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sylvesterlestermanchester · 4 years ago

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Fearfully and Wonderfully

Summary: Dan wasn’t entirely sure what he was going to experience when he starts his first semester at Uni, but he was pretty sure an incredibly sheltered Catholic boy stealing his heart wasn’t on his list of typical college tropes.

Word Count: 12401

Genre: Humor, fluff, angst. All mixed together. Fun times!

Warnings: Conversion therapy, homophobia, brief allusions to sex and genitals. One puke joke?

A/N: This is my first ever published fic-I’ve been writing for literally years little bits and pieces, but COVID has me going crazy and I just wanted to put some effort into an actual thing. Thanks for reading!

Dan wasn’t sure what he was expecting when he walked through the door to his dorm the first time, parents and sullen little brother in tow. All of his knowledge about Uni had been from TV and movies-maybe he would have some frat guy in the bed across from him, or maybe a stoner, or maybe a weird silent dude who will disappear after the first week and let Dan put their beds together so they would actually fit his gangly body.

What he isn’t expecting is to have an eight-year-old girl bodyslam herself into his legs, followed by a loud groan and a sharp voice scolding “Suzanne, we told you to stop running!”

Dan’s eyes look down at the (quickly retreating) girl and blinks a few times as he takes in the scene in front of him. There are way too many people in the crowded room right now-he counts two identical boys, both around 10, bouncing on the stiff dorm bed, one pre-teen digging through a cardboard box, a girl around Adrian’s age whispering something to an older woman with a toddler in her arms, standing next to a quiet-looking tall man, and, of course, the eight-year-old, now having been scooped up by a sheepish looking guy around Dan’s age who’s giving him an apologetic smile. This must be the Philip Lester on his room assignment form. “Sorry. My family is kind of, erm, excited.” He says with a small, nervous laugh and sets the girl aside before sticking out a hand to shake. “I’m Phil! You must be, um...Daniel, right?”

Dan takes a second to readjust the bags in his arms to shake Phil’s hand awkwardly, trying not to look too overwhelmed at the scene in front of him. “Dan’s fine.”

The kids have all frozen in place, staring at Dan with wide eyes like Dan just sprouted a second head. There’s a few long beats of silence as Phil shakes his hand just a little too enthusiastically for just a bit too long.

Finally, Phil’s mum places a hand on her son’s shoulder, beaming brightly. “It’s so great our boys will be living together!” She cheers to Dan’s mum, who looks a bit bewildered. Ms. Lester gently takes a few of Dan’s bags and sets them on the bed, continuing to chatter on. “Come on, we can unpack while you two get to know each other better. I need to know who my son is going to be rooming with, right?” She continues to babble in a thick northern drawl as Dan glances back at his parents, who look like they’re about to bolt for the door and leave their son to be swallowed whole by these people.

“You’re rooming with an absolute freak,” Adrian mumbles in his ear with a small smirk. “Karma is a bitch, huh?” “Shut up.” Dan hisses back through his teeth, trying to look as interested as possible as Phil’s mum keeps talking.

“The weather here is so nice-it’s already getting cold up in Rossendale, can you believe it? Max and Adam were running around outside, and I was so scared they were gonna catch cold, you know how quickly little ones do. Oh, the drive here was wonderful-” “We saw cows!” One of the kids butts in, and suddenly they’re all talking, any nervousness they had around the strangers suddenly vanishing.

“And horses!” “We got hamburgers, and there was this huge truck-it had to have, like, forty wheels-” Phil seems to take after his dad, quietly but quickly unpacking since his siblings have seemingly given up on it in favor of telling Dan’s family every detail of the six-hour car ride. At one point he makes eye contact with Phil, who gives him an apologetic look, his cheeks flushed and an embarrassed grin on his face as the kids chatter along excitedly like they’ve never talked to another person before.

Finally, right when Dan feels like his ears are going to fall off, Phil speaks up again. “I-I think I can get this from here, guys. Mum, Dad, why don’t we go out for a walk before we say goodbye? I know you guys want to see the geese on campus, right?” The kids all cheer like geese are the most exciting thing on Earth, scrambling for the door. Phil’s mum gives Dan a tight hug and Phil’s dad, still not having spoken a single word, even gives his shoulder an uncomfortable pat before they head out. The small space suddenly feels vast and empty, and the silence is almost tangible. “Well. They seemed...friendly.” Dan’s mum says after a few moments, his dad snorting.

“You’re in for quite a year, huh, kid?” He jokes. Dan laughs weakly, but in all honesty, it doesn’t seem that funny.

Just what did he get himself into?

Dan’s curled up in his bed when Phil finally comes back a few hours later, giving Dan that same crooked, shy grin from earlier. Now that it’s just him and not him with (presumably) his entire Brady Bunch-style family, he can get a better look at his roommate. He’s tall, about an inch taller than Dan, and lanky. His black jeans are just a bit high on his ankles, and his faded green shirt clings to his skinny frame. As Dan’s eyes travel higher he takes in his flushed cheeks, his blue eyes wide behind his oversized glasses, all behind shaggy black hair that doesn’t match his ginger eyebrows-ginger like every other family member of his. Dan suddenly feels a bit self-conscious in his Game of Thrones pajamas and old school shirt, pulling his covers up a bit higher as he takes in the other young man with a strange feeling in his chest. He’s definitely different than anyone Dan’s ever known. But damn, if he isn’t cute.

“Sorry if my family was a lot today.” He says after a slight moment of silence, a slight giggle slipping out as he walks over to one of the boxes on his side of the room. “I’m the first to go to Uni out of my brothers and sisters, so my parents decided to, like, make it into a whole thing.”

The memory of the chaos is still fresh in Dan’s mind, but hearing Phil talk about it, he can’t help but smile a bit as well. “I’m the oldest, so I get it. And they were nice. Your siblings are very...uh, talkative.” He says slowly, trying not to sound rude, but Phil’s giggling again before he can worry too much about it.

“We’re from kind of the middle of nowhere, so they’re just excited to see, like, humans outside of Rossendale for the first time.” Phil joked as he started reorganizing some of the things his siblings had just sort of dumped around the room. “Plus, they don’t usually get sugar, but they had soda on the way here. So they were practically about to explode by the time we pulled in. They just exploded all of that excitement onto you.”

Dan can’t help but laugh a bit at that as he watches Phil set some thick books up one way and then rearranges them. “Oh, Jesus. That car ride must have been nuts.” Phil looks over his shoulder, grinning wider now. He looks more and more relaxed each minute, as if he was just as nervous about Dan as Dan was about him. “You have no idea, oh my gosh. They were already wound up for today, and then there was soda, and Max and Alex-they get carsick even worse than I do, and then Suzanne had to pee, like, forty times an hour, and Mum was all weepy...this has been the longest day of my life.” He joked, laughing along with Dan.

Even though Dan can’t connect any of the kids to their names, he feels like he knows them decently well. In fact, as the conversation drifts into more goofy road trip stories, Dan’s surprised with just how close he feels to Phil like they’ve known each other before they even met.

It’s strange, he finds. But then again, Phil’s pretty strange, after all.

Dan doesn’t fully realize how strange Phil is until the next day. There’s a few hints-Dan makes a reference to some TikTok audio and Phil admits he’s never used it before, staring in awe as Dan scrolls through his ForYou Page for him. When they head off to orientation in one of the lecture halls, Phil’s head jolts up and his face flushes bright red when one of the countless speakers jokingly curses (if you can count “ass” as a curse-Dan honestly can’t). But it’s not until they’re out at the quad with some of their new peers for lunch when Chris turns to Phil and asks if he went to the school his cousin went to up north. “Oh, I didn’t go to school.” Phil says with a bright smile, before quickly adding “I mean-I was homeschooled. So I just kinda did the work when I wanted to.”

“Your parents homeschooled you? Didn’t Dan say you had, like, twenty siblings?” Louise questions as they all turn to look at Phil. Dan feels a migraine coming on just imagining being home with all of those kids all bloody day, though he can actually picture Mrs. Lester teaching them all pretty well. Phil laughed a bit, cheeks flushing pink as he looked down at his sandwich.

“We all were. My mum and dad didn’t like the schools in our area-they wanted us to be more connected to the church, said that “our values weren’t instilled in traditional education’.” He explained with a small shrug. When PJ raised an eyebrow at that Phil pulled a small cross necklace out from under his shirt. “I’m Catholic. I actually have plans for Seminary after getting my bachelor’s-so if you’re planning on getting married, I’m taking bookings now.” Phil’s last comment was clearly meant to lighten up the mood, but it’s obvious that the subject matter was making the group a little uncomfortable, considering they all just met. Dan’s mentally running through Phil’s belongings in their dorm-were all those books Bibles? Was he going to start hanging crosses everywhere? Or make him wake up early on Sundays?

Before his brain could spiral out further Chris blurted out “So, were you raised in a Jesus bubble or something?” Louise smacks his arm but Phil giggled. “I-I have been told I’ve lived a bit of a sheltered life before, yeah.” “Were you allowed...TV?” PJ asks slowly, eyes widening when Phil shook his head.

“Not cable. We could watch DVDs, but they had to be approved, so it was usually educational. I know a lot of animal facts, actually. Did you know hippo-”

“What about the internet?” Louise cuts him off.

“Not after my older brother got caught Googling “bikini girls” when he was 10.” Phil joked lightly. “But even before that, my mum was pretty anti-internet. If I really needed it for school or whatever, I’d go down to the library.”

“No Harry Potter?” “Promotes witchcraft. Apparently. I haven’t read it for myself, but-”

“Dating?” “Not without serious intention to marry-and I’m not exactly ready for that, so-” “Running water?” “You know what’s funny?” Phil says, giggling a bit and bringing his knees loosely to his chest. “You guys think I’m weird, which is totally understandable. But your guys’ lives before this sound weird to me, too. Like-Chris, you got to play video games as a kid, right? And I was taught that those would turn me into some homicidal maniac. Dan, I saw you have a horoscope app-that’s the occult, so that’s a huge no-no.” Wow, okay. Before Dan could feel too offended, though, and Chris could jump in, Phil keeps going. “But, like, I get that you’re not a witch, or Chris, you’re not gonna chop me up into little pieces when I’m sleeping. There’s gotta be some middle ground here, right? So...you guys could show me how to live more like you, and maybe you guys would be more interested in what I’m into?”

There’s a small silence that falls across the group before a wicked grin slowly appears on Louise’s face.

“What do you want to learn first?”

The next few weeks are a bit of a whirlwind for Dan. Between classes, hanging out with new friends, homework, scrambling to find a job, remembering to text his mum and let her know he hasn’t died, he’s barely able to keep his head on straight. But the time he spends trying to introduce Phil to the “real world” is some of his favorite.

Phil had set some ground rules-nothing that could kill him or ruin his life if it got out on social media. If he got too uncomfortable, he was allowed to tap out, but he’d give it an honest attempt. And nothing Satanic. (Dan had laughed until he realized by the look on his face that he wasn’t joking).

Granted, their friend group hadn’t done a great job at the start. PJ thought it would be hilarious to let Phil start with some “iconic reading material”.

Dan had been in class when they had presented the book to him, and the two were in their respective beds when Dan heard a shocked gasp from Phil’s side of the room.

“You good, mate?” He rolled over, watching as Phil sat upright and started flipping through the pages. “Do-Do you know about this book?” He asked, face turning impossibly redder as he held up the cover for Dan. 50 Shades of Gray. As Dan burst out laughing, his roommate whined playfully.

“What-Phil, who gave this to you?” “PJ said it was necessary reading!”

“PJ is a dunce. Give it here, I’ll protect you from the big bad book.” Dan teases, but Phil quickly shoves the book into his hands like it’s on fire.

“I’m gonna have nightmares about ties and rich men for weeks.” He grumbled playfully, curling up on his bed and reaching for his phone. “I’m never trusting Peej again.”

Louise turns full maternal the next day when he struggles to recount the experience in polite language (Dan holding back laughter), and she decides to go the complete opposite way, launching a mission to, as she put it, “reshape Phil’s lost childhood”. Phil lightly pushes back against wording, because he feels like he had quite a nice childhood, thank you very much.

Still, Louise comes over a couple of nights later, armed with her laptop.

“They couldn’t come up with a more creative name than “High School Musical”?” Phil teased gently as she pulled it up on her screen.

“Phil, you sweet boy, High School Musical is a cultural milestone that you need experience. So no backtalk!”

“Whatever you say.” He said, sitting on the other side of her and holding a bowl of popcorn in his lap.

They watch the first movie, and then the second, and then Phil’s begging to watch the third. As the final song plays Dan glances over and sees that Phil has his head ducked down, shoulders shaking gently.

“Phil?” Louise asks gently right as a choked sob erupts from him. She lets out a yelp as Phil flings his arms around her neck, laughing shakily. “It was just...Troy chose basketball and music…both of his passions...” He blubbers out, nuzzling into her shoulder as she coos. “You’re so weird, hon. You know that?” Once he’s calmed down enough (when Dan offers him a hug the waterworks start up all over again, sniffling. “So. Is that what your guys’ school was like?”

Louise and Dan glance at each other before bursting into laughter, only stopping a couple of minutes later when Louise turns to Phil once more. “If you liked High School Musical, you’re going to love this show Victorious…”

Of course, it’s not all smutty books and (incredible) movie trilogies.

Being homeschooled meant that all Phil knows is doing school when he feels like it. Lucky for Phil, he’s a huge nerd, so homework and studying actually excite him. The problem is, these things tend to excite him at 3 in the morning, and he actually has classes to go to now outside of his room.

By day three of no sleep, Phil swears Dan’s grown wings, and Dan intervenes. They make up a rules sheet-bedtime is 2AM, wake up at 10AM, eat three meals a day, no more than five cups of coffee a day (of all the vices Phil was deprived of, caffeine was clearly not one of them-Dan’s never seen anyone drink more coffee in his life). He gets him down to one all-nighter a week, and in turn, Phil wakes him up each morning and helps him with schoolwork so Dan doesn’t have to face going to the tutoring center. It turns out that Phil’s kind of a genius, despite never being in a classroom until a couple of weeks prior.

Chris is the one who convinces Phil to get social media, telling him that “only serial killers and old people” don’t. Phil’s not the greatest at it at first (there’s a lot of pictures uploaded on accident to his Instagram stories and nonsense tweets), but he slowly gets more used to it, getting his terrible puns and weird things he sees on campus out to the world (all 20 of his followers).

Dan can’t help but get slightly annoyed when Phil’s phone is shoved in his face to choose a filter of some stupid looking goose that’s close to attacking him, but the look of pure elation that Phil gets when someone sends a dog meme in their group chat is enough to warm his heart in ways he didn’t want to address fully but knew he couldn’t ignore.

There’s so much to teach him, and it seems like each day something pops up. Still, Dan’s surprised by Phil’s world, too.

First, he brings them to a non-denominational bible study group. PJ groaned quietly as Phil handed them all cheap paperback Bibles before they entered the church.

“Can’t we do something a bit more...fun? With less reading?”

“If you don’t like it, you don’t have to do it again,” Phil said with a grin, rocking back and forth on his heels. “And if you like it-which hopefully, you will-we can come back once a week, and I’ll get you some nicer Bibles. These are just to start out with.”

Louise forces a small “yay” as they head inside, Phil leading them through the sanctuary with a happy sigh before taking them down some stairs, where a young woman sits in front of a small arrangement of chairs. “Phil, you brought your friends!” The woman cheers and Phil laughs happily. “Caroline-this is Dan, PJ, Chris, and Lou. They’re new to all this, so we’ll go easy this week?” He joked lightly, and Caroline nods, asking them about their religious beliefs.

“Uh, went to church a few times with my Nan. Atheist.” Dan says, biting his lip. He never actually said the “a'' word around Phil, and he’s a bit nervous that he’s going to suddenly flip out, but he still seems just as excited as when he walked in.

“Atheist. Never been-parents hate churches. Can I still grab snacks?” Chris adds and Caroline laughs, nodding.

“I’m a little complicated, but it’s basically just hippie church.” PJ says, shrugging. “Singing and chanting and all.”

“I go about once a month-I’m Episcopal, officially, but I’ve been to other churches too.” Louise gently smiled, and with that, the group got started. They went around and talked about their weeks, a few upcoming events, a prayer, and then Caroline instructed them to get their books. Phil pulled a well-worn leather Bible out of his bag, and Dan’s eyes widened a bit when he opened it. There are post-it notes everywhere, with entire passages highlighted and notes covering practically every margin in Phil’s stupidly perfect handwriting. It’s clear that Phil’s spent a lot of time with the book.

“Since we have guests, I figured we’d take a break from our reading of Matthew and focus on a couple of specific verses today,” Caroline says brightly. “James 1:13-15: “Let no man say when he is tempted, I am tempted of God: for God cannot be tempted with evil, neither tempteth he any man: But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed. Then when lust hath conceived, it bringeth forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, bringeth forth death.”

There’s a slight pause and Chris furrows his eyebrows. “Huh?” “In simple terms-don’t say God isn’t the one to tempt you, because when you stray off His path, that’s on you.” One of the group members explains. “And if you do sin, it’ll lead to, uh, death.”

“Well, does God not tempt us to do bad things by putting so much pressure on us to be perfect?” A girl with blue hair jumps in, raising an eyebrow. “He sets the standard so high. Sometimes I’m just like, ‘Chill, dude. I can’t do everything. I’m not you.’ “

PJ snorts at that, giggling. “You call God dude?” They’re all laughing now, but Dan can’t believe it-he wants to jump in.

“Can I ask a dumb question?” His voice is a bit quiet but inquisitive. “Isn’t God supposed to be loving and forgiving? Why does He want you guys to be perfect? That sounds kind of...harsh.”

“Well, He knows we’re not perfect.” Phil says, and another guy nods.

“He asks for us to be because it strives us to be better. And it teaches us that messing up is okay.” The conversation keeps up for a bit before Caroline interrupts, asking them to focus on the latter half of the passage.

PJ narrows his eyes at the text before looking up. “Am I really gonna die if I sin?” “Well, sin was what led us away from eternal life in the first place-Adam and Eve kinda messed that up for us.”

“Yeah, but our personal sins can lead us to death, too. Not just old sins. That’s what God’s warning us about here.”

“Not every sin does, though. Like mixed-fabric shirts.” Louise grinned a little. “Or grabbing dudes by their nads during fights.” PJ’s eyes widened and he turned to Phil. “Are those actual rules?!” “It was a different time!” Phil giggled as he watched him flip through the pages quickly.

“Where does it say we can’t grab nads?’ “Can we stop saying nads in church?” Phil pointed out, still laughing despite his red face.

Caroline tuts and wags a finger playfully. “Uh-uh, Philip. No judgment. They can talk about nads all they want, now.”

