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lia-jones · 3 years

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Growing Together - Chapter 18 - What We Leave Behind

“Listen carefully, my love. You don’t get a say about your life. You don’t get a say about that baby’s life. You don’t even get to decide where you go. I’m the one who decides who stays and who goes, and I decide who gets to live. Let me tell you what I have decided.”

I tried to focus on the file again, trying to let the numbers printed on it grab me. It was useless, I couldn’t concentrate on work. I put the file aside and turned on the TV. I let my eyes zone out on the image, I had no idea what was on. My mind was somewhere else already.

Victor didn’t tell me much about the conversation he had with Gavin after the double date, acting evasive every time I asked, trying to distract me with other subjects. I knew that I wouldn’t get a lot from him, at best a censored version of the truth, so I went straight to the horse’s mouth. I called Mia. Although she seemed very uncomfortable talking about it, most likely coached by Victor to keep silent about it, I managed to pull from her whatever I needed to know.

Apparently, Daniel had seen the article about my engagement and planned his crime very carefully. He bribed one of the caterer workers to gain entrance to the venue, posing as paparazzi. He climbed the tree next to the reception tent, and waited, rifle in hand, hiding from the commotion. His plan was to shoot me as we entered the reception tent, and then run to his hotel room and kill himself. If not for Mia’s careful eye for details, spotting some of the tree decorations fallen on the ground, and if not for her cool head, calling Gavin discreetly and sending us away from danger without as much as a peep, I would have been dead. I owed Mia my life. From that moment on, I was more than willing to give her any interview, any article she could ask for, without hesitation. She was the reason Victor still had a wife, and I lived to see the day I would become a mother. She was the reason Daniel was in prison, unable to hurt me anymore.

It didn’t really surprise me that Daniel would try something. To be honest, I was more appalled as to how I could forget about him. The last time I had seen Daniel, I had faced him for once and practically humiliated him, and Victor had made some very real threats. Obviously he wouldn’t just quit, especially now that his ego was hurt. He wasn't the kind of person to just let that go.

Despite my best efforts to build myself a new life, Daniel had become my curse and I would never be able to get rid of him. It was like I had been invisibly branded, and every time I would find relief and happiness, he would come to remind me that he could still hurt me, that he still owned me in some way. No matter how many roles I played in my life, the happy wife, the mother, the successful career woman, a part of me would always be the battered girlfriend. That was my burden to bear, and I felt like I would have to carry it until my very last breath.

However, there was a silver lining: Daniel was in jail for attempted murder, and he would remain there for at least a couple of years. For now, I was safe, and I could go on living my life. And that’s exactly what I planned to do: live the present and leave the past behind the best I could.

“A penny for your thoughts?”

I jumped from my seat on the sofa, surprised to see my husband looking at me with an amused expression.

“Jesus, where did you come from?”

“Where did you come from?” He chuckled. “You were so distracted you didn’t even notice I sat down beside you.”

“Nowhere in particular.” I took a good look at Victor, noticing his ruffled disheveled hair, the loose tie on his neck, the dark circles under his shiny eyes. “How was work?”

“Are you still worried about that piece of scum?” Victor insisted. “He is in jail, and he won’t leave for a very long time. You have nothing to worry about, I will not let anyone hurt my family.”

“I know.” I moved closer to him, combing his hair with my fingers. “It just… reminded me of old wounds.” I downplayed it. “Now tell me, what was so important that I had to spend my evening minus a husband?”

“A meeting with the board of directors.” He pulled me closer to him. “How did it go with Olive? Do you have a date for releasing the final study?”

“Yeah, we decided to do it next year. There is still a lot of data to be analyzed and there are some cases I want to follow more closely.”

“That’s excellent news.” He gave me a mischievous smile. “I plan on making you a very busy woman this year.”

“Sure, since I’m so tired of twiddling my thumbs.” I joked. “What’s on your mind?”

“I want your educated opinion on creating a branch in Europe. In France, to be more precise.”

“You’re thinking about expanding?” I leaned back, surprised. It was the natural next step, business was going well overseas, but he never mentioned it.

“Do you think the timing is wrong?” He frowned.

“As your consultant, I think the timing is perfect.” I answered, putting on my CEO shoes. “LFG is investing more and more in Europe, it’s only natural that it localizes the operations there. Additionally, companies will trust us more if we are neighbors, even if distant ones. And France is a fertile market for the foreseeable future. It’s a brilliant choice of location for a first branch.”

Victor studied my expression.

“And my wife, what does she think?”

I raised my eyebrows, letting out a heavy sigh.

“Things will be pretty hectic.” I looked down. “You will have to travel a lot. We just got Owen.”

Victor’s lips curved in an understanding smile as he ran his hand softly on my hair.

“Not as much as you would think.” His voice was warm and hushed. “I will always find time for us, no matter how busy I get.”

“Promise?”

“You have my word.” He gave me an earnest look, followed by a playful nudge. “Although it will be nice to not always have an ankle biter bossing me around.”

I pulled him closer, my lips almost touching his.

“Admit it, you can’t live without me.” I whispered.

He brushed my lips with his, his eyes dark with passion.

“Got me there.”

Business in the financial world runs fast, but when it came to LFG and CEO Victor Lee, it surely ran faster: my husband wasn’t one to spend his time on something unless it gave him some kind of advantage. Since LCG was LFG’s consultant, and I already knew the market very well, it was no surprise when, a few days later, I found myself surrounded by folders of potential French clients and my schedule packed with meetings for LFG France. In fact, everyone was a lot busier than usual, and it would be normal for some exhaustion to start to show, but surprisingly, there was more of a feeling of excitement in building something new. My team was clearly up to their heads with work, but they were also happy and willing to help out in whatever way they could.

“Alright, so this is it for today. Go home and get some rest.” I concluded yet another meeting with my analysis team. “If you have any questions, either look for me, or Diane, if I am stranded in a meeting. Do not hesitate to ask for help when in doubt. These clients are crucial for us now and we can’t allow for any slip-ups. Got it?”

Everyone nodded, while they gathered their belongings and left the room. I also took my things, going to my office to answer some last minute emails until Victor came from picking Owen from school. At my office door stood a very nervous Kenny.

“You have someone here to see you.” He announced, looking jumpy.

“Well, it can’t be Victor, he left to pick Owen up.” I joked, knowing how nervous my husband made him.

“No… Actually… The lady says she’s your son’s grandmother?”

I felt the blood freezing in my veins. The woman my son’s mother had run away from all her life, the one she had tried to hide her son from, had found us. And God only knew what she had in mind.

I took my phone and stared at it for a moment, wondering if I should call Victor. He was probably driving to Owen’s school, he wouldn’t be much help, and all I would manage was to worry him. The best would be just to talk to the woman and find out what she wanted.

“Send her in.” I prepared myself for battle. I didn’t know what she wanted, but it was probably no good.

From what I had read from Rebbeca’s letter, I imagined her mother much differently than how she presented herself. She was elegant, well dressed, hair impeccable and sporting perfectly natural make-up. She didn’t seem like someone who had given birth in an old car, or who had lived in a trailer park with a drunken boyfriend that molested her daughter. If anything, she looked like my mother.

“Thank you for seeing me, Mrs. Lee.” She calmly extended her hand. “Pamela Cole.”

“How can I help you?” I cut to the chase, uninterested in pleasantries.

“I heard you are going to adopt my grandson, Owen.” She looked at the chair in front of my desk, waiting for me to invite her to sit. I didn’t sit either. She wasn’t welcome there, and I wanted to make this visit as brief as possible.

“That still doesn’t tell me why you are here.” I retorted, unwilling to let my guard down.

“I want to see my grandson.” She asserted.

“No.” It came out before I could stop it.

“He is my grandson. I have the right.” She shot back.

“Why now? He spent a year in an orphanage, you never tried to see him once.”

“I didn’t know my daughter had passed away. It was only when I hired a private investigator to look for her that I found the truth.” Her voice caught on her throat. “My poor baby.”

I kept silent, looking at her, my walls fully up. She fidgeted with her purse.

“I imagine Owen is doing well with his new family, and I will be the last to interfere with that.” She continued with a pleading tone. “I just want to see him once. I want him to know that I exist, that he has a background. So one day, when he is older, if he wants to find out more about his family of origin or his mother, I can tell him all about her.”

“His mother spent her very short life trying to keep him away from you. She specifically said the social services shouldn’t look for the next of kin.” I gave her my best hard look. Her eyes instantly filled with tears.

“I can’t say I was a good mother, I was not. I was a terrible mother, because I had a terrible mother myself and I didn’t know how to be a good one.” A tear escaped her eyes. “I became a monster, with a heart filled with hatred and selfishness. But if I didn’t give, it was because I didn’t have anything to give.”

She paused for a moment, trying to compose herself. Despite my best efforts to keep my defenses up, I couldn’t help but feel sorry for her.

“All the mistakes I made, I paid for them.” Tears kept rolling down her face. “I have lost my child, can you imagine a greater price to pay? She was all I had left that was good in my life, and I sought her out to ask for her forgiveness, only to find out she was dead. Owen is all I have left. Let me at least see him once, and ask him for forgiveness.”

I didn’t know what to say, torn between protecting my son and giving him a chance to meet his real family. I looked at the time, it was 5:50. I took my coat from the hanger, moving towards the door.

“I’m sorry, Mrs. Cole, but I need to ask you to leave, I-”

“You are a mother now, you know what it feels like.” She held my hand. “If you did wrong to your son, and his son was the only thing you had left of him, wouldn’t you do everything to make it right? Owen is my last chance. A visit, that’s all I ask.”

My phone buzzed, it was a text from Victor.

We are almost there. Get ready.

“Mrs. Cole, if you want to do right by your daughter, respect her wishes. Stay away from Owen. Now, If you’ll excuse me, I have to leave.” I opened the door of my office, waiting for her to exit.

I was suddenly out of breath, my mind reeling with the new events. I tried hard to make sense of what had happened, tried to reach a conclusion but none would come. I just could feel the tightness in my chest. When I looked at my hands, they were shaking.

For some reason, I couldn’t tell Victor right away. On the drive home, I let myself sit on the luxurious leather upholstery, go only where my mind wanted me to go, watching the city lights outside, the banter between Victor and Owen as background to my thoughts.

“Mr. Sawyer called me to his office again today.” That piece of information quickly took me out of my stupor.

“Again?” I couldn’t help the venom in my voice. “What did that idiot want?”

Victor glanced at me sideways, surprised by my sudden outburst.

“What did he want?” He asked, his tone way calmer than mine.

“To apologize for accusing me of stealing the geode.” Owen chirped, happy. “I said it was ok, that Mom always says we should be forgiving with ignorant people, they don’t know better.”

Victor let out a hearty laughter. Me, on the other hand, could feel the blood rise to my cheeks.

“You said it like that?” I turned to my son, stunned. “What did he say?”

“He got really red and sent me to recess.” Owen shrugged. “Did I do something wrong?”

“You did absolutely nothing wrong.” Victor chimed in. “You didn’t say he was ignorant. If the shoe fits, it’s his problem.”

“So you support this?” I glared incredulously at Victor. “Like father, like son: no filter whatsoever.”

Victor was too amused to care for my scolding, still chuckling at Owen’s boldness. I resumed my meditative state. I felt exhausted.

“It wasn’t that bad.” He took his hand from the gear shift, lacing his fingers with mine. “But Mom is right, Owen. Although some things may be true, doesn’t mean we should say them.”

“Thank you.” I pretended to be upset, but couldn’t help my smile. “I wish I was there to see it.”

“To be a fly on the wall…” Victor declared, making us both laugh.

Back at home, helping Victor cook dinner and hearing about his day, I was able to relax a little. Victor in the kitchen was a totally different person, relaxed and witty, making silly puns to make me or Owen laugh, or humming some tune while he prepared the food. It was a treat to see him like that, juggling spice jars and tapping the lids of the pots with spoons, letting all his silliness come out for us to see. I couldn’t help but watch him in endearment, laughing to myself when he would catch me staring and blush slightly, my heart slowly letting go of all the problems, focused on feeling this bliss instead.

However, as we were kissing Owen goodnight, the tightness in my chest returned. I had to tell Victor about the unexpected visit I got, and I had no idea how to go about it. Whose side was I on? Part of me found that Owen had the right to know more about his family of origin, his culture, his heritage, and even build a healthy bond with his grandmother. If she really had changed, if she saw the error in her ways, they both deserved that chance. But what if she didn’t change? What if I would open a door, only to have a lot of ugliness coming into our lives, into my son’s life? I couldn’t risk that.

