarcastically. "What neighborhood do you think you're in that you can get lost ten meters from home?"

Anton wanted to answer, but the words wouldn't come. He could feel his heart beating faster and faster. He knew perfectly well that his appearance and behavior could probably be perceived as a threat. Ryan, continuing to raise his voice, pointed at Anton.

"What neighborhood are you from? Why aren't you in your neighborhood? Are you a robber?"

Anton, gathering his strength, tried to explain:

"I'm not a robber, I'm from Russia, and I… I just wanted to… Meet a person. It's not what you think".

Ryan, not listening to his explanation, showed obvious disdain:

"Do you think you belong here? Look at yourself, you're like a beggar from Russia! Get out of here before I call the police!"

Anton felt his inner peace quickly melting away. He knew that his chance for a peaceful resolution to the situation was slipping away. The tension between them was growing, and besides, the sounds of sirens rising on the horizon were starting to grow. Ryan, no longer holding back his anger, took out his phone and began to dial a number.

"I'm calling the police", he declared, looking at Anton with disdain. "Get out of here before I do".

At that moment, Anton realized that he had no other choice. Before Ryan could finish the conversation, Anton turned sharply and ran away from the mansion. His legs moved with difficulty on the uneven sidewalk until he found shelter in the shadows of an old building not far from where he had been caught. Anton breathed heavily, hiding in the darkness, trying to calm the frantic rhythm of his heart. He heard the sirens receding and felt the sweat running down his back in icy beads. With frantic desperation, he realized that his plan had become even more complicated than he had expected.

But Anton Skovorodnikov was not the kind of person to give up. His heart pounded in his ears, and thoughts about his dream of Asia and its peace once again overwhelmed him. He took a deep breath, trying to calm himself, and reached for his phone to contact Dmitry Vinogradov again. An unexpected encounter with Ryan, who clearly had a taste for conflict, left Anton determined that he would continue to fight for his dream, despite the obstacles and difficulties.

An hour passed. Anton sat on the edge of the bed in his temporary refuge, a small hostel on the outskirts of the city. Feeling his body still shaking from stress, he considered the events of the last hour: the confrontation with Ryan, the disappointment and fear. His thoughts were clouded, and he was about to drop his head on the pillow, when the phone suddenly rang. The name of Dmitry Vinogradov appeared on the screen. Anton answered the call with trepidation, hoping that his friend could offer at least some solution to his problems.

"Hi, Dmitry", Anton was tense and excited. "I got into a mess here. Things didn't go as I planned".

"Hi, Skovant. What happened?" Dmitry replied with mild interest. "So, what kind of mess did you get into again?"

Anton took a deep breath and, trying to calm his thoughts, began to tell.

"Do you remember I told you about the actress, Asia Vieira? Well, I found her, but everything went wrong. When I got to her house, I saw her in the company of some guy. It turned out that he was some actor who played faggots in the two thousandths. And now, imagine that this guy", Anton continued, "is not just a random person, but her real love interest, and he is, like, her current boyfriend".

"Wait", Dmitry interrupted, "I don't quite get it. Is this the guy she was with at the event?"

"No, that was director Jorge Montesi", Anton corrected him. "And regarding this guy… I ran into him right away. I didn't have time to leave her house in time, and this guy, having bumped into me, almost tore me to pieces. He was ready to call the police to drive me away, and said that Russians have no place here!"

"Wow", Dmitry became serious. "That's really serious. But I get it. So you want to meet Asia without all these obstacles".

"Yes, that's right", Anton sighed. "I'm trying to find a way to meet her again, but things have gotten complicated now".

"Okay", Dmitry said after a short pause. "I need a little time to arrange everything. I'll try to find another way for you to get to the event where Asia Vieira won't be surrounded by these people".

"Thank you, Dmitry. You have no idea how important this is to me", Anton said, feeling his heart begin to beat more evenly again.

"Well", Dmitry sighed, "I'll try to make sure you have a chance. I'll see you in a day. Until then, take care of yourself and be on your guard".

Anton turned off his phone and, having calmed down a little, began to prepare for the next day. The next day, Anton, sitting in his temporary shelter, received a message from Dmitry Vinogradov. He quickly opened the text and began to read. Dmitry was offering him the opportunity to attend a closed event, where, as he wrote, Asia Vieira would be present without her usual companions. Unable to stand the wait, Anton immediately dialed Dmitry's number.

"Dmitry, hi!" his voice was full of excitement. "I got your message. Tell me, what do I need to do to get to this event?"

"Hi, Skovant", Dmitry replied. "It's quite simple. I managed to get you an invitation to this closed event. Asia Vieira will be there without Jorge Montesi and this guy. You just need to come and introduce yourself as an invited guest. At the entrance, just show the invitation".

"That's great news", Anton said, feeling his hopes revived. "Thank you very much. I don't know how I would have managed without you".

"You're welcome", Dmitry replied with a slight grin in his voice. "Remember, you're not alone in this city, so be careful and keep your eyes open. All you need now is to just seize the opportunity and use it to the fullest".

"Got it", Anton nodded, although Dmitry didn't see it. "I'll do everything. Thank you for helping me and for believing in me".

"Good luck to you", Dmitry said. "And don't forget, don't let go of your plan. I hope everything works out this time. Come on, keep me posted".

Anton turned off his phone and, confident in his actions, began to prepare for the upcoming event. Half an hour later, he was already standing in front of the mirror in his small refuge, pulling up the lapels of the tuxedo he had borrowed from the porter. The sleek black suit fit him like a glove, and he could hardly believe that just a couple of days ago he had been an ordinary waiter at an event. Now he was preparing for another meeting with Asia Vieira, and this time everything was going to be different.

"I hope everything works out", he said to himself, straightening his jacket and putting the finishing touches on his tie.

As the evening approached, Anton, trying not to think about his nervous premonitions, went outside. When he reached the venue, he was amazed by its luxury. The large mansion was illuminated by hundreds of lights, and from inside, the sounds of live music and laughter of guests could be heard. Anton showed the invitation at the entrance, after which he was led into the hall. Inside, everything looked even more impressive. The decor was stylish and sophisticated, guests in elegant outfits moved around the room, raising glasses and discussing the news. Anton tried not to look too nervous, and, trying to remain casual, headed to the bar.

After a while, his gaze fell on Asia Vieira. She was sitting at the far end of the room on a sofa, chatting with several guests. Tonight, she was dressed in an elegant blue dress that emphasized her slender figure and sophisticated beauty. Without Jorge Montesi and Ryan Donohoe, she seemed more relaxed and approachable. Anton took a deep breath, gathered his courage, and began to slowly move towards her. At that moment, he noticed Asia look up and notice him.

"Hello", Anton began, walking towards her. "I… I think we've met before".

Asia smiled, slightly surprised.

"Oh, really? I don't recall seeing you anywhere", her voice was warm and soft.

"Maybe it was at another event", Anton said, rubbing his hands nervously. "My name is Anton. I came from Russia, and you, well, kind of inspired me".

Asia nodded, her interest clearly piqued.

"Interesting", she said, placing her hand on her chin. "Well, nice to meet you, Anton. How did you like our event?"

"It was awesome", Anton replied, feeling his nervousness begin to fade. "I couldn't help but notice how gorgeous you look. And thank you for giving me the opportunity to talk to you".

"Thank you", Asia smiled. "You are so polite. The time spent here will be even better with such pleasant company".

The conversation continued, and Anton felt his heart fill with joy from communicating with Asia. He forgot about his previous failures, simply enjoying the moment.

[dxrkenedheights]

★・・・・・・★

"Uhuh, I got you." Ryan grinned as he listened before sniffing and gesturing to himself in a shrug. "Is it 'cause of me? You don't wanna head out there together?" his questions were always teasing, like he was never truly wanting an answer to them even if they shed small batches of light on his deep seated fears. "'cause that's fine. Even though I don't think I've done nothin' to deserve that." Ryan added, smirking through the quick worry that Tammie was doing what she did best, build a little wall if there wasn't one already. Maybe that was the resistance he was feeling? It wasn't reluctance more than sheer stubbornness, or maybe, she was worried in the same way he was. Laughing at her quip about his family's ways of avoiding serious conversations, Ryan's hand waved. "Now hold on a minute, I'm always tellin' him. And everyone." he defended himself, because he was infamous for breaching topics that otherwise should have been locked away for good. He never really let sleeping dogs lie, always stirring them up without ever wanting to. His mouth always running faster than his mind. "Only person who shuts down on conversations out here is you." said with his usual light tilt and smug grin, but also with years of knowledge of how Tammie Jones likes to try and win an argument.

Cackling, Ryan mimicked Tammie's hand movements in a slice as she grew more heated about whatever went down with Beau Sullivan. He was already enjoying the fact that it was over, because six months watching another man in a place he once stood was making Ryan agitated and tense. "Right okay, got it. Sensitive topic. No one's allowed to say Beau looks like someone's been scrapin' a silver bullet over his heart every damn day. Got it. Noted." he teased even further, noticing the way Tammie hid her face in a turn from him which only made him laugh all the more. "Oh I'm sorry, lady of the manor all the sudden. I'll watch my mouth." he chuckled, focused on the task at hand or as focused as he could be. The joke about his heart made a sudden urge almost bite out of his mouth, telling her that she had a hold of it but Ryan managed to refrain. He just cleared his throat in a shrug as they stood in the stand-off with the damn egg in each hand. "If you jus' shut your mouth and li-" his words were quickly ended with the crack against his head, the sound of the egg crumpling and the cold sensation of literal egg on his face. Ryan swiped away at the side of his face, mouth tightly shut but still in a reluctant grin so he didn't taste any of it. "Jesus Christ." he griped, flicking away the mess and shaking his head at her before snatching at the rag she offered. "I wasn't! I mean, I was, but you made me feel damn bad about takin' food away from other wolves so I didn't know what I was gonna do when I got you over here." Ryan proclaimed through a sudden laughter, waving the rag in a quick whip to try and get her leg before he used it on his face. It was discarded in a throw then, and Ryan had a moments pause as he looked to Tammie. "You got five seconds, I'm givin' you a head start." he warned as he laughed the lie, making a lunge towards her and a grab at her knees to throw her over his shoulder.

Tammie shot Ryan a stern look which couldn't remain on her face for long. Even as her brow twitched upwards into an arch, so did the corner of her lips. "I ain't havin' trouble with anything let alone words, thank you. I just said lemme see." she huffed at him, before nodding and taking a glance towards the town. "No I like runnin', but there's a lotta shit to do here. And I gotta talk to my dad or JJ about where they got to with Pheebs and Teddy. I can't be runnin' around like a headless chicken." There was another thing on her mind too, if being somewhere secluded with Ryan was a good idea. On one hand, her mind traveled to how it was one. But, would it just be a stressful situation that they buckled under and there went this innocent enough friendship because they couldn't help themselves with another argument. And, she couldn't ask him because she knew Ryan would just laugh it off and then she'd be proven right when they were at each other's throats. "If I ever get a chance to see him, I'll tell him. I hope y'all are tellin' him how good he's doing too. Not doin' the grumpy lil Cross thing where you avoid talkin' like that." she chuckled but it was true that Wolf was even more of an enigma these days. Always doing something, somewhere. Truthfully, he looked like a man with the weight of the world on his shoulders.

Tammie scoffed about Beau but Ryan's words did deliver a sting of guilt for the other wolf. Six months wasn't exactly nothing. But, her hand sliced through the air like she was putting an end to the conversation for good. "Why don't you go date him, Ryan Cross since you're worried that he's so sad." she laughed, cackling almost before catching her words. "Which he's not. He's fine. You're just bein' annoying for the sake of it and it's working." she added and then a louder laugh appeared from nowhere and she couldn't help shoving her hand to the back of Ryan's head to give a rough shake at his words. "Shut the hell up, that's...crass." she remarked as if that ever bothered her but she could feel a warm blush on her cheeks and was only thankful that she could continue working to avoid Ryan noticing. Tammie nodded sarcastically as she carefully pulled eggs from the straw and placed them in a basket. "Right...and where you findin' this heart of yours, Ry? Next to the big ol' stone in there?" she gestured her free hand to him. Studying him for a moment, Tammie's head was shaking in complete distrust for there not to be some kind of retaliation from him. "You think I was born yesterday, Ryan. I ain't..." her words were stopped by the slight tug closer, and once again she was stifling a laughter. However, being raised with an older brother and equally as quick thinking twin sister, she wasn't about to waste any time. An egg was taken of her own and instantly cracked to the side of Ryan's head, the movement fast and purely so she had the upper hand but Tammie gasped as if surprised by her own actions. "Oh shit," she cackled and immediately lowered the basket to the ground so she could take some careful steps backwards. "I'm sorry, that was just...that was just pure instinct you brought outta me." she was still laughing, one hand raised to stop Ryan from getting her back while the other pulled the rag from her overall pocket. "Here...truce, right? Truce! 'Cause you was gonna do the exact same thing."

[en-hale-archives]

Me with You ~~

pairing ⑅ bestfriend!Jake x fem!reader

genre ⑅ friends to lovers, fluff, slow dancing, suggestive/smut

words/read time ⑅ 3.9k/12-19 mins

warnings ⑅ 18+ content, light cussing

synopsis ⑅ Jake is back in his hometown to spend time with his closest friend. During some fun and frivolous dancing, things start to heat up...

author's note ⑅ I’m really proud of how this story turned out. I'm not a huge fan of second person, so I wrote in first, but if anyone asks, I can copy and post again in second person. It's more fluff than anything, but it does get a bit steamier towards the end, so I’m just going to go ahead and put a warning.

————✧————

When the back door finally slammed shut and the cacophony of barks faded down the street, I could finally let out my sigh of relief that I had been holding in since this morning. I tapped on my phone. How many days had we been watching Mrs. Chen’s pets? And just how was I able to put up with hours of barking, the smell of fresh turd lying across the lawn, and dog walks till dark? Including their rigorous feeding times and bathroom breaks -- I’m surprised I haven’t exploded yet.

I had so much planned the minute they left my house, but instead, the sudden silence felt all too relaxing and I laid my head against the cold countertop. I could finally stop stressing, stop thinking, and stop worrying about reprimanding for chewing on my shoes or peeing in the house or the continued barking that never ended. I was free. I felt like I could’ve stayed laid on the countertop forever, drowning in the evening sun. Who knew watching five dogs would take such a burden out of a person. Jake and I had taken on the job of dog sitting for Mrs. Chen while she visited some family in Tokyo. We both switched off every other day; some of the dogs at my house and the others at his; until we realized it would be easier if he just spent the few days at my house as we co-doggy sat. He got up bright and early to take them on their walks while I prepared their highly detailed and specific meals. Then from there, we spent the rest of the day making sure they didn’t run off somewhere or cause too much destruction in the house. But alas, Mrs. Chen came back early from her getaway and picked up Toby, Caleb, Khao, Sofia, and Pickle on her way home. Although I was exhausted from watching 3-foot dogs all day, the pay was amazing for me, and it would help tremendously for all the online classes I was going to be taking next semester.

The warmth of the sun cast a comforting trance over my heavy eyelids, and soon enough I was fast asleep, standing in the middle of the kitchen with the soft sound of nothing surrounding me.

By the time I had fluttered my eyes open, I had realized I was now seated in my dining chair and a large black jacket was placed over my shoulders. I sat up and let out a yawn, wincing at the bright light coming from the tv and shaking my now numb arm awake. I must have been sleeping for a while because the evening sun had turned to pitch of black. The moonlight beamed through the window and danced along with the sways of the large oak tree out front. I stood up and walked over to the refrigerator in which I grabbed two water bottles and some leftover pasta.

