#treva does real life

[tanoraqui]

it has occurred to me, as I age, that most people did not spend their childhoods getting simplified breakdowns of class-action lawsuits explained to them over dinner at least once a week

[tanoraqui]

RIP to my friend @shmreduplication, who has not edited this and thus clearly died

One problem with having a bunch of ace friends is that you might die if you hang out with them on Friday the 13th because you're the only one with a sexual history that can trigger horror movie tropes

[tanoraqui]

I shouldn’t really be at the club, but I sure as hell shouldn’t be at this desk in this office either. Not when it’s sunny out, and August.

[vozdodeserto]

On The Go In The #StayHome Season (April Newsletter)

Estar No Ir na Época do #FiqueEmCasa (Newsletter de Abril)

[English version down below! Amigos, eis a newsletter de Abril. Se ainda não recebe esta newsletter por mail e assim deseja, diga-o para tiagooliveiracavaco@gmail.com . Sou grato pelo feedback que têm dado. Um abraço!]

Desta vez partilho convosco uma canção (na prática, um texto falando sobre uma canção). Fi-la há um ano e tal, inspirado numa canção do cantor brasileiro Belchior (como a letra mostra). Já não me lembro de como fui parar a ele e ao seu disco chamado “Alucinação”, mas sei que nas férias de 2018 eu, a Ana Rute, a Maria, a Marta, o Joaquim e o Caleb o ouvíamos bastante no carro durante os dias passados no Algarve. E sentia-me arrebitado sempre que chegava à parte de: “ano passado eu morri/ mas esse ano eu não morro”.

Aqui há umas semanas o site musical brasileiro “Scream & Yell” convidou músicos do Brasil, Argentina, Chile, Uruguai, Colômbia, Grécia, EUA e Portugal para gravarem em casa alguma canção que pudesse servir de companhia neste período de quarentena. Gravei a minha terceira versão desta canção, “Juro que não morro”, do modo mais despojado que consegui (as duas primeiras versões são mais rock). Para isso, limitei-me à guitarra de cordas de nylon (porque os meses passados no Mississippi também serviram para compreender a excelência do Willie Nelson), ao baixo eléctrico à moda do folk dos anos 60 e 70, e ao harmónio que temos na sala (que precisa de uma limpeza nos foles mas ainda funciona nas notas graves e numas quantas agudas). Depois, o Nando Frias, líder do louvor da Igreja da Lapa e meu companheiro musical nos últimos anos, acrescentou o piano.

De certo modo, esta é uma canção acerca de como pessoas que já levam muito tempo de vida nos podem ajudar a compreender que, na realidade, a vida nunca acaba. Velhos de vida que nos mostram que a vida poder ser sempre jovem. E tudo isto sem negar que a juventude da vida não significa a ausência de trevas. Fuço nisto porque receio que grande parte dos elogios à vida relativizam as suas trevas. E isso só a torna mais desnecessariamente complicada.

O Belchior soa a alguém que andou à rasca e que agora está um pouco melhor. Nicodemos é alguém que no evangelho é mais mostrado a querer entender, do que propriamente a entender mesmo. Ou seja, a Bíblia dá mais detalhe à dificuldade que Nicodemos tem com a ideia de nascer de novo, que ouviu do Nosso Senhor Jesus (em João 3), do que à capacidade de se ter tornado num discípulo dele (que sugere em João 20:39). Mas acredito que, quer o Belchior quer Nicodemos, ainda que de modos diferentes, têm vozes que afirmam que o estardalhaço da morte não tem a palavra final.

Estes dias desafiam-nos porque, por um lado, lembram que a morte é a sério e está agora mesmo à nossa frente, por muito que no passado a previsibilidade com que cumpríamos as nossas expectativas disfarçasse a sua presença. Por outro lado, estes dias desafiam-nos porque se ficarmos apenas no passo anterior, acolhendo a chegada da morte, provavelmente desesperamos. Estes dias podem ajudar-nos a, usando uma expressão antiga, fazermo-nos homenzinhos, e, contraditoriamente, a ficarmos feitos crianças assustadas. Acredito que tem mesmo de ser Jesus a deslindar o dilema.

***

A Igreja da Lapa começou uma série de sermões no livro dos Actos dos Apóstolos no Janeiro passado sob o título de “Está no Ir”. Como Deus tem sentido de humor, é muito difícil estar no ir na época do #FiqueEmCasa. Ou talvez não. Talvez o que esteja em causa seja precisamente um teste a todas as coisas que cantamos com a garganta muito limpa. E agora, que temos pulmões à rasca, como é? Vivemos ou não dos refrões que amamos? Jesus era um especialista em colocar no tapete manifestos precoces: “Então, aproximando-se dele um escriba, disse-lhe: Mestre, seguir-te-ei para onde quer que fores. Mas Jesus lhe respondeu: As raposas têm seus covis, e as aves do céu, ninhos; mas o Filho do Homem não tem onde reclinar a cabeça” (Mateus 8:19-20). Pedimos a Deus que preserve em nós esse desejo de estar mesmo no ir.

***

Confesso que a época do #FiqueEmCasa tem visto eu e os nossos rapazes a andar bastante de skate na rua (processem-nos). Também foi daí que saíram as imagens para o videoclip da canção que hoje partilho convosco. O Joaquim e o Caleb absorveram completamente a cultura do Skate Or Die. Mostrei-lhes o documentário “Dogtown and Z Boys” e agora estão prontos para surfar os passeios. Tenho-lhes explicado que uma das grandes crises culturais do nosso tempo é o skate ter-se tornado uma espécie de equilibrismo móvel, uma jaula em forma de skate-park, onde os skaters parecem hamsters a pedalar naquelas rodas. Insisto que eles entendam que o caminho, a verdade e a vida passam por estar no ir, ter as tábuas nos pés e manter o ideal da viagem, de seguir o fôlego do Espírito, que sopra onde quer. Se calhar misturo demais a religião e o punk rock… Mas, pelo menos, voltámos a Nicodemos.

