#tr!pangi and tr!aimsey <-mentioned< /div> Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[alchemicaladarna]

I think tr!Pili and tr!Ros are kind of parallel characters in a "two sides of the same coin" situation with their undying loyalty towards a person/cause. Because they're so loyal and willing to give their heart and soul to their best friend (s) and their factions, and they both have so much heart and give so much of themselves to other people, that I think the only difference is the narrative crafted around them with tr!Pili needing to be an "antagonist" to survive, much like how a lion needs to kill and hunt to survive.

But both of them think so little of themselves that they're prone to reaching their breaking point at any moment after all the seeds of distrust, chaos, and hostility have been sown, and yet they've also had at least one person reassuring them otherwise.

Tr!Pangi saying to tr!Pili that he knows what he's worth and that he believes in him; and then yesterday tr!Aimsey reassuring tr!Ros that she's worth more and that she's stronger than she thinks she is, while comforting her when she needed it most and never leaving her side was what got me thinking how similar yet different these two characters are, almost as if they're parallel characters on the opposing ends of the same line.

Now, idk if this is exact, feel free to correct me otherwise or add more to this, but yeah. Tr!Pili and tr!Ros. Food for thought.

[imhyperfixatingrn]

I realized I never posted this!

An Endangered Trio/ Aimrosgi ficlet! (trPangi centric) set around the time Green declared war on Blue. Shortly before the second ball. Smile.

"What if you just opt out of the war?" Aimsey asked, frustration growing in their tone. "What would Bad say if you just didn't participate?"

Pangi paused for a moment, the conversation from yesterday flooding back to his mind. Bad had made it clear to him; that he valued Pangi's opinion on this and that he would backtrack if the pangolin asked him to.

Yet he didn't, didn't even try to tell Bad to back off this conflict. He couldn't even pretend. Not to Bad of all people.

Ros and Aimsey noticed his pause and stared for a moment. "Well?"

He couldn't quite explain it to them, why he didn't voice concerns about the declaration of war... He didn't think people like them experienced the excited thrum of their heart at the word 'war'. He couldn't tell them that he was up all night, his brain occupied with all the enticing ideas of weapons and traps he could make. He couldn't explain the bloodthirst that he lived with.

The only person who understood, who wasn't from Pangi's homeland, was Bad. He saw it in him too, the restlessness and the fidgeting after he hadn't killed anyone in a while, the trigger happiness he got. He saw this same bloodthirst in Bad. The before, full of need and crave, and the after, the satisfaction.

He saw so much of his home in Bad, that it might have been what caused him to feel so loyal, to trust so much. The same connection he felt to Hannah, this deeper understanding.

"Well, I'm not gonna lie..." He started cautiously. Aimsey looked straight at him, and while looking into their eyes it was too hard to admit to the bloodthirst. The same bloodthirst that would be taken out on Aimsey's factionmates. "If my faction goes to war, I'll be there. Front lines... It's kind of what I do."

"It's 'what you do'? Fight in pointless wars?" Aimsey snapped back just as quickly as Pangi finished talking. They didn't seem angry but frustrated and he couldn't fault them for it.

Pangi thought for a moment. "Well yeah... I'm a warrior. And all wars are pointless if you look at it a certain way."

Both Aimsey and Pangi came to an awkward silence that Ros broke mercifully. "Pangi, you told me... I mean..." She turned to Aimsey sheepishly. "He said he likes wars... And um, killing. So I don't think he would... Avoid fighting."

Pangi's heart sank when he met Aimsey's hurt expression. He wanted to jump to reassure them, to assure that his strength would always be used to protect Aimsey. But all those words were worthless when Pangi would probably end up slaughtering their friends, like a machine, like something primal. His body was a weapon, and a weapon wasn't meant to protect.

He lied. He hoped he could manifest it into truth, but in the meantime he lied. Fake it until you make it and all.

"It doesn't matter." Pangi blurted out. "It doesn't matter whether or not I like killing. My priority is to keep you two safe, above all else."

[torglives]

on pangi and abandonment

awhile ago, on stream, lukey threw around the words commitment issues when talking about tr pangkey. it is more likely than not that he was talking about his own character, but a lot of the audience assumed he was taking a shot at pangi. which is very… hmm! not in a bad way, i think it just goes to show how easy it is to misinterpret his actions if you aren't clocked into the way he navigates his relationships with people.

he obviously has issues, but with his attachments they stem more from (i'd argue entirely from) his deep-rooted fear of abandonment rather than commitment.

pangi is passionately committed to people. this has never been something he's tried to hide or keep secret. it's something that cc pili mentioned during an on-stream ooc conversation about pangili/pangkey (watch that whole conversation, actually. he's nailed pangi's character very well. and his own obviously but that's a given. i love pili) -- "there is you who, i feel like you have separation anxiety to some degree. i feel like you're very "it's this person, or nothing." ... kind of like a ride or die situation." -- he brings up also, why this was such a point of contention between pangili1, because they had very different attachment styles, with mocha tending to lean towards avoidant attachment.

