#try to make cartman feel better

[wan90645]

We all know who Kyle will prioritize the most, sorry Stan better luck next time when he isn’t too “busy”

[beclight]

im known for being THE bec light fan of the fandom, so i feel like im in the right place to say this: YOU DO NOT OWN FANDOM CHARACTERS AND CANNOT PREVENT OTHER PEOPLE FROM LIKING THEM JUST AS MUCH AS YOU DO, and if that makes you uncomfortable (which is fine, and for any reason), THE THING TO DO IS BLOCK NOT HARASS THEM!!!!!!! ive seen too many ppl in this fandom disrespect others over DARING to say, even as a joke, that they're the number one fan of X character. If someone having the same favorite group of pixels as you genuinely angers you, to the point of feeling the need to insult them and having concerning thoughts about them, then maybe it is time to log off

[momongasshop]

SP characters with a Reader that is clumsy/prone to getting hurt<3

Stan❤️:

• He is definitely gonna make sure he is holding your hand or locking his arm with yours as an attempt to keep you from getting hurt

• Sadly something always happens, last time you and him were holding hands you walked face first into a pole at school (He felt so bad, he took you home, bought you different snacks to eat and even held your ice pack on your nose so you didn’t have to move a muscle)

• You can try and tell him that you get hurt a lot and that you’re just clumsy but he will still have that little bit of guilt in the back of his mind when you do get hurt

• Trust he will also be the type to carry a few bandaids and numbing cream in his backpack for you to use if an accident occurs (There will be plenty so you’ll be needing it)

• Definitely the type to let out a long sigh and pinch the bridge of his nose if you run into a wall, trip, stub your toe but it doesn’t leave you extremely hurt (He cares for you a lot but lord does he wish you could stay alright for 5 minutes)

• Overall he is very sweet to you and tries to make sure no harm happens but because it is you, something is always happening

Kyle💚:

• Probably the most stressed out of everyone, even more than you when you’re hurt

• He stays strapped with bandaids, creams, alcohol, ect., there is no way he is going to let you get some sort of random ass infection or let you get hurt to the point you’ll need to go to the ER (He is very dramatic about your clumsiness)

• It’s almost like he can see you hurting yourself before it even happens, you’re stumbling about to faceplant, he is there grabbing your arm to pull you up, you turn around a corner too quick and almost run into someone, he is yanking you back by your shirt (He tries his best to be gentle but sometimes he has just gotta yank and grab you quick, lol)

• Will definitely give you lectures while he is patching you up or making sure you’re alright, it just stresses him out to see you like this

• There have been a few instances where he has to keep himself from yelling at other people if he feels they might have been the reason you got hurt (He means it all in your best interest because he can’t see it only being your fault even if you say it was)

• Overall he can get stressed but enjoys taking care of you when you’re hurt, he could never be mad at you or the fact you’re clumsy

Cartman💛:

• Will absolutely laugh at you if he sees you run into something or trip

• If you don’t laugh too and get up after your fall or start grabbing wherever you got hurt at, he is gonna go quiet and get serious (He may be mean but if you’re really hurting he won’t be giggling)

• If you cry he is gonna be all like “Omg, I didn’t think you were that stupid.” and grab by your arm to take you somewhere to sit and maybe if you’re lucky he will give you a quick hug to try and make you feel better

• Definitely going to bring it up later and tell you something about being more careful and not being so dumb (He is really tying his best to sound reassuring)

• Is willing to help bandage you up and put alcohol or cream on your wounds if you have them but will complain about it until he’s finished

• Overall he is so…Cartman about it, not the worst but not the best, He won’t ever tell you that he is worried about you getting really hurt but drops hints in his own way

Kenny🧡:

• He is also the type to giggle a little if you stumble or trip but ONLY if he knows you’re perfectly fine

• Says something like “Oh you got a little ouchie here let me kiss it and make it feel better.” In an annoying baby voice to try and make you laugh (It does and makes you focus on whatever pain you might feel a little less)

• He is definitely going to be a bit more level headed about it, not too worried but not too apathetic to the point you feel he doesn’t care

• Definitely going to watch over you as much as he can, like connected at the hip, where you go he goes just so he can try and prevent you from hurting yourself as much as possible (The effort is sweet but with your clumsy self, that ain’t doing too much)

• Also the type of person to draw the attention from you if you trip or hurt yourself in public just so you don’t feel embarrassed

• Overall he has the right idea and sometimes can save you from your little mishaps (It’s the thought that counts!!)

Butters🩵:

• Oh poor, sweet Butters, his heart can’t take it when you hurt yourself

• Whether its tripping over a piece of dust, hitting your head on your locker, running into a pole on the sidewalk, he feels so bad for you

• He will take you home right away when you get hurt, don’t matter when or where, you’re one of his top priorities especially if you're injured

• There was once an incident where he was trying to open his locker and you tried helping only for him to swing the locker open and hit you in the face (The guilt he felt that day still stays with him and he still tries to make it up to you…it was over 3 months ago)

• Isn’t the best with keeping creams, antibacterial soaps, and all that fancy stuff, so he sticks to his hello kitty bandaids to patch you up, obviously you don’t complain, it’s cute

• Overall Butters is a sweetheart like he is most of the time just with a bit more anxiety and worry when you're hurt (Man even if you aren’t he will be worrying about your next injury)

[kymanismydrugy]

Shooting at mothers is crazy, Kyle. Like sure, yeah...They were also shooting at you, makes sense...Someone had to shoot back, but still! You're so funny Kyle, you did all this shit for your so-called enemy, enemy my ass!

"I hate Eric Cartman!" And then you become a fucking scientist for him, holds his hand even though he has two legs and can walk on his own, soothes him when he's panicking, tells him his dreams can be a reality is just...Crazy to me.

Aw, look at how Cartman's looking at him, so precious!

They have more chemistry than Kyle and Stan, sometimes! Shit's crazy....And when Eric genuinely looks like he's sobbing, Kyle can't resist it, and ultimately wants to make him feel better, like...he's so observant.

LOOK.

When Chef left, and Cartman was crying his eyes out, Stan and Kyle were trying to pacify him, Stan looked off, but Kyle did not stop looking at Cartman, he was focused on him...

He notices when Cartman's sad, like...Right away honestly, he even noticed when he was talking to Stan, looking his way.

Kyle cannot resist those teary eyes Cartman has on whenever he's feeling genuinely distressed.

Kyle when his "enemy" is holding up some strong emotions.

Kyle when his super best friend Stan, has a strong emotional outburst in class, like I wasn't expecting Kyle to soothe him there, who would...? It's class, but...Look concerned?

I KNOW Kyle said this wasn't mainly for Cartman, and he wanted everyone to be able to afford these weight lost drugs, for a good price...But still, shit's insane to me. Cause he literally went through all the steps, and filled out all the forms, for this dude...He didn't have to! I wouldn't! Even for my best friend, I'm not doing that shit! This some extra shit, and Kyle clearly holds more...Stronger emotions for Eric, other than resentment, and loathing....And that's what makes their relationship both beautiful, and tragic.

Also, sidenote...It's very cute that the episodes where they saved one another, or tried to save one another...Came from the same season!

Season 10 episode 2, "Smug Alert!"

(Aw, he's picking him up and shit...Kyle DOES NOT have any clue what happened, and he's not going to...)

Two episodes later...

Season 10 episode 4, "Manbearpig".

Look at the cute little hand size difference, guys!!! 🥹 Can't breathe!! Too cute!!

Cartman kept the blanket, Kyman's amazing man!

His favorite people...Awww, how sweet.

[wendytestabrat]

why kyle actually knows how to help cartman and heidi doesn’t

i swear this wholeass special is a PERFECT example on why kyman works and heiman doesn’t lol. like ya’ll remember when heidi tried to help with cartman’s weight by making him go vegan, and then cartman retaliated back at her by making her gain weight? well in “the end of obesity”, we see kyle going full boyfriend mode trying to help cartman with his weight and cartman is cooperative as hell abt it and listens to kyle. like idek how people can say cartman is the abusive one at this point bc there are a lot of aspects of their dynamic where kyle is the one who takes charge and dominates which he did in this episode lol. and i also feel like kyle did a WAYYY better job than heidi trying to find a weight loss solution cartman would be ok with. kyle knows damn well that if he were to try to get cartman to go on a diet like heidi did, that would NOT work. he knows cartman well enough to know cartman can’t stand vegans and would never eat that crap lol. so yeah i feel like kyle did a good job of rlly taking cartman’s feelings into consideration and trying to help him in a way that ACTUALLY WORKS that he wants to be helped with. i also feel like kyle was waiting for a moment where cartman wanted to HELP HIMSELF and would be appreciative about it. i’m sure kyle rlly appreciated seeing cartman genuinely concerned and upset about his weight in that beginning scene where cartman was crying abt being fat, so yeah ofc kyle pounced on that opportunity lol. something else i loved abt this episode is it showed how truly patient kyle is with cartman LOL. like when they were on that wholeass navigating the healthcare system montage the fact that kyle did NOT give up and kept taking cartman from one place to the next to fill out all those forms even though it was annoying and tedious was admirable af. this is something i’ve ranted abt A LONGASS time ago abt how everyone acts like kyle is easily irritated and annoyed with cartman, when in reality he has more patience for his bullshit than any other character and is willing to spend long periods of time with him when the other characters won’t. so yeah HEIDI COULD NEVER. kyle was working his ass off to find a rational solution that could help with his weight, wheras heidi just gave up right away when the first thing she tried didn’t work. i also feel like i have to point out how much i loved how touchy and feely and possessive kyle got in this special, which just further adds more validity to the jelly kyle theory (which rlly isn’t a theory bc it’s true) we had during the heiman drama back in seasons 20-21. like yeah no SHIT kyle is gonna get mad over a girl holding hands with cartman bc HE WANTS TO HOLD HANDS WITH CARTMAN and he’s used to being the one that gets to touch him and be in his personal bubble.