The entire room is laughing again as Phil buries his face in his hands. Finally, when he controls his giggles, Caroline speaks again. “Do you think talking about that kind of stuff in church is a sin, Phil?”

It’s teasing at first, but Phil actually thinks about it for a moment.

“Well...my household was pretty strict growing up. I mean, I got yelled at once for just sneezing during church.” He admits slowly and Dan’s eyebrows furrow a little. He can’t imagine either of Phil’s parents yelling at him, or anyone, really. “But I get why it was. They wanted me to love God, and respect Him, just like they loved and respected me and I loved and respected them. So I think if you do things with love, genuine love, it’s not a sin. But if you do things out of hate, or anger, or with the intention of hurting, that’s a sin. And that’s not automatically bad-like T’andra said, we’re all gonna make mistakes. Just keep on acting with love, and I think you’re good.” There’s a pause, and Dan’s face flushes slightly. Not just at how much Phil was saying “love”, but the words he spoke, and the true thought and passion behind them.

The moment is cut short when PJ snorts. “So if I love nads, I can talk about them to Jesus?”

By the time the room is back under control, the group is over. “Y’know, that was actually pretty fun.” Chris said after they had all grabbed snacks and talked to everyone.

“It was! It was like...philosophical debate.” Dan said. “The real nitty-gritty. The topics of good, evil, life, death, corruption-” Louise shoved him gently. “So deep, Dan. Of course you enjoyed it.” She joked lightly before adding “No offense, Phil!” Phil doesn’t seem to care-he’s grinning so wide it must be hurting his cheeks, and Dan would be lying if he isn’t tempted to start reading the whole Bible from cover to cover just to see him grin like that again.

Phil also manages to bring them to actual church services a couple of times (though getting college students out of bed before noon on a weekend proves to be a practically impossible task).

Dan has to admit he’s not as impressed with this as he is with the study group. The group is fun-they can all talk, and laugh, and actually discuss the points. Church is...not. They sit on hard pews. They listen. They stand and sit and kneel and stand and sit and kneel. They sing a few songs, and while Phil’s quiet baritone makes Dan’s sore knees quiver, it’s not enough to really warrant him waking up at 8AM on a weekend.

Phil is politely understanding of this, though it’s clear that this is of certain importance to him that his friends might not ever understand. It’s admirable if nothing else.

Other than storytelling from his childhood (which does little to make him seem more normal, honestly) and the weekly study, though, Phil doesn’t talk too much about the church to his other friends. Dan, however, is different. Maybe it’s just the fact that they live together and their space is more shared, but Phil opens up to Dan a bit more about it. He reads passages and verses to Dan, he prays in front of him, and he answers his questions in a non-condescending way. Dan has to admit that while he likes what Phil says, he can’t find himself connecting to it in the way Phil has, with his entire heart and soul. But Dan can admire the stories and the way his friend sees the world, and this new world that he’s entering with him.

It’s been a month of them being friends when Dan realizes that he’s seeing the world in two ways-Dan’s universe, and Phil’s universe. They’re so different, but (and he’s sure he’d never admit this out loud) Dan prefers when their universes collide.

When Dan comes home after a long day of classes and working at the campus bookstore, he’s exhausted. The soft music fades through the room as he opens the door to find Phil chewing on a pen, looking just as anxious as him. “I think my brain is leaking out my ears,” Phil said wearily, looking over the top of his glasses at Dan. “Do I have brain on my desk?” Dan snorts and rolls his eyes, reaching over and grabbing his textbook. “We need a break. And you need sleep-I know you took that second all-nighter last night, rule-breaker.” “Fine. Watch something with me?” He says after a moment, grabbing his laptop. They load up an episode of Zoey101 (they’d finished Victorious the week before) and hit play.

As the bars from the theme song fade out, Dan suddenly feels a strange pressure on his shoulder. He glances over and finds Phil with his cheek pressed to Dan’s shoulder, glasses sliding down his nose as he lets out a soft snore. Dan pauses the show, and for a brief moment, it’s just the two of them. Dan and Phil.

He lives for those moments: Getting coffee after a class. Sending each other memes. Trying new food at the dining hall. Brief greetings in the halls. Shared looks as they hang out with their friend group.

It’s been a month of them being friends when Dan realizes he's never fallen quite this hard before. He doesn’t just want to make out, all hot and heavy, or go further than just that. He just wants this-Dan and Phil-forever, even just as friends. He didn’t expect to find that in this pale, bible-banging weirdo, but now that he does he never wants to let him go.

Dan’s getting that feeling now more and more, the Dan and Phil feeling when they’re in the study group a few weeks later. They’re both sat towards the back, trying (and failing) to hold back laughter as they’re hunched over Dan’s Bible.

“I have compared thee, O my love, to a company of horses in Pharaoh's chariots. Thy cheeks are comely with rows of jewels, thy neck with chains of gold. We will make thee borders of gold with studs of silver…” Phil says under his breath in a low, gravelly tone.

Dan turns to the next page. “O my dove, that art in the clefts of the rock, in the secret places of the stairs, let me see thy countenance, let me hear thy voice; for sweet is thy voice, and thy countenance is comely. Take us the foxes, the little foxes, that spoil the vines: for our vines have tender grapes!” He whispers, still trying to make his voice sound high-pitched.

“Behold, thou art fair, my love; behold, thou art fair; thou hast doves' eyes within thy locks: thy hair is as a flock of goats, that appear from mount Gilead. Thy teeth are like a flock of sheep that are even shorn, which came up from-”

“Dan, Phil, I’m guessing you both are whispering about how excited you are about our retreat at Camp Brabeck?”

The two both fall silent, Dan quickly glancing between Phil and Caroline, her smile wearing a bit thin from having to call them out. Phil’s eyes are wide, suddenly all signs of laughter gone. “Camp Brabeck?” He squeaks out, and the leader nods.

“On our upcoming four-day weekend. It’s up North, so it’ll be a bit of a drive, but we’ve already got the vans rented out and everything.” She says before noticing Phil’s sudden change in demeanor. “Phil, you’re from around there, actually. Have you been before?”

Phil blinks a few times before nodding, curling up into his seat a little. “O-Oh. Well, I actually did, once, but-”

“Great! So you’ll be down to come, right? We’ve got more space in the van, and it’ll be fun…” Caroline says hopefully, not letting him argue as he starts shaking his head. “Plus, if you’ve already been there, you can tell us all about it! C’mon, this is right up your alley. I think you’ll-” “I’ll go if Dan does.” Phil blurts out suddenly, looking nervously over at. Dan’s definitely confused now-Phil loves the outdoors. He loves this group. He loves-well, to be fair, Phil seems to love most things. He’s racking his brain trying to figure out what it could be, but he just can’t, and now all eyes are on him, and-

“I mean...as long as someone brings bug spray.” Dan says slowly, Caroline beaming and writing on her clipboard before talking excitedly about the campground. The two stay quiet, Dan focusing on Phil’s eyes trained on her and hands gripping his Bible so tightly that his knuckles turn white.

The minute the group ends Phil makes a beeline to the door, walking so fast that Dan can’t catch up without actually chasing him. Dan’s phone dings a short moment later:

Sorry 2 run! Had 2 catch up w some1 4 a thing. Thx 4 signing up w me ^_^ - Phil!

Dan furrows his eyebrows, and not for the normal reason of Phil’s stupid abbreviations and the fact he insists upon signing all his texts. He’s trying to piece the pieces together from the few characters on his screen when Louise puts a hand on his shoulder. “So what was all that about?” She asks with a raised eyebrow, giggling a bit as she gives his arm a light squeeze. “What did you show him that spooked him so bad?” Before Dan can speak, Chris is at his side.

“He’s just embarrassed that Dan was flirting with him during the Jesus Power Hour.” “Dan, were you?” Louise gasped teasingly, and Dan sputters a bit, sliding his phone into his jacket pocket. “Chris-what?! No, no, I wasn’t flirting. I wasn’t! He just-when she mentioned the retreat-and the camp-” Dan’s face is bright red now, suddenly the words from Solomon seem a lot less goofy and a lot more...romantic, to outsiders, with their heads bowed together with dumb grins on their faces.

Louise and Chris shoot Dan equally doubtful looks. “Dan-” She starts, but Dan grits his teeth.

“We’re not-neither of us are like that.” He snaps. As she steps back and Chris raises an eyebrow, guilt starts to pool in his stomach, but he can’t stop. “For one, I’m not gay, and two, Phil is gonna be a priest, remember? Aren’t they, like, sworn to celibacy?”

Chris and Louise glance at each other. “Mate...chill, yeah? We were just joking. We know you’re not...y’know.” “Good.” Dan said before turning and stomping up the steps, the unnerving sense that the painting of Jesus had his eyes following him the whole way.

A few minutes later, Dan is sitting in the back garden of the church that Phil helps tend to after services, the wind whipping through his hair. Usually, he’d be walking to a Starbucks with Phil, discussing that session’s theme in-depth and watching Phil’s face turn pink as Dan releases the string of expletives he’s been holding in for an entire hour. The expletives are running through his head at top speed, as he spends about three minutes crafting the perfect text message.

hey, i’m sorry if i weirded you out today! didn’t mean to haha. i was goofing off way too much and i know you take these meetings p seriously. i’ll take it more seriously next time and not distract you

Dan hits send after rereading it about a million times, groaning audibly as he does. It’s not exactly a “Sorry I have a crush on you and made you seem gay but I get you’ll never like me and that’s fine I just wanna spend all my time with you”, but it’s the best he can do.

No worries! OMGosh I was just embarrassed 2 b called out like that hahaha! 0_o <= Literally my face. I was def the 1 who was whispering 2 loud. Lol! -Phil!

dude, it was totally on me. Dan texts back, chewing on his bottom lip. Phil had looked pretty freaked out, but if he was fine, maybe they could just...move past it? really, i started it.

Noooooooo! I take all the blame. I had some cookies b4 group and I was on major sugar rush. Btw...I had some of those cookies ur nan sent! Sorry, I’ll buy some snacks 4 us. Ask her to send more, tho? So good <3 Thank u! Take dancing men as an apology (/-_-)/ |(-_-|) -Phil!

okay, seriously, who taught you to text like this? my head hurts trying to decipher everything

DANCING MEN 4 U (/-_-)/ |(-_-\) ~(*-*)~ (/-_-)/ |(-_-\) -Phil!

you’re ridiculous. Dan can’t help but laugh, in spite of the churning feeling in his stomach. He drops his phone onto the grass next to him and looks up at the sky.

“If you know Phil so well, big guy, what do I do?” He asks before he can stop himself, before pausing. Half of him expects a thunderstorm to start, and him to get struck by lightning, or a rainbow to leap across the sky and the clouds to part to show Phil’s shining face as the sun. But after a few long moments of silence, Dan realizes he’s not going to get any divine intervention and groans.

“Well...let me know when you figure it out.”

The next couple of weeks go by quickly. Everything seems normal-they go to classes, they go to work, they go to group, they goof off. The four-day weekend creeps upon them, but before they know it the whole group is up at 6AM standing in front of a huge white van.

“This isn’t cult-ish at all.” PJ yawns, chucking his duffle bag into the trunk. Louise sips her coffee and squints over at Phil.

“This has to be a sin, you know. Not giving a girl her beauty sleep.” Usually, Phil would spout something about “being beautiful in His eyes”, but right now he’s getting the same sense of panic in his eyes that he had when the camp was first mentioned, laughing weakly as he adjusts his glasses. Dan is just awake enough to get the sense that Phil has been repressing the idea of the trip until this exact moment, but he also knows just how to fix it. He had been stockpiling on Phil knowledge for this exact moment.

Phil jumps a bit as Dan nudges him. “Relax. Listen, I know what’s up.” He says quietly, watching as his friend’s eyes widen and a blush spreads across his cheeks.

“What?!” Phil yelps a bit as Dan gently leads him away from the rest of the group. “I mean...what do you know? What’s up?” He asks quietly, fiddling with the strap of his messenger bag.

Dan holds back a fond noise as he smiles gently, shaking his head. “No need to be embarrassed, Phil. My mom went through the same thing for years.” As Phil looks more and more concerned, wringing his hands, Dan digs in his own backpack for a moment before pulling out a small box of Dramamine and handing it to him. “So you don’t upchuck all over us.”

There’s a beat as Phil stares down at the box, eyes wide, and Dan almost thinks he’s got it wrong. Does Phil not get carsick? Was he insulted? Was he really that embarrassed by it?

Phil finally starts to giggle, but it seems more relieved than anything. He nudges Dan lightly and opens his mouth to speak.

“Ah, Dan and Phil! The dynamic duo. You two can sit in the back with the bags!” Caroline’s voice cuts through whatever Phil’s about to say, and he turns to Dan with a small shrug.

“Looks like it’ll just be you I puke on.” He says, a slight grin on his face as he pulls the door open for Dan, who rolls his eyes but steps in “Gotta get you a poncho for the splash zone.” Dan gags playfully before squeezing in to sit next to Phil amongst all the bags, rolling his eyes and plugging his earbuds in before holding out one bud to Phil and turning on their shared playlist-a mix of indie, Christian rock, (mostly clean) emo jams, and Disney Channel top hits. It’s not the most welcoming thing to listen to at 6AM, but if it keeps Phil calm and Dan from actually needing a poncho, he’ll welcome it.

The majority of the drive is spent in and out of sleep for Dan, guitar chords and vocals bouncing around his sleep-deprived brain. He’s not fully conscious until around noon when they’re about an hour away from the camp. The roads are getting twisty, and it’s then that he notices that Phil has his eyes screwed shut and face scrunched up, both hands shoved into his messenger bag. It only takes a slight peek for Dan to see his fingers curled tightly around his well-worn Bible, and he bites his lip.

Phil talks about leaps of faith a lot in group. Dan doesn’t quite get it, but he’s pretty sure he’s taking one when he slides his hand into the other’s bag and gently coaxes Phil’s hand into his own. The young man stiffens up for a moment before turning to stare at Dan with wide eyes.

“Shush. It’ll help nausea.” Dan mumbles, his own face red and praying that Phil won’t ask how exactly it will. There’s a pause before Phil smiles weakly, turning his face away, and Dan is about five seconds away from opening the van door and hurtling himself onto the road.

Phil’s probably just been playing nice, and now Dan’s gone and made it uncomfortable for the both of them, and Phil can’t even look at him. Dan’s whole body turns hot, but right before he can pull away, he feels Phil’s slender fingers intertwine with his own.

It’s not the first time they’ve held hands-they do it at the start and end of study groups, and at church, and that one time Phil got them all to hold hands while standing on a hill to reenact the ending of High School Musical 2 for his Instagram. Dan was a bit flustered then, too. But this is different. It’s...intimate. Phil’s never held his hand with such need before, fingers locked with his and palm quivering gently as he mouths a silent “thank you.” Dan feels his entire body buzz, and he can’t help but close his eyes and try to focus on the music and not the fact that he feels like he’s literally twelve years old.

The rest of the ride somehow takes an eternity and only a minute before the van stops, Chris bemoaning his hunger loudly and the rest chattering excitedly. Phil finally opens his eyes and turns to Dan, slowly pulling his hand away.

They both look at their hands, and then back at each other. There’s a long pause before he opens his mouth, and Dan’s heart starts pounding so hard he’s surprised Phil can’t hear it.

All that Dan has thought about them staying platonic goes out the window. Dan wants nothing more than to lunge forward and shove his lips against Phil’s, to run his hands through his hair, to climb into his lap and- “I didn’t puke!” Phil blurts out loudly, loud enough that everyone hears. The group falls silent before one of the other young men, Raz, gives Phil a thumbs up. “Good for you, bud. C’mon, let’s get these bags up to the cabin, and then we can get some food to celebrate.” Phil laughs a bit too hard at that, face bright red. As he clamors out of the van he leaves Dan in the backseat, trying to climb over the mountain of bags as he watches his friend chatter away as if nothing happened. He watches for a moment before shaking his head quickly, trying to erase the memory from his mind. He was just making things more complicated than they needed to be. They didn’t share a moment. No way.

Dan hauls his bag over his shoulder and walks along with PJ and Lou, struggling to stop the loop of those ten seconds from playing in his head.

Dan liked that the Bible study group wasn’t too Jesus-y. It was more philosophical than anything. Even church was just an hour a week on the weeks he went, which was really only once a month when Phil promised brunch afterward.

This weekend, he and his friends had realized, seemed to be where the group could get enough Jesus to last them until the next retreat. It started with grace before lunch-simple enough. But then a pastor had started to preach to them during lunch. And then after lunch. And then afternoon Bible study-for two hours, with a lot more reading and praying than actual discussion. Pj, Chris, and Louise were clearly trying not to fall asleep, while Phil sat off a bit, eyes trained on either the priest or his Bible, hugging himself tightly as he stayed completely silent.

“It’s just so boring!” Louise groaned once they were all finally outside and out of earshot. “I’m sorry, I know this is what you want to do with the rest of your life, Phil, but we’re in nature! Why are we just stuck in some stuffy room listening to an old dude read for hours when we can see the cool stuff God apparently built for us?” “God wants me to climb some of those rocks over there.” PJ agreed, snapping a few pictures on his phone. “He tried to call me earlier to tell me so, but reception sucks here.”

Phil laughed a bit, but it’s definitely more hollow than his normal giggles. “I’m sorry, I-I really thought-”

“Wait. Haven’t you been here before?” Louise asked as PJ started jogging over to the huge rocks, Chris following shortly after. Phil paused before rubbing the back of his neck. “I-I mean, yeah, but-”

They’re both cut off by someone calling Phil’s name, and he whirls around to see the priest-the same “old dude” Louise had just been insulting-walk over and clap a hand on Phil’s shoulder. “Philip, you must have grown a full foot since I last saw you!” Dan glances over at Phil with a slightly surprised look. He knew Phil had been here before, sure. But to know this man? Someone who seemed so different from Phil in so many ways?

“O-Oh, Father Richard. Hey. Guys, Father Richard worked at the camp I came to a-a couple of years ago.” “And Philip was one of the finest boys there, wasn’t he?” If the man notices Phil shift from one foot to the other nervously, he sure doesn’t show it. “I mean, they were all wonderful young men, don’t get me wrong. But Philip-you’re truly going to be a man of the cloth. Don’t you both think?” Dan is watching Father Richard’s face closely, immediately feeling himself wanting to leave the conversation as soon as possible. If it wasn’t for Phil, he’d have made an excuse and walked off by now. It seems like Louise isn’t thrilled, either, but she smiles and nods a bit. “It’s clearly his passion, uh, Father Richard.”

“Oh, absolutely. As long as he keeps his head out of the clouds.” He throws his head back and laughs, Phil’s grin looking more like a grimace as he chuckles along. “I swear, this boy would lose his head if it wasn’t attached to him!” “I think Phil’s pretty smart, actually.” Dan says suddenly, a good bit of bite to his tone. He’s not sure why, but something about this guy gives him the creeps. He stares him in the eyes as he gets a surprised look from both him and Phil.