in the clip linked, a chatter says "abandonment issues hmm i wonder why (lifesteal)"-- and that's the perfect segway for me to drag ls pangi back into the spotlight. yay! i've said this before, but lifesteal and pangi's relationships on the server/throughout its history are probably one of the most important keys to really understanding him. on lifesteal, pangi has never truly been anyone's first choice. he devotes himself to people, to causes, but no matter how hard he'll ride or die for those things, it is never reciprocated. at his core, he is very lonely. he's not wanted in the way he wants to be wanted, but gives it his all anyway. it always ends the same way, he always ends up the same way: alone. quite literally abandoned.

of course this translates into the realm, and pangi finally finds someone who, to him, is what he's been looking for--his ride or die. his person, as much as he is theirs--in pili. it's pili or nothing, and this is the first time it's been mutual, so he plays it by ear. he lets it grow into co-dependancy willingly, because to be wanted is everything he's been looking for. but pangi is no stranger to abandonment, and during their first crisis, when pili says 'i don't trust you anymore,' pangi shuts down. he tries re-working over that open wound that pili left in his (VERY BRIEF) absence, because it's how he's learned to adapt. they, of course, come back together. and then pili dies, brutally, in front of him, with clown in mind. in february, after mocha died, i wrote this in an (outdated) (so i won’t link it) thought post:

pangi, as a character, is unable to linger. he feels the need to jump from thing to thing, never giving himself the proper time to sit and process. when his worst fear is proven, when he is shown that he isn't wanted or needed somewhere--he shuts down the part of himself that was trying to be wanted and needed. his way of 'staying on top of it all' is just adding another layer. he buries it under something new, and tries to forget about it and barrel onto the next thing. it never works.

which applies here too. i think it says everything i could even say. pili dies, and pangi is once again alone. despite his commitment, despite pili’s, it wasn’t enough.

and then ros and aimsey come along, and they’re kind to him--they get stuck in the null together, and nobody else can understand that outside the three of them. they both say things like "it’s us against the world," and "the three of us," and this works for awhile. pangi has people he can devote himself to, but this time it’s different, because there’s a disconnect--there’s a part of pangi that they don’t understand, the parts that more or less belonged to pili. pangi gives his all, but more importantly, his trust, but he’s never been great with words, and there’s no intrinsic understanding of violence like he’s used to, so it causes fallout. pili and pangi shared a similar mindset, that’s part of what made them work so well. for pangi, pili had aspects of home. ros and aimsey, despite how much they care, don’t understand that culture. ros breaks his trust, once, and to him, that’s abandonment. that’s always been a tell-tale sign of it. that’s betrayal, so pangi refuses to linger. he kills at the ball, takes the brunt of their anger, and leaves, because someone must leave. someone always must leave, so he does.

aimsey finds him a few days after, and says: "why did you think we hated you? it’s not like you do one thing that makes us upset and suddenly you’re the worst person in the world." -- but honestly, that’s all pangi knows. it’s all, or it’s nothing.

he still cares about them, so much, but it has put a permanent strain on their relationship, on his trust for them, because they don’t understand each other in the same way. he cannot be truly devoted to them, because he has been shown that they are not truly devoted to him. and that’s not their fault, not at all, it’s simply a gap in understanding. it’s something that pangi doesn’t understand about them, or them about pangi.

what’s that quote? "if you give me the slightest hint of abandonment and withdrawal, i would outdo you."

i could go into detail about the intricacies with his relationship with lukey too, but if you compare them to the points i’ve listed i’m sure you can draw the conclusions yourself--why they work so well, aligning in areas that have been missing.

people are very familiar with his hate, because it burns bright and is unavoidable. people are less familiar with his love, just as passionate, because it is easier to overlook, it’s less common. he is undoubtably devoted to those he hates and those he loves, and is consumed by how he feels for both of them. he will always commit, but is terrified at the slightest taste of being left behind, of being a second choice. of not meaning to others what they mean to him. again. it’s all, or it’s nothing.

[anonymous-dentist]

It's also really interesting how part of trRos and trAimsey's argument with trBad and trLukey tonight came down to "Well, (tr)Pili wasn't actually doing anything to Pangi today", with the exact phrase, "he wasn't teasing Pangi" being thrown around

But like. Pili was. He very much was

Anyone who's been paying any bit of attention to Pangi's pov since early February knows that he and Pili 2 have a very tense relationship. It started with stalking on Pangi's part, and then he gave up on the idea of Pili 1/Mocha being back about when Pili 2 started engaging in psychological warfare and abuse against him

Pangi killed Pili 2 over Pili destroying part of the book that Mocha left him. After that, Pili started to retaliate by making Pangi as miserable as humanly possible; moreso, I'd say that Pili's objective, speaking as a Pangi viewer myself, kinda was to make Pangi look as absolutely just batshit insane to the rest of the server

For weeks now, Pili has been trying to get Pangi's friends away from him. Started with Bad, but that was given up on pretty quickly. Tried Lukey, but the Power of Yaoi stands strong (Pili 1's ghost didn't exactly help though lol.) Krow was never an option, especially since it heard Pili try and force Pangi to go on a date with him. Moves on to Ros, joins Yellow Faction, easily convinces Sneeg and Co. that Pangi and Green are huge risks

All the while, he's been psychologically abusing Pangi by at first taunting him over Mocha's death, going so far as to say that the reason Mocha died was because he killed himself over Pangi. But then he moved on to the whole Remove Friends thing as mentioned above

