#totally a lot of random thoughts that you'll be confused if you read

[antifrgl]

Headcanons about Hobie Brown strangers to friends to dating with another Spider person where they meet at Spider Society?

thank uuuu for ur request, i was so bored !! hope you'll enjoy reading that anon !! srry for the possible mistakes, i just had a lot of thoughts rushing through my head 'cause hobie is definitely my fav !!

friends 2 lovers ☆ atsv

hobie x g-neutral reader, fluff.

despite his somewhat intimidating look, he has shown to be pretty friendly, so he certainly approaches you first ++ hobie assumed that you should be his age so it's simply natural to him !!

he's very cool about it, just asking you what's up, what's your name etc ...

at first, it's quite professional ?? you have great but small conversations when you two go on missions, yet you don't seek for more time to spend together.

later, as you go on more and more missions, you eventually become friends, but again it's not like you visit each other or vent about your life outside of being a spider person.

but hobie genuinely thinks that you're a great friend and partner since you can always reciprocate his energy during the few times that you see each other :p

e.g "i hate being called spider-" "i know, you hate being called spider-punk 'cause fuck them labels" "ay totally"

eventually, hobie starts to see you under a different light when he finds himself often seeking for your presence !!

like, he's totally great friends with gwen and pavitr, but oh man he just keeps thinking abt how much fun it is to be with you when he's hanging out with them >_<

on the other hand, he also finds himself only being able to talk to you about his ideas, about how he's totally against miguel's system, about how fucked up he thinks his government is ... bc he immediately noticed how you're always willing to listen and to try to understand his thoughts !! how cute (:

pls don't ever mention how he can be very talkative !!!!! hobie doesn't really notice how he talks a lot more around you and he'd probably feel childish if you ever point it out !!!

no need for anyone to tease him abt his crush on you for him to realize that he has feelings for you. instead, he's well aware of them and he's suspicious abt how you feel about him.

once, you randomly met hobie's gaze but you two suddenly sensed each other (yk that spider thing) and how you just stood there for a moment just like him led him to believe that you must like him too >_<

HOBIE IS THE FIRST TO CONFESS, but it's honestly so sudden !! he literally just blurts out his feelings for you in a random moment !! (it's such a hobie thing to do x))

"isn't it obvious ..." you said to hobie almost whispering as he throws you a confused look before you guided him as your eyes traveled to gwen and miles, who were talking and walking in front of you two. you heard a chuckle coming from hobie before you looked at him again, "i mean, i don't know about gwen ... but miles is so obvious" and it was your turn to chuckle before hobie eventually spoke, "what about me ? is it obvious that i like you ?"

BAM

what the heck hobie brown ??

anyway ... to anyone else including you, he would look totally cool and confident in the moment but hobie would be lying to himself if he pretended that he didn't apprehend your response.

i mean, the guy is truly in love with you so he can be a lil shy yk >_< but you wouldn't know abt it anyway ...

so you two just have this kind of awkward conversation when your brain is still trying to process what's happening ????

"what's obvious ?" "that i like you" "you like me ?" "yeah" "you know, i was saying how miles likes gwen, but not like a friend" "i know" "but you said-" "ay, i said i like you, what about it ?" "what-" "do you like me ?" "yes" "cool" "ok ... cool"

and for the rest of the day you're just ... super awkward with hobie but OH MAN HE'S NOT LETTING YOU DO THAT !!

he's sticking to you like usual, you literally can't run away from him !

after a while, you two talk about your feelings for each other in a more intimate atmosphere, just the two of you hanging out far from the others and everything becomes more clear as you're almost back to your usual self ...

"ay, why are you laughing ?" "i just thought that you wouldn't believe in love" "yeah ... until i was proven wrong ... no but seriously, i just never thought about love" "oh, okay"

i don't think you would call him your boyfriend or whatever, same for him. you two don't really make your couple "official".

BUT hobie wouldn't hesitate and answer yes if anyone asks you two if you two are dating !!! so it's not really a secret, you two simply wouldn't display it, it felt natural to the both of you :p

soulmates !!

[marsti]

the thing is right, sometimes it's not about "reading comprehension". there are a lot of people who will engage with something that goes "this character's ideology is bad" and come away thinking "well i disagree with the story that character has awesome ideas"

most obviously this is how you get fascist reappropriation of antifascist works, but that also applies to a lot of other emotional ideas. people don't want to be told the way they're feeling is wrong! so you can have people who genuinely believe "XYZ character is totally right distancing yourself emotionally from the people around you is the only way to survive" or whatever, and it doesn't necessarily mean they didn't understand that the story was saying it's bad. it's entirely possible that they do and they simply disagree. in fact, i think it's MOST LIKELY that they do.

and that's just true of most things, i think. whatever we're talking about here, be it a book or a movie or even a random ass post about someone's opinion, you can really make yourself go insane trying to convince that kind of person. you'll say "how can you not get it?" and they'll be very confused, they'll say "of course i get it! do you think i'm stupid?" and then go on to add something completely contradictory to the point. and it's easy to go, ok well they're just stupid and leave it at that.

