Chapter five: Boys Don't Cry—✧
Series masterlist
Chapter Warnings: mentions of pregnancy, cursing, smoking, drinking, vomit
Author's Note: This one took a bit longer, but it's a longer post so I hope you all enjoy. The ending lowkey made me so sad.
chapter art the loml @clownfacepancakes120 & og cover by @silvell
—✧
SCHOOL, FOR THE PAST TWO WEEKS, FELT LIKE A FEVER DREAM. It was as if my whole life was taking place and school was simply a pit stop along the way. I had spent most of my days in school avoiding Stan and Kyle, and skipping class with Kenny, or Craig, or both. See, before my ultimate pregnancy, which led to the decline in my life status, Kenny Craig had been smoking buddies. Though Kenny would forever be my best friend, Craig was a close second. The monotone boy had voiced on many occasions to me that he “hated me,” but I knew that secretly meant I was his favorite person in this noisy town. Besides his beloved Tweek, who I had spent many occasions third wheeling the two without my consent. Besides, Kenny Craig and I had a special bond in the sense that I was better best friends with both their little sisters than them. Karen Tricia and I had had many many sleepovers, we even shared adorable power puff girl friendship bracelets. Me as Blossom, Tricia as Buttercup and Karen as Bubbles. We chose to go for accuracy over aesthetics.
After telling my family, Kenny had taken me to spend the night at his house, and then the next morning to meet Craig at our spot in the park so I could tell him the news. He was just as shocked as I had been, Tweek nervously stressing my future for me before having a panic attack when he realized I could no longer be his coffee buddy. Craig just looked at me in disbelief, before hugging me. His sure fire way of telling me he'd stay with me through anything, no matter what. Craig was the type of kid who never voiced his emotions, unless they were to Tweek or words of aggravation. But he was by no means the type to stand there and tell me he was there for me and always would be, so that hug meant everything to us both.
“I hate this,” I mumbled, hiding my face in my hands. “I swear I think people are staring at me.” i rambled. It was currently 7th period, only two more classes before school was done for the day, and Kenny Craig and i were skipping. We had snuck out to our spot in the park, and had been sitting there since. I sat in between the two, leaning against Kenny’s shoulder as Craig laid his legs across both our laps, laying his head against the bench's arm.
“No one is staring at you Juno, you’re being dramatic.” Kenny reassured, taking a hit of his blunt, making me sigh. I nodded, agreeing with him momentarily before turning to see Craig staring at me with furrowed eyebrows.
“Craig, stop staring at me!” I shouted, making him raise his hands in defense, shaking his head.
“I’m sorry! I’m just, how did you even get pregnant anyway?” Craig said, staring at me with the same blank high face he had been staring at me with since we sat down.
“Well you see Craig, when a penis and a vagina love each other very much..” I began to explain, a teasing expression on my face as Kenny started poking his finger through his other hand to further tease Craig. He shoved me lightly, making both Kenny and I chuckle.
“Oh fuck off. I know how babies are made stupid.” He growled, making me raise an eyebrow at him.
“Well then why’d ya ask princess?” He rolled his eyes at me, sitting up slightly in his seat.
“Because Peewee, you’re supposed to be the mature one of us three remember?”
Peewee, a stupid nickname from a stupid boy. Ever since we were kids and would play ‘The Stick of Truth,’ Kenny and I would always be the princesses together, ruling over our kingdom. After Craig had teasingly called Kenny gay one night while we were playing for being a princess, I took matters into my own hands to dub Craig a princess too, so Kenny wouldn’t feel as gay. Craig hated it so much, only for him to end up being the gayest one in the group. I had called him princess ever since. And due to my one and only weakness being my height, he referred to me as Peewee. It really was sweet when you think about it.
“I thought I was the mature one?” Kenny asked, earning looks for both Craig and I. I fake pouted at him, patting his head as if he were a dog.
“Sure Ken, you’re the mature one.” I teased, sharing a look with the boys before we both laughed. Craig and Kenny continued on laughing, but I couldn’t help but feel my heart dip in my chest. I made awkward eye contact with Stan from across the way, he was skipping too. He was alone though, usually he’d have Kyle right beside him but he didn’t. He took a long swig from his beer bottle before making his way away from the school. I sighed, staring at where he just stood.