Add in the whole 'Keeps Getting Possessed By Mocha And Stuff' thing that nobody from Yellow happens to ever see, and it really just sounds like Pangi is completely deranged

And then, after Pangi kills him, Pili goes one step further. He brings in one of Pangi's friends from another realm- Pangi's best friend, who he always speaks fondly of, and he takes him to the ball that he knows he is going to die at. He knows that bringing Zam will get him killed, because he and Pangi just know each other, and he makes a point of rubbing it in Pangi's face all night by the simple act of being on a date with Pangi's best friend

And, guess what happens? Pili dies. He gets his wish. And Zam wants revenge against Pangi, he wants to grind and get strong and teach Pangi a lesson, and now Pangi's lost one more friend to Pili 2

So, yes, Pili 2 did tease Pangi all night. It just so happens that, as usual, the only people who noticed were on the team that nobody trusts or listens to. And Scott Smajor

Just as it's been for the past month, Pili 2 tormented Pangi, and his final living act was ensuring that the rest of Pangi's life would be miserable. He's lost Ros and Aimsey. He can't go back to his own home without the threat of getting a mace to the skull. He can't go to the Lab to be with his teammates, isolating him even further

Pili 2 was Pangi's version of Owen to Ros. The difference is that people cheered when Ros killed her abuser; all Pangi gets is a lifetime of misery, exactly what Pili thought he deserved

[mangofanarts]

Thinking about the way that tr!Bad cares. It's hard for people to believe that he's capable of caring. Especially towards another person based on how he acts and treats others, even those that are in his faction. Bad can care for another, but he doesn't care in the way that you would expect a normal person to care, it's difficult to define. When he cares, it's to an extent. His care feels distant, like when he jokes about eating Pangi to Foolish when Foolish brought up how Pangi was gone because of Bad. When Bad says something like that, as an outsider - it's hard to tell that Bad cares about Pangi or values him as a member. But, we know that Bad does care to Pangi to a certain extent, because earlier on in that same day, he had asked for Pangi back towards a keeper. He made a speech about how he valued Pangi as a member, how he was with him since day one. When Bad had the option to shoot Pangi in a joking manner as he was shooting others as a fun prank such as Aimsey at the dock, he didn't. Does this mean Bad's going to put Pangi first before himself or his mission? No, it doesn't. Does it mean that Bad's suddenly going to be completely honest with Pangi with everything he does? No, it doesn't. Bad will always place his prioritizes first. The certain extent of care he has for Pangi through their friendship is not going to change that aspect of him. Bad constantly has this mask on, where you can't tell if he's lying or being honest with you, if he's being sincere or manipulating you. He's not an easy person to get along with, nor to understand. So, of course, his way of caring is also not easy to understand. How can you care for someone but not place them above your goal in that same care? How can you lie to that person for fun, trying to make them fight others while you care about them? How are you willing to give information to the other side about that person in ways to kill them if you do care? There's a disconnection. When he does things like that, it feels like he doesn't care about Pangi because you wouldn't do those things towards someone you care about. It's a part of Bad's personality. But, then you can tell that Bad has to care, at least somewhat, because he's willing to warn Pangi about Ros having a trap for him, he told Pangi that if he wanted to backtrack on the war then Bad would stand by him, Bad mentions how he trusts Pangi more than Tubbo. Bad cares to an extent, and again, that extent doesn't match to a regular person's standard of normally caring for another being. He is immortal, after all. At the same time, despite all his actions and words, he's lonely. He felt grief when the original Pili had passed away. He expressed to Pili 2 that he would be very upset if Pangi had died to his corruption. He felt anger when Foolish killed Chip's pets. He felt surprised when Pangi confided in him that he took all of yellow's honey, and then praised him for it. He listened to Ros and offered her advice when she tells him how she feels like she's not being heard. Bad has emotions underneath it all. He can care, but the care that he has is always going to appear strange. His care is going to be at a limit. It's not his full care. The extent of care he has doesn't express itself in the same way that Ros does towards Aimsey, or how the original Pili showed it to Pangi. But, It doesn't mean his care is non-existent, it's easy to miss, especially with his personality. His extent of care is a bit of something, he'll give you better armor, and he'll listen to you when you need someone to hear you. But, don't expect him to do things that are out of his personality, it won't prevent him from needing to battle you if you do decide to go against his goal in the long run.

[bigmoon-is-bigwife]

It's sad how TR!Ros has no sense of self and no confidence in her actions. Lately anytime she does something and Aimsey teases her about how maybe that was silly and irrational Ros almost always immediately backs down and often times apologizes and promises to change. Aimsey never tells Ros that they wanted her to change, just pointing out how what Ros did doesn't makes sense to them. All they wanted was an explanation but Ros immediately defaults to assuming she's in the wrong and is being scolded. It happened today when Aimsey asked Ros about her conversation with Water and Ros said they agreed to be civil after Ros had already killed Water. When Aimsey asked what drove Ros to kill Water, Ros explained that she wanted to stand up for herself and Aimsey but at the same time is immediately apologizing and saying that she knows she keeps doing the wrong thing and she's trying. Aimsey has told Ros repeatedly that they love her for who she is and that they want to know the parts of her that she keeps trying hide but Ros is still trying to mold herself into what she thinks Aimsey wants her to be.