but there is something dangerous in thinking of the world as People Who Agree With Me (Smart, Understanders Of Things) and People Who Disagree With Me (Dumb, Have Never Read A Book), and not just because intelligence is a flawed and often fascistic concept in itself. even if they're coming from a bad place, even if their opinion is legitimately trash, is it not worth it to actually think about why they think that way? to at least have them explain themself so you can see where they're coming from before dismissing them entirely?

and, look, i'm not saying to treat every opinion with the same weight as everyone else's or to go debate bigots or whatever. but i am saying you have to eventually confront the truth that even the worst takes can, in fact, come from people with the exact same capacity for thought and reasoning as you. not only because there is a legitimate difference between someone who Does Not Get It and someone who Gets It But Has A Wack Take, and knowing how to spot it will make your life far easier, but because it is legitimately necessary to live in a community. and it does in fact start with silly little things that don't matter like arguing about cartoons for 5 year olds on tunglr dot hell.

[theboredandkindaweirdhisotrian]

30 Day Narnia Challenge #2

Day 2: Favorite movie?

The 2005 The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe adaptation has been one of my all time favorite movies ever, and when it comes to Narnia movies, it's almost a tie with Prince Caspian (which was my choice when I did this challenge back in 2016) and obivously they're both very well done. Most importantly, I appreciate how the filmmakers started the process of making both of them in spirit of trying to make a good film with a good story that's faithful to Lewis and in that aspect they succeeded (more or less - I'm looking at you, PC the movie!). In adition to that, they both have stunning videography, locations, costumes, props, the casting are all on point and the music really ties together films that will stand the test of time.

But since I wrote what makes it my favourite in my previous visit to this challenge, I would like to draw your attention to some other adaptations that may deserve your attention if you're a hardcore Narnia fan.

The Foucus on the Famliy Radio Theater did a marvellous audio adaptation of all the books, complete with good voice acting (multiple actors read multiple roles) and immersive background sound effects and music. If you're not into just a read-aloud audiobook, give this a chance!

The BBC miniseries adapted one mini-series LWW, did a single season PC with VDT where PC gets like 2 episodes and VDT is the rest and a miniseries adaptation of SC - the only screen adaptation of SC. Due to a much smaller budget than the Walden/Disney films, this one features a lot of very obvious puppetry, some way over the top costumes for Talking animals and some very awkward greenscreen. If you're there for the story, it might be fun for you, but if you're one of those people that cannot stand anything that isn't thouroughly done over by some sort of CGI, you'll be put off. The casting is a bit of a hit and miss, they could have done a better job with Lucy, Eustace was a good choice, he's delightfully annoying (in VDT that's a good thing!) and IMO Drinian was a total miss. Jill was a very good choice. Tom Baker as Puddleglum was decent enough. They casted Barbara Kellerman to play both the White Witch and Lady of the Green Kirtle, which can be confusing if you've never read the books (okay, it's kinda confusing even if you did) and she was a fairly decent choice though she can be very intense. My favourite performances come from Warwick Davies as Reepicheep and Samuel West as King Caspian in VDT (I might like them better than Ben Barnes and the Walden version of Reepicheep). Again, if you wanna try something that's not Walden and don't mind taxidermy Aslan and giant bowling pin beavers, I'd say go for it. It's fully freely available on YT.

Speaking of low-budget, there's a 1979 2D animated feature length LWW adaptation that was featured on CBS. For some reason it features the coolest way Aslan does away with the White Witch and Edmund with glasses which, as a gal with glasses, I thought was neat. Again, worthy of checking out if you're really into Narnia and don't mind shabby animation. This too is freely available to watch on YT. Some screencaps are so memeworthy though. As a fun fact, soon after, the same studio went into pre-production for an adaptation of The Magician's Nephew. They went as far as had the first two or three chapters planned in storyboards, however the production was scrapped due to unknown reasons. There's a YT video the girls at TheLionsCall made when one of them purchased said Magician's Nephew storyboards here

I've only ever seen the promo videos and shots for the Logos Theater productions, but have never seen the shows because I don't live in the USA, but I would very much like to.

Thank you for reading this long post, and as a treat, please have this 1979 adaptation of The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe random screencap with no context whatsoever!

[destinationtoast]

Hello! First off I just want to say how much I appreciate all the work you've done on the fandom stats over the years. It's always fascinating to see the numbers and try to figure what they mean (if anything 😉)! I also love it whenever you make an appearance on the fansplaining podcast!

Here's a somewhat random question that I'm not sure you'll be able to answer directly, but may be food for thought:

I recently saw a screenshot of someone's AO3 home page (logged in) and they had favorite tags shown like "fluff", "hurt/comfort", etc. This seems absolutely wild to me. I use favorite tags to keep my rarepairs or ships from old fandoms so I can always go back and find them easily just to see if new stuff popped up for my ships. I assumed (incorrectly apparently) that everyone else did the same. At most maybe people would favorite a fandom specific tag that has meaning for them so they could find stories about that thing in particular. But having something like "fluff" with its bajillion stories seems daunting. I'm curious if there's some way to get aggregated stats on what tags users have as favorites? I know there's a limit (something like 25 tags?) per user, so it's not a total free for all, there does have to be some selection.

