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i feel like tox and killer would be friends
Tox: the guy almost convinced me to kill jerry once
#toxic sans#sans#toxicundernet#undertale au#sans au#undertale ask blog#undertale#ut au#sans undertale#killer sans#bad sans gang#bad sanses#tox and killer sans#ayesha ericota#we are gonna kill jerry
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Absence of Good - 4
Chapter Four: Clowning Around
Okay, so, I know I said I probably wasn’t going to get this written this week but...surprise! I tried out this tip where you write it in comic sans and it’s supposed to make you more creative and uh...it did. It definitely works guys. Like maybe it’s just the placebo effect but this was a BREEZE to write. And for all of my stats people out there, yes, I am aware that z-scores aren’t actually done like this, but it’s a JOKE, okay, a JOKE. Anyway, I hope you guys also think this is good.
Taglist: @dreamwritesimagines @rhabakoli
AoG Taglist: @pancakefancake @prettyboyspenerrr
Wordcount: 2655
Warnings: Mentions of death and murder. Clowns.
“When someone loves you, the way they talk about you is different. You feel safe and comfortable.”
-Jess C. Scott
“This one…isn’t real, right?”
You leaned over on your seat in the jet to whisper in Spencer’s ear. You just couldn’t believe this kind of thing could possibly happen. You had to be investigating some kind of prank show crap or something. Perhaps Netflix’s newest horror movie. Maybe Sara J. Maas wrote a new novel series that some LARPers got a little carried away with.
“Hotch never jokes,” Spencer whispered.
“Well yeah. I got that on day one. But maybe he’s like…wrong?”
“File it under Also Doesn’t Happen. The statistical probability of Hotch being wrong is so low that if you compared him to anyone else in his position the z-score you found wouldn’t even be statistically significant,” Spencer explained.
“I don’t remember what the words you just said mean but yes.”
“Well, a z-score is-“
“No no, don’t tell me. A little bit of mystery keeps things sexy.”
“You just don’t want to know because it’s math, huh?”
“Gosh, you know me so well.” You grinned at him.
“Yo, what are you two flirting about over there?” Derek’s smile was best described as a cocky, meddling grin typically worn by people who were sons of-
“Maybe it’s work. Maybe it’s Maybelline.” Spencer shrugged, and everyone on the plane stared at him.
“Spence…Y/N says that. Oh my gosh, they’re even starting to talk like each other,” JJ said, her face the same as Derek’s.
They were terrible people. Terrible, terrible people.
“You know, JJ makes a good point. You guys spend a lot of time together. What would you even do if we separated you?” Emily mused.
You stared at her, hating the idea already. Spencer was what you knew. He was who you worked best with. You were partners in…not crime. Even just the thought of getting up off the jet coach and sitting away from him was unpleasant. You two always sat on the couch, right next to each other. It was important. For brain storming sessions. Important for brainstorming sessions and your work, which you took very seriously.
“We work well together,” You defended your relationship.
“Well yeah, of course, but maybe you would work well with someone else. You haven’t really given it a chance though, have you?” Emily pointed out.
“Yeah. Lover boy over here is being selfish, won’t let you go for 5 minutes. The rest of us want a turn, you know,” Derek said.
“Well you can’t have one. Spencer is my partner. We’re maximizing efficiency, right Spence?”
You looked up at Spencer and he nodded, a serious frown on his face. It appeared that he also did not like the idea of you being ripped away from him, however adamant the team was that they get their turn. Children. Absolute children.
“But if we really wanted to maximize efficiency we would have to test the hypothesis that you and Spencer are the two members of the team who work best together,” JJ said, starting to get in on the fun now. “You know…Hotch, you haven’t given us our assignments yet and we land pretty soon…”
Hotch looked up, appearing completely unaffected by this conversation.
“Rossi and Prentiss, you two will be heading to the morgue. Derek and Reid, I want you exploring the latest crime scene. Y/L/N and JJ, I’d like you two to interview our witnesses.”
