#trigger bitty starvation

[cadkitten]

So 'fun fact'... not fun at all, but you feel me.

I have disordered eating. It's been developed from years and years and years of being put on every diet known to man because I just happened to be more prone to muscles than other girls my age and not one person cared to think that, perhaps, it wasn't fat. (Looking back at those pics, it was absolutely NOT fat at all. I was doing ballet and tap and jazz three times a week plus all mandated PE every day and, ya know, being a kid.)

Anyway, now that you have a baseline for what I'm about to drop here... I basically ended up in high school, going to the gym every day after school. We'd stay for 2-3 hours, working out pretty much non-stop. During this time I had a dietitian I was seeing. She was a horrible witch of a woman and once when I forgot my packed itty bitty lunch and had to eat a thing from school, she straight up yelled at me for 'cheating' despite the fact that it was a tiny slice of pizza. SMH. So... imagine that, imagine what other horrors this woman was teaching.

Well... she had me convinced that I had to net 0 calories in a day. If i wanted to eat a salad and the salad had dressing and some cheese bits and maybe 2 croutons on top, then I had to burn off the 378 calories of the salad. If I, god forbid, wanted to eat a steak and a handful of fries, I'd have to work out for hours to burn off those calories until it equaled zero.

So every day, I'd go to the gym. I'd stare at my little hand-written notes of what I'd eaten for the day and how many calories and grams of fat and I'd do the math. How many of what exercise equaled the calories.

THEN, she told me to lose weight, I needed to do more than net zero. So I'd calculate up my weight and where I wanted to be and in how many months. Divvy that up by days until that time ran out, and exercise until I was trembling, nauseous, sometimes crying, and always so SO very weak. Barely standing through my shower, head swimming, gut clenching.

My life for two entire years was this. And the go home on the weekends and combat my mom for trying to feed me Oreos and soda pop and ham and cheese sandwiches on white bread, because none of those were on the allowed list and I couldn't make it to the gym on weekends. I ate what little I could, usually around 850 calories a day or less if I could somehow make her think I'd eaten something else.

I never lost a single pound. Not in 2 years. I was told i had to be cheating, had to be not cutting out enough food, not exercising enough, LYING. Berated and yelled at and made to feel like scum because for some reason my body wouldn't let go of any calories I put in. I gained weight. (I now know I probably gained muscle mass but no dr gives a flying shit about that when they want you to lose weight.)

I spent the next 15 or so years of my life doing this wild dance on repeat. One fad diet to the next, zero cheating, lowering my limits as much as I could. It said 'limit sugar', I cut it out completely. it said '1tb of salad dressing, I did none at all'. I know, to this day, how many calories are in a ketchup packet, a single pickle, a cherry tomato, a single cube of cheddar cheese, a packet of sugar. I cannot look at food without knowing inherently how many calories I'm eating.

And this is me on the other side (mostly, because recovery here is much like being a recovered alcoholic, there is always the possibility of a backslide and I've had some). Me, that knows I need to eat calories to live, to be healthy. Me that now understands I put my body into starvation mode and left it there for the nearly 28 years of my life. That I'll never be able to be skinny because the first hint of a diet triggers my body to panic and start grasping onto food. If I get a stomach bug, I slide and have to do combat with my body for months after to get it to eat anything normal at all.

I have perm. gastro issues, body image issues that no amount of therapy has helped, and to pile the hurt on... I'll always be fat now. My body will always think a long hard winter is about to arrive. Because I ruined it back then.

So I need each and every one of you to listen to me right now. I beg you.

Don't be me. Don't think that you need to net zero calories in a day. Don't think you need to exercise away all the calories you consume. If you feel healthy at your weight, don't let anyone badger you into a diet or fad or feeling bad about yourself.

Here's your keys, as well as I can give them, straight from my therapist and eating disorder nutritionist: Focus more on healthy fats that no fats, on foods that give you the boosts you need and the fiber and protein necessary for a healthy body. (Not all snacks are the devil despite what diets teach us!) Do your research. Several times, in several places. If it's making you shake or your gut cramp or your head swim, it's not good for you, it's your body telling you to stop doing it. Listen. Exercise is good for you, but it's not the end all be all answer. Do what you can, as you can. Set goals you can keep and still feel okay in all the parts of your body. Soreness is okay, PAIN is not. (No pain, no gain is bullshit for most of us. We're not body builders or Olympians.)

You get one go at treating your body right. Let's all try to get on the train where we give it our best go.

As a biochem student and certified nerd, I feel the responsibility to bestow this knowledge upon as many people as I possibly can:

You do NOT need to "earn" meals through exercise.

You know why?

Because exercise only accounts for about 20% of your calories. The majority of the calories your body burns, it uses to keep itself alive. It uses them to power your brain and metabolism. In fact, your brain ALONE is responsible for spending about 20% of your calories.

Your BRAIN, just to keep itself going, uses up just as many (or even more!!!) calories than all the exercise you do.

Your RESTING metabolic rate is responsible for burning between 60 and 75% of your calories.

You don't just deserve food because you're working out. YOU DESERVE FOOD BECAUSE YOUR BODY NEEDS IT TO STAY ALIVE.

