#truly feeling like the mind prison atp .

[francolapintogf]

trans mick thoughts???

ok so i have 2 schools of thought on this, one is more irl based but the other is more fic based (this post is tagged w rpf for blacklist but im also just warning again, rpf is under the cut)

real based

ok anon so u have basically opened up a can of worms for me . so in reality i do think mick is very frat boy coded and if i think of a mick that’s characterised very canon compliantly, i think: a king himbo like dude… he’s always just sort of known he’s not cis and/or het but didn’t think much of it, but when it comes down to it and he has to confront actual feelings and all that he struggles bc he’s always upheld this image of a poster boy etc etc

i believe that his symbol, the dragon (this is the trans dragon drawjg i rb-d yesterday :)) which he uses a lot (on his helmets and stuff) signifies change in many cultures… at least that’s what it means to me personally.

i also think that f1 drivers in general have a lot of potential with being written as trans in fic simply bc it’s the whole ‘when i out my helmet on and get in the car i am just a driver and no one can see Me’ ?? if that makes sense ?? like personally for me i really enjoy that analogy.

ANYWAY moving on to the less inexplicable things that make me wanna headcanon mick as tboy in my mind is the way his boy is so wiggly.. idk how to explain this but in this picture when he hugs this person HES JUST SOOOOO . so squishy

idk man mb it’s just smth i see but yk 🙏

2. fic

tbh i haven’t read much transmick fic (but if there r recs…… pls send them my way) but like if i were to imagine a general scenario it’s the one i talked abt in the real based thing . basically just wilhelm in young royals sort of arc..

or maybe we could go a different direction and take into consideration the fact that he grew more introverted w each racing series promotion ? maybe he saw that things were getting more and more serious and the pool of ‘talent’ was getting narrower and narrower and less diverse. so maybe he doesn’t wanna tell anyone that he’s transitioned/wants to transition. so he starts getting more secretive bc he doesn’t wanna find out how the worlds gonna treat him ? he doesn’t wanna lose a shot at f1 either ..

when he gets to f1 it’s the time when seb and lewis are advocating for change and equality in the sport. so that’s why he starts getting close and closer to them mostly 😔✊ i feel like he could go either way w telling seb or lewis first bc mb hes closer to seb so he feels more comfortable but what if thats the thing. he’s scared seb won’t accept him bc seb has known him for so long so he tells lewis first instead hmmmm

ok sorry i’m done like as u can tell i am very normal abt transing my blorbos’ genders PLEASE don’t take any of this seriously……… like clearly im just having fun here or projecting wtv wtv. if i get any weird comments abt this in my inbox i am going to block straight away

[selfinflictedgunshotwound]

nevermind the fact that building confidence not only takes years but it takes a mind/constitution capable of the sort of strength of character that i just simply am not able to produce yet. hard to build confidence when you feel inadequate around literally everyone and like a burden for even existing... like dgmw i have a lot of problems i need to address in order to become fine with the oneness of human existence because i'm probably the most codependent person who hides away from people all day that i've ever heard of. it's not surprising i'm like this given that i wasn't really raised to be. open and giving and confident in any way. and i was raised (and continue to be since i view my childhood as not having ended yet NOT BECAUSE i'm "incapable" of being an adult but because i am still constantly talked down to and treated as a child bc i live with my father) in an environment where chaos is rampant and yet, somehow, avoided. my dad is a narcissistic (overused, but accurate) abusive alcohol hoarder who controls nearly every detail of my life including cutting off my access to the outside world (friends, not that i have many i can actually visit, anyways) but also my ability to simply leave the house, to take care of myself (the only shower *THAT WORKS* is connected to my mom and dad's bedroom), and he doesn't even let us clean the house so my life is essentially just a disgusting prison that i have no hope of escaping in my current state. and ughhh i've been trying for so long... so hard to make any kind of tangible change in my environment or my mindset and it never takes hold or lasts because nothing ever changes here. it's like the worst time loop movie that you could conceive because it literally never changes and the characters never grow and it never breaks. barring the transient nature of life and the fact that my parents (and i) are slowly but surely growing older... i can't avoid how pathetic it makes me feel that i have to ask my father to teach me how to drive as a favor and he won't even do me the courtesy of considering it or even lying and saying he'll do it eventually. he truly intends to never have me learn to do anything on my own so i'll rely on him until he dies because that is his ultimate form and exercising of control. i know there should be other options but, at the risk of sounding childish or naive, i don't want to do anything that would put the people i hold dear in danger. i still love my brother and mom (despite. everything) and i know for a fact nothing will ever change simply because i told my mom about my brother molesting me when i was like 8/9(?) and nothing ever came of it and we just never talk about it. i'm never even gonna try to broach that topic with my BROTHER because i'm almost certain it would drive him to kill himself because he's already so fragile (since he's 7 years older than me and stuck in the exact same situation i am. if i feel pathetic, just imagine how he feels lmao.) and i'm so used to protecting him from my vitriol and anger and hatred that i just couldn't stomach losing him over something like that DESPITE. EVERYTHING. my mom is the person i adore most in the entire world and i hate badmouthing her but she is very self-important and self-serving, even though she is so kindhearted and genuine and loving. she has no idea how to handle my emotions, so i have to control myself and hold myself back if i ever want to have an emotional outburst. but i usually don't feel the need unless i'm alone because i'm the only person who understands me and gets what i need. i've made the mistake of crying for hours around her before and getting, essentially, the cold shoulder because she has no idea what to do for me or how to make it better so she doesn't even try and it's HEARTBREAKING to even say that because she is THE PERSON i would go to for anything if i had the choice and i CAN'T because my emotions are too big for anyone to even understand. i know i'm just wallowing atp but i truly don't know what to do or how to fix this lol