“Hey, Joey, I was just teasing you I swear.” Craig said, another nickname he usually called me by. Craig claimed he needed to be original. He couldn’t just call me Juno like everyone else, he needed to be special.
“No, I know. It’s okay.” I said, shaking my head to try and erase the image of my saddened brother from my mind.
“Then why do you look all sad?” He asked again, as Kenny gestured towards me with his blunt.
“Need a hit?” He offered, earning a slap on the shoulder from Craig.
“She’s pregnant dickwad.” He grumbled, earning an angry look from Kenny.
“Ow! Just cause she’s pregnant doesn’t mean we should disclud her now does it?” He asked angrily, causing Craig to roll his eyes.
“You’re a dumbass.”
“Well I’m rubber and you’re glue whatever you say bounces off of me and sticks to you.” Kenny teased, taking a hit from his blunt before sticking his tongue out at Craig.
“Okay I didn’t know we were back in the 3rd grade!” Craig shouted, and Kenny scoffed.
“At Least in the third grade you didn’t run your mouth!” Kenny shouted back, before the two boys broke into bickering. This was usually the dynamic between the two, the the bickering was always playful and full of love. Usually their nonsense bickering would end up cheering me up or distracting me,but I just sat there, staring again.
“I'm scared.” I mumbled, whispered even, barely even loud enough for them to hear. But they did, and both boys immediately stopped fighting, and looked at me with equal amounts of concern.
“What?” Craig asked, pulling away from the position he had been fighting kenny in to come closer beside me.
“What are you scared of?” Kenny asked, and Craig sighed.
“I was just kidding, I’m not actually gonna chop Kenny’s dick off.” Craig reassured, making me shake my head slightly with shock.
“Woah, what?”
“Yeah you missed about 50% of that argument spacing out.” Kenny said, both boys laughing before I interrupted again.
“No no, I’m scared for tonight I mean.” I sighed again, feeling Kenny grab my hand before I turned to smile at him. “I’m meeting Mark and Vanessa tonight with my dad. I mean what if they’re like, mean or lame hippies. Or what if they’re pagan cult leaders and want my baby to sacrifice to their god?” I rambled, shaking my head in my hands as Kenny laughed slightly.
“I don’t think they’re pagan cultists. Satanists, maybe, but hey you win some you lose some.” Kenny teased, earning another light slap from Craig.
“What if they don’t like me? What if they judge me, or think I’m dumb.” I continued on my nervous rant, now earning a sigh from Craig.
“You’re not dumb Joey.” He said softly, making me scoff.
“I’m 17 years old and I’m fucking pregnant. I’m pretty dumb.”
“Not dumber than Craig.” Kenny said, his voice full of sincerity as I let out a light chuckle, making Kenny smile that he achieved his goal to get me to smile.
“Hey!” Craig shouted, about to begin arguing again before Kenny shushed him.
“Shut up dude, this is serious.” Kenny said, making Craig scoff and roll his eyes.
“They’re gonna love you Juno. You’re giving them a literal baby, the gift of life. And if they don’t like you it’s their loss, because you’re amazing.” Kenny said, and Craig nodded along. I could help but pout at Kenny’s sweetness, as both boys pulled me into a hug, sandwiching me between them.
“I love you guys.”
“We can come with you if you want?” Craig offered, making me quickly decline.
“Nah. My dads going and I don’t want you two trying to trick him into giving you free weed again.” We got up to go back inside, as Kenny rolled his eyes, yelling after me with annoyance.
“It was one time! One time!”
—✧
MY DAD HAD TRIED TO TALK TO ME THE ENTIRE DRIVE TO THE LORINGS. I didn’t talk back. He could tell I was nervous. We pulled up into their neighborhood and I already felt self-conscious about the fact that I was wearing a sweatshirt and jeans and not a princess gown and tiara. Their garage alone was bigger than my entire house, and their lawn was decked in flowers and bushes, not dead grass and old weeds. I didn’t fit in here, this felt very outlandish.
“Hi. I'm Vanessa. You must be Juno and Mr. Marsh.” She shook both me and my dad’s hands. “Hi. Vanessa Loring.” She continued her greeting, and suddenly I realized that she was even more nervous than I was.
