#true powers and also your therapist is evil also you will never be able to live in normal society' which like. if you were trying to make a

[apoloadonisandnarcissus]

I agree with @ghostinthetumbchine and with some of @rey-jake-therapist.

However, when Galadriel says to Sauron “we are not alike, we never were” she also adds “it was another of your illusions”. She’s accusing him of deceiving her about their connection in Season 1. And I think that’s the context behind Miv’s words of Galadriel being repulsed by Sauron’s “hollowness”, when she meets him again. This is nothing new, it’s very visible in the scene itself:

In Season 2, Galadriel believes Sauron has deceived her, up until her confrontation with him, in the finale. He also took on a new fair form (Elf), which further strengths Galadriel’s belief that he is nothing more than the “great deceiver”, and, as such, he has also deceived her all along. Not only that, but he just ordered the Orcs to destroy Eregion and kill every Elf.

So Miv words are very true, and aligned with this scene:

And that’s why Galadriel believes they are not alike, and it’s all a lie on his part:

And she gets so angry with this, she has the strength to break free from Morgoth’s crown and kicks him. And then Sauron takes upon himself to “prove” how alike they are: Halbrand (“fighting at your side, I felt, if I could hold on to that feeling”), Sauron!Galadriel (“they could no longer distinguish me from the evil I was fighting”) and Celebrimbor (“aren’t they the seeds you planted?”). The message gets kind of lost because of the fight, but this is Sauron saying they are, indeed, alike and their connection wasn’t an illusion on his part.

To me, that’s the meaning of Miv’s words. She’s talking about Galadriel’s reaction to Sauron, in 2x08. She doesn’t see Halbrand anymore in him, in that moment. And that’s why Sauron plays the shapeshifter.

Concerning Galadriel new found powers, I think it’s kind of obvious it’s due to Morgoth’s crown and her most likely blood bound with Sauron, especially her telepathic abilities.

We haven’t seen Galadriel having this power in “Rings of Power”; she already has glimpses of the future thanks to Nenya, and this, yes, is an innate power of hers, as confirmed by her scene with Gil-galad, in 2x02, because he, too, has visions ever since he started to wear Vilya:

But the first time we see telepathy in “Rings of Power” is with Sauron and Galadriel, after he stabs her with Morgoth’s crown. We know, from the books, Galadriel has this power in the Third age (she communicates with both Frodo and Elrond in this way).

We also know Galadriel can look into Sauron’s mind, and vice-versa. We don’t see this power among the other ring-bearers (Elrond and Gandalf). I mean, Gandalf only finds out about Sauron’s plan of sending the Nazgûl to the Shire to get the One Ring from Frodo because Gollum is set free. This is a very clear indication that Gandalf, despite having Narya, can’t look into Sauron’s mind to see his plans and intentions, like Galadriel can. And how is she able to do that when not even a Maia and a Istari like Gandalf can’t? The blood bound provides an answer to this. Because Galadriel is powerful, yes, but she’s only an Elf.

As for Galadriel not joining Sauron, I think it’s because she’s afraid of herself. Because she wants what he offers, and she knows she would become a tyrant worse than him if she was to join him. Even Tolkien confirms this on his letters. But this is what she truly wants. Endless power is her heart’s true desire.

That’s why the One Ring (which contains part of Sauron’s soul) will offer her the same temptation thousands of years later, and Tolkien tells us this temptation is “overwhelming” because she wants to take the One Ring for herself in that moment, and it’s her ultimate test. And she’s able to resist and return to Valinor. It’s not because she doesn’t want it, is repulsed by it or whatever. She does want it, and fiercely so. That’s the whole point of her resisting to take the One Ring being such a huge deal in her character arc, and her gaining the Valar’s pardon at last.

Miv tells us it’s “grief” that prevents Galadriel from joining Sauron in 2x08. Now, I don’t know if she’s talking about the beginning of the scene or the end, when Galadriel is about to actually join Sauron and snaps out of it, and Nenya gives her the strength to resist. Because Miv talks about grief as connected to her vision of Halbrand.

Melody McCune: Thank you so much for chatting with me! My first question is for Morfydd. In the finale, Galadriel tells Sauron, “You and I are not alike. We never were.” Do you feel she was being honest with herself at that moment? What was she thinking during that big confrontation where Sauron tried to tempt her? Morfydd Clark: I think she was being honest because even though they were united in a certain way, their reasons for being united were so vastly different. I think she’s repulsed by him and his hollowness and by the fact that she couldn’t see that as Halbrand.  Particularly, when he turns into Halbrand, that is just a mirror to her of her big folly, really. She’s also grieving because he’s caused so much destruction. That grief she feels ends up being the thing that galvanizes her to say “no” because grief is loving.

I love reading/hearing Miv talking about Galadriel, probably because I always end up agreeing with everything she says (except for Adar, but I'll keep these thoughts myself because I know controversial this topic here.) ;) Here she said pretty much how I felt about this "You and I are not alike. We never were." line. I never felt watching that she was lying to herself, even though she and Sauron are definitely NOT that different. But their differences lie in the vision they have of the world, and on how these differences affects their goals: Sauron's dream world will never be Galadriel's dream world, and the fact that Sauron's vision terrifies and repulses her will always be what will stop her from joining him. That's what she referred to when told him "You and I are not alike".

And the fact that she said "because grief is loving" though... SHE GETS IT!

MM: One more question. What are you most looking forward to exploring with your respective character journeys in Season 3 and beyond? MC: I’m really looking forward to Galadriel becoming ever more powerful and yet ever more careful with the power she has and becoming light.

Oh boy me too. Witch Galadriel's is coming, and it's the thing I'm waiting to see the most. I think it may even distract me from Haladriel when we see her powers develop lol

Talking of said powers, I know the most popular theory (and the one that makes the most sense I have to say) is that Sauron shared some of his powers with her when he stabbed her with Morgoth's crown and that it's why she'll suddenly have magical powers, while until now we didn't see her have any.

I must admit, and please don't yell at me because it's just my personal opinion and doesn't mean I don't love this ship to death, I don't like this idea very much. More precisely, I don't like the idea that until now, she had no particular powers (more than any other Elf, I mean), but will end up have plenty because he'll give her some of his. Maybe I'm biased because she would get these powers thanks to a particular act of violence and violation (the subtext behind the stabbing), but I'd rather have her realize that she always had it in her; and when Sauron stabbed her with Morgoth's crown, he somehow allowed this power to "wake" in her.

I've been thinking of what Celebrimbor said about Halbrand in season 1:

I can see Sauron's act being the key that will unlock Galadriel's powers as well. Because that's what Sauron does, really. Even in season 1, Galadriel realized that the "sigil" she had found earlier was not a sigil, but a map of the Southlands. And why did she? Because she met Halbrand, who gave her the information that Adar and the Orcs were in the Southlands. Sauron is someone who gives people "keys" to their secret desires and ambitions, and what does Galadriel truly desires? Power. And I think it would make sense if Galadriel had this desire because deep inside, she knows she already has this power in her but never dared to tap into it, because she's afraid of what she might become if she embraced it.

I mean, it's truly why she rejects Sauron when he offers her to be a queen: not because he's Sauron, not because of what he is, but because she's afraid of herself. By stabbing her, Sauron could have somehow forced her to accept that she has this power, probably hoping that she would use it to serve him, or at least to rejoice his vision and help him reach his goals.

So in season 3, Galadriel will probably see very early that she now has unlimited access to this power, and it may frighten her but also... It will be thrilling, for her. And that's why Patrick McKay responded "For now..." when Miv said that thing about Galadriel being in the light again, imho. Because with all this power in her hand, of course the temptation to use it will be strong, but what will she do with it? She will want to use it for good, of course, but just like we see with Sauron's example, it's very easy to have "good intentions" (wanting to "heal Middle-Earth is not a bad thing in it itself, is it?), but to end up doing exactly the opposite of what you want to do.

I mean, it's exactly what Galadriel tells Sam in Fellowships of the rings, when he says she should take the One Ring:

Sam: “I wish you’d take his Ring. You’d put things to rights. You’d stop them digging up the Gaffer and turning him adrift. You’d make some folk pay for their dirty work.” Galadriel: "That is how it would begin. But it would not stop with that, alas!"

Wouldn't it give this quote even more depth, if she experienced this struggle already? It would also make her refusal to take the One Ring even more understandable. If she had to resist the call of darkness while being just Witch Galadriel, she'd have legit reasons to believe that the One Ring would drag her into a pit of darkness too deep for her to ever climbing back.

I honestly have no idea how all this will be conneted with her relationship with Sauron. I don't think she'll ever come close to join him, but I can see him taunting her into tapping in this power, knowing that it would lead her to "touch the darkness" more than she did so far. It is what he wants her to do, after all. Even if he has renounced making her his queen, he won't want her to be his enemy, because with all this new power she'll be a dangerous one. So he'll definitely push her into using her powers, and into embracing her inner darkness, which will now be stronger than ever because Sauron literally infused some his darkness in her when he stabbed her with a dark object covered with his blood.

[musical-chick-13]

...I’m really not sure what this movie was trying to say.

[avissapiens]

Avis' Subject Symposium

A Crash Course in Trance Pt 1: Files.

(Art by Acro @sodalite96/https://twitter.com/sodalite96 Used with their permission. Go check them out!)

So often new subjects come to me and they don’t know the first thing about trance. None of its mechanics or methods, and so it can be very daunting for them; to step into such a wide abyss without knowing what to expect and what is expected of you. Many of them, even experienced subjects, expect that 100% of the work is and should be done by the Hypnotist. In truth both parties, the hypnotist and the subject, must be willing and able. But while it’s more readily apparent what must be done in order for a tist to be successful in their endeavors, many subjects/potential subjects can have a hard time understanding what it takes to get the most out of their trance, both from pre-recorded files, and from live sessions with a hypnotist. So, I’m here to give you what is in my opinion, the essential Crash Course to Trance, starting first with trancing to files.

Location

Find yourself somewhere nice, darkened and quiet, where you know you won’t be disturbed. This is already a hard task for a lot of subjects, living with other people always increases the chance that one might barge in on you, eyes glazed over, drooling all over yourself. Or that someone’s reckless pounding from above might shake the abyss so thoroughly that it takes you out of trance. But here is the thing I will stress. While physical quiet is a good idea as it allows you to focus on the words and suggestions streaming into your head. What matters so much more is internal peace and quiet. A location where you can feel at ease and safe and secure in yourself. A locked bedroom surrounded by mountains of pillows. Your favorite plush armchair that threatens to swallow you almost as well as the Abyss of Trance. The peaceful morning route on the train whose path you know so well that you can be lulled into trance just by the rumbling vibrations of the tracks beneath your seat. Wherever you can be comfortable.

The ideal location for trance I'm sure does exist in some government facility or therapists office somewhere, where you can be dropped into an isolation tank and be brainwashed clean. But most of us will never encounter that. So what matters then is the ideal mindset for trance, which is one of peace, safety, trust and assurance.

Equipment

This is one of the reasons so many love using files. Because its barrier to entry is so low. All you really need is something to play the file on and a place to listen. This is in contrast to working directly with a tist where you need, at the very least, A good internet connection, maybe a camera, Another person who you trust and who might be wildly inconsistent. Or working in person which probably will require a whole location and time-table to get set up. No, Files are relatively simple and they are no better or worse than live sessions for certain purposes. However, like all simple things, they can be elevated by improving its ingredients. A box cake from the store and a home-made chiffon are functionally the same, but their difference comes in the ingredients and technique.

So for trance I recommend spoiling yourself a little, at the very least buy yourself some decent quality over-ear headphones. Many file-makers (myself included) add frequencies and binaural beats underneath the main track. These serve the purpose of training your own brain’s waveforms to a certain frequency, thus more easily taking you into trance. But they can only be detected and properly registered with some good headphones. Additionally, The encapsulation of headphones provides a more immersive experience, isolating you and transporting you through the trance experience like you are in your own little world. Trust me. $600 studio headphones aren’t needed, But a good quality wired $40 headset goes a long way and is multi-purpose. A decent quality chair or mattress also will serve you well, not just in trance but in life.

Focus

Trance is a very tricky state that, like all things, requires practice and patience to master. Staying in trance is like a tightrope walk, teetering gently between the realm of consciousness and awareness, and the oblivion of total subconscious and sleep. It is the liminal space between the two, that subconscious space that makes trance and hypnosis possible. It is the state where your mind is most open to total suggestion and where magical things can happen. So how does one walk the line between these two modes of being? The answer is focus. Or rather Half-focus. Focusing without focusing. With descriptions like that it can sound like some kind of Zen riddle, but that is often what it feels like sometimes. Now this is not a laser focus like you would expect in a classroom setting, no one is being tested here. It's a more gentle and subtle focus. Like focusing on the world around you. Focusing on the wind on your face, the rise and fall of your lungs; On the way your body just goes loose and slumps over. The trick is to go in and to follow along, to listen and pay attention and try to comply with the suggestions given at first. Suspend your disbelief and engage with it unironically and without pretense. If you notice yourself drifting, don’t try to force it back to focus. Simply let it explore where it wants and to carry on organically. Nothing in trance needs to be forced. Simply focused on and allowed to happen.

Many subs oscillate in trance, their minds ebbing and flowing like a Sine wave; wavering in and out of trance, one minute aware, the next minute completely blank and asleep, and then for a brief moment in bliss. But it averages out to trance at the end of it. One must also not fear dropping out of trance. Focusing too much on that eventuality makes it a self fulfilling prophecy. Just Focus-not-focus-half-focus and enjoy yourself.

Apprehension

So many subjects look at files and their mind begins to spin with endless questions and anxieties. Worries about “losing themselves” or “changing too much” or “doing things they don’t want to do.” It’s a valid set of concerns for a new subject, uninitiated in the true mechanics of trance and only knowing of hypnosis what is shown in the media. Evil villains and monsters brainwashing our heroes to do horribly enticing and arousing things. So ingrained is this idea that it even crossed over into the allure of hypnosis files. And while I won’t say it's impossible for that to happen, I have 3 comments on it to ease your mind. First, with Files, one of the best things about it is that the subject gets to control practically every single aspect of the experience. When you do it, how many times you listen, and whether you listen at all to begin with. While all files should be clearly labelled with Content and trigger warnings and given an explicit summary of what they are and what they do, we know that is not the case. The amount of “Mystery files” I've seen on various forums irks me to no end. But it appeals to some people. However, for those who are not particularly fond of surprises you have the absolute power to review the file before you trance to it. You can give it a fully aware walk through, or just jump through segments to look for anything that doesn’t suit your taste.

Once you’ve done that however you might still be conflicted about some content. Not openly averse to it, but unsure. Dumbing down and IQ reduction are probably number one on this list. People are so terrified of somehow losing everything when they learn to stop overthinking things. For these concerns my second point suggests Introspection. Ask yourself “Why do I/Don’t I want this?” “Is it really as bad as my anxiety is making it out to be?” Because if you like something a lot, and really want it, then why should you deny yourself it out of fear? Even aside from dumbing, many desires are tinged with this air of guilt or fear. Terrified to acknowledge or grab hold of what we truly want and own up to it. In my estimation Hypnosis can be one of the best ways of dabbling with those desires because in trance there is no shame or judgement. Finally, my 3rd point says you don’t have to worry. If you really don’t like a suggestion you can always leave it behind. Your mind has built in fail-safes to reject suggestions you haven’t agreed to. A file cannot make you do something unless you want it, at least subconsciously. The old cliche goes “All Hypnosis is Self-Hypnosis” and what that fundamentally means is that as a subject you are the one who decides what happens. You consent and go along with things and allow them to happen to you. It is your desire, your focus, your arousal and your own subconscious that allows hypnosis to work. Subjects have more power than they know. I really hope it assists some people in vibing better with trance and files. I’ll be putting out another version for Live hypnotists later this month.

Thanks again to Acro for letting me use their Art, definitely go and support them on twitter. And If you want to support the creation of more hypnotic experiences that might help you practice that balance of focus then you can do so by subscribing to my Patreon, or to my Youtube channel. And if you want to interact more closely with me and my supportive community you can join my Discord server.

[star-anise]

Thank you for your reply. My ask was kind of all over the place. (I've done some dbt before with a previous therapist and it helped! But that therapist was not a good fit I'm at a new one now tho).

Random thing, you mentioned bpd I heard in my abnormal psychology class that a lot of therapists won't treat someone diagnosed with bpd??? It was the teacher who is a grad student studying to be a therapist who said it. And like. I don't understand. They sound like a very in need population who was often abused and there's a whole huge book of treatment resources written by someone with bpd. I've heard they're "hard to treat" and talked about like they're hopeless. but like why be a mental health professional if you don't like mentally ill/different people?

This is also the same professor who insisted trauma is only the few things listed under dsm ptsd definition as traumatic events.. like she said parents getting divorced isn't a traumatic event because you aren't physically in danger... that class really scared me about the mental health field because of all the awful people in it aspiring to be therapists including the teacher.

Sorry for all the asks I love the work you do on this blog

Ahahaha, what IS it about undergrad abnormal psych professors? Mine said he wouldn't touch clinical practice with a ten-foot pole, and told a story about how once a student told him she had schizophrenia, and he knew that she was lying because obviously nobody with schizophrenia could actually manage to attend university.

(It's seriously untrue. I've had both friends and clients with psychotic disorders who succeeded in university. He was being an ableist bastard. Like, I know psych students can tend to over-identify with a disorder they're studying without actually having it, but that doesn't mean no psych student is ever entirely correct about their deal.)

Okay so, BPD. The thing about BPD is that it requires a special skillset that does not come standard in most clinical training. If a therapist who doesn't have that skillset tries to treat someone with BPD, the therapy will not be very effective and the process will be very frustrating for both them and their client. To be very frank, it's just as true that ordinary therapists are bad at treating BPD and don't like feeling stupid, as it is that people with BPD are hard to treat.

(And training to deal with people with BPD clinically is often not included in grad school education. DBT training is expensive and they won't accept you unless you have an adequate clinical placement.)

Also, part of dealing with BPD in particular is... people with BPD often have trouble seeing authority figures with anything more nuanced than "adoration and compliance" or "fear and loathing". As a therapist, you're signing up as an authority figure. Part of the work means letting your client express all their feelings about you, and helping them work to something more nuanced and sustainable, like, "I am furious and enraged that I'm in pain and I wish my therapist could take that pain away, but I realize that's not within her power. I have to admit that she's not being an evil villain here, so I can feel my resentment but let it go."

Which can be stressful to deal with, as a therapist. You have to live with a lot of hurt and anger and rage headed your way, and keep your perspective. Be empathetic without getting carried away in those emotions. You have to be able to face that pain and say, "I can't take that away. I can only help you learn to bear it."

Basically everyone I know in grad school had a nervous breakdown somewhere along the line because we go to therapist school because we're smart and capable and feel good about helping people, so when we encounter a person we can't help, or are put in situations where we have to stop helping, we tend to have existential crises and end up sobbing in the student lounge about What Am I Even Good For Now. I was lucky because I had a version of that breakdown before I entered grad school, and my therapist warned me to get a new shrink when I moved for my Master's, "Because if you don't need one at the beginning, you'll definitely need one by the end." So I was more equipped to help classmates for whom this was a wholly new experience.

In my opinion, the healthy way to approach the problem of A Person You're Not Good At Helping is to practice humility, set reasonable boundaries, recognize the limits of your competence, and see where you can learn and grow. But many therapists and helping professionals use what I consider to be an unhealthy approach, labelling such clients as "defensive" and "resistant" and "hard to treat" and blaming them for the difficulty.

Which like, I get that "practicing humility" is like "doing exercise", sometimes you're tired and cranky and don't want to go for a run. Sometimes you just want to blame the other person for not accepting your magnanimous help.

Anyway, within the field of mental health psychotherapy, complex trauma is a unique sub-speciality that many therapists don't want to touch at all. I had many classmates say, "Woof, you're into complex trauma? You must be so tough, I could never." ����

(Technically I have the ethical obligation to represent my profession in the best possible light to encourage public confidence in the field of psychotherapy. But I think it's not undermining the profession to admit what everyone already knows, which is that some therapists are oblivious assholes who do bad work. I've seen it, I've met them, I want them to piss off forever. Jordan Peterson is a blight to our names and Phil McGraw can go choke.)

So people who are on your wavelength about BPD and trauma and What Therapists Are For are out there. They're just a little rarer than the usual run of therapists. For what it's worth, I've found they cluster more in areas like complex trauma, DBT, Narrative Therapy, and the Hearing Voices Movement. Next year (knock on wood) I'l be going to a conference on the treatment of complex trauma with a friend, and this sounds weird given that it's a weekend all about child maltreatment, but I expect it to be a blast, because I'll get to be among My People, talking about the work that fills our souls.

I really wish that as an undergrad, I'd spent more time hanging out with Social Work students, and going to conferences and trainings. Those are where I met some of the coolest people I really clicked with. And in grad school, I had the extreme pleasure of meeting other people who were a lot like me. Those friendships were especially rewarding because as skilled helpers, we ended up playing a game of Needs Chicken, where each tries hide their own needs and caretake for the other, which finally ended up in a standoff where we had to agree to put down our caretaking skills and just be honest about what we wanted, even if that felt new and scary and raw.

(Support me: Patreon and Paypal.)

[supercorpkid]

What the hell, you’re in hell.

Part 2 of T is for Trauma - The Series

Supercorp, Kara Danvers x Daughter!Reader, Lena Luthor x Daughter!Reader

Word count: 2040.

Warnings: kidnapping. Injuries. Angst.

Previously on the series – part 1

Things have not yet fallen into place with your moms. Of course that, as a family, sometimes you all say things you didn’t actually give too much consideration and end up kind of hurting each other’s feelings on the way. Most of the time, there’s a big apology, hugging and crying. You haven’t done any of those things during the night, and in the morning, you were kind of late for school so you didn’t have time to talk to them. To be fair, you didn’t even see them since your big blow out.

So, after school you say goodbye to Jamie, and decide to walk to L Corp. Since people are now paying more attention to the sky, you don’t want any more pictures of you flying around for a while. You don’t know how your momma pulls off not being recognized just by using glasses and a ponytail, but you sense you might not be able to do the same.

You’re on your way to L Corp to finally talk to Lena. You know that you hurt Kara too, but you did worse with Lena saying you didn’t expect better from her. That was shitty of you, and you know it.

Sure, there were also a bunch of things that you said that were totally true. Now that you think about it, you were only trying to convince yourself that you didn’t care that they never show up at your science fair, physics decathlon, or anywhere else in the school aside from the principal’s office to hear something bad about you. You don’t know why they stopped doing that when you got older, but not seeing their proud and loving face in a sea of people that hate you, really did a number on you.

Jamie has obviously noticed that this was the reason you left in the middle of the event, and she went all therapist Olsen on you and told you, you should tell them the truth. Tell them it hurts, that you miss them there, and apologize for saying it so aggressively.

So, your plan is talking to Lena first, and then buying some donuts and flying to CatCo right after, so you can talk to Kara. You could never know none of these plans would come true.

You’re walking, when you pass a black van parked close to the sidewalk and you feel something burning in your body. That’s so weird, you’ve only felt like this once. And only when you’re shot with a Kryptonite bullet.

You try to run, but your legs feel wobbly, and you can’t go very far before your legs give in and you fall on the ground. You look behind you, to a guy leaving the van, and going towards you. You take off your glasses to see inside the van, but you can’t see anything.

“Lex was right, Kryptonite always works.” You hear when the guy is in front of you, but you can’t see his face, it is covered with a black mask. You know they have kryptonite, but you have to call your momma for help. You put your hand on the watch and he notices your movement. “I wouldn’t do that if I were you, child.” He easily lifts you up by the wrist, and takes the watch out.

He is not just a normal guy. You can see by the way he lifts you up like you weigh nothing. He either has super strength or some other kind of power.

“What do you want from me?” You manage to ask and he laughs right at your face. He walks back to the van, you’re still hanging a few feet off the ground, by the wrist. You look around to see if no one is seeing this clearly evil person carrying a girl to a black van, and your answer is that no one is. And the ones that are, certainly don’t care.

“Why would I want anything from a child?” He throws you in the van and you look around to see the kryptonite. It’s so close to you now, that you feel the burn going inside your bloodstream, and you whimper.

You look outside at the man’s hand, and you see him dropping your watch on the ground. He was smart, not to take it with him, ‘cause Kara could track you with it. Your hand goes instinctively to your necklace, as long as you still have that, Lena can track you.

“What do you have there?” One of the other guys notices your hand and tries to take it away from you. You fight, punching him with all the strength you have left, and he falls back with a hand on his nose. But you can’t fight all three of them, not while being exposed to Kryptonite. So, they snatch the necklace out of your neck and dump it on the street.

“No, please, no. It’s just a necklace, it’s my grandmother’s necklace, please.” You cry out, but they take no pity. They close the van and drive you away for good.

You want to take the high road, you really do. You want to go quietly and pretend that you don’t care about the fact that you’re being kidnapped right now, but if there’s a slight chance that Kara can hear your cry for help, then you don’t really care about taking the high road.

So you cry and you scream. You do everything you can to get help before you’re taken to Rao knows where, but help doesn’t come.

You try to use your x-ray vision to know where they are taking you, but, and you can’t believe you’re thinking this, these kidnappers are kind of smart, because they covered the van in lead, so you can’t see out, and Supergirl can’t see in.

“So you work for Lex Luthor. Why is he sending people to kidnap me?” You scoff, with not so much strength left in you.

