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antimony-medusa · 3 years

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I posted 7,652 times in 2021

933 posts created (12%)

6719 posts reblogged (88%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 7.2 posts.

I added 1,450 tags in 2021

#dsmp spoilers - 508 posts

#philza - 168 posts

#technoblade - 164 posts

#tubbo - 163 posts

#my writing - 132 posts

#ranboo - 98 posts

#wilbur soot - 59 posts

#mcyt - 57 posts

#tommyinnit - 51 posts

#cw cancer - 50 posts

Okay the fact that one of my cw tags made it in is— hilarious? Also I've only been using DSMP spoilers since the prison break so.

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#he consistently forgets what he’s doing and drinks his coffee at the wrong moment so he is always drinking cold coffee with a burned tongue (this was about pathetic wilbur headcanons)

My Top Posts in 2021

Disability and Pain on the DSMP

DSMP is one of the best fandoms I have been in for sheer number of disability headcanons (Tubbo hard of hearing after execution, Jack Manifold chronic pain after lava/hell) and straight up canon disabilities (Quackity’s injured eye, Philza’s burned wings, Wilbur’s mental health, Ponk’s limb loss, Ranboo’s memory). That is super cool!

And with writing disability comes a specific narrative trap that I have seen people falling into that I would like to mention.

Disability is not an angst prompt, it is how people live their lives, and their lives are worth living, even with the disability.

Is it difficult to live with a disability? Absolutely. Does a person go through grief once they lean they are disabled, if they have an acquired or late-manifesting disability? Probably. It is difficult to find out that you thought your life was going to be one way and now it is a different way. It sucks to learn that the way everyone else’s lives is not going to work for you. Pain is hard to live with. Disabilities in a world that is not designed for them are often annoying. I am not saying that is all easy sailing and joy. But disability is also just a way to live your life, same as gender and class and race and sexuality, and treating it exclusively as a source of pain gets old really fast.

Disability is not tragedy.

Disability is not a narrative punishment. (Holy shit you guys, what.)

Disability is not a whump prompt.

Disability is something painful, and it is also something creative, and it is often funny, and it sucks, and it’s complex.

It’s a way that a lot of people who read your stuff live their lives. So let’s be careful about how often you’re in my notes talking about how Phil’s wing injury is a “gut punch”, eh?

1189 notes • Posted 2021-10-26 23:56:53 GMT

I am seeing people mad about how Techno didn’t ask further about Tommy, or how the whole of his description of Tubbo was “used to be a dictator, now has a commune and nukes. Or he’s a masterful liar, could be a really great liar”. And I think that’s connected to what he said about Ranboo, which was nothing. Dream was fishing for information, and Techno was giving him non-answers.

It would have been so easy to say “Tubbo’s married now”, and would have fit the joking tone of the convo, and it would have let Dream know about possible points of leverage on Tubbo. Everything Techno said instead painted Tubbo as a dangerous man, which is great information to give Dream, the man who wants Tubbo dead.

Techno learned about Ranboo visiting pretty often, and he didn’t press for info on that, which would have made it clear that he was entangled with Ranboo. Techno was asked who was feeding his pets, and he said “they feed themselves” rather than the super obvious answers of Phil (or Ranboo, or Wilbur if we want to expand it out to other people in that arctic village).

As far as Dream got out of that conversation, he still doesn’t know who Techno’s unnamed “friends” are, and the people he cares about enough to ask about are dangerous and deadly on the outside.

So yeah, as much as it would have been satisfying to see Techno shake Dream down for information (especially on Tommy), I think what we saw instead was Master Manipulator (a little rusty from disuse) run into High Level Paranoia.

I’m not saying this is a huge sign of Techno defending the young ones of the server. In character, I’m not even sure if this was a calculated plan. Could just be that Techno was pulling a “i will give you info when you pay me cold hard cash, you can’t talk me around” on him. But the fact remains that Techno didn’t give him anything, which is probably safer for bench trio.

tl:dr Techno not defending Tubbo or Tommy is quite possibly a good thing, cause it gives Dream less to work with. Or he just doesn’t care about anyone enough to mention them. Pick your poison.

1352 notes • Posted 2021-06-22 01:51:51 GMT

What I think is going on if any of the DSMP members win the Elytra.

Tubbo: Built those wings himself. Healing arc.

Tommy: Avian, his wings finally came in, they are little chicken wings.

Ranboo: Teleporting unlocked more end heritage, they are wings like the ender dragon.

Eryn Cyberonix: That accident that fucked up his arm also fucked up his wings, when he has elytra he simply had a good night’s rest and they came back.

Charlie Slimecicle: Slime wings.

Fundy: Shapeshifter.

Purpled: Alien tech he finally repaired.

Quackity: Avian, he just stopped binding down his duck wings.

Wilbur Soot: translucent avian wings that belong to a ghost, he insists he doesn’t have them and that he’s well and healthy and normal now.

FoolishGamers: Mans is a god. Of course he has wings. They are somehow smooth like shark skin.

Eret: They won wings back from a cult in the past, and forgot. Just re-discovered them. The wings are an eldritch summoned force that binds to your back, but like in a friendly way.

Awesamdude: Built those wings himself. The satisfaction of creation somehow does not overcome the guilt of what he has done and is doing and was prepared to do. His hands shake at night.

Captain Puffy: A divine boon from the time she saved a god. (It was a swindle but the god doesn’t know yet.)

Antfrost: They may or may not be demon wings and he may or may not be making an arrangement with a high cost to bring someone back and it may or may not be corrupting him. It’s fine. Look, cat!

Hannahxxrose: Plant-based wings, they were a gift from the forest as she healed.

Ponk: The Doctor has been doing Inadvisable Science.

Punz: High tech wings were his payment for a job well done. Don’t ask questions.

Skeppy: He stole them from Bad in an epic troll.

BadBoyHalo: He’s literally a demon, he’s always had demon wings, he just thought it was rude to use them before. Are we really sure it’s not rude? It’s okay now?

GeorgeNotFound: idk he woke up and they were there. maybe the god who’s been following him gave them. he doesn’t care. they look like dragonfly wings.

Sapnap: Fire phoenix wings.

Karl Jacobs: he doesn’t remember where he got them but they’ve grown into his back and he can’t take them off. when pulled on something screams with his voice but it doesn’t come from his throat (but his throat bleeds anyway). they’re beautiful when they catch the light.

TinaKitten: Adorable wings that match her ears (they have ribbons) that she shanked a man for.

Dream: End dragon wings, but he stole them when he closed the End. They’ve been spliced on, he has to take anti-rejection meds.

Connor: They are video game elytra that he won in a contest on the 30th of October 2021. He’s going to take them to hang out with his other friends.

Niki: Fire phoenix wings, but specifically with a healing property.

Jack Manifold: Went to Hell. Came back wrong. When you look at him out of the corner of your eye you see a monstrous misshapen creature of rage and spite, wings to pull it higher, and when you look at him straight on you see Jack.

Hbomb: You know the anime girl backpack that looks like little crossed wings? That.

Michael McChill: Paranoid Radio Host takes another step in the tradition of Cecil Baldwin and has wings of purple light.

Technoblade: Dragon wings, but specifically a dragon that’s also a wither. They sink into his back like cold fingers.

Philza: Avian, his wings finally healed.

2145 notes • Posted 2021-10-23 03:14:35 GMT

“My character’s a bit daft, just like me. He’s pretty much immortal? He doesn’t quite know why he’s been alive so long, he thinks it’s because of Her. But his sense of time is a bit off.” — Philza

2367 notes • Posted 2021-09-15 17:44:36 GMT

Emeraldduo park meetup lasted two or three hours they were having so much fun chatting. Ahhhhh.

2775 notes • Posted 2021-10-27 20:13:05 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

#my 2021 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #Tumblr wrapped? Tumblr wrapped!

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violetxpetals · 3 years

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Trans people are just people, don't treat them like the goddamned devil

they absolutely are just people - and I firmly believe that they deserve every human right that anyone else has had to fight for. They deserve the right to decent medical care, housing, job opportunities, to be able to navigate the world without encountering undue violence. What they don't implicitly deserve is access to women spaces. Biologically male people (trans or otherwise) don't deserve access to women's restrooms, changing rooms, bars, swimming holes, prisons, domestic violence shelters.

And what they SHOULD have access to is appropriate mental healthcare. Do not read this as me saying that trans people are all mentally disturbed. They deserve access to healthcare providers that tell them the truth. Tell them that puberty blockers and hrt causes pain, mood swings, infertility, inability to experience sexual pleasure. Tell them about the massive amount of detrans people who desperately wish that anyone at all had told them to stop. They deserve to know what gender reassignment surgery will actually do to them.

And yet, all over the world right now we have children being used as medical guinea pigs at the benefit of big Pharma. Children being sterilized, permanently physically and mentally damaged. We have people telling young tomboys that they are actually boys trapped in girls bodies. We have people telling young gnc boys that they're actually girls. Our children deserve so much better. They deserve to dress and act however they want regardless of their gender, and not have to go through a lifetime of medical and societal hell for it.

We have California womens prisons handing out condoms and morning after pills to female inmates being boarded with rapist men who claim they're women. We have homicidal men who claim they're women shooting their therapists who tell them to slow down and consider other options. We have rapist men claiming they're women and telling (young!) lesbians that they are equivalent to literal nazis if they don't want to have sex with someone who is a biological male.

I have never been cruel to a trans person. Even though I sometimes dont ideologically agree, I use peoples preferred pronouns both in public and in private. One of my closest friends is trans and even though it hurt and they know I don't agree, and I begged them to do any therapy at all before doing it, I helped them through their top surgery process.

I'm not some demonic bully on a rampage to eradicate all trans people. But I absolutely will not ever be okay with this sudden massive wave of supposed trans people erasing massive steps in women liberation. And I will never be okay with what we're doing to these kids.

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thejakeformerlyknownasprince · 4 years

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David's actual return was... bad. What would a good return have been like? As a kid I always expected someone to find him and for him to end up in Yeerk custody and that'd be how they found out who the Animorphs were. I do kind of like Crayak using him but just to get to Rachel, because it'd be a bad idea to give any power to David.

I really like that idea of David finding a way to tell the yeerks about the Animorphs! It even fits with the existing structure of the series – he returns in #48, and the yeerks find the Animorphs in #49.

My own suggestion for how to make The Return better?

Make it not a dream.

I have a peeve about dream plots, I’ll acknowledge. I think that at best they can be an opportunity for an eensy bit of characterization, a heapton of setting, and exactly zero plot. That said, there are also many scenes in #48 that are potentially scary/cool/interesting, if they just happened for realsies.

If the events of #48 really did occur in canon, then:

Jake and Rachel do what they’ve been threatening since #7, and have an argument that escalates into physical violence.

This helps set up Rachel going full Blood Knight in #52, and Jake doing the same in #53, because these two keep each other ethical-ish any time they butt heads over morality and are forced to defend their decisions to each other. If the Berensons’ bond has fractured to the point where they’re brawling in morph, then each of them is lacking the other as a check on their behavior.

Marco and Ax’s intelligence analysis determines that (even though they didn’t know it at the time) the events of #46 were the final straw for the yeerks’ secrecy.

The conversation between Rachel and Marco at Ax’s scoop helps sell the idea that the Animorphs’ world is slowly coming to an end. Too many humans witnessed too much on that aircraft carrier, too many hosts have escaped the yeerks, and the invasion is becoming an open secret. It’s ominous as hell, because the Animorphs have an inkling that the start of open war will be the end of their ability to live at home with their families, and it’s highly effective at setting up the events of the next several books.

Rachel kicks the elephant in the room by pointing out that Marco and Ax get away with bloodthirstiness while she doesn’t, because gender.

Rachel basically comes out and tells Tobias that Marco is every bit as ruthless as she is, and that Ax is just as quick to kill. And she’s not wrong. But Marco and Ax kill coldly, they kill rationally, they kill from a distance, and they kill as boys. Rachel kills quickly, she kills angrily, she kills up close, and she kills as a girl. Therefore, their friends don’t tell Marco he’s “worrying” (#22), “terrifying” (#35), “out of control” (#37) or “psycho” (#52). Their friends don’t get into screaming matches with Ax or act frightened of him.

But Rachel’s a girl, and nice girls are supposed to control their emotions. Nice girls aren’t supposed to enjoy growing into big strong creatures who can rip their enemies apart. Nice girls should never be aggressive, and if they are it’s probably because they’re too emotional. It’s a good point, one I wish came up more often.

Crayak’s deal with Rachel comes due in a way that none of the Animorphs could’ve predicted.

If everything with David is canon, then there’s a fascinating follow-up to Crayak’s offer in #27. Crayak isn’t just drawing on Rachel’s violent side, he’s drawing on her Achilles heel: that David gets under her skin. It’s a great wrap-up to the Crayak plot. It shows that Rachel’s the Ellimist’s favorite not because of her natural-born gifts, but because of her choices. She’s capable of ruthless violence, but whenever possible she chooses compassion.

There’s also the fascinating ambiguity in the line “kill your cousin,” and the fact that Rachel interprets it to mean Jake — and of course she’s about to kill Tom. Dozens of fandalites have expended gallons of ink on the question of how to interpret that motif, but it has far more impact if Rachel truly is talking to Crayak in this book as well as in #27.

Cassie’s forced to confront what they did to David.

Leaving aside Rachel for a second, there’s a ton of potential for how this book could change Cassie going into her Big Character Moment in #50. She never feels the level of guilt over David that Rachel and even Jake do, I think partially because Cassie’s morality isn’t nearly as human-centric and therefore not nearly as horrified by the idea of making a human into a rat. But if Cassie’s confronted with the reality that she designed and executed a plan that ended with a kid her age trapped in what he considers to be a fate worse than death, then the implications for her character development are almost infinite.

Rachel embraces an unpretty female power fantasy.

I love mecha-Rachel. Mecha-Rachel is big and ugly and strong, capable of ripping her enemies limb from limb while still being fundamentally Rachel-shaped.

Rachel, maybe more than any other Animorph, has to put up with society telling her that her body is wrong. Everyone from Marco to her gymnastics coach feels entitled to tell her that she’s too big and tall for a girl. Everyone from random guys on the street to her own classmates feels entitled to sexualize her body because she’s female. Rachel doesn’t feel mismatched or dysmorphic the way Tobias does, but she is aware of (and fed up by) the expectations of what her body “should” be.

Mecha-Rachel is unfeminine to the extent that she takes up space — a lot of space — and takes no prisoners. But she’s still got the aspects of femininity that Rachel loves, from flowing hair to long nails. Mecha-Rachel is exactly the kind of shape that makes morphing so fun to fantasize about, especially for little girls.

Rachel kills David.

This is maybe what I want most out of #48: for Rachel to kill David for real. Because, as she tells Cassie, somebody has to do it. Because she’s strong enough. Because she’s compassionate enough. Because she understands David. Because she understands herself. Because she’s been a rat, and she’s been just like David in lots of less literal ways. Because she doesn’t know what the right answer is, so she’s willing to respect David’s wishes for lack of a better way out.

Visser Three gets kidnapped and thrown out of a pokéball and beheaded and then gets better and yet also mysteriously thinks that it’s not suspicious at all one of the andalite bandits looks like a giant human, oh and also there are sentient rats who speak their own rat language.

On second thought, we can leave out all of this nonsense.

Honestly, 99% of my frustration with this book comes from the fact that I can’t tell how seriously to take it. If it’s just a dream, then a fat lot of nothing happens in the war between #47 and #49, and Rachel’s last book before her death also contains a fat lot of nothing. If it was something that happened in canon, then I think I’d really enjoy everything in this book except the (non-David) sentient rats. With only a few tweaks — the first scene taking place in California not D.C., the fight with Visser Three getting cut, the sentient rats getting swapped for more human minions — it works pretty well as a real Animorphs plot, one that helps smooth the transition in both tactics and morality that occurs in the last ~10 books. This book has some genuinely cool stuff in it, and I want that cool stuff to be part of the real events of the story.