[ruby-winchester24]

Craig Tucker headcanons!

{sfw+nsfw} {fem reader}

when you first met Craig your freshman year of high school you were put off by his “i don’t give a fuck” demeanor

but after getting to know him, you found out he was just a sweet kid with many walls

when you first started dating it came as a surprise to the school, that Craig wasn’t fully gay

Tweek was hurt at first to see his past lover move on but he decided to move on also

he is extremely territorial of you, he hates when other men try to talk to you

during football games he can’t stop staring at you on the sidelines in your cheerleading uniform

for homecoming week you wore his jersey for there homecoming game and he was smitten

pda is sometimes okay, he likes to hold your hand out waist when you walk

he is a secret admirer, even when you are dating he will sit there and admire your beauty

writes love notes to you for every month anniversary

since stripe passed away you guys got a new guinea pig and named him spot

his love language is physical touch, he loves holding you close

is super big on cuddles, every time you hang out there is a cuddle sesh

says i love you in the first month because he is smitten with you

plays with your hair

the first time you ever saw him cry is when you had your first fight,

it scared you at first because you have never seen him so vulnerable 

“the reason why i am upset is because they don’t have good intentions, they want to use you!”

“your the only person i love, i would give you the whole world if i could”

comforting him was a little bit of a struggle because you didn’t know how

when you cry it’s the same for him

he doesn’t know how to respond to your emotions

ok Fridays you and Craig’s gang hang out at Tolkien’s house because he rich, and they have a pool

you and Jimmy are besties 👯

he loves when he lays on your chest so you run your hands through his hair

is actually a very extroverted person when you get to know him better

6’3, fucker is tall

when he kisses you he holds your head with both of his hands on each side of your head

always updates you on what’s happening when your not in class together

“dude Cartman just swung at Kyle”

“ wtf why💀”

“because remember how we have a presentation about WWII?”

“yeah..?”

“well Cartmans presentation was about hitler being right about jews and shit like that and obvi pissed kyle off and he just swung out of nowhere and it was great”

“damn i wish i had history with you guys😭”

late night drives are very common for you, it’s when you can be alone and talk about anything

always kisses your neck or forehead

when you are stressed he will rub your back until you fall asleep

he loves movies and makes you watch them with him

is you do any activities, he is always there with a smile on your face watching your every move

for valentine’s day he gets you a huge bouquet of your favorite flowers and a poem he wrote for you

he sells vapes for easy money

gives you free ones if you want any

his family really likes you

his mom always tells you stories of when he was young, and you guys always gossip🤭

his dad thinks your a good match for his son

Tricia really likes you and asks to hang out with you guys all the time

Craig usually says no😞

your name for him in his phone is “Mrs Tucker🫶🏼”

will always listen to what you have to say he is more of a listener then anything

when he gives you a sweater of his or a stuffed animal, he sprays his cologne on it

he loves when you wear his hat he thinks it looks so cute on you

always tells you how beautiful you look, it is an everyday occurrence

he sees you being together for a long time in the future but he doesn’t want to say anything to jinx it

he really likes eye contact, it feels so sensual to him

tells you all about his hyper fixations, aka all the space facts he knows

always asks if you ate today

is extremely good at reading people and knows exactly when your upset

“hun what is wrong?”

“nothing is”

“yes, something made you upset your shoulders got tense”

“you know me too well”

his parents are pretty layed back so they let you have sleepovers

once his dad flipped you off and it scared the shit out of you because you thought you did something wrong

almost all the photos you have together, Craig’s flipping off the camera🤦🏽‍♀️

he really likes to lift it helps relieve stress

he has a photo of you in his car, locker, phone case and room

you made a scrapbook of all the things you have done together, it contains dried flowers, the love notes he gives you, pictures of you guys and special dates

he def listens to R&B

always play fights with you, he usually body slams you on the bed

when you facetime him he always puts spot on the phone so he can say hi to his mom

you babysit Tricia whenever his parents are away and Craig is busy

she loves you though so it’s always a win win

if you ever ask Craig to be in a Tiktok with you it always takes you begging him for 19 straight minutes

when he snaps you it’s always a photo of him doing this face 😐

he loves the simple things in life like taking a walk or a picnic with you

calls you Mrs Tucker in front of his friends

if anyone tries to flirt with you he will go psycho

he will rip that guy a new one and swing, and yes it’s happened before

he hums or taps his finger to a beat when concentrating

he loves music and has a collection of vinyl records

sometimes he will put on his Frank Sinatra vinyl and you guys will slow dance

NSFW!!

he is a dom 100%

low key a sadist, he is also very kinky (it’s always the quite ones)

he loves to see you a wimpering mess begging to be touched by him

his favorite is edging

to see you so excited about your release but then being able to take it away makes him feral

6’5 inches but he is pretty girthy

he loves toys, especially paddles

brat tamer all the way

if you have been bad he will bend you over his knee and make you count and say thank you after each spank

he is not lacking muscle, god no, his arms are very defined and he has a great v line and soft abs

is very rough during sex usually

if he is in a very romantic mood it will be slow and passionate

he loves to mark you up, especially on your thighs

loves degrading you,

“god your such a slut”

“you stupid whore, you like it when i fuck you senseless, yeah?”

“be quite slut, you don’t want to be punished, huh?”

loves face fucking

his favorite position is doggy style because he can pull your hair and arch your back

is very into bondage and always practices on you

when he does he makes sure to be careful the first time to make sure it’s safe, if he hurt you he would never forgive himself

nipple clamps are also one of his favorites and gags

he loves to see you tied up, a submissive mess, begging to cum

his favorite part about you is your boobs and stomach

loves to be called sir or daddy

when you first did he swore he almost died because of how hard he came

really likes to go raw, he loves how it feels and really likes to cum on your face

when you suck him off he holds your head so he can be in control

loves to give you head, usually overstimulates you on purpose

“p-please sir i c-can’t anymore!”

“yes you can, i need to taste you again”

aftercare is usually really sweet

he usually apologizes if he went to far or said something that hurt your feelings

will get you water and ibuprofen incase your sore

he will get you all cleaned up and dress you

holds you in his arms with a grip of steel

kisses your forehead and your lips

.

.

i really enjoyed writing this, and i’m always open to requests i love writing for you guys. i hope you enjoyed this❤️

[skyfallart]

On the night of November 6th, 1983, twelve year old Jimmy Kern* heads back home from a night out with his friend. However… he never arrives. Now, Craig, Clyde, and Token must band together to find out what happened -- while getting entangled with supernatural forces... and a supernatural kid.

^Fan S1 Poster - S1 Redrawn Scenes

A/N: I don't what possessed me to write/draw this, but here it is. Since this an AU there has and will be changes. For now I just listened below the characters in the poster, and who their Stranger Things counter part is. I'm finishing up some scenes I redrawn, so hopefully I can get those up too (And introduce you to more people in the universe).

So, first up, we got the boys. We got...

° Craig Tucker - 12 - Dungeon Master/Thief - Middle Child - "Leader" of the group. Basically, I saw fan art of Creek being Mileven and I just had to try doing it on my own. Craig, just like in SP, is like the leader of his own group in this AU. I also made his D&D counterpart the same as TSoT, a thief instead of a paladin. But despite being a thief, he's still the heart of the group. Just like in Stranger Things, he's the one to find and allow Tweek to stay in his home. ° Token "Tolkien" Black || 12 || Ranger || Only Child || "Brawns over Brains" of the group. Still a bit of a rich kid in this AU, and lives with his two parents. He tends to butt heads with the others when Tweek comes into the story, feeling a bit left out and untrusting of the kid with superpowers; But eventually that all gets cleared up. In this AU, he's the one that goes to camp in S3, and has a long distance relationship with his GF, `Nicole, whom he met at camp. ° Clyde Donovan || 12 || Elf Cleric || Only Child || The "Voice of Reason" of the group. Lives with his single mother, Betsy, and their cat: Mr. Kitty (Stealing Cartman's cat here for this). I see him sharing a lot of traits with Dustin, but he's also a bit like Lucas too in this AU (He's more of the sporty one, and his GF, Bebe appears in S2 taking the place of Max). ° 011 - AKA: "Tweek" (Later: Tweek Marsh) - 12 - Mage - Superpowered Lab Rat Same kind of origin, stripped away from his mother and placed inside South Park Lab. After escaping he's found by the boys and ends up staying at Craig's house. He has the 011 tattoo on his wrist, but instead of being given the name "El", Craig gives him the name "Tweek" because of his fidgety moments (I see him being spazzy in this AU from the stress he felt from the lab, rather than the drug-induced coffee).