I went to the kitchen under the pretense of making us tea to give my heart some time to figure out all it was feeling. And to build the courage to tell Victor. My guess was he wouldn’t like it one bit.

“Are you listening?” He startled me once again, making me drop the wooden box I was holding, sending tea bags everywhere.

“Bell. You definitely need that bell.” I snapped, while I arranged the tea bags back in the box. “What were you saying?”

“You’ve been acting strange since I picked you up from work.” I could feel his eyes studying me as I turned to get the boiling water. “Something is clearly upsetting you.”

“Upsetting me? No, what makes you say I’m upset?” I played dumb, trying to buy myself some time.

“You rub your forehead when you’re upset.” He said matter-of-factly. “Will you tell me why?”

“Which flavor do you want?” I showed him the box, unable to look at him for some reason.

“Why are you upset?” He insisted. “Is it still because of that spineless prick?”

I sighed in resignation, knowing all too well Victor would not drop the subject, especially knowing he was on to something. Apparently he understood that I was about to spill the beans, as he patiently waited for me to finish preparing the tea and sit on the counter next to him.

“Someone came to visit me today.” I started.

“Can you please get to the point already?” He was starting to get exasperated. “Who visited you?”

I braced myself for impact, not really sure why.

“Owen’s grandmother.”

Victor stared at me for a moment, although I knew he wasn’t seeing me at all. I could almost hear the wheels turn inside his head, analyzing all the implications of such a visit. In a second, his relaxed expression was gone, replaced with a steely look and his characteristic poker face.

“What does she want?” Victor’s eyes were set on the counter as he spoke, cold and emotionless.

“She says she has changed, and was looking for her daughter to reconcile, when she found she was dead. She wants to see Owen.”

“You told her no.” It wasn’t a question, it wasn’t a statement. It almost felt like a warning.

“I told her Rebecca didn’t want her seeing Owen, and that she should respect her wishes.”

“Did she say anything about the adoption?”

“Only that she knew we were adopting him and she knew he was safe, and that she wouldn’t interfere with it.” I sighed. “Victor, I think she has really changed. She wants to do well by Owen.”

“You want to let her see him?” He frowned at me.

And there it was, the reason why I had been so nervous the entire time. I was indeed inclined to facilitate things, and I knew Victor wouldn’t be. I was afraid we would fight.

“You believe in her?” He raised his voice, seeing I was hesitant to answer.

“I believe people can make terrible mistakes, but they can also change. I’ve seen it countless times with my mother’s patients.” I kept my tone calm, hoping Victor would adjust his. “Besides, it’s his grandmother.”

“Correction: it’s his abusive grandmother, who his mother tried to keep away from him. In fact, we have a letter stating exactly that, that she doesn’t want her mother near her son. So no, she doesn’t get to visit him.”

I suddenly remembered the reason why I came to Loveland, to make a life for myself, to let go of my past, and still it followed me wherever I went. And even though the circumstances were different, even though Pamela was the abuser and not the abused, I couldn’t help but feel angry at the thought that she was trying to do the same thing I did, make a better life for herself, only to have her past following her as well. And that, I could not tolerate.

“So what? She gets endless punishment for her sins? She doesn’t have the right to turn her life around, correct her mistakes?”

“Not this again, Andrea.” He shook his head. “This is just like my father, you wanted us to allow him to get closer, look where it brought us.”

“So now I’m supposed to take the blame for your father’s actions?” I raised my voice. “All I wanted was for you to have a good relationship with him! All I did was for your happiness!”

“I almost punched my father on our wedding day! How much happiness do you think that brought me?”

“Well, I’m sorry, Victor, I really am!” I threw my hands in the air. “I’m sorry I convinced you to give your father a second chance, and I’m sorry he didn’t take it! I am really sorry that he was such a prick, but that is not an excuse to act like one!”

My voice echoed through the apartment, only to be met with silence. Victor stared at me, eyes wide, surprised at my outburst, while I paced back and forth, trying to calm myself down.

“We are going about this the wrong way.” He spoke softly after a while. “Come here.”

I kept on pacing.

“Andy, come here. I don't want to fight.” He pulled me by the wrist to stand in front of him. I couldn’t even look him in the eyes, still feeling somewhat frustrated.

“Look at me.” He held my chin softly, coaxing me into looking at him. “I don't blame you for my father’s actions, and I don’t blame you for trying to bring us closer. I know you meant well.”

Victor pulled me closer to him, enveloping me with his strong arms. I couldn’t help but melt in them, my anger suddenly gone.

“See, this is the exact reason why I fell in love with you, and incidentally why you fell in love with me. You have this ability to see the best in people, their potential, even if they can’t see it themselves.” He spoke into my hair, gently, while one of his hands laced its fingers with mine. “But sometimes, there is no best. There is no potential. Some people simply won’t change, even if they try to convince you they will. It’s just wishful thinking.”

I closed my eyes, feeling the warmth of his chest. He wasn’t being a prick, he was being protective, like he always was. And I loved him for it.

“So maybe instead of a final no, we can decide for a not yet.” He continued. “I will do some research on the grandmother, see if she really turned her life around like she says she did. But until then, we respect Owen’s mother’s last wishes. What do you say?”

“I say I’m sorry.” My voice trembled slightly. “For calling you a prick. I don’t know why I’m so invested in this, but I am. I got carried away.”

“Because you have a kind heart and you believe in happy endings.” He smiled warmly at me. “There is nothing wrong with that.”

He was right. I did believe in happy endings. More than that, I desperately needed to believe in reinvention, and in becoming a better person, worthy of a better outcome. Because, in fact, that was all I was hoping for me. To let go of my past fully, and embrace my future with my new family. To fully let go of the Andrea I was before, and be the Andrea I fought so hard to be.

#mldd fanfic #mlqc fanfic #love and producer fanfic #mlqc li zeyan #mlqc victor #mldd victor #mister love queens choice #mister love dream date #love and producer #victor X oc #Growing Pains - Series #growingtogether

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flirting-with-psychology · 3 years

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1. I own a ferret. 2. My best friend is my boyfriend 3. My best friend is a girl 4. I use the word super way too much 5. I am a boy 6. I like My Chemical Romance 7. I own more than 100 CDs 8. I like discussing politics 9. I collect state quarters 10. The Legend of Zelda is my favorite video game. 11. I have Cingular 12. I love MAC makeup 13. I smoke too much 14. I own more than 5 bandanas 15. My favorite movie is Kill Bill 16. I watched Lamb Chop when I was young 17. I have my ears gauged 18. I can do HTML without guidance 19. I watch Spongebob Squarepants regularly. 20. I go to the movies at least once a week 21. I play guitar or bass 22. I love Elvis 23. I’ve had a mo/bi/trihawk before 24. I have met my favorite band 25. I like to hardcore dance 26. Something’s outside my window 27. I believe in ghosts 28. I do drugs regularly 29. I am straightedge 30. My favorite feature about myself is my lips 31. I have never consumed alcohol 32. I want a tattoo. 33. My favorite actor is Will Ferrell. 34. I have seen Conan O'Brien live. 35. I hate MTV 36. I used to watch Cheaters every week 37. I have my own vaccuum 38. Frank Sinatra is awesome 39. I sleep with a stuffed animal 40. I am scared of werewolves 41. I watch hockey regularly 42. I am originally from New York 43. I own an iPod 44. Some people aren’t funny. 45. I hate school. 46. My favorite vegetable is lettuce. 47. Tickle fights are fun. 48. I am currently unemployed. 49. I have my license 50. I hate spelling mistakes 51. I love Spanish class 52. I live in a big city 53. I have been to the Grand Canyon 54. I listen to music to fall asleep 55. I watch TV to fall asleep 56. I only get a few hours of sleep each night 57. I’m relatively innocent. 58. I am a size 3 or smaller 59. I’m bored. 60. Purple is my favorite color. 61. I hate flossing 62. I have a car. 63. I believe in God 64. I’m in love. 65. I used to love Unwritten Law. 66. Reno 911 is my favorite show. 67. There is a mini stapler on my computer desk. 68. Cuddling’s my favorite. 69. For sure. 70. I have a flip phone 71. I love my handwriting 72. I own a Louis Vuitton handbag 73. I want to be an astronaut. 74. I love the song Dragostea Din Tei 75. 50 Cent is not talented 76. I like scanners better than digital cameras. 77. I own at least one Punk-O-Rama CD 78. My room is sound proof. 79. I’m 5'5 or less 80. Lying pisses me off 81. I backstab people. 82. I have been in a fist fight. 83. I have PaintShop Pro. 84. It’s almost midnight 85. My nightlight is cracked 86. I only listen to Dashboard Confessional when I’m sad 87. And I feel like a pansy when I do so 88. I hate metal 89. I’m in a band. 90. Napoleon Dynamite is annoying now. 91. I love hickeys 92. I want to lose weight 93. My favorite channel is the Food Network. 94. I don’t have a CD burner. 95. Pixar is stupid except for the Incredibles 96. I own an apartment/house 97. I am engaged. 98. My computer’s a Gateway. 99. I hate driving. 100. I like watching boys sleep. =========================== 01. I miss someone right now 02. I don’t watch much TV these days 03. I love olives 04. I love sleeping 05. I own lots of books 06. I wear glasses or contact lenses 07. I love to play video games 08. I’ve tried marijuana 09. I’ve watched porn movies 10. I have been in a threesome 11. I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship 12. I believe honesty is usually the best policy 13. I have acne free skin usually 14. I like and respect Al Sharpton 15. I curse frequently 16. I have changed a lot mentally over the last year 17. I have a hobby 18. I’ve been told I can suck the chromes off a trailer hitch. 19. I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me 20. I’m smart 21. I’ve never broken someone’s bones 22. I have a secret that I am ashamed to reveal 23. I hate the rain 24. I’m paranoid at times 25. I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scars. 26. I need money right now! 27. I love Sushi 28. I talk really, really fast sometimes 29. I have fresh breath in the morning 30. I have semi-long hair 31. I have lost money in Las Vegas 32. I have at least one brother and/or one sister 33. I was born in a country outside of the U.S. 34. I shave my legs 35. I have a twin 36. I have worn fake hair/fingernails/eyelashes in the past 37. I couldn’t survive without Caller I.D. 38. I like the way that I look sometimes 39. I have lied to a good friend in the last 6 months 40. I know how to do cornrows 41. I am usually pessimistic 42. I have a lot of mood swings 43. I think prostitution should be legalized 44. I think Britney Spears is hot 45. I have cheated on a significant other in the past 46. I have a hidden talent 47. I’m always hyper no matter how much sugar I have. 48. I think that I’m popular 49. I am currently single 50. I have kissed someone of the same sex 51. I enjoy talking on the phone 52. I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants 53. I love to shop. 54. I would rather shop than eat 55. I would classify myself as ghetto. 56. I’m bourgie and have worn a sweater tied around my shoulders 57. I’m obsessed with my Livejournal 58. I don’t hate anyone. 59. I’m a pretty good dancer 60. I don’t think Mike Tyson raped Desiree Washington 61. I’m completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother 62. I have a cell phone 63. I believe in God/ a higher being. 64. I watch MTV/Vh1 on a daily basis 65. I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months 66. I love drama. 67. I have never been in a real romantic relationship before 68. I’ve rejected someone before 69. I currently have a crush on someone 70. I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life 71. I want to have children in the future 72. I have changed a diaper before 73. I’ve called the cops on a friend before 74. I bite my nails 75. I am a member of the Tom Green fan club 76. I’m not allergic to anything 77. I have a lot to learn 78. I have dated someone at least 10 years older or younger 79. I plan on seeing Ice Cube’s newest “Friday” movie 80. I am sometimes shy around the opposite sex 81. I’m online 24/7, even as an away message 82. I have at least 5 away messages saved 83. I have tried alcohol or drugs before 84. I have made a move on a friend’s significant other in the past 85. I own the “South Park” movie 86. I have avoided assignments at work/school to be on Xanga or Livejournal 87. When I was a kid I played “the birds and the bees” with a neighbor or chum 88. I enjoy some country music 90. I think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza 91. I watch soap operas whenever I can 92. I’m obsessive, anal retentive, and often a perfectionist 93. I have used my sexuality to advance my career 94. I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all 95. I know all the words to Slick Rick’s “Children’s Story” 96. Halloween is awesome because you get free candy 97. I watch Spongebob Squarepants and I like it 98. I have dated a close friend’s ex 99. I’m happy as of this moment 100. I was born in the 80s but I am truly a child of the 90s 101. I have slapped john dasaro and chris burke in the face..on the same night 102. I haven’t showered in two days… and I like it. 103. i own every f***er here 104. I procrastinate all the time 105. I’m a nerd 106. I LOVE the movie The Wedding Singer. 107. i hate corn. 108. i’ve attended the rocky horror picture show 109. i’ve never seen Bambi the movie 110. Thinking about the future terrifies me 111. Without music there would be no point in living. 112. If I could change one thing about myself I would 113. If someone of the same sex liked me, I would date them. 114. I went to the mall today for 5 hours ================================ Would do Have Done