Would be interesting to see what types of things AO3 users want quick access to. Is it relationship tags (like me)? Characters and fandoms? Or really the wide ranging free form tags?

Thank you so much!

Hey! Thanks for the kind note. :) And that's interesting -- I would have expected that people would use the AO3 Favorite Tags function mostly for some combo of ships, fandoms, and perhaps some very specific tropes. Something like "Fluff" would not have occurred to me, either! (But I didn't even realize there was a limit -- I have not investigated this feature much at all.)

I have no way of accessing the broader data about who saves which tags as favorites (though possibly someone like @zz9pzza might be able to share some general data...?). But -- I would love to hear from AO3 users about whether & how they use Favorite Tags!

Mine are an Extremely Specific set of ship + fandom tags based on my current extremely specific hyperfixation (I reblog a lot of different fandom stuff, but my brain only ever wants to read one fandom at a time ¯\_(ツ)_/¯). Aw, heck, I'll go ahead and share a screenshot of mine as a bit of anecdata, and in case anyone is confused about what feature we're talking about (but please don't be a dick about my life choices in the notes! ;D ):

^We're talking about the things in the magenta square there! (And if anyone is curious why my page is black, I use the Reversi site skin.)

Share your own -- or just more general observations about what kinds of tags you favorite -- if you feel comfortable!

[yutanology]

Promise Me | Yandere! Nakamoto Yuta X Fem!Reader

Warning : 18+, possessive, foul behaviours, sexual content(nothing biggie), mental illness, death, etc. No proofread. Please, don't be too harsh on me. I'm still new and this is my first ever one shot/fanfiction here :)

Word count : 2.4k+

"Could you just stop?" Y/n whisper shouted at her seatmate who had been bothering her since this morning.

It's not like this is new to her or to anyone in their class but today, he seemed to be more clingy and touchy than he usually was and she found it quite unusual.

By the time she stepped into the school campus this morning, he abandoned his game with his friends on the soccer field just to greet her with his dashing smile and a nice warm hug.

She didn't mind it at first as she was already used to it but when she thought he's going to leave her alone after that, he followed her around instead like a lost puppy. She could almost see a furry tail happily wagging behind him.

Everywhere she goes, he's there right beside her. Either his hands were holding hers or his arms were wrapped around her lower waist. Some people were jealous or happy when they thought they're finally officially together and when someone questioned their relationship, Y/n would immediately respond saying they're just friends while Yuta would say otherwise, leaving them confused.

He was still attached to her during her classes and even ditched his just to be with her. The teachers could only sigh in defeat and shake their head. They knew that whatever they say, there's nothing they can do to make the stubborn guy follow their orders.

At the end, he'd always get what he wants.

The Japanese boy glanced at her side profile. His head was laying on top of his other hand. Seeing her brows furrowed irritatedly, he stopped for a moment before continuing to twirl a few strands of her silky hair between his long fingers.

It doesn't look like he has any plans of keeping his hands to himself at all. She'd been trying to get rid of him for countless times and she failed with all of those useless attempts. She's so close of getting angry at him but she doesn't want to lash out on him and seem like a bad person.

With her another sigh passing through her soft reddish lips, she looked at the clock on the wall. ‘Just five minutes more, Y/n. Just a little more patience, you can do it.’ she tried to convince herself. By those five minutes, she let Yuta play with her hair.

When the school bells rang and echoed around the campus, she immediately fixed her things and rushed out of the classroom before the teacher could even dismiss them. The corridors are already crowded and she could only hope that Yuta wouldn't be able to follow after her this time.

She decided to go to the restroom and stayed there until she was certain that Yuta's nowhere around her. He's really acting weird and she couldn't understand why. Whenever she asked what's wrong with him, he'd always say the same thing like 'I'm fine. It's all in your mind.’

His gaze, the way he looks at her also felt different this time. She felt something uneasy somewhere in the pit of her stomach or maybe there's something wrong with 𝘩𝘦𝘳. Maybe she's just overthinking way too much since that's what she always do mostly when she doesn't get enough sleep and she stayed up late last night.

That's right... these shit are all just in her head.

She released an exhausted sigh and turned the faucet on to wash her face, hoping that it would also wash her frustrations away. She reached for a handkerchief from her bag and wiped her face dry as she made her way out of the comfort room.

Her heart almost jumped out of her ribs when she found Yuta standing just a single step from the exit. She gasped and her hand immediately flew to her chest in surprise. "Yah! Stop scaring me like that!" she yelled and he only chuckled in amusement.

"I've been waiting for you. What took you so long?" he asked her, locking his hand on hers as he lead her to the canteen. Eyes of the people they passed by were immediately on them like they're more interesting than the lessons that their teachers taught them.

"Wait, why were you waiting for me?" confusion was evident on her face.

"So we can eat together for lunch, of course. Come on, we don't have all the time. Classes are going to start after forty minutes." he casually said, pulling her closer to him when they walked passed a group of boys and he didn't fail to notice the way they looked at Y/n.

He didn't like it, not even a bit.