***

[Dear friends, here’s my April newsletter. If you are not getting these newsletters in your e-mail and you want to do so, tell it to tiagooliveiracavaco@gmail.com . Thank your for all the feedback you’ve been sending. Um abraço!]

This time I am sharing a song (more a text about a song, really). I made this song more than a year ago, inspired by another one by the great Brazilian singer Belchior (like the lyrics show). I don’t remember how I ended up listening to his record “Alucinação”, but I do remember that, while on vacation in the Algarve (south of Portugal), me, Ana Rute, Maria, Marta, Joaquim and Caleb used to hear him in our car. And I always felt uplifted when I would hear the line: “I died last year/ but this year I’m staying alive” (a very lose translation).

Some weeks ago the Brazilian internet site “Scream & Yell” invited musicians from Brazil, Argentina, Chile, Uruguay, Colombia, Greece, United States and Portugal to record at home some song that could relate to this season of quarantine. I recorded my third version of this song, “I Swear I Won’t Die” (lose translation), bare bones style (the first two versions were rock versions). To do that, I limited myself to my nylon strings guitar (because I learned in Mississippi the excellence of Willie Nelson), to the bass guitar played the 60’s and 70’s style, and the pump organ we have in our living room (its bellows are needing some cleaning and it is only working properly with the bass keys and some high ones). Then, my musical partner and worship leader at Lapa Church, Nando Frias, added his piano.

In a way, this song is about people that already lived a lot teaching us that life really never ends. Old guys showing us that life can be always young. And all this not hiding that even when we are young life can be full of darkness. I stress this because I am afraid that a lot of our compliments to being alive tend to relativize the dark stuff. And that only makes everything unnecessarily harder.

Belchior, the Brazilian singer that inspired me, sounds like someone who got it really hard but right now is doing a little better. Nicodemus (I also mention Nicodemus in this song) is someone that in the gospel we get to see more in the perspective of trying to understand, than really understanding. We can say that the Bible has a preference to detail how hard it is for Nicodemus to understand getting born again, lesson coming from Our Lord Jesus’ lips. The Bible gives us less detail concerning how Nicodemus was able to become a disciple (hinted in John 20:39). But I do believe that, Belchior and Nicodemus, even in different ways, have voices that say that although death makes a big fuss the last word does not belong to it.

These days are challenging us because, in a way, they remember us that death is for real and we are now facing it, even if we thought in the past that our usual future plans could mask its presence. In another way, these days challenge us because if we remain just welcoming death, we will probably despair. These days can “man us up” and, interestingly enough, they also can turn us into scared children. I believe that the only one able to solve the dilemma is Jesus.

***

Lapa Church began a sermon series in the Acts of the Apostles, titled “On The Go”. We know that God has a sense of humor and, right now, it is not easy to be on the go in the #StayHome season. Or maybe not. Maybe what’s at stake is precisely testing everything we sing with a clear throat. Now, that we have problematic lungs, how will it be? Do we live out our favorite choruses or what? Jesus specialized in tearing premature manifestos down: “And a scribe came up and said to him, Teacher, I will follow you wherever you go.” And Jesus said to him, Foxes have holes, and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has nowhere to lay his head” (Matthew 8:19-20). We ask God to keep in us a true desire to be on the go.

***

I confess that the #StayHome season got me and the boys skateboarding a lot outside (sue us…). From this fact came the footage for the song’s video I’m sharing. Joaquim and Caleb are diving deep in the Skate Or Die ethos. I showed them the “Dogtown and Z Boys” documentary and right now they are ready to sidewalk-surf everywhere. I have been teaching them that one of the greatest cultural tragedies of our time it that skateboarding became a kind of mobile equilibrism, a skateparked-cage, where skaters behave like hamsters rolling their wheels. I urge them to understand that the way, the truth and the life need an “on the go” attitude, having your feet on the board and keeping the wide open road state of mind, following the Spirit’s breath, blowing where it wishes (John 3:8). Maybe I’m overdoing mixing my religion with punk rock... But, at least, we came back to Nicodemus.

[decolonizationxabolition]

Let’s talk about Black studies/identity in the United States!

Okay, so I really want to talk about Black identity within the context of the United States first because there is a lot of talk of how everyone’s oppression intersects with the experience of Blackness in the United States and that Black liberation means all of our liberation and I would very much agree with that notion, simply because Black people have been experiencing the brunt of racism, exploitation, and white supremacy ever since colonialism became a thing.

So, the reason why it is specifically called Black/Africana studies is because although they are descendants of the peoples of Africa, they are quite disconnected from the indigenous and cultural identity of Africa today. This is largely due to violent erasure from colonialism/slavery etc. The United States has done a very good job at basically completely erasing that, some people whom are Black literally even say to just call them Black and not African-American because they simply cannot personally identify with Africa culturally at all, to the point where it even feels wrong, which really needs to be validated to be honest, it makes sense and I do think that there is a SPECIFIC identity that is Blackness in the United States and I also think that everyone can relate to the experience of Blackness to a certain extent.

However, I do think that Blackness at it’s ROOTS is indigenous (but I’m going to unpack that later, at some point lol). But there is a lot things about the identity of Blackness that are just beginning to be explored by scholars, academics, and intellectuals in recent discourse, and it’s pretty interesting honestly.

So to begin, when we think of the experience of Blackness and Black identity we already come up with some ideas of what that is characterized as. It is a lot of times associated with being loud, angry, violent, and always resisting white supremacy, but this is largely a narrative that is taught from the perspective of white colonizers in U.S. history classrooms. There has been recent criticism of this view of Blackness, real Black history begs the question of narrating its own history from the human perspective, that just so happens to be Black also. It is important to understand Black history as a history that is raw and sincere, and that understanding Black history as human individuals fighting for not just freedom, but also the right to choose love, vulnerability, and humanity on their own terms outside of an oppressive political and social system.

