#tried a new rendering thing. idk if ill do anything else with it.

[munyequitos]

fella is it gay to kiss another man on the mouth (prequel to this post)

[plush-anon]

tejoxys

I finally saw the Endgame spoilers clip

*rubbing my grubby little hands together bc I love a good roast*

Welp, if it’s a roast you want, a roast you shall receive!

(Note: I think I spoke vaguely enough about everything big in the Clips below NOT to warrant an outright Spoilers tag, so I’m leaving it with just an Endgame Leaks tag and a ‘Read More’ line. Message me if you’ve a.) seen the Clips/gone scrolling for more info in the Spoilers tag and b.) think it’s more spoilery than I try to vague it to be, and I’ll tag it post haste)

Christ Almighty, the Clips just make everything look like an enormous MESS.

Thor looks just... awful. In every scene. LITERALLY EVERY SCENE HE’S IN IN THESE SPOILERIFIC CLIPS, HE LOOKS TERRIBLE. There isn’t a single one where he doesn’t look like a mess. Everyone else gets a glow-up (new hair, tattoos, freshly shaved) and looks put together in general (which is admittedly baffling - really, EVERYONE looks good in the face of mass genocide and failure to stop it from occurring?) but Thor decided to whip out his Big Lebowski cosplay at their big ‘save the world’ get-together... why??? (seriously Thor, was a shower too much to ask for?)

Now, if we’d had ANY inclination that anyone else looked rough aside from Tony and Nebula a la the stuck-in-space teaser trailers we saw originally, that would be one thing. Everyone there lost a loved one, everyone there has probably had to come to terms with the fact that they FAILED TO STOP THANOS when they were all right freakin’ there! NO ONE SHOULD LOOK 100% OKAY HERE. Show me dishevelment, poor coping mechanisms, show them having to struggle for weeks (maybe even MONTHS) after the events.

But nope! They are ALL in perfect health according to the trailers we’ve seen before. Even Tony, after nearly dying in space multiple times, just takes a bath and appears to be in fine health after getting back (with some bags under the eyes). Everyone’s perfectly fine, except for Thor (and maaaaaybe Hawkeye, who looks to have gone full-on Frank Miller Batman in his quest for vengeance, but still had time to get a mullet and some sweet sleeve tats in between!).

Nice.

This is a MASSIVE problem with the MCU as a whole, and has been for a while: their repeated attempts to gloss over and sweep consequences of mental trauma and illness away under the rug until it suits them for plot convenience or for comedy. You see this in the Thor sequels a LOT (Selvig being institutionalized for comedy after being possessed, Loki being kept in literal solitary confinement for roughly 2 years, Valkyrie’s PTSD and alcoholism played for laughs, mocking Loki’s suicide attempt from Thor 1 and the actual death he survived in Thor 2, ALL of Odin’s outright dickishness as a parent a la narcissistic parenting, Hela being imprisoned in isolation for literal CENTURIES), as well as anything to do with Tony Stark and his thought process (everything he does is pretty much as a result of the trauma he endures, and everyone in the Avengers just??? doesn’t recognize it??? and attacks him for it without going ‘hey, maybe he’s got PTSD’ or something???? what the hell, man). GOTG does a MUCH better job of it with Rocket and Nebula, but Mantis is left woefully unrealized (thought they do touch upon it briefly, and handle it with relative seriousness). 

Either way, Thor concerns me a LOT, because he is the king of a very small group of Asgardian refugees (and given the scene that shows in the Clips, as well as the appearance of another Thor character later on, we KNOW there were multiple survivors), trying to find a new life on Midgard in the face of not one, not two, but THREE fcuking tragedies - the destruction of Asgard, Thanos’ attack on their ship, and the Snap. Why is he the way he is, in the location he’s in (which actually appears to be the apartment from Team Thor’s mockumentary)? He is the only semblance of leadership left for these people who have lost everything and he’s Like That. Where is a Thor stressed and fretting over being fully responsible for once in his life over the lives of his people, over what little remains of his kingdom? Where is a Thor struggling with guilt as he tries to build a new life for his people, struggling with rule and politics and trade? WHERE IS HE??? Bc right now, all I see is Chris Hemsworth auditioning for the remake of The Big Lebowski, having wandered onto the Avengers set instead of his audition location by mistake -_-