After a moment, he clears his throat. “Well...I suppose he’s matured a lot over the past two years. Good to see you again, boy. We’ll have to catch up.” With that he heads off, giving Dan a slightly curious look as he does so, and Phil watches him go before shaking his head.

“Jeez. Phil Lester Fan Club over here.” Louise teased gently before frowning. “What’s his deal?” Phil bit his lip and sighed. “That’s how he is.” He explained quietly, yelping as Louise pulled him into a tight hug.

“Philly…” She cooed before moving to sit on the grass with him, motioning for Dan to do the same. “Talk to us? You’re not usually closed off like this. We know something’s up.” Phil squirms, and Dan can tell he’s debating whether or not to lie. He’s seen it before-when Chris asked if he looked good in his new neon t-shirt, or when some girl asked him once if she was being too annoying after complaining about her roommate to them for five minutes straight. “I just...I came to this camp when I was younger and had different ideas than I do now.” He explains finally.

“Like how interesting that Richard guy was?” Dan tries to joke, instantly regretting it as Phil brings his knees to his chest and curls up into himself.

His voice gets quiet, as it does sometimes when things get serious in group meetings and he’s comforting someone with a verse or trying to explain a tough concept to Dan.

“Like...I was raised to think God ruled with a vengeance. If you sinned in any way, He would punish you. That’s what my parents said. We were supposed to fear Him, y’know? And when I came here...Father Richard pushed that hard.” Phil explained gently. “But I don’t think God’s like that. I think we’re all sinners-we all make mistakes. James 3:2 and all that. God loves us in spite of our flaws. Hearing him talk about God like he was so cruel, and then reading about His love for us...it was the first time it didn’t add up for me.”

Dan’s eyes widened. In all his time of knowing Phil-two months doesn’t sound like much, but it feels like a lifetime ago-he’s never once heard him speak against his parent’s beliefs. Sure, he could admit that they were a bit extreme at times, but it was always quickly followed with how their intentions were good and that everything had been great.

“And as someone who wants to be a priest, I don’t think the way to get people to turn to God is to scream at them until they repent and scare them into not sinning. I think you need to be like Jesus. Hate the sin, love the sinner.” He continued, forcing a tiny smile as he rubbed the back of his neck. “Because we’re all His children, after all. And He’s got a path for all of us-fear won’t guide us onto that.”

There’s a moment of silence before Louise reaches down, giving his hair an affectionate tousle. “You start preaching like that and I’ll come to your church every Sunday. I’ll even sing in the choir.” She joked. A slow beam spread across Phil’s face-a a genuine one, and he stood up before pulling her into a tight hug.

“Thank you.” He whispered. “Thank you both. I-If I had known he would’ve been here, I’d have at least warned you-”

“Shush, mate. You had no idea. Trust me, you’re way too much of a softie to lie to us, we know that.” Dan laughed a bit, giving Phil’s back a light pat. Phil giggled a bit before pulling away, taking a deep breath.

“Wanna go make sure Chris and Peej don’t crack their heads open?” He said finally, and before they could say anything the two of them were taking off towards the rocks, Dan chasing after both of them. Despite his grin, he still couldn’t help but feel like his head was heavy with questions. Father Richard had seemed boring, and a bit grumpy, but not angry. Were Phil’s changing beliefs really all that had happened?

Phil had seemed relieved to talk for a bit, but the mood shifted again once evening activities started. Father Richard had preached again during dinner-and again, nothing terrible happened. He made a few dry jokes, he talked about having “complete and total faith”, he read some long passages that Dan didn’t care about. He was too busy glancing over at Phil next to him, who had left his food practically untouched.

Then there are evening vespers, with Phil’s hands clenched together so tightly in prayer that his knuckles turn white and his fingernails dig into the skin. The firepit seems to be going well-he shares a s’more with Dan, but before he could get another he’s pulled aside by Father Richard. Dan’s sure at one point the two glance over at Dan, but then Phil’s walking back over, trying to look interested in some story one of the group members is telling as he brings his knees to his chest. Even Chris and PJ seem to notice that something’s going on, but with a pointed look from Dan, they give him some space.

They turn in for the night, but Dan wakes up way too early to find Phil curled up on his bunk pouring over his Bible. The bags under his eyes tell Dan that he didn’t sleep a wink last night, and he sighs. “C’mon, you gotta show me where the showerhouse is.” He says gently, and Phil looks up at him with a tired laugh. “Do I?” He teased weakly. After a minute though, he sits up and stretches. “Mmm...fine. But no chickening out.” With that he hops down from the bunk, peeling off his shirt before walking over to his bag.

Dan’s pretty sure he gulps audibly as Phil grabs a change of clothes and a towel, eyes wandering over him. Though Phil braved the communal showers at Uni, he was always sure to change in the stall-Dan had never seen him in so much as a pair of shorts that went higher than his knees. And yet, here he was. Dan would feel guilty about watching him, especially considering he knew Phil was having a tough time, but…

He couldn’t help it. His best friend looked hot as hell from behind. He couldn’t help but admire his slim frame, his lean but toned arms, and when he turned around, the slight smattering of chest hair that slowly turned into a happy trail that crept lower, into-

“I’m telling you now, if you forget a towel you’ll regret it.” He said, voice still low from sleep, and Dan snapped his head up. “Towel! Right! Let me go grab that.” He squeaked and quickly moved to grab it, trying to hide his flushed cheeks as he snagged a change of clothes as well. By the time he looked up Phil was already heading for the door, humming under his breath, and Dan followed him quickly.

After a few moments of silence, Phil spoke. “Father Richard is leaving tonight, so you won’t have to sit through his lectures after today. He’s just stopping by to talk to us. So we’ll have less worship-y stuff and more free time tomorrow.” Phil glanced over at Dan. “Sorry if I’m weird about it. I just..y’know.”

Dan nodded and relaxed into the shared feeling of relief, even if he didn’t exactly know what Phil was talking about. Before he could ask, though, they were at the small building-just a row of four stalls that looked like bathroom stalls, built out of wood. As Dan stepped inside and stripped-definitely not thinking about how Phil was doing the same just inches away, especially as he heard his sweatpants hit the ground-he rubbed his eyes. “Is there coffee here?”

“Oh, trust me, you don’t need coffee here.” Phil laughed a bit, a genuine one, and Dan raised an eyebrow, glancing over at where his head peeked over the stall.

“Dude, I’ve seen you-sweet fuck!” Dan shrieked as he turned the single knob on and freezing cold water shot out of a showerhead on the ceiling. “How the fuck do you get the hot water?!”

Phil was really laughing now, his witch cackle carrying over Dan’s screams. “No hot water at camp.” He sang playfully. “And no swearing, either, but-”

“Christ on a bike, no wonder you were fucking miserable here!” The words come out before he can realize it, and suddenly he freezes (as well as he can while shivering like mad), but Phil only laughs harder.

“You’re ridiculous, you know that?” Dan can hear the grin in his voice, and he lets out a long breath. “Whatever. Shitting fucking fuck! Let’s get this over with.”

Dan somehow manages to survive the worst shower of his life, his hair curling as he towels himself off before tugging on clothes and leaving the showerhouse. If it wasn’t for the bright smile on Phil’s face, he’d say it wasn’t worth it. But at least for right now, Phil is his old, giggly self again, and Dan comes to the realization he’d do just about anything to keep him like that.

Unfortunately for Dan, it doesn’t last long. As they’re walking back to the cabin, Phil glances across the way and sees Father Richard, walking through the trees. “Oh, shoot, c’mon-” Phil grabs Dan’s arm and tugs him along a bit faster, not looking behind him for nearly a full minute. As he glances over and sees the look on Dan’s face he finally stops, sighing softly. The joy from before is gone. “Sorry. I just...too early to try to handle that right now.” “Yeah, yeah, of course. Let’s just get going to the cabin, yeah? I’m still freezing.” Dan jokes weakly, and Phil tries to crack a smile, still looking uncomfortable as they walk along the trail in silence.

The rest of the day is disturbingly similar to yesterday, and the whole group is sensing that Phil is just...off. He’s usually eager to jump into discussions, but even when Father Richard gives them the chance to talk, Phil seems totally holed up in himself, mumbling something about wanting to give others a time to speak (which pushes the topic along to Louise, who fumbles it totally and is earned a condescending smile from Father Richard).

By lunch, Dan thinks he can’t sit through another hour of this. By mid-afternoon, he’s considering faking being possessed by Satan. And by dinner, he’s come up with about forty ways to fake the possession. The only reason keeping him from doing so is that when he mutters it to PJ he tells him to wait until after dinner-if he keeps Chris from food, he’ll have bigger things to worry about than a camp full of religious fanatics thinking he’s possessed.

They set the tables and then get in line to eat dinner. Dan immediately realizes Phil isn’t anywhere to be found, exchanging concerned looks with Louise. When they get five minutes into dinner and realize that Father Richard is also missing, he starts to worry.

What if Father Richard was...well, what would he do?

The truth is, Dan doesn’t know what the big deal is with this guy. He honestly doesn’t seem to be too bad, but the control he has over Phil’s emotions is genuinely weird. Still, he doesn’t want to cause a scene.

“Hey, Caroline!” He says, quickly jogging over to the young woman, and she gives Dan a kind smile. “Dan, hey! How have you been enjoying this so far?” She asked gently, resting a hand on his arm. “I know it can be intense, considering your, um...well, you weren’t exactly in the church before you joined us, and-”

“Caroline, it’s all great, but do you know where Phil is?”

She smiles and gives Dan’s arm a squeeze. “I’m so glad you two found each other, you know that? You guys are like-”

“Caroline.”

“Okay, okay. I won’t be mushy, even if you guys are my favorite freshmen.” She winked before waving her hand towards the door. “He’s out by the lake with Father Rich. They go way back, did you know?”

Dan nods slowly. It’s clearly not the answer he wanted, because Caroline leans in. “Don’t tell him I said this, but trust me, Phil’s not choosing Father Richard over you. You’re still his BFF.”

Wonderful. That’s the reassurance he needed right now, that Phil wasn’t going to choose a 65-year-old man to be his ‘BFF”. He manages to smile and thank Caroline before going to wait on the mess hall deck. If Richard was going to drag Phil away, then dammit, he was going to be the first to talk to him when he got back.

Phil doesn’t come back up to the mess hall for at least another hour. His eyes are rimmed red, and he’s alone. The second Dan hears his footsteps he shoots up. “Phil!” He shouts after he yanks his earbuds out, and Phil lets out a yelp, laughing shakily. “Oh my God, did he-did he make you cry?!”

Phil rubs his eyes quickly and giggles weakly. “Dan, I cry at everything. We cried together over that muffin in the dining hall on Wednesday, remember?”

Dan doesn’t look convinced in the slightest, but suddenly Phil’s arms are pulling him into a long hug. “We just had a long talk. Don’t tell me I missed anything?”

“They went on some dumb night hike, but-don’t tell me you wanted to go on the night hike?” He asked as he saw the disappointment on Phil’s face, frowning. “We can go! We can go right now, and meet them, and-” “Dan. Breathe, okay?” He giggled and led Dan inside. “Our group can go on our own little night hike tomorrow, I’ll survive. Besides. I haven’t gotten to spend time with you these past couple of days, and I’ve missed you.” Phil’s voice is a bit softer, and he gives him a shy smile.

Dan’s face turns red and he sits down in one of the faded couches, Phil flopping next to him. “It’s only been, like, a day and a half.” He mumbles.

“It’s been a long day and a half.” Dan nods slowly, looking up at Phil. “Is he gone?” “Yep. Just left camp now. Didn’t wanna make a fuss.” Dan can’t help but roll his eyes a bit at that, shaking his head. “Now, c’mon. Can we talk about something fun? Like…” He reaches out and snatches up an old copy of Women’s Health from a bin by the fireplace, clearly meant for kindling. “What advice can we find for two lovely women like ourselves?”

As he flutters his eyelashes at him, Dan can’t help but laugh, grabbing the magazine from him. The two swap it back and forth, giggling like children at the stupid advice and making fun of all the pictures. The tension from before melts away, and suddenly it’s just Dan and Phil, the two of them being absolute idiots and laughing over nothing. After the last day and a half, it feels amazing to just laugh.

When they finish that one they go to the next one in the bin. They read through issues of Runner’s World, Golf Digest, Christian Living, Better Homes and Gardens, and even a Highlights before Phil’s stomach lets out a loud growl.

“Oooh, I need some food. Why don’t I go grab us some snacks from the kitchen? There’s some board games in one of the closets, find something for us to play?”

With that, he’s up and going into the kitchen, and Dan wanders over to one of the closet doors. Sure enough, he sees some old board game boxes peeking out behind some moving boxes. Dan goes to move one out of the way when he catches a peek of the pile of brochures inside. His eyes run over the text and clip-art outline of a strong-looking man. Program Judges 6:12 at Camp Brabeck: For teen boys and young men struggling with sexual impurity.

Sexual impurity? Dan grabs the brochure and flips it open.

Today, our young men are raised in a culture where abnormal lifestyles are being accepted, even praised and celebrated. It’s no wonder that more youth than ever before are turning out oversexualized and confused, and more than ever are struggling with same-sex desires...

From there on, the words start to blur together for Dan, and he flips the brochure over.

And then Dan sees it. In the top corner is Father Richard, smiling wide.

With his hand on Phil’s shoulder.

Dan feels his stomach churn violently as he looks at younger Phil. There’s no way it could be anyone else. Even if he’s a bit shorter, and his hair isn’t dyed, Dan’s studied Phil’s face long enough to know it’s him. As Dan grips the picture frame in his hands, Phil’s words from yesterday come back to him, hitting his chest like rocks.

“Hate the sin, love the sinner.”

Phil worked with Father Richard, at this-this “camp”, this place. They worked together.

“God loves us in spite of our flaws.”

Not only was Phil not gay, thus extinguishing the slightest bit of hope he had, but Phil was actively homophobic. Phil worked at a bloody conversion therapy site, for fuck’s sake.

“He’s got a path for all of us.”

Phil wasn’t uncomfortable about Father Richard-he was uncomfortable about Dan and their friends being around Father Richard, and them finding out just what a homophobic, lying, fake-

“I found Pop-Tarts!”

Phil’s voice interrupts the swirling thoughts in his head, and he slowly turns, holding the brochure up. “Were you ever going to mention this?” Phil’s face goes pale. “I...Where did you…” He whispers, but Dan growls. Actually growls. Red hot anger is taking control now as days, weeks, months, years of suffocated emotions rises to the top suddenly. A lifetime of not fitting in, a lifetime of hiding, and to be rejected by Phil-like this.

“Nice pic of you and your friend, Phil. You worked with him on this? You and Richard, two pals-and you knew we’d judge you for it, so you just decided not to tell us?!”

“Wait, wait, Dan, no. It’s not like that. That’s not what-” Phil tries to butt in. Dan isn’t having it.

“Do you realize what kind of damage you do to people, Phil?! You can’t act like-like Little Mr. Innocent about this, this is some seriously fucked up shit you’ve done!” Dan’s properly yelling now, getting to his feet and not even stopping as Phil cowers back. “And-And worst of all, you hid it from us! You talk like you love everyone, hiding behind your stupid flowery language, but you’re a total fucking hateful dick!”

Phil suddenly stands as well, putting his hands in front of his chest, but irritation is creeping into his voice. “Daniel. Listen to me, you don’t understand. I’m not hateful-” “Oh-Oh yeah? Not hateful, huh? Not hateful when you say ‘gay is an artificial construct, created to celebrate people’s sinful homosexual desires’? Or when your stupid fucking camp goes to ‘remove young men from their unhealthy environment to bring them to Jesus and see the errors they’re making’?” Dan’s reading directly from the pamphlet now. “That doesn’t sound loving, Phil!”

“Dan, let me-” “There is literally nothing you could say to make this better. You think you’re helping, don’t you? But you’re just-just spreading hate, and-” Dan’s words are cut off as Phil suddenly grabs him by the back of his head, pulling him into a hard kiss. For possibly the first time in his life, Dan is rendered speechless, especially a few moments later when Phil pulls away and his eyes well up.

“Dan…” He choked out, sinking down onto the couch and starting to sob. “I didn’t-I didn’t-” After a moment he grabs the brochure weakly. “I didn’t work at the camp.” He chokes out finally, and Dan just stands frozen in place. “I was a camper.”

Dan hates that he doesn’t know whether he should trust him or not. But...this is Phil, crying ugly, hard sobs, and he can’t help but feel his heart break in two. “A...camper?” He asks slowly, moving to sit next to him but keeping his distance.

Phil lets out a pained noise but nods. “I signed up to go. Because I kept having these-these dreams, and these urges. And I thought if I did everything right, if I listened to Father R-Richard…” He has to stop himself to catch his breath as it comes quicker, curling into himself and resting his head on his knees. “I thought if I could be perfect, I could b-be like him. A priest. A husband, to a wife. A father to my k-kids. An ex-homosexual.” He said, tears streaming down his face. “Dan, I-I tried so hard…” Dan frowns, running a hand through his hair slowly. “You can’t just-I mean, I don’t think it works like that, Phil,” Dan says after a moment, and Phil nods quickly. “I know, I know. God knows I know. They tried everything on m-me. I mean, everything. But the more they did, the more angry I got, with myself, with Richard, with God. I hated God, Dan, I hated him so much, and I did all this stuff…” Dan can’t stop himself but reaching out and taking his hand at that, and Phil clings to it almost instantly. “I lied, and I ripped up my Bible, and I did stuff with the other guys there…”

Dan blinked a few times. For Phil, that was intense, and he can hear the guilt and true sorrow in his voice. “You-I mean, no offense, but kissing a few guys and tearing up a book aren’t exactly unforgivable sins.” He says, hoping to bring him comfort. To his surprise, Phil laughs sadly.

“I did more than just kiss, trust me. When Richard found me in the showers with one of the guys-”

At that Dan’s eyes nearly bug out of his head. Phil, who half an hour ago was blushing at ads for tampons, in the showers with a guy? “He-He decided I needed more intense therapy. It was hours and hours of just being told how disgusting I was, being shown these videos, being preached at, b-but I couldn’t help it. I couldn’t stop feeling like I did.”

“Phil…” Dan feels his broken heart finally crumble. He pulls him into a hug, letting him sob into his hair.

“F-Finally I just lied my way th-through it. That’s what m-most of us do. And then I was th-the big success story, and they took that dumb picture, and it was finally over. I went home, and I was so mad I decided I’d go through my Bible-the nice, new one my parents had bought me, when they heard that ‘somebody’ tore up my old one-to s-see how wrong I was before and how terrible He was. So I stayed up for nearly a week, no school, no nothing. Just reading.”

