#trcfeat;

[rkjxy]

──── k.arma september 2020 schedule   ╳   birthday fan meeting   ❞

she’s a bundle of nerves, excitement, and happiness on her way to the fan meeting venue. her heart thundering beneath her ribcage as she hears the bustle of movement from the other side of the stage; a permanent smile seemingly fixed on her lips as the noises of the fifty people who she would be meeting that day heightens her energy. it’s so exhilarating. the event hasn’t even started yet, but she feeds off of their energy already.

this must truly what if feels like to know you’re doing exactly what you’re meant to.

truthfully, she doesn’t know what to expect. while she had prepared a few things to make the event more interactive, she still couldn’t possibly gauge how they will respond to it. joy can only hope that they would enjoy the things she had arranged and that it wouldn’t be subpar to their expectations. she wants more than anything for them to have fun and to really celebrate such a special occasion with her. after all, this might be the only time within the year where she can intimately gather with them like this.

when the event starts, she walks up to the stage with the happiest smile, a hand above her chest in an attempt to calm her racing heart. the cheers from their fans were loud, it didn’t even feel like there were only fifty of them there. just seeing them in front of her, their faces as clear as day makes her heart full already. this was the best birthday gift she could have ever hoped for.

“hello everyone! i’m k.arma’s kil, thank you so much for being here today.” was her introduction, the microphone clutched tightly in her hands. “how are you? did you miss me?” she asks with a teasing smile, a laugh escaping from her lips as a booming chorus of “yes!” was heard from the audience. “ah, i missed you all too. i can’t wait to meet everyone on stage again but this is really fun too, right? i’m so happy that i’m given the chance to spend my birthday with everyone. i’m very grateful that you’re here with me today.” she says with utmost sincerity, a sparkle of fondness shining within her brown eyes.

the first few minutes of the hour begins with more chatter from her end. she shares little anecdotes about how she spent the morning of her birthday; the presents she’s received from the members, the breakfast she shared with doyeon, and the subsequent excitement as she prepares for the event. it felt like talking to an old friend but even better because their animated reactions kept on making her laugh throughout. 

suddenly, the staff brought out a two-tiered fondant cake with lit candles carefully adorned on top of it. “wow, it’s time to blow the candles now?” she says in surprise, walking closer towards the cake. as soon as she finished speaking, the crowd erupted into a birthday song. as they sing for her, she sways and claps along, eyes on them the entire time. as soon as they were done, she thanks them with a polite bow and moves to blow the cake but not before closing her eyes to make a wish. 

i hope we always get to build happy memories.

finally, she blows the candles as the fans cheered once again. “thank you, thank you.” she says with a smile. “i will tell you guys what i wished for but i don’t want to jinx it so i’ll just keep it to myself for now.” she laughs despite their whines. afterward, she took pictures with the cake and chattered some more. at one point, she gave in to a request to dance a portion of their latest release as she danced the killing part.

for the next portion, the staff pulled out a large resume card which she hoped they can utilise for the fans to get to know her better. joy feels that there’s still so much of her that they don’t know, even though it’s already been more than a year since she debuted. the segment took a few minutes to finish. in it, she talked about her favourite nickname “joy is my english name and pretty much everyone i know call me as that!”; a special talent, “i can memorise a choreography just by watching it.”; and other smaller information such as where she was born, what languages she knows how to speak, and what are her hobbies.  

the childhood section may seem like it would be more revealing but it’s honestly facets of her life which she doesn’t mind sharing. in there, she talks about her strengths and weaknesses. what she loved to do as a child where she talked about how much performing means to her even at a young age. she also mentioned her first memory of seoul, which was a childhood vacation where all she did was eat hotteok and mandu as how she felt an instant connection for the city even though it was her first time ever being there.

the last few moments of the fan meeting would be where she gets to interact with all of the attendees one-by-one for a short period of time. as they all file a line to approach her, she’s surprised at the many different faces she’s greeted by. they were all so courteous and wonderful. one of the more memorable people, a young man who introduced himself as pj, told her quite nicely how she’s even more breathtaking in real life to which she can only laugh. he looked very excited to meet her and this energy was rubbing off on her, as evidenced by her grin and the adoring look she’s giving him. before he’s asked to move, what made their interaction even more significant to her memory was the note he slid towards her. “my friend told me to give this to you, and he'd kill me if you didn't read it. 99% sure you know him!” he says, and with a look of surprise she quickly masks, she thanks him generously before waving goodbye.

another significant interaction was when she was offered a large ring. as soon as she sees it, she laughs boisterously. “oh my gosh!” was her reaction, eyes wide as she accepts the large ring. “thank you! this is so pretty. i’ll put it through my arm to keep it safe.” she gushes, smiling at the man whose name she gathered was dowhan. the big ring rests comfortably on her wrist, acting as a bracelet. she kept it on there until the entire event was over.

soon enough, it was time to say goodbye. “thank you so much again for coming to my birthday party. i hope that we’ll always get to spend such wonderful time together like this. i had the best birthday ever!” she speaks with utmost happiness. “thank you for all your support. please look forward to seeing k.arma in the future, we love you all dearly!” with that final message, she goes around the entirety of the stage waving at every corner she can reach.

she leaves the venue and arrives home with the fullest heart. it had truly been the best birthday ever and she can’t wait to always spend her special days like this—surrounded by love and appreciation.