“I don’t work for Lex!” He yells looking extremely offended by your insinuation. “He simply gave me some ideas, but I’M the brain of this operation.”

“Ok. Then what do you want from me?” You ask again, not satisfied with the last answer. “If you want to fight, stop the car and I’ll fight you!”

“No offense, but I can’t fight you. You’re like twelve.” Offense very much taken, excuse him. “I can’t fight a kid. And I don’t want to anyways, I want Supergirl.”

“Why?” You should’ve known. You always knew someday you would get into serious trouble because some evil jackasses are trying to get to your momma, but right now? While you’re in the middle of a fight with her?

“You’re too young to understand!”

“I’m not too young!” He scoffs like he is sure you’re twelve and you huff. “I’m sixteen!”

“Boss, you said we were kidnapping a kid.” Says one of the other men, looking at you in shock.

“It’s not my fault she looks so young.”

“So you’re ok with kidnapping a kid, but not a teenager?” You ask one of the guys and he looks back at you.

“Shut up, I think you broke my nose, you stupid shit!”

You open your eyes, and look around. You don’t remember closing your eyes in the first place, so it is very surprising when you open them and find yourself in a low light lit room. The only thing you see clear is a chair, and the ‘brain of the operation’ in it.

“Hello child.”

You want to punch his face so badly, but you can’t. They have you wrapped in chains with kryptonite in the middle. It burns so much you can’t even get up from where you’re lying on the floor.

“How long do you think it will take for Supergirl to find you?” He mocks and you try to use your x-ray vision to find out where you are, but it’s all made of lead. “I do think we made it too hard for her. She can’t track you. She can’t see through lead… I wonder if she will find you before the kryptonite kills you because of over-exposure.”

“Let me go.” You grunt, your voice almost gone and you hear laughter in response.

“Your mother put me in jail for years. I had a child too, you see. Now he is a man, and wants nothing to do with me.”

“Is there where you met Lex?”

“Why are you so interested in Lex Luthor? Oh, yeah. He is your mom’s arch enemy” He tilts his head to look at you. “I told him all about my hate for the Supers, so he gave me some ideas. And I guess he was right. I mean, just look at you. You look like you’re dying and I didn’t even have to hurt you.”

“You shouldn’t follow Lex’s footsteps. He is sentenced for a lifetime.”

“I thought you were dying, but you are way too talkative for someone who’s dying. Should I black you out again?”

“Supergirl will find me and you’re going back to jail to keep Lex company for the rest of your lives.” You growl between your teeth.

“I might. Or you might die first and I’ll have the last laugh. I guess we'll see.” He walks to where you are. “I must say, it’s an incredibly powerful feeling to make a Kryptonian bleed.” He stomps on your head, and you see nothing after that.

When you wake up again, you can taste the blood on your mouth. You feel weak and nauseated, and your ears are ringing loudly. You don’t open your eyes, because you also hear muffled voices. It’s hard for you to make up the conversation with the constant noise in your ear. You focus on the conversation, and try to forget the pain you’re feeling.

“She’s totally green. Look at her. She looks like Shrek.” Laughter. “Maybe she died already?”

Nope, still pretty much alive and suffering, thank you.

“Maybe coming to Gotham was a little much. Supergirl will never find her.”

Gotham? Fuck. He is right, your momma might not find you before you die of over-exposure.

“I’m so bored. Let’s go grab something to eat. She’s either dead or dying, so who cares?”

Well, he is right. You are dying.

You open one eye, the one that was not directly stepped on, and you see you’re indeed alone. Ok, you’re dying, but you’re not dead yet. What can you do?

There’s not much in the dim lit room, or at least not a lot you can make out with your one watery eye, anyway. There is one thing, only one thing that can help you. An old radio system. The best kind.

You force yourself up. Your head is heavy and you barely can’t leave it up. You can’t stand up, so you crawl to it. The taste of blood is strong on your mouth, your stomach is twisting and growling inside, you know you’re minutes away from throwing up all over yourself and passing out again.

You open the radio, you’re not even sure how, do you still have super strength? Is it just poorly made? It doesn’t matter, the only thing that matters right now is that you are able to pass your location to someone.

- - . .. -

-- .. -- .- -.

You press the button a few times and close the shell again, crawling back to the place you were, and laying down while panting because of the pain and the effort. You close your eye, and pray to Rao your message is received by them. You pray they’re looking for you. And you pray you don’t die before telling them you’re sorry for all the things you said, and that you love them more than anything in the universe.

It doesn’t take long until you hear the men coming back to where you are. You stay completely still, and even hold your breath to make sure they don’t notice anything.

“See, I told you. Dumb girl didn’t even move. She dead, man.”

She ISN’T dead. But if she gets out of this, you might be, you stupid shit.

[nacrelyses]

normal album analysis as a musical: the child

first a disclaimer: i know this interpretation was not will wood’s intention in making the album, this is just how the music resonates with me and i hope it helps other people as well.

now following up on my last post about the normal album potentially being interpreted as the life of a queer child in a conservative family (tw internalized and external queerphobia, gaslighting, mental illness). 

let’s call this ..hmm.

a normal musical: the child.

suburbia overture: the aforementioned overture, the establishment of the musical setting as your typical white picket fence upper middle class suburb nuclear family. traditional values, traditional lifestyle, traditional children, with the vampire culture segment foreshadowing the way that imposing conservative values and self-loathing on a closeted queer child “sucks” the life out of them.

2econd-2ight-2eer: when the child starts questioning, the very act of questioning defies the moral compass their family has set out for them. possibly reflecting the way that questioning and exploring one’s identity, in addition to being rife with internalized queerphobia, is also fraught with the self-gaslighting that comes as a result of the internalized queerphobia, which might make the child believe they’re simply “losing it” or that whatever they’re experiencing is a mental illness. also the first stanza: “my grip on my secrets slipping while i’m speaking in tongues, screaming at the top of my lungs in the confession booth” religious trauma much?

laplace’s angel: the child has begun to come to terms with the fact that they are most likely queer, and the complete deterioration of their family’s imposed conservative values. this is the phase where the internalized queerphobia still makes them feel as though they’ve become a bad or evil person, thus laplace’s angel being them internally pleading for the world and for society to see them as they really are rather than a villain deviating from the norm. that if others were in their shoes, they’d walk the “same damn miles”, the same damn crises, the same damn emotional turmoil, that the child is currently going through .

i/me/myself: gender cannonball...need i say more? maybe the child believes, as a product of internalized transphobia, that it would be easier if they were their assigned gender - or perhaps, depending on the individual, maybe the child is wishing to be able to exist as their true gender. in either scenario, this song encapsulates the desperation that comes with exploring identity. the freedom that arrives with a revelation and the immediate restriction that comes with realizing that that revelation can never be truly realized in a queerphobic family. or even the bitterness at knowing their family makes such a huge deal about queerness, that queerness is somehow a gigantic roadblock their family will never be able to cross. both realizing your identity and still grappling with the idea that if you were born into the “norm”, you wouldn’t need to go through all this pain to try and figure out who you really are. it’s the turmoil of being genuine in a society that would actively oppress you for doing so and putting up a facade that somewhat lessens the aforementioned pain, but at the cost of further internal suffering. 

also, to my fellow genderqueer and gender nonconforming will wood fans (and let’s face it, which one of us isn’t?): i see you. i see your spotify listening activity. i see the loop button. i would ask if you’re okay but i know we’re not

...well, better than the alternative: parenting angst here, maybe alluding to the parents themselves perpetuating toxic cycles that they never had the opportunities to realize or heal from. the child is born amid these toxic cycles, and although this toxicity (the queerphobia, for example) is the norm in this suburban family, deep down the parents don’t want their child to turn out the way they do. meanwhile, on the other end, the child is feeling as though “everybody’s up in my goddamn business” - maybe the parents are starting to suspect that their child is less than cishet (or maybe the child has come out to them), and within their denial of their child not turning out the way they want them to, maybe they unconsciously realize that it’s their own toxic parenting styles that have made their child so afraid and secretive about who they really are. if this is the scenario that the child has come out to their parents, they have decided that even if they are existing in a conservative family, they will be existing as themselves. or if it is a closet scenario, the child has decided that they will continue to hide themselves from their family for their own safety. in either situation, the child believes that the decision they made is “better than the alternative” 

(this song also makes me remember hospitals a lot so there’s that)

outliars and hyppocrates: we start off with some more religious (trauma) imagery. maybe the metaphor of the apple is trying to indicate to the parents, through the conservative lens of seeing queerness as something bad, that the child was not “brainwashed” or “taught” to be this way. that they simply are. the rest of the song grapples with that internalized queerphobia, maybe the child feeling that they are less than human because of their queerness but who’d want to be human, be the norm, anyway? if the child is made to feel Other, then they ought to embrace and wear and own that Otherness - out of defiance, out of desperation, but ultimately out of a need for survival. 

blackboxwarrior: i want to focus on the chorus here. the child’s mental struggles are exacerbated by the lack of acceptance they receive from their immediate environment, but the chorus acts as sort of a defiance against their internalized queerphobia. so what if their parents’ values portray queerness as an illness, something that will kill you? if it was going to kill the child, it would have by now; and it hasn’t, so surely the child is heading in a right direction to be exploring and reclaiming their identity. and then the bridge - “growing up, how was your relationship with the fundamentals of conscious existence?” ties back to i/me/myself’s grappling with the idea of self and existence in one’s body. growing up, how was the child’s relationship with the environment that dictated how they ought to exist and be perceived? and “what, you think ideas spread because they're good? / no, they spread because people like them” can be pointing to the conservative ideas that are perpetuated by the child’s family. these ideas do not spread because they’re good. they spread because the family wants an excuse from some higher power to discriminate against those they feel are outliers from the norm. “so here we are once again, holding, as it were, a mirror up to your mirror / i guess it's just something people do” can be pointing to how the way the child is trying to come to terms with their identity is by overcoming the toxic ways of thought that their parents taught them, and which their parents are still bound by. if the parents are to find out that their child is queer, their reaction will be to ask, “why? we don’t understand you?” but they are really only talking to the mirror, to the reflection they have constructed that they believe their child to be. their child is not that reflection, and they are going in circles, but that’s just what people do, i guess.

finally, the bridge being formatted sort of like one’s first session with a therapist or psychiatrist leads into marsha, thankk you for the dialectics.

marsha, thankk you for the dialectics: a heavily psychiatry-based song. marsha thankk is about the intertwining of the self with the illness and i value that meaning a lot. i can’t think of another way, nor do i particularly want to think of another way, to embed this song’s meaning into the child. it has grown obvious by this point that the child has their own mental illnesses to grapple with - whether they arose as a need to cope within their toxic home environment, or out of other factors, is not particularly important to be clarified. i would say that the meaning of this song in this musical is just what it was originally intended to be - the child, on their path to recovery, slowly separating those toxic coping mechanisms from themselves in order to really realize their identity. 

love, me normally: i wrote a long ass post about this at 12am this morning. 

memento mori: the musical’s closure. this song embodies a lot of nihilism about one’s existence and one’s meaning in existence, and i would like to think that this song being the musical’s closure is not closure in the sense that it gives you a “where are they now” glimpse, or that it gives you the final direction that the child has decided to head in. rather, memento mori exists in this musical as the child’s innermost thoughts about their own existence as somebody who seemingly defies the (supposed cishet) order of the universe. it is the child’s darkest, most shadowed and hidden ruminations about their life and what their death may bring, if anything at all. throughout the child’s life, throughout the musical, these thoughts have only been hidden, obscured and glimpsed in passing when the lyrical puzzles of the normal album’s previous songs unfurl (think, “if it was gonna kill you boy, it would have by now” and “am i pretty enough to fucking die” and “good news for the purists, they’ve discovered a cure for the symptoms of being alive / it’s a painless procedure with a low rate of failure, but very few patients survive”, etc). but as the musical’s finale, memento mori brings these thoughts into their very antithesis - into the light. it illuminates the rawness of the child’s pain in learning to accept and love themselves. it brings these thoughts into tangible and articulated reality for two reasons: 

for the audience, as both a warning of the results of such a toxic and intolerant family/environment and an articulation of the thoughts perhaps many of us, ourselves, have to contend with at some point in our lives.

and for the child themselves, so that they can fully realize these thoughts. so that they can parse them, articulate them, unlearn them, and begin to heal.

memento mori in this musical is, paradoxically, a song about death that encourages life to heal.

anyways that’s what i’ve got so far now i have homework i should...do....oh god-

[some-dr-writings]

Kokichi x SHSL Psychologist Reader

·       You were always an odd kid. Things that most others learned quickly, like social ques, those types of things flew over your head. You always spoke your mind with no filter, often hurting other’s feelings without realizing what you even did. You didn’t want to be rude or mean, but what you said never registered as such to you, you just stated facts.

·       You were very logical. Not that you were unfeeling, but you could never just feel emotions. You had to sit down and think for long stretches of time to puzzle out what your feelings were, even in order to understand if your parents giving you a treat made you happy.

·       Relating to others had always been such a struggle for you, so you decided to start studying psychology in order to be able to understand others in a way that quickly clicked in your mind. Through this you were more easily able to catch when a person was being sarcastic or just joking, though you still took every word a person said literally most of the time.

·       Through study in order to better understand others you ended up helping them, picking at their brains and giving them advice that seemed to improve your patients’ quality of life by leaps and bounds.

·       When you first met the Clown Prince of Lies you didn’t think much of him, he was just a smart, very emotionally intelligent guy who liked pulling pranks to spice up life and to draw enjoyment from himself or others. Rather kind actually, he always looked out for his classmates’ wellbeing even when they were the victim of his trickery. Your classmates however acted like he was a being of pure evil, much to your confusion. Why did they call such a sweet person evil? Were they just annoyed they fell for his lies so often? He wasn’t even that good of a liar. It couldn’t just be you who saw the true intentions in his false words, right? It was so obvious! Most of the time he didn’t even lie, the true lie being him saying he lied in the first place. Truth be told, outside of your classmates’ strange opinions of Kokichi, you didn’t really care for or take interest in him.

·       Kokichi, however, found you absolutely fascinating. You were always so cool, calm and collected, it seemed near impossible to draw a reaction out of you. You were so smart and logical, yet when one day he made an offhand remark about the weather, saying it was raining cats and dogs, you looked out to the rain with a slightly baffled expression on your face before you seemed to realize something, mumbling to yourself about the saying. You always struggled with social ques, which was often the target of Kokichi’s trickery. Whenever you realized what was going on, you’d thank Kokichi for letting you practice noticing social ques. You were always so straight forward and never held back, something quite refreshing from others who always carefully treaded social situations. You were like a steamroller, cutting through the fluff and straight to the heart of any situation.

·       Kokichi very quickly grew a crush on you. You were unlike anyone else he had met. “Hey, Y/N want to go out with me?” “Okay.” You stopped once you exited from the classroom not thinking much of Kokichi’s request. “Y/N, let’s go out again.” “Sure.” You followed Kokichi as he led you out of the school building. “Hey, Hey! Y/N! Let’s go out.” “… We’re already outside Om-… Oooohh, you mean a date?” “What? I never said that. Wait! Y/N, do you like LIKE me!?” “… Wait, did I get that wrong? But that’s a lie… You like me! I guess we can go on a date, but if I get uncomfortable, I’ll leave immediately, alright? And I’ve never been on one before, so I’ll probably mess up a lot, so I’ll apologize ahead of time, so I don’t do so through the entire date. Sorry if I mess up… or am a jerk.” “Apology accepted, now, let’s go!”

·       And that was how the two of you got together. One date turned to two, then dates became a regular occurrence, at least twice a week if not more. Initially you went on those dates because it was a new experience, and maybe a chance to learn more about differences between friendships and relationships… Wait, relationship? Were you in a romantic one with Kokichi? If you were… “Shit, I have a crush on you.” There was a slight bubbly laughter in your voice as you spoke out that realization. “The stone-cold Y/N has a CRUSH on ME!?” He tackled you into a hug and the water works started. “I’m so honored!”

·       You found yourself having endless fun when by Kokichi’s side, and you also learned a lot about yourself through the process. You found yourself struggling with your emotions, specifically, insecurity. You needed time to figure out your emotions. You wondered if Kokichi knew you cared about him. In the moment when with him you just went with the flow but when thinking back on it, you wondered if you ever told him you loved him. You were not sure you ever did. Did you at least show it through action? Even if you did, did Kokichi catch it? Getting increasingly worried you ended up telling your boyfriend all of this. “Aw~ You think about me that much. That’s so cute.” “Kokichi, please don’t change the subject, I need to figure out if you know I love you or not.” He so softly smiled, laughing. “Y/N, you just told me.” “No, I was telling you my worries, not that I love you. As smart as you are, I can’t read your mind, I can’t be a hundred percent sure you made the connections as to the sentiment behind my words. That’s exactly what I’m worried about.” “Y/N, I know you love me. And I love you too. Don’t worry… Or should you, Nishishi.”

·       You became Kokichi’s and all of D.I.C.E’s personal therapist. You rather enjoyed being able to help them, and in return they gleefully welcomed you. You ended up becoming a strategist of sorts for them. You’d occasionally partake in their pranks, but most often you’d help them plan, teaching them psychological tricks for distracting people.

·       Before meeting you, Kokichi didn’t realize he had several issues he needed help with. Never before had he considered his habit of biting his nails or breaking stuff was a part of a need for control, showing himself he had the power to do that and that the world was not completely out of his control stemming from his wish for stability, hell that was possibly even why he pulled pranks so often outside of for the fun of it. He also figured out why despite yearning for affection he’d often rejected it only to try to get it immediately after. As you helped him through these issues, he never felt like you were studying him or like he was some sort of experiment to you. You saw him as a person who happened to have a few issues that could be made better. He didn’t feel like some pet project to you. Though you worried about him knowing you loved him, it was so obvious you did, and it was most evident in how you spoke with him when approaching these issues. You were so gentle and patient, and you always did whatever you could to give him the stability he so desperately desired.

·       He never doubted a single word you ever said and took all your advice to heart. It was likely helped by how bluntly honest you always were. You never sugarcoated things, just stating them as they were. He admired how you put your all into learning, into trying to figure out how to communicate with others. Though you were trying to figure out how to place a filter between your brain and mouth, you never even once considered being deceitful, still being blunt and honest. You weren’t losing yourself in trying to appease others and that was something he deeply admired in you.

·       The relationship between you and Kokichi was a mutually beneficial one, because of the boy you wanted to learn how to better express yourself and he was able to work through his own issues. From an outsider’s perspective at times it seemed the pair of you had a more business like relationship which was true to an extent, but at the end of the day, what was most important was that you two truly loved one another and wanted to do all you could to help the other grow and improve as a person.

[zorasdomain]

apology regarding 2018

This post is in regards to a callout from 2018, in case you have not read it.

This is going to be lengthy, as I have a lot to apologize for and reflect on after so long, so it will be under a cut. I thank you all for your patience and your time in reading it.

Hello, it’s been awhile; I post this not to beg forgiveness, but to apologize in a more proper way. Both for my sake, and for the sake of the hearts I undoubtedly wounded during the event.

I want to sincerely apologize for how I handled things in the past. In 2018, I was going through an early transition into new beliefs, and I lost myself to my interest in politics and my arrogant stance that “I knew better”. A lot of my beliefs have changed. I’ve gone through extremes since leaving Tumblr on every side, trying to feel my way through the spectrum. Ultimately, I have decided people are always more important than politics. Always. And as much as I spoke about caring in that big, obnoxiously long and drawn-out piece as a page on my blog, it essentially boiled down to “why can’t we agree to disagree?”, and about being unwilling to change my mind for the sake of others. For the sake of a community of friends I had built over years, who had supported me through everything, and who I KNEW wouldn’t agree with my beliefs (for understandable reasons). I hid them because I knew that, I think. It wasn’t clear to me at the time, as I truly thought it wasn’t important, but politics do reveal things about a person and what their values are. I will say I have never lied about the care I had for all of you. I understand it hard to see, given my past actions (which are unquestionably inexcusable), but I was blind to the internal contradiction that it was. I cared, but disconnected the people in my life from my politics because I “didn’t think it should matter”. It does, as I have come to learn. I apologize for the way I handled that, which was (understandably) as a liar and a manipulator. I hadn’t been intentionally doing it, but I acknowledge now that it was what had happened, and that certainly hurt many.

There have been hurtful things said about me, but I understand where they came from; Hell, the tweets I posted were targeting hundreds of people I had following me, and thousands in larger communities. Those tweets were heinous (and still are; my opinions are drastically different now) and I know they were not easy to stomach. I do not excuse them in any way, and I have since learned from them. I apologize to any victims who had been triggered by the tweets. They were harsh and insensitive, and certainly not true. I, in no way, excuse what was said then; your experience is valid, and any reaction you had to my tweets was as well. This also goes for the POC who I hurt with my tweets. It was disgusting of me to post such a thing and to harbor the opinion. I have since learned and come to understand the problems inherent in our system, and I apologize for the pain I caused.

I had been approached a few times about my beliefs; once prior to the callout, asking about my opinions on Kavanaugh, which I went off about on a snap to someone; if said person is reading this, I apologize for the shock of that moment and for my immature handling of it. A second time after, on instagram, regarding my political opinions. I went off in a wretched way. I debated from some place of “moral superiority” (that was certainly not true, though) and said things I know were hurtful to not only that person, but to so, so many connections from this website, and countless others. People who meant something to me. Not citations or studies, not some stupid subjective political opinion, but people.

Deeply, more than anything, I am sorry for the pain I caused this community. I feel like I tore something in everyone’s heart. Not to say I think so highly of myself as being that influential, but because I was someone who projected only positivity, and to have that image ripped apart when reading the disgusting tweets on my twitter no doubt caused harm. I suppressed that then because that’s what I tend to do, but I’ve been reflecting, maturing, and acknowledging what I did and I knew I had to properly apologize. Not type something up about ~uuu why can’t we agree to disagree~~ to post before abandoning the site, but something real. That is what I hope this can be for all of you. It does not change the hurt that it caused at the time, or the person I was then. However, I hope I may be able to demonstrate that I am not that same person with ill in my heart and ignorance of political opinions and their place in the lives of others, especially LGBT and POC.

Also, just to clear the air, I know there was confusion about if I was in the LGBT community or not, or if I was lying. I can clarify I was not, and never have, lied about that. What I identified as at a given life stage was truly a part of my person at the time and what was right for me then. In 2018 when the callout was written, I was growing more comfortable in being feminine, but I still connected heavily with masculine energies and pronouns. The same stands for today. Feel free to ask about this if you have specific questions.

All that said, my political alignment today and since November 2019, not really lies with either party. I have not been a Trump supporter for some time, and view him critically today, especially with much of his harmful rhetoric and actions. My father view(ed/s) him very positively, and part of my reasons for backing him so unquestionably in 2018 was due to his influence. I’ve fallen out of the political scene and I believe it’s especially important now, more than ever, to care for those in our lives and our community. We cannot look to the establishment or any in power. You’ve all kept that in mind from the beginning, and I applaud you for that. I lost myself to politics, and it took me nearly two years to find my way back to something that should be simple to understand.

Thank you all for helping me grow when I needed to. Thank you for the friends I had made, the community I had established, and for the memories. I will not immediately disappear after posting this; I won’t be reblogging anything of course, but I will be checking my inbox and any DMs (they should be open, but please let me know if they’re not!). Anon will be off, as I feel it would be better.

Thank you!

Also, please don’t call me by the name in the callout. That made me really uncomfortable to have my birthname there when I was merely testing it out at the time to see if I could return to it. It did not feel right & it was merely a period of re-experimentation before settling on my identity once more. Please call me Silver. Thank you.

EDIT: I am a nb boy (he/him) & have returned to being comfortable in this identity since 2019/20. I will be transitioning soon. I’d appreciate respect in that regard. Since Summer 2019, I have been seeing a therapist and working through deep rooted trauma which led to the discovery of an incredibly fractured sense of self, which partially manifested in my political views and the hypocrisy and contradiction present in the self that I was on Tumblr in 2018 (happy, accepting, “do-no-evil” vibes) VS the self I portrayed on the twitter rightraichu (judgemental, argumentative, self-absorbed). This is, by NO means, justification for how I acted. Recognizing that I have several conflicting selves within me has helped me to be more attentive to contradictions in who I am, and how manipulative I can be. I recognize and have been working through the false faces I wear when I, in truth, have rather low emotional (not cognitive) empathy. Again, not an excuse, but an explanation I hope might help you understand me. I am, by no means, a healthy or whole person. I have a lot of demons I’m working though. And that is my burden to bear. I am so sorry that I didn’t recognize things sooner and seek help so that I could prevent from ever reaching the point that I did in 2018. But, the past is in the past and all I can do now is recognize that I am figuring myself out. I wish you all the best. Things have been rough lately. I hope everyone has been coping alright. Take care.

[janusthesneakysnakeboi]

Moments from the new Sanders ASides video that had me screaming (or really, me screaming about the new video)

“RAIIIIID”

*Raid Thomas sounding like Roman/Remus*

“You bet your shiny metal AX”

“MASCULINITY IS A PRISON”

“Why do I pay for a membership if I still gotta watch the ads?”