Then, we got the Kerns, which replaces the Byers. Seeing that Sharon has multiple last names in SP, I chose Kern 'cause it sounded better than the others.

° Jimmy Valmer Kern - 12 - Bard - Youngest Child - "Ride or Die" Comedy until he's very last breath. May or may not have punched Vecna in the face while in the upside down. I unfortunately have to make our poor boy Jimmy as Will. I promise he won't be as neglected once he returns like his ST counterpart. He's D&D character is a bard like in TSoT, and for now, I have no romance planned for him. Just good old family love.

° Sharon Kern - 40s - Single Mother - Will do anything for her children. I thought she was the perfect choice for Joyce after seeing the "Spooky Fish" episode. Sharon literally was burying bodies for her son Stan, and making sure he wouldn't end up in jail (For something he didn't do). I could definitely see this woman communicating with X-Mas lights to find her son. ° Older! Stanley Kern - 16 - Oldest Child - Excellent Photographer - Can actually talk to girls without vomiting. And yes, we're getting Blond Stan in this AU because I said so. I made him Jonathan in this AU after deciding who was going to be playing Nancy. Stan's kind of an outcast until he meets Wendy, who's trying to look for his lost friend, while he looks for his brother. Together, with their determination combined, they'll make anything work.

Other Characters. We've got...

° Older! Wendy Testaburger Tucker - 16 - Older Child - Total Badass in the second half of the 1st season. Typical sibling love-hate relationship w/Craig. After realizing her friend has gone missing under mysterious circumstances, typical "All-American" girl Wendy transforms into someone better, as she will do anything to find out what happened. She teams up with Stan... giving her boyfriend the wrong idea (Not spoiling who the BF is just yet). ° Randy Marsh - 40s - Town Sheriff - Has the hots for local single mother, Sharon (If it isn't obvious). Randy, just like Hopper, in this AU had an ex-wife and a daughter who passed (Sorry, Shelley). He lives a sad life of donuts and alcohol, until the search for Jimmy sparks something inside of him, and spirals his life into the supernatural forces caused by the lab. He eventually has to get Sharon involved to solve this crime. ° Dr. Alphonse Mephesto - 50s - Genetic Engineer/Crazed Local Scientist - "Papa" to a lot of children that ain't even his (I mean, he named his kids after numbers. Can we call CPS now?). I didn't know who else to pick, but for some reason Mephesto might actually be a good choice for Brenner. You'll learn more about him later on.

For now, that's all I got. I'll try to finish those screencaps soon! (And if anyone's interested, maybe I'll write a fanfic? Or a fan-comic?)

[yoyomomiko]

[TWO] — The haunted shed

☆ `` SPECTRAL SCAMMERS ``

☆ — summary: when cartman comes up with yet another 'get rich quick' scheme, he forces his friends, and you, into starting a ghost hunting service. armed with a mix of makeshift equipment, a questionable van and no actual skills, you begin taking jobs to "exorcise" haunted houses.

warnings: strong language, cartman being cartman

(a/n): it's so short and it feels pretty bland, but I'll try to get better and make the chapters longer :(( also, it looks like there's no ghosts in this chapter! at least for now.

wc: 2.7k+

★m.list

★series m.list

<- [PREVIOUS] — [NEXT] ->

The next day, you all met in Cartman's basement, which now served as your official 'Specter Squad Headquarters'. Cartman paced in front of the whiteboard, still scribbled with your chaotic business plan, a smirk glued to his face.

"Ladies and gentlemen..." He began, pausing for a dramatic effect. "We have our first job!"

Everyone exchanged uneasy glances, except for Tweek, who was already trembling.

"Who's the poor sucker?" Stan asked, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed.

Cartman waved his phone in the air proudly. "My mom's friend's neighbor. Apparently, their shed is haunted by some ghostly menace. Creepy noises, things getting knocked over, the whole paranormal package!"

Kyle frowned sitting on the edge of the couch with his arms resting on his knees. "Let me guess. You told them we'd take care of it for a ridiculous amount of money?"

"$50." Cartman replied with a smug look on his face.

"Fifty bucks for a shed?!" Kyle repeated, eyes wide.

"Hey, ghost insurance isn't cheap." Cartman shot back. "Do you even know how much ectoplasm containment costs? Exactly. I'm giving them a good deal."

You snorted, leaning back on the couch. "More like you're scamming them. What's next, charging a consultation fee?"

"That's not a bad idea..." Cartman muttered, trailing off as he mentally added it to his list.

Stan sighed. "Alright, so what's the plan? Just show up, wave a flashlight around and hope no one notices we're full of crap?"

"Uh, no, Stan." Cartman replied, rolling his eyes. "We need equipment. Real ghost hunting tools! If we show up empty handed, we'll look like amateurs."

"We are amateurs." Craig pointed out, but Cartman ignored him.

...

Within minutes, you all had rummaged through the basement for anything that could count as equipment. Flashlights were passed around, most of them barely functioning, as Cartman dragged a vacuum cleaner from a corner.

"This." He started, holding it up. "Is our spirit vacuum. It sucks up ghosts and traps them inside."

"That's literally just a vacuum." You stared at Cartman, crossing your arms.

"Not anymore." Cartman declared with a smirk, sticking a few glow in the dark star stickers on its side. "Now it's paranormal tech. You're welcome!"

"This is so stupid." Kyle groaned, running a hand down his face.

"You're stupid!" Cartman snapped. "But guess what? The customers don't care. They just want results. And results are exactly what we're gonna give them. Fake or not!"

You grabbed one of the flashlights, testing it's weak glow before glancing at Kyle. "You think this thing's gonna last the night?"

"Not a chance." Kyle shook his head, the corners of his lips tugging upwards, forming a faint smile.

His gaze was fixed on you for a moment longer than necessary as you felt heat rushing to your cheeks.

"Alright, lovebirds!" Cartman interrupted, snapping his fingers in your direction. "Save the awkward flirting for later. We've got ghosts to catch!"

"We weren't-" You quickly spoke up, but Cartman was already moving on.

.

.

.

The group assembled just outside the neighbor's picked fence. Cartman stood at the front with his back straightened and a clipboard in hand.

"Alright, listen up." He began, his voice hushed. "This is our first gig, so we're going to nail it. No screw ups, no whining, and definitely no blowing our cover."

"Cover? You mean the fact that we're not actual ghost hunters?" Stan raised an eyebrow.

Cartman glared at him. "Exactly. So shut up and follow my lead." He turned back to face the house, his face lighting up with smug confidence.

You all exchanged glances but followed him up the driveway anyway. You stayed close to Kyle, who was mumbling under his breath.

"This is going to be a disaster." He muttered, his hands shoved into his pockets.

"Probably." You agreed, giving him a small smile. "At least it'll be entertaining, right?"

"You have a weird definition of 'entertaining'." Kyle glanced at you, the corners of his lips tugging upwards.

Before you could respond, Cartman knocked loudly on the front door. A moment later, it creaked open to reveal a middle aged woman with dark circles under her eyes.

"Thank goodness you're here!" She exclaimed. "It's been awful! Just awful!"

"Ma'am, you made the right choice calling the Specter Squad. We're South Park's best paranormal investigators, and we're here to solve your ghost problem." Cartman faked a professional tone, which wasn't really convincing.

"Oh, I just don't know what's in that shed. Every night, I hear the strangest noises... Scratching, banging, sometimes even growling... It's terrifying!"

"Sounds like raccoons..." Kyle muttered under his breath.

Cartman elbowed him sharply, giving the woman a reassuring smile. "Don't worry, ma'am. We've dealt with worse. Now let's talk about payment..."

"Payment?" The woman blinked, caught off guard as her brows raised in surprise.

"Of course! Ghost hunting isn't cheap, you know. We've got specialized equipment, years of experience-"

"Years?" Clyde interrupted, but Cartman ignored him.

"And we offer a guarantee of satisfaction. For a case like this, we'll charge a base fee of $50."

"Alright... Fifty... But only if you can get rid of whatever's out there." She hesitated, looking towards each of you in the group.

"Deal!" Cartman exclaimed, sticking out his hand. She shook it hesitantly before leading the group around the side of the house and into the backyard.

.

.

The shed came into view, at the far end of the yard. It was old, its wooden walls splintered, with rusted hinges hanging off the door.

Cartman took a deep breath, clipboard clutched to his chest. "Alright, this is it. Stan, [Y/N], you investigate the area. Kyle, you're with me. Clyde and Kenny, guard the door. Craig, Tweek- uh... Just stand there and look useful."

"This is a bad i-idea! What if it's not a ghost?! What if it's like, a demon or something?!" Tweek panicked, fidgeting nervously.

"It's not a demon." Craig replied flatly, but even he looked a bit uneasy.

You and Stan both glanced at each other as you both began walking around the shed, flashlights in hand.

"So... What do you think we're actually dealing with here?" You asked as you waved your flashlight around.

"Probably racoons." Stan answered with a shrug. "But knowing Cartman, he'll find a way to make it sound like a ghost."

"That sounds about right." You smiled softly.

On the other side, Cartman was crouched, pretending to examine the ground. Kyle stood nearby, arms crossed as he had a tired expression on his face.

"What exactly are you looking for?" Kyle asked as he sighed loudly.

"Ectoplasmic traces." Cartman replied, nodding to himself.