The scenes with Steve leave me absolutely baffled (and some of them just ooze cheese, and not in a great way), because how in the fcuk do we get to those?? His scenes feel the most disjointed here, bc they all have a similar vibe to his personality in Whedon’s Avenger movies. Kind of the ‘Boy Scout’ presentation, which is particularly odd in the aftermath of the Russo Fools’ two Cap movies and Infinity Fcuk Up, which made him more serious, less - bright? I can’t think of a good word for it rn. This is particularly highlighted in his big ‘save the world’ speech we hear - it feels kind of like an ‘okay team, time to save the world!’ speech, instead of something more serious. Is it to try to bring everyone’s hopes up? What else is missing here that we’re not seeing? Why does he feel like he’s back to this persona in light of all that’s happened? Is it to highlight how good and awesome he is in order to {SPOILER REDACTED} like we see in that final sequence? (Also, the imagery for SPOILER REDACTED, while meant to be badass and awesome, feels... kind of awkward, IMHO. Which is weird, bc I thought it would be more amazing and awesome. IDK, maybe I’m just super jaded with the MCU by now).

Carol Danvers’ scenes are actually pretty on point. She gets to be a badass in her fighting scenes and gets an awesome new look that pretty much only functions to further cement her Lesbian Status. The only way she would be more obviously a Lesbian is if her suit were in the colors of (one of) the Lesbian Pride flags and a Cyndi Lauper song was playing in the background (or maybe Joan Jett).

Hulk/Bruce Banner... I don’t even know how they’re going to swing this. Like, at all. I’m particularly baffled bc given how some of the scenes appear to be set early in the film, it resolves extremely quickly to get to that point, and after all the drama of Hulk not coming out in Infinity Fcuk Up, I just - who the fcuk knows at this point. Also, that one scene with the {SPOILER REDACTED} could be effective depending on how they set it up, but then... why exactly is he the one in the scene with the {SPOILER REDACTED} and not Carol or Thor, due to Obvious Plot Reasons?

Finally, Peter Parker. He’s adorable in his scenes, ‘nuff said.

Now, after seeing these scenes, I am left EXTREMELY CONCERNED for this movie’s tone. Granted, it was only 5 minutes of footage for a 3 hour movie. Quite clearly, there is a LOT we aren’t seeing. All the same though, it feels extremely disjointed. I know they’re trying to pull away from the dark and grim ending of Infinity War, but these clips make it all feel a little too casual, a little too ‘let’s go beat the bad guy!’ as opposed to ‘we have suffered a great failure and a great tragedy - as heroes, we MUST work to undo this for the sake of those we have lost, and everyone left alive who has lost the people they loved’. Idk, that may just be me on this one.

But you know the worst part of all of THIS? The worst part is that this is probably what we’re going to get on the release date. This isn’t a trailer Marvel released with deleted live-action scenes featuring minimal to no CGI, or sections clumsily edited over with explosion effects - this was a slew of scenes with a TON of special effects fully rendered in painstaking detail, recorded with a phone on its side in what looks like a movie theater, with foreign subtitles on the screen (I honestly don’t recognize the alphabet, but it might be Middle Eastern). That CGI is expensive and time-consuming as all hell to do, and considering how many of these scenes had it? Either they wasted a shit-ton of money on scenes they didn’t use (seriously, a number of them have Rocket in them, or Hulk - those aren’t the easiest characters to render, I would imagine), or these are in the movie, end of story.

Not to mention, TPTB clamped down on these Clips HARD - like, IMMEDIATELY - as opposed to the process behind deleting Reddit comments. The fast and heavy response from Marvel and the Russo Fools, COMPLETE WITH OFFICIAL TWEET LETTER, along with a Chris Evans tweet not to Spoil the Shit, was to chastise the ones who did (which is somewhat warranted here, given how extreme the security on leaks for Endgame have been).

