#toys should be fun

[icarusthelunarguard]

This Week’s Horrible-Scopes

It’s time for this week’s Horrible-Scopes! So for those of you that know your Astrological Signs, cool! If not, just pick one, roll a D12, or just make it up as you go along. It really doesn’t matter. Better yet! Check out “Heart of the Game, Fredonia” - they can sell you those D12’s with the symbols on them! Get in contact with them on Facebook, shipping to the U.S. only, and tell them “Shujin Tribble” sentcha. “Hail, Hail, Fredonia!” Home of the Blue Devil!

For those of you unfamiliar with such things, in Rochester, New York there is the Strong’s National Toy Hall of Fame - and recently they inducted the next twelve toys they’ve deemed fit for special recognition for posterity. This isn;t a list of what’s recently come to market, but toys that have captured the hearts and minds of kids and those who are still kids at heart. So this week let’s see what you all get from the list! 

Aries 

What if we told you your toy was something you weren’t allowed to touch in order to play with it? Sounds all kinds of wrong, right? Well dig this, ‘cause your toy is the category of “Remote-Controlled Vehicles”! Known as “(R/C)”s it could be anything from an R2-D2 model to a VR-Vision Drone, but in all cases it’s just fun to enjoy. So This Week… If you’re thinking of trying your hand at Model Aircraft flying, please buy one of these Flight Trainer Programs first. They usually come with a replica controller so you can get used to what it looks like when you crash $1,400 worth of your hard-earned money into the ground like it was a Lawn Dart.

Taurus 

Your toy is one of the youngest here, having been created in 1974 in a dream. The game is called, “Sequence” and involves a deck of cards, a playfield with multiple card images on it, coloured chips to put on the board, and the plan to place a sequence of five of your chips in a row before your opponent does. So This Week… The game really started in the early 1980’s and took a bit to gain traction and popularity. Keep that in mind as we start the new year; you’re allowed to take time to come up to speed and hit your stride.

Gemini 

This can be arguably considered one of the most dangerous toys possible; and for the record it’s NOT the board game, “Monopoly”. As a youngster what did you learn about physics? If you said, “I didn't learn anything!”, well congratulations - you owe Virgo an apology for spoiling their toy. In reality you learned about Gravity and how to use it to play. Your toy is the Trampoline! All kinds of fun to have, so long as you keep your hands and feet inside the ride until the occupant comes to a complete and full stop. So This Week… There’s also the slight problem of built-up static electricity when using one. Be sure to purposefully zap yourself so you don’t fall getting out.

Cancer Moon-Child 

Your toy’s gotten a bit of a renaissance in the 21st century and goes by several names: cock horse, stick horse, or hobby horse. It’s, basically as the name suggests, a long stick with a stuffed plush horse’s head on the end, sometimes with reins, and the rider carries it along, dragging between their legs, and imitating various equine stepping gaits. So This Week… There are groups who use these toys instead of real horses in dressage events or polo. Go check them out and see just how in-shape you could be if you joined them!  

Leo 

Some aren’t going to think this category qualifies as a “toy”, but the Strong Museum would disagree. Imagine you’re reading a chapter in a book, and suddenly it ends on a cliffhanger, but YOU get to decide where the story goes next! Welcome to the world of, “Choose Your Own Adventure gamebooks”! You get to help the adventurer find their way through a maze, or track down a lead in a detective story. No matter what, you’ll get to have fun! So This Week… If you think you’re not a computer simulated consciousness, just remember that all these, “Turn to page X to continue the story” prompts are just “GOTO” programming commands!

Virgo 

We’re hoping Cancer didn’t totally spoil the reveal for you on this one. What’s more fun than a hobby horse and half the size? How about a “My Little Pony”? Originally called, “My Pretty Pony” it’s gone through a number of changes with each successive generation - some more successful than others. But the behemoth juggernaut that most folks are familiar with now would be 2010’s “My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic”. Even though that generation’s run its course, being officially replaced in 2021 with “My Little Pony: A New Generation” aka Gen5, the fanbase it generated has been nothing short of miraculous. So This Week… Only you can write the finale to your book. Make it a good one.

Libra

For you we have another card game, though to be honest we’ve not heard of this one. The game is called, “Phase 10”, and its rules and objectives get super tough to follow very quickly. The only part we were able to understand was the fact that games will usually be shortened by half to help finish quicker. Not sure if that’s a selling point or not, but whatever. So This Week… Even if someone tries to cut you down, just remember that you are still as ferocious as ever. And a slow burn anger can sometimes get the point across better than yelling would. 

