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sugarfreecapsicle · 5 years ago

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i saw the light

moodboard by the incomparable @star-spangled-man-with-a-plan

moodboard by the lovely @sebashtiansatan

A/N: first of all, big congrats to @marquiswrites on her milestone! She’s a wonderful and creative writer who deserves every ounce of recognition she can be given. I’m thrilled for her and even more honored to be able to participate in this challenge for her. second of all, thanks for putting up with my crazy and this series - here’s hoping I can somehow keep this going!

warnings: religious ceremony (christian), mentions of deity, prayer, hymns, ANGST

pairing: bucky x reader, southern usa au

country mile masterlist

Molten dread seeps from your chest to your toes and piles, feet to knees. Hallowed ground, from both childhood memories and divine merit shackle you to the gravel. Weathered steps precede the equally aged white doors. Music hums from the other side, choir warming up, some attendees mingling and chatting about their week prior to the balmy Sunday morning.

“Well, look at you!” You pivot and grin at the decades-old Buick Sam assists his mother out of - this morning her suit matches the car in alabaster white, accented by a pink ribbon tied on her hat and a coordinating purse. Sam loops her arm in his, grinning proud. The Wilsons, in your experience, mirror the same smile: bright, joyful, genuine.

“Look at you!” A laugh as you tuck some hair behind your ear. Mrs. Wilson hobbles along by a patient Sam to meet you where you stand. “You look so pretty today, Mrs. Wilson. You tryin’ to impress somebody?”

She laughs heartily and swats at you with her well loved leather Bible. “Honey, I’m just here to make sure Jesus knows I’m tryin’ to behave myself and keep Sammy in line.”

“Mama, you know I don’t make trouble,” Sam retorts, feigning some minor offense. Of course his mother pays him no mind.

“It sure finds you easy, son,” she murmurs and jabs his side with her elbow. “Let’s get in there before the reverend thinks I’m not comin’ today.”

Another common quality in the Wilsons: they quietly sneak through your safeguards and guide you in the right direction. You flank the elderly woman and find solace in the whine of the stairs underfoot. Power in faith, Mrs. Wilson would’ve called it had she known your entrapment in the parking lot.

The three of you make it up the stairs carefully, balancing Sam’s mother between as her knees aren’t what they used to be. The comfort of her habit to sit on the right, in the third pew from the front where she can feel the sun beam through the stained glass depiction of Jesus in the garden of Gesthemane settles in your chest.

Before you can scurry away to one of the back pews, she gently pats the seat to her left with a coy grin. “You always have a place with my family, baby.”

So you sit and feel a bit more prim as the townsfolk make their way in, Coulson mingling with the present congregation. In the seersucker suit and tie, a small cross pinned to his lapel, a cracked and worn leather Bible in his hand that now wore a golden wedding band. Light gleams off it from the hanging metal-work lights so out of date you marveled at their resilience.

Even the pillars in the church are the same - a fresh coat of white paint to match the exterior, stained glass windows depicting the life of Christ only a little dirty from recent rain, low pile green carpet from the door at the back up into the choir loft.

“Good to see you this morning,” Coulson greets jovially, hand extended to you for an always firm shake. He passes onto Mrs. Wilson and Sam quickly who both answer him with pearly white smiles. You grin, a knot in your chest. “It’s been a long while since you’ve been in town - we’ve missed having you here.”

“It’s..” you clear your throat and hold a hand to your chest, still politely grinning, “it’s good to be back, Reverend.”

Coulson nods, hands folded over the Bible in front of him as he chats with the Wilsons about the restaurant, the family band and if Sam wouldn’t mind helping tune the guitar this morning when you notice a barely put together attendee enter from the side door.

“Well if it ain’t the Barnes boy,” Mrs. Wilson mutters in your ear. Coulson quietly shifts along to the far aisle and walks to meet with more of the flock.

Bucky smiles and nods with one of the deacons, hands clasped between them in welcoming. As expected, the young farmer traded in his plaid shirt and red dirt mottled denim for black chinos and a clean tattersall button down. Tucked in, of course, similar to the small knot of hair just above the collar of his shirt.

He moves to the left side of the pulpit and makes himself comfortable at the piano. Since when had this developed? The Bucky you remembered couldn’t sit still long enough for anything like a piano lesson. For all the nostalgia, parts of this little world shifted out of place, a memory disjointed.

Steve appears in your periphery looking spick-and-span as ever with Peggy not far behind in a pretty blue pencil dress. Both greet you warmly with hugs and jump into the conversation as your now full pew inventories the goings on ahead of you.

“Bucky’s been playing for a few months now. It’s the only way we could get him to show up anymore,” Steve answers your unasked question. Apparently you’d been caught ogling.

Your Bucky - if you could even call him that anymore - loved being social at church. He could do without the sermon and the singing, but the congregational greetings just after the reverend’s first song fit into his heart lock and key. He beamed, shaking hands with anyone he could reach, even crossing the aisle to visit with as many as he could. Age never mattered to him then - he’d shake hands as heartily with an elder as a baby.

This new Bucky fusses with his sleeves at the piano bench alone. Not frowning, but not smiling.

“Y’all are comin’ by for supper after the service today?” Mrs. Wilson leans over to address both Steve and Peggy, expectant eyes and a nodding head.

“You couldn’t pay me to be anywhere else but your kitchen, ma’am,” Steve answers kindly, giving Peggy’s manicured hand a squeeze. Another new development. Warmth radiated from the couple, a new love realized.

“Well, good,” the elderly woman settles back and gathers her Bible and sermon outline in her lap. “Lord knows I need an army to eat all the food I make.”

You sense the roll of Sam’s eyes - always a few steps behind his mother’s innocent manipulation. The din of the room swells briefly, and Reverend Coulson makes his way up the steps to his matching white podium. A full congregation, choir in attendance, musicians tuned. And an eager preacher with the Good Word for his flock.

“Good morning,” Coulson calls into the microphone.

Your religion hadn’t survived your departure from town either, but the enthusiasm of the room was contagious. The music starts, and you find your gaze drifting to the piano as you sing. Sleepy blue eyes meet yours in the moment before a blink, then they’re gone, reading the sheet music in front of him. Probably just his eyes finding a place to rest as he plays, a subconscious thing, not intentional in the least.

The muscle memory of the opening prayer followed by a short hymn - I Saw the Light sung by the reverend himself - and then choral worship awakens a dormant longing in your bones. Routine, peace, an odd juxtaposition to your inner turmoil.

Coulson opens his Bible at the song’s end with echoing applause, resting it against his little wooden podium. He has more crows’ feet now, but the smile is all the same.

“Isn’t it a wonderful day the Lord has made for us?”

Amen’s scatter around the chapel, and suddenly you realize you’re without a Bible and a small copy of the outline for the sermon. Might as well be considered naked and foolish in the church. Without prompting from you, Steve passes you a heavy and scribbled old copy of the Word, with him since high school. Peggy follows suit and shares her Scripture with him and sets the outline nearby.

A note on the edges of his outline reads: He stares at you every time you look away.

It’s heavy in your lap, a foreign and old thing, while a shiver pricks at the back of your neck. The feeling of being watched. You dare not look away from Coulson as he emphatically tells the story of Jesus’ miracle of feeding five thousand people with only five loaves and two fish. God provides for us in the same way, he says, creating blessings out of what some would consider table scraps.

“The Lord abides and he provides!” Coulson laughs heartily and the congregation returns his excitement.

He casts his usual glance at the clock - he’s ready for lunch, ready to wrap up his sermon. One more song to call those who feel compelled to kneel at the altar or prayer benches to entreat God’s mercy - Bucky and the Wilsons play Softly and Tenderly in slowed tempo.

Coulson steps down from the pulpit to the altars and benches, offering to pray with some of those who appear moved to tears, a few weeping as if to mourn a death. He places a hand at their backs, each and every one in their own turn, and murmurs quiet prayers, beseeching God’s intervention to those families.

Your heart twists in your chest, a rag being wrung out of its heavy laden burden of moisture. Fingers grip the Old Book in your hands just along the edges. Steve doesn’t notice. Your lips work between teeth carefully when you brave a glance to the piano.

Bucky - eyes watery and tender - stares at you like you’re breaking his heart. The song ends, prayers complete, and Coulson dismisses the congregation to flood the parking lot. Sam offers you a ride to his mother’s house, and you accept in a voice distant and foreign.

The little yellow house teems with friends and family alike, and you manage to weave a path to the living room’s sofa. Faint magnolia wafts about once you plop down, memories of nights spent whispering and giggling in pillow forts made from the cushions bubbling into mind. Then it’s all cheers when the first round of biscuits emerge from the oven.

Steve and Peggy find you soon after and try to maneuver the bottled hallway to get a plate for themselves, portioned by either the matron of the family or her ever faithful son. The process runs like her diner with servings then seating then conversation over a home cooked meal.

Your table with the new couple allows for one more, and you expect the seat to remain empty until Sam manages to make a plate of his own.

And then Bucky finds his way over and sits unceremoniously next to you, arms brushing against each other and flinching away as quickly. Steve says hello to his friend who responds with a shoveled bite into his mouth and a nod.

Some things clearly remain the same.

Sunday lunch continues like this, bumping elbows and hands with Bucky more often than either of you would prefer. Peggy tries her best to keep your attention; Steve and Bucky share clipped sentences and have their own implied conversation. With only his green beans and some gravy left on his plate, Bucky uses the napkin draped over his knee and moves to depart.

“You need a ride home?”

The trio wear expectant looks you don’t notice until you look up from your own scant plate. Your cheeks warm under the awkward silence, you quickly wipe away any remnant of food from your lips and mumble out your acceptance.

A flurry of goodbyes, and then it’s just you and Bucky in his truck thundering down the road to your house. He’s quiet, hand resting over his mouth while the other minds the steering wheel.

“What was up with your staring this morning at the service?”

The engine roars in the tension between you.

“What staring?”

Lazy mid-afternoon air tangles your hair. Your jaw sets tightly.

“The staring at me, Barnes.”

“No idea what you’re talking about,” he scoffs, hand scratching against his unshaven cheek. “Good to know you left all this to go get yourself an ego, though, that’s good for you.”

Subconsciously your right foot shifts left in the dirtied floorboard to pump an invisible brake pedal. The truck pushes onward.

“An ego?” Raised voice and adrenaline. “Bucky, if someone told you a snake bit your ass, you’d say it was a damn bee even if you saw the thing slither under your feet.”

Your pushing against the floorboard suddenly pays off when Bucky diverts the truck to the side of the road and squeals to a stop. After shutting the engine off, he angles toward you, thin blue against wide black pupils.

“What’d’ya want me to say? D’you want me to roll out some red carpet for you because the princess returned?” Veins in his neck emerge under sun-tanned skin that fades paler by the white collar of his undershirt. Your throat dries when his silver chain catches sunlight. “You were just gone one day. No goodbye, no nothing. Just gone. You didn’t give a shit about any of us, how we’d feel.”

How I’d feel remains unspoken.

“When have you ever known me to live my life for other people, Bucky?”

The silence of Bucky’s heart plummeting through the undercarriage carries on as a coin in a well. Tears prick at the corners of his eyes, and for a moment, you regret your reply.

“Sorry I thought my feelings mattered to you.”

And what can you say to that? The finality in his own answer keeps your lips shut for the remainder of your ride home. An apology hangs in your throat, in your heart, but finds nowhere to surface. Too little too late.

You don’t even say goodbye when you exit his truck and shut the door behind you. Neither does he.

#marquiswrites100challenge #my fic #country mile #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x female reader #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky barnes angst #bucky barnes one shot #bucky barnes fic #bucky fic #bucky fanfic #bucky fanfiction #bucky angst #bucky x female reader #bucky x reader

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draculalive · 5 years ago

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“The Pall Mall Gazette,” 18 September.

THE ESCAPED WOLF. PERILOUS ADVENTURE OF OUR INTERVIEWER. Interview with the Keeper in the Zoölogical Gardens.

After many inquiries and almost as many refusals, and perpetually using the words “Pall Mall Gazette” as a sort of talisman, I managed to find the keeper of the section of the Zoölogical Gardens in which the wolf department is included. Thomas Bilder lives in one of the cottages in the enclosure behind the elephant-house, and was just sitting down to his tea when I found him. Thomas and his wife are hospitable folk, elderly, and without children, and if the specimen I enjoyed of their hospitality be of the average kind, their lives must be pretty comfortable. The keeper would not enter on what he called “business” until the supper was over, and we were all satisfied. Then when the table was cleared, and he had lit his pipe, he said:—

“Now, sir, you can go on and arsk me what you want. You’ll excoose me refoosin’ to talk of perfeshunal subjects afore meals. I gives the wolves and the jackals and the hyenas in all our section their tea afore I begins to arsk them questions.”

“How do you mean, ask them questions?” I queried, wishful to get him into a talkative humour.

“’Ittin’ of them over the ’ead with a pole is one way; scratchin’ of their hears is another, when gents as is flush wants a bit of a show-orf to their gals. I don’t so much mind the fust — the ’ittin’ with a pole afore I chucks in their dinner; but I waits till they’ve ’ad their sherry and kawffee, so to speak, afore I tries on with the ear-scratchin’. Mind you,” he added philosophically, “there’s a deal of the same nature in us as in them theer animiles. Here’s you a-comin’ and arskin’ of me questions about my business, and I that grumpy-like that only for your bloomin’ ’arf-quid I’d ’a’ seen you blowed fust ’fore I’d answer. Not even when you arsked me sarcastic-like if I’d like you to arsk the Superintendent if you might arsk me questions. Without offence did I tell yer to go to ’ell?”

“You did.”

“An’ when you said you’d report me for usin’ of obscene language that was ’ittin’ me over the ’ead; but the ’arf-quid made that all right. I weren’t a-goin’ to fight, so I waited for the food, and did with my ’owl as the wolves, and lions, and tigers does. But, Lor’ love yer ’art, now that the old ’ooman has stuck a chunk of her tea-cake in me, an’ rinsed me out with her bloomin’ old teapot, and I’ve lit hup, you may scratch my ears for all you’re worth, and won’t git even a growl out of me. Drive along with your questions. I know what yer a-comin’ at, that ’ere escaped wolf.”

“Exactly. I want you to give me your view of it. Just tell me how it happened; and when I know the facts I’ll get you to say what you consider was the cause of it, and how you think the whole affair will end.”

“All right, guv’nor. This ’ere is about the ’ole story. That ’ere wolf what we called Bersicker was one of three grey ones that came from Norway to Jamrach’s, which we bought off him four years ago. He was a nice well-behaved wolf, that never gave no trouble to talk of. I’m more surprised at ’im for wantin’ to get out nor any other animile in the place. But, there, you can’t trust wolves no more nor women.”

“Don’t you mind him, sir!” broke in Mrs. Tom, with a cheery laugh. “’E’s got mindin’ the animiles so long that blest if he ain’t like a old wolf ’isself! But there ain’t no ’arm in ’im.”

“Well, sir, it was about two hours after feedin’ yesterday when I first hear my disturbance. I was makin’ up a litter in the monkey-house for a young puma which is ill; but when I heard the yelpin’ and ’owlin’ I kem away straight. There was Bersicker a-tearin’ like a mad thing at the bars as if he wanted to get out. There wasn’t much people about that day, and close at hand was only one man, a tall, thin chap, with a ’ook nose and a pointed beard, with a few white hairs runnin’ through it. He had a ’ard, cold look and red eyes, and I took a sort of mislike to him, for it seemed as if it was ’im as they was hirritated at. He ’ad white kid gloves on ’is ’ands, and he pointed out the animiles to me and says: ‘Keeper, these wolves seem upset at something.’

“‘Maybe it’s you,’ says I, for I did not like the airs as he give ’isself. He didn’t git angry, as I ’oped he would, but he smiled a kind of insolent smile, with a mouth full of white, sharp teeth. ‘Oh no, they wouldn’t like me,’ ’e says.

“‘Ow yes, they would,’ says I, a-imitatin’ of him. ‘They always likes a bone or two to clean their teeth on about tea-time, which you ’as a bagful.’

“Well, it was a odd thing, but when the animiles see us a-talkin’ they lay down, and when I went over to Bersicker he let me stroke his ears same as ever. That there man kem over, and blessed but if he didn’t put in his hand and stroke the old wolf’s ears too!

“‘Tyke care,’ says I. ‘Bersicker is quick.’

“‘Never mind,’ he says. ‘I’m used to ’em!’

“‘Are you in the business yourself?’ I says, tyking off my ’at, for a man what trades in wolves, anceterer, is a good friend to keepers.

“‘No’ says he, ‘not exactly in the business, but I ’ave made pets of several.’ And with that he lifts his ’at as perlite as a lord, and walks away. Old Bersicker kep’ a-lookin’ arter ’im till ’e was out of sight, and then went and lay down in a corner and wouldn’t come hout the ’ole hevening. Well, larst night, so soon as the moon was hup, the wolves here all began a-’owling. There warn’t nothing for them to ’owl at. There warn’t no one near, except some one that was evidently a-callin’ a dog somewheres out back of the gardings in the Park road. Once or twice I went out to see that all was right, and it was, and then the ’owling stopped. Just before twelve o’clock I just took a look round afore turnin’ in, an’, bust me, but when I kem opposite to old Bersicker’s cage I see the rails broken and twisted about and the cage empty. And that’s all I know for certing.”

“Did any one else see anything?”

“One of our gard’ners was a-comin’ ’ome about that time from a ’armony, when he sees a big grey dog comin’ out through the garding ’edges. At least, so he says, but I don’t give much for it myself, for if he did ’e never said a word about it to his missis when ’e got ’ome, and it was only after the escape of the wolf was made known, and we had been up all night-a-huntin’ of the Park for Bersicker, that he remembered seein’ anything. My own belief was that the ’armony ’ad got into his ’ead.”

“Now, Mr. Bilder, can you account in any way for the escape of the wolf?”

“Well, sir,” he said, with a suspicious sort of modesty, “I think I can; but I don’t know as ’ow you’d be satisfied with the theory.”

“Certainly I shall. If a man like you, who knows the animals from experience, can’t hazard a good guess at any rate, who is even to try?”

“Well then, sir, I accounts for it this way; it seems to me that ’ere wolf escaped — simply because he wanted to get out.”

From the hearty way that both Thomas and his wife laughed at the joke I could see that it had done service before, and that the whole explanation was simply an elaborate sell. I couldn’t cope in badinage with the worthy Thomas, but I thought I knew a surer way to his heart, so I said:—

“Now, Mr. Bilder, we’ll consider that first half-sovereign worked off, and this brother of his is waiting to be claimed when you’ve told me what you think will happen.”