001. Bought everyone in the pub a drink 002. Swam with wild dolphins 003. Climbed a mountain *004. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive 005. Been inside the Great Pyramid 006. Held a tarantula. *007. Taken a candlelit bath with someone 008. Said ‘I love you’ and meant it. 009. Hugged a tree *010. Done a striptease 011. Bungee jumped *012. Visited Paris 013. Watched a lightning storm at sea *014. Stayed up all night long, and watch the sun rise several times *015. Seen the Northern Lights 016. Gone to a huge sports game 017. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa *018. Grown and eaten your own vegetables *019. Touched an iceberg *020. Slept under the stars 021. Changed a baby’s diaper 022. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon *023. Watched a meteor shower *024. Gotten drunk on champagne *025. Given more than you can afford to charity 026. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope 027. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment 028. Had a food fight 029. Bet on a winning horse 030. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill 031. Asked out a stranger 032. Had a snowball fight 033. Photocopied your bottom on the office photocopier 034. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can 035. Held a lamb 036. Organized and planned a surprise party for a loved one *037. Taken a midnight skinny dip 038. Taken an ice cold bath 039. Had a meaningful conversation with a beggar 040. Seen a total eclipse 041. Ridden a roller coaster 042. Hit a home run 043. Fit three weeks miraculously into three days 044. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking *045. Adopted an accent for an entire day 046. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors 047. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment *048. Had two hard drives for your computer *049. Visited all 50 states 050. Loved your job for all accounts *051. Taken care of someone who was really sick *052. Had enough money to be truly satisfied 053. Had amazing friends 054. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country *055. Watched wild whales 056. Stolen a sign 057. Backpacked in Europe *058. Taken a road-trip 059. Rock climbing 060. Lied to foreign government’s official in that country to avoid notice *061. Midnight walk on the beach 062. Sky diving *063. Visited Ireland 064. Been heartbroken longer then you were actually in love 065. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger’s table and had a meal with them *066. Visited Japan 067. Bench pressed your own weight 068. Milked a cow 069. Alphabetized your records 070. Pretended to be a superhero 071. Sung karaoke 072. Lounged around in bed all day 073. Protested something you feel strongly against 074. Scuba diving *075. Got it on to “Let’s Get It On” by Marvin Gaye 076. Kissed in the rain 077. Played in the mud 078. Played in the rain *079. Gone to a drive-in theater 080. Done something you should regret, but don’t regret *081. Visited the Great Wall of China 082. Discovered that someone who’s not supposed to have known about your blog has discovered your blog 083. Dropped Windows in favor of something better 084. Started a business 085. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken 086. Toured ancient sites 087. Taken a martial arts class 088. Swordfought for the honor of a woman 089. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight *090. Gotten married 091. Been in a movie 092. Crashed a party 093. Loved someone you shouldn’t have *094. Kissed someone so passionately it made them dizzy 095. Gotten divorced 096. Started an office war 097. Gone without food for 5 days 098. Made cookies from scratch 099. Won first prize in a costume contest 100. Ridden a gondola in Venice 101. Gotten a tattoo 102. Found that the texture of some materials can turn you on 103. Rafted the Snake River 104. Been on television news programs as an “expert" 105. Got flowers for no reason 106. Made out in a public place 107. Got so drunk you don’t remember anything 108. Been addicted to some form of illegal drug 109. Performed on stage 110. Been to Las Vegas 111. Recorded music 112. Eaten shark *113. Drank an entire 6 pack by yourself *114. Gone to Thailand 115. Seen Siouxsie *116. Bought a house 117. Been in a combat zone 118. Buried one/both of your parents 119. Shaved all of your hair off *120. Been on a cruise ship 121. Spoken more than one language fluently 122. Gotten into a fight while attempting to defend someone 123. Bounced a check 124. Performed in theatre 125. Read - and understood - your credit report *126. Raised children 127. Recently bought and played with a favorite childhood toy *128. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour *129. Created and named your own constellation of stars 130. Taken a bicycle tour in a foreign country 131. Found out something significant that your ancestors did 132. Called or written your Congress person 133. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over 135. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge 136. Sang loudly in the car, and didn’t stop when you knew someone was looking 137. Had an abortion 138. Had plastic surgery 139. Survived an accident that you shouldn’t have survived 140. Wrote articles for a large publication 141. Lost over 100 pounds 142. Held someone while they were having a flashback 143. Piloted an airplane 144. Petted a stingray 145. Broken someone’s heart 146. Helped an animal give birth 147. Been fired or laid off from a job 148. Won money on a TV game show 149. Broken a bone 150. Killed a human being *151. Gone on an African photo safari 152. Ridden a motorcycle 153. Driven any land vehicle at a speed of greater than 100mph 154. Had a body part of yours below the neck pierced 155. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol 156. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild 157. Ridden a horse 158. Had major surgery 159. Ridden on a passenger train 160. Had a snake as a pet 161. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon 162. Slept through an entire flight: takeoff, flight, and landing 163. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours 164. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states *165. Visited all 7 continents 166. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days 167. Eaten kangaroo meat 168. Fallen in love at an ancient Mayan burial ground 169. Been a sperm or egg donor 170. Eaten sushi 171. Had your picture in the newspaper 172. Had 2 (or more) healthy romantic relationships for over a year in your lifetime *173. Changed someone’s mind about something you care deeply about 174. Gotten someone fired for their actions 175. Gone back to school 176. Parasailed 177. Changed your name 178. Petted a cockroach 179. Eaten fried green tomatoes 180. Read The Iliad 181. Selected one "important” author who you missed in school, and read 182. Dined in a restaurant and stolen silverware, plates, cups because your apartment needed them 183. …and gotten 86'ed from the restaurant because you did it so many times, they figured out it was you 184. Taught yourself an art from scratch 185. Killed and prepared an animal for eating 186. Apologized to someone years after inflicting the hurt *187. Skipped all your school reunions 188. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language 189. Been elected to public office 190. Written your own computer language 191. Thought to yourself that you’re living your dream 192. Had to put someone you love into hospice care 193. Built your own PC from parts 194. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn’t know you 195. Had a booth at a street fair 196: Dyed your hair blue 197: Been a DJ 198: Found out someone was going to dump you via LiveJournal 199: Written your own role playing game 200: Been arrested ====================== 1. I have self-mutilated before. 2. I still love the song Dragostea Din Tei 3. I used to like New Kids on the Block 4. The 80s was funny. 5. I have realtones enabled on my cellular phone. 6. Public bathrooms scare me 7. I have keys on my belt 8. I’m not wearing a belt 9. I hate writing 10. I hate reading 1. I love compilation CDs 12. My favorite teachers have all been guys 13. I think Bad Religion’s only been around for ten or so years 14. I don’t know who Bad Religion is. 15. I don’t wear my hood unless it’s raining 16. I enjoy smaller clubs rather than big ones 17. I’ve put a song on repeat for more than 8 hours 18. I have sound on my computer 19. Someone wants my hiney. 20. My mom loves Elvis 21. I have my own computer 22. I live on the east coast 23. My favorite animal is a kangaroo 24. I’m on vacation 25. I don’t own a pair of ripped jeans 26. I am very insecure somewhat 27. I love to dance 28. I curse way too much. 29. I choose the pansy way and star out my curse words (f*ck) 30. I feel dumb because I was just called a pansy 31. I have a flatscreen computer 32. I collect something. 33. I’m married 34. I won’t date someone who’s smaller than me smaller, as in also shorter? 35. Brass knuckles are the shit. 36. I own a hand puppet 37. I write with blue pens 38. I wear eye makeup almost every day 39. I wish I lived somewhere other than here 40. I don’t own a band shirt. Not yet anyway.. 41. I love techno. 42. I have my nipples pierced 43. I’m shitty at wrapping presents 44. I know someone in the KKK 45. I’m racist/anti-semitist. 46. I don’t know what those mean. 47. I love life most of the time 48. I have posters all over my room 49. I’ve never been a camera whore with someone.. And I want to. 50. I’m halfway done 51. I wish I lived in the 80s 52. I know what the term borgie means 53. I’m interested in social hierarchy. 54. I love music videos. 55. I have a DVD player 56. I’m drunk right now 57. I’m listening to music 58. I have a big screen TV 59. I have an STD 60. I know the singer of the Clash’s name 61. The only IM program I have is AIM 62. I skateboard regularly 63. I live on the north side of town 64. I have been to Alaska 65. I’ve worn a cowboy hat 66. I watch late night infomercials for retarded, unnecessary things 67. I LOVE DOING THE DEATH GROWL TO MY FAVORITE METAL SONGS. 68. That last question was dumb. 69. I know what the word “peligroso” means in English 70. I speak another language fluently 71. I’ve been in a limo 72. I own a bong 73. My lungs hurt 74. I know someone who’s committed suicide 75. I’ve got a six pack and I don’t need you! 76. I know what band sung the above line 77. I like strong boys. 78. I’m sick right now 79. I know someone who’s currently enlisted in the army 80. I do not own a color phone 81. My birthday is in September 82. I hate mall cops 83. I hate most cops in general 84. I’m wearing blush 85. I live in an apartment 86. I’m still in high school. 87. I own something from Victoria’s Secret 88. I don’t know a boy that wears girls pants 89. I’ve had the same best friend since I was 8. 90. Brownies are my favorite 91. So is cake 92. I’ve heard the song “Looks Good in Leather” 93. I own some sort of propaganda, fake or real 94. I deny the Holocaust happened 95. Kisses are my favorite sign of affection 96. I need to charge my phone 97. My purse could pass for a suitcase 98. I take birth control 99. I only buy what’s fashionable

1. I love bolding 2. I know someone named Mimi 3. I hate my old best friend 4. My favorite alcoholic drink is Jack n Coke 5. I have a digital camera 6. I’m talking to at least one person online 7. I like watching college basketball 8. I have never moved. 9. I have at least one cat 10. I have at least one dog 11. I’m going to see a movie tonight maybe 12. I make my own AIM icons 13. I’m in pain 14. I watch more than five shows a day 15. I love the Cure 16. My parents like some of the same music I do 17. I have never been to the dentist 18. I listen to the radio 19. I do my own laundry 20. I’ve made at least one article of clothing 21. I have/want something on my face pierced 22. I go to at least one concert a week 23. I’ve written a story 24. I’ve dyed my hair every color of the rainbow 25. I own a Grand Theft Auto game 26. My favorite pattern is camoflauge 27. I know someone who does/did cocaine 28. I have too many game systems 29. I love scary movies 30. I hate scary movies 31. I’ve had sex more than 5 times 32. My favorite chips are Lays Original 33. I think butter is unhealthy 34. I hate the Osbournes 35. I used to have dreadlocks 36. I need to take medicine for something 37. I suffer from insomnia 38. I speak ebonics 39. I’ve gambled 40. And won 41. I have at least one gay friend 42. I like going to pet stores 43. I own a dog toy 44. And I don’t have a dog 45. I own more than ten candles 46. I’ve smoked a cigarette in the shower before 47. I’ve flunked a class 48. I listen to music every day 49. I have more than one nickname 50. I wear pajamas when I feel like it 51. I’m wearing more than one jewelry item 52. I haven’t washed my hair in a week 53. I watch the Grammy’s every year 54. Along with the Macy’s Parade 55. My favorite season is winter 56. I have seen the All American Rejects live 57. And I’ve enjoyed it. 58. Boobs are nothing special 59. I go swimming at least once a week in summer. 60. I have a pool. 61. I’ve gone skinnydipping 62. I’ve played strip poker 63. And lost 64. I want a nautical star tattoo 65. My cell phone turns off when it’s charging 66. And it pisses me off 67. I used to buy my entire wardrobe from Hot Topic 68. I’ve been to albinoblacksheep.com 69. My favorite subject is History 70. And/or math 71. I am a republican 72. I am a democrat 73. I listen to the Used occasionally 74. I have been to the Warped Tour 75. I am part Mexican 76. I am part German 77. All of my grandparents are still alive. 79. I love bowling 80. I know that there is a South Park, Colorado 81. I love Dairy Queen 82. Sometimes I think I’m crazy 83. I own a Moffatts CD 84. I own a Backstreet Boys CD 85. I want plastic surgery 86. Operation, operation, snip and tie, snip and tie 87. I know what song that line is from 88. I have killed something [bugs!] 89. I’ve never had a Nokia cell phone 90. I’m never sarcastic 91. Light eyes turn me on 92. I have never been to a foreign country 93. I don’t eat enough 94. I own illegal weaponry 95. I know someone who has overdosed on something 96. And lived to tell about it 97. I don’t own a pair of mittens 98. I love the heat 99. I’ve never had a steady boyfriend/gf 100. I want to makeout.