#animorphs #david animorphs #the return #48 #animorphs spoilers #rachel berenson #animorphs meta #joysweeper #asks

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wexarexmadxhere-archive · 3 years

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Malachai Parker; Muse Info

“I had a soft spot for one of my sisters. 'Cause otherwise, I would've cut her lungs out, and not just her spleen.”

Full Name; Malachai Parker Nickname; Kai Face Claim; Chris Wood Gender; Male Pronouns; He/Him Marital Status; Single Sexuality; Demisexual/Asexual Age; 49 Date Of Birth; 1972 Occupation; Killin People Residence; Unknown Species; Siphon, Witch, Heretic - Hybrid; Witch & Vampire, Spirit Of Hell Hierarchy; Coven Leader Family; Josie & Lizzie Verse; Biography/Timelines; Malachai "Kai" Parker was a major recurring character and the main antagonist of the sixth season of The Vampire Diaries. He also appears as a recurring character in the eighth season of the series. Kai was the son of Joshua Parker and his unnamed wife, as well as the twin brother of Josette, and the older brother of Olivia, Lucas, Joey, and three other unnamed and deceased Parker siblings. However, when his true nature as a Siphoner was revealed in adolescence, his family began to treat him poorly and referred to him as an "abomination," which, among other factors, led to him growing up to be a sociopath. He was first seen trapped in a prison world with Damon Salvatore and Bonnie Bennett. Kai unwillingly formed an alliance with Damon and Bonnie in hopes that they could all escape the parallel dimension and return to the real world. Eventually, after Bonnie sacrificed her chance to escape in order to ensure Damon could return to the living world, Kai and Bonnie were the only two left in Kai's metaphysical prison. Later on, he and Bonnie attempt to escape the prison world, but Bonnie stored her magic in a teddy bear and sent it back to the real world as well so he couldn't force her to help him escape. Though he was enraged by this act, Kai brought Bonnie to his childhood home in Portland, Oregon, and cooked her a Thanksgiving meal. However, he later betrayed Bonnie, taking the knife his sister's magic was stored in and stabbing Bonnie in the stomach with it to gain her Bennett blood to use to escape. Kai eventually freed himself from the 1994 prison world, after which he made it a point to antagonize the Mystic Falls Gang, as he sought to kill his surviving siblings and merge with Jo, regardless of the consequences. However, in Prayer For the Dying, his younger brother Luke attempted to merge with him instead. Kai ultimately overpowered Luke and absorbed all his magic (as well as his ability to produce and retain his own magic) during the merge. Soon after, Luke's essence also merged with Kai, passing down his emotional capability and capacity for empathy, which mellowed Kai out, making him less evil and even allowing him to briefly work with the Mystic Falls Gang as an ally. However, in A Bird in a Gilded Cage, Bonnie, who was still holding an understandable grudge toward him for the torture he put her through, left him behind in the 1903 prison world with the Heretics, a group of former Siphoner exiles from the Gemini Coven, who had been turned into witch-vampire hybrids by Lillian Salvatore sometime in the 19th and 20th centuries. In the Season Six finale, I'm Thinking Of You All The While, Kai escaped the 1903 Prison World with the Heretics, cloaking their location from Lily in exchange for her blood so that he could be turned into a hybrid as well. He killed Jo and, seemingly, her twins at her wedding to Alaric Saltzman to avoid any competition for the role of leader of the Gemini Coven. Kai then wiped out the coven through his suicide, killing his father and other coven members in the process and thereby rendering the Gemini extinct. Kai woke up and transitioned into a witch-vampire hybrid, but was decapitated by Damon Salvatore soon after out of revenge for placing Elena in a mystical slumber until Bonnie die. In What Are You?, Kai is temporarily able to return from Hell, with the ringing of the Maxwell bell. Kai attempted to enter a bargain with Cade in order to remain in the living world and successfully did so by giving him Elena's coffin. Later on, he attempted to kill the last remaining Gemini witches, his nieces: Lizzie and Josie Saltzman. After he failed, he was permanently banished and imprisoned in the newly created 2018 Prison World by Bonnie, Lizzie, and Josie.

#DO NOT REBLOG!#wexarexmadxhere; the vampire diaries character #wexarexmadxhere; muse #Muse Info #🏷 tag drop #Malachai Parker #Malachai #Kai Parker #Kai #c; Kai #🎶Kai's Playlist🎶#Kai wants #Musings; Kai #Closet; Kai #HC; Kai

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thewatsonbeekeepers · 4 years

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Chapter 5 – Hey, Soul Sister: Who is Eurus?

Do you get it? She’s his sister? But metaphorically, she’s a part of his soul? I was very impressed with myself for this title. Anyway…

This chapter of the meta is going to deal with the various times we meet Eurus before TFP and what this might mean, which will help us to understand who she is once we have stripped off the disguises.

Before series 4, we had real!characters and MP!characters set up as distinct entities, particularly in TSoT, which distinguishes between MP!Mycroft (the deducing brain) and real!Mycroft, as well as MP!Irene representing desire and real!Irene, who doesn’t come near the episode. The MP section in TSoT, for a lot of people in the fandom, broke down Sherlock’s psyche into MP!John vs. MP!Mycroft – and John is clearly winning.

However, I want to suggest that Sherlock’s psyche isn’t nearly so straightforward as a tug of war between the brain and the heart. Whilst MP!Mycroft undoubtedly represents the oppressively reasonable part of Sherlock’s psyche, that’s not the only thing repressing him – it can’t be. If it were simply a rejection of ‘sentiment’, this wouldn’t be the powerful queer love story we know it to be – there is a lot more internalised homophobia being dealt with than just love being illogical. That’s where Eurus comes in.

Eurus and Mycroft are parallel oppressive forces in Sherlock’s brain, but they’re oppressive in different ways. Having family members and childhood trauma be the psyche’s symbols for repression is particularly poignant in a queer love story, for obvious reasons. However, I want to take you through my reasoning behind Eurus being the most secret and troubled part of Sherlock’s soul.

The first clue is that her prison is called Sherrinford. We all assumed that the third Holmes sibling was going to be Sherrinford back before s4, and it seemed that way in the beginning, with Mycroft mentioning speaking to Sherrinford several times, construing it as a person rather than a place. This is no coincidence – for those who aren’t familiar with the history of the stories, Conan Doyle’s original name for his protagonist was Sherrinford Holmes, which he later changed to Sherlock. That Eurus is trapped inside Sherrinford is a clear suggestion that Eurus is something that’s trapped inside Sherlock – a dangerous MP entity. More important than that, Sherrinford is the version of Holmes that never made it into the books. Plenty of people have worked on queering the Holmes canon and working out what ACD might have been implying and leaving out and arguably none more so in an adaptation that Mofftiss. Let’s think about the implications of this. A kind of second self, not shown to the public, buried inside your mind and forgotten since childhood, which is bursting out into a moment of acute psychological distress. Gee, I don’t know what that could be about. The Sherlock that Sherlock thinks he is has thus far been dominated by MP!Mycroft, but this series is about uniting canon!Holmes with the non-canon, queer Sherrinford who has always existed, judging by the name, and who is currently dominated by the destructive MP!Eurus. The other important point to note here is that Sherrinford is an island in the middle of the sea – that’s not a coincidence, given how much water imagery abounds in this series. I spoke briefly in Chapter 2 X about how water represents Sherlock sinking deeper and deeper into his own subconsciousness – this is the deepest he can go. In Greek mythology, Eurus was the name of the wind most associated with causing storms at sea X – this isn’t a coincidence either. She’s very deliberately tied in with water.

(In real life terms, of course, all this means that a real!Eurus probably does or did exist in some form, although I can’t begin to hazard a guess about this. However, I’m trying to refer to her as MP!Eurus when she’s in her normal form in the MP, in case we get a series 5 with Sian Brooke as real!Eurus, and also to distinguish her from therapist!Eurus etc.)

This is my reasoning as to why MP!Eurus represents Sherlock’s innermost trauma. She is not merely the fact that he loves John – he deduced this in TSoT without her appearance. She is the trauma that he needs to come to terms with. A running theme through our analysis of Eurus will be that her gender is particularly important; her representation of Sherlock’s repression cannot be but as a woman, because for most of s4 he is only able to process his identity through the most heterosexual of lenses. We see this hinted at quite early on in TST, when Sherlock takes on a case called ‘The Duplicate Man’, warning John that it is never twins. The word ‘duplicate’ here, removing twins, leaves us with the only real possibility that it is in fact the same person. Eurus’s gender makes that more difficult to see; she needs to be female, but it’s much more difficult to elide the two characters without employing a Cumberbatch doppelganger. However, this hint that Eurus is not only male but an actual ‘duplicate’ of her brother should give us pause for thought. With this in mind, I want to use the rest of this chapter to analyse her three forms before TFP.

1.) Faith!Eurus

I’m certainly not the first to point out that Faith!Eurus is a mirror for John, nor will I be the last – people jumped on it pretty much as soon as TLD aired. There are a few good reasons for this. Firstly, she walks with a cane, a throwback to ASiP – in case we’d forgotten, however, Sherlock has a flashback to John walking with a cane to make the link explicit. We are supposed to link these two characters, the authors are saying pretty clearly. Faith!Eurus is also suicidal, which John was at the start of ASiP, as made clear by the fact he carried a gun – and Faith!Eurus does the same. Sherlock also takes her out for food (for more on the food/sex metaphor, see here X) which he doesn’t with anyone bar John, and we certainly never see him talk so easily with someone who isn’t John. An eagle-eyed tumblr post that I can’t find now also broke my heart in pointing out that Faith!Eurus’s unseen self-harm matches long-sleeved John Watson a little too well.

This isn’t just the show trying to remind us of what John was like in ASiP, however. MP!Eurus is the trauma prodding Sherlock’s sexuality – it’s going to be hell to get through it, but he absolutely needs to do it. This is Sherlock’s trauma, not reminding him that John was suicidal, but forcing him to acknowledge it in the first place, something which Sherlock has buried. We know this because of the way the image of John forces its way into Sherlock’s mind – it’s much like the way Moriarty breaks into TAB. His brain is making a connection that he’s not quite capable of making and it’s knocking him. His deduction that Faith!Eurus is suicidal is accompanied by that image of John, and he then re-enacts the food ritual he completed with John the evening John left his cane behind, before throwing Faith!Eurus’s gun into the Thames – proving that it was Sherlock himself who stopped John from taking his own life.

This is trauma, however, and Sherlock can’t process it in full – hence why the image of John that breaks in is shaky, and Sherlock tries to push it out of his head. It’s also why Faith!Eurus, who in Sherlock’s subconscious could take any form, specifically takes the form of a woman. His gay trauma means that he first has to process John’s suicidal ideation in a heterosexual dynamic, before fully grasping and applying it to his relationship with John. (Chapter 9 X explains how that plays out over the rest of TLD in full detail.)

2.) E!Eurus

Taking a jump back to surface level plot here, the first thing that grabbed me about E!Eurus was just how minor John’s flirtation with her was. In the terms of a television show which really rides on very high drama (multiple faked deaths and insane cliffhangers for a start), the emotional peak of John’s emotional arc with Mary being that he texted another woman – not went out for lunch, not kissed, not slept with – is bizarre, particularly when we know next to nothing about E!Eurus at this point. It’s incredibly anti-climactic as a means of John falling short of Mary’s view of him. Maybe we can accept it as in line with John Moral-Principles Watson, but it’s difficult to accept as in keeping with the nature of a show whose intent is nearly always to shock.

With this in mind, let’s delve back into the MP to see how that might give this moment greater emotional significance. Chapter 10 X is on the hug scene, and that will deal with John’s revelation of his infidelity in greater detail. For the moment, the most important thing to remember is that John Watson is not real!John – he is heart!John. In other words, we are seeing a similarly heterosexualised re-enactment of Sherlock’s relationship with John.

I will talk a lot in Chapter 10 X about how MP!Mary is linked to Sherlock’s compulsory heterosexuality; at the end of TST, Sherlock substitutes Mary’s body for his because he cannot conceive of John’s queer grief without breaking himself. This is interesting because the E of Eurus actually stands for Elizabeth in this scene (certainly in the credits, and possibly elsewhere, although I can’t remember Sian Brooke actually saying it). Elizabeth is Elizabeth is Mary’s middle name in BBC Sherlock, which looks like another of those shared name links our creators love so well. If so, this begins to justify how Sherlock’s heart is conceiving of its emotions. We will see in TLD that heart!John’s relationship with fem!John in the form of Eurus is aligned with Sherlock’s sexual desire in the form of MP!Irene. Both are hidden and exist only in texts – i.e., they cannot be spoken yet. But they will be.

3.) Therapist!Eurus

This one is perhaps the most straightforward on a symbolism level, but also possibly the most significant moment in the series. Therapist!Eurus, plain and simple, is Sherlock’s trauma prodding at John, interrogating him like a therapist would, trying to work him out – and largely failing, right? She can get basically nothing about how he feels about Sherlock out of him. But this is part of MP!Eurus’s ongoing project to get Sherlock to wake up – the Gay Trauma is interrogating John, trying to suss him, and failing.

Except, in the final scene of TLD, without the help of Therapist!Eurus, Sherlock has finally sussed John – it has taken until Culverton’s confession to recognise that John is suicidal without Sherlock (Chapter 9 X). The sigh of relief that is the hug scene (Chapter 10 X) is a kind of acknowledgement of that relief that he’s finally worked out what he’s been trying to cover up with drugs – so much so, that he misses the obvious, which is that John is suicidal again. When John leaves his cane with Sherlock in the hospital, it is a reminder of the first time he is suicidal, and Sherlock doesn’t make the immediate leap in his comatose haze that this is what his psyche has been trying to tell him. Hence you have this moment of immense relief and fade out at the end of the hug scene which suggests the end of the episode, and could feasibly end Sherlock’s life, except we’re started awake with a much more abrupt and troubling ending scene – Therapist!Eurus shooting John. Because, of course, if Sherlock is gone again, John must be suicidal again, and it has taken a few scenes of cognitive dissonance for this to clock. Indeed, it’s not Sherlock himself who clocks – Gay Trauma in the form of Eurus!Therapist returns and shoots John for us. This shooting isn’t, of course, permanent (in one of the worst cliffhanger resolutions in TV history), but that’s because it’s not real – it hasn’t happened yet. It is Sherlock, through MP!Eurus, finally recognising the problem – John.

This is particularly poignant in light of the opening and closing shots of TLD. Although there’s the fucky not-blood red that fills the screen at the end of TLD, apart from that the shots of Norbury shooting Mary and Therapist!Eurus shooting John are one and the same shot. It’s also a stylish shot (what I call split screen, but given that I never went to film school I think that’s just my name for it) and it’s repeated enough times over TLD that it’s pretty clear the creatives want it to be memorable. By the time John gets shot, then, we shouldn’t be caught up in the drama of it – we should be thinking, as so many did, “something’s fucky.”

And it is – but it’s brilliantly fucky! Head over to Chapter 7 X if you want to read about Norbury shooting Mary, but TLDR it’s a metaphor for Mary shooting Sherlock as understood from Sherlock’s warped and depressed perspective – and he’s finally realised what it means! The version in which Mary shooting Sherlock means John losing Mary (the Norbury version) is one in which John is sad, goes to therapy, and the world moves on. Now, however, that Sherlock has recognised that John was suicidal, he can also recognise that Mary shooting Sherlock will make John suicidal again – hence why it’s the same shot. Mary shooting Sherlock is the same as John dying – and the latter is much more important in Sherlock’s mind.

[It’s worth noting that the identical shots we see in TST and TLD don’t match the shot in HLV, although admittedly that one’s not in the MP – it does strike me, however, that the sounds are reversed – HLV sounds like a dart, whereas the MP shots sound like bullets. If anyone has any thoughts on that, do let me know – it has me flummoxed for the moment. If you want meta explaining why the shot from TST is the same as HLV, Chapter 7 is here X, and I’m certainly not the first to hypothesise this. For me, the TLD shot being the same is therefore a logical extension.]