I was sure that Jake hadn’t eaten since lunch, seeing as he only ate if someone sat food in front of his face. I dragged my feet up the stairs until I heard the slamming of a book and the fast typing of a keyboard come from the living room. I turned and looked behind me. Jake had settled his things on the coffee table and floor, large books, folders, and several amounts of crumpled up pieces of paper found their way around Jake, himself slouched up against the edge of the couch. He had changed clothes since the last time I had seen him, he now wore a plain blue shirt with grey sweats, his eyebrows furrowed as he worked hard on whatever he was getting at.

“Oh yes, I was starving!” Propping himself up on the couch, he took the plate of pasta. I placed the waters on the coffee table and settled comfortably on the couch beside him.

“I can’t say that I’ve ever seen anybody sleep standing up before. Look,” Jake took his phone off the charger. “I got a picture.” He pushed the screen in my face, and of course, there was my unconscious body laying on the counter, mouth open and all. I playfully pushed it back his way as his face lit up with a smile I was all too familiar with.

“What are you doing down here so late, it’s almost 12 in the morning,” I asked. Jake’s smile disappeared when he was reminded of the work he had been doing seconds before.

He let out a large huff of air. “Trying to get some words on paper but instead it turned into a paper massacre,” he jokingly replied, “sorry for the mess.”

“Don’t worry about it,” I replied, taking a swig of water. I was going to ask if he wanted to watch a late-night movie, or pull an all-nighter and talk endlessly until the sun rose, but I could tell by each passing second that Jake was worried about this, and he wanted the time he had now over the summer to work on his music. I wished I was motivated to work on my own music, but unlike Jake, I wasn’t in a globally popular boy band. My complicated best friend for over 10 years had been working his butt off since middle school. It was his annual time to sit back and relax while he had the time to, but instead, he chose to use that time to help watch a bunch of dogs with his hometown bestie. God, I loved him.

Jake pulled himself off the couch and right back onto the floor, leaving the rest of the pasta to me. He picked up his pen again and started scribbling down words as quickly as he could, trying hard not to forget the lyrics that had floated into his head. Until he stopped, closing his eyes for just a split second, and let out a powerful sigh. Crumpling up the sheet, he stacks it on top of the others in frustration and started frantically tapping his pencil against the table.

“Maybe it’s best to just try again in the morning,” I advised, taking a small bite of the pasta that was left by my side.

“How come I’m having such a hard time with this?” He gazed up at me frantically for a clue, as if I had the answer to fix a problem as big and as important as his was. I looked at his doleful eyes and the bags that were starting to grow underneath them. I couldn’t help but think, because I made you sit up and watch a bunch of dogs with me.

“Do you want me to see if I could come up with something?”

“If you want. But, hold on, I think my thoughts are coming back up.” He quickly grabbed another piece of paper, his eyes narrowed in concentration.

I tried my best to keep occupied by watching videos on my phone, but I found myself suddenly bored out of my mind. I laid out on my back and picked up one of Jake’s folders. Briefly looking through it, I couldn’t help but feel a bit jealous at the amount of fan art and letters, praising him and the other members. Followed with that were just more and more engene stuff, full of nothing but kind words and heartfelt messages. Part of me wished that I was able to travel with Jake and see the world like he was. How fun would it be to meet people that praised you? And how cool would it be to see that you had fans? I couldn’t help but plaster on a huge smile as I skimmed through some of the notes until I finally came to one with familiar handwriting.

Remember Me were the words written on the top of the paper in bold and bright colors. But the message written underneath is what caught my attention:

To the person that makes me the luckiest guy in the world, this song is for you. It’s okay if you don’t feel the same, but please just remember me -- it was Jake’s handwriting.

I didn’t feel like I was breaking any crime reading his stuff until this moment, but curiosity killed the cat, and right now I didn’t mind being a feline. I checked to make sure Jake was still busy, and he was, almost like he had teleported into his own world. I quietly turned back to the sheet and started reading. It was about a girl, presumably his crush I’m sure. She was someone important to him, someone who made him love so much that it hurt. But this was far from a happy song, in fact, it was terribly heartbreaking. She didn’t understand his love, she wasn’t able to interpret it like he wanted her to. But he confesses that he was scared of what telling her would do, worried that she wouldn’t feel the same. So instead, it was like he was apologizing, and asking that she forgive him for not being brave enough to tell her, and if he did ever get the courage to, for her to remember him even if she wasn’t able to love him like he wanted her to.

The song ends like how the title began, and I find myself flabbergasted at the beautiful mixes of rhymes and metaphors that read like a poem. This was the first of Jake’s songs that made me feel this way, like I had just finished watching a tragedy movie with Ryan Renolds starring. I blink back the tears that I didn’t realize were forming. How come he never told me this? We never kept secrets from each other, like ever. It never mattered the subject or the severity, we had always promised that we would be open and honest with each other. I wish I would’ve known this sooner, maybe I could’ve saved him from feeling this way. And what girl could it possibly be? I knew for sure I was the only girl he was presumably close to; but was there someone else?

I glanced down at Jake, who was still in a focused state of mind with the pencil in his mouth and mumbling lyrics softly under his breath. I tried picturing my bubbly Jake writing these agonizing words and miserably failed.

Jake looked up at me as if he could feel my gaze on the back of his head. “I think I’ve found the chorus, but it’s the rest of the song I’m not able to get, and how come it’s so hard to find another word that rhymes with severe? Beer? Sphere? Revere? Appear? Gosh, rhyming sucks some serious ass!”

“This song is beautiful.”

Jake furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. “Huh?”

“This song I found in your folder.” I glanced back at it in my hand. “Remember Me.”

Jake’s gaze leaped from my eyes to the sheet, and I felt his body tense. “Where’d you get that from?”

“I was just going through one of your folders. Did you accidentally get it mixed up in your fan folder? Cause this is -”

“Did you read it?” He interrupted.

“Yeah, and it’s perfect.”

Jake glanced at me for a split second before turning back around, obviously uncomfortable. “I was watching one of those Kdramas you love so much and it inspired me. Could you help me rhyme with severe now?”

I knew Jake like the back of my hand, so I knew continuing on with this conversation would get him upset if he’s clearly avoiding it. But, I wasn’t going to just let him off that quickly. “Jake, come on, you can tell me anything. Who is this about?”

Jake looked back at me with a hint of something in his eyes, something I’ve never seen before, and something I wasn't able to decipher. “Nobody, I was just feeling really inspired, that's it.” His tone had switched from calm to agitated.

I give him my I’m-not-stupid look and he comes back with his own you’re-being-delusional stare. “It’s seriously nobody, truthfully and honestly.”

“Okay, okay I’ll back off.” I could tell he was starting to get defensive, and when he got like that, it took him at least a few hours before returning to normal. I watched Jake's Adam's apple move up and down, a way in which I could tell he knew I was not convinced in the slightest. “Well, sometimes we go through things that can remind us of situations like that, but not necessarily in that same exact context, you know? It has to be amplified for that audience appeal.”

“Okay...but have you ever felt this way before? Not exactly like how it’s written, but maybe somewhere along these lines?”

I thought I was going to get another vague answer, or worse, an aggravated one. But instead Jake looked down at his pencil as he tapped it along his wrist. “...maybe, but I think everyone can connect to the words in some way. I mean, everyone feels some kind of heartbreak in their life, right?” Jake's answer was still pretty vague, but at least I was able to get something out of him.

“Okay, but you know you can tell me anything, like, anything ever because you know that you’ll never actually have to feel this way, right?” I said, maybe too much in a hurry.

“Of course I know that.” He replied, giving one of his awkward grins.

“And if anyone has made you feel this way, then you know you can tell me that too cause there a sucker to lose out on a perfect person like you.” I teased in a sing-song way, poking his shoulder hard. Jake chuckled and poked me back.

A weird silence grew in the room, and Jake went back to trying to find rhyming words. I tried getting back on my phone, but I knew I needed to say something to let go of the tenseness in the air.

“Hey, crystal clear rhymes!”

He leaned his head back and looked up at me. “Nevermind, I give up for tonight.”

I could see the stress that played on his face. “Don’t worry, you’ll figure it out.”

“Yeah, but by the time I do, it’ll be too late.”

“What do you mean?”

Jake pulled his knees up to his chest and spoke. “This was going to go on our album comeback that needs to be finished in the next four months. By the time I think of something, it'll be too late and I’ll have to wait until the next four months. But by then, I'll have forgotten. This always happens and I have no idea how the hell to fix it.” I couldn’t tell if he wanted my help or just a bit of comfort.

“Did you try asking the other guys to see if they had any ideas?”

“Yeah, but they’re working on their own parts, I can’t ask them to do this too.”

“I’m sure they’d be willing to help if you asked,” I assured him.

“I know they would, but I just don’t want to. I always ask them for help, I thought being away from the studio and being back home would help my brainstorming abilities.” He gave a weary chuckle that almost sounded like a groan.

“Well, maybe tomorrow will come with better results.” I did my best to give him some motivation, but I could tell I was failing miserably at that too.

Jake watched as a car zoomed past the window, a low bass sounding off as it zoomed away. “I bet it’s easier to just listen to music than to try and come up with it. I remember when I would just blare NCT all day long and jam out in my room. It seemed so much easier back then to come up with stuff than it does now. I miss it.” He took a slight pause before continuing. “ Did you know that song you read was the easiest thing I have written in my life? I remember writing too. I just had this super weird feeling in my chest one day so I basically locked myself in my room and took maybe two hours and just wrote a bunch of words down and connected them to sound like a song. For once my mind had just gone blank and I couldn’t stop thinking and feeling that song, like I knew what it was supposed to sound like, I knew what the lyrics were supposed to mean. I just knew everything. And I miss that feeling, that feeling of like- '' He broke off his sentence when he looked back up to my eyes. It seemed like he was talking more to himself than to me. He swallowed hard and looked back at the pencil still in hand.

“Well, I'm sorry you don’t feel free anymore. I wish there was something I could do to make you feel like that again-”

“No, please don’t feel like that. It’s just something that had just recently started happening, something I really just can’t fix…” His voice gets softer and softer the more he spoke.

“Have you spoken to your manager about it?” I asked. “He’s super nice from what I understand. And he’ll probably have better answers than your friend who can barely play the piano, let alone produce an entire song.”

Jake laughed before I had the chance to. “ See, now you're underestimating yourself. Remember that song from freshman year? The one about-- what was his name, Josh?” Jake teased. I grabbed a pillow and slammed it into the back of his head. “Oh my gosh, I thought we promised we’d never bring it up again!”

Jake chuckled and laid his arm on the couch completely turning towards me. “How about we sneak out and go get ice cream and try to not wake up your mom in the process?”

I suddenly jumped to my feet when I have the perfect idea on how to cheer up the gloomy Mr. Shim. “Or, we could do something even better!”

“Urgh!” Jake groaned.

I grabbed my phone and hooked it up to the speaker. I was going to turn on his hit song Drunk-Dazed as a joke, but Jake needed this break from his career, so instead, I crunk up Beyonce as loud as it could go without disturbing my mom who slept upstairs. I turn back to Jake and reach out for his hands, already moving my hips to the music.

He shook his head and threw it back onto the couch as if throwing a temper tantrum. “I literally dance for a living.”

“Okay but this will be different, I promise.” I grabbed the piles of papers on the ground and threw them in the trash, I then pushed the coffee table near the wall and piled his folders and books neatly on top.

“Come on, cowboy!” I grabbed his hands and helped him up. He was reluctant to get up, but he threw one last groan before standing on his feet.

“This will get the brain juices flowing again!” I told him. I go back to my phone and switch it to one of my favorite Beyonce songs that she covered, At Last.

I sang dramatically to get Jake to smile, and luckily, it worked. I placed both my hands over his shoulders and swayed us back and forth, still miming the song as overly exaggerated as I could. Jake still couldn’t help but smile, and it didn’t take him long to join me in the rhythm and sway naturally with me. I learned at our middle school dance that Jake had perfect rhythm. He was able to impress the rest of the crowd when he busted out moves from BTS. Everyone was impressed, including me.

Now we were on a steady roll. I accidentally stepped on his feet a few times, but it was fine seeing as I was wearing foam flip-flops and he was barefooted. After a while, the song switched and played another of my favorites that didn’t match our style of dance, but we still moved slowly to the beat. Jake tried twirling me, but since I have two left feet, I almost ended up hitting the wall each time and Jake laughed loud at my clumsiness. The moonlight from the kitchen had now switched to the window in the living room. It gleamed through and glistened on Jake like a spotlight, just like the ones on the stage did for him. In a split second, I was reminded that he wouldn’t be here forever, just like he wasn’t here for the past year. I tried to not let it settle on my face that I was scared to see him go again, so I played up on the fun we were having now. Jake looked like he was at ease; finally, since he’d been here, he looked genuinely happy and I wasn’t going to ruin that.

After another handful of songs full of laughs and giggles, we were soon sweating and taking deeper breaths than normal. Each song was different from the one before, but it didn’t stop us from sticking to our style of dance. Even with the simplicity of the moves and the slowness of the steps, I had to take a minute to relax. I hooked my arms around his neck and rested my entire body on his. I could feel Jake’s own sweat seeping through his shirt, But I didn’t mind the wetness that was now attached to my cheek. I thought he would act awkward and ask for me to pull away, but instead, he gripped tighter on my hips and started slowly moving me side to side. I let out a long overdue sigh, trying my best to match the steady breathing of Jake’s with my own. It was actually therapeutic: hearing his heartbeat in one ear and the softness of the music in the other.

I tried to continue our steady breathing together, but his had picked up a bit, almost out of nowhere. I felt the heat of his breath on the nape of my neck, and it made my entire body tingle in a way it never had before. After this sudden feeling, I realized just how close we really were. His leg hair tickled my legs, I could feel the bone of his foot connecting to mine, I could feel his thin waist against mine as well. I felt like I needed to back up, but instead, I couldn’t and continued to sway softly against him. A few seconds later, Jake’s hands rose a little higher, planting themselves on my waist and tightening their grip as if they were trying to pull me closer than we already were.

The sensation hadn’t stopped though, it clung to my body like my damp shorts did on my thighs. Sooner or later I felt pressure on the lower part of my stomach and thought for sure that Jake was messing around and wasn’t feeling what I was, which indicated that I needed to pull back before this feeling became too much.

This is so embarrassing. I thought. How could I let myself feel like this? How was this in any way okay? I finally pulled back, the sensation becoming too unbearable, and glanced up at his face. His pupils were large in a way I hadn’t seen before. His mouth was slightly open and a drop of sweat slowly traced down his forehead, onto his nose. That pressure I was feeling on my stomach had now doubled in force, and Jake's face had switched from calm and subtle, to alarmed and panicked...

————✧————

(part 2 possibly...?)

Thank you guys so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed it! Please, leave any constructive criticism you have on helping improve my writing!

————✧————

None of the images are mine, They all belong to their rightful owners :)

[bellarkeselection]

Cowboy Hoedown

- Kayce's girlfriend decides to party with the guys of the Bunkhouse. But she drinks more than she should and he has to take care of her.

The cowboys of the Bunkhouse are all partying it up tonight. Currently I'm laying on the empty top bunk my brown cowgirl hat over my face. "Y/n, come hang with us!" Jimmy's voice calls out having me lift up my hat. Lioyd and the others were playing cards and drinking eyeing me. Swinging my legs over the bed I jump down getting a beer from the fridge, tipping my hat up drinking it quickly. The gang deals out cards drinking a little before someone suggests a roping game. "Let's spin around on a baseball drunk, then try and run being roped like cattle."