Ros is a person who revolves around others. She places all her worth into what she can do for people so she shapes herself into being what she thinks they want or need. This has always been apparent from the start but she used to have more people to revolve around that balanced her out. She was the architect for the kingdom, she was Clown's apprentice and she was Aimsey's friend. Those were her three defining identities. Now the kingdom is gone and she is only Aimsey's friend. Her entire existence revolves around being Aimsey's friend. She has thrown out all of her wants and feelings because none of them matter to her. All that matters to Ros is what Aimsey thinks and wants. Aimsey suggests to Ros that they think she should make a new castle for Yellow so Ros does because it was Aimsey who said so. Ros completely misses the point that Aimsey suggested Ros do that for herself because Ros will do anything she assumes Aimsey wants. If Aimsey mentions wanting or needing anything, Ros drops everything to do it for them because she feels that is her only purpose. Ros doesn't seem to think she's allowed to do things just for herself anymore so when she kills Water for insulting her she convinces herself it was somehow for Aimsey too. Aimsey called Ros out on that and says they wish people would stop projecting their feelings onto them and acting out on their behalf. Aimsey does not like that Ros is doing any of this. They want Ros to be her own person and do things because she wants to.

Ros idolizes Aimsey as this paragon of good no matter how many times Aimsey states that they're not and that they are haunted by the blood on their hands. Ros does not trust her own thoughts or feelings and if any of them ever contradict with Aimsey's, she tends to assume that she is just bad and wrong. The only times she doesn't is when Aimsey tries to tell Ros that they have done bad things but Ros refuses to acknowledge that Aimsey is capable of any fault. In Ros's mind, Aimsey literally cannot do anything wrong and that actually everything is probably Ros's fault. Aimsey actively tries to discourage this thought process but has yet to get very far because Ros has this deep rooted belief that Aimsey is Pure Good and if they are not, then by comparison Ros must by way worse anyway.

Ros has convinced herself that she needs Aimsey and she cannot stand up for herself without them. Aimsey seems to have realized how bad this has gotten and seems to be trying to break that and show Ros that it isn't true. Last week Aimsey had to essentially trick Ros into speaking alone with Pangi about their problems with each other. Ros felt betrayed that Aimsey wasn't there to back her up and that she needs them to express herself but Aimsey told her that it simply isn't true and that Ros actually vocalizes her feelings better without them there. Ros has convinced herself that she is dependent on Aimsey and I think Aimsey is uncomfortable with that.

It's been such a gradual descent of Ros throwing away her entire sense of self to fulfill this role of Aimsey's friend because she is terrified of losing them and has no one else. No one wants this, least of all Aimsey. Any confidence Ros had in herself is gone. She doesn't trust herself to do anything good but she does trust Aimsey so she'll just be Aimsey's Friend and nothing else. She never does anything for herself. Every single thing she does is for Aimsey. That's not good, it's just sad.

[blackstar-liveblogs]

Alright, potentially last post of the day.

I did not only watch Krow, but I also tried to find Scott across the POVs as much as possible, because man was discussing lore and spilling more important lore pieces for his character off-stream.

What I catched tr!Scott did and say today (any referenced dialogue will be heavily paraphrased) (also read more cuz not a short list of events):

- He jumpscared Owen and asked what happened after he left the day of the ball.

- Owen: We failed and they (the three chosen) vanished.

Scott: ... See, this is why you don't do the maximum effort.

- Owen: So yeah, Aimsey is gone forever.

Scott: Oh- What do we do now then?

Owen: I mean, I don't know, our faction leader is still here-

- Scott mentioned that he returned to the castle to retrieve his things. A Keeper was there but not replying, so he went around and took his designated shulker box, then another Keeper showed up and he basically said ''I only took my stuff, I swear.''

The Keeper also gave him the Teal Titans' base painting.

- Scott showed Owen that during the first game of the ball he grabbed the materials for a Maze. He held onto them, waited if a team ever asked for them, but none ever did, so now he's going to make his own Maze.

- Owen briefed Scott on what the Keepers said of ''now that your most valuable members are gone, let's see how you manage the quests'' and showed him the quests. Then, mentioned that the three vanished are permanentely gone. Scott was taken aback but asked if he was sure.

Owen: I think it's hopeful thinking, to be honest.

Scott: You... don't want Aimsey, Ros and Pangi to come back?

Owen: (Laughs) Moreso Ros.

Scott: Yeah, I get it. Like, if someone you don't like disappears, you would not want them to come back.

Owen: Exactly.

Scott: I can understand some of this stuff.

- Scott parted ways to grind cyan dye and wool for the quests. Also discovered that Bad's farm already had sheeps with cyan wool, and both him and Owen concluded that CPK did that earlier that day.

- Scott showed up again at the castle while Foolish, Tubbo, Ros and Bek were talking.

They talked a bit about the Maddening, the corruption and how it could be affecting Ros. Foolish mentioned that between Ros' changes in behaviour was ''less violent.''

Scott: (Turns to Ros) Wait, you don't want more violence? (Kinda excited silly chanting). No more violence! No more violence!

Ros: I mean... what kind of violence?

- Foolish proposed that Scott and Ros should be attached to the hip (or something like that).

Scott: ... Why would I need to be attached to the hip with Ros? (Turns to Ros). Not that I mind, you've been lovely with me so far.