“Right y’are, sir,” he said briskly. “Ye’ll excoose me, I know, for a-chaffin’ of ye, but the old woman here winked at me, which was as much as telling me to go on.”

“Well, I never!” said the old lady.

“My opinion is this: that ’ere wolf is a-’idin’ of, somewheres. The gard’ner wot didn’t remember said he was a-gallopin’ northward faster than a horse could go; but I don’t believe him, for, yer see, sir, wolves don’t gallop no more nor dogs does, they not bein’ built that way. Wolves is fine things in a storybook, and I dessay when they gets in packs and does be chivyin’ somethin’ that’s more afeared than they is they can make a devil of a noise and chop it up, whatever it is. But, Lor’ bless you, in real life a wolf is only a low creature, not half so clever or bold as a good dog; and not half a quarter so much fight in ’im. This one ain’t been used to fightin’ or even to providin’ for hisself, and more like he’s somewhere round the Park a-’idin’ an’ a-shiverin’ of, and, if he thinks at all, wonderin’ where he is to get his breakfast from; or maybe he’s got down some area and is in a coal-cellar. My eye, won’t some cook get a rum start when she sees his green eyes a-shining at her out of the dark! If he can’t get food he’s bound to look for it, and mayhap he may chance to light on a butcher’s shop in time. If he doesn’t, and some nursemaid goes a-walkin’ orf with a soldier, leavin’ of the hinfant in the perambulator — well, then I shouldn’t be surprised if the census is one babby the less. That’s all.”

I was handing him the half-sovereign, when something came bobbing up against the window, and Mr. Bilder’s face doubled its natural length with surprise.

“God bless me!” he said. “If there ain’t old Bersicker come back by ’isself!”

He went to the door and opened it; a most unnecessary proceeding it seemed to me. I have always thought that a wild animal never looks so well as when some obstacle of pronounced durability is between us; a personal experience has intensified rather than diminished that idea.

After all, however, there is nothing like custom, for neither Bilder nor his wife thought any more of the wolf than I should of a dog. The animal itself was as peaceful and well-behaved as that father of all picture-wolves — Red Riding Hood’s quondam friend, whilst moving her confidence in masquerade.

The whole scene was an unutterable mixture of comedy and pathos. The wicked wolf that for half a day had paralysed London and set all the children in the town shivering in their shoes, was there in a sort of penitent mood, and was received and petted like a sort of vulpine prodigal son. Old Bilder examined him all over with most tender solicitude, and when he had finished with his penitent said:—

“There, I knew the poor old chap would get into some kind of trouble; didn’t I say it all along? Here’s his head all cut and full of broken glass. ’E’s been a-gettin’ over some bloomin’ wall or other. It’s a shyme that people are allowed to top their walls with broken bottles. This ’ere’s what comes of it. Come along, Bersicker.”

He took the wolf and locked him up in a cage, with a piece of meat that satisfied, in quantity at any rate, the elementary conditions of the fatted calf, and went off to report.

I came off, too, to report the only exclusive information that is given to-day regarding the strange escapade at the Zoo.

#vampires #dracula #draculalive #wolves

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pixiealtaira · 6 years ago

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Mistletoe Mayhem

Hummel Holidays 2016 prompt 17: Mistletoe

Pairing: Kadam of course

Summery: There is such a thing as TOO much Mistletoe.

By mid-December Kurt Hummel wasn’t sure if he loved going to Adam’s apartment or dreaded it.

He loved the peace at Adam’s apartment. It was always less stressful than the loft. Rachel had been low-key annoyed with him since McKinley’s regionals where Kurt avoided Blaine like the plague and ‘ruined’ her dreams. She showed it in not even trying to rein in her diva attitude, ever. And Kurt never knew how Santana was going to behave from one day to the next.

At least Blaine had found someplace else to live. Rachel had invited him to stay with them while he found a place at the start of the semester. Kurt slept in the loft one night he was there and then spent every other night for three weeks someplace else…either at Adam’s or other Apple’s places…and refused to pay rent while he was not living full time at the loft….going so far as to call Rachel’s dads to explain his dilemma. Putting up with Blaine at NYADA was already nearly too much for Kurt to handle.

He loved the way Adam’s apartment always smelled. Adam loved cooking, and he loved having Kurt over to cook with him even more. Kurt loved cooking with Adam. And Adam let him bake as much as he wanted. There was room to move around in the kitchen area, and Adam had full sized appliances and there was an island that separated the kitchen from the rest of the living area and real cupboards and even a pantry. They burned scented candles and incense when they felt like it. In that manner…Adam’s apartment was heaven.

Adam’s apartment had bedrooms and closets and bathrooms…with walls and doors. Granted the second bedroom was tiny, but it was big enough for a day bed and to be used as a guestroom��or sewing room or art room or study or whatever need was prevalent at the time. The second bathroom might have had only a sink and toilet, but it was off the living area so could be used by guests without them traipsing through the bedroom, so there was that.

He even loved how Adam’s apartment was decorated…for the most part. Adam had several small trees…one about three feet high and two that were just little table top ones. They were decorated in themes…one of the small ones was covered in little gingerbread figures and baking items like rolling pins and bowls. Adam even had little tiny working cookie cutters strung on it. The other was candy themed, with little blown glass ornaments shaped like wrapped hard candies and gumdrops. Kurt loved the how delicate they were. His favorite tree though, was the larger one…Adam picked odd themes and hunted all season to decorate the tree in them, so it was always changing just a little. Adam told Kurt someday when he had moved to a house he’d have a big tree which he’d decorate with all the odd things. The current theme was dungeons and dragons…and somewhere Adam had found a garland made of jingle bells and dice. Kurt loved it and he didn’t even play D&D.

The problem was…mistletoe was everywhere…and it migrated. Kurt never knew when he was going to be kissed stepping into the apartment. Not too much a problem when it was just him and Adam. But the rule was…if you were under the plant, you kissed and gathered your berry, so when anyone else was there as well you ended up kissing whoever you ended up under the plant with. And Adam had some lecherous old lady neighbors…Miss Lilly caught him under the damned plants sixteen times one evening. And at ninety she did NOT take no for an answer…his cheeks were pinched red and he was wearing more lipstick than she was by the end of the evening.

And Adam thought it hilarious. Kurt was not as amused. And it had frankly started to make him nervous to go to Adam’s. He’d even tried avoiding it after the Miss Lilly day. It didn’t really work.

Because the loft was even more ridiculous during the holiday season. Rachel had gone nuts. Every day he heard about the Santa debacle from the year before. She just harped on and on about it. Santana was snappy and snippy and bratty…Brittany was giving her mixed signals again and her folks were tossing issues up all over the place because they wanted her home but her grandmother didn’t. And the loft had been decorated very ‘loudly’…by Rachel of all people. The colors were bright and headache inducing and ugly to boot.

Not to mention Blaine and Sam were over constantly….for holiday parties and gatherings. And Blaine with any bit of alcohol in him wouldn’t listen to him or leave him alone. And never believed in the word no at all. Sam with any alcohol in him let Blaine do whatever Blaine liked because they were ‘bros’ and that was more important than anything.

And there was always alcohol.

He was attacked as much at the loft as he was at Adam’s, even without the large amount of mistletoe, by Blaine generally…although early in the month there had been a very scary evening where Santana had drunkenly decided she wanted to see why Brittany was always talking about his kisses and hands. It was always blamed on the single bit of Mistletoe at their loft…always.

But Adam’s place wasn’t safe either, not with all the Mistletoe.

Kurt had decided to bring it up, even, but he figured that he would do so after the party Adam was hosting on the 18th. He nearly broke down and talked to Adam before the 18th when Sam drunkenly grabbed his ass at Rachel’s mid-winter winter wonderland bash, but Adam was worried about his party anyway and after listening to his fears his party would be so dull his co-workers would never want to talk to him again, Kurt decided to suck it up and endure Miss Emily two door down’s wandering hands. The party was for Adam’s co-workers from the café he worked at, so Kurt could kind of see Adam’s worry. He wouldn’t know what to do with people who didn’t sing all the time either, especially those who also didn’t speak fashion.

Kurt arrived at Adam’s party a bit late. The subway was running behind and he’d been stuck at the loft longer than he had wanted listening to Rachel’s rant about the Winter Showcase and her insistence that her crushed heart and soul could only be healed with tons of gifts…she would like one from Kurt every day of Hanukkah and at least four for Christmas and he was to make sure Santa found her as well. Santana got in on the demand fest and ranting, and Blaine and Sam added their Christmas wish lists as they came in while Kurt was headed out.

Adam’s apartment was packed. Kurt couldn’t see him anywhere, either. He could see that the mistletoe rules were in effect and people caught under then were trading pecks back and forth nearly constantly.

Kurt looked upwards before stepping into the apartment and continued his pattern of looking upwards and then walking a few steps as he searched for Adam. He finally caught sight of Adam near the stove in the Kitchen when he was grabbed by the arms and dragged two steps sideways.

The kiss was not a peck on the cheek.

Adam was at his side and removing him from the man who had grabbed him, placing Kurt behind Adam before the man let go enough for Kurt to step back.

Kurt could hear the slurred words as Adam lit into the fellow and then into the coworker who had brought his already drunk brother to the party in the first place.

Adam turned and bundled Kurt into his arms and then into the kitchen and into the small pantry.

“Darling, are you alright? I could take you home. I’ll find Alice or someone to watch over everything. I could…”

“Adam, I’ll be fine. I just need to go brush my teeth and sanitize my mouth and scrub my face really well. I thought at least here I’d be safe from drunken kissing. Old ladies, no…never safe from them, but drunken kisses, I thought I was good here. I hate December. I hate stupid drunken parties and I hate mistletoe!”

Adam kissed the top of Kurt’s head and escorted him to the bathroom. He stood outside the door and waited for Kurt to be finished and then tucked Kurt against his side for the rest of the evening, which proceeded drama free from the most part. There were two other Mistletoe incidents which went too far and there was nearly a fist fight over the Christmas Trivia game, but Adam managed to rein everyone in when they started to get rowdier than optimal in such a small space. Kurt was never more than an arm’s reach away. The white elephant exchange went well and the party games seemed to be a hit, so both Adam and Kurt decided it wasn’t a disaster, even if neither was willing to call it a complete success.

Kurt started cleaning up as soon as people started leaving, which was a reasonable 11pm. Adam had escorted the last group to a taxi and Kurt headed down to toss the trash into the bin outside. Adam beat Kurt back.

He was tearing down the Mistletoe when Kurt entered the apartment.

“I am sorry.” He said as soon as he noticed Kurt watching him. “I thought it was funny when it was Miss Lilly and Miss Emily or any of the other old ladies in the building. I knew they were just doing it to tease you. But it was not funny when someone drunk pulled you under and it wasn’t funny when others were mauled either. I’m going to toss it all.”

“You don’t have to toss it all…”Kurt said softly. “But I think it should be in just one place.”

“And where would that be?” Adam asked.

“Over your bed. I mean, I assume I’m the only one who will be caught by it there, right?”

Adam smiled. “Definitely. You come pick your favorite piece and I’ll tuck it over the bed. I am so very sorry, Kurt. You should have knocked sense into me ages ago.”

Kurt walked over and wrapped his arms around Adam. “I didn’t want to make you stop a tradition. I hate when that happens to me.”

“It isn’t a very old tradition…we had about four pieces in the house growing up. The original Apples started this the first year we formed and it was out of hand even then, really, but that lot was so wild and mixed up that I don’t think we ever noticed. Cutting it back to one bunch, just for us, will be still keeping tradition enough.”

“I love you.” Kurt said. He plucked the prettiest bunch out of the pile by Adam’s feet and went and laid it on the dresser in the bedroom. Then he picked another piece and sat it over the desk. “Two bunches, but in personal spots. I’m going to make sure all the dishes are done and everything is right in the bedroom. Don’t be too long. By the way, I hope you don’t mind me crashing more often. With the reduction of mistletoe I’m going to be hanging here more often until the Holiday season is over and parties at the loft die down to maybe one a month…and with that the alcohol consumption. I am so very tired of drunken bumbling.”

Adam beamed. “I’ll clear more space in the dresser and closet. Maybe I’ll be able to convince you to just keep stuff here all the time. And like…just keep adding to it until everything you own is here.”

Kurt spun around and rushed back to Adam. “Adam?”

“Just think about it, yeah?” Adam said. “I know you have several months still on your lease, but I hate what you have to deal with there. I’ve heard about the shenanigans this month. Rachel is quite freely spreading it all around. She is the biggest gossip I have ever met. If you were here, you wouldn’t get caught up in their mischief. We could just stick to our own type of carrying-on.”

Kurt smiled. “I’ll think about it, but I’ll definitely bring stuff over for the rest of the month.”

Adam kissed Kurt. Kurt automatically looked up to see if they were under Mistletoe.

“And another reason for the plant to go.” Adam said. “Kisses aren’t just because anymore. It is way past time I tossed the stuff. With it gone you might stop thinking I need a reason to shower you with kisses.”

Kurt kissed Adam and then went humming towards the kitchen. He really did rather love it at Adam’s apartment.

#glee fanfic #kadam #Kurt Hummel #Adam Crawford

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eleanor-writes-stuff · 7 years ago

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i swear i hate you when you leave (but i like it anyway) [one-shot]

moodboard courtesy of @londonistblue

Rey’s all about putting herself in other people’s shoes and empathy and being understanding, but Kylo Ren is The Actual Worst and no amount of empathy will ever change that. Seriously, fuck that guy. Also: literally, fuck that guy.

Or: five times Rey and Kylo have hate sex, and one time they do something... more.

It’s been like a month since I last posted something so here, have this piece of... I don’t even know. Rey and Kylo being soft, precious idiots as usual, basically. I’ll be back with your regularly-scheduled quality-but-not-really content soon, hopefully.

Also available on AO3. Bonus Kylo-POV alternate scene.

The first time it happens is on a Friday night like any other: Rey and Finn are over for movie night, the boys are out on a last-minute alcohol run, and she’s in the kitchen putting together snacks for the evening.

So maybe she’s singing under her breath and maybe she’s dancing around the kitchen as she flits from microwave to fridge to countertop and maybe she’s a little too comfortable in a place that isn’t her own, but none of that warrants the snide comment Poe’s asshole of a roommate feels the need to make when he stumbles upon her.

“Way to make yourself at home,” Kylo scowls at her when he shuffles into the kitchen and nearly bumps into her, and the fucking giant of a man uses so much force to push past her that Rey nearly stumbles.

It’s hardly the first time he’s seen fit to behave this way – she’s known him for two months and they’ve pretty much been at each other’s throats since day one – and really, Rey should know better than to let him get to her by now. But it’s been an awful week and this is the first time in days that she’s felt even remotely relaxed and must he ruin everything? “At least Poe actually wants me here,” she retorts sharply, levelling a glare at him when he turns away from the fridge to face her.

If Poe were here he’d probably rush in between the both of them and defuse the situation with a bad joke and an easy smile, talk Kylo down and reassure him that of course Rey’s just kidding, of course he’s happy to have his childhood friend as his roommate. But Poe’s somewhere out there trying to score the cheapest drinks available and Rey doesn’t give a single flying fuck about Kylo Ren’s fragile ego, so here they go.

“What would you know about being wanted, Niima?” Kylo sneers the reminder at her as he slams the fridge door behind him, and from there it’s the usual: raised voices and barbed insults that escalate into personal things, hurtful things, and at some point Rey shoves at him with her palms on his chest and he grabs her wrists and–

And then it’s a whole new thing entirely.

Rey will swear up and down, till the day she dies, with her dying breath: Kylo moves first. He’s the one who kisses her mid-sentence and he’s the one who picks her up a minute later and he’s the one who walks them to his bedroom.

It doesn’t matter that she kisses him back, doesn’t matter that she secures her legs around his waist and nods frantically when he mumbles bed? against her lips and pulls him back down when he pauses to wonder out loud if this is a bad idea.

After, she gets dressed in record time and thanks every god there is that the guys aren’t back yet. Kylo is still in bed, still flat on his back as he breathes heavily, still staring up at his ceiling in disbelief.

“Let’s never speak of this again,” Rey commands as she pulls her messy hair into a tight bun, and she closes the door behind her before he can get a single word in.

“I told you we’re never doing this again,” Rey hisses as Kylo sets her down on some stranger’s bathroom counter, her words entirely at odds with the frantic way she’s reaching for his pants and undoing his belt.

He hikes her dress up to her waist and pauses between kisses to correct her. “No, you said not to speak of this again. You never said anything about doing it again.”

She’d like to punch that smug look right off his face, but Rey settles for a bruising kiss instead. In the back of her mind she knows how incriminating this is going to look, knows they’re going to rejoin the party with matching swollen lips and rumpled clothes and disheveled hair and fuck, Poe is going to take one look at them and know–

“Rey,” Kylo mumbles against her neck, his fingers hooked into the sides of her panties. “Rey, yes or no?” He’s panting into her shoulder and desperately hard against her thigh but somehow he still has the presence of mind to notice she’s zoned out, to pick up on her hesitation and check in with her.

Stars, how is it fair that this complete asshole of a man is also the most courteous partner she’s ever had?

“Yes,” she tells him, shaking away all thoughts of Poe and his brotherly disapproval and silent disappointment as she reaches out to unzip Kylo’s fly and push his jeans down. They’re in college, after all – pretty much everyone here has had no-strings-attached sex, and really, Rey grudgingly admits to herself in the private confines of her mind, she could do a lot worse than her ridiculously well-built mortal enemy. “Yes, keep going.”

Kylo sighs in relief, mutters a thank fucking god into her hair as they make quick work of their undergarments and Rey hooks her legs around his back to urge him closer.

At some point it occurs to her that she’s letting the most insufferable man she’s ever met fuck her in a friend of a friend’s bathroom, and there’s probably a line forming outside said bathroom with a ton of disgruntled eavesdroppers.

Maybe she’ll care about that later; maybe she’ll lie awake all night in mortification. But for now, Rey clutches at Kylo’s shoulders and hides her face in the crook of his neck and doesn’t let herself think of anything other than how good and wrong this feels.

She tries to hold on to that feeling as they get dressed, tries not to let her cheeks burn in shame as Kylo reaches for a paper towel and cleans her up with disconcerting gentleness before he picks her panties up from the floor and hands them over.

“You go ahead,” he tells her as she hops off the counter and straightens out her dress, an unsettling softness in the way he looks at her, the way he smiles at her. “I’ll wait.”

Rey struggles to find words, tries desperately to think of something that’ll break them out of this weird moment and put everything back to normal. Finally, with her hand on the doorknob, she turns around and declares, “This is not going to be a thing.”

Kylo smirks, and the world makes sense again. “If you say so, sweetheart.”