This response, combined with the quality of the clips, and some of the plot threads that actually seem to be mentioned/referenced in the Lego sets, leads me to believe it’s real.

And I’m not really impressed.

On the flipside, I’m actually kind of relieved, knowing what I’m going into when I walk into the theater opening weekend. I’m not going to be completely shocked and horrified by what I see. This works well in breaking the ice, and also eases some of my anxiety on what to expect (bc I have had a LOT of it for this movie).

The downside to this is that at the end of the day, this is what 22 films ultimately amounted to. Something that feels a little too glib, a little too rushed. Something that doesn’t feel like it’s doing right by the characters who were left, and the characters we love (at least, not in full).

I understand that this is an insurmountable task - to bring to film, with limited time, a satisfying conclusion to so many characters. To arrange hundreds of people within thousands of hours on a set budget to bring this massive story, building for over ten years now, to a close that will resonate and sate with as many fans as possible. But I read fanfiction that does just that with less time, fewer moments, no budget - hell, there are 10k oneshots that rewrote Infinity Fcuk to make sense and treat the characters with the respect that they’ve earned over 20+ films.

This? Doesn’t feel like those.

I will happily admit, I am guesstimating a LOT here, based off of what essentially amounts to 3% of the movie (slightly more, depending on how long the credits are sans post-credit scenes, but still roughly 3%). There is a LOT that is missing, which could fill in these gaps successfully and make this whole post look completely pointless. If it does that, I will gleefully concede that it fooled us on this one. Maybe all of these scenes really ARE hoaxes (even if they were painstakingly subtitled in a foreign language and shown on a movie theater-size screen, but I digress).

But the framing of the scenes looks like it was meant to showcase what the movie would be as a whole, in terms of tone and what to expect. And from that, I’m not excited, or overjoyed. I’m just tired.

And I cannot WAIT for this all to be over, bc I’m fcuking exhausted just watching 5 minutes. Lord knows what 182 of them will leave me like in the end.

*peers up at massive unending ranty analysis post* ...ah. Well then. that happened again. Ah well. Hope you had fun reading my nonsense brain goop, kiddos.

[curly-q-reviews]

ROAD TO THE OSCAR MAYER WIENER AWARDS 2K19

Black Panther, 2018 (dir. Ryan Coogler)

Nominated for: Best Original Score, Best Original Song, Best Motion Picture of the Year, Best Costume Design, Best Production Design, Best Sound Editing, Best Sound Mixing

ok y’all lets get this party started with a movie i didnt get to catch in theaters (i think i ended up renting it) but people were absolutely raving about it all of last year, and for good reason i gotta say!  it was one of the better marvel films that came out last year (though in my humble opinion Infinity War takes the gold)

speaking of marvel lets talk about it for a spell!  lets have a lil sit-down chit-chat shall we!!  cause its kind of insane how much of an american media phenomenon marvel has become, they are arguably single-handedly responsible for reviving the superhero movie subgenre and now these types of movies bring hollywood more dineros than they probably know what to do with (besides make more superhero movies).  what used to be a niche market where only your most hardcore of nerdy types dared to dwell has been embraced into the mainstream wholeheartedly, and now its hard to imagine the american film industry without them. 

from a film critique standpoint, marvel movies seem to be a hit-or-miss as far as quality, however i cant really think of a particular marvel movie that i thought was a total piece of hot garbage (the first two Thor movies come close but they were more boring than anything else).  however last year was a real success for the studio, they just kept pumping out quality movies left and right and once disney managed to get its grubby lil mouse paws on Spider-man it was a done deal baby.  DC and other companies have tried again and again to recreate the success that Marvel has managed and so far they’ve failed to various degrees.  Marvel’s just got that special something with their cinematic universe, some magical combo of great actors and creative directors and an ever-expanding budget that keeps them staying at the top every time.