Scorpio 

Released for the Nintendo Game Boy in 1996, Pocket Monsters Red and Blue most definitely didn’t look it on green screen, but it was the beginning of a monstrous franchise. Your game isn’t the Game Boy cartridge, but the Pokémon Trading Card Game itself that spawned from it. Who knew kids could be convinced to spend lots of allowance money on card packages with only a slim chance of gaining something special for their future card battles. So This Week… In video games this practice is usually called “Loot Boxes”, and is highly frowned upon or outright banned if real world money is involved. You’re an adult now - make sure you can inspect what you’re buying before you pay for it.

Sagittarius 

You’re getting a classic, a master stroke of ingenuity, and a versatile toy, underrated in modern days because of its lack of lights or bells or batteries, or ANY power source, actually. Balloons! You don;t think that’s a worthwhile toy? Might we remind you of its versatility! It’s a target at almost every carnival with a dart board, it’s a jet engine for a milk-carton boat, it’s a floating sign when filled with helium, and when properly reinforced, semi-inflated, and sat on produces an imitation of a Barking Spider. So This Week… Let others underestimate you and your abilities. It’ll be their undoing.

Capricorn 

Depending on where and when you live, you might not have ever seen the next toy in person, or maybe you’d only ever heard about it as spoken-of legend, but trust it, they’re real! Hess Toy Trucks were that special sometimes Last Minute Gift for the kiddos if someone was running late into the Gift Giving Season. Sold at HESS Gas Stations from 1964 until their switchover to Speedway stations in 2015, every year had a different truck or car or jet or helicopter to entertain. So This Week… Even if you didn't get one growing up, you can still check “Hess Toy Truck Dot Com” to see all the old ones and the upcoming new ones. And use coupon code, “HORRIBLE” to save not a whit on any purchases you make there. 

Aquarius 

The fact that your toy made it out of its infancy is a testament to how good an idea it was when it started - considering it literally killed off its main character and traumatized generations of children! Your inductee is a marvel of marketing and engineering: Transformers! What was more impressive to you? Peter Cullen & Frank Welker performing the voices of Optimus Prime and Megatron live without  any audio aid of any kind, or designing a Triple Changers? So This Week… If you start to sound like Optimus in your own head, your vocal cords are covered in stuff because you’re sick. Put on a mask or stay home. 

Pisces  

We know how you are and how you operate, but for just one stellar moment, just TRY to be an All Audiences personality for a change, hmm? Imagine a card game where, literally, the dealer cannot win the game! Apples to Apples is, for lack of a nicer way to put it, the “General Audiences” version of “Cards Against Humanity” - and the fact that C.a.H. is a more popular game to you tells us all we needed to know today. So This Week… There’s something special that comes out of setting limits for yourself and working inside them. Ignore those cheat codes! Don’t use God Mode! Forget editing the Config files! Learn how to do what you need with fewer resources and you’ll be a more powerful thinker.

And THOSE are your Horrible-Scopes for this week! Remember if you liked what you got, we’re obviously not working hard enough at these. BUT! If you want a better or nastier one for your own sign or someone else’s, all you need to do to bribe me is just Let Me Know - or check out the Ko-Fi page ( https://ko-fi.com/icarusthelunarguard )! These will be posted online at the end of each week via Tumblr, Facebook, Discord, and BLUESKY.

[turtleblogatlast]

I love Raph and haven’t said that enough so to be more specific I love that Raph is a soft boy who loves bear plushies, a gross boy who eats an assortment of things that are definitely better left alone, a smart boy who is more than capable of taking down villains through planning and fortitude alike, a strong boy who is dedicated to training his muscles and fighting prowess, a teenage boy who loves his brothers but is more than happy to tease and roughhouse with them, an angry boy who sometimes lets his anger take a hold of him to cover the fear, a gentle boy who is generous with hugs and affirmations to those he loves, a capable boy who takes on more than should ever be expected of a teenager, a good boy who just wants to be a hero and slowly comes to realize the cost of that duty, a good boy who has no reservations about putting himself in the way of harm coming to his family, a good boy who’s a great brother and son and person and deserves only the best the world has to offer.

[sentientgolfball]

Mountrain and Dewther double date except it’s Aether getting Rain and Dew so high off quint that all they can do is make little high pitched noises and Mountain holds Rain in his lap while Aether uses his grip on Dew’s hips to help him fuck into Rain <3

[heyimkana]

This translation may not be 100% correct, I'm sorry for the mistakes, both English and Japanese are not my first language 😭

A little context: studying abroad, you and your boyfriend live in different countries and it's been a while since you've last seen each other. Missing you terribly, he calls you very early in the morning.