"You don't even know what that means." Kyle ran a hand over his face, sighing for the nth time that day.

"Shut up Jew! I know what I'm doing."

Kyle rolled his eyes but gazed at you when your flashlight beam caught something shining in the grass.

"What's that?" He asked, walking over to join you.

You bent down and picked up the small, glinting object. A broken piece of metal that looked like it had come from the shed's roof.

"Probably nothing." You responded as you held it up for him to see.

He leaned closer, his face inches away from yours.

"Still, good eye."

You felt heat rushing up to your cheeks, but before you could say something, Cartman's voice cut through your sweet moment.

"Alright, idiots! Enough playing around. Let's get inside and find this ghost!"

...

The shed's door creaked loudly as you pushed it open, earning a whimper from Tweek. Your flashlight glow cut through the dark, revealing cobweb, scattered tools and a floor with littered leaves. You quickly turned off your flashlight as you looked away from the sight.

"Alright assholes, try not to screw up." Cartman declared, clipboard in hand as he gestured towards the shed.

"We have to act professional!" He whisper yelled, eyes narrowing.

"How professional can we look with a broken vacuum and dollar store flashlights?" Craig muttered, but his words were drowned by Cartman's loud, fake cough.

"Why do I feel like this is going to be a disaster?" Clyde mumbled, rubbing his arms for warmth.

"It's always a disaster when Cartman's in charge." Kyle replied in a dry tone.

You smirked, catching the way Kyle's gaze studied the shed. He glanced at you, his eyes softening, though only for a moment, the tension in the air didn't feel so heavy.

"Are we doing this or not?" Craig asked impatiently as he crossed his arms.

"Yes, Craig, we're doing this. But first, we need to assert dominance!" Cartman sighed out in an exaggerated way.

"Dominance?" You repeated, raising an eyebrow.

"I like how that sounds." Kenny snickered, and so did Clyde as he nudged Kenny's shoulder.

"You don't just walk into a ghost's lair! You have to show it who's boss!" Cartman pointed at the shed dramatically.

"We're ghost hunters, not wrestlers." Stan stated as Craig chuckled.

Ignoring him, Cartman turned to the neighbor, who was watching nervously from her back porch.

"Ma'am, we're going in. We've got this under control." Cartman spoke up confidently.

"Please... Just be careful." The woman clutched her cardigan tightly as she nodded. "It's been making horrible noise lately."

"No worries, we'll take care of it. By the way, there's a $10 fee for ghost insurance in case it tries to follow us home."

"Ghost insurance?" Kyle repeated, squinting his eyes at Cartman.

"Do you want to get haunted, Kyle? Didn't think so." Cartman shot him a glare.

...

The group gathered their supplies, which were only some barely working flashlights, an old vacuum cleaner Cartman had given the title of 'Spirit Sucker 3000', and a few random tools from Clyde's garage.

"I still don't understand how this is supposed to work..." Tweek muttered, holding his flashlight like it might explode.

"It works because I said it works." Cartman replied, adjusting the vacuum strap on his shoulder.

You rolled your eyes and turned on your flashlight again. The shed wasn't particularly big, but the barely standing wood made it seem more sinister. Plus the cobwebs, creepy old tools and leaves left on the floor.

"Let's just get this over with." Craig sighed as he stepped up to the door.

"Hold up! The leader goes first!" Cartman held up a hand to stop him.

"You're not the leader." Kyle shot back.

"Yes, I am!" Cartman snapped. "I made the website, I set up the payment system, and I'm the only one here who isn't a total pussy!"

"Fine. Go ahead, fearless leader." Craig mocked.

Cartman smirked as he confidently pushed the door further and stepped inside.

...

The air inside was heavy and barely breatheable, carrying the scent of mold and rotting wood. Your flashlight flickered as you swept it across the space, revealing shelves packed with rusted tools and boxes stacked carelessly.

"Wow..." Kenny's eyes scanned the area. "This place is charming."

"Spread out, assholes! We're looking for signs of paranormal activity!" Cartman waved his clipboard dramatically.

"What exactly counts as a sign?" Stan asked as he stares at a random jar with unidentifiable substances.

"Anything spooky." Cartman answered simply. "Weird sounds, cold spots, glowing slime... You know, ghost stuff."

"You're making this up as you go, aren't you?" Kyle groaned.

"Shut up, Kyle! Do your job!" Cartman yelled.

You held back a laugh as Kyle mumbled something under his breath. When he caught your eye, his gaze softened, giving you a small smile that made your heart pound in your chest.

...

You all explored different corners of the shed, examining and looking out for 'spooky stuff'.

You crouched near a stack of boxes, brushing away cobwebs to get a closer look. The wood beneath your fingers felt slightly wet and splintered. You noticed a faint light coming from above.

"Hey..." You called out, shining your flashlight towards the roof, standing up. "There's a hole up here."

Kyle joined you, squinting up at the opening. "That could explain the noises. If wind's getting in, it might make the walls creak."

"Or it could be the ghost's escape route." Cartman interrupted, scribbling something on his clipboard.

"Pretty sure ghosts don't need escape routes." You sighed.

Cartman ignored you, turning his attention to a nearby workbench.

Kyle stood by your side, tilting his head thoughtfully as he examined the roof. "Good catch." He praised, his voice quieter now.

"Thanks." You replied, smiling to yourself like an idiot as you felt your cheeks warm up.

All of the sudden, a loud crash echoed from the back of the shed.

"What was that?!" Tweek yelped, clutching his flashlight like a weapon.

"Relax." Kenny spoke up, moving towards the source of the noise. "It's probably just-"

His words cut off as he stumbled upon a crate.

Kenny crouched down, shining his flashlight on the wooden box. It was old and had a loose lid that looked like it hadn't been touched in years.

"What do you think's in it?" Clyde asked, creeping over Stan's shoulder.

"Only one way to find out." Kenny replied, slowly taking the lid off.

Inside was a trio of small and furry bodies. Wide eyes reflected the flashlight glow as tiny claws scratched against the wood.

"Aww, raccoons!" Kenny cooed as he pouted. "They're adorable!"

"They're so cute!" You purred as you admired them. They were so small and it could fit perfectly in your palm!

"I wanna pet them." Kenny said as he reached out to pick one up.

The once cuddly creatures now hissed loudly, lounging at him with surprising speed.

Kenny screeched, stumbling backwards as the raccoon latched onto his sleeve.

The other two raccoons bolted from the crate, darting across the shed.

"Jesus Christ!" Stan yelled, jumping out of the way.

"Get it off! Get it off me!" Kenny screamed, waving his arm around crazily as the raccoon kept clinging onto his sleeve.

"Stop moving!" You shouted, grabbing a broom and trying to swat the raccoon away. It hissed at you, revealing its sharp teeth.

Another raccoon climbed onto a shelf, knocking over jars and sending their contents crashing to the floor. Tweek jumped onto a crate to avoid the mess, grabbing at his hair.

"Where are they coming from?!" Cartman swung his flashlight around wildly.

"They're everywhere!" Craig noted, dodging another raccoon as it ran past him.

"We need to get them out of here!" Kyle tried to block one of the raccoons' paths.

"And how do you suggest we do that?" Stan yelled, ducking as another jar flew above his head.

"Loud noises!" Cartman quickly grabbed a rusty pot from a workbench. "Scare them out!"

You didn't have a better idea, so you grabbed a pan and started banging it against the broom handle. The others quickly followed, grabbing tools and smashing them into anything, clangs echoing through the shed.

Tweek kept flinching at the loud noise, but he also followed and helped the rest.

The raccoons screeched in protest, before finally rushing out the hole in the roof.

"Victory!" Cartman shouted proudly, slamming his pot.

You lowered your makeshift drumstick, panting from the effort. Kyle was standing beside you, his face flushed.

"Nice work." He nudged your shoulder lightly.

"Not bad yourself..." You replied, smiling despite what just happened.

.

.

You all stumbled out of the shed, disheveled but successful. The neighbor was waiting in the yard, fidgeting nervously.

"Well? Did you get rid of it?" She asked, nibbling on her bottom lip.

Cartman puffed out his chest, clipboard in hand. "It was a tough case." He started dramatically. "But yes, the ghost has been banished. You're welcome."

"Oh, thank you!" She exclaimed, reaching out for her wallet.

"Now, about the payment..." Cartman stopped her, holding up a finger. "It was an agressive spirit, so we're charging an extra $10 for chaos pay."

The woman hesitated but handed over the cash either way.

As you all walked away, Cartman grinned joyfully, stuffing the money into his pocket.

"First job: complete. We're officially ghost hunters, bitches!"

★yoyomiko ★miko

[kennytheworkingclasshero]

Kenny is so empathetic, sweet and almost too forgiving it's crazy. Of course, we see this the most with his sister. As we have established he has taken on a caregiver role when it comes to Karen, and we see him get angry at his father for shouting at her in "The City Part of Town" and goes to follow her when she walks away sad, most likely to comfort her. Later on in that same episode, we see him spending his wage on a doll for her, reaffirming that its for her when she asks "this is mine?" in shock, because she rarely gets nice things. This carries on in "The Poor Kid" when he uses Mysterion to comfort and protect her, as well as trying to do the same when he's just Kenny.