so whats my stance on superhero movies???  well theyre not my usual cup of tea but i gotta say they’re real damn entertaining.  i kinda view them like a high-speed ride at an amusement park, super fun and thrilling and exhilarating and just a real good time!  but thats about as far as it goes for me, and im sure thats the same for a lot of people.  to be honest its kinda refreshing to have movies that quality-wise are up to my standards that i dont have to think too hard about.  so for me the movies i typically go for are like museums, whereas superhero movies (and action movies in general) are like a carnival.  both entertaining and fun, but the latter is just all about letting loose and not wondering about the why’s and how’s.  when i think about it, this kinda mindset is for sure a factor in how these movies got so popular, because with the shitshow that is our current government and the potential imminent death of our planet people are once again looking for movies as a form of escapism, rather than a way to get deep and philosophical and ask the tough questions and see something profound. 

with that being said, despite some exceptions that have proven me wrong to my utter joy and delight (im looking at u Logan), i expect movies that are nominated for wiener awards to be more like museums than like carnivals y’know what i mean?  u catchin my drift???  u takin what im dishin out????  the academy awards have a long history of prestige, of nominating the best of the best of any given year. quite a few movies that won oscars are now considered to be timeless classics.  which is why superhero movies, at least the typical marvel types that are chocked to the brim with CGI and epic massive fight scenes and explosions, dont really strike me as anything that could eventually become a timeless classic.  the amount of computer-generated effects alone will make these movies feel really dated as soon as like five years from now with how fast technology is progressing.  i just dont see it happening.

and that brings us to the first wiener award nominee ill be talking about, Black Panther.  this isnt director Ryan Coogler’s first time at the rodeo; his first feature film Fruitvale Station received critical acclaim in 2013, and the spiritual Rocky sequel Creed actually got nominated for some oscars a few years ago.  so we’ve got a promising and talented director at the helm which is a great start!  we’ve also got a stellar cast with the likes of michael b. jordan (who has been in all of Coogler’s films so far), lupita nyong’o, angela bassett, and forest whitaker in the bunch.  it also has the astronomical financial backing of Supreme Overlord Disney so u know this is gonna be some high-quality shit.

so i’m gonna tell y’all why i think this movie got nominated for so many oscars, because in a way i do think this movie is deserving of noms from the academy.  theres no denying that it is very groundbreaking for a movie of this scale and magnitude to have a black director and a nearly all-black cast.  in fact, i think a lot of the crew members (including set and costume design) were black as well.  thats fuckin huge my guy.  and this movie was by no means a flop either; it ended up being one of the highest-grossing films of 2018 and stayed in theaters for a loooong-ass time.  and not only were the people on this project mostly black, the movie itself is a story praising and showing off the beauty of african culture without exotifying or demeaning it in any way.  like i can say 100% without a doubt that this movie deserves its best costume design nom cause holy shit the outfits in this movie are stunning, just the perfect blend of ancient/current tribal african aesthetics and a more futuristic sleek style that any fashion enthusiast can drool over.

i cant say much about best musical score or best sound mixing or anything like that cause it all seemed like typical marvel stuff to me and wasnt all that memorable.  however i can say that the production design on this movie, while it didnt impress me as much as costuming, did still impress me.  the one thing i gotta knock it on is all the fucken CGI, like whole entire towns and landscapes were digitally rendered.  i wouldve been a lot more impressed and would agree more to the production design nom if they used more practical effects and real sets/locations. 

so.  best picture.  this is where i feel the most conflicted.  cause this is where i now have to look past all the pretty fancy visuals and music and look at the actual meat of this movie, its story and characters.  usually best picture noms also get noms for things like best actress, best script, and best director, cause those are all really important elements of a good film.  ur movie can look and sound as pretty as it wants but if the storys shit and the characters are shit and the actings shit then u dont have much going for u.