One example of this concept was in Treva B. Lindsey & Jessica Marie Johnson’s “Searching for Climax: Black Erotic Lives in Slavery and Freedom”, Lindsey and Johnson examine and comment on “The Harriet Tubman Sextape” and the controversy it caused when it was put on YouTube. They delve into how the video is a good framework to explore and question the erotic lives of enslaved black women, and how the public reacted to a more sexual depiction of Tubman. “Tubman’s position as a sacred historical figure limits our ability to think about her as an erotic subject with desires and intimate needs situated in the profane… sexual exchanges among slave owners and enslaved blacks blurred boundaries among consent, power, pleasure, desire, coercion, and violence obscures the real possibility that sex could function as a tool of resistance as well as a vehicle for affirming humanity. Although we do not know if Tubman ever exchanged sex for freedom while enslaved or during her escape and rescue missions from slavery, what roles did sex, intimacy, and desire play in how she sustained and affirmed her humanity? What roles can contemporary cultural narratives play in examining sex, intimacy, and desire in her life and during slavery?” Lindsey and Johnson point out how intimacy and sexual desires of enslaved black women is completely un-explored, and in fact a bit taboo. It is important to understand that sex and intimacy are a huge part of maintaining our humanity and acknowledge that Tubman, along with other women as well, may have had ways to express their humanity erotically even in the midst of oppression and sexual violence. This article relates to Django Unchained’s plotline, which illustrates how enslaved Blacks did not just want to actively resist just to be against an unjust social/political system, but that in the midst of oppression enslaved people embraced their humanity through love, intimacy, sex, and desire. This is shown through Django’s love for his wife and how he wanted freedom so that he could be with her. He did not just ultimately want freedom, but wanted the freedom to love his wife and be free to be together. 

This idea interweaves itself into another important facet of Black history and concepts of blackness or black identity, which is the idea that Blackness is not just defined by loud violent resistance to white supremacy. It is important to note that Black subjectivity is commonly characterized as a reaction to racism and a representation of political progress, which does not say anything about the humanity or interior lives of black individuals themselves outside of a social or political system. Kevin Everod Quashie in his book The Sovereignty of Quiet explains how this can be limiting in exploring and delving into black culture. “This is the politics of representation, where black subjectivity exists for its social and political meaningfulness rather than as a marker of the human individuality of the person who is black. As an identity, blackness is always supposed to tell us something about race or racism, or about America, or violence and struggle and triumph or poverty and hopefulness. The determination to see Blackness only through a social public lens, as if there were no inner life, is racist—it comes from the language of racial superiority and is a practice intended to dehumanize black people.” Quashie explains how the exploration of the interiority or inner life of black people is necessary to embrace the humanity of black culture and individuals who are black. An example of this concept was shown in O.J.: Made in America, the documentary explores how O.J. as a young student and football star at USC was “seduced” by white culture. The documentary points to how O.J. had a white interiority that cut himself from the Civil Rights movement during a pivotal moment in Black history and resistance, which shows the ‘ugly’ or ‘messy’ side of how interiority of individuals plays a huge role in their humanity, which cannot be solidly defined in black and white. This article connects to the last one because it stresses that there is a lot to explore in Black humanity that can add to our understanding of Black identity. 

These articles had me ponder a lot about how limiting it can be to only be defined by political progress. I think it would be awesome to see Blackness or Black identity illustrated in raw sincere humanity. It must be very difficult to always have to meet this invisible expectation of having to be strong as if there was no humanity or inner lives in the lives of Black individuals. It makes me think that everything I know about Black culture needs to come from the perspective of seeing Black individuals as humans with desires and moments of vulnerability. In this current social justice context that we’re going though right now, this is why it is important for Black joy to manifest in Black lives as not only as a form to combat white supremacy but also violent colonial erasure and since everyone’s oppression intersects with Blackness, I would argue this for any people that have experienced violent erasure as well.

sources

Lindsey, Treva B. and Johnson, Jessica Marie. “Searching for Climax: Black Erotic Lives in Slavery and Freedom”. Meridians, Vol. 12, No. 2. https://www.jstor.org/stable/10.2979/meridians.12.2.169 Quashie, Kevin Everod. Introduction. 

The Sovereignty of Quiet, by Quashie, Rutgers University Press, 2012, pp. 1-10. 

Django Unchained. Directed by Quentin Tarantino, performances by Jamie Foxx and Kerry Washington. The Weinstein Co. 2012. 

O.J.: Made in America. Directed by Ezra Edelman. ESPN Films. 2016.

[themtmshow]

hey I'm a teenage girl and I'm just getting into this show and I feel like I'm not understanding how big it is/was? is there any modern day comparison you can make to help me understand? thanks! I love your blog!

First of all, I’m very sorry for the delay in answering you. Secondly, I’m so glad you like my blog and the show! I hope you are still enjoying both. And thirdly, I’m posting under a cut because this got ridiculously long, for which I apologize. I tried to give you a concise answer, I really did, but the question deserved so much more. If you hate reading long things, just ignore all my stuff and only read the quotes, which are blocked off. That should give you a pretty good idea anyway.

Your question is really good, but it’s a little tricky for me to answer, because I wasn’t actually alive when the show was first on the air. It’s also hard to answer because I assume you’re talking about the show’s cultural impact, and it’s sort of impossible to know what current show or movie is going to have that kind of impact 40 years from now.

But I think I would have to compare it to Wonder Woman. One of the reasons Wonder Woman is considered so important is that it had such a strong and well-rounded female protagonist, whose narrative revolves around her personal journey and not that of a man. It’s also  the first really successful superhero movie about a woman, and that’s not a genre where you see very many female main characters, so the movie is sort of groundbreaking in that way. The Mary Tyler Moore Show is similar because, as far as I know, it was the first time a working woman was portrayed on television as the lead of her own sitcom, which was quite revolutionary. And Mary herself is really important because although she wasn’t perfect, she was a strong, mature, rounded female character who carried her own story - not unlike Diana Prince.