Phil pulled away to reach out, grabbing his copy of the Bible from his bag “ And as I read, I…”

He took a deep breath as he opened it up and slowly turned the pages, motioning to the Post-Its and notes littering the scripture. “I didn’t find that. I found a God that wanted me to love-He wanted me to love my family, and my friends, and my neighbors, and-and guys. He wanted me to love you. He wanted me to love you, romantically.” At that, Dan feels his heart stop and he gently moves to look Phil in the eyes. “You really think that?” He whispered, Phil nodding quickly as he ran a hand through Dan’s hair.

“God gave us all the ability to love-fully, and deeply, and wonderfully. And-And I love you, so much. I didn’t want to freak you out, and I’m not ready to be out, but-” This time it’s Dan’s turn to cut him off with a slower, gentler kiss. “Shh. We don’t have to tell anyone.” He murmured.

“It can just be us?” Phil asked in a small voice. “Just you and me?”

At that, Dan is pretty sure he’s going to explode, because dear God that’s all he’s ever wanted. He wants to scream, he wants to jump up and down, he wants to run down the fucking mountain and throw rocks at Father Richard’s car-

Instead, Dan takes a deep breath before smiling and nodding. “Just me and you.” He agreed quietly.

He leaned in and kissed Phil again, cupping his cheeks. This time was gentler, and Phil let out a soft, relieved noise as his lips moved against Dan’s and he pulled Dan close to him.

“I love you,” Dan says once they pull away. “I love you, I love you, I love you-”

“Have I ever read you Proverbs 17:28?” Phil interrupts with a giggle. Dan raises an eyebrow but grabs Phil’s Bible, flipping to it.

Even a fool, when he holdeth his peace, is counted wise: and he that shutteth his lips is esteemed a man of understanding.

“Did you just ask me to shut up and keep kissing you through a Bible verse?!” Dan whined, but he can’t help but grin as Phil kept laughing, nodding as he connected their lips again.

Time seems to stand still. Two minutes, five minutes, ten minutes, ten hours, ten years-Dan can only guess how much time has passed when they hear the group off in the distance. “Shit-shit, okay, one last-” Dan jerked away but Phil giggled, grabbing the plate of Pop-Tarts and Dan’s hand before dragging him outside. He took him out a bit before they got down to the lake, sitting on the sand and wrapping his arms around Dan. Dan pauses before shyly climbing into his lap, and then they’re kissing again, Phil only pausing to catch his breath and murmur “I’m sorry you thought I could be homophobic.” “I’m sorry I didn’t ask before jumping to conclusions.” “I’m sorry I didn’t open up about what had happened.”

“I’m sorry I couldn’t keep you away from Father Richard.”

“I’m sorry I couldn’t keep you away from Father Richard.” “I’m sorry I couldn’t have been that guy in the showers with you.” The words leave Dan’s mouth before he can stop himself-humor is a coping mechanism for him, but right now, he wants to kick himself when he hears Phil’s gasp.

“Oi! Not yet, at least.” He said with a slight laugh, pressing his lips to Dan’s cheek and watching as his face burns red. He grins and presses a few pecks to his lips before looking up at the sky.

“...You really think God wants this for us?” Dan says and Phil closes his eyes, snuggling closer.

“‘For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. Psalm 139:113 to 114’.” Phil recited quietly. “God made us fearfully-like, with great awe and respect of us-and wonderfully. He made us find each other, he made us love each other.” He kissed Dan’s nose. “So that’s us. Fearfully and wonderfully made.” Dan looks at Phil with a soft smile, a bit worn from all the excitement of the day, but feeling...free. “Fearfully and wonderfully, huh?”

Phil nods, and Dan pulls him even closer.

“I could get used to that.”

#phan #dan howell #phil lester #dan and phil #phanfiction #phanfic #phanfic au

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colzoart · 4 years ago

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Even though the @whitakermuseum is closed, their outside space was beautiful to sit with a takeaway coffee and do some sketching. Was a really peaceful afternoon in the sun trying to think of a new thank you card design. Swipe to see some soothing watercolour action with bird song in the background. ID: 1 - picnic bench and an open sketchbook, a travel set of watercolours, teal green pencil case & a McDonald’s coffee cup. 2 - close up video of watercolour painting & bird song in the background. 3 - video panning across picnic table which is showing an open sketchbook, watercolour set, teal pencil case & McDonald coffee cup. There is bird song in the background. #SketchbookSunday @seawhiteofbrighton #seawhiteofbrighton #SpringTime #SunnySunday #Peaceful #Watercolour #Watercolor #WatercolourAddict #CoffeeDate #SelfCareSundays (at The Whitaker - Rossendale Museum and Art Gallery) https://www.instagram.com/p/COGENg5B6qF/?igshid=1qbd4ifgkkftv

#sketchbooksunday #seawhiteofbrighton #springtime #sunnysunday #peaceful #watercolour #watercolor #watercolouraddict #coffeedate #selfcaresundays

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featureless-black-orb-official · 7 years ago

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64, 69, 86, 89?

64: What was the last movie you saw? Opinion?B L A D E R U N N E R 2049

Fantastic film. I think a really good film captures human experience, and a good sci-fi/fantasy genre uses the abstract impossible scenarios it presents to explore something of humanity in a light we couldn’t achieve in our own world and our own time. There’s so much Bladerunner has to say about humans, about what matters when it comes to what we think is important, when we make distinction between our desires and what we actually want, about identity, about belonging, and about the nature of what makes people people. It’s so well made, the direction and the pacing and the use of colour and themes and juxtaposition and music and sound and their overlapping with the scene and their themes is all so perfect. One of my favorite films.

69. If you received enough money to never need to work again, what would you spend your time doing?

If I didn’t have to work for money, I would probably still be working. The way I’ve always felt towards my work is that I want to make a genuine contribution to the world and make it a better place for my part, and that if I can find someone who will pay me enough to get by to do just that then I’d be content. With that in mind, if I already had plenty of money to get by I would end up working towards whatever I thought was most important that I could help with, without consideration for my own profit. Probably something to do with environmentalism if it had to be something. Or, I’d become prime minister.

What I’d *like* to do with my time, outside of work, is probably live somewhere out in nature, and I’d write a *lot* more than I do now. I’d definitely be learning some languages (Probably european ones, French, Swedish, German, Spanish) and keeping myself healthy, and I’d be travelling wherever I could (preferably with my lovely friends).

86. What dream that you’ve had has resonated with you the most?

I remember a specific dream that I had about a year and a half ago that I don’t think i’m ever gonna forget, so sit tight because i’m getting some description on

So it began out in an airfield in a big open grassy field at sunset, and I was flying in a propeller two-person plane through the sky above the airfield. It was the valley where I grew up, Rossendale, beneath me, and as the sun set and night descended I lost track of where the landing strip was and I was losing fuel so I panicked and got lost, and I only had the light from the front of my plane to see by. As I flew it started getting cloudy and snowy in the darkness, and I saw a huge cliff emerge in front of me all of a sudden, so I swerved and flew alongside it, and it was covered in long, drooping icicles and snow drifts across it’s surface, and I was slowly descending because I was slow and low on fuel. Underneath me I started to see the treetops of a huge pine forest down in the darkness, with little lights hanging between the trees shining out in the snow, and just before I plunged in to the canopy I saw something orange and reddish on the side of the cliff to my left, whizzing past me as I flew, I jumped out of the plane as it was about to slam in to the trees, and I land on my face in a thick blanket of snow, unharmed. As I look up i’m standing on this pathway bride of wood, suspended half way up the sides of these huge pine trees in the forest, the forest floor far below in darkness. The bridge ahead of me is covered in untouched white snow and there are lamps like old style 19th century streetlamps glowing along it. As I start to walk I see the branches of one of the trees towards the huge, hanging cliff, begin to rustle and move as snow falls from it, and I flinch, but a beautiful red fox jumps out on to the bridge and shakes itself free of the snow and it comes and says hi.That’s all I remember of it, and I don’t know what about it is so intense in my mind, but I’ll always have the image of the huge snowy forest about on all sides and the bridge amidst the treetops.

89. What teacher inspired you the most? How did they?

I had a teacher for my GCSE’s and A-Levels called Mr Hargreaves, and it’s him that I owe my current path on my way to becoming a professional engineer, but I also remember plenty of times where something would happen in the news or current events would boil up and he’d take it upon himself to sit us down and really make sure we’re educated about the world around us, what our country, our society, our community were doing and why. He’d talk to us about history, economics, politics, and he’d do it in a way that was relevant to us and our developing relationship with the world outside of our own homes, town, and our personal life. He would answer any question we posed as comprehensively as he could, and he would make sure to encourage our curiosity of the world wherever he could concerning whatever we were curious about. I say this knowing he was an absolutely enormous dork, and the butt of 90% of our inside jokes, but I owe a lot more to him than I think I often give him credit for.

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carsolutionnetwork · 5 years ago

Text

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First and foremost thing would be that the bacteria which creates odor during any additional vegetables, leaves or the food carrying in the auto. Some men and women smoke inside the car that leaves a lingering odor. Thirdly, mould or mildew could spoil the automobile interior during the crushed drink, or any water athletic gear, etc.. Idea that creates awful odor could be the animals or smoke that is human , which leaves an intolerable vehicle odor. Such sort of odor might be challenging to completely wash since it's from the form, and it has stay glued and on the passing underneath the chair. Whenever you are taking kids in an automobile, there are more opportunities that, they float. The urine ought to be washed immediately; else, it produces the intolerable odor. Ergo, it becomes compulsory to call the vehicle odour removal service which are ready to simply use up activity contrary to the lousy vehicle odor, and permit you to traveling in an automobile without any aggravation of lousy smell.

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idristravel-blog · 5 years ago

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New shop front has gone in for idris Travel & Ummrah with world wide travel 61 Deardengate Haslingden Rossendale Lancashire Tel 01706 586600 Tel 01706 586800 https://www.facebook.com/idristravel/ https://www.instagram.com/p/B04TeBbAC6q/?igshid=vnku3dryz4fh

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stuartmoss · 5 years ago

Video

youtube

This film features views from a GermanWings aircraft as it flies over Lancashire and Greater Manchester, before landing on Manchester Airport's runway 05R and then taking a long taxi to Terminal 2. I've just added a new film to my Aviation: England: Manchester Airport (MAN) playlist, here: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLvGU73l75qxVO1BGoGP8gWA0GKGYXG91_ of the views from a GermanWings aircraft as it flies over Lancashire and Greater Manchester, before landing on Manchester Airport's runway 05R and then taking a long taxi to Terminal 2. Within the film, the aircraft flies over the following identified locations: Bacup, Stacksteads, Waterfoot, New Church, New Hall Hey, Rossendale, Cloughfold, Rawtenstall, Helmshore, Haslingden, Entwistle Reservoir, Wayoh Reservoir, Edgworth, Delphi Reservoir, Egerton, Springs Reservoir, Dingle Reservoir, Belmont Reservoir, Lower Rivington Reservoir, Middlebrook, Horwich, University of Bolton Stadium (Bolton Wanderers F.C.), M61 Motorway, Hindley, Abram, Platt Bridge, Golborne, Lowton, Haydock Park Golf Club, Winwick, M62 Motorway, Warrington, Manchester Ship Canal, Walton Hall Golf Club, Hatton, M56 Motorway, Preston Brook, Bartington, River Weaver, Acton Bridge, Bryn, Cuddington, Sandiway, Winsford, M6 Motorway, Knutsford, Mobberley, and Manchester Airport Runway 05R. Manchester Airport (IATA: MAN, ICAO: EGCC) is an international airport at Ringway, Manchester, England, 7.5 nautical miles (13.9 km; 8.6 mi) south-west of Manchester city centre, to read more about the airport, click here: https://ift.tt/1M2sdSm . Would you like £15 off of your next hotel booking with Booking.com? if so please click on this link to make your booking: https://ift.tt/2Ydp0Xq This film is a Moss Travel Media production – www.mosstravel.tv If you liked this film, please subscribe to my YouTube channel here: https://www.youtube.com/user/stuartmoss in order to receive updates of my future film uploads. You can also find my travel films and photography updates on the following social media: Blogger: https://ift.tt/1qnoMUM Facebook: https://ift.tt/1qnoMEq **please like my Facebook page** Google+ just add +stuartmoss Instagram: stumoss - https://ift.tt/1HBECD6 LiveJournal: https://ift.tt/234zNkv Pinterest: https://ift.tt/1N8ggbp WordPress: https://ift.tt/1uTkpb3 StumbleUpon: https://ift.tt/1Q2ZA5k Tumblr: https://ift.tt/1w6b7dl Twitter @mosstraveltv or https://twitter.com/mosstraveltv VKontakte: https://ift.tt/2Froo9I YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/stuartmoss I hope that you enjoyed this film and will return again in future, your support is really appreciated, by subscribing above you will be kept informed of my travel updates and new films uploaded. Thank you and bon voyage!

#IFTTT #YouTube #Moss Travel TV #Moss Travel Media #Moss Travel #travel #tourism #tourist #leisure #t

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adorkablephil · 8 years ago

Text

Phan Timeline

For a while now, I’ve been wanting a concise and up-to-date phan timeline to help make my fics as chronologically accurate as possible, but I couldn’t find one, so I decided to make one! I hope other people find it useful, too!

Also, I have linked to relevant YouTube videos wherever possible, so you can check out Dan and Phil looking like cute little babies in Jamaica in 2010, goofing off with PJ and Chris in Italy in 2011, or appearing at various conventions over the years, that sort of thing.

(It’s a bit heavy on the 2009-2010 stuff, because that’s what’s hardest to find & it’s so useful for fetus!phan fics.)

1/30/87 - Phil born in the town of Rawtenstall, in the district (or borough) of Rossendale, in the county of Lancashire, England (17 miles from Manchester)

6/11/91 - Dan born in the town of Wokingham, a historic market town in the county of Berkshire, England (7 miles from Reading)

3/26/06 - Phil uploaded his first video to AmazingPhil on YouTube

??/??/07 - Dan started watching Phil’s videos (probably approximate but mentioned in Dan’s 3/21/17 liveshow)

5/??/08 - Phil created his Twitter account

7/??/08 - Phil received his B.A. in English Language and Linguistics from the University of York (per University of York website)

1/27/09 - first documented tweet between Phil and PJ

2/??/09 - Dan first commented on an AmazingPhil video (I’ve found no actual documentation of this)

5/??/09 - Dan created his Twitter account

5/28/09 - first documented time Dan tweeted Phil (now deleted)

6/2/09 - first documented time Phil replied to Dan on Twitter (now deleted)

6/11/09 - Dan turned 18

6/21/09 - DnP became Facebook friends

6/??/09 - Dan finished school and began his gap year

7/8/09 - Dan tweeted “Just arrived back from a week in Cyprus…” (now deleted)

8/28/09 - Phil finished his final project at the University of York and left university (date estimated based on things he said in his “Burning Walrus” video on 8/24/09)

9/16/09 - Dan created a Dailybooth account and Phil followed it

9/25/09 - Dan posted his first nakedbooth photo (strategically covered in several stuffed animals) to celebrate 100 followers

10/4/09 - Dan posted his second nakedbooth photo with the number 200 (his number of followers) strategically placed

10/7/09 - Phil tweeted “woahh just talked to Dan for 5 hours” (now deleted)

10/10/09 - Dan posted his third nakedbooth photo with a video game controller strategically placed (to celebrate 300 followers)

10/16/09 - Dan posted his first danisnotonfire YouTube video, “Hello Internet.”

10/18/09 - Dan posted his second YouTube video, “Butterfingers”

10/19/09 - DnP first met in Manchester (met at Manchester Piccadilly Station, then went to Starbucks, Apple Store, and the Hilton’s Sky Bar)

10/19/09-10/21/19 - Dan stayed at Phil’s house while his parents were away (including filming of first PINOF on the 20th)

10/23/09 - Dan posted a nakedbooth photo with a lava lamp strategically placed

10/25/09 - first PINOF video posted

10/27/09 - Dan posted his third YouTube video, “Procrastination”

10/31/09 - YouTube Halloween Gathering in London (Dan had posted only 3 videos at this point, starting just a bit more than 2 weeks before the gathering)

11/1/09 - both Dan and Phil headed home after spending the night at an unknown location in London

11/2/09 - Dan uploaded a video which apparently included some of his nakedbooth pics, but it was almost immediately reported and taken down. He replaced it with a “new and improved version” the following day (as mentioned in this tweet), which is clearly this deleted video someone re-uploaded.

11/3/09 - Dan tweeted “just had a biblical-scale arguement with the father. pah, ill find sanctuary on the internet.”

11/6/09-11/9/09 - Dan stayed with Phil (whose parents were home)

11/7/09 - Dan and Phil spent the day with Phil’s friend Stephen Byrne (3sixty5days on Twitter) visiting from Ireland

11/10/09 - Dan posted a nakedbooth photo taken at Phil’s house with Lion strategically placed in the foreground

11/22/09 - Dan tweeted “I wonder how biology can explain the physical pain you feel in your chest when all you want to do is be with someone D:” (now deleted)

11/25/09 - Phil tweeted two photos from a Skype call with Dan. In one of them, Dan’s hand is pulling up his shirt, revealing much of his bare torso. Phil tweeted in response to the pic “woof.” (Phil’s tweet remains, but the photos have been deleted.) Dan tweeted, “four and a half hour skype calls are the best,” which Phil retweeted.

11/26/09 - Dan tweeted “wow 5 hours and 42 minutes on skype xD that’s a new record. the best thing before you fall asleep though :) goodnight guys <3″

11/29/09 - on his way to visit Phil, Dan tweeted “on 3 ½ hour train journey with my laptop xD happy times”

11/29/09 - Dan arrived at Phil’s house to stay while Phil’s parents were away & they went to the Sky Bar in Manchester again (full visit 11/29/09-12/4/09)

12/1/09 - Dan mentioned on Dailybooth that he and Phil had watched “Wall-E” together. Both Dan and Phil tweeted (this and this, but Phil’s tweets seem to be deleted) requesting inappropriate questions for a Q+A video for Dan’s channel (but none was uploaded anytime soon after this?) Dan tweeted, “All I can taste is cherry, all I can smell is cherry, all I can hear is cherry and all I can feel is cherry. Can’t really see much though” (no time stamp, tweet now deleted)

12/2/09 - at 2:16 a.m., while staying at Phil’s house, Dan tweeted “Uma Thurman just watched me have sex” (along with a photo of an Uma Thurman “Kill Bill” poster like the one in Phil’s bedroom, tweet now deleted). Later in the day, they went to see “Paranormal Activity” together.