[melodysbittycenter]

Trigger warning!: Starvation, Death, non-graphic birth

Mufasa slithers in a makeshift pace while he awaits the newly appointed non bitty assistant of the center, Kage the Asritaur is with him, throwing a few warm up punches while they wait. It seems they are the only ones that are available for the search for the mystery Faelementals. With the snow melted as great as it has it is unclear how successful their search will be even when Thor unavoidably joins them (Kage is a trained fighter and Thor is my second in command as well as a skilled tracker/hunter. Mufasa works security and defence for the property and knows where the Obscurite and Starbright were found) Sketch walks over to the duo. He pulls his fur lined hood over his skull to keep the cold off. In his hood wrapped around his neck was a young Lamia from his shop that didn’t want to be left behind. “So this is where you found the two leaders?” He asks Mufasa.

Mufasa nods"I recommend waiting for Thor, I will need to leave for today's rounds soon" His voice growls softly. Kage hops from hoof to hoof. “That’s a good idea. Having more to search would help” he nods and waits for their missing member while gently rubbing the skull of the baby lamia around his neck. Thor arrives looking slightly disheveled with ribbons tied to his horns "I apologize for the wait, Pandora had me finish tea first...with the hot wheels cars. I hope you haven't had to wait long." "We didn't have to wait too long," Sketch smiles at Thor reassuringly. He nods to Mufasa when he heads to go do his patrol. Mufasa nods back and slithers away for his patrol, giveing Kage a pat on his head as he passes. Thor looks around the immediate area, puffs of air passing through his skulls nostrils.

Sketch kneels down where the two leaders were found and looks for any magical traces left from the tiny leaders. He finds a very very faint trace leading into the woods, "I found some magic trace from the two leaders. it's a couple days old but it is a lead." "Excellent I might be able to find a trail from there, Kage be on your guard we do not know what we will come across" Thor says. Sketch makes the trace glow slightly with his magic so it is visible but it is faint. He stands back up and shows Thor the trace. the little lamia babu in Sketch's hood peeks out to watch with interest. Thor hurries to follow the trace, whipping his head back and forth for signs of what might have transpired. Kage stays close on his heels that can only be from vigorous training together. Sketch follows quickly behind them as he tries not to lose the duo.

Eventually the trace dies out and Thor is forced to a stop as he takes in the surroundings. Sketch stops with Thor and looks around. he notices they seem to have stopped in a clearing deep in the forest. he kneels down again to see if there were any new evidence of life. he sees some animal tracks and eventually finds some fresh bitty tracks that could be from the bitties they are looking for. "Hey Thor. I think I found some tracks." "Before we pursue, look for other tracks as well as signs of a struggle. Kage, climb this tree to view the area better" Thor says while examining a brush. Sketch nods and looks for any further signs. He doesn't see much but he does see what could be some old struggle marks. Kage climbs up and scouts around as Thor approaches Sketch "There are a lot of bitty tracks....I count no less than 15 sets of prints, including what the Faelementals refer to as 'Younglings', their children. What are your finds?" “I thinks I found old signs of a struggle. The could have been where the two leaders got hurt” Sketch replies as he looks at Thor. Thor looks over the area and mumbles to himself, he looks troubled. Kage jumps down and lands with a near silent thud looking equally troubled "There are scratches on a few of the trees that don't look like anything made by local wildlife. Too clean, or too clustered. Likely the use of magic attacks. I spotted what looks like a busted cage in the direction of mountains, who ever left it was in a hurry and left it sticking out of a bush" He looks to Sketch, seemingly calm "This is one of the many reasons why the Little Miss works so hard to care for those at the center, the Faelementals needed help but even they thought the shadow and light types of their kind were mere myths." Sketch tilted his head in confusion, “Broken cages? That sounds like this could have been the work of bitty hunters. Colonies of bitties don’t just disappear without reason.”

"Unfortunately without knowing what happened here we have no idea what the cages were for nor the intentions of those the cages belonged to. This forest can be dangerous to those who intend harm on others, it is part of the reason we live so close by. There is another center deep within whose residents are fiercely protective of those who dwell in the wood" Kage looks to Thor who growls deep in his throat, his eyelights mere slits as he shakes. "that may be true but we shouldn't eliminate that option yet. let's check out those cages. they could give us some clues,'' Sketch suggests. "Uh....Thor? Buddy? You good there?" Kage asks cautiously, his voice seems uneven. Possibly even fearful. Thor doesn't react at first, another growl can be heard from him. Sketch looks towards where Thor was growling, "Did you find something Thor?" The lamia babu in Sketch's hood shrunk back in fear from the growling. He blinks, before shaking his head slowly "I have seen and heard the kinds of things that can happen to those captured by.....unsavoury.....individuals.....One of my loves has suffered heavy at the hands of such individuals. The thought of them here.....so close to our home...." He lets himself trail off before looking to Sketch "If any bitties had escaped they would have sought cover away from this place and away from the traps. We can alert the other center about the traps and they will do a follow up investigation of their own or pursue the traps as you suggest but believe me when I say it might not necessarily end well or even result in any others being found."

Sketch nods in understanding. "you may be right. At this point all we can really do is tell that other center and wait for the two leaders to heal up and trust us before we can interact with their colonies. we could maybe find where the colonies moved to, at least the general area so we don't accidentally spook them into moving again." Kage nods "I will mark the area near the cage so they can find it easier" He hurries off while Thor examines the area more thoroughly this time looking to see where the faint track remnants lead off to. Sketch helps Thor look. He uses some of his magic to cause the track from earlier to glow again. It seems there are too many magic signatures in the area to really nail one down, the degradation of the tracks make them hard to see in some areas of the clearing but Thor perseveres. When Kage returns he helps look as well, frowning at the number of smaller tracks when they can be seen "It makes no sense! I can't make heads or tails of where they could have scuttled off to! It's like...they were here and then they weren't...but the Leaders tracks can be seen leaving the area towards the house." "hmm... What do we know of these two types of bittes? did they have special powers?" Sketch asks.