and by no means am i saying that Black Panther was shitty in these aspects, it was just well.  passable.  it was ok.  but nothing to write home about

we got some good performances from newcomers letitia wright and chadwick boseman, lupita kills it as always, but then everyone else was like.  okay.  michael b. jordan didnt really do his best in this and idk if its the script’s fault or something but it was weird.  and speaking of the script it was uuuuhhhhh well.  not great.  every time i think about that “what are those” reference i die a little inside.  and the story overall wasnt really anything new when u break it down, just another “son of king struggles to take his place” narrative.  and that aspect of the story couldve actually been more developed into something interesting, i found myself really intrigued with the political scenes.  but there just wasnt enough of that cause they needed to make more room for the PEW PEW POW EXPLOSIONS

granted, movies with lots of shimmer but little substance have been nominated for best picture before (just look at James Cameron’s Avatar which is apparently getting a sequel now????????).  and its not even that this movie is completely devoid of substance cause theres some interesting things going on plot-wise, and some stand-out characters too (shuri is the boss and no one can tell me otherwise).  its just, u know, a good superhero movie.  nothing really profound about the story itself except for the cultural, historical, and social context behind it.

so lemme get back to why i think this movie got a best picture nom.  i think the academy wants to keep up their appearance of being #woke now by continuing to nominate more than one poc-heavy project each year, but they seem to be caring less and less about the actual overall quality of these movies.  and theres even some movies on the noms list that i think actually have what it takes to be a strong oscars contender, like If Beale Street Could Talk and BlacKkKlansmen.  but i think in Black Panther’s case, they were under a lot of pressure to give it top noms (or any noms at all) because of the intensely positive response this movie got, as well as the accusations of racism to people who didnt think it was as great as fans were saying. 

also i have no doubt that Supreme Overlord Disney like threw piles and piles of money at the academy like they tend to do (cause i’d bet good money thats the only fucken way Incredibles 2 got nominated for anything)

well anyway ive gone on long enough about this, lemme know what y’all think.  really the only nom im iffy about when it comes to this movie is Best Picture, but the others i think are well enough deserved, especially costume design.  so i guess the one thing i struggle with is this: does a movie becoming a pop culture phenomenon and being groundbreaking in its cast and crew count as enough for it to be nominated for the top prize of the wiener awards, despite any fallbacks in script, direction, and acting?  idk man im just hoping it doesnt get the award by default or something but then again maybe after watching all the other nominees it may turn out that the rest of them were worse than Black Panther i guess i’ll have to find out

stay tuned for my A Star Is Born review y’all stay fresh and funky eat ur vegetables stay in school u dont need drugs when ur high on life

[daughterofthewest]

This is my own original artwork ( originally posted sideways on my old account the-widows-mite) created in 2014. The original unedited drawing is on the left, same thing with an added tonal filter on my iPhone camera  used to make it a little darker for better visibility of the details on the  right. This piece was done as therapy art while I was laid up recovering from major surgery (sans pain medication because I can't tolerate most of it due to allergies) and unable to speak or move anything but my right hand for an entire week. It came about because the nurses in the recovery room had given me a pencil and paper to communicate/write notes with and instead for the first time in a very long time I started doodling/drawing. The first thing to crawl out of my brain through the pencil was a cute little dragon, which my nurse or one of the doctors asked to keep and I assented to the request so I don't have pictures of it to share unfortunately; this crazy mess was the second.

It was rendered in regular #2 pencil on a piece of 8x11 printer paper that the hospital staff could not use because it had a small wrinkle in it. I saw this and thought to myself, this looks like fun, I think I'll just follow this line and see where it takes me. This drawing is the result of that experience and exercise ... I think I was still under the effects of the anesthesia because it too is whatever crawled out of my brain through the pencil at that time. I had no artistic training whatsoever and  although I had enjoyed drawing as a child and on a few occasions since then when the mood struck when I was younger, had not picked up a pencil to draw in a great many years (for various reasons) at that juncture in my life. 

My doctors were all astounded but I myself no less so- I really hadn't known I could do that. It was my wonderful surgeons and neuro docs who saw this and other things that came after it when someone brought me some watercolor paints and more paper as well, who first told me I had a remarkable gift that I should share- encouraging me enough to keep going and doing art...