12/3/09 - Dan and Phil both wrote tweets describing a day of “new mario wii + coke” and “watching ‘the cube’”

12/4/09 - Dan returned home from visiting Phil

12/8/09 - Phil tweeted “awake!! o_O fell asleep on skype to dan” (now deleted)

12/10/09-12/12/09 - Dan stayed with Phil (including another visit to the Sky Bar on the 10th)

12/13/09 - DnP traveled together to the YouTube Festive Gathering in London (including a visit to the Apple Store with various friends)—they stayed overnight on the “giant airbed” at the home of Tom Howes (wtftomcoolio on Twitter), one of Dan’s flirty Twitter friends (who is the same age as Dan)

12/14/09 - Dan and Phil visited the Natural History Museum in London before they each headed home

12/21/09 - Phil tweeted “longest skype call ever :]”

12/22/09-12/24/09 - Dan stayed with Phil (including filming for the Interactive Christmas Adventure video)

12/27/09 - Interactive Christmas Adventure video posted

12/30/09 - Dan tweeted that he was recognized by “a gang of hysterical fans” while waiting to meet Phil at the train station (in Reading—Phil was staying overnight with him so they could travel to London together the next day)

12/31/09 - New Years party at the home of Tom Bacon (tom_bacon on Twitter, SuperBaconNation on YouTube) in London (where Dan drank Malibu and looked really drunk in some pictures)

1/??/10 - Phil received his M.A. in Video Postproduction with Specialisation in Visual Effects from the University of York (per University of York website)

1/1/10 - Phil stayed overnight with Dan in Wokingham

¼/10 - Dan started his internship at a London law firm (during his gap year)

1/6/10 - Dan tweeted that he had become a “YouTube Partner”

1/7/10 - Dan tweeted excitedly that Phil had “over 90,000 subscribers”

1/15/10-1/17/10 - Dan stayed with Phil (went to see “Avatar” in 3D at IMAX, failed attempt to go to Sheffield Gathering due to bad weather)

1/23/10 - Dan tweeted “i strongly dislike the video i made earlier this week, but phil keeps telling me its good and wants me to upload it x] itll be up l8r 2night” (in reference to “New Years Resolution Fail”)

1/24/10 - Dan tweeted “coming home from manchester…” (so had been visiting Phil again)—got stranded in London along the way due to train issues

1/29/10 - Dan’s London law firm internship ended (during his gap year)

2/2/10 - Dan tweeted “this is so traumatic ;_; i don’t care how much i fail i just want the pressure to be behind me. i just want to move on” (in reference to revising for exam)

2/3/10 - some big exam for Dan (but this was during his gap year?)

2/4/10 - Dan received his unconditional acceptance to Manchester University

2/13/10 - infamous Valentine’s Day (v-day) video posted privately to LessAmazingPhil while Dan was in India with his family

2/14/10 - Dan tweeted “I’m fed up of India.. there is somewhere else I want to be right now :[ <3″

2/20/10-2/23/10 - Dan visited Phil (directly after his trip to India and before returning home)

3/5/10-3/9/10 - Phil visited Dan

3/16/10-3/21/10 - Phil visited Dan

4/17/10-4/26/10 - trip to Blackpool and filming of PINOF 2

5/19/10-5/21/10 - London and Thorpe Amusement Park together

5/27/10 - AmazingDan video posted

5/27/10-6/3/10 - trip to Portugal (Phil mentions it briefly with some photos in his “World’s Biggest Chip?!” video, showing that they visited the Zoomarine in Guia, drank sangria, and spent time exploring the rocky coastline)

5/28/10 - PINOF 2 video posted (from Portugal, as Phil tweeted “thank you portugal internet ;_; Q+A upload failed after 6 hrs. Video will be up in.. 6hrs 46. x____x sorry”)

6/11/10-6/18/10 - E3 (Electronic Entertainment Expo) in Los Angeles (with Bryony, PJ, and others)

6/27/10-7/6/10?? - Dan visited Phil

7/26/10-8/2/10 - YouTuber Jamaica trip

8/6/10-8/8/10 - Summer in the City convention in London (only Dan attended because Phil was apartment hunting)

8/13/10-8/21/10?? - Dan visited and helped Phil move into his own apartment in Manchester

8/31/10-9/12/10 - at Phil’s place, StickAID collabs (1 & 2), zoo (on the 5th), and Muse concert (on the 11th)

9/16/10 - Dan arrived at Manchester University

11/16/10 - Dan hospitalized in Manchester with Phil’s help

12/23/10 - AmazingDan 2 video posted

2/10/11 - Phil was with Dan in Wokingham on Dan’s mum’s birthday

6/6/11 - Dan’s withdrawal from Manchester University effective (though the letter from the university to that effect was not sent until 10/24/12, so it’s unclear precisely when Dan actually made the decision and officially informed them of his wish to withdraw)

7/27/11 - Phil moved to their new apartment in Manchester

8/10/11?? - Dan moved in with Phil in Manchester

8/12/11-8/14/11 - Summer in the City convention (in London)

8/28/11 - DnP went to a Muse concert together

8/30/11-9/13/11 - DnP went to Italy with PJ & crabstickz

9/17/11 - infamous Valentine’s Day (v-day) video unprivated by YouTube glitch (didn’t circulate widely)

10/17/11 - DnP started The Super Amazing Project

11/1/11 - PINOF 3 video posted

12/22/11 - first baking video posted (“How to make Christmas cookies!��) (Phil says he has never baked anything before and that this will be his first time.)

12/25/11 - first Dan and Phil Christmas Special on BBC Radio 1

2/14/12 - (Valentine’s Day) Phil tweeted “I want someone to spend the day playing bubble bobble with me! I have reached level 100 but never finished it! ._.”

3/17/12 - DitL in Manchester video posted

3/23/12-3/25/12 - Playlist Live convention (in Orlando, Florida)

4/4/12 - Phil tweeted “At the coolest Thai restaurant ever with @danisnotonfire and family! http://twitpic.com/95mbjx”

5/5/12 - Phil’s first live show on YouNow

6/22/12-6/27/12 - week in Vegas for Dan’s 21st birthday

6/28/12-6/30/12 - VidCon (in southern California)

7/10/12 - Dan’s first live show on YouNow (while flat-hunting in London with Phil)

7/11/12 - Dan’s infamous “fyi i like vagina” tweet in response to @Doctor_Swift’s question about whether he identified as homosexual (I’ve been unable to verify this)

7/23/12 - DnP moved to London

8/17/12-8/19/12 - Summer in the City convention (in London)

9/12/12 - PINOF 4 video posted

10/12/12 - Dan posted his FANDOMS video during a time when he was having difficulty/conflict with ... well ... fans

10/24/12 - Manchester University sent Dan a letter stating that his withdrawal was effective 6/6/11

10/31/12 - infamous Valentine’s Day (v-day) video leaked again and spread wildly on Tumblr (much fan freakage, much Dan freakage)

12/24/12 - DnP ended The Super Amazing Project (though it eventually continued without them)

12/25/12 - second Dan and Phil Christmas Special on BBC Radio 1

1/13/13 - DnP started weekly BBC Radio 1 request show

2/4/13 - Dan hit 1 mil subscribers

3/22/13-3/24/13 - Playlist Live convention (in Orlando, Florida)

5/18/13 - (kinda) DitL in New York video posted

7/6/13 - Phil hit 1 mil subscribers

7/30/13 - Dan hit 2 mil subscribers

8/1/13-8/3/13 - VidCon (in southern California)

8/17/13-8/18/13 - Summer in the City convention (in London)

8/27/13 - DitL in London video posted

11/22/13 - PINOF 5 video posted

12/22/13 - Phil won Sugarscape’s “Hottest Lad 2013” (Dan came in second place, ahead of various members of One Direction, among others)

12/29/13 - Dan hit 3 mil subscribers

2/19/14 - Dan and Phil presented the YouTube livestream of the Brits

3/21/14-3/23/14 - Playlist Live convention (in Orlando, Florida)

6/26/14-6/28/14 - VidCon (in southern California) (when others talked over Phil on the “Guide to Vlogging” panel, Dan grabbed a microphone and asked, “Can Phil express an opinion?”)

8/1/14-8/3/14 - Summer in the City convention (in London)

8/24/14 - DnP ended weekly BBC Radio 1 request show

8/29/14 - Phil hit 2 mil subscribers

9/1/14 - DnP started monthly Internet Takeover on BBC Radio 1

9/11/14 - Dan hit 4 mil subscribers

9/12/14 - DanandPhilGames YouTube channel was created

11/6/14 - PINOF 6 video posted

12/20/14 - Festive DitL video posted

2/6/15-2/8/15 - Playlist Live convention (in Orlando, Florida)

2/13/15 - Dan hosted #NicerInternet special on BBC Radio 1 called “Anti-Social Media Live” featuring various other YouTubers (including Phil)

2/25/15 - Dan and Phil presented the YouTube livestream of the Brits

3/26/15 - TABINOF/TATINOF announced in YouTube trailer

4/9/15-4/20/15 - DnP trip to Japan

4/22/15 - DitL in Japan video posted

7/23/15-7/25/15 - VidCon (in southern California)

8/14/15-8/16/15 - Summer in the City convention (in London)

8/20/15 - Dan hit 5 mil subscribers

10/8/15-11/15/15 - TATINOF UK

10/12/15 - Phil hit 3 mil subscribers

10/13/15 - TABINOF published

11/29/15 - PINOF 7 video posted

2/12/16 - Dan tweeted “i’m off on the family holiday my mum planned for us to spend some quality time with my grandma before she gets too old to travel!”

2/14/16 - Phil tweeted (from his family’s home) “Ahoy! No live show tonight as I’m with family but there will be a rather romantic episode of undertale later!” (So they spent Valentine's Day 2016 apart.)

2/24/16 - Dan and Phil presented the YouTube livestream of the Brits

4/25/16 - last DnP Internet Takeover on BBC1 Radio 1 (pre-recorded episode which aired while they were in the US)

4/22/16-6/23/16 - TATINOF US/Canada

6/23/16-6/25/16 - VidCon (in southern California)

7/29/16 - Dan tweeted “finally @AmazingPhil exposed” along with photo of Phil eating Crunchy Nut out of the box

8/10/16 - Dan hit 6 mil subscribers

8/14/16-8/26/16 - TATINOF Australia (visited Hong Kong on their way there [possibly 8/7/16-8/8/16] and again on their way home [possibly 8/28/16-8/29/16])

8/21/16 - DitL in Australia video posted

8/22/16 - Dan painted his fingernails black

8/28/16?? - went to Ozone sky bar in Hong Kong (on way to Australia)

10/5/16 - TATINOF documentaries released on YouTube Red

10/23/16 - DnP jointly won “Best Vlogger” at the BBC Radio 1 Teen Awards

10/31/16 - “Monster Pops” video posted to danisnotonfire, spawning the “Post-Baking Universe”

11/3/16 - DAPGO published

11/21/16 - TATINOF in Dublin

11/22/16 - BONCAs (TATINOF won Film of the Year, PINOF 7 won Collaboration of the Year, and Phil won British Creator of the Year—Phil called Dan up onstage to share his individual Creator of the Year award)

11/27/16 - TATINOF in Berlin

11/29/16 - PINOF 8 video posted

12/5/16-12/6/16 - TATINOF in Stockholm

1/17/17 - Dan officially stopped straightening his hair, saying in his live show (which he titled “I have ‘Hobbit hair’ now!’), “Wavey Dan is rising.”

1/30/17 - Phil’s 30th birthday

1/30/17 - while on holiday with Phil’s family on the Isle of Man, Dan tweeted “happy birthday to @AmazingPhil you may be on the road to death but the light and warmth you bring to our lives is as everlasting as the sun”

3/14/17 - Phil hit 4 million subscribers

3/21/17 - Dan mentioned the mysterious “that week in March” in his live show, spawning a million phan theories and constant harassment of him to explain (he later explained that it was about running out of anti-depressants and suffering terrible withdrawal effects for the previous 10 days or so)

3/30/17 - “the pantsless live show” (when Dan and Phil both moved their blanket and camera around in such a way as to hide their lower bodies throughout)

4/10/17 - visited 1-Altitude sky bar in Singapore (on way to Australia)

4/15/17-4/17/17 - Cool for Summer Festival in Australia (visited Singapore on their way there and again on their way home)

4/16/17 - Dan painted his nails sparkly

4/26/17 - moved to second London apartment

5/1/17 - Dan rebranded from danisnotonfire to Daniel Howell, changing the names on all his social media accounts but keeping his YouTube channel name the same

5/5/17-5/7/17 - Playlist Live convention (in Orlando, Florida) (after which they vacationed in Florida with Phil’s family, including a visit to Miami)

6/21/17-6/24/17 - Vidcon (in southern California)

8/26/17 - first livestreamed video from DanAndPhilGAMES, “THE PHAN-PRIX”

9/9/17-9/18/17 - vacation at “an island in the Mediterranean” with friends (most likely Bryony and Wirrow)

9/25/17-9/27/17 - YouTube Creator Summit in Madrid, Spain

10/10/17 - Dan widely publicized World Mental Health Day in his live show, on Instagram, and on Twitter

10/11/17 - Dan posted his widely-praised “Daniel and Depression” video

10/17/17 - Dan was named an official Ambassador for the UK youth mental health charity YoungMinds

10/17/17 - Dan explained “that week in March” in his live show, explaining that it was 2 weeks that he went through withdrawal symptoms from running out of anti-depressants (Note: many phans then extremely contrite for having built up so many conspiracy theories and harassing him over and over again to explain since he first mentioned it in his live show on 3/21/17)

10/19/17 - the release of “Truth Bombs,” Dan and Phil’s party game (on the 8th anniversary of their first meeting), including the upload of a video of them playing the game with Tomska and Hazel Hayes

10/30/17 - the conjoined Halloween baking video basically broke the phandom and trended at #7 on YouTube, despite the amount of swearing and innuendo

11/10/17 - the 2018 Interactive Introverts world tour was announced

11/16/17 - Dan participated (with Prince William) in the announcement of the StopSpeakSupport anti-cyberbullying campaign

11/24/17 - PINOF9 video uploaded

12/??/17-12/??/17 - Dan spent time with the Lesters on the Isle of Man before going home to spend the actual holiday with his family

1/30/18 - Dan posted Phil’s birthday tweet with a photo of a cake that said, “Show me your birthday philussy,” which Phil then had to explain to his parents

2/14/18 - Dan and Phil went out to Valentine’s Day lunch with Martyn and Cornelia to celebrate Cornelia’s birthday

4/28/18 - Interactive Introverts world tour began in Brighton, England

Notes: I tried to include only events and dates that are clearly and readily documented online (mostly on Twitter or YouTube, but also occasionally Instagram, Wikipedia, or news articles), but I did also consult @thephandirectory and danie & felucca’s Dan & Phil Timeline of Early IRL Meetings), both of which include archived social media posts (tweets, Dailybooths, etc.) from 2009 and early 2010, since both Dan and Phil (but especially Dan) have deleted a lot of stuff from the early days (which Dan even jokes about in his Diss Track).

This is not intended to be a comprehensive timeline of everything they’ve done, because that would be ridiculous. I was just trying to include events that are most commonly discussed in the phandom, events that seemed important to their relationship, and events that seemed most important to their careers.

If I list just the name of an event (such as a convention or YouTuber gathering) with no other details, that means that Dan and Phil both attended.

In a few places, I wasn’t sure of exact dates or found conflicting information (such as exactly what date Dan moved into the apartment with Phil in Manchester), and I’ve gone with the source that seemed more reliable and/or included question marks. Also, there may occasionally be a one-day error where I had difficulty translating US time to UK time on an existing Twitter post. I researched long and hard, so I hope I haven’t made any stupid mistakes! If anyone wants to help refine or correct this timeline, feel free to message me with any additional information.

Also, tons and tons of thanks to @alittledizzy for her invaluable help with the early stuff!

Disclaimer: While I do ship phan, I’ve tried to just state facts throughout without adding any speculation.

#phan #phandom #dan and phil #phan timeline project #phan timeline

835 notes · View notes

hobtea · 8 years ago

Text

a night reimagined

Summary: After getting stood up by his blind date, Phil decides to give up on the endless chase for romance. That is, until he encounters a crying boy on the bus ride home. Somehow, they end up spending the night together.

Word Count: 11.5k

Genre: fluff, v. mild hurt/comfort

a/n: hey i wrote smth and actually finished it wtf! anyways dedicated to @glitterdan ily buddy and @jilliancares ty for being dope <3

or read on ao3!!!

From the very beginning, Phil knew that going on a blind date wouldn’t be the best way to spend his last night in London. Unfortunately, Phil also knew that he’d never been very good at saying no to his friends.

To be fair, Phil’s housemates just so happened to be very convincing when it came to most things. To make things worse, each of them also happened to be in happy, committed relationships while Phil was the only one who was still single. Honestly, how could he possibly have declined being set up on a blind date when he was so tired of feeling left out? The answer is that he couldn’t, so he didn’t, and now he completely regretted it.

Basically, Phil’s mystery date never showed up to the actual date. He had waited in front of the average restaurant for fifteen minutes, then half an hour, then forty-five minutes. By the hour mark, he had come to a decision on two things. Firstly, he hated his friends for convincing him to do this. Secondly, he’d just been stood up by a complete stranger and it sucked.

That was essentially how he ended up taking the bus back to where he lived with his no-good housemates. But as disappointed as he was, Phil also had to admit that he was the slightest bit relieved to have been stood up. He had never been the greatest at dealing with strangers, especially strangers that he was meant to entertain. And the more that he thought about it, the more that he began to wonder if his mystery date had felt the same way and thus decided not to show up at all.

Did that reasoning still make them an asshole? Of course it did, but Phil could totally relate to what they might’ve been feeling. Regardless of their reasons, it didn’t change the fact that they’d wasted his time and now he would return to Rossendale feeling twice as lonesome as he had before.

As the bus came to a temporary stop to let more passengers on board, Phil checked his phone for what had to be the millionth time. There were no new messages, no voicemails, and no apologies either. He had expected as much, but it still hurt a little.

In that exact moment, Phil glanced up from his phone and briefly locked eyes with the only person who had boarded the vehicle. Normally he disliked moments such as this and would immediately look away to avoid the awkwardness, but this time was… different, in a way. Perhaps it had something to do with the fact that the young brown-eyed boy with the too-long fringe had fresh tears streaming down his reddened face.

The strange moment came to an end when the boy plopped down in the empty seat a few rows in front of where Phil sat, the weight of his tall, gangly body making a soft thud sound as he did so. As the bus began to move again, the boy buried his face in his hands and resumed his crying session, his broad shoulders trembling all the while.