And just like that, all your dreams of a sweet, happy work day with Spencer were crushed. Not that your work days usually turned out sweet and happy, but Spence always made a bad situation better. Sometimes when you were having an off day you wanted to call him just to hear the sound of his voice giving you facts about Daniel Powter or something.
You sighed, slumping back into your seat and doing something that an uneducated outsider might call pouting. You, however, knew better. You did not pout. You only displayed disappointment on occasion.
“Witness interrogation?” You mumbled to Spencer. “How on earth am I supposed to interview some poor sap about a clown murderer?”
“Okay, so it looks like our witness here is…let me see…Mandie Dawkins. 16, apparently saw the whole thing while sneaking out to meet her boyfriend, fled the scene then called 911.”
“They did do a tox screen on her, right? Like…I’m just making sure here.”
JJ’s face betrayed her own disbelief as she sucked in air between her teeth. “Yep. As hard as it is to believe, well…kids see the darndest things.”
You two entered the interrogation room to see a girl who was, frankly, terrified looking. You couldn’t blame her though. After all, she had witnessed a man dressed as a clown use a chainsaw to murder a guy. That left a mark that probably wouldn’t come out without a few good years of therapy. You definitely sensed a clown phobia developing here.
“Hi, Mandie. My name is Jennifer and this is my partner, Y/N. We’re just hear to ask you some questions about what you saw the other night.”
JJ spoke gently, and you were impressed by how soft her tone was. You had seen this side of her before, but only briefly. When she brought her kids into the office she was a completely different person.
“Hi,” Mandie said, sniffling slightly.
“Mandie, we know you already told the officers, but could you maybe just tell us again what exactly happened that night?” You asked, following Jennifer’s lead in speaking softly and slowly.
Mandie teared up as she recounted the events. “I…I thought it was just a joke, you know? Like, the whole clown apocalypse thing on the internet or whatever they’re calling it. Just like, a Halloween thing, you know? I didn’t think anyone was actually going out there and hurting people, or, or, or killing them.”
“It’s alright, Mandie. We’re going to catch whoever did this, okay? We’re going to need your help to do that though. I’d like to try something, if you’re alright with it. Can you close your eyes for me, Mandie?” Jennifer asked.
You watched closely. You knew what she was doing. A cognitive interview. You had never done one yourself, but you had been taught how to. They weren’t Spencer’s forte however, so you usually weren’t assigned to situations where that might be necessary.
“Alright, now I want you to imagine that you’re back there, walking to your boyfriend’s. I want you to tell me what you see. What’s the weather like?”
“It’s…it’s cold,” Mandie said. “And a little bit windy, too. There are goosebumps on my arms. I brought a jacket but it’s not heavy enough.”
“Alright. What else? Do you smell anything?”
Mandie thought for a moment. “No, not really. Just the rain from earlier and I guess gasoline.”
“Gasoline?”
“Yeah. Or like, propane maybe. Some kind of fuel.”
“Alright, you’re doing great,” Jennifer said. “Now as you get closer to your boyfriend’s house, what do you see?”
“I’m almost there when I see him. This guy, dressed as a clown. You know, the whole bit too. The really big shoes, a red wig, even the nose. And he’s got this chainsaw, but not like, an old-fashioned one. It’s electric, and it’s really loud. I don’t know how I didn’t hear it before. Probably the wind. Anyway, he’s lifting it up, and it looks like it’s really heavy-“
“Hold on,” JJ instructed. “Let’s stop there for a minute. You said it looked heavy. What made you think that?”
“Well the way he’s lifting it. It’s like it’s really hard for him.”
“Okay. What next, Mandie?”
“Well there’s this guy, right? And he’s just walking down the street, and I think he’s a jogger or something because he’s got sports clothes on. So this clown comes right up behind him and he must have just turned the chainsaw on recently because the guy doesn’t hear him and turn around and he just starts…hacking into him.�� Mandie is struggling to speak through her tears. “There’s so much blood. Just like…everywhere, there’s so much blood and screaming and I-“
“Okay Mandie. It’s okay. You’re safe now. You’re here, with us. Try to focus in on what’s happening. Does anything stand out to you?”