Colby draws out throwing his cards down on the table. Jimmy and Ryan both nod in agreement turning in the direction of Lioyd and I. Lioyd shakes his head no, sipping his drink. "I've got no business getting thrown on my own ass." I get to my feet downing the last of my first beer with a smile. "I'll play, whose first?"

Ryan delt with the baseball bat as Colby handled the roping. Both boys were drunk while I was only starting to feel the buzz and slur of my speech. Being a college graduate at 25, I was still learning how much alcohol I could stomach before I was really drunk. Kayce and I have went out on dates to the local bar, but we always came back early so we could go stargazing in the open feilds of this ranch. When I was around 13 years old my dad took me out to stargaze for the first time, and I fell in love with being able to get lost in the tiny stars in the sky.

Jimmy is up next chugging his beer, spinning in circles with his forehead resting on the bat for 5 circle spins. Next he drops it trying to run away but Colby hooks the rope around his feet knocking him down. "Damn Jimmy, you're sure gonna have a concussion in the morin'" Lioyd chuckled when a loud thud rumbles through the Bunkhouse by Jimmy's fall before the front door opens and my boyfriend enters.

"Kayc - Kayce!" I hiccup tipping back in my chair at seeing him. He eyes the room of discarded beer bottles all around while walking over to his top bunk. He threw his bag up removing his black cowboy hat, sitting it on the bunk.

"Don't throw your hat on the bed!" All the Bunkhouse boys scolded, since it was rumored to be bad luck. Kayce rests his left arm on the bed, laughing at their silliness. "I don't believe in that shit."

I popped open another drink taking a big gulp of it. "Oh here we go. Kayce - watch - your girlfriend." Colby slurs his words giving me the baseball bat. "Watch her do what exactly - Y/n!" Kayce shouts as I do five circles forcing my head upright too fast. Causing me to become light headed and stumble into the table. Ryan launched forward trying to help Colby rope me but ends up roping Lioyd. My legs become jelly as I do three more spins, vision a blurry mess as I collapsed into comfortable arms of someone.

Blinking my eyes a couple times my vision focuses on Kayce. His strong arms are holding me to his chest by my waist, my hands grip his light brown jacket tightly. "How'de Kayc." I smile up into his brown eyes. "Y/n!"

His expression turned serious as he shifted me in his arms to carry me bridal style out of the Bunkhouse for Lioyd to deal with the drunks. I giggled pointing my finger up to the glowing stars in an attempt to make him stop. "Kayc, look. Stop and watch the stars." But he doesn't instead he carries me through the house, kicking open the door laying me under the bed covers in my room. "Not tonight darlin'. I've gotta take care of you."

He hangs my hat on it's hook about to leave but I wine like a fine year old. "Stay...with...me." He rolled his eyes removing his boots, hat and shirt climbing in bed with me. "Why'd you get drunk with those numbskulls?" I lay my head on his chest enjoying his warmth.

"Cause, I never get to - see ya. You're always - workin'." He combs my hair from my face laying a kiss on my forehead. "I'm sorry bout that. I'll make more time for just us, that way you don't get waisted drunk to get my attention."

I smirked leaning up and kissing him deeply. His right hand cupped my face enjoying the kiss, yet he broke it. "As much as I want to keep doing this. Let's wait till morin', when you're sober."

I yawn smuggling further into his chest when he wrapped his around me. "Goodnight honey."

Fully feeling my eyes close I mumbled into his chest. "Night, Kayce."

[st-louis]

a list of hockey podcasts

i spend... a lot of time reading about, listening to, and learning about hockey and i thought maybe you guys might be interested in the podcasts i follow. i don’t always listen to every episode of every show, but they’re things i have in my subscriptions and listen to frequently.

i’m going to end up having to put this under a cut because it’s getting really long.

general podcasts

the hockey pdocast - without a doubt my favorite general hockey podcast. dimitri filipovic is a stats guy who writes for eprinkside, and his analytic cast definitely shines through in the way he handles the topics. i like the variety of deep dives he does and i always feel like i come away from listening with better understanding of the topic because he doesn’t just talk stats, but gives you context for why those numbers might be the way they are, so if you’re trying to become more familiar with advanced stats this a great one to listen to. also his voice is just so soothing. absolutely my favorite car show.

the athletic hockey show - it’s frequent, long, and informative, but there are different hosts depending on the day and i definitely enjoy listening to some of them more than others (i like ian and hailey a lot, i enjoy the seans, craig and pierre know what they’re talking about but hoo boy i do not enjoy their episodes so much).

staff & graph - they are definitely leafs homers and some of their takes really annoy me especially because they purport to be analysis based and then like... will come out with something that’s not really an analysis so much as it’s, you’re a leafs fan and that’s your opinion, but for the most part i do enjoy it. doerrie is a former front office employee of the devils and she has a lot of very interesting inside knowledge and knowledge based on actually working closely with hockey teams. she still has connections so if you’re interested in ‘sources,’ she usually has good info and stories. again, usually come away feeling like i learned something.

soul on ice - kwame damon mason (film director and hockey fan), akil thomas (kings prospect), elijah roberts (formerly of the niagra ice dogs, currently playing college hockey) hang out and talk hockey and interview guests. they’re all really likeable dudes and have a lot of interviews with players of color and other interesting topics (taya currie!). a solid listen from both a fan and player perspective, for example it was cool to hear akil talking about his experiences during the covid season.

the cross-check nhl show - decent general hockey talk show. andrew berkshire is a habs writer and mary clarke is a general hockey writer but a flyers fan (a show made for me, haha). they’re likeable and have good opinions on social justice related issues within hockey. they cover major stories around the league, discuss their personal teams, and also do a little pop culture segment at the end that i usually skip.

hockey central - unfortunately this is like the epitome of a hockey man podcast (as in, it is literally all hockey men). they come from a variety of backgrounds, including players and coaches, and generally the actual hockey talk is good, even if they get on my nerves sometimes. if you want to know what the average player/former player is thinking this is a pretty good one. and they update a lot.

31 thoughts - jeff marek (also of the hockey central pod) and elliotte friedman talk hockey. if you’re looking for “insider” info this is one of those you’re gonna want to listen to. a bit wishy washy when it comes to stuff like the hawks scandals.

behind the gear - this is an interesting one, because they interview a lot of “lesser known” personalities but it’s always a pretty solid interview. again, i don’t listen to every interview but if there’s a guest that looks interesting, i’ll mark it for later. they have a bunch of interviews with nick and ryan suzuki so that was a personal interest of mine, haha.

puck soup - i almost never listen to this one because it’s too long (like episodes upwards of 100 minutes) and i really don’t like wyshynski as a person. but i do appreciate sean mcindoe. usually only tune in if there’s a topic i’m interested in.

6 degrees with mike mckenna - mike mckenna (former journeyman goalie and flyers goalie of the Eight Goalie Year and former vgk broadcast)’s interview / general hockey show. he’s very personable and a good interviewer.

the press zone - a show mostly focused on prospects, whether that’s in major juniors, the ahl, european leagues, etc. it’s a deeper dive into an area that a lot of the other shows don’t necessarily get to, so i appreciate it.

the hockey think tank - another ‘smaller’ podcast with some interesting and unexpected interviews. again, don’t listen to it all the time but it’s worth a shot if they have a topic you like.

the full 60 - craig custance’s solo show. another “insider.”

missin curfew - i usually only listen to this one if they have a guest i’m interested in because this is also a very bad example of hockey men hanging out and talking and you want to strangle them mostly. it’s two other dudes and kevin hayes’ older brother so you can pretty much expect exactly what you are getting from them.

the broadscast - wish there were more female hockey podcast hosts, but this one is a good one. i like the variety of guests that they have on. i don’t listen to it every episode but will tune in if there’s a topic i like.

flyers-related podcasts

broad street radio - i have such a hate/hate relationship with this one. it’s like the flyers podcast but i hate most of the hosts. i listen mostly for charlie o’connor, who is the only one who can reign in their terrible opinions.

flyers daily - daily news about the flyers, game recaps, and interviews with players. usually short and no-frills episodes, which i appreciate. myrtetus also plays goalie in beer league so he has a player’s perspective, at least, from that level.

flyers talk - nbc’s podcast with jordan hall, taryn hatcher, and joe fordyce. pretty basic talk show from a beat reporter, a former broadcast, and a guy named joe. again fairly no frills, do not always agree with them, but decent enough information.

everything but hockey - andrea helfrich, the most beautiful woman in the world’s, podcast. she does interviews with a lot of people who work with the team in some capacity (for example, nyree, the nutritionist) are associated with the team (she is great with interviewing wives and girlfriends), and the players themselves. she is super charming and good at talking to people so the episodes are usually fun to listen to.

snow the goalie - two flyers beat reporters i dislike but who nevertheless sometimes have The Info.

locked-on flyers - i haven’t actually listened to this much yet but i like locked-on habs a lot and i’m gonna have to give it a chance.

nasty knuckles - this is a podcast i absolutely suffer through. settlemyre is so fucking annoying and maybe the worst interviewer i’ve ever heard. however, if you are interested in the flyers, he has the goods. riley cote is also here. i have to get back to actually transcribing these again because really you don’t want to listen to them.

habs-related podcasts

le support athlétique - arpon and marc antoine from the athletic talk the habs. alternating episodes in french and english, which is frustrating when they are talking in french about something i want to listen to, but i think it’s cool that they provide for the entirety of the fanbase. they are fascinating to listen to, and obviously good friends. i enjoy their insights about the players and coaches.

eyes on the prize - one of my favorites. good hosts, great variety of topics, including interviews with european prospects that you don’t always hear from. it’s also an sbnation podcast but i like it so much better than i like bsh.

habs-statician - statistically-based habs analysis from a fan in toronto. dylan is a really thoughtful podcaster, and i appreciate listening to him very much. 

locked-on canadiens - another daily listen. laura and scott continue the theme of the habs podcasts i enjoy which is mostly that they are really reasonable about their view of the team. they criticize when players aren’t doing well, but not in a mean way, and they praise the players who are doing well. i like the daily analysis and breakdown of the news mixed in with sillier segments like who would play the habs in a movie.

habs tonight - former hab and flyer dale weise and a rotating cast of co-hosts discuss habs related topics. i was skeptical at first because i thought it might be gossipy, but it’s actually not that bad. the hockey talk from a former player is all like “wow, that makes so much sense” when you hear it (the episode where weise talks about joël bouchard, in the first negative thing i’d ever heard about him, is one that i am specifically thinking of here). he’s also good at interviewing his former teammates, you can tell they are at ease with him.

history in the making - national treasure marc dumont interviews habs prospects and other people associated with the team. he is so funny and charming and knowledgeable about hockey, it is always worth a listen.

habby hour - i don’t really enjoy these hosts but i will listen if they’re interviewing someone i’m interested in.

other teams-related podcasts that i listen to

steve dangle - i will admit i mostly started listening to this one as schadenfreude, but for the most part i enjoy it. i don’t really like the co-hosts but i do enjoy how absolutely fed up he is with the leafs. :) but on a more serious note, they do some good work, i was very impressed with their recent episode interviewing rick westhead about his work on the chicago coverups.

[comphersjost]

More Than This ➸ Mikko Rantanen

its 3 am and i couldnt wait to post this. its self indulgent, all of it

You have a thing for bigger guys. And Mikko, well, he takes notice.

word count: 3.9k+

warnings: slight angst? if you squint, reader cant get off, size kink (obviously), smut, thigh riding, mutual pining if you squint, sorta best friend!jt

masterlist

You didn't know how you let JT talk you into letting him swipe through your Bumble account. And you definitely don't know how he managed to get you to let him do it while displaying your phone on his Apple TV. And what you absolutely, totally, completely did not know, was how you let him keep going when Ryan, EJ, Gabe, Mikko, Naz and some of the wives and girlfriends arrived at his and Josty’s shared apartment. 

You'd known JT for years, so your dating life wasn't exactly a new subject for you. Besides, it had seemed fun at the time, the group of you lounging around the living room as JT swipes through Bumble for you.

“Hey what about this guy? He's cute!” Gabe says. JT scrolls through the guy’s profile.

“Wait,” you said, stopping him from scrolling any further. “6’4? Swipe right.”

The group erupts into laughter at your words, though you were being completely serious. JT swipes right anyways without scrolling through the rest of “Andy”’s profile, the group cheering as you match. You lock eyes with Mikko, completely by accident, and the dark look in his eyes tells you he knows something you don't. He stands, announcing he's going to get a drink from the kitchen, but you don't miss the smirk tugging at his lips as you gulp, your eyes travel up his hulking frame. 

Your attention is pulled away by Naz saying something about a guy’s bio being “ultimate douchebag vibes”, and that’s when you decide it's been enough. You snatch your phone back from JT, disconnecting from the screen mirroring despite the protests around you. 

“You guys have snooped into my dating life enough,” you laugh, “All thanks to Comph here, but that’s enough, seriously.”

With a grumble, the group relents, allowing the conversation to progress past “6’4? Swipe right.”

-

You were staring again. 

You knew it too. You also knew that if you didn't stop soon - like, now - you were gonna get caught. Again. Just as a thought goes through your head, you feel an elbow digging into your side. 

“If you want to fuck him, just shoot your shot.” You turn to glare at Ashley, finally tearing your eyes away from the blonde brute on the other side of the bar. You reach over to smack JT with the back of your hand as he starts laughing.

“Fuck off, dude,” you say, rolling your eyes. “Even if I wanted to - which I don't, by the way - I couldn't.”

“Says who?” JT says incredulously. “Besides, don't you have a thing for big dudes?” As your oldest friend of the group (though he wasn't always your friend for as long as you've known him, he was your brother’s friend from college before you moved to Denver), JT had the most shit to talk. 

“Says my contract with your team, Jimothy.” The ginger grimaces at the nickname, but lets it slide, opting out of his usual reaction of punching the guys in the arms when they called him that. Instead he laughs again at your defensive expression and your avoidance of his question, turning to call the rest of the guys back to your table. Your glare intensifies as he gives you a shit-eating grin. 

“Technically you don't know that it says that. What's the worst that could happen, Y/N?” he teases, wiggling his eyebrows in a manner that was so unlike him. Drunk JT was the worst you thought. “I'm sure he’d be down for a -” he pauses dramatically “night of passion.” 

You gag at the way he says it, at the same time you here an accented voice say.

“Who wants a night of passion?” 

You tense, not having realized the rest of the team had actually come back so quickly. You force yourself to relax and paint a playful smile on your face, turning to look at the Fin. 

“Nothing, Jimothy’s just being stupid as usual,” you say dryly, scooting over as Mikko motions for you to move further in the booth. You pretend not to notice Ashley’s shit-eating grin as Naz rolls his eyes at her antics. Luckily no one at the table says anything incriminating before the boys start up a new conversation. 

In the chaos you almost don't notice Mikko stretching, placing an arm behind you on the booth. But you do notice, and it makes you stiffen. Mikko feels your body go rigid, glancing down at you with a confused pout. He leans down for a moment until his mouth is by your ear. 

“Are you okay?” he murmurs as his hand drops to caress your shoulder in what you guessed was supposed to be a comforting manner. 

“I’ve got a lot on my mind,” you lie easily, avoiding his gaze. “Just a little on edge.” 

If it was possible his voice lowers, making you strain to hear him. “Just relax.” And - that really doesn't help, heat settling in your gut at the words. 

“Actually -” you say abruptly, finally meeting his eyes for the first time that night, “I think I’m gonna go home. I’m just not feeling it.” 

You can see Ashley watching you closely from the corner of your eye, but you don't turn to look at her. Instead you raise an eyebrow expectantly, motioning for Mikko to get up out of the booth so you could leave. He looks surprised by your sudden desire to leave - lips parted in confusion and what you thought was a hint of hurt. 