It becomes a thing.

Not a big deal of a thing, and certainly not a real thing, but as they enter their fifth month of whatever the hell this is, Rey has to admit that she most definitely has a thing with her enemy. Former enemy?

No, enemy. They’re still awful to each other, after all, and it’s not like every argument ends in sex. There was that one time she called him out for being an asshole to his family and he asked her what would you know about family? and they didn’t speak to each other for two whole weeks.

But then he showed up at her place with takeout and reassurances after Poe mentioned something about her messing up a test and feeling awful about it, and they’ve been back to semi-normal ever since.

Semi-normal, of course, means shouting at each other in the middle of a frat party and finding themselves in the tiny hall closet five minutes later.

The door locks – probably for this exact purpose, given that they’re in a frat house – and everyone’s too drunk to notice their absence, anyway, so she drags Kylo into the closet and pushes him up against the wall the second he closes the door.

After, instead of getting dressed, Kylo sinks to the ground with his back to the wall and pulls her into his lap. “Bad day?” he asks gently, his fingers combing through her hair.

They don’t do this. They don’t linger after, and they don’t talk, and they don’t ask about each other’s day with a look that could almost pass for concern.

Rey sighs and lets her head fall onto his shoulder. “That obvious?”

“I know you,” Kylo shrugs, and… when did that happen, anyway? When did they start being able to recognize each other’s moods and tells? “Besides, I could tell you were spoiling for a fight the minute you walked in.”

“Sorry I screamed at you about…” She can’t even remember what it was she’d started the fight over, only that she’s been in a bad mood for two days and sometimes just the sight of him is enough to push her over and get her blood boiling.

Force of habit, probably, or some kind of rage muscle memory, but that doesn’t mean it’s fair of her to take her frustrations out on him.

“Spilling beer on you, I think,” Kylo supplies. “Of course, I was just standing there minding my own business and you were the one who bumped into me,” he adds nonchalantly, “but I think everyone’s used to us making a scene by now.”

“Ugh,” Rey groans, looping her arms around his neck as she hides her face in the curve of his shoulder. “That was so stupid. It’s just, Plutt is being an asshole again and I can’t quit until Poe can get me a job at the café and I totally forgot I had a paper due today…” She pulls back and makes an effort to look him in the eye. “Still, that was shitty of me. I’m sorry.”

Kylo laughs. It’s quiet, so quiet she probably would’ve missed it if not for the fact that she’s literally in his lap. But she’s close enough to hear a soft chuckle and feel the slight shake of his chest, and there’s this smile on his face, something warm and fond as he looks at her.

“Rey, we argue all the time,” he points out. “That’s basically our thing. You don’t have to apologize.”

Except… when was the last time they’d actually fought? When was the last time they’d traded painful, personal jabs with the sole intention of hurting each other? Rey can’t recall anything after the incident about his parents, and that was nearly two months ago.

“Right,” she mumbles, reaching for Kylo’s discarded shirt on the ground. The sweat on her skin has cooled enough for her to feel a slight chill in the air, and they should probably get dressed anyway. “Yeah, that’s our thing.”

But is it really?

At some point it becomes normal for him to show up at her place and drag her to bed without them fighting beforehand. Sometimes Rey thinks maybe she should be more concerned about this sudden development but really, it’s not that big of a deal, right? They still don’t cuddle afterwards, and he never spends the night, and that’s really all that matters.

But then one day she’s watching him get dressed while she’s still lounging in bed, and out of nowhere Rey hears herself asking, “Are you going to Poe’s show later?”

Kylo pauses, his fingers hovering over the top button of his hopelessly wrinkled shirt. “Are you?”

Rey pulls herself up against the headboard and shrugs. “Have to, if I don’t want him to guilt trip me about it for the next fifty years.” She loves Poe, really, and his band is actually decent most of the time, but they always end up playing in the most overpriced, pretentious venues for some reason. At least if Kylo is there she won’t have to deal with hipsters hitting on her. It’s not like she wants people to think they’re together or anything, of course; it just makes life easier for her.

“Okay,” Kylo says, running a hand through his hair as if he stands even the slightest chance at taming the mess she’s made of it. “Then I’ll see you there.”

It sounds almost like he’s going just for her. Before Rey can process that, he crosses the room to her side of the bed and drops a kiss on her forehead as if he does this all the time, as if they’re the kind of people who kiss each other goodbye.

“See you later, sweetheart,” he murmurs, lips brushing across her temple, and then he walks out of her room and seconds later she hears the front door closing behind him.

Rey stays in bed for the longest time, trying to make sense of what the fuck just happened. They don’t do that – they don’t do tender kisses on the forehead, they don’t do tender anything.

But Kylo does it again later that night, saves her a seat next to him at the bar and pulls her closer with a hand around her waist to sneak a kiss hello before the rest of their friends show up.

It’s been eight months since that day in the kitchen, since the first time they fell into bed together. In the beginning every minute with him had felt so deliciously wrong, the sneaking around and fighting-as-foreplay and absurdity of it all sending a thrill down her spine every single time.

Whatever this is, it hasn’t felt wrong for a while now. But tonight… tonight Rey finds herself wondering for the very first time if she’s made a huge mistake.

A few days later she deliberately starts a debate about his favorite movie and tries not to panic when his retorts lack fire. It really doesn’t help that the look in his eyes suggests he’s humoring her rather than fighting her.

That glint of mirth transforms into mischief once he gets his head between her legs, and no matter how hard she tugs at his hair or how much she curses him out, Kylo seems determined to drag this out.

“Good things come to those who wait, sweetheart,” he murmurs against her inner thigh, and she wants to scoff at him, wants to pull him up and kiss that insufferable smirk off his face.

“God, I hate you,” Rey groans instead, just because she can’t remember the last time she told him so and that, combined with the lingering kisses and soft looks they’ve been trading recently… that feels dangerous.

Kylo shrugs and presses a kiss to her hip. “I know,” he mumbles, a soft, resigned thing rather than the smirk she’d expected, rather than the smug little grin that usually follows.

It sounds… wrong, somehow. “Hey,” she finds herself whispering gently, tugging at his hair to get his attention. Kylo looks at her, and her breath hitches.

“Come up here,” Rey orders quietly, choking down a dozen questions she’s not ready to hear the answers to.

She pulls him up and he comes willingly, all earlier plans of teasing forgotten as the air around them grows thick with something other than their usual animosity. Kylo looks at her the entire time, even when she closes her eyes and falls apart for him, and it feels like something Rey wouldn’t dream of asking for in a million years, wouldn’t even dare to wish for.

“Still hate me?” he asks a few minutes later, one hand slung around her waist as she rests her head on his chest. There’s something hiding under his casual façade, an underlying note of vulnerability that she shouldn’t know him well enough to pick up on.

Rey reaches out blindly, swats at what she thinks is his arm. “Don’t ruin it,” she mutters.

Kylo laughs softly, holds her closer and brushes his lips across her forehead.

Five minutes pass.

Another five.

He shows no signs of getting up, and when his grip around her eventually grows slack Rey realizes he’s fallen asleep. She moves carefully, props herself up with a hand under her chin and reaches out to brush errant locks of hair off his face. It’s the first time she’s ever seen him this way, the first time he’s ever stayed long enough to fall asleep in her bed.

“I think I stopped hating you a long time ago,” Rey whispers into the night. He doesn’t hear her, doesn’t even stir, and she can’t tell if her sigh is one of relief or disappointment.

A minute later, she rests her head on his shoulder and allows herself to fall asleep in Kylo’s arms.

Finn and Poe throw her a tiny birthday party despite her protests, and it doesn’t help that Kylo doesn’t emerge from his room all night, not even to toss a half-hearted happy birthday at her.

There’s cake and presents and Disney movies, complete with Finn’s best impressions of all the characters, and before she knows it the night is over and the guys are snoring on the couch and her heart is so heavy it hurts.

Rey pries an empty bowl out of Finn’s hand, drapes a blanket over each of them, and smiles fondly at her friends before she sets about turning off the TV and the lights. It’s not their fault that she hates her so-called birthday, and she loves them for trying to make it a day worth celebrating anyway.

But all the cake and presents and laughter in the world couldn’t make this day bearable.

Instead of returning to the couch, she finds herself taking a familiar path deeper into the apartment, one that leads her to Kylo’s door. It’s been months since the first – and only – time they spent the night together, but memories of warmth and comfort and being held linger still.

Her hand curls around the doorknob, and she slips into his room before she can let herself overthink it, remains quiet as she slowly eases the door shut and Kylo turns around to seek out his visitor.

“Rey?”

The only source of light in his room is an alarm clock, the kind with a bright red 3:02 AM glaring at her almost accusingly.

“Hey,” she whispers as his mattress dips under the weight of a newcomer. “Sorry, I know it’s late,” Rey adds with a wince – she hadn’t known exactly how late when the idea had occurred to her – as she stretches out next to him, both of them facing each other in darkness.

“S’okay,” Kylo mumbles, reaching out to pull her closer. One hand curls around her waist as the other reaches blindly for a spare pillow, which she accepts with a quiet thanks. He props himself up on one hand, the haze of sleep slowly giving way to awareness, and after blinking at her a few times he asks, “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, just… it’s my birthday. Or it was, a few hours ago,” Rey amends after a glance at the clock.

Kylo’s fingers twitch against her side. “Yeah, I heard,” he mutters, and in the darkness she thinks she can make out a frown on his face. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

Rey shrugs. The simple truth is that he’d never asked and so she hadn’t seen fit to force the information on him. But the real truth is… “I hate it. It’s not even my actual birthday – I’ll never know that one. It’s just the day they found me on the front steps of Niima House, abandoned like some kind of unloved toy a child had grown bored of.”

“Fuck,” she hears Kylo hiss under his breath, his form growing tense. “Fuck, I’m so sorry, sweetheart. I had no idea…” It’s understandable, and she tells him so. After all, they’ve never had the Sad Backstory talk she’s had with the guys. Everything he knows about her past is just bits and pieces he’s put together from little comments here and there, just enough for him to use as ammunition against her back in the days when they still needed dirt on each other.

Silence falls between them as Kylo turns to lie on his back. The arm around her waist pulls her closer as he moves, and Rey finds herself in the exact same position she’d been in the night they fell asleep together. She makes herself comfortable and sighs as she tucks her head under Kylo’s chin; this is exactly what she needs. “This is nice,” Rey hears herself whispering into the night. “I know we usually have this whole thing where we pretend to hate each other, but this is nice too.”

“Pretend?” Kylo echoes a moment later. He pulls himself up against the headboard and stares down at her with an indecipherable look in his eyes. “Rey, when you say pretend…”

She laughs, a startled little burst of air escaping her at the ridiculousness of him being so taken aback by something so obvious that even Finn has picked up on it. “Kylo, we’ve been doing this for a year. You can’t seriously think I still hate you.”

An awful thought occurs to her; her throat goes dry and her stomach sinks and her heart stops. “Unless… unless you still–”

Kylo pulls her up and into his lap. “Rey,” his voice is impossibly soft, a silent plea for her to look at him. “I never hated you,” he admits when she finally makes eye contact, a small smile playing on his lips as he runs a hand through her hair.

Rey jerks away from his touch as soon as her brain processes his words. ”What?!” she demands a little too loudly, and they both turn to look at his closed door with baited breath.

“I never hated you,” Kylo repeats a moment later, when no sound comes from the other side of the door.

“Then why…?”

“You know how Poe is always poking fun at my non-existent social skills?” he asks, to which Rey can merely nod. “You always avoided me whenever you came over to hang out with him, and I could never get you to even look at me unless we were arguing, so… I figured if I couldn’t flirt with you, fighting would just have to do.”

She stares at him for the longest time, running through all of their arguments in her mind. “Wow,” Rey says when she eventually finds her voice. “Poe was not kidding.” How has no one ever taught this poor man that using an orphan’s past against her is not the way to her heart? Sure, she’s said her fair share of awful things to him, but that was back when she actually despised the man with every fiber of her being.

Kylo simply nods, tugging at his hair in a way she’s come to realize indicates embarrassment. “Yeah, I’m pretty much hopeless when it comes to meeting people. Making friends is hard enough. When I started crushing on you I just… panicked, pretty much,” he shakes his head and laughs at the memory. “I had no idea what to do, and I couldn’t ask Poe; he’d never let me live it down. So I just went along with it, and then this happened and I just… I didn’t want to make things weird. I didn’t want to lose you – not that I ever really had you in the first place, that is,” he adds in a hurry, turning his face away from her.

The way he looks… Rey recognizes it from the night they fell asleep together, from his immediate reaction to her saying I hate you. This time she can finally see it for what it really is, can finally admit to herself why it makes her heart hurt.

“Hey,” she brings both hands up to gently cup his face, and Kylo’s eyes flutter shut as he leans into her touch and nuzzles at one of her palms. “I didn’t want to make things weird either,” Rey says quietly, prompting him to look at her. “That’s why I didn’t say anything even when I realized my feelings for you had changed.”

“I didn’t realize you had feelings for me at all,” Kylo does his best to smirk at her, but even that can’t hide the way his voice shakes and his breath gets caught in his chest.

“Hatred is a feeling,” Rey points out with a shrug. “And so is…” So is love, but they’re not there yet, are they? “So is this,” she says instead, using her hands to draw him down into a kiss.

It’s soft and slow and everything they’ve never allowed it to be, and when she takes him into her Rey thinks she sees a shine in Kylo’s eyes that matches the tears she can feel in her own. This isn’t what she came here for, isn’t even remotely close to what she signed up for all those months ago when she reluctantly acknowledged that they had, in fact, become a thing, but she can’t find it in herself to be even the slightest bit bothered by how things have turned out.

After, he murmurs stay into her neck and she promises to come back after a quick trip to the bathroom. Kylo greets her with open arms and a sleepy smile, and she climbs into his bed with no intention of leaving it before morning.

“Do you want me to set an alarm so that you can leave before the guys wake up?” he offers as she pulls the covers up around them and settles into his arms.

Rey considers her next words very carefully; she knows what she wants with Kylo now – everything – and there’s only one thing that could keep her from it. “Do you want me to leave before the guys wake up?” she asks quietly, steering her tone as far away from accusatory as possible.

Kylo shakes his head and pulls her flush against his chest. “I don’t want you to ever leave,” he murmurs into her hair, and warmth blossoms in every part of her.

“Then I won’t,” Rey assures him, pressing a kiss to his heart as they both drift off to sleep.

It’s a promise she ends up keeping for the rest of their lives.

I’ve been working on this for three weeks at this point, so I’ve decided to make peace with the fact that I’m never going to be happy with it and just post it anyway. Hopefully this will snap me out of the worst case of writer’s block I’ve had in years.

As always, thank you for taking the time to read this and please don’t hesitate to reach out if you have any thoughts or comments you’d like to share! (Likes and reblogs are great too, but that goes without saying.)

#reylo #kylo ren x rey #kylo x rey #ben solo x rey #modern au #rey #kylo ren #ben solo #star wars #fic: i swear i hate you when you leave #fic archive #my fics

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midnight1990 · 3 years ago

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Chapter 3. Borgin and Burke

Whilst in the back room staring at jars of eyeballs that seem to be staring back at me, my head is rushing with too many thoughts...

... I understand that Donius had to change his life when the ministry witch asked him to consider taking us in. I understand that he never wanted kids running around in his home. I understand that to live costs money, and that children inevitably cost another person money. I never wanted to be the responsible one. I never wanted to come here, to this dirty, shadowy alley in the middle of muggle London, to take care of my siblings and take orders from a bitter old wizard. I miss speaking Welsh and people not grinning at my accent. I want my tad to come and find me; I even want my Cadwallader relatives to acknowledge me — just one time. Only my mam’s parents showed any us any love.

Now I’m thinking of Mam’s family.

Taid was the one who’d started the gathering business that we lived by. His brothers left him and the family property to move further south, which would have been fine, he said, except they’d never spoken to him again. They were younger than him and weren’t set to inherit the land anyway, so he said he never held it against them. Didn’t want a country life, Taid supposed; wanted to be a bit more looked up to in the Wizarding World. The Cadwallader line had kept themselves to themselves mostly, respectable enough that the name was recognizable. Still is though, innit?

There’s been a small number of Cadwallader kids at the school since Taid’s time — one boy is on the Hufflepuff quidditch team, actually. Never spoke to him as he’s younger than me and in a different house. Not much in common, and no recognition on his part. The Burkes had all but disappeared until me and Llon showed up. The old wizarding families tend to be like that: popping out small but steady lines of offspring, then suddenly vanishing from birth records for odd stretches of time until, finally, one male member gets married and produces an heir or two. Theodore Nott is a good example of this. I’ve seen his father, and the man is senior. Theodore’s the same age as Draco Malfoy, but his tad looks old enough to be Mr. Malfoy’s father!

The thumping of the kid’s feet above my head snaps me out of my harried thoughts. They've probably finished dressing themselves and are now searching the upstairs rooms for mischief. Donius has gone off to the Leakey Cauldron this morning to meet with an associate of his, likely to purchase some non-tradeable items. I’ve been completely out of sorts since Donius unloaded all my debt information on me last night. I even climbed over the garden wall to go and walk through the alley, only skipping the parts that are exceptionally seedy.

I went into Diagon Alley as well, where all the shops had closed at predictably decent hours, while the few remaining witches and wizards strolled merrily along the street; just enjoying a warm night, I suppose. When I turned back into Knockturn Alley there were still a number of shops open, ones like the tiny old ‘apothecary’ up the street from Donius’s place. This other one sells ingredients meant for very specific old potions. The skinny old bat who runs it lives in the basement, where one can see the bright candlelight glowing just above the dark gray cobbles. Sometimes there’s creepy noises and shouts coming from the building; people say she performs ancient spells and makes special... tonics... out of human remains. That’s one place I can consider working at — during daylight hours, at least.

Another shop that keeps night-hours is a pawnshop towards the end of the alley. The people who go in there after hours tend to have shifty looks about them, and I know the items that are bought and sold there are often stolen goods. I’d rather not try my luck there.

In the present moment, I’m preparing to find a duster to tidy up this musty room when the bell over the door announces a visitor. I’m saved from having to attend the front counter though, as I hear Donius’s voice in jovial conversation with someone.

“Now then, I keep the ones from albino cockerels in here...”

He enters the back room, followed by another wizard with his face covered by the great black hood of his traveling cloak. Donius notices me standing there, and glances casually back at the tall, strongly built man behind him.

“He’s here to trade. We’ll be back in here for a bit, so I don’t want to see or hear any brats.” To the man he simply says, “My niece.”

As I turn to exit the room, the mysterious man nods his head and mutters a hard but wholly polite “mum”.