Clearly, he was incredibly upset about something. Since Phil often rode the bus to get to various places around the city, witnessing a random boy crying his eyes out in the middle of the night on public transport was actually quite low on the list of strange things that Phil had encountered while living in London. Even so, he found himself intrigued by the event and perhaps a bit concerned as well. After all, most people didn’t cry like that for absolutely no reason.

Phil noticed a small object lying on the floor in between the rows of seats, one that looked like an oyster card and that hadn’t been there a few minutes prior. He instantly concluded that the boy must have dropped it when he dramatically threw himself into his seat, and like any good citizen and polite person, Phil knew that he should point it out or pick it up and personally hand it over to its owner.

At the same time, doing so was the last thing that Phil wanted to do in that moment. If there was one thing that he feared more than awkward encounters with strangers, it was awkward encounters with crying strangers. For all that he knew, interacting with the crying boy might’ve made things a thousand times worst and then the driver would stop the bus and he’d be arrested for harassment, sent to prison, and never allowed to see his family again.

Or something like that. Life in the city was unpredictable, okay, and Phil wasn’t taking any chances.

Ironically, the crying boy and the oyster card were the only things that Phil could think about for the next several minutes. Aside from the driver and the old guy sleeping at the back of the bus, they were the only two people on board and therefore no one would be around to judge him if things went wrong; but no matter what Phil told himself, he just couldn’t work up the courage to pick up the oyster card and interrupt the boy’s nonstop crying. Phil also couldn’t stop himself from wondering why the boy was crying so much in the first place, if there was anyone who would be able to comfort him when he arrived wherever he was traveling to, and whether or not he’d be okay in the end. Phil thought about all of these things and more, which only frustrated him even further.

Eventually, the bus came to a stop and the crying boy abruptly stood up from his seat, sniffling pathetically as he quickly wiped his eyes with the sleeves of his sweater. Phil could only watch as he walked down the aisle and exited the bus a few seconds later. He never did notice the oyster card lying on the floor.

Damning all of his previous worries to hell, Phil made the decision to follow the crying boy off the bus at the last possible second, making sure to swipe the card up from the floor as he walked past it. The tired bus driver gave him the subtlest dirty look for wanting to get off the bus after the doors had already been closed, but Phil ignored it and kept his gaze on the retreating figure along the pavement.

“Hey! Excuse me!”

Thankfully, the boy stopped walking and turned around, although he eyed Phil suspiciously as he approached. It made sense; having a stranger follow you off the bus was certainly a frightening thing.

“What?” the boy demanded, crossing his skinny arms over his chest. He probably meant to look intimidating just in case Phil really was some sort of creep, but in reality it just made him look smaller and even more pathetic, if that was possible.

Phil suddenly felt excruciatingly awkward as he presented the card.

“Um. Sorry, it’s just—well, you dropped this. At least I think that you did? Oh, god, if this isn’t yours then I’ve just made the most awkward presumption imaginable.”

He laughed at himself as a final effort to make things more bearable, only to fail miserably when the other boy didn’t react. Without a word, he glanced down at the card in Phil’s hands and stared at it for a moment before reaching into his pockets, presumably to check and see if he really had lost it. Discovering that he had, the boy gasped and quickly reached out to take the card.

“Fuck, I’m such an idiot,” he mumbled. When their hands briefly touched, Phil almost flinched at how cold the boy’s fingers were. “Thanks so much. You didn’t have to do that, but… thank you.”

Phil opened his mouth to say that it was no problem at all, despite how much he had internally agonized over the simple action for the past several minutes, when the sound of the bus pulling away from the curb caught his attention.

Now, he was most certainly screwed.

“Shit,” Phil cursed, watching as the bus drove down the street and disappeared into the night. This wasn’t his stop and he didn’t even know where he was, at least not really. To put it simply, this was one more unfortunate event that he could add to the list of his shitty night.

“Did you just miss the bus because of me?” asked the boy, and when Phil turned to face him again, he looked incredibly guilty. “Oh my god, I’m really, really sorry and—fuck, it’s all my fault and I’m always doing stupid shit like that and I just—”

“Hey, hey, it’s not your fault at all!” Phil insisted, interrupting the boy’s nonsensical tangent. “It’s not a big deal, trust me. I mean, I can always catch the next bus, yeah? Er, whenever that is…”

Because it seemed that the boy wasn’t too convinced of that, Phil continued.

“Besides, I could’ve given the card back to you much earlier when I first noticed it on the floor, but I guess I was too nervous because you seemed really upset and… and I know that it’s none of my business whatsoever, but, like, are you okay?”

Phil half expected his concern to be met with hostility or simply waved off because, well, it really wasn’t any of his business at all. However, the last thing that he expected to happen was the look of surprise on the other boy’s face, which then crumbled into pure sorrow as he suddenly began to cry once more. The strange reaction caught Phil completely off-guard, to the point where he could only stand there in shock before panicking a few seconds later as he tried to think of what to do or say that would make the crying stop once and for all.

“Ah! I’m sorry! Please don’t cry, um—” Phil glanced at their surroundings as if the streetlamps or the shadows contained the answers to his prayers. When it became clear that they didn’t, he resorted to the first thing that came to mind. “H-Hey, look at me!”

When the crying boy slowly lowered his hands in order to see, Phil stuck out his tongue and made a silly face. He didn’t stop there, either. He continued rearranging his facial features into the silliest expressions that he could think of, once it became clear that his method was working and the boy was no longer sobbing his heart out.

Instead, the boy was now staring at Phil as if he’d gone completely insane.

“What the fuck are you doing?” the boy finally asked, his own expression twisted in confusion.

“I’m making a silly face, obviously!” Phil answered. He used both of his index fingers to stretch his mouth open really wide and stuck his tongue out again, crossing his eyes at the same time.

The boy continued silently staring at Phil for a handful of seconds, just before bursting into laughter because he couldn’t contain himself anymore. At long last, Phil’s efforts seemed to be paying off.

“Jesus Christ, could you get any weirder? Stop that!” said the boy, and the obvious joy in his tone meant that he was only teasing.

Best of all, he wasn’t crying anymore. It didn’t take long for Phil to decide that he much preferred the crinkles by those pretty brown eyes and the pearly white teeth over the big streams of tears. After all, most people looked much better when they were genuinely smiling, but the smile on this boy’s face was almost breathtaking.

“Hey, I was just trying to cheer you up,” said Phil, who was smiling just as big now.

The boy teasingly rolled his eyes. “By making silly faces? Really? I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I’m not five years old, for god’s sake.”

“True. But it still worked, didn’t it?”

Despite all of his teasing, the boy really couldn’t argue against that, so he didn’t even try to. Phil was beginning to feel twice as accomplished now, having made the other boy temporarily speechless.

Finally, he asked in an unusually soft tone, “What’s your name, anyway?”

“Philip, but I go by Phil. And yours?”

“Daniel,” he replied with a smile. “You can call me Dan.”

Somehow, it was the most perfect name for a crying boy who smiled like a prince and looked like one, too. Now that Phil was looking him, like, really looking at him, he came to the conclusion that Dan was quite pretty. Soft, too. Very soft and very pretty, with his puffy eyes and tear-stained cheeks. Not to mention those dimples, which had to be one of Phil’s greatest weaknesses of all.

Realizing that he’d just been staring this whole time, Phil attempted to salvage the situation by clearing his throat and returning the friendly smile as smoothly as he could manage.

“Yeah, okay. You certainly look like a Dan.”

Without a doubt, that had to be the lamest thing that Phil had uttered all night, but it brought another laugh out of Dan anyway.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” he asked, brows raised in amusement.

Phil shrugged, his grin becoming sheepish. “Nothing. I just think it suits you. Your name, that is. Um—yeah, I like it.”

“Thanks,” said Dan, “so do I.”

Now came the point where Phil was running out of things to say, but he didn’t want the conversation to end, either. Realistically, they should have parted ways by now since the initial deed had been done. Realistically, Phil would have never worked up the courage to return the item to the stranger who dropped it, and by now he probably would have been stepping off the bus and dragging himself to the front door of the house that he shared with five other people, his heart filled with disappointment.

Instead of any of that happening, Phil was currently stood in front of a very pretty boy with a beautiful smile and a name that fit him like a lock and a key. It might not have been realistic, but Phil thought that anything could happen at this point.

“So, I’ve never really done this before and I know that it might be a really weird thing to ask so you can totally just say no, but…” Phil paused and took a deep breath. “I’d like to buy you a cup of coffee? Or something. I don’t know, just—looks like there’s a Starbucks up the street and since I don’t have anything better to do… ah, not to imply that you don’t! I guess I should’ve asked that first?”

“Oh,” was all that Dan said at first, his cheeks growing noticeably darker. Then, he nodded. “Okay.”

There should’ve been no way that it could be so easy, but Phil didn’t question it. Not even for a second. He was smiling like some overeager fool before he even realized it.

“Wow, really?”

“Sure,” Dan confirmed, but he wasn’t making eye contact anymore. Even though he sounded rather sure of himself, he resorted to staring down at his feet as his hands nervously played with the hem of his thinly knitted sweater. “I mean, I don’t see why not. And since you don’t really give off any axe murderer vibes, I guess it’ll be okay.”

Phil had to laugh at that. “Gee, thanks. But just so you know… all of my victims have said that in the past.”

He was glad when Dan picked up on the teasing and simply rolled his eyes at those words, another smile playing at his lips. Most people didn’t understand Phil’s rather dark sense of humor, so this was a rare and beautiful occasion.

“Just shut up and get me a coffee, will you?” he whined. “It’s freezing out here.”

Phil could definitely agree with the latter notion, despite wearing three layers on his torso. So without further ado, he gladly led the way to the nearby Starbucks, his overall mood improving with every step.

***

Several minutes and one purchase later, Phil found himself sitting in a comfortable chair while drinking a warm caramel macchiato and sharing a big cookie with the sad boy from the bus stop, only now that sad boy seemed much happier as he slurped down his own drink. In fact, he was enjoying it so much that he let out the occasional satisfied moan, and each time that he did, Phil couldn’t help but smile.

“I got dumped tonight.”

Since it came out of nowhere, Phil was caught off-guard for the second time that night. He paused in the middle of shoving another piece of the cookie into his mouth, now giving his full attention to the boy sat across from him. But unlike before, Dan didn’t look as if he would burst into tears again. Strangely enough, his calm expression didn’t change as he took another sip of his drink, then spoke up again.

“Earlier you asked me what was wrong,” he began to explain. “Well, my girlfriend broke up with me, so that’s how my night has been going so far.”

“Oh.” Phil truly didn’t know what he was supposed to say, though he did feel a bit bad. “I’m sorry, I had no idea…”

“Of course you didn’t, that’s why I’m telling you,” Dan said, and just like before, he playfully rolled his eyes. There was a moment of silence where Phil thought that the conversation had ended already, but then Dan added, “What’s weird is that I’m actually not that upset about it? I mean, obviously I’m upset, but like… it’s not because I still wanted to be with her, because I didn’t. And I still don’t. Not sure when that happened, either.”

Pausing, Dan slowly exhaled the deepest of sighs as if he was officially letting go of every emotion that he’d previously felt about the situation. Even the rest of his body seemed to gradually relax. For a moment, Phil wondered if he had ever been around someone who was this expressive and open about how they truly felt.

Dan continued by saying, “I guess what I’m most upset about is that after three whole years, it’s over. And… it kind of feels like I’ve lost a really good friend, you know?”

Phil nodded in understanding, even though he couldn’t really relate. The longest relationship that he’d ever been in only lasted for eleven months, and that was back in high school. He hadn’t been in a serious relationship since then, and he was mostly okay with that, except for the fact that everyone else made a huge deal of it. If it weren’t for their prying and convincing, he never would have agreed to that stupid blind date.

Then again, he also might have never met Dan.

“Shit, I’m sorry,” said Dan, who was suddenly laughing for some reason. “I swear that I don’t usually rant about my dumb personal problems with complete strangers.”

Phil shook his head, hoping to be reassuring. “It’s okay, honestly. I don’t mind at all.”

“Still, that was kind of rude of me. I have no idea where it even came from, but… you’re really easy to talk to, I guess.”

That same bashful look from earlier reappeared on Dan’s face, making him look twice as cute as he already was. Although he kept his eyes on the table instead of on Phil, Phil could tell that he genuinely meant those words and was quite flattered by them.

“Anyway,” Dan blurted, a little louder than necessarily and most likely out of embarrassment, “I hope that your night has been going a lot better than mine. Um, aside from me making you miss your bus earlier. Sorry about that… again.”

Phil chuckled softly. “Like I said, Dan, it wasn’t your fault. But as for my night, can’t really say that I’ve had better luck than you.”

“Uh-oh. How come?”

“Well…” He sighed, thinking of how ridiculous the whole thing was. “I was supposed to go on this blind date that my friend set up for me without my consent. Then as the night finally approached I thought that, hey, this might actually be fun.”

“And?”

“I got stood up.”

The way that Dan gasped would convince anyone that he felt personally offended by this, which was both hilarious and a surprise, considering that they were just two strangers swapping stories about their mediocre life problems.

“What an asshole,” Dan declared, almost as if he had a personal vendetta against this mystery person that Phil might never meet. It was hard not to laugh at just how adorable he was, even when angry. “Whatever, it’s their loss. I mean, they’re the one who’s missing out on a nice person who isn’t an axe murderer, and also this really good caramel macchiato.”

To prove his point, Dan took a really big gulp of his drink and followed it up with a satisfied sigh. By now, Phil had completely given up on trying not to laugh at the other boy’s antics. Dan began to laugh as well, neither of them caring if anyone else was looking at them right then.

After they had calmed down again, Dan nudged him in the foot beneath the table as if to get his attention once more. Truth is, Phil hadn’t stopped paying attention to Dan since the moment that he saw him.

“Tell me more,” he said.

“About?”

“Yourself, obviously.”

Though he was a little surprised at first, Phil immediately decided to be a tease.

“What, are you volunteering to be my blind date now?”

“I don’t know, maybe?” Dan retorted, and then he had the nerve to wink. “Come on, just tell me something interesting.”

To be quite honest, it was hard to think of anything after being put on the spot like this. Phil could handle small talk and he excelled at conversations when the topic was about something that he enjoyed just as much as the other person, but talking about himself was a whole different story. It was especially difficult with those big brown eyes staring at him from across the table as if he held all the secrets to the world, so in the end, Phil just went for whatever came to mind.

“Um… well, my middle name is Michael, I’m currently twenty-two years old, and… I’m originally from Rossendale, but I go to school here in London. Actually, I’m going home tomorrow afternoon for the winter break, so I was really hoping that my last night in town would be awesome. Instead, it started out pretty crappy, but...” He paused only briefly to smile at the other boy. “I think it’s starting to get a lot better.”

It was obvious that Dan must’ve understood the implication of those last few words, since he attempted to hide his smile and blush by snatching the last bit of the cookie for himself and shoving it into his mouth. What made it even sillier was that Phil had purposely let him have the last bite, but perhaps he knew that as well.

“Now it’s your turn,” Phil said, and just because he could, he nudged Dan beneath the table just like what had been done to him. “Tell me something interesting.”

Dan snorted, a sarcastic type of laugh that likely meant something else entirely, as he dusted the cookie crumbs from the tips of his fingers onto his skinny jeans.

“Sorry to break it to you, but I’m not all that interesting.”

“You’re also not a very good liar, apparently,” Phil teased. It was worth it to see the hilarious expression on Dan’s face, who then nudged his foot a lot harder than before but not enough to hurt, per se. So, Phil continued to insist. “C’mon, it isn’t that hard. Look, I’ll even be satisfied with you copying what I said. Like, just your middle name, age, where you’re from and what you do.”

“Fine,” Dan said, finally giving in. He then listed the answers off his fingers in a single go. “James, eighteen, in Reading with my parents, and currently nothing because I’m taking a gap year since I have no idea what I want to do with my future and I’m not particularly good at anything.”

Phil gave himself a short moment to process all of that before replying. Even then, he simply stated the first thing that came to mind.

“Wow, so you’re younger than you look.”

“Hey!” Dan gasped, though he was only pretending to be offended as he nudged Phil’s foot again. At this point, it wouldn’t be far off to say that they were practically playing footsie. “Are you saying that I look old?”

Phil laughed and shook his head. “No, no! I just kind of assumed that you were already in university.”

“Nope.”

“Well, it’s fine if you don’t know what you want to do yet, since there’s still plenty of time to figure it out.”

Dan hummed to show that he was listening, but it almost seemed as if the topic of university and the future instantly deflated him. This was something that Phil could actually relate to, since he felt the same way when he had been eighteen and lost—not that he had all the answers now, either.

“What do you study, then?”

“Filmmaking, at the moment.”

Dan actually perked up at that. “Oh, yeah? Is it any fun?”

“Loads! Well, the projects are fun, but everything else can be a bit of a drag.”

“Hah, yeah. My girlfr—” Dan abruptly stopped before finishing that sentence, realizing his mistake and then correcting it. “I mean… my ex said something similar once.”

Just like that, the good mood that they’d built up had basically been killed. Even if he pretended otherwise, it was more than a little obvious that Dan was still hurting. And why wouldn’t he be? Three years was a very long time to be with another person, regardless of whether or not you fell out of love with them somewhere along the way. What he needed right now was a good enough distraction to take his mind off things for a while, and Phil knew just the remedy.

Since the other boy had spaced out, Phil gently nudged his foot again and smiled with confidence when Dan looked at him.

“I have an idea, if you’re up for it.”

***

Phil led the way down the dark concrete steps that led to the entrance of the building. It had become quite late into the night, but places like these usually didn’t close until around sunrise, which was still far off into the distance. He knew that he’d been correct when the energy of the place grew louder and louder, the closer that he drew near.

Noticing that he wasn’t being followed anymore, Phil stopped in the middle of the staircase and turned his head to see that Dan still stood at the very top, his pale hand gripping the railing but his feet unmoving. A look of uncertainty graced his facial features.

“Coming?” asked Phil.

“You said that we were going to a pub…”

“Yeah. This is it.”

Dan narrowed his eyes and said, “Then why does it look like some sort of secret underground dungeon?”

“Well…” Phil glanced back at the old wooden door, then turned to face Dan again, grinning sheepishly. “Aesthetic reasons?”

The younger boy didn’t appear to be too convinced, and Phil supposed that he shouldn’t have been too surprised by the sudden apprehension, especially given how vague he’d been when proposing the idea. After all, it was one thing to accept a stranger’s invitation to get coffee together, and an entirely different thing to follow them all the way across town to a pub that you’ve never heard of before, one that was located underground and looked sketchy as hell. Realistically speaking, any other person probably would have never agreed to come this far.

Dan was unlike any other person, but he was still capable of being sensible. Phil sought to ease his worries.

“There’s this local band that plays here sometimes,” he explained, slowly climbing the steps to reduce the distance between them. “They have a really unique sound that you kind of have to get used to, but they’re really fucking awesome once you get into the mood.”