[rkjxy]

────   k.arma july 2020 schedule   ╳   KIL dance performance video   ❞

when she had pitched the idea to their manager, she’d expected to be met with a frown of disapproval and a slow shake of his head. she had prepared for it─thought that it would be good to steel herself for the possibility of disappointment. yet when he raised one eyebrow in consideration and left with only the barest of acknowledgements, she had allowed herself to be hopeful but not too hopeful. she did not think she would hear from him about it again so soon.

yet there she is. at a rooftop, ready to film a piece she had been working on for months.

thrilled is an understatement to explain exactly what she feels in that moment. 

she had planned this for months. as she thinks about the different ways where she can showcase her skills, utilising a video streaming platform sounded just about the most plausible option. using youtube would be very beneficial for her as they already have an audience in it, she just didn’t think that they would let her use the company’s account. so as she reaches out to all the connections she’s made over the last year or so of being in this industry, she was able to gather a team of people who will undoubtedly help her shine in what she loves doing the most.

it goes without saying that their choreographies as k.arma had often left her wanting for more. joy feels that her skills as a dancer were not highlighted enough in the dances that they had to do. she wants to show more of exactly what she’s capable of, knowing that what the public had already seen from her barely scrapes through the surface. after all, she had spent so much of her life dancing; she was definitely more than what they have already seen and she’s here to prove exactly just that.

it was close to sunset when they finished setting up. before that, she had been practicing restlessly a piece she had been crafting to perfection. as soon as she sat down for hair and makeup, she had felt calm and collected. she knew the choreography was ready for the rest of the world to watch. it terrifies her to think that doing this will subject her to comments of varying degrees. that people can now openly comment whether they liked it or not. she had always been sensitive about the public’s thoughts.

but truthfully, she would rather be at the receiving end of that than be invisible. k.arma’s kil would never shy away, most especially not when it comes to her dancing.

the glow of the setting sun casts a beautiful shade from behind her and as the music starts, she’s immediately suck into the safe space she has created for herself.

her eyes were ablaze as she dances─movements slick as it hits precisely every beat of the song. joy makes sure to put enough power into her movements but not so much that it’s distracting. her body moves and flows swiftly, mouth lip-syncs to some of the lyrics. a smirk here and there, she makes sure to keep her eyes trained on the lenses of the camera. she reacts accordingly. as she circles her hips, she flirts with the camera yet changes facial reactions as soon as she moves to a different part. she had always been an expressive dancer and knows just the right reactions to make to drag her audience closer. joy puts her all into it; exuding a cool charm to her that is different from her usual one as a member of k.arma. her motions were clean, concise, and shows the kind of training she’s had over the years. here she proves that she isn’t her group’s main dancer for nothing. 

they finish that first round without a hitch. for as much as they were all satisfied with how it turned out, they still went for a second take just to round everything up. she moves just the same, if not better, making sure that she’s leaving no room for them to doubt her.

exhaling a breathe of relief, she smiles widely as they all clap around her. but they’re not done yet. they take some beauty shots for the introduction and closing clips. she poses for the camera as if this is natural to her; as if she was born to be in that very moment. maybe she was, she wouldn’t have worked so hard all this time if she weren’t.

once they were done, she personally thanks each and every person who were up at that rooftop on a warm july afternoon. she watches the clips, excitement blossoming from her heart and extending throughout her body. there’s a big smile on her lips as she imagines how nicely it would turn out. it surprises her then how she isn’t even nervous at all. she just wants to see the final fruit of this day’s labour.

a few days later when the final video was presented to her, she almost squeals in happiness. as she watches herself dance, she feels the very root of her pride and joy. this is her brainchild, one that she’s looking forward to continuing for as long as she can.

as she presses the upload button, she knows without a shadow of a doubt that this is only the beginning for kil’s performance videos. 

[rkjxy]

────   k.arma august 2020 schedule   ╳   practicing the new song   ❞

excitement pours out from her in every little thing that she does. she supposes that is always how it’ll be when they’re finally given not just a promise, but a confirmation of a comeback. now, there’s something to look forward to. an every day wish for things to move along quicker so that they can finally meet their fans and perform on stage again.

with the song in hand, joy thinks they are set to close the year with a bang. she would even go ahead and bravely say that wild is looking out to be her favourite song of theirs so far. the demo that was played for them was addicting. while the chorus was most captivating, every part of the song was enthralling on its own. she thinks with utmost confidence that it would be such a stellar addition to their discography as it allows for the vocal members to shine even more so.

her lines, as always, were well suited for the skill that she possesses. she’s content with the fact that she’s given parts of the second pre-chorus, as it was a section in the song she quite enjoys listening to. she has said time and time again that she doesn’t mind being on the receiving end of having the least lines just as long as she gets to dance and perform the song with the members anyway.

the more that she thinks about it, the more that she cannot wait to see how the choreography would look like. hopefully, it would also be better than their others and would live up to the expectations she’s already set for this song.

with her lyric sheet in hand, she sets off to practicing the song in its entirety all while putting emphasis on mastering her lines. sometimes, she’d do so without the accompanying music to allow herself to listen to her own voice more clearly. other times, she’d practice with a vocal coach or the others girls. it helps that being around other people who knows what to look for means she’s getting all the help she needs in terms of singing better. she’s best motivated when given constructive criticism.

by the end of the month she thinks she’s ready to enter a recording room. hopefully when september comes, it would bring with it all the bigger reasons for excitement.