“I can see his mouth moving. I can’t tell what he’s saying, but he’s talking to the guy. Or maybe to nobody. I can’t really tell, but he’s definitely saying something.”
“Okay Mandie. Thank you so much for all of your help. You did great today, and you helped us out a lot. Why don’t you go get yourself something to drink, okay?”
“Okay.”
You leaned forward in your chair, looking at Jennifer. “Wow. You’re really good at that.”
“I used to be press liaison for the BAU, so I dealt with a lot of families. I was doing stuff like this before I was ever profiling.”
You nodded. JJ’s history with the BAU had come up a few times before, but you had never realized how deeply it would impact her current work.
“Okay, so this guy can’t be that physically fit, right? If he’s having enough trouble lifting a chainsaw that Mandie can see it from how far away she was, then he must have really been struggling. Maybe he’s sick?” You suggested.
“It’s a possibility. Frankly, I’m more interested in the talking. Even though we don’t know what he’s saying, it gives us more insight into him as a killer. We know he’s killed before, because he’s too unmistakable not to be a serial killer. It could be that whatever he says to them is his version of a signature. Maybe he has to do it to get the right satisfaction from the kills,” JJ theorized.
“Yeah. I just feel like the more we find out the less we really know.” You frowned.
“Welcome to working with people who aren’t super geniuses.” JJ laughed.
“So far it’s been a little rough,” You joked.
JJ became more serious. “Do you miss him?”
You didn’t even have to think about it. The answer was instantaneous, screaming itself in your brain, aching somewhere in your chest. You liked the familiar rhythm you had with Spencer, and even though there was a lot you could learn from JJ, the steady work you were able to do with Spencer was what you preferred. Just you and him, thinking things through, applying logic until things made sense the way you needed them to. Still, you left a pause before you answered her.
“Yeah. I mean, he’s my partner, you know? Working with you is great, but it’s just not the same without him. He gets me.”
“Yeah. It’s always nice having someone who can understand you. But the challenge is important to, you know.”
“Oh, believe me, I know. Spencer never fails to challenge me. The mere existence of his IQ is a challenge.” You laughed.
“I can understand that. When Will and I met he was such an intimidatingly good detective that I felt challenged. Not afraid to break the rules either, and I was such a good girl back then…I never rocked the boat, if you can believe it.”
You couldn’t. JJ stood up for herself so much now that you couldn’t imagine a meek, shy version of her.
“But Will and I, we get each other. In a way other people wouldn’t be able to. When I finish a bad case, he just knows. I never have to say a word when I get home. He can always tell.”
You nodded. “Yeah. Spence has a weird gift for that too. You know as well as I do that every case affects all of us differently, but he can always tell the ones that hit me the hardest. I always think I’m doing a really good job of hiding it, then come to find out he knew I was struggling the whole time and he has biscotti and coffee.”
“I thought you were a tea drinker?”
“I am. Coffee is for when I’m sad or celebrating. Coffee is for closers.”
“Case closers,” JJ joked.
“Yep. Remind me to take you out for coffee some time after this. We can catch up, talk about your kids. It will be fun.”
“Yes! I’ve been dying for a little girl time. We should definitely do that.”
You met with the rest of the team, and as it turned out, they had discovered more than you. In fact, you were fairly certain you had discovered enough to lay down a profile. Not before you caught a relieved glimpse of Spencer though, sharing a quick smile before being dragged over to help give the profile.
You were looking for a white male in his mid-twenties to early thirties. He would come across as weak and submissive in his personal life, and may be looked down on by his peers. Probably works in a job where he is effectively invisible. The last guy you would notice in a room. He would let others control him in his real life, then exercise that control in his killings. It was also highly likely that he was insecure about his physical fitness since all of his victims so far had been joggers and seemed to be in good shape.
“Alright crime fighters, here’s what I’ve found on our victims so far. I think you’ll like this delicious little morsel. As it turns out, our victims all went to exactly the same gym. Not the same times, mind you, but they were in and out on the same days of the week,” Garcia said from where she was video calling in.
“Can you tell us who was working those days and times, Penelope?” Rossi asked.