With a reluctant look on his face, Mikko slides out of the booth, stepping aside to let you slip past. You send a quick wave to the table, and after a brief goodbye, head towards the exit to wait for your Uber. You assumed Mikko sat back down as you walked away, so it surprised you when you heard Mikko call after you just as you'd begun to walk towards the curb. 

“Y/N! Wait!” 

Your step falters for a moment as you glance over your shoulder, pausin to let Mikko catch up with you. He reaches for you for a moment, before pulling back. 

“Are you okay? Seriously.” 

And like, you hate the concern in his voice. Stupid you think. Stupid accent and stupid pouty lips and stupid - 

Your thoughts are interrupted by Mikko repeating your name, softer this time, as he takes a step closer to you. Your breath hitches at you stare at him towering over you, trying to force yourself to think of anything other than how his massive hands would feel on your body. 

“Yeah,” you finally choke out, taking a step backwards towards your waiting Uber. “Yeah, I’m good, just - I'm just tired and have a lot on my plate right now.” 

You're reaching for the door before he can respond, barely catching his faint “Text me when you get home safe!” before the door is closed. You pretend not to hear him. The driver glances at you in the mirror quizzically, seemingly wanting to ask how you left Mikko Rantanen outside of a bar without so much as a goodbye, but thinks better of it, turning up the soft music on the radio as he begins the drive towards your apartment. 

You feel drained when you finally get home, showering and changing into more comfortable clothes as quickly as you can before crawling into bed. Your thoughts drift to Mikko as you close your eyes, the heat in your gut from before returning. You consider taking care of yourself, but considering you haven't been able to get off in weeks, the idea seems even more exhausting, so you let sleep overtake you. 

- 

“You didn't text me.” 

You glance up from your laptop to see Mikko standing in the aisle of the plane, his eyebrows furrowed into a slight frown. 

“What?” you say dumbly, you stare up at him, forcing your attention away from one of his enormous hands as it curls around the back of the seat in front of you. You only succeed in noticing his thighs in his basketball shorts, the chiseled muscles making your mouth go dry.

“When you left yesterday,” he clarifies, pulling your gaze away from his thighs. “I told you to text me when you got home safe.” 

“Oh.” 

“Yeah, oh.” 

You're taken aback by irritation in his tone - and slightly offended. Who was he to be annoyed with you? 

“Well, I was really tired, so…” you trail off, eyes falling back to your laptop screen. You hope he takes it as an end to the conversation, and luckily, he does. 

You feel bad for being short with him, but JT and Ashley’s teasing from the night before - and, let’s face it, from months before - was getting to you. You can't help but watch Mikko’s back as he retreats, heading back to the front of the plane where he usually sat. 

You see him slump in his seat, blonde curls barely visible over the backrest, and a pang of guilt shoots through you. It’s gone the moment you catch JT’s eye, flipping him off as he grins knowingly, before shaking your head and focusing on your work. 

You didn't have time to lust over Mikko. Not when you had the job that needed your complete focus. 

The flight is short, and you arrive in Edmonton faster than you thought you would. You try to ignore Mikko’s burning stare as the players and staff exit the plane, trying your best to tune into the animated story Josty was telling JT. 

You breathe a sigh of relief once you close the door to your hotel room, finally relaxing for the first time all day. The game wasn't until tomorrow, so you knew you had time to do what you wanted - which was absolutely nothing. 

And nothing you did, lounging around in your room watching Netflix and declining an offer from JT to go out with, well, everyone. It didn't help that you knew Mikko and Mark’s room was directly next to yours, but as you heard the chaos of a group of 30 grown men, and then some, heading out for the night, you relaxed a little more. 

An idea pops into your head when the noise finally fades, your hands slipping further down your body to rest above your shorts. You were tense, and needed release - desperately. You give in to yourself, slipping your fingers under your shorts and panties, gasping as your fingers slide through your folds. You're already wet, sensitive from not having been able to cum in weeks. 

A soft whimper escapes your lips as your fingertips find your clit, rubbing gently to work yourself up. You can't help the noises that escape your mouth, trying to keep yourself quiet, but easing up when you remembered that everyone had gone out. 

Your breath quickens as you rub tight, fast circles on your cunt, your back arching. Your other hand finds your breast through your thin t-shirt, pulling and pinching at your nipple. The added sensation makes you moan loudly into the empty room. 

Your hand moves faster and faster in your panties as you pinch your nipple roughly, pulling your bottom lip between your teeth to keep yourself quiet - just in case. 

You're so so close, you can feel it. Your orgasm is right there, and it feels endless as you chase it. You move the hand that's playing with your breasts down to slip under your panties, sinking two fingers into your pussy. Your back arches even more at the feeling, whines escaping you now even with your lip between your teeth. You just - you need something to push you over the edge into you euphoria but - 

“Fuck!” you sob, your body collapsing back onto your bed as your hands cease their movements. You draw your hands out of your shorts, repeating “Fuck”, before resigning to the fact that you just can't cum. Tears slip down your cheeks as you attempt to catch your breath. It ached, how bad you needed to cum but you just couldn't. So you give up on, trying to find anything else to focus on. Only hours later did you find yourself falling into a restless sleep. 

- 

The knock on your door makes you jump, the sound echoing in your empty apartment. You frown as you think Who the fuck is here this late? You'd only just gotten home and settled from your trip to Edmonton, finally relaxing on your couch with Netlix already pulled up and ready to browse through. You're so caught up in wondering who could be at your door that another three heavy knocks sound at the door. 

 Impatient much? you think bitterly as you make your way to the door. 

You nearly slam it shut again when you see who's on the other side. 

“Mikko,” you say, a questioning tone to your voice. “What are you-” 

“I heard you.” His words are abrupt, cutting your sentence off. You frown, not understanding what he means. You step aside to let him come in, and he doesn't hesitate before sweeping into your apartment, slipping his shoes off and taking a seat at your couch. 

You raise your eyebrows at Mikko’s boldness as you come to stand in front of him, about to ask him to clarify what exactly it was he heard, before he answers the question for you. 

“Last night. In Edmonton.” 

Your blood runs cold, but his voice lowers, thick with intention. 

“I could hear you, when you couldn't cum.” 

“I - I -” you stutter for a moment, “I thought everyone went out last night.” 

It's not a denial of what Mikko said, and he knows it. 

“I stayed behind,” he says simply, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. His eyes are dark, and you can't bring yourself to look away, no matter how badly you wanted to. 

“I…” You flush under his gaze, somehow both absolutely mortified by him hearing you, and curious to see what he would say. “And you're telling me this because…?” 

Mikko is silent for a few moments, mulling over his words. “Let me help you,” he finally says, his voice low and husky. “Let me help you cum.” 

You can't help the way you gasp, the desperation from the night before flaring up again. 

“Mikko I don't-” 

“Think it's a good idea?” he finishes, his hands coming to rest on your waist, pulling you closer. “I don't care. I want...I want you. I want this. I want to help you.” 

“Mikko…” 

You sound uncertain but he knows you've already made up your mind. You let out a yelp as he tugs you roughly into his lap, smashing his lips into yours. A moan escapes you immediately, god he was incredible. Mikko is big, he's so big that one of his arms wraps itself almost completely around your waist, the other coming up to cup your face, nearly covering half of it. You feel small in his lap, and you love it. 

His tongue darts in and out of your mouth, coaxing small noise from you as you grip his shoulders. It was better than you could have ever imagined, the way he bites your bottom lip and tugs back on it with a smile. You whine again as his giant hand falls to your ass, flexing over the flesh and squeezing. 

He pushes against your ass, guiding you to rock against him. You tear your lips away from him, head falling to his shoulder at the friction. Your brain is fried, unable to think of anything but the behemoth of a man in front of you. 

“God he's so painfully my type” you remember telling your friend when you first moved to Denver. You didn't tell her why. You didn't tell her it was because of his size. You didn't tell her it was because he was over a foot taller than you. And you definitely didn't tell her it was because you wanted him to use that size to his advantage with you. 

And use it he did, moving your body the way he wants against him as you whimper pathetically. Mikko maneuvers you so that you're seated on one of his massive thighs, your leggings doing next to nothing to provide a barrier between your cunt and his thigh. 

“Please,” you find yourself whining before you can stop yourself. The pressure of his leg against your clit makes you giddy, unable to think of anything but more more more. Mikko’s hand on your ass guides you, rocking your hips against him as the other caresses your hair. 

“That's it,” he spurs you on, accent thickening as he moves you, “Just like that, good girl. Feels good doesn't it?” 

You whimper again and nod against his neck, moving your hips even as he guides you. The friction feels delicious against your cunt, and you can already feel your orgasm building up. Mikko murmurs soft words of encouragement as you rut against him, the tent in his sweatpants growing tighter as more noises escape your throat. 

Logically, you knew Mikko’s size would likely match the size of his cock but - nothing could have prepared you for what you felt against your thigh as you rocked harder into him. His cock was straining against his sweats, thick and heavy as you pushed against him. 

Mikko’s hand disappears from your ass for a moment, before coming down again with a rough smack. You jolt at the sting and cry out as it only brings you closer to the edge. Your hand curls around his neck, your face smushed into his shoulder with his other hand cradling the back of your head. 

“Please, Mikko, please!” you sob into his t-shirt, so fucking close to release. You were desperate, strings of curses and his name and “pleasepleaseplease” the only words leaving your mouth. He coos gently at your desperation, bouncing his leg slightly to give you more friction. 

“I've got you, rakas,” (beloved) he murmurs lowly, pressing a kiss to the side of your head. “You're close aren't you?” 

“Mhm.” Your voice comes out whiny, but you could really care less, too caught up in chasing your orgasm to care how you sounded. “Mik - Mikko, please, please.” 

“That’s it,” he repeats, the hand that was cradling your head disappearing, only to come down on your ass sharply. A sob is ripped from your throat as you wind your hand into his hair and pull. “Come on, there you go, are you going to cum for me?” 

“Yes yes yesyesyes,” you babble, frantic as you seek your high. 

“Cum for me, rakas,” Mikko growls. “I want you to cum for me.”

The filthy, commanding tone he uses is enough to send you over the edge, throwing you into white-hot ecstasy as you finally - finally - achieve the release you've been craving. You're faintly aware of the scream you let out, and the tears slipping down your cheeks, but you're too focused on the pleasure you're feeling to be embarrassed - or even care, for that matter. 

Mikko holds you tight to his body as you begin to regain consciousness, rocking you slower and slower against his thigh until he stops, tugging you so that you straddle his lap instead. You're hyper aware of his cock pressing against your thigh, achingly hard. 

“You did so well,” he purrs, peppering your neck with soft, wet kisses. “You did so fucking good, you're so beautiful when you cum for me.” You whine at the words, finally finding the strength to lift your heavy head from his shoulder. 

“Sorry I ruined your shirt,” you snivel, gasping out a sob when another tremor wracks your body. Mikko pulls you back into his chest, chuckling softly. 

“That's alright, suloinen asia. (sweet thing) You did so good for me.” 

Mikko strokes your hair softly as your sobs slow to a stop, holding you tightly to him to build you back up where he shattered you. He whispers sweet nothings in your ear as his fingers caress you, the heat radiating from him lulling you into a daze. 

“Thank you,” you whisper softly, curling your hand around the back of his head. You pull back softly to look at him, and you can't help but revel in what you see. Mikko’s cheeks are pink, his lips swollen and bruised, and his eyes are blown wide with lust. He stares up at you in admiration, smiling almost shyly at your gratitude. 

“Y/N I - fuuuck,” Mikko’s words are cut off when you rock your hips against his aching cock, his hands flying to your waist. “What are you - oh - Y/N - shit -” 

“Please?” you mewl softly, pouting softly at his reprimanding stare. 

“Stop that,” he groans, his head tilting back slightly in pleasure. Whether he's talking about your pout or the way you were grinding on him - who knows. 

“Please?” you repeat, smiling triumphantly when his hands on your waist push you a little harder against his dick. 

“Yeah,” he breathes, “Yeah, yeah, okay, one condition.” 

“Mhm,” you hum, too distracted with roaming your eyes over Mikko’s chest and arms to pay attention. 

“Hey.” Mikko grabs your face between two fingers, squishing your cheeks together as he forces you to look at him. You stop breathing for a moment, his grip on your face unrelenting as you wait for him to tell you his condition. “My condition,” he says, “is that I want more than just this. Let me take you on a date. And no more swiping right on any other big guys on dating apps.” 

His words catch you by surprise, and you laugh loudly. Mikko lets go of your face when you do, watching you throw your head back joyfully. He's confused for a moment, but accepts your kiss, smiling against your mouth as you giggle against his. 

“Is that a yes?” he murmurs between kisses. 

“It's a hell yes,” you smile brightly, leaning into to steal another. 

“Great, now can I fuck you over the back of this couch and make you cum again or what?”

[ciaran-archive]

Serious question. How do you write long stories? Is there a technique or advice for that? No matter what story I have in mind, I can't seem to tell it in anything longer than 1 to 2k. Writing 5k is tiring already, where do people seriously get that stamina to even do 50 or 100 or 200k? It's mind-blowingly amazing.

there is nothing less worthy or amazing about writing shorter fic - i know writers who struggle with it, and i’ve come to inhabit that position somewhat myself, though i’m determined to stay in practice. it’s a different skillset, that’s all. your fics aren’t worse for being shorter.

that said i will not deny that longer fics generate far more engagement from fandoms simply by virtue of updating more often  → being on top of the ao3 tag when people first open it  → getting more clicks and being considered less ‘frivolous’ (which is bullshit, but what can you do)

if you’re dead sure you want to write longer fic, i would first recommend reading this post about writing drabbles, which i promise is relevant to the point i’m about to make.

Because drabbles are about one moment. You don't need to know exactly what happened before this moment of dialogue, or what happens next, or what's happening around it. You don't have to do any of the planning you might do for a longer fic, but you also don't have the space to let the scene lead in and develop naturally. You've got 100 words.

a lot of writing a longer story is about establishing the scope of your story, deciding what beats you want to hit. there are a lot of ways to go about this; [some people like to outline. i don’t outline, ever, so if you want help for outlining you should look at the other sources on the internet. there are quite a few.] i’m going to talk about the way i’ve learnt to do it.

so when i’m writing a short fic, the thing i’m considering is one or two ideas, and one or two moments (short in this case being under 5k). this also depends on the style i’m going for - fics with sparser styles can fit more scenes, if i’m going for my usual style, each scene takes about 700-2000 words at least and therefore takes up more space. a lot of how i eased into writing longer fics was focusing on stylistic changes - you can push up the word count of a fic by going moment by moment. note the difference between: 

They’d been standing next to each other as they spoke; now Felix turned to him in the rain, startled by the admission of weakness. He reached out clumsily, bumping his hand against Ryan’s until he took the hint and grabbed on.

and 

The rain made it near-impossible to hear Ryan speaking, but the harshness in his voice would’ve been audible through a hurricane. “So you ran away,” he said, like he hadn’t expected this. 

“Course I did,” Felix snapped. “What was I supposed to do? Stick it out and let her kill me?” I almost did, he added under his breath.

Ryan’s sensitive werewolf ears, of course, caught that. “I’m glad you did,” he amended, as though it pained him to admit it. “I would’ve - I did the same. It’s all you can do, sometimes.”

Felix turned to him, blinking through the curtains of water. Ryan was slouching in the downpour, eyes narrowed elsewhere. Mostly he was startled by the admission of weakness - rare in a person who prided himself so thoroughly on being reliable and independent. He reached out, struck by the urge to offer whatever clumsy comfort he was capable of; his hand bumped against Ryan’s, and he held it there until Ryan caught up and wove their fingers together. 