[rkjxy]

──── k.arma september 2020 schedule   ╳   running man solo appearance   ❞

her deductive skills were barely there and she’s been told one too many times that she believes in certain things with barely a dubious glance. with the premise of today’s episode, she thinks it would be entertaining to see herself fail miserably at guessing.

nevertheless, joy thinks she would have a lot of fun. she has been in the show before albeit this time would be the first where she was invited to go alone. the last time, she remembers having a lot of fun and laughing every chance she gets. although seeing as she’s representing k.arma just by herself, she thinks she would have to step up her performance. maybe through this she would be able to establish a variety persona for herself and manage to snag more invitations for the rest of the group.

“hello!” she greets the other cast members brightly as she stepped out of the second door, being introduced before the last guest. surprisingly, she was no longer asked to introduce herself. the members all treated her as if she was a show regular and allowed her to find her place within the semi-circle comfortably. pleasantries were exchanged and there’s a smile on her face the entire time. convex’s hyun was introduced last and as the hosts play around with each other, she watches the exchange with absolute entertainment. it feels like watching the show at home but infinitely better because the events are unfolding right before her eyes. 

the mechanics of the game were revealed as well as their secret mission at the start. she’s very giddy as she explains how she was able to successfully ask three of the cast members to sign an autograph without their knowing that it was her. unfortunately, she wasn’t able to do it for everyone and so she was still given a low card. as she enters the third car with much insistence, her team members were assembled. 

“then the secret couple can be somin unnie and hyun-ssi.” was a comment she makes while they were talking inside the car, a statement thrown off the wind without actual evidence. the rest of the car ride was filled with more conversation until they finally arrived at the destination.

the recording continued.

joy feels a bit sad watching the other groups eat such a bountiful lunch while hers ended up eating a bowl of rice and seaweed. “if kil dances on behalf of the team, please give us raw beef.” one of her team members says and she perks up, immediately standing up for the opportunity to be given better food. “all of us including me would be embarrassed.” she says as she takes her place. when they start giving her a random a capella beat, she dances to the chorus of dolls. she tries not to laugh but the embarrassment of dancing to their song without the proper music made her hung her head forward anyway. still, she was rewarded for her efforts and they were given marinated shrimp. “thank you for the food.”

after the food, they continue with the next game. as they were quizzed about love, she tries her best to answer even though her answers were always seemingly falling short. suddenly, a question from one of the cast members took her off guard. “kill-ssi, how do long do you think it will take you to forget someone?” her mind immediately goes into overdrive and the first word that spilled from her lips, they make fun of her. 

“she claims she hasn’t met anyone so she has nothing to say.”

joy can only laugh but moves not to deny or affirm anything that they say. instead, she thinks about her response for a second before confidently coming up with one.

“i’d say i will tell you in five years.”

“your contract ends in five years?” 

“yes, my contract ends in five years.” she laughs.

“that was smart.” 

the game moves forward. there were more bantering between the regular cast members, attempts from her end to answer, a question their team finally got correct, and a game that they surprisingly won. 

after that portion wraps up, they all went to the university grounds to gather students. as they attempt to finish their task, she cannot help but laugh out loud as she watches two of the students slip an elastic band from their feet all the way to their waist. the most hilarious part of it, though, was when she offered to help the female student when her band was stuck by her hips. using a shoed foot, she had to accidentally touch her bottom to drag the band upwards. the entire time, she was laughing out loud; collapsing on the floor as the gravity of what she had to do and the funny commentaries from kwangsoo made it difficult for her to gather her wits. she apologised to the girl, bowing low on the floor despite her laughters barely going away. “i’m so sorry!” she laughs. “i’m so sorry, thank you so much.” there were tears in her eyes by the time she’s calmed down. she wipes them away delicately but the memory of what happened still makes her titter. 

yet just as she thought she’s done full on laughing, a more hilarious scene unfolds before her. as kwangsoo rubs his bottom with another to student to speed up the task, she can’t help but jump around as she laughs. when they all finish successfully, she cheers along with everyone else.

they play more games as everyone reconvened in the university grounds until finally, it was time to figure out who the secret couple were. her guesses were heejin and kwangsoo but she isn’t very confident about it. it was hard to suspect when there are hardly any hints for her to look at. although she managed to find one in a dressing room. as she bumps into three other members during her quest, she runs away from everyone when it starts getting confusing. 

minutes later, the race starts narrowing down and after the first and second trial, more people were eliminated from the race yet they still can’t figure out who was the other half of the secret couple. more deliberations were discussed and she’s quietly deciphering everything that was being said. reacting only when necessary and fulfilling her voting end.

when jihyo was voted by the majority to be the other half of the at the secret couple, she can’t help but express her disappointment having voted somin. “no, it’s somin unnie!” she says, sliding lower on her chair as she watches jihyo approach the stage. when it was revealed that she wasn’t the female in the couple, she stands up from her seat and cries: “i told you it wasn’t her!” while she’s sad that they didn’t win, she cheered for the winning pair as they close the show.

the recording ends without fuss. joy makes sure to express her gratitude towards every single person who worked with her that day. she leaves the set exhausted but incredibly happy. she had a lot of fun and hopes to be able to come back again in the future.