Ros: Oh, thank you...

And he gave her golden apples.

- The conversation turned very loud, which made Scott overstimulated and he irish goodbye'd out of there. He went to find Pangi at his house.

- He asked if he was okay. Pangi told him about the Null and how Aimsey and Ros got affected by the corruption, but he is fine. Scott pointed out the purple on his arm, but Pangi brushed it off as ''his mind it's fine and doesn't know why.''

Scott said that what he thinks is that all three of them went through a traumatic event and might need time to recover, just like he needed time to adjust after he was a snail.

They talked about the corrupted people with clear evidences, like Pili and Aimsey. Scott actually did not know Aimsey had a purple eye until Pangi pointed it out.

Scott mentioned the people who were fully reset and came back fine, so they don't know how it exactly works. He also thinks that Owen came back more sane, so he doesn't really dislike the conversations they have.

- Ros joined the conversation eventually, and Scott reassured her the same way he did with Pangi, mentioning his own experience. Here is where we get the new important piece of information for his character.

Scott: I asked about the Null to see if it was something similar to where we were when we were snails. (Pangi told him it was like a never-ending tunnel). I think what we felt was like a... warm box.

And

Scott: I don't know anything from before I was a snail, I just know... feelings that I had. But I'm re-learning everything, which is kinda hard when everyone on this land resorts to violence so quickly.

(OP side note: tr!Scott showing to be fond of his ''giant snail buddies'' always coming back to meeeeeeee).

- Scott mentioned his observations that some people were shocked that they were back or the fact that they could come back at all.

- More people joined in at Spawn. Krow eventually did too, and again, my crumbs when Snoozer put Foolish on Krow's head.

Scott: Wait, Krow, you have him hostage, go go!

Krow: Oh yeah! (Runs to the water).

Scott: Drown him, drown him!

- He offered Ros the Teal Titans' HQ as a place she could go if she wanted to rest and be alone, and that she did build it after all, he just did the interior.

Ros did not remember this, so he pointed out where it was and saw her leave.

- He gave golden apples to Snoozer.

Shortly after, Scott logged off for the day. I don't think he had any chance to talk with Aimsey since they were very busy with their contract mission alongside Sneeg. But I'm not entirely sure, I did not witness everything that happened today nor every stream, people are free to correct me.

But he was doing what he usually does. Gathering as much information as he can of the situation to understand it and form his point of view. Also loving to have more crumbs of his lore.

Is it like really bad to hope he and Krow get to do lore together once he knows about who he used to be? (I am not that hopeful Freddie and Jonnaay will log on soon gkbgk).

That I want to believe he was not told about yet, because it's quite an important revelation for his character and man was off-stream fjvfkgkh.

Let's see how it plays out.

[katescribblesabit]

Ok bc I reached the vod where sneeg talks with aimsey about them and pangi hearing voices and then a literal WARDEN gets summoned in the blender

You are getting me loosing my mind over warden sneeg, he is plaguing my mind and I haven't even reached too deep in that part of the lore yet all my knowledge is stuff y'all have posted on Tumblr plus small clips but I have THOUGHTS. I feel like I should apologize if I overtake your ask box with sneeg plus losa related questions /j /silly

Ok SO

By what I have seen with both aimsey's and sneeg's skins later in the skulk corruption literally overtakes most of their body, and their chest literally opens/collapses into itself to create space for the souls

Idk how that dies go down or if it's mentioned on any way later on by sneeg or aimsey themselves like "oh, that hurts actually" or anything alongside those lines but can we discuss how painful that should actually be???? Like

Pain worth losing a LIFE over. Is it convenient that they most likely don't and ofc the two wouldn't go lore wise that deep? Ofc, but can we take as writers and artists a moment to think about it? Like a what if situation

My man's chest literally starts decaying and collapsing into itself, pretty sure some organs probably too- so just imagine either the others one day going out of their way to look for sneeg bc he has been quiet for DAYS now only to find him on one of his machines collapsed and breathing heavily

Or, or even better!! Him Being in the castle, he has been experiencing pain in his chest and breathing is becoming much harder and he just can't help the urge that he needs to be close to the kingdom (warden wanting to protect their City goes brrrrrr) everyone is noticing that he is hunching over more, breathing more deeply and are those growls and clicks they can hear whenever he breaths a bit deeper than before? Sneeg keeps denying stuff, saying he is fine and he hasn't taken off his chest plate bc honestly the man is in denial let's be honest

Only for after everything he just collapses, Ros or clown look back bc sneeg isn't following them anymore they turn back going over to him and immediately think about taking off his chest plate bc he seems to not be able to breathe properly "sneeg?- OH GOD-" and they see the cloth of his shirt starting to mold over and dissolve while his chest is a mess

Just them taking to a bed, tending to him trying to help calling for aimsey for help, maybe he does end up losing a LIFE or maybe he doesn't because he was being tended to instead of going through it alone

I just think people should consider more the much more painful after affects of the warden transformation :))

dude I LOVE the warden lore I can't wait for you to see the stream where Sneeg and Aimsey go on a adventure. I won't spoil more, that one was probably the peak of the warden lore. also don't apologize I said it was fine hahah

yeah an active infection thats literally eating you alive would probably hurt tbh haha although sneeg has always said that the sculk doesn't hurt him so ehh but there are so many angst potential with the warden sculk lore. the parallel of sneeg being the warden of the yellow castle is already- muah chef kiss.