THE FACT THAT THEY ALL ARE WEARING ONESIES EXCEPT THOMAS AND LOGAN BECAUSE LOGAN IS SERIOUS BOI AND THOMAS WELL,,, IS THOMAS

Also ROMAN CANONICALLY HAS LEGS***

ROMAN HAS ALL THE PILLOWS

VIRGIL IS SITTING ON A SURFACE THAT ISN’T MEANT TO BE SAT ON BUT IS SO RELATABLE BECAUSE I DO THAT EXACT THING WHAT

“Unless our problem is a hungry alligator-” “A remote possibility for a Florida dwelling man who never leaves his house”

Roman rigging the votes so it’s just Frozen and Patton is okay with that (WAIT BUT WHY IS PATTON CHILL (pun not intended) WITH IT???)

LOGAN HAD A CASUAL FALSEHOOD???? 

WAIT WHAT DID THE SIDES VOTE FOR??

“Thomas is in a bad place-” *camera pans to VIRGIL*

Roman calling Thomas a special snowflake

“Something good” *Frozen shows* “,,, or neutral”

“And from this point on, NO MORE NORDIC INSPIRED NUMBERS”

Virgil keep going back to the actual problem while Roman and Patton just like 90% forget the problem and Logan talks to and tries to calm Virgil

“I ALSO LOVE YOU OLAF”

“Cuties, I’m gonna keep you” “Ah you’re joking right? No you’re mine now”

“The heart is not so easily changed” “No it isn’t” *confused Patton noises*

“But, the head can be persuaded” “Can it though?” THAT SHADE AT LOGAN HOLY MOTHER OF FUCK

“Fear will be your enemy” *gay emo panic*

“So you’re saying lock her away because she’s dangerous” GOING BACK TO VIRGIL??? UH????

“JOAN!!!” They definitely wrote that line

Virgil’s mini existential crisis

Remus just yeeted up from behind the couch shirtless oh god was he jacking off to Frozen wtf

REMUS GETTING SO EXCITED ABOUT THE PARENTS DYING IS HONESTLY SO PURE EVEN THOUGH IT’S NOT AT ALL

“I SLEEP IN THE B U F F”

“Did I screw everything up?” “No I threw out your vote so you wouldn’t do that” ROMAN WHAT

Roman: *calls Frozen a Classic* Also Roman: *Makes fun of the entire movie and demands a rewrite*

“How are you telling me to settle into something right now when you’ve taken your sweet time to settle into things that you were uncomfortable with in the past” THAT SHADE!! THAT TEA!! I WANT TO KNOW MORE ABOUT THESE *THINGS* PLEASE????

Patton: Let’s relax!! :) Virgil: Bruh I legit AM Anxiety that’s not in my job description

“How many times has our response to a difficult decision been half committing to one option and subsequently panicking about whether that option is our best option until it’s too late for Thomas to change his mind?” “7,430″ MOOD

“Why have a ballroom with no balls?” *Trash boi snickers at the dick joke that wasn’t there until then* "Nope, I’m an adult” (me me big boy-)

ROMAN’S IMPERSONATION OF HIS “EVIL PLOTTING FACE” HAS BE DEAD ON THE FLOOR

“AW MAN YEAH I’M LIKE SO FUCKED UP ON CHOCOLATE FONDUE I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT I’M SAYING RIGHT NOW” *Patton looks over, concerned* *Virgil looks over, annoyed* *Thomas glances over, lowkey amused* *Logan doesn’t even look at him and just grabs his tea*

NO TURN OFF LOVE IS AN OPEN DOOR IT’S MAKING PATTON SAD (ALSO IS HIS CONNECTION PROJECTING? AND IS ROMAN’S RESPONSE A L S O ACCURATE?) 

“There’s no way she’s coming out of this situation without trust issues” honestly though yeah

“Not a footprint to be seen” “Except for the footprints behind you” “hEy YeAh” KEEP IT UP LOGAN YOU’RE DOING GREAT SWEETIE

Virgil: *Serious comment* Patton: “Don’t let them in, don’t let them see...” (did he sing the rest of the song or did he specifically choose these lines because if it’s the second one THAT CAN BE A WHOLE LOT OF ANGST AND I’M HERE FOR IT)

Logan canonically criticizes the movie at movie nights

ALSO GUYS THE VIDEO CAME OUT ON A FRIDAY SO FRIDAY NIGHT MOVIE NIGHTS ARE CANON

“Do you think this ice castle has a lavatory?” “ICE TOILET” “Or a bed?” “ICE BED” “This place sounds awful”

“HE DEFINITELY FUCKS THE REINDEER” “ew”

“You meddled with the vote to ensure that we would watch this and yet you’re the one constantly making fun of it” FACTS LOGAN 

“This [^] is how I show my love” WAIT A MINUTE *Looks back at the entire series* HE MADE FUN OF VIRGIL SO MUCH SO WAIT PRINXIETY??? LAMP?? DR LAMP?? (is that the ship name because that’s this video basically*

Nobody:��    Not a soul:     Roman: OLAF’S CONTRIBUTION SHOULD HAVE COUNTED AND SAVED HER

“Like... bruh” mood

“Take care of my sister” “You’ve already done a good job of that yourself Elsa” *hood falls off*

“Ah, we’re all gossipy bitches sometimes” “nO-” (also Roman channeled so much Remy energy right there headcanon they hang out all the time change my mind)

“Oh sweet Frank Iero” I’m using that now

“Just think about it” “LIKE I HAVE A CHOICE”

“Attacking a person for opinions they don’t have doesn’t really do anybody any good” Me: BECAUSE IT DOESN’T WORK!! AYYY YOU LISTENED TO AND ARE REFERENCING LOGAN IN LAST EPISODE??? OR AM I JUST TRASH??

“Oh yeah like me kissing a man is unacceptable?” What a power move though 

“AAAAALSJDFOAGHOKLNOIATYRGH” Mood

Ok but also like Virgil basically rapped like that rapid talking was as fast as a bunch of rappers and even faster than some

Logan using the grounding method that my therapist suggested gave me life

Most of Virgil’s grounding answers were existential and oof

“A sour taste in my mouth probably left over from those reheated thai noodle leftovers” *Confused faces*

“FIGURATIVELY” *DWIT has entered the chat*

“Thank you Logan” “No problem, just your cool teacher being his cool self” *sips tea* Felt that. Also I have a new reaction image now XD

“Take it from Frozen’s most inspirational song” Let it Go? “Fixer Upper” Oh but ya know what valid

“Throw a little love their way” Virgil *confused smile?? I think that’s what that is??*

“Elsa, we the villagers have thought it over and with no discussion whatsoever we’ve decided we’re not scared anymore and ice magic is actually cool as hell!!” YEAH WAIT A MINUTE OMG

Logan: *Lists all of Elsa’s powers, reading from a notebook (meaning he took notes while watching the movie which is so in character omg) and implying that there is no way any of that makes sense* Patton: Sounds okay that makes sense

“With Elsa’s seemingly unstoppable “ice powers” I’d imagine Arendelle becomes a global superpower. No military force of that time could ever stand a chance against her never ending army of ice golems” 

Nobody:     Not a soul:      Patton: “True love is a closed door that is eventually opened up to you!”

“What if your soulmate was there” “OH SHIT” I love Roman that was all it took huh

*Deceit has entered the chat* “HISS” 

“Don’t touch my shit”

I wish we got to see Deceit’s face there but I get it we couldn’t see him without his hat (except for in the bloopers videos but those don’t count) (Also they probably just didn’t wanna do the makeup for him because it’s a lot and it might’ve been a split second decision and someone else might’ve played him with Thomas just voice recording over it especially considering there’s overlap so they wouldn’t have just been able to split screen it)

“I was gonna rig the vote anyway”

“I don’t know what you’re asking”

Roman is the source of SFW fanfic and Remus is the source of NSFW fanfic and Virgil is the source of angsty fanfic

“I’m going to bed. IN THE B U F F”

THE NEW SWEATERS IM BROKE SO IF SOMEONE WANTS TO GET ME ALL OF THEM (at least just Virgil’s even though I love like all of them)

WAIT THERE’S SCARVES TOO OMG I ALSO WANT ALL OF THEM (or at least,,, nope all of them)

“We were trying to make a slightly simpler video” Video: *is longer than most of season 1′s episodes* *has full body shots of almost all the characters* *has like 5 way split scenes* *uses every side* 

WAIT LOGAN BROUGHT BACK OUT HIS ONESIE I LOVE HIM and he’s still got his necktie on just underneath it amazing

This video was just LAMP and potentially DLAMP and maybe DR LAMP if that’s the ship name. There were also a bunch of really good Prinxiety, Royality, Analogical, and Roceit moments in this one so I’m expecting fanfic hella soon

Also as of right now (I finished writing this at like 4am ET) we are still #1 on trending on Tumblr

***We never see Remus’s legs in the video so my theory of there is only one set of legs for the creativitwins still stands and is valid

[casualkoalafart]

Life These Days.

Disabilities are associated with weakness. The biggest disability is living in an unhealthy mindset, and getting trapped in it. Perspective(s), and the ability to control your perspective, is strength. It gives you power, rather than feed your deterioration.  Strength and success are different for everyone and do not have and specific unit of measurement, despite what society depicts. Everyone is different, and is seen different. The idea that you have to look and act a certain way that is unreachable to 99% of us is mental abuse. No matter your race or religion, we are all equal in the eyes of the natural world, although it is a sad, unnecessary, and certainly outdated fight that too many still face today within our human world. The only things that truly matter come from within, and often require some searching through trial and error. I am certainly not perfect, I have made more mistakes and bad choices in my life than I can count, and I want to learn from them. I cannot change the past, but I can change the future. My past does not define me. The person you are within your family, your friends, your workplace, your neighbourhood, and your society are all strangers to each other in one way or another. They are aware that each of them exists, but a different thought process prepares you for the presented environments.

One person’s strength is someone else’s weakness. Winning the lottery could save so many lives if put into the right places, however it could also be the death of you if you are overcome by addiction, greed, or any other toxicities. The ability to put yourself into someone else’s shoes is a mindset that many of us as humans lack, whether we like it or not. After all, how are we supposed to relate to someone who is starving if we don’t know what it is like to be truly hungry? How do we understand what an abused child sees in the world if our brains were developed in a safe and healthy environment? These are uncomfortable thoughts that often lead to the sad path of “ignorance is bliss.” For others, it may have a lasting impact of giving them their purpose in life. Like becoming a detective, a therapist, or a positive role model to whatever cause speaks to them.  

Everyone has the right to speak, but not to be heard. Some people are heard by too many and get overwhelmed, and begin a filtering process that should not exist toward their feelings and emotions. Some people are getting heard by too many and are abusing their power through brainwashing impressionable people too scared to think for themselves. Some people are getting heard by the wrong people, inevitably feeling judged and out of place in the world. Humans have great instincts, but often do not have the confidence to follow them.  Finding someone like-minded is refreshing, just as finding someone that believes in something that you do not can feel offensive and cause you to become defensive. These lessons that present themselves to us in the form of challenges make us who we are. Everyone expresses themselves differently, and that is what makes the world so beautiful. Art, music, literature, traditions, food, drink, and each unique personality makes life worth living. For those who have yet to find a way to express themselves, the opportunities to deal with their thoughts while also feeling safe and understood (despite whether the view or perspective is the same as the listener), are everything. The right to speak gives you the right to be judged, something that many find out the hard way. It can be discouraging, and that feeling of failure sticks with you more prominently than any win, especially to yourself.

Every mind is its own universe, and the energy that comes from it we feel is seen by who (or what) we call god. We strive to be heard and felt, because after all we can only truly feel our own feelings, and we want to share those feelings with others. Listening and hearing others in the way they express themselves through whichever outlet best suits them brings power, empathy, and unity. The sense of being alone in the world is a feeling that has unfortunately impacted everyone. As unique and different that we all are, we are the same in that sense. I feel my energy is felt through the earth, and I find comfort in and with those who share my perspective. I feel I am most understood and heard by animals, my family, and my best friends. I am really attracted to the energy from animals because I have yet to find my way in the world, my true outlet for my feelings and expressions, or something that I feel is my purpose. With animals not being able to communicate with language, and since I cannot always seem to put things into words for others to understand me, I feel a true connection through the brainwaves, the loving and healing energy we make and willingly give to one another, specially made for each being. I do not want my energy that I create to come from animals, because I do not want to take from them. They already willingly give so much, but we continue to take and take and take until there is ultimately nothing left.

Right now, the world is speaking to us with the undeniable statistics through every outlet and source possible. Unfortunately, we do not listen, and the next warning I fear will be fatal. Global warming,  fires, floods, plagues, are begging for us to acknowledge that we are killing our Mother Earth, and we are not listening. Hatred, inequality, and the sensation that we cannot make a difference in these challenging times is going to undoubtedly be our last fight, and we must keep fighting. With lockdown forcing all of us to reflect in this time, our biggest strength would be to come together while we are apart. Many of us feel our weakest, and as strange as it sounds, we could use that to our advantage. Turning weakness into strength is not only achievable, it is necessary. Humans are so incredible, we are inventors and have made a way to connect all of us, in the idea that by doing so, no one is alone. This creates a broader sense of loneliness, being surrounded by the internet world but still not being seen for who you are. So, we are back at the beginning again it seems. Some people go to extreme lengths to be heard or remembered. The idea of being alone is a powerful feeling that can lead to either good or evil, or in tragic (but not rare) cases, suicide. We need to understand that the rising of mental sickness is another form in which our planet is letting us know that we are literally killing ourselves. Too many are unable to deal with stress, guilt, pressure, loss, and so on. Drug addictions, accidental or purposeful overdoses, and self-harm are all fatal hand-me-down outlets to deal with man-made problems that we should never have had to deal with in the first place. These man-made problems are not made up or any less real than a hurricane. They create new emotions, ones that we are not equip to handle,  forcing our bodies to call for any response to these ever-evolving threats, and are often fatal solutions. Depression and anxiety should not be a mental illness, they are simply emotions that come with the good of life. Nobody is happy all the time, and the idea that life should always be happy is sad in itself. When there is life, there is death. Where there is good, there is bad. Where there is love, there is hate. Instead of teaching each other how to handle the yin and the yang, we prescribe drugs like opioids, while also trying to convey the image that drugs are bad and drug addicts are failures. So many poor people are brainwashed into thinking that marijuana is bad, but for some reason popping pills to manipulate your body to function is normal. Writing this makes my heart race, and I cannot describe the feeling because it is a cocktail that is mixed with emotions that do not belong together. We do not know how to deal with so many things because to put it bluntly, they are not natural and they evolve every day and are designed to break us.  

Our relationships with each other is everything, and our compassion and ability to hear others is power. Emotions, and being able to talk about and express them, is a gift and a privilege. We have been given the false connotation that feelings are weakness, that the idea of healthy options and outlets of expression for them are also weakening. Someone who takes anti-depressants to cope with feelings, drinks excessively to not have to feel, and take drugs may have the sensation that they are being stronger than someone who goes to therapy. This is backwards, and we as a society need to understand this together. Our strength of our ability to exchange knowledge is getting the best of us with the media not passing on the right messages. The government favouring the majority and purposefully challenging the minority is poisoning all of us, because we are all the same. It can give a person too much power, the corrupt idea that you are somehow better than a person who is not on social media, planting trees for a living. It will give people who do not have a platform a feeling that they cannot make a change to the world, since they are just one person. Evilness derives from this false and discouraging perspective. It will not give the right people anything, it will eventually take from them everything that matters.

There is strength in getting up in the morning, brushing your teeth, creating a healthy routine. Don’t cut yourself short. You’re doing great. It’s not supposed to be easy.

I did not filter myself writing this, and I hope I did not offend anyone who took the time to read my thoughts. We are all just trying to find our place in the world. In the perspective from our planet, no person is above or below another. Society, a man-made revolution, needs to help spread the right messages. We are all part of society. You are society.

The idea of posting this to the world gives me anxiety, however I am doing it because I know I am not the only one who feels this way, and I want anyone who can relate to this message at all to know that they are not alone. I am also posting this to let ANYONE know that if they want to talk about something, I am happy to listen and to hear them. I hope this message can inspire you to feel comfortable in your mind, your body, and to not be embarrassed or feel shame to share yourself with the world through your personally suited outlet. I would love to see your art, hear your music, read your words, or learn other forms of expression from you.

In writing this, I have escaped in a sense. I have allowed so many overwhelming thoughts and emotions to form words, and with this vulnerability comes a sense of relief that I hope everyone feels they have access to.

I am so overwhelmed and overcome with emotions all of a sudden, and then they go away as if they were just thoughts passing by in a train, just making a quick stop to drop off some passengers and pick up others on their way to an unknown destination. I wish that I could control the waves in which I feel so helpless, heavy, weak, and overcome. I wish I could pace myself. I know a quick way out would be to inebriate myself, a desire of what seems like freedom is powerful and can become uncontrollable in seconds.

I really hope I am confident enough to share this one day. My goal is to organize my thoughts and feelings into words that I can be proud to own, unapologetically.

Thank goodness for computers. I love the idea of having a beautiful mind and expressing words through pen and paper. Making my words beautiful through calligraphy and ink created with my own specific muscle movements. I have a strange admiration for penmanship. However that is not the case, as my mind is a mess with thoughts that come and go at what seems like the speed of light. I am grateful for the ability to edit my words efficiently through text. But, with the sense that I am feeding into the “everything is instant” perspective/generation of society, I am also disappointed in myself for not being able to slow down my mind enough to hand write most of what I choose to put into words to remind my future self. Or my present self.

I feel like after starting this page, I have opened a vault. One that should never have been a vault to begin with, but a welcoming and open-minded space. Instead of numbing and silencing my mind, I would like to have the strength to escape my escape, get my bearings back in a healthy way by reading other people’s escapes, appreciating their art, or listening to stories. Grounding myself back into reality. That I am actually okay. That I am just another person. A somebody, or a nobody, depending on my perspective.

I feel like I have experienced so many emotions today, that my body was overtaken by my mind because it was trapped. I can’t even remember writing some of it, which is curious. Hopefully that is where dying comes in, to release your trapped mind. Not now of course, but that is a nice and comforting thought for me, to think that in facing your worst fear you achieve real freedom.

I am glad I wrote it down, to reflect on later.

Everything written above was written on February 5th, 2021. It was snowy today. I had a lot of butterflies feeling my mind race so fast on so many deep levels. It is now 21:22, and although I still don’t quite know how I’m feeling, I feel like I have said what I needed to for the day. I also did not drink any alcohol today, which I am proud of after doing so much self-reflection. I am going to cuddle with Sammy, play games, and try to feel at peace with where I am in the world and in my mind.

Goodnight.  

[realestshitieverwrote]

No.2 To be honest, I am fighting like hell right now to keep myself from calling or messaging her. I know that I should hate that women's guts with everything in me. But I can't? I've always been one to preach about "nothing is ever impossible... there's just things that we don't know how to do yet." She has done everything in her power to make me wrong. She's not quite there yet. She has shown me just how capable she is of being cold, calloused, jaded, and downright evil. I have seen her do and say things with a smile that I could never be capable of. If I'd had a clue of her destructive potential, I would have chosen to concede long ago. But the lengths she's gone to prove it are so utterly ridiculous that I'm still not buying her shit. She's let things slip way too often. I am far more observant than she thought possible I guess? Or I guess there is a minute possibility that she was playing me then too? Doubtful. I'm not a psychiatrist, psychologist, therapist, or a mental health professional by any means, nor would I ever make such a claim. What I am is a man who was struck with a horrible disease they call love. Watch out for that shit, it'll destroy you if you trust the wrong person. But without that risk... you'll never know what true joy and happiness feel like either? Myself, I'm gonna take in everything. I will endure the bad as much as the good and just hope that it's worth it in the end. From what I've seen in my own life so far... and believe me when I tell you it's been an insane ride... it only takes a tiny amount of good to make it worthwhile. I haven't spoken to her in a few days, since Christmas. I don't know how long I'll be able to hold off, this is the most trying experience i've ever endured. My patience vs. her stubborn will to be right is just not a fair fight. But when you add in the validation of having been right with so many guesses along the way, the faith I have in things working out the way God intended, the unbreakable strength a relationship could have if we made it through this, and then there's the knockout punch... I truly fell all the way in love with her. Once you get to the point that your love becomes unconditional, and you're anywhere near as loyal as I am... it makes giving up near impossible. As long as there's an inkling of hope it's worth fighting for. My best course of action now is to wait it out and hope she comes around. If I end up being wrong... I'll be damn sure I've exhausted every option possible. When you find what you've been looking your whole life to find, fighting to keep it seems like the only intelligent option. I did things that I know hurt her deeply, none of them were intended to. She also grossly misunderstood not just my intentions, but what she saw happening was grossly misunderstood. Hopefully I'll get a chance to get through the stubborn walls of fear and pull her back before it's too late? But I am gonna be one fucked up mess if I can't. Sounds so ridiculous, but to me...absolutely worth the risk. In the start of our downfall, she had thought me to be emotionally unavailable, unsupportive and inconsiderate. I immediately went a full 180 and pretty much kissed her ass for a few months after finding that out. I was doing everything I could to show her just the opposite. So far over the top that she thought it phony and started thinking I had some devious side plot? I just wanted the love of my life back and was willing to do anything for it. I can see the truth behind all her feelings and assumptions. I even understand how she so blatantly misunderstood so much. She thinks I never believed her and there have definitely been a few times since... but for the most part I always did. I'm beat and gonna crash because I'm exhausted. The story has just begun so stay tuned. This will be either an epic adventure or a catastrophic failure of epic proportions. Comments, advice, etc... are always welcome. Good night.

[aion-rsa]

Star Trek: Lower Decks Episode 9 Easter Eggs & References

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This Star Trek: Lower Decks article contains spoilers for Episode 9. You can read our review here.

If you started watching new Star Trek in the past ten years, that means your introduction to the franchise might have been the J.J. Abrams reboot films. From 2005 to 2017, there wasn’t any new Trek on TV, making the movies the only representatives of new stories set in the Final Frontier. This was also true for a big chunk of the 80s, before The Next Generation debuted in 1987. Arguably, without the success of the Trek films — either in the ‘80s or in the ‘00s — subsequent renaissances of Trek on TV wouldn’t have been possible. The latest episode Star Trek: Lower Decks is fully aware of this fact, and in episode 9 of season 1 — “Crisis Point” — the show tips its hat to the larger-than-life cinematic voyages of Starfleet. 

Along the way, there are references to all 13 Star Trek feature films, at least two versions of Star Trek that were never made, and one iconic shout-out to Aliens. Here’s all the Easter eggs and references we caught in Lower Decks episode 9, “Crisis Point.”

They’re eating those guys!

The lizard aliens Mariner is trying to liberate seem to be oppressed by an alien that looks suspiciously like an Antican. In the TNG episode “Lonely Among Us,” the Anticans were self-described carnivores who kind of looked like dogs. In that episode, the Anticans were rivals with a reptilian-like species called the Selay. These lizard people don’t look like the Selay, but the reference seems clear. 

This is the ‘80s!

Mariner complains about how she doesn’t need therapy because “this is the eighties!” She’s right! Lower Decks takes place in 2380 and depending on how much time has passed in Season 1, we might be in 2381. This also seems like a reference to the fact that even though we think of TNG as a ‘90s show, it debuted in 1987. 

Mariner’s therapist is Paul F. Tompkins

The bird-like therapist (maybe an Aurelian?) is played by Paul F. Tompkins. In our universe, Tompkins is the co-host of the current official Star Trek Podcast; The Pod Directive, along with Tawny Newsome, the voice of Becket Mariner. 

Da Vinci on the Holodeck

When Mariner enters the holodeck, Tendi, Boimler, and Rutherford are all shooting skeet with Leonardo da Vinci. This references da Vinci’s appearances as a holodeck character on Star Trek: Voyager, as played by Jonathan Rhys-Davies. However, this is also, possibly a reference to an unused script idea for a TNG feature film that was never made. Because this entire episode is about movie-versions of Trek, it seems possible that this is a slight nod to a script called Star Trek: Renaissance, which was developed shortly before First Contact became the second TNG film. In that unfilmed script, Data would have traveled back in time and become da Vinci’s apprentice. Really!

Boimler’s simulated crew

Boimler creating an entire holographic version of the Cerritos crew has several precedents, but the most on-the-nose episode being reference is probably the Voyager episode “Worst Case Scenario.” In that one, Tuvok created a holonovel that simulated a situation in which the Maquis tried to retake the USS Voyager. The simulation even meant that Tom Paris encountered his holographic self at one point, which is exactly what happens with Mariner later in the episode. 

Opening credits

The opening credits to Mariner’s “movie,” are mostly reminiscent of the opening credits to Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan, although the warping streaks behind the letters recall a brief title style used by The Next Generation during the season 5. The way the letters are flying past the Lower Deckers might reference the opening credits to the original Christopher Reeve-starring Superman film from 1978.

“You were kind of a Xon, to be honest”

Mariner says that in her movie, Boimler would be “kind of a Xon,” and that he might not make the final cut. This references David Gautreaux’s Vulcan character Xon, from the unmade ‘70s series Star Trek Phase II. Xon was intended as a kind of replacement for Spock because, at that time, it was unclear if Leonard Nimoy would return for the role. David Gautreaux does appear in Star Trek: The Motion Picture as a human named Commander Branch. 