Here’s a quote about Wonder Woman from an article by Carrie Witmer:

The thing that matters most about “Wonder Woman” is the portrayal of Wonder Woman/Diana Prince herself. Gal Gadot’s Wonder Woman is a fully realized character. She’s emotional, confident, yet also insecure. She has hope and she has fear. She can love and lust and she can feel sadness and joy. She’s not just a beautiful face or hot body kicking ass.

Compare that to this quote about The Mary Tyler Moore Show, from a blog post by Erika Schmidt:

The Mary Tyler Moore Show was about a woman in her thirties living her life. Not within the context of her perfect marriage, or her continued wacky attempts to sneak into her husband’s show, or her quirky adventures as a mom/witch. It was, comparatively speaking, real. She worked, she dated. She threw terrible parties. Her friendships were of obvious and incalculable value. She was graceful, clumsy, timid, brave. She developed before our eyes. Mary Richards can’t be described in one sentence. And that is the point. That is what makes her a feminine icon.

The Wonder Woman comparison does break down a bit for a couple reasons: One, The Mary Tyler Moore Show actually drew a lot of heat from the feminist movement at the time, because people didn’t think it was going far enough. I haven’t seen any criticism of that sort about Wonder Woman, which doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist, but it doesn’t seem to be as common. Two, Wonder Woman is a movie set in World War 1, and The Mary Tyler Moore Show is a sitcom set in the decade in which it originally aired. So it’s not a good comparison in terms of format.

I don’t actually watch that many TV shows, but one of the few shows I do enjoy is Brooklyn Nine-Nine. B99 is a sitcom set in the workplace that regularly brings up social issues in a sort of low-key, subtle way, and that’s also what The Mary Tyler Moore Show did. The Mary Tyler Moore Show brought up issues like equal pay and birth control, whereas Brooklyn Nine-Nine brings up things like transphobia and racial profiling, but on either show, it’s rarely done in a way that makes the issue the focus of the episode. And that can be very powerful.

Here’s a quote from an article about Brooklyn Nine-Nine by Alyssa Rosenberg:

“Brooklyn Nine-Nine” has always been unusual in the series’ ability to find unpredictable routes into a wide range of issues in contemporary policing. In four seasons, it’s tackled everything from the New York Police Department’s history of racism and homophobia, to the abuse of internal affairs investigations, to how different city agencies work together, to how overzealousness can influence even a good cop’s judgement.

Compare that to this quote from an article about The Mary Tyler Moore Show by Alexis Sottile:

Over the course of the show’s seven seasons, Mary evolved with the times, tackling infidelity, birth control, sex, job promotions and the general human condition with the same mix of pluckiness, aplomb and oh-shit-do-I-really-have-to-do-this that made her an accessible role model for the new woman – and a sympathetic character for those that were scared of this new breed.

I’ll give a specific example: In season 3, there’s a brief reference to Mary taking the birth control pill. It was just a tiny snippet of dialogue, but it helped shift societal opinions on women being sexually active outside of marriage, which was still very controversial in the 70s’. The book “Mary and Lou and Rhoda and Ted” by Jennifer Keishin Armstrong includes this quote (p. 172) by Treva Silverman, who was one of the head writers on the show:

Mary was a “nice girl,” in quotation marks… If Mary was taking the Pill, it gave the stamp of approval for sexuality.

Treva Silverman, in case you didn’t know, is a woman. And that’s another huge impact the show had: It actively sought out female writers at a time when there was still a huge stigma against women in television production. (Here’s a good article about that.)

The show actually motivated lots of women to enter the field of television, and not just the women they hired to write for the show. Mary Richards was a very inspiring figure. Here’s a quote from TV journalist Katie Couric:

I don’t think I’d have this job if it weren’t for Mary Richards, and I mean that. They say if you can’t see it, you can’t be it, and when I saw Mary Richards make it on her own, driving that Mustang to that TV station in Minneapolis, I was in junior high, I thought, “Wow, I can have a career too.”

Oprah Winfrey, who was the first ever female African American billionaire, credits Mary Tyler Moore with having “more influence on [her] career than any other single person or force.” And “Mary and Lou and Rhoda and Ted” includes this quote from her (p. 283):

[The Mary Tyler Moore Show] was a light in my life, and Mary was a trailblazer for my generation. She’s the reason I wanted my own production company.

Even beyond the world of television and journalism, women were inspired. Here’s a quote from former First Lady Michelle Obama:

She was one of the few single working women depicted on television at the time. She wasn’t married. She wasn’t looking to get married… I was probably 10 or 11 when I saw that, and sort of started thinking, “You know what? Marriage is an option. Having a family is an option. And going to school and getting your education and building your career is another really viable option that can lead to happiness and fulfillment.”

And here’s a quote from another of the shows’ writers, Sybil Adelman Sage:

Before Mary Tyler Moore, it was acceptable to be a secretary, but not to be unmarried. Suddenly it was fine to be unmarried, and we were reaching for better jobs. Along with that blue beret, the rules had been thrown in the air. The show was arguably the most transformative sitcom in television history, forever changing how women were perceived.

Another notable, although less talked-about, influence the show had is that it revolutionized the sitcom format in general.  If you’ve ever seen a realistic, character-driven comedy show with a strong cast of secondary characters, then you can thank The Mary Tyler Moore Show for making that format so popular. You can see that influence today in shows like The Office, Parks and Recreation, 30 Rock, The Mindy Project, Friends, and probably any other sitcom you can think of. (Here’s a good article about that.) I actually can’t think of a good modern-day comparison here because every sitcom I don’t know of anything that is visibly changing the television landscape as much as The Mary Tyler Moore show did in its time.

Here’s a quote from an article written by Jerry Buck as the show was entering its 4th season:

“The Mary Tyler Moore Show” took 20 years of pointless, insipid television situation comedy and spun it on its heels. The Moore show, going into its fourth year on CBS, pioneered reality comedy and the establishment of clearly defined and motivated secondary characters.