I wonder if he’s handsome, underneath his rough hood? Maybe I’d let him take me out to the back alley and fuck all the misery out of me; maybe Donius is actually going to sell me to him and the albino cockerels are just a farce; I’d probably let the man take me, at this point.

But I don’t stay to find out if the hooded wizard is handsome or not, instead I run up the stairs to warn the children to behave, or Donius won’t be the only one walloping them later. In my room I run a brush through my hair which — if possible — has gotten longer than my backside in the past year at school. I’ve got dark hair like Tad’s; some say it’s black, others just call it dark because it’s not got the sheen that the truly jet-headed have.

It’s too warm outside to wear a cloak in my opinion, though many witches and wizards do wear them in such weather. I pull my dusty work robe over my head and exchange it for a deep garnet-colored one that ends below my elbows.

I leave the shop and head down the alley towards Borgin and Burke’s, a dark artifacts shop run by Mr. Borgin. According to Donius, one of our long-dead relatives opened the shop with Mr. Borgin’s grandfather, hence our last name remaining on the sign over Mr Borgin’s business. Today, I’m going to see if I can wheedle a job out of old man Borgin; he’s always been quite nice to me and the kids, though he’s kicked out Llon and Gwenyn a few times for sneaking around his back room. He knows Donius quite well, and I’ve always had a funny feeling that he doesn’t like my uncle too much.

The dregs of wizarding society are out today; I pass shrouded witches and warlocks trying to keep their faces hidden; two stooped old witches stand against a bare wall, selling poisonous herbs and live, shrieking bats, baring yellowed teeth and looking as creepy as one can imagine (I swear, they must do it on purpose). Two goblins carrying bulging sacks and looking carefully over their shoulders walk deeper down the alley; two grubby-looking wizards smoking their pipes near the closed pie stall (dark arts aficionados have got to eat, sometimes) give me overly interested looks as I pass them by. I hope the resin cleaves to their bowls.

Borgin and Burke’s is thankfully empty when I open the door, and the familiar voice of old Mr Borgin comes hurriedly from the back...“I shall be right with you!”

“It’s just me Mr Borgin... it’s Branda!”

“Eh...?”

Stooped and slick-haired as ever, Borgin comes up to his counter and actually smiles when he sees me. “Well, look what the kneazle dragged in from the street! Glad to be rid of that school nonsense?”

“I suppose so...” I’m suddenly unsure of how to proceed with asking for a job.

“Excellent. And how has your family fared in your absence? I’ve not spoken with Donius these past weeks...”

“They’re alive. Donius is the same as ever...”

Mr Borgin eyes me closely — he hasn’t remained one of the most successful businessmen in Knockturn Alley without being able to read people — especially the kind to frequent this place.

“Oh dear... what’s the old bastard up to, now?”

“Well, it’s just... I have to have... sorry, I’m hoping for a job, Mr Borgin.”

At that, Borgin turns on his heel and points his wand towards the back room and a teapot, two cups and a bowl of sugar fly onto the counter. He taps the ancient looking pot, muttering under his breath until steam begins rising gently from the spout.

“Have a seat, my girl.”

A spindly wooden chair has appeared directly behind me, and soon a small round table from around the back is hopping awkwardly over the floor to stop beside me. He’s soon provided us with milk and a plate of rather stale smelling biscuits, but stale isn’t moldy, and tea makes biscuits better, anyway.

“Now then, what’s this about a job?”

“Well, I’m out of school now, so I need to start earning my own money and getting ready to live on my own...” I say as innocently as I can.

He’s not fooled.

“... and I need to pay back everything I owe to Donius.”

“Tsk tsk, I was afraid that this might happen to you someday. I’ve heard Donius speak of his grievances with your lot before. Family doesn’t mean what it used to, you know...”

Is he talking about Donius’s lack of concern, or my parent’s lack of presence?

“I’m afraid I can’t give you a full-time job in my shop as of yet, but I can pay you to dust up the front every now and again. I don’t trust even a quarter of those whom I do business with, and your inexperience...”

“Don’t worry about me, Mr Borgin, I’ll take what I can get, but I will be searching for...”

Just then the door opens with the clang of a bell (I hate bells, anymore) and a tall, solidly built man with a thin black mustache enters. I immediately stand to help clear away the tea spread that’s right at the front of the shop, but the big wizard is far from bothered...

“Oh, are we having a tea party in here Borgin, how nice! I could use a good cuppa... I do take sugar, no milk if you please!” He’s grinning widely, but the glint in his eye says he’s reading the situation before him — Mr Borgin is not exactly known for his warm hospitality.

“And with a young lady, too! What a delight! Lucius... Lucius you ought to come quickly before they’ve drained the pot! Old Borgin’s gotten himself well in!”

Borgin swears under his breath, while I avoid the stranger’s eye and rush to place the biscuits behind the counter, and right then Mr Lucius Malfoy strides into the shop. The big mustachioed man steps aside to give him room, and Mr Borgin adopts the same simpering, oily manner as Donius did when Mr Malfoy came into the apothecary.

“Ah, Mr Malfoy, looking well as always sir! How may I be of service to you?”

I’m beginning to realize that Lucius Malfoy may be bigger brass than I’d previously thought.

Draco’s always invoking his father’s name, either to impress or to threaten... he’s even done it to some teachers! It isn’t that it never worked in his favor, but he did it so many bloody times that a lot of us stopped paying attention. I’d always assumed the Malfoys were just a particularly rich family with a lot of connections, but now...

The elder Malfoy’s cool voice breaks through the tense silence after the big wizard’s rather rude entrance, “Mr Borgin, you appear to be quite occupied, forgive us...” his eyes find me and recognition dawns on his face, “You, girl! I’d not thought to find you here! D’you attend Mr Borgin as well as Mr Burke?” Malfoy’s brawny companion looks very intrigued, now. Before I can answer, Borgin himself jumps in, “She may be, sir! I’ve needed someone to dust off the display cases...”

Mr Malfoy takes this in, “Ah... I suspect the two of you were just discussing the subject.” His eyes survey the now half-cleared table, the teacups still full and waiting to be drunk.

I quip in, “Yes sir, and we’ve finished talking for now. I’ll be out of your way. Thank you Mr Borgin...”

“My dear girl, those teacups are still quite full...” he raises an eyebrow at me and Mr Borgin who, along with the strange man, is clearly anticipating what will happen next. I walk to the table and finish my tea in one gulp, knocking it back like a warm, earthy shot of liquor. “Thank you for the tea, Mr Burke... Mr Malfoy” I nod my head at him as I walk past to exit the shop.

Before the door closes I hear the other man ask, “Who’s that little chit...?”

*** *** ***

Lucius

Lucius could’ve sworn that the young witch he’d met in Burke’s apothecary the previous day and again just now in Borgin and Burke’s looked rather familiar.

It hadn’t quite struck him the first time he’d met her, but while watching her as she knocked back a full cup of tea, something began tugging at his brain. The uncouthness of her action had lit some dim spark of memory, though he could not fully picture it. He’d heard her refer to Donius Burke as her “uncle” but as far as he could recall, the man’s long-dead father had produced no other issue. He would need to dip into the public family-archival, always a good source when one was unsure of another’s background. Family history provided information on one’s character, to be sure; apples never fell far from their trees — he should've known, he owned a full orchard!

As he and Macnair, who was ever the connoisseur of poor hapless witches, exited Mr Borgin’s shop the other man cleared his throat, “So then Lucius, are you going to tell me about your young acquaintance?”

What could he tell Macnair? He hardly knew any more about the girl than his fellow did!

“D’you know of Donius Burke? The girl was working in his apothecary yesterday; I needed to restock the manor’s potions stores.”

Macnair raised a questioning eyebrow, “That’s all... no name, no address...?”

Lucius breathed deeply through his nostrils and tried not to roll his eyes, “Well, as I was quite busy seeing that Burke wasn’t trying to swindle me like the last apothecary, I didn’t feel inclined to harass his teenaged assistant on your behalf...”

Macnair waved a large, meaty hand dismissively, “Alright Lucius, I won’t bother with it! Good lord, you’re rarely any fun, these days!”

At this, Lucius could only stare at the other wizard. Macnair quickly realized how ridiculous the idea was... that any of them should be concerned with “fun” more than other matters at present...

Macnair cleared his throat apologetically, “Forgive me, Lucius... the summer air’s got me feeling some way.”

Lucius acknowledged the man’s flimsy platitude with his typical air of indifference, “Indeed, Macnair. Hot weather has always been rather... distracting... for those of your disposition, I suppose.”

Macnair rolled his eyes, “Alright, Lucius. I’ll be off then, do let me know if you discover any more about that young cunny...”

“Good day, Macnair!” Some wizards never grew up, and Lucius had quite despaired of his long-time associate...

He considered apparating home to the manor, but his curiosity about Burke’s young “niece” was still at the forefront of his mind. He supposed he could check on his order of dragon’s bile, though a mere 24 hours had passed since he’d made arrangements for it. Then again, he recalled Narcissa worrying about the possiblity of doxies in the attic...

*** *** ***

The kids and I are standing ‘round the counter of the apothecary eating lunch. Donius often keeps the shop open during lunch, and though he left again a short time ago, he expects me to attend to business, despite four small children in need of their midday meal. To remedy the situation I’ve had Llon and Gwenyn bring sandwich fare down into the shop. All we have for that are some tomatoes, onions and cold slices of sausage — pig tastes good, but we could do with chicken or beef. Goat is nice as well, but we have to wait until we know they’ve got a bezoar formed before we can slaughter one. The chickens are sold for fresh ingredients in potions, so I always have to ask permission to harvest one for food, as well. I think I’ll do that tonight.

Gwenyn’s walking around the shop munching on her sandwich as she goes, stopping at the genital display to read about the properties of hippogriff testicles, “You cut ‘em off a big horse-bird, then?”

“I didn’t, Donius might’ve watched it though, but he probably just bought them from a dealer.”

“Borrrring!” She moves onto another display case.

It use to be a thing where wizards would put a hippogriff’s ball into their brandy or tea to help with magical (not even sexual) dysfunction. We know that it doesn’t actually do anything, now, but some people still like to try it out when they’re desperate or just curious.

Llon looks up from his lunch wistfully, “I wanna ride a hippogriff, someday!” I’m sure he does.

“Well, you might’ve been able to do it in Hagrid’s class, but someone else ruined that for everybody”... fucking Draco.

A glance out of the window tells me that most shoppers are likely at the Cauldron now, eating their lunch or otherwise resting in the shade away from the sun’s growing heat. A few passersby can be seen moving up and down the alleyway... no one particulary sinister right now... oh, there’s Donius come back from his reprieve, and he’s talking over his shoulder at... Lucius Malfoy... again?!

That horrid bell cling-clangs noisily as the door opens to let the two men into the shop; time to act professional.

“Alright kids, let’s take our lunch upstairs; grab your cups... I’ll help you...” Ffionwyn tries to take Afon’s sippy-cup along with both of their plates, but I grab his kit from her before she loses everything to the floor. Llon’s still shoveling food into his mouth as he heads for the stairs, eventually grabbing Afon around the waist and hoisting him along. Gwenyn, meanwhile, saunters lazily across the shop while staring squarely at Mr Malfoy, sizing him up.

I say as nicely as I can, “Come on, Gwenyn...” but Donius is less patient.

“Get up there!” he snarls at her; she rolls her eyes at no one in particular and finally picks up her feet.

“You’ve quite the brood, Mr Burke.” Mr Malfoy’s lips curl slightly as he watches my brother’s and sisters make their way out of the grown up’s space. I nod my head once again towards Mr Malfoy, ignoring Donius, and follow the short ones.

I hear Donius sigh heavily, “I do the best I can for them, sir. The day the last one moves out, I’ll be a free wizard, at last!”

“I can only imagine...” now that I’ve heard that slow, haughty drawl more than a few times, I realize how Draco tries to sound like his old man, but the boy’s such a spoilt little twat half the time that hardly anyone outside his gang takes him seriously.

“You say you need the old doxycide formula, sir— please wait here a moment, I have some excellent product in the back... oh... Branda! Girl, prepare some tea for our guest, and be sure to mind yourself!”

Damn him! I’m only half into my lunch! Malfoy probably won’t even touch anything we offer him, but in the small pause I give for him to refuse any refreshment, he says nothing, so I set the kettle on and charm the dirty teacups in the sink to clean themselves.

I will say, Donius sounds much less simpering today than yesterday morning when Mr Malfoy was last here, but the servility is still present in his manner. For a second I’m wondering why Mr Malfoy hasn’t gone to the apothecary in Diagon Alley to purchase doxycide, but I realize that he must be looking for the formula which has been off-market for several years; the kind that, instead of only paralyzing the doxies, will properly kill them after 30 seconds. Doxies are nasty little pests with venomous bites, so they don’t need to be around unless one has need of that venom or their eggs, which can be used in potions (of course).

“Here you are, Mr Malfoy, how do you like your tea?”

“Plain, if you please.”

I place the tea service on the counter, turning the tray so the teapot is closer to me. It’s warm outside again, so I’ve chosen a refreshing brew of mint, the vibrantly green liquid glints invitingly as I pour it into a cup for him. When I hand him the cup and saucer, the look on his face is one of mild surprise — he probably didn’t expect I would have even that much etiquette. As he is standing, he holds the saucer up as he takes a sip, rather than leaving it on the counter.

“Pleasant” he murmurs, and I take this as my cue to leave, but before I can turn around he asks, “Forgive me... I couldn’t help but notice earlier... your lip...?” He gestures to a corner of his mouth, looking curious. The left side of my own is cut and bruised from when Donius hit me yesterday; the inside all shredded and tender. I freeze for a brief second, digging through my brain for an excuse, “I tripped and fell against the doorway.” I try to look him dead in the eyes as I say this. He raises an eyebrow, his expression unperturbed, “Doorway, eh?”

“The doorway looks worse.”

Mr Malfoy makes a sound like he’s just held back a snort, returning to his tea; I turn to leave him, but he calls after me, “Now, you’re not going to leave me here alone, are you? It’s awfully dull to take tea on one’s own!”

I want to go back to eating my sandwich, but it would be rude to refuse him my company — he’s too high up, and I’m too low down.

“‘Course, sir, but I’m afraid I only brought one cup...” of course, he merely conjures a second saucer and cup. I add a small spoon of sugar into my tea, mixing it in with quick circular motions that clink gently against the porcelain until I remember how Aunt Onyxia reacted the first time she had me over for Sunday tea — “Miss Patreva... kindly stir your tea in a civilized manner!” — I immediately cease what I’m doing and switch to gently moving my spoon back and forth. Mr Malfoy seems to be trying not to smirk over his own drink.

“My son used to do that on purpose when he was little... the boy enjoyed rattling his mother on occasion.”

“I know Draco a bit — we were in the same house.”

Mr Malfoy doesn’t seem too surprised at this; at least he looks interested.

“Ah, yes... Slytherin was my house as well; I was made prefect in my fifth year.”

“I was, too.” Indeed, I became a prefect the year my life went to absolute pieces. I was quite shocked, as I was set to take remedial classes to catch up on what I’d missed in the spring.

“Truly? I must ask you then, how did you find my son’s behavior throughout your appointment?”

Oh Lord, I’m not sure if I should answer him truthfully — I was one of the few Slytherin prefects who would hold Draco accountable for literally anything.

I take a busy sip of tea, “Well, he’s quite smart; he’s entertaining, and he sometimes treats his friends during Hogsmeade trips...” those really are the only good bits of Draco’s personality as far I could see, and even then he was often being a prat! His father nods his head, keeping his grey eyes on me, waiting for more information. How honest can I be with this man...?

“And how was his behavior with you?”

“Well... he didn’t like me much as a prefect. A lot of the prefects try to avoid reporting students in their own houses — I wasn’t one of them. I liked doing the job, but Draco was a good student as far as I know...”

“Severus and I communicate regularly about my son’s progress at school... but please, does he at least show you due respect?”

Well, if he’s asking me... I shake my head and grin wryly into my cup, “He does tend to call me a ‘stupid, bleeding cow’ when he sees me, but most of us students cursed our prefects, so I suppose I can’t really...”

Mr Malfoy sets his cup onto its saucer with an audible clink and places it on the counter.

“I must apologize, on behalf of my son...”

Just then Donius finally emerges from the hidden storeroom next to the cellar — it’s too bad the devil’s snare is kept trimmed and placid in the dark, dank space or Donius might have his ankles snatched out from beneath him, someday...

“Here you are sir! I do apologize for the wait sir... I hope this one”...he throws a dark look at me...”has been minding herself?”

“Indeed, Mr Burke, your... assistant... has been a fine hostess.” He raises the cup to his lips and takes a leisurely sip, as if Donius can’t possibly have any other business to attend to, but that’s the thing about this world, isn’t it? The rich may take their time, and the poor must give their time — although Donius isn’t exactly poor; just a tradesman.

“Glad to hear it sir, glad to hear it — the doxycide formula you requested sir...” he places a small glass bottle filled with a heavy black liquid upon which a translucent, oily red liquid sits... that’d be the poison; it’ll do the job once it’s been shaken in with the black liquid.

“Ah... excellent Mr Burke. Shall we settle up, then?”

“Of course, sir. Three galleons and 12 sickles should do for this item.”

What?!

“Uncle Donius, that should be six galleons, not three... sir!”

“Not this one!” Donius hisses at me through clenched teeth, and the buzzing feeling I get when I’m upset or angry begins blooming in my neck and my jaw; I made that potion — last year in the basement, adding poisonous ingredient after poisonous ingredient, the steam burning my eyes and my lips. There’s a reason the ministry passed a law banning the brewing and selling of the shit.

I think Mr Malfoy is sensing the tension between Donius and me, for he now interjects, “I must say, Mr Burke, I found your first price quite surprising! Six galleons does sound much closer to the fair cost of such a... rare... concoction.”

Donius nearly sputters, “Oh, but... sir... I...”

“Come now, Mr Burke” Malfoy reaches into one of his robe’s front pockets, “I’m also quite curious...” a handful of gold emerges to rest heavily atop the counter...”how does one obtain such special potions, anymore...” he’s counting pieces of gold from the small pile of money, lazily counting off one, two, three, four pieces... Donius opens his mouth to speak, and the humming, buzzing flush reaches my chest...

“I made it,” I don’t say this — I proclaim it.

Donius glares fire into my very soul; Mr Malfoy has paused his torturously slow summation of his gold, his cool gaze studying me with a strong hint of mirth.

“You are the maker of this concoction?” Mr Malfoy’s eyes are now alight with... I don’t know, glee... disbelief... curiosity? It doesn’t matter; if some top nob wizard with no fear of strolling through the grimiest, seediest market in wizarding Britain wants to know how we get our less-than-legal materials and tinctures, I want him to know damn-well which items I’ve sweat and bled over.