#tjlc #chapter five: hey soul sister - who is eurus?#eurus holmes #meta #my meta #mine #bbc sherlock #johnlock #tjlc is real #bbc johnlock #e #mary #queer theory

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maniclemons · 4 years

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Yolanda, Camp Sensibility and the "Oscar Wilde Of The Camera"

Okay, so I was minding my business reading stuff for my work on dream narratives in popular culture and suddenly I was attacked at the footnotes section of one of the academic papers (which happens all the time tbh). The author mentioned in passing that, well, there is a musical called YOLANDA AND THE THIEF (1945) which just happens to be one of three Vincente Minnelli musicals that have been characterized as a self-conscious camp style of visual excess. The author argued that the camp style in musicals, especially those made by the Arthur Freed unit at MGM, was particularly appropriate to the even greater visual excess of the dream sequences.

So yeah, of course I did a double-take and immediately thought of Donde estás Yolanda (Sherlock and John reunion theme) - thanks for the opportunity to refresh the hell out of it @thepineapplering !

FEATURES OF INTEREST of “Yolanda and the Thief” in no particular order:

• The "dream ballet" dream sequence (inspired by Dali); • Repressed homosexuality manifesting itself through nightmares and fear of entrapment in a heterosexual marriage; • Integration of straight romance (plot) and gay-inflected visual codes; • Critique of a capitalist culture industry from the point of view of a queer professional embedded in it (writer/director/set designer/crew member etc.) • Something else?

Also of interest: Holmesosexuality: On Mark Gatiss’s Camp

As I am not, academically speaking, a specialist in queer theory, all the references can be found below.

I haven’t seen anyone writing about this particular musical in connection with Sherlock yet, but I might be wrong, because my tumblr search skills still suck a bit. Anyways, it was fun and added more contextual layers to my own understanding of the show!

“YOLANDA AND THE THIEF” is a 1945 American Technicolor Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer “Arthur Freed Unit” musical-comedy film set in a fictional Latin American country called Patria. It stars Fred Astaire, Lucille Bremer, Frank Morgan, and Mildred Natwick, with music by Harry Warren and lyrics by Arthur Freed. The film was directed by Vincente Minnelli and produced by Arthur Freed. The “Freed Unit” refers to the “unit” (studio team within the larger studio production house that was MGM) headed by lyricist and producer Arthur Freed.

"Yolanda and the Thief" is one of three Vincente Minnelli musicals that have been characterized as a self-conscious camp style of visual excess, the other two being " Ziegfeld Follies " (1946) and…….. "The Pirate" (1947). As Jane Feuer suggests, "a gay subcultural reading would elevate these Minnelli masterpieces of the 1940s above the currently more esteemed Freed Unit musicals of the 1950s – "Singin' in the Rain" and "The Band Wagon", whose sophistication stems more from their smart Comden and Green scripts than from elements of excess in their mise-en-scene."

CAST:

Fred Astaire as Johnny Parkson Riggs Lucille Bremer as Yolanda Aquaviva (aqua-viva? as in Latin vivere/vita? as in "aqua vita(e)" which is "an archaic name for a concentrated aqueous solution of ethanol" and at the same time a type of magical water which brings people (mostly heroes) back to life in Slavic mythology?) Frank Morgan as Victor Budlow Trout (a friend of Johnny's and literally his partner in crime)

FEATURES OF INTEREST (in no particular order):

The narrative of Yolanda offers a romance between a naive and wealthy young woman, Yolanda Aquaviva (Lucille Bremer), who is tricked by a con man, Johnny Riggs (Fred Astaire), into believing that he is her guardian angel. Johnny plays upon Yolanda's gullibility in order to convince her to confer her power of attorney on him, but just as he is ready to depart with the goods, he finds himself romantically and erotically drawn to her. His attraction to her surprises Johnny, because he ostensibly does not expect to find Yolanda a figure of erotic contemplation, and his jaded sensibilities lose out to his romantic impulses. But moments of camp playfulness in the film offer another reading of Johnny's surprise at discovering himself in a seduction beyond his overarching greed and cynicism, for there are strong possibilities for seeing him as gay.

DREAM SEQUENCE BALLET

The "dream ballet" sequence is an extended (approximately 15 minute) routine for Astaire, Bremer, and various others, which Minnelli has described as, "the first surrealistic ballet in film". Its Dali-esque scenery sort of mirrors "real-life" Patria which Yolanda’s Aunt Amarilla called “an out of the world place” elsewhere. That’s really what Minnelli was going for here. He seeks to evoke a feeling that Johnny have left behind what he knows and entered a world of mysticism and dreams.

This dream sequence ballet opens with Astaire dressed in a remarkable dandy outfit with a pair of off-white satin pajamas. Becoming restless in his bed, Johnny dresses and walks through the streets of Patria's unnamed capital, where he moves into increasingly surreal landscapes in which various women trap him in symmetrical dance steps: washerwomen unfold furls of different-colored fabric in stark geometric patterns that form a prison out of which he cannot escape. Yolanda’s entrance into the dream is grandly spooky. Against the backdrop of a Dali-esque desert landscape, Yolanda rises from a pool of water wrapped head-to-toe in pale scarves that float all around her. Her face is obscured, a look reminiscent of René Magritte’s 1928 painting The Lovers, and more suggestive of alienation than romance. Once Johnny unwraps Yolanda from her scarves, the spookiness of the sequence dissipates a little, but the mood has been set, and when the unwrapped Yolanda puts her arms around Johnny and sings, “Will You Marry Me?,” the effect is mildly sinister. The sequence concludes as Yolanda dons a set of outrageously long bridal veils and Johnny gets one of them wrapped around his neck like a noose when he attempts to flee.

In the "Will You Marry Me?" number Johnny wrestles with the trauma of potentially being trapped in a marriage to Yolanda for her money. Yolanda appears throwing off a series of veils trimmed in coins, and sirens in short dresses and high heels entice him with a cask into which Yolanda has dispensed her gold. The number effectively links Johnny's fear of marriage with his greed, or, more properly according to the dream-logic of the "Will You Marry Me?" sequence, his greed is the film's alibi for not stating more directly his desire not to bond with a woman, no matter what her beauty or wealth. The film temporarily addresses the question of whether Johnny will accede to the demands of marriage through the camp art direction's treatment of him as gay.

So this is more specifically a nightmare ballet, one that takes marriage—the typical happy ending of many an MGM musical (including—spoiler alert—this one)—and transforms it into a thing of anxiety and horror.

While the dramatic function of the dream ballet is questionable, its adventurous spirit and execution should not be ignored. Bear in mind that Agnes de Mille’s dream ballet for the original stage production of Oklahoma! first appeared on Broadway in 1943, just two years before Yolanda and the Thief hit movie screens. Yolanda and the Thief also predates The Red Shoes by three years and An American in Paris by six. Minnelli was staking out new territory here, trying out a storytelling technique that he and other filmmakers would employ with greater success in the future.

STYLE

What is labeled as the integration of straight romance and gay-inflected visual codes is more generally within the camp sensibility what we might call "style," or more particularly, a style of excess. James Naremore describes this differentiated style as Minnelli bringing “a rarefied sense of camp to musical numbers, making…[him] ‘an Oscar Wilde of the camera.’” To be an “Oscar Wilde of the camera” would of course conjure images not only of queer sexuality, but a simultaneous devotion to the aesthetics: one who would converse, write, lecture on subjects ranging from poetry to interior design. This parallels Sunsan Sontag’s assertion that “Clothes, furniture, all the elements of visual décor, for instance, make up a large part of camp. For camp art is often decorative art, emphasizing texture, sensuous surface, and style [sometimes] at the expense of content.” Indeed, Sontag begins her “notes on camp” by quoting Oscar Wilde’s famous aphorism, “one should either be a work of art, or wear a work of art.” However, camp is not simply an adoration of colour and texture, but a certain critical – comical, even – perspective on heterosexist and gender normative culture, both male and female.

And beyond discussion of pure aesthetics of delight, camp within the Freed Unit is also indicative of a process of labour as method of negotiation between queer identity and heteropatriarchal capitalist hegemony (critique of a culture industry from the point of view of a queer professional embedded in it).

AUDIENCE REACTION

Campy style within Freed films circulated to noncamp audiences under the more general idea of their being “stylized” or “witty". The comments of film-goers who attended previews of, for example, Minnelli's "The Pirate" confirm that the studio knew that the film tended to emphasize its own spectacular art direction while sometimes disregarding streamlined storyline and clear characterization. In the cards, where anonymous viewers offered praise and disparagement, a repeated emphasis on the art direction arises: "the sets detracted from the people and the music was too loud," "not realistic enough," "entirely too surrealistic," "the beautiful background settings were exceptional," "plot rather thin," "truly one of the most exciting pictures from every standpoint, direction, artwork, color, dancing, scoring," "beautiful coloring," "slightly fantastic plot not developed in as natural and realistic a way as it could have been," and perhaps the most telling, "Minnelli back to the small minority who really appreciate him." The above comments would suggest that these viewers had screened a film by Dali or Bunuel, not the product of MGM after twenty years of corporate film-production experience.

Which takes us to the next (and very familiar) aspect…

MISE-EN-SCENE VS. STORYLINE

Musicals have largely been understood as primarily narrative films at the expense of other features. The plotline that structures many musicals is that of straight romance and marriage. The world in which a man and a woman meet and find initial attraction, in which their union is frustrated, and where ultimately the prohibitions to heterosexual bonding are overcome through the mediation of the song and dance number is typically the world of the musical. But there is more to the making of musicals beyond the plotline and its ancillary subplots, all of which are said to be brought to happy closure at the film's completion.

What seem to have been the memorable features of Freed unit musicals for contemporaneous viewers were their dazzling sets, costumes, use of color (in terms of film stock, set painting, and lighting) and choreography. These specific elements of film production are perhaps most likely what the various viewers are locating as the Freed unit's distinguishing style, or, to remember the viewer who commented on the "small minority" who might be interested in Minnelli films, that this style was idiosyncratic enough to have both fans and detractors. This style distinguished the unit's films from those of its rivals.

Minnelli's work habit of plotting a film's numbers by creating a series of paper dolls and scaled-down sound stages in which to place these figures suggests that his first impulses were to conceive of a film through its mise-en-scene rather than its storyline. Within the limits of the system, Minnelli was able to say a good deal about sets and costumes, and he usually influenced the overall visual conception of his films.

Dance (and singing) performance disrupts the narrative by momentarily disregarding the force of the story for the power of the spectacular dance routine. Likewise, the backdrops and costumes perform a similar function but that we tend not to notice their potential to antagonize narrative because, of course, most often the disjunctive features of the mise-en-scene are maintained in the film's movement back to the storyline.

Just as Johnny emerges from his dream shaken but unsure of what it means, the historian of camp production can perhaps trace the presence of a masked homosexual narrative only by remembering the strange details which seem to have been so easily forgotten.

REFERENCE:

Tinkcom, Matthew. Working like a Homosexual: Camp Visual Codes and the Labor of Gay Subjects in the MGM Freed Unit. Cinema Journal, Vol. 35, No. 2 (Winter, 1996), pp. 24-42.

Turner, Lexi C M K. A Queer Translation: “Camp” Sensibilities of the Classical Hollywood Musical Era, vs. the 1970s Desertion of Narrative Utopia.

Cohan, Steven. Incongruous Entertainment: Camp, Cultural Value, and the MGM Musical (Durham N.C.: Duke University Press, 2005).

Dunne, Michael. American Film Musical Themes and Forms (Jefferson, N.C.: McFarland & Company, 2004).

Cohan, Steven. “Introduction: Musicals of the Studio Era.” In Hollywood Musicals, the Film Reader. Edited by Steven Cohan. 1-15 (London and New York: Routledge, 2002).

Feuer, Jane. The Hollywood Musical, 2d ed. (London: BFI Books, 1993).

Sontag, Susan. “Notes On ‘Camp.’” In Against Interpretation and Other Essays. 275-292 (London: Penguin, 2009).

https://www.brightwalldarkroom.com/2018/10/24/yolanda-and-the-thief-1945/ https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yolanda_and_the_Thief

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#donde-estas-yolanda #bbc sherlock #everything is sherlock #context #my meta

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nikcosterwaldaus · 4 years

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DON’T GO DOWN TO THE WOODS TODAY

you’re sure for a quick demise

the town of exile has always been full of strange goings on, a safe haven for all that is unexplained and unnerving, but no one quite believed that there were bodies buried beneath the earth until the summer of 1993. seven teens went on a camping trip to the woods and all hell broke loose.

what started as a simple prank between a couple of them, setting traps around the trees, bushes and stumps to scare the rest of their friends, led them straight to ezekiel sutton - a leader of a very unsavoury cult, called the church of the all seeing eye, from the next town over - burying a mangled body in the damp earth. the air seemed to still, the wind blow ice cold, and the two pranksters ran back to their hideout to tell their friends exactly what they’d seen.

the problem was, ezekiel followed them back too.

in the dark of the night, the seven teens were stalked through the woods, tripped up by idiotic pranks and traps set by their friends. ezekiel got to them, one by one, taking them down and trying to make it so none of them would see the light of day. but, through the power of team work, they managed to outwit the killer; string him up, tie him down, wait until dawn to get help and escape from this forest of madness.

it’s been 27 years since the incident and it affected each of the group deeply. still living with the trauma of not knowing if they’d see another morning, they went their separate ways, trying to forget about that night and get on with what life they could salvage. now, however, things are about to change; ezekiel sutton has been released from prison and the teens - now adults - are all brought back to exile on a lie: their friend, mike, is dead.

but, when they all turned up at the church in their mourning clothes to pay their respects, who came out to greet them but mike themself. it was all a rouse to get them back, here, to exile. they needed help. ezekiel sutton was put away for one murder, but mike is convinced they’ve committed countless more. the only way they can prove it is by finding the bodies, and they can’t do that alone.

the characters listed below are based on archetypes from the it movies (and book), as well as the until dawn video game. please bear in mind you don’t need to have watched, read or played any of these to be involved in the plot. while they’re based on the characters from these franchises, they’re not identical and do not have any of the same relationship plots; we don’t expect anyone to adhere to gender or ethnicity when creating them apart from mike who we will want to keep bipoc; however, it would be fantastic if the rest of the group was diverse (characters of colour, disabilities, gender and sexuality), though it’s not mandatory - just something to think about!

all of the characters will be between the ages of forty-four and forty-five, so please make sure you follow the site’s play-by rules when choosing someone for the group! the request will include themes of murder, horror, death and stalking (serial killer > the kids). we’ll be trigger warning everything within the plot, but if you’re sensitive to any of these themes, please let us know and we’ll do our best to help you feel safe.

please note: we are more than happy to discuss any of these blurbs and they are completely open, we just wanted to give you something to go off if you’re creating a character from scratch. if you have anyone else that you might want to bring to this plot, let myself or pomona know and we’d be happy to chat with you!!!

main characters

bev / mike → prickly, confident, aggressive, independent

with a bad home life and bullied at school, bev struggled to fit in; that was until they found the rest of the group. being an outcast didn’t seem so bad when they were friends with a bunch of other outcasts and they became somewhat protective over the others - not that they let any of the group know that. they stayed in exile for a while after the events, slowly watching their friends leave until they realised there was no point; there was nothing to fight anymore. everyone had gone. now they’re back, bev is wary. they don’t want things to go back to the way they were because, last time, everyone left. they’re keeping the others at arm’s length until they can really work out where everyone’s priorities lie.

reserved for: lana

ben / ashley → shy, sweet, lonely, intelligent

the softest and kindest member of the group, ben took the incident in the woods the hardest and has suffered greatly since. barely able to keep their life on track, they’ve hopped from one thing to the next, never quite able to settle down. it’s a shame, for someone with so much heart, that they’ve had it broken and damaged in so many ways; yet they never let themselves become jaded. needless to say, they’re trying to keep the group in exile to help mike find more bodies, not only feeling some semblance of loyalty to them (and the others), but finally feeling whole again after so many years of turmoil and strife.

