#try finding THAT on government paperwork. \` * file: headcanon.

[shepcdr]

i know that Shepard asking about aliens and about literally every new piece of intergalactic info you come across is supposed to be for the player to be able to learn new information. but for Yishai I like the take that he just fucking sucks

he was taken into the alliance on account of biotic potential. he was raised on the streets and has a very basic grasp of reading/writing/arithmetic that he came into on his own. he at least took advantage of alliance enlistment incentives whilst trying to manage enlisting "the right way" ... got some studying help so that his asvab scores went from "abysmal" to "not great and still non-qualifying" until they were waived on account of his LE3 implants operation, and then he was training to be put on the front lines.

he joined the alliance with hopes of getting away from the gang he was heavily entangled with and until then reliant upon to survive. with no intention of ever becoming a commanding officer or goals for any position that requires that sort of knowledge. he aimed to be stationed near or in the Skyllian Verge and especially only started pushing for a large role in the operation targeting torfan, and by then he had some n7 training to show for it.

he has had supplemental education since joining the alliance as part of his benefits, and help from VIs ensures he can navigate the more paperwork oriented parts of his job. without VI help he can recognise and jot down basics esp military jargon/abbreviations. but he is to some degree functionally illiterate outside the alliance. he Is capable of reading materials, given a lot of time and patience. he is not used to it and does not often want to do it (he is not going to stand for more than 10 seconds in front of a direction post on the citadel to figure out what it says. instead we're wandering around in the presidium in circles for another half hour!)

how realistic is this for an executive officer? Probably not very, and I need to learn more about how the alliance operates and the irl military equivalent, but this is the future and VIs and other developments have likely made these things easier to navigate and are integrated in ways that make it Possible that Shepard ended up where he is, in this situation. simply because that is how I want it to be for his specific case

when people talk about intergalactic politics and history and about only knowing "what they learnt in school," shepard is at least 10 steps behind because history class? he didn't take those. And he is not cracking open history books in his off time or listening to audiobooks. (his life is about the silly little personal missions and quests that he does in relation only to his work in the alliance and to the original Yishai shepard I made for his backstory.) the Normandy crew are educating him from almost nothing and he loves them for it. Hugely intense cultural exchange. Unfortunately weird sometimes when the commanding officer that took you onto his ship is like "so the genophage what is that? 🤪" but he is always learning smth new...

I also think he has some decent improvements in reading/writing without VI assistance throughout me1-me3 but that's my silly little headcanons there. maybe I'll expand on this, format it and make it look better to repost down the line but for now this is self-indulgent Runo rambling, tbd

[onestepfcrward]

future lifestyle headcanon dump.

eventually shadow will make space colony ark a base of operations for himself. he really has almost everything he needs up there (besides a social life) i think for a time he wouldnt go up there unless it was for specific reasons (because trauma and bittersweet associations) but i like the idea of him eventually getting to a point where he’s okay with being up there and it becoming like his version of a batcave kgjsd. 

he goes there to maintain his equipment (such as his hover skates & inhibitor rings) as well as keep an eye on his chaos energy levels. i just like the idea of him like... resuming Gerald’s studies. because he wants to better understand himself and what his capabilities & limitations are. he’s a little obsessed with making sure he’s always in pitch perfect condition so. self maintenance on the ultimate lifeform + may or may not of repurposed old tech GUN had originally confiscated from the professor. hell maybe even SHADOW teaches himself to understand this tech so he can have his own gadgets.

he is always trying to expand on his chaos powers and see what all he can do with them. he prefers to have range, to be flexible with these things. (at some point i need to make a headcanon dump of all the abilities he has because this hedgehog is op as shit LMAO)

the simulations i mentioned in this older headcanon post that the scientists would put him through --- he still puts himself through them to keep his skills sharp. oddly enough he finds doing them a little cathartic, comforting even. i kinda like the idea of him having a shard of the phantom ruby used to power the simulations and make them more complicated & unpredictable. keeps him on his toes.

he turned the control room into a bit of an office of sorts. its usually where he works on paperwork that has to do with his rehabilitation foundation he’s working towards establishing. the nice thing about chaos control is he can just blip from the control room back down to earth wherever he’s needed or being called upon for something.