His hands were wet and cold, and he gripped so hard Felix’s very human bones ached, but he wouldn’t have pulled away now. Not when he’d been the one to offer.

it’s not even that one is necessarily better than the other - they both work, and they’re working in different ways. they’re set in the same scene, conveying the same beat - reaching out to comfort someone in the wake of vulnerability. it’s just that one is longer, and therefore gives you more room to - set the scene (rain, being unable to hear each other) - use dialogue to show what is being told in the first example - convey extra information about the characters (actually, if this was a scene i was writing in a fic or novel, the stuff about ryan being a werewolf would already be known to the reader, so i would use that space to convey something else about ryan in that moment) - elaborate on felix’s internal state: the transition from defensive to curious/surprised to gentle - linger for a sentence or two on the moment of connection

this is about unraveling a scene and making it bigger than it was, breaking it apart into tinier beats and describing each one in the narrative. what happens when you do that and your fic doesn’t get much bigger still?

back to scope! we understand, as people who read and write and live, that the part of a story that you choose to depict in a narrative is not the entire story: events happen off-screen. some of them happened before the story started, and they will continue to happen after the story ends. the narrative is only showing you an arc, a particular series of events. 

when you’re writing fic, you have in fact tremendous amounts of flexibility when it comes to the scope of a story. you can write something that is about a single moment in canon, and trust that your audience is following along because they have the context already. so you don’t need to waste time on setting it up, which often means - if you’re given to a certain kind of fic writing (canon compliant / small divergences / missing scenes / character studies) your fics will end up not being very long because you’re not reiterating what you don’t need to reiterate. your idea is small because it inhabits a small space, is squished between canon events, and so doesn’t ever get bigger. if this is what is happening, it’s good, and you should try to preserve this going forward. 

people who are writing longer fic are, simply, working with bigger ideas*. they’re not just going “what if he said what he wanted in this scene instead of going home?” and writing the bit where they kiss immediately after - they’re also going “what if this changed everything in the future? what happens if they tackle all their problems together from now on? what new problems arise from this?”

*hopefully they are working with bigger ideas. i have seen longfics that are just incredibly fucking tedious because the author swallowed a thesaurus and had a tenuous grasp on plotting to begin with. 

that’s for a canon divergent fic, presumably. you might also be writing a post-canon fic, with its own set of pre-fic events and a new set of problems to deal with. currently, for example, i’m writing a fic where akira and goro were dating after canon, broke up, and stayed together in a deeply dysfunctional way after that - and the consequences for them now that they’re forced to deal with the mess they’ve made of their lives, together and apart. so now they have to deal with: the catalyst for dealing with their old problems, which is a problem in itself, and their old problems, which have been festering for a really long time.

which forms the core of the scope i’m talking about. i have to go through a bunch of scenes to set this fic up - i need to show their old problems and their new problems, i need to explain why the old ones haven’t been dealt with already, i need to set up the potential for dealing with them and the necessity of doing so, i need to give them places to start, and also i want to allow them to fail so they can choose to start again. i know these things because i have some idea of the kind of story i want to tell. if i didn’t know this, my story would not go anywhere by itself, and i would have to start outlining scene by scene the way people who actually outline do it, and i hate doing that because then i never write. 

if you can outline and it doesn’t make you want to chew wood, then i highly recommend picking up the habit. it’s very useful, and the methodical approach is a fantastic failsafe for the moments when you (me) get stuck on your fic (breakup au) and have to stop writing for several weeks in order to figure out a single fucking plot point that will let you move forward and

anyway. 

so yeah! to sum up;

find a larger scope for your story

get in the habit of picking apart beats into discrete moments and guiding the narrative through them

learn to outline if you can

last thing - which is perhaps the most vital and least reliable - stamina. 

you WILL lose interest in half the longer fics you write. it WILL suck. if you think you know pain because you have 700 words of a fic and can’t get through the last 400, i promise you it is like that but much worse because you have 7000 words now, or 17000 words, and you are stuck with no way forward. it will suck so BAD. 

don’t beat yourself up over it. once you’re in the habit of writing something long, you will retain that habit, and be able to apply it elsewhere. the words aren’t wasted, they’re practice, and they’re worth what they’ve taught you.

but! all the scope and internal scene-building and outlines won’t help you if you do not (and this is not as bad as everyone makes it sound) actually write. you HAVE to learn to actually write. you have to figure out what you like about writing and make a longfic outline [/ scene beats notes chart / themes mind map / tumblr tag of inspiring quotes and photography] that consists entirely of stuff you love and then you have to sit down and write your fic. it is not terribly scary. it’s okay to fail, but you also have no way around this. 

i hope this helped, and good luck!

[lunawritingspaceoxoxxx]

You Right I

WARNINGS: RAPE, SEX TRAFFICKING, DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, FORCED PREGNANCY, MISCARRIAGE. I WILL HAVE TRIGGERING SCENES MARKED. NOT FOR THE FAINT OF HEART AND MINORS, GO READ SOMETHING ELSE.

2018

“Ethan….you know this isn’t right...Ryan is waiting for me at home...it’s our…” She whimpered as his hands traveled along her curves as he teased her, kissing down her neck. “Tesoro, we both know, what you want is not him.” He nipped at her ear as he slid his hand underneath her shirt as he pulled at her lace straps. Ethan pulled off her shirt, biting his lip as marveled at her lace covered breasts. He knew that boy wasn’t treating she wanted, she wanted to be treated like a princess, worshipped and loved, but in private, Ethan made sure that Y/N was his submissive, only here for his pleasure only and she loved that, he can just say hello and she’ll come crawling to him.

Y/N let her head fall back as she watched their bodies through the mirror on the ceiling, shuddering to the sight above them. Ethan’s tongue roamed her body as he slipped his hands in the matching thong. “Pay attention to me, tesoro.” With that, he tore the flimsy material from her body, dropping the shreds as he dropped her onto the bed, “Ethan, those were expensive!” He scoffed, tossing his shirt to the side as he climbed between her legs, which she quickly tried to close them. “Ethan..” “You want me, we’ve done this multiple times already, what’s stopping you now?” “Ryan proposed to me!” Ethan stopped in his tracks, thoroughly confused as he sat back. “What do you mean by that? You’re going to marry that coglione!?” She gawked at him, hitting his leg. “He’s not a fucker! He’s kind and he’s going to treat me right!” He pinched the bridge of his nose, cursing before he climbed out, grabbing his shirt.

“...Y/N, I’ll back off, go live your little fantasy life with Ryan. I’m more so pissed off that you weren’t going to stop this, were you?” He asked, looking down at her, absolutely disgusted. “You know that I love you and I would do anything for you, but this is a slap on the face.” Y/N rolled her eyes as she grabbed her clothes, shaking her head. “Why are you making this about you? You’ve been coming onto me and-” “And you haven’t stopped me, you’ve pushed me into closets, begging me to gag you on my cock,” He hovered over her as his dark eyes locked onto hers,”screaming me for me to fuck you with an audience. You seek me out more than I do, so tell me, what are you going to do when he can’t scratch that itch you have? Finger yourself at the thought of me, using you like a cheap whore. Am I wrong?”

Y/N looked the other way, knowing the truth as she was going to speak up, her phone rang. Future Hubby. ‘Babe, where are you? We have reservations tonight at that really fancy place…’ She began to dress herself, mindlessly agreeing with whatever he was saying. “Baby, I’m sorry, I’ve just been busy with work and you know my boss is trying to promote me…” Ethan rolled his eyes as he leaned on his bed, looking through his messages as he was determined to get laid tonight. He brushed back his long, luscious locks before looking back up at Y/N, narrowing his eyes at her. “Why are you still here? Unless you want to watch me fuck some random girl.” She quickly made her exit as she rubbed her eyes, not wanting to cry for a man.

Why am I crying over a man? I should be happy that I’m getting married to someone who I could trust with all my heart. She also felt extremely guilty, her hands weren’t clean as well, but she honestly thought that this was just going to be fling between her and Ryan. He wasn’t looking for anything serious, that's what she thought too until her parents gave her an ultimatum, find a decent boy and I’ll pay for your studies abroad and 4 years later, still with Ryan, he wasn’t a bad, just little bland and vanilla for her liking. She liked men like Ethan, who wasn’t afraid of pushing boundaries and trying new things and her father obviously didn’t care for Ethan.

To him, Ethan was a manwhore and had no redeemable qualities, he was just drummer in a band who loved to fuck and he didn’t his daughter failing prey to that. She quickly took a cab to their shared apartment, sighing as she set her things down. “Love? I’m home…” She trailed off, seeing him in the living room, sipping on a glass of wine. “Why aren’t you ready yet? I thought we had reservations-” “I cancelled them, I didn’t feel like going out anymore, not after what I know.” He tossed a thick envelope onto the coffee table as he carefully watched her. “Do you want to explain this...affair that you’ve been having behind my back for sometime now.” She swallowed nervously as she shuffled on her feet. “You can’t, can you? You’re just some slutty whore, who opens their legs out for anyone, don’t you? Maybe I can use that to my advantage, pimp you out and profit off you.” She rapidly shook her head no, slowly backing up as he stood. “No, I think I will, if not, I’ll send your precious daddy, every photo and video of you being a slut.”

“You wouldn’t dare, you simultaneously fuck yourself over too! M-My father-” Ryan backhanded her, rolling his eyes as he looked down at her. He watched as she started to cry, holding herself. “Don’t feel sorry for yourself, sweetheart. You caused this, you couldn’t be satisfied with what I gave you. Now, you’re going to be daddy’s good little girl and you're going to do everything I say. Y/N’s stomach fell in horror as she could only think of the possibilities that he was going to do to her, she tried scrambling to her feet, but Ryan was faster as he grabbed her hair, yanking her up. “You’re going to do what I say and you’re going to do it with no complaints.”

Ethan sighed as he pushed some random girl off of him, climbing out of bed as he walked to the bathroom. He tied his long hair in a bun, washing his face. He was serious about not contacting her, he wanted her to choose who she wanted and not play around his feelings. “I had fun last night, we should do it again.” He narrowed his eyes at the woman, shrugging off her hands as he faced her. “I don’t even know your name and I really don’t give a fuck.” She gasped as he pushed past her, getting ready for rehearsals. Once he stepped into the studio, he sighed as Y/N wasn’t there, she hasn’t been here in the past three months. “So we’re close to releasing our first album and we need to start really focusing in and producing like it’s our last thing. We’re gonna have to be in the studio more often than not, probably pulling all nighters. That goes for you Ethan, just slow down on the groupies, I know you and Y/N are going through a rough patch, but I’m going to need you to focus.”

Ethan just nodded as he stepped into the booth, grabbing his practice drumsticks. It was obvious that he was bothered by Damiano’s comment, he knew that Damiano picked up on his feelings for her and watched him do nothing about it, loving to throw it up in his face, every single time. “Dude, why do you do that?” Thomas questioned, giving him a side look. “You always comment on Y/N, maybe he doesn’t want to hear about her. Her snobby husband always has her on his arm, anywhere they go. Why remind him that he lost a good thing?” Damiano sputtered as he tried to deny his dickish attitude towards him. “Look, I know he’s still missing Y/N, but it’s been like six weeks, almost 2 months. Is the pussy that good?” “Damiano, please stop watching American TV, let’s just start recording, before we get too distracted.” Vic pushed everyone else in, closing the door behind them.

------------------------BAD STUFF, NO READ IF UPSETTING-------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Y/N, suck harder and stop using your teeth.” She flinched as she was abused by her “client” as Ryan watched, stroking himself. Ryan chuckled as he watched, licking his lips. He thought he was a genius, he preyed on her vulnerabilities and used her to where no one would believe her. “How much for her pussy?” The sleazy man croaked, reaching for her thong. “I have a suitcase for about ten thousand as a downpayment.” Ryan’s eyebrow arched up as he glanced over at the suitcase. “And if you allow me to cum in her, I’ll add another 30 thousand onto it.” Y/N looked between the two, growing nervous as she wiggled her way to the door. “...Add 20 thousand and you can do anything you want with her, just don’t kill her.” Ryan smirked as Y/N was pulled onto her face as the man forced his way inside of her. “God, her pussy feels so fucking good.” Y/N sobbed as she tried kicking him, just trying to stop this torture and the stranger shoved her face in the pillows.

Ryan sighed as his phone ranged, groaning as he answered it. “Ryan McGower, this has better be important.” “Hi, Mr. McGower, I saw your wife’s….interesting ad and I was wondering if she could handle..more extreme intercourse.” Ryan watched as she thrashed about, sobbing as she looked into his eyes. He could end this with one word, but she damaged him, what did Ethan Torchio have that he didn’t have? “Darling? Did you ever love that bastard?” Y/N gave him a confused look, shaking her head. “Who are you even talking about?” “Of course she can, I’m the one who’s training her. She can and will take everything you give her.”

She whimpered, cringing at her drenched panties, crying as she felt the man finally come inside of her. “Holy fuck, that’s some good pussy right there, I may have to come by later.” He smirked as he pulled apart her lower lips as they watched the cum slowly flow and drip out onto the floor. “She’s not on contraceptives or has that implant?” “No, I got them removed awhile back,” Y/N wanted to throw up, she quickly rushed to the bathroom, regurgitating the small breakfast that she had. She held the toilet as she silently cried, wanting this nightmare to end.

--------------------------BAD STUFF OVER-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ethan wanted to go home, this large crowd wasn’t helping his mood and he just wanted to go home and drink in the privacy of his own home. darling.y/n - last online 4 months ago Shutting his phone off as he tried to ignore that gnawing feeling that was eating at his stomach. “Dude, are you okay? You keep scaring off girls.” Thomas asked, shouted as he slipped in next to him. “Is it about Y/N?” Ethan finally had enough, wanting to scream this at the top of his lungs. “Yeah, it is, I’m in love with her and I just miss her so fucking much, she hasn’t kept in touch with me, so I don’t know if she’s doing okay. I’m just concerned because something doesn’t feel right and I can’t put it together.” Thomas blankly stared at him, shaking his head. “Dude, just go to her house, fuck her husband. What’s the worst could he do? Move halfway around the globe?”

Ethan jumped out of the taxi as he rushed to Y/N’s front door, quickly knocking on it. He started ringing the doorbell impatiently before a strange woman poked her head out the door, shaking her head no before handing him an elegant note.

For those who are wondering, the missus and I are going to our second home to celebrate our first pregnancy and we would like for any inquiries to go through our assistant before you attempt to personally contact us. If you would like to send us any baby needs, you can do so to this address.

-From the McGowers

The mysterious lady snatched it from his hands before shutting the door unlocking it, Ethan sighed as he kicked a pole, frustrated with himself. ‘A baby? Is that what she wanted, a family, we could’ve….’ He stopped as he realized that it wouldn’t have worked out, he would be traveling too much and he couldn’t ask his bandmates to accommodate a screaming baby. “Fuck that, I want to hear this out of her own words, if she’s happy, then i’m happy and i’ll call it a day.” He headed back to his apartment, dialing Damiano as he fast walked, ignoring the strange looks thrown at him. “Damiano, you have a bigger social circle than me and you probably rub elbows with rich people on a daily basis. I need you to find where Y/N’s second home is. I have a bad feeling about this.”

Damiano looked at his phone on the other line, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Mio caro amico(My dear friend), you need to let her go, she’s married now, has a husband now and she’s probably going to have a child soon. Why are you going to stop her happiness?” “Damiano, she wasn’t happy when she got married, you saw those wedding photos, she looked miserable as fuck in them.” Damiano sighed, pushing his partner off of him as he sat up. “If I help you and we find an answer, any answer whether you like it or not, we’re going to stop searching for her, okay?” “....Okay.”