“Yes, I made it last summer.”

“I see, and do you produce other such potions?”

Donius immediately jumps in, desperate to gain a foothold in the conversation, “She does sir, when I feel she can manage the instructions.”

Mr Malfoy has finished counting out six galleons, pushing them towards Donius while staring directly at me.

“Forgive me, I’d quite forgotten to ask you earlier... but what is your name, girl?”

Again, before I can answer, Donius steps in, “her name is Branda sir.” Malfoy merely glances at him.

I speak my own name, more clearly than my uncle ever does, “Branda”, the ‘r’ rolled fast and the a’s properly extended. BRRAAN-daa.

“Branda” Mr Malfoy pronounces it perfectly, the very Welsh sounds rolling strangely off of his tongue. “And your surname?”

“Burke, sir.”

“Of course, of course.”

He’s gazing more steadily at me now than before, looking down his long, sharp nose at me.

“Her mother’s a Cadwallader.” Donius adds, and when I look at him I’m surprised to find him no longer bobbing submissively, nor flicking his eyes about in nervousness. I think I know where this is about to lead...

“Who were your grandmother’s family, on your father’s side?”

Here they come — the questions of ‘whose your family?’ ‘whose your blood? ‘how many magical grandparents can you claim?’

“Flints” I answer with confidence.

“I see, and your maternal grandmother? What was her surname?”

“Avery, sir. Her mother was a Prewett and my Tad’s tad’s mam was a Mulciber.”

I’m relieved to see that Malfoy looks impressed, if only for a moment — this man knows how to hold his emotions. I wait for him to ask for my parent’s Christian names, but instead he turns back to Donius.

“I trust our business today will remain... private... Donius,” he uses my uncle’s name for the first time, a clear gesture of — not friendship — but of guaranteed dealings in the future, and a degree of mutual understanding.

Donius bows solemnly to Mr Malfoy, “Of course, Mr Malfoy, sir. You need not worry on that account, sir!”

Finished with Donius, Mr Malfoy turns to me and, once again, I refuse to bow like my uncle. I wait for him to speak first, as he is above me, but he just gives me another odd, appraising look before bidding us a good a day and exiting the shop.

I look at Donius, my feet planted and my hands curling into fists, ready to defend myself if need be, but the old man isn’t looking at me in that way, rather he’s wearing a strange, almost... worried? No, he doesn’t waste time worrying over me... a disturbed expression on his face.

For what, though?! I think our deal with Mr Malfoy went even better after I spoke with him...!

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lord-jack-slick · 3 years ago

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tt options trading Ohio 8. There are 2 drawbacks to this approach. Firstly, the complexity of some credit spreads caused beginners who are not used to placing options orders in the first place to enter the wrong orders or leg in the wrong way, resulting in instant losses. Secondly, credit spreads require significant margin which may not allow beginners practicing with a small account to use them in the first place. Using debit strategies allow you to control your losses as well. What you invest is all you can lose, period.

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As long as you have a means of consistently making more wins than losses, you can make a million in anything as long as you have the patience to stick to the game. Yes, this is the same logic in any form of trading. If it is the same in any form of trading, why then options trading?The beauty of options trading is that it actually helps you achieve more wins than losses through 2 unique means; Convexity and Versatility. Convexity means being able to potentially make more money than you can potentially lose. In futures trading or stock trading, you can potentially lose as much money as you can win. When the stock goes up by $10, you make $10 worth of profit and if the stock goes down by $10, you sustain $10 worth of loss. tt options trading Ohio It's really about making more wins than losses. As long as you have a means of consistently making more wins than losses, you can make a million in anything as long as you have the patience to stick to the game. Yes, this is the same logic in any form of trading. If it is the same in any form of trading, why then options trading?The beauty of options trading is that it actually helps you achieve more wins than losses through 2 unique means; Convexity and Versatility. Convexity means being able to potentially make more money than you can potentially lose. In futures trading or stock trading, you can potentially lose as much money as you can win. When the stock goes up by $10, you make $10 worth of profit and if the stock goes down by $10, you sustain $10 worth of loss. There is no convexity. When you buy options, they will go up in value as long as the stock keep going in the correct direction (up for call options and down for put options) but if the stock goes the other direction, you will only lose as much as you used in buying the options, nothing more! For instance, if you bought one contract of call options for a stock for $150 and the stock went up by $10, you call options would be worth $1000 but if the stock went down by $10, you would only lose that $150 that you used. That's convexity. As long as you use only money you can afford to lose or the maximum amount you are willing to lose on any single trade towards buying options, you will always have the advantage of convexity on your side. Versatility is found in the vast array of options strategies that can be put together. Many options strategies allow you to profit not only when the underlying stock moves in one direction but in multiple directions! Yes, in futures or stock trading, you only profit when the stock goes up or down (when you are short the stock or futures). However, in options trading, there are options strategies that allow you to profit when the stock goes up OR down in both directions and options strategies that even allow you to profit from all 3 directions! Yes, being able to profit in more than one direction greatly increases your possibility of winning and greatly enhances the possibility of consistently making more wins than losses!So, can you become a millionaire trading options? Yes you can. In fact, from the properties of convexity and versatility mentioned above, options trading could actually make it easier for you to become a millionaire versus stock or futures trading. As such, the possibility is there and the odds are in your favor. The final question to answer is, do YOU have what it takes to become a millionaire through options trading?10 Options Trading Tips For Conservative TradersThere are many ways to trade options. In fact, there are unlimited ways to trade options due to the unlimited number of options strategies and approaches that can be adopted. This article outlines 10 options trading tips that conservative traders can follow for maximum safety in options trading. 1. Use only money you can afford to loseThis is the most common advise given in options trading and one which most people choose to ignore to their own detriment. Using only money you can afford to lose means that if you hope to lose no more than $200 in a single trade, then you should use no more than $200 in buying options at any one time. The good thing about options is that the leverage it offers allows you to make a significant profit even with very small capital outlays and even if you get it wrong, all you can lose is $200, nothing more. if you follow the next tip. 2. Use only debit strategiesA lot of options beginners start out options trading using complex credit strategies. There are 2 drawbacks to this approach. Firstly, the complexity of some credit spreads caused beginners who are not used to placing options orders in the first place to enter the wrong orders or leg in the wrong way, resulting in instant losses. Secondly, credit spreads require significant margin which may not allow beginners practicing with a small account to use them in the first place.

course on options trading Ohio

When the stock goes up by $10, you make $10 worth of profit and if the stock goes down by $10, you sustain $10 worth of loss.

stock options trading strategies Ohio These mistakes have been responsible for most of the initial losses that I see options trading newbies make and having an understanding of them would certainly help you avoid these mistakes and avoid the initial frustration of losing money. Mistake 1: Choosing the wrong (usually out of the money) optionsMany options trading newbies prefer to buy "cheap" out of the money options the reason being why buy expensive when cheaper options would also profit if the stock moved up (for call options). Well, that one decision alone has resulted in much of the initial losses when a stock moved up insignificantly and the position remains in a loss. Out of the money options are only good if you expect the stock to move strongly in that direction. If you expect to profit from relatively small movements, at the money or in the money options should be what you should buy. Buying out of the money options is also the reason why many options trading beginners lose all their money in one go. This happens when the options they bought never got in the money all the way up to expiration. Mistake 2: Making complex positions as your first few tries at options tradingMany options trading newbies start out making complex positioning strategies such as iron condor spread or butterfly spreads as their first few options trades and then totally screw up as they did not know how to maintain the position and some don't even know how to set up the positions properly. If you are new to options trading, stick to making a few simple call or put options trades using a small amount of money (or money you can afford to lose) in order to have a feel of how it works first before moving on to more complex strategies. Complex strategies are only good when your trading experience is as comprehensive as they are. Mistake 3: Buying options that do not conform to your expected trading horizonMost options trading beginners have no idea what an expected trading horizon is in the first place and commonly find the options they buy expiring before the underlying stock made the move they expected it to. If you expect a stock to be a mid to long term performer, make sure you buy options that are half a year to a year out. If you don't know how a stock is going to behave, make sure you give yourself plenty of time by buying options with no lesser than 3 months to expiration. Mistake 4: Placing the wrong ordersYes, when under pressure, especially when real money is involved, beginners tend to make silly human errors such as clicking a wrong button, buying a wrong option, buying a wrong expiration month or placing a wrong stop loss order that got the position sold off immediately. Such newbie human errors can only be reduced through an extended period of virtual trading practice on your chosen options platform and then progressively practice using only very little money in order to get used to the feeling of trading real money. Sadly, we are all human, while experienced options traders tend to make lesser of such mistakes, they still do sometimes. However, it is more prevalent in newbie trades and certainly hurts trading confidence. Always give yourself a few months of virtual trading practice on your chosen platform before going on real money. Mistake 5: Trading with borrowed money (or money you cannot afford to lose)There is a saying "you can't afford to win if you can't afford to lose". This is exceptionally true in trading, not only options trading, but any kind of trading. If you trade using money that you cannot afford to lose, the mental pressure will reduce your odds of winning when your odds of winning are already very low as a beginner.

chicago options trading firms Ohio Mistake 5: Trading with borrowed money (or money you cannot afford to lose)There is a saying "you can't afford to win if you can't afford to lose".

slv options trading advice Ohio That's convexity. As long as you use only money you can afford to lose or the maximum amount you are willing to lose on any single trade towards buying options, you will always have the advantage of convexity on your side. Versatility is found in the vast array of options strategies that can be put together. Many options strategies allow you to profit not only when the underlying stock moves in one direction but in multiple directions! Yes, in futures or stock trading, you only profit when the stock goes up or down (when you are short the stock or futures). However, in options trading, there are options strategies that allow you to profit when the stock goes up OR down in both directions and options strategies that even allow you to profit from all 3 directions! Yes, being able to profit in more than one direction greatly increases your possibility of winning and greatly enhances the possibility of consistently making more wins than losses!So, can you become a millionaire trading options? Yes you can. In fact, from the properties of convexity and versatility mentioned above, options trading could actually make it easier for you to become a millionaire versus stock or futures trading. As such, the possibility is there and the odds are in your favor. The final question to answer is, do YOU have what it takes to become a millionaire through options trading?10 Options Trading Tips For Conservative TradersThere are many ways to trade options. In fact, there are unlimited ways to trade options due to the unlimited number of options strategies and approaches that can be adopted. This article outlines 10 options trading tips that conservative traders can follow for maximum safety in options trading. 1. Use only money you can afford to loseThis is the most common advise given in options trading and one which most people choose to ignore to their own detriment. Using only money you can afford to lose means that if you hope to lose no more than $200 in a single trade, then you should use no more than $200 in buying options at any one time. The good thing about options is that the leverage it offers allows you to make a significant profit even with very small capital outlays and even if you get it wrong, all you can lose is $200, nothing more. if you follow the next tip. 2. Use only debit strategiesA lot of options beginners start out options trading using complex credit strategies.

In fact, from the properties of convexity and versatility mentioned above, options trading could actually make it easier for you to become a millionaire versus stock or futures trading. As such, the possibility is there and the odds are in your favor. The final question to answer is, do YOU have what it takes to become a millionaire through options trading?10 Options Trading Tips For Conservative TradersThere are many ways to trade options. In fact, there are unlimited ways to trade options due to the unlimited number of options strategies and approaches that can be adopted. This article outlines 10 options trading tips that conservative traders can follow for maximum safety in options trading. 1. Use only money you can afford to loseThis is the most common advise given in options trading and one which most people choose to ignore to their own detriment. Using only money you can afford to lose means that if you hope to lose no more than $200 in a single trade, then you should use no more than $200 in buying options at any one time. The good thing about options is that the leverage it offers allows you to make a significant profit even with very small capital outlays and even if you get it wrong, all you can lose is $200, nothing more.

The good news is, you don't need to make 50% on every win nor do you need a string of 14 wins to make a million in options trading as long as you follow a sensible trading methodology and have lots of patience.

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illuminatingcomics · 7 years ago

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I miss you!

It’s too late. It was only a matter of timebefore this happened. Out of cash, out of a job, out of my house, I only have thisplace where to vent out. I don’t want to supplicate for help, or bore you withmy sad story, I only want to open your eyes, be honest for once. This blog, andall the work published on it, was just a desperate attempt to fight back thegrowing insanity that overwhelmed my mind ever since I‘ve learned about thetruth…

And the truth, you shall learn, if you’rewilling to listen.

It’sa well known fact that Marvel experienced a terrifying financial crisis in themid nineties. Corporate greed and shady business practices saw Marvel’s stock value collapse; shares once worth$35.75 each in 1993 had sunk to $2.375 three years later. The market crashed.Retailers lost their shops, speculators jumped ship, and titles that soldmillions because they had twenty-three variant cover plated in gold and withattached trading card now sold only a few thousand copies. It was hell, and inthe back alleys of Wall Street, executives and editors were ready to cut eachother throat to salvage what little was left. Neil Gaiman compared it to thetulip mania, when back in the 17th century, the price of tulip bulbsexploded only to drastically collapse in 1637.

Now, what happened after?How did Marvel survive? The official version of the narrative tells us theyremained afloat selling the movies rights for some of their biggest and mostremunerative franchises (Spider-Man, Fantastic Four, the Sub-Mariner), before finallyentering the Disney family in 2009, other meat for the unstoppable everconsuming grinder that company became. But that’s not the real reason. I knowthe real reason. I saw the real reason.

I worked as an intern forMarvel from 2002 to 2003. It was a strange period in the company’s history.Modern classics like Grant Morrison’s New X-Men and Millar’s Ultimates were published side by side with stuff like Marville and that War Machine book madeentirely of 3D models. You could tell by entering their offices that editorsweren’t giving second thoughts to any idea, threw everything on the wall to seewhat stuck, a process that resulted in both masterpieces and ugly catastrophes.

I said I was an intern, Iwas more like a glorified janitor, paid in food stamps to empty out the trashcans, make photocopies, walk out Perlmutter’s pet South Pacific cannibal, andstuff like that… I’ve never met anyone important, so if you’re expecting astory about certain famous writers being secretly lizard people, I’m sorry, thisis not it. I’ve only ever crossed roads with Joe Quesada, and aside form hisconstant need to gift me autographed copies of the issues of Ninjak he did in1993, everything was normal… everything, not everyone. There was an editor.This man… he’s why I’m writing this.

Howard Gardner was his name,but you won’t find it printed in the credits of any book, I assure you. Yet hewas an editor, that was his role. Asking around the building, I’ve learned thathe had been working at Marvel since before the bubble burst, but only oversawfew, scattered books. Apparently he was the guy that came up with the basicideas for Avataars:Covenant of the Shield, Fantastic Four: Unlimited, and he hadghost written at least two issues of Uncanny X-Men… you know the ones.People didn’t like working with him, writers didn’t like talking to him,artists didn’t like the notes he put on their pages, yet, in an era of constantbudget cuts and people losing their job, he was still part of Marvel’s staff.

He was a tall, lanky man,of an auburn complexion, maybe… I say that because there’re few things abouthim I can accurately describe. Something about him slips away from my mind, Ican’t put a face to a voice, can’t connect it all to a name, and I’ve met himseveral times. The harder I try to remember the less I do… or perhaps, I simplydon’t want to remember, as if my memories are protecting me from something. There was a certain oddness about the way he behaved, and the requestshe made at every editor’s meeting, all promptly ignored by the rest of thosepresent. Now, you think he was asking for something gruesome and horrifying,but knowing the graphic shit Marvel published in their MAX line, would youreally believe they wouldn’t have the stomach for something in particular? No,his requests were just strange.

“I want Black Widow tofight iridescent orbs” he told a writer, “Make the furniture blue, it’s myfavourite colour” he asked a colorist, referring to an inconsequentialapartment shown during a fight scene. Just bizarre non sequiturs like those, atevery meeting when he wasn’t pitching some outlandish stupid book. He behavedlike he wasn’t entirely there, the best way I can describe it is that he actedlike a tourist from another country, that didn’t know anything about thecustoms of the area, but still tried his best to awkwardly fit in.

Eventually I got used tomost of Howard Gardner’s strangeness, but one thing I just couldn’t wrap myhead around were his visits to Marvel’s “boiler room”. Sometimes he went downthere two or three times a day, sometimes once every few weeks, and neverfailed to announce it. “I’m going to the boiler room everybody!” he woulddeclare, sometimes in the middle of a meeting, standing up and marching out theroom. Nobody seemed to care, or at least, they pretended not to care. I triedto ask Quesada once, and he just replied “He’s a funny guy like that” beforehanding me over issue #3 of Sword ofAzrael.

Such was my morbid curiosity, that oneday, after yet another announcement, I decided to follow him. He didn’t takethe elevator to reach the boiler room, but stairs. I waited five or six minutebefore chasing after him, as cautiously as possible. He was already about fourfloors lower than me, so I kept that distance, walking by the wall rather thanthe rails, only once in a while peering out to ensure he hadn’t notice me. So Iwalked, and I walked, and I walked… after several minutes I began to wonderjust how deep could Marvel’s basement be? We were already far below ground level,and yet we kept moving. I had no idea the building was that big, and thefurther down I went, the more the environment started showing signs of decay,and disuse, like nobody had been there for years, or decades… It gradually shifted, looking more and moredecrepit, walls covered in incomprehensible, ruined graffiti, garbage coatingthe floor, huge, old stacks of Jim Lee’s X-Men #1 stuffed inthe corners. The air was filled with a stale and odd smell, a mixture ofvinegar and paper, it made my eyes watery and my mouth dry, but still, I moveddown, as an unpleasant, sweaty warmth surrounded me.

Finally, the stairs ended, and only onelong, shadowed corridor appeared in front of my eyes, scarcely lit by orangetinged lamps. No trace of Gardner,he just vanished in the darkness. There was a noise, a rhythmic noise,reverberating in the air. The shuffling of pages, of a book, no, many books, anarmy of people skimming through hundreds of books, all at once. It wasstrangely hypnotic, and I began following it, carefully moving across thecorridor.

The floor was wet. Puddles of a wateryblack liquid covered it. The intense smell I perceived in my descent was allaround, and I finally identified it as the acute scent of ink. Shreddedcomicbook pages were all around, so utterly cut up and ruined I couldn’t tellwhich issues they were from.

I proceeded across thecorridor, and it seemed to stretch out without end. The further I went, thedeeper the ink lake turned. I was in it up to my ankles, when finally, afterthe seemingly endless walk, I reached a single iron door, left ajar. The boilerroom. The heat was unbearable, coating me like a blanket in the summer. I wasviscous and sticky with sweat, so thirsty my throat was sore, yet, I entered,following the noise, constantly skimmingin the my ears.