I actually have my own little personal headcanon with sneeg and the open chest cavity. Since I draw tr!sneeg with a blacksmith apron I had this headcanon that he hides his open chest with the apron over the day. he showed it aimsey first, and after a while the kingdom because they got suspicious since he stopped taking his work attire off. so only the kingdom (and aimsey) has ever seen it, everyone else is only aware from hearing about it. which in my opinion makes sense seeing as sneeg is a very private person.

[realmblr-confessions]

To the anon saying realm is dying due to the reasons they stated

QSMP is not confirmed. Maybe it's a public server maybe it's purgatory nothing is confirmed

As for the ccs not logging in - Foolish, Tina were part of abes cobblemon and there was a period where they played there yet came to the server, Zam said he wants to make a cinematic for realm, and Pili already stated that he needs to focus on webones. It's not been that long since those have logged on - maybe like a week or so

Additionally, qsmp in the start had like half the English speaking people and like 2 of the Spanish speaking people log on and yet no one said its dying.

People have so many open arcs going on.

Also saying the prank war is not peak content. Anon tell me something does everything have to be peak fast paced content. Is it not okay for the story to be a bit slow as it builds up.

There's so many interesting story lines going on the realm if you want to see in so many different styles (for keeping it concise I'll only mention the ones that "log on")

1 - mystery based

Lukey and his beef with high keeper and his discovery of newts life / Will Water come back as a dragon / How will Aimsey deal with themselves and their necromancy after killing water / Why does Michaela hate the leader of the Dwarven kingdom / Will Pangi actually give the dragon egg to Pili / how will tv brothers make Pangi give them the egg / Bad's mission / Ros's view of herself is changing

2 war based arc - self explanatory

3 - love based stories - pangkey are about to go on a date / Aimros confessed yet ros called them friends so now they're (?) / water halo arc / Newt's one sided one requisite feelings

4 - friendship based - coin duo yet again opposite parallels / aimsey and Lukey disagreement / will Pangi and Aimsey also fight / ros and Bad conflict / reason for tr! Michaela's passive aggression to aimsey

So depending on your preference there's still so many story lines that are starting to build up. I'm sorry you don't find it to be "peak content" just because the story is not fast paced action that involves everyone. But I enjoy this story and you saying I like it just because I've not seen peak is disrespect to that. I like the characters and I like the themes and I like my morally grey war criminals <3

Responding to this anon

[torglives]

BPD & TR Pangi

!! HOUSEKEEPING: Pangi is very morally questionable, this is an undebatable trait of every single mcrp character to ever exist. Many of the things he does are dramatized and violent, because it is the playing-field in which his character and story lives. These traits are not exclusive to him, nor is this to say that BPD is an inherently violent or "evil" disorder. -- Every mention of Pangi going forward will be without the character tag.

To interpret Pangi as someone with BPD, we first have to establish a base-line. What are the broader, more obvious strokes of his character?

"Both separation anxiety and BPD are characterized by fear of abandonment, but problems with impulsivity, identity, and interpersonal functioning are needed to diagnose BPD." (x)

"There is [Pangi], who, I feel like you have separation anxiety to some degree. [It is] the way that your character is traumatized, and built, and works." (x)

The second quote, from Pili, brings up an interesting point: Pangi does have separation anxiety to some degree, but he says that it's from the way that Pangi is traumatized. It's an obvious hint to both his previous experience on the server, and his previous experience off-server; and as much as we joke about it as being paranoia, it does function as a trauma response in a lot of ways. He experiences both paranoia and trauma. It's not difficult to make the claim that Pangi also displays symptoms of PTSD, and it's not an incorrect claim to make. He absolutely fits the bill for all four symptom categories: intrusive memories, avoidance, negative changes in thinking/mood, and changes in physical/emotional reactions. I feel as though this is a widely-accepted consensus, so I won't be going into detail.

We have established that Pangi's character is, in fact, traumatized (which is nothing out of the ordinary for a mcrp character,) and that Pili is correct in his claim that Pangi's separation anxiety and intense fear of abandonment stem from a trauma response. It's how he's built, and how he's adapted to the world around him.

Is it just the case that Pangi suffers from separation anxiety and occasionally deals with instability? Well... no. In fact, I'd argue that Pangi is characterized by his instability and impulsivity. These traits can be found in almost every aspect of his person. "A pervasive pattern of instability of interpersonal relationships, self-image and affects, and marked impulsivity [...] present in a variety of contexts." (x)

... Okay, so what is the diagnostic criteria for BPD? (x)

1. Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment

I've already spoken about Pangi's issues with abandonment (x) and I don't want to sound like a broken record, so I won't repeat my previous points in this post in any significant detail. In terms of trying to avoid abandonment, Pangi does this by making himself seem useful/desirable. If he can offer something to someone, in the form of protection/violence, then he believes they'll stick around. In order to avoid abandonment, Pangi will also take any sort of withdrawl/upset with him or his actions as abandonment.