[rkjxy]

────   k.arma july 2020 schedule   ╳   labiotte photoshoot   ❞

she enters the studio wide-eyed, awe clearly reflecting behind her brown eyes. the studio lights were blinding, the set simple but comforting, and people were milling around her as they walk from one area of the set to another. the bustle was intoxicating and she quite likes being at the centre of it.

yet even with the fluttering of butterflies in her stomach, she still feels as though she wasn’t meant to be there.

maybe it’s the nerves clouding her judgement but joy knows she was never the endorser type of idol. cameras posed on her face and being asked to embody a certain type of image to help sell a product was not exactly in the list of things she’s confident in doing. what if they ask her to promote their products and she’s not able to meet their marketing expectations? she would be so embarrassed. she wouldn’t want them to feel like they wasted time and effort into signing her as their newest ambassador. 

there’s always this merit in working hard, though. before the photoshoot, she had asked around for advice just to make sure that she’ll be doing a good enough job. the concept was fresh and summery and she thinks she can fit into that given the right mood and resources. she was told to just act naturally─to refrain from overthinking every action she makes. they were invaluable advice she had taken to heart, translating it into action as soon as she was in the studio for the photoshoot.

she was starting to think that maybe she was just worried for all the wrong reasons for as soon as she was done with hair and makeup, it looks as if she was a different person. she thanked the stylists immensely for the job that they did. the red lipstick carefully painted on her lips and the blown out hair did a lot to inflate her confidence.

she should probably learn to believe in herself more.

it’s always been hard when she’s venturing into new avenues. this is her first solo photoshoot; her first solo endorsement and she wouldn’t want to let them down. if this was dancing or hosting, she would have been more at ease, more upbeat, more confident. this was uncharted territory and she’s still in the process of exploring it. with each passing minute, she’s happy to admit that she’s learning a lot.

as soon as she was ushered in front of the camera, they wasted no time. 

the sound of the shutter and the directions of the photographer were all that she can hear as she poses from one angle to another. occasionally, the production director will ask them to pause, say something to her and as soon as she nods her head in understanding, they’ll pick back up where they left off. she makes use off the products as props; opening the tube of liquid lipstick to mime putting it on her lips, or opening the cushion powder and gently tapping the puff on her cheek. the compliments from the staff were motivating and long before she was aware of it, she had grown comfortable. suddenly, her smiles were more natural and she’s able to try out different poses without having second thoughts. she’d laugh every now and then and at the back of her head she can’t help but think that some things do take a lot of time.

when the photoshoot wraps up, she thanks everyone for taking good care of her on set and for doing such an amazing job. the drive home was quiet, the seat beside her occupied by a large bag filled to the brim with labiotte products. thinking back on the day’s events, she had enjoyed it immensely and learned so much from such a short time. while trying new things was terrifying, she’s comforted by the fact that it was almost always worth it in the end. after all, the satisfaction that she feels will last her much longer than any of the anxieties that she’s had firsthand.

now, she can only wait and hope that the photos would look great. she wonders how it would feel to see her face in a storefront? hopefully, it won’t be long from now. 

[rkjxy]

────   k.arma may 2020 schedule   ╳   return of superman guesting   ❞

growing up as an only child, she doesn’t necessarily have that nurturing personality. joy thinks the side of her that is caring and can responsibly look after others just came when she started living with yeri all those years ago. before, she was this young girl who would cry when something wasn’t given to her. now, she has grown tenfold and she couldn’t be any prouder of herself.

when she found out that they will be appearing in return of superman, she was thrilled. she’s watched that show a lot, primarily to coo over the cutest little babies. she uses it as a means to boost her serotonin because who wouldn’t look at those kids and find some semblance of happiness? they were just simply too adorable not to be smitten with and just like the majority of the people in their country, they have her wrapped around their little hands.

she was a bouncing ball of nerves and excitement as they walk through the halls of the company. they were told that the hammington’s were filming at the cafeteria and that they were meant to just stumble along, making the interaction appear very natural. as the girls came bounding down the elevators, there seems to be a permanent smile fixed on her lips. as soon as they see the older boy, william, joy can’t help but to approach him quickly.

“william, william, hello!” her words were a little more high pitched as she bends down to get closer to the little boy. when she sees that he’s asking for something, she moves behind him, ready to help. “what do you need?” she asks and when he answers, she’s quick on the uptake as she lifts him up to pick up the seaweed being offered by the lady behind the counter. “thank you!” she says, bouncing the adorable toddler in her arms. as she puts him down, she moves to let the other girls have their chance with him and together, they all walk towards the dining area.

from there, it was a flurry of greetings and small talk. “i’m a big fan of your boys.” she says one time, making sure that their dad knows how much she adores their segment on the show. afterwards, came more fairly pleasant conversation. before the recording ends, she makes sure to be able to carry bentley. as she tenderly caresses his head and bounces him in her arms, there’s an enamoured smile splayed across her lips.

the recording came and finished quickly. as she gets a final kiss from william, the girls of k.arma wave their goodbye. it may have been one of their quickest television guesting yet, but it’s definitely one of her favourites. 

[rkjxy]

────   k.arma july 2020 schedule   ╳   music bank summer special   ❞

performing on stage is often a cause of happiness for her. with its bright lights, fancy backdrops, and an enthusiastic audience, the energy that she gets off of it is something she will treasure forever. in all her life, the feeling of being up there compares to nothing else. it was the kind of beauty she has worked hard to see throughout these years and she’s relieved to realise that it was worth it as she had always dreamt it would be.

if anything, these was one of the few cases where reality was much better than anything she came up with in the past.

it would have been a lot better if they get to do it often. although as it stands, the girls of k.arma have still yet to receive comeback news from their company. being stuck in this limbo of not knowing what will come next is exhausting but as always, she’s trying to be positive. in the meantime, it was nice discovering new things to do. the dance video she had released not too long ago the first of many she wants to do while they were not actively promoting. being invited to festivals like this summer concert was nice too as they get to meet their fans in-between resting periods. still, she can’t help but hope for good news soon.

there’s a smile on her lips as they emerge from the back. performing their latest tracks came with much ease. whenever the camera would pan to her face, she would throw in a teasing smile, a wink, or attempt to captivate the audience through her eyes. the cheers of their fans permeate through her in-ear monitor and she smiles every time she hears it.

truthfully, the most exciting part of the concert was their special stage. it was fun being allowed to try something new. the song they were given was just so different from anything they have ever released starting from its upbeat melody down to the choreography. she enjoyed learning it and even more, loved performing it. the stage outfit was outrageous but she liked it. after all, she thinks they would never get to wear anything like it on stage ever again, so she might as well have fun with it. 

the saddest part was of course, having to say goodbye. as they all gather for the encore stage, she waves as enthusiastically as she can to their fans. muttering her thank yous and throwing heart signals. soon, they will meet again with a promise of a new song and endless new memories. 