My children tell me now that they had always thought of me as an artist because after their father died when they were little I would gather them about me to read to and laugh and talk with and they would ask me to draw something for them and we would make up a story about whatever silly thing I then drew together. Everyone had a good time doing this and didn’t take it too seriously - especially me. I did not think of myself as an artist however or a writer and never wrote any of those stories down and saved few of those particular drawings, (though now I kind of wish I had), because my college education and training and a lifetime of experience was in something else - other disciplines not entirely disparate from Art  but rigorous enough that I did not have any time for or real interest in painting or drawing during those years but which my illness kept me from being able to continue with it at the time I had to have that particular surgery and has done since. 

I have tried to take their kind advice and I now at least have real artists’ materials thanks in part to the generosity of some very supportive family and friends, my ArtSnacks subscription and the recent opening of Art supply stores in the area where I reside that did not exist for most of the 20-30 years before that that I have lived here. 

The continued praise and encouragement I have received from others, (including a few local successful exhibiting professional artists) who have seen my artwork since has been a blessing that allowed me to get past my own feelings of inadequacy and shyness about sharing what I do with others rather than keeping it to myself because I always felt (as noted) that my artwork such as it was/is is just for me- that it was/is my therapy and my happy place to go for relief in times of great stress or pain when I am physically or otherwise unable to do anything else or in some cases for the entertainment of my own children. 

I have not done as much of it since then as I would have liked due to various circumstances and limitations- but I do what I can when I can.. Yet still 3 years later I don't/can’t do this kind of intensely wrought drawings all the time on demand (as much as I wish I could) and I still don’t have any actual training in art that would give me the skills I need to fully flesh my ideas out on paper. I still just draw or paint raw whatever crawls out of my brain through the pencil or paintbrush and let it take me wherever it will. 

I wonder: Is that Ok? Does it mean I’m not a real artist or does it mean I truly am one after all? IDK. I’ve had fellow students who were Juniors in the Art Program at my old university who told me when they saw my work that they still couldn’t do anything quite like it. I’m not sure I believe them but...

I have always loved golden age illustration by the likes of Arthur Rackham and Edmund Dulac, Charles Robinson and their ilk, Jessie Wilcox Smith and Howard Pyle- though my some of my absolute favorite’s were his students, N.C. Wyeth and Joan Walsh Anglund. Of course Irene Haas and Holling C. Holling are in a class by themselves and I loved their work too. 

So I think sometimes I would really love to write and illustrate children’s books  as well but I have no idea how one goes about that or gets into that business without the proper education and training specific to the field and I would not want demands put on me for deadlines by a publisher that would interfere with my process or that I could not meet if I were too ill to work for a time again. I am very much about doing things my own way in my own time. 

Yet I do have some ideas for these that I’ve discussed with my very bookish daughter who is currently following her own path to a career in teaching and librarianship, hoping to eventually get into a Ph.D program in Comparative Lit,  and wok in the translation, editing and publishing of books and maybe become a writer herself ( she has so many cute story ideas y’all)  all the time and she tells me she thinks I’d be great at it- that I am a born illustrator and story teller. 

Others who know me and have seen more of my work have said the same. Everyone keeps telling me to keep creating and just put my work out there. Admittedly, that prospect  is very daunting and hard for me as I am naturally a very private and shy person in general but I am trying. 

Honestly, I am a bit old to be starting over but I must do so to keep living and fighting- not giving in to my illness. In that regard, I am so very grateful for the Tumblr community which gives me (and so many very talented others of all ages from all walks of life that I have been so pleased to find here) a safe place to dip my toes in the water and test it before I take a dive off the deep end into that world. Thanks for being here and taking this new journey with me. Peace.

[noctomania]

my landlord needs to shit or get off the pot. he's been tiptoeing around eviction for months now. He's made sure to let me know that I would be allowed to stay but that we (meaning me) have ti replace the other two.

Well guess what. he needs to first tell them as much. and he hasnt. it has been like 2 weeks since he said he intended to terminate their tenancy. nothing. no notice yet. which is leaving me with less and less time to get reliable people.

this process is fairly simple....if people pulk their own fucking weight. so now im anticipating all kinds of disaster. let us run through the list of my anxieties, shall we:

1- the same things happening again. from the process of finding people to the point we're at now. Most if not all can be attributed to people not giving me advanced enough notice and people dropping the ball and everything resulting in me having to repeat a process i should only have had to do once 3 times.