Artistic license

When the Cerritos is sent to track down a mysterious imposter starship, Boimler says “If this was actually happening, they’d send the Enterprise, but you know, artistic license.” This references the Enterprise itself, obviously, but also the idea that in several Trek movies, the Enterprise is bizarrely the only ship available to respond to a distress call or strange situation. In The Wrath of Khan, the Enterprise is sent on a dangerous mission involving a top-secret project. In Generations, the Enterprise-B is the “only ship in range” to assist refugee ships caught in an energy ribbon. In both cases, it feels odd that the Enterprise is the only ship that can help out, but you know, artistic license. 

The long approach via shuttlecraft

Think it took a long time for the shuttlecraft to land on the Cerritos? This is an extended joke that references the loooong wordless scene in The Motion Picture in which Kirk and Scotty lovingly stare at the newly refitted Enterprise until, eventually, docking and getting on the ship. In TMP,  the reason why Kirk and Scotty make the long approach via shuttlecraft (rather than just beaming over) is that the transporters aren’t actually working. But, in subsequent Treks, from TNG’s “All Good Things…” to “Caretaker” in Voyager, people tend to take shuttles to get onto big starships, even if it makes zero sense. Perhaps the only scene like this that makes actual sense (other than TMP) was in the first episode of Enterprise. In 2151, the transporters weren’t reliable! 

Lens flare

The bridge of the Cerritos is bathed in lens flare, referencing the extensive use of this camera technique in the J.J Abrams-directed, 2009 Star Trek reboot film. 

Warp Me!

Captain Freeman saying “Warp Me!” references her workshopping a catchphrase in the earlier Lower Decks episode, “Envoys.” In that episode, she wondered if “It’s Warp Time!” was a good thing to say before ordering the ship into warp.

The “movie” warp speed effect

When the Cerritos jumps into warp, the effect is way more bombastic than on the show. This references the warping effect in Star Trek Into Darkness, but also the rainbow warp speed effect from Star Trek: The Motion Picture.

“Our revels now are ended”

As Vindicta, Mariner says “Hell is empty and the devils are here” and also, “Our revels now are ended.” Ransom asks, “Is she quoting The Tempest?” The answer is yes, which not only references The Tempest by William Shakespeare but also the fact that General Chang (Christopher Plummer) said “Our revels now are ended, Kirk!” as he was attacking the Enterprise in Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country. More recently, Picard quoted The Tempest during Data’s “death” in the season finale of Star Trek: Picard, “Et in Arcadia Ego, Part 2.”

Mariner’s energy weapon 

The super-destructive phaser used by Vindicta/Mariner has a similar vaporizing effect as lasers used in the TNG “As Loud as a Whisper.” 

The pah-wraiths and Jax’s giant phaser

In the Cerritos bar, Jax says “When you get to hell, tell the pah-wraiths that Jax sent you; special delivery from Bajor!” The pah-wraiths are the “evil” versions of the Bajorian prophets, which first appeared in the DS9 episode “The Assignment.” Jax’s giant phaser seems to be a reference to a huge weapon Guinan busted-out in the bar in the TNG episode “Night Terrors.” The design of this phaser rifle also seems a lot like one of the giant weapons used by Khan (Benedict Cumberbatch) in Star Trek Into Darkness.

The Pirates Orions

Tendi pushes back against the stereotype that all Orions are pirates and slavers. The Orions were first established in TOS episodes “The Cage,” and “Whom Gods Destroy,” and later in the TAS episode “The Pirates of Orion.” It wasn’t until the Enterprise episode “Bound” when it was revealed that certain Orion “slaves” were actually manipulating their “masters” to create an illusion of who has the real power. Tendi isn’t the first Orion we’ve seen serving in Starfleet — Uhura’s roommate Galia (Rachel Nichols) Star Trek 2009 was Orion — but it’s never been fully explained the relationship between the Orions and the Federation. In TOS, TAS and in the Short Treks episode “The Escape Artist,” we get the general idea that every aspect of Orion society is connected to crime and pirating. Tendi points out this isn’t true, and that some Orions haven’t been pirates for “over five years!” So, it sounds like some kind of Orion reform happened in 2375!

The destruction of the Cerritos 

When the Cerritos burns up in the atmosphere of the planet, the effect is similar to the way the Enterprise burned up in the atmosphere of the Genesis planet in Star Trek III: The Search For Spock. But, when the saucer crashes on the planet’s surface, that references the saucer crash of the Enterprise-D in Star Trek: Generations. The Enterprise’s saucer also crashes on the surface of a planet in Star Trek Beyond.

Weird movie beaming

Rutherford says he uses a “a rapid repeating transport sequence” to beam the entire crew to safety. Billups is utterly confused as to how this is possible, and Rutherford says “No, it’s a movie you can beam whatever- you can do all sorts of beaming stuff in a movie!” This references several times that beaming tech in Trek film has been downright miraculous, as opposed to the slightly more reasonable beaming in TV series. In Star Trek: Generation, Scotty is able to beam 47 people off of one ship with a touch of a button. In Star Trek (2009) Spock helps Kirk and Scotty beam from a planet and onto a moving ship traveling at warp. In Star Trek Beyond, Scotty converts a cargo transporter so it can beam up dozens of people at the same time. In The Voyage Home the crew beam up some humpback whales. You get it.

Get off my mom, you bitch!

Holographic Mariner’s battlecry against Vindicta is not a Trek reference! This line is a reference to the climax of Alien in which Ripley said “Get away from her, you bitch!”

Toby Targ on Halloween

Mariner apparently dressed as “Toby the Targ” when she was a kid for Halloween. A targ is a type of Klingon pet that kind of looks like a dog crossed with a pig. The educational children’s character “Toby the Targ,” comes from Voyager. B’Elanna Torres owned a plush Toby the Targ, and the Doctor was familiar with the publisher of the “Toby the Targ ” stories, Broht & Forrester.

Rickety catwalk

Throughout the episode Mariner is obsessed with having a fight on a “rickety catwalk.” This probably references the ending of Star Trek: Generations, in which Kirk and Picard fight Dr. Soren on a series of rickety catwalks. But, Riker and his duplicate, Thomas Riker, also have a big confrontation on a rickety catwalk in the TNG episode “Second Chances.”

Do you like turtle necks or just standard uniforms?

Boimler absent-mindedly asks Captain Freeman if she likes “turtlenecks or just standard uniforms.” This seems to indicate that the DS9-style turtleneck uniforms might still be in service in some parts of Starfleet in 2380. Either that, or Boimler is wishing those uniforms could make a comeback.

Mariner is buried in rocks

Captain Freeman buries the body of the holographic Mariner in a strange grave made of rocks. This references the ending of Star Trek; Generations, where Picard buries Kirk in the exact same way. Why did Picard not wait to have Kirk’s body taken back to a starship? Why would Freeman have her daughter buried on a random planet? It’s a movie! Don’t ask questions!

Vindicta’s return

Before being shot by da Vinci, Vindicta rises out of a photon torpedo tube. This references the ending of The Wrath of Khan, which shows that Spock’s casket landed on the Genesis Planet. During the filming of the The Wrath, this scene was actually filmed at the last minute, and was overseen by Robert Sallin because director Nicholas Meyer was opposed to hinting that Spock was still alive. In other words, the photon torpedo casket was a small retcon inside of The Wrath of Khan, which is why it’s fitting to have it as the coda in this episode. Just when you think it’s over — somebody’s gonna rise from the dead. 

Da Vinci shooting Vindicta with a shotgun could be reference to the very first episode of Enterprise — “Broken Bow” — when a farmer shoots a Klingon with a shotgun in the first scene.

Signatures at the end 

At the very end, all four of the Lower Deckers sign their names in spacey blue ink across a starfield. This references the ending of Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country in which all seven cast members of the original series sign their names over the ending credits. This concept is interestingly used for the ending of Avengers: Endgame, probably because Marvel president Kevin Feige is a self-professed Star Trek fan. So, is this a reference to the TOS crew and the Avengers? It’s an episode of Lower Decks, so it seems like you can totally have it both ways.

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Star Trek: Lower Decks will air its Season 1 finale next Thursday on October 8. 

The post Star Trek: Lower Decks Episode 9 Easter Eggs & References appeared first on Den of Geek.

from Den of Geek https://ift.tt/3jfTenf

[ordinaryfander]

The new video sure was something, uh

So, as usual I'm here to brag about the newest video. This time, I'm going to analyze "Dealing with INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS", and it's a long analysis/theory, so be patient with me.

This will majorly center around Remus and "the Others", so beware! (I'm so happy I don't have to call them Dark Sides anymore, it was never fair)

I wrote many points to consider, and each one will take quite a bit. With that, let's begin!

1) So:

[ 1) Remus: Who he is, what he does, why he's there ]

I think we can all agree that his debut was a surprise, especially because most of us were expecting the "Green Side" to be associated with something like Envy, or Greed, since dark green is sometimes associated with money.

However, we got Remus, aka Intrusive Thoughts, which I think is, in my opinion, the best option they could face.

So: he is Thomas' nasty thoughts, the evil, twisted fantasies, and he keeps Thomas' awake at night with dark ideas, he gives him the worst thoughts to deal with, things Thomas is deeply troubled to think of, because as Logan said, his catholic beliefs instilled in him that thought is the precursor of action.

Remus is there, and why is he there?

The fun thing is: I don't think he's there to be "useful". Later I'll explain where I think his Character Arc is going to go, but Remus really doesn't have any reason to be there except that intrusive thoughts are something absolutely everyone deals with. You all have to consider that, even if those are Thomas' Sides, they're also everyone's Sides. We all have Logic, Creativity, Morality, Anxiety, and we all lie (I'll return to that).

And this traits help us live with eveyday life?

But intrusive thoughts? They just majorly upset us, and worsen our view of ourselves, but we all still have them.

However, I'm really happy with this choice, because Thomas is starting to really show what I've been screaming since Deceit's debut: things are not black and white, and he is NOT a completely good person, because NO ONE is, not 100%. We can act like good people and sincerely mean to do good, but we're still gonna have dark, horrible thoughts. And, as Thomas' said, that's ok. Those thoughts don't make you a bad person if you don't act on them, but you should consider a therapist/psychiatrist if they bother you too much. There's no shame in that, too: please, reach out for help, if needed.

[ 2) Remus' relationships with: Roman, Deceit, and Virgil ]

- Remus' relationship with Roman

At 35:50, it's officially and definitely confirmed that Remus and Roman are brothers, probably even twins.

A moment after the Duke disappears, Roman says "I don't like him".

Thomas goes, at Roman: "So, you have a brother?"

And Roman clearly is uncomfortable with it: "Yeah... It's a little like looking into a fun-house mirror. But instead of a giant head, or, like, long legs or a tiny torso... It shows you everything you don't want to be."

Thomas answers: "That doesn't sound like a very funny house"

And Roman: "Yeah... Uhh, whatever, y'know-? (...)"

Roman and Remus obviously don't get along, but we understood that the moment Remus knocked out Roman with that weapon I don't know the name of (sorry rip, don't focus on this :'))

Roman considers himself a dashing Disney Prince, a knight in shining armor, an example of bravery and justice, while Remus is pure chaotic evil. He doesn't care what other people think and his idea of fun and fantasy is twisted, and he isn't afraid of Roman and his sword in the slightest. They're opposites.

Unluckily we didn't get much brotherly interactions or interactions at all, so there's no much to say, but those two have a whole damn lot to work through.

The question that many have been asking is: do Roman and Remus share a room?

The answer is: I honestly don't know. It would be a complete and utter mess that Roman would hate to have to share. Time will tell.

- Remus' relationship with Deceit

We haven't even seen them interacting on screen, but we already know so damn much about it.

WAY BACK in "Can LYING Be Good?", this was said about Deceit:

Roman: "If you really don't want to know something, he (Deceit) can keep our moutjs shut."

And Logan immediately goes "You don't want to believe it. That's where his (Deceit's) power comes from. Things that you want to believe. Things that you wish were true. And things that you wish weren't."

And later:

Deceit is able to shut up the Sides, but he's also able to hide them. That's what he did with Remus, he kept him locked away.

I've always been rooting for morally gray/sympathetic Deceit, but I'll try to stay neutral on this: though, I really believe that Deceit was trying to protect Thomas.

Remus is... A lot, to say the least. He's pure chaos, and isn't useful or helpful (for now) and doesn't even care to be. Deceit, on the other side, really cares about Thomas, and he showed that in many ways: he just cares about Thomas in his own way. Missing the callback of SVS still hurts Thomas after all this time, and I already explained why Deceit tried his best to do what was good for Thomas in court (https://ordinaryfander.tumblr.com/post/183871155711/thomas-shouldve-gone-to-do-the-callback-he).

I also said, tho, that in SVS Deceit was frustrated to no end because the other Sides weren't listening to him.

Look how confused he is at Patton's words.

You know why? Because Thomas thinks what he says. Thomas lies, and Deceit is there to prove it.

But they didn't listen to Deceit, but Deceit isn't like Virgil: Virgil waited lots of episodes to be listened to until he finally ducked out.

Deceit straight up released Thomas' worst thoughts because Thomas had to face in the most hard way that he is n o t a completely honest person. Deceit just got really pissed and went: "You know what? I'm useful, you need me and I'll prove it."

And he just did that. He straight up released Remus, Thomas' worst thoughts, on them. Deceit is the only one who could do that, and you know why he did?

Remus: "Thomas, speaking of knowledge; recently a snake offered me a morsel from the tree of knowledge. He said you're wanting to be more honest and be direct dealing with your issues, no longer will you deceive yourself about the ugliness within you, me!"

Deceit smacked in the face Thomas with Remus, so Thomas could get the point. I think he did. "If you don't want to lie to yourself, at least face who you really are"

About Remus and Deceit alone...

I don't think Deceit really likes Remus. Deceit is kinda goofy, but he's also sophisticated, charming, a silver-tongue. Remus is a stinky garbage man.

Deceit wants to protect Thomas' reputation, Remus would destroy it. Probably Remus likes Deceit (I think he likes everyone, he doesn't care), but Deceit doesn't really reciprocate the feeling. I could surely be proven wrong, those are just my points.

- Remus' relationship with Virgil

Boy oh boy.

Well, the video already said what I could'be said: Virgil dislikes Remus, he doesn't trust him, but he's also not as scared of him anymore like he used to be.

Virgil, at Remus (32:27): "I thought you were some... Horrible illness. Now I can see that you're just a common cold, a mild inconvenience that's gone before you know it."

And Remus looks at him like this:

That's not a evil look. He's soft, almost proud.

He isn't even offended. He just goes "Eheh, you tickle me, emo."

And Virgil has one blink-and-you-miss-it-moment when he genuinely smiles.

I think he did somehow used to like (platonically y'all) Remus, even if he was scared of him. They were still... Friends, maybe, at some point. Deceit and Virgil never had such a kind-of-sweet moment, even if just a few seconds long, and even if the Duke and Virgil still are not likely to get along in general and for the time being. The Duke's phrase about Old Times wasn't a welcomed one by Virgil.

I don't wanna dig in too much else, we already know that Virgil doesn't still trust the Duke. That was just some looks I noticed that stuck with me.

Also, I won't ignore the fragment revelead his name and said: "Of course (I told you, Thomas), I would never hide anything to you." And it cuts right off to Virgil. Eh. Busted.

- How Will His Character Arc Go?

That one is the most important question.

Everyone is gonna believe what they will, but I don't think he'll get... Sympathetic, even? He's just pure chaos.

Maybe his Arc will entangle with a Roman new one, maybe his Arc will entangle with Deceit's. I do hope that Thomas and co. will now value Deceit better, he really isn't that bad... At least, not compared to Remus.

Deceit shut up Logan guys, but Remus straight up murdered him. Even if they can't literally die, y'all really can't close a whole eye on that.

So I just think he's gonna stay around and do mischief, but will surely get some sort of development related to other characters. I'm almost sure he won't get a Solo Arc, surely not for now. However, I'm pretty sure they'll get back to talk how to manage him, and how he can become more useful.

- Conclusions and predictions for the next video

Honestly, sorry this was messier than my normal analysis/theory posts, but I don't fully know how to take Remus yet.

Y'all see, the moment I knew Deceit I made my mind up: he's morally gray, he has a purpose, he has to get credit for it.

Remus confused me in every possible way. He's chaos. I'm sure we won't see him in the next video, but I predict maybe Deceit will be in it, just to look how good of a job he's done.

And that's pretty much it. I hope you all have a good time :>

[starcityhq]

WHAT: The Justice League and the Avengers officially combine to form The Avenging League of Justice - or The Avenging League for short. Batman and Captain America lead the first meeting to discuss strategies for combating NOVA. Egos clash and chaos ensues, but teams are set and there is finally a plan in motion.

WHO: Batman, Captain America, Wonder Woman, Superman, Iron Man, Falcon, Loki, Bucky, Black Widow, Hawkeye, Superboy, Supergirl, Flash, Spiderman, Human Torch, Invisible Woman, Booster Gold, Zatanna, Oracle, Batgirl, Stinger, Wiccan, Scarlet Witch, Nightwing, and Red Robin.

WHEN: Tuesday, March 20th, 2020.

BATMAN: The meeting took much longer to organize the Bruce would have liked. The latest events in Star City were unfortunate distractions, but after the riot it seemed everyone was finally prepared to commit to the union of their prospective teams. The Justice League reformed years ago, but the only consistent members were himself and Diana - until Clark’s return. Even though Bruce would never admit it, it was his arrival that put life back into the idea. It made it seem more than possible; now, it was necessary. He gave everyone time to be seated. Even though there were several meetings he had with Steve in the past in preparation for this, he was still unprepared for the amount of people that showed. All of them he knew, even if they knew little nothing more about him than his reputation and, more recently, his real name. “We are here because we have a common goal and a common enemy.” He skipped the pleasantries and the thank yous. He expressed his gratitude to everyone he asked here and saw little reason to do so a second time. There were more pressing things to discuss. “Alone we have been able to fight them on a smaller scale, but that is no longer enough. If we are going to eradicate NOVA’s influence from Star City and prevent further destruction, we need to unite. I assume you all understand that, or you would not be here. During this meeting we will share what we each know about NOVA, their organization, technology, as well as their connections to a higher government. All of us have pieces of the puzzle. If we’re going to beat them, we must know everything about them. They are not infallible.” He paused, frowning. “I do know that they are currently perfecting a device that will not only de-power mutants, but meta-humans as well. Kryptonians and other aliens will not be exempt from this.”

CAPTAIN AMERICA: Steve had put on the Cap suit for the first time since... well the last time he had put it on had been for himself. But this time, he had put it on for its true purpose. And it was as if he was home in a lot of ways. Maybe that was cheesy, as Bucky always accused him of being. But it was true. All that was missing was the weight of the shield at his back. He had left off his helmet--his identity hadn't been secret since 1941--and he wanted to be able to connect to the people around him, some of them friends, some of them former allies, and some of them people he had fought against but who had changed for the better. With the League assembled alongside the new Avengers, it was the kind of thing deep enough to give him real hope. "Batman is right," he said simply. "For a long time, we've been letting these guys go unchecked, and they've been hurting people. Not just you and me, but people who need us. The riots really brought that out hard, but Batman and I started discussing this long before that. As Avengers, we're no strangers to operating against the flow of what is expected in pursuit of the greater good. With all of us combined with the Justice League, we can see the loose threads to pull on to unravel this whole thing. To protect people. A man much smarter than me once said 'one has a moral responsibility to disobey unjust laws', and we're in a unique position to see that injustice firsthand and to work together to bring this city back to a place where people can feel safe again." He glanced around at everyone at the table. "As Batman said, we all have the tools, but separate we're just people. Together, we're more powerful than anything they can throw at us. It's not gonna be easy, but we've all faced hard things before."

SUPERMAN: It was years too late, what they were doing. They’d all bowed out and Clark had championed it, like a fool, so the injustice they were speaking of correcting felt a little more like picking up the pieces that should’ve never fallen in the first place. He’d dealt with that feeling for awhile, though, and there was no more room for the guilt when he (they) had finally decided to move again. So he gave Bruce and Steve his full attention, suppressing the swell of gratitude and relief he felt at seeing them at the helm of what they were doing. On their own, none of them had been able to right the wrongs that had happened, but he had not a single doubt that all the people around that table were capable of pulling together to do it. “There are a lot of people outside of this room depending on us to get this right. I know we can do it.” He glanced around at his Justice League compatriots and all the new faces of the Avengers he hadn’t officially met. “That’s why we’re here. NOVA has had a lot of chances to hit first, and I think it’s time we took some of them away.”

BLACK WIDOW: Natasha didn't speak. She didn't need to. Seated between James and Clint, it was like coming back from a long trip as she watched Steve give one of his keystone inspirational speeches. Her green eyes flitted around the room, marking the rapt expressions on most of the faces. Ever so subtly, she moved to slip her fingers into Clint's. They had plans to take him to James' therapist. They'd get his memories unlocked, but she was sure he was probably feeling lost, even if she had filled him in about NOVA and he had been there for the riots. He belonged here. He was an Avenger, but she wondered what was going through his head. Self-doubt, likely. He didn't remember this part of his life. Still, hearing Steve speak for the first time was a sobering experience for her. She wondered what it was like to get a second first time.

ZATANNA: Zatanna did her nails while everyone sat and listened. The brush moved on its own, though she occasionally had to twitch a finger to keep it going. She knew why she was here, obviously, but at the same time, she knew nothing about NOVA, and all she really wanted to do was set the bastards on fire. Maybe have ants eat them from the inside out. This was what happened when she was left alone and allowed to get creative. Flicking a wave at Bruce, she added a flourish of bats into her nail polish just to amuse herself. She showed them off. It wasn't her fault she could never be serious about this sort of thing. She dealt with eldritch horrors and world ending nightmares on a fairly regular basis. This was just bureaucracy. And the inspirational speech was lovely, but really, what did it accomplish? This is why she didn't work in groups, they spent too much time talking and not enough time doing. "So, do we have any concrete ideas? Or is this just a planning committee?" Her leg swung over the other, her foot tapping restlessly, she was the picture of impatience. "None of you fought this when it started. Everyone just accepted it and retired. I had to go halfway around the world and rehab my image for years to get people to think of me as just a stage magician so I could still keep the universe from getting cut open by the next greedy idiot who decided power was worth a lot of people dying. And now we're all here to pump some pompoms and talk about our feelings? Spare me." Normally she was better behaved. She'd been spending too much time with cranky wizards. "Look, I know I'm the asshole here, I know we have to fix things now regardless of what already happened. Proceed." She pulled a rabbit out of her top hat and fed it treats from her pocket.

WICCAN: Billy was a little starstruck, just as he’d been the first time the Young Avengers had suddenly been actual Avengers and were taken to the mansion. It was marred slightly by the idea that his mother was dating Batman, shattering the illusion just a fraction, but it was easy to forget while sitting around that table. Still, he wasn’t there to be a fan. He was there to be an Avenger and, first and foremost, help people. Even if speaking after Superman made him want to throw up just a little. “Since this...is a problem that is a lot bigger than just us, I guess I have a question already.” He looked up toward the head of the table at Bruce and Steve, “Are we sharing the information we have with the X-Men?” Obviously they weren’t the Avengers and they weren’t the League, but Billy was a mutant on top of all the rest. So was everyone in his family. If it was pure radio silence on that front, that sat wrongly with him. “...Glad to be here, though,” he added. He glanced only briefly at Zatanna after she’d spoken to say, “And we didn’t all retire.” He’d never put away his suit, even if changing the world on his own was...frowned upon, to say the least.

ORACLE: "Taking on big corporations and entities of evil takes time, manpower, and strategy. I think plenty people, here and not here, tried to fight off NOVA, but you can only fight government-backed and covered-up abuse so much on your own. I think that's the point," Barbara leaned forward, not at all mad that Zatanna spoke up, if anything she was amused at her friend, with a ghost of a smirk on her face. She was also more than used to at least some of the people here making their opinions undeniably known, so she continues without hesitation. She certainly doesn't disagree that action is the priority here. "As far as their systems, I've determined timeframes I can personally have them exposed and vulnerable, both virtually and physically. I'm still working on being able to do these things undetected, but that will come soon enough. We have ways in, but we need coordination. I also think," Barbara nods to Billy, "that the X-Men will be able to help us here. Magneto may have taken responsibility, but he didn't single handedly evacuate all of NOVA's 'patients' from that place. They have experience here that's going to be invaluable, and we'd only be making ourselves weak by not attempting to reach out."

LOKI: Loki had never been a part of a team really. He had been working with the JLD at the request of the other magic users, though very few people knew about his role undercover as Johan the insane NOVA scientist. He was in it for the chaos, sure, and for the security of throwing in with the people who had absolutely pummeled him when he had tried to take over Midgard--through granted, the Mad Titan had made him insane enough to get him to do it. He had needed to be pummeled. But all that aside... this talk of justice was all new for him. What Zatanna said was right on the tip of his tongue, and mischief danced through his eyes before he clamped down on it. "I agree with our esteemed 'stage magician'," he said simply. "While all the talk of--" He switched into Steve for a moment--"injustice and saving people and what we can do together--" Back to Loki. "Is extremely moving... on Asgard when such a threat was present, we, too, gathered our strongest warriors. However, the Council usually decided that waging war was the right go ahead unless, of course, we couldn't win. But can't she wipe things from reality?" He said, nodding to Wanda. "Mightn't it be a little simpler to look to the example of the man in the metal suit? There cannot be riots if there is no NOVA left." He nodded to the one in blue with the flowing red cape. "He looks to be an impressive warrior alongside Sir Justice. Zatanna is right, what are the plans?" Why, for example, was he gathering information for them? He was happy to do it, but if the reason wasn't to more efficiently wage war... what was it. He was legitimately confused.