[rkjxy]

────   k.arma june 2020 schedule   ╳   waterbomb festival   ❞

the humid summer air left a trail of warmth on her body. as they stand under the heat of the sun, she was grateful that this wasn’t a festival unlike any other. 

the promise of cool water being showered on them as they perform didn’t sound appealing at first. joy thought that it might only serve to make performing a difficult challenge for them, not when it’s almost like second nature to the group. she thinks about other factors too such as the possibility of hair and makeup being ruined and the added weight of clothes sticking to their skin. it didn’t really seem like a good idea.

yet as she stands on stage that day, she suddenly cannot wait to be watered down.

the girls start performing as soon as they were introduced. all that dancing around causes a few drops of sweat to fall from her forehead to her chin. she wipes them away immediately, feeling the heat beat down her back. for as much as she claims to be a girl accustomed to warm weather ( born and raised in a country where it’s pretty much the only existing weather ), she never had to endure it whilst dancing and singing at the same time. good thing they were wearing appropriate clothing. the restrictions of their usual costume would have been too much if that is what they went with.

despite the many different thoughts passing through her brain, the roars of the crowd cheers her on. there’s a smile on her lips as she catches sight of them from their vantage point at the stage. seeing them all sing with them was motivating and urges her to keep herself steady. after all, she does not want to disappoint. they’re here to suffer through the summer heat just as much them; their efforts should not go to waste by watching a lacklustre performance. 

she feels the first drop of water on her left shoulder, didn’t exactly see where it came from but as soon as it does, she smiles. 

after that, the downpour was steady that it almost felt like it was raining. the girls were soaked in just mere seconds but they perform as if they weren’t dripping wet. her initial hypothesis proved true; it was much harder to perform when she’s being showered on but she’s enjoying it. she can’t help but laugh during some parts as she wipes her eyes and pushes her hair away from her face. she should worry about how she looks like but it seems that she’s enjoying herself way too much to care about that. soon enough they were wrapping their time on stage with dolls and as the last note was sung, she almost didn’t want to say goodbye.

the rise and fall of her chest came in quickly as she catches her breath. now that they’re no longer performing, joy took a good look around her and laughed cheerily at the sight that greeted her. they all resembled wet chicks with their flat hair and soaked clothes. turning her gazes away, she waves enthusiastically at their audience. saying their goodbyes was always the hardest part about performing live but she’s comforted by the fact that maybe they’ll see them again soon.

even if tomorrow is uncertain, she knows she will always be there for the people that supports them.

[rkjxy]

it goes like this,

hyunark

it has been a couple of days since they’ve all received the new year’s news that shocked them all. honestly, a change in the lineup is not something she has expected. joy really didn’t think they would replace sana, even though it seems like that has been the norm in all the other groups who’ve lost their members. instead, she ignored all of that. for the first few weeks, she wallowed in her sadness thinking that no one will come in to fill the missing spot.

yet now that’s all changed. she watches with wide eyes that day as a new girl came in. it was hard to conceal her surprise but even so, she made sure to smile at the other female right away. it’s hard to imagine what she could’ve been feeling at the moment; entering a group eight months after they debuted. at the very least, she should be welcoming. not that it’s ever going to be hard for her to be like one.

“hi, unnie. are you ready to practice today?” she asks the older girl with a soft smile. the first few tasks were to make sure that hyuna was up to speed in things like their past choreographies before she can move on to the next ones. clearly, she’s more than happy to help on that part. “our dances really aren’t that hard but i can understand that practicing them all at once might seem like a lot. maybe we can take it slowly? focus on one thing for a few days before moving on to the next?” she suggests, a hopeful smile on her lips. “it’s up to whatever you’ll be more comfortable in doing!”

[rkjxy]

moonlight melody,

@jinsoulrk

she sits in the middle of the practice room, cross legged and relaxed. it feels different to feel this way; not when all of her memories as a trainee in this room consists of her always scrambling on her feet and practicing for hours on end. while she still needs to practice, it doesn’t feel as imminent this time. she could take a few moments to herself and go back to all the important things she was doing earlier after she’s taken this breather.

the quiet was broken when the door opens. joy’s attention was brought to the person on the other side of the door and a smile breaks out into her face once she sees who it is.

“jinsoul!” she greets, ushering for the younger to come inside with all the excitement of a five year old. “come inside! how are you? how was your christmas? it’s been awhile.” joy pats the empty space next to her, urging for jinsoul to sit. she hopes her excitement doesn’t come off as being bothersome; she’s just really excited to see her again. after a moment, she laughs a little. “i’m sorry─am i taking you away from something else? i hope you’re not very busy. i’d like to catch up!”