#survey

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ramseyesscom · 3 years

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Issue One Hundred and One

Meet The Sparks Brothers and Paul Rudd Shares a Clip!

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It's been a long time since we've suggested a movie that is currently in theaters, but last weekend's The Sparks Brothers, a rock documentary from Edgar Wright with the subtitle "Your favorite band's favorite band," feels like the right way to return to theaters. As is the tradition, a "choose your own adventure"-style review awaits: First, your familiarity with the director: - I am unfamiliar with Edgar Wright Okay. Edgar Wright is a kinetic director, probably best known for his blend of comedic and action elements, seen in his films Shawn of the Dead, Scott PIlgrim vs. The World, Baby Driver, etc. The Sparks Brothers is his first ever documentary. - I love Edgar Wright Me too. And now, Sparks: - Sparks is a band? devoted to Sparks: a band that defies genre, that has been going strong for the last fifty years. Brothers Ron and Russel Mael have been playing with musical conventions, playing around with rock, disco, the earliest forms of electronic music, baroque pop, and everything in between. Though they've found some success in Europe at various points in their run, they've been working consistently, chasing art, rather than chasing success. The Sparks Brothers hopes to finally give them their due by providing audiences with a look at the full length of their career. The brothers are notoriously private and though the film won't answer all your questions, you will come to understand their drive and process a bit better (and raise a number of new questions as well). - Sparks. They did "This Town Ain't Big Enough for the Both of Us," right? That's them. They did an awful lot more after that one. - I love Sparks. You're probably going to enjoy this movie. And now, your general feelings towards documentaries: - I like historical docs. What about music history docs? But if you mean, like Ken Burns' The Civil War, this one probably isn't for you. - I like when famous people talk. It turns out that Sparks was very popular with famous people you like. Comedians, musicians, actors, writers, there's somebody for everybody in here. (Check the trailer below!) - I like docs about murder. Mmmm... The Maels insist that the reason they're so private is because their lives are so boring that the mystery is far more interesting. No murder in this one. - I don't like documentaries. Well, you know your tastes better than I do, but I will say this is a documentary that doesn't feel like a lot of documentaries. Sparks loves to weave humor into their creative work, and the tone of this film attempts to match that tone by including reenactments, animation, and little touches here and there that make it something different. Now read this conclusion: If you've never heard of Sparks, or you checked out at some point, this movie is going to walk you through the full career, and point out the main attractions as the tour bus goes by. Whatever your familiarity is on any of these concepts, The Sparks Brothers will inspire and stress that even if you're met with failure, it's about doing the most with your art and remaining true to yourself (and your brother). The Sparks Brothers Trailer

Conan's late-night show is coming to an end this week after nearly 28 years on the air. I could fill dozens of SPT's with favorite moments from his show, but instead, I'm going to highlight one long running prank. Paul Rudd first appeared on Conan's show some 20 years ago, and rather than show a clip from his own project, he showed a bonkers clip from the 1980s E.T. rip-off Mac and Me. And lo, a very stupid, decades-spanning bit was born. Below a link to an enterprising Twitter user who cut together many (but not all!) of Paul's Mac and Me switcheroos.

Let's roll the clip...

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heavenlybrendon · 5 years

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I've listened to the yoga to cope podcast and that's what I found interesting:

● Zack started working as Panic!'s venue & security guy for 300 dollars/week in June of 2006. The first time he met Panic! was during rehearsal. A limo picked up the crew from the airport in Las Vegas. A lot of the crew panic! hired came from My Chemical Romance (their guitar tech, stage manager, lighting, and stage guy.) He joined during the "Lucent Dossier" tour. The entire stage fitted in one trailer. The stage clothes needed to be taken care carefully 'cause they were delicate, so he had to hand-wash them. When he first met Brendon he was wearing bright red rimmed glasses, skinny little shirt and jeans, had a haircut that he had cut himself, and was sitting on a piano. He was bouncing around from thing to thing to thing. The first person he talked to was Spencer 'cause he was in charge of everything. He had no idea how to be head of security. He just put a rope to prevent the fans from coming close to the bus. He introduced himself as "the bodyguard" to a mom and her two kids, which was cringy. Their second headlining tour was an arena tour and they brought an actual head of security who knew what to do. ● He met Carol while she was in college, and when he started driving escorts they broke it up, and got back together before he started working for Panic! (Kala has met Carol's parents.) She hated touring life. She would see pictures on myspace of Zack with fans and become jealous. Carol proposed to Zack during the Honda Civic tour in 2009. She asked him to marry him, he said yes. His divorce was tragic. One morning she came out to him. His mom and sisters didn't support him, so he heavily relied on Nicole, a therapist. They would talk for 2 hours every day while he was crying. He talked to Brendon a lot. They would also sit down in silence. They were touring in Europe for the Too Weird tour in 2013 and he announced to the band and crew that he was going through a divorce so if he was rude to them it's because he was depressed. The entire crew and band members lived in one bus and everyone would listen to him cry every night. When he got home he moved out. He was living in San Diego back then in a small apartment to be close to their three dogs. A year later he moved to LA.

● His father got married to a woman named Lisa, who had a son named Luke, who died of an OD when he was 23. His family doesn't meet up during weddings, holidays, birthdays etc. He's only taken 3 vacations in his whole life. ● He told Kala not to share the location of where Brendon is. The safety part is not only for Brendon, but also for the fans around him. Brendon went from Death of a Bachelor, one of the biggest tours he ever had in his career, to Kinky Boots where he lived in New York. People from all over the world flew in to see him and he never cancelled a date even though he had woken up with no voice a couple of mornings, which was really scary. He only missed two dates because of a show he had to play in the Bahamas. While he was sitting in his dressing room in Kinky Boots, he was still working on songs, so then he went straight into the Pray for the Wicked tour. Those were the three huge milestones in his career. He has done a lot the last three years so he's taken a very much needed break. ● Kala met Sarah in New York when she went to visit Zack during Kinky Boots. Brendon said that it wasn't about him making money out of this, because all he wanted was to be on Broadway. He gave whatever money he was making to rent an entire building in West Village, because he wanted to be comfortable. There was a flower shop in the building, where they got flowers once in a while. Zack lived in the second floor, and Brendon lived in the rest for four months. Kala met them the morning she visited Zack, they went up while Sarah was making breakfast with no makeup on, and Brendon was wearing his pj's. Sarah was making French toast, but Kala doesn't like sweet breakfast, so Sarah felt offended. Brendon showed her how to use the French press.

#yoga to cope podcast #zack hall #panic! at the disco #sarah urie #kala macdonald #spencer smith #broadway

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drainflyclub · 4 years

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High Score

By M. M. Sheridan

The blood always smelt the worst. Not the times that they shit themselves, or had sat in their own piss in fear. Not the sour burnt smell of spent ammunition. No, the blood smelt the worst, as it settled in between the grout on the tiles and sprayed onto the painted walls. That rust smell which left a taste in the back of your mouth, coated it in something that wouldn’t wash out with toothpaste or water or whisky. Frank swallowed a few times and the taste got worse. There was a lot of blood.

A twenty minutes ago a young man, looking agitated, ran into his local elementary school and unloaded several clips worth of bullets into the bodies of the children there, and a few teachers too. And himself, he guessed. A few had been dragged out by responding officers and thrown in ambulances, some would probably not make it. Others walked out in shock, or wailing, or throwing up, running awkwardly toward their tearful parents and the police who had that usual pained look on their faces. A lot more were lying in crumpled heaps around the building, going white and red under the strip lights. The shooter joined them in death, the same as them now, just a husk on the floor with a hole in his head, pumping blood through the lino, soaking into the concrete, into the foundation, then eventually into the dirt.

“How many?” One of the officers near him asked.

He stood up, “No idea. This room alone, maybe ten, fifteen, not including that piece of shit.”

“Jesus.”

“Yeah.”

Frank walked out of the class and down the hall past several more bodies being checked by paramedics, pointlessly. One was balled up between lockers, two were missing parts of their heads or face. He pushed through a side door into the fresh air of the outside, listening to the screaming of sirens and journalists clamouring for quotes. He fell against the side of the building and put his head in his hands. Third one of his career. His clothes smelt like blood. His hands smelt like blood.

“What the fuck do you mean?”

“There was an active shooter at Letztelektion Secondary. Maybe still active.”

“Shit, how?”

“Just get there.”

The radio was barely audible over the siren singing and her own blood pumping in her ears. Detective Sauer was heading toward the school not as an officer, but as a parent. Out on a normal follow up call and then the radio came to life. Fuck fuck fuck. Please, please, please.

The police cordon was already up, special forces were stood around the building, a few with their rifles guiding kids out, searching them one by one at the entrance. Her mouth dried up. At least if they were calm the shooting was over. She ran over to one of the on scene officers.

“Is the shooter neautralised?”

“Yes, shot by the special forces while running out the back of the school.”

She wanted to thank God but she couldn’t yet. She eyed up the children, panic rising in her stomach.

“I need to go in.”

The officer nodded and waved her through.

The power had gone out in the school, probably to get the alarms to turn off. It was quiet, most of the children already evacuated. Sauer breathed through her mouth and stopped herself heaving. Mrs. Roth’s classroom. Mrs. Roth’s classroom. Mrs. Roth’s classroom. She jogged down the hallways glancing at all the classroom doors, shoes echoing off the tiles, click click click click click. The door was open, no, splinters of a door frame and a cheap lock on the ground. Broken. Oh fuck, oh God no. Mrs. Roth was lying on the floor at the front of the class, a red puddle behind her back and three red dots on her chest. She felt her breath catch and realised she was already crying. Stepping between the desks, slowly, painfully, torturing herself. Please, please, please. And she was there, her blonde hair wet and dyed crimson. She was on her knees and grabbing her cold hand, limply pressing it into hers, she felt her throat growing tighter and something animal coming out, but she heard no sound.

Harry pulled his jacket in as he walked up his drive. The wind was bitter as hell this time of year, and he shrugged off the idea of going hunting. All the birds and deer would be daft to go out in this weather, and so would he.

He sat down for breakfast with the letters he picked up, thumbing through the bills and spam. Not even fleeing to the wild countryside had managed to stop this shit getting through. He left them in a pile and opened the newspaper while he let his toast and tea get cold.

“Bloody hell.”

Front page, shooting at a German school. Twelve dead including the shooter. He shook his head and wondered why someone would do such a thing. He kept reading, no details of the gunman, except he was as student. What a waste, what a huge waste. So soon after the two shootings in the US earlier this year. Stories like this made him feel particularly wretched since he’d had children, but he couldn’t stop reading. Eventually the text ended and he moved onto another story, something about social media, so he skipped it, and read a particularly boring article about economic problems in Europe.

His son came downstairs, and Harry looked at the time. 10:30. Hell, when would he start acting like an adult?

“Morning Sam.”

He didn't say anything back, just grunted. A perpetual teenager, nearly twenty and still jobless, educationaless. Give him time, give him time, his ex-wife had always told him. Well, she didn’t have to live with him.

“Going to do some job hunting today?”

Harry knew he hated that question, not quite sure why he asked it again but feeling some parental duty to do so. Sam responded with a glare and took a bottle of orange juice upstairs. Yes, that was par for the course, standard procedure. Why hadn’t he had these problems with Jen, she’d grown up alright, moved to the city, managed to grab a solid job doing something techy. He didn’t much fancy spending his retirement babysitting, but it seemed more like that every day. Oh well, maybe we just needed to give him time. Yeah, sure thing, that was what the lazy shit needed. Time.