reserved for: mc

bill / sam → haunted, honest, reckless , brave

they always thought they were the leader of the group, but at the end of the day they were the first to leave town after the incident. their seat at the police station barely cold, they disappeared from exile almost a week after the group came out of the woods and no one ever saw them again. that is, until now. bill’s surprisingly straight and quiet about what’s happened in the intervening years - something about finding out who they really are and learning to forgive themself - but one thing’s for sure, they’re fitting back into that leadership role like no time’s passed at all. it’s just whether the rest of the group really wants them “in charge” after bailing out the first time around.

reserved for: pandora

eddie / emily → neurotic, loyal, obsessive, genuine

having lived a half shut-in, medically induced hell of a life as a kid along with their sibling, eddie was both ecstatic and terrified at the thought of moving away from exile. their mother made them believe (truly believe) they had a plethora of illnesses and it was only at the age of twenty-three, when their mother finally passed away, that they could go and leave the horrors of their childhood behind. they moved to another small town, settled down into a quiet little life and they were happy and dandy until mike’s letter came through. now, more than anything, even more than before, they want out of exile. but something is keeping them there, and they can’t quite pinpoint what. whatever it is, it’s fucking annoying.

played by: anais (miriam chomsky - rachel weisz)

mike / josh → intense, caring, introverted, observant

after the tragic, violent deaths of their parents, mike was raised under the stern but firm eye of their aunt and uncle. mike was something of an outcast at their school but in the summer of 1993, after a run in with the infamous bully henry, mike’s bond with the rest of the group was forged in the fires of joint misfithood. a grounding presence and the self appointed guardian of the group, mike was the one who remained in exile - literally and figuratively - to ensure that the influence of ezekiel sutton would be forever stamped out. yet, life rarely goes the way we want it to, and since the release of sutton, mike has been desperate to get the old crew back together to see sutton punished for the monster he truly is - desperate enough to even fake their own death.

reserved for: yenna

richie / chris → joker, insensitive, determined, brash

the nerdy clever clogs that forged themself a suit of armour out of terrible jokes and snide remarks, richie was desperate to cut loose of their past in exile and forge a new path in the bright lights of tinsel town. best buddies with stanley since their kindergarten days, but cementing themself in the ranks of the group with his corny humour, richie has always been happy to play the clown. yet, as with all clowns, the smile is little more than a mask, and beneath the mask and the armour is a soul wracked with guilt and self loathing. no amount of gallows humour will keep these old demons at bay, and richie is a hair’s breadth away from high tailing it back to beverly hills as fast as their porsche convertible can carry them.

played by: pomona (seth spector - joaquin phoenix)

stan / matt → weak, trusting, wise, sceptical

though stan has always been a key part of the group, they’ve never exactly felt like an integral part. they’re kind, generous and trustworthy, but always seem to be in the background. always seem to be the weakest link. not much has changed over the years. the initial pranks were stan’s idea and they’ve never let themself forget it, believing that if they hadn’t decided to trick everyone with stupid games, then they wouldn’t have all almost died. their bravery and strength haven’t improved and they still can’t quite find a foothole to grab onto. their life has been an undulating mess since they left exile and it doesn’t look like coming back’s going to make that any better.

reserved for: michelle

additional characters

henry / beth

a lost and twisted soul, henry was never destined for a life of bucolic bliss or carefree contentment. raised under the iron thumb of a domineering parent, henry vented their frustrations and rage upon their school peers with infernal ferocity. the infamous bully of their school, henry perhaps would have burnt themselves out with their own banal forms of sadism if it weren’t for ezekiel sutton. meeting sutton was like henry’s eureka moment, and while his connection to sutton’s foul deeds was never revealed back in the 1990s, it is henry who has been keeping the church of the all seeing eye alive and well. now with the return of their idol and mentor, henry is keen to prove themself as sutton’s most devoted follower.

pennywise / hannah

ezekiel sutton is a man of great importance. no one in exile knew who he was up until the events of summer, 1993; now everyone wishes they didn’t know his name. dubbed the executioner of exile, he’s been in prison for the past 27 years on one charge of murder. the police could never pinpoint the location of any of the other bodies he so clearly buried in the woods, and ezekiel never let on to having done anything but put the man he did bury out of his misery. the kids? well, he never meant to scare them. and you know how teenagers can be; so dramatic!

now he’s out on good behaviour and has no clue (yet) that the kids he never meant to scare at working to find his very real skeletons in his metaphorical closet and expose him for the serial killing ass he is. still, his old cult are welcoming him back with open arms, delighted he’s managed to maintain his innocence throughout his arduous trials.

ezekiel is a npc thus unplayable.

#exilebuzz #s: exile

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howwelldoyouknowyourmoon · 4 years

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Raising Hell: Growing up 2nd gen in the FFWPU

J. McKenna June 12, 2014

I believe most people I bonded with while growing up have also seen through a lot of the fucked up systems and teachings of the Unification Church. I hope I am able to express and share in this process with them (or you) and perhaps hope to lend in the processing of others who still may feel trapped or hesitant or unsure of their own feeling and conclusions. This article isn’t for people still interested in pursuing the ideals of the church. I’m not trying to convince anyone of anything but rather hope to convey my experiences in a healing process. I encourage comments but it is not likely I will respond to any trolling or useless debate.

While some ex-Moonies may find exposing Reverend Moon or members of his family for their hypocrisy and scandals personally vindicating and supporting their decision to leave the church, I am most interested in elaborating on my personal experiences—experiences I now view as injustices and direct harm, that I had growing up as a member of the Unification Church.

Social alienation and censored upbringing: It taught youth that they were “different” “special” “purified” people of a different quality and type than people “outside” the church. This leads to an alienation with other people and a strange in-group out-group mentality that often lends to superiority-inferiority complexes and judgment of other people’s lives as not being as valuable as a “purified” person in the church.

Ex-post facto justifications: History is seen as god’s will as narrated through the teachings of the church, thus the genocide of native Americans, the holocaust, slavery, etc. are seen as the proper progression of history, and often is taught along with “moral justifications” for these events. The violence of Christianity is unexamined (mission system in the US, anyone?). Systems of oppression, sexism, racism, genocide are all normalized and rather than the movement being anything resembling a true critique or shift in these systems, they are replicated implicitly and explicitly in a myriad of ways.

Explicit homophobia: I heard people I otherwise respected give the slippery slope argument against gay marriage (what’s next, marrying animals?), heard Rev. Moon’s translator stumble over trying to edit homophobic remarks (homosexuals are worse than dogs). I was encouraged to read a book by Richard Cohen (a “cured” gay member) featuring pseudo-sciencey case studies pathologizing homosexuality.

Purity culture: Everything is about sex and the control of sexual desire. By mandating that we not be sexual, focus on purity, and talking about marriage we are constantly talking about sex and it is the central discourse of the movement. By teaching young people that their value is tied to their virginity, many people are put in harms way. Paired with purity culture was abstinence only sex education, slut-shaming, and rape culture (if she didn’t do something to deserve it [which she probably did], I bet her ancestors did).

Lineage teaching: The focus on a pure lineage and “2nd generation” did several harmful things. First, it gave parents a creepy entitlement to their children’s sexuality and sex lives, demanding that they follow a strict path of purity and ultimately end up in church sanctioned unions with a member of the opposite sex. Having premarital sex is then the dividing line between in-group and out-group, as once a person has sex, they are no longer a valued member of their community and no longer “purified” under the lineage requirements. This is then accounted for by other ritual and purification processes to allow for a continued membership, but as a second class or demoted status person within the organization. Those who had sex before the sanctioned marriage in the church were designated “special category” and were encouraged to renounce what they did and get back on a path to purity in the hopes of marrying someone in the church, now only eligible to marry other “special category” church members.

Consent: Teachings about relationships and consensual sex are not present. Sex is viewed as the ultimate payoff for purity and self-denial. Members are encouraged to forgo sex and follow a strict life of purity as a course to get to a state of sanctioned marriage with another person of equal purity and once that union is sanctioned and ritually complete, a relationship of “absolute sex” is permitted and ones partner’s genitals are seen as one’s own property. This is a problematic teaching as it lends to a sense of entitlement of another person and ignores issues of consent.

Dualism and Black/White binary thinking: Strict gender proscriptions and dualism teachings encourage black and white thinking and mentality about the world. Gender is viewed as inherent and of a specific type. There are specific ways that masculinity is to be embodied as well as femininity.

Racist essentializing: The “superiority” and “inherent purity” of Korean people plays into the myths around Asian women and supports racial superiority of Korean people. This is harmful to other races as well as Korean people, who are confined to boxes and put on pedestals within the movement. Other racist or nationalist caricatures are supported (black people are entertainers, American women are individualistic bitches) and a true examination of race and its constructions and meanings is not attempted or acknowledged. This leaves dominant-submissive racial and cultural differences between interracial marriages to be navigated in isolation and leaves children to operate in the world without any real discussions about race and its impacts.

Misogyny: Rev. Moon only sees women living in a way he condones to be worthy of respect and safety. He often compares women to cows, where every piece of her biology has a purpose to serve others. In one speech he suggests if a woman doesn’t want to use her breast to feed a baby it should be cut off. His abusive and withholding beginning of his marriage with Mrs. Moon is idealized, and she is put on a pedestal for her undying submission to him and for “proving herself” during the first seven years of their marriage. Strict gender roles are prescribed and their subordinate status to men is affirmed through the teachings that men are “subject” and women “object”.

This reflection has helped me express a fraction of the processing it has taken for me to shift from my upbringing, where I thought I was a part of a revolutionary group and something special and transformative to now, where I recognize the unification church as a fringe backlash movement of the 50’s and 60’s of women’s liberation. Far from being a liberating and uplifting movement, it offers very disturbing explicit messages about the natural order of male domination and female subservience, lack of autonomy and control of one’s body and consent, simplistic racial stereotypes, and explicit statements of violence toward women. These are all problematic and are not fringe statements of the movement, rather they are the core tenets of the doctrine that centers on prescriptions around sex.

This reflection is for me, but I am sharing it in hopes to allow others to process and share in their own transformations through their upbringing in the Unification Church. I know and respect many people who I know through the Unification Church, some of which are still practicing members and this is not meant as an attack on them or their beliefs (though, if this upsets you a lot, maybe look into some of those things and work through that). I opted out from the Unification Church and through that process experienced many shifts in myself. I write this in hope to give a voice to my experiences and articulate some of the problematic parts of growing up in the unification church that negatively impacted my life and put up roadblocks for my understandings of myself.

*this post is a part of a multigenre project for a class. Feel free to comment and share.

http://growingup2nd.blogspot.com/

_________________________________

Insights December 2014 by J. McKenna

Cult Indoctrination – and the Road to Recovery

My advice on leaving the FFWPU / Unification Church

Scared of Leaving?

Sun Myung Moon caused huge damage to many second gen children. There have been many suicides.

Writings of former FFWPU members Many recount their experiences in the organization or their journeys out of it

VIDEO: A Prison of Shame & Fear: Understanding the Role of Shame in Cult Indoctrination & Recovery with Dan Shaw, LCSW

#J. McKenna #Family Federation for World Peace and Unification #Unification Church #Sun Myung Moon

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nunaya-business · 5 years

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Let’s Talk About Steven Universe

*WARNING* This … “essay” has my opinions only. I am not speaking for the community, I am speaking for me because I like to express myself and there are people like @susanaaatc out there who like these kinds of discussions. So if you want, I’d like for others to give me their whole opinions on the show as well. Hell make a whole post about it like I did and tag me in it so that I can see your opinion. With all that stated, let’s get down to Bismuth.

So Steven Universe came out in 2013 and I was 11 years old at the time. I liked Regular Show and Adventure Time, not to mention I was obsessed with Rise of the Guardians and Monster High, so I was a bit preoccupied to watch the show. Eventually though, my best friend at the time talked about it constantly and she brought up the concept of fusion. She showed me the art book of the show that she bought and it showed how two completely different gems could fuse into one gem to become stronger. This is where my interest started, and it was the same concept that started pushing me away from SU later in it’s show run.

So fusion in Steven Universe is mostly treated as a relationship, and it’s not always just romantic. It can be between two friends, it can be seen as a more sexual relationship between two gems, a romantic relationship, or a parent-child relationship like with Steg (Steven and Greg’s fusion). This is an amazing concept and I love it so much but… I’m not here to talk about what I like, I’m here to talk about what I dislike.

One of the best characters in the show is Garnet. Garnet was revealed in season 2 (I think) to be a fusion between the two tiny gems Ruby and Sapphire, and Garnet is the manifestation of their love. She’s an amazing example of not only a healthy, respecting, and loving relationship between two people, but also is an amazing example of a healthy same-sex relationship. You see, Steven Universe uses “code” to represent something like race, gender, and age… But we’ll get to that later. My problem isn’t really with Garnet herself, but what Rebecca and the Crewniverse has made her in to. Many have said it before, and I agree. After her reveal as a fusion, Garnet was no longer the cool, collected, fun-in-her-own-way “mom” we knew before, she turned into a fusion, and a symbol for fusion, and a representation… of a fusion. After the reveal, all the crewniverse seemed to view Garnet as… was a fucking fusion! She lost a lot of personality in the 3rd and 4th seasons in my opinion and was really only used in the plot when it had something to do with fusion. To me it’s like having a friend group with only one Asian friend and the rest a different race, and then only inviting the Asian friend to hang out when you’re going to watch Anime, or a Kdrama. It’s a bit racist is it not? Just because you can relate a character to something in the plot does not mean that character has to be there. Maybe instead of putting Garnet in every fusion episode (with the exception of “Earthlings”) just mention her. She doesn’t have to be in every damn episode that has to do with the subject.

A lot of people have an issue with Bismuth… and I can understand that. Let me explain why. “Coding” is what a creator of any media does to give the consumer an idea of a character’s personality, race, age, gender, etc, without it being too obvious. Off the top of my head I’ll state what I view the “coded” characters as.

Garnet, Sapphire, Sugilite, and Bismuth are coded Black.

Amethyst to my knowledge is coded Hispanic or Latina or something like that.

Pearl, the Diamonds, Opal, and Rose Quartz are coded White.

Rainbow Quartz and Aqua Marine are coded White and British.

And I’m not sure about Peridot, Lapis and Jasper are supposed to be coded as.

So the race thing has brought up some issues. In the official artbook that I mentioned earlier there was a concept design for Concrete and the design was a little… oof. People weren’t very happy… lemme just show you.

So obviously people weren’t happy that good ol’ Concrete here looks like a blackface character from the early 20th century animations. And I agree it’s pretty bad, but I don’t think it was intentional.

Some controversial things that come from the show (other than countries like Kenya being assholes and trying to act like LGBTQ doesn’t exist) are the portrayals of two specific characters, who also happen to be fusions, and I agree with most things people don’t like about them.

Let’s start with Stevonnie. Stevonnie is the nonbinary (but let’s be honest she’s a girl) fusion of Steven Universe and his love interest Connie Maheswaran (I had to look up how to spell her last name smh). They’re supposed to represent Steven and Connie’s closeness as best friends and their growing crushes on each other. Rebecca Sugar has also stated that they’re a representation of puberty…. Excuse me? Puberty must have went swell for you Sugar. There’s someone who made a video about why they hate SU, that person being the ever controversial Lily Orchard, and she covered why Stevonnie is just… honestly she’s waifu bait. I agree with probably everything Lily says about this character because… it’s true. Puberty seriously ain’t pretty, and it sure as hell ain’t sexy until after it’s done… sometimes. Also, Sugar is contradicting herself saying that the Crewniverse isn’t sexualizing two very under age kids because Stevonnie is Steven and Connie’s ages added up… which would make the fusion 26 years old… that’s a bit old for puberty Rebecca. It feels to me like they wanted to make a sensual character, and there’s nothing wrong with that, but they didn’t really want to add a new character so they just put the two love interests together. But that’s so fucking wrong. I’m sorry, but sexualizing Stevonnie, which they are doing btw, I will make a post if you question it, is like people shipping siblings or an underage person with someone way older than them and saying “it’s totally fine because they’re just characters” (*cough cough* Ereri *cough cough* Hitachiin shippers *cough*). If you’re going to use that excuse, but then get angry at people who don’t take the character seriously because they are just a cartoon, then you’re a hypocritical asshole. Sorry to tell you. Stevonnie is a very good character overall though. I’m just uncomfortable when they appear because they’re two kids in a trench-coat with curves like an anime schoolgirl and moves like someone who just successfully seduced a poor guy into giving them the secret to the Crabby Patty formula.