Y/n seriously couldn't count how many times she sighed at how she always end up letting Yuta do whatever he wanted to do with her. From the simple hand holds to sudden random kisses that he pepper on her face. No matter how hard she tried to push him off, he'd always stick himself even more closer to her.

It was like that for the passed weeks and it was honestly so tiring as hell. Yuta just won't leave her alone even when she goes to the restroom, he would insist to wait outside the cubicle that she had to push him away and lock the main door of the room.

She could barely talk to other people peacefully as he would shoo them away immediately and ask them to leave her alone. It was so frustrating and she's getting fed up of his unexplained foolish practices.

She's well aware that the guy likes her more than just a friend and she also can't deny that she's attracted to him but these behaviours of his are just too much for her.

The said dirty blonde haired Japanese guy was sitting closely beside her, his chin rested on her right shoulder as he watched her turn pages of the book that she's reading. He wasn't paying attention to the words written on the dead leaves. His eyes stared at her small hands, wondering how they would feel like around his cock—

"Yuta." the guy's ears perked up when she said his name. Snaking his arms around her waist, he pulled her to his chest and planted a kiss on her neck. Her cheeks heated at the unexpected skin contact but she tried her best to ignore the butterflies that he's giving her.

She's planning to finally confront him and she had to make him stop whatever he's doing cuz it's no fun at all. It's not entertaining and she's not amused at all. "Yuta." he hummed, his kisses getting wet and he started to graze his teeth on her skin, lightly nibbling on them until he finally bit hard enough to leave a mark.

A whimper tried to escape her mouth but she's fast enough to bite her lower lip, trapping the sound until it disappeared on it's own. He was disappointed when she didn't make any sound for him, thinking that he didn't do well enough to make her feel good so he ran the tip of his tongue on her neck.

His hot minty breath heated her skin and tingles spread around her body when he blew her sensitive ear, nibbling her earlobe and placing a kiss on one of her flushed cheeks. His hands wandered under her blouse, caressing the side of her hips with his thumb.

He slowly dragged his large hands up under her breasts and just when he was about to touch them, Y/n pulled away from him. A low whine and groan simultaneously erupted from him, complaining at the lose of skin contact from her.

Y/n looked around the library if someone saw them and she was thankful that no one was there but only them. She straightened her blouse, closing the book and stood up. "Where are you going?" he also stood up from his seat, ready to follow her wherever she's going.

She didn't answer him. She slung one of her bag's strap on her shoulder, walking away with the book and placed it back to where she took it. Yuta was quick to keep up with her steps, confused of why she was suddenly in a hurry.

When they finally got out of the library, she stopped at the nearby bleachers where students barely pass by and turned to him with an exasperated sigh, "Yuta, seriously, what's wrong with you?" the way she questioned him came out more stressed out than how she wanted it to be.

Yuta blinked his eyes a few times as if he's trying to figure out what she meant. "What do you mean, what's wrong with me? I'm totally fine. Are you okay?" it was his turn to ask her, walked close to her and placed a hand on her forehead.

"Are you sick? You don't seem fine to me. Let me take you to the clinic—"

"Yuta, stop." she stepped away from him before he could even hold her hand. He halted, his brows met as his eyes stared at her worryingly.

"Stop whatever you're doing to me and please, leave me alone. I also need some time for myself and other people around me, alright? You can't keep me from interacting with anyone. This is honestly suffocating, Yuta. We can't keep doing this."

He felt like his heart shattered into tiny pieces. His chest tightened and his airways narrowed, making him unable to breath properly. Without him knowing, tears were already streaming down his cheeks.

Y/n was taken aback at this, immediately feeling guilty for making him cry. She didn't expect him to be this emotional for his appearance.

"Look, I'm sorry but—"

"D-don't you love me anymore, Y/n?" He didn't let her finish her words, leaving her speechless at the question.

Her mouth left agape, struggling to find the right words to tell him. "Did you find someone else better than me that's why you're planning to leave me, is that it?" more salty water poured out of his eyes.

"Yuta, w-what are you talking about? We're not in a relationship to begin with."

"Then let's be together officially! Just you and me, Y/n. I'll do anything just to be with you. I promise, I'll be the best boyfriend you'll ever have. I'll give you everything you want—" he held her arms, "—just promise me I'll be the only one you'll ever love and want to be with. Promise me, Y/n. Promise me!"

Yuta secured his arms around her, holding onto her desperately. Scared that if he lets go, he might lose her. He can't let that happen. Like what he said, he'll do whatever it takes just to have her.

All for himself.

"Y-you have to promise me, Y/n."

Her head was clouded with a lot of thoughts. She was barely thinking straight and her emotions also messed up with her. She really likes Yuta. The increasing speed of her heartbeat and the butterflies flying around her stomach with euphoria whenever she's with him didn't lie at all but it felt wrong.

These feelings didn't feel right.

She pulled herself away from him and shook her head. "I'm sorry, Yuta..." that was all she said before she left him without even looking back at him.

She had no idea how it broke him and how it made him do things that a normal person wouldn't do. He saw nothing but red after she disappeared from his sight. Everyone who tried to touch or talk to her the next day suddenly disappeared, a minute after they left somewhere else.