He shares his empathy with his friends, particularly with Butters in "Going Native", he could have ignored the others who insisted he was the one who should go and bring him back home from the airport but he went anyway. He held his hand, he stopped him from shooting his mouth off and he pursued this journey with Butters in order to get him to calm down when he didn't have to.

But while it is clear that Kenny is kind and unassuming, his friends do not extend the same kindness back. They turn their backs on him in "The Scoots", saying they can't carry on their tradition of Trick Or Treating together, even though they do it every year. They don't rent out a scooter for him or abandon their idea altogether when they realise Kenny can't get one. No, they see his sadness, see him walk away with his bucket that he was so excited to get and they let him go in order to fulfil their own selfish needs. It's not just Cartman, the easily identifiable asshole but also the seemingly moralistic Kyle and Stan who give into classism and allow their friend to feel bad. But when the scooters breakdown, Kenny joins them as if nothing happened, ignoring their prejudice and welcoming them back with open arms. In the end, he was just happy that he was "able to spend the rest of the night with my friends, because we were all equal again." Even though they aren't equal, and they made that abundantly clear, he was happy to give into the illusion of equality for the night just to be with them once more.

To me, Kenny's kindness is directly linked to his working class roots. It is well documented that people who are in less advantaged or part of a social minority are more likely to show up for others (we also see this with Kyle and Wendy, both being in minority groups) whether that is through community organising, mutual aid, political activism or simply being a kind person. His lived experience of not having much, of living on the bad side of town, of having to step up as a caregiver at the age of 9, of seeing his parents inebriated and physically violent, has made him more emotionally mature than anyone else his age. Therefore he is kinder, better and that makes me love him that much more

[whatdoessunshinetastelike]

south park green hat hcs forgot his name

- middle name is Abraham (a fic writer i used to read a lot did this and it stuck with me) (also he feels letter A coded idk how to explain it)

- hazel eyes just like meeee

- when he was super tiny toddler he was friends with another kid before stan but the kid moved away so his parents had to make him get more friends

- first met stan when they were about 2 and was annoyed by him at first but started to like him in preschool and that was when the bromance started

- rainbow baby + born a couple weeks early which is probably the main cause of his rather weak immune system

- learned to read at an early age + was obsessed with letters and numbers as a toddler (also like me)

- suffers from OCD causing him to obsess over both small and big things that he cannot do much about + gets really bad anxiety sometimes despite trying to act tough

- i feel like kyle having OCD explains a lot of his behaviors and fears throughout the show i.e. not wanting to be seen as a stereotype, germaphobia, wanting to do "the right thing" all the time stuff like that

- feels bad about how he used to be super mean to ike and has been nicer to try and make up for it (hooray for growth as a person)

- picks at his fingers as a compulsion

- nobody knows why he hates bananas.

- mostly average body type + somewhat tall but has quite a bit of pudge around the middle which he feels very insecure about

- has an outie (freak)

- one of the cleanest of the kids physically but his hat is pretty gross (he wears it practically 24/7)

- his parents thought there was something wrong with him for years because he had talked about mr hankey for a very long time but nobody believed him until the episode

- his hat can make him fly but does he know that

- sometimes says words in a very slight jersey accent caught from his mom. always gets annoyed when he notices it

- good at basket ball

- sometimes paranoid about forgetting/leaving things behind and tries his best not to lose stuff

- he and cartman have broken each others chromebooks multiple times much to the dismay of their parents

- used to not like kenny that much for some nonexistent reason but warmed up to him after getting to know him better + feels very sorry about his situation

- i dont necessarily ship style but i do think they have some sort of tiny weird thing going on that never fully turns romantic

thats what i could think of

[drownedinlavender]

what are your fav domestic hcs for your fav sp ships !!! 🫢

Aksnzkzmzkkz omg volta, this is SUCH a cute ask!! This was getting rather long so I had to stop myself from brainstorming more akjssknskzmz

Kyman:

They're MAD shit-talkers. They bond over talking shit about their neighbors while they do chores together like folding the laundry or washing the dishes.

Cartman loves to use pet names like “babe” and “honey” while Kyle rarely ever addresses Eric by anything other than his last name. Kyle has a harder time expressing affection through words and blushes whenever he occasionally calls Eric by his first name.

They're rather touchy feely and are always seen touching each other whether it's holding hands or having an arm around the other.

They're both jealous lovers. Cartman can create rather elaborate schemes if he ever feels like someone is getting too close to Kyle. The schemes never work, Kyle ends up having to clean up Cartman's mess, and he reassures Eric about his position in his life. Rinse-repeat, Cartman never learns lol.

I like to imagine them as a power couple. Eric being a successful CEO and Kyle being an environmental lawyer. I think they'd enjoy being childless until they got bored and decide to adopt.

Cartman would have a hard time settling into the role of father since he didn't have many fatherly role models growing up, but it would be a rather healing experience for him.

They bicker a lot and constantly drag someone else into it, feeling like they need a third perspective (not because they care what the third perspective thinks, but because they want to be told that they're right to rub it in the other's face). They each hate being wrong and proving the other wrong can get them into all sorts of trouble. However, at the end of the day, they wouldn't have it any other way. They each would feel like life would be boring without the other.

Stendy:

My personal favorite headcanon for Stendy is that they separate during college since Wendy studies in a top notch, Ivy League University while Stan feels like he's falling behind and stays in Colorado. They reconnect years later in adulthood and get married.

Both Stan and Wendy would have careers while they raise children. The kids’ grandparents would be very helpful when it comes to babysitting.

I feel like Wendy would mostly run the home while Stan would be the type of dad that would say stuff like, “did you ask your mom?” and, “what did your mom say? Did she say it's okay?” It would be very operant who has the final word and Stan wouldn't have it any other way lol

Stan would be the kind of husband to, at the end of the day, always rub Wendy's back or feet as a sign of love, care, and appreciation for all her hard work.

Stolkien:

Stan takes a break from work to be a stay at home parent for a year or two while Tolkien makes bank. Stan is a loving, doting father who tends to be very lax with rules while Tolkien is a bit stricter but still incredibly loving, welcoming, and reliable.

They'd both be the type of adults their kids could rely on and go to for help.

Their favorite date night activity would be cooking a fancy dinner together at home and having a game night with wine.

They'd be great at hosting small gatherings and would genuinely enjoy doing so.

Bunny:

They'd be such a power couple. Leopold funding Kenny's projects with the huge amount of money he made investing in bitcoin and selling NFTs lol

Leopold and Kenny would be very supporting of one another, always encouraging of their partner’s next endeavor.

I like to imagine Bunny fostering kids, helping them get an education and giving them the support they need

I think they'd both fund many charities concentrating on disadvantaged children. They'd be philanthropists trying to build a better future for kids in need.

[deafeninggalaxycandy]

✨️CLYDE DONOVAN HEADCANONS✨️

trigger warning: mentions of a dead parent, slight mention of drugs, general fuckboy activities

• Clyde Sterling Donovan

• He/Him

• Born on April 10th 2003

• 5'11"

• "Straight" (Closeted bisexual)

• Unironically says brainrot terms like "rizz" and "what the sigma"

• Clyde became a lot closer to Tolkien since he was the main one to show genuine empathy- and concern over his mother dying. He was also one of the first kids to say that it wasn't Clyde's fault (even though it sort of was but letting a child believe that he killed his mom is pretty fucked up).

• After his mom died, Clyde became very uncomfortable around toilets and bathrooms in general. The emerge of skibidi toilet made him break down in tears and the trauma came flooding back. He genuinely does blame himself for her death and was sent to counseling by his dad for it. He's slowly getting better but he never stops thinking that it was his fault. He's always like insanely careful about putting down the toilet seat now and starts freaking out if he sees it up in anyone's house.

• Clyde isn't really a crybaby but he doesn't like talking about his feelings and the compressed emotion just comes out randomly in tears. Even when he's not sad. He genuinely cries over things that are important to him, like his relationship to Bebe, or his mom dying. Other times, it's other small stuff that just tips him over the edge after these things are already on his mind. The entire month of May makes him sob and he refuses to leave his bed (it’s the month of Mother's Day and the month of his mom's birthday)

• Swears up and down he's 6 feet tall, he'll fight anybody who says he's 5'11"

• Genuinely in love with Tolkien but absolutely will not admit it. He doesn't even think he's bisexual.

• He did like Bebe at first because she was a pretty girl showing interest in him but eventually realized they didn't have much in common and were only together for superficial reasons. Bebe just liked having someone who'd give her anything she wanted and Clyde liked having a popular blonde girl on his arm. Neither of them had any real love or respect for each other.

• Once they got to the age where they could have sex, Clyde began cheating on her with some other girls in class. He genuinely saw nothing wrong with it since the relationship wasn't real in the first place. He was actually surprised when Bebe was mad about it. After she left though, he sank into a depression. He didn’t like her per se but he did miss her presence. And just being able to say he has a girlfriend. He felt like a failure for losing someone as popular and pretty as Bebe. Also she was the only one willing to actually date him, not just sleep around.

• Ever since the breakup, he's been trying to get her back by giving her free shoes. Like not even a discount anymore, just giving her any shoes she wants from his dad's store. He also briefly had issues with Kyle and even tried to fight him for supposedly "stealing his girl".