It was dark inside, Icouldn’t see anything, but still I understood, the place was bigger, muchbigger than it had any right to be. It was as if I was entering an entirelydifferent building, another place, better yet, another world. The floor was a dense, gooey swamp of ink and soaked paper, the airbasically unbreathable, polluted by the toxic smell of industrial paint. I tookjust a few steps forward into the alien world, and the marsh reached my knees. I stopped, gazed into the darkness… and I saw Gardner. He was far away,and the entire lower portion of his body, from the belt down wasn’t visible:he was immersed in the ink… I have to wonder now, was it really ink, orsomething else? And if it wasn’t, then what?

I shivered, glaring at the scene. Gardner had his arms up. He was looking atsomething. I narrowed my eyes, looked up, saw nothing at all.

Then, it moved. That nothing, was everything. Therewas a shape, filling the void, in its entirety. It was grandiose andstupendous, it was horrifying and atrocious. I couldn’t comprehend anythingabout its anatomy, it was as if a thousands sails moved at unison, shifting inspace, like billions of pages stacked one on top of the other. The rhythmicshuffling belonged to it, the supernatural, diseased sound of its existence.

If it had eyes, I can’t tell. If it had consciousness,or it was just an endless sea of living flesh, I can’t tell. It was ancient andunending, primeval masterpiece of a bygone era. It existed long before anyonecould recount, it filled our dreams and our nightmares. It was the reason ofthe company’s endurance. It was its protector. The god they had swore to serve.And it, in turn, served them. It was Marvel.

The moments that followed were a blur. I barely hadthe time to contemplate my insignificance in the greater cosmic theatre and wetmyself before I decided to run. Out of the boiler room, out of the building,out of the city, out of the goddamned country. Some would say I am coward, andit’s true, because in front of that archaic force, we’re all cowards.

It’s been fourteen years. Itried morphine, I tried cocaine, I tried coke. I still cannot forget. The imagesare burned in my mind. Mocking the thing with silly internet edits was my wayof fighting its power, and maintain my sanity, but it’s not enough anymore. Ah!It was never enough to begin with, and anonymity only got me so far. I believethey found me. I realize now the truth about Howard Gardner. More than a man,more than an editor, he was an instrument of its hateful design. He saw meescape, and he’s been looking for me, hunting me down every waking moment hewasn’t busy green lighting projects like Marvel DIVAS and Curse of the Mutants.

Theend is near. I hear a noise at the door, as of some immense slippery bodylumbering against it. It shall not find me. God, the hand! Thewindow! The window!

#ask #october #marvel

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allenmendezsr · 5 years ago

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Make Money Online Trading Tennis. Low Risk Proven Methods

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Betfair is a betting exchange, similar to a bookmaker. The big difference is that as well as backing a player to win you can lay a player to lose. By using backs and lays during a match we can get a profit on both players. Then we don’t care who wins and we move on to the next match! My Low Risk Tennis Trading Course will teach you how to do this so you can make consistent daily profit.

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Profits are hard to come by through straight betting on tennis matches. Tennis matches can turn around very quickly and what looked like a safe bet can easily become a loser. When trading tennis on Betfair we are able to manage our position and can even switch sides in play (during the match). Trading tennis gives us the opportunity to limit losses on what would have been a losing bet and can even let us come out with a profit after initially backing the losing player.

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Hi, I’m Paul Shires. I make my living trading the Betfair tennis markets. I found Betfair trading in 2008 and quickly came up with ways to make money on the tennis markets. I learned quickly despite having to use trial and error and in June 2010 I left my job and now trade on Betfair for a living.

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I will teach you what I have learned since 2008. You will learn how to consistently make a profit from trading on tennis matches. I have been helping people to make money with PROVEN strategies since 2009. My popular Tennis Trading Course is perfect for beginners but the support you will receive will be useful to even experienced traders. I will take your tennis trading to the next level. You can contact me to keep me up to date with your progress.

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So what is Betfair tennis trading and how DO you trade on tennis?

What does trading on tennis even mean? The price/odds of a player on Betfair will change based on how they are performing in the match. As you get to know the players and how they behave or react in certain situations you will know when to enter your trade. Maybe they are a player who is great under pressure or perhaps they tend to get tight and nervous when trying to hold serve to win a set or to win the match.

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There are several ways to trade on tennis. Two of the more popular methods are:

When we scalp on tennis markets we are trading just a few points. We might only be in the market for 3 or 4 points or we might stay in for a game or two. If you have the right strategy this can be a safer method of trading tennis as you are not going to get caught out by a huge price move against you.

This method is my personal favourite. Knowledge of the players helps with this but knowing when a player is at a “value” price is the real key to this trading strategy. Don’t worry that is all explained in the Trading Course! For swing trades on tennis matches we stay in the market for much longer than for scalping and we might be in the market for a few games or a set or even longer.

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There are also beginner strategies that are designed to get new traders involved in the markets. I also include my favourite low risk tennis trading strategy that I use EVERY day.

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Everyone is different! For most people Betfair trading is unlike anything you have seen before so it can take a little while to get your head round it. When I was learning no one wanted to help so it was all learned by trial and error. When you learn to trade tennis it is best to take things slowly. If you try to rush things you are more likely to make mistakes. That can wreck your confidence.

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Tennis trading gets easier as you get to know the players and the way they behave and react to certain match situations. I provide you with some info on the top 100 ATP and top 100 WTA players to get your knowledge started. I update them each December.

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clairedmaddox · 5 years ago

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How to Do MetaTrader 5 Manual Backtesting

MetaTrader 5 is a solid automated backtesting platform. But did you know that it's also a pretty good manual backtesting platform?

In this post, I'll show you how to use this free software to manually backtest your strategies. This is a great option if you don't want to purchase software like Forex Tester.

I'll give you all the tools that you need and the exact steps on how to do it. If your broker only has MT4 available, then that will work in a very similar way.

Why You Should Backtest

Backtesting is an excellent first step in helping you determine if a strategy has an edge or not. Since you can run through historical data very quickly in backtesting, this gives you a lot more data than if you only traded in a demo or live account.

Testing that might take months or years in demo trading, can be completed in a matter of days or weeks with backtesting.

You can also practice a strategy when the markets are closed, making it an ideal training tool.

So it's extremely beneficial to learn this skill and MT5 is a good software to start with because it's free.

This is the beginning of the roadmap to successful trading. To get a copy of the Trading Success Roadmap, read this post.

Here we go…

Download MetaTrader 5

The first step is to download MetaTrader 5.

You can get the software from your broker or you can download it directly from the MetaTrader website. It's usually best to get it from your broker, but if you don't have a broker yet, the MetaTrader version will do just fine. Once you have a broker, you can connect to your broker through the MetaTrader version.

When you get the software from your broker, it's automatically setup for that broker, so it can be a little easier to get started. Either way, you can get the complete MT5 installation instructions here.

Download Your Data

In order to do a valid backtest, you should have as much historical data as possible. Over the years, I've tried several backtesting solutions that only allow you to test a couple of years of data.

That's totally useless because you won't have enough trades to make a valid decision about a trading strategy.

So get as much data as you can. To download additional data, go to: Tools > History Center

Then highlight the pair and timeframe that you want to download and click on the Download button.

That will give you the data you to do your backtesting.

If there isn't enough data from your data source, then consider downloading additional data from this provider.

Open Your Spreadsheet

Before you get started, you'll need a spreadsheet to record your results. This is one of the biggest benefits of Forex Tester, all of this information is automatically recorded for you.

But if you would like to continue using MT5, then create a spreadsheet with the following columns:

Open date

Close date

Currency pair

Lot size

Open price

Close price

Profit/Loss ($)

Profit/Loss (%)

Reward/Risk ratio

TraderEvo members get this spreadsheet as part of their membership. Once you've built your spreadsheet, then move on to the next step.

Keep Your Trading Plan in Front of You

When you're backtesting, it can be easy to deviate from the plan. If you're like most people, you'll start tweaking the strategy in the middle of the test.

I've done this before too, so that's why I keep my trading plan in front of me while I'm testing.

It will keep you on track and ensure that you are sticking to the plan.

You can get a free PDF download of the Trading Plan Worksheet I use here.

Once you have your plan in front of you, it's time to begin your testing.

Start Testing

Now it's time to get started!

First select the pair and timeframe that you want to test.

Next, add any indicators that you'll be using to your chart.

Then scroll your charts back to a point in time that you want to start from. If you are testing the H4 chart or higher, I would recommend going back as far as possible.

You can usually test all of the data for a Forex pair on a H4 chart or higher.

When testing lower timeframes, you should pick a few timeframes and test on those timeframes only. Pick a good mix of timeframes that have the following characteristics:

Strongly trending market

Strongly ranging market

Neither strongly ranging or trending

That will give you a good idea of how your strategy will perform in different market conditions.

Do the following to scroll back quickly on your chart:

1. Turn off the Autoscroll

2. Hit Enter on your keyboard.

3. A small box will appear in the lower left corner.

4. Enter the date that you want to scroll back to on the chart in dd.mm.yyyy format, then hit Enter again.

5. The chart will scroll back to the date you specified.

Once you have scrolled back to the historical data that you want to start at, then hit F12 on your keyboard to move the chart forward, one candle at a time.

Record Your Results

Every time your setup fires off, place a trade and record it in the spreadsheet. You don't have to take screenshots at this point because you don't even know if the strategy works or not.

So just keep testing as fast as you can, so you can get as much data as possible. Creating screenshots will only slow you down.

Review Your Results

Now take a look at your spreadsheet and calculate the following:

Win Rate (%)

Return (%)

Number of Trades

Maximum Drawdown

This is enough data for now. It will help you understand if you want to pursue this strategy or not.

If you want to be extra sure, do another round of testing to verify your results.

Sometimes you might be distracted or not in the right mindset when you do a test. So if you get the same result with a second test, that will give you much more confidence that a strategy has an edge and you should move forward to the next step in your testing.

Test Another Pair

If you're satisfied with the results of a currency pair, then move on to testing another currency pair.

Not all currency pairs behave in the same way, so you can't assume that it will work on other pairs too.

Some pairs are more volatile than others. Each individual currency is influenced by different economic factors.

You might be surprised at how differently a strategy performs with different strategies. This is why you need to test each pair individually.

Things to Avoid

Here are a few things to be aware of when doing backtesting with MetaTrader 5. These tips will help you get the most out of your MT5 testing sessions.

Moving Too Fast Through the Charts

When you move too quickly through a chart, there's the tendency to move past an entry point on the chart. That leads to hindsight bias because you already know what's going to happen.

If you already know how a trade will turn out, then you'll have biased data.

So find the testing speed that will allow you to get a lot of testing in, but also won't give you advanced knowledge of each trade.

Changing Your Strategy in the Middle of a Test

It's really tempting to start tweaking your strategy in the middle of a test because you see a new advantage. But stick with the strategy, or you won't have a valid test.

When you change a strategy in the middle of the test, you won't know how good the original rules really are. You also won't know how good the new rules are either because you are only doing a partial test with them.

So finish a test with one set of rules. Then create a new test with your new testing idea.

Otherwise, your testing data is useless.

Stopping Too Early

If you win 10 trades in a row in the beginning of a test, you might be tempted to stop the test and call it a success.

Don't.

The strategy may have just hit a really profitable streak that isn't normal for that strategy. Stopping early won't allow you to see the entire picture and can lead to losses later.

Giving Up on a Low Return Strategy

It can be tempting to give up on a test if it's only returning 1% per year. However, consider what would happen if you compounded that return with multiple pairs or timeframes.

If the strategy has a high win rate, it's certainly worth considering.

You might give up on an otherwise profitable strategy and find yourself jumping from strategy to strategy, when the first strategy would have met your goals.

Don't Keep Testing if the Results are Obvious

On the other hand, if it's obvious that the system doesn't work, then quit and save your time. For example, if your strategy has lost 80% of the account, then it's probably time to stop.

There's no way you would continue with that strategy in real life.

Forcing the Strategy to Work

People also tend to be too optimistic about a trading strategy. So they will subconsciously pass on losing trades and only take the winning trades, just to prove that the strategy works.

I was guilty of this when I first started backtesting. When I reflect back on this, I did this partially because I wanted to get the backtesting process over with (and trade live) and I didn't like being wrong.

I'm not sure why others do it, but those were my reasons. They're very odd reasons in hindsight, because they didn't help me become a better trader.

But our actions aren't always logical and we need to continually reflect on our behavior to progress.

Conclusion

Although backtesting can be very beneficial, not all strategies can be backtested. Learn more about this limitations of manual backtesting in this blog post.

But if you can backtest a strategy, it's a great way to test a trading idea, get hard data and build confidence in your skills.

This tutorial will give you a good starting point, be sure to read the Complete Backtesting Guide for more details. Once a strategy tests well, the Forward Testing Guide will show you how to take your trading strategy into the next phase of testing.

If you would like help with anything mentioned in this post, be sure to sign up for the TraderEvo Program. It will take you through this process and provide the support you need to get through it.

The post How to Do MetaTrader 5 Manual Backtesting appeared first on Trading Heroes.

How to Do MetaTrader 5 Manual Backtesting published first on your-t1-blog-url

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torentialtribute · 6 years ago

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Monty Panesar opens up to Nasser Hussain on battling his demons

He was a national hero when & # 39; Monty Mania & # 39; grabbed the English cricket, but Monty Panesar suffered a spectacular fall when he was attacked by psychological problems.

Now, prior to Sportsmail serialization and brutally fair new autobiography The Full Monty Panesar talks to the former captain of England and his friend and hero Nasser Hussain.

<img id = "i-b4919bbd433b8bee" src = "https://dailym.ai/2Qh1XYL. jpg "height =" 423 "width =" 634 "alt =" <img id = "i-b4919bbd433b8bee" src = "https://dailym.ai/2wgAg9e -0-image-a-1_1558637304610.jpg "height =" 423 "width =" 634 "alt =" Monty Panesar opened his mental health problems to Sportsmail & Nasser Hussain Nasser Hussain

Monty Panesar opened his mental health problems to Sportsmail & Nasser Hussain

Monty Panesar: Yes, I am proud of those good times, the moments when I performed better than I expected. The times I left the team. That makes me happy.

Hussain: My first test ticket!

Yes, the god of cricket! Sachin Tendulkar. That made me very happy. Then there was my MS Dhoni moment in India (in 2006) when I fell and then caught him.

My favorite team memory came from a series in which I didn't even play, the Ashes from 2010-11. When we won, I remember being in a circle on the outskirts of Sydney. We were on Australian grass fields and have not been there for years.

Hussain: One of my favorite memories of you was in Cardiff 2009. You could argue that you have won the ashes for England with your bat

<img id = "i-2be599d0deb7b05c" src = "https://dailym.ai/2QmI7Lx" height = "423" width = "634" alt = "The former English spinner remembered some of his favorite memories of the field" Favorite memories on the field "

The former English spinner remembered some of his favorite memories of the field

<img id = "i-19e90ee4b5e6d390" src = "https://dailym.ai/2J2OwKp /23/20/13877406-7064303-image-a-3_1558638650202.jpg "height =" 438 "width =" 634 "alt =" <img id = "i-19e90ee4b5e6d390" src = "https: //i.dailymail. co.uk/1s/2019/05/23/20/13877406-7064303-image-a-3_1558638650202.jpg "height =" 43 8 "width =" 634 "alt =" <img id = "i-19e90ee4b5e6d390" src = "https://dailym.ai/2we3Ege a-3_1558638650202.jpg "height =" 438 "width =" 634 "alt =" Panesar's first wicket for England was Sachin Tendulkar's Nagpur in 2006 "

Panesar: Yes, I would say so. Cardiff was unexpected. The entire nation must have thought: & # 39; What are the chances of this? Monty is waiting for a draw! & # 39; I think the chance that I would do it with Jimmy Anderson was longer than that Leicester won the Premier League!

About my batting, Peter Moores said: & # 39; You look technically good, but something goes wrong. You just come out & # 39 ;. I could never really find out what it was.

Hussain: I don't get this for the microphone, but I think it's important in what happened later. Nothing reveals you more like a cricket player than your fieldwork. I dropped Graeme Smith here at Lord & # 39; s and I hurt every ball when I did another 250-odd runs. Did the comedy that people saw during your fieldwork hurt you?

Panesar: There was one moment here with Lord when I stopped the ball on the border but put my foot on the line when I threw it. That frustrated me. Duncan Fletcher had that headmaster thing when he looked at me and thought: & You are better than that. That was a stupid moment.

Henry Blofeld started calling me Monty Python. It came to me.

Hussain: I remember you asking me to talk early in your career and we spent an hour at the Taj Hotel in Mumbai

Panesar: was because I thought of you and Duncan as the captain and coach who started changing English cricket, started creating modern England. I wanted to ask you about that and how you did it. I remember leaving and writing a lot of notes, but most of what you said seemed to go in one ear and out the other!

I remember you telling me that Ashley Giles gave a lot to the team as a whole package and that I had to work on all parts of my game. I thought: & # 39; I know what Nasser is saying, but I want to prove to him that I can be a winner in that team. That I can win games for England.

<img id = "i-159aec3f962983f6" src = "https://dailym.ai/2QgDJh4 image-m-5_1558638902641.jpg "height =" 431 "width =" 634 "alt =" The 37-year-old says he hurt him when he became a comic figure for his fieldwork "class =" blkBorder img-

The 37-year-old says he hurt him when he became a comic figure for his fieldwork "

The nineteen-year-old says it hurt him when he became a comic figure for his fieldwork

Hussain: In the end, however, it wasn't Giles who kept you from the English team. You mention Graeme Swann a lot in your book.

Panesar: Frankly, I knew he was a better all-round cricket player than me. He was a better batsman and slip fielder and contributed tactically to the team. It was as if I had a turbo engine and I didn't, and I always knew that. I thought I had to wait for him to retire.

Hussain: Let's go through the difficult times.

Panesar: I don't know what to do, I don't know what to do, If everything had gone the way I wanted, I don't think there would have been any problems.

I wanted my name to be in light with the best cricket players in the world. That was the dream. When that did not happen, I entered a new phase of my life and doubts began to arise.

Hussain: I'm not talking here for the rest, but I remember talking to a captain from England who said that all the players I played with were you I feared that it would end up on the & # 39; s front page – and I played with a few wild ones. That was before your problems came to light.

Panesar: I never knew Michael Vaughan felt that way. Oh, it would help if he'd shared those concerns with me. OK. It narrows it down a bit! Michael was brilliant with me. I placed the fields and continued my spin-bowling. He let me focus on my strengths.

] Panhandle was famous in the 2009 Ashes series against Australia in Cardiff

Panesar was well-established in the 2009 Ases series against Australia in Cardiff Hussain:

you start worrying about you at a fairly early stage.