The other day, Aimsey and Lukey were upset with him, and he immediately believed he had to go "lone-wolf," because obviously they didn't want him anymore. He decides the best possible response to potential abandonment is to isolate himself. He has a pattern on the realm where he'll try to leave first so that people don't get the opportunity to leave him after he gets the first taste of what he perceives to be betrayal/abandonment. Of course, that little fact ties into betrayal and abandonment being the same thing to him. Historically, they have been the same thing, so Pangi has no reason to believe otherwise.

2. A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterised by alternating between extremes of idealisation and devaluation

Pangi does have black/white, all/nothing thinking. While he himself is a morally grey individual, he struggles to see the shades of grey in others. Pangi's definition of "good" and "bad" are not typical by any means, and follow closer towards what he believes to be justified and unjustified. Does this affect his interpersonal relationships, though, is the question? Well, yes. A little more ambiguously than say, Ros, who I can point out several solid examples for, but he does live by this train of thought. I mean, the previous point of him packing up and leaving when someone does something that he believes is an attack against him can undoubtedly be an example of this. He's very quick to pull a 180 when people don't meet the expectations he has of them, and react accordingly.

We can also look at things like, how he reacted to Ros flooding the cathedral. He gets angry, resentful, the angriest he's ever been at her, and doesn't understand why she would possibly to this to him. She does something that conflicts with the image he has of her in his head, the pedestal he believes her to be on, she does something which he sees as betrayal. Abandonment. She's dead to him. He splits.

3. Identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self

This one is really interesting, because despite how reputation-oriented Pangi is, he has an insanely unstable image and sense of self. For starters, Pangi seeks excessive validation from the people who he's surrounded by. He actively looks for reassurance in everything he does. Pangi has ideas of what he "should" be, what he's "supposed" to be, and his entire sense of self will change based on how he's being perceived at any given moment. Either way, he is very driven by this idea of his own "reputation," and when he so frequently feels things that contradict that image... the image becomes blurry and unclear, and he's left unsure of who he actually is. So, the image will adapt. And adapt. And adapt.

Identity disturbance can be characterized by a shift in goals/ideals, which is incredibly common for Pangi: he will often set out plans that align with his current identity, and abandon them down the road when that identity is challenged or changes. These things are also results of his emotional drive, and "who he is" depends on how he's feeling on that given day.

Identity disturbance can also cause issues in your relationships, as people affected may struggle understanding their own needs/boundaries when they're relating to another person (x), which is something Pangi absolutely struggles with. Pangi is often very ready to forgo his own boundaries and feelings about things when he believes they can potentially jeopardize a relationship he values. Oftentimes, he'll express frustration over something, be met with a negative response, and then decide to put aside that frustration to keep another person content. He will then mold how he reacts based on how he's "wanted" to react. Obviously, Pangi is very prone to acting out on emotion, so these "molds" don't last long, adding to that instability. He's unable to clearly outline his needs/wants, because he's unsure of what they are, because they are so dependant on unpredictable variables. Who he is, is an unpredictable variable.

4/5. Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging / Recurrent suicidal behaviour, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behaviour

** The DSM5 strictly states that criteria four and five are separate, but because this is Minecraft, a lot of Pangi's impulsive behaviours can be argued as some form of self-harm. The line between what is and isn't is very blurred, as are his intentions when doing these actions, so I've combined them into the same category for this reason. They are still different points, and I will clarify when I believe something is specific, but I'm just confining them to a single area.

Pangi is impulsive. That should require no convincing, if you've paid any attention to his character. Pangi will often act out suddenly and on a whim, and these actions will cause massive problems for himself and others. This impulsivity is not only present in the minor parts of his character and personality, but also in his major storylines. Pangi decides, on an impulse, he's going to experiment with the weird purple crystals growing out of the ground, and does so excessively and in an uncontrolled environment. He is aware of the risks, is warned by Keepers that he's "dooming" himself, but chooses to do so anyway with no regard for his own well-being. Many of his impulsive behaviours have been related to the corruption, and there's an argument to be made that his relationship with the corruption is intentionally self-harming. The duel is arguably an impulsive behaviour too, Pangi feels that he's bored, and in-order to feel fulfilled again, he chases adrenaline through something deadly and something that will give him purpose. Months ago, back in December, he and Pili have an argument, and he decides he's going to kill people. Most of Pangi's impulses are violent. He needs a steady stream of catastrophe to feel like a person, essentially.

Pangi is less suicidal in theory than he has been in practice. I know that sounds like a crazy thing to say. He is, by all means, a survivalist... isn't he? He says he is, he's effective in staying alive, but how willing is he to live? Recently, of course, very; he spent his last few days before succumbing to the corruption talking about how much he values life, how much he appreciates being alive. Pangi keeps everything he needs to survive on his person at all times, and avoids situations that danger his life. Except... for that one time.