Thor speaks up "Faelementals in general are very talented at magic, they are a resourceful lot likely given the unknown amount of time they existed without interference from those outside their colonies. The one we are pursuing are known as Obscurites and Starbrights, the Shadow and the Light. From what those of the center have said, the Starbrights eyes can physically see magic energy and Obscurites are able to literally cloak themselves in darkness. Beyond that not much is known, which given they were thought myth is understandable." "if both of these colonies lived together then they would help each other out. they basically cover the others weak spots. if the Obscurities were able to hide not just themselves but also the Starbrights then that would explain how they basically disappeared into thin air" Sketch says. "If the stories are true that is...even still..." Kage seems tense, Thor starts examining the trees surrounding the clearing. Sketch checks along the ground for any traces where they could have gone direction wise. Sketch’s efforts prove fruitful! There at the base of one of the trees is what appears to be a gap hidden by now broken roots. He inspects the gap and the baby that was in his hood slowly comes out. Sketch waves to Thor and Kage, silently, to get their attention. Thor is busy with inspecting other trees, however Kage does notice and hurries over "You find something?" “Yeah. There’s a hidden gap here” he motions to the gap. He looks at it and moves the broken roots away, eventually you see what might have been an animal's den at one point, Kage hums in thought before carefully peering inside. Sketch also peers inside of the den. It seems as though it was turned into a bitty den at some point, it seems rather dark the further back so you can't exactly tell how large the hole is but there are animal furs around as well as fabric scraps from what is visible.

"looks like this is where they lived at one point" Sketch says. the little Lamia slowly slips out of his hood and into the den, looking around with curiosity. Kage climbs inside "Hello? Is anyone still in here? We want to help!" Sketch waited outside the den as he was too big to fit. the little Lamia continues to look around. The inside looked as if there weren't a whole lot of bitties living here, and many furs had been trampled on as if someone was crossing to the back in a hurry. Kage examines the furs "From the looks of it there was maybe 4 adults here and 3 younglings judging by the furs in here. Leader included. The others when they arrived had way more than that. Its nice and dark in here...perhaps the Obscurites? It's likely they were holding out for the thaw." The baby Lamia hisses softly and flicks his forked tongue to see if he could “smell” any other magic signatures. "Hey Sketch? Can you check near the entrance for....honestly we don't know WHAT happens when they die...but uh....yeah...can you check that out?" The baby would smell something near the back alright though the pitch darkness made it impossible to see what was over there. Outside Thor calls over from another tree "This one has been climbed recently! A few hours at least!" Sketch nods and checks around the entrance “We found a den that was hidden over here” he says to Thor. The little Lamia slithers over to the darkest corner with a magical film over his eyes, changing his sight from normal sight to magical snake sight. Allowing him to see magical signatures, similar to a snake's heat vision. There is a single form, they looks small and frightened. There are objects near them that they seem defensive of. Thor starts climbing up the tree as Kage hums in thought. There seems to be something crumbling into grey substance tangled in the broken roots. the baby lamia hisses and tries to talk to the shivering mass "s...ssa...safe...me...fr..frie...friend.... me...an'.. mama...h..help.." Sketch inspects the crumbling grey substance. It looks like what might have been a bitty but it quickly disintegrates into a fine grey powder. The shivering mass doesn't seem to keep on coming out of hiding, however the hissing draws Kage's attention "Uh hey little guy when you slip in here? You find something back there?"

the little lamia looks at Kage and points to the dark corner "f..friends?" Sketch looks shocked at the now grey dust. Kage is concerned and slowly tries to approach the 'friends' the little one had spotted "Hey? Its ok..I'm going to use my magic so I can see ok? Can you...make a noise or something if you understand?" The mystery bitty doesn't say or do anything for a several moments, eventually the darkness lets up exposing a malnourished Faelemental, it's difficult to tell whether or not they are a youngling but they are surrounded by pods, quite a number of them. They seem unsteady on their feet and end up collapsing to their knees in tears. the little lamia gasps in shock and hurries over to the Faelemental. he offers some food he keeps with him to the Faelemental "h..her..ere....f..food....h..help..ke..eep..st..stre..strenth.."Kage Looks out to the entrance "Sketch?! You need to call Melody NOW, Tell her we got pods in need of transfer and Hermes needs to prep at least one bed!" He doesn't wait for a reply before approaching the mystery bitty and giving them a once over for injuries. SAid bitty greedily takes and devours the food not bothering to even look at what exactly it was, their tears seemingly never ending.