00.02 Listening to your voice like this, it really feels like you're here beside me so for me not being able to touch you directly is... really hard.

00.15 Hey, right now... You're in your room right? Is there anyone else there?

(You tell him, "I'm alone.")

00.24 I see... Well then... For now, why don't you replace me with your hand instead?

(You say, "I don't get what you're saying.")

00.35 You don't get what I'm saying? *chuckles*

00.38 I mean, the hand that you're not using to hold the phone right now... It's free, right?

00.42 Think of it as my hand.

00.45 Let's see...

00.47 For starters, try touching your own lips.

(You hesitate.)

00.54 Come on, don't be so embarrassed, hurry up.

00.59 Your soft lips... Touch them. *kisses*

01.07 Hehe, didn't it feel like I just kissed you? (referring to both the kissing sound he made and the way you touched your lips with your hand)

(You say, "Yes.")

01.14 Right? Then, next is... Try touching your neck.

01.22 Try to imagine that that's my hand, okay? If you think of it like that, you'll feel a little sensitive.

01.28 Do it more gently. Touching it or not, you can do whatever you like.

(You say, "It's embarrassing.")

01.39 It's not embarrassing. It's only me who sees you like this.

(You argue that he's not really looking because he's not there with you.)

01.46 No, I am looking at you. It's shown vividly, the way your face goes all red from the way I'm touching you.

01.59 When I close my eyes, I can really see you.

02.03 Listen, try to remember the day when we first got together.

02.10 That time, I carried you to the bed.

02.16 Come on, you do it too. Lie down on the bed.

(You ask him, "Are you on the bed right now?")

02.20 Yeah, I'm on my bed too.

02.27 You're already on the bed?

(You say, "Yes.")

02.30 Then, close your eyes. Slowly, start unbuttoning your shirt. Imagine it that I'm doing it to you.

02.40 That's right, you're so good...

02.44 Aah, look. I can see your beautiful skin. Your skin is so white, so smooth and soft...

02.57 *breathes in, sighs* You smell so good...

03.04 You can imagine it, right?

03.06 I'm right in front of you now.

03.10 I'll be gentle.

03.15 Keep your eyes closed.

03.18 I'll kiss those adorable eyes.

03.26 Then your neck...

03.32 Your ears too...

03.39 Ah... I want to touch your chest...

03.45 Try to touch your breast in my place.

03.48 Come on, there's only me who sees this.

03.57 As I thought... They're really soft, aren't they..?

04.02 Your nipples... How do they look now? Are they hard?

(You tell him, "It feels embarrassing to do this.")

04.13 It's not embarrassing. It's okay.

04.17 I'm also... hard.

04.26 Hey... Try touching your nipples too.

04.31 Come on, hurry up.

04.36 Is it still soft? Try doing it harder.

04.47 Your voice is so cute... That's right, this is what I've been wanting to hear.

04.57 Hey... I'll kiss your ear so... Try and play with your breasts some more.

05.10 Just like the way you did before. Harder.

05.26 Your cute voice... I want to hear it more...

05.32 Take off your panties next.

05.35 Actually, I'll be happy if you can take everything off.

(You ask him, "Why?")

05.39 Well, because I want to see everything.

05.45 Come on... Hurry...

05.53 Just by listening to those rustling sounds you make, I get so turned-on. I'm wondering if you're naked now...

06.01 You've taken your clothes off?

06.05 Then... So I can see more of you, try spreading your legs.

06.11 Wider. Make it so I can see you clearly.

06.16 Liar. You're not really spreading your legs 'cause you're too embarrassed to do it, are you? I can tell.

06.29 Hey... Show it to me... I haven't touched you down there in a while, so at least, even if we're just imagining it, let me touch you.