speaking of, he keeps a communicator on him that keeps him in contact with those affiliated with his work, as well as government officials. 

in said control room office, he has framed pictures of past loved ones in there. pictures of maria, gerald, rouge, sonic & co. y’know, people who had an impact on his life when they were still alive. he keeps them in his memory. he also has like... documented files on each of them that he made. mainly because he has the paranoia in the back of his head that one day he may lose his memories again, or loses sight of himself again... and he doesn’t want to lose those people entirely. so he has a backup plan prepared in case something like that ever happens. he’s also very protective of this information and doesn’t allow just anyone to have access to it.

shadow only really rolls up to the fight to deal with the big threats. to deal with the things that he feels other heroes can’t. otherwise, he’s more-so interested in his own goals to make the world a better place. kinda like in idw, he has a habit of popping in and out of the situation once it’s resolved. he doesn’t really stick around for chit-chat. cut the head off the snake. dive head first into the lions den. he can do it because he’s the ultimate lifeform and he was designed for this.

in his free time, he tries to challenge himself to continue learning about things. he tries to stay up to date on his education and whats going on in the world, but he’s still pretty old-school in terms of interests. the Sinatra is never gonna leave this hedgehog. 

socializing... how do you do that. shadow is and has never been great at connecting with others, it’s difficult for him because he’s one of a kind. that said, he realizes he kind of... NEEDS that connection. to stay grounded. it’s not an easy realization for him, because he’s always going to be SHADOW and he’s always going to carry the title of ultimate lifeform, the idea that he is the perfect creation who needs no one or nothing. but maybe, a couple hundred years later when all his loved ones are gone (again) and he’s distanced himself from people in order to protect his broken heart... he may find himself drifting from the path he’d started to pave for himself. it occurs to him, in his darkest hour, that he simply can’t afford to do it completely alone, even though ultimately he is. he needs that presence in his life to remind him what he’s fighting for. what he’s trying to achieve. and he finds it in new people who come into his life. 

his chao reincarnates over and over. he’s lucky enough to of fostered another immortal creature that he’s forged a tight bond with. and it becomes a real crutch for his emotional state. the longer time goes on, the more important that chao becomes to him, and by god does he become even more fiercely protective of it as does it become of him.

[newedenhq]

RAFAEL MORALES \ SWITCH \ 34

PERSONALITY

Anxious is probably the first word to come to mind for anyone who just met Rafael. He stresses a lot about most things and can’t make a decision without worrying about whether or not it was the right one for the better part of the day. Most of it stems from him wanting to do right by everyone but also wanting to do the right thing objectively – something that barely ever works out. He gets lost in his own head a lot, trying to figure out what’s right and wrong and often gets overwhelmed that way. The only time Rafael is actually cool and collected is when he’s at work. When he enters the office, he gets to slip on the costume of a calm mental health professional and forgets his own concerns for a little while. Whether it’s the reminiscence of his past life of a Dominant or just the fact that he can fully focus on someone else rather than get lost in his own mind for a while, he’s not sure but it works out in his favor. At heart, he’s a very sensitive person who wants to help more than anything but often struggles to find the right way to do that within the restrains set for him by society.