• Anyways back to Tolkien. He actually wants him, because Tolkien really cares about Clyde's issues and interests instead of just mocking him. He actually has a level of respect for Clyde and Clyde has not only respect for, but admiration for him. He's genuinely in awe of how collected and well-balanced Tolkien is in compared to literally everyone else he knows.

• Listens to Joey Valence and Brae, Beastie Boys, Eminem but specifically early 2000s Eminem (He screams along to "Kim" when he's alone).

• After being called fat for so long by his classmates (and them especially doubling down when Cartman was in the psych ward), Clyde took this pain and turned into a gym bro. He's actually in really good shape and has pretty good muscle definition. He slumped back into comfort eating in junior to senior year of high-school and some of his weight was gained back but he's not "fat" just a little bit chubby.

• Has a lot of energy and enthusiasm for most things. He's always excited to be doing something, especially with his friends. He's the main one who's always trying to get the others to get outside and do something fun.

• Got really into football as per his dad's advice so he could get more exercise and wasn't "bouncing off the walls" at home. He pours most if not all of his feelings into the game. It's like therapy to him and also why he didn't care for counseling. He already feels like he has it on the field.

• Drinks a LOT of energy drinks and 5-Hour Energy. He hates feeling slow, depressed or tired, he needs to be at 100% at all times. Once he's done crying over something, he'll literally force himself to drink a Redbull and play Usher to get over it.

• Says "no homo" any time he says or does anything remotely affectionate to another guy.

• Best friends with Tolkien, Cartman and Craig.

• Sleeps during class and drools on the desk.

• Ultimate third wheel to Tweek and Craig. He crashes almost all their dates until Craig shoves him away. He giggles like a schoolgirl when the two kiss and has a big ass yaoi poster of them. Tweek got really pissed at this and made him take it off his wall but he just keeps it in his drawer.

• Really, really, stubborn. When he has his mind set on something, he'll never fucking get over it and he will argue until he passes out. Then he wakes up, he'll start all over again.

• Clyde's dad had to work a lot more since his mom died, so he was alone at home mostly. He got through this because his older sister decided to start visiting home more. She moved out of South Park but she comes back every 2-3 weeks so Clyde won't be lonely. He really fucking misses his sister and gets incredibly excited when she comes back home. They became pretty close and she sort of filled that empty mom role for him.

• Sees Craig like a brother. He was his first friend and the first person to defend him in a fight. They bully each other a lot, and Craig is usually trying to keep him from doing something stupid. Or Clyde is playing dumbass pranks on him. (he filled his shoes with spray cheese once and received a black eye) Plus, they used to watch Red Racer together.

• Plays video games all the time. Mostly GTA and Call of Duty.

• Genuinely doesn't take Cartman seriously and thinks he's fucking hilarious. In his mind, nobody can unironically be that terrible, so he assumes everything Cartman says is just dark satire. Even when he's being racist, homophobic, antisemitic, etc.

• King of parties. Kenny started supplying him with alcohol and drugs and he had Tolkien let him use his house for throwing parties. He always gets super drunk and starts breakdancing and then falling on his face. He also suggested doing body shots and introduced that into the school, now everyone does it.

Ngl, I'm lowkey falling off with my hcs. Clyde has a lot of character that I need to unpack. When I'm finally free from work, I swear I'm doing a psychological analysis on all these guys.

If ur one of those guys who doesn't like my very popular portrayal of Clyde as a hyper emotional bisexual dudebro fuckboy im gonna tell u rn that I don't care :)

this is what came into my brain. deal with it. (and it definitely has nothing to do with the fact I was watching euphoria while thinking about clyde)

My perfect man Tolkien is up next 💜

Drink water and stay safe it's cold as hell <3

[starkspondwater]

Since prom season is here can I get headcannons for the main 4 😁

At my second job there have been couples taking prom pictures every weekend for the past month, so prom is on the mind! I did kind of turn this into a bit of a drabble so I hope that's alright!!

Main 4 Prom HC's

💙Stan💙

💙Man is a romantic at heart, just fumbles the opportunity a little. If anything it makes things a little more sweet

💙Knows prom is a big deal, and while outwardly to his friends he'll say he's not too interested in it, I know he is lying.

💙Proposal is going to be pretty typical- a nice sign he embarrassingly spent time on with some cheesy pun, flowers, and of course probably a little music (you can pry his love of music from my cold dead hands)

💙I picture him late at night in his room, Kyle on speaker, while he painstakingly tries not to spill glitter all over his rug. His mom already got onto him about how loud he had been practicing his song earlier, and he really didn't want to give her another reason to be pissy.

💙He was aware from the beginning who he wanted to ask, there was no question about that for him. The thing is he continued to beat around the bush each time he attempted to ask. The first attempt he lost track of time and before he knew it you were heading home and he was still dateless. The second one was a bit more embarrassing. He had figured a time and place to ask you, only to come face to face with a strange man in his 30's looking wide-eyed at the boy holding a glittery sign. Stan isn't sure how that even happened or who that was, but he knew he couldn't keep messing up.

💙The entire time he asked he couldn't keep the grin from his face, happy to finally be putting all his hard work to use! The sign was ridiculous and the song was...well it was a song, but that didn't matter. He had missed two opportunities already due to his own stupidity, he wasn't missing a third one!

💙Sharon rented him a tux, a day spent fussing over what would look nice on him. Even as he rolled his eyes, he couldn't deny that this was nice, the time with his mom. He didn't realize all the different styles there were and with each glance he kept trying to picture just what the two of you would look like side by side. By the time they got the deposit paid he knew he should thank his mom- his original choice in tux was...not great.

💙Is down for all the cheesy activities- dinner at Denny's beforehand, gaudy photo op, the group dancing. Will his friends rip on him later? Oh yeah. After years of seeing this experience in media he had been looking forward to it, dammit! Let him have his fun!

💙That first sight of you prettied up (whether in a suit yourself or a dress) he's going to feel that little trickle of nausea. I do not think that will ever go away for him, but he does get better about it over the years. Seeing you? Oh that's a test of his will.

💙Will yap as the two of you sway to the slow ballad playing over the speakers. I think for him those little moments are what he's going to recall the most when he's older- soft words as lights dance around the walls, and the feeling that no one else exists until the music stops playing

💚Kyle💚

💚I feel like prom was not even in the boys radar until there were only weeks left til the big day. One would think Stan freaking out about how to ask his own date and Kenny and Cartman joking about the after parties would've given him a clue, but with finals fast approaching it was in one ear and out the other

💚If he isn't interested in anyone I think it could go 50/50 on whether he'd be okay going stag or not. Like on one hand he'd be fine just hanging out with his friends, but on the other seeing Stan have a date would make him feel left out. He'd probably be strategic on who he's want to ask as a friend at that point

💚If he's got someone in mind then it is very different. He already waited a little too long to get the ball rolling, so he's probably at least a little stressed on what to do. Stan's probably got the most typical proposal suggestions, Kenny just said to streak across their yard (yes, thank you Kenny, that's such a serious suggestion) and Cartman? Well he's not giving the ginger any advice.

💚I think he would end up outright asking you. Nothing fancy, nothing particularly elaborate, just a simple question. He had an idea of what he wanted to do but the worry that he would mess it up coupled with the anxiety of possibly being told no just...made him blurt it out. Red cheeks and all. It was kind of cute to see the tips of his ears go pink as the words stumbled out of him!

💚Sheila is buying that boy a tux. Yes it would save money to rent it, and Gerald will argue that, but in her eyes every man should have something nice in his closet- and her lanky boy had already outgrown his Bar Mitzvah suit. She's got an eye for detail and basically forced him to get the color of your outfit so she could coordinate his tie and boutonniere

💚Pictures, pictures, and more pictures. Doesn't matter that there's a professional photo op at the venue, Sheila will keep you both for way longer than needed to get the pictures she wants. She's posing you, wanting ones of just you, then just him. Yes, somehow Ike is in there and Kyle is whining because we have to go, Mom!

💚Somehow says the sweetest compliments. I don't know why but I feel like he would notice and compliment the little details most guys would overlook- how your earrings match the beading on the dress, the way you pinned up your hair, or how all the slight variations of colors of your ensemble went together. It might not be a usual compliment from a prom date, but it's so sincere you can't help but truly appreciate it

💚I'm in the "Kyle has no rhythm" hc club. You cannot drag that boy out to the dance floor, not for love nor money. He thought about at least joining the little line dance that was going on, but he recalled 7th grade gym class when they were forced into a week of dance. Yeah...he was fine just watching you have fun, large smile and all. At least until the first slow song begins, that's when he finds himself gravitating towards the outskirts of the crowd, your hand in his

💚Is just going to sway, and it's only barely in tandem with the song playing. He avoided actually getting on the dance floor all night, not wanting to embarrass himself, but this was one thing he couldn't miss. He would be stiff at first, unsure of himself, before relaxing into it. By the end you actually had to remind him the song had changed because he just kept swaying, too caught up in how nice dancing with you could feel.

🧡Kenny🧡

🧡Kenny's been working on his prom stuff for a while- tuxes ain't cheap and he'll be damned if he doesn't look at least a little good. Busting his ass at work paid off though, and with a small donation from Sharon he was able to rent a tux along with Stan!

🧡I just have this feeling in my bones that he would've been the first of the m4 to obtain a date. Like he knew who he wanted and went right for it.