[hockeyisit]

Valentine’s Day

Summary: It’s Valentines and Auston treats his girl. 

AN: HIiii sorry this was suppose to be out way earlier. Happy Valentines day hope you got to spend it with someone you love weather that be a partner family or friend.<3 

Word Count: 2,041

Master List

Unedited

Looking at myself in the mirror I applied some more lipstick before putting it into my purse. It was Valentine’s day and Auston had told me to get dressed up because we were going on a date. Thankfully the Leafs didn’t have to play today or tomorrow so Auston had planned a date night for us.

Hearing the buzzer go off to my apartment I quickly walked to the kitchen to let Auston into the building. I grabbed my phone off the counter and waited for the knock that I knew was going to come.

“Wow, babe. Looking hot,” my roommate Macy said checking out my body in my dress. I was wearing a long flowy dress with some cute boots. Blushing I turn away from her when I hear knocking on the door. I quickly open the door and immediately start smiling as I take in Auston in his fashionable suit.

“Wow,” I hear him mumble as he took in my outfit. Giggling I pull on his arm and give him a quick kiss on his lips. I then pull away and face Macy again.

“You got any fancy plans?” I ask her as I reach over to grab my long coat of the coat hanger. She smiles at me as she reaches into the fridge to pull out something to drink. Auston reached over for my hand once I had my coat on.

“Nah, Ryan has work and couldn’t get off so we’re celebrating another day,” she rolled her eyes as she spoke. They had been dating for almost four years and were constantly having problems but they actually worked very well together considering how many spats they seemed to have.

“Babe are you ready to go?” Auston interrupted the two of us. I glanced over at him with a smile before nodding my head.

“Yeah! See you later Mace,” I grinned before pulling him out my door and locking it behind me. Macy didn’t like when I left it unlocked.

“You look absolutely stunning,” Auston grinned as he pulled me into a hug once I got the door locked. I wrapped my arms around his neck while giving him a cheesy smile of my own.

“Your so handsome,” I said reaching up to kiss him again, slower this time now that we didn’t have an audience. He slowly pulled away but kept his hands wrapped around my waist.

“We need to hurry before we’re late for our reservation,” he told me and then fully pulled away to drag me to the car.

“Where are we going?” I questioned as I swung our hands back and forth. He chuckled as we walked before shaking his head.

“It’s a surprise,” he said as we approached his car. He quickly walked in front of me and opened my door. I kissed his cheek as I went to take my seat. Once we were both buckled he pulled out of the parking space and reached for my hand across the center console.

“This is my first time ever celebrating Valentines day,” I mumbled as I gazed out the window watching the buildings pass by. I felt his hand squeeze mine a bit tighter.

“You never celebrated with Nick?” he asked gently. I had told Auston about Nick my abusive ex-boyfriend that I dated for 2 years almost 3 months into our relationship. I never expected myself to trust Auston so much when we first met on that airplane but I couldn’t help but trust him. I glanced away from the window to Auston. He was keeping his eyes on the road but his jaw looked tense.

“He didn’t like to spend money on me,” I told him.

“But I’m really glad that my first Valentine’s day is with you,” I continued with a giggle. I watched as his jaw unclenched and a smile appeared on his face. We finally pulled up to the George Restaurant and I squealed in excitement turning to look back at him.  

“No way,” I shouted as I slapped his arm.

“Are we doing the four-course meal testing?” I questioned as I went to open my door. One night when Auston and I had gone out to the bar with his teammates we had gone on a walk and walked by George Restaurant. I had told him that my dream date was to go in there for the four-course taste test. Auston had made fun of me at first but then we never talked about it again and that was almost four months ago.

Auston grabbed my hand once we were both out of the car and together we walked in. Once we were seated Auston quickly ordered a bottle of wine for us to share and then we were left alone. Looking around I took in the scene before me. The restaurant was so beautiful. Finally my eyes settled on Auston who was already looking at me. Blushing I quickly avert my eyes to my menu.

“Why do you always do that?” Auston asked reaching across the table for my hand. I smiled gently and gripped his hand back before shrugging my shoulders.

“You make me blush,” I grinned before reaching for my glass of wine to take a sip. He grinned at me.

“How’s everything going with work?” he asked. I quickly went into a story about everything that was going on at work and as I was getting into telling him all the drama that had gone down are server came by to drop off our first part of the meal. We thanked him before quickly digging into our food.

----

“Macy has been hinting at the fact that she wants to move in with Ryan,” I told him as I took another bite of my food. We were on our final course and I was definitely started to feel full.

“Oh. Is your guys lease ending soon? Or is she trying to get a sublet?” he asked as he moved his plate to the side. I swallowed a bite of my food before moving my plate closer to Auston.

“Do you want the rest?” I asked, he shook his head no so I stacked it on his.

“Our lease ends in May. But she’s been talking to me about buying me out. So that Ryan and she can live there. She said she’d pay me double the rent I just don’t know where I would go,” I told him truthfully as I leaned back in my chair to stretch. His eyes focused in on me with an extremely determined look.

“You could move in with me,” he said without breaking eye contact. I felt my eyes widen as I took in his serious expression. We had only been dating for seven months at this point and we had already said I love you but I felt like this was a really big step. I nervously ran my hand through my hair searching for something to say.

“Isn’t seven months too early to move in together?” I asked gently hoping to avoid making him regret asking. He reached across the table and held his hand out for me.

“Amelia,” he paused catching my eyes with his. I reached forward and locked my hand with his.

“If I had the choice we would be married right now,” he said calmly with a cheeky smile. I expected myself to panic at hearing him say that but I was filled with nothing but happiness and joy. I grinned as I gave his hand a squeeze.

“I’ll move in with you if your sure that’s what you want,” I said. He eagerly nodded his head. I giggled before I started playing with his fingers.

“I wanna marry you,” I told him seriously. Auston looked at me with a grin before kicking at my feet with his. Then the two of us got caught up in a game of footsie under the table before we were interrupted by our server to give us the bill. The two of us quickly got up and left the restaurant after paying.

Auston pulled me into his arms once we were near the car and pushed me up against the passenger door. He started kissing me passionately before moving down to my neck. I opened my eyes and noticed a good amount of people outside waiting to be let into the restaurant. I pulled back.

“We should finish this at home before it ends up on camera,” I teased, then I leaned in for a quick peck before opening my car door and hopping into the car.

----

When we finally arrived at Auston’s we quickly made our way up to his apartment and were greeted at the door by a very excited Felix. I quickly bent down to give him some good doggy cuddles before noticing the trail of roses on the floor. I gasped before glancing up to Auston who had a cheeky grin on his face.

I stood up and took off my heels and coat before following the path to Auston’s bedroom and into the bathroom. The room was lit up by candles and there were rose petals everywhere. There was a bottle of tequila and salsa set to the side of the tub on a table with a speaker as well. I felt myself starting to tear up. I turned around to face Auston and his smile quickly turned down when he noticed I was about to start crying.

“Babe, what’s wrong?” he questioned as he walked towards me cautiously. I shook my head before letting the tears fall freely.

“Nobody has ever cared about me this much,” I told him softly. I then reached forward and pulled him against me. He tightened his grip around me and kissed the top of my head. He then pulled away softly.

“I love you, babe. Now strip,” he said tapping my ass and moving away to pull off his own clothes. Once we were both fully undress we hopped into the bathtub. It was big enough to fit the both of us sitting across from one another so that’s how we started. Auston reached over and grabbed the bottle of tequila and the two shot glasses from the table. He poured two shots before handing one to me.

“Don’t drink it yet,” he said grabbing my wrist as I went to raise it to my mouth.

“I have to toast,” he grinned, I laughed before raising my shot with him.

“To a great Valentine’s date and too many more,” he smiled gently before clinking his shot with mine and the two of us drowned it together. I scrunched up my face as it went down and reached over for the lime on the table. Tequila was more Auston’s drink but we had wine at dinner and I didn’t mind doing some shots with him. I leaned back into the tub and closed my eyes.

“I have never been so happy in my entire life,” I told him as I peeked an eye open to look at him. He was pouring us another two shots. He looked over to me as I spoke and started smiling.

“You deserve nothing but the very best,” he said reaching his hands into the water to rest his hands on my legs that were on both sides of him. Once he had his grip on me he pulled me towards him by the legs. I had no idea he was going to pull so my head went underwater and I resurfaced with an annoyed expression on my face.

“Auston,” I shouted once I was able to breathe again. He laughed as he pulled me into his lap. I easily slid into his lap facing him and wrapped my arms around his neck. I reached for the two shots that he had poured and took them both myself. He looked at me shocked before leaning up to kiss me on the lips.

“God, I love you so much,” he whispered as he started trailing kisses all over my neck. I reached for his face and pulled him into a kiss.

“I love you so much Auston,” I giggled as I returned to kissing the love of my life.

[ri-ahhh]

could I request something where E is like editing but y/n gets bored and sits on his lap and starts to grind which ends up with maybe some punishments from E after he's had enough?

(my first E anything, this was a trip haha -- shout out to Pao @persistence-ofmemories, here’s your ethan smut lol)

You’ve been watching him all day. Strolling around the house shirtless with his AirPods in and sipping a smoothie while he conversed easily on continuous business calls. Hunched over his laptop answering emails. Sitting at the table with Grayson while they brainstormed new video ideas and Wakeheart promotional pitches. 

Something about businessman Ethan hit so much different for you. He’s not an overly serious person on the daily, but CEO Ethan doesn’t fuck around. When he’s on these calls, his voice takes on this timbre that’s deep and confident and self-assured. Leaves no room for argument when he knows what’s best for his brands. It makes you clench your thighs and bite your lip as you watch and listen from your perch at the bar where you’re doing your own work for the day on your laptop.

But he can also get extremely caught up in it, in the perfection and responsibilities that are required when you’re a self-made businessman. Sometimes it’s hot and endearing, and sometimes it’s frustrating. Tonight, it’s frustrating. 

You emerge from the ensuite bathroom in his room, dressed for bed in one of his t-shirts and squeezing some of the excess water out of your hair from your shower, to find him at his desk chair and on the phone again. You frown, checking the time on your phone. It’s after 10:30 PM, much too late considering he’s been doing this since around 8 this morning. 

You walk up behind him, leaning over the back of the chair and wrapping your arms around his broad shoulders. You press a lingering kiss to his temple and nuzzle his cheek as you inspect what he’s working on. A still frame from their new video they’re about to post is on the screen of his laptop.

“I can’t decide if we should leave this part at 11 minutes in, bro. What do you think?”

You don’t know who he’s talking to, probably Ryan or maybe even Grayson; they have a habit of calling each other even if they're both in the house, rather than just get up and go wherever the other one is. You’re a little confused as to why he’s editing of all things right now, though.

“Babe, what are you doing? Isn’t this what you pay Ricky for now?” you ask, reaching a hand up to play with his hair. It’s getting so long, and you're not mad about it one bit.

Ethan glances up at you and puckers his lips. You oblige him with a quick peck, but you still expect an answer. He has a habit of trying to temporarily appease you when he’s busy and focused on something.

He sighs when he realizes you’re not giving up that easily. He puts the phone on mute, and you do indeed see Grayson’s name on the screen. “Ricky’s swamped, so I told him I had this one. It’s not too crazy.”

“You’ve been working literally all day, E. Can’t you come to bed so we can spend some time together before we go to sleep? I can’t stay up too late, I have a meeting in the morning.” 

Ethan hesitates, turning the phone speaker back on to talk to his brother through his headphones. “Hey, Gray one sec.” He mutes it again. “Sweetheart, this won’t take me very long, I promise. The video is gonna be pretty short.”

You roll your eyes and pick up the towel you had dropped to the floor, turning your back on him to hang it up in the bathroom. You refuse to be the nagging girlfriend. If he wants to prioritize work he doesn't even need to be finishing right now, you’re happy to guilt trip him. 

“Whatever, E. It doesn’t feel like a long time to you, but a ‘short video’ still means like three hours.”

When you come back into the bedroom, you expect him to be lounging on the bed with his phone, laptop shut for the night and LED lights on. So when you find him in the exact same position, talking to Grayson once again, a wave of rage and hurt washes over you. Ethan is usually an amazing and attentive boyfriend, and you’re not particularly clingy with him; you just want to spend some intimate time together after a nonstop work schedule on both your ends had left that time lacking in your relationship lately, and which doesn’t show any signs of changing in the coming week. 

You consider giving in and slipping under the covers to pout and go to sleep after all. Even if you were tired enough to go to sleep now, though, you know you’d be way too mad to achieve that. Your course of action is easy, then.

“Baby...” Ethan huffs, irritation and amusement both detectable in his tone when you march over to him and swing a leg across his lap. He grunts when you plop yourself in his lap, adjusting until you’ve got your arms wrapped around his middle and your face nuzzled in his neck. “Seriously?”

“Seriously?” you mock his deep voice. You know he hates that, and your lips curve up where you press them to his neck when you feel him tense up a little. “We both know you don’t need to be doing this right now, I heard you and Gray decide to post in three days. No sponsor with a deadline to get approval from. You’re just being a workaholic instead of a considerate boyfriend.”

He shakes his head, his arms curved around you so he can still reach the keyboard of his laptop. You hear the clicks of the keys resume as he has the nerve to keep working. “I just want to get this done, so it’s over with and so I don’t have to worry about it in a couple of days. You’re being a brat.”

You scoff indignantly. You’re being a brat just because you want to spend some of the limited free time you both have with your boyfriend?

If that’s what he thinks you are, then you’ll let him have it.

You can hear Grayson’s muffled voice coming through the one AirPod Ethan’s wearing in the ear opposite from the one you’re next to. Perfect. You smirk and start planting sweet, innocent kisses up the side of his neck until you reach his ear, taking the lobe in-between your teeth teasingly.

Ethan inhales sharply when you tug on it with a little nibble before releasing it and putting your mouth right to his ear. You start rocking against him, sitting up some to put your hands on his shoulders.

“I’m gonna get off on you, with or without your help,” you whisper straight into his ear, smirking when your hot breath raises goosebumps on his bare skin. Now, it’s just a competition between his stubbornness and his desire for your pussy. The latter will win, you know it — it’s only a matter of time. “If you want to make this a mutual effort, I’m more than happy for you to do that.”

He releases a heavy breath, and you smile against his skin when you feel him hardening predictably beneath you. You grind deeper into him, and lick your tongue along the words inked into his skin on his collarbone. 

He stays stubbornly focused in the chair, and you can hear Grayson still talking in his ear, but Ethan isn’t responding to him. His chest and neck are flushing pink, and you sit back to see if that pretty color is gracing his cheeks, too.

You grin when you see that it is. His arms are still draped loosely around your waist, no longer typing, so you lean back with your hands on his knees, still grinding on the large bulge growing in his sweatpants. His eyes trail over you, how the t-shirt of his that you’re wearing pools at your hips, exposing your soft cotton panties that you sleep in so he can see your pussy rocking on his dick. 

“Feels so good,” you murmur, tossing your hair over one shoulder and biting your lip. You reach one hand down and lift your shirt so you can both see the wet patch growing in your panties. He lets out this tiny little masculine moan that has you going harder, faster. You grin and lift your eyes to watch him watch your hips, and the heat in his gaze makes you shiver. “Would feel better if you were inside me, E. Want that big dick inside me, stretching me out. Don’t you want that, baby?”

Ethan shakes his head incredulously again, clearing his throat. “Hey, I’m tired Gray. I’ll finish tomorrow, okay?”