“Way ahead of you sir. I’ve got three different names that worked every session that our victims worked out and I’ve got even better news coming your way, two of them either have solid alibis or don’t fit the profile. You know what that means…”
“Garcia, I’m going to need a name and an address,” Hotch said.
“Already sent to your personal communications devices! Ta ta!”
“Thanks baby girl, you’re the best,” Derek said before hanging up.
As it turned out, Garcia’s information was good. You caught the guy, 32 year old Randall Myers. He worked as a yoga instructor at the gym and had been killing the clientele of the gym because apparently he felt like they were all judging him. In his mind, he had fabricated a world where he was somehow a victim of them and their bullying. Personally you always felt a bit judged by everyone else at the gym, but not so much that you dressed up in a clown suit and chain-sawed them to death while screaming ‘Who’s the clown now?’ But hey, maybe you were just a little bit too well adjusted for your own good.
You settled into your usual seat next to Spencer on the jet, and you had never been happier to have him join you.
“That was just about exactly as weird as I thought it was going to be,” Spencer said, chuckling to himself.
“Yeah, you can say that again.”
You two sat in silence for a moment, letting your awkwardly separate day hang between you two. Were you supposed to talk about it? It didn’t matter if you were or not, because you did it anyway.
“I missed you.” You both said it at the same time, in near perfect sync.
“It…wasn’t the same without you,” Spencer confessed.
“I do add an unmistakable ambience to the dead bodies and the crime scenes.”
Spencer rolled his eyes tolerantly at your questionable sense of humor.
“You’re right though. I learned a lot from JJ, but I really just wanted to be with you. I guess you complete me, Doctor.”
“I guess I do.” He smiled at you.
You huffed a sigh, leaning your head on his shoulder.
“Such a weird day.”
“Such a weird day.”
“That’s how you know you love someone, I guess, when you can’t experience anything without wishing the other person were there to see it, too.”
-Kaui Hart Hemmings
#absence of good#spencer reid#dr. spencer reid#spencer reid fic#spencer reid oneshot#spencer reid series#spencer reid imagine#spencer reid x reader#criminal minds#criminal minds fan fic#matthew gray gubler#mgg
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It occurs to me most of you don’t really know my other muses
Not anymore, anyway. Way back when, I had a neat little post with them all. Nowadays... Well, I have so many, it would be a really long post if I tried to describe them all in detail. BUT! I can at least say a few words about each (and link to their blogs, which are all dead, but maybe I can fix that)
SO! Here we go. In order of creation, mostly.
HorrorFELL: @missingmorethanmyskull
Arum: The Sans. He got the hole in his head some time ago, and now has episodes of forgetting everything/being near catatonic at times. Violent, crude, always starving, and unable to die.
Tox: The Papyrus. Fought long and hard in the war between Undyne and Toriel for the capital (spanning many years). Is now struggling with PTSD and taking care of his brother. Is a sweetie inside. Makes poisons.
Underswap: @kotovinblue
Legall: The Sans, trans woman. A master of chess, and the Queen’s royal bodyguard. Aware of the constant loop of genocide, pacifist, and neutral timelines their human keeps them in. Fights them in Judgement Hall. Tries to be upbeat, not infantile like fanon likes to make blueberries.
Prise: The Papyrus. Oral fixation, and loves sweets to death. Plays the piano. Very mild seer powers when playing. Also aware of the loops. Steps in to fight in Snowdin, sacrificing himself in genocide timelines. Considers himself a coward.
Fellswap: @abrokenheartdisease HEAVY FONTCEST WARNING
Howl: The Sans, an ice king due to a traumatic childhood. Self-confident, ambitious, bordering on megalomanic at times. Has been separated from his brother and wanders AUs searching for him after their world was destroyed.
Daemon: The Papyrus, a sweet, friendly puppy of a man. Has a small inner voice telling him to dust people and gain power. Mostly only Howl or another authoritative figure can help him control it. Draconic appearance when getting violent, and can breathe fire. Searching for his master through the AUs.
