#toxic codependent girlfriends my beloved (gay cannibals)

[bedrotboy]

i think one of the reasons i love mizumono is bc of will graham's evident shock/disbelief at the thought that hannibal couldn't leave without him. that hannibal wanted him *so* bad, that he would not do what was best for his self preservation, to leave..because he couldn't live without Will.

It feels to me like this moment of realizing how enmeshed they are. Will isn't acting much out of self-preservation either at this point; he has pointed a gun at Hannibal many times and has not killed him

I don't think Will truly internalized how much Hannibal felt attached to him

Which brings me to the real reason I love it: Did Will even think of himself as someone possible to feel attached to? Is this confession, by a man covered in his friend's blood, the first time Will has been told that he was a necessary part of someone else's life, other than his dogs?

No one else really treats him that way--he is a tool, a "professional curiosity". He's something they see value in, and only in his exterior self, not his true self.

How much of the reason he hides his true self is fear of something he wants to view as morally abhorrent, and how much is fear of truly never being able to be loved?

is there fear of embracing the monster and *being* loved? is the unfamiliarity of being honest to himself and being recognized and being loved a pain he isn't ready for?

The absolute heartbreak of realizing he just betrayed the one person who saw him for who he was, and wanted him

I think that's why he moans and leans into being gutted. The connection is worth it, and also, this form of connection is what he thinks he deserves

He only starts objecting when Hannibal hurts Abigail--she deserves better than that, and he is also in extreme pain losing someone he feels attached to, someone he feels responsible for. Someone whose survival means Will does not need to be wanted or loved or real to who he is, Will can be needed and benefit others.

That's the way to hurt Will, through hurting the ones he loves

Eliminating them is a necessary step, though, to getting him to embrace who he is. As long as he feels he can maintain his façade and still be useful to others, he will be somewhat tethered to the realm of "everyone else", of following their morals.

Of never being wanted, always the stranger, but always being needed--always the sacrifice.

"Did you think you could change me, the way I changed you?"

"I already did"

I think in being gutted he does gain some like....satisfaction in finding out how deeply Hannibal is capable of feeling. How Will made him feel that way.

I feel like by gutting the one he loves, Hannibal finally slices through the veil, through his person suit. He betrays the intensity of love he has for Will by demonstrating the intensity of pain.

"I let you see me. Know me."

"I gave you a rare gift, but you didn't want it."

"Didn't I?"

That's why it has always felt like this intensely loving moment to me--the pain and devastating sense of betrayal wouldn't exist without that love. And Will is finally the person able to force Hannibal to show those feelings.

He's not a tool, or an oddity to Hannibal. Will is so much more than that. Hannibal wants to believe he just finds Will "intriguing", but it's not true. He is head over heels in love, and heartbroken, for this man. For what he sees exists deeply in the core of who this man is--not just for who he pretends to be.

I love them so much.