2- me ending up in a tight place and having to give up most of my belongings as well as a big chunk of my savings. if i dont have time i cant find someone and then i will have no choice but to move and since it will be at the tail end of things then i would probably not end up with a nice place. ill have to settle for whatever i can get.

3- winding up with shitty roommates again. the reason i have the shitty roommate to begin with is that she was the only option i had left. she was nowhere on my priority list.my first pick which was a couple who were going to take both rooms and would have made my life 10x easier - the landlord dropped the ball and didnt call them so they took another deal. i had to start interviews all over again and in the end i had to settle for 2 unemployed people.

4- late notice to terminate may cause backlash from my current roommates. the worst of the two has an attitude problem and im not confident she would maintain any level of maturity in the process. i have no doubt she will make the entire process much more difficult than it needs to be and that she may even dig her heels in and claim that we have no right to not renew her lease. even though nobody wants her here. she also has SO. MUCH. SHIT. i fear it will take her ages to get it out. i wont hesitate to have it removed and/or donated if she tries it though.

5- insecurity. one of my current roommates has had lots of various people in and out. im not 100% confident that people who arent on the lease dont have keys. so i will likely be requesting a replacement lock so i dont have strangers letting themselves in. even though im fairly confident absolutely no rental unit ive ever lived in ever changed their locks. ill also need to make sure nobody is still on our wifi cuz i know that has been a circus.

6- wreckage. IF we can get them out on time and IF i dont suffer any personal issues, i will likely still have to clean up after them. as i had to for the last roommates. i honestly don't know how bad their rooms are. i worry mostly about one over the other because i know she never cleans her room. Also im worried they will also be both careless and rushed while they move and cause damages to occur. technically i do know how to properly repair minor damages like an accidental hole in drywall, but id really rather not. im not sure how willing my landlord would be to have someone come by.

7- either one of them making this longer and harder than it has to be. as it is it is a lot of time and effort to find people and process them. if i have to deal with someone trying some bullshit like making up a case of why the landlord isnt allowed to do this -- i may go insane. they both have tried to make false claims that the landlord was up to shady business when he would inform me when either one of them hadnt paid rent, so i wouldnt put it past them to try and make a case out of it simply to buy time. one of them i know has no issue with lying to people's faces so, we'll have to see.

8- the stress renders me ill and makes doing any of this that much more of an uphill battle. or i totally lose it and become unable to function at all.

9- current roommates trying to sabotage the chance of pinning anyone down by making false claims or dramatizing something when i show them the rooms.

10- idk if i can think of one for this but i needed it to be an even 10 because who stops at 9? perhaps this worry is that rent will go up with a new contract. i have signed 3 times now and never has he raised the rent which im eternally grateful for but with the bumassness of my current roommates i worry that he will have a change of heart and up rent as insurance.

I hate waiting. I hate having to just sit on my thumb because whoever is in my way is sitting on their thumbs. i want to tackle my problems not wait til they get worse. if i can tackle it now why wait?? normally i procrastinate a lot but not when it comes to ensuring i have a roof over my head and food in my cupboard. if the landlord doesn't get in gear im not gonna stick around. as much as i want to save money that wont happen if im the only one doing anything productive. im beyond tired of having to pick up after everyone else. you either show gratitude in the form of taking control of your responsibilities or im OUT.

im slightly sad too because i had been lookin at apartments before my current landlord said hed be kickin the others out and there was a place that had a study included with the bedroom. i was offered the spot but i had to turn them down because of the landlords promise and because i didnt want to spend more money than i needed to. While i can mend some of my woes by focusing on potential downsides to have taken that place, i cant ignore the fact that i would have been freed of so much responsibility.

we'll see. i emailed the landlord to try and kick him in the behind so hopefully that has some effect. now is not the time to test my patience.