"Got it!" Sketch pulls out his phone and immediately calls Melody. He repeats what Kage told him and gives her the location. "Ok Sketch, I'll send a team out to get you all. Wheres Thor?" Melody sounds worried, in the background of the phone a great commotion can be heard as several of the others prepare to head to the location. Thor calls out from the tree he had been climbing "I have 2 Younglings that are near adults and several pods up here, one looks to be opening!" Seems he found a hole in the tree rather high up. The mystery bitty, having eaten the offered food snuggles up with the Laima best they can and whines as Kage starts healing some of the scratches on their body. "He just found more and one of the pods looks to be hatching. he said there were 2 younglings and a few adults along with their pods'' Sketch relies. The little lamia gently hugs the Faelemental reassuringly and offers some more food. "The teams on their way, don't move till they get there. If the pod is open make sure to clean the infant of pod goop ok? Keep me updated please...." The Faelemental devours the food once again, exhaustion overtaking their body and mind as the yawn and shake. Thor stays up near the other hole waiting. "got it" He walks over to the hole where Thor was and looks inside. the little Lamia gently guides the Faelemental onto his coiled tail for it to lay on. It's a little difficult for him as it's just a little higher than he is tall. He does manage to somehow peer into the hole. It's facing away from the clearing and looks to have been made and used by wild animals before much like the other hole that was discovered. Inside there are 2 bitties huddled together that seem pretty out of it. The one coughs, it sounds horrible...like something was trying to come out. One of the surrounding pods looks as if it will burst, Thor stands near it watching it closely.

"one of the ones Thor found sounds sick, it keeps coughing." Sketch updates Melody. "What kind of cough? Does it have anything sticking to its face? Is anything coming up when it does? Sometimes when sick a Faelemental will cough up raw magic, it's just about as bad as when humans cough up blood as I understand" Kage looks at the laima "Hey buddy can you keep this little guy safe for me while I check the pods out?" Thor looks over to Sketch before back to the pod. *the little lamia nods and keeps an eye on his "friend". "It sounds like it is trying to cough something up but there is nothing on it's face that i can see." Sketch looks over at Thor and the pod "also the pod Thor mentioned before looks ready to burst." "That means it should be opening up soon...like within the hour soon. As the for sick one keep an eye on them for now and if they start coughing up magic get Kage to try some healing magic. Make sure they eat something too, monster candy if you have any on hand will help with most injuries and low magic levels." "got it" Sketch pulls out some monster food he keeps handy that has healing properties and offers it to the Faelementals. They don't seem to even notice him nor the offered candy as they lay there "Team should be there in maybe 10-20 minutes Sketch give or take really" Melody says over the phone. Thor seems rather calm, keeping an eye on the pair and looking over when the sick one coughs again. "good. I am getting worried about these bitties. they seem really out of it and not accepting the monster food i am offering them," Sketch says. "That's not good..." The sound of papers can be heard over the phone "Ok what to do what to do...." " should i try petting their heads?" Sketch asks.

"NO! Goodness no, there's no telling if they might perceive you as a threat or not...actually given you are a monster it should theoretically be safe....."There is a series of words mumbled after that. "i won't just to be on the safe side" Sketch tries again to offer food to the faelementals. They again don't notice, Thor looks troubled and turns to Sketch "I will need something clean to wipe the infant off and something else to wrap them till the others get here. I will try to get their attention to eat something while you check in on Kage'' "right" he pulls a small towel and a bitty blanket from his pocket, handing them to Thor. after also leaving the food he walks over to the other den "Kage everything ok on this end?” "I will need help moveing the pods but the kiddo seems to have fallen asleep, they look too young to have been allowed in on food gathering so its likely they haven't been taught how yet. Your laima is keeping them company while they sleep off the food they were given." "the teams should be here in about ten minute or so. Thor found some more of these guys. one of them is coughing and a pod is ready to hatch". "Thanks for the heads up, These don't seem all that close to hatching just yet, maybe a couple days at least. Seems like something had happened and the group holed up here after, there's more pods then there are bedding furs!" "how can i help move the pods?" Sketch asks. "We need to put them in something to carry, the others should be bringing a lined box for that. You need to clear the roots out of the way at the entrance before they get here" Kage replies. Sketch nods but hesitates, looking at where the dust from the dusted bitty lay. Voices chattering nearby can be heard, a Flutterfae appears in the clearing first and looks around. She flies to Sketch and lands on him "The others aren't far behind me, I'm Leader Tillie. How can I help?" Despite her oddly serious words her voice is chirpy and bright. He looks at her "we have a sick Faelemental in that tree over there along with a pod that is about to hatch. there are some pods and what i think is a youngling in this burrow," he points to the tree and the burrow as he says them.

"Got it! We have a box and wagon being pulled by Jarvis, we also have blankets and Hermes is at the center making up sick beds. I will go let the others know of the sick one, be right back with the others!" She flys away in a hurry towards the voices. Kage looks at the laima "Ok want to help the little fella out of here? I don't want to risk waking him up" Said little fella is fast asleep on the laima still. the little Lamia nods and gently picks up the Faelemental. They don't react, clearly out cold and quietly breathing. Kage moves over to try and carefully move the pods towards the entrance while calling out to Sketch "Hey are those roots cleared away yet?" It is clear he did not know of the dead Faelemental that the other had seen. "no. not yet. um can you come here for a sec" Sketch asks, voice wavering. He stops what he's doing to go over and look out of the burrow best he can "Yeah? Whats up?" "I found this earlier" he shows Kage the dust. The sight has him pausing before looking back into the burrow "The youngling likely saw it happen...." He looks at Sketch, speaking in a hushed voice "There are means of reviving bitties from dust but...I know little about it. I don't know if they would remember. What do you think we should do?" "what do you know of reviving first of all?" "I know its possible using different things, thats about all I know" He says sadly looking back to the youngling to see if they are awake or listening. "at the moment we can collect the dust of the fallen. if we can we will try to revive them" he pulls out a small jar from his inventory. "We can have Thor or one of the others look for more even."