“It's Vanessa, right? Is that...?” I began to tease, before my dad smiled awkwardly, interrupting before I blew this before I even walked in the door.
“Thanks for having me and my irresponsible child over to your house.” He greeted, smiling at her.
“Oh, no, thank you. Thank you. Come on in. Can I take your coat or your hat?” She offered, earning a smile as I carefully handed her my jacket.
“Wicked pic in the PennySaver, by the way.” I smiled, taking a handful of the caramel candies they had on their table, handing a few to my dad. “Super-classy. Not like those people with fake woods in the background. Who are they fooling?” I joked, making Vanessa smile, confused by my very extroverted personality.
“You found us in the PennySaver?” She asked, causing me to nod as her husband came down the stairs behind her.
“Hi, Mark Loring. I'm the husband.”
“How do you do? Randy Marsh of Tegridy weed… ha, sorry, caught myself. I am no longer a weed farmer.” My dad said awkwardly, making me smile at Mark and shake his hand as well.
“Yeah, now my dad plays with rocks instead.” I teased, earning a light shove from my dad.
“Nice to meet you.”
“This is Gerta Rauss, our attorney.” Vanessa said, introducing the other woman who was sitting on the couch. She smiled, waving at me.
“And this, of course, is Juno.” My dad introduced me, and I sent the group an awkward smile.
“Like the city in Alaska.” Mark said intrigued, but I shook my head.
“No.” I said quickly, shoving a few caramel candies in my mouth.
“No? Okay. Hon, should we sit down and get to know one another?”
“I thought I'd get drinks. What would you like? I have Pellegrino or VitaminWater or orange juice with…”
“I'll have a Maker's Mark, please. Up.” I said, gesturing up with my thumb as Vanessa gave me a shocked look. My dad chuckled at me.
“She's kidding. Junebug has a wonderful sense of humor. Just one of her many genetic gifts. She gets it from me.” He mimicked flicking his hair over his shoulder, causing me to roll my eyes.
“So, Juno, first off, how far along are you?” Gerta asked, her voice was very flat and monotone. She could make a wicked career out of voicing those alexa robots, or maybe the siri on my phone.
“I'm a junior.” I answered without hesitation, earning strange looks from the group.
“No, I mean in your pregnancy.”
“Oh, right. Kenny took me yesterday to the doctor, and they said I was 12 weeks. He wished he could be here but uh, family emergency down at the Sodosopa.” I explained, chuckling slightly to myself as I remembered Kenny stealing a handful of free condoms from the doctors office.
“Is Kenny the father?” Vanessa asked curiously, causing me to shake my head.
“No, more of a tortured third uncle kinda thing.”
They all shared a look again, choosing to ignore my strange description before continuing.
“That's great. That's marvelous. So you're into your second trimester?” She asked, making me nod.
“Yeah. Apparently. I'm due on May 4th.”
“Great. My girlfriends tell me that the first couple months are the hardest.”
“I didn't notice it at all, actually. I'm more concerned about… When they have to put that, like, elastic band in the front of my jeans.” I explained, shuddering as the thought clouded my mind.
“I think pregnancy is beautiful.”
“Well, you're lucky it's not you.” I replied to Vanessa, sighing as I thought of how freaking hard this was gonna be.
“Let's talk about how we're gonna do this thing.” Mark interrupted, causing me to raise an eyebrow at him.
“What do you mean? Don't I just have the thing… Squeeze it out and hand it over?”
“Mark and Vanessa are willing to negotiate an open adoption.” Gerta explained, this time my dad was the one to speak up.
“Wait, what does that mean?”
“It means they'd send annual updates, photos… Let Juno know how the baby is doing as he or she grows up.”
I know it's a normal thing, and i guess when you stop to think about it it's kinda sweet…but if i have to give up a piece of myself to someone, giving away a child, as much as i know it needs to be done, is so hard. No way could I live with myself being reminded I wasn't strong enough to keep it.
“Whoa, no, no, no. I don't want photos or any kind of notification. You know? I mean, can't we just, like, kick this old-school? I stick the baby in a basket, send it your way, like Moses in the reeds?” I asked, making Mark chuckle slightly.