[rkjxy]

────   k.arma may 2020 schedule   ╳   idol radio guesting   ❞

radio hosting is something that she has grown to like since the first time they have tried it. there is something about being in a studio, sitting in front of a microphone, and with some headphones in her ears that sparks a happiness she did not know was possible. as someone who enjoys talking about herself and everything under the sun, it makes absolute sense that doing this gives her much enjoyment. there is nothing quite like being asked to chatter away and ask endless question all in the name of doing your job well.

this time, not only would she be a guest, she would also be a co-host. the opportunity was something straight out of her dreams. idol radio is a fairly well known radio show and she gets to have the privilege of hosting it. to prepare, she had watch countless episodes of the show; trying her best to get a feel of what happens there. she also practiced a lot in front of the mirror just to make sure that she speaks eloquently. joy did not want to disappoint anyone on her very first hosting gig.

the show starts with the girls performing dolls. it was different from all the other performances they’ve done, as this one is just them having to basically dance the song. the stage was smaller, there were no fancy costumes, no elaborate staging, and it felt more intimate. it was nice dancing like that and have no expectations to be absolutely perfect in every movement. 

once they were done, the girls went another way as she rushes towards her seat next to main host of the show. “hello everyone i’m today’s special dj, kil. nice to meet you.” she smiles into her introduction.

it was truly an honour to sit next to the host of the show. it was clear to her from the very start that he was skilled in what he does. the words just flow naturally from him and the interactions doesn’t feel forced. as soon as she was there, joy felt comfortable. this is their first time working together and she already feels at ease─something that isn’t always easily said for anyone they ever worked with.

the show ran its course, first, the members were introduced one by one. there were nice descriptions for each member and she reads them all with a smile on her lips. as they enter, some with more flair than the others, she reacts with “wow”, “pretty!”, and many other pleasant variations throughout. they follow up with a group photo, then leader mona reading the oath. they continue with small small talk and a lot of congratulations for their past achievements as a group. they were also given the chance to greet and talk to their fans who were watching on the other side of the window. seeing them all from a much closer and a seemingly more relaxed stance makes her heart burst with fondness. they were all just so precious in her eyes.

then they talk about their mini-album. the recording process, how dolls was chosen as a title track, what the title song means, and they also talked about the other songs in the album. they were asked about favourite songs and favourite parts, and each time the members answered diligently. they did a dance medley but since they didn’t have a lot of songs yet, the portion was quite short. afterwards, there was more talk. the girls told interesting stories from practice to their life as roommates. they also performed figaro and sang one of the other b-sides.

soon enough, it was time to say their goodbyes. the hour long show has come to an end and she couldn’t have been any more sadder. she had truly enjoyed her time as a fill-in dj. as they say thank you to their fans, she expresses her gratitude for being invited to host the show. she holds on to the fact that perhaps she could have more opportunities like this in the future. with her fingers crossed, she hopes that she does.

[rkjxy]

────   k.arma march 2020 schedule   ╳   kbs spring concert   ❞

it feels great to be out there again. to be on stage just like everyone else and to bask in the good energy of the cheers from the thousands of people who have gathered to watch them. it was amazing and this is exactly the feeling that keeps her going; the one that she misses the most when they’re not promoting.

they’ve been performing ticket and ladies for what feels like the umpteenth time already but she can’t really complain. joy thinks that this whole thing comes with being an idol. how sometimes, you have no choice but to sing and dance to the same set of songs over and over again. given their limited discography and with these songs being their latest releases, it makes sense that they’d have to perform it again. still, she gives it her all. she dances and she sings as if this is the first time in her life where she’ll be performing this. her overexcited nature makes it easy for her to think along that way.

aside from this concert being their first stage performance of the year, it was also their first one with hyuna. that alone makes her extremely excited to go up that stage and perform with the older female for the very first time. it was nice that they were back to being seven after feeling like something was missing for those few months. she supposes this is their number. that it’s seven k.arma girls, or none at all. 

they settle in backstage as the series of special stages start rolling on the television. she sits with her group members, legs tucked underneath her as she waits for their special stage to appear. it was exhilarating, having the chance to do something different. tell me was relatively easier to perform than their actual songs but she thoroughly enjoyed performing it. she supposes that the cherry on top was the dance break she was able to do with doyeon. for those few short seconds, she was able to showcase a different kind of dancing she’s capable of doing. she genuinely wishes she can take this up a notch and do more complex dances in the future. she just truly wants nothing more than to be able to showcase her dancing in all the ways that she can.

as their turn appears, she smiles widely to see themselves on screen. it was a different feeling from actually performing live. this was one of the few times where she’s watching them perform and it feels odd to be sitting inside their dressing room when she should be out there doing the same thing. nevertheless, there is still a surge of pride bursting through her heart. maybe now she can say that watching their group perform could be one of her favourite things to do.

the concert wraps up not long after that. soon, she and the girls were headed home after a tiring but fulfilling day. she’s already counting down the days when they could meet their fans again. hopefully, not long from now and with her fingers crossed she wishes they would like the new song they’re busily preparing for under wraps.