Panesar: Old Aussie spinner Greg Matthews suggested that I see a hypnotherapist and I was in London with him and some friends.

They were all talking and I just couldn't participate. I could not connect to reality. I did not understand.

Then there was a time when I was with Essex and I was cycling with James Foster in the gym. We competed against each other and a group of players was watching us

I just got the feeling that everyone was against me. It wasn't Fozzy's fault. It was mine. I just got very angry and went into a sling.

I left Monty Panesar, the cricket player. I never behaved that way.

Hussain: I spoke to the guys from Essex and they said it would be fine and suddenly just turn over. You would normally go bowling and then start pressing, but you were clearly sick. You suffered a mental health problem.

Panesar: I was disappointed with the way I behaved. I became paranoid. My self-confidence has suffered. I thought the field players and referees were against me and I got lower and lower. I started to think the fans are laughing at me.

Hussain: Then there was that trade in the Brighton bar when you were in Sussex and you peeed. to a porter. When I knew you, you were the last person, I'd expect something like that. How did it come to that?

Panesar: It was just a drop to one side. It wasn't as bad as it sounds. I had too much to drink. I didn't think it was important. Then my agent said the story came out. I was shocked.

Then I thought: & # 39; What am I going to say to my mother and father? & # 39; The point is, everyone drinks in the Punjabi culture, but we don't enjoy it with family and friends. Not to behave that way.

Hussain: Was it a stupid drunk incident or a symptom of your mental health? started using liquor to get that & # 39; Monty image strong & # 39; to keep. I drank something because it made me feel good. It was actually the start of something bad. That was just a drunken incident, but my problem was that I then denied.

& # 39; Monty Mania & # 39;

<img id = "i-a53583cc76b4e2b9" src = "https://dailym.ai/2wjhrSA" height = "423" width = "634" alt = "& # 39; Monty Mania & # 39; swept the nation, but the lovable spin-bowler suffered a fall from grace"

swept the nation, but the lovable spin-bowler suffering to fall from grace "

& monty Mania & # 39; swept the nation, but the dear spider-bowler suffered to fall from grace

Hussain: Let's be clear here You were seriously ill.

Panesar: My parents got worried They wanted me to see someone I always thought that strong people could have no problem

My cricket had always gone the way I had planned, but suddenly it went in a direction I had not been since my childhood Hussain: You were prescribed medication for depression.

Panesar: I took it during that Ashes tour. I remember that I had a little weight gain, but I rarely took it when I was playing.

Hussain: You knew you were suffering from a problem, but you went to a variety of people, including Mike Brearley. What was the diagnosis?

Panesar: It was a boy named Peter Gilmore who said I was suffering from paranoia / schizophrenia and that shocked me enormously. Mike Brearley told me to be careful with the things I said to myself.

] Panesar: When I was in Essex. There was that trade with Fozzy and then another time I lost track of time. I was late for a one-hour game and Fozzy said, "I've had enough, friend." Not anymore. & # 39;

Fozzy and coach Paul Grayson were good with me and did their best, but the players became irritated by the way I behaved. They didn't want me anymore.

Hussain: Why do cricket players seem to suffer more from psychological problems than other sports? Perhaps it is the isolation, the individual nature of the sport. Depression and anxiety can creep in. We're leaving for so long. Four weeks is a long journey for football and rugby players, but we are just starting a month later.

<img id = "i-5b05490251462d79" src = "https://dailym.ai/2OTvk2r /05/23/20/13877426-7064303-image-m-12_1558639344462.jpg "height =" 469 "width =" 634 "alt ="

<img id = "i-5b05490251462d79" src = "https: / /i.dailymail.co.uk/1s/2019/05/23/20/13877426-7064303-image-m-12_1558639344462.jpg "height =" 469 "width =" 634 "alt =" He is still playing the game and fights to make a comeback despite staying in the tooth for a long time fights to make a comeback despite being in the tooth for a long time "

He still plays the game and fights for to make a comeback despite staying in the tooth for a long time

Huss ain: You went from the point where everyone loved you and wanted to go now to anyone with England or a province that you wanted. How did you do it?

Panesar: It was difficult. Everyone doubted me. I spoke with Neil Burns (former player, now a mentor) and he told me that everyone thought I had gone off the rails. I was told that there are so many rumors and that I had to put the story straight. I tried to get a few interviews to get the message that I was having problems, but I was on my way back.

Now the book will hopefully get everything there. I love the game. I'm not a bad egg in the dressing room, I'm a very nice guy. I want people to remember the good Monty, but it takes a while to wipe out bad memories. It is as if I am a fireball and people worry that if they come close to me, they will be burned.

Duncan Fletcher once told me if there was someone I could trust in cricket and who was always loyal, it was you I should go to you.

I'm sorry I haven't been there for you a little bit more.

Panesar: No, it's fine, I had no idea you were in such a bad place. I should have looked for you more, used your guidance and maybe it was different. I'm not saying it's all your fault!

Hussain: You keep trying to get back in the county game. You still play cricket club (Shenfield CC, Essex League). Why didn't you just let it go, Mont?

Panesar: I had that second spell at Northants and I thought my bowling was back where it was. So now I am determined to try again. I feel like I have missed a golden period, part of my peak, because the spinner gets better over the years. I feel that I still have all these wickets in me. I am 37 but feel 32. I can still play first-class cricket

Even yesterday I was ringing coaches. They probably think: & # 39; Oh no, it's Monty again & # 39; but I want to convince the doubters. I just want to spin that ball. I could easily pack it, but I have to chase my dream.

<img id = "i-bd120fb4b22ea1a4" src = "https://dailym.ai/2Qi3OfU image-a-10_1558639285890.jpg "height =" 485 "width =" 634 "alt =" Panesar says he is back to feel 100 percent and has conquered his demons "

Panesar says that he is 100% again and has conquered his demons

Hussain: Everyone in cricket would like to know that you are in a happy place. I'm mentally and physically 100 percent back at my best and I've been good the last two years.

Panesar: I have people I have looked at and want to follow their example.

Look at Andrew Flintoff. He doesn't drink anymore and he has been incredibly successful. I am not saying that I will be the next presenter of Top Gear! Then I watch (the wrestler-turned-actor) de Rots. I will not have any medication.

I don't need medication. I do not drink. I have no good and bad days. All those things have disappeared. There was a time when I was in Northampton about 18 months ago and I looked around and thought, "Wow, those paranoid thoughts aren't there anymore". I knew then that Monty was back. I'm going to be a cricket player again. I'm going to do it.

Hussain: The very best for you, Monty.

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#Monty Panesar opens up to Nasser Hussain on battling his demons"

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lord-jack-slick · 3 years ago

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Complex strategies are only good when your trading experience is as comprehensive as they are.

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This article outlines 10 options trading tips that conservative traders can follow for maximum safety in options trading. 1. Use only money you can afford to loseThis is the most common advise given in options trading and one which most people choose to ignore to their own detriment. Using only money you can afford to lose means that if you hope to lose no more than $200 in a single trade, then you should use no more than $200 in buying options at any one time. The good thing about options is that the leverage it offers allows you to make a significant profit even with very small capital outlays and even if you get it wrong, all you can lose is $200, nothing more. if you follow the next tip. 2. Use only debit strategiesA lot of options beginners start out options trading using complex credit strategies.

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lord-jack-slick · 3 years ago

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trading options research high probability Ohio 6. Always give yourself a few months of virtual trading practice on your chosen platform before going on real money. Mistake 5: Trading with borrowed money (or money you cannot afford to lose)There is a saying "you can't afford to win if you can't afford to lose". This is exceptionally true in trading, not only options trading, but any kind of trading. If you trade using money that you cannot afford to lose, the mental pressure will reduce your odds of winning when your odds of winning are already very low as a beginner. This is why we always advise people to trade only with money they can afford to lose.

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There are 2 drawbacks to this approach. Firstly, the complexity of some credit spreads caused beginners who are not used to placing options orders in the first place to enter the theministerofcapitalism.com/blog/what-stock-trading-company-should-i-use/">wrong orders or leg in the wrong way, resulting in instant losses. Secondly, credit spreads require significant margin which may not allow beginners practicing with a small account to use them in the first place. Using debit strategies allow you to control your losses as well. What you invest is all you can lose, period. You won't lose more than you expect unlike some unlimited loss credit strategies. trading options research high probability Ohio Yes, treating options trading like a hobby and options trading will behave just like a hobby and hobbies cost money.

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Trade for profit, not for funMost beginners trade options for fun more than profits. Their main aim is merely to use these overly hyped options strategies and see how they work with the aim of making money being secondary. Yes, treating options trading like a hobby and options trading will behave just like a hobby and hobbies cost money. If you don't think a trade has a high chance of turning out successfully, don't make it. 9. Use put options to hedge your stock holdingsPerhaps the best use of put options of all time is to buy them as a hedge against your stocks. If you have stocks which you are holding for long term investment purpose, consider buying LEAPS put options expiring six months to a year out as protection against catastrophic drops. 10. Avoid Out Of The Money Options if you intend to trade with all your moneyThe reasons why most beginners lose all their money in options trading in one go is because they buy out of the money options with all their money. This means that they will lose all their money even if the stock moved in their favor but not enough to bring the options in the money! Now, bearing in mind that you should only be using money you can afford to lose, buying only in the money options with those money give you even higher protection and lesser chance of losing everything. 6 Common Options Trading Newbie MistakesAre you about to put one toe into the world of options trading? Have you started on options trading and made some initial losses? This article is written just for you.

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stock options trading course Ohio Making a million in options trading isn't about not losing. It's really about making more wins than losses. As long as you have a means of consistently making more wins than losses, you can make a million in anything as long as you have the patience to stick to the game. Yes, this is the same logic in any form of trading. If it is the same in any form of trading, why then options trading?The beauty of options trading is that it actually helps you achieve more wins than losses through 2 unique means; Convexity and Versatility. Convexity means being able to potentially make more money than you can potentially lose. In futures trading or stock trading, you can potentially lose as much money as you can win. When the stock goes up by $10, you make $10 worth of profit and if the stock goes down by $10, you sustain $10 worth of loss. There is no convexity. When you buy options, they will go up in value as long as the stock keep going in the correct direction (up for call options and down for put options) but if the stock goes the other direction, you will only lose as much as you used in buying the options, nothing more! For instance, if you bought one contract of call options for a stock for $150 and the stock went up by $10, you call options would be worth $1000 but if the stock went down by $10, you would only lose that $150 that you used. That's convexity. As long as you use only money you can afford to lose or the maximum amount you are willing to lose on any single trade towards buying options, you will always have the advantage of convexity on your side. Versatility is found in the vast array of options strategies that can be put together. Many options strategies allow you to profit not only when the underlying stock moves in one direction but in multiple directions! Yes, in futures or stock trading, you only profit when the stock goes up or down (when you are short the stock or futures). However, in options trading, there are options strategies that allow you to profit when the stock goes up OR down in both directions and options strategies that even allow you to profit from all 3 directions! Yes, being able to profit in more than one direction greatly increases your possibility of winning and greatly enhances the possibility of consistently making more wins than losses!So, can you become a millionaire trading options? Yes you can. In fact, from the properties of convexity and versatility mentioned above, options trading could actually make it easier for you to become a millionaire versus stock or futures trading. As such, the possibility is there and the odds are in your favor. The final question to answer is, do YOU have what it takes to become a millionaire through options trading?10 Options Trading Tips For Conservative TradersThere are many ways to trade options. In fact, there are unlimited ways to trade options due to the unlimited number of options strategies and approaches that can be adopted. This article outlines 10 options trading tips that conservative traders can follow for maximum safety in options trading. 1. Use only money you can afford to loseThis is the most common advise given in options trading and one which most people choose to ignore to their own detriment. Using only money you can afford to lose means that if you hope to lose no more than $200 in a single trade, then you should use no more than $200 in buying options at any one time. The good thing about options is that the leverage it offers allows you to make a significant profit even with very small capital outlays and even if you get it wrong, all you can lose is $200, nothing more.

Such newbie human errors can only be reduced through an extended period of virtual trading practice on your chosen options platform and then progressively practice using only very little money in order to get used to the feeling of trading real money. Sadly, we are all human, while experienced options traders tend to make lesser of such mistakes, they still do sometimes. However, it is more prevalent in newbie trades and certainly hurts trading confidence. Always give yourself a few months of virtual trading practice on your chosen platform before going on real money. Mistake 5: Trading with borrowed money (or money you cannot afford to lose)There is a saying "you can't afford to win if you can't afford to lose". This is exceptionally true in trading, not only options trading, but any kind of trading. If you trade using money that you cannot afford to lose, the mental pressure will reduce your odds of winning when your odds of winning are already very low as a beginner. This is why we always advise people to trade only with money they can afford to lose. Mistake 6: Trading without guidanceWould you learn to drive a car without anyone guiding you? Why then would you learn to trade without anyone guiding you? Yes, a mentor or a teacher is extremely important to beginners in options trading not because they can give you "tips" but because they can shed light on your situation and reveal weaknesses that you may not have noticed. Newbies trading without guidance typically repeat mistakes over and over again, and if you have traded options before, you know it don't take many of those mistakes to wipe your account out. So, there you have, the top 6 mistakes that newbies make in stock options trading.

Always practice new options strategies on the virtual trading platform offered by your broker. If your broker does not even have features like this, its time to consider changing brokers, which brings us to the next tip. 4. Choose the right brokerI would say the right broker should fulfill all of the following criteria; 1, discount commission. 2, offers free real time quotes. 3, offers virtual trading practice platform. 4, offer advanced orders such as contingent orders and trailing stop loss. 5, offers both stock and options trading. Definitely no call in brokers! In options trading, you want to be in control of your own trade and be able to execute them at the click of a mouse without the frustration and delay of calling a broker who may not even understand what you want executed in the first place. 5. Always buy options or positions with at least 3 months to expirationUnless you are a sniper sharp stock picker or using credit strategies which you want expire quickly, always buy options or position with at least 3 months to expiration. There is nothing more frustrating to see your positions expire before the stock starts to move. 6. Take advantage of low commissions to close out on expiration dayMost options brokers offer an exceptionally deep discount for closing out options positions on the expiration day of those options. Take advantage of this deep discount to close out positions that are at the money or very near the money instead of risking an accidental automatic exercise. 7. Use advanced orders to enforce your stop lossMost people give in to their emotions when it's time to take a loss thinking that the position might come back the next day. We all know what usually happens after that, yes, the position gets held all the way to expiration and then it expires worthless, losing 100% of its value. Yes, nothing is more difficult than trusting your human emotions to enforce stop loss points. That is why you must always make use of advanced orders such as conditional / contingent orders or trailing stop loss to automate your stop loss policy. 8. Trade for profit, not for funMost beginners trade options for fun more than profits. Their main aim is merely to use these overly hyped options strategies and see how they work with the aim of making money being secondary. Yes, treating options trading like a hobby and options trading will behave just like a hobby and hobbies cost money. If you don't think a trade has a high chance of turning out successfully, don't make it. 9.

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lord-jack-slick · 3 years ago

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trading options on etrade Ohio There are 2 drawbacks to this approach. Firstly, the complexity of some credit spreads caused beginners who are not used to placing options orders in the first place to enter the wrong orders or leg in the wrong way, resulting in instant losses. Secondly, credit spreads require significant margin which may not allow beginners practicing with a small account to use them in the first place. Using debit strategies allow you to control your losses as well. What you invest is all you can lose, period. You won't lose more than you expect unlike some unlimited loss credit strategies.

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Complex strategies are only good when your trading experience is as comprehensive as they are. Mistake 3: Buying options that do not conform to your expected trading horizonMost options trading beginners have no idea what an expected trading horizon is in the first place and commonly find the options they buy expiring before the underlying stock made the move they expected it to. If you expect a stock to be a mid to long term performer, make sure you buy options that are half a year to a year out. If you don't know how a stock is going to behave, make sure you give yourself plenty of time by buying options with no lesser than 3 months to expiration. Mistake 4: Placing the wrong ordersYes, when under pressure, especially when real money is involved, beginners tend to make silly human errors such as clicking a wrong button, buying a wrong option, buying a wrong expiration month or placing a wrong stop loss order that got the position sold off immediately. Such newbie human errors can only be reduced through an extended period of virtual trading practice on your chosen options platform and then progressively practice using only very little money in order to get used to the feeling of trading real money. trading options on etrade Ohio Complex strategies are only good when your trading experience is as comprehensive as they are. Mistake 3: Buying options that do not conform to your expected trading horizonMost options trading beginners have no idea what an expected trading horizon is in the first place and commonly find the options they buy expiring before the underlying stock made the move they expected it to. If you expect a stock to be a mid to long term performer, make sure you buy options that are half a year to a year out. If you don't know how a stock is going to behave, make sure you give yourself plenty of time by buying options with no lesser than 3 months to expiration. Mistake 4: Placing the wrong ordersYes, when under pressure, especially when real money is involved, beginners tend to make silly human errors such as clicking a wrong button, buying a wrong option, buying a wrong expiration month or placing a wrong stop loss order that got the position sold off immediately. Such newbie human errors can only be reduced through an extended period of virtual trading practice on your chosen options platform and then progressively practice using only very little money in order to get used to the feeling of trading real money.

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massive trading options video course Ohio 5. Out of the money options are only good if you expect the stock to move strongly in that direction. If you expect to profit from relatively small movements, at the money or in the money options should be what you should buy. Buying out of the money options is also the reason why many options trading beginners lose all their money in one go. This happens when the options they bought never got in the money all the way up to expiration. Mistake 2: Making complex positions as your first few tries at options tradingMany options trading newbies start out making complex positioning strategies such as iron condor spread or butterfly spreads as their first few options trades and then totally screw up as they did not know how to maintain the position and some don't even know how to set up the positions properly. If you are new to options trading, stick to making a few simple call or put options trades using a small amount of money (or money you can afford to lose) in order to have a feel of how it works first before moving on to more complex strategies. Complex strategies are only good when your trading experience is as comprehensive as they are. Mistake 3: Buying options that do not conform to your expected trading horizonMost options trading beginners have no idea what an expected trading horizon is in the first place and commonly find the options they buy expiring before the underlying stock made the move they expected it to. If you expect a stock to be a mid to long term performer, make sure you buy options that are half a year to a year out. If you don't know how a stock is going to behave, make sure you give yourself plenty of time by buying options with no lesser than 3 months to expiration. Mistake 4: Placing the wrong ordersYes, when under pressure, especially when real money is involved, beginners tend to make silly human errors such as clicking a wrong button, buying a wrong option, buying a wrong expiration month or placing a wrong stop loss order that got the position sold off immediately. Such newbie human errors can only be reduced through an extended period of virtual trading practice on your chosen options platform and then progressively practice using only very little money in order to get used to the feeling of trading real money. Sadly, we are all human, while experienced options traders tend to make lesser of such mistakes, they still do sometimes. However, it is more prevalent in newbie trades and certainly hurts trading confidence. Always give yourself a few months of virtual trading practice on your chosen platform before going on real money. Mistake 5: Trading with borrowed money (or money you cannot afford to lose)There is a saying "you can't afford to win if you can't afford to lose". This is exceptionally true in trading, not only options trading, but any kind of trading. If you trade using money that you cannot afford to lose, the mental pressure will reduce your odds of winning when your odds of winning are already very low as a beginner. This is why we always advise people to trade only with money they can afford to lose. Mistake 6: Trading without guidanceWould you learn to drive a car without anyone guiding you? Why then would you learn to trade without anyone guiding you? Yes, a mentor or a teacher is extremely important to beginners in options trading not because they can give you "tips" but because they can shed light on your situation and reveal weaknesses that you may not have noticed.