Now let’s move on to Steg, the fusion between father Greg Universe, and son Steven. There’s nothing wrong with them fusing because fusion in SU symbolizes a relationship, no matter what kind. However… why do two chubby men make a sex symbol rock idol??? That’s… that’s gross. Why the fuck is Steg so “hot”? Why on earth would you create a fusion out of a father and son and think it’s appropriate to sexualize them and make them gyrate their genitals like they’re an Elvis Presley impersonator? Just… WHY? Do I even have to explain why this is so wrong? Really? Honestly??? You can fuse Steven and Greg and not make it so sexual, but nah let’s give them rock hard abs, a humongous bulge a sharp jawline that neither of the two have, and a tight ass. What the actual fuck??

That’s not my biggest issue though. My biggest issue is giving the Nazi bitches a redemption ark smaller than my nonexistent cock. Endeavor from My Hero Academia is an absolute prick right? He abused his children, notably his youngest, and his wife, and is an absolute asshole to everyone, but he gets a redemption arch. Do you know why it makes sense though? First off because as far as we know Endeavor never committed genocide, and second because he’s not a Nazi, he’s an abuser. Abusers, whether we like to admit it or not, can eventually see the error of their ways and understand that what they’re doing is both wrong and that it doesn’t work. Endeavor is getting a redemption arch because he obviously loves his kids, he just doesn’t know how to show it because of some circumstances we may not know. 90% of the time an abuser was abused themselves growing up, so they grow up with that resentment and they go one of two ways. They see how wrong it is and knows that it won’t get them anywhere in life if they bully others to stay on top, or they think that since they went through it and came out alive, then others should go through it too. I should know, because my dad was from an abusive family, and he turned out fine(ish… long story) while his brother and sister are pieces of shit that can’t hold a job or a home because they’re too involved in criminal activity to do so.

What does Endeavor from MHA have to do with the Space Nazi Diamonds in SU? Well people were sending Horikoshi Kohei death threats because he had the gull to redeem an asshole, and SU fans are pissed because Rebecca Sugar had the lady balls to “redeem” space Nazis. The difference being, you can be redeemed if you were an abusive cock, but not if you’re a genocidal bitch. There’s a huge difference.

Rebecca and the Crewniverse giving the Diamonds a 4 episode redemption arch is absolutely abominable. Peridot’s redemption? Fucking amazing, beautiful, couldn’t have done it better myself. Jasper’s? It’s currently going amazing and they’re doing a great job keeping her in character while also making her likable and even a bit charming. Lapis? Oh… let’s talk about her shall we?

Lapis Lazuli’s character is an absolute disaster. She’s a cunt, she’s a horrible friend, and my god is she abusive! Lapis was supposed to be a sympathetic character, and for a while she was. You could feel bad for her because her gem was damaged and she was trapped in a mirror for thousands of years and when she’s finally released, you understand her want to go back home and why she took the Earth’s ocean to try and reach it. It was understandable when she didn’t want to break out of the prison ship because she was anxious and scared of being locked away for another thousand years. It was easier in her mind to just behave and wait. When Jasper convinced her to fuse with her Lapis didn’t really want to, but saw an opening for the freedom of the humans and mostly for Steven, the one person who saved her from hell. But then everything went south.

Lapis and Jasper were fused as Malachite for months, obviously in a very stressful “relationship”, and apparently a very abusive one as well. When they were finally able to unfuse, Lapis was played off by the Crewniverse as a victim of abuse. This may be half true. After all we don’t know exactly what happened with them at the bottom of the ocean. What we do know however is that Lapis admitted to being abusive. This makes her an abuser. She described how it made her feel happy to abuse Jasper, or “taking my anger out” on her. She admitted to abuse and the Crewniverse still painted her as a victim. They’re both victims of abuse, and they’re both abusers. But that’s not what makes Lapis a horrible person… gem…

Lapis is a cunt… again. It’s okay to be antisocial, it’s okay to be cautious and stand-offish because you’ve been trapped, imprisoned and used so many times. What’s not okay is being a bitch to people trying to comfort or make friends with you, or try to cheer you up. Poor Peri, she was just trying to make amends and comfort Lapis after her whole ordeal with Jasper. Peri offered the cunt the thing that helped her organize her thoughts, the thing that calmed her in situations that made her anxious, the thing that comforted her and the first gift given to her by her first friend and the first person that listened to her thoughts, and the cunt destroyed it. She destroyed Peri’s recorder right in front of her, calling it garbage. Oh and the abuse doesn’t stop there, it only really began, because when shit started to hit the fan, instead of helping each other through it, Lapis abandoned Peridot and took the home they shared. Without a single thought she just took it and abandoned her, and it devastated Peri. I don’t remember her apologizing, and if she did it doesn’t matter because if I don’t remember then it must not have been very sincere.

I’m sick of spitting negative shit so I’m gonna end this here. Personally I’ve been liking the last few episodes, but I’m not too confident that the finale is gonna be satisfying. Those are my thoughts, do with it as you will, but for God’s sake be fucking adults about it. If you don’t got the guts to curse without saying “h3ll” or “pu$$y” or something like that then you’re not mature enough to respond to this. I’m not gonna argue with 9-year-olds. I’ll only have a conversation with mature people.

#steven universe #steven universe future

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frankensteined · 5 years

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DEPUTY ROXANNE BAILEY (made using this template, edited to add/remove some stuff like body temperature who needs that)

BASIC INFORMATION

FULL NAME: roxanne bailey (no middle name~) PRONUNCIATION: rox-ann bay-lee MEANING: roxanne means “dawn/dawn of day” or “bright, radiant one” (which i did not know until right now!) REASONING: she was named after her father’s baby sister, who passed away when she was four years old (her father had been eight at the time). NICKNAME(S): roxie, rox, deputy/dep, rook/rookie (by the entire hope county sheriff’s department), “kid” (by dutch), shorty (by unexpected bff sharky boshaw, though he, along with most of her allies, tend to stick with “roxie”), brosenkrantz (by hurk jr, after a very intense debate over which of them was brosenkrantz and which was guildenstern), Various Terms Of Endearment from adelaide (but she calls everyone by those names so it doesn’t really count) re: the seeds and how they address her: • jacob’s taken to condescendingly calling her “precious”. as in, he did not take her seriously at first, so her attempts at bravado when they first met were greeted with a patronizing “aw, that’s cute. that’s just...precious.” so now he calls her ‘precious’ instead of ‘deputy’ half the time and she hate hate hates it. • joseph has a way of saying her first name that somehow makes her feel like he’s the one that gave it to her, so she prefers him to use “deputy” as well. it makes her feel too exposed, otherwise. • it doesn’t matter what john calls her; it always sounds like he’s playing with the name like it’s a toy she can’t get back from him. • and faith asked during their first encounter if she could use ‘roxie’ for her “like we’re friends”, so even though that’s just her regular nickname, the way faith uses it always feels a little like a trap. or an invitation. roxie isn’t sure which is worse, especially since she isn’t entirely sure that it isn’t both.

PREFERRED NAME(S): “just...anything but what the seeds call me. or the way they call me. ..you know what i mean.” BIRTH DATE: april 10, 1987 AGE: 31 (circa fc5 time, set in 2018) ZODIAC: aries GENDER: female PRONOUNS: she/her ROMANTIC ORIENTATION: biromantic SEXUAL ORIENTATION: bisexual NATIONALITY: american CURRENT LOCATION: hell hope county, montana LIVING CONDITIONS: UHHHHHH....currently not. awesome??? (”occasionally, i’ll find a house that hasn’t been riddled with bullet holes that i can rest in for a couple of hours? that’s fancy.”) often crashes either in fall’s end or nick rye’s house, but will catch a few hours of sleep at various locations that she’s helped liberate when she’s not in that area. nothing has become a sort of “home” for her yet, though. pretty much, as soon as she finds a place with a working shower she’ll plop down for a bit to recuperate and then moves on. likes to talk/joke about moving into the seed ranch now that it’s out of john’s hands, but also worries that if she does that he’ll harm hudson worse than he already has, out of revenge (so for now it’s just stops there to do laundry and shower and that’s probably pushing her luck enough). TITLE(S): junior dep-yoo-tee with the hope county sheriff’s department

BACKGROUND

BIRTH PLACE: america HOMETOWN: gunnison, colorado SOCIAL CLASS: lower-middle class EDUCATION LEVEL: high school graduate; was attending columbia unversity on a scholarship (studying psychology), but didn’t complete her program FATHER: jameson “jim” bailey -- owner of a local hardware store in gunnison MOTHER: elizabeth “liza” bailey (nee wright) -- high school art/music teacher SIBLING(S): none BIRTH ORDER: only child! CHILDREN: hahahaha no PET(S): she grew up with a bunch of cats and no dogs, though she desperately wanted one. currently, her parents have four cats back home: ginger, roy, caesar, and bunny. in hope county, she has boomer (which is why she got so attached to him so quickly). there’s also cheeseburger and peaches, but they’re....not really pets, exactly (even if she pets them all the time) OTHER IMPORTANT RELATIVES: lloyd bailey (paternal uncle, lives in missoula, montana), richard bailey (paternal grandfather, lives in flathead county, montana), sarah wright (maternal grandmother, lives in gunnison, colorado) PREVIOUS RELATIONSHIPS: michael lennon; ex-fiance. (he insisted on going by “len” which, now that she’s long out of that relationship, she jokes “should have been my first red flag that we weren’t going to last”. gets roasted pretty regularly by her friends in hope county over it after they find out: “your judgment’s been pretty good so far, but then again: you were gonna marry some dude who wanted people to call him len...so...”, etc) ARRESTS?: nope! PRISON TIME?: ...not unless you could the literal cage that jacob’s kept her in~ DETAILED BACKGROUND:

• her father, jim, was born and raised in flathead county; he was the middle child, with an older brother and a younger sister, but lost his sister to an accident when she was four years old. he and his older brother became inseparable, and on his twenty-first birthday they set off on a roadtrip around the country, just to see what else was out there

• her mother was born out of wedlock to a woman who “found god” after she discovered that she was pregnant and was subsequently abandoned by her lover; liza wright never knew who her father was, as her mother refused to tell her, but she was assured that she was considered a gift, rather than a punishment.

• jim and liza met when the brothers ventured through gunnison while on their trip; initially, it was lloyd who was interested in her, but jim’s soft-hearted demeanor was much more appealing in the face of his brother’s louder presence, and lloyd bowed out graciously. it quickly became a whirlwind romance, but liza called it off once he started talking about just staying in gunnison instead of completing his trip. jim told her he’d be back once he was done, but she didn’t believe him. she should have; he returned that fall, hoping she hadn’t moved on. she hadn’t. they resumed their romance, much to her mother’s displeasure, and were married the following spring (also to her mother’s displeasure)

• jim got work at the local hardware store, while liza began her career of teaching at the local high school. she’d planned on just teaching one subject, but due to a series of administrative mishaps she took on an additional role as the music teacher as well. within a year, though, she discovered that she was pregnant. they hadn’t planned on having kids so soon, but there was no helping it. jim ended up taking over the store, while liza worked until she couldn’t anymore. their daughter was born the next spring; they named her in honor of jim’s baby sister

• roxanne was a healthy, happy baby, but her parents were finally beginning to come down from their whirlwind relationship, and began to worry about money more and more. they did their very best, and they loved their daughter, but roxanne grew up thinking that it was normal that her father was only around for dinner time at 6 pm, and that he was in bed by 8 o’clock. she grew up thinking that it was normal for mothers to stay up late into the night with work, so she’d need to put herself to bed from the earliest age she could. she grew up entertaining herself, but needing to be quiet about it, lest she wake her father, or interrupt her mother’s grading or lesson planning.

• she grew up lonely. roxanne has very vivid memories of sitting on the school steps, watching parents picking up their children one by one, and having to wait until well after everyone else had gone home before one of hers remembered to get her. she remembers being embarrassed as her teachers had to sit and wait with her, and she remembers being in third grade and deciding to try to just walk home on her own; naturally, she got lost, and was found crying on a corner by the sheriff. after he drove her home, arrangements were made for her grandmother to begin picking her up and keeping her at her house until one of her parents were done work

• sarah wright might have disapproved in her daughter’s choice of career, her choice of husband, and her choice in her granddaughter’s name (she had been hoping that liza would have at least given roxanne her name as a middle name!), but she wasn’t a cruel person, and she tried her best to make her home accommodating for her increasingly moody granddaughter. roxie would later go on to recall how her grandmother would refrain from bludgeoning her with “too much church talk”, but she would make comments such as “i’ve been praying for you lately, because i know you aren’t doing it for yourself”, and other such things that would sour her on faith in general, but she shrugs it off by adding “at least i wasn’t alone all the time”. it was her grandmother who suggested she try some sort of physical activity to get her frustrations out, and she enrolled her in dance lessons, which roxanne would stick with for much of her adolescence.

• by middle school, roxanne’s moodiness had given way to real, proper anger. she was angry at her father for always being at work instead of spending time with her. she was angry with her mother for prioritizing other people’s children over her own. she was angry with her teachers for innocent infractions, such as not realizing that casually suggesting that her parents could help her with her homework felt like the equivalent to open mockery to her. eventually, the anger turned into acting out, which eventually landed her in a chair opposite a children’s counselor; here, she’d actually begin to voice these issues, which delivered a much needed wake up call to her parents. they began to seek out ways to better balance their lives, and roxanne began to realize that she rather enjoyed being able to see where her anger was stemming from, and see where it was going. it was her first brush with understanding psychology, and that redirected her focus towards the subject once she hit high school.

• speaking of which, things improved by the time she entered high school. it helped that she was now seeing her mother regularly in school, and she got a part time job as a waitress in the diner across the street from her father’s store so she could see him on his breaks, but beyond that she simply...had a place to put her energy now. more accurately: her goal was to get out of gunnison, and to study psychology. everything else seemed to fall into a strange, but welcome place in the background. her family began taking yearly trips to visit her uncle and grandparents in montana, where they would go hiking and camping, and her uncle would introduce her to bird watching. those trips became some of her fondest memories

• she worked her ass off in high school, academically-speaking, in order to have a shot at a scholarship. her mother’s position definitely helped her to at least get the audience she needed to apply for one, but roxie somehow, miraculously, managed to get one to her top school of choice mostly through her own merit. she left for columbia university, and while she was feeling wildly out of her depth there, she managed to attract a small bunch of (much more well-off) friends who saw her as a “project”. it wasn’t a flattering comparison, but by this point she had come to attach herself to anyone who actively appeared to choose her over others, and so she was inducted into their numbers and it shielded her from getting too in over her head, financially and emotionally

• one member of that social circle was michael lennon, a bio-med student, son of a senator, asked that everyone just refer to him as “len”, who, for reasons she still doesn’t understand, decided that he needed to pursue her. he was far from her type, and she turned him down initially to focus on her classes, but that only increased his interest. despite herself, roxanne was flattered by the attention, even if he was self-important. eventually, they began dating, whereupon he introduced her to things like galas (which she hated), yachts (which she hated), and how to fly his own, personal, two-seater plane (ridiculous...but she kind of enjoyed that). eventually, he asked her to marry him, and, again, for reasons she still doesn’t understand, she accepted his proposal. (...it was because it was the ultimate “i choose you” display. that’s the reason, even if she doesn’t want to acknowledge that)

• back home, her father’s struggles with money only increased, and her mother returned to throwing herself into her work at the school. it became the perfect storm needed for a man by the name of “cal jethrow” to waltz on in and offer jim help, only to turn around and con him out of everything. jim had thought that he was going to expand his business, and that could keep him afloat, but by the time that cal vanished (with his fakey-fake name), he was left with nothing. as soon as roxanne had all the details, she was already on a flight back home. her parents had told her not to return, but she ignored them. len had told her not to go, but she ignored him. her return home was bittersweet, but she was in a better position than any of them were to dig her heels in and try to help her parents back on their feet

• len told her that if she stayed, their engagement was off. with a detachment that really should have tipped her off to how little she actually loved him, roxie replied “then it’s off.” he then went on and told her to hold onto the ring “for when she came back around” (because he’s a jackass). she turned around and pawned it as soon as she got off the phone with him, so her father could keep the store running for the next month. with her life firmly turned on its head, she began looking for work that would help her help her parents, and found herself facing that same sheriff that had helped her all those years ago. she was trained up, and joined the ranks of the sheriff’s department as soon as possible.