At first, she didn't think much about it until the number of people disappearing quickly increased and made everyone alarmed. All schools around the place were forced to close for a moment and people were told to stay at home with tight security to keep them safe.

Everyone was scared including Y/n, of course.

It made her so anxious that she could barely sleep at night. One morning, a knock on her door echoed around her silent apartment and she panicked, quickly hiding on her bedroom.

She almost peed her pants in fear when the knocking and ringing of doorbells continued for minutes. Her phone went off on her nightstand and she ran to it. Yuta's calling.

Without a second thought, she answered it with trembling voice. "Y-yuta..."

"Y/n, are you okay? Please open your door for me, I have to make sure you're safe. I'm the one outside your house."

And that was all it took for him to be with her. Make her scared to be outside, convince her that everyone is dangerous and he's the only one who can protect her.

Whenever he goes outside to buy food and other necessities for the both of them, he'd always return with a small cut or bruises and it made Y/n scared that she might lose him too.

He's all she had left.

He made her thought of that. He's all and everything she could ever need. She'd be nothing without him.

"Do you love me?" he asked and she nodded silently.

"If you really do, promise me that you'll love me and only me, Y/n. I wanna hear it from you." Yuta looked at her straight in the eyes when he said those words.

"I promise." his heart raced inside his chest.

A smile stretched out on his plump lips. "I love you, Y/n. So much than you could ever imagine." He meant it. He always had and always will. He leaned his body closer to her, locking his lips with hers and they moved in sync.

This is paradise to him.

He couldn't explain how much happy he's right now. With her here in his arms, it's the only place where she's safe. He watched her drift off to sleep, he kissed her forehead when her eyes finally closed.

He could look at her like this forever. The love bites that he painted on her skin looks so beautiful. She's like the most beautiful painting he'd ever seen and she deserve to be placed on his art gallery but she's only for him to be looked at.

He sighed dreamily as he continued to press more kisses on her neck. He successfully made her love him. There's nothing he could ask for, now that her naked body is already tangled with him under their soft blanket.

He could only hope that she'd keep her words and stay true to him.

Feedbacks are pretty much appreciated and requests are open! Feel free to share your thoughts!

I will not always be active but I will try my best to attend each of your requests and to also interact with y'all.

I apologize for not being word-perfect in English. English sadly ain't for me—

[youbloodymadgenius]

Angel’s Touch (Modern!Ivar x reader)

A/N: This is my long overdue contribution to @rosepetals-flyingbirds‘ challenge. I’m sorry it took me so long, babe 💖 I’ve been going through a lot lately (including the loss of a loved one) and I wasn’t in the mood to write 😔

The prompt, as usual, is in bold.

Thanks to the lovely @geekandbooknerd for beta reading this for me 🌺

Let me know if you want to be tagged 😊

The gif belongs to @therealcalicali 💐

Summary: Ivar's always been very secretive when it comes to his legs. How is he going to react when you tell him you want to know all of him?

Warnings: angst; fluff at the end; Ivar’s insecurities; soft and vulnerable Ivar.

Words: 4600

"I'm coming!" you shout enthusiastically, wrapping a soft towel around your body before closing the bathroom door behind you. 

 Wincing at your words, Ivar hastily hides his legs under the comforter. "That was a close one…", he mumbles while breathing a sigh of relief. Deep down, he knows he's not doing the right thing. Avoiding the problem will not make it go away.

 He can't help himself, though. He still has nightmares about that awful night with Margrethe. It was years ago, yet memories of her disgusted look as well as her eyes full of pity still haunt his nights, vivid and humiliating. 

He doesn't want to go through that again. It would be unbearable and painful, much worse than the dull ache he's used to enduring every day. No, he definitely can't relive it. Shuddering at this thought, Ivar squeezes his eyes shut and clenches his fists tight. 

 He won't allow it. He can't. Because he's not sure he can get over it again. After Margrethe, he had been broken – more broken than his broken bones – for so long. It had taken him years of therapy to stop being disgusted by himself, to stop hating himself for what he was. A freak. It had taken him years to endure looking at himself in a mirror. And it had taken him years to imagine sharing a bed with a woman again. 

 Oh, of course, he had fucked every so often. He needed it after the complete fiasco with Margrethe. He had to prove himself that he could… But it had always been in a hurry, and with random, uninteresting women. Till you…

 You. You're not random, and definitely not uninteresting. You're beautiful and smart, patient and funny, warmhearted and caring but never overbearing. You're… perfect, he thinks, and it scares him as much as it makes him shiver with excitement. On top of that, so far you don't seem bothered by his legs and he wants to keep it that way. 

 His legs. His fucking legs. The averted elephant in the room. Well, averted… more or less. Because if you've never seen them, you know the braces, the crutches, the uneven gait and he's pretty sure you've figured out his pain. But you two never talk about them. He knows that you understood from the beginning that they were, they are a major issue for him. You're smart enough for that. 