If your broker does not even have features like this, its time to consider changing brokers, which brings us to the next tip. 4. Choose the right brokerI would say the right broker should fulfill all of the following criteria; 1, discount commission. 2, offers free real time quotes. 3, offers virtual trading practice platform. 4, offer advanced orders such as contingent orders and trailing stop loss. 5, offers both stock and options trading. Definitely no call in brokers! In options trading, you want to be in control of your own trade and be able to execute them at the click of a mouse without the frustration and delay of calling a broker who may not even understand what you want executed in the first place. 5. Always buy options or positions with at least 3 months to expirationUnless you are a sniper sharp stock picker or using credit strategies which you want expire quickly, always buy options or position with at least 3 months to expiration. There is nothing more frustrating to see your positions expire before the stock starts to move.

3. In futures trading or stock trading, you can potentially lose as much money as you can win. When the stock goes up by $10, you make $10 worth of profit and if the stock goes down by $10, you sustain $10 worth of loss. There is no convexity. When you buy options, they will go up in value as long as the stock keep going in the correct direction (up for call options and down for put options) but if the stock goes the other direction, you will only lose as much as you used in buying the options, nothing more! For instance, if you bought one contract of call options for a stock for $150 and the stock went up by $10, you call options would be worth $1000 but if the stock went down by $10, you would only lose that $150 that you used. That's convexity. As long as you use only money you can afford to lose or the maximum amount you are willing to lose on any single trade towards buying options, you will always have the advantage of convexity on your side. Versatility is found in the vast array of options strategies that can be put together. Many options strategies allow you to profit not only when the underlying stock moves in one direction but in multiple directions! Yes, in futures or stock trading, you only profit when the stock goes up or down (when you are short the stock or futures). However, in options trading, there are options strategies that allow you to profit when the stock goes up OR down in both directions and options strategies that even allow you to profit from all 3 directions! Yes, being able to profit in more than one direction greatly increases your possibility of winning and greatly enhances the possibility of consistently making more wins than losses!So, can you become a millionaire trading options? Yes you can. In fact, from the properties of convexity and versatility mentioned above, options trading could actually make it easier for you to become a millionaire versus stock or futures trading. As such, the possibility is there and the odds are in your favor. The final question to answer is, do YOU have what it takes to become a millionaire through options trading?10 Options Trading Tips For Conservative TradersThere are many ways to trade options. In fact, there are unlimited ways to trade options due to the unlimited number of options strategies and approaches that can be adopted. This article outlines 10 options trading tips that conservative traders can follow for maximum safety in options trading. 1. Use only money you can afford to loseThis is the most common advise given in options trading and one which most people choose to ignore to their own detriment. Using only money you can afford to lose means that if you hope to lose no more than $200 in a single trade, then you should use no more than $200 in buying options at any one time. The good thing about options is that the leverage it offers allows you to make a significant profit even with very small capital outlays and even if you get it wrong, all you can lose is $200, nothing more. if you follow the next tip. 2. Use only debit strategiesA lot of options beginners start out options trading using complex credit strategies.

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lord-jack-slick · 3 years ago

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trading options course Ohio The good thing about options is that the leverage it offers allows you to make a significant profit even with very small capital outlays and even if you get it wrong, all you can lose is $200, nothing more. if you follow the next tip. 2. Use only debit strategiesA lot of options beginners start out options trading using complex credit strategies. There are 2 drawbacks to this approach. Firstly, the complexity of some credit spreads caused beginners who are not used to placing options orders in the first place to enter the wrong orders or leg in the wrong way, resulting in instant losses. Secondly, credit spreads require significant margin which may not allow beginners practicing with a small account to use them in the first place. Using debit strategies allow you to control your losses as well. What you invest is all you can lose, period.

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However, it is more prevalent in newbie trades and certainly hurts trading confidence. Always give yourself a few months of virtual trading practice on your chosen platform before going on real money. Mistake 5: Trading with borrowed money (or money you cannot afford to lose)There is a saying "you can't afford to win if you can't afford to lose". This is exceptionally true in trading, not only options trading, but any kind of trading. If you trade using money that you cannot afford to lose, the mental pressure will reduce your odds of winning when your odds of winning are already very low as a beginner. This is why we always advise people to trade only with money they can afford to lose. trading options course Ohio In futures trading or stock trading, you can potentially lose as much money as you can win. When the stock goes up by $10, you make $10 worth of profit and if the stock goes down by $10, you sustain $10 worth of loss. There is no convexity. When you buy options, they will go up in value as long as the stock keep going in the correct direction (up for call options and down for put options) but if the stock goes the other direction, you will only lose as much as you used in buying the options, nothing more! For instance, if you bought one contract of call options for a stock for $150 and the stock went up by $10, you call options would be worth $1000 but if the stock went down by $10, you would only lose that $150 that you used. That's convexity. As long as you use only money you can afford to lose or the maximum amount you are willing to lose on any single trade towards buying options, you will always have the advantage of convexity on your side. Versatility is found in the vast array of options strategies that can be put together. Many options strategies allow you to profit not only when the underlying stock moves in one direction but in multiple directions! Yes, in futures or stock trading, you only profit when the stock goes up or down (when you are short the stock or futures). However, in options trading, there are options strategies that allow you to profit when the stock goes up OR down in both directions and options strategies that even allow you to profit from all 3 directions! Yes, being able to profit in more than one direction greatly increases your possibility of winning and greatly enhances the possibility of consistently making more wins than losses!So, can you become a millionaire trading options? Yes you can. In fact, from the properties of convexity and versatility mentioned above, options trading could actually make it easier for you to become a millionaire versus stock or futures trading. As such, the possibility is there and the odds are in your favor. The final question to answer is, do YOU have what it takes to become a millionaire through options trading?10 Options Trading Tips For Conservative TradersThere are many ways to trade options. In fact, there are unlimited ways to trade options due to the unlimited number of options strategies and approaches that can be adopted. This article outlines 10 options trading tips that conservative traders can follow for maximum safety in options trading. 1. Use only money you can afford to loseThis is the most common advise given in options trading and one which most people choose to ignore to their own detriment. Using only money you can afford to lose means that if you hope to lose no more than $200 in a single trade, then you should use no more than $200 in buying options at any one time. The good thing about options is that the leverage it offers allows you to make a significant profit even with very small capital outlays and even if you get it wrong, all you can lose is $200, nothing more. if you follow the next tip. 2. Use only debit strategiesA lot of options beginners start out options trading using complex credit strategies. There are 2 drawbacks to this approach. Firstly, the complexity of some credit spreads caused beginners who are not used to placing options orders in the first place to enter the wrong orders or leg in the wrong way, resulting in instant losses. Secondly, credit spreads require significant margin which may not allow beginners practicing with a small account to use them in the first place.

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We all know what usually happens after that, yes, the position gets held all the way to expiration and then it expires worthless, losing 100% of its value. Yes, nothing is more difficult than trusting your human emotions to enforce stop loss points. That is why you must always make use of advanced orders such as conditional / contingent orders or trailing stop loss to automate your stop loss policy. 8. Trade for profit, not for funMost beginners trade options for fun more than profits. Their main aim is merely to use these overly hyped options strategies and see how they work with the aim of making money being secondary. Yes, treating options trading like a hobby and options trading will behave just like a hobby and hobbies cost money. If you don't think a trade has a high chance of turning out successfully, don't make it. 9. Use put options to hedge your stock holdingsPerhaps the best use of put options of all time is to buy them as a hedge against your stocks. If you have stocks which you are holding for long term investment purpose, consider buying LEAPS put options expiring six months to a year out as protection against catastrophic drops.

Use only money you can afford to loseThis is the most common advise given in options trading and one which most people choose to ignore to their own detriment. Using only money you can afford to lose means that if you hope to lose no more than $200 in a single trade, then you should use no more than $200 in buying options at any one time. The good thing about options is that the leverage it offers allows you to make a significant profit even with very small capital outlays and even if you get it wrong, all you can lose is $200, nothing more. if you follow the next tip. 2. Use only debit strategiesA lot of options beginners start out options trading using complex credit strategies. There are 2 drawbacks to this approach. Firstly, the complexity of some credit spreads caused beginners who are not used to placing options orders in the first place to enter the wrong orders or leg in the wrong way, resulting in instant losses. Secondly, credit spreads require significant margin which may not allow beginners practicing with a small account to use them in the first place.

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lord-jack-slick · 3 years ago

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spx options trading hours Ohio If you expect a stock to be a mid to long term performer, make sure you buy options that are half a year to a year out. If you don't know how a stock is going to behave, make sure you give yourself plenty of time by buying options with no lesser than 3 months to expiration. Mistake 4: Placing the wrong ordersYes, when under pressure, especially when real money is involved, beginners tend to make silly human errors such as clicking a wrong button, buying a wrong option, buying a wrong expiration month or placing a wrong stop loss order that got the position sold off immediately. Such newbie human errors can only be reduced through an extended period of virtual trading practice on your chosen options platform and then progressively practice using only very little money in order to get used to the feeling of trading real money. Sadly, we are all human, while experienced options traders tend to make lesser of such mistakes, they still do sometimes. However, it is more prevalent in newbie trades and certainly hurts trading confidence. Always give yourself a few months of virtual trading practice on your chosen platform before going on real money. Mistake 5: Trading with borrowed money (or money you cannot afford to lose)There is a saying "you can't afford to win if you can't afford to lose". This is exceptionally true in trading, not only options trading, but any kind of trading. If you trade using money that you cannot afford to lose, the mental pressure will reduce your odds of winning when your odds of winning are already very low as a beginner. This is why we always advise people to trade only with money they can afford to lose.

Choose the right brokerI would say the right broker should fulfill all of the following criteria; 1, discount commission. 2, offers free real time quotes. 3, offers virtual trading practice platform. 4, offer advanced orders such as contingent orders and trailing stop loss. 5, offers both stock and options trading. Definitely no call in brokers! In options trading, you want to be in control of your own trade and be able to execute them at the click of a mouse without the frustration and delay of calling a broker who may not even understand what you want executed in the first place. spx options trading hours Ohio 3. Secondly, credit spreads require significant margin which may not allow beginners practicing with a small account to use them in the first place. Using debit strategies allow you to control your losses as well. What you invest is all you can lose, period. You won't lose more than you expect unlike some unlimited loss credit strategies. 3. Always virtual trade new options strategiesThis tip translates to never using real money for options strategies which you have never used before. Always practice new options strategies on the virtual trading platform offered by your broker. If your broker does not even have features like this, its time to consider changing brokers, which brings us to the next tip. 4. Choose the right brokerI would say the right broker should fulfill all of the following criteria; 1, discount commission. 2, offers free real time quotes. 3, offers virtual trading practice platform. 4, offer advanced orders such as contingent orders and trailing stop loss. 5, offers both stock and options trading. Definitely no call in brokers! In options trading, you want to be in control of your own trade and be able to execute them at the click of a mouse without the frustration and delay of calling a broker who may not even understand what you want executed in the first place.

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Use put options to hedge your stock holdingsPerhaps the best use of put options of all time is to buy them as a hedge against your stocks.

paper trading options Ohio It's really about making more wins than losses. As long as you have a means of consistently making more wins than losses, you can make a million in anything as long as you have the patience to stick to the game. Yes, this is the same logic in any form of trading. If it is the same in any form of trading, why then options trading?The beauty of options trading is that it actually helps you achieve more wins than losses through 2 unique means; Convexity and Versatility. Convexity means being able to potentially make more money than you can potentially lose. In futures trading or stock trading, you can potentially lose as much money as you can win. When the stock goes up by $10, you make $10 worth of profit and if the stock goes down by $10, you sustain $10 worth of loss. There is no convexity. When you buy options, they will go up in value as long as the stock keep going in the correct direction (up for call options and down for put options) but if the stock goes the other direction, you will only lose as much as you used in buying the options, nothing more! For instance, if you bought one contract of call options for a stock for $150 and the stock went up by $10, you call options would be worth $1000 but if the stock went down by $10, you would only lose that $150 that you used. That's convexity. As long as you use only money you can afford to lose or the maximum amount you are willing to lose on any single trade towards buying options, you will always have the advantage of convexity on your side. Versatility is found in the vast array of options strategies that can be put together. Many options strategies allow you to profit not only when the underlying stock moves in one direction but in multiple directions! Yes, in futures or stock trading, you only profit when the stock goes up or down (when you are short the stock or futures). However, in options trading, there are options strategies that allow you to profit when the stock goes up OR down in both directions and options strategies that even allow you to profit from all 3 directions! Yes, being able to profit in more than one direction greatly increases your possibility of winning and greatly enhances the possibility of consistently making more wins than losses!So, can you become a millionaire trading options? Yes you can. In fact, from the properties of convexity and versatility mentioned above, options trading could actually make it easier for you to become a millionaire versus stock or futures trading. As such, the possibility is there and the odds are in your favor. The final question to answer is, do YOU have what it takes to become a millionaire through options trading?10 Options Trading Tips For Conservative TradersThere are many ways to trade options. In fact, there are unlimited ways to trade options due to the unlimited number of options strategies and approaches that can be adopted. This article outlines 10 options trading tips that conservative traders can follow for maximum safety in options trading. 1. Use only money you can afford to loseThis is the most common advise given in options trading and one which most people choose to ignore to their own detriment. Using only money you can afford to lose means that if you hope to lose no more than $200 in a single trade, then you should use no more than $200 in buying options at any one time. The good thing about options is that the leverage it offers allows you to make a significant profit even with very small capital outlays and even if you get it wrong, all you can lose is $200, nothing more. if you follow the next tip. 2. Use only debit strategiesA lot of options beginners start out options trading using complex credit strategies. There are 2 drawbacks to this approach. Firstly, the complexity of some credit spreads caused beginners who are not used to placing options orders in the first place to enter the wrong orders or leg in the wrong way, resulting in instant losses. Secondly, credit spreads require significant margin which may not allow beginners practicing with a small account to use them in the first place.

weekly options trading newsletter Ohio Trade for profit, not for funMost beginners trade options for fun more than profits.

princeton research options trading review Ohio If you are new to options trading, stick to making a few simple call or put options trades using a small amount of money (or money you can afford to lose) in order to have a feel of how it works first before moving on to more complex strategies. Complex strategies are only good when your trading experience is as comprehensive as they are. Mistake 3: Buying options that do not conform to your expected trading horizonMost options trading beginners have no idea what an expected trading horizon is in the first place and commonly find the options they buy expiring before the underlying stock made the move they expected it to. If you expect a stock to be a mid to long term performer, make sure you buy options that are half a year to a year out. If you don't know how a stock is going to behave, make sure you give yourself plenty of time by buying options with no lesser than 3 months to expiration. Mistake 4: Placing the wrong ordersYes, when under pressure, especially when real money is involved, beginners tend to make silly human errors such as clicking a wrong button, buying a wrong option, buying a wrong expiration month or placing a wrong stop loss order that got the position sold off immediately. Such newbie human errors can only be reduced through an extended period of virtual trading practice on your chosen options platform and then progressively practice using only very little money in order to get used to the feeling of trading real money. Sadly, we are all human, while experienced options traders tend to make lesser of such mistakes, they still do sometimes. However, it is more prevalent in newbie trades and certainly hurts trading confidence. Always give yourself a few months of virtual trading practice on your chosen platform before going on real money. Mistake 5: Trading with borrowed money (or money you cannot afford to lose)There is a saying "you can't afford to win if you can't afford to lose".

Use advanced orders to enforce your stop lossMost people give in to their emotions when it's time to take a loss thinking that the position might come back the next day. We all know what usually happens after that, yes, the position gets held all the way to expiration and then it expires worthless, losing 100% of its value. Yes, nothing is more difficult than trusting your human emotions to enforce stop loss points. That is why you must always make use of advanced orders such as conditional / contingent orders or trailing stop loss to automate your stop loss policy. 8. Trade for profit, not for funMost beginners trade options for fun more than profits. Their main aim is merely to use these overly hyped options strategies and see how they work with the aim of making money being secondary. Yes, treating options trading like a hobby and options trading will behave just like a hobby and hobbies cost money. If you don't think a trade has a high chance of turning out successfully, don't make it. 9. Use put options to hedge your stock holdingsPerhaps the best use of put options of all time is to buy them as a hedge against your stocks. If you have stocks which you are holding for long term investment purpose, consider buying LEAPS put options expiring six months to a year out as protection against catastrophic drops. 10. Avoid Out Of The Money Options if you intend to trade with all your moneyThe reasons why most beginners lose all their money in options trading in one go is because they buy out of the money options with all their money. This means that they will lose all their money even if the stock moved in their favor but not enough to bring the options in the money! Now, bearing in mind that you should only be using money you can afford to lose, buying only in the money options with those money give you even higher protection and lesser chance of losing everything. 6 Common Options Trading Newbie MistakesAre you about to put one toe into the world of options trading? Have you started on options trading and made some initial losses? This article is written just for you. After 6 years of professionally mentoring beginners in options trading, I noticed that there are a few mistakes that keep showing up, causing initial losses. Good thing is that I always make sure my students start out options trading using virtual trading or paper trading in order to harmlessly get through these initial mistakes and to learn from them. These mistakes have been responsible for most of the initial losses that I see options trading newbies make and having an understanding of them would certainly help you avoid these mistakes and avoid the initial frustration of losing money. Mistake 1: Choosing the wrong (usually out of the money) optionsMany options trading newbies prefer to buy "cheap" out of the money options the reason being why buy expensive when cheaper options would also profit if the stock moved up (for call options). Well, that one decision alone has resulted in much of the initial losses when a stock moved up insignificantly and the position remains in a loss.

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