NIGHTWING: Dick knew firsthand how difficult it was to run a team. People seemed to assume that those who had the initiative to head up a group had all the answers, or should, and didn’t recognize that it was a collaborative effort. The fact that Bruce was willing to entertain others’ ideas and not tackle this on his own was a surprising development; in his opinion, it made it clear that things were a lot more dire than most people were willing to admit. Steve’s speech was moving and was meant to inspire them. While he understood others’ frustrations, it frustrated him that it was brushed aside just because neither of them could provide all the answers. “The point is to avoid more death and destruction,” he said. “Seems to me like waging war without fully understanding our enemy and their abilities would be a mistake. We’re all here to share what we know, so we can come up with a solid plan that limits casualties. If any one of you actually thought getting together and sharing our expertise, and we have a lot of it, is an actual waste of time, then the door’s over there.” He didn’t have a lot of patience for people complaining about things not getting things done and then… offering little in way of concrete or productive plans that WOULD get things done. “Babs is right. This is going to take a great deal of strategy if we’re going to get the upper hand, especially because this organization goes way beyond what we’re just seeing in Star City. There are other government agencies involved. It goes a lot higher up, and... I don't know if we know the extent of it yet.”

FLASH: For once in his entire life, Barry hadn't been late to something. He was worked up and wired – but relatively calm for him. They were all supposed to be a team again; and in the spirit of camaraderie he had attended the meeting in costume – but lowered his cowl once inside the conference room. “Not all of us retired, Z... I just, sort of disappeared for a while.” He fidgeted but moved on. “Barry Allen – by the way; or uh, The Flash. For those of you that I don't officially know.” He waved slightly. What was a secret identity anyway? Barry shot a look at the man – Loki – as he shifted his form and questioned about a direct course of action. “Nightwing is right.” He gestured at Dick. “Wiping something – someone, people – from reality isn't the answer... just like messing with time wasn't the answer for myself or anyone else here that has the ability to do so--” He couldn't help but eye Michael slightly. “Uh, information, right. So, the only real information I have regarding NOVA is from a conversation I had with their lieutenant, a Jihl Nabel. She played the role to a tee but the is bad blood between NOVA and the SCPD. She left an agent behind to monitor our forensics department – which I gotta say has been incredibly annoying dealing with – but I think there might be a distrust among NOVA that the local authorities will refuse to continue putting up with their presence or no longer do as they say without question.” Barry explained at length before settling back into his chair. “Sorry I don't have more information... splitting myself between forensics cases and Flash-work has left little spare time to actual tangle with these guys.”

HUMAN TORCH: Being at a round table with so many other people was a far cry from the Fantastic Four. Just Four. Johnny didn’t know half of who he was looking at, and his own personal agenda was coloring everything in his life right then. He wanted to know what the hell had happened to Peter, and he was more sure than ever that NOVA was behind whatever it was. The weird isolation they’d had to maintain mingled with his own lack of patience and just plain irritation and he’d been unable to drum up his usual sunny self for the meeting. “Preparation and strategy, sure. That’s why we’re sitting here. But if we don’t start moving right now, people are going to get killed, and I’d rather take a shot at something before that happens. So, no offense, but I want someone to point in a direction before we walk away from this table. That’s what we’re doing, right? Because NOVA is up to something sick. I’m not...sneaky special intelligence guy or scientist guy or whatever most of you sitting here are,” he glanced briefly toward Peter and swallowed, “but I don’t want to sit on my hands anymore.”

HAWKEYE: Hawkeye was sat between Nat and Spider-Man, probably looking too casual for such a Serious Gathering: his long legs kicked out in front of him and his right arm was slung over the corner of the back of his chair, an arrow twirling effortlessly between his fingertips, while his left hand rested near Nat. He at least wasn't wearing his bright purple uniform. Natasha had taken him to meet a nice kid named Shuri who had designed a whole new get up for him along with a new bow and quiver, and he had fallen a little bit in love with her for it. The bow was gorgeous all sleek lines and reinforced vibranium with a two-hundred-and-fifty pound draw weight. He might have cried when she handed it over. Just a little. His uniform was just as nice, sleek and black with gold accents. It wasn't until after he saw the completed design that he realised that he had subconsciously designed both armour and a sneak suit. Sitting there Clint wondered if this was the sort've thing he used to do all the time when he was an Avenger. It seemed like a really big group. Like, they were all actual superheroes, unlike Clint who was just a mix of innate talent and crazy amounts of practicing/honing his skills, couldn't they just...take care of any problem they ran into? He was pretty sure Tasha could take these NOVA people single-handedly, but then again, he was probably biased there. Feeling long fingers slipping in between his larger, calloused ones he glanced over at the redhead, unable to help the dopey looking grin on his face. Yeah, he was definitely biased there. Not that he could help it, he could definitely see why past-him had stuck around the Russian ex-assassin, and her stunning good looks were the least of it. Her competence frankly both terrified him and brutally turned him on. But, those weren't exactly the kind of thoughts he should probably be having in the middle of an Important Meeting. ­

His thumb idly circled against the side of Nat's hand as he listened to everyone give their opinions on the current situation, but then someone spoke up that he actually recognised. Leaning forwards a little he looked around Natasha and Bucky at Loki, grinning as he nodded at him. They'd gotten drinks a couple times since first running into each other, thankfully the other times hadn't been quite as existential as the first one, but it turned out that Loki actually as a good listener and spilling his guts to the other man had made Clint feel a little less anxious and insecure about his situation. Sitting back he listened to Loki going on and found himself nodding along, and then he was pointing at the Trickster with the arrow in his hand. "I agree with Loki."

BATGIRL: It would be a lie if Steph was all for the whole strategic thing. She felt itchy, eager to get her hands wrapped around some NOVA agent necks, especially after what happened to Commissioner Gordon. The old Steph might have jumped in and said that without a second thought, especially because Zatanna was clearly on the side of action. Sitting on her hands and thinking things through wasn’t exactly up her alley. “Pretty sure we’re all here ‘cause we’re not going to be sitting with our thumbs up our asses anymore.” She shrugged. “But I get that we have to smart about it, especially if all of you metahumans could have your power wiped out like that -“ She snapped her fingers. “I mean no offense, I’m sure a lot of you have good hand to hand combat training, but I don’t like our odds as much if that’s what we’re left with.” Yawning, she combed one hand through her thick hair. Her head felt hot underneath the Batgirl cowl. “Anyone got an actual suggestion for action? What about Jihl whoever? Is she anyone important to just some trumped up figurehead?” Picking at her nails, she shrugged. “As much as I want to wipe out NOVA, they need to pay for what they’ve done.”

SCARLET WITCH: Wanda felt her blood go cold as Loki brought up her power. She had wiped things from reality on a large scale before. She had murdered thousands, destroyed lives, put a rift between teams. The mere suggestion had her uneasy, her dark eyes lifting to the Asgardian. For the most part, she worked well with Loki, but she wasn't going to sit by and let him suggest carnage and use her as an example. "I suggest you defer to those of us who know how things are done on earth, Loki," she said. "And I'd think carefully before making reference to powers you don't understand." She let out a breath, shaking her head before continuing. "I am aware that there have already been some pushes for information, but the League and the Avengers don't take action and the lives of others into their own hands to push their agendas like my--like Magneto. But my son and Oracle are right. The X-Men will be invaluable in this fight and while an alliance the depth of ours may not be necessary, their insight is important here." Pausing, she subconsciously ran a hand over the intricate beadwork of the crown her father had made her back before all of this. "That said... I question the methods of some of their members, as they have questioned mine in the past." She hated to say that. Hated it so much, but her father was formerly an X-Man and he had close affiliations with them now. He was one of those who helped run District X. "Do we have plans to talk with them directly about where they stand after the attack on the detention center?" Her father had taken credit and said he acted alone, but her sister at the very least had been involved and she wouldn't be surprised if there were others. "I know that Cyclops is a reasonable man. Surely approaching him is a good call when we discuss taking down NOVA?"

BOOSTER GOLD: While Michael didn't have much information to give, he was just happy that the band was getting back together again - this time with even more opinionated people. The suggestion of just wiping NOVA out made him nervous, if only because he knew it would really screw with time things and a mighty disapproval would be wrought down upon him. He caught the tail end of Barry's glance that he'd thrown his way, only to return it with a look of his own. A string of silent email notifications showed up on the screen of his phone which he had hidden on his thigh, distracting him partly as he skimmed.

He'd known that Steve had managed to recruit a sizeable collection of people for the Avengers, but lumping in all the others had a lot of opinions in one room. He still wasn't entirely convinced that he belonged there among them for a whole variety of reasons, but he'd agreed to it and still believed in the overall necessity of someone being around to extend a hand when the world needed it. Even a cybernetic one. "You can't just rewrite the world every time something goes wrong in it, and you can't cut off one head and walk away thinking another one won't replace it." HYDRA had taught him that much. It was naive to think anything had a simple solution. They knew NOVA ran deeper than just the organization itself or a single person. "This has to be as much an infiltration as a fight."

RED ROBIN: Tim sat quietly. Honestly... he wished he gotten a little more sleep before coming. He was running out of coffee and this was a lot of words. Beside him, Steph was her typical, to-the-point self. Action first, overthinking later. Tim was over-thinking always, action at just the right moment. Now, he finally nodded before adding to what Babs had said. "I'm working on the tech side with Oracle," he said simply. "NOVA's well protected digitally, but not impossible." After all, at the tender age of thirteen, Tim had been capable of hacking the social security office and other big government agencies. "We'll have a lot of their structure nailed down before too long here." He had taken a break to find Jim's attempted murderer, but he was back on it now, glad to be working with his father again, his family. He was aware that they were all here in the assemblage. All except one. But it wasn't as if Jason would ever be a part of a team like this. He could imagine the smart ass bitchy response that would come out of someone even insinuating it. "The point is, we aren't doing nothing. At least... I'm not and Oracle isn't. Batman and Captain America either." Obviously. Those two were the ones who had made all this happen.

SPIDERMAN: Peter reached over to take a hold of one of Johnny's hands wordlessly, as if the gesture would help to soothe the brusque tone of his words. He was right, though - they needed to nip this in the bud sooner rather than later, before it could get any worse than this. They already had the idea that NOVA had been behind Peter's sudden loss of control. How, though? Even during a forced isolation, courtesy of an overprotective Tony Stark, he was coming up empty handed. The video footage he'd managed to find showed no signs of interference, no one performing a spell or injecting him with anything. He came up empty handed and it was frustrating as all hell, but he wasn't about to quit now, especially not when there were a lot of questions still left unanswered.

IRON MAN: This had to be the place. Funny that he expected a window or two, but he should have known better given the reputation of the Justice League. Tony didn’t know why they bothered with secrecy when it was only a matter of time before everyone knew who each and every one of them were. He entered the room without (well, maybe a little) fanfare, holding a Starbucks cup in one hand and with Steve’s shield on his arm. He pushed up his sunglasses and squinted at everyone. “First time my eyes have to adjust to the dark for a meeting, I have to say. You ever heard of natural light?” He eyed Bruce and smirked, tipping his cup in his direction. “Say no more.” Circling around the room, he found an empty chair and raised a brow at the computer screen. “Ohh, nice tech. Willing to bet that 10% of this room is looking at porn right now.” He looked at Steve and gestured to the shield, his tone shifting to one more serious for the first time since entering the room. “Figured you might need this. The thing’s gotten to be a real eyesore.”

CAPTAIN AMERICA: Steve had been listening to everyone, letting everyone speak and hearing everyone's opinions. It didn't seem too dire, but there were concerns that he and Bruce were going to need to address when things seemed to settle down a little. It was fine. They had anticipated those things. The conversations that Bruce and Steve had had before had already laid down groundwork for going to Scott, for dealing with integrating the X-Men where they could. Sue was just about to speak when an all too familiar voice cut through the room and Steve's eyes shot up. Tony. Tony had actually come... Steve had asked him to. They'd been talking on the phone since the day Tony had answered. After seven years of phone calls and messages. All of them ignored until the day Steve had really needed him. When Steve's life had felt like it was falling apart well and truly. He had left the SCPD, Nomad was behind him, there was no real Cap in front of him, Bucky had left him and there was just silence. And then he'd kept answering. Kept listening. Tony and he weren't the same. They hadn't talked as deeply on a mutual level, and he could tell that he'd have to do the work to get the other to open up to him. But he'd just... listened. Hadn't given advice, hadn't tried to placate Steve. There wasn't even any bias when he'd talked about Bucky and the pain and how lonely he'd felt in his own damn home. It had been surprising for Tony because Steve had never known him to be feelings guy. But on that level it had given Steve so much hope that every night, Tony had just sat on the other line, listening or even just pretending to. And now here he was. Because he belonged here. Tony Stark was an Avenger and would always be an Avenger, and tearing their team--their family--apart had been one of the hardest choices he'd ever made. But he'd done it. And he'd do it all over again if he had the same options in front of him. But Tony... Tony he might have handled differently. If he could have.

As the other approached him, Steve's chest ached and his stomach tightened. "Tony," he said quietly. "You came." It was perhaps too intimate a moment to experience in front of all of the assembled company, some of whom didn't know him well. But he couldn't help it. Steve had never been the type of person to hide how he was feeling and he never would be. Even Tony's stupid joke fell on deaf ears as he held out the Shield. The Shield that would feel so right on his arm. That belonged with him but had been given back to Tony because he deserved to reclaim it. Because Howard had given it to Steve and Steve had chosen to relinquish it after everything. It was a part of him, and letting Tony take it had been like giving up part of himself. Now, as it snapped into place again, like it had always been there, like it had just been waiting for Steve and Tony to remember where it belonged, where they belonged, Steve's baby blue eyes burned. Steve Rogers felt the weight of Captain America. He felt... whole. "We'll talk later," he said to the other. "But... I'm glad you came."

INVISIBLE WOMAN: Susan shot Peter an apologetic look, though there was hardly much to do. Instead, she was privy to a one man show when Tony showed up fashionably late; honestly, it was completely on brand for him, so she didn't find herself so much as batting as eyelid, but she did sink into her chair a little lower as she watched the situation between him and Steve unfold. She had to wonder, though, how far had NOVA gotten with their anti-power technology. If metahumans were still untouched, then maybe she'd be able to sneak in undetected. After all - she wasn't the Invisible Woman for nothing.

SUPERBOY: Jon felt like he didn't belong in there, before he left earth, he was a kid, so he didn't have much time to prepare, didn't have much experience, he felt like he didn't deserve to be in that room with those people that have been dealing with that life, with being a hero, for far long. He was practically hiding behind his dad, felt like he was a kid again, maybe going in there was a bad idea, "Maybe someone should shapeshift into an agent of Nova, is there any shapeshifters in here? It would be a good way to get more information," He knew it was a dangerous plan, but it was really the only thing he could think about, and he wanted to help. But he was hesitating, because like was mentioned, he was new to it all. He was self conscious, didn't want to sound stupid, as if he was a kid among the adults, as that was how he felt in a way, "Or maybe if there's any technology that can change my appearance, I could do it, I would be up for it," he wanted to do something, wanted to help, and he was willing to do anything to protect others, and to stop more people from getting hurt. 

STINGER: This right here was exactly what Cassie had dreamed of her whole life. Before her, there were a number of heroes she'd looked up to since she was a toddler. The Wonder Woman poster had hung on her bedroom wall for a solid decade before she'd been killed, and now here she was, right along with them. She wears her Stinger helmet proudly, aware that her boss was one of the men leading this meeting and, to her knowledge at least, definitely did not know an intern of his was here. Of course, she'd deal with that later. Cassie didn't let herself miss a word, and when Billy spoke, Stinger could be seen nodding emphatically beside him. When the suggestion of Wanda's powers came up, she clenched her fist as her side, torn between chiding the suggestion and defending Wanda. Still, she keeps quiet a few moments more, and has to stop herself from letting out a loud 'UNCLE TONY?!' as he walked in. Still, beneath her helmet, she's grinning as he walks in, and her eyes dart from Steve to Tony, relief her main thought for only a moment. "The X-Men should be here," she added simply, having no interest in repeating previous points other than to state her place, "and unless we want to take a stage with Magneto, we should avoid drastic and unplanned charges. No matter how much I'd love to get big, step on one of their facilities, and be done with it? Not gunna be that easy." she leans forward, her wings at her back shifting in her chair, "seems like the most obvious thing we need is information. It's real easy to eavesdrop when you're the size of a bug, just saying. I can leave mics and cameras in their ventilation if we can get around the security. It'll also give us a layout of where we hit. Which, brings up the question," Stinger turns her attention back to the two men leading,  "are there any thoughts of an actual plan, or should someone start writing suggestions down?"

BRUCE: As Bruce waited for everyone to say their piece, he was less than surprised by the responses he received from a good number of the participants. Some he knew well, like Zatanna, but her less than patient stance wasn’t unique. Action meant different things to different people. Few of them knew just how much action was being taken, under the radar, and if they did know, he wasn’t altogether convinced they would appreciate it. Knowing the opponent inside-out was integral. If they moved too quickly, they risked being surprised by the vast intel NOVA acquired over the years from their various connections. Having insiders in their organization certainly helped, but he also had to consider the possibility that NOVA was utilizing the exact same tactics. They had to be careful. He nodded wordlessly to Barbara’s input, frowning, but the atmosphere in the room darkened noticeably once the focus shifted to the X-Men. Loki’s suggestion made him raise a doubtful brow. It certainly warranted a response. “This is not Asgard and strength is not enough.” Wanda’s powers being tossed out as if they were free for exploitation made his eyes narrow and he shook his head. “As I said, the weapons they employ have the ability to render us powerless. We are not in the position to rely solely on powers of mutants, metahumans, or aliens. I understand that there are plenty of you who want to go in aggressively. Forcefully. I am telling you that it will not work. We will not win. Like all of you, I don’t want to see more people killed or hurt, but we must be smart about what we do next, or it will all be for nothing.”

He glanced at Steve and then at the others, frowning. “Cyclops is a close contact of mine and has been from the beginning. We are in constant communication. They will have a level of involvement in how we proceed, but the X-Men have always been their own entity. The invitation is there for them to join us, but I can’t say it will be accepted. Regardless, we can rely on them as allies. They do not condone the indiscriminate killing that happened at the NOVA facility. As of now, I can’t tell you what their roles will be. It is something we are currently discussing - but I do not need to tell you that their assistance will be valuable in unraveling NOVA’s operations.” He hesitated, his gaze briefly going to Wanda before he looked away again. “I understand some of you would, perhaps, side with Magneto. If that is the case, this might not be the place for you. As tempting as it is to think we can follow suit, NOVA is more prepared for that possibility now than ever before. Magneto has seen to that.”

It didn’t come natural to discuss his plans with others or tell what he knew. However, even he knew there was little choice now. “We need to understand their technology so we can disable it. I have possession of the inhibitor that targets mutants, but I need their new design. They have it well guarded. The Flash is right that the SCPD can no longer be used as a way to infiltrate NOVA. The two departments do not trust each other and that will not change. And Oracle is working day and night to break into NOVA's security systems, but she needs help. The encryption changes too often for her to maintain all she does without sleep. I need someone who is good with computers - or someone who can learn. Quickly. I am not willing to wait and see what the X-Men are willing to contribute. We need to start now. We have already started, though most of you may not know it.” Jon’s suggestion earned a rare smile and he nodded. “We already have someone who has successfully infiltrated NOVA, putting their own life at risk to better our intel. At present we have no need of another. It would only increase our risk of being discovered.” Shapeshifting and magic would do little if NOVA were successful in perfecting their newest power inhibitor. Bruce nodded at Bucky, his expression somber, “Exactly. And while it may look to many of you that we are sitting on our hands, nothing could be further from the truth. This will not be a fight with loud explosions. This organization is insidious. It is very connected with every part of Star City and its citizens, including us. Disabling their systems, cutting off their resources, and sabotaging their technology is how we win. We only move when they are at their most vulnerable."

The arrival of Tony Stark was unexpected and aggravating. Bruce waited until he took his seat. He was respectful enough not to interrupt Steve, either, and gave the two a moment before continuing as if there were no change. This time he addressed Cassie, approvingly. “We have planted devices in some of their facilities, but there are certain areas our informant does not yet have access to, specifically the lab where they are developing their newest technology. It is well guarded. You would be invaluable if you were able to take us inside. It is something we will discuss later.” Crossing his arms, his frown deepened as he looked over the crowd. “Our plan is to thoroughly understand an agency that is unlike any enemy we have ever faced. Brute force may destroy one building, or the ones we know of, but more agents will come. Their technology will survive. Their agenda will continue and be bolstered by any acts of violence. There will be a time for that, but this isn’t it. The agency needs to be exposed for what it is. Then, when we do make our move, there will not be more agents to take their place. It needs to be eradicated permanently, or the amount of people who suffer and die at their hand will only increase.” He paused. "But we are here to collaborate, so if anyone here has a better idea for an approach that will permanently rid Star City of NOVA, do not hesitate to share it."

CAPTAIN AMERICA: Steve looked at Loki, sighing before he moved to pinch at the bridge of his nose. "Wars aren't won with brute strength. I've fought several. I know how they work. Battles might be, but we aren't battling. We're at full-scale war with an enemy we don't understand. And we are taking steps. Scott Summers and I don't speak constantly, but he's a good man and he wants to protect his people as much as I do. We want people to be safe and we want NOVA gone, but they can't be mutually exclusive." He looked to his fellow leader before nodding in approval. "Batman is right. In this case, shock and awe will never work and they'll wipe out half our powers before we even get into the gate. Some of us might make it unaffected. Not all of us rely on powers. But with our numbers cut into less than half, where would we be?" Steve caught Bucky's eyes with a meaningful look, as if to say 'Please watch him. After all, he didn't care if Loki wanted to mock or belittle him. But he did care if he brought the meeting out of hand. As Bruce brought up tech, Steve looked pointedly at Tony. That was his bread and butter all day long. "We have a number of scientists and tech mavens in this city that I know would align with this cause. Red Robin and Oracle are working hard. Tony, could you put Stark resources on it too?" He looked to Bruce now, adding, "I wouldn't overlook the Wakandan embassy, by the way. Shuri isn't an Avenger, but she's been a loyal ally for a long time. They have tech in Wakanda that even surpasses what I've seen with Tony and Reed. It might be worth connecting the group of you to see if she can help."

Looking out to the assembled group, he finished with, "We want to eradicate this threat, but I again agree with Batman. We don't want to do it the way they expect us to. If we attack them head on like some of you suggest, we'll lose. It's a long game, and it's a hard one, but we saw what happened when Pete--Spider-Man attacked one of the NOVA agents. I don't believe that was his fault, but it escalated things." Steve's eyes found Bucky's again. "We don't know how it happened, or if NOVA was involved, but it's exactly the kind of thing Batman's talking about. A lot of you know that I've been on the side of punch first, questions later. I'll fully admit that. But it's not the answer here. We don't know what they have or what we're up against. We need your support in the long game. And we're asking for your trust in a lot of ways. I asked all of the Avengers personally to be here. You all agreed, so you must trust me, and I trust Batman and the Justice League. Trust like that, trust that we are all working towards the same goal, is gonna be imperative."

“If we’re getting insider information, the kind that can turn the public tide against NOVA, then we need to use it.” Clark didn’t ask for specifics. If Bruce or Steve had put someone inside NOVA, he had to trust that whatever information they produced would be legitimate. “We all saw at the riots that there’s still public support for NOVA, and more of it than any of us probably feel comfortable with. If we’re fighting a war, then we’re looking at more than one front, and the people are one of them. If we have something to erode their support, it needs to be disseminated, and we have contacts who can do it.” Him, namely, but he didn’t say so. He looked from his son beside him back up to Bruce at the head of the table. “Take it to Lois. We’ll be fighting twice as hard if there are still people convinced that NOVA are the good guys here.” The air of impatience around the table was palpable from some of the other people. He understood. In a way, he was with them. The long game that Bruce played and that they all had to play right then was frustrating, but their problem would be infinitely worse if they acted too soon and too rashly. “We have a lot of different strengths here, that I can see, and if this is going to work then we’ll play to all of them. But not at the same time.”

HAWKEYE: Clint was not built for meetings. There were way too many people in one room, all of whom had something to say. Clint, on the other hand, had nothing to say. He was a circus performer and a thief. This good guy shit and should they shouldn't they and rules nonsense was grating and more and more he was starting to feel closed in, like he didn't belong there, and that getting out was the best idea he ever had. If it hadn't been for Natasha's fingers tangled with his he would've been gone already, but she wanted him here and making her happy made him feel like less of a failure, so he wasn't going to run out. That didn't mean he had to keep listening though. Growing up a criminal circus meant Clint's legerdemain skills were very nearly flawless, and it wasn't too difficult for him to slip off one hearing aid while he was replacing the arrow he'd been playing with back in his quiver, and the other when he reached up to scratch at the closely shaved hair of his undercut. With both his aids out he couldn't hear anything, blissful silence wrapping around the archer. If, for some reason, someone was paying attention to him specifically there was a chance they'd catch the sleight of hand trick, but most of the table was looking at the caped brunet with the really nice chiseled jawline at the head of the table who was currently talking. There was a pretty damn good chance Natasha would notice since she was sitting right next to him, but he'd done his best to pick a moment when her attention was diverted. Reaching into a pocket of his uniform Clint let the aids drop from his palm as he pulled out a Peanut Butter & Chocolate Chip protein bar, unwrapped it with his teeth and one hand and then proceeded to take a bite.