 Yet, you never bring them up and he couldn't be more grateful. He's very aware that he can't keep going like this for long. But he doesn't know how to address what is, to him, a huge matter of concern. He's afraid you'll go away as soon as you realize how damaged his legs are, how crippled he really is. He doesn't want to lose you. He can't. That would be insufferable. And he knows exactly why. It's not just that he likes you, that sex is great, and that you're fun to be around, no… He's helplessly falling in love with you. It may be terrifying, but it's no less true.

 That's why he does what he does. That's why he's always hurrying up, hiding, avoiding. It doesn't matter if it leads sometimes to awkward situations. It doesn't matter if you're not fooled. All that matters is that you don't see his legs; not for a long time anyway; and most preferably never.

 Inhaling deeply, Ivar slips his hands under the comforter, rubs his scrawny, bony, twisted thighs, feeling their scarred skin and grunting in disgust. He knows he's wrong, he knows he's not going anywhere, but he can't help. He can't risk losing you. 

 ***

 More sad than irritated, you hardly stifle a sigh as you enter the room. Once again, Ivar is unsurprisingly already in bed, his fluffy comforter keeping his legs out of sight. 

 His legs… A fucking huge elephant in the room… It's amazing – not in a good way – how something that's never addressed can take up so much space.  

 The truth is, you know a lot about them. Being a son of Ragnar, the man who rules Scandinavia – at least economically but surely politically too, with friends in the right places and enough money to corrupt them – didn't allow Ivar to grow up in the shadow. Ivar's life therefore has always been on display, making headlines more often than not. So you know about his disease and its inherent struggles, about the surgeries and about the pain – well, now you even witness it sometimes, and the way he always tries to hide it is heartwrenching. 

 You know more than you'd like to since you even know about his supposed failing sex life, that bitch whose name you've long forgotten having told her story to everyone around. It doesn't matter though, as you can testify that Ivar's cock is far from dysfunctional. 

 Anyway, if you know a lot – truths or lies – about his condition and about his legs, you don't know them. And you're aware it has to change. You just don't know how. You can't be too straightforward or Ivar will close up on you. Yet you can't let things go on like this for too long, because it's unhealthy. And an unhealthy relationship with Ivar is the last thing you want, both for his and your sake. 

 Somehow always in your mind, his legs make things awkward. Sex is great, but could even be better, for they prevent you from being spontaneous. The last thing you want is to make Ivar, the man you're falling in love with, uncomfortable. So, you don't speak about them because you can feel he doesn't want to speak about them. You don't look at them because his tight jaw is unmistakable each time your eyes wander to his lower body. You do your best never to touch them, which isn't easy when you share his bed. In short, most of the time you act as if they don't exist. And this has got to stop. 

 You can't let this unspoken thing continue to grow between the two of you or it will end up becoming a problem that will eat you up, you do know it with utmost certainty. You won't allow it. You can't. Ivar is important to you, to say the least, and you're pretty sure he reciprocates your feelings. You see it in his huge blue eyes that sparkle each time he looks at you; you hear it in the softness of his tone each time he talks to you. 

 So yeah, the whole situation annoys you. It doesn't mean that his legs annoy you. They don't. You won't lie, you're a little nervous about them. How could you not, given how sensitive a subject they are? Will you say the right thing? Do the right thing? Will you hurt Ivar unwillingly? Just thinking about it, about them, makes you feel like you're walking on eggshells. Ivar is being very touchy when it comes to them, to those-legs-we-mustn't-talk-about, it seems to you that the slightest word could ruin everything. And you don't want that. Gods, you don't. Yet, you're not sure how to handle well something that important.

  That's the point. His legs are that important. They shouldn't be. They shouldn't matter. They don't matter. Of course, you're not stupid. Ivar has a disability, there's no denying it. But it doesn't define him, right? What defines him is his outstanding intelligence, his sharp mind, and his deadpan, ironic humour. And well, if you're being honest, his ridiculous handsomeness too… It might sound shallow, but… who cares?  

 Anyway, enough is enough. Things must change and you're sure Ivar won't be the one initiating the change. It leaves you no choice, you know it. Your heart hammering in your chest, you rub your sweaty palms together before inhaling deeply. That's it. Let it be done. The sooner the better.  

 ***

 "Are you not coming?" Ivar's blue eyes are scrutinizing you from under furrowed brows as you scrabble around in your small overnight bag, as an idea has just popped into your head.

 Glancing at him over your shoulder, you barely nod while swallowing the lump in your throat. "Of course I am, give me a minute." You reply after a while, sounding more confident than you feel. But you know it's a good idea. It could be the first step. It could work. It has to work. 

 Your hands are shaking but your heart is filled with hope when you eventually find what you were looking for. "Here it is.", you mutter, a tentative smile playing on your lips as you turn towards your lover, who looks at the silk scarf in your hand with a mischievous grin. 

 "What is it on your naughty mind?" He asks playfully, tilting his head in his very own way, the one that melts your heart each and every time. "You want to blindfold me, Y/N?" His low, deep voice sends shivers down your spine. "Or maybe you'd rather be blindfolded? It's up to you, I'm totally on board with either one." He swallows heavily, and when he licks his upper lip and then the lower in a slow-moving and sensual motion, a familiar warmth spreads in your lower belly. 

