#tragically dysfunctional family dynamics I LOVE YOUUUUU!!!

[lucreziaces]

thinking about how cesare's feelings for lucrezia got colored romantic because of rodrigo's ambition and him pinning the two oldest boys against each other and never showing cesare affection, thinking his eldest son was stronger than juan and that juan needed his gentleness and affection more. but the thing is, cesare did need his father's love and because he never showed it to him, cesare found that kind of affection elsewhere. in lucrezia-- her adoring gaze, her soft fingers playing with his chin or the strings of his clothes, in the way she melted into his touch. and of course he began to feel unnatural things for his sister (she felt safe in only his arms, sought out his advice on love and marriage because she trusted only him) and of course he didn't fight it, maybe he even encouraged it when he shouldn't have, but it wasn't with malicious intent. he didn't know what it was he was feeling, what she was feeling until it was too late. by then the damage was done, and as he himself said, "impossible loves.....I am very much afraid they can become an addiction". it wasn't like he wanted to feel these things for her. but how could he not when she was the first to understand he was miserable in his role in the church ("don't be sad, brother. maybe papa will become pope and you can be who you want to be"-- in their very first scene together!!), the only one who didn't run from his dark side-- she embraced it, even, and weaponized it when it suited her (and he was happy to let her, even using her desire to see their brother dead as an excuse to kill juan for his own ambition), creating this idea that he could trust only her to love him. I think, to him, it seemed pure enough not to question it even when there was undeniable sexual tension brewing between them because, above all, he just wanted to protect and serve her because their father wouldn't (and just because that is how he shows his love/how she receives it), and shower her in sweetness, with gentle touches because that's what she deserves (and because that is the other way she receives love & he shows it. speaking of love languages? i've geniunely never seen a ship have such perfectly complimentary love languages the way these two do!?! like oh my god?!! she wants someone to serve, protect, idolize her & show her gentleness? he does exactly that. he needs someone to love and adore him unconditionally & shower him in affection? she fits that 100% AJSKGLHGSLD but I digress lol) anyway....all this to say: do I really think cesare groomed lucrezia? no. or, at least, I think that's oversimplifying it. it was out of either of their control, and a direct result of their father putting his ambition above his love of his children. it's really fascinating how those daddy issues pulled ceslu closer together where it shoved a wedge between them and juan. (i'm sure @lucreziahelaena would be the more appropriate choice to write up an essay on the juan aspect of it all, though hahaa)

have I mentioned they're my roman empire? (because they are lol) <3333