[dustedmagazine]

Listed: Three Lobed Recordings

For 20 years, Three Lobed Recordings has explored the outer reaches of psychedelic music, presenting Bardo Pond’s heaviest, most improvisatory albums, documenting the American primitive revival via recordings of Jack Rose and Daniel Bachman, listening to emanations from space-age folk troubadours like Wooden Wand, Sunburned Hand of the Man and Matt Valentine and generally pursuing the beauty of experiment, wherever it occurs. To celebrate these past two fruitful decades, label founder Cory Rayborn lists ten of the albums that define Three Lobed (and, necessarily, leaves out others equally valid and interesting). We look forward to lots more in the decades to come.

Personal Choice Cuts from the TLR Catalog (in no particular order, 9 of which might be different if you were to ask me tomorrow).

Gunn-Truscinski Duo — Ocean Parkway (2012)

Ocean Parkway by Gunn-Truscinski Duo

Every time I listen to this album, especially the title track, I feel transported. Long ago my college roommate Jon Nall articulated a test for transcendent songs, for the ones that impact you no matter how many times you hear them. He summed those all-time tracks up as the ones where the hairs on your arms uncontrollably stand up every time you hear them. While every track on this album does it for me every time, throwing me into a sort of uncontrollable head nod and body sway, I am always fully taken away by the entirety of the title track and Steve's swirling guitar build over the entire eighth minute punctuated by the ecstatic tones he hits at 9:06. Yow. The feeling I get from this album is why the label exists.

Various Artists — Eight Trails, One Path (2012)

Eight Trails, One Path by Various Artists

Record Store Day is tough. I love the attention and cash it puts into the hands of independent retailers but hate how commodified it has become over time by the powers that be / majors who see it as an excuse to pump out a bunch of junk that will end up being shelf warmers and ankle weights on those same retailers they claims to be supporting. The first few years when most of the titles were truly from and by indies it was a lot of fun. That was the feeling that led to wanting to put out an RSD title in mid-2011 (an illness I’ve since overcome). Originally conceived as a joined pair of split 7"s, it morphed into a triple 7" and then to a full length album. I wanted to showcase different approaches to solo guitar work and set out to ask a lot of my favorites. I also wanted to put together a special package which was fleshed out with help by Casey Burns on graphics, Grayson Haver Currin on words and Jeff Mueller on printing. I’m still amazed at the interlocked nature of all of the contributions to this one, from Six Organs’ spiritual sibling to “Ascent” in the form of “Stranded on Io” (a track that is a wordless tale all within itself) to the circular beauty of David Daniell’s “Housewarming” and everything else on here. I really love this record.

Tom Carter — Long Time Underground (2015)

Long Time Underground by Tom Carter

Late in 2013 I was chatting with Tom about what shape a record should take. He wanted to go to Black Dirt and get a good, clean capture of what he had been working on with Jason Meagher. TLR is always onboard with a Black Dirt election. Fast forward several months and family TLR was visiting some friends in Vermont around the same time Tom was in the area. We met up and he handed off the masters for a double LP. While we knew that the mix of Tom’s playing, Tom’s writing and Jason’s engineering was going to be magical but we had no idea of the exact form or how insanely potent the album was going to be. Damn. Seriously, just listen to this stuff and absorb that these are all single takes, no overdubs. Haunting and celebratory all at once.