🧡Kenny's promposal is not as flashy as Stan's, but he's making use of what he's got and that's what matters. He loves surprises and that's just what you would get. He positioned the old car he had fixed up near your house, hood propped open with him standing in front. He looked downright pensive, and you knew it just HAD the be the engine; He'd been complaining about the thing for weeks. You stepped outside and hustled over, ready to help if needed only to find that along the engine and other parts under the hood were 5 pieces of paper, spelling out the word "prom?" in his familiar messy scrawl. You were pretty sure he had even doodled you and him along the margins!

🧡Kenny's not flashy, and he didn't want to be, but he also knew that life hit oneself pretty quickly and this sort of experience was something to look back on. Why not go all out? That was his motto when it came to a lot of those high school experiences, knowing how shitty things could get once adulthood hit head on

🧡He forgot the corsage, and he doesn't have a boutonniere, but he did bring a few flowers he picked up along the way to yours. He's not shy by nature, his friends making sure of that over the years, but handing over those few stems had him feeling warm under the collar. He might forget a few things, but that doesn't mean he forgot about you.

🧡Has no problem stating how good you look. If he's not saying it with his mouth he is saying it with his eyes- but he's not leering. The jokingly pervy looks he may shoot your way normally have been replaced with something much more endearing and gentle, like he cannot believe that he gets to be here with you. To him you might as well be a million bucks because he felt very rich that evening.

🧡Is going to dance the majority of the time and pull you and anyone else into the mix. Much like Kyle he does not have the best rhythm but he can keep a beat and bring a certain energy that made others want to join in. He's having a ball, and for someone who always seems to have something underlying that stresses him constantly, it's a wonderful sight to see.

🧡Slow dancing is where he has a lot of fun. He has no qualms about being close, not even pretending to hear Mackey's call for "leave room for Jesus!" and bringing you right to his chest. He's going to have a bit more movement, spinning you around from time to time and will attempt a dip only to be met with giggles.

🧡On the way home he's going to pull over that old car of his just to repeat the experience, his radio playing light tunes as you spin around under a streetlight.

❤️Cartman❤️

❤️Cartman had two modes to me. The absolutely most ridiculous shirts covered in memes and other things that could be cringe, and somehow the most stylish outfits out of his friends. He does both and it gives so much whiplash

❤️He had been planning on prom long before he even considered having a date to it. He knew the color he wanted to wear, he knew how he wanted his hair, the vibe, all of it. He has a VISION

❤️Liane handed over the money for whatever he needed. In the years since the hot dog she had pinched her purse strings quite a bit to hopefully teach Eric a lesson, but with prom she just wanted him to have the best time. I do think she gives some really good opinions that he takes into account-his momma does know a few things!

❤️Was going to just ask some broad to go with him (or possibly coerce her) but then you were in the picture and that idea went out the window. In his mind he was going to play it cool, maybe just appear at your locker looking suave before suggesting you two kick it at prom.

❤️He was sweating like a damn pig. You had been with friends and for the love of God his feet would not bring him over. He had no problem talking and being a little shit to you before and yet right now he felt like he was turning into season 1 Stan Marsh. Then, you killed him. Strutting over with friends watching behind you, YOU asked HIM to prom, and all he could do was dumbly nod before rushing off. It took a few days for things to sink in but eventually he did let it get to his head. It was infuriating to his group of friends.

❤️Does try to gently (not really) inform you of the colors you should go for with dresses/suits, not just because it would match his rather fancy tux, but also because he knew how colors worked and in no world was he going to have you look bad, especially standing next to him.

❤️That confidence of his wavers once more once he gets a look at you. The entire time his mother is posing the two of you for pictures and fawning over how precious you both look, he is just trying not to stare. He knew you'd look good, maybe not as good as him, but now he felt like eating those words.

❤️Like Kenny is going to dance, but he's actually weirdly good at it. All those years dancing in his room to pop songs kind of paid off for this one night. Where people normally tried to ignore him, he drew attention to himself and it was actually good!

❤️Slow dancing is where he shined. He's not doing that "his hands on your waist and yours on his shoulders" schtick, he's going to do this correctly. Grabbing your right hand in his you felt him pull you close with the left, your other hand coming to his bicep. While others swayed side to side he led you into some simple steps that soon you didn't even have to think about. It was...romantic coming from the loud boy, and to be honest it was a nice light to see finally see him in.

❤️If anyone ever mentioned how soft he seemed during those few slow dances played, he'd deny it. But you knew and that was just fine

[miltonbarbie]

What does Stan's friend group love about you? (Sp x F!y/n) </3

Warning(s): Slight NSFW

Reader is Female, and in these scenario you and your dp (Desired person, for example: Kyle) are already in an established relationship.

</3

Stan🎧💙 :

Dude loves any form of affection you give him, whether it be quick kisses to long, warm hugs, he feels like he'll throw up any second.

He wishes he could call you pet names but he's gonna get sick in the stomach REAL fast.

he also makes playlists of songs that remind him of you and sends them to you + puts them visible on his Spotify account

he doesn't show any clingy-ness or PDA around his friends bc cartman's such an ass and he'll get teased for days, but in private all he wants to do is cuddle w/ you and watch a Christmas movie together

loves loves loves when you mindlessly copy his actions, he think its soso cute. Like for example if he does a secret handshake with one of his friends and catches you trying to make one with yours, he's gonna die of how adorable it is.

He likes to go skating with you, if you don't know how to skate he'll gladly teach you

Get's hard whenever he sees you in a skirt 🙏🙏

Whenever he texts you and you send him pictures of yourself being all cute n' shii, his eyes widen and he automatically saves them to his camera roll with a sly grin on his face.

bro thinks he's mf swiper with his devious ass

he gets realllll horny whenever you sit with your legs crossed on a desk/table, or when you twirl your hair and make eye contact while talking to him. my guy's gonna be walking around with a huge boner the whole day in pain until you relieve him.

Kyle 🎮💚:

He tries extremely hard not to get flustered whenever you hug him from behind

Especially when you compliment his hair and play with it/start flirting with him while you do it. ITS JUST SO ENLKBVJVBENKJJ FOR HIM HE GOES WILD

"Kyle baby, you look so cute with your hair out like that .." "I- h-hah .. T-thank you .." Then he legit MELTS INTO YOUR TOUCH HE'S SO DESPERATE

he wants to act all tough and whatnot 4 you but you make him so vulnerable

what makes him hard as a fucking rock is when he's sitting down on his chair and you bend over towards him with your titties on the desk, arms crossed. HANDS DOWN CATCHES HIM OFF GUARD SO QUICKLY HIS EYES DART STRAIGHT TOWARDS YOUR TITS 😔😔

He lovesss seeing you wear his hoodies, something about it is just.. makes him feel some sort of way..

he gets really excited whenever you ask him to tutor you, it means you two get to spend more time together

If someone insults you he's gonna get MADD ANGRY

Like his anger issues will not allow someone to disrespect you like that.

he's always at your beck and call, if you need him, he's there.

Send him a bikini pic and he's gonna have a seizure.

"SHIT Y/N IM WITH MY FRIENDS WHAT IF THEY SEE IT?!??1!?!?!/11/1/ FUCK WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO ME AMEOIDOAEINAMSLKN"

STUDY DATES ARE HIS FAVOURITE BUT ALSO GOING OUT TO CAFE'S >>>>>>>>>>

He gets really blushy and nervous whenever your showing him so much affection to towards him infront of his friends, but he secretly likes it, he just doesnt wanna seem like a baby.

Whenever you get better grades than him he either celebrates for days or cries in a corner for hours. There's no in between.

Kyle is honestly so overprotective like if he sees a guy staring at you hes gonna straight up smack their face with a stack of graded homework assignments.

He jealousssss 🤭 he HATESSS admitting it though hes so whiny abt it too.

"Y/nn, I'm not jealousss babeee shutt uppp-uh 😠😠" Like a frickin 10 year old, LMFAO WHY DO I ACTUALLY IMAGINE HIM SAYING THAT THOUGH

Kenny 🏠🧡:

Lovesss showing/giving PDA doesn't matter where you are or who you're with

Bro is soso touch-starved its insane

He holds you by the waist while he leans in for a kiss, he low-key smells like cigarettes and car gas but I'm kinda into it ngl 🤷‍♀️

Whenever he gets touchy, it's not always going to be sexual but this man has some pretty horny thoughts but you cant blame him

Hes so whiny and wants you to touch him REALLY BADLY.

"Y/nn please please please I love you so much please just this once oh my God please your so hot I'm gonna suffocate I love you just this once please please PLEASEEEEEE-" "Kenny omg calm down wtf-"

His weak spot is seeing you in clothes that bring out your figure, I mean, girls look better in a real tight sweater ifkwim 😋

The only time he will EVER be the submissive one during sex is when hes balling his eyes out about something that's happened at home, or when he's high on sumthin'

If he's going to see you, he sometimes brings karen with him because he loves the little relationship you two got going on, also his parents are always arguing so it'd be a huge relief for both Karen AND Kenny.