And according to this quote from a more recent article by Todd VanDerWerff:

Like [The Dick Van Dyke Show], Mary Tyler Moore would derive much of its comedy from its characters, rather than its punchlines. Where Moore went beyond Van Dyke came in just how thoroughly it embraced that template… [This] method of sitcom writing would, over time, become the dominant one. Even the least sophisticated sitcoms on TV now must at least pay lip-service to character complexity.

Another impact that the show had, and continues to have, is that it makes people happy. It’s just a really nice, positive, feel-good show. And that can be really important too. Here’s a quote from fashion designer Isaac Mizrahi:

[Mary Richards] proved to us again and again that if you put yourself into your world in the right way, if you pay attention to your own story, you can find the right people and the right place and be happy… The Mary Tyler Moore Show was one of the first examples of someone choosing her own family that we saw on television.

Honestly, I feel like I’ve only scratched the surface here. In case you’re not totally exhausted from reading all this and you’d like to read more on the subject, I’ve gone back through my blog and added an “impact” tag for you to look through if you’re interested. I should warn you that some of the posts reference specific episodes and that might be spoilers for you depending on where you’re at in the series.

Thanks again for your excellent question! If you have more questions or if you just want to chat, my askbox and private messaging system are always open for that.

[brittanyyoungblog]

3 Advantages of Dating in Middle Age

Dating in middle age presents many of the same challenges as dating at any age: Where do you find someone to date? Once you’ve found them, how do you know if they’re the one? How do you protect yourself while remaining vulnerable enough to fall in love? You know the story.

Well, sorry to break it to you, but this article isn’t going to answer any of these questions. Instead, I’m going to share with you the three super groovy advantages of dating in middle age:

Advantage # 1: Traditional Roles and Relationships Do Not Apply Women today are educated, professionals, and have the resources to provide for themselves. They enjoy having their own place and own space, and don’t need their lives to be centered on one person.

In fact, according to recent studies, more than half of older singles say the best things about being single are independence and personal freedom.

This freedom allows you to throw away the idea of a traditional relationship and co-create one with your partner that suits both of you. It could mean (re)marriage, companionship and fun, or physical intimacy—in any combination. You have the resources to choose.

Advantage # 2: You Know What You Want There’s something about the wisdom of middle age that helps cut through the bologna and inspires authentic expression of desires, expectations, and feelings. There’s less fear about putting it all on the line because your wisdom tells you it’s better to find out now if you’re a good fit instead of waiting for later.

As Treva Scharf said in an interview with AARP, she knew her husband “…was the one because he drove the relationship without his foot on the brakes. He was direct, fearless, and didn’t play games. He knew what he wanted, and he proceeded with confidence…” His candor helped both he and Treva know where they stood from the beginning and solidified that the relationship was worth pursuing.

By directly expressing your feelings and expectations, you may find, as Michael Liberatore did, that the best thing about finding love later in life is “…knowing myself and what I will tolerate…I don’t put up with the stuff I did when I was young and didn’t realize I had to ask for what I wanted instead of just waiting and hoping for it”

And speaking of knowing what you want…

Advantage # 3: The Three-Date Rule Doesn’t Apply You are grown. If you and your date are feeling it, then go for it. No one at midlife is going to think you’re cheap or easy if you give it up on the first date. You simply know what you want, aren’t afraid to get it, and have the wisdom to know that it doesn’t mean love, it means s-e-x. If you have a real connection with someone, it’s not going to end after one night. It’s going to continue and potentially blossom into something satisfying for both of you.

I would be remiss if I didn’t remind you to practice safe sex. In 2013, the CDC reported that 21% of new HIV diagnoses were in individuals over 50. And, from 2015 to 2016, there was a 20% jump in sexually transmitted infections among Americans 45 and older. Exercise Super Groovy Advantage # 2 and say no to anyone who isn’t willing to protect you or themselves. Educate yourself and be prudent.

Although dating at any age has its challenges, you, as a middle-aged dater, have three distinct advantages:

1. Traditional roles and relationships do not apply. You have the freedom to design your own relationship.

2. You have the wisdom to know what you want and the candor to ask for it; and 3. The three-date rule does not apply.

Celebrate your midlife, my friend, and stay super groovy!

  Traci Clarida is an author, speaker, and coach whose vibrant energy spreads positivity, love, and compassion to the world. She inspires women to get stuff done through authentic living and embracing perfect imperfection. She teaches clients how to find freedom from self-judgment and provides proven strategies to guide them to overcome obstacles, complete goals, and execute solid plans for success. Follow Traci on Facebook and Instagram.  For more information visit www.letsgetstuffdone.com

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[tanoraqui]

“Let” is a red flag but I will say, there are things we do or don’t do to adapt to living with others that aren’t a problem, aren’t a burden in any way and we usually don’t even think about them - but it’s still fun to have a vacation from them once in a while. I’m catsitting away from home for a week and I abruptly realized on day 2 that I could order a ham and pineapple pizza, one of my favorite topping combos, because neither my kosher roommate nor the one who hates 99% of all fruits and vegetables is here. I prefer to share meals with my friends, but if it’s just me anyway, it’s nice to have the ham&pineapple!

[momscookingthebooks]

 ¸.•*¨☆¸.•*´¨

☆¸.•´. CIMMERIAN SHADE

Dare to discover what lurks in the shadows in **New & Exclusive** paranormal and urban fantasy stories from your favorite NY Times, USA Today, and International Bestselling authors.

Under moonlit skies, witches, werewolves, vampires, dragons, and more, battle not only for their mates, but to stay alive…

Fall for the alphas who play by their own rules despite the odds, whether century-old curses or forbidden love, or worse. For them, what lies in the darkness is worth the fight when it comes to romance.

Amazon: http://amzn.to/2wyP2au

iBooks: http://hyperurl.co/CSiB

Nook: http://bit.ly/2rzHPIe

Kobo: http://bit.ly/2rEg9NA

Goodreads: http://bit.ly/2sH9Ugw

And also a really cool book trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ezF_Qyg3jwI&feature=youtu.be&fref=gc&dti=2166198990270938

What Lies Within Us by Kiki Howell & Gina Kincade

Kyna Hughes travels to Ireland only to find out her whole life has been a series of well-orchestrated lies. Thrust into days of dark magic, secret societies, mystical hauntings, and ultimately, kidnappings and satanic weddings, she struggles not to lose her heart to one of two men—a hunky former Navy SEAL hired to protect her, and a sinister Wizard hired to train her to develop her hidden powers.