He doesn’t wait for his brother to answer before ripping his headphone out of his ear, tossing it onto his desk, and tapping the red button on his phone to hang up. You squeal and giggle when he stands up suddenly, cupping his big hands under your thighs so you come with him. You wrap your legs around his waist instinctively, and don’t waste any time threading your fingers into his hair and dragging his lips to yours. 

He moans into your mouth and stumbles to the bed, but your kiss is short-lived as he tosses you onto the mattress. You bounce and laugh again, scooting back to settle against the pillows as he crawls predatorily on top of you. He looks fucking amazing -- his hair a mess, skin tan from all the shirtless skateboarding he’s been doing lately, dick print evident in his grey sweats. Your mouth and pussy water simultaneously, and you reach out for him as he gets closer.

“You think that was cute?” he asks with a tiny smirk, allowing you to wrap your arms around him as he settles between your legs. “Turning me on while I’m working? While I’m on the phone with my brother?”

“Kind of. I did ask you nicely to stop working,” you remind him, trailing a finger down the line bisecting his torso until you reach his pants. You palm his erection through the soft fabric, grinning when he thrusts into your touch. “Not my fault you can’t listen.”

Ethan hums and hooks his fingers into the sides of your panties, making your hand fall away from him as he slinks them down your freshly shaved legs and leans back to toss them over his shoulder. His eyes are glued to your pussy and the shimmer of your arousal clinging to your smooth lower lips. Your head falls to your shoulder as you spread your legs more for him, whining thankfully when his fingers brush up your slit.

“So wet for me already,” Ethan says, collecting the slick moisture on his fingertips as he strokes you lazily. 

You nod, lifting your hips to encourage him to deepen his touch. It feels good, but it’s barely there, and he definitely hasn't come near your clit. “Please, E.”

He tsks his tongue at you, smirking as he watches your face watch his. “Patience, baby. You couldn’t wait for me to finish working. You’ll have to wait a bit to get to cum, now.”

His words turn you on as much as they anger you. He laughs, actually laughs, when he feels more wetness seep onto his fingers from where he’s toying with your hole. “Oh, baby, did you like that? You like me making you wait?”

You have too much pride even through all the maddeningly unsatisfying pleasure he’s bringing about to answer him outright. You let out a loud moan when he sinks his two middle fingers into you. “You...you’re an ass.”

He chuckles again, wiggling his fingers a little bit inside you before taking them out, making sure he has your eyes locked on his when he sucks them into his mouth.

“Fuck,” he whispers, licking the stray bits that cling to his lips as he leans back over you and slips the same fingers back inside. He still doesn’t touch your clit, but his fingers start pumping and moving just how you like, filling you up but putting all the pressure in just the right spots.

Your legs spread even wider, head tossed back to the pillow as you grab the forearm supporting him over you with one hand and clutch the sheets by your head with the other. 

“E...holy shit!” you whimper, digging your nails into that eagle on his arm. His fingers feel so good, hitting you just right, but it’s not enough to make you cum, and he knows it. He smirks down at you, watching you fall apart as the sloppy slick sounds of your pussy mingle in the room with his heavy breaths and your high-pitches gasps and moans. You don’t know how much more you can take of it. 

“Ethan, please make me cum, please make me cum!”

Ethan groans, your begging music to his ears, and he relents by finally adding his thumb to the mix, lighting upon your clit and rubbing gentle, slow circles into it. Your back lurches off the bed, your eyes meeting his as you plead with him not to stop, that you’re almost there.

Of course he doesn't listen, though. You want to sob when he pulls out of you with a harsh growl, licking his digits clean again before sitting back and shoving his sweats down his legs. He stands off the side of the bed to kick them off his feet. 

“Don’t you dare touch yourself,” he reprimands, shaking his head when he sees your hand instantly gravitate to your pussy. You whine but obey, waiting for him to climb back on the bed. He gathers your shirt in his hands, pulling up. “Lemme see your tits, baby. Wanna see them when I fuck you.”

You lift your arms at once, letting him pull it over your head so that you're both left completely naked. Ethan cups them both in his hands as he settles between your spread legs once again, and he ducks down to swipe his tongue over your nipples with sweet little suckles. He leaves each of them with a nip of his teeth and a soothing swipe of his tongue before he’s moving up to your mouth. You didn't realize it until that moment, but you needed the intimacy of his kiss, and it both calms you and makes you voracious for more of him.

As if he can read your mind, Ethan reaches between the two of you and takes his dick in hand, running the tip up and down your slit to coat himself in your copious arousal before tapping it against your clit. You jerk against him and moan into his mouth, which you feel curve against yours. He pulls back, watching your face intently as he pops the head into your entrance and sinks into you with one slow, gradual thrust. 

You don’t think you've ever been this close this early, but you're still wound tight from how high he brought you just a few moments ago with his fingers. “God, E, fuck me. Fuck me with that big fucking dick.”

For the first time tonight, he obeys your command, moaning wantonly at your words. His hands cup the backs of your thighs and keep your legs close to your body as he pushes your knees to your chest. He’s deep deep in this angle, and you cry out so loud you wouldn't be surprised if Grayson could hear you down the hall. 

That’s the least of your concerns, though, when he’s pumping into you so good, his thrusts hard and powerful as he grunts along with you, desperation clear in his own deep voice. You can tell he’s close too, He’s hitting just the right spot, and you lock eyes with him as you clutch his biceps in a death grip as he gets you right to the edge. 

“Oh my...fuuuck E, I’m gonna cum!” you sob, and your body is letting go so hard you think your head has gone to another dimension. 

“Baby, shit,” he hisses with how fucking tight your pussy starts spasming around his cock, how extra wet and warm everything gets all of the sudden. His head swims, and he slows his dick inside you, his heart and his ego ready to explode with how much he loves seeing you fall apart so good, because of him. 

He lets go of your legs to lean over you again and mouth at your neck, bringing you back to earth with whispers of sweet nothings and gentle kisses to your face. 

It takes what feels like all night, but eventually you can open your eyes again and be cognizant of your surroundings. You smile tiredly and let out a whispered curse as you cup his cheeks to kiss him lazily for a few moments, before releasing him and telling him to cum, too. He sits back again, and you shove your arms under your pillow, thrusting your chest out so your tits bounce for him as he starts pumping into your sensitive pussy again, chasing his nut.

His eyes flit back and forth from your chest to your face, where you're smiling up at him, all fucked out and sexy. “Fucking give it to me, E,” you whisper, clenching around him purposefully. He groans, looking at you desperately, questioningly. “Inside, baby.”

Ethan gives you all of three more sloppy, hard thrusts before you’re moaning with him as he shoots his load exactly where you told him. You love the unique warmth of his cum deep in your pussy. 

He slowly collapses down on top of you, and you welcome his weight literally with open arms, holding him close to your chest, playing with his hair and giving him the same loving whispers he did to you. 

When his breathing has slowed nearly back to normal, you direct his head up to kiss you. Your lips smack together quietly, and the feel of his mouth on yours just makes you feel complete in a way nothing else can.

“I should interrupt your work more often.”

[ruzek-halstead]

the one that (almost) got away

"my friend dragged me to this party and i just saw my ex - quick, make out with me"

university au

masterlist || ao3

x

It was a month before finals and Julie's to-do list was piling up. Her music courses were slowly starting to drive her insane (best program in the country my ass) and she had absolutely zero time to even breathe, much less be dragged to a party by her roommate.

The past few months had been filled with lectures, compositions, performances and impromptu Netflix binging sessions. She was already stressed enough with everything happening academically, it didn't help that she found her boyfriend of two years on a romantic dinner with another woman (I mean, his tongue was down her throat, what would you make of that?). It hurt like hell, don't get her wrong, but having him out of her life didn't bother her as much as it probably should have. Luckily, she kept herself distracted with classes, extra-curricular activities and her best friend and roommate, Flynn.

"You're going," Flynn stated with the utmost serious expression. She busied herself with rummaging through her closet to find the perfect outfit for tonight's frat party, while Julie focused on the lyrics splayed out in front of her for composition class. "You've been so focused on school that you haven't had any time to enjoy the night life."

Julie rolled her eyes without sparing a glance at her best friend. "Yes, because I'm in university because of the night life," she sassed, "it has absolutely nothing to do with excelling in the most prestigious music program in the country so I can become famous and fly you places in my private jet."

"Details," Flynn muttered, waving her hand in her direction. "Alex's frat is throwing the party, so it won't be overly crazy."

Flynn and Julie made eye contact and Flynn cringed at the unimpressed look on Julie's face.

"Okay, so maybe I can't control that," she admitted. "But still, Alex says you have to come! You can finally meet some of his friends!"

Julie snorted. "I know his friends. I don't like his friends."

"You know Luke," Flynn countered, "you haven't met Reggie or Alex's boyfriend, Willie! And Luke isn't that bad, I promise; he's super sweet."

"Sweet?" Julie spit, eyes widening in annoyance. "He pushed me into the pool at that last party!"

Flynn cringed, yet again. "Okay, yes," she relented. "But it was more like 'he knocked you' into the pool because he was trying to catch the football. And he did!"

"Excuse me for not caring!"

"Just trust me, okay?" Flynn busted out her puppy dog eyes as she jumped on Julie's bed. "They're great, and we can't discuss this anymore. You need a break and you're going. I don't care if you leave twenty-minutes after you get there; you are making an appearance."

Julie and Flynn engaged in a brief stare down, to which Flynn ended by pushing against Julie's shoulder.

"Fine," Julie reluctantly agreed, "I'll make a brief appearance, and I'll meet Alex's friends. But as soon as Luke says something stupid, I'm leaving. Is that clear?"

Flynn's face broke into an excited grin. "Crystal clear, girl!" She squealed. "Oh my god, put your lyrics away. We have to start getting ready right now!"

x

Julie entered the frat party with a newfound attitude and a clear mind. Flynn forced her to take two tequila shots before leaving their apartment, so she could forget about her studies, and so far, it was working. She also didn't want to be the only buzzkill at this party, so she promised herself and Flynn that she would actually try to have some fun.

"There you go, there's that smile!" Flynn cheered, nudging Julie in the direction of the drinks. Together they mixed a creative concoction and set out to find Flynn's good friend, Alex.

They found him relatively quickly; he was dominating at the beer pong table. When he saw  Flynn and Julie, his face lit up and he tapped a random guy next to him, shouting, "sub in for me, my bestie's here!"

With that, he ran over to Flynn to give her a bone-crushing hug and a sloppy kiss on the cheek (he was definitely more than two shots and a cocktail in). "Hey Jules!" He greeted the brunette, wrapping her under his other arm. "Ah, my girls are here. I have to find the guys!"

"Julie's going to love them!" Flynn added, following as Alex pulled them along. He pulled them until they stepped into the backyard where the party was just as lively as inside. "Look, there's Reggie!"

Alex dragged them over to two guys who seemed to be in a heated conversation.

"I can't believe you don't like The Office!" The one with a red flannel shirt tied around his waist exclaimed, throwing his arms up for emphasis. "Michael Scott is the single greatest character ever created."

The other one with his hair tied up in a bun rolled his eyes. "If that's what you think, then you need more help than I can offer."

"Whatever," Red Flannel replied, turning his attention to the newcomers. "Flynn, you're here!" He exclaimed, reaching over to give her a hug. "I'm Reggie!" He told Julie excitedly.

Julie sent him a polite smile. "Hey, nice to meet you. I'm Julie."

"And this," Alex yelled drunkenly, wrapping his arms around the other brunette, "is Willie! He's my boyfriend!"

Willie let out a laugh. "He is so wasted. Nice to meet you, Julie."

Julie sent him a warm smile in response.

Alex turned his attention to Julie. "Julie," he slurred, wrapping an arm around her shoulders again, "is Flynn's best friend and roommate. I've been trying to get her to meet you guys for ages. Wait, where's Luke?"

Julie's shoulders stiffened.

Reggie shrugged. "Who knows."

"I'll go find him," Alex muttered. "Go get another drink, mingle, but you're not allowed to leave until you meet Luke!" He yelled to her as he walked backwards across the room (he was definitely going to trip). "No leaving!"

"Is he forgetting I've already met Luke?" Julie whispered to Flynn, who just shrugged.

Willie hesitantly started after him, turning to say, "I should probably make sure he doesn't do something really stupid."

"And I'm going to go mingle," Julie replied, turning to Flynn who look thoroughly unconvinced.

Flynn pursed her lips. "You better not leave."

"I won't," Julie laughed, "I promise."

With that, they all went their separate ways. Julie stayed outside and watched the beer pong championship for a while, but eventually decided to go back inside because the chill was getting to her. She was also hoping to find Flynn because her 'mingling' was getting boring and she was inching to leave.

She walked back into the building, intent on getting herself a new drink to pass the time. She was about to turn into the kitchen, when she spotted a very familiar face that she hadn't seen in a number of months.

Her ex-boyfriend, Ryan.

And the girl he cheated on her with.

"Oh my god," she muttered, ducking out of the way. She made eye contact solely for a solid millisecond but she knew he saw her. "Fuck."

In her attempt to escape and leave the house party (and the university, if she's being honest), she ran smack into a hard body. "Shit," she heard a deep voice. "Are you okay?"

His hands were wrapped around her upper forearms and she looked up to realize they belonged to her one and only nemesis, Luke Patterson.

"Oh, it's you! Pool girl!"

In any other circumstance, she would probably wrap her hands around his throat and squeeze but she was genuinely too panicked.

"Julie?"

Oh god, Ryan was calling out for her.

"You pushed me into a pool months ago, right?"

Luke's eyebrows narrowed. "Okay, well, it was a little more complicated than that..."

"But you owe me!"

"Uh — sure?"

He looked genuinely confused and regardless of how smart Julie considered herself to be, she was incredibly dumb when it came to men and social situations.

Which is why she uttered, "I'm so sorry, but my ex —" before crashing her lips against his. He seemed to freeze, his hands loosening their grip on her forearms.

Julie quickly doubled back, realizing how stupid of an idea it was. It was Luke, and even though she wasn't particularly a fan of him, she had basically just mauled him without even asking for consent.

"Oh my god, I am so sorry," Julie apologized quickly. He was staring at her as if she had three heads. "I'm so sorry. I just saw my ex-boyfriend with the girl he cheated on me with and he was calling my name and I figured, 'oh, why not just make out with someone so he doesn't think I'm a complete —'"

This time, Luke interrupted her with a wicked smirk. He wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her flush against him. She squeaked in response, but was distracted when he tipped her head back and kissed her. It was soft at first, but he pressed harder against her mouth with an intensity that momentarily took Julie's breath away. His body pressed further against hers, until they rested on the wall behind her.

A moment later, he pulled back and admired her shocked expression.

"How was that?"

His voice was soft and warm and Julie was so stunned, it took her a moment to reply.

But when she did, her recollection and sass came full force.

"Good enough, I guess," she lied through her teeth (it was fucking fantastic). "Your debt is paid, thank you. And stay away from the pool."

With that, she whirled around, dead set on walking away. She was so mind-blown from the kiss, she completely forgot Ryan was still behind her.

"Julie!"

"Shit."

She didn't realize she said it out loud until Ryan's eyebrows furrowed.

"Babe! Wait for me!" The obnoxious voice of Luke Patterson rang through her ears before she felt his arm wrap around her shoulders and hang off her neck. "I'm Luke, Julie's boyfriend. Who are you?"

Julie cringed. She wanted to crawl in a hole and die. Right now.

"I'm Ryan," he answered apprehensively; his new girlfriend was nowhere to be found. "Nice to meet you."

"Is it, though?" Luke replied and Julie's eyes widened. She whipped her head to glare at him, but he was too focused on Ryan. He was wearing a playful smirk but the look in his eyes was everything but playful. "You're the one who cheated on my girl, isn't that right?"

Ryan's face went pale. "I should probably go... Nice to see you, Julie."