DustFELL: @anevendarkerplace
Chaos: The Sans, female. Wanders the AUs dusting entire timelines. Vain, bitchy, but lonely. Fears her sister hates her for what she’s done, and tries to never be alone. If she is, the ‘ghost’ of her sister berates her for her misdeeds. Wears her sister’s scarf on her forearm.
Harmony: The Papyrus, female, deceased. Is she really a ghost? Or is Chaos a little insane? Who knows...
LustFELL (is it, though? It’s pretty tame): @wanttogetusedbyyou HEAVY FONTCEST WARNING
Jazz (Jasper): The Sans, nonbinary. A prostitute and pole dancer. Kind, laid back, charming. Does not see themself as anything more than a good bedmate and nice person, and declares themself ‘not for love.’ Despite this, loves their brother dearly. Not scientifically inclined, doesn’t teleport around. Has bouts of nihilism and feels their timeline is pointless.
Cad (Cadence): The Papyrus. A member of the Royal Harem, chains and whips and all that. Had his heart broken by the Undyne, now insists love is not worth it. Stoic, serious at first, has a soft side. Loves children. Loves Jazz deeply and dearly.
NOW ALL OF THE MUSES THAT DON’T HAVE BLOGS.
Classic:
Vega: The Sans. Patient soul. A bit overprotective of his brother. A real daddy type. Sleeps a lot.
Solstice: The Papyrus: Integrity soul. Very anxious at times, but optimistic. Can fight pretty well. Can’t cook that well. Pretty typical.
HorrorLust(Fell?)
Laz(arus): The Sans. Head melted in slightly from the Lust getting out of hand. Loves intensely, or not at all. Bitter about how things turned out. Self-appointed leader of Snowdin, trying to keep everyone’s lives intact.
(Ja)Bez: The Papyrus. Horrible experiments during the civil war stretched his body to humongous, spindly proportions. A gentle giant. Was with Undyne, was betrayed by her, hates her now. Takes care of Waterfall and all of the plant life.
Reaper:
Salem: The Sans. Punny, laid-back, but can be vicious when he’s been cheated. Often is incarnated into an Altertale timeline, where he is the ruins caretaker. Everything pumplins.
Anubis: The Papyrus. Not used much.
INK AND ERROR:
Tag: Inkfell!Sans. The creator of all of my characters, he uses spray-paint cans. and a large paint roller. Soulless, artificially feels through his paint. Hates Inks that abandon timelines to decay.
Dox: Errorfell!Sans, the other side of Tag’s coin. They were both made from the same baseline sans before everything went wrong. Severe touch-phobia. Knits puppets to play with. Protective of Tag’s worlds, they work together. Also despises Inks who let worlds decay, and only deletes worlds that cannot be saved.
Another Underfell:
Roxy: The Sans, female. Loves baseball, carries her bat around and hits damn well. Rumored to have fought the King and (kinda) won. Drinks maple syrup. Plays electric guitar.
Rust: The Papyrus, the pitcher in baseball, throws really well. Royal guard member, but still very Papyrus-like.
AlterFELL:
Alka: The Sans ruins caretaker. Meditates a lot, drinks a lot of herbal tea, due to old and severe injuries. Rough around the edges, but protective of anyone who falls. Teaches them to fight, tries to make them stay. Used to be king before his brother took over and he fled.
Scoria: The Papyrus, now king, a horrible tyrant wielding his abusive father’s lava trident.
StoryFELL:
Urban: The Sans, king of the underground. Possessive, yandere, a little insane. Really just lonely and misses his brother a lot. Won’t kill the human... so long as they stay with him.
Memoir: The Papyrus, ruins caretaker. Good lord is he intense and kinda violent. Insists his brother is terrible for killing a human, even though that human had killed others.
Yet another Underfell:
Dirge: The Sans, rough, leather jacket, smokes, is an asshole. Wears a collar. Drinks a lot. High ATK, still 1 HP.
Hearse: The Papyrus, stoic, icy, commanding. Doesn’t talk much. Captain of the guard. A kindness soul, oddly enough.