Dating 911 by Kathleen Grieve

Commiserating with girlfriends over butterscotch martinis, emergency room nurse, Roxanne Carter creates the idea of The Dating Manifesto—a not so scientific research project which promises to point the way to dating success. She wades through a series of unsavory, stale dates while gathering data to find the potentially most suitable single men available, literally putting her back at ground zero.

Just when she is ready to give up on dating, in walks sin personified in the form of a sexy firefighter, tainting all of her previous data.

A traumatic warehouse fire leaves firefighter Jett Avery's closest friend dead. The false mask of charm and pretense is slipping as Jett tries to repress his turbulent emotions, remorse, and guilt. After months of anguish, the Post Traumatic Stress Disorder seems to be taking over his life and he needs an outlet, fast. In an attempt to combat the worst of his depression, he decides to use his brand of therapy—Sex. The remedy, usually a quick pick me up for Jett, has lost its luster. He is almost ready to give up until he encounters a wicked seductress who ignites a fire he's not ready to put out any time soon. The bonus? She's an ER nurse with just the right kind of healing, the missing element Jett's search had not yet uncovered. He finally feels alive when he's in her presence.

Jett’s twin brother, emergency room Doctor Cruz Avery, the playboy of the ER, decides Roxanne is the woman for him. He places all brotherly affection aside and is in hot pursuit, complicating an already tricky situation.

Roxanne finds herself battling a growing competition between brothers for her affection. She discovers she’s drawn to both men, making it difficult not to compare them, and finds herself with an important choice to make. Jett hounds her during every date, and the irresistible hunk generates an indomitable need to play with fire. Yet, there are qualities in Cruz that slide right into the appropriate dating criteria of her Manifesto.

Does she choose the brother who by analysis is the perfect match? Or the one she can’t resist?

Torch Song by Lashell Collins

Dominic Draco has no illusions about who he is. As alpha of the dragon clan, he is also the leader of the shifter Alliance, and that sometimes requires him to be ruthless. He’s a dangerous man to know. In fact, he’s a heartless bastard. That’s the real reason he’s kept the beautiful Lucinda Lindley at bay for so many years, despite the longing he feels for the sexy human singer. But in granting an old friend’s dying request, watching over Lucinda is now his responsibility. Can he keep her safe from the perils of his cut-throat world when the Alliance’s enemies begin to circle? Or will Lucinda become a casualty of the shifter faction war?

Ethereal Witness by Angelica Dawson

Magic just became real for Paige Brown. Since she helped her roommate cast a spell, she has wanted to explore her new-found talent. Flashbacks to her ancestor give her clues, specifically to a love spell that she hopes will snag the professor she has been fantasizing about. Both Paige and her previous incarnation, Jane, find that controlling magic is more than a simple recipe. Will Paige be able to break her own spell? Will she discover the love that is closer than she knows?

Love Story of a Reaper by Elvira Bathory

What would you do if you found out that you weren’t like everyone else?

That you were special, but only in a way no one could find out about?

What lengths would you go to prove yourself to your family? A family that you didn’t know you had?

Morrigana was moving through life with a part-time, minimum wage job, and only a handful of friends. She was different from other people and they treated her that way. However, she was happy with her life until the day she met Kheelan; that is when her life was turned upside down. She finds out that she isn’t even human, and that a family she wasn’t aware she had needed her to complete a mission. As Morrigana and Kheelan's adventure progresses, will their focus on business remain professional or will their growing passion take over?

Burning Midnight by Erzabet Bishop

A triumvirate of blood and fire…

Diana Robichard runs Moon Called, an antique shop specializing in cursed objects. A new antiquity falls into her possession and promptly disappears, her tidy world is upended. When faced with a threat to those she loves the most, witchcraft alone may not be enough to save them.

Alpha Aristide Benoit is a wolf on a mission. When multiple pack members and finally his daughter go missing, he is ready to do whatever is necessary to find them as well as save the woman who has claimed his heart.

Vampire Regent, Rand Sinclair has a problem. His vault is missing an amulet never meant to see the light of day. Endangering a treaty with the wolves, he must act quickly before the woman he loves is swept into an ancient curse that will destroy them all.

With This Heart by Red L. Jameson

Talk about a killer kiss…

Being a former soldier with PTSD takes its toll on Aaron and has wiped him clean of optimism along with having dreams. But he’s no longer sure if he’s living in reality or fantasy after he tries to save a friend and finds his world filled with women who have wings and…Valkyries.

Adala kills. Not on purpose. She’s a Valkyrie—from just one touch, she takes warriors to the afterlife. Oh, but she’d give anything for a break, for normalcy, to have one day of not wearing her legionnaire uniform. When she’s asked to talk to the human Aaron to help him understand just what he’s in for when he tripped into her world, she jumps at the chance, even though she knows Aaron more than she cares to admit, even though she has an insane crush on him, even though she can’t touch him at all. But she gets to wear jeans and talk to a man—a real-life, hero of a man.

From her adorable made-up swearwords to when she wears his clothes, from the fact that she’s hundreds of years old to her pet Pegasus, Aaron falls hard for the shy Valkyrie. Dare he risk his life for a kiss? He’s thinking about it, because already he’s given her his heart.

With This Heart is a standalone story, that’s part of the With These Wings Series—books that mix rock-hard military men with feathered-fantasy femme fatales for a sizzling hot adventure to find love. Join Chanticleer winner, Red L. Jameson, for more of this heart-tugging fairy tale series.