[rkjxy]

────   k.arma december 2019 schedule   ╳   king of mask singer guest appearance   ❞

truthfully, she thinks she shouldn’t be here. 

a main dancer in a show where she has to critique and analyse a person’s vocal colour and the way that they sing is a song is a skill she didn’t quite have. she’s not exactly the type of person who would run through someone’s singing and determine who if they’re better than the other. she just likes to listen. joy thinks that everything would probably sound great to her and maybe because of that she wouldn’t be as good of a judge as they want her to be.

if this were dancing, maybe then she would have better luck. she would know what to say and what to look out for. whereas here, she would probably just rely on what the other panelists are going to say. that or she would just chance a glance at sohee and hope she would speak enough for the both of them.

still, she’s invited here for a reason and she’s very grateful for that. she would just have to work hard and listen well in order to deliver an amateur judgement that wouldn’t make anyone listening to her roll their eyes in annoyance.

she’s nervous as she sits there, pulling strength from her companion as she watches the older female settle herself on the seat. joy’s glad that she’s not doing this alone for she can’t even imagine how nerve-wracking it would be to be surrounded by so many people she doesn’t know. it comforts her greatly that sohee’s here, and that she can lean on her for guidance and support. it’s not hard to feel more at ease now─letting herself breathe slowly and evenly. 

the recording starts without a hitch. they were introduced as the celebrity panelists and she smiles and bows her head diligently. when the contestants were introduced, her eyes immediately narrowed as she follows them walk towards the middle of the stage. the costumes were amazing and from where she sits, it’s truly hard to tell who the people are behind the masks. leaning back on her seat, she bites her lower lip and tries to contain her smile of excitement as the music starts. when the goat starts to sing, she wraps her hands around herself in an effort to calm down her goosebumps. it’s just too good. 

the entire time the first contestant was singing, she would react in different ways. sometimes she’d tilt her head to the side, she’ll lean closer, or she would sway her head in time with the melody. while he was good, she can tell that maybe singing isn’t exactly his forte. she can tell with the way that he sings some parts and it comes off as if he wants to rap it and in the way that he puts effort in the more difficult notes. she should know that, she does it as well. still, she enjoyed his round and before she knows it, the park shinyang character starts to sing.

as soon as the second contestant starts, joy knew she would be voting for him. she mouths the word “wow” when he reaches the chorus, and she seems to be frozen in her seat with her mouth agape. she’s got goosebumps all over her body and she smiles happily as she proceeds to enjoy the performance. now that she’s settled on the choice, she can relax a little bit. his voice is really nice to listen to. she watches him intently and with amazement evident in her eyes. as their performance draws to a close, joy enthusiastically claps her hand. if this was good, she can only imagine how hard it must be to judge the other rounds. 

when she was asked if she has any idea about who the contestants are, she profusely shakes her head. “i really don’t know. i think their voices are very unique and it’s nice to listen to but i don’t think it’s something that i’ve heard before.” she laughs a little. “it’s a shame because i really enjoyed it! i will search for them a lot after this.” came her promise, a bright smile directed towards the contestants. 

after that, they continue with the rest of the recording. while the setup was different, the premise was the same. she tries to give off genuine reactions as she listens to another round of performances. just like the one before, she’s enraptured often narrowing her eyes as she tries to think or leans closer as if that will improve her listening. once they’ve voted and the first eliminated contestant was revealed, she’s swept up in the frenzy and claps and cheers along with everyone else. she didn’t get to talk much but she’s fine with it; she’s just happy to be there.

the recording was coming to a close. as they reach the end, joy makes sure to speak one last time. “thank you so much for having us here. i had lots of fun and really learned a lot about singing! please look forward and watch k.arma more closely. thank you!” she bows her head and waves her hand. as the lights dimmed and the cameras stop rolling, she heaves out a big breath. it was an exhausting day but one filled with so much excitement and thrill. she truly lives for moments like these.

[rkjxy]

────   k.arma april 2020 schedule   ╳   mini-album photoshoot   ❞

the feeling of exhilaration when a comeback approaches starts as soon as they’re given the song and the choreography piece. although for joy, it reaches a momentous level once they’re ushered in dressing rooms and propped in front of a camera.

she was never really the model type. besides, she only used to see herself as someone who looks nice in front of her own phone’s camera. yet nearly a year later, she’d like to appraise herself and say that she at least looks decent when a professional camera is pointed at her face. truth be told, it’s always been one of her biggest worries. to be an idol seems as though you have to be good at many things all at the same time. you can’t just be good at singing and dancing. you have to be nice to look at as well. while she’s aware that she can be pretty, would that be enough for everyone who will come across her pictures?

at this point, she should know better than to think too much about the opinions of other people. especially when it’s opinions that concerns how she looks like. she supposes it’s easy to fall under that trap when she’s still a rookie and obviously cares a lot about how people will see her. they live in a society where the words of others can make or break a career. she rationalises everything under the guise that she’s just careful. she doesn’t want all her hard work to be paid dust just because some people think she’s not good enough.

still, she tries her best to take things easy. it wouldn’t do her well to stress about things she has no control over. she wishes it were easy for her to just let go of it and let people think what they want to think. it’s a cycle that she works through every day and hopes to make it at the point of nonchalance someday.

as she stands in front of the camera while taking her pictures, joy just tries to embody the concept for this comeback. she does her best to be captivating, mysterious, and sweet at the same time. she was asked to move from one place to another, to try different props, to pose differently, and the list of directions went on. there are times when she would emit a nervous laugh, thinking that she just messed up a shot. by the end of her solo shoot, they were kind enough to let her know that they got the perfect picture. 

at the end of the day, she arrives home feeling extremely spent. yet even so, she knows it’s the kind of exhaustion that she’s thankful for. after all, it feels nice going to sleep knowing that the rest of the day was spent doing something productive.