JESUS WHY DO I HAVE SO MANY UNDERFELLS:
Rav: The Sans, even rougher, high LV, SEVERAL weapons he can pick from and manifest at will. Collects even more. Wears a collar, does whatever his boss says, loves him dearly. Violence, violence, violence. A protective guard and attack dog.
Dess: The Papyrus, I don’t do much with him.
Regular Error:
Pixel: Error!Sans. OCD, loves efficiency and patterns. Don’t touch him. He’s that rich housewife that’ll ogle the pool boy, so long as the pool boy is doing his job efficiently, except the pool boy is an effective killer.
Horrortale:
Guts: The Sans. Highly, highly selectively mute. High-functioning sociopath, probably. Charming, can act either cute or suave with people he likes. Refuses to eat humans. A little gremlin.
Blood: The Papyrus. Don’t use him much.
AND THERE ARE ACTUALLY A FEW MORE THAT I’M JUST NOT PUTTING ON HERE BECAUSE I DON’T USE THEM MUCH.
BUT JESUS THERE YOU GO, THAT’S A LOT OF CHARACTERS. AND THEY’RE ALL PRETTY MUCH FULLY DEVELOPED, NOT JUST OUTLINES. I HAVE A FREAKIN’ SPREADSHEET. SO. YEAH.
I’ll make a post with all the pictures I have too, later.
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6 "Healthy" Instagram Food Trends That Don't Always Live Up to the Hype
Instagram is home to some serious clean-eating food porn. Scrolling through your feed can make you want to run out and drop some cash on a matcha latte or an acai bowl, but is it really worth getting sucked into the pretty colors and the gorgeous photography?
Time to drop some knowledge—not everything you see on Instagram is as it seems (shocking!), and following so-called “clean eating” feeds is not always the way to get killer abs and endless energy. This time of year, when diets run rampant and everyone is ready to jump on the “healthy eating” bandwagon, arm yourself with the knowledge of which social media trends are worth skipping.
Green Juice
We’ve all seen the girl holding a green juice and showing off her killer abs. You immediately start to wonder if you should be setting aside $10-plus per day for a fancy juice. Don’t waste your money. “You don’t have to buy your juice at an expensive juice bar for it to be good for you,” says Amy Gorin, MS, RDN.
If you’re looking for a beverage with benefits, opt for something that has protein and fiber that won’t spike your blood sugar, like a good old-fashioned smoothie. You may be thinking, But a smoothie doesn’t have 10 different kinds of fruit and veggies in it. We hear that, but why not add those veggies to your plate rather than try to sip them through a straw? You’ll get the beneficial fiber that's otherwise broken down during the juicing process.
Here's a simple formula I recommend for smoothies to get plenty of protein and healthy fats in your filling drink—1 1/2 cups frozen fruit + 1 tablespoon healthy fats (like hemp or flax seeds) + 1 cup protein (can be from milk, yogurt, or protein powder). Gorin also suggests using 100-percent fruit juice in the smoothie, instead of a sweetener like honey or maple syrup. We also like adding one date for a hint of sweetness. Need some more smoothie inspo? We got you with these five-ingredient beauts.
Fat Bombs
With more than 9 million posts on Instagram, #keto doesn’t seem to be going away anytime soon. But are “fat bombs” and a healthy keto diet synonymous? “I cringe every time I see a recipe touted as a fat bomb because it’s generally super high in calories and devoid of the beneficial antioxidants and phytochemicals needed from fruits, veggies, and high-quality carbs,” says Lauren Harris-Pincus, MS, RD, author of The Protein-Packed Breakfast Club.
In other words, there’s a healthy way to “fat bomb” and a not-so-healthy way. Even though butter, cream, bacon, and loads of cheese are technically “allowed” on the keto diet, that doesn’t mean you should load up your cart with all the bacon cheeseburger essentials every time (sans the bun, of course). Instead, try a “fat bomb” that embraces healthy fat ingredients, like nut butter, almond flour, olive oil, and avocado. Here are some fat bombs we can get down with.