• eventually, financial matters smoothed, somewhat, but issues between jim and liza only worsened. their relationship, which had never exactly been on anything other than shaky legs to begin with, had been strained to the point of fraying. they were forced to admit that they were struggling during another trip to montana, after jim’s mother’s passing, and roxie, attempting to keep her own anger in check, asked them what she could do to help beyond what she’d already done for them. they admitted that they were blaming themselves, and each other, for her returning home, so she suggested that she just stay in montana, with her uncle lloyd, for a while in order to give them space to figure their own shit out (direct quote). so, that’s what she did.

• her uncle was (self-appointedly) tasked with helping her find a job in montana, initially in missoula, where he lived, but he heard from an old friend, earl whitehorse, out in hope county, that he was looking for a new deputy. lloyd and his niece debated the position, with him filling her in on hope county’s history, and the cult that was operating within it, framing it as nothing she couldn’t handle, given her psychology background. “you think i can, what, deprogram people in a cult?” she asked. “christ, no! you just won’t get scared from it, is all i’m sayin’! anyways, those seeds are keeping to themselves, so i hear. you probably won’t even see them very often. it’ll be breaking up barfights and handling domestics, just like you’re used to!” she considered her uncle’s sales pitch. “alright,” she shrugged. “give your buddy a call. what’s the worst that can happen?”

• freshly relocated to hope county, roxie found herself immediately taking a liking to sheriff whitehorse, as well a fellow deputies joey hudson and staci pratt. they welcomed her with genuine warmth, taking it upon themselves to give her rides to work, as well as good-natured hazing (referring to her exclusively as “rook” when it wasn’t just ‘rookie’, and teasing her when she decided to wear the nickname as a badge of honor, since she already was a bit of a dork as far as bird knowledge went). by the time us marshal cameron burke appeared, tasking them all to accompany him in his arrest of joseph seed, pratt and hudson had delivered her one last prank: they’d had her uniform shirt ordered with the name “rook” on it instead of “bailey”. roxie found it hilarious, but nancy, the dispatcher, assured her that she’d already placed a new order for a proper uniform shirt for her. roxie dramatically thanked her for being the only person to have her back. (*sad trombone noises*)

• on the way over to the compound, while on the helicopter, roxie was checking her phone for the briefest of refreshers on the project at eden’s gate. her mother attempted to call her, but she dismissed it, intending to call back later than night, after the arrest was done and they’d all gone home.

• and. well. ....here we are. (note: at the time that i’m writing this, roxie’s sitting just shy of full resistance points in all three territories, but she’s yet to confront any of the heralds in their final encounters yet. so, that’s where i’ll be imagining her at for the most part, because it’s a fun dynamic to be playing around with, in terms of her relationships with all the other characters)

OCCUPATION & INCOME

PRIMARY SOURCE OF INCOME: does “deputy with the HCSD” even mean anything anymore? she isn’t exactly getting paid right now... SECONDARY SOURCE OF INCOME: ummm...selling pelts? TERTIARY SOURCE(S) OF INCOME: UMMM....looting peggies? APPROXIMATE AMOUNT PER YEAR: $Who, cares, about, money, right, now. ?? CONTENT WITH THEIR JOB (OR LACK THERE OF)?: “...y’know...i think my job could be better these days...” PAST JOB(S): waitress, deputy with the gunnison county sheriff department SPENDING HABITS: she’s actually always been pretty frugal, but given her current situation she’s more willing to part with funds for the sake of better supplies (or clothing). mostly, her response has been “why are you making me pay for this when i’m helping--no. you know what? fine. just give me the keys to the helicopter.” (Capitalism Never Sleeps, roxanne) MOST VALUABLE POSSESSION: a necklace with a gold wishbone pendant; her mother gave it to her when she was leaving for university, “for luck”. it has since absolutely gone missing thanks to the nightmare that is her current life in hope county, but she doesn’t know when she lost it. could have been when john had her in his bunker and he was prepping her for confession. could have been when she was being dragged into a cage at jacob’s behest. could have been while she was wandering around in some bliss-fueled hallucination. she doesn’t know, it does upset her, and, yes, she’s taking it as a sign that her luck’s running out.

SKILLS & ABILITIES

PHYSICAL STRENGTH: 7/10 (she’s stronger than she looks and has decent enough upper arm strength to pull herself up ledges and ropes without struggling, but she’s also not going to win any brawls unless she ends up with an unexpected advantage) OFFENSE: 6/10 (knows how to fight, But Would Prefer Not To) DEFENSE: 8/10 (knows how to defend herself And Prefers That Very Much Actually) SPEED: 8/10 (outruns a lot of chosen in their helicopters. pisses them off. pisses the seeds off. feels good. ♥) INTELLIGENCE: 7/10 (she was a good student and has a good enough head on her shoulders, but generally isn’t too above average outside of her preferred interests) ACCURACY: depends on her condition 8/10 (generally, pretty good! she hates it!) AGILITY: 8/10 (can successfully walk in a straight line and run without tripping, can dance well, but has also slipped off a dock and fallen into the water while trying to be sneaky, so...) STAMINA: 5/10 (running on fumes most of the time these days, but still does just enough to keep going!) TEAMWORK: 9/10 (she prefers to work with others! the only times that she tries to go it alone is either if she thinks a situation is going to be too dangerous for them, or if she’s experienced something especially upsetting. she can quickly get called out of that funk by someone simply reaching out to her, however, so all in all she’s a really good team player) TALENTS: ignoring the practical skills she is honing during this ordeal (ie: picking locks), she has a stupid amount of knowledge about birds and how to get by in the woods, thanks to her uncle. she’s also a fairly skilled dancer (she was absolutely That Person who went out to clubs to actually just dance when she was in university), but generally just prefers to dance like an idiot to relieve stress. she’s a little bit crafty, too, thanks to her mother’s background in the arts, but her talents are limited to making non-fancy jewelry (though she will friendship bracelet the hell out of someone if given the chance) SHORTCOMINGS: not so great with melee weapons/hand to hand sorts of situations and has been knocked on her ass too many times to count. she’s also not super wild on heights, so every time she needs to climb something high her heart’s firmly lodged in her throat. LANGUAGE(S) SPOKEN: english is the only language she speaks fluently, alas DRIVE?: she’s a great driver! [footage not found] JUMP-STAR A CAR?: she can get it eventually, but definitely not on the first try. luckily, she travels with much more competent car-lifters :’) CHANGE A FLAT TIRE?: if she has to but there are so many abandoned vehicles everywhere is it really worth it when you can just take a new one? RIDE A BICYCLE?: yes! SWIM?: yep, and she’s had to do a lot of it lately, unfortunately. she’s always in need of dry socks :( PLAY AN INSTRUMENT?: her mom tried to get her into playing instruments when she was younger, and she can pluck away at guitars well enough, but she never stuck with anything long enough to get really good at it PLAY CHESS?: hahahahahahaha no. BRAID HAIR?: yeah, but she can’t remember the last time she’s braided anyone’s hair (including her own) TIE A TIE?: yep! PICK A LOCK?: heck yes that was the second or third perk i unlocked for her

PHYSICAL APPEARANCE & CHARACTERISTICS

FACE CLAIM: krysten ritter EYE COLOR: hazel HAIR COLOR: black HAIR TYPE/STYLE: shoulder length, straight. ties it back when it’s hot out. GLASSES/CONTACTS?: thankfully unneeded (though she will wear sunglasses if she finds a cool pair) DOMINANT HAND: right handed HEIGHT: 5′9″ WEIGHT: 130 lbs BUILD: slight EXERCISE HABITS: running and hiding and climbing and crouching and swimming and absolutely none of it is done for fun :) SKIN TONE: fair TATTOOS: none yet PEIRCINGS: she has her ears pierced once in each ear, but nothing more fun than that MARKS/SCARS: she’s absolutely covered in scars across her torso/arms/back/legs these days (or, if they aren’t scars already, they’re definitely going to be once they’ve healed up properly!). by far her most concerning scar is the one on her neck that came from a wolf attack, uncomfortably close to a spot that’d have been pretty fatal if she’d been less fortunate. she’s also got a burn scar on her upper left arm thanks to being too close to sharky being sharky (she doesn’t blame him, though. honest accident!) USUAL EXPRESSION: lately it’s been like this when it comes to seeing what an epic shitstorm she’s landed herself in, but prior to this she was much more relaxed and oftentimes open, if not downright playful, with others. that side still shines through when she’s with her friends in hope county, but it’s getting harder and harder to feel that way the worse and worse it gets. still, she’s trying to keep it together. CLOTHING STYLE: currently she’s stomping around in a tank top, jeans, combat boots, and a hat on, but even before coming here she was always a pretty basic jeans/t-shirt type of person. doesn’t get too attached to clothing these days, because it always gets damaged if not literally torn off her JEWELRY: the aforementioned necklace that’s gone missing, as well as some larger rings that she’s found in abandoned houses throughout the county that she keeps on to add extra insult to any punch she might need to deliver. ALLERGIES: n/a DIET: ironically, she eats fresher food now than she did before coming here. her current diet mostly consists of whatever gets hunted/fished up and whatever canned foods she finds in prepper stashes around the county, though now that the resistance has reclaimed a number of farms she’s been able to enjoy more variety. is gonna storm john’s bunker for a chocolate bar someday, though, seriously PHYSICAL AILMENTS: just...basically perpetually injured at this point. always at least a little Fucked Up

PSYCHOLOGY

JUNG TYPE: i took three different tests to see and in two of them she got the “hero/champion” archetype, so that’s what she is (as much as it pains her) MBTI: ENFP ENNEAGRAM TYPE: six “the skeptic” MORAL ALIGNMENT: neutral good TEMPERAMENT: choleric ELEMENT: fire PRIMARY INTELLIGENCE TYPE: interpersonal/intrapersonal MENTAL CONDITIONS/DISORDERS: she was neglected for much of her early upbringing, and with that came issues involving anger and attachment. while she was in a much healthier place recently, some of those issues are resurfacing as she’s feeling more and more pressure from dealing with This Mess SOCIABILITY: prior to all of this, roxanne was slow to engage with others, but quick to befriend and trust them if they showed her an equal level of enthusiasm towards her. that’s essentially still the case, and she certainly excels when she’s in groups of people, but she’s becoming obviously more withdrawn and jumpy, finding it hard to accept praise or to feel like others are being honest with her when they thank her. but she still thrives off of that validation, so she keeps herself surrounded by other people as often as possible. EMOTIONAL STABILITY: L O L it’s all over the fucking place these days. she has a hard time controlling her anger, but on the flip side she’s also become even more fiercely affectionate and protective towards her friends. some days, she will swallow back every feeling she has, and the next she might end up crying over any little thing. her emotional state is kind of like sharky’s homemade, duct tape reinforced flamethrower: it’s holding together, but you’re always gonna be a little worried that it’s gonna blow up and take out everyone around it under the wrong circumstances. OBSESSION(S): for the sake of keeping sane, she’s 100% thrown herself into collecting the comics and bobbleheads and whatnot that she comes across. sometimes, roxie and her team will search a house that contains nothing but a baseball card for her collection and still consider it a success COMPULSION(S): she’s compelled to...break every tv set she comes across that’s broadcasting something she doesn’t want to see on it :) PHOBIA(S): shockingly, she’s developed an extreme fear of drowning! wonder where that came from. ADDICTION(S): she’s addicted to validation and having people choose her (going all the way back to her childhood, where her parents often did not prioritize her over others, despite their best efforts). this really, really isn’t something that she acknowledges in herself, but it does explain her responses to the accolades the people of hope county throw at her: even though she absolutely doesn’t think she deserves it, it keeps her going. she tells herself it’s because she has to keep going for them, and that’s true(!), but there’s a part of her that is sated in having others validate her. unfortunately, that also subconsciously influences her responses to the focus the cult has on her as well. DRUG USE: recreationally in her youth, but hasn’t done any for some time. (unless you count helping aaron kirby/tweak out once by being his guinea pig) ALCOHOL USE: occasionally; more so when stressed, though she tries to keep a clear head as often as possible. still, if it’s there, she’s gonna drink it. PRONE TO VIOLENCE?: ........guilty.

MANNERISMS

SPEECH STYLE: she’s fairly blunt, but surprisingly playful even now. keeping a sense of glibness to her responses, hopefully, masks just how poorly she’s coping with all of this. it isn’t all a front, though: she does genuinely speak with levity when she’s with her friends, enjoying being able to banter and joke with them, because they bring out the best in her. she used to be much more mouthy towards her enemies, until she saw firsthand how her allies were faring in their clutches. now, she saves those kinds of comments for just the right level of tension. there’s no sense in antagonizing them verbally when they’re in a better position to hurt her friends than she is to save them.

ACCENT: american QUIRKS: • even before coming to hope county, she was someone you could count on to always have gum on her person, and that’s especially true now. she’ll use pieces of gum as a peace offering/extending of an olive branch to people who don’t quite trust her, figuring that even the grumpiest of people can be won over thanks to the promise of fresh breath these days. • she also tends to “ask permission” of her animal companions before doing something dumb or reckless. if cheeseburger didn’t say no, then it’s fine, right? NERVOUS TICKS: fidgeting and picking at her hangnails DRIVES/MOTIVATIONS: • from the beginning, her main drive was to understand herself, which fortunately branched out to understanding others. that’s how she came to understand and make peace with her parents, it’s what made her able to harness her own negative emotions (...usually), and it’s what made her think that she’d fare okay in hope county in the first place. she’s still trying to understand these people, as much as she is trying to survive them. • she also, of course, wants a place to belong to. so much of what she grew up tolerating was in the name of being wanted and appreciated, and whenever she finds that it becomes dear to her, even if it isn’t necessarily a positive thing (ie: frickin’ len). thankfully, the friends she’s made here are quite happy to accept her into their numbers, so she doesn’t need to pull validation from elsewhere (even though...it’s out there, in some twisted form) • also, revenge? vengeance? not a positive goal, but!! it’s in there, simmering! FEARS: she fears so much lately it’s easier to list what she isn’t scared of, but obviously the biggest one is failing everyone that’s counting on her. it’s dying here. it’s her own mind, thanks to jacob. it’s joseph. but also, it’s turkeys, because those assholes are bloodthirsty. POSITIVE TRAITS: roxie is loyal to a fault, and absolutely fails any attempt she makes to turn her back on someone that she could help. she’s genuinely affectionate with her friends, and enjoys having inside jokes and opportunities to be silly with the people who like having her around, which, all in all, makes her a really good friend. she grew up without many of those, so she tries to be better than what she started with. NEGATIVE TRAITS: roxie’s prone to flashes of anger and tends to hold grudges because of it. it makes her somewhat vengeful (part of why she leaned toward law enforcement was because she liked to imagine taking down the guy who conned her dad), which can sometimes make her take risks she really shouldn’t. she has a stubborn streak that borders on foolishness at times, and that makes her unable to just walk away when it would be better for everyone involved. she also does not handle loneliness well at all.

also she’s been turned into a brainwashed attack dog whenever jacob plays his gd song SENSE OF HUMOR: her own brand of humor is pretty dry/sarcastic/it’s-a-defense-mechanism, but in the right company she’ll lean into being silly/absurd and goofing off a fair bit (traveling with sharky and hurk together really brings that side out the most often, though nick and adelaide can get that too. she at least tries to be more serious with grace and jess, but between the three of them she’s probably the most likely to goof off). roxie does find sharky and hurk’s nonsense genuinely hilarious about....85% of the time, and although adelaide’s style doesn’t match her own at all, it still cracks her up a lot of the time as well (in an incredulous way). DO THEY CURSE OFTEN?: only when stressed :) which :) i mean... :) :) :)

FAVORITES

ACTIVITY: dancing ♥ ANIMAL: birds (except turkeys. she knew true betrayal when a wild turkey first attacked her) BEVERAGE: no one believes her when she says this, but it’s really just any herbal tea! COLOR: the kind of deep orange you associate with autumn FOOD: blueberries! she likes blueberry flavoured anything. (least favourite: peas) FLOWER: peonies (least favourite is.....bliss flowers. obviously. but also roses, because she associates them with cheap apologies) GEM: citrine HOLIDAY: halloween! (all about that fall aesthetic) MODE OF TRANSPORTATION: cars, though she’s getting less rammy with big fuckoff trucks in hope county :) (least favourite is probably the quad because she. tends to crash them.) MOVIE: the wizard of oz (least favourite: moulin rouge, entirely because of “el tango de roxanne”. or, more specifically, how it influenced people to say her name for like five years after the movie came out) SCENERY: as shitty as her situation is, montana really is beautiful, and she appreciates a lot of the natural sights around when she’s moving from place to place SCENT: fresh laundry is always a good one, but she’ll be the first person to admit that a really nice cologne or perfume will turn her head quickly. it’s a weakness. (least favourite is....uh. the smell of burning bodies, which wasn’t something she’d ever expect to have firsthand experience with, but here we are.) SPORTS TEAM: “uh....go cougars?” WEATHER: the kind you get right before a storm is rolling in, though she’s also fond of a good ol’ thunderstorm as well. (least favourite is snowy anything. she does not enjoy winter) VACATION DESTINATION: ironically, it used to be camping in montana. now it’d be...literally anywhere but here.