He nods as he collects all the dust into the jar and seals it. Kage moves back in order to start moving the pods as the others arrive into the clearing, lead by Jarvis the full size FireRing Laima. Sketch nods to them before carefully removing roots that were in the way of the den.Una, the Waterborne Leader, went straight to the tree where Thor was while Ares waited the Javris and the wagon. Seems as if Orion the Stellar Laima had come too, his coils long tail coiled up with a blanket to look like a nest. Kage leaves the pods near the entrance as he grabs them. Tillie returns to Sketches shoulder looking worried. the little lamia carried/dragged the sleeping Faelemental out of the den. Sketch carefully picked up the pods and handed them to another bitty to place in the wagon. While working together all the pods are placed in the wagon and the little one placed within Orions blanketed coils, the whole thing taking roughly 30 minutes. Thor moves around the area attempting to find more dust without success. Una and Tillie both seem uneasy. Ares seems to notice something "Hey uh...Sketch? The one pod is moving around!" he quickly makes his way over to the pods. He has the small towel ready. It shakes a little before opening up, goop gushing outward and away from the infant. Sketch carefully picks the baby up and gently cleans it off with the towel. Once clean he gently wraps it in a bitty baby blanket. It crys and squirms around before settling in and holding Sketches finger. Tiny pulses of magic can be felt from the newborn's hands, harmless yet present. Una hurries over looking worried. Sketch smiles and holds his hand out to Una to see the newborn. She looks them over before looking up and smiling at Sketch "They seem healthy!~ I will need to speak with the Leader to see what they might need when we return." "sounds good." he tries to place the little babu next to the youngling in Orion's soft blanketed coils. It starts crying and fussing, clearly startling the other Younglings...the youngest of the 3 so startled they themselves start to cry as well.

He sighs and continues to hold the baby, gently stroking it's head soothingly. the little Lamia tries to help by gently hugging the crying youngling. The infant snuggles the finger they were holding, Una starts to chuckle. Meanwhile the small child hugs the laima friend giving sniffles and hiccups. Thor eventually returns to the wagon, looking dejected, before climbing in himself. "let's head back to the center. Thor are you ok?" he looks at Thor. "I will be fine...it's best not to speak of ill news when there are little ones listening," Thor says. "Mmm. You have ill news too?" Sketch asks. He looks at Sketch but doesn't answer the question "Ares will be unable to Shortcut us home so we must be on our guard as we make our way back. I recommend putting the Infant somewhere close to you and safe." Sketch nods and holds the baby close. They soon start heading back towards the center. The walk is uneventful and almost peaceful once the little ones calm down. Una can't stop smiling at Sketch and the infant the whole way back. Sketch kept attentive to the surroundings as they went. babies always made him more protective. Soon enough the property was in view, safety within sight. Even with it in sight he kept his guard up just incase. he knew better than to let his guard down when in an unsafe area. The infant starts fussing quietly, on the property edge Hermes can be seen waiting. Sketch gently strokes the baby to calm it down as he and the others make their way onto the property. He nods to Hermes as he passes. He slithers next to Jarvis already looking over the pods and children on the way to the house. The baby seems unwilling to settle down this time as they start to wail. Una pipes up "They are likely hungry, I can fetch a dropper with warm milk for you when we get inside." "that would be greatly appreciated" Sketch says while smiling at Una.

[north-peach]

WHO WANTS A SNIPPET OF A MEGS/OP FIC I ALMOST WROTE ALMOST TWO YEARS AGO?

plus some notes because, like I said, almost wrote it

also, trigger warning for brief mention of rape, nothing explicit 

murder too? kinda mild violence? 

Also it’s more Megatronus/Optimus Prime....plus, slight time travel.

When Truth is Shattered (hope is built once more)

There's an Uprising, as there always is in a universe such as this. The rebellion is orchestrated by Megatronus being the kickass he is, poet, philosopher, warrior, slave and leader. 

Prime is a title passed down via a fancy relic thing referred to as the Matrix of Leadership, but it's not merged with a spark, it's strung on a chain and worn, or usually displayed somewhere. It signifies the authority invested in someone, either individually or a group of individuals.

The Matrix also acts as an activation key for a great many forms of highly power technology that is rumored to have been created by Primus himself for the Original Thirteen Primes to use.

There's a really old bot called Alpha Trion who bestows it, takes it back and is generally the one who handles it, in between the periods of a new Prime or Council of Prime ascending. He's always been there, he's like super old so no one really questions him, his decisions, his impact on their society or anything at all. 

Primus is thought to be something like a myth, Unicron as well. Most of their history of the early days of their civilization is a bit spotty, but their current level of technology cannot compete with what they possessed in the beginning and now lack the ability to craft or use.

That’s why the Matrix is a symbol of leadership as it can activate the technology, including the planetary shield, almost all offensive capabilities, several buildings that manufacture everything from basic building components to extremely energy intensive upgrades.

It is acknowledged history that there were thirteen Original Primes, even though only about half of their names are remembered. However all of their greatest deeds were recorded. So you had the Prime of This and That, when their names were lost to time. 

So, save for the ruling few, the nobles, the first class and a majority of the second class citizens, things are bad. 

Caste system, energon shortage, bad working conditions, (all of these unnecessary, used only as a means to control the populace because tired, hungry and illiterate people don't raise armies to overthrow the government) abuse of rights, those in power staying in power, inheriting power from family members and corruption running rampant through the levels of government. 