Saltwater Siren by Muffy Wilson

Was it love at first sight? Perhaps. Many thought it might have been the work of the unscrupulous Sea Witch, Hermione, long a bitter and banished King’s Court Matron. So, was it the crafty wiles of Hermione, scheming to seek her sordid revenge, or was it a simple matter of serendipity? All we know for certain is that two young royals, one landed and one not, met during a raging storm as fierce and intense as the love they would none too soon escape. Was it fate, design, or—perhaps—black magic? Who’s to say?

What we do know is that it was sensuous, erotic, and insatiable as they fought to extinguish the passions that flamed their heat by indulging in every desire that swept them into one another’s arms. Their shared carnal voracity fanned an appetite no amount of indulgence could satisfy.

After all, it happened…Once upon a time…

Dangerous Beauty, Sexy Beast by Dariel Raye

Drayden saved her life— but her incessant need for vengeance could mean the end of his.

Thirteen years after the brutal murder of Treva Evers’ entire family, a cloaked stranger shows up just in time to save her from the same fate. When he disappears as quickly as he appeared, she is drawn into an underworld replete with magic and long forgotten customs, a place where nothing is as it seems, including her mysterious savior, and every word or action could result in brutal consequences.

Rose Tears by Amanda Pillar

Death is coming for Lori Hardcastle.

Half-Succubus, half-Sídhe, Lori has been on the run since she was seventeen. Worried that her vengeful family will find her, she’s been hiding in the Borderlands, a magical plane nestled between the fae and human worlds. However, when her path crosses that of a dangerously sexy fullblooded fae, will she be able to survive the encounter?

Conrad Death is a cleaner (he doesn’t like the term ‘assassin’) for the fae White Queen. His latest mission: find the half-breed daughter of the Count of Tears. Easy. Except no one knows what she looks like, her real age, or even what name she uses. However, Conrad isn’t daunted by simple details – he’s finished every job he’s ever started. But when he meets a smoking hot Succubus in a Borderlands bar, his life is thrown into turmoil.

Rogue by Savannah Verte

Everyday immortal Bree Brigand gets a rude awakening as her family is slaughtered. Not only is the cursed, suicide blade of legend and lore real, but it has chosen her. She must quickly learn to fast-track a course she’s never navigated, in a world she thought only existed in campfire stories. But, only after coming to terms with the facts…her family is not her family.

Truths and lies collide in a world where the hunters and the hunted trade places faster than she can discern who is which, and everyone is an assassin. Can she find and claim her destiny? Or, will being marked by a male who is not her one true mate ruin everything, and clip this dragon’s wings before she can become all she is meant to be?

Hexing Hearts by Alyssa Drake

At eighteen, undeveloped witch, Remy Vasile abandoned her island home without a backward glance. Five years later, circumstances outside of Remy’s control have drawn her back to Firefly Island, dredging up painful memories which lay dormant during her absence.

Sebastian Ayres enjoyed a life of pleasure pursuits. However, his blasé attitude evaporates the moment Remy’s hand brushes against his. Irresistibly drawn to his mate, Sebastian must undertake the daunting task of persuading Remy that he is not just any man, but the only man, for her.

Unbeknownst to either, dark secrets, hidden since Remy’s birth, are about to be uncovered and Remy will be confronted with a life-altering decision. With the help of her sister and some unexpected allies, Remy must decide if she will fight and risk her heart or continue running from her destiny.

Dragons Curvy Concierge by Mychal Daniels

When Bronwyn Scott finds herself way over her head as the first-time business owner of a personal concierge service, she’s not about to fall for a rich mystery man trying to test her professionalism at every turn.

Determined to make her business a great success to find and show the mother who left her at birth that she made something of herself, Bronwyn has no time for games or entitled, gorgeous rich dudes.

MacMillan “Mac” Kelnar is at that time in his life where his business can run itself, he’s successful, powerful, and a mature Dragon who’s paid his dues.

When he sees his mate across the parking lot of a Home Improvement Center parking lot as she suffers a hit and run, he’ll stop at nothing to have her, even if that means pretending to hire her as his personal concierge.

Determined to have his mate, this Dragon won’t stop at nothing until his mate realizes that the only services he’s interested in are having all of her.

Credence - Moon Dragons by Decadent Kane

Torren is days away from competing in the Draconic Challenge and earning the prize he needs to complete his magic credence. His sky-high dream of apprenticing with the Ancients is finally in sight. The last thing this solitary moon dragon needs is a mate dragging him down to earth, and a human one at that. Not that his body will listen.

Dovie is minding her own business—literally—when a handsome stranger walks into her bookstore. One spontaneous orgasm later, she’s left with no choice but to close up shop. The last thing she needs is an overbearing dragon dragging her to his mountain and telling her to shelve her dreams in favor of a stupid contest. Not that her body will listen.

Torren and Dovie must fight their treacherous attraction to each other or sacrifice their ambitions forever. But moon dragon magic doesn’t choose lightly, and when darker forces shatter the peaceful mountain enclave the dragons call home, human and moon dragon alike will have to reconsider just what they need to achieve a happy ending.

Kiss of the Fallen by Kharma Kelley

Dear Readers, I just wanted to be left alone. I wanted nothing to do with the war brewing among all the Supernaturals and have grown tired of fighting all these centuries. All of us are screwed up anyway; but who am I to judge who drinks blood and who eats souls?     As luck (or lack thereof) would have it, I get sucked into one last mission with the vampires and the next thing I know, I find a half-naked demon chained to my bed; and let's just say she is not happy.  And, as much as I enjoy seeing a beautiful woman grace my bed, unfortunately, I'm not happy either.     Of all demons, someone delivers to me a Black Blood Slayer; demons bred to do one thing and one thing only: kill vampires.  Her blood is spiked with a desire I long to tame, but if I do, I could be six-feet under... again. And this time forever.  But her fighter's spirit and tenderness shakes me to my missing soul, wanting to claim her with a need I cannot name.  But with both of us on the run and my people gunning for us, how can I be sure she wants me to love or to kill?     -Commander Tristan Castillion, Vampire Royal Guard

Selene by Shelique Lize

My name is Selene and I am a moon goddess. Between my siblings and me, we control the balance of the universe. Without us, the mortal and immortal realms would be thrust into eternal chaos. Don’t ask me what that means. It’s what I’ve been told for as long I can remember. I have never questioned my existence because it was the only life I have ever known. Then one day, everything changed when I became enthralled with the earth.