ATTITUDES

GREATEST DREAM: being able to see her parents again GREATEST FEAR: “i just don’t want to die here.” MOST AT EASE WHEN: she’s taken to setting some time aside for herself to play with boomer, or to lounge against cheeseburger when there’s some precious downtime. sometimes peaches will come lay across her lap then, too, and there’s something really reassuring about having these apex predators just relaxing with her, knowing that they’ll keep her safe. also, the jukebox at the spread eagle often gets hijacked after really stressful days, and being able to dance for a bit without worrying about an airstrike or something interrupting does wonders for putting her at ease. sometimes, her friends will put the music on for her and force her to dance with them when she’s in an especially bad funk, and it’s hard to really stay up in her own head when she sees them go to that much trouble for her sake ♥ worth noting: most of this dancing is not, strictly speaking, good, but it is ridiculous and fun. (and that’s valid!) LEAST AT EASE WHEN: joseph seed is making very intense eye contact with her (which is the only way he seems to make eye contact with anybody, in his defense) WORST POSSIBLE THING THAT COULD HAPPEN: she literally can’t think of anything at this point that could make things worse for her, save a literal, actual apocalypse hahaha :( BIGGEST ACHIEVEMENT: retaking the hope county jail and saving sheriff whitehorse. having him back has been the first real sense of normalcy to return to her life, and was the push she needed to press on towards trying to locate and rescue hudson and pratt. BIGGEST REGRET: ...failing thus far to save either hudson or pratt. in joey’s case, roxie can sort of forgive herself, because she wasn’t in the absolute best position to be able to rescue her, but having been so close to her that she could see the tear tracks on her cheeks while john was wheeling her out of the room still weighs on roxie even now. she can’t stop to think about what she left hudson to deal with in there without feeling sick. in staci’s case, the feelings of regret and guilt are even worse because they’d come so close to being able to escape jacob together, but it was never enough. pratt had saved her, and he was left behind to suffer for it. she’s taken to smashing every tv she comes across that’s looping that video of him being left to die. MOST EMBARRASSING MOMENT: probably this moment when she first met hurk. it was a Class Act. BIGGEST SECRET: the seeds get to her. they’re in her head, she can’t shake certain things that each of them have said to her, and it all really boils down to the fact that a part of her -not even a part that she wants to recognize or acknowledge - thrills at the attention they have fixed on her. that part of her that yearns to be a priority is grateful, in a twisted way, that she’s apparently worth more than just a bullet in the head to them. that’s the part of her that’s keeping her skirting between territories, rather than just finishing it with the heralds one by one. roxie doesn’t accept that that’s what’s happening to her, but if she’d just stop to really think about it...she’d see that it’s true. • despite the warnings, she can’t help but...wonder if maybe faith is actually sincere but has been manipulated. if maybe she could be reasoned with. she doubts it, but roxie has to admit that hearing faith’s accusatory “i thought you were different!” made her feel. well. bad. (roxie’s totally wrong about her, and she’s been warned against faith by loads of people, but. oops.) • she isn’t....not attracted to john. like. aesthetically. it’d be an absolutely terrible idea, she would hate herself if it happened, and she loudly rejected both sharky and adelaide’s observations on their dynamic, so she’s not even thinking about it, but. ...well, anyway. that’s one of those take-it-to-the-grave secrets so shh • out of all of them, despite what everyone else has done to her, the one that’s gotten to the her the most, the one that scares her the most, the one that’s seen through her the most, is joseph

TOP PRIORITIES: “stay alive, save my team, save my friends, save the rest of the county, if i can. stay alive some more, finish this, then sleep, for a long, long time.”

#deputy: roxanne #court vs far cry 5 #my characters #profile: roxie

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blughblu · 5 years

Text

Okay i know i said tomorrow but

So, the family is Yash (son), Elraz (dad), and Adney (mom). Im currently working on a family portrait of them all, when Yash was younger and Elraz was still around.

Yash:

General info:

Gender: male, he/him pronouns

Age: human equivalent of early twenties

Race: cambion

Height: 6'5

Sexuality: pan rights babey

Adney:

(I don't have a colored picture of her quite yet)

General info:

Gender: female, she/her pronouns

Age: mid forties

Race: human

Height: 5'9

Sexuality: bisexual

Elraz:

(No need for another drawing)

General info:

Gender: male, he/him pronouns

Age: human equivalent of mid forties

Race: incubus

Height: 8'4

Sexuality: also pan rights babey!!

Backstory:

Elraz came up to the surface to do demon-ly business, and disguised himself as an elf. He travelled around, doing pretty much whatever he wanted (within the law-ish). Finally, he stumbled upon a large temple, where he found Adney. Adney was a nun there at the time, and when she saw Elraz (or Evindal, in his elven form). For a few months, Adney would sneak out to talk to "Evindal" and slowly they grew fond of each other. Adney was debating whether or not to leave the temple and run away with "Evindal", and Elraz suddenly realized he had a much harder choice to face. Whether he should tell the truth, and undisguise himself, or remain hidden and leave her. After weeks of back and forth debating, weighing the pros and cons, and a lot of yelling at himself, he finally decided to tell Adney the truth. He was scared she woukd hate him, yell at him, report him to the authorities. Or, she would be frightened, and would run away. Neither of those happened. When he dropped his disguise, and revealed what he truly looked like, Adney just shrugged, chuckled softly, and said "i had a suspicion you werent an elf."

Cut to several months into their relationship, theyre dating, and Adney is trying (and succeeding) to hide it from the temple. At this point, Elraz has shown that hes just a huge softy, and Adney has shown that she wouldnt be afraid to shoot someone in the head as a warning. So whenever they, *cough cough* not gonna say it, but Adney is the one to make them take chances, go into different places, etc.

Eventually, the risk taken while, doin the nastey, doesnt pay off, and they get caught by one of the head nuns. Adney gets kicked out from the temple, and Elraz is threatened with banishment from that plain of existence. They both leave very quickly.

A few years later, Adney gives birth to their own little demon spawn, Yash. As he grows up, parts of his father's blood pokes through, as well as his mother's. As a child, his eyes are white with a red-orange iris, instead of the black he has later in life. His tusks are only barely there, and are easy to softly file down or hide by not smiling too big. The biggest thing that could tip someone off to his demonic heritage is his pupils, which are slits likes his father's. But unlike Elraz, Yash's pupils dont do the cat thing, and get super big when they see smthn they like.

As Yash gets older, Adney takes notice of his tendencies to lean towards strong negative emotions, like lashing out over small things (his eyes went black when he got extremely angry). So, she sent him to her old temple to work on becoming able to control his anger more. He grew up, and trained to be a padin.

Just before Yash got sent to the temple, Elraz received a visit from an unexpected, and unwanted visitor. A messenger from Hell came to tell Elraz that he was required to return. Elraz refused, and the messenger said that either, he would go by choice, or he would go by force. Elraz stayed. A week later, Elraz was gone. Dragged out of his home by Hell guards, while all Adney could do was sit and watch in horror as her husband was dragged out of her life. So far, neither Adney nor Yash had ever seen him again.

After Elraz had been taken away, Yash trained hard to become a worthy paladin. He didnt want to be bad, so he studied hard, and trained hard, harder than any of the other people working beside him. He still had time to play, though. Which led to an unfortunate accident. While playing, Yash and a little boy got into a play fight. The little boy wrestled like any child would, and Yash thought he was wrestling normally too but...Yash wrestled too hard and the little boy ended up dead on the ground, neck broken. Yash cried and pleaded. "I didnt mean to do it! I didnt mean to hurt you!" Eventually it got dark, and Yash ran home. He never told anyone. He had nightmares for weeks.

Yash trained for years to become a proper paladin. He was very close to achieving the goal he had set years prior. But, life happens, and something went wrong. Terribly wrong. The head nun who had previously caught Adney and Elraz, told another nun a hideous lie about Yash and Adney. Yash overheard the comment, and went into a rage. When the rage dissipated, and Yash could finally think straight, he realized what he had done. Most, if not all, of the people in the temple were dead, or severely injured. So he ran. He ran to Adney, and cried. He sobbed and told her everything he had done. Adney rubbed his head, and told him he needed to leave, and that she would help him pack. He left the city that night, and didnt return until years later.

Yash used to be soft, and gentle, but now hes a huge @$$hole and hes super sarcastic. He now has a bf named Jarren (air genasi), and theyre very pleased with life. Yash visits his mother every so often, and is working on finding a way to see his father. He lives with Jarren, and he and his bf's friend, Vlasial (drow). Theyre all bastards. The bastard trio. Vlasial and Yash "fight" a lot, but everyone gets along great.

Adney lives alone, and runs an herb shop that doubles as a weed dispensary. Adney is definitely a stoner, but she mainly uses it as a way to cope with her emotions. She hasnt dated or remarried since Elraz. She keeps in touch with Yash about the situation with finding Elraz in Hell.

Elraz is trapped in a prison cell, for falling in love with and having a child with a human, and then staying with them for years. He hasnt been out since he got locked in there years previous, but everyday he still holds onto the hope that Adney and/or Yash are trying to find him. He has tried escaping in the past, but that only resulted in torture.

Misc. doodles:

@musingsofa2yearold this is so long i apologize sdfhhsfhsf

#long post #oc post #art #oc art #blugh art #its so long im so sorry #i got carried away #i designed Elraz two days ago #i designed Adney TODAY #i gave them names like HALF AND HOUR AGO #just before i typed out their info #annnnnygays #bed time now

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ecllas · 5 years

Photo

M E E T E L L A

1. Full Name?

Eloise Grace Dawson

2. Preferred Names or Nicknames?

Ella. Only her parents call her Eloise, and when they do it’s never a good thing.

3. What does their name mean? Does it have any significance in their family? Do they like their name?

The name Eloise means ‘famous in war,’ in French and ‘healthy’ in German. The name Ella means ‘beautiful fairy woman,’ and ‘light.’ The name Grace means ‘eloquence, beauty, kindness, and mercy.’ Although Ella relates to these varying meanings in different ways, from her fierce courage to her romanticized way of viewing the world, she wasn’t named for them. Her great-great-great-grandmother was named Eloise, and ever a man dedicated to honoring family and tradition, her father thought it would be a suitable name for his first-born daughter. Funnily enough, Ella’s ancestor Eloise was also known for being a brash-spitfire. The family has several antique photos of Eloise marching with suffragettes at a rally in 1919, as well as a picture of Eloise at what was presumably a speakeasy sometime in the 1920s, puffing on a cigar with pearls draped around her neck, playing poker at a table surrounded men in white shirts and three-piece suits. Ella likes to think they’d have gotten along. She also feels a sense of pride in the history surrounding her name.

4. Age and Date of Birth?

Ella is 17 years old and her birthday is December 15.

5. Gender and Pronouns?

Female. She/her.

6. Hometown?

Boston, MA. She was raised in a townhouse in Beacon Hill.

7. Does your character fit into any well known archetypes or tropes?

The Black Sheep

The Lovable Rogue

The Storyteller

The Dreamer

8. How long have they been at Broadripple?

Ella became a student at Broadripple during her Sophomore year. She was originally attending a private school in Boston where she lived with her parents, but after being caught sneaking out of the house with a rather unsavory young man ( and after one too many second chances in the eyes of her parents ) Ella was shipped off to Broadripple Academy. She hasn’t been able to go home since, spending every weekend, holiday, and break at the Academy that they are able to. In the words of her father, this was to “prevent her from being a bad influence on her little brother.” But Ella suspects it’s a prolonged act of punishment that will never end.

9. What led them to apply to Broadripple? Was it a decision made by them or by their parents/guardians or somewhere in between?

The Dawson’s are a legacy family, and although they initially intended to keep their family close together, Ella’s disobedience, rebellion, and reckless behavior pushed them to sending her to Broadripple. They believe the Academy will be able to ‘straighten her out,’ pushing her into maturity through rigorous course work, high expectations, and the watchful eyes of the nuns.

10. Whether they’ve been at Broadripple four days or four years, do they enjoy it? Do they like Broadripple?

Ella does not enjoy Broadripple. She likes some of the people and classes, but ultimately she feels trapped. Her ability to leave campus is limited, and her parents try to keep her on a tight leash so she can’t make any ‘poor life choices.’ She would probably enjoy the school more if it felt less like a prison.

11. What house are they in? Do they care very much about their house?

Ella is a legacy student in Seton. She doesn’t carry much house pride, perhaps in spite of how much her father values their identity as a Seton Family. However, she is very fond of the color blue and has been long before she became a student at Broadripple. This is the extent of her passion for the Seton Legacy.

12. Who do they share a dorm with, or are they on their own for the moment? What are they like to live with? Are they clean or messy? Early risers or night owls?

Ella is roommates with Gwen Prescott, and it is most definitely not a happy pairing. Ella finds Gwen’s incessant need to follow the rules frustrating. Her domineering personality, demand for no boys in the room, and meticulous attention to the cleanliness of the room makes Ella want to spend as little time there as possible. That being said, although Ella isn’t anywhere neat as Gwen, she isn’t especially messy either. Her desk tends to get messy rather quickly, as it is the place she happens to ‘drop off’ everything, including her jackets, homework assignments, in-progress books, and discarded articles of clothing she feels won’t fit her outfit and she hasn’t put away yet. Her bedside table is always stacked with books and her bed is made, but not tucked in - she prefers her bed to look comfy and soft rather than sterile and pressed. Ella is an odd combination of both. She finds something about the night invigorating. Because of this she is prone to sneaking out. However, Ella has a hard time relaxing. This makes sleeping in challenging, as she is often compelled to go out and do something with the limited free time she has.

13. How is your character’s dorm decorated? Is it bare or bursting at the seams with personality? Any particular sentimental items from home?

Ella’s portion of the room is thoroughly decorated. String lights line the walls above her bed all the way along her ‘half.’ Polaroid pictures are stuck in the frame of her mirror and taped to the walls. On the wall above her bed, Ella has a full-sized world map speckled with push-pins of places she wants to travel to. Her walls are crowded with quotes from books, poems, and songs she has found meaning in, art prints. The storage space beneath her bed and her bookcase are stuffed with books, most of which are dog-eared, framed by notes scribbled in margins and dashed with highlighters. Under her bed she has a box of CDs - her Just In Case jams. Essentially, a compilation of the music she knows she couldn’t live without in the case of a zombie apocalypse or the collapse of the internet.