  Of course, he had to misread the situation. And you, you're so easily, pathetically flustered! Closing your eyes to push away any distracting thoughts, you inhale deeply while just shaking your head no as you don't trust yourself to speak right now. 

 Raising a brow, Ivar gives you a questioning look. "So, what is it about, then?" His tone is more serious now, you can almost feel a hint of uneasiness in his voice as if a part of his brain already suspects what's in your mind. 

 "Actually, I want to be blindfolded, but not to do what you're thinking about." You explain, shyly lowering your gaze. "I'd like to try something." You speak in a whisper but with honesty, fidgeting with the little silver Mjölnir – a gift from Ivar – you wear around your neck. "If it's okay with you." You add, your shaky voice giving away your nervousness. 

 Confused, Ivar looks at you with knitted brows. Since you don't want to explain further – because you're sure that if you told him of your plan, he would deny you – you just climb on the bed, kneel next to him and bring the scarf to your face, wrapping it around your head and over your eyes before tying it in the back with a tight knot. 

 Being blinded like that, even if it's of your own volition, is quite unsettling, you must say. You feel weirdly exposed, vulnerable, in your tiny shorts and a tank top and you have to inhale and exhale slowly several times in order to calm your nerves. 

 Uncertain, Ivar keeps quiet, his breathing just a little bit shorter than usual. "Y/N?" His hesitant voice startles you and you swallow, biting your inner cheek. 

 You know you have to take action, the sooner the better. So you fumble blindly on the bed and as you find Ivar's hand, you bring it to your mouth, kissing each knuckle one after the other while your free hand slips under the comforter. 

 His breath hitches, yet Ivar doesn't react, doesn't stop you, as you slowly lift the comforter, pulling it away. But when your fingers graze what you think is his thigh, he grabs your wrist, wrapping his fingers around it. 

 "What…" Ivar stutters, his grip tight enough to bruise your delicate skin, "… What are you doing, Y/N?" His voice, barely audible, is nothing more than a shaky whisper that wrings your heart. 

 Yet, you won't back down. "Let me, Ivar, please…" You beg softly, but to no avail. Ivar rushes his words, panic coursing through his veins. "Stop Y/N! Don't, please don't, I… They are… They are ugly. I… I can't." That's it. He can't. Just thinking of you exposing his disgusting legs, he feels like throwing up. He can't. 

 Hearing your lover so upset, and maybe even close to tears, is heartbreaking. Raising your free hand, you find his arm, then his shoulder, his neck, and finally his face, which you cup tenderly. 

 "You do know I won't see them, don't you?" You ask carefully, peppering light kisses along his jaw while trying to slow down the frantic pace of your own heart. 

 Ivar doesn't miss a beat, pushing you away gently but very firmly. "You don't need your sight to feel how hideous they are." Almost convinced to give up by his broken voice, you struggle to keep in mind that postponing the problem can't be a solution. 

 "That's what you think about them, how you see them, Ivar, that's not what they are." Your tone soft and soothing, you're trying to convey how much you care. "And it's certainly not how I'm going to see or to feel them."

 "How would you know?" You can tell that he shifts in the bed to sit upright, his back against the headboard. His fingers still around your wrist, you have to stifle a hiss of pain when he changes position. 

 "Because they are a part of you. Nothing from you, or about you, can be ugly." You wince, realizing that you've just opened up to him more than you would have liked. But well, speaking your mind isn't a bad thing, right? 

 As Ivar, dumbstruck, keeps quiet, you decide to strike the iron while it's hot. Once again finding his cheek, your thumb lightly strokes it while you speak. "Let me touch them, Ivar…"

 You know him well enough to be sure that right now, a storm is clouding his features. But as his breathing starts to quicken and as his grip on your wrist loosens, you understand that he's more frightened than angry. "Please…" You plead, aiming blindly a reassuring smile in his direction. 

 "But… Wh… Why?" He's never felt so scared, not even with Margrethe. Even if the rational part of him knows you're right, he won't give up yet, not without fighting. "Why… Why does it have to be? You don't need to touch those fucking…", swallowing, he closes his eyes briefly, "… you don't need to touch my legs, Y/N. You don't. We could just go on like this, as we have done up to now. Believe me, it will be better like that."

 "No, it won't." You sigh, shaking your head. Ivar's distress may break your heart, yet you're more and more convinced that this is the right thing to do. "Let me touch them, Ivar, please…" You simply repeat, your free hand still on his cheek.

 "Why… Why is it so important to you?" As soon as the words escape his lips, he regrets them, wishes he could take them back. He should have said no. Why didn't he say no? Slapping himself internally, he rolls his eyes, annoyed as much by his own stupidity as by your stubbornness. 

 You answer in a sweet whisper, placing your hand on his chest. He's sure you can feel the crazy thumping of his heart under your palm. "Because your legs are a part of you, and I want to know everything about you. Will you let me, Ivar?"