“Technically, that would be kicking it Old Testament.” He corrected, and I nodded with agreement.
“Exactly. Right?” I nodded with agreement. “Do you know what I mean? Like in the good old days, when it was quick and dirty.”
“Well, then we all agree. A traditional closed adoption would be best for all involved.” Gerta confirmed, and all parties nodded.
“Shit, yes. Just close her on up.” I wish I could have kept a count on how many times I elicited awkward laughs from Mark and Vanessa. It was definitely a lot.
“We would compensate you for all your medical expenses.” Mark explained, grabbing onto Vanessa’s hand nervously.
“Are you looking for any other type of compensation?” She asked softly. It was such a strange question, yet she seemed so ready to give it to me if I said yes. She seemed like such a kind soul, it was extremely admirable.
“What? No. No, I don't want to, you know, sell the thing. I just... I want… I just want the baby to be with people who are gonna love it… And be good parents, you know? I mean, I'm in high school. Dude, I'm just... I'm ill-equipped.” I explained, making Vanessa smile kindly.
“Well, you're doing a beautiful and a selfless thing for us.”
“Vanessa's wanted a baby since we got married.”
“I wanna be a mommy so badly.”
Now I was the one who fake laughed.
“You don't say.” I teased, making Vanessa smile.
“Have you ever felt like you were just born to do something?”
“Yes. Lorde.” My dad answered, with no hesitation. He looked off into the distance as if he was contemplating his life.
“What?” Mark asked, extremely confused by his answer.
“He means Geology, that’s what he means.” I interrupted, my dad nodding along, worried he would out his secret identity.
“There you go. I was born to be a mother. Some of us are.” She said with her kind smile, as my dad turned to Mark.
“How about you, Mark? Are you looking forward to being a dad?”
“Betcha, yeah. Every guy wants to be a father… He wants to coach the soccer team...And help out with the science-fair thing, the volcano goes off…” Mark explained, smiling awkwardly. “Yeah. All that.”
“Maybe Gerta could take us through the preliminary documents you've drawn up?”
“Sweet, yeah. Could I use the facilities first? Because being pregnant makes me pee like a Seabiscuit.” They nodded, showing me the bathroom. Even their bathroom was fancy. Vanessa’s perfume cost more than my bed. I couldn't help but take a few sprays with curiosity, before leaving back downstairs. We sorted out more legal shit, to be honest I didn't pay much attention. I fell asleep on the way home, my dad held my hand the whole way.
—✧
EVER SINCE I TOLD MY MOM ABOUT THE BABY, she had been very on top of everything I did. Every night when I went to brush my teeth, she’d make sure I took my prenatal vitamins, and check on me. Like I’ve mentioned before, I had one of the best mothers ever. But today it seemed, my bitter twin brother decided to hide the bottle that resided in our shared bathroom. I tried my best not to get mad, he already hated me enough I didn’t need to push him even further. But after searching for him for a while, and Stan refusing to answer, she had started to find it rather hard to keep back her anger.
“Stan fucking Marsh, I know you hate me right now but that doesn’t mean you can just steal my prenatal vitamins okay?” I yelled, opening all the doors to try and find my brother. My parents were out to dinner again, trying to depress after the evening. “If I don’t take these and this baby comes out as a mutant, Mark and Vanessa may sacrifice me to Satan. I’m already at a liability risk that this thing could be ginger.” I made my way over to Stan’s room, surprised to not see him inside. “Stan?” I called softly, opening the door to the garage, to see Stan, throwing up on the floor leant against the wall. I quickly rushed to his side.
“Stan!” I shouted, feeling fear fill my body. I was completely terrified. Stan’s face was pale white, besides his eyes that were red and puffy, he had been crying. His usual barely visible eye bags were now large noticeable crescents in purple print under his eyes. It’s as if he hadn’t slept since he found out.
“Oh god. Come here Buddy, it’s okay.” I pulled Stan over to me, taking off my jacket and using it to wipe the bit of vomit he couldn’t clean off of his face. He made a low groaning noise as I did, before his eyes squinted open slightly to look at me.