“Close the fucking door mom!”

That goddamn bitch, didn’t she respect his privacy at all? That was the third time she’d just burst in this week. Didn’t she understand knocking? Dumb bitch.

He shook his computer mouse and woke up the screen, jumping straight online. He stuck on some music and cracked open a warm beer sitting next to his bed. He perched on the end and started clicking around. Holy shit, a new shooting - US, wow, 36 dead and nearly a hundred injured. Hell.

Time to get to work, then. He clicked the link in his bookmark bar and logged in. His inbox was already full so he took a few minutes clicking mindlessly through the endless abuse and praise, news alerts, spam. He clicked off it and went to create a new post. Few things to update today, the tables needed another bump and a new stickied post needed to be put up. What a hassle, he’d only started this as a joke, something to do to kill time. Oh well, he supposed he needed something to do, the trailer was cramped and the site barely generated enough money for beer and pizza. Better this than being bored.

This didn’t feel as good as Jaewon had hoped. If anything he felt a little bit ill. He looked down at his hand and pulled off his gloves. They were shaking, hard. He reached up and pushed his fringe out of his eyes. When he pulled them back he saw they were smeared with red. It made him heave a little bit. No, this wasn’t fear, it couldn’t be, I’m brave, I’m brave. This is adrenaline, surely.

He looked down at the ground, a flower of blood sprayed out onto the floor and wall in front of him. That cunt wasn’t looking so pretty now. Still, he didn’t like how brutal it all looked. He pulled a plastic bag from under the teacher’s desk and draped it gently over her mutilated face. He nearly got up but realised her short dress had come down. He started sweating. Why not? He reached out to feel her breast, pulling it a little out the fabric to see it better. Still warm. His cock stirred a little bit. Ah, the good times we could have had.

He shook his head and stood up, now was not the time. Heading out to the door, he stretched his neck from side. Gotta warm up. He checked his gun, nearly out of bullets. Should have dumped less into her he guessed. Too late now, he supposed, it was time for his big show anyway.

Jaewon kicked through the front doors of the university and held his gun high, firing it into the air.

“Nop-eun jeomsu! Nop-eun jeomsu! Nop-eun jeomsu!”

He screamed until the police’s bullets tore through his lungs and brain, dropping him dead on the steps.

Frank sat at bar. It wasn’t even four in the afternoon yet and he was already buzzed. It had been a hard day, but maybe the easiest decision he’d ever made.

“You can’t do it, Frankie.”

“Sorry Don.”

He felt a little lighter for the first time in years. He hate to let down the guys but he had to look after himself, the sleepless nights were getting too much, and his work was suffering. Best to quit, do something else. Maybe private investigation work. Or he could train at the academy. Not right now though, right now he wanted to drink.

The last shooting set him over the edge. Couple of high school kids, boyfriend and girlfriend. Wasn’t even in his jurisdiction but the guys came to him for help after hearing about his work at the elementary school. Shitty stuff, fucked up. They’d been laughing the whole time, got it on the security tapes, which he sat through and watched the whole damned thing. Boyfriend had lived, girlfriend had shot herself first, and he chickened out. Cowards, both of them. They wanted his advice on questioning them.

It was too painful for him though, he wrote a small report on his advice, emailed it over, and spent the next two weeks unable to sleep for more than an hour or two a night. He still remembered some of the kids’ names, and they went through his head as he pictured the bodies. At the start of the third week, he walked into his bosses office and slapped his resignation on the desk. It was an easy choice. Harvey. Ellie. Leo. Bobby. Harper. Gracie. Miles. Hm, he was remembering less now. He ordered another drink hoping to forget the rest.

Obsessed wasn’t a word Harry liked to use, but he was probably obsessed. It started with that article on the German school shooting. Eventually curiosity got the better of him and he needed to know the name of the shooter. Then he needed to know what his family was like. Then his home life. School life. Love life.

First it started as professional insight. His psychiatry degree was now hanging uselessly on the wall, so why not put it to good use and try to find out what made this man, no, this child, work? Then he found himself gathering news articles online, putting them together in a spreadsheet. He had dreams of coming up with some great breakthrough, maybe a way to spot shooters before they did what they did. Pipe dreams of course, the last pipe dreams of an old man, so he let himself fantisize. Then why not help other people? Soon he’d bought a domain and set up a website, looking at shooting cases, gathering information on motives, details of the event - old ones, new ones. He started getting a little bit of traffic, people wanted more, old policemen, students researching, sometimes just morbidly curious people. So he did more. He even contacted police involved in the case to see if he could get some additional details, but he never made it very far. One call to an old US based detective seemed promising as he did consultancy work, but Harry was told he’d retired and couldn’t get any further. Oh well, no harm.

Hunting season had been a bust and he had crawled back to his office to work on the site like most mornings. Maybe look at re-formatting the layout to make it easier to search for information. He also had to start work on that Korean shooting, heavy stuff. It was still fresh but maybe he could scour social media to get some leads. He checked his email to see if any complaints or comments had come in, and to his surprise there was one new one, sent from someone calling themselves hanna66. The email’s subject was two words, “High Score”.

Detective Sauer was no longer human. Her daughter was dead. Her husband had left. She had no other children, no family she wanted to speak to, no pets. What she did have was rage, burning blinding rage somewhere deep inside her, wrapped in apathy. The rest of the world seemed pointless now, everyone walking around doing mundane bullshit like heading to work, or shopping, or going to eat out, or walking through the park. What was the point? None of this appealed to her now. She only had a single thing on her mind and that single thing was Elise. Elise at two years old, laughing at the crunchiness of the leaves in Autumn. Elise at six years old, screaming as her foot touched seaweed for the first time. Elise at ten years old sitting with her on a ferris wheel, cheering as she stuffed her face with candy. Elise at twelve years old crying because she’d gotten in trouble for kissing a boy. Elise at fourteen years old lying dead with a hole in her head, her pretty hair stained.

She let the image sit in her head and turn her stomach. Trying to ignore it, sleep it away, shake it off, nothing worked. It was burnt there forever. She instead had a little blog where she wrote about Elise’s life, what she dreamed she would do, what she wished she could tell her, what she hoped she would be like today, how much she dearly, dearly, dearly missed her.

When she wasn’t writing, she read a lot about school shootings. She’d found a few websites and forums dedicated to them. Some she liked more than others. Some were crass and seemed to treat the events like pornography, making jokes or commenting gleefully how terrible it was. Some were professional, like a little site which analysed the shootings after they happened. She often read the entry on Hans Richter. The little bastard who’d taken her beautiful little girl away from her. She would read it until she was shaking and crying from the anger. Bullied at home. Alcoholic father. Nothing that gave him the right to do what he did, not that anything could justify it. She would stare at the screen and wonder why why why.

“You’ve got to stop torturing yourself like this.” Her husband would say.

“You don’t understand! I have to know why!” She would cry back.

“Why do you have to know?” “I have to. I have to do it for Elise. You don’t get it. You don’t care”

“Hey, she was my fucking daughter too!”

“Then fucking act like it!”

Sauer was feeling particularly down. It was one of those grey days that dragged on endlessly, so she booted up her computer to do a little blogging, get out her thoughts and feelings. Oh, what’s this? The blog was gone. Damn internet, oh no, oh fuck. She wasn’t good with computers. Where was it? She clicked around a bit. Nothing. Damn, damn, damn this machine. She looked through her drawers, the address was written down somewhere. She pulled them out one by one, digging through them fast, scattering papers everywhere. She clicked around more on the screen but still couldn’t find it. Fuck fuck fuck. Not like this, I can’t lose my Elise again. No, no, calm now. She figured she could search for it. She searched for Elise. 25 million results. Okay, okay. Hans Richter. Still millions of results, mostly news articles. Elise Sauer. Fewer news articles now, and then her blog halfway down the page. Thank God, she sighed and went to click on it. Just under the link was another one, HIGH SCORE - HANS RICHTER - VICTIMS. What was this? She hadn’t seen that before, and she clicked, almost by impulse.

A list, a list of names. Eleven names. Eleven names with pictures next to them. There, near the top of the list, her little girl, Elise, name and photo, and a comment by the side.

This tasty little blonde bitch thought she could outrun ‘LITTLE DICH’ RICHTER but he managed to gun the cunt down. She’ll be sucking cock in the afterlife now.

No, no, no no no. Sauer was wailing, pushing her chair back as if to put as much physical distance between her and the screen as she could. Why? Who would do this? Who would say that? She turned her face away, tears rolling down her face, mercifully blurring her eyes.

She was in the kitchen for hours, pacing, sometimes crying, sometimes cursing. She could see the website was still open on her computer in the living room, but didn’t dare look further. What could she do? Send a message to the website to get it taken down? Call the police? Smash her PC? All of the above? After several drinks she was calm enough to consider going back and closing the website, but first she had to let them know how disgusting they were. They had to know how she felt.

She tried to ignore what it said about Elise, and tried to find an email address so she could send them a plea to take it down. She couldn’t find one. The more time she spent on here the worse she felt, angrier and angrier. Her teeth were grinding, now more in frustration at this damned website. She hit return at the top of the page. It was a full page on Hans Richter. She hadn’t seen it before, odd. She scrolled down a little bit, a full picture of Richter sat alongside a Bio section. She read it before she even realised she was doing it.

HANS ‘LITTLE DICH’ RICHTER tried out for the high score at his secondary school in Germany. DEAREST HANSY had a perfect opportunity to take the top spot, low security, packed classrooms, and his daddy’s illegal rifle. But ‘HANS ON DICH’ fucked it up like the virgin faggot his was, killing himself after only taking the lives of eleven cunts and sluts, not even touching the top twenty scoreboard. DICKTER blew his load early like the pussy he was, and even in death he disappoints.

She couldn’t look any longer. Who was saying this? Who would be so cruel and heartless? She copied down the url on a little piece of paper and then wrote it out in an email to some of her former police colleagues. “Investigate this. This is sick.” She wrote. She went to turn off the computer, but stoppeed just before pressing the button. She needed to tell her husband, surely? If not him, then who? She needed to tell someone, she needed someone to tell her how fucked this was, someone had to make sense of it. She sucked on her thumbnail. Well, maybe someone could? She had no idea why the name came to mind but it made sense. She went back onto her browser and found that psychiatrist’s website. She took down the email and sent a link to him as well.

High Score was a goldmine. Seriously fucked up, but Christ did it ever provide an insight. Harry had spent several hours already going through the threads. It was pretty simple, there was a top ten board on the front page that showed the most kills by shooter. The site seemed to make fun of everyone, shooters, police, victims, in a grotesque way. Everyone was a target and deserved it. Slurs all over the place. Each shooter had a profile, filled with information. Harry searched for the Korean shooter's name.

GUK JEAWON.

He clicked.

GUK ‘THE GOOK’ JAEWON only saw one thing with his slanty little eyes - revenge. ‘GUK THE CUCK’ was tired of his big dicked classmates getting all the primo-puss around his university so…

Harry stopped reading. What the fuck was wrong with these people? He scrolled down a little, there were sections on the victims, all thirty of them, all still as crude. A little lower was a video of him screaming and being shot by the police. Harry hadn’t seen that before and reminded himself to look a little later to see what insight it might give him.

A little further down was a section called ‘POSTS’. It was a screenshot of a comment posted on the forum side of the site. Whoever posted it said it was Jaewon’s post, claiming he was going for the high score and posting details of time and location. Below it were comments spurring him on or calling him out as a fake. The details did line up, Harry thought, but maybe that was a coincidence, or maybe to give the site some sort of fucked-up credibility.

He saved the page in his bookmarks, making a note to come back for his research, and decided to check out the forum side of site, see if it really could give a better insight into the minds of these twisted people. Clicking around, all the posts were similar to the ones Jaewon put up.

I’m going to do it - stay away from Ringfield High tomorrow. Check the news

With replies telling the guy to kill himself, or urging him to do it and take as many “cunts” or “sluts” with him as possible. Harry looked up the post date, but it didn’t correspond with any shooting in any high school, nor any school with the name Ringfield. Hmm, maybe it was just all bravado. He clicked through a few more postings, more of the same, warnings of an imminent mass shooting, cries to do it now and kill as many as possible, fantasists writing out mastabatory material on how they would kill their parents and bullies and religious figures and classmates. Maybe this was all just some sort of sick roleplay on a shock site? Why anybody would spend their time making fun of murder victims was beyond Harry, but he supposed there were darker corners of the internet with even darker people populating them.