BIOGRAPHY

Rafael was born into a loving family with very, very liberal worldviews. His parents, a switch and a submissive, were both big supporters of free love – and free anything, really. From a young age, it was taught to his siblings and him that nobody was better than anyone else just because of their mark and that they had to fight for this notion. Even so, it had always seemed pretty obvious what Rafael would turn out to be. He’d never been a loudmouth, never pushed to have the lead or step into the spotlight. Following came to him easier than leading did and any decision he was faced with led to a near meltdown. While his parents, artists at heart, tried to instill some sort of artistic talent in him, it never stuck. He dealt with the piano classes they tried to enthuse him for and could follow instructions but never picked up the passion his parents had hoped they could share as a family. Academics, on the other hand, came easy to Rafael. He excelled in school, showing special talent in science. His parents, while still a little bummed out about his lack of interest in the arts, supported their son and so, piano classes were replaced with chess and science fairs. Science was logical, science was something he could understand and find comfort in when the rest of the world usually just exhausted him. By the time testing came around, everyone who’d known Rafael was sure they’d know the outcome. Nothing had changed about his demeanor and he accepted back the results from the widely smiling nurse with ease – only to nearly drop the sheet of paper when he read the word Dominant. Everyone, but most of all Rafael, were in shock. As far as he was concerned, he didn’t have a dominant bone in his body and the prospect of having to make decisions for someone else when he could barely even figure out what color of socks to wear in the morning was positively terrifying. Still, everyone around him seemed to have a newfound and, as far as he knew, totally unreasonable amount of respect and trust in him. For Rafael, it didn’t change much. He stuck with school, continued earning good grades and gave the few friends he had minor orders every two weeks to not end up in jail. A massive appeal, he could not see. When it came to graduation, Rafael had earned himself a scholarship to Yale and used the opportunity to move away from home and to the east coast. As much as he loved his family, he knew he would get too complacent if he stayed too long and the idea of never building even the semblance of a life for himself wasn’t an appealing one. Pre-med was everything he’d hoped for. It combined his interest for science and the need to help that he’d always carried with him. The very need that had made him and his entire family so sure he’d turn out to be submissive. For the next eight years, Rafael threw his all into his studies and looking back, those were easily the best years of his life. He got to spend every day doing something he loved, got to learn, and was forced to socialize to some extend which, admittedly, did wonders for his own mental health. During his residency, Rafael found he was most interested in psychiatry – a fact that mildly surprised him. He’d always thought himself to work in surgery, perhaps. Somewhere that didn’t include a lot of contact with patients and yet, as he worked in the field, he found himself settling in ways he hadn’t before. Where his brain usually did overtime over-thinking his own worries, focusing on those of someone else allowed him to relax. To focus. To get out of his head. And when someone left with at least a slightly better outlook on life, he felt a sense of accomplishment he hadn’t known. So with this new information in mind, Rafael set out to specialize in psychiatry. It was around the same time that he entered his first serious relationship. He’d dabbled in dating in college and was a hopeless romantic at heart but given his constantly nervous state, his awkwardness and the fact that he was a shoddy Dominant at best, it never went far. Around this time, though, he finally found two people who could see past all of that. It was a slow progression and Rafael still wouldn’t be able to put his finger on when friendship between him and them turned into something more but one morning as he made scrambled eggs for them while they set the table and made coffee he suddenly realized that they’d long left the label ‘friends’ behind – and that it was far less scary than he’d ever imagined. With his degree in his pocket, Rafael worked at the hospital he’d done his residency in for a year before a former fellow classmate from Yale contacted him. The two of them had been good friends back in school and had kept loosely in touch since graduation. She was looking to start her own practice but didn’t want to do it alone – and she’d thought of Rafael as a potential partner. After a lot of thinking and wondering and stressing, Rafael finally agreed and moved to New Eden to build a joint practice with his friend. Not only did this give him the opportunity to continue building his own life – it also meant he could finally move in with his partners rather than limit their relationship to weekend visits. So all in all, Rafael’s life was surprisingly perfect for a while. Perhaps that should have concerned him (Murphy’s Law and all) but at the time, he was too excited about all the good things happening in his life. That was until one fateful day almost two years ago. He’d been sick for a while and after his GP hadn’t been sure what was causing it, he’d drawn some blood to get a better idea. A few hours later, he’d gotten something against the infection he’d caught and his whole life turned upside down. It was a whirlwind and Rafael spent much of it in such a state of panic that he doesn’t remember half of it. At the end of the day, it turned out his blood test all those years ago had been wrong. He wasn’t a Dominant after all. And still, he wasn’t what he’d thought as a child either. A Switch. Raf wasn’t stupid, he knew what this meant or could mean, anyway. The next few days, after paperwork had been filed and the tattoo on his wrist had been corrected, were spent at home, pacing the floor and hiding under the cover one after the other. His entire life as he’d known it, as he’d come to accept it despite it not feeling quite right, had been tossed over. It was work that drew him out of it in the end. While there had been talk of having his license revoked, of him not possibly being able to handle the kind of work he’d been doing for years already, his partner had vouched for him. She was the one who pointed out he’d been doing just fine until now and had a whole cupboard of files of happy patients to show for it. She was the one who continued to believe in him. And so, Rafael slowly came out of hiding and pieced together what was left of his life. He’d lost plenty of more traditional and most of his Dominant patients who refused to get help from someone like him. But some had stayed. And new ones came, Switches and Submissives who trusted him more now than they had before. Unfortunately, while work went strong, his private life did not. His partners and him tried to make it work, they really did. But the new circumstances led to fights more than anything else. Where there’d been playful discussions of who’s get to do the claiming before, there were tense and stilted conversations about how this was going to work now. Their dynamic had been turned on this head and the fear of the government thinking he might still do some dominating in their relationship eventually led to them falling apart. Since then, it’s been two years and Rafael is doing his best to continue living his life. His story has turned him into somewhat of a poster child of switch rights: the well liked and trusted Switch who manages to hold exactly the kind of job they all say he couldn’t and excels at it. Rafael for one wants no part of that. He never asked to be an example for anything and hates being in any kind of spotlight. All he wants to do is to continue helping people – on a small scale, not the big scale the movements sometimes try to push him towards.