[rkjxy]

────   k.arma december 2019 schedule   ╳   year end music festivals   ❞

the craziest year of her life so far is finally drawing to a close. thinking back on where she was at the start of it, she feels somewhat emotional.

it’s funny to think just how different her life had become throughout the year. with each month that passes by brings a new challenge and a change that she never thought she would be able to push through. the park sooyoung that she was at january is strikingly different to who she is now at december. in just twelve months, she feels like a better version of herself. she feels more confident, more independent, more capable. if there’s anything that she’s learned throughout the year, it’s that anything in her life is achievable once she starts believing in herself.

it’s not like she didn’t believe in herself before. if she didn’t, she wouldn’t be where she is today. the difference now is that believing in herself comes a lot more easily. she would have her apprehensions and the usual bout of nervousness but it eases away as quickly as it comes. she’s no longer the type to feel burdened by her worries. instead, she moves and walks forward in her constant strive to do better. after all, she gains her strength from so many things now as compared to before. it’s easy to push through when you’ve got so many things inspiring you.

she owes it all to their fans. seeing their invaluable support for them and their group is all the motivation that she needs in order to do well. whenever she thinks about it, she’s always humbled by their decision to love and support them. of all the groups in the world and they chose k.arma─that’s the kind of dedication she can’t find anywhere else. which is why she’s made a promise to herself that she would work hard and give back to them in the best way that she knows how. it’s the least she can do after everything that they’ve done for her and the group so far.

she’s excited to meet them again. it seems that after she’s had the taste of it, joy will never grow tired of performing on stage over and over again. she likes the thrill of being in front of so many people and just being in her element. she likes seeing glimpses of their fans huddled in one corner of the venue, with their loudest screams and amazing fanchants. she’s beyond happy that they get to be a part of these year end festivals. it was an experience she knows she would never forget.

performing their songs feels like second nature at this point. she didn’t want their fans to feel like every performance is repetitive so even if the choreography and the singing were the same, she tries to up her stage attitude. when the camera pans to her, she acts more. with fierce eyes she tries to embody their song in her dancing throwing away all remnants of joy as she channels the performing charisma of kil. this is her second persona and one that she’s proud to have.

as their performance ends and they retreat backstage, joy can only hope that within next year, they can bring more music for their fans to devour. she wants to be able to perform more and to show different sides of herself in the process. this is perhaps her new year’s wish; something that she’s clinging onto tightly.

when all the artists were ushered on stage for the encore. she happily walks around closer to where she knows their fans are at. she waves, throws finger hearts, and playfully interacts with them. she laughs at them too when they attempt to communicate with her, given the large barrier between them. when it’s time to go, she frowns initially but switches up to a smile as she waves goodbye. she’ll meet them all again soon; she knows she will.

as the last of the year end festivals finishes up, she thinks about the changes in her life and how she feels hopeful that more beautiful ones would come in the new year. with each day that passes by she will always remember to be grateful. grateful that she’s living out her dreams and grateful that she’s surrounded with love from the people closest to her heart. these are a few of the things she will take with her in her never ending journey of growth and discovery.

with this, she will say: bring on the new year!

[rkjxy]

────   k.arma january 2020 schedule   ╳   a day in the life   ❞

it was the first time since debut that they were left with nothing seemingly magnanimous to do. honestly, joy doesn’t know what to make of it.

suddenly, it’s like they have so much time on their hands to do things they never got to do before. even though she still keeps up with their daily training schedule, it doesn’t seem as stifling as when she was a trainee. now, she can leave the company building before the sun sets and find comfort over the fact that she won’t get in trouble for doing so. she can do so many things without feeling burdened by the demands of her work and this realisation gives her plenty of freedom to rediscover her favourite hobbies.

but why is it that she’s not entirely happy? 

for the past nearly five years of her life, she has been working hard day in and day out to get to where she is now. perhaps, she has long equated busyness to that of success. after all, aren’t they supposed to be working? aren’t they supposed to be given new material to learn in preparation for a comeback? aren’t they supposed to do anything but practice the same songs over and over again? while she doesn’t claim to be an expert of sorts, she’s worried that their group will lose its momentum if they’re not given anything to do for such long periods of time. even if it’s just one small thing, she wishes for something.

but the arrival of january came with it nothing.

although she thinks these are moments that she shouldn’t take for granted. sure, the amount of free time that they have feels so overwhelming but she’s the type of person who can always think of something to do to pass the time. maybe before she knows it, they’ll be thrusted into a limbo of packed schedules and many other things all the same time. at the very least, she should take advantage of all the time that she has doing nothing of absolute performance. this is as good as she’s going to get in terms of living an otherwise normal life.

during daytime, she busies herself with a combination of practicing their songs as well as creating new choreographies. letting her creativity flow is an act she misses doing very much and it’s nice to break out into a more challenging dance routine after being focused on doing their group’s more easier ones. it makes her feel like a proper dancer again─the sweat that comes with it a nice feeling amidst the strong winter winds.

in the afternoons, she meets up with some friends and heads to many different artisan cafes. sometimes, she would bring one or two members with her but it’s not a daily occurrence because she doesn’t want to gather too much attention. still, it feels great to wind down after a day of moving around while eating a slice of cake and drinking a glass of her favourite latte.

as nightfall arrives, she cuddles up in her shared bedroom with her laptop propped open before her. this is when she spends hours watching different television shows on netflix. it’s like getting lost in a forest of different universes and feeling a myriad of different things which makes it so interesting for her.

it wasn’t until a few days before the month ends that she feels like there’s nothing left to do. she’s watched all that she’s intended to watch and practiced so much that she feels like she’s losing her mind. hopefully, february brings a lot with it an exciting slew of things to do. if not, well, she can always go on instagram and ask their fans about any of their show recommendations.