FALCON: It was unfortunate that Sam didn't have much, if any, information to pass on to the rest of the team, but he was willing to help out wherever he was needed. This was a group effort if they were going to take this force down - it wasn't going to be easy, not by a long shot, but he trusted Steve. He'd followed him before, he'll do it again, even if they didn't necessarily have a concrete plan moving forward. Whoever their insider was, something needed to happen before things got worse. While Superman spoke (seriously, Superman), Sam took note of movement down his right. He shot Clint a look when he noticed he had a granola bar of some sort between his teeth. He had to press his lips together to keep from smiling too wide, but kept his attention on Superman instead, in the hopes that he could just ignore whatever it was that Clint was doing. Now really wasn't the time.

BLACK WIDOW: Natasha should have known that bringing Clint to this meeting was a mistake. But she had thought that he would want to be there because this was who they were. This was their family and even if Clint didn't remember that, he had expressed a desire to be with her for things. When she had come home from Moscow, he had seemed upset that she hadn't brought him. She knew he didn't know what was going on, but when they talked with Rachel, he was going to remember and, going forward, he was going to need this information. At least... she had thought so. And then she saw him take his hearing aids out. And just tune it all out like helping people didn't matter to him. Like trying to hear what was going on and understand or file questions away to ask her later wasn't important to him. Her stomach tightened and Natasha slipped her hand from his. Most people knew her to have a very level expression, but when her hand shot out to catch his face so he could see her clearly, the first look was just utterly devastated disappointment, and the second slipped that away like a mask went on and her eyes were cold as Siberia. Letting go of his face when she was sure he was looking at her, Natasha signed quickly. <<Go home, Clint. Just go. No point in being in a chair here if you don't care and if you don't want to be here. Go home and I'll be back after.>>

HAWKEYE: Clint was aware that slipping his aids and grabbing a snack wasn't exactly professional behaviour, but he'd at least been quiet about it, and now that he had put his arrow away and had nothing to fiddle with it was better to keep something in his hands, or he was going to start poking at the tablets in front of them and get really distracted in a way that would likely be more disruptive than his snack. There was a voice in the back of his mind suggesting he could try following along to what was being said and try to piece together the bigger picture, but that wasn't what he did. He might have been forty-eight physically, but without his memories and life experiences of the last twenty-five years he was basically a twenty-three year old carnie thief playing dress up. He was doing his best, for Natasha's sake, but, like most other things in life, he was pretty sure he was failing. The moment Natasha's hand slipped from his Clint already knew he fucked up. That knowledge was confirmed when his face was grabbed and turned in her direction and he saw her face. Aw, disappointment, no. Disappointment was even worse than if she'd gotten pissed at him. Disappointment took him straight back to being a kid hiding from a father's disappointment because it came along with a belt and fists. The rotten feeling settled in his stomach, Clint's lips turned down in a frown. Blue eyes watched her sign, and for a moment he considered insisting on staying, that he could give it another try and do it better. But this wasn't like mastering a new trick shot. He couldn't just do it over and over again until it was flawless. He didn't sign back, at least recognising that now was not the time to get into a discussion. Instead he just, as unobtrusively as possible, stood up, slipped between the chairs, and then was gone and out the door.

IRON MAN: Tony brushed off Steve’s words as if his presence were inconsequential and expected, even though he knew it was just the opposite. “I wanted to see Supes and the Big Scary Bat in person. Not to mention an actual goddess with a lasso.” He arched an eyebrow and nodded in the direction of the three. “Have to say I thought they’d be taller.” Steve’s offer to talk later was met with a dismissive nod and he rolled back and forth in his chair, his foot balanced on one of the table legs. The years he spent with the Avengers made him a better listener. Maybe it made him a better team player too, unless the idea was a bad one or could use some work, and he was quick to agree to Steve’s request for tech. Unlike the others, he didn’t know much about NOVA aside from what he’d seen at the riots. He was too distracted by other things that were going on. Pepper’s injury and Peter’s complete snap from reality took most of his attention these days. One of the main reasons he was here was because he hoped someone would have some damn insight on what happened at the protest. He watched some cell phone video a kid shot over and over again, but there was nothing he could pinpoint that should have set Pete off. Not that he could figure out, anyway, and it put him on edge.

It was news to him that the X-Men would want anything to do with whatever game plan they agreed on. Tony snorted softly. “So, you don’t have the X-Men fully on board yet. What happens if they start to see logic in Magneto’s ideas? Do you intend to trust them with all of this information if they aren’t technically working with us, if there even exists the possibility that they might do something not so Justice Avenging Leagueish with it?” He frowned, rubbing his mouth thoughtfully. “And if we’re going to send Stinger in and risk her safety inside an institute that has the power to eliminate her power, what then? What’s the contingency plan? What if she pops inside an air duct at the exact moment they’re testing their new inhibitor? Do we have an inhibitor for an inhibitor? Something to disrupt the frequencies? Can I get my hands on one of these things? I understand you just have one, but I’d like a good look at it.” Clint’s subtly went unnoticed by him at first, he was too caught up in the various possibilities and pitfalls of action, but when he realized, belatedly, what just happened, he couldn’t hold back a laugh. “Someone’s in the doghouse."

ZATANNA: Good lord, there were a lot of children here. She was used to that with Bruce, he seemed to have an affinity for finding damaged orphans and giving them the ability to punch their problems away. You'd think therapy would be cheaper, but hey, everyone did things differently. "You don't have to infiltrate to get more information on them. If you want a look at what they're doing and what they've got, I can do that, easy. I just need a mirror and ... don't worry about the rest, I'll deal with it." Handing Seymour, her sweet baby bunny, to Babs so she could sit up (she was a hand talker), she leaned forward on the table. "In terms of a plan, since brute force isn't an option, and I have to agree, even though setting everything on fire is very tempting, I think we need to separate this group into smaller groups. There's no way we're going to get shit done when 30 people have to sign off on it. Make an information team, a tech team, one who looks for human error, which is my specialty, and a team of people who don't have powers who can take over if any of us get inhibited. If everyone has a smaller goal, each piece comes together and forms a structure that holds the overall plan together. Like a spell." Leaning back, she grinned at Babs. "See, I can be helpful. Just cuz I'm an asshole doesn't mean I'm worthless." She spread her hands to show Bruce that she was trying and playing well with others. She also sent Loki a mental message that said "wanna play a game while the mortals argue over tech?"

STINGER: Cassie went from grinning under her helmet at Batman's approval, to heaving a sigh when Tony spoke and said her name. She doesn't even bother speaking at the moment, simply rolling her eyes dramatic enough to be seen with her helmet on, and drumming the tabletop with her fingers, suddenly remembering the stubbornness of the older Avengers. 

ORACLE: Barbara lets herself observe the mishmash of people, and can't help but wonder what they were in for. She lets out a soft 'oh' as the rabbit was placed in her lap, but she accepts, head tilting as she listened to her friend speak. Her face slides into an approving smirk. She chuckles just a little, "Sure Z, now be open to criticism, hmm?" she turns back to everyone after (gently) handing seymour back, "she's not wrong that smaller components will be easier. And Superman is right, we need to shift at least what some people think. If we have information that can do that, we should as soon as possible. It doesn't matter how much prep we do before we attack if no one likes us once we're done. Also, cutting public support means strangling their wallets." She turns to Tony Stark, eyes narrowing slightly, thoroughly unimpressed with his display so far, but ultimately she knows she has to work with him, "There are ways to disrupt the inhibitor, Magneto used a big ass EMP. Theoretically, we could replicate that. That also runs the risk of frying a lot of information we could use against them, so it's a work in progress," she finishes, giving him a nod, certainly not about to deny the help.

IRON MAN: Tony raised his eyebrows in response to Barbara. "There are ways to disrupt the X-Gene inhibitor, but no one has gotten their hands on this new, supposedly updated power inhibitor, isn't that right? Therefore, we don't know if it operates like its predecessor. NOVA strikes me as an agency that learns from its mistakes." He let his foot fall to the floor and sat up straighter in his chair. "Magneto used the EMP with the intention of destroying the facility. He was not hiding. We're talking about a reconnaissance mission, quite different, and an EMP attack wound announce our presence loud and clear. Any device Stinger manages to plant would be undoubtedly discovered - or, at the very least, they would know we compromised their security and we lose any chance of securing valuable intel. Or, as you rightly said, our own technology is damaged and rendered useless. Worst case scenario, they catch her." He paused. "And all that is if an EMP would even be effective against this.... new inhibitor, for lack of a better term. Inhibitor 2.0?" Shrugging, he took a drink of his coffee. "I don't know about you, but I don't risk lives over ifs. Before we send anyone in, we need to know exactly how it works - and if it works similarly to the X-Gene inhibitor, an EMP is not the solution. We can't just kill their technology and expect them not to notice. No, we need to block Stinger - and there's a very simple way we can accomplish that and protect our own equipment, without tipping off the Nazis. They'd never even know we were there. I'm talking about our own version of a faraday cage. A very tiny one."

WICCAN: “You can’t completely keep the X-Men in the dark,” Billy insisted at the mere implication. There were a dozen other things to respond to, but if he was going to advocate for something, he felt like that had to be the thing. The potential fallout of not doing it was too great, and the last thing they needed was the biggest gathering of mutants to somehow be against them right from the beginning. At least Bruce and Steve didn’t seem to be in line with Tony’s thinking, and he was a little bothered (but not surprised) by his mother leaning that way, too. Magneto’s involvement complicated everything, as always. That was all the more reason not to give him more ammunition. He raked his hand back through his hair. “What uh...what’s a faraday cage?” Should he know that? In a lot of ways, Billy was one of most powerful people in that room, but he was reminded constantly what his shortcomings were.

LOKI: Loki listened to the back and forth and felt himself beginning to fade in a lot of ways. He had said his piece, they had rejected it, and so he was content to just do what he had been doing. Though he had to laugh as several people brought up infiltration like it was some new concept he hadn’t implemented from his own creativity before he was ever officially an Avenger. “Infiltration. How novel. What an idea.” He smirked before sitting back. “But if you already have an inside man, I’m sure they’re simply waiting for the right time—and the perfect information—to accomplish what Lord Bulging Biceps—“ Loki gestured to Superman “—is saying we should do. Could you not charge said inside man with retrieving one of these precious inhibitors? Before blowing open the entire operation with the right words in the right ears?”

He was offering himself for more risk. He knew that. But he had just been promoted. And he was going to get those papers signed. He and Jihl Nabel were friendly—as friendly as one could be with a horrible creature of untold evil (he both respected her as a villain and was completely astounded by her)—and he was part of their science and development team already. “Since the typically Metal-suited imbecile seems so concerned with the girl’s safety, why divert more effort to adding an additional person, who might not understand the layout and the internal politics of the organization and would just be blindly looking around, and not simply use what you have?” He shook his head, pushing to his feet. Abruptly he teleported behind the girl in the helmet—that was her name, wasn’t it—and made a show of peering closer. “You’re quite thin, you know? Very little. How are you with hand to hand combat if you do get caught, like Stark says? You won’t have your powers, so all you’d have would be your natural Midgardian fortitude.” Even without his magic, Loki had trained with the his mother, the Valkyrie, and the Asgardian army for over a thousand years, his Jotun physiology and natural state outranked any Midgardian’s in stature, durability, and strength. They relied on powers, as did he, but he wouldn’t be much of a trickster if he only had one trick.

It seemed to him that the conversation was becoming a bit circular, and Loki was an expert tactician but only when he did have an equal seat at the table. He was under no illusions about that now. Well, he was always under illusions, but those were literal. Most of them didn’t trust him. And maybe they still wouldn’t even when it was revealed that he’d been a plant the entire time he’d been on Midgard, and he understood that Thanos had taken any and all credibility that he hadn’t lost for himself. So he had said his second piece and teleported back to his chair. Green eyes meet the Good Captain’s. “You didn’t ask me here personally, but I am at your disposal. I do hope you don’t waste me, but point me as you will.” He looked to Zatanna, an expression of amusement on his face. His fingers moved through the air subtly before the pen next to the redhead now playing with the rabbit turned into a large carrot. He smirked before replying mentally: What did you have in mind?

STINGER: The young blonde went from a facepalm to indignant when Tony and Oracle were going back and forth. She'd expected some protectiveness, but she figured they might get through maybe half a meeting before it started. It was Loki appearing behind her that made her stand, clenching her fist at her side and staring him down without any hesitation, but she lets him finish.  She didn't sit again even when Loki did, and her eyes turned, positively glaring at Tony "I wouldn't volunteer to go if I wasn't sure I could handle it. I've been one of the ones in the streets fighting the creeps, and you haven't seen what I can do yet," her eyes deliberately shift to Bruce now as she retakes her seat. The hand that's hidden under the table next to Billy is clenched, and if she didn't have her gloves on, her nails may have down a number on her palms. She echoes what Bruce said before, "we'll discuss later, including safeguards for crappy outcomes." she grows quiet again, silently fuming, but knowing any extreme outburst would just be taken as an excuse to further infantilize her. One thing she hadn't missed? The tightrope walk that young heroes always had to face while on a larger team.

IRON MAN: Tony stared at Loki with vague annoyance. “If that inside man were at all proficient, we would have it by now. I’m not sitting with my thumb in my ass waiting on him to drop it by at his convenience.” It was clear to him who the inside man was and he could think of no one more ill-suited than Loki, who was proving himself useless so far. “Coming from someone who can offer nothing productive to the conversation or offer their own solution, personal insults are the next best option.” He clicked his tongue. “Predictable, Poki. I’m disappointed in you. If you were paying any attention, you would realize your “concern” is misplaced and invalid. But I suppose I can’t fault you entirely - how old are you now? Oh, you don’t have to answer that. None of my business. I was just wondering if gods also decline with age. If so... well, I've been awfully insensitive. Please, someone pull up Wikipedia here for our friend so he can keep up with the conversation. And toss in a dictionary. Most of the words aren’t monosyllabic.” Tony winked at Loki, smirking. “That should keep you more occupied than a virgin in a strip club.” His expression softened when he looked at Cassie and he leaned across the table, his voice lowering and becoming uncharacteristically serious. “I know you can handle it, kid. I know exactly what you can handle. What I’m trying to do is give you the tools to get in there and get out undetected. No one in this room has the ability to evade a power inhibitor, aside from those of us without any power to start with. I’m not saying you shouldn’t go or that I don’t trust you to go, but I want all of the information first. I’d want that for anyone in this room."

Sitting back, he spread his hands and looked around the table. “Can we return to viable solutions? That seems to be what we’re interested in. Does anyone have access to the materials I’ll need to construct a faraday cage? Or… well, it should really be a pouch. That would be far more maneuverable.” At that point he recalled Billy’s question and shifted his gaze to him. “A faraday cage blocks electromagnetic fields, radiation and frequencies. It acts as a filter against those wavelengths and shields the interior of the cage. It also protects against EMPs. Whether or not this will be effective depends on this new power inhibitor, but it requires specific materials to construct. I don’t have them on hand, unfortunately. I can get them, but if anyone has them at the ready I’ll gladly take them off your hands. I’ll need… let’s see…” He tapped two fingers against his chin. “Shielding Fleece, make sure it’s HF+LF - oh, forget it. I’ll take care of the materials. The whole pouch thing more complicated, but better suited for this scenario."

FLASH: Barry listened intently to the arguments and pieces everyone had to say. When the conversation circled back to him, he opened his mouth – but closed it when the doors of the meeting room opened and someone else joined them. 

ROBIN: "Sorry, Flash, but this is important." Damian Wayne barged into the meeting area with a slight pant to his breath, collapsing his bo staff and stashing it on his utility belt. He been preoccupied with a little criminal apprehension that Bruce had sent him on – but it had taken him a little longer than expected when something interesting came up. Sure, Damian had radioed in to his father to let him know he was running late but he hadn't explained why. So the teen swept through the room, light dancing off his red and green kevlar. It was a moment before he finally lowered his hood. “I know I'm late, Batman.” He reported. “I thought this would be better to show everyone in person though.” He said bluntly before setting a small black camera onto the table in front of him. “I was in the process of dealing with Kite-Man like you asked when he mentioned having made cameras that got near the NOVA HQ. I took a moment to look and this...” He explained and gestured to the device he had brought in, “was captured by one of his cameras. It had an odd placement and when I found it – a very odd energy signature emanating from it.” Damian stated before finally eyeing the large gathering of mostly strangers he did not recognize. "Whatever it is, it isn't normal. You don't stash security cameras in awkward crevices where they can't really see people." He frowned and folded his arms before moving to take an actual seat at the first empty seat he could find - an empty seat; one so 'graciously' emptied by his Father's insistence on standing broodily. It was different, being a part of the 'Big Leagues' meetings instead of the younger teams for once. Damian wasn't sure whether or not he liked it - the amount of attention on the one speaking was intense.

HUMAN TORCH: “Smaller teams. That’s something. Not everybody is suited for every job, but at least the rest of us would know where we might come into place. It’s not like thirty people can be barging onto the scene to infiltrate and spy. If we’re just waiting our turn, at least we’d know who we were waiting with.” He returned the squeeze to Peter’s hand, trying to quell his own temper, because he was a hair away from snapping like Cassie had. The device suddenly laid on the table was a distraction, at least. Johnny could offer one thing about it immediately. “It’s producing heat. Like,” he leaned forward far enough to reach for the camera but didn’t actually touch it with his hand. He didn’t need to. “A lot of it, really fast, really contained.”

ZATANNA: "Look, I get that half of you are tech gods, but I don't really think the details of that are helpful right now. " Which wasn't just because Z had no idea what Tony was talking about. "You and Babs are now the heads of the tech team. You guys pick your squad like in gym class and go fight it out together about whose circuit board is bigger." She assumed large circuit boards were better but honestly had no clue. "And Loki is right, infiltration will be the most dangerous part. Sending in anyone who isn't absolutely prepared is stupid. I get that you're all young and invulnerable to the dangers of the world, but this shit is real. I've lost my magic before. You don't know what it's like to not have your power, it's like suddenly losing a limb. Either you train while inhibited and prove yourself, or the grownups get to keep you at home. It's not about who's smartest or has the shiniest suit, it's about who won't die if they only have a knife and their brain to work with. Bruce has to be in charge of infiltration and whatever he says, that's what we do." Z nodded at Bruce because, duh. Just as Barry was about to speak, probably too fast and technical for Z to understand, Damian almost literally popped in. He was babbling about a camera, which Johnny Storm (Z always remembered cute guys, especially ones who burst into flames) said was emanating heat. "Jesus, if it's hot, who knows what else it's putting out. Tcetorp sdleifecrof!" A glowing bubble went up around the thing. "That thing could have tracking stuff or be nuclear or have a fucking spell on it and you brought it here?" Staring at Damian like he was the dumbest person she'd ever seen on this planet of Earth, she slowly swivelled her chair to look at Bruce. "I didn't realize it was bring your kid to work day." She turned the computer mouse into a Damian doll and sent it flying through the air to Loki. "Anyone else wanna risk total exposure of our super secret attempts to overthrow an authoritarian regime? No?"

WONDER WOMAN: The atmosphere in the meeting room felt tense. Diana sat still, quiet, as she soaked in everyone's opinions on the matter at hand. While she had no intel to share, she did know where she was best suited and where her strengths laid. While she did remain silent for much of the conversation, looks and body language did not go amiss. She watched everyone closely; whatever it was that Bruce and Stinger had to discuss later on, she trusted them to know what they were talking about. She was a soldier, a warrior, through and through. A diplomat, first and foremost, but a spy? An infiltrator? She would leave that to Bruce. She trusted him enough for that. "Agreed," she nodded to Zatanna before glancing to her right at Bruce, "You are better suited in that department than most of us here. If you trust this inside man to deliver us results, then I will stand by it. But we need more information sooner than later; there will be worse to come than just riots. These people are worried, scared for their lives, and many still have not been able to recover from that destruction." Diana narrowed her eyes at the now contained device floating in the middle of the meeting room. "Why would a camera like that need to be hidden in such a way? Do you think it was there deliberately?" She asked, gaze now on Damian.

BATGIRL: Everyone around her might as well have been speaking a foreign language. She leaned in to get a better look at Damian’s camera he seemed so proud of, but it looked like a regular old camera to her. As much as she used to admire Zatanna, the tone she took with Damian made Steph bristle protectively. “Sure, training under Batman must mean he’s stupid enough not to check for tracking devices. Give him more credit than that. All you’ve done is order people around and feed a rabbit in your hat.” Steph sat with her arms crossed, frowning, and squirmed uncomfortably as she grew more and more aware of just how little she had to offer in the way of teams. Punch first and ask questions later was what she did. It was her thing. Pretty much her only thing. She started out at a disadvantage, but years of training made her hand to hand combat impressive (if she could say so herself), and now she couldn’t even use it? Sounded like some bullshit. Yeah, she got it, but it sucked to feel like a useless lump when she was supposed to be Batgirl. “So a tech team, a… spy/sleuthy team, a computer digital hackery team - or does that fall in the same category as tech? Actually that’d be more up your alley, Babs. Maybe you should head that up." Drumming her fingers on the table, she looked up at Bruce. "And during all this patrol is continuing as always, so we’d need a team for that, right? Can’t forget to watch the street while you guys go running around in faraway bags.”

SCARLET WITCH: Wanda watched the people around her as they reacted before feeling herself beginning to get frustrated at the antics. Shaking her head, she sat up, her dark eyes flashing. "I think the irreverence--" She glanced to Loki, Zatanna, and Tony, who she admired for their bluntness but felt herself getting irritated with in this large setting, "--isn't getting us anywhere, for one. I think it's safe to assume that Steve and Bruce won't be underusing anyone. If they didn't have a need for each of us, they wouldn't have requested our presence." Her expression softened as she looked at Johnny and Peter, Steph, and those who were simply trying to determine their place. "Steph is right. While we are making large moves in subtle ways, there are still atrocities going on every day. And there's danger all over the city. Those with more martial skill can certainly keep people protected on patrols and it's not a lesser job. It's just as important." Her gaze turned to her son now. "I don't think we're going to exclude them, bubbi," she told him, her love name for him slipping out without her realizing it. "None of us want that. Tony's saying that if we don't know what they believe and where they stand, that it's dangerous to expect them to react in any way. He's not wrong, but no one is going to keep them in the dark." And if they were, Wanda wouldn't be comfortable with it. Her attention turned outward. "I know Magneto is a risk. He always is." He always had to make everything more complicated with his black and white inability to realize that he didn't deserve to play god just because it was the fastest way to help or get his point across. "But I think that Bruce and Steve's decision to speak to Scott solidifies that the X-Men will be involved, and we can trust that information will be disseminated to them and exchanged between us."

She hoped that put that concern to rest, because they could keep dwelling on the same three points, but they would be here all night. Clint had already demonstrated that that wasn't going to work for some people. She glanced to Tony, "For your cage, perhaps you can talk to Shuri. I certainly don't think that we have anything like shielding fleece in our attic." She gave him a wry grin. Then Damian was barging in and there was a strange device and she swallowed before looking to Steve and Bruce. "Do you two think it's safe to say we've covered what we need to for the general group? As several people have pointed out, this isn't their expertise. I assume this object needs to be studied. I don't want to adjourn your meeting for you, but I think that, with this new discovery, we might do well to start to close it up?" Her expression to Bruce was gentle, supportive. She hoped he didn't see her question as disinterest or otherwise something to say that the meeting wasn't important anymore, but she wanted people to be able to crack into this new focal point and she trusted that new information would be shared by Bruce and Steve as they obtained it.

BOOSTER GOLD: "I'm down with keeping up patrol. I've got NOVA's patrol sched down tight for the north side of the city, so if anyone wants that, let me know. I can have my bro Skeets send it via email; he's got built in Wi-Fi and it's like, crazy fast." Even though he was a little disappointed that he couldn't offer much else, Michael was glad that things were happening. Finally. It felt good to be part of a team again, even if he was reduced to patrol. Still, he could fly, so it made sense he stick with that. Skeets might be a little smarter in the technology department, especially that of the twenty-first century, but Michael wasn't going to pretend to know anything about what they all were talking about. "But if you guys need me anywhere else, I'm cool with that, too. Just say the word, I'm there." He threw up a gesture, thumb and pinky outstretched and he shot a quick grin before he settled back into his seat with elbows on the table.(edited)

BUCKY: The whole display with Clint and the expression on Natasha’s face had him briefly distracted from all the rest. He was there for Steve, first and foremost, and to help where he could, but his attention was quickly pulled in other directions. Wordlessly, he reached with his right hand beneath the table and laid it against her knee, neither looking at her or acknowledging what had happened. A fucking protein bar. Really? He was sincerely, deeply trying to be sympathetic to what was not an unfamiliar situation to him, but it only went so far. For better or for worse, Loki and Tony’s back and forth quickly had everyone looking elsewhere, and the revelation of NOVA’s device brought something else yet again. “I can help with patrol, but we’ve got a crew on this side,” he gestured at himself and nodded vaguely toward Natasha, “with a few decades of espionage and intelligence, for what it’s worth. I’ll be a little more inconspicuous than it looks right now.” Shuri’s upgrade to provide temporary camouflage for the cybernetic arm would see to that. “But I’ve never seen anything like that,” he gestured toward the camera on the table.”