Send him ONE picture and he'll be begging on his knees for more

"MOMMY SORRY MOMMY SORRY- OH GOD SEND MORE- I NEED- creams aggressively YOUR A FUCKING GODDESS OH LORD HAVE MERCY GOAWDH DAYHUYHM 😍😍"

It's a big bonus if you come from a wealthy or rich family cause then you can spoil Kenny and his siblings rotten like how they deserve 😔💞

Please treat karen well she really looks up to you, your like her idol and shes def your #1 fan, she'll always be talking about you and how amazing and thoughtful and pretty you are ITS JUST SO AAAAAAA KAREN IS SO CUTEEE 😖

Kenny doesn't have much but he'll try to save up ENOUGH money to get you something nice like a headband or some nail polish 😚

He's trying.

He just wants you to be happy with him.

Please get married.

Cartman 🍗❤️:

Oh no.

When people started finding out that Cartman had feelings for the one and only, Y/n, they felt so sorry and started giving u random things and being oddly kind around you.

You were like: ???

If he sees a guy flirting or talking to you, he's gonna lower their self esteem to the MAX.

Like he'll be soso rude abt it too

"What kind of dumb fuck like you would get any girls? You got to be kidding me, your dumber than Kahl."

Once you started dating him, man everyone in the school was either shocked, no- not shocked, literally flat-out concerned for your well-being.

Cartman, REEAAAALLLYYYY .. ?

He always wants your attention, even when your busy doing something he'll be texting you at the most randomest times saying "I'm coming over", and shows up at your door in less than 2 minutes.

If you give him a hug or a kiss in public, he'll be acting all tough and start bragging to his friends. But once he's alone, he'll start giggling and twirling around like a fangirl (😨)

He has so many bad pictures of you on his camera roll but it takes all of your convincing skills to tell him: DONT. POST. THE PICTURES.

He doesn't wanna participate in any tiktok couple challenges bc he thinks their stupid. Buttt unless you offer Kyle to do it then he's def gonna cave in 🤭.

He's such a toddler too

He'll secretly want to be the little spoon often but if you offer him his face starts looking like a whole-ass sunburn with an offended look on his face

"AHEM? No we are NAWT doing that. You? Cuddling ME? No no no, its supposed to be the other way around, "Y/n" 🙄"

He'd diss your music taste and then you'll catch him twerking to your favorite song

He just like that y'know?

[somesouthparkfan23]

Teenage Cartman Head Canons

Here are my head canons for teen Cartman:

• He becomes even more manipulative but also learns how to be more subtle about it.

• He still has an inflated ego but starts masking it better around authority figures to get what he wants.

• He experiments with different personas, trying to be the “bad boy,” the “businessman,” or even the “philosopher,” depending on what benefits him.

• He still makes fun of Kyle constantly, but his insults get sharper and more calculated.

• He starts getting better at social manipulation, convincing people to do things for him without them realizing it.

• He’s obsessed with money and constantly comes up with new get-rich-quick schemes.

• He starts working out, not because he cares about fitness, but because he realizes physical strength can give him power over people.

• He fully embraces being a villain but gets frustrated when people don’t take him seriously.

• He’s still incredibly lazy and entitled, expecting people to cater to him.

• He and Kyle still have an intense love-hate dynamic. He will never admit it, but he needs Kyle around.

• He still keeps Stan around but sometimes gets annoyed when Stan pushes back against him.

• He has a weird respect for Kenny because Kenny never truly fears him or falls for his tricks.

• He starts dating, but only when he sees a girl as “useful” rather than because he genuinely likes them.

• He still craves his mom’s attention, but as a teenager, he starts getting more openly frustrated with her.

• He low-key fears ending up alone but would rather die than admit it.

• He surrounds himself with “followers” rather than real friends, always needing people beneath him.

• He has a deep fear of being powerless, which is why he always seeks control over people.

• He tells himself he doesn’t care what people think, but deep down, he desperately wants validation.

• He has occasional moments of self-awareness but quickly pushes them away.

• He feels insecure about his intelligence whenever he’s around Kyle and overcompensates by being cruel.

• He starts realizing that his humor is a defense mechanism but refuses to change.

• He sometimes self-sabotages his own plans just to prove to himself that he can rise from failure.

• He gets really into conspiracy theories, both for fun and to manipulate gullible people.

• He starts a YouTube channel or podcast, ranting about whatever gets him the most attention.

• He plays video games constantly but only enjoys them when he’s winning.

• He’s surprisingly good at business and economics, always figuring out how to exploit a situation for profit.

• He starts dressing in whatever makes him look the most intimidating, but his fashion sense is questionable.

• He still loves movies but gravitates toward ones with power hungry villains he can relate to.

• He sometimes writes down revenge fantasies in a notebook.

Who should I do next?

[wendytestabrat]

another reason why kyle is obsessed with making sure cartman remains an asshole

ok so like we’ve talked alllllll about how kyle loves to keep cartman as an asshole bc he’s jealous of him and likes bringing him down a peg AND bc kyle likes using cartman as a pawn in his game to make himself look like the good one in comparison bc he’s a rlly shit person himself. BUT ALSO another reason that i feel like i haven’t touched on or just not as much is bc of kyle’s POSSESSIVENESS over cartman too. we’ve seen repeatedly how whenever cartman cuts kyle out of his life he can snatch up a bitch RLLY easily, which rlly goes to show how much of a chad cartman truly is and how much rizz he has. & i feel like kyle lowkey knows this already, he can sense that girls are actually EXTREMELY attracted to cartman (i mean maybe not in looks but at least in personality), bc i mean kyle is attracted to cartman himself so he gets it LOL. so honestly that’s probably been like one of the #1 reasons kyle has loveeeeeed keeping cartman toxic all this time (whether he consciously realizes it or not) and why in like seasons 1-3 he went out of his way to turn cartman into a monster and wore down his self-esteem over time by projecting all of his terrible traits onto him lol.

it’s also the reason why kyle constantly bitches at cartman to change and be a better person, yet when cartman actually does, he gets mad LOL. kyle knows damn well that cartman has it in him to be a good person and is really nice deep down (and we’ve talked abt how in seasons 1-3 cartman was actually a decent person with empathy 473837282382 times). that’s why he purposely tried to destroy that and made fun of cartman every time he showed his soft wimpy vulnerable side, and why to this day kyle is soooooo fixated on “fixing” cartman bc he knows he’s responsible for making him a monster in the first place lol.

and here’s the thing, kyle’s delusional ass truly believed that cartman being in a happy relationship was impossible. like when he saw cartman with heidi he was all shocked and couldn’t even process it. i love how in s21 when he was trying to sabotage their relationship even the other boys like stan & butters were telling kyle to stay out of it bc heidi just loves cartman and that’s that LOL. bc yeah even when cartman is at his absolute worst being an abusive piece of shit he still has likable qualities and the other boys know this so they didn’t rlly care nor question why heidi wanted to stay with him. and then in the future when kyle sees cartman as a rabbi happily married, his first instinct is to go, “cArtmAn iS jUsT mESsiNg wiTh mE,” as if the idea of cartman building a normal, happy life is so out of the question that it has to be a trick. but the truth is kyle has known all along that cartman can actually be a pretty likable and charming person, and that’s exactly why he’s kept cartman toxic for so long. he was just mad and shocked that his plans to convince everyone cartman is this irredeemable monster and gaslight the wholeass school abt it didn’t work and that there happened to be a girl who could see through cartman’s soul and want to be there for him and help him.

kyle’s obsession with keeping cartman toxic is a subconscious thing he does bc he doesn’t want cartman to become a better person than him, so he can keep cartman allllll to himself and loyal to him and the other boys. i swear stan & kyle both act like they’re these two amazing dudes who are just being friends with cartman to do him a favor bc they feel bad for him, which is complete bs. they obviously need cartman wayyy more than he needs them (hence why cartman can make friends outside the group pretty fast with characters like butters, tweek, and clyde) which has been shown REPEATEDLY. but mainly kyle likes keeping cartman toxic bc he’s in love with him & he doesn’t want cartman to leave his side for someone else bc kyle is lonely af and no girl wants to be with him bc of how annoying and crazy he is LOL. that’s why kyle’s worked sooo damn hard to make sure cartman hates girls as much as he does, like how the two of them would both tease stan in the early seasons for liking wendy (and then later teased kenny for being with tammy too), but yeah when cartman moved on from kyle easily and got a girlfriend just like that 🫰🏼 it rlly showed how all this time KYLE was actually the selfish terrible toxic one who’s bad with women NOT cartman lol.

i also love that subtle moment in “the list” when kyle is all like “who tf cares what the girls think abt our looks” and then cartman backs him up and is like “kyle’s right screw it we have better things to worry about” that says A LOT how cartman & kyle were the only ones who didn’t give a shit abt the girls’ list BUT ALSO how much kyle had cartman under his control over this shit, it shows how whenever kyle would trash women or show disinterest in them (either bc he’s gay or bc he knows he could never be with a girl bc he’s such a toxic loser) cartman felt like he had to join in on that lol. but yeah u can tell that all the way back in s11 cartman still had a little more enthusiasm for girls than kyle did bc cartman got all hooked on the list drama right away when he devised that plan to steal it from the girls lol, AND ALSO the fact that kyle got sooo upset when cartman was ranked above him too and let cartman’s teasing get to him about how ugly & unattractive he is (even tho kyle clearly ain’t ugly), is more evidence that shows how much kyle knows damn well cartman is lowkey attractive AF and can snatch up a bitch easily if he wanted to lol.