Megatronus, former slave/miner turned gladiator, poet, philosopher and revolutionary raises his army and storms into Iacon in order to demand change, or put himself in charge. That is his end goal, but he's absolutely going to throw everyone in power into a deep dark hole somewhere if it's the only thing he manages to do. 

The Prime in power, arrogant as all get out, challenges Megatronus and loses his head over it entirely. So Megatronus- who is absolutely an “if I can make god bleed” kinda guy, yanks the Matrix from the corpse, throws it down and swings his sword down on it as hard as he can. 

Miner, yes? Gladiator, yes? Yes? Very strong, we appreciate his strong, Matrix is strong enough to survive a very long time, but Megatronus is fueled by righteous fury and the rage of a thousand murdered slaves.

Alpha Trion screams in anguished horror as it shatters into fifty thousand itty bitty pieces. No more Matrix of Leadership, no more cheating to get around the systems lock on technology only meant to be worked by a Prime.

Sad day.

That's when everything lights up like the American’s fourth of July and from that light, a large mech in blue and red appears. Nice sleek lines, brilliant paint, very pretty, we also appreciate this. He's very confused, understandably, looking around in shock, bewilderment and some dawning sense of terror. But then he sees Alpha Trion. 

Instantly he leaps to his pedes and reaches towards the old bot.

"Alpha Trion? Where- where am I? What- what is going on?" 

Alpha Trion gets emotions, surprising for a bot responsible for so much suffering, the way he screamed shocked a great many people.

Megatronus and his high command all decide to observe because a new player has entered the equation and while everyone’s attention is on him, it gives Megatronus a chance to move more people into a better positions. 

Optimus is understandably very upset. He yanks his servos out of Alpha Trion’s grasp, ignoring as the bot’s voice turns cajoling and pleading for him to calm down. 

Alpha Trion stands before the new mech, servos grasping onto his and gently starts explaining some of the positives of the new Golden Age but that it's been a while since Optimus walked the planet and this is another Golden Age set a lot of Ages after the very first Golden Age.

And Alpha Trion carefully and quickly explains that Optimus was opposed to a thing that the rest of the thirteen primes were going to do and Megatronus decided to remove him because he was standing in the way of their glory, in the way of the greater good of Cybertron. He did not tell the others and ambushed Optimus-

"Megatronus! He- he," his voice dissolves into a static-y keening, digits digging harshly into the undamaged plating of the cover of his spark chamber. "He stabbed me? My spark? My- He?"

(Megatronus and company trade looks and swift messages) 

-to which, Alpha Trion stresses, they were all very upset and Megatronus was duly punished-

-and buried his sword into his spark chamber. The others were alerted when Primus intervened to ensure Optimus’s spark didn’t return to Him. But his frame was badly damaged and extreme measures were taken to ensure his survival.

Optimus doesn't take this well and decides to use his optics and turns and starts looking. He's standing in a place that is lavish and incredibly luxurious. There are dead people around him, in shiny and glimmering frames, and then there's a crowd of dirty, misshapen, mismash, ragtag, thrown together bots and he quickly jumps to the correct conclusion: the people are revolting against a corrupt leadership and- 

It’s Alpha Trion, shining and dazzling in the soft lights. Alpha Trion who was not a Prime but was granted a similar though lower security level and was treated like family. True, he was fashioned to be an assistant, a helper but this? Sitting in a throne at the right hand of the front of the room?

Optimus jerks his helm around and make optic contact with the largest mech, the one who stands in front of all the others at the head of the revolution. 

There’s power in there that- that- reminds him...

Alpha Trion continues talking though and he's explaining that the rest of the Primes came together and fashioned a stasis orb to keep him alive while his frame repaired and his spark recovered. It was expanded and everything that was his was placed inside and then shrunk.

“Why? Why am I alive?”

It hurts that Alpha Trion looks wrecked at the very idea that Optimus shouldn’t be alive, right before rage crawls over his face plates and vibrates the air with the force of it.

He then starts to explain the people that stand behind him- but-

They’re terrorists and murderers, thieves- Megatronus the Name-Thief, who stole the name of the Betrayer who slaughtered the greatest of them!- liars and rabble raisers who started a war for fun, for profit and glory, to tear down the peace Alpha Trion so carefully crafted all these eons. 

Megatronus feels denied his right place, demands more resources, more people, more space, more energon that simply isn’t available! He would take what he wanted from the more deserving to fuel his army! 

Optimus can’t help the desperate look he makes as he turns back to take in the whole of these ‘terrorists’. They’re all starving and wounded, clearly the forgotten and abandoned and his optics harden as he turns back to Alpha Trion. 

“They do not know their place! They should have remained in their caste, they are not worthy to be acknowledged even as third class citizens! They will ruin all I have built!”

That the matrix- which was composed of tech that kept Optimus’s Prime spark and frame alive and well and provided the required security clearance of a Prime to non-Primes so they could operate the tech meant solely for Primes. To some degree anyway. But after such an amount of time, every bit off eeway was explored to its fullest.

To Optimus Prime, this was a horrific abuse of the power that was entrusted in the Thirteen Primes, to govern and observe but never to oppress and destroy their society to this extent!

He opens his intake, but he cannot speak, even as he stares at this mech he once knew, once called friend.

His spark throbs.