SUPERGIRL: Even though Kara was only listening, she watched everyone at the table. She paid close attention. Some seemed to have good ideas, but others were bent on complaining on the lack of ideas - a frustration she could understand, but also found hypocritical and counterproductive. She wasn't a new member of the Justice League. She saw firsthand how difficult it was to lead people who didn't really want to be told what to do, or thought they knew best, but then did nothing but complain. The name-calling and demeaning behavior was upsetting and unnecessary. Wanda's kindness was a breath of fresh air. Kara smiled at her, hands clasped underneath the desk, but then she turned her attention to Bucky. "I can help with the espionage. Robin said the cameras are hidden in strange spaces no one would normally look...  not easily found, and unless NOVA has found a way to make their walls impenetrable to me, I'll be able to see through them." It was certainly a different sort of espionage, but having X-Ray vision came in handy when you were trying to find people - or things. "And I can see the electromagnetic spectrum. Thermal imaging will help me find the cameras, or even the location of the inhibitors." She paused. "But if the new ones also depower Kryptonians... I don't know, but it is worth a try. Perhaps the range is small and I won't have to get close enough for it to affect me."

SPIDERMAN: While Peter understood why he was being benched, he didn’t have to like it, not when he could be doing some good that the city desperately needed; regardless of how its people currently felt about him. Though as tempting as it was to do more than just remote work (if they would even allow him that), it would be stupid to go against Steve's and Bruce’s call, especially since they still didn’t know what was wrong with him. Of course, that wasn’t going to stop him from opening his mouth and offering himself anyway — “I’ve worked my way around a few security systems before; if Oracle needs a hand with that, I can always help out remotely... If that’s an option?” Knowing how overprotective some of them were, his offer would likely be shot down, but he had to try anyway, right? If he was going to be stuck behind four walls, at least stick him in front of a computer.

SUPERBOY: Despite the fact that he didn't have a lot of experience with being an adult, he was a hero before he left Earth. He could be a kid, but he was still good at it, so when they talked about doing patrols, he without thinking twice, offered himself to help, "I would love to help with patrolling. I do that a lot already, so it would be nothing new to me," every day, he went out and flew around the city, looking for someone that he could help. He wished there was more that he could do to help, but unfortunately, that was the only thing that he could do. It was already something he supposed, and better than nothing.

STINGER: Though it was hidden behind her helmet, Cassie's face softened as Tony spoke. She'd talk to him later certainly, but for now, she wasn't exactly raring to drag too much more attention to her. And, truly, had her attention not been completely engrossed by whatever it is Robin had just brought in, she would have rounded on the cranky magician lady, but as it was, Stinger didn't really think about it as she stood, shrunk, and let her wings carry her over to the device on the table. She tried to see things from her small angle, even behind the forcefield. She looks up at Johnny, "Hot enough to where it would hurt me if I could get in?" she crouches on the table, no more than a few inches tall, trying to get a look, "once we make sure that it's not recording us at all, and once we make sure that hotness isn't like.... energy getting ready to explode, I'd love to take a look. Nice find. But, uh--" she turns back to Zatanna, "this forcefield would potentially protect against an explosion, right?" and, as she's talking, takes flight in her tiny form and moves ever so slightly further away.

BATMAN: Bruce stood silently as Steve spoke. Before the meeting they had time to outline what it would be about, but it was impossible to anticipate the response they would receive. Regardless, Bruce was well versed in the abilities of everyone present, even the Avengers he never met. What gave them leverage in this partnership was the variety of strengths and expertise they had at their disposal. The only thing standing in the way was ego - and there was far too much of it in the first ten minutes. He didn’t fault the group for not seeing the value in a long game. They waited long enough for a plan of action and now they were being told they would have to wait even longer. Unfortunately, there was no way around it. It was just not that simple. Handing out tasks was something he discussed with Steve before the start of the meeting. Separating everyone into specific groups that played to their strengths was the best strategy. It certainly had a far higher chance of success than a full frontal attack, which was what some were oddly fixated on. “You might find temporary satisfaction in action, lethal or otherwise, but if that were the solution then NOVA would have been destroyed a long time ago. Captain America and I both recognize the value of infiltration, from various angles, and we simply do not have the time - or the ability - without you. You are here because we need your help, but it is your choice whether or not to go forward.”

Public perception was a tactic Bruce was well acquainted with after years of being in the spotlight and using the media to distort his image. He inclined his head in Clark’s direction, indicating his agreement. “The Gazette’s expose on the detention centers was the first real step in that direction. The public is largely influenced by what NOVA wants them to see. But there is more than one way. In this day and age, public shaming has incredible influence. Secret recordings that discredit an agency would go viral. It can be just as effective as journalism. Those of you on patrol will also be in charge of that - but be careful.The expose was successful because it did not distort or exaggerate the facts. Out messages can have the same impact on our peers as both Miss Lane and Mr Kent have with the media.” Clint’s strange behavior and subsequent exit earned a brief glance in Steve’s direction. Bruce said nothing, but they would be discussing it later. Long ago, he made a point of trusting Steve to decide who should and shouldn’t join the Avengers. This was the first time Bruce actually questioned his judgment. Even though personalities like Tony’s were abrasive and obnoxious, Bruce still recognized the point he was making and it was one he agreed with. “No one will be going into any facility until we are prepared. That includes having contingency plans in place.”

Zatanna and Tony’s back and forth made him consider if they should have employed a raise your hand if you have something to say protocol. While he’d hoped everyone would act like reasonable adults, he was especially disappointed in Zatanna because of their history. Their shared past was a close one and he gave her a look that, while on the outside appeared stern, was also a silent request for respect - if not for the group, then the integrity of the meeting. She was better than this. “That is exactly it, but you will not be making the decision of who is on what team, Zatanna.” Despite his frustration, he couldn’t help but be a little amused. As Barbara and Tony argued over the technology, he focused on Billy’s concerns for the X-Men. “Rest assured, Cyclops will be kept well-informed.” Trust didn’t come easily to Bruce and he didn’t fully trust many people, but that was something separate. He did trust certain people for certain tasks, and he knew Scott would not sabotage their efforts or use the information in a way that would hurt the team. They were all on the same side. With any luck, he could encourage them to help.

Not that he was looking forward to adding more strong personalities to the already contentious group. Loki and Tony’s back and forth was giving him a headache and Damian’s interruption was a welcome respite from the bickering. While he’d been in communication with him through an earpiece, Bruce had been given no explanation as to why Damian was late or what had happened. Troubled, he listened to his explanation with a frown. “Where was this building, Robin?” While he appreciated Zatanna’s support, he held up a hand in response to her surprisingly abrasive words, then shook his head gently at Cassie’s suggestion and turned the camera over in his hand. “There is no need. The heat is intense, as you said -“ He nodded at Johnny’s assessment. “But it is residual. It is slowing down. Cooling.” Producing a small tool from his belt, he opened it back up and saw that Damian already disabled its tracking device. Just as he taught him. It wouldn’t have mattered. The room was protected from being tracked just like the Batcave, but he kept that information to himself. “I assume you scanned it for explosives.” Not that he felt he needed to ask. Damian was well-trained, or Bruce never would have trusted him to be out on his own. Still, he retrieved his personal scanner (equipped with various systems, including computed tomography) to do another deep scan. “Hm. No trace of explosives. We need to do more research to know for certain what is producing the heat.”

Prior to the start of the meeting, Steve and Bruce both agreed who would be best suited to what task. It was a difficult endeavor, but there were solid reasons behind their choices and it wasn’t up to debate. “We are all infiltrating. The difference is the approach. Oracle, Red Robin, Human Torch, and Spiderman, you will coordinate a digital attack on NOVA’s systems and gain access to their files. The firewalls are nothing like I’ve ever seen before.” In any other situation he would not have placed Johnny in that category, because he had other, valuable strengths, but someone would have to keep an eye on Peter after what happened at the riots. He was the best option. Bruce reluctantly handed the camera to Tony. “Iron Man and Black Panther will focus on deconstructing NOVA’s technology. A device or a suit that will shield the wearer from inhibitors, while avoiding detection, would be invaluable to future missions. Our first order of business is to retrieve the new power inhibitor so we can find out how it works. Bucky, Supergirl, Stinger, Flash, Invisible Woman, and Black Widow will do reconnaissance on NOVA’s labs and various locations and formute a plan of entry. The new inhibitor will likely be guarded. Falcon, Loki, Booster, Batgirl, Wonder Woman, Superman, Superboy, and Robin - you will be on the ground. Remember that part of your job is to discredit NOVA whenever you have the chance.

Record unnecessary force and hand it over to Oracle to distribute. It can’t be traced back to you. Be a powerful presence and be inspiring. There is a reason you are the group most visible to the public.” Of course, Clark would be doing much more with the Gazette, but Bruce was not going to divulge that. “Scarlet Witch, Wiccan, Zatanna, and Nightwing, your job is to locate all of NOVA’s hidden facilities so the reconnaissance team can get to work. Once you’ve done that, you will focus on the facilities that are detaining mutants. We already know there are more. After you assist the reconnaissance team you will go to District X and consult with Cyclops on how to proceed. I have no doubt he will be involved, or already has a plan in place. Offer your assistance." His expression and tone turned somber. "Scarlet Witch and Nightwing can prepare you for when the inhibitors get in your way. We face a real threat of mutants, metahumans, and aliens being stripped of their powers. Everyone needs to understand this and be prepared. Those of you who need to fine tune your hand to hand combat, Scarlet Witch and Nightwing are who to see.” They worked well with each other - and in this situation, that was vital. “I understand many of you are skilled in this area, but consider how much of that skill is reliant on strength and superhuman ability. Ask for help if you need it, or your pride will get someone killed.”

CAPTAIN AMERICA: Steve was watching his meeting, their meeting, start to fall apart. He knew how Tony was, he had anticipated how Loki was, but he didn't know Zatanna well. He didn't actually think she was trying to instigate, but he did think that it might come off that way. But there was nothing to be done about it now. What was said was said. Still... he had been waiting for this for such a long time. More than anything, Steve Rogers had wanted this meeting and he had seen all the potential it could hold. It was why he had barely let Bruce get the offer to work together and reform out of his mouth before he was agreeing. They were going to be amazing. All of them. He just needed them all to understand what they were doing had reason and rhyme for all of them. They were all essential. It was watching Clint of all people embarrass the Avengers, and embarrass Natasha that had Steve crestfallen. His expression reflected the redheaded assassin's utter disappointment as he watched Clint leave, knowing how that looked. He knew there were extenuating circumstances, but he also knew he was going to have to advocate for Clint and for the validity of his presence to Bruce now when Steve knew he was a good man and a great Avenger. He let out a slow breath, but didn't let his shoulders sag, even if he wanted to, but that expression of disappointment began to etch deeper as Tony was who he was and Loki was who he was, and Cassie seemed to get up in arms when no one was discrediting her. There were some who were focused and productive and wanted to be there. Steve could see them, but it was hard not to feel like the gaps between their teams were going to struggle to be bridged into a cohesive unit if they were picking at one another, protesting precautions and getting snippy about what they should be allowed to do, snapping at one another about nothing.

"Come on, guys," he finally said after Tony's second jibe at Loki, which thankfully wasn't followed up by a rebuttal. There was a distinct sigh in his voice as he did it, and he was about to say more when Robin burst in and set down another piece to this ridiculously intricate puzzle. At the very least, it would give them all something to focus on and get them back on track. Something tangible. He gave a gentle nod to Johnny, opening his mouth to say that they had that covered when Zatanna was suddenly speaking but then Diana was bringing it back to trust. The amorphous shifting of tones was hard to keep up with, so he simply waited his turn. Wanda beat him to addressing the concerns about the X-Men and seemingly putting them to sleep, which eliminated one more opposition. He held out a hand to Cassie to stop her. "Not yet, Stinger," he said to her firmly, not because she was a child or because he thought she was incapable or whatever had set her off. It was because they didn't know what that thing was and Zatanna's forcefield was keeping it contained and safe. "You'll get time to look at it when we figure out what the hell it is. Just..." He sighed again, grateful to Bruce for taking over and divvying up the roles they had discussed. It was helpful, he thought, to the people calling for action to know their tangible roles. And it showed that he and Bruce hadn't just been sitting by with nothing to discuss or say. It was their credibility and he hoped it convinced people to trust that he and Bruce did actually know what they were doing. He had led many of these people before and they had followed him. And even if most didn't know Bruce well, so many people knew Batman. He was undeniable. The support of Wonder Woman and Superman held sway too. He just needed them to trust.

So he listened to Bruce lay it all out before nodding. "Wanda can offer something else to those who are training that I think is an invaluable asset. These guy are developing ways to shut off our abilities. And I know that so many of us rely on those abilities. Without them, some of us feel powerless. But not having your abilities doesn't make you useless. Not a single person here is. So I would encourage that you all take advantage of trying to work with Nightwing for brush ups--we all can benefit from keeping in practice--but with Wanda using her powers to cancel yours out. Find where your weaknesses are without your powers and then train those muscles until they ache. She can show you what it will feel like to find yourself in a combat situation without anything but your body to help you. I don't know exactly how NOVA's inhibitors in this second batch are going to work--" though he was really hoping he didn't end up 5'4" with Scarlet Fever again, "--But while Tony and Shuri are working on ways to work around them even in the short term, we only have ourselves to rely on." He met the gaze of every single person in turn, just a brief flicker for some and a lingering look for others. Natasha, for her part, seemed shut off, her face blank. She was listening, he knew, but he worried what was going on behind that impassivity. It was something to be dealt with later. "We're strong even without the things that make us different from the rest of the world. We have special abilities, but we're people first. There are a hundred other mutants, metahumans, aliens, and all the rest in this city. We gathered you because, like Batman said, we all have a part to play. So let's put aside the 'me' and start working toward this goal as a cohesive unit."

SUPERMAN: Bruce, as always, had covered all conceivable fronts. That wasn’t surprising. If he didn’t believe him capable of doing that, Clark wouldn’t have been as insistent that the League needed to reform in the first place (with or without their new addition of Avengers). It had been tempting to get in the middle of the squabbling, which they didn’t have time for, but it ceased well enough on its own. He wasn’t there to play bouncer, but he was certainly willing to do it if necessary. Tony Stark seemed to know everything but how to exercise a modicum if respect, and Loki was much the same. Duly noted. Neither had made a stellar impression on him in their limited time on the floor. One glance at the device Damian had brought in let him know there were no explosives within. It wasn’t lead. He could see through the casing, but Zatanna and the others had leapt at it and saying so seemed futile. Besides, just because he could see into it didn’t mean he knew what he was looking at. “You’ll have me where you need me,” he affirmed once all the roles had been handed out. He’d end up where he wanted to be - a face people saw as familiar, someone they could count on, someone who could help. He still had so much lost ground to make up for.

BLACK WIDOW: Natasha was still so utterly embarrassed that she had to actually use her Red Room training not to belie how she was feeling. That slip in her expression, in front of many strangers had not been acceptable, and she had immediately compartmentalized it and put it away, her face completely impassive. James would know what she was doing, but the blood in her ears told her it wasn't working as well as it usually did. Clint was off, and his memories were gone... but she'd never remembered him being such a Мудак. Asshole. When he had saved her from the Red Room, they hadn't been so old. And he had been patient, gentle and good even when he had nothing contribute. When he didn't know what to say. He belonged on this team. He belonged fighting alongside them. And she had apparently been too optimistic to think that the very essence of being a good man would still be there under it all. It wasn't often that Natasha Romanoff miscalculated and she clamped down even harder to compensate. Her face was so blank that it might be unsettling, honestly, and her muscles were tense as she nodded with her assignment. The heat of James' hand registered thereafter and, if he were looking at her, he would see the barest twitch of the corner of her eye. As if she had been slapped or as if, were she anyone but Natasha, her eyes might be pooled with angry and embarrassed tears. "Understood," she replied, voice level and even in response to her assignment. She very nearly left it at that. But her green eyes flicked to Batman, and someone who knew the power of the barest shift in expression, she tensed her jaw visibly before adding, "Barton is compromised." She couldn't just say nothing, not with the look on Steve's face. But she wouldn't apologize or make excuses. "It will be dealt with." Her tone was direct, to the point. "It was my mistake."

ROBIN: Damian had remained seated in a scowling silence ever since arriving, letting everyone jump over the device he had brought forward. He shot a sharp glare in Zatanna's direction at her snide remark and curled his fists beneath his folded arms. “Better than a two-bit stage magician.” He remarked sharply, but was drawn from his thoughts as Bruce spoke up regarding the device. “Of course I checked it for tracking equipment and explosives. I'm not an amateur, Father...” He retorted with a frown. “The building was older...but Kite-Man seemed to think it was one of NOVA's headquarters for some reason when he explained what he was doing. It didn't really seem like somewhere a government agency would hideout though.”

As Bruce divided everyone onto their assigned teams, the teen couldn't help but crack a small smirk. “Patrol and street work? Good thing I'm always doing that anyway, isn't it?” He stated with a humph. He turned his attention momentarily to the woman 'Black Widow' and regarded her posture and stance. As a former assassin himself, he could discern the minute details in her demeanor. She was lethal, that much he could ascertain. He just wasn't sure how, or what connection she had to the man that had left their meeting. This meeting didn't seem like it had been going the greatest before he arrived.

Damian didn't know what to make of the circus show they had assembled. There was the usual crowd – Clark, Diana, Barry...his family, Zatanna and Michael. People he was familiar with. It was the other group of people he wasn't certain what to make of. This 'Captain America' seemed trustworthy enough, but the Scarlet Witch and Loki were questionable. His brow furrowed slightly at the sight of Peter Parker, having kept up with the riots extensively since they happened. Tony Stark had so much arrogance to him it was nauseating and he was glad that he wasn't going to have to be working with him or this 'Black Panther' on anything. He was equally glad though he hadn't been placed with Oracle and Tim. He was skilled with tech, but it was true he was better used on the streets. As for the others? He really didn't know what to make of them.

“The teams sound pretty solid, Father. Oracle can make sure everyone stays competent on her team...I'm sure the tech team is capable enough as well. Anything we can use against NOVA will be vital.. weapons especially, preferably throwable.” He eyed Tony before looking back at Bruce and settling back into the seat.

ZATANNA: Zatanna made an apologetic gesture in Wanda's direction. She would've sent up a flare that said, "I'm Sorry!" but she'd already been accused of being irreverent once, and it probably wouldn't help. This whole thing was just so not her bag. She didn't do tech, she didn't do groups, and she didn't do this many big personalities in one room. The truth was, she was tense. What if they all fucked up? What if she fucked up? She'd never been the weak link before. And she had all this ... she'd been angry for so long. Angry at Clark, angry at NOVA, angry at every government that had asked for her help and then turned around and claimed her very existence was a crime. It was a lot to process, so she just hadn't. She'd gone to Tokyo, toured Europe, returned to America in a shower of praise and demands for her performance, and parked herself in Star City to do - something, anything - but without a plan about exactly what that was. And now here they were, and she'd been so sure that SOMEONE would have a plan. Okay, more specifically, she'd been sure that Bruce would have a plan, and Clark would say yes and do it perfectly, Diana would have notes about the battle strategies, Barry would either babble or do something shocking and effective, and the others would all add their bits in and it would all just ... flow. But there were so many of them here, people she didn't know. And she'd spent so long away from these people. So here she was, being an asshole. Fuck. This was all Bruce's fault. If he hadn't looked at her like that, she wouldn't have gotten all introspective. "Never expected to, Wayne. I'm just the magical consultant."

Maybe she was a little harsh on Damian, but no one in this room seemed to appreciate the ways that magic could ruin their plans. and NOVA probably didn't use magic. Probably. Hopefully. "Laever ruoy sterces dna hsinab lla slleps nopu uoy!" Zatanna gathered glowing light within the forcefield before her spell was done. "I'm trying to be good, see? You know I'm shit at this stuff."

WICCAN: His concern about communication with the mutants was mostly quelled, and there wasn’t much he could do about it either way. With the way the teams were split up, he would have some say in it at least. Batman had said part of what they were doing was collaborating. Maybe it was naive of him to think that his presence and Wanda’s presence would be enough to ease his grandfather’s reaction (should there be one), but he hoped it was true. Either way, he said nothing more of it and only nodded his agreement with the assignment. He glanced sideways at his mother long enough to whisper, “Go team,” with a little spark of red, like a burst of tiny fireworks, from his fingertips.

ORACLE: In truth, Barbara tended to prefer working in smaller groups, especially when it came to strong personalities, but the need couldn't be ignored here. At the end of the day, everyone in this room wanted the same thing, and needed each other to achieve that. It's that thought that keeps her from responding harshly, "Theoretically, Stark. Nothing I say is going to happen without plenty of testing." she starts nodding slowly as she takes in his full idea and, quite suddenly, pulls her laptop out of her bag and sets it on her lap, beginning to compile research. It's her laptop that also hides a small smile at the outburst from the clearly younger hero. She had to resist calling out a wry been there, done that. She looks at Stark again over her glasses, about to say she was already on it, when Damian came in with a burst. She doesn't waste a moment, wheeling closer with the open laptop on her lap, "Nice, Robin," she smirks as she peers at the camera, eyes following it as it went. She shoots a look at Z, as well as at Steph, but her mind is working far too quickly about the camera. She manages to perk up, smile, and nod when she's mentioned. She'll take the help gladly, and she even makes a note to ask Steph if she wants to help more, later. She's also intrigued by the shrinking she saw, and her mind trailed off to the best resources to research Pym Particles. However, Bruce speaking caught her attention with a minute smile, satisfied that he brought the order they very clearly needed as a group. As he finished and others chimed in, she resolutely pressed a key that sent her contact to everyone.

"You should all have just recieved my secure contact. Some of you know Oracle, but for those that don't? Use me as a resource. I have eyes all over this city. If you're in a sticky situation and need an escape, I'll get you out. If you're outnumbered, I'll send backup. If you think there's even a remote possibility your tech may be compromised, better to be safe than sorry.  I'm your eyes and ears when you need to see and hear further than you physically can. Don't be cocky out there, use your resources." she pauses only long enough to sweep her eyes around, "You'll all get a device to communicate securely with the whole team within 48 hours. In the mean time, I'll route any contact needed. And finally-- like Batman said, don't underestimate the value of videos at the moment. We can do a lot of damage to their relationship with society before we ever touch them, if we're smart about it, so let's be smart."

LOKI: He hadn't really been trying to instigate anything, though that was naturally the way he tended to communicate in order to get any sort of recognition. Annoyance was better than being ignored when he was right. Loki had grown up on Asgard, always right but never loud enough about it, always trying to help but disregarded as Odin's second son and the one that would never chosen for king in spite of his rampant qualification and dedication to emulating the Allfather to the best of his ability. He had learned very quickly that the councilor in him got him next to nowhere. But the spirit of what he had said, in spite of its antagonism, was that that girl was young, small, and unsafe at NOVA, which no one would know better than he did considering he spent every day there watching the kinds of things that could be done to her. Hand to hand was precisely what needed to be worked on. Combat training. But his point, it seemed, was lost the moment that Stark elected start speaking again. "My concern matches yours." He shot back. "How dare I question the survivability of a Midgardian woman I don't know well? If you were listening, Stark, which I suspect not considering the only sound you seem to enjoy is your own voice--" Something he didn't fault Tony for, as the same could be said for Loki himself, "--I was within the realm of agreeing. But, once again, I lack the understanding as to why you would put in a second insider when you yourself just brought up the risks to this girl's person without your 'faraday cage'." How should he know what the whelp was capable of? He saw a girl with powers. Take them away, what did she have? He didn't know, which was why he had asked.

The boy's entrance distracted him and he looked down at the device. He had seen similar parts at NOVA, but he didn't know precisely what this device did. He had only been there six months so his clearance level wasn't quite high enough. Still, when it was announced that it gave of a significant amount of heat, Loki blanched, mind jumping over to his last poignant memories of heat. "How much heat...?" he asked the one who had assessed it. Loki could and did still function under and after heat torture, but it put everything under duress for him. Needless to say, it made him a little uneasy. Thankfully, the doll that landed in front of him was enough to distract him, though not without him smirking at Zatanna's use of magic. He hadn't needed incants since he was a child. Still, he shook his head; it was powerful enough, he thought. His attention turned to the doll and, with a wave of his hand, he had it looking like Stark and he very nearly considered blowing it up, but he was capable of acting like an adult, unlike the newly departed Barton, who hadn't been half so... spirited when Loki had worked with him eight years ago. Maybe he'd changed. What was interesting was the female spider's response. He remembered taunting her back then about love. He'd thought it was 'for children', according to her. Perhaps not. Ultimately, he elected to quiet himself. He had his job. He made his contributions and he'd solidify himself as invaluable the longer he risked himself to bring the right information forward. He would just have to wait until then to prove himself. He did hope the Scarlet Witch was right and the meeting would come to a close soon. As enthusiastic as some seemed to be, it was going to start to drag on. To Zatanna, he spoke mentally again: Exceedingly testy bunch, this group. Is it not?

IRON MAN: Holy hell, was he still talking? Tony was too transfixed on the device in his hands to pay any service to hot air and useless arguments. "Don't care," he said dismissively, giving a wave of two fingers. He did stop his inspection enough to check his phone and save Oracle as a quick dial. "Catchy name."