"Yeah, you probably should go! Wouldn't want my fist accidentally connecting with your nose!"

Julie's eyes widened and she angrily pushed Luke away from her. "Oh my god, what is wrong with you?"

"I was defending you," he explained like it was obvious, "you're welcome, by the way. Or maybe I should be thanking you," he winked.

Julie never wanted to die as much as she did in that moment.

"Oh my god," she muttered, utterly mortified. "Do you even hear yourself?"

Luke smiled cheekily. "Yeah, I do. And that was," he made the chef's kiss motion. He actually made the chef's kiss motion; Julie wanted to throw up. "Do you think we could continue that? Maybe go out to dinner or something?"

Julie blinked.

"This may shock you, but not everyone here likes you," she replied after a moment. God, this whole situation was getting so far away from her.

Luke smirked. "Sounds ridiculous, but go on."

"You pushed me into a pool, I don't need to like you! And I appreciate you helping me out with my ex, but that was all! This ends here!"

Luke's eyes softened, but there was still a wild gleam in them.

"No."

"No?" Julie spluttered. "What do you mean no?"

Luke shrugged. "You can deny it all you want, but our kiss was definitely something. And I may have my moments, but I'm not dumb enough to let something like that go."

Julie found herself stunned once again.

"What the hell is going on right now?"

"And yeah, I probably could be more charming," he admitted. "And I really am sorry about the pool thing. That wasn't supposed to happen like that!"

Julie looked around for Flynn or Alex or literally everyone who could save her.

"So, what do you say? Dinner on Friday?"

Julie barked out a laugh, but she had to admit, he looked adorably optimistic. She took a moment to admire his appearance and obviously he was ridiculously attractive but — she really had no reason to object.

"Are you out of your mind? I hardly know you!"

"That's the point of a date, Julie. Keep up," he teased, his hazel eyes sparkling.

Julie was genuinely starting to feel faint. This was too much action for one day.

"Slow your roll, Casanova."

Luke's eyebrows rose in amusement. "Want me to slow it down? Even though you just had your tongue down my throat?" Julie squeaked in indignation and Luke chuckled. "Shit, I'm really bad at this whole charming thing apparently. Can I start by getting your number?"

"I honestly don't understand what's happening right now. So, I'll give you my number, but you have to work your ass off for that date."

Luke nodded, biting his lip to hold back a smile. "Yeah, that sounds fair.”

“Oh, look!” Both of their head swivelled around to see Alex, stumbling drunkenly in their direction with Flynn by his side. “Julie met Luke!”

“Dude, they’ve already met. How drunk are you?”

“Wait, why does Luke have lipstick all over his face?”

[janesramblings]

Could you do a one shot based on @aceandnancy 's drabble prompt where their daughter asks when they fell in love with each other and it's the same moment?

oooo i love this!! I saw that prompt and i think jane was going to write something so if i stole her thunder,,, oh well too slow I guess. 

“Mom how do you know when you’re in love?” Kate asks her mother over dinner. Nancy sighs. Her twin daughters (Lucy and Kate, named after Nancy’s mothers) were suddenly both very invested in love and romance. 

“You feel like you’re hit by a truck,” Nancy says dryly as she spears a potato with her fork. Lucy and Ace are out of town at Lucy’s swim meet, so it’s just the two of them. 

“Mom I’m being serious!” Kate objects. 

“As am I,” Nancy says, pushing the plate of asparagus towards her daughter. Kate huffs. Unlike Lucy, Kate is very vegetable adverse. 

“Okay, so if it feels like being hit by a truck, why do people always want to be in love?”

Nancy considers this for a moment. “Well, maybe not like being hit a truck,” she admits. “It’s more like a really surprising realization, and then you carry on from there.”

“You’re not being helpful here Mom,” Kate says. She got her attitude from her mother. 

“I’m taking a leaf out of Grandpa Ryan’s book,” Nancy responds, unaffected. 

Kate rolls her sharp blue eyes. She tugs on her coppery red hair, a few shades lighter than Nancy’s. “Okay, well, when was the moment you fell in love with Dad?”

Nancy pauses. Of course she knows the moment she fell in love with Ace, but she’s not sure how to explain why the circumstance came around. Kate and Lucy know their parents are detectives at the Horseshoe Bay Police Department, but they don’t know that Ace and Nancy’s specialized department focuses on the supernatural, a department that came about after Ace and Nancy’s dabblings with ghosts in their teenage years. 

“Mom?” Kate prompts.

“Oh right, well, when I was taking my gap year after Grandma Kate died,” (The girls knew about Nancy’s adoption, and they seemed to take it in stride. Their only complaint is that the have three living grandfathers but only one living grandmother), “my friends and I got into a sticky situation.”

“What kind of sticky situation?”

“Well, we angered someone from Aunt Bess’s family, and we were trying to make it right. And your father got mad at me for angering the person in the first place.”

“So you fell in love with him?” Kate wrinkles her pointed nose the way her father does when he’s confused. 

Nancy smiles, feeling a rush of affection towards her daughter and the antics she got from her father. “No honey, I realized that I was very unhappy when I didn’t have your father to talk to. Which then made me realize that he was practically the only person I wanted to talk to when I had a problem. Or when I was happy. Or, whenever anything happened really.”

Kate stares at her for a moment. “Okay. That’s cool.” She nods her head once. “May I be excused?”

“Sure, come back if you want to talk or have ice cream with me.”

“Okay,” Kate says, sliding out of her chair. Nancy shakes her head at her daughter as she goes.

Kate runs up the stairs, sliding down the hall until she barges into her room and grabs her phone from her bed. Just asked, she types, it was a rly weird answer, u ask now. She sends the text, drops her phone back onto her bed, and heads back downstairs. Ice cream really didn’t sound that bad now that her mother mentioned it.

The text Kate sent is received by Lucy a few moments later. She looks down at her phone from the front seat of her father’s car. He keeps glancing at her every few moments to make sure that her soaked blonde head doesn’t soil the upholstery of his vintage car. Lucy reads the text, smiles a little, and shifts in her seat to turn to her dad. “Dad?”

“Yeah?” Ace glances over at her to make sure her head is off the headrest.

“Can I ask you a question?”

“Of course. But if you’re asking about your meet again, you did an amazing job, you don’t have to beat your PR every time.” Nancy’s competitive nature is frustrating enough in Nancy, but when it comes to his daughters, Ace feels completely out of his depth. He often laments to Nick that his daughters ended up being mini-Nancys, something that did not vibe with his pacifist nature.

“Oh, well, it’s not about that,” Lucy pauses. “Even though you’re wrong and I failed spectacularly.”

Ace rolls his eyes as he changes lanes. He grips the steering wheel tighter in anticipation for whatever was about to come out of Lucy’s mouth.  “When did you know you were in love with Mom?”

Oh. That’s a pretty reasonable question, especially from Lucy, who at one point was determined to to put mayonnaise on the floor of her room so she could slide around like she once saw in a cartoon. “That’s a good question Luce,” Ace says, tapping his fingers on the wheel as he thinks. 

“I know,” Lucy says.

He doesn’t answer until he takes the exit off the highway for Horseshoe Bay. “I think it was when your mom took her gap year after her mother died.”

“Adopted mom right? The one Kate’s named after?”

“Yeah, that’s right. Well, your mom angered some person in Aunt Bess’s family-”

“Who?”

“Doesn’t matter.”

“Why?”

“Because they forgave us, so.”

“How’d they forgive you?”

“Lucy do you want the answer?”

“Right. Sorry. Carry on.”

“Thank you.” Ace smiles a little as he drives past The Claw. “It was actually in The Claw when I realized. Your mom had gotten us into a pretty bad situation, and I was angry at her.”

“Really? You’re never mad!”

“Exactly. So your mom pointed it, and I told her I was really just scared. It took me a little while to forgive her. And in my anger, I thought about why I was mad in the first place.”

“Wow, I would never think when I’m mad.”

“I know,” Lucy really was just like Nancy. “Well, I was sitting after work and Aunt George came over to ask my why I was sitting like a useless rock.” Lucy giggled. Aunt George’s sharp tongue never dulled, but Lucy and Kate, along with the Nickerson - Fan kids, are never really affected. The same can’t be said for Bess and Lisbeth’s adopted daughter, however. “And I told her I was mad at Nancy and it was killing me. Do you know what she told me?”

“What?”

“That I was scared for her because I cared about her. Well, actually, because I loved her. So yeah,” Ace pulls his car into the driveway behind Nancy’s car. “That was the moment I realized I was in love with your mom.”

“That’s cool,” Lucy says as she jumps out of the car. “I’m gonna shower!” 

Ace shakes his head at his daughter as he follows her into the house, pausing on his way to the living room to hang up Lucy’s discarded coat and put her gym bag in the laundry room. He finds Nancy curled up on the couch with a tub of ice cream when he enters the living room. She silently hands him a spoon and the tub. Ace sits, leans over to kiss her, and takes the dessert. “You know Nance, Lucy asked me a really weird question today.”

“No weirder than Katie’s I hope.”

“Well, I’m not sure about Kate, but Lucy wanted to know when I fell in love with you.”

“Really? Kate asked the same thing.” Nancy takes the tub from him, scoops out a heaping spoonful, and hands it back. 

“What did you say?”

“What did you say?” Nancy counters.

“I asked first,” Ace points out.

“True. It was when you were mad at me for dragging everyone into the aglaeca stuff.” Ace smiles at his wife. “What?” she asks.

“I said the same thing. I realized that I was scared to lose you because I love you.”

It was Nancy’s turn for a goofy grin to overtake her face. She pulled the ice cream out of Ace’s hands and snuggled up next to him. Ace wrapped his arms around her and kissed her nose, smiling when she wrinkles it. “I realized that I can’t spend a day without you,” she admits. Ace’s smile grows. He knows that saying this out loud is taking a lot of effort for Nancy, so he doesn’t respond. He just pulls her tighter against him and rests his head on hers.

“I love you Nancy Drew.”

“And I love you Ace.”

[rebelwrites]

Part Ten

A/N okay my heart was racing writing this, shits hit the fan.

Warnings ⚠️: blood, fighting, assult

Join The TagList Here 💜 // Can You Hear Me Now Masterlist

“Dad” you said placing your hand on Tig’s back trying to get him to unpin them poor prospect from the wall “let him go”

“Anything happens to my baby I will kill you myself” Tig spat at the prospect.

“Understood” Jamie nodded as Tig removed his arm from his throat.

Rolling your eyes at him, he was even more protective with everything that was going on.

“Now doll you have a good day” Tig smiled pulling you into a tight hug. “I’m only at the end of the phone if you need me”

“It’s gonna be a good day” you smiled looking up at him “I’m ditching the name Ryan today and will officially be a Trager”

“Doll you have always been a Trager” Tig smiled “but I’m so happy you are getting it officially”

“I love you dad” you said as he kissed the top of your head.

“I love you too doll”

You hated being a passenger especially in your own car.

“Can we make a stop to get coffee?” You asked, leaning your head against the window of the car.

“Yeah whatever” Jamie said as he kept his eyes focused on his phone.

Out of all the prospects you didn’t like Jamie, there was something about him that made you feel uneasy.

Something was off, this wasn’t the way to the coffee shop. Looking around you saw that you were on the outskirts of charming as Jamie parked the car.

“Get out bitch” he spat.

“What are we doing here?” You asked.

“You never listen, you never take anything serious” he laughed “but after today you should. Now get out of the car and leave your phone on the seat”

Slowly you climbed out of the car, your hand feeling for your knife through the lining of your leather jacket. As you were looking around two figures approached.

“Told you that your time would come bitch” Craig laughed as Mandi stood behind him.

Just being in his presence made you feel how you felt years ago, small and worthless.

“Awww you suddenly don’t have anything to say” Mandi laughed.

“Still a little bitch” Craig smirked as his hand wrapped around your throat squeezing the air of your lungs.

This was the end. There was no one else around to help.

“It’s ironic really” he said “this is the same place I strangled and shot your brother because he knew too much about who your father was”

“Please stop” you said as best you could.

“Begging won’t help slut” he laughed as his fist connected with your face busting your lip, the metallic taste of blood filling your mouth. “I will make you suffer before shooting you”

Tears were streaming down your cheeks as he tossed you on the floor, beating the shit out of you whilst your “mum” watched. You let him beat you, letting the pain be your fuel. And it meant that you could get by on self defence.

“Daddy isn’t gonna save you now” Craig snarled “he didn’t come for you before and he isn’t coming now”

Screaming as you felt his foot hit your ribs, you knew by the pain and the crack that he had just broken one of your ribs. You watched through your clouded vision as he walked away laughing; this was your chance. You squeezed your eyes closed letting the monsters you had kept at bay rise to the surface, you needed to let the memories replay in your mind no matter how painful so you could free your mind. Pushing yourself onto your feet you ignored the pain you felt as you wrapped your fingers around your knife.

“Tell me when you kicked me did you ever think that I would get up?” You hissed making them both turn around.

“You think you are getting out alive?” Craig laughed stepping close to you.

“Yeah I do” you said as you punched him in the jaw.

Punch after punch, you were fueled by adrenaline now, the pain long forgotten.

“For years you made me feel worthless” you spat “made me feel unloved, you broke me down every chance you go and I’m fucking done, I’m taking my life back. I have never been a Ryan I have always been a fucking Trager”

Pulling your knife out you looked over to your “mum”.

“I tried to tell you so many times what he was doing to me” you screamed “but you never listened and brushed me off”

“Y/N” she said, panic evident in her voice.

“And you, you killed the only person to care about me, the one person that snuck me food when you didn’t feed me, the one person that kept me going” you spat at Craig.

“You haven’t got the balls” he half laughed.

“CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW!!!!” You screamed at the top of your lungs as you plunged your knife into his neck hitting the artery. “This is my life and I’m taking it fucking back, the girl you once knew is dead”

Pulling your knife out of his neck you watched the light go out in his eyes. That’s when realisation hit. You just killed someone.

You ran as best as you could to your car, tossing the knife onto the passenger seat. You didn’t bother about putting your seatbelt on you just needed to get back to the compound.

You had no idea how you managed to drive back home but you were back. The Adrenalin was wearing off and the pain was getting unbearable as you hobbled into the building. Looking around all eyes were on you as you pushed through the crowd.

Reaching the doors to church you heard everyone’s voices, taking a deep breath as you pushed the door open not even knocking.

Jax was the first person to lay his eyes on you, the moment he saw you covered in blood he kicked his chair back and ran to your side.

“Shit darlin’ are you okay?” He panicked.

“Not my blood” you said as you felt the room spin before your vision went black and you collapsed in Jax’s arms.

SOA TAGLIST

@chibsytelford @talicat713 @corebore123 @nothingeverdies @teapartydreams @mrspeacem1nusone @khyharah @itmejado @beth-winchester21 @rocketqueen @auroraariza @trulysuccubus @haynsey @witching-hour @destynelseclipsa @edonaspanca @abbiesthings @enamouravecleslivresetlechocolat @jadesamhart @lady-pswrld @ly--canthrope @hennessyauntie @gemini0410 @i-love-scott-mccall @est11 @mystic-shadows42 @sugary-x-sweet @starrynite7114 @skyofficialxx @terminallygenius @lauraashley93 @leaalfred @angelreyesgirl89 @sheeshgivemeabreak @marquelapage @meteora-fc @penny4yourthot @justahopelessssromantic @ilikechocolatemilkh @mayans-sauce @xbreezymeadowsx @ben-c-group-therapy @-im-fantastic- @bigcreatorwombatdreamer @milaxmariex @cubblycie @little-diable @hotdamnhunnam @behindmyeyes-insidemyhead