“A band, huh?” Dan pursed his lips in thought. “What’s their name?”

“Swallow the Goldfish.”

It was unsurprising when Dan began to laugh at the sheer amount of ridiculousness behind such a name. To be fair, even Phil never stopped wondering why the band had chosen to call themselves that, of all things. Surely there had to be a story behind it, but none of that mattered at the moment.

“Yeah, so the name is ridiculous—but I swear that they’re amazing!” he insisted, but he found himself laughing just as much.

“Sure, Phil, whatever you say.” Dan shook his head in disbelief. “And what genre are they, hm? Mermaid dubstep? Underwater symphonies? Wait, wait—I bet it’s lobster rap.”

“Okay, now you’re just being mean.”

In response to that, Dan stuck his tongue out like the little brat that he was. But despite how difficult he was being, Phil would be lying if he said that he wasn’t enjoying the nonstop banter between the two of them.

“Admit that I’m right.”

“Nope,” Phil teased back, “You’ll just have to come inside and see for yourself.”

Without another word, Phil offered his hand and waited patiently while Dan came to a decision. He watched as Dan glanced down at the empty hand, then back up into Phil’s eyes, then at the hand once more. Dan’s fate was sealed when he finally took the hand into his own and allowed himself to be led down the steps, no further questions asked.

From the moment that they stepped into the old pub, the new atmosphere that surrounded them made it a little harder to breathe. Although the room was filled with people, it was a lot different from being in a nightclub with pulsing neon lights and sweaty bodies moving against each other. Here, the experience was more like becoming a single body as everyone jumped to the music at the same time, screaming their lungs out and losing themselves in the incoherent lyrics.

The latter had to be Phil’s favorite part of all, and since they’d arrived in the middle of a song where the leader singer screamed his heart out into the mic, he felt that he was already beginning to lose himself a little. The only thing that kept him grounded was the feeling of a soft hand squeezing his own, and when Phil looked backed, he saw that Dan’s eyes had become wider than the moon itself.

“Is it too much?” Phil asked, yelling as loudly as he could despite how close they were standing. Even so, it was nearly impossible to hear himself speak over the crowd and the music. “We can leave, if you want.”

Dan immediately shook his head at the offer.

“No!” he yelled back, and then surfaced the most excited grin that Phil had ever seen before. “I… I love it! They’re actually not that bad!”

Phil laughed and replied, “Told you so!”

He pretended not to notice Dan’s subsequent eye roll.

They remained standing in the back of the pub for the first three songs. In between each of them, Dan asked questions such as how and when did Phil discover them, how long they’d been active as a band and why weren’t they famous yet. Phil didn’t have the answer to the last question, but even if he did, he could tell that Dan was so absorbed in the music and the atmosphere that he probably wouldn’t have listened, anyway.

“We should try to get closer,” Dan suggested after the third song had ended.

Phil stood on the tips of his toes and squinted at the front of the crowd near the small stage, which had essentially become a mosh pit. Memories of his last mosh pit experience made him shiver a little; those bruises hadn’t disappeared for weeks. When he turned to look at Dan again, whose eyes were twinkling with excitement, he almost wanted to laugh. Sure, they’d only known each other for a couple of hours, maybe even less than that, but it was difficult to imagine someone like Dan in the middle of a mosh pit.

Leaning forward, Phil spoke into the other boy’s ear.

“Are you sure you want to do that? It could be dangerous.”

When he pulled back again, Dan took one look at the smirk on his face and instantly saw it as a challenge. Little did he know that that had been Phil’s plan all along.

“Hey, I’m a lot tougher than I look!” Dan proclaimed.

Hardly a second later, he was pushing through the dense crowd to make his way to the front. Not wanting to be left behind, Phil quickly followed suit.

Time became irrelevant in the middle of the pit. One moment they were right next to each other, and the next moment Phil couldn’t find Dan anywhere that he looked. However, as soon as he stopped looking, Dan would magically reappear as if he’d never been gone at all. Then they’d laugh hysterically and try not to be separated again, yet fail miserably at doing so.

During the cool down when the crowd went back to jumping in unison and head-banging along to the music, Phil looked at the boy next to him and saw that Dan had finally become free—as in, he had reached the point where only the music and the adrenaline pulsing through his veins seemed to matter. Every worry and negative emotion from the night had melted away, leaving nothing but this moment in time where everything felt unreal.

Phil knew this because he felt the exact same way.

At some point near the end of the performance, Phil’s attention was drawn away from the stage when Dan leaned against him, looking quite exhausted.

“Are you alright?” Phil asked, helping the other boy regain his balance. He must’ve sounded far more concerned than necessary, because Dan laughed it off and nodded.

“Yeah, yeah, just—I think I just need a bit of fresh air, you know?”

“Okay,” Phil said, though he kept a firm grip on Dan’s waist just in case. He repeated, “Okay, yeah, we can do that. Um—hey, where did your sweater go?”

Dan stared back at him in confusion before glancing down to see that he was only wearing a plain t-shirt now, the thin sweater that he’d been wearing over it nowhere to be seen. Again, he began to laugh at the situation, most likely a result of the euphoria that would wear off soon enough.

“Oh, I took it off!” he explained. “It got really hot in here and it was suffocating me to death. I didn’t feel like dying, so I got rid of it.”

Phil chuckled at the silly explanation, though he had to agree that he was also sweating more than he wished to be right then.

“That’s okay. Let’s find it so we can get out of here, yeah?”

“Yeah!”

***

They never did find the lost sweater, but surprisingly enough, its owner didn’t seem to mind.

Dan was all smiles by the time that they left the pub, even as the cold winds of winter were merciless towards his exposed skin. He merely wrapped his arms around himself and didn’t complain about the weather, his mind entirely occupied with the amazing experience that they had just shared.

“I-I can’t believe that I’ve n-never heard of those guys before,” he said, speaking through chattering teeth. “They’re, like, r-really awesome!”

“Right? They aren’t that big yet, but I think that someday they will be.” Phil paused before adding meekly, “Also, I’m really sorry about your sweater… I was only hoping to get your mind off of things by bringing you here, but I guess I should’ve warned you beforehand that things can get pretty wild.”

“Are you kidding?” Dan scoffed. “This was the most fun I’ve ever had. Besides, I never really liked that sweater too much, anyway.”

Though he was flattered to hear that Dan had had such a great time, Phil still felt a little bad about the incident.

“Maybe, but…”

“No buts.” Dan took the opportunity to bump their shoulders together, grinning proudly when the action took Phil by surprise. In a much gentler tone, he said, “I had a lot of fun with you tonight, s-so… so thanks.”

Unlike earlier in the night, Dan did nothing to hide the prominent blush on his rosy cheeks, which was nice because he looked so beautiful standing beneath the moonlight with that enticing grin on his face. Once again, Phil felt a little breathless, until he realized that most of the redness on Dan’s face must’ve been caused by his exposed flesh.

“Here, take this.” Phil removed his jacket without a second thought, placing it on Dan’s shoulders instead. “I’m warm enough with two layers, but you look like you’re about to catch hypothermia or something.”

“Wow. Such a gentleman for not wanting me to die out here,” Dan teased; but the way that he couldn’t stop smiling while avoiding eye contact hinted at how he must’ve really felt.

At that moment, Phil suddenly decided that he wanted nothing more than to be able to kiss Dan. The desire grew stronger and stronger with each second that passed, and he wondered if there was any possibility that Dan felt the same way. He thought that there just might be, once the other boy finally looked at him again.

Instead, Dan announced, “All of that moshing made me really fuckin’ hungry. Do you wanna, like, get something to eat?”

Getting food was not the same thing as getting kissed, but Phil’s confidence was given a dramatic boost when he picked up on just how hopeful Dan sounded, even if he was trying to remain casual about it. He obviously didn’t want their night to end so soon, and he hoped that Phil would accept the offer. Yet, little did he know that the feeling was mutual.

“Sure,” Phil answered at last, and he was grinning from ear to ear. “What did you have in mind?”

Dan hummed and shut his eyes as he imagined all of the wonderful possibilities.

“Wherever my stomach leads me, I guess,” he said with a laugh. “Also, it’ll be my treat this time, so don’t go trying to steal the spotlight.”

A second later, Dan spun on his heels and began to lead the way, giving Phil no other choice but to follow close behind. He couldn’t help rolling his eyes at that last bit, either.

“Whatever you say, Daniel.”

***

The place that Dan ended up taking him to served the yummiest chips that Phil had ever tasted, even though they had to go out of their way just to get there. In other words, they had to take two different buses all because Dan insisted that this specific food joint was greater than all others, and well, Phil could admit that he’d been right.

They didn’t stay there for long, though, instead choosing to wander around the area until they came upon a large fountain that, in the words of Dan, was just begging to be sat on. So that was exactly what they did. They sat close together on the fountain, hopping from one topic to the next while sharing the last of their food and not particularly caring about the chilly weather. In fact, it was hardly noticeable with the warm food in Phil’s tummy and the warm boy sitting next to him.

“Don’t take this the wrong way, but I get the feeling that you’re a bit obsessed with aliens,” said Dan, his voice laced with sarcasm since it was entirely true. Phil had been rambling on about their possible existence for the past several minutes.

Phil rolled his eyes and said, “Okay, true, but not in a conspiracy theorist type of way. Like, I don’t think that they secretly live among us and that the royal family is run by lizard people, no. I just think it’s highly unlikely that we’re the only source of life out there, you know? And that… that the way in which we define life is the same across all galaxies. Does that make any sense?”

“Yeah, yeah, I get what you mean. Because, like…” Dan briefly paused to compose his thoughts, his wild hand gestures putting a permanent smile on Phil’s face. “I just can’t imagine humans being the only sapient form of life within the entire universe? Especially since, you know, we’re really fucking stupid. Seriously, we’re the worst.”

“I don’t think we’re that bad,” Phil argued, but then he had to laugh at himself. “Okay, so maybe we are that bad sometimes, but there are tons of good people, too. So, you don’t have to be such a Cynical Cindy about it.”

Just because he could, he teasingly poked Dan in the cheek and smiled even wider when the other boy whined about it, yet did nothing to stop it.

“I’m not cynical, I’m just realistic,” he grumbled.

“Mhm, if you insist. Anyway, now you know that I’m a total alien nerd, so what’s something that you’re obsessed with?”

Dan shrugged. “Nothing, really.”

“You’re lying again,” Phil pointed out, and so he poked him a second time. “Tell me or I’ll bite you.”

Whether Dan believed in the petty threat or not was uncertain, but he eventually gave in after three more pokes and a bit of light tickling.

“Fine, fine!” Dan squealed, once Phil had discovered that his neck was his weak point. “I like… space, I guess.”

Phil raised a brow. “What, like, personal space?”

“Shut up,” he retorted, but it was obvious that he tried not to laugh. “I meant outer space, duh.”

Phil hummed and looked up at the dark night sky. Sadly, the stars weren’t really visible, given the thick blanket of clouds that loomed over the city. Instinct told him that it would begin raining soon. For now, he turned his attention back to the boy sat next to him.

“What do you like about space, then?”

The way that Dan’s eyes lit up at the question told Phil that it was probably rare that he received the chance to talk about his interests to someone who was willing to listen. Or, maybe he talked about them anyway, but no one else really cared.

“Everything, maybe—which is kind of funny, because space is so ridiculous? Like, we can study it for centuries, but we’ll probably never understand everything about it. It’s just too big and we’re too small. If I’m being honest, I guess part of me sort of hates it, too.”

“Yeah?” Phil tilted his head to the side, expressing curiosity. “How come?”

Dan shrugged. “I think because… it really puts things into perspective, like how we like to think that we’re the center of everything when in reality we’re just… a speck of dust, compared to the rest of the universe. Like, we’re basically nothing. Kind of sucks to know that no matter what I do, I’m not really important in the grand scheme of things.”

When he was finished, Dan ran his fingers through his fringe and quietly laughed at himself, seemingly out of nervousness. When he spoke again, his tone was a lot less serious than before.

“Sorry. I know I’m being cynical again, but… it’s just something that I think about a lot, which is really dumb, but yeah.”

Since Dan had gone back to staring down at his shoes, a habit that was simultaneously cute and a nuance, Phil decided to get his attention by gently bumping their shoulders again. Only, this time he didn’t pull away, at least not completely.

“I don’t know if I can agree with that,” he began, tone unchanging from the soft way that he’d spoken before their conversation had turned down a more serious route. ��I mean, I kind of like not being that important.”

Dan looked at him as if he’d spoken an entirely different language just then.

“Uh… why?”

Phil actually giggled as he shook his head.

“Well, because it means that I can do practically whatever I want, yeah? Like, could you even imagine how stressful it’d be to actually have a purpose in life, like some superhero? Honestly, it’s a whole lot easier being a ‘nobody’ if you ask me.”

He paused a moment to wait for Dan’s brain to catch up with his words, since it honestly looked as if he was struggling to grasp such a basic concept.

“Plus, even if the universe doesn’t think that I’m important, I know that I’m important to at least one person out there. For now, I guess that’s more than enough for me.”

“I… guess I never really thought of it like that before,” Dan mumbled.

“Hey, same here. I came up with all of that just now, so.”

Phil wasn’t too surprised when just a second later, Dan attempted to shove him off the fountain while calling him out on being a phony. All that Phil could do was laugh and swear that he meant every word of it, even if he’d only said what he thought that he should have. He also pointed out that the ultimate goal was to cheer Dan up, which seemed to have worked wonderfully, so nothing else really mattered. As expected, Dan couldn’t argue against that.

“You know what? You’re really something else, Phil… whatever your last name is.”

“Lester,” he offered with a grin. “It’s Phil Lester, at your service.”

Dan repeated the name twice as if testing it out on his tongue. He must have decided that he liked it, if his eventual smile was anything to go by.

“Dan Howell,” he said in return. “I know it’s a bit late for introductions, but… it’s really nice to meet you, anyway.”

Phil smiled impossibly wider.

“Likewise, Dan Howell. Your surname suits you just as much.”

“Thanks. I think so, too.”

Just like before, as Phil gazed into the big, pretty eyes before him, he became overwhelmed by the desire to lean forward and kiss Dan on the lips. Perhaps the thought should have worried him, because deep down he knew that he was beginning to like the other boy—really like him, even though they’d just met and Dan was barely recovering from a three-year long relationship. It should have worried him, the amount of fun that he was having with the stranger that he’d met by chance, and how hard he may have been falling.

Realistically, Phil would be worried about all of that. Instead, he thought about how London was a place where anything could happen at any moment and if he blinked, he’d miss the opportunity to have something good, even if it only lasted for a single night.

Phil would not let himself blink. He wouldn’t.

Something cold and wet splashed on the bridge of Phil’s nose before he could work up the courage to go through with the kiss. The same feeling hit him on the head, then his cheek and his bottom lip when he realized that the rain had come much sooner than he thought that it would.

“Fuck, seriously?!” Dan cursed up at the sky as if it would understand him and as if it would care. “It’s cold enough already, asshole!”

Phil laughed a lot louder than he’d meant to, but after the amazing yet unpredictable night that they’d spent with each other so far, nothing could ruin his mood at this point. Not even the bit of rain that was quickly turning into a downpour.

“Come on,” he said, hopping up from the fountain and extending his hand for Dan to take. “We should get some place dry!”

Dan, who remained sitting with both of his hands hovering above his head as if that would stop his fringe from getting soaked, easily came to the decision that Phil’s plan was a lot better than his own. Sighing, he accepted the hand and didn’t let go as they abandoned the area and ran for cover.

Unfortunately for them, what they didn’t take into consideration was the fact that it was now past two in the morning and just about every nearby shop and restaurant had long since closed. Phil thought about suggesting that they wait in the underground until the rain had stopped, but thought better of it when he considered the possible dangers of such a place in the middle of the night. By the time that they both ran out of ideas, they were almost completely soaked.

“I hope you know that this is all your fault,” Dan said.

They had temporarily taken shelter beneath the doorstep of a random person’s home along the main road. It was quite the narrow squeeze, meaning that they stood impossibly close in order to avoid the rain as much as they could, but it was incredibly difficult with the wind blowing water in every direction.

Phil gasped at the unfair accusation.

“What? My fault? Since when do I control the weather?”

Dan shrugged, feigning innocence. “Who knows. I just find it funny that the clouds decided to piss on us as soon as you spouted that bullshit about the universe. Do you deny it, then?”

Catching on to the other boy’s game, Phil narrowed his eyes and carefully considered his response. While Dan could maintain quite the poker face, it wasn’t at all difficult to get a reaction out of him if you knew just what made him tick. In the short amount of time that they’d spent together, Phil could safely say that he had an idea on what that thing was.

“Yes, I do deny it,” he finally replied. Just to be a tease, he leaned in so closely that only a few inches separated his mouth from Dan’s. Then he added in a whisper, “Wholeheartedly.”

Just as Phil had anticipated, the complete and utter lack of personal space between them caused Dan’s entire face to go red. He was smiling now, too, and Phil couldn’t help mirroring that smile as he glanced down at Dan’s lips.

Suddenly, one of the cars along the road sped by so fast that it sprayed them with water as it drove over a particularly deep puddle. While Phil hadn’t been too offended by the weather before, he certainly was now as he squeaked in surprise at the unwanted facial. Could the universe really be punishing him? It was starting to feel like that was the case.

Dan, on the other hand, was overcome by a fit of giggles that he could hardly contain despite their current predicament.

“That settles it, Phil—the universe wants to drown us because of you!”

“Not true! I’m a good luck charm, not a bad luck charm.”

“Mhm, sure. We’ll just have to see about that.”

Without explaining what he meant by those words, Dan took off from the doorway and began running down the pavement once more, leaving Phil behind even as he called out to the younger boy. Being ditched like some bad omen was certainly not on the night’s agenda, so Phil pushed away from the door and chased after him. It was then that Dan looked over his shoulder to see that he was being followed, and even on a night as dark as this one, his bright smile shone through.

Never in a million years did Phil imagine that he could have so much fun, running around in the rain so late into the night and chasing a boy that he’d just met, the both of them laughing the entire time. Yet against all odds, here he was. The lonely boy who had waited in front of the restaurant for over an hour felt like a distant memory, even though it had only been a handful of hours since then.

After countless minutes of chasing and laughing and close calls, Phil had finally managed to catch up to the other boy. When he saw his chance, he leapt forward and wrapped his arms around Dan’s waist, clinging to him as tightly as their soaked outfits.

“I got you!” he declared, feeling as proud as ever.

Phil half expected Dan to try and escape his clutches or accuse him of somehow cheating, but surprisingly, all that Dan responded with was a breathless laugh before admitting defeat. What was even more surprising was when he turned around, Phil’s arms still around him and the dopiest smile on his face.