NIGHTWING: "Get it together," Dick snapped, and even though he wasn't directing the words at anyone specific, it was obvious which people he was addressing. "This is a team and we have to work like one, or this is just going to fall apart. You've all worked on teams before, this shouldn't be news to you." It angered him to hear heartfelt speeches from both Clark and Steve, men he admired, and then see them be met with disrespect. He knew how difficult it was to lead a team and how little appreciation was given for doing it. "We're on it," he said to Bruce, unable to help a grin at Billy's fireworks even though he only saw them out of the corner of his eye. "I'll probably be asking you to do that again later. We're in dire need of some positivity around here.”

FLASH: Finally there was some plans being set into motion. Barry listened quietly as the talk about the camera and teams went on and on. Once things started to be ironed out, he grinned to himself and was on his feet - zipping to and fro between different people and leaning on their shoulders as he spoke a little and was gone again to someone else. "I think these teams are great. It's just nice to finally have a group to rely on again - and it'll be nice to have Oracle in our ears once more. It's been kind of lonely out there." He grinned. He zipped to Damian for a quick hair-ruffle and 'Good job kid' before he was back in his seat and straightening himself. "Sorry, I'm good now. You know me, sitting too long gets me pent up." He remarked with a sheepish grin on his face. It was obvious where Wally got a lot of his quirks from when you looked at Barry's antics sometimes.

HUMAN TORCH: Johnny offered no more verbal feedback. He had absolutely no place on the team he’d been put on. What the hell was he going to be able to do to help with the tech side of anything? He sat back in his seat and ran his hand along his jaw, casting a brief, defeated look at his sister. Maybe the Avengers had been a mistake. If Reed and Ben were there...maybe it’d be different.

BATGIRL: Okay, so maybe being put on ground patrol made sense, especially because Steph had every version of social media that existed. She already had a few ideas of how to shame NOVA and start a flame campaign against them. She knew how those things worked. Still, it stung a little that she wasn't asked to help train anyone in martial arts when that was literally what she did for a living. There was no denying that Dick was more skilled, but it would have been nice if Bruce asked her to help out too. But she didn't say anything about it. Even now, she wasn't sure if Bruce fully respected her - and it was something she still, years later, desperately wanted. But it meant something that she was here. There was a reason he asked her to be part of this new Justice Avenging team, or whatever it was, and she was determined to prove that she could be trusted and relied upon. "Anything else we need to cover? Because I can't stop thinking about those doughnuts someone left on the table. And I call dibs on the one with the rainbow sprinkles."

SCARLET WITCH: Wanda hadn't even considered that they might want her to use her powers that way. She could fight, but even that training had come from Steve. Surely there were better martial fighters. But when Steve spoke, it clicked. Because Wanda could do that. And she knew what it was like to train without the use of her powers because Steve had taught her to do just that when she had first joined the Avengers. It had been invaluable. She nodded to Steve, her own power running over her palms before she looked at her son with a gentle smile before catching Kara looking at her and returning that smile as well. Her expression remained for a moment longer before she turned to look at Bruce once more, the barest hint of gratitude showing on her face. She was an Avenger because she'd always been an Avenger, but many of the other people in this room didn't know her and wouldn't understand the complexity of her history. They'd see her as a liability. And they might be right, but she worked constantly to overcome that. And she knew that Steve already trusted her. But for some reason, Bruce had extended it to her enough to care about her in spite of what she had done. She knew Bruce Wayne well enough to know that trust didn't come easily to him. Wanda cared about him deeply, but more than that... he could see past the things she'd done to not only care about her as a woman, but still as a hero as well. He trusted her enough to put her with his son to help on a tangible level which embraced her powers rather than fearing them. She was so sick of being feared or feeling used. It mattered to her. She could feel Bruce's youngest son's eyes on her, and she turned to meet them, unabashed in doing so. She didn't know that she trusted that child, but she didn't question his presence if Bruce was here. Still, she didn't like the look behind his eyes even if his face was mostly impassive, so she found herself looking away. "I'll be happy to help anyone who needs me," she agreed with Steve.

BOOSTER GOLD: Michael was ecstatic. He was put onto a team with both Wonder Woman and Superman - how much better could it get? (Well, adding Bats would have been that little cherry on top, but two out of three wasn't bad.) He shot Clark a few finger guns, already thinking about all the PR he'd get from being out on the streets; all that air time, not to mention Goldstar and his good looks, could be a valuable platform to help discredit NOVA. All he needed was Skeets to help hash out the details. If all else failed, people liked money? (And disappoint Superman? Okay, maybe not bribery.)

SPIDERMAN: It really surprised Peter to hear that they were sticking Johnny with him and the rest of the computer geeks. As much as he enjoyed spending practically all of his time with him, he knew that Johnny was better suited out in the city. He had a face everyone recognized and loved, so sticking him with patrol seemed to be the only logical choice; he wouldn't question it now, though, not when there had been so much negativity in the group to begin with. He'd rather not add more wood to the fire. Still, Peter was glad he was able to help where he could, even if it meant he was still stuck inside.

SUPERGIRL: The only person Kara knew on her team was Barry, because of their previous work with the Justice League, and she wondered what her new teammates would be like and what the breadth of their skills were. What she knew was limited, although Invisible Woman was pretty self explanatory, and Stinger already made it clear what she was capable of. It was exciting and a little intimidating to work with others she never even met before. She gave a little wave at Bucky and Black Widow since they were across from her, then smiled at Cassie and Susan at the other end of the table. She could introduce herself later.

INVISIBLE WOMAN: Susan felt for Johnny - she really did, and while there had to be a good reason as to why they'd stick him on that team, she wasn't going to dwell on it. Instead, she offered him a sympathetic look of her own before her eyes caught the wave that Supergirl threw in James and Natasha's direction. She returned the smile given, grateful that their group seemed to be made of capable, level-headed people (hopefully, none of them made her regret that assessment); there was a nervousness there, if only because it had been too long since she'd been a part of anything like this, but the excitement to be working with a team again seemed to trump that.

SUPERBOY: Despite the fact that the reason why they would be working was worrying, he was actually pretty excited about it. It would be his first mision as an adult, and would be nice to finally be taken seriously, differently from how things were before and how he was seen just as a kid. He was one, but he was not useless. "I don't think so? I think that was all," he nodded, "I definitely agree with you, I could use some of those donuts right now," he told Steph, he couldn't think about anything else, they already thought about everything, but since he was not used to it all, he could be missing something. Which he doubted he was, despite his lack of experience, everyone seemed to be ready to leave already. 

CAPTAIN AMERICA: With everything assigned and everyone seemingly amenable to their roles--no one had really protested, though Steve did regret one or two placements but understood their necessity--it seemed as if the meeting had ultimately been a success. There were ultimately people that he wanted to talk more with, and some people for whom he wanted contingencies put into place. But, for the most part, this was an active plan with active positions and jobs for everyone. He was going to be busy, finally, doing what he was meant to be doing alongside someone who was absolutely brilliant at what he did. Steve had only collaborated with Bruce a few times so far, but it seemed to fit. He trusted Bruce's tactical skills, and Bruce seemed to trust him enough to take what he said into consideration. And as a result, they were finally going to accomplish what they should have done years ago. Of everyone in this room, all of them but two had been opposed to the ban. Tony had been... complicated, but he was here now and Steve knew where his allegiances lie. He didn't know Clark well, but he knew that Superman had been in support. It had been mindboggling to him, but maybe one day he would ask about it. It didn't matter now, though. What did matter was that they were all here, joined for this one purpose. There was still work to be done. That much was clear from the way Natasha spoke. Steve looked to Bucky, but there was nothing to be done about it in the middle of this room. He'd talk to him about it later. But for now, it seemed like a good time to close it up.

Getting to his feet, Steve took in the shield on the table a genuine smile pulled at his lips. "I think we all know what we have to do. Batman and I will keep up with all the teams and make sure that information gets disseminated where it needs to go as we receive it. Feel free to reach out with suggestions, new developments, anything. But I just want to thank you all for trusting. We're taking back this city. Every last one of us. And when it comes time, all the work we're doing now is going to pay off." He looked around at the group before giving a final, firm nod. "So let's get to it."

[elliepassmore]

The Never Tilting World Review

4/5 stars Recommended for people who like: fantasy, multiple POVs, goddesses, magic, demons, LGBTQ+ romance, strong female leads, kick-ass women, women engineers, disability representation, mental illness representation, characters of color, complex morality I will say that for the most part I really enjoyed this book. The concept is fascinating and the characters and world were splendid. I took off a star because, as nice as it is sometimes to not have every detail of a world explained, with something like magic, it does have to be explained to a certain extent. By-and-large I understand how the 'gates' work, but we're dropped right into the terminology within the first couple of pages without explanation and it was a little confusing and took me a few tries to get at it. Then, I just wasn't a huge fan of Odessa and it does take away from the book a little when you just don't like one of the MCs or narrators, but I'll explain more about Odessa when I get to her. Lan, Tianlan, is the first narrator, so I'm starting with her. She's what's called a Catseye (also something whose we had to figure out figure out ourselves), which means she can heal people or inflict sickness upon them in a form of dual magic. Two sides to every coin, right? I really, really love this idea and think it's a fantastic spin on the typical 'healer' character you see in fantasy. I suppose, theoretically, healers could always turn their magic to use by harming people, in fantasy books healers are relegated to only healing, save for here and in Leigh Bardugo's Grisha and Six of Crows trilogy, where healing and harming are seen as two sides of the same magic, though a person typically has more strength in one than the other, so it doesn't come out quite like it does here. I enjoyed being in Lan's POV because she's caught between wanting to do the right thing by the world that's been plunged into eternal night and also wanting to keep Odessa, her lover, safe. I also thought that Chupeco writing Lan has having PTSD after a pre-book incident was refreshing considering the number of books that just skip over the psychological effects events have on characters. This was also an area where Chupeco turned the 'healer' trope on its head a little, as Catseyes can work with physical illnesses and injuries, but also mental ones, taking on the role of healer and therapist (though obviously not for themselves), so not only do we get to see Lan experiencing PTSD, but we also see her coming to terms with it and seeking therapy-like treatment for it, which is pretty unusual in most novels. Despite being in the 'healer' role and having magic that can infect and destroy if she wishes, Lan is also skilled with a blade and hand-to-hand combat and has something of a quick temper. She's definitely the 'protector' type more than anything else and is striving to make sure everyone comes out alright in the end. Odessa comes next, because I'm grouping the characters based on where they're from and Lan and Odessa are both from Aranth. Odessa is one of the daughter-goddesses in the novel who is unaware her twin is alive. She has some kind of chronic illness that prevents her from being very active without tiring out and that Catseyes have been able to treat but not cure. In the beginning Odessa seems like she'll be a pretty good character, a little too doe-eyed and teary for my tastes, but has plenty of potential. Then she starts to get bratty and doesn't seem to have the ability to logically think things through. From a writing standpoint I really appreciate how complex Chupeco makes Odessa and I think within the plot it's super fascinating. It's even explained to us toward the end why Odessa made the sudden turn from teary-but-okay-princess to brat-with-little-rationale, so I appreciate the cleverness of how the reason was woven throughout Lan and Odessa's chapters for us to find but maybe not pinpoint exactly. However, the great reasoning behind it doesn't stop me from not liking Odessa. The weird power-imbalance Odessa has going on with Lan and their relationship that I'm not a huge favor of. They love each other, great, fantastic, I believe that and I actually think they make a great couple in the beginning of the novel. They certainly have a better set-up for a romance than Arjun and Haidee do, though their 'love' is only marginally slower moving, but I'm just a teeny bit uncomfortable with the power imbalance of Odessa being a goddess/princess and Lan being the person assigned to guard and protect her. It's one thing when Lan is serving the crown in some general 'technical' sense and the two of them are in a relationship and it's another thing entirely when Lan is serving Odessa and her mother directly. It would be better, I think, if Lan wasn't serving directly under Odessa or it was like Lan's previous relationship where both girls were rangers. While Lan has no issues disregarding Odessa's commands, the imbalance is still there and becomes a bit of a problem later, but is never fully addressed, so I'm not sure how I feel about that or about some of the scenes with Lan and dark!Odessa. The relationship has the potential in the beginning and it is, for the most part good, but then once the difference in rank and power becomes clearer and Odessa becomes darker I get just a little uncomfortable with it. Haidee is the other daughter-goddess and she lives in the Golden City on the always-day side of the planet. She's what's called a 'mechanika' in the world, but what we would classify as an engineer. She's quick on her feet, fiery, stubborn, and extremely empathetic. In one of her very first scenes she's crying over a days-dead whale, if that's any indication. As much as I love her determination, smarts, and stubbornness, her ignorance of the world and optimistic attitude do grate on my nerves at times. She's just a bit too happy-go-lucky in some instances, though it largely works out for her. I will be fair, Haidee is one of my favorites, but I feel like Chupeco set things up so that Haidee would always have things work out for her and it seems a bit too obvious at times. Despite my dislike of Odessa, things go wrong for her, sometimes very wrong, and while things do occasionally go wrong for Haidee and seem like they'll be bad, I don't ever really get the full-on sense of dread like I do with Odessa. Arjun and Haidee meet by the whale and their first scene involves them trying to kill each other. Naturally, he becomes her love interest. Arjun is, hands down, the funniest person in the entire book. He has a very dry sense of humor and can be extremely sarcastic. He follows along with the idea of prophecies and with Haidee's ideas a little to mellowly for what I'd been expecting given our introduction to him, which I think says more about the whole 'everything works out for Haidee' but than about him. I also enjoy that Arjun decided to go with a prosthetic magical rifle after he lost his hand (not a spoiler, it happened pre-book). I don't know how they engineer the things they do in the desert, but I just found it amusing that instead of engineering a hand or hook or knife or something they went with a rifle that could channel his fire magic. It really fits his personality, honestly. While Arjun's and Haidee's romance is definitely more power-balanced than Lan's and Odessa's, there are still some holes in it. Mainly that they meet and fall in love within the span of the book, which I'm pretty sure takes place over, like, a month. I love fantasy and dystopian, and sci-fi, but oh my god I am getting sick of the quick romances. Chupeco did a decent job of showing why they fell in love and how they respected each other and became friends before they fell in love, but it's still only been a month. Sorry, but I know 19-year-olds, being one and being in college, and I'm just really not certain that your 'month to love' romance is gonna last. There are different depths to love and you can love more than once, but the insta-true-love, will-survive-anything has just, for some reason, been getting on my nerves lately. Maybe in a couple months or years I'll be fine with it again, but right now I'm just not a fan, even if I do like the characters together. The mythology and general world-building in the book is also something I enjoyed. Chupeco keeps the ideas of duality, sacrifice, and "a demoness is what they call a goddess that men cannot control" going throughout the book. It centers around two young goddesses whose mother(s) are goddesses and a world that somehow stopped spinning and split into only-night and only-day, so there's obviously a lot of mythology and magic going into the base of this book. Since the 'Breaking,' as they call it, neither mother-goddess has really told the twins much about previous generations of goddesses. Odessa gets more of an education about it than Haidee does, but both are still largely left in the dark about their world's mythology, which allows Chupeco to reveal it to the reader in a way that feels natural without info-dumping. There's a lot to do with goddesses, prophecies, and rituals that starts to get unpacked in this one, but which mainly sets up for the sequel. I'm super interested in learning more about the goddesses and rituals in the next book and have plenty of theories regarding them. The duality piece of things is interesting, because you don't necessarily recognize it in the beginning or even halfway through the book. It was more toward the end that I began to see what Chupeco was doing with the night-day, ill-healthy, healer-'plague-giver' sort of balance. The goddesses are twins, as all goddesses before them have been, and that set-up is a fantastic literary device for setting up dualities. You can have the good twin vs. the evil twin, the knowledgeable vs. the ignorant, and so many other varieties, and Chupeco plays with a bit of each in each twin. Odessa knows more about their past from the start, but it's Haidee who learns more about it and their world on the way. Odessa starts out as the chronically-ill sister, but Haidee ends up drained and exhausted. Odessa becomes more and more morally complex and dark but still has soft spots, Haidee is blindingly optimistic but has moments of destructive rage. They're set up to mirror and foil one another, yet each still comes together in the end and finds strength in knowing their twin. The girls are quite similar even though the book sets up a lot of their differences. Without giving too many spoilers I can say that this is 100% reflected in where the plot takes us and the things that are revealed. In terms of world-building I thought Chupeco gave us very distinct settings, creatures, and peoples. The night-side of the world is described as very rainy and cold, with threats of storms, kraken, and icebergs. Though Lan and Odessa are only in the city for a short period of time, I remember the impression I got of it. Old bookstores, tall buildings, dreary because of the rain. This is set against the next setting Lan and Odessa experience, which is the borderlands near the Abyss. While these lands are still dark, there's more foliage described as well as eerie lakes, currents made of air that are strong enough to hold ships, and creatures of darkness and shadow. It is also here where the sky begins to lighten as they move closer to the Abyss and the always-day side of the world. This is even more different from the settings Arjun and Haidee encounter. The desert is vast and deadly, full of dangerous scorpions, an acid sea, and a sea of sand complete with sand-dolphins and sand-sea creatures. The desert is full of raiders and nomadic clans instead of shadow people, but the former can be just as deadly. The Golden City is more steampunk than the night city, Aranth, is described to be. It also seems to be full of snootier people than Aranth does, and all-in-all, despite it being a city run by a twin goddess with a twin goddess daughter, Haidee's city is a very different city from the one Lan and Odessa left. Then there's Inanna's Temple and the Abyss itself, which remind me of dawn and pure darkness, respectively, but still have their own distinct feelings and descriptions. It's very easy to get immersed in the world Chupeco has created here and it's one of those rare world-building experiences that makes me wish I could see it artistically rendered. The Never Tilting World is a good book with unique, distinct characters each with their own strengths and weaknesses that are explored throughout the book. Chupeco writes the characters relatively realistically, meaning they deal with physical and mental trauma as well as tough decisions they sometimes respond to poorly. The Arjun-Haidee romance felt kind of rushed and the Lan-Odessa romance felt like it had a power-imbalance I wasn't 100% comfortable with. Since there is another book, however, and since the Lan-Odessa romance had a lot more promise in the beginning than the middle and end, I'm hoping it'll get itself sorted out. I also dinged the book's score because of terminology that we're left to figure out for ourselves that really would've been better if it had just been explained outright. Definitely think it's a good read, though and would recommend picking it up if you enjoy fantasy.

[bloodnikki]

This is going to be a long post

Spinel got better because she had someone to help her with her physical form, her feelings of depression are being countered with drugs, and she is seeing someone that allows her to reflect with herself and talk out all her bad thoughts. 

None of this happened over night. She had beings to support her through all that while they worked on themselves. Steven’s failure with each is because he is only getting one side of it at a time. Working on your body doesn’t improve your mental health unless you also work on leveling out your mood and also work on your bad thoughts.

“How did you deal with your bad thoughts?” 

Spinel said he told her SHE NEEDED to want to change and put herself into the mindset that she needed to be the change in her life that brought a happier, healthier one. 

“Don’t give me my own advice!” Don’t tell me I need to be the change in my life in order to deal with my trauma. 

It’s so interesting to see Spinal doing all the things therapy would ask of her and flowing between them as needed. And her character reacts like someone in therapy.

“I’m having issues with my body.” Okay. She takes him to the person that can help with issues of the body. 

“I’m having issues with my moods.” Okay. She takes him to the person that can help him feel better. (I know people are saying Blue is weed, but it honestly feels like she finally got on anti-depressions and wants to share that.  

Steven is unhappy with the use of outside drugs. “I want to be better, not feel better.” The outside drugs are not dealing with the issues he really is having and that’s true. Her happy clouds are worthless if Steven doesn’t work on his mental health. But the clouds would be helpful if he did work on his bad thoughts as a way to help level him out from having to deal with such deep trauma. 

Finally Spinal took Steven to see White. Someone that told him he needed to talk with himself and gave him the tools to do. Empty Chair therapy. (Basic info in the link but not the most in-depth.) It is when the person you really want to talk to isn’t there but you need to get things off your mind in a safe way to work through your feelings with a therapist their to help guide you.

And look what happened. WE learned that Steven is stressed out that he is really a diamond. He has to deal with the fact that he was taught the diamonds are evil and awful beings... but that he is one of them. It’s because of them he went through so much and his mom too but he can’t blame them because he is one of them. The stress of all that and the finally understanding that THEY don’t have power over him. He has power over White now. He could hurt her like he was hurt. 

In therapy, the therapist would pop during this to channel it into a healthier line of thought. But White can’t break his hold to stop him. She is still too new to helping others in their mental thoughts. 

And bad therapy, bad mental advice or poor timing of it can really fuck with a person on the edge of a break down. 

While I am not comfortable with how the diamonds were handled overall nor the cluster being brought up the way it was in this episode. (Had a holy fuck. You still haven’t fixed that. WTF Horrified face.) I do think this episode was a good way of showing that therapy is a many leveled thing and that each piece is helpful to central good, while different elements are acceptable to say no to. 

If at the end, Steven took the chance to stay and talk things through about his mental thoughts. They could have found a different way to help level his mood. Keep in mind that the episode boiled down You need to want to change. Yellow says his body size means nothing if he doesn’t work on his mood. Blue says “basically “since you don’t wanna chose to be happy, you need to talk to deal with your sense of self.” which means looking deep within and dealing with that. But Steven isn’t ready for that. He isn’t ready to know that the real stress he is having is the weight of who he is and his birth right. 

I think going back and rewatching the movie and seeing homeworld bound you see Steven has reached his breaking point. He is stressed and uncomfortable. He deals with Spinal and his mother doing even more damage and just the look on his face “I can believe she did that” and the idea that she’s apart of him. He is part pink diamond is really pushed in his face and he accepts it. This is pink diamond’s doing that is hurting those he cares about. He is part pink diamond. He is really a diamond. 

And what does that mean if you are part of the people you were told are monsters and evil? What does that mean if you have no one left to help but yourself after years of taking care of others and seeing them all help without needing your help? All he has left is the trauma with no one to blame because his mother is dead and the gems don’t understand humans. His father understands humans though. 

So, steven blames him a little for not giving him a normal life but failing to understand that Greg wasn’t sure what to do with a half alien baby. He had to trust the gems on this matter. That’s why Steven lives with them in the house that Greg most likely paid to get built. Steven of course doesn’t recall having to talk Greg into allowing him to fight a giant eye ball and possibly has no clue that Greg honestly has no idea White ripped his gem out. Greg has shown to be willing to put limits on Steven early on until the Gems and Steven pointed out those limits really don’t work for someone like Steven.

Greg can’t take Steven to a doctor because as shown in growing pains the doctors would have no idea what to do with him. He only was able to get real medical treatment due to the gems allowing themselves to be x-ray’ed for her records. Greg’s biggest failing is that he didn’t allow Steven to have his moment of rage and allowing Steven to go on so that he could listen and explain himself. He just went straight to being supportive and understanding while failing to understand that Steven NEEDS someone to be supportive in a different way. In the tight love kind of way. That’s why he looks to Jasper way and later leaves to see the diamonds only to find them supportive and having grown into people more like the gems and his dad.

Of course that pissed him off. Of course that sent him on edge. Steven wants a normal life and failed to see that Greg feels more comfortable climbing out of a window than using the front door of a home he hadn’t seen in 20 years! Or that Greg had to hide a CD from his parents when other teens normally hide porn. 

In Steven’s mind Greg had parents like Connie but that isn’t true. In what little Greg has said, it is clear that Connie’s parents and Greg’s are wildly different. Connie was allowed out to the beach and to see movies. She loved silly cartoons. Greg was forced to hide CDs and his life changed on hearing a song because he had never heard anything like it before. So much so that he named himself after this small moment of freed that showed him life could be so much different. 

I know a lot of people took this episode to say “you have it so much better then me” and this car moment is that. But the real message here is that they both had rough childhoods for different reasons. They both envy the other and really aren’t getting across why. Steven because he is young and doesn’t understand why it would be difficult to raise a child like him in a way that’s normal. Greg for not seeing how his way of raising Steven also limited him from his age group. “You know how old I was when I had my first taco? Too old.” Could be implied he wasn’t allowed to go out to see friends. Greg does have the social skills of someone that didn’t have a normal healthy childhood. He fails at social cues because he never really learned them until later in life. But Greg knows its due to his parents and it was this boldness that brought him Steven... so it worked out well for him.

Steven gets stressed about this. Steven as we have learned hates being part diamond. He was taught to hate that part of himself and OH! Greg is like mom. Greg doesn’t think about other peoples feeling! And he blows up. 

I can’t say it was rightfully so or not. But! It was needed. Until Future Steven never had the room to be upset. Not because Greg wouldn’t let him. Not because the gems wouldn’t give him that but because Steven never had time to. Steven had to pull it all in because the gems were sad and he wanted to make his family happy. Or the gems were stressed and steven had the ability to show them they were okay by being okay. The gems had to healthy outlet for negative emotions. They bottled it all in and taught Steven to push past it.

In short,SUF is an essay on Steven not knowing how to channel his negative feelings because he became so use to being the rock that kept everyone health. He couldn’t be negative. He went to the diamonds because he wanted tough love like Greg had but found something, to him, unhelpful. The diamonds were written as a great showcase of the many things one has to do to get better and Spinel (I know people said she acted kinda high) is relaxed, less stressed due to going through the steps of recovery from her own trauma and shows the willingness (and the harm of doing that) of pulling others in help of help down the path of how she got better. 

I may not have been happy by a lot of the writing in SU but I am pleased with the way depression and trauma have brought up. It is shown as a complex thing with different people handling it in different ways and that those ways aren’t always the right thing for everyone. I could go off on that but this is long enough.