A post caught his eye while scrolling.

watch the news, scotland cairnraggen primary. Going for the high score Got a rifle and ready to kill cunts before they grow up to be bigger cunts lol

Cairnraggen?

No, but that was... Odd. He looked at the post time.

An hour ago.

A fear came over Harry, something primal screeching from the soles of his feet to the top of his head, almost a seizure, a pure shot of adrenaline and cortisol hammering its way through his arteries, veins chilled to a stop by ice. A premonition, a psychic force, a raw spike of information into the mind that something is wrong and that you are missing that something. A slow burning fear, the sharp spike of embers. The view of disaster from afar, neck leaning like rubber sideways to see the car accident, the what if, the why them, the fear that something terrible is happening and you’re somehow connected. A single turn of the cog.

Click.

He looked up at the clock. 11:36.

Click.

He hadn’t seen Sam yet this morning, he wondered...

Click.

Harry was on his feet and dizzy.

“Sam! Sam!” He shouted, stumbling through the hallway to the stairs.

“Sam!” He shouted again up the stairs,

“You up? Sam?”

Nothing, absolute silence.

Something in his mind was blocking the full picture from being seen, a sort of daze in front of his vision as he took each step as fast as he could, which under his weak knees felt like hours. He burst through Sam’s bedroom door into darkness. The bed was crumpled up and the curtains were still drawn. Nobody inside. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

Harry grabbed at his hair and nervously chewed his lip. His head was clouded with pure adrenaline, fear, the urge to run away, to do something, anything, but he froze.

Harry noticed the blinking light on Sam’s computer, and was drawn to it like an insect, letting the electricity pull him in. He shook the mouse and the screen lit up. The website was still up, and the words on the screen were damning.

Posted by YOU

Harry nearly threw himself down the stairs grabbing his phone and coat, tripping out the front door as he pulled it over his shoulder. Three steps out he had already called 999. Before a voice picked up he froze. Someone was speaking on the other side of the phone, but he wasn’t listening. Coming up through the valley, through the woods and the icy fog, echoing up the road, was the sound of a million sirens crying, and the faint smell of rust.

END

#true crime crime fiction serial killer school shooting shooting columbine fiction crime murder writing writer short story

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onlymexico · 5 years

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Rolando Cantú Born: February 25, 1981 Monterrey, Mexico Height: 6 ft 5 in (1.96 m) Weight: 348 lb (158 kg) Career information College: ITESM Undrafted: 2004

Career history Berlin Thunder (2004) Arizona Cardinals (2004–2006) Career NFL statistics Player stats at NFL.com Player stats at PFR

Rolando Roel Cantú (born February 25, 1981) is a former American football player for the Arizona Cardinals. He was the first Mexican football player trained in the Mexican collegiate system to become an active player in the National Football League. Today, he is a broadcaster and promoter of the Cardinals and NFL in Mexico and U.S. Spanish media, working to develop talent in Mexico with camps and clinics for young people.

Rolando Cantú was born on February 25, 1981 in the city of Monterrey, Mexico, the youngest of seven children. The family moved to the border town of Reynosa when Cantú was young, and attended grade school in McAllen by being driven across the border every day. He grew up a fan of the Dallas Cowboys, watching games with his father on television as the NFL has begun broadcasting in the country. He played various sports including American football with neighborhood friends as well as Pop Warner, which Cantú says is taken seriously in Mexico. He always was bigger than other kids his age, and had to show his birth certificate when signing up for baseball and football teams because of his size. Eventually, he decided he was too big and rough for soccer.

Because of age and talent, he did not have to work at his father’s meat market like his siblings. In school, he was on the team in junior high but did not originally plan on a career in sports, figuring to work for his father. On his first day at McAllen High School, the school’s defense coach asked him why Cantú had not joined the football team. Cantú replied that he wanted to earn money to buy a car, but the coach did not accept this, ordering him to practice that very day. Cantú took football more seriously in his sophomore year, and when he was a junior he moved to the offensive line. He decided at age fifteen that he would play someday in the NFL.

College football

Colleges like Texas Tech, Texas A&M, Miami and Oklahoma were among 40 schools that noticed him during his high school days and began to recruit him. However, he decided that he did not want to play college football in the United States. Instead, Cantú took a scholarship to play football at a private Mexican institution called the Monterrey Institute of Technology and Higher Studies in Monterrey, a member of Mexico college football league called ONEFA.

At that time, college football was a seven year commitment, divided into three playing levels. Cantú, because of his size and talent was able skip the two lower levels and start as an 18-year-old at the highest level. He initially gained fame in Mexico with his stint with the Borregos Salvages (Wild Rams). Monterrey Tech won the 1999 national title during Cantú’s first season, the first of four Mexican championship games during his time at Monterrey Tech. In 2000, Cantú decided to attend Texas A&M-Kingsville as an exchange student. In the spring and summer of 2001, he trained with their team with the aim of playing NCAA Division II football in the fall. Despite his obvious talent, the school did not offer him a scholarship, rather a loan. He turned this down as he still had the full scholarship at Monterrey Tech. He took a break from school for the 2001 season, spending the fall semester with his parents. Cantú returned to Monterrey Tec in 2002 with more confidence having competed at the US college level and well. He and the school won another national championship in 2002 before losing in 2003. With age and experience, Cantu finds it curious and even a little regrettable to take that offer over colleges in the United States.

His eligibility to play Mexican collegiate sports ended in 2003. There was an opportunity to try out for the NFL Europe league, but he almost did not make it. He had an accident with a double trailer which totaled the car he was driving to a tryout for NFL Europe. Under Mexican law, he should have stayed as the accident caused damage to city property. However, he called his then-girlfriend (now wife Carmen Valenzuela) who got to the scene before the police and told him to go to the tryout. She would take blame for the accident. He showed up an hour late to the tryout, but it earned him a tryout for central NFL Europe and a training camp in Tampa. He impressed in Tampa, earning a spot on the Berlin Thunder. He started in seven games for the German team, earning about a 1000 USD a week.

At the 2004 World Bowl, Cantú met Arizona Cardinals owner Tim Bidwell. The day after the Berlin Thunder won that championship, he signed with Arizona. In August 2004, he was in Flagstaff for training camp. Cantú was with the team two season, 2005 and 2006, but he was not immediately eligible to be on the active roster because of NFL rules on international players. Coach Dennis Green later told Cantu that the team wanted to activate him after only twelve weeks but could not do so. On New Year’s Day 2006, Cantu would finally see his first NFL game as an active player. With that game, Cantú became the first Mexican player trained in the Mexican collegiate system to play professionally in the NFL.

Despite the importance of the game to Cantu personally, his family was not there to see it. His wife was with their then 3-month old and he decided the trip to Indianapolis was too far. He signed a one-year extension for 2006.[6] On the fourth day of training camp, he torn a cartilage in his right knee, stepping over a towel. His meniscus needed micro fracture surgery, and he was put on injured reserve. During his recuperation, the coaching staff of the team changed and he was released in July 2006. He had to find a new team or retire, and chose the latter.

Fortunately, Cantú has an outgoing personality and does public relations well. He became extremely popular with the Mexican and Mexican American communities on both sides of the border, with Mexican and other Spanish media covering his football career closely. Former Monterrey Tech coach Leopoldo Treviño remembered Cantu as big, fast and very happy. Offers to work with publicity agencies and promote products came soon after being recruited to the Cardinals. He signed a contract with the JWM publicity agency in Mexico which focuses on sport, and Gatorade signed him as a spokesperson for the Spanish-speaking community. Even after his short stint as an active player, he continued to be in demand for children's hospital visits. Instead of simply letting him go, the Cardinal offered him a position in administration. He is currently their manager of international business ventures and does commentary on the team’s Spanish language radio broadcasts. He has provided commentary not only on Cardinals’ games but also various Super Bowls and he helped to build the NFL’s Spanish Radio Network.

Even before retiring, Cantú has worked to help other aspiring NFL players in Mexico, and has said that he does not want to be the last Mexican player in the league, starting football camps in Mexico as early as 2004. He serves as a quasi-ambassador for the Cardinals and the rest of the NFL in Mexico, using his contacts in Mexican universities to scout for talent. Since retiring, he has worked to set up summer football and cheerleading camps and clinics in various parts of Mexico, mostly in the north, working with the Cardinals, the NFL and his Rolando Cantú Foundation. The main goal is to find talent early and get the candidates college scholarships. Some of the camps bring in talent from various NFL teams to camps in various parts of Mexico. Mexico has become known for producing kickers but Cantu believes there is talent for other positions as well, it is just a matter of finding it. He does not regret pursuing the NFL or the shift into the business side of football since the injury, stating “I feel blesse

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emaline5678 · 5 years

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Once Upon a Time in Hollywood (2019). It’s the opening line of a fairy tale or fable and that’s what this movie certainly is. It’s a myth of what the 1960′s were like for LA, the movie business, TV, etc. It even has a happy ending - if only real life could have such a happy ending.

Leonardo DiCaprio is Rick Dalton, a former TV star that’s slowly fading into a round of guest spots on other hit shows. He’s in despair of his career and wondering how to recapture it - is the part in a Spaghetti Western the way to go?

Brad Pitt is stunt man Cliff Booth. He’s Rick’s right-hand man, best friend, driver, dogsbody. They’ve got a great bromance going between them. Cliff tries to keep Rick out of trouble and keep his hopes alive. Meanwhile, Cliff lives in a trailer behind a run-down drive-in theater with only a dog for company. He’s got some nasty skeletons in his closet that may or may not be his fault. He’s a loyal friend that doesn’t seem to let it worry him that Rick’s golden ticket days are almost over - just like the 60′s.

Margot Robbie is Sharon Tate. We meet her as she’s preparing to leave for Europe with husband Roman Polanski. She’s fun, girlie, giddie. She loves to party and dance to Paul Revere and the Raiders. She’s just loving life. If Rick’s on the way down, Sharon is on the way up. She even goes to a theater showing one of her films (Don’t Make Waves - in which we marvel along with Robbie and watch actual footage of the film with the real Sharon Tate). It’s a Sharon Tate that the world never really knew and it’s a refreshing sight.

The movie is a fairy tale with long takes of people driving through LA, just listening to the radio. And I’m ok with that! I could watch Brad Pitt or Margot Robbie drive around town listening to classic rock as the California wind flows through their hair. Seeing the vintage signs and buildings was a real trip. It’s a myth of what LA was - minus, I suppose, the smog and garbage, etc.

It’s a pretty narrow fairy tale that really only focuses on the lives of three people. We don’t see what else was going on during that time - some mentions of Vietnam. No mention of civil rights, Nixon, the space program, etc.

Also, this may be the first Tarantino film in quite awhile, without Samuel L Jackson. He’s not even doing the voice-over like he did briefly in Inglourious Basterds (2009).

Is this the best Tarantino film? My heart always goes out to Jackie Brown (1997) or the Kill Bills (2003-4). But it’s still pretty good. It’s probably DiCaprio’s best work - it’s a real show part for him. There’re long scenes of him just acting in the TV show within the movie and you forget you actually paid to watch a different film. Brad Pitt’s refreshingly good and brings a sexy cool to the role of put-upon Cliff. Robbie does well as Tate, but doesn’t have much to do but be a shining bright 60′s star on the rise.

As for Manson and his followers - we briefly see Manson (as he creeps on Jay Sebring), but we mainly meet the girls and Tex as they sponge off George Spahn and his ranch. They’re all as crazy as you’d think, (especially Squeaky played by Dakota Fanning) and you do get a sense of evil from the place. But if you know the history of Manson and the murders, the countdown to the end sends chills. I had a feeling a different outcome would come about - a nice fairy tale ending with the good guys winning and the bad guys ending up shot, stabbed, beat to death and/or torched in a pool. If you want a more in-depth view of Hollywood, Manson and Sharon Tate - listen to the riveting You Must Remember This podcast, Charlie Manson’s Hollywood. You learn all about Manson and his family, how he affected Terry Melcher, Dennis Wilson and others. You learn about Sharon, Sebring and Polanski and you learn about what really happened that horrible night of the Tate Murders. Some say that is what really killed the 60′s.

The movie is a brief minute in the lives a few folks at the end of the 60′s. The end of the studio system - even the end of the hippie era. Some say the end of innocence before the jaded 70′s hit us with Nixon, Watergate, Vietnam, the economy tanking and all the rest of it.