06.45 Then... Do it gently.... Even if it's only for a little, it's okay... Try touching yourself...

07.02 Don't put your fingers inside just yet, okay? You can't do it until I say so.

07.12 You can only touch yourself around the edge.

07.16 That's right... Just slowly... rub yourself...

07.31 Hmm? What is it? Don't tell me, you already put your fingers inside...

07.42 What should we do... *chuckles*

07.54 It can't be helped, huh? Well then, gently put your fingers inside...

08.11 Such a cute voice...

08.16 I'm close too...

08.21 Should we cum together then?

09.06 Sorry, it's morning over there, isn't it? I'm sorry for making you do such weird things so early in the morning.

09.16 Yeah, it felt so good... Thank you...

(After this part, there's a conversation where you're telling him to just use your pictures if he wants to jerk off next time and he says, "No, I can't use those precious pics I have of you to masturbate, that's crazy!" but inwardly he admits, "Sorry, truth is, I already used them before." He's worried that you'll start thinking of him as a pervert but you say, "We literally just had phone sex, what are you worried about?" Then the track got cut short here because Tumblr won't let me upload the full track, but what happens next is you tell him it's okay to use your pictures and you even offer him to send some lewder ones like pictures of you in your underwear and he gulps, "S-seriously?" and you reply, "What, you don't want them?" and he answers, "Yes, I do want them. Very, very much." But then he gets worried if the pictures got stolen and posted online, so he tells you not to do it.)

spoiler for the next track: You send him some pics of you in your underwear, along with a toy... you know, like a fleshlight... and then he uses it while looking at your pictures 😳

[kaeya-senpai]

silly guy!!!!!!

[avakitsune]

Post a vid of you choking yourself, please?

If I get nuked, I hate you, bestie 🥰 I'm putting it under a readmore just to be safe

Edit: the post survived and I got no flag so I'm removing the readmore

[somegrumpynerd]

Bitty update! Or I guess bitties (bittys?) update since there's apparently two of them now.

I didn't expect to see much of them after that last encounter since they seemed pretty unhappy about me getting too close, but I kept leaving out food and keeping my eyes peeled just in case. A lot of people have been saying to leave jerky but I haven't been able to find any so I've been leaving out bread and ham, is this okay for them?

Anyway, the other day when I was on my lunch break I saw the horror bitty scurrying around again. He saw me and disappeared which I expected, but then he came back and just kinda sat across from me and ate?? I didn't want to say anything in case it spooked him so we just sort of ate lunch together in silence, but I did try and take a sneaky picture

Is this good? Is this normal for bitties? When he was finished eating he just got up and walked off and I didn't see where he went, but I assume he's not super scared of me if he sat and ate so close right?

Also I found this cute little ketchup jar, I've been keeping it in the fridge since it's been warm in work and I thought they'd like a cool treat. Well I found it like this the other day so I guess that's a yes lol

[my-little-hyperfixation]

does anyone like genuinely love daisyjo, is anyone "daisyjo's number one fan". I like her a lot but mostly as a joke. she's in almost every fucking G3 special and has no lines, but she's in every background shot. Even Core 7 she's in the background of Core 7 and twinkle wish adventure like, someone must have really liked her at Hasbro or really did not care about character design sheets being recycled

[tempo-takoyaki]

have you read mdzs yet? If so, what do you think of tianlang-jun x jiang cheng? :3c

I have read mdzs! :D I don't talk about it much but I really enjoyed it! As for Tianlang-jun x Jiang Cheng, despite how much I love how unhinged the svsss fandom and the Jiang Cheng shipper can be... For me (and that's my personal headcanon), Jiang Cheng is 100% aroace. So I don't find any ship with him appealing ^^'

However please do have fun with it! It sounds like a really fun ship idea!

[manglam-marfach]

dyke!Chilaios has me understanding breeding kink all of a sudden

[toxictrashdump]

That was my parting lie, and I'd wrapped it in all the bows

[poniko-w]

i think not enough sigkin and bachikin gijinkas really focus on the fact that those two are living in a tent and only bachikin has a bag in there. and even then its a relatively tiny bag. and you also start the game out with 0 gela. i love love love all the pretty gijinkas i see but like those two are basically homeless. i doubt they got time to be dressing like that w all the community service theyre doing

[the-mighty-nappa]

Off my antidepressants: unhinged sub in heat that needs to be bred On my antidepressants: Top violently in need of dominating their "big bro" and having her way with them. I love the duality of my mistakes :D (always remember to get med refills kids)

[denied-enby-fuckbot]

need to be outfitted with an oversized vibrating hypersensitive cyborg cock and balls that increase in size with every edge

[purgatory-is-life]

Mechtober day 30/prompt 31-Slice of Life

Just a cute little doodle of Brian and the toy soldier bc I'm incredibly abnormal abt them <333

@mechtober-2024

[toytulini]

victorian style haunted house that has dysphoria about not being an open concept minimalist hellhole, before we even have those, so it doesnt know why it just feels sooo miserable and has to lash out at everyone inside it, so its wretched and haunted the whole time, until its finally bought by a house flipper in the 2020s who knows JUST how to fix it