HEADCANONS

It was during his one main relationship that Rafael really experienced what dominating could feel like. None of the mandatory little things he’d done before to avoid fines could match up to that. He didn’t realize back then, but did also experience what submission could feel like during that time. His girlfriend, a “fellow” Dominant was who taught him everything he now knows about how to dominate and following her instructions definitely gave him a similar high as giving them to their boyfriend did. He does sometimes miss these highs as they managed to clear his constantly overwhelmed brain in a way little else has managed since, but since the relationship ended he wouldn’t want to be off V even if he had the choice. The only positive experiences he had were with them and having to dominate or even submit to someone he doesn’t know as well as he did them seems daunting at best.

Raf volunteers at the local community center for a few hours every week as a counselor. He already probably works too much at his office but he knows there’s plenty of people who don’t have insurance or can’t visit him for other reasons so he wants to try and be there for those too.

He’s an insomniac and lies awake worrying about the state of the world or other things he really has no say in a lot of the time. Usually he’ll start reading at some point and then drag himself to the office when the sun comes up. Realistically and in his heart he knows he should be getting help for that and the anxiety that causes him such stress but he simply doesn’t have the time with all the work he loads onto his plate and he’s also much better at taking care of other people than of himself.

More than anything, Raf wants a family for himself – a relationship, children, a golden retriever for all he cares (although he’s much more of a cat person himself). He does however think it’s highly unlikely that this is actually going to happen since evidence suggests he’s incredibly hard to date, so he mostly tries to ignore this dream and stays married to work.

[shepcdr]

(me1 vs me2/me3)

this is entirely self-indulgent because the light eye colour looked terrible in me2 so i changed it. but. who among shepard's old friends want reasons to doubt shepard's post-resurrection identity even more

(i was gonna ignore the eye colour change as a purely personal gameplay decision until i played me3 when you access prothean data and your eyes flash green, and i was like :O i can milk this in-universe)

[shepcdr]

yishai shepard and kids (ft waxworks' saren). i do love the idea of shepard being swarmed by lil kids every time he gets into certain parts of the citadel... and i think that he should be able to delegate stupid little tasks to them — and occasionally maybe Actually relevant info gathering because i am loathe to put children in danger and i would say so is yishai, needlessly, but he understands that this is an inevitable albeit awful part of the duct rat lifestyle. he'd rather pay them handsomely for one slightly risky job than to have them go scrounging for pennies doing high-risk jobs for people who couldn't care less (which is basically how he came up and how he got in himself in an absolutely Fucked up situation with the reds that i intend to someday write a full headcanon post on...)

mostly i am v tickled by the idea of him trying to get anywhere with a child hanging from each arm. most of his money goes into guns/equipment/upgrades and he has a gods-awful sense of personal budgeting especially since parting with the alliance in me2, he spends that game with no separation between normandy/mission financing and personal financing. but whatever of his spare money isn't eaten up by gambling losses/alcohol. it goes to the kids