I couldn’t resist the alluring beauty that beckoned me almost every single night. My curiosity was so fierce and dominate, it was becoming impossible to ignore it and I gave in. I found the only god brave enough to take me to the mortal realm but he wanted something in return. He wanted my body, and I gave it to.

I went to earth and experienced life like never before. It was like my eyes were opening and I started to question my entire existence. Feelings all of a sudden are very present and then everything changed again, when I fell in love with a human.

Being a goddess has never been so complicated.

One Last Lullaby by Kallysten

When Kirsten walks back into Jacob’s life after years of estrangement, it’s not to resume the relationship she once ended abruptly. Instead, she’s there to work as a mage for the same agency in which Jacob is a Special Enforcer… or at least, that’s her story and she’s sticking to it. Whether Andrew, her boss and one of Jacob’s fathers, hired her for her skills or to get her back in Jacob’s life is anyone’s guess.

Although Jacob is determined to see in Kirsten a co-worker and friend, he still loves her as much as he ever did. He used to believe she was ‘the one,’ and even years after she broke up with him he still doesn’t understand what happened. It doesn’t help that every little thing she does reminds him of what they once shared.

As the agency battles deadly demons night after night, the relationship between Jacob and Kirsten goes from awkward to downright painful… until one botched magic spell traps them in a strange world inhabited by the demons, and the only way back will require them to reveal to each other their most painful secret…

Lust by Liz Gavin

Magical, sinful New Orleans attracts many lost souls who find haven at kinky Club Desire. Marcel Revault is the real deal: bound to the house, haunting it for over 150 years. Clara Hervaux, movie-star extraordinaire, indulges in her dark side as a club regular. As an empath, she’s gotten hooked on Marcel’s otherworldly sexiness. When Clara goes missing, Marcel uses their empathic link to find her, but can he break the curse to save her? Or will Clara fall prey to the jealous witch who cursed him?

Witch Playground by Isis Pierce

When Samantha Smith agreed to cast a spell to sneak her friend Sassy into the hottest paranormals’ club in Vegas, she never thought she’d actually get caught. Now she’s facing a trial and the possibility of losing everything—including her magic, and maybe even her life. To get out of legal trouble, she might have to sleep with a vampire or go to hell with a bounty hunter. Maybe both. And that’s a whole new kind of trouble.

Frozen Soul by Catherine Banks

A wolf's love is forever...and so is the bond of the pack.

Even after she broke it off with their Alpha, Tysen, the pack still loved Jess. So when they discover her current boyfriend, Jon, is literally draining her soul, her wolf family is right there to come to her rescue. Back amongst their ranks, the bond she shares with them, and Tysen, grows stronger than ever, and she can't deny how desperately she's missed them all.

But now the truth of Jess and Jon's relationship comes blasting through the door and brings everyone to their knees; she's sacrificed more for the pack than any of them realized.

The question now remains: is there a way for Tysen to save her soul?

Taste Of Darkness by Catherine Vale

Natalya should have known better than to watch the handsome fisherman from the shadows, but she found herself drawn to him, night after night. If she had only stayed away from him, he would not be facing the darkness that will now haunt him for eternity. But she couldn’t stay away, and now it’s too late; he’s been turned into an abomination, a creature that will never again be free.

Natalya is all that Caine has left. He just doesn’t know it yet.

Natalya knows better than anyone what it’s like to have her world ripped out from under her, forced into the darkness, never to walk in the sun again. It wasn’t long ago when she was turned into a blood-sucking vamp, a ruthless killer. So when she finds herself to blame for an innocent human being turned, she knows that it’s up to her to save his life. But when Caine awakens to discover what he has become, will he ever be able to find his place in a world, where he just doesn’t fit in? And can he learn to forgive Natalya long enough to fight alongside her?

When a merciless pack of werewolves scent the newly created vamp, they will stop at nothing to destroy him, and everything he loves. Caine must learn to embrace his darkness, if he wishes to survive.

#WORDSTURNMEONCSA

[tanoraqui]

True friendship is when someone is sitting on the couch and you sit down perpendicular to them and slide your cold feet under their warm butt, and they don’t react at all. This applies to humans and cats.

[tanoraqui]

truly at no time more than big family gatherings do I feel a greater need to act like a cat (show love by being in the same room with people while aggressively ignoring them)

[tanoraqui]

map/gps apps should have a setting “Street Lights on Major Streets” that you can toggle on so that when you follow a route for pedestrians, you don’t walk up to an intersection on a busy four-lane street and have to go, “yikes, nope” because it doesn’t have a light or even crosswalks, and walk three blocks out of your way—and back!—in order to not get run over.

[tanoraqui]

[laying back with one arm stretched awkwardly above my head, shoulder probably slightly dislocated, so the echocardiogram tech can have full access to my abdomen] omg I’m just like my blorbo Maedhros fr

[tanoraqui]

I am saved from regularly saying "Beanhold!" at work only by the fact that saying “Behold!” is a weird thing to do in the modern day even without bringing my cat into it.

[tanoraqui]

I need someone to make an edit of the Elmo image where instead of flames he’s standing in a pouring thunderstorm, so I can post it with the caption “me when the rain on the roof sounds like a thousand pounding arrows and then the thunder booms and echoes”

[tanoraqui]

last night I dreamt that the US military had made a public educational webpage called “How We’d Shoot Them.” It had an interactive map and a search bar, and worked kinda like a trip planner: you could search for any location on Earth, and little icons and arrows would appear on the map, explained in text below, showing how the US military would go about invading and/or destroying that target, all the way up to which base they’d optimally launch ICBMs from.

I woke up and realized that this would be unworkably terrible for operational security, which is unfortunate because it was pretty cool.