Then, Dan kissed him.

It was a quick but powerful kiss, their mouths pressed together so firmly that Phil nearly lost his balance. It was over much sooner than he would have liked for it to be, and then Dan was staring back at him with wide, vulnerable eyes as he waited for a reaction. Or, in other words, waiting for rejection.

Well, rejection was certainly not on the night’s agenda, either. Phil made sure of that when he leaned forward to capture those lips again, one of his hands moving up to rest behind Dan’s neck. He couldn’t help smiling into the kiss when Dan quietly moaned, his own hands desperately gripping at the front of Phil’s shirt.

Once again, Phil never imagined that he would have so much fun while kissing in the rain.

***

“Ow—quit stepping on my foot!”

“Don’t blame me, it’s far too dark in here to see anything.”

“Fine, I blame you and the dark.”

All of a sudden, a pair of teeth clamped down on Phil’s shoulder. He wasn’t bitten hard enough to be in any real pain, but he yelped in surprise nonetheless.

“Dan, I’m warning you.”

The laughter that followed most likely meant that Dan didn’t care for his threats, but if he did, then he simply found them to be quite funny. Recognizing that it was a lost cause, Phil rolled his eyes even though they were currently engulfed in pitch black. Miraculously, he managed to locate the light switch on the wall just a few seconds later.

Dan stood shivering with his back against the front door, eyes squinting up at the bright ceiling light before he lowered them to meet Phil’s gaze. He immediately covered his face with his hands then, an embarrassed laugh escaping him at the same time.

“Oh my god, don’t look at me,” he said. “I probably look like a wet rat with curly fur.”

Phil couldn’t stop himself from laughing at the mental image that he received just then.

“I’m sure that I look much worse. Besides, even if you did look like a rat, you’d be a very cute one.”

“Shut up,” Dan grumbled, but he was obviously trying not to laugh as well. “I hate you.”

Because of the fact that his unbearably soft tone betrayed those words, Phil took no offense. In fact, his smile only widened.

“I’ll be back in a second with a few towels, okay?”

Once Dan had nodded, Phil kicked off his shoes and disappeared down the hallway.

After literally making out on the pavement with cold rain pouring down onto their backs, Dan and Phil had eventually decided that there was a time and a place for everything. Since they weren’t too far from where Phil lived with his housemates and there wasn’t any place else for them to go, that was where they headed. The merciless weather turned their journey into a long and cold walk, but given the fact that they’d held hands the entire time, Phil hardly noticed a thing.

The majority of Phil’s housemates had already gone back home for the winter break, but even if someone else happened to be there, he knew that they wouldn’t bother him until after his guest had left. Even so, Phil tried to move around as quietly as possible, just because it was exciting to pretend that he was trying to keep a secret.

Speaking of his “secret,” Phil noticed that Dan was shivering twice as much by the time that he returned with the promised items. Feeling sympathetic, he took one of the towels that he had been saving for himself and draped it over Dan’s shoulders instead, then used the second towel to dry Dan’s head. As he went about the task in comfortable silence, he noticed that Dan was smiling the whole time. That made Phil smile, too.

“Are you okay?” he asked, rubbing his hands up and down Dan’s arms. Although he had stopped shivering, he still looked quite cold.

“Yeah. Just a bit chilly,” Dan replied. He took on a more suggestive tone when he lowered his voice to say, “Maybe you could warm me up?”

“Wow. So smooth,” Phil said, laughing softly.

“Thanks, I try.”

The urge to kiss him had once again become unbearable. This time, there was nothing stopping Phil from doing exactly that. Savoring the moment as best as he could, he softly stroked Dan’s cheek with the back of his hand before gently pressing their lips together. In just an instant, Dan was completely absorbed into the kiss, his arms wrapped around Phil’s neck in an effort to pull him even closer despite the lack of space between them already. The towel that had been placed on his head eventually dropped to the floor, but he didn’t seem to care at all.

Dan was a really, really great kisser, Phil decided. There was nothing timid about the way that he licked into Phil’s mouth and bit down on his bottom lip; he didn’t try to hide the soft noises that he made, nor did he hold anything back when gripping Phil’s hair as the older boy placed kisses all down his neck. Dan was just as expressive as he’d been earlier in the night, perhaps even twice as much.

For instance, one way that Dan expressed himself was by suddenly reaching down and squeezing Phil’s ass. It was so unexpected that Phil paused in his task of leaving a nice sized hickey along Dan’s throat, just to laugh and pull back as he wondered how far Dan was willing to take things.

“Let’s have sex,” Dan blurted out. His eyes were wide and filled with ecstasy.

Well, that certainly answered Phil’s question before he even had the chance to ask it in the first place. He had to admit that he was taken off-guard once again by how direct the other boy had been, leaving him temporarily speechless. Dan, however, mistook his brief silence as a negative reaction and hurried to explain himself.

“Sorry, I-I meant… do you want to have sex? Um, because I get it if you don’t and—obviously you don’t have to, I just thought… um, yeah.”

Honestly, could he get any cuter? You couldn’t blame Phil for laughing at just how adorable a flustered Dan was, and just when Dan started to whine about being laughed at, Phil kissed him again to shut him up. Afterwards, when Dan had been reduced to a breathless, blushing mess of a boy, Phil finally gave his reply.

“Race you to the top of the stairs?”

Although it took a moment, the dazed out expression on Dan’s face eventually shifted to one of pure excitement.

“Okay… but the loser has to go down on the other one first!”

And because he would always be a little shit, Dan gave himself a head start.

***

Phil didn’t think that he could ever stop kissing Dan, even if he wanted to.

After getting each other off—twice—they laid naked in the too-small bed, cuddling and kissing lazily just for the sake of physical contact. Phil could honestly say that he had never been so exhausted, yet simultaneously warm, happy, and content. It was almost as if his mind had slipped into some sort of dream world, one where soft boys with brown eyes had the ability to make his own eyes roll to the back of his head.

“I have to—” Dan was cut off by the soft moan that escaped him, his body trembling slightly with every kiss that Phil pressed into the bruises along his collarbones. “I… I have to tell you something.”

His tone hadn’t come off as urgent, but out of politeness, Phil stopped posing as a distraction and decided to listen.

“What is it?”

“It’s nothing bad,” Dan quickly reassured him, “But I thought you should know that, um… well, you’re only the second person that I’ve ever had sex with. Oh, and you’re the first boy that I’ve ever done it with, so…”

“Oh,” Phil responded, mainly because he didn’t know what he was expected to say in this situation. Still, he found it cute that Dan felt the need to tell him this. “Well, for what it’s worth, I thought that you were amazing.”

Even in the dark room, he could tell that Dan was blushing.

“Really?”

“Mhm, really amazing. Loud, too. Very, very loud.”

Hearing that particular feedback, Dan groaned and attempted to hide his face in the pillows out of embarrassment. It had to be the cutest reaction ever, though Phil felt a tad guilty since it hadn’t been his intention to tease Dan about his lack of volume control.

“Aww, don’t be shy!” Phil cooed, and he nuzzled his face against Dan’s neck. “I didn’t mean that in a bad way. I actually liked it—loved it, even. It was really… sexy. You’re sexy.”

At last, Dan ceased trying to hide behind the pillows and made eye contact again. When Phil smiled down at the other boy, he expected a smile in return. Instead, he received a light punch to the shoulder.

“Ow! What was that for?”

Dan laughed, shrugging. “Dunno, I just felt like it. Now stop being nice or I’ll be tempted to suck your dick again, and my jaw is already sore enough, thank you very much.”

As tired as he was, Phil wouldn’t refuse another blowjob from those lips. But regardless of how he felt on the matter, he simply stuck out his tongue and then rolled onto his back. A moment later, the mattress shifted as Dan rested his head on Phil’s chest, his hand coming up to idly play with the small hairs that were there.

They stayed just like that for the longest time. Dan traced circles in his skin while Phil entangled his fingers within Dan’s curls. When Phil yawned, so did Dan. When he yawned again, Dan followed suit and they both ended up giggling about it until they fell into that comfortable silence once more. By the time that Phil was finally beginning to drift between the lands of sleep and wakefulness, he was brought back down to earth when Dan murmured:

“I never want this night to end.”

Phil hummed in agreement since actual words failed to come to him right then. Unfortunately for him, Dan wasn’t just being sentimental and he really meant what he said. That’s why just a moment later, he was shaking Phil in order to wake him again.

“Hey, get up. It stopped raining and I want to do something fun again.”

He then proceeded to repeatedly poke Phil along his torso and neck until he got what he wanted when Phil sat up.

“But what’s more fun than sleeping?” Phil whined. Rubbing his tired eyes, he took one glance at the alarm clock on his nightstand and thought that he just might die. “And what could we possibly do at five in the morning?”

Dan tapped his index finger to his chin in thought. It didn’t take long at all for him to come up with a plan, much to Phil’s dismay.

“Ever watched the sunrise from Primrose Hill?”

Phil shook his head because he had not. That brought a genuine smile to Dan’s face, and at this point, Phil began to wonder if there was anything that he wouldn’t do for that smile. The answer was already quite obvious.

“Think I’ll have a shower first,” Dan announced, his nose wrinkled in distaste. “I’m all sticky and I smell like I’ve been bathing in cherry juice.”

Phil chuckled at the recent memory that they now shared. As messy as it was, it had been a great experience and he didn’t care that he’d probably have to wash his sheets twice to remove the stains.

“Whoops. Sorry about that,” he said. In truth, he wasn’t actually that sorry at all.

Dan easily picked up on the lie and rolled his eyes, but even he was smiling again. As he stood up from the bed in all his glory, he glanced over his shoulder and said:

“Pick out something cozy for me to borrow, then meet me in the shower. ‘Kay?”

“So bossy,” Phil replied, just loud enough for Dan to hear him as he exited the room.

Nevertheless, he did exactly as he was told.

***

Later on, Phil decided that Dan had been right about Primrose Hill. Watching as the bright sun gradually emerged over the hills and looking out at the London skyline had to be one of the most beautiful views that Phil had ever been given the privilege of seeing. The fact that it was Dan who sat next to him on that bench, head resting on Phil’s shoulder and their hands linked together, made it a thousand times better than it would have been alone.

Overall, he could admit that this was a lot more fun than sleeping.

“What are you thinking about?” he asked, breaking the silence that had stretched on between them for some time now.

Dan answered sleepily, “Geography.”

“Geography?” Having not expected that answer, Phil laughed. “Okay, what about geography?”

“Well, you know.” Dan ended that sentence with a shrug and didn’t elaborate until Phil gently squeezed his hand. “I was just thinking that Rossendale and Reading aren’t too close on the map.”

“Oh.” In an instant, Phil’s amused grin had been replaced by a subtle frown. “Yeah…”

They were silent again for several minutes, only now it wasn’t as comfortable as it had been before. For the first time since the previous night, Phil was reminded that he would have to board the train to return home later that day. He wouldn’t return to London until sometime in January, when he’d begin his last semester before earning his degree. The realization that he wouldn’t be able to see Dan for several weeks left a bad feeling in the center of his tummy.

This is ridiculous, Phil told himself. Realistically, it hadn’t even been twenty-four hours since the moment that they met. Despite knowing this, it felt as if time had slowed down drastically since then. Like Dan, Phil didn’t want for this to end, either.

“Give me your phone.”

Dan lifted his head from Phil’s shoulder and gave him a curious look. Then, he did as he was told and reached into the pocket of the hoodie that was borrowing for the time being, since his own clothes had been soaked. Once he handed the small device over, Phil typed in his own number and sent a text message to himself that consisted of a single smiley face.

“There,” he said, smiling as he handed the phone back to Dan. “Now you can text me whenever you want. I also have MSN and a skype account, if you prefer to talk on one of those instead.”

Dan stared down at the phone as if it had suddenly become something sacred, something that had to be cherished above all else. When he got over whatever emotions he must have been feeling in that moment, he turned his head and immediately went in for a kiss. Phil gave him exactly what he wanted and more, up until both of them were breathless and had no choice but to pull away.

Then Phil began to giggle.

“What’s funny?” Dan asked, sounding rather amused.

“Nothing, but…” Phil sighed and leaned his forehead against Dan’s, where he wished to remain for as long as time would let him. “Would it be terrible if I said that… I’m actually glad that your girlfriend broke up with you? You know, just because that’s what led us to meeting in the first place.”

“No, I don’t think it’s terrible at all,” Dan answered without hesitation. Teasingly, he added, “Corny, maybe. But not terrible.”

Phil couldn’t keep himself from giggling again. He really was a lot happier than he’d been for quite some time.

“Also…” Dan continued, “I guess I’m kind of glad that your date stood you up.”

Phil gasped at those words, then pretended that he was greatly offended.

“Only kind of? You hurt me, Dan Howell.”

“Fine,” he laughed, “I’m very glad. Happy now?”

Because Phil knew that he was very happy in that moment, along with the fact that he was probably going to continue being this happy in the near future, he smiled just as wide as before and decided that another kiss would only make him even happier. Just before connecting their lips, he whispered:

“Very.”

#phanfiction #phan #phanfic #my fic #ashdfbivcujdfvn #ok it's all good

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toldnews-blog · 6 years ago

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New Post has been published on https://toldnews.com/travel/airbnb-backlash-island-oasis-dreads-becoming-hamptons-hotbed/

Airbnb Backlash: Island Oasis Dreads Becoming Hamptons Hotbed

“All the nongazillionaires, we need this money from renting out our homes,” said Kathryn Klenawicus, who says she supports her disabled husband by renting their house out in the Heights each August, while living in their guest quarters. “But we definitely have some people here, they are of a certain financial stature, and they really want to turn Shelter Island into their own private gated retirement community.”

This month, Judge LaShann DeArcy Hall of Federal District Court in Brooklyn dismissed most of the major claims in the lawsuit. Even with a trial on the remaining issues pending, the town seems willing to make some changes.

Shelter Island officials are considering an amendment to the law that would make it illegal to rent a house for fewer than 14 days more than six times a year, and would require all rental houses to be registered with the town. Punishments for violators would start at $250 and could rise to $5,000 for repeat offenders, with up to 30 days of jail time.

In response to complaints that the law was overly onerous on families who need rentals to make a living, the town has proposed a “homesteaders hardship” exemption that grants families who earn less than five times the federal poverty line (about $130,000 for a family of four) a license to rent their house out more frequently.

“This is to keep the character of Shelter Island,” Bob DeStefano Jr., the town attorney, said. “It’s a balance. We are trying to allow some of these, without being too restrictive.”

Shelter Island’s neighboring towns have wrestled with similar issues. The Town of East Hampton, which includes the hamlets of Montauk, Wainscott, Springs and Amagansett, has had a rule since 2015 that permits rentals only in 15-day chunks, and only twice a year, and along with Southampton requires rental houses to be registered. In Ocean Beach, on Fire Island, rentals cannot be for less than a week.

#bbc travel news qe2 bridge #travel 2 news #travel news articles #travel news devon #travel news rossendale #travel news today

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sylvesterlestermanchester · 4 years ago

Text

Fearfully and Wonderfully

Word Count: 12401

Genre: Humor, fluff, angst. All mixed together. Fun times!

Warnings: Conversion therapy, homophobia, brief allusions to sex and genitals. One puke joke?

A/N: Reuploaded bc Tumblr decided not to let this be visible in the tags lol. This is my first ever published fic-I’ve been writing for literally years little bits and pieces, but COVID has me going crazy and I just wanted to put some effort into an actual thing. Thanks for reading!

What he isn’t expecting is to have an eight-year-old girl bodyslam herself into his legs, followed by a loud groan and a sharp voice scolding “Suzanne, we told you to stop running!”

This must be the Philip Lester on his room assignment form. “Sorry. My family is kind of, erm, excited.” He says with a small, nervous laugh and sets the girl aside before sticking out a hand to shake. “I’m Phil! You must be, um...Daniel, right?”

Dan takes a second to readjust the bags in his arms to shake Phil’s hand awkwardly, trying not to look too overwhelmed at the scene in front of him. “Dan’s fine.”

“You’re rooming with an absolute freak,” Adrian mumbles in his ear with a small smirk. “Karma is a bitch, huh?”

“Shut up.” Dan hisses back through his teeth, trying to look as interested as possible as Phil’s mum keeps talking.

“We saw cows!” One of the kids butts in, and suddenly they’re all talking, any nervousness they had around the strangers suddenly vanishing.

“And horses!”

“We got hamburgers, and there was this huge truck-it had to have, like, forty wheels-”

Phil seems to take after his dad, quietly but quickly unpacking since his siblings have seemingly given up on it in favor of telling Dan’s family every detail of the six-hour car ride. At one point he makes eye contact with Phil, who gives him an apologetic look, his cheeks flushed and an embarrassed grin on his face as the kids chatter along excitedly like they’ve never talked to another person before.

The small space suddenly feels vast and empty, and the silence is almost tangible.

“Well. They seemed...friendly.” Dan’s mum says after a few moments, his dad snorting.

“You’re in for quite a year, huh, kid?” He jokes. Dan laughs weakly, but in all honesty, it doesn’t seem that funny.

Just what did he get himself into?

It’s strange, he finds. But then again, Phil’s pretty strange, after all.

“Oh, I didn’t go to school.” Phil says with a bright smile, before quickly adding “I mean-I was homeschooled. So I just kinda did the work when I wanted to.”

Phil’s last comment was clearly meant to lighten up the mood, but it’s obvious that the subject matter was making the group a little uncomfortable, considering they all just met. Dan’s mentally running through Phil’s belongings in their dorm-were all those books Bibles? Was he going to start hanging crosses everywhere? Or make him wake up early on Sundays?

“Were you allowed...TV?” PJ asks slowly, eyes widening when Phil shook his head.

“Not cable. We could watch DVDs, but they had to be approved, so it was usually educational. I know a lot of animal facts, actually. Did you know hippo-”

“What about the internet?” Louise cuts him off.

“No Harry Potter?” “Promotes witchcraft. Apparently. I haven’t read it for myself, but-”

“Dating?”

“Not without serious intention to marry-and I’m not exactly ready for that, so-”

“Running water?”

“You know what’s funny?” Phil says, giggling a bit and bringing his knees loosely to his chest. “You guys think I’m weird, which is totally understandable. But your guys’ lives before this sound weird to me, too. Like-Chris, you got to play video games as a kid, right? And I was taught that those would turn me into some homicidal maniac. Dan, I saw you have a horoscope app-that’s the occult, so that’s a huge no-no.”

Wow, okay. Before Dan could feel too offended, though, and Chris could jump in, Phil keeps going. “But, like, I get that you’re not a witch, or Chris, you’re not gonna chop me up into little pieces when I’m sleeping. There’s gotta be some middle ground here, right? So...you guys could show me how to live more like you, and maybe you guys would be more interested in what I’m into?”