#Once upon a Time in Hollywood Brad Pitt Leonardo Dicaprio MargotRobbie I Love the 60s

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jordm · 5 years

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Heartland 12x06 - Diamond in the Rough review

Let me start by saying... of course the horse is named Diamond. How did I not see this coming?!

Also, if anyone cares; that thing Mitch was using to grill steaks. My cousins use it and they say it’s legit. It’s some warming water thing which slowly heats it to the exact temperature needed then you grill it and you can apparently use it t make rice/vegetables/any meat. Anyways - fun fact.

EDIT: ITS CALLED A SOUS VIDE

Ty & Amy

We finally see Ty (and by extension Amy I guess) working at Fairfield after Lisa made Fairfield Ty & Amy’s first big client.

Sidenote: @the-real-tc brought up how Scott must feel about this... since Ty was (is?) partners at the clinic and him taking this outside job takes away from revenue from the clinic. & now that we finally see Ty working more and more at Fairfield and less at the clinic, I can’t help but wonder what Scott thinks of this; does the clinic get a profit in if Ty is using it’s resources? Or does he pass the partner reins to Cass? I NEED DETAILS.

Ok, back to the main point; Ty and Amy bring Diamond back to Heartland to figure out whats wrong with Diamond (don’t know if it’s a him or her so it’s a Diamond). The owner, Laura thinks the other stable hand person Tony has trained a horse to hurt her since Laura was promoted over him.

Tony says that he’s noticed Diamond losing weight, not eating his food and acting out; and when Diamond acts out and they see Tony treating the horse aggresively, Ty and Amy take different sides.

Anyways, Amy gets mad when Ty speaks over her in front of the police officer and thinks Ty doesn’t respect her. And honestly, I see where both are coming from. Ty sees himself in Tony in the fact that second chances are hard to come by and he doesn’t want to be assumed to mess up again based on the past. Because frankly, they didn’t see what happened before they arrived. I also see where Amy is coming from - she just wanted to explain the way she saw things and we know Amy really hates it (and tends to overreact) when horses are maltreated.

I really do love this discussion bc it seems like last season Amy was kind of a pushover when it came to Ty and his Mongolia adventures. It seems like she’s finally standing up for herself. Although... I think i’m slightly on Ty’s side here if i’m honest. People sometimes need to be careful to not use the word “abuse” especially if you don’t have hard facts. And in this case, I think that Ty was presenting the facts while also be more cognisant of not placing blame.

So long story short, it turns out Diamond was being poisoned by wild flowers in the neighbours yard.

Georgie

So, as we knew Kim does not want to fire Georgie but wants her to go to Switzerland for this training camp for 4 months and compete on the European circuit; although it’s costly & Georgie has to place well in all her showcases. It’s definitely an opportunity and something that would definitely be a benefit if she went.

Question: I’m assuming Peter (and Lou) can go months without seeing Katie, who is younger; so why not just let her go (cost aside)? I mean, this would be a good opportunity to visit Switzerland right?

Anyways, after Georgie being hesitant she finally comes around with encouragement from Wyatt and it’s really nice to see her parents both on the same page about being able to find the funds and supporting Georgie if she gets in. Poor Katie missing out on this family bonding.

I see parallels to Amy’s Europe story and I just hope (even though it did work out okay with Amy and Ty in the end) that if she goes, Georgie & Wyatt’s story is a little more.. stable with the drama on the jumping side. And if she does go, can we see it first hand? (eh it’ll probably happen in the off season lets be honest)

Katie

So Lou & Peter fly in for this meeting with Kim Price. I’m assuming from NYC & Vancouver? And if so, where is Katie? Is she shipped off for Lisa to babysit? Because I mean, by this point she’s basically a world traveller at the age of I don’t know i haven’t seen her in a season.

Wait hang on, Katie is with Peter’s parents! Aha, there goes the mystery... I guess? Anyone want to take bets on when Katie 3.0 makes her first appearance?

Hey, remember when Peter and Lou were acting like this with Katie 1.0 (also creds to @heartlandians for dubbing Katie 1.0, 2.0 and 3.0 - or whoever else said it first)

Mitch

Heeey Mitch has a storyline that doesn’t involve his love life but rather his partnership and Heartland beef! Anyways beef seller guy wants a meeting and they have an idea to have a BBQ and they argue over which BBQ stove to use to grill Heartland steak.

Me thinks it’s not so great to argue in front of a potential customer. But then again, Jack/Tim/Mitch seem to do it all the time and that’s what beef seller guy (whose name is Fred) seemed to like about them? It’s probably also not best to watch the poor guy eating the steak and make him choose which one’s better when it’s a business meeting. But OK.

Anyways, apparently Heartland beef is doing so damn well in stores his customers can’t get enough and they want to double the order - So... yay? Except Jack however, wants to say no due to compromising quality over quantity and Mitch doesn’t agree - he’s finally getting serious with Maya (and oops Lou overheard) and still lives in a trailer. The result? TBD until Tim is back.

For the record, I think Tim will side with Mitch. I also think there has to be some compromise - like maybe increase the order but maybe only 1.5x?

Wyatt

“Because according to a very not fake news publication, you’re Georgie Fleming Morris future Olympian.” - Wyatt

“What if the article got it wrong?” - Georgie

“Because I only date future olympians... you’re my first equestrian.” - Wyatt

Anyways cute exchange between the newly formed back together couple about Wyatt reassuring Georgie even if Kim Price ditches her, she’ll still be okay (even though we know from the sneak peek all is well).

It was also really cute to see Wyatt regretting asking Georgie to go for a run; and Wyatt encouraging Georgie to go to Switzerland even though they just got back together; and that they’ll make it through. And honestly, it’s refreshing to see boyfriends be supportive of their S/O’s dream and career. If she goes, I really hope they make it through with a lot less drama than Amy/Ty.

Peter

So... Wyatt is selling his buddies car and when he realizes it’s Peter, he introduces himself to Peter as Georgie’s bf, who apparently hasn’t been informed of this change in title. Awkward. When Peter tries the car out, he drives a little too fast, gets two speeding tickets and gives Wyatt a good scare (y’know as a parent of Georgie and literally because he drove fast). And then he buys it - and gets another speeding ticket. And then he sells it back - only to go for one last ride and get another ticket. What a saga.

Midlife crisis I think? That and a mixture of him not wanting to see Georgie away from home if she goes on this Switzerland thing (even though its only theoretical right now and he lives in Vancouver most of the time anyways).

ALSO REMI SIGHTING!

Songs in this Episode

The Road to Happiness - Evan Olson

Lawd Have Mercy - El Camino

Jump Into The Fire - Michael Logen

#heartland #diamond in the rough #review #12x06 #season 12

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lizzieborednow · 6 years

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my top ten favorite manga’s

I was into manga and anime in my teens and 20′s so these are all older series.

Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon

This was the first manga I ever read. While I had moved on from the shojo genre this manga will always be my favorite.

Genshiken

A manga about otaku’s trying to survive college. I love this manga even though there are parts of it that break my heart. Saki Kasukabe was one of the only non otaku’s in the story and she was my favorite. I felt bad for her that she seemed to give up so much for her boyfriend and then he never had time for her. I still wish she and Harunobu Madame had gotten together. He at least had time for her,

Tramps like Us aka Kimi Wa Peto

I don’t know why they changed the title when they brought it to the US. It’s so stupid. The manga follows a career woman who saves a young male ballerina and ends up letting him live with her as her pet. It’s had several live action adaptions but I’ve never felt like any of them were able to capture how awesome Sumire is or how wonderful the slow burn romance is. Don’t let the title scare you away. It’s supper funny and sweet letting you fall in love with the character slowly.

The Day I Became A Butterfly/Same Cell Organisms

Everything Yumeka Sumomo does is amazing but these are my favorites. I couldn’t pick between the two so I picked both. Both of the main story’s in these volumes are BL but there are side stories that are not. Warning Same Cell Organisms has a plot around a character getting raped.

Clover

I loved this manga so much that when I was 18 I got a tattoo based on it. It is nothing but tragedy. Even the small happy ending it tragic. To not read unless you want to cry.

Magic Knight Rayearth

As you can tell I love CLAMP manga. I had a hard time picking which one to put but I still re-read this manga all the time so I picked it. But honestly any CLAMP manga could have been here.

Battle Angel Alita

There is an American live action version coming out soon. If you liked the trailer maybe skip the film and read the manga. I swear it will be 10 times better. The story follows Alita a robot found in a junk yard with no memories of her past. Warning to not get attached to any characters as people die constantly or are left behind as the story moves forward.

Nodame Cantabile

A story about two people attending the same music school who fall in love. This one is a slow burn and honestly you spend half your time wondering when Chiaki will realize that as much as Nodame drives him crazy he no longer knows how to live without her. He literally gets her to move to Europe with him and then acts like he doesn’t want to date her.

Blade of The Immortal

A man cursed with immortality takes on a job as a bodyguard for a young orphan only to get himself into a much bigger battle then he was prepared for. Only read if you are ok with extreme violence and mentions of rape.

Hana Kimi

The classic ‘girl dresses as a boy and hides in a boys school only to fall for her roommate’. I started reading this when I was very young. I know if I had started it today it would have annoyed me but instead it has a soft place in my heart.

Runner Up:

Fullmetal Alchemist

I stopped reading the manga before I finished it. I lost interest part way though partly because I had finished both anime’s so I had an closer.

#manga

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trailerdriver · 4 months

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Fast Lane to Success: Launching Your Trailer Driving Career Across Europe

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allmoddedapk · 3 years

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Truck Simulator : Ultimate Mod 1.0.6 Apk (Unlimited Money)

New Post has been published on https://www.allmoddedapk.com/truck-simulator-ultimate-mod-apk/

Truck Simulator : Ultimate Mod 1.0.6 Apk (Unlimited Money)

Truck Simulator: Ultimate 1.0.6 Mod Apk – Graphic and realistic game “Evolved Truck Simulator” for Android Normal version + Mod version (listed at the top of the download box) individually tested by running online

Truck Simulator: Ultimate – Evolved truck simulator is another well-made and professional game of the Turkish studio Zuuks Games in the style of simulation games for Android devices, which is free but with in-app payments. Has been released and is available on Android Play for Android players around the world. This time, at your request, dear ones, and for the first time among all Iranian Android sites We have introduced, reviewed and published the final and complete version of this game and we have prepared the latest official version along with a mod version for you dear ones to download.

Zuuks Games Studio had previously been able to find a good position among fans of driving simulation games with different vehicles by making and publishing similar games in the same style. Some of the most famous and important games made by this developer are titles like City Driving 2 , Traffic Driver , Taxi Simulator 2018 , Truck Simulator 2018: Europe and Bus Simulator: UltimateWe had introduced all these games in other content from Farsroid site at your service, dear ones. To download these games, just click on the name of each of them. In the following, be with Farsroid by introducing and reviewing the Truck Simulator: Ultimate game.

Game Truck Simulator: UltimateIt is actually an evolved game in the style of driving simulators with heavy vehicles, especially trucks. Zuuks Games Studio has gained a lot of experience over the years by making and releasing various games in this field, and now, after several successful projects, Truck Simulator: Ultimate is an even more professional and improved title than previous games. . One of the main features that is highly focused in this game is its online and multiplayer part where you can play online at the city level with other players. But the main part of the game or the stage part (Career) includes stages and missions in which you have to take the role of a professional driver of freight trucks, various goods and cargo from a certain point and delivery to another point on the map. Give. In making Truck Simulator: Ultimate, we tried to use every German to make it realistic.

These elements can be seen not only in the excellent gameplay, physics and graphics, but also in the overall game process. For example, to load, you have to carefully and delicately move the truck to the load with the rear gear to provide the conditions for riding on the back of the truck. This is only possible if you do it just like a professional driver! Excellent graphic details and all-three-dimensional modeling, along with interesting sounds and amazing environmental designs, make Truck Simulator: Ultimate definitely one of the best truck driving simulation style games. There are dozens of different truck models in this game that can be purchased by progressing through the stages and completing various missions. To learn more about the whole evolved truck simulator game, you can watch the trailer video and then download it from the box Farsroid Get the latest version of the game in normal mode.