Optimus turns once more to- to M- the one who calls himself Megatronus- a mech who bears the name of his murderer, his betrayer, his brother and says nothing. Surely everyone can see the devastation written all over his faceplates.

Alpha Trion makes a noise, clearly intending to speak, but Optimus silences him, overriding his vocal modulator with brutal efficiency. He’s never had to do that before and something hurts. 

Megatronus gives a quick rundown of everything that Alpha Trion left out. The hard, cold truth of the matter. Starvation, oppression, murder, the rich get richer and the poor die alone in the dark. The third class citizens are taken and put to work, denied to ability to speak, rights stripped and designations deleted, forgotten until all that was left was a mindless drone, whose sentient mind retreated deep inside.

Sparklings are taken from carriers who were forced from a higher rank of citizen and neither was ever seen again. Sparklings who were considered the property of their higher ranking parent until they reached an age old enough to take an aptitude test to determine what caste they were joining.

Second class and above never moved unless they offended someone on a higher level. The Primes remained Prime until they died or another was chosen.

Cybertron was built on the bodies of the abandoned, those who had no designation and barely counted as citizens, from third class servants, and janitors, to second class traders, scribes, artists, ect, to first class, the rich, privileged and blessed.

Then the Nobles, the elite, the shining jewels of Cybertron, right below the Primes, the rulers.

Optimus feels numb with horror.

He stares and stares and his optics burn even as Megatronus’s blaze. He turns, only last time, one more time to face Alpha Trion. 

He allows him to speak in his defense- but- but. 

“This was for the greater good, Optimus, my friend, my lord, in order to keep the best and brightest alive, to ensure we would survive as the years passed and we faced a great many challenges. The survival, the endurance of our race, our species was entirely dependent on our ability to unsure what we had went to the most deserving!”

Alpha Trion looks so very sincere, he is entirely genuine in his ever present affection for his long lost friend, but Optimus can barely speak but for the pain in his spark.

“Surely you must see,” Alpha Trion beseeches, “We did it for you, Optimus.”

Clearly expecting his confession to ensure Optimus is firmly on his side, Alpha Trion takes a single step forward, reaching out from the only true Prime left.

Something shatters in his spark chamber and Optimus rises up, slides back and pulls. The Star Saber materializes in his servos in a boom of light and noise, the voice that leaves his intake is terrifying as it thunders through the great hall and echoes throughout the entire city-

“Freedom is the right of all sentient beings!”

It’s wretched out of him, this undeniable truth that seems to have been forgotten so long ago. There is betrayal on Alpha Trion’s face, heartbreak and disbelief.

He doesn’t understand, he did this for you.

Optimus weeps even as he raises his sword.

Of course, this is being recorded and watched across the entire planet because the Iacon nobles and government were absolutely going to use Megatronus's failure and subsequent death as more incentive to keep your helms down, but that really backfired because okay, wow, real Prime- Original Thirteenth Prime who is supporting a Mech named for another one of the Original Thirteen. The Betrayer at that! 

Clearly unexpected, but that’s what you get when the nutjob shadow ruling your planet since almost the beginning of time lies.

I also imagine Optimus with glowing optics and sigils on his frame. Maybe communing with Primus and easily manipulating the AllSpark or something, ect, ect.....

Megatronus will not be understanding Optimus at all. It’s like if the Devil came out of Hell and realized all his demons were running amok and starting crying and killing all of them while asking to borrow your couch because he lives in Hell, not Earth.

(and someone forgot to tell you he was pretty)

[franstastic-ideas]

For me Sans bitty turning into G!Sans bitty sounds like a painful process

It's not as painful as one would think; nobody knows what triggers their transformation into Gs, but it happens overnight and is similar to a Pokémon evolving. It's entirely painless, but a bit frightening for the bitty since they suddenly wake up to find themselves looking different. Sansy bitties turning into Axes, however, is always painful, since they come to be out of suffering near starvation and severe injuries due to their bones becoming brittle because without proper nourishment their flow of magic becomes thinner.

[cyrkensianbuds]

Who's ready for some blathering about another Fatesona?

Gemma (Châu Huệ) Văn

General Description

Age: 60~ but appears to be 32-35 (There’s a reason for this, but she remains tight-lipped against Corrin’s wheedling, poking, prodding, whining and numerous attempts at guilt-tripping)

Gender: Female (Probably. Maybe.)

Race: Human (Sort of.)

Birthday: June 22 (around 40~ yrs before Corrin’s birth and she spent about 10 to 15 years in the Deep Realms for some reason)

Title: Sovereign of the Independent State of Nam*

Class: Priestess

Secondary Class: Dark Mage

Weapon: A really long scepter of some sort??? (She refuses to say where she got it from, but you have the sneaking suspicion that she might have stolen it from the Nam treasury)

Hair: Black

Eyes: Dark Brown

Requirements for Joining: Win 3 Skirmishes in a Row each in Kitsune Hamlet, Mokushu Cave and Izumo: Castle Interior. (9 Skirmishes in total, all in a row)

However, she is not eligible to put on the battlefield until you fulfill a few requests for her. Namely, recruit at least one of her adopted children who are wandering around the lands doing stuff.

[I might just write up a few trigger cut scenes to make myself suffer for funsies]

Roster: The Ruler of the country of Nam whose main goal in life is to make Corrin’s life harder for them see her children grow up and live happy and peaceful lives. And give her grandchildren.