14. What is their favourite subject at school? Do they even have a favourite? Why?

Creative Writing. Ella has been passionate about story-telling and writing ever since she was a little girl. Any time to completely immerse herself in the subject makes her immeasurably happy. She probably gets a little ‘too into it,’ in the eyes of her classmates, especially those who took creative writing as the ‘easy’ writing course. She’s the person who brings a 30-page short story to workshop, much to the chagrin of her peers.

15. Are they involved in any clubs? Which ones?

Ella is involved in Women of Broadripple and Chamber Choir.

16. How does your character feel about Broadripple’s Unofficial Clubs? Do they know about them? Are they a part of any of them?

Ella doesn’t have any strong opinions about Broadripple Unsolved. If anything, she thinks they’re pretty cool, mostly because she finds the notion of sleuthing around at night for clues or using an ouija board to try and contact a ghost to be thrilling. Ella has a complicated relationship with the Broadripple Boy’s Club, mostly because she loathes bullying and finds the people who participate in it to be, generally, lame as hell. However, she can’t deny the undeniable draw she feels to ‘bad boys’ with inflated egos who smoke cigarettes and have a penchant for getting in trouble. The Unofficial Chastity Club is something Ella rolls her eyes at, mostly because she thinks it perpetuates a stigma around sexuality that she doesn’t approve of.

17. Does your character participate in any sports? If so, what made them join the team?

Ella is an avid member of the swim team. She’s adored swimming ever since she was a child and participates in the sport out of passion and enjoyment rather than a drive to ‘be the best.’ That being said, her father expects a lot out of her swimming and is prone to sending her harsh texts if she doesn’t ‘perform well’ at a meet. This has somewhat tainted her love of the sport. Although she can’t deny that one of the places she feels happiest at Broadripple is at the pool in the middle of the night when no one else is there.

18. What afternoon activities does your character do? Do they just do the one mandatory one or are they involved in multiple? Why?

Ella participates in two afternoon activities - drama and the seasonal musical. She’s a total drama nerd and enjoys performing on stage. The two activities complement each other, and Ella finds her experiences in both enrich her capabilities in the other. Additionally, she just finds them really fun. Occasionally, she volunteers at the animal shelter.

19. Do they miss their home when they’re at Broadripple? Do they often go home for the weekends or do they only go home during holiday breaks?

Ella’s hasn’t been home since she was sent to Broadripple. She misses her brother most of all, but her feelings towards her parents are complicated. She misses them and is saddened by the state of their relationship, but she also harbors a deep-set anger for the way they have treated her. Ella typically doesn’t go home during the holidays, either filling out special paperwork to stay at Broadripple or staying with a close family friend or relative.

20. Did your character know Izzy De Santis or Maggie Monroe?

She knew of them but didn’t know them personally. She finds their disappearance to be suspicious, especially since no one seems to know where they’ve gone. Ella has always had a wild imagination and what might have happened to Izzy and Maggie finds itself consuming more and more of her thoughts.

21. Has your character heard of Edith Lynch? Do they know the story?

Ella heard the story of Edith Lynch when she first came to Broadripple. She’d snuck out with a few older boys and they’d told her the story to try and scare her. Eager for the thrill, Ella demanded more details, which the boys were unable to provide. This led her to doing some thorough research at the Academy’s alumni and records section of the library. In short, she knows the ghost stories, the lore and the Academy’s sanitzied record of events, but she often finds herself questioning the truth.

22. How does your character feel about Nighmore? Have they noticed the recently closed shops yet?

Ella is grateful Nighmore exists because it gives her a brief respite from the campus, but ultimately its locations and activities are lacking. She’s taken note of the closed shops and is most impacted by the Kettle closing down. Ella adored their baked goods and found she often got a lot of good writing done there. Plus, it always offered a place for her to hide out when Gwen was in one of her moods.

23. Have you made any aesthetic Pinterest boards/WeHeartIt collections for this character? Or playlists? Anything you would like to share!

**under construction

#BAHQ:TASK1 #tasks.

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thatcrappypuppy · 5 years

Text

Fic request from Grootiez!

This is a lot different than what I normally do, but I think @grootiez could use some cheering up. Hope you like this and thank you for the request! I can’t put the request up here because it would spoil the story.

It’s a long request so I thought I’d at least write some angsty-teen Groot going to school first chapter. Couldn’t say for sure how long it would take me to continue or finish it!

Takes place after Endgame, so there are definitely spoilers.

//———//

Earth wasn’t Peter’s idea but Missouri was. School wasn’t his idea, either. That was Rocket’s, since he thought he Groot could use some socialization. Come to think of it, Peter didn’t really like any of this. Not even the Missouri part.

And since when had Rocket warmed up so much to humans? Being cooped up on Earth should’ve been more torturous to Rocket than it was to Peter, but he couldn’t ignore how much his friend had changed.

To most of the Guardians, they’d only been gone an instant, and in that instant, everything changed.

“See, Rabbit? I told you it wasn’t far.” Speaking of changes, Thor’s voice brought Peter back to reality. “Groot could easily walk here on his own.”

The entire Guardians of the Galaxy, minus Gamora and plus Thor, who Peter was reluctant to include into the family, was walking Groot to high school.

“You don’t decide what’s best for Groot,” Rocket snapped.

“I should get some say,” Thor muttered, then added, while pointedly looking at Peter, “as the team leader.”

“You’re not the leader,” Peter interjected, “and we’re not just a team.”

“Yeah, we’re a family,” Drax insisted, nodding with confidence. He and Mantis beamed at each other.

“No!” All eyes turned to Peter, who had just blurted the word without thinking. “I mean - yes, we are. But, more importantly, we’re heroes. You can’t just have anyone step in and become leader. It’s gotta be somebody who’s responsible.” When Thor looked like he was going to argue more, Peter continued, talking over him, “And! Someone who’s been responsible for the Guardians for years. Which is why I’m-“

“I’m the leader,” Rocket interrupted.

“What?” Peter shook his head, “No…”

“In case you’ve forgotten, Nebula and I have been the only Guardians of the Galaxy for five years! And she sure as hell wasn’t diplomatic enough to be leader!”

The Guardians turned to see if Nebula would argue, but she was making threatening faces at a nearby group of gawking teens as they made their way to school, only stopping when she felt their eyes on her.

“It’s true,” was all she said.

“AND,” Rocket continued before Peter could say anything, “at the very least, I am the leader of Groot!” He pointed at the teen in question with his thumb.

Peter couldn’t argue with that.

Groot, meanwhile, scowled. He didn’t feel like himself in their new home in this new neighbourhood. And he didn’t like toting around a backpack full of heavy textbooks and school supplies.

“I am Groot?” he asked rhetorically if anyone was going to ask him what he wanted.

“No, we’re not. We - or, more accurately - I am not gonna ask. I’m gonna tell you what’s best for you.”

“I am Groot?”

“You can’t bring yer holotab because you’d just play with it all day. Besides, they don’t publish Terran textbooks for you to download there. And none of the other kids will have that kinda tech.”

“Yeah wouldn’t want him to stand out,” Peter said sarcastically.

“Shut it, Star-Munch.”

“And, hey! Did it occur to you that if Earth’s textbooks aren’t published on the intergalactic web that they may not be accurate? Or useful?” Peter walked backwards as he spoke.

“I am Groot?” Groot agreed, asking the age-old question of “why do I have to learn this bullshit?”

“Watch yer frickin’ language!” Rocket barked. Then, he turned to Peter. “Don’t you think I know that Earth’s the most backwards, barbaric planet since Hala?”

“Woah! You’re saying we’re worse than the Kree planet?” Peter asked, his face scrunched in disapproval.

“I think the Kree are worse,” Drax stated.

“All I’m saying is this planet sucks and school sucks - ya probably already know more than most of those idiots-”

“I am Groot?!” rather than wait for Rocket’s explanation, Groot burst out his frustrated question.

“If you’d let me finish!” Rocket waited a moment to see if anyone would interrupt him. “You’re there to make friends. Learn what it’s like to be around people your own age ‘n all that crap.”

“I did wish for real friends my own age when I was a teen,” Mantis chimed in.

“There ya have it. We’re sending you to school so that you don’t end up like Mantis.”

Mantis squeaked, but couldn’t quite place whether Rocket was insulting her or if he was just stating that he didn’t want Groot to be lonely like she was. Ever the optimist, she went with the latter, and, in any case, was quickly distracted by a long building in front of them.

“This is it,” Peter confirmed.

The chain-link fence beside the sidewalk they had been following finally ended at a set of yellow, metal bars that served as the gates to a massive parking lot. The school itself was white at the base and red at the top and looked more like the back of a strip mall or a warehouse. The Guardians looked left and right, but the only indication they had that this was, indeed, a high school and not a prison yard or sketchy back alley was a small, tilted sign that said “DRUG-FREE SCHOOL ZONE.”

“Haha, yeah right, right?” Peter stood by the sign and pointed at it, grinning. Most the Guardians ignored him, except for Rocket, who looked pissed.

“Alright, you guys stay here. Office said to sign him in at building one…” Rocket stepped forward and Groot obediently, albeit reluctantly, followed.

The buildings were plain, undecorated, unless you counted the large white numbers indicating which building was which painted on the second story, too high to be vandalized. Groot observed that the first floor walls were not so fortunate, as the inconsistent paint jobs suggested their habitual desecration - that and the fact that it seemed the school’s janitorial staff wasn’t even bothering with the latest obscenities painted on the walls.

The students who attended this school clearly didn’t like or respect it. Groot supposed he could be thankful that he already had something in common with the people who would become his peers.

//———//

Sadly, it seemed the only thing the students hated more than school was Groot.

He was blamed for half the universe disappearing for five years. “It was one of you aliens that did it!” Which was why he was blamed for their families falling apart. “Mom didn’t think dad was ever coming back. Do you have any idea what an asshole her new boyfriend is?!” Not to mention, he was also blamed for ruining their lives. “If you aliens hadn’t’ve started your alien war, my friends and I would have graduated together, like we promised! Why does Earth have to pay for your problems? You should just go back to space and stop being our problem!”

Groot tried to reason with them. They were all enthusiastic about being all-inclusive of race, gender, and sexuality. He’s point out that he was one of billions of billions of aliens out there, and it wasn’t his fault that Thanos did what he did. He’d point out that it was, indeed, racist to define all aliens by the actions of just one man, Thanos, and that it was also racist and stupid to think that Groot was just like any other alien.

Thor once had the good intention to walk Groot to school, since Rocket always insisted that somebody walk with him. He walked with Groot all the way up to the school doors. For once, nobody made any comments at Groot.

“There, that’s better, isn’t it?” Thor amicably patted Groot on the shoulders as he said goodbye to make a show of their friendship, but that only silenced the other students while Thor was still there. As soon as he was out of the parking lot, they were back at their usual jibes and glares.

There were a few students that tried to talk to him, to tell him how immature the bullies were acting and not to take those assholes seriously. But, after a while, just like the rest, no matter what Groot tried to say, to bullies or otherwise, he would eventually be met with frustration on their part.

“Who the fuck cares?! We know you’re Groot!”

School had just become a routine of sitting at the back of class because, even though it was easier for students to throw garbage or spit at him, it was also easier for him to see it coming and stop or dodge it, hiding in the bathrooms during the shorter break of the day, and sneaking food into the library because it seemed the librarian understood that Groot couldn’t eat peacefully in the cafeteria.

He was hurt. The Guardians weren’t the most popular group in the galaxy, and he certainly wasn’t anyone’s favourite, not like the Hulk or Thor of the Avengers, but he wasn’t used to being universally hated.

He was confused. Rocket insisted that this was best. How was this learning to get along with people his age? He was quickly learning to hate people his age. Or perhaps all people in general, since the teachers equally ignored him, despite being informed about the language barrier.

“The school can’t afford for every teacher to have a universal translator, are you kidding?” Rocket told him noncommittally as he worked away. He was busy getting a freelance repair business off the ground since, aside from Mantis and Drax, most the Guardians would be able to help with that and they’d be able to make extra money. “You’ll figure it out - you always do everywhere else.”

But everywhere else had a universal translator at best, or they were used to meeting people they didn’t understand. Groot would point this out, but Rocket would just tell him to deal with it since he was too busy to do so.

Groot couldn’t even skip school the way he’d seen other kids do, since he was walked to and from school, and any missed classes promoted the school to call Rocket, who would take away gaming privaleges for the day when he found out.

So Groot was trapped. Trapped in the back of the class, the bathrooms, and the library. Trapped on a planet that couldn’t understand his language - refused to, in fact. Trapped alone with a family that equally refused to understand his problems. Well, Peter seemed to get it - he had hated school, too, but he couldn’t convince Rocket to leave this damn delusional planet.

Groot was known for being outspoken in his grumpiness, he was known for being loud with his complaints, and he was known for being upfront with his negative attitude. But, now, trapped, he knew that it didn’t help him to argue, yell, scream, or cry. So he became silent. And since Rocket didn’t seem to have time to realize that Groot wasn’t talking to him, Groot realized that his family wouldn’t care if he was gone.

His only company became his games and some books in the library. There was a whole section of “Teen/Young Adult Drama” devoted to conflicts like the one he found himself in.

He read about teens who were at a disadvantage because they were different, and were bullied for it.

He read stories about friends turning to enemies over a mutual love interest and the triumph of overpowering the enemy with wit and intellect. But Groot couldn’t prove his wit or intellect because no one would listen.

Mysteries about why a quiet kid at school had used narcotics to kill himself - the journal he’d left behind for his friend had to discover and decipher. But Groot didn’t have even a single friend who would care if he was gone.

His life had become a routine of being trapped. And he desperately wanted to escape.

One day, he was pushed over that edge, when he got in trouble for leaving the school premises. He knew Rocket would find out but he didn’t care.

“I don’t want you skipping school and I DEFINITELY don’t want you leaving the property! What were you even doin’?!”

“I am Groot!”

“What do you mean what do I care? Of course I care!”

Groot yelled one last time, a voice-cracking scream that everyone in the house could hear before slamming the door to his room shut.

“Groot! That’s not true! And don’t you slam that door!” Rocket stomped towards his son’s room, but Peter stopped him.

“Rocket, wait. Don’t you see what this is doin’ to him?”

To Peter’s surprise, Rocket did wait. And he sighed, his ears drifting down shamefully. So, he continued.

“You know first-hand how mean and judgemental people can be. It’s not just teens, either. And Groot can’t even stick up for himself! We’re lucky he’s not getting into fights or anything because he could probably kill them.”

“I know…”

“Groot’s actually a really good kid.”

“I know.”

“Then why are you putting him through this?” Peter asked. “Why are any of us doing any of this? He doesn’t need the education and he’s not learning how to get along with people.”

“I know!” Rocket turned to look at Peter and his eyes were wide, wildly so. “But it’s safe.”

Peter then realized that Rocket’s tough guy act and his obsessive need to tinker with technology was still, first and foremost, a front to hide his fears. Of all the things in the galaxy that had changed, this remained true.

While Earth was boring at best and brutal at worst, few creatures inhabited it that could harm Groot. And, secretly, Groot was gentle. He knew when he could overpower someone and was careful not to unless they really forced him to. He was part of a team that protected people, even if the people they protected were assholes like the ones he went to school with. This meant that he would never give the world leaders of Earth any reason to wage war against him, but it also meant that he would pretty much never defend himself if it meant hurting a human being.

Peter had more to say.

“Right now, Groot is dealing with one of life’s hardest challenges. You don’t know because you never went to school. And when he says you don’t care about what he’s going through, I think he really believes it. It’s gotta stop. You’ve gotta let him live a good life, even if it’s not particularly safe.”

“You’re right…” Rocket looked to the floor. “I shouldn’t’a… I should go talk to him.”

Rocket knocked on Groot’s door, trying to show that he wasn’t still mad and that he was willing to respect Groot’s privacy - a major improvement from just a minute ago, but found the door wasn’t even fully closed.

“Groot?” Rocket pushed the door the rest of the way open. Vines, let loose and unkept, as usual, littered the floor and even crept up the walls and out the open window, but there was no Groot in sight.

//———//

To be continued???

#well y’all might know how bad i am at posting part twos #groot #teen groot #request

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