Daniel Bachman — The Morning Star (2018)

The Morning Star by Daniel Bachman

It is pretty fun to watch the arc and path that Daniel’s writing, recording and performing have taken over the last 15 years. From powerhouse steamroller to the intersection of musique concrète and acoustic drone, his current location could maybe have been seen in his early recordings but you likely would have lost most of those dice rolls. The Morning Star speaks to me in so many ways but the stunning bookends of “Invocation” and “New Moon” always hit like a ton of bricks. What is amazing is how Daniel can turn these album cuts into live performances. I saw “New Moon” several times while Daniel was in the process of touring this 2016 self-titled album, always transfixed by it live — the album version loses none of that potency. On the other hand, Daniel re-created “Invocation” at the 2018 Three Lobed / WXDU Annual Ritual of Summoning to stunning effect.

The Michael Flower Band — self-titled (2008)

The Michael Flower Band by The Michael Flower Band

An audio / aural bomb blast, a kosmik rearrangement of the space/time directly around the listener. This take no prisoners statement from Mick Flower (guitar) and John Moloney (drums) is a deep slice for catalog enthusiasts. Just tune into “Balinese Falsehood” and try to not get fully lost. Years ago I described this as “biker psych for the third eye rider” and I’ll stand by that statement fully today.

Wooden Wand and the World War IV — self-titled (2013)

Wooden Wand & the World War IV by Wooden Wand & the World War IV

Picking between Wooden Wand titles is hard for this particular enthusiast but if forced I think I have to push the needle towards the intense Crazy Horse vibes of this studio corker. Surrounded by the “Briarwood” band, perhaps the most telepathic folks with whom Toth has ever played, the results are electric and transfixing. Will I kick myself tomorrow for not picking Clipper Ship? TBD...

Meg Baird & Mary Lattimore — Ghost Forests (2018)

Ghost Forests by Meg Baird and Mary Lattimore

I don’t remember when it came to me, the fact that there wasn’t a deliberately ground-up collaboration between Meg and Mary in existence. I had to ask them if that was purposeful or a gap that was truly something that we should remedy, a question where I had my fingers crossed the entire time. They were both really into the concept, it just took the triangulation of busy satellites to make all of our desires into reality. The results are as sturdy, sheltering and invisible at the edges as the album's title, facts that we are all the better for each time we wrap ourselves in this particular fabric. An all-timer.

Jack Rose — The Black Dirt Sessions (2009)

The Black Dirt Sessions by Jack Rose

I had the good luck and fortune to get to know Jack back in the Pelt days and watch his transition from that ensemble into the singular player and performer that he was for the last eight years of his too short life. Watching a Jack set was always a tiny miracle. I remember him calling me one day, telling me that he had gone to record with Jason Meagher and he had a record that he would really love for me to put out if I was interested. Not only was I most most certainly interested, but I was amazingly humbled and flattered that this friend who I also considered a modern master had recorded something specifically for me without even discussing it with me first. That level of trust was the gift and magic of Jack. If he believed in you that belief gave you all of the power you needed to make anything reality, you were suddenly bulletproof. Every track here is a stunner but “Cross the North Fork” always pulls me in, dares me to turn my attention anywhere else. Rest in power, friend.

Chuck Johnson — Crows In The Basilica (2013)

Crows In The Basilica by Chuck Johnson

Every track on this perfectly constructed and sequenced album is flawlessly beautiful but “On A Slow Passing In Ghost Town” is one of the top 10 tracks in the entire TLR catalog in my estimation. Exactingly and properly composed, performed and recorded.

Bardo Pond — Peri (2009)

Peri by Bardo Pond

The love of Bardo Pond was the seed that initially drove me to create a record label. Their single-minded determination to seek audio truth was apparent to me ages ago and so very inspirational. I ate up everything — the releases, the live shows, the live recording — and I hung on every note. The band had a lot of really, really great tunes that they had been working on between 2001 and 2003, the period between their departing Matador for ATP Records. I could never shake the power of several of the tracks from this era that sort of got abandoned to the shifts of time. After several conversations with Michael Gibbons two albums were born from that period and from some other exceptionally potent tracks. Batholith was the first of these two albums and Peri, the second. Both are so very special to me, the fruit of knowing folks needed to hear these compositions. When writing here I have to pick Peri today as it closes with “Silver Pavilion,” an all-time Bardo Pond thesis statement of sorts.