Pangi has expressed suicidal behaviour, but not recently enough to consider it recurrent. Most of his previous ideation can be sorted into the category of threats rather than actions. For example: as Pili was preparing to fight Clown, Pangi threatens to kill himself several times. Not as a joke, not to lighten to mood, he means it with genuine intent: "If you die, I'm gonna kill myself. Pili, I don't think I want to live in a world without you." - "You have an entire life to live," - "Not without you." -> When overwhelmed with the thought of losing Pili, with that emotion, Pangi verbally threatens to kill himself. This is one of the few times he shares this out loud, the extent of it, but not the only time he expresses intent to follow through with it. Most, if not all, of his suicidal behaviours were after losing Pili, and before he was sent to the null. In my head I like to refer to this as the Dark Times in the Pangi lore, because he was so entirely miserable. Again, worth noting, that all of those instances were because he was very unstable and felt no tether to reality, they were spawned out of a heavy grief. Pangi spent a lot of this time separated from the world and willing to behave even more rashly than he usually does--which is to say that it's not typical for his character, but still worth mentioning. A lot of his actions during this time can also be considered impulsive behaviour that happened to be self-damaging rather than actively self-damaging.

6. Affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g. intense episodic dysphoria, irritability or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days)

I feel like I've already spoken in depth about Pangi's affective instability, and his reactive mood needs no introduction. Pangi experiences rapid, extremely intense, shifts in mood, however they never last very long at all. Most of his conflicts start the same way: something will happen and it will cause Pangi to react negatively, he'll act out on that emotion, and then regret it later, because they tend to fade pretty fast. He's sworn to go on several villain arcs, rampages, killing sprees, when he's angry, but never follows through with them. By the time it comes around again, he's moved on from feeling that way. This not only happens with his anger, but other feelings: anxiousness, sadness, and irritability. This is one of the main reasons why Pangi seems so wishy-washy when it comes to his plans, because the emotions that he bases them off of are always extremely intense and extremely brief.

7. Chronic feelings of emptiness

Pangi is always chasing some sense of fulfillment. He is constantly unsatisfied and feels the need to do more, to find some bigger purpose or sense of identity.

While speaking with Newt a handful of weeks ago, Pangi says "Does it feel empty? Like there's something missing?" (x) when discussing their memory loss, and then the day after, he tells Bad that while he was corrupted he felt "as normal," just a little weird. Maybe it's a slight stretch to say that this is evidence that Pangi always feels as though there's something missing, but honestly, his character patterns make it clear that this is true.

This has been increasingly obvious recently, after the Lifesteal finale (which, heightened feelings of chronic emptiness have been linked to relieving traumatic events (x),) where he has very openly expressed un-fulfillment. Chronic emptiness typically occurs when you're not well distracted by something, which is highlighted by Pangi's boredom with peace. He has no distraction, and has become overtaken by a feeling of purposelessness, so he finds it in things that will not only provide a decent distraction, but give him a concrete goal to look towards. The duel with Aimsey, the OSC, etc. Pangi seeks out things that will "fill" him, or give him meaning. Things that will tether him back to reality, and make him work with the people around him. (If you watched a single Pangi stream after he agreed to duel with Aimsey, you would've heard him say this. It was the only thing he could talk about, how excited he was to finally have a purpose again, to have a reason to do things, to have something to look forward to.)

8. Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger

"Sometimes, my emotions just take over."

Christ, if Pangi isn't angry. Again, this is not only one of the symptoms that feel more surface-level and easy to notice, but one of the ones that I've kind of already spoken in length about. For those reasons, I'll keep it brief. I don't want to run the risk of repeating myself over and over.

We've already discussed Pangi's intense emotion, obviously this also includes his anger, and his difficulty reining in his emotions. But, is it fair to consider his anger inappropriate? Yes. Pangi is very quick to anger when something sets him off, and it's not uncommon for him to get upset over things that others would consider harmless fun/jokes, or minor disagreements, or questions about his competency. Especially when he feels as if he's been disrespected.

9. Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms

I don't know, do you guys think Pangi suffers from paranoia? I've never seen him paranoid in my life. I've never seen him show any dissociative symptoms or suspicion, especially not when he's confronted by the threat of abandonment. If you can't tell, I'm being sarcastic. Here's a small compilation from the day he argued with Aimsey and Lukey about the egg (x), for your viewing pleasure.

Pangi is always paranoid, but it does get significantly worse when he's stressed, especially when he's stressed about being abandoned. Recall that Pangi considers betrayal and abandonment to be the same thing, and they trigger the same response in him. Relating to the compilation linked above, Pangi is convinced that Lukey and Aimsey are going to betray his trust in some way, he believes they are going to kill him, abandon him, and so he completely disassociates from everything he knows to be true about them, and immediately jumps to the conclusion that they are trying to kill or trap him. He grows increasingly suspicious of them, even though they have given him no reason to be suspicious at all. He believes that they are plotting against him, are involved in some major conspiracy to kill him... with little to no reason. These thoughts, of course, are always spurred on by the cause of stress, and as that stressor subsides, so will the thoughts.

So...

In order to be considered for a BPD diagnosis, you must display at least five out of the nine symptoms above. Pangi displays, at the very least, eight out of the nine symptoms, without counting recurring suicidal ideation/threats. Which is a lot.

Obviously, I don't think this is an intentional character decision, nor do I consider him representation, it is just one of the many ways to look at his character. Most of these symptoms are already integral parts of his character, and are all undoubtably intertwined with each other.

Interpreting Pangi as borderline is very far from a groundless belief. There are piles of evidence to support it, and even then, I've only included major examples of the symptoms; as much as I love his character, I obviously cannot remember every instance in which he displayed one of these traits. I only really scratched the surface of each, because this post is long enough already, but there’s definitely more to discuss.