#totally not lil ol’ meeee | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

tumblunni · 7 years ago

Text

Okay.. like.. man... Shadow of Mordor.. why... why you tease me... There is literally a rival personality in this game that says ‘we are soulmates’ and ‘I didn’t know the human fiend would be this beautiful’ and ‘I savor our moments together’ and talks about having a beautiful spring marriage?? And from the tone of the voiceacting it seems uhh.. rather more likely that all these ambiguously gay orcs are supposed to be there for the ‘funny’ and the ‘eww disgusting i want to kill him even faster’ That’s the intended reaction Somehow Absolutely no intended aspect of ‘oh my god why in the fuck does the engine make me fight this man who wants to smooch my protagonist, what did he ever do wrong’ HOW DID THEY NOT PREEMPT THIS???

seriously its so WEIRD there are like ten different types of ‘friendly rival’ personality that don’t even act like they want to fight and then they fight and at least the regular friendly one has dialogue like ‘ha he’s actually a sneaky bastard who’s just saying he’ll surrender to make you let your guard down’ none of that for the flirtman none of that for the TWO DIFFERENT DIALOGUE SETS OF FLIRTMAN, WITH VARYING DEGREES OF HOMOPHOBIA just A Man Exists And Says You Are Handsome, Now Kill

and like the only reason it’s left in this weird Ambiguous Space Of Maybe Bad Or Not is because well you have to kill everyone else too, and everyone else is also supposed to be comic relief and seen as repulsive and killable but still its really awkward and still I feel SO FRUSTRATED because how the fuck did the developers not think this was endearing!! that it would make people feel bad killing him!! that people would want some sort of alternate option!! involving actual orc marriage!! WHERE IS MY ORC MARRIAGE!!

and also there’s like only two female characters in the entire world, your uncharacterized wife who dies in the prologue just to provide a reason why you kill the orcs, and an equally personalityless love interest for a side character who exists to be damsel in distress sidequest time so like the evidence of protagonist being heterosexual is rather flimsy he has no chemistry with this woman and then she dies immediately and then he goes like 80 hours before even seeing another woman ORC RIVAL MAN HAS SO MUCH MORE CHEMISTRY HOLY SHIT YOU’RE LIKELY TO ENCOUNTER MORE GAY ORCS IN THIS GAME THAN WOMEN

and seriously all the moral questionableness of the damn plot! lots of people have said it better in more detaield reviews but seriously it was a bad choice to give a complex personality engine to the enemies in this game and not the humans. and to have a story entirely based on ‘all orcs are evil so murder them grotesquely’ paired with gameplay that conclusively proves they absolutely aren’t heartless monsters at all. The protagonist is essentially identical to Sauron, he’s just enslaving orcs by mind control instead of like.. recruiting them. Seriously Sauron actually gives them more free will than you! But of couuuurse you don’t enslave HUMANS too, so its fiiiiiiiine....

But anyway I’m bringing that up cos I was thinking about how ORC MARRIAGE would work SO WELL with this plot and could even fix a lot of those problems! Cos like.. what if protagonist’s bloodthirstiness was actually aknowledged? What if he actually noticed that he was becoming just the same as the orcs, in the name of taking revenge on them? And what if instead of enslaving them through magical mind control, it was the logical conclusion of a warrior species respecting him for being like them? You could just win over these different warlords by defeating them in combat! It’s so simple, why didn’t they use that instead!!! And then like... you could have both good and bad orcs. And also factions of the other species too! Fight Sauron’s other minions, and even rogue factions of evil humans/dwarves/elves! And maybe the goal could be to win over the majority of the orcs and get them to leave the dark army and come join the humans, instead of just killing them. You’d be like The Fightin’ Ambassador! And naturally this would all work SUPER WELL if at the same time you were having an amazing classical love story of two men from different countries showing each other the best of both worlds, and joining together in a grand marriage symbolizing the union of the races. AND THERE WOULD BE A GRAND WEDDING AND BUNNI WOULD CRY A LOT