Fancy Infused Water
Remember the days when you just had to choose between still and sparkling? Now the water options include cactus, aloe, maple, and who knows what will pop up next. Toby Amidor, MS, RD, and Wall Street Journal best-selling cookbook author, says to ignore the hype over these amped-up waters. “Aloe water claims to energize, while maple water says it helps with thyroid and bone health, but there is very little research to back up any of the claims,” she says.
In other words, don't waste your money. If you like the taste, go for it, but it's not a magical elixir to undo a bad night’s rest or a crappy diet. The best thing to chug is still good old plain water. “It’s the best calorie-free option to help you stay hydrated,” Amidor says. If your taste buds need a little pick-me-up, opt for a sugar-free flavored seltzer. After all, #lacroixwater is definitely trending.
Tea-Toxes
You’ve likely seen the girl with the flat stomach boasting about how “skinny teas” offer amazing weight-loss results! Don’t fall for the hype. These diet teas usually include an herb called senna, which is also used as an over-the-counter laxative. The National Institute of Health says senna is likely safe when taken in the short term but unsafe when used for long periods of time. Using a laxative-type supplement to lose weight can not only cause diarrhea and dehydration, but it may also promote disordered eating.
Instead, cozy up with a mug of green tea, herbal tea, or black tea. Heck, even kombucha is worth throwing in there. As a matter of fact, research suggests that drinking green tea in combination with eating a healthy diet can aid in weight loss without any nasty side effects. Plus, a meta-analysis found that drinking black tea may lower bad cholesterol levels in healthy adults. Doesn’t that sound better than drinking a laxative?
Matcha Lattes
Latte art makes us stop and double tap every.damn.time. There’s nothing prettier than a gorgeous handmade heart in a cup of green matcha tea, but buyer, beware. Matcha lattes taste amazing, but some coffee shops create that memorable taste using hidden sugary ingredients, like flavored milk or syrups. On its own, matcha is an antioxidant-rich green tea with an earthy taste. It picked up steam as a health beverage because it contains a compound called ECGC, which may help break down fat.
Let’s just say that pure matcha tea is an acquired taste, and it’s not naturally sweet. Next time you order a matcha latte for the 'gram, chat with your barista about what’s in it. Opt for just milk or unsweetened almond milk and see if you still enjoy the drink.
Acai Bowls
The base of these good-looking bowls is that royal purple superfood, the acai berry. Packed with antioxidants that have been linked to reducing the risk of several diseases, the acai berry on its own is definitely as good for you as you think, but it’s also quite sour and tangy. In other words, the thing that makes acai bowls taste so great is not the acai, it’s the add-ins and toppings. First, the acai is usually blended with some sort of sweetener to make it taste good. Then it’s covered in sugary additives, like honey, granola, or sweetened coconut flakes. In other words, acai bowls can be a real calorie and added-sugar bomb.
You don’t need to avoid them entirely, but just make sure you check the ingredients before going all-in. Start by making your own lighter version at home. Trader Joe’s actually sells pure blended frozen acai, which you can mix with unsweetened almond milk, some leafy greens, and a drop of honey. Top it off with your favorite fruits, a dab of nut butter, and seeds like hemp and chia for that much-needed crunch.
Appetite-Suppressant Lollipops
We think you’re smart enough to know these are total BS, but with celebs like the Kardashians promoting them, it’s worth saying again. Hey, guys, don't expect a lolli to make you skinny! And on top of that, do not fall for crazy products that are meant to suppress your appetite. Having a hunger for food is natural. Go ahead and eat a regular lollipop when you want something sweet, and oh, I don’t know, exercise and eat well too.
The Takeaway
If Instagram can help motivate you to make healthier choices, that's a win. But just do some digging to make sure what you're ordering at the juice bar or coffee shop is actually doing you some good and not wrecking your eat-less-sugar goals. We leave you with this: A matcha latte at Starbucks can pack more than 30 grams of sugar. No wonder it tastes so damn good.
from Greatist RSS http://bit.ly/2FYJHkq 6 "Healthy" Instagram Food Trends That Don't Always Live Up to the Hype Greatist RSS from HEALTH BUZZ http://bit.ly/2Tuio4s
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