Personal Skill

Sovereign’s Might (Or The Most Important Life Skill : Delegation)

“A Ruler’s strength is not based on battle prowess, nor magical affinity, nor one’s leadership abilities, but how well a Ruler can use all of these things in tandem.” *pause* “And delegation. Delegation is important too.“

Unit’s HP Regeneration is activated, increasing 1 HP per round. Def +1 Res +1 Mag +1 AVO +3 CRIT +3 Dmg Dealt +2 Dmg Received -2

All allies within a two square radius of the Unit will receive the same benefits except that HP Regen for all units, including the Unit in question’s, is +3.

Units that leave the radius will retain these boosts for 6 player/enemy rounds

Are you still reading this? Alright, you might want to sit somewhere comfortable and maybe grab a snack, this might take a while.

Background

Gemma was born to a pair of "Hoshidan” immigrants in Nestra. She lived and worked in the family business, which was entertainment.

She eventually apprenticed herself underneath an infamous Dark Knight against her parents wishes and traveled with him for several years.

They eventually meandered their way down past Nestra and Asturias** down to the Southern Reaches***, picking up strays as they go along.

They disappear for around a couple weeks, and when they finally get back in touch with their network, Gemma’s master is returns in an urn and Gemma and her brood of strays look 10 or 15 years older with a few notable additions to the crew.

Gemma inexplicably makes her way to Nam, where she overthrows the usurper and takes her place as the Ruler of Nam.

(She won’t tell anyone why she was put on the throne and instead of someone else, but you figure it has something to do with the way her eyes glow golden sometimes.)

Fun Tidbits

- Kidnaps Adopts all the children, whenever possible. She is always on the look out for children to kidnap adopt. It doesn’t matter what alternate universe she is in, she will always be surrounded by children.

- She likes using fire metaphors a lot. And puns, let’s not forget the puns. She basically has an old woman’s sense of humor, y'know if that old woman was the ruler of a country who enjoyed both knitting and crushing her enemies beneath her delicate heel equally. Who also had humor black enough to give yourself the perfect dye job.

- She does not consider any of the Children Units nor Elise nor Leo nor Hayato or anyone else she consider under the age of 20 as adults. They are all little itty-bitty warriors who shouldn’t be thinking of marriage at their ages.

- She has a smattering of really diverse abilities including some weird Songstress abilities from who knows where and some intermediate sword mastery in her arsenal along with some unique Tomes in her inventory. Where the heck did this lady even come from?

- She knows Nyx from a long while ago, though what their relationship is, they won’t tell. They spend a lot of time gossiping and trading notes in some sort of ineligible code.

World-building Information and Additional Notes

*The Independent State of Nam used to be a country whose northern half had been annexed into the Hoshidan Union until about the time in which Garon was born; one of the reigning lord’s cousins started up a civil war with the help of a foreign Sorcerer/Mechanist (Historians were never clear on this part since no one ever lived long enough or got close enough to see what exactly it was he was doing) from the North.

The Hoshidan Union were pushed out of the country entirely and the few controlling officials that they did have were executed; anyone who dared to approach the borders of the country, from either outside or in, were to be killed on sight.

This, naturally, prevented anyone from getting in or out of the country while the war raged on.

It ended with the usurper taking control of the government and replacing all of the administration of the country with his supporters.

The borders were loosened up a little to allow trade to trickle through, but the new administration kept an iron grip on the market, raking in all of the profits and allowing only an infinitesmal amount to funnel down to the common person.

Known and suspected supporters of the previous administration were arrested without rhyme nor reason and were placed in labor camps.

Police brutality was a fact of life and no one except the supporters of the current government were safe from poverty and starvation.

Anyone who was even distantly related to the previous lord and who posed a threat to their tyranny was executed publicly. Not even a single child was spared.

The people couldn’t take it anymore.

Because the borders were loosened a little, people started trying to escape. Land borders were still zealously guarded so people turned towards the sea.

Many people tried to escape and many failed, but some managed to make it across the tumultuous ocean on rickety ships to Notre Sagesse, where people were eventually moved to Asturias**, Cheve, Nestra or stayed on the island nation.

The country itself has undergone another, perhaps less bloody in the literal sense, change in administration, though the borders are just as impenetrable as before as the new Sovereign settles in.

(Gemma won’t tell you how she did it.)

(But you do notice a lot of scorch marks on the floor of the Palace.)

[The Independent State of Nam is heavily based on Vietnam. It is the pseudo-Vietnam.]

[This is assuming that Hoshido is either pseudo-Japan or China, Nohr is pseudo-Germany, Cheve is pseudo-France, Nestra is pseudo-Italy and Notre Sagesse is the pseudo representative of some French speaking country]

**Asturias is the pseudo-Spain of the FE13 world.

***The Southern Reaches is the pseudo-continent of Africa and then some.

I mean, if I’m going to go this far, I might as well keep on going, right?

Quotes

Walking around in My Castle

“You have a castle located in an alternate dimension that just kind floats in space? Alright, not the weirdest thing I’ve ever seen.” (First time being talked to in my Castle)

“It doesn’t matter what you say or how big and endearing your puppy dog eyes are Corrin, it’s not going to help you in your interrogation.” (After being talked to several times)

“You wouldn’t mind if I just kind of lay face down on the ground and just sleep for a couple of years, would you?” (After working)

When Dodging or Avoiding

“Is that a Lance in your pocket or are you just happy to see-Ohp, Nope. That’s definitely a Lance.”