And also this plot could work well with adding a multiple endings aspect? Cos you could totally play it like classical LOTR and just play the orcs against each other and destroy them all, or you could join the dark side and turn against your former bretehren, or you could happy orc marriage neutral peace time. Or maybe another neutral ending that’s more like ‘protagonist fucked off and forgot all about his quest’, lol? You just become a super famous gladiator overlord amoung the orcs, and keep on fighting and boozing forever instead of actually addressing the main plot. Also like.. I don’t know super much about orc worldbuilding in LOTR yet, but wouldn’t it be cool if they were like vikings and norse mythology? i mean, that’s usually the go-to for ‘warrior race’ characters when it’s supposed to be a positive thing. or just in general it would be nice to imagine what fully rounded orc society would be like. What do they do when they’re not fighting? What sort of industries do they have? What are their houses like? What about their cuisine? Their non-battle tailoring? Or is it a big cultural concept to always wear battle gear for boasting rights/to be prepared at all times? Would that affect how they create battlewear, if it has to be comfy enough to wear 24/7? How do things work in an all male society, and also why were they created to be all male anyway? And how is their mythology and religion and stuff affected by the fact they were created? I mean it’s already just interesting enough that they were created by a dark lord yet went off and became a very autonomous society doing all sorts of other stuff for their own reasons.

also WHAT ABOUT ORC MARRIAGE I’m gonna stand by my headcanon of it being intertwined with warrior laws, like ye olde pirate matelotage. And maybe humans kinda see it the same way as that? I.e. something you can do in secret while off adventuring, because its sorta ‘lawless land’. So there might be human LGBT couples who travel to orc lands in order to get married! Big buff orc priests that can carry the entire wedding reception down the aisle! OH OH OH and just imagine orcs as that general ‘warrior race guy but good’ archetype? Like, friendly cuddly big dad who buys a beer for everyone! or the ‘stoic and obsessed with honor’ guy, like a samurai or a paladin. Imagine the whole wide variety of job classes humans get given in fantasy settings, and imagine if other races weren’t just ‘the one singular job guys who all have the same personality’

Also I like to imagine Orc Marriage Guy is the cuddly beer dad version! Maybe a bit like Brian from DDADDS? Like you’d start off having him as your rival in battle, and he seems like a stuck up gary oak guy. But then he gets a big ol giant crush on you when you prove how buff you are. Orc: Ha! I bet you can’t [extremely ridiculous challenge]! Protagonist: *extremely ridiculous challenge* Or: (OH NO HE’S HOTTTT) And it could be cute imagining protagonist being a bit oblivious to it at first, and orc guy being embarassed about expressing his feelings cos of how rude he was at first and all ‘aaaa what if he doesn’t like meeee’. So protag is totally baffled why his rival suddenly starts blushing and runs away at the speed of light. “Come back and fight me, you cur!” Totally thinks this is just ego rivalman making fun of him somehow, starts doing even more Buff Feats of Handsome to prove he’s the strongest, everything spirals into increasingly more blushing. Finally one of the warlord’s underlings is like ‘CMON BOSS, SPIT IT OUT’ and they all get together to arrange a date between the two of you. ten thousand fold army of wingmen! And you end up becoming fire forged pals and then dating and marrying but still being sort of a ‘bash brothers’ kind of thing where you’re a lil competitive but in a nice way? Like you still spar together and go on big adventures together and fight giant dragons and give them as a romantic anniversary gift to your husband. And together you are the most powerful couple in the kingdom! And adopt ten thousand underlings as your new sons. THE END

bunni gets way too invested in headcanons sorry

#bunni plays shadow of mordor #also i know protagonist has a name but i don't know how to spell it #lol

6 notes · View notes

abnormalasphyxiation · 4 years ago

Text

Damn what a night!

Emma giggles helplessly, being carried back to the van in Seth's arms. Her arms are around his neck, head leaned back grinning like a fiend.

She had the time of her life; dancing, drinking, a lil making out~ She has almost totally forgotten the fight that broke out at the club.

Seth hadn't, slight sour expression on his face as he trudged through the night. He wasnt mad at *her*, even if it was her fault he couldn't find it in himself to stay mad. No he was still boiling from the douchebag who had to go flapping his lips and ruin the whole evening.

It was going so well. Emma had a little extra scratch, wanted to have some fun and cut loose. What, was Seth going to just turn that down? Hell no, that sounded fucking amazing.

A few shots in, she's feeling good. *Real* good. And what else can a girl do when she's feelin herself and the beat besides lapdance the shit out of your hot guyfriend you brought with you?

So that's what she did! Music pouding in her chest, hair down and everywhere, she straddled that boy and danced like he was throwing money at her.

Seth, of course, was enjoying this display. Not that he would have been complaining if she had been some random club girl up on him like this but...it's nice to see Emma have fun.

Until some creep came along, slapping her ass and pulling her away.