“I drank too much.” He mumbled, burying his head into my shoulder, causing me to quickly wrap my arms around him. I looked around nervously, running a hand through Stan’s hair. It was greasy. It used to be greasy, back when he used to struggle most with his depression. I convinced him to talk to mom about getting him to start antidepressants and they had been helping him ever since. His hair had lost its greasiness, and I had started helping him take care of himself. I hadn’t seen him with greasy hair since he started the medication. That’s when I looked to the ground to see his bottle of antidepressants, filled to the top from the last
“I know Buddy, I can tell.” I said softly, taking a shaky breath to try and hold back the tears that threatened to spill. “Just, here, I’m gonna get you to my room okay, can you walk with me?”
He nodded as I grabbed his arm, wrapping it around my shoulder to help hold him up. We made our way upstairs to my room, I left my jacket on the ground in the garage, a reminder I needed to clean up Stan’s vomit once he was safely asleep.
“I’m sorry Juno.” He mumbled into my sleeve, hugging my arm drunkenly as he laid down on my bed. I sighed, smiling at him softly.
“It’s okay.” I reassured him, carefully pulling off his shoes. I helped him get out of his shirt, giving him a comfortable one to wear to sleep. Help him take his pants off, then pull the blankets over his body. He wanted to keep his hat, just to hold. I didn’t argue it. I started walking around the room, picking up pillows to make him more comfortable, then gently tucked him in.
“You’re mad at me?” He said, his hands going to hold his face, when he pulled away to reveal fresh tears that had slipped onto his cheeks.
“No, no Stan, I'm not mad. I need you to lay on your side for me, can you do that?” I asked, helping him to move into his side.
“Dads gonna be so mad I drank all his whiskey.”
“It’s okay, I won’t let you take the heat alone. Now do you wanna tell me what happened?” He let out another low grumble, hiding his face in my pillow. I pulled his face away carefully, a fresh cold towel in my hand as I carefully cleaned the extra vomit that was left on his cheeks.
“Wendy broke up with me.” He winced lightly. “And, and I lost you, and Kyle. Nobody wants me anymore.” I could feel it, I could feel my heart break when his eyes met mine. His big baby blue eyes were filled with so much hurt, so much sadness. He was utterly broken.
“That’s not true Stan. And you’ll never lose me, ever.” I placed a soft kiss on his forehead, brushing his hair from his face in the process.
“I’m a bad friend.”
“Kyle loves you more than he loves himself Stan, you hit a bump in the road, all friendships do.”
“No, I am a bad friend.” He replied sternly.
“Stan you aren’t..”
“Stop lying to me! Stop telling me I’m wrong! I’m not wrong I’m, I’m shit.” He ran his hands down his face, biting down hard onto his lip, so hard I could see dribbles of blood begin to form when he began speaking again. “I’m a bad friend, I’m a bad brother, I’m a bad boyfriend..I can’t even drink right. I’m nothing. I’m sorry Juno.” His words were incoherent, his drunkenness taking over as he laid wearily in bed. His eyes were half shut, and his mouth hung open. He didn’t know what he was saying, and he probably wouldn’t even remember this tomorrow. But I would.
“It’s okay Stan. It’s not your fault. You’re just a little bruised buddy, it’s okay. I’ll help you heal.”
I ran my fingers through his hair, neatly tucking it away from his face and behind his ears, watching as he slowly fell into a deep sleep beside me. I let out a shaky sigh, getting up to grab a cup of water from the bathroom, and a small trash bin.
I called Kenny, asked him to bring me two bottles of whiskey and a bottle of vodka from the liquor store next to his house, and was able to quickly replace my dad's liquor cabinet and discard the bottles Stan had cleared. I cleaned up his throw up, took out the trash, including my sweater that was now covered in vomit, and mopped the garage floors.
I laid the trash bin and glass of water beside my bed, giving Stan a few glances to give myself some comfort with his well-being before turning to go to the living room to sleep. But Stan grabbed my hand, preventing me from walking away.
“Please...please stay.”
I didn’t say anything in response, just nodded my head, crawled into bed beside him. He quickly cuddled into me, the way we would as children. When life was simpler, and things weren’t painful, and the world wasn’t so cold. I pressed the palm of my hand gently against my closed eyes, not wanting to cry to alarm my brother in his drunken state and took a deep breath before letting myself fall asleep. Stan would be tired in the morning. I am always tired too nowadays.
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