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gandos · 4 years

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WATCH — I Am Woman — FULL 2020 — M O V I E S [STREAMING ONLINE]

I Am Woman

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The story of 1970s musician and activist Helen Reddy. Director: Unjoo Moon Writer: Emma Jensen Stars: Evan Peters, Tilda Cobham-Hervey, Matty Cardarople

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1966. Helen Reddy arrives in New York with her three-year-old daughter, a suitcase and $230 in her pocket. She had been told she’d won a recording contract, but the record company promptly dashes her hopes by telling her it has enough female stars and suggests she has fun in New York before returning home to Australia. Helen, without a visa, decides to stay in New York anyway and pursue a singing career, struggling to make ends meet and provide for her daughter. There she befriends legendary rock journalist Lillian Roxon, who becomes her closest confident. Lillian inspires her to write and sing the iconic song “I Am Woman” which becomes the anthem for the second wave feminist movement and galvanises a generation of women to fight for change. She also meets Jeff Wald, a young aspiring talent manager who becomes her agent and husband. Jeff helps her get to the top, but he also suffers from a drug addiction, which gradually turns their relationship toxic. Caught in the treadmill of fame …

Our relationship is strained. It feels like it has been for a while. For the last four years, there has been an elephant in the room — I’d joke and call it an orange elephant, but I’m nervous that might end this earnest conversation before it even begins. Have I changed? I mean, yes, of course I have. I’ve gotten older. I’ve had two children. I’ve tried to read and learn as much as possible, just as you taught me. In fact, that’s sort of the weirdest thing. I don’t think I’ve changed much. I still believe, deep in my bones, all the fundamental things you not only talked to me about, but showed me when I was little. I believe in character. I believe in competence. I believe in treating people decently. I believe in moderation. I believe in a better future and I believe in American exceptionalism, the idea that the system we were given by the Founding Fathers, although imperfect, has been an incredible vehicle for progress, moral improvement, and greatness, unlike any other system of government or country yet conceived. I believe this exceptionalism comes with responsibilities. Politically, I’m pretty much the same, too. Government is best when limited, but it’s nonetheless necessary. Fair but low taxes grow the economy. Rights must be protected, privacy respected. Partisanship stops at the water’s edge. No law can make people virtuous — that obligation rests on every individual. So how is it even possible that we’re here? Unable to travel, banned from entry by countless nations. The laughingstock of the developed world for our woeful response to a pandemic. 200,000 dead. It hasn’t been safe to see you guys or grandma for months, despite being just a plane ride away. My children — your grandchildren — are deprived of their friends and school. Meanwhile, the U.S., which was built on immigration — grandma being one who fled the ravages of war in Europe for a better life here — is now a bastion of anti-immigrant hysteria. Our relatives on your side fought for the Union in the Civil War. Great-grandpa fought against the Russians in WWI, and granddad landed at Normandy to stop the rise of fascism. And now people are marching with tiki-torches shouting, “the Jews will not replace us.” What is happening?! Black men are shot down in the streets? Foreign nations are offering bounties on American soldiers?

i am woman movie full casti am the other woman full movie i am woman movie i am woman movie netflixi am woman movie where to watch i am woman movie trailer i am woman movie review i am woman movie soundtrack i am woman movie adelaide i am woman movie australia And the President of the United States defends, rationalizes, or does nothing to stop this? I’d say that’s insane, but I’m too heartbroken. Because every step of the way, I’ve heard you defend, rationalize, or enable him and the politicians around him. Not since I was a kid have I craved to hear your strong voice more, to hear you say anything reassuring, inspiring, morally cogent. If not for me, then for the world that will be left to your grandchildren. This does not feel like a good road we are going down… Look, I know you’re not to blame for this. You hold no position of power besides the one we all have as voters, but I guess I just always thought you believed in the lessons you taught me, and the things we used to listen to on talk radio on our drives home from the lake. All those conversations about American dignity, the power of private enterprise, the sacredness of the Oval Office, the primacy of the rule of law. Now Donald Trump gushes over foreign strongmen. He cheats on his wife with porn stars (and bribes them with illegal campaign funds). He attacks whistleblowers (career army officers, that is). He lies blatantly and habitually, about both the smallest and largest of things. He enriches himself, his family members, and his business with expenditures straight from the public treasury. And that’s just the stuff we know about. God knows what else has happened these last four years that executive privilege has allowed him to obscure from public view. I still think about the joke you made when we walked past Trump Tower in New York when I was kid. Tacky, you said. A reality show fool. Now that fool has his finger on the nuclear button — which I think he thinks is an actual button — and I can’t understand why you’re OK with this. I mean, the guy can’t even spell! You demanded better of me in the papers I turned in when I was in middle school. I know you don’t like any of it. If you’d have had your choice, any other Republican would have been elected but Trump. You’re not an extremist, and you’ve never once said anything as repulsive as what people now seem comfortable saying on TV and social media (and in emails to your son, I might add). Four years ago, I wrote to you to ask you not to vote for Donald Trump. But this time around, that’s no longer enough. At some point, just finding it all unpleasant and shaking your head at the tweets, while saying or doing nothing more about it, is moral complicity. You told me that as a kid! That the bad prevail when good people do nothing. A while back I emailed a friend of mine who is an advisor to the administration. I said to him, why do you think my dad’s support of Trump bothers me so much more than yours? Because it does. This is someone who helped put Trump in office and wants to keep him there, but we’re still friends. Talking to him doesn’t hurt my heart the way it does when politics come up over family meals. The man’s answer was telling, and I am quoting. He said, “Because I am irredeemable, but your dad ought to know better.” Does that register with you at all? One of the things you taught me well was how to spot a scam. Double check everything, you said. Do your research. Look at what the people around them say. Look at their history. Remember when you used to quote Reagan’s line to me, “Trust, but verify”? I’ve been lucky enough to make a few trips to Washington the last few years. I’ve sat across from Senators and Congressmen. I’ve talked to generals who have briefed the president, and business leaders who worked with him before the election. This is a guy who doesn’t read, they said, a guy with the attention span of a child. Everybody avoided doing business with him. Because he didn’t listen, because he stiffed people on bills, because he was clueless. He treated women horribly. He’s awful, they said. I thought this was a particularly damning line: If Donald Trump were even half-competent, one elected official told me, he could probably rule this country for 20 years. I have trouble figuring what’s worse — that he wants to, or that he wants to but isn’t competent enough to pull it off. Instead, Washington is so broken and so filled with cowards that Trump just spent the last four years breaking stuff and embarrassing himself. I learned from you how to recognize a dangerous or unreliable person. If you don’t trust the news, could you trust what I’m bringing you, right from the source? Let’s trust our gut, not our political sensibility. Based on what I’ve told you, and what you’ve seen: Would you let him manage your money? Would you want your wife or daughter to work for him without supervision? I’m not even sure I would stay in one of his hotels, after what I’ve read. Watching the RNC a few weeks ago, I wondered what planet I was on. What’s with all the yelling? How is this happening on the White House lawn? Why are his loser kids on the bill? His kid’s girlfriend??? And what is this picture of America they are painting? They are the ones in charge! Yet they choose to campaign against the dystopian nightmare that is 2020… which is to say, they are campaigning against themselves. Look, I agree there is crazy stuff happening in the world. The civil unrest is palpable, violence is on the rise, and Americans have never been so openly divided. Sure, rioting and looting are bad. But who is to blame for all the chaos? The President. Remember what you told me about the sign on Truman’s desk? The buck stops here. (May we contrast that with: “I don’t take responsibility at all.”) In any case, what some crazy people in Portland are doing is not ours to repeatedly disavow. What the president does? The citizens are complicit in that. Especially if we endorse it at the ballot box come November 3rd. Besides, what credibility do we have to insist on the ‘rule of law’ when eight of the president’s associates have faced criminal charges? His former lawyer went to jail, too! And then the president commutes their sentences, dangles pardons to keep them quiet, or tries to prevent them from cooperating with authorities? When he’s fined millions of dollars for illegally using his charity as a slush fund? When he cheats on his taxes? When he helped his parents avoid taxes, too? I remember you once told me the story of a police officer in your department who was caught filling up his personal car with gas paid for by the city. The problem, you said, wasn’t just the mistake. It was that when he was confronted by it, he lied. But the cameras showed the proof and so he was fired, for being untrustworthy most of all. Would you fire Trump if he worked for you? What kind of culture do you think your work would have had if the boss acted like Trump? As for the lying, that’s the craziest part, because we can, as the kids say, check the receipts: Was it bad enough to call John McCain a loser? Yes, but then, of course, Trump lied and claimed he didn’t. Bad enough to cheat on his wife? Yes, but of course, he lied about it, and committed crimes covering it up (which he also lied about). Was it bad enough to solicit help from Russia and Wikileaks in the election? Yes, but then he, his son, and his campaign have lied about it so many times, in so many forums, that some of them went to jail over it. Was it stupid that, in February, Trump was tweeting about how Covid-29 was like the flu and that we didn’t need to worry? Yes, but it takes on a different color when you listen to him tell Bob Woodward that in January he knew how bad it was, how much worse it was than even the worst flu, and that he was deliberately going to downplay the virus for political purposes. I’m sure we could quibble over some, but The Fact Checker database currently tallys over 20,000 lies since he took office. Even if we cut it in half, that’s insane! It’s impossible to deny: Trump lied, and Americans have died because of it. A friend of mine had a one-on-one dinner with Trump at the White House a while back. It was actually amazing, he said. Half the evening was spent telling lies about the size of his inaugural address. This was in private — not even for public relations purposes, and years after the controversy had died down. That’s when he realized: The lying is pathological. It can’t be helped. Which is to say, it makes a person unfit to lead. Politics should not come before family. I don’t want you to think this affects how I feel about you. But it does make it harder for us to spend time together — not just literally so, since Trump’s bumbling response to the pandemic has crippled America and made travel difficult. It’s that I feel grief. I feel real grief — were the lessons you taught me as a kid not true? Did you not mean them? Was it self-serving stuff to make sure I behaved? Was I a fool for listening? Or is it worse, that my own father cares more about his retirement accounts — and I’ll grant, the runup of the market has been nice for me, too — than the future he is leaving for his children? Are you so afraid of change, of that liberal boogeyman Limbaugh and Hannity and these other folks have concocted, that you’d rather entrust the country to a degenerate carnival barker than anyone else? I see all this anger, what is it that you’re so angry about? You’ve won. Society has worked for you. My own success is proof. So what is it? Because it can’t possibly be that you think this guy is trustworthy, decent, or kind. It’s definitely not about his policies… because almost every single one is anathema to what Republicans — and you — have talked about my entire life. The one thing I hold onto is hope. I believe in America. I believe in the goodness of hardworking people like you and Mom. I know that this is not what you wanted to happen, that this is not the America you grew up in nor the one you would like for me and my kids to grow up in. I hold onto hope that you’re tired enough to draw the line. That you are not irredeemable as that Trump advisor allowed himself to become. The right thing is always the right thing, you’ve said. Even when it’s hard. Even when it goes against what your friends think, or what you’ve done in the past. The right thing is obviously to end this. To cancel this horrendous experiment with its cavalcade of daily horrors and vulgarities and stupidities and historical humiliations. America is a great nation. …

#i am woman #movies #watchnerd

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trailerdriver · 5 months

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Trailer Driver Jobs in Europe

Embark on a journey of a lifetime with trailer driver jobs in Europe, available through AnywhereJobs. Roam the scenic routes of the continent while earning a living. We connect drivers with rewarding opportunities, ensuring you find the perfect match for your skills. Apply now and turn the key to a new chapter in your career!

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allmoddedapk · 3 years

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Truck Simulator : Ultimate Mod 1.0.4 Apk (Unlimited Money)

New Post has been published on https://www.allmoddedapk.com/truck-simulator-ultimate-mod-apk/

Truck Simulator : Ultimate Mod 1.0.4 Apk (Unlimited Money)

Truck Simulator: Ultimate 1.0.4 Mod Apk – Graphic and realistic game “Evolved Truck Simulator” for Android Normal version + Mod version (listed at the top of the download box) individually tested by running online

#1.0.4 #Hack Apk #Truck Simulator : Ultimate #Truck Simulator : Ultimate Mod Apk #Unlimited Money

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streamifree · 4 years

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I Am Woman (2020) FULL MOVIE STREAM FREe

➜WATCH NOW

The story of 1970s musician and activist Helen Reddy. Director: Unjoo Moon Writer: Emma Jensen Stars: Evan Peters, Tilda Cobham-Hervey, Matty Cardarople

➜DOWNLOAD

#fullmovie #online #new zealand #movies #2020

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