He was clearly fucking hammered, slurring something about

"Hey pass that slut over here"

And pulling her onto his own lap.

Seth sat up, all the fun and laughs leaving his eyes replaced with pure rage. He looked at Emma, who was in clear distress, trying to pull away from the guy's grabby hands.

What came next is easy to guess.

Seth rips Emma away, a slight pang of fear that he might have hurt her but...he'll take care of her later. Right now his only concern is jacking this dickhead up.

It wasn't hard. This guy was compeltely gone and Seth is just so so strong. ~~And handsome~~

Dude *may* not have gotten it so bad if he hadn't kept running his mouth and added in another 'sharing' comment. As if she were a thing, something to just be passed around.

What the fuck. Fuck that dude.

Of course the brawl got them kicked out, and now they were here. Seth had scooped her up, now more sober than he'd like to be, and made sure she got home safe.

He fumbles around in her pocket for the keys, and gently lays her down on thw makeshift bed in the back. She's still all giggles, now pecking kisses at his cheek as he tries to detach her.

It's very fucking cute.

"Em. *Em*. You gotta let go, I wanna get out of these clothes. 'N you too. You smell like a fucking daiquiri"

He's trying to be assertive, get them undressed so he can sleep off this black eye, but the more small smooches she places on him most of that anger starts melting away.

"Nnnnoooo~ I want you to pay attention to meeee~" Dang those shots hit her hard, but finally after a minute Seth is able to slip her clingy little arms off and nestle her down.

He makes quick work of his shirt, tossing it in a laundry basket off to the side. Awkwardly he shimmies out of his pants, Emma whistling as she scopes his ass. Nice.

"Alright alright, come here ya lush." He chuckles too now kneeling before her, pulling her up a little to unzip her dress and slide it off.

Emma playfully covers her exposed tiny tits, faking a blush.

"Oh please sir, don't look at me~ I'm just a helpless little damsel"

Okay maybe she does remember the fight. In fact, it's all she's thought about the whole walk home. He didn't even...question standing up for her. He just did it. He always comes to her rescue. *That* thought does make her go a little more pink, grinning like a dummy.

Seth laughs off the comment, tossing her dress with his clothes, and flops down to pull her into a cuddle which she happily accepts. Fuck he's exhausted.

What a night~ The phrase cycles through her head, staring up at the tapestries on the ceiling and trailing down to his freckled arm around her. It's such a secure feeling. He's so strong yet so soft, always the perfect amount of pressure and warmth. She always had trouble sleeping but ever since he hopped in her van and never looked back...well she looks forward to crawling into bed.

He pulls her closer, burying his face in her hair, just wanting to pass out and get out of this stupid city the next day. Fuck this place.

He groans in protest as Emma wiggles in his grip, rolling to look at him. Those big ol brown eyes, glittering in the fairy light, peer at him as if searching for something.

She looks...serious?

"What?" He asks, tiredness soaking his words.

The serious expression drops, that dumb grin returning and she pops up quickly to smash their lips together.

Okay...he's not complaining too much. Yeah he's exhausted but, she tastes like peaches! He kisses back, a hand raising to rub the back of her head affectionately.

Pulling away, Emma presses their foreheads together looking totally drained of energy herself. Her eyes are half lidded, her smile looks groggy, and if he weren't holding her she'd be swaying.

He's about to give her one more quick kiss before making her tired ass lay back down...when she says it.

"I love you~"

It's almost hard to catch, but once he processes it he chuckles and shakes his head.

"Yeah yeah. I like you too, Em. Lay down I'm fuckin tir-"

"Nooo" she bonks their foreheads together softly, whining. "You...saved me~ you like...you alwaysh save me..." another kiss in between words, now gazing into his eyes. "Seth...I fucking loooooove you~hehehe"

Oh boy, there's another giggle fit, falling back into his arms.

"I love you...I love you so much...I'm so happy you're here..."

Her words are slurred, now nuzzling into him, last of her energy spent.

Seth sits there, now NOT very tired kinda staring down at her.

Did she just confess? Her love? Did she MEAN it? It sounded like it, but...

He shakes her a little, pushing her hair out of her face. "Emma, do you...what are you saying?" She's just drunk right? They're just friends with really good benefits! He heard her wrong, right?

"I loooove you...~" her words are so soft, mumbled off sleepy lips, hands wiggling to find him and gently caress his skin as if she couldnt sleep without being as close as she could.

And with that...she's out, leaving Seth laying awake in the echoes of her confession.

0 notes