 Ivar, deeply moved by your words, is eager to believe them. But on the other hand, it's so… frightening; unsettling. Not used to being so vulnerable in front of someone, he feels like he's being ripped apart, and gods, he hates it! "I… I don't know… I'm… not sure…" He eventually stammers almost unwillingly, more or less denying you once more, yet his resolution starts to falter, and he knows you can hear it. 

 Even more surprising, it's as if his body betrayed him, his fingers finally releasing your wrist. As you gasp, astonished and pleased, he ponders for a few moments before deciding – if deciding something against what seems to be your own will is even a thing – he won't stop you. He knows he could, but he also knows you're right. So, conflicted and petrified with fear, he just waves his hand, wiggling his fingers, and mumbles under his breath a faint "go ahead" that you almost miss.

 "Is that a 'yes', Ivar?" Full of hope and with what you're sure is a beaming smile on your lips, you intertwine your fidgeting fingers and put your hands on your lap, anxiously awaiting his reply. 

 His jaw clenched, Ivar just nods. At first, he doesn't realize that you can't see him. As the silence drags on, he furrows his brows, confused, before breathing a hesitant answer. "Yeahhh…" Digging his fingernails into his palms, he waits for your next move, almost like someone awaiting a death sentence.

 Sensing his anxiousness, you raise your hands and then move them very slowly, willing to give Ivar time to stop you if he needs to. Since he doesn't utter a word nor grab your wrists, you keep going, your fingers grazing what surely is his lower belly before finding the hem of his cotton boxer shorts. 

 Intensely aware of the importance of the moment, you can't help but swallow loudly, your stomach tied in knots. You started all this, and even if you're still not sure if it's the right time – will there ever be a right time for this? – you have to keep going. But you're scared. What if it'll push Ivar over the edge? What if it is too much for him? What if you won't handle this as well as you think you will? You don't want to lose him. Your mind suddenly filled with doubts, you do the only thing you can think of, and send a silent prayer to the gods, hoping they can help the two of you. 

 Holding his breath, Ivar looks at your hands as if he was hypnotized. His eyes wide open, he can't move, can't speak, utterly terrified of what is to come. He knows he should trust you. Maybe he does. But he doesn't trust himself. No, that's not true. Most of the time, Ivar doesn't lack self-confidence. He knows his worth. He's aware of the strength of his intelligence, his cunning. He knows about his good looks – even if they're quite useless; or about his highly appreciated caustic humour. And as he's no fool, he knows that being a Ragnarsson – name, wealth, all the stuff – is a major asset. Yet, when it comes to his legs, he's nothing more than a frightened little boy, so anxious that he's ready to fall apart. Feeling ashamed, self-conscious, and helpless, he's wondering how much tenser he can become until he physically shatters. Conflicted, he wants you to stop as well as he wants you to keep going. This has to be done. This should never be done. He's in love with you. You will never love him. You won't hurt him. He'll be hurt once again. Hectic, opposing thoughts are constantly fighting in his mind, leaving him frozen in fear and panicked. So, since he can't think straight, he does the only thing he can think of and sends a silent prayer to the gods. May they help him; help you. 

 Uselessly closing your eyes behind the blindfold, you gather your strength. Ivar didn't stop you. That's good. That means he wants you to do it, right? Inhaling deeply, you try to stop the shaking in your hands, and then, slightly leaning forward, you let your fingertips run over his thighs, barely touching them. You forget how to breathe and Ivar is so still, so quiet, you think he's not breathing either. 

 As you become bolder, you place the flat of your hands on his legs, careful not to apply any pressure. Under your palms, you can feel every bump, every scar, every broken bone. Your movements intentionally agonizingly slow, your hands move down to his protruding knee caps before finding his atrophied calves, their wasted muscles evident to the touch. You can't think how painful walking, or even just standing up, must be. The thought spreads a dull ache in your chest, but you keep your face emotionless, aware that if you can't see him, Ivar can see you. Rather than dwelling on it, you continue exploring, and when your fingers brush against the sole of one of his misshaped, scrawny feet, Ivar flinches. "Sorry," you mumble, "I didn't know you were ticklish." Since Ivar doesn't react, you're not sure he heard you and decide to slowly move your hands up his legs, placing them back on his bony thighs. 

 Keeping his eyes on you the whole time, Ivar struggles to breathe, his heart pounding wildly in his rib cage. He's surprised, he must say. He expected to see disgust or pity on your face, but there's none of that. Of course, he can't see your eyes, but a small smile never leaves your lips. Could it be that you're not disgusted? In any case, you don't seem troubled by what you're feeling. Maybe you're hiding it, but if so, you're hiding it well. He's also surprised because he expected to hate every moment of the process. Himself, he's all the time trying to avoid touching his legs. He hates PT sessions and doctor's appointments with a passion for a reason. But your touch is… enjoyable if he can push away all his doubts and his awful thoughts. It strikes him all of a sudden: it's probably the first time someone touches his legs for no reason at all. They were regularly massaged, checked for injuries, examined, palpated; of course, they were. But there was always a medical reason. Even when his mother touched them, it was to ease the pain. But you… you decided to touch his ugly limbs just because you wanted to. And just now, he realizes how much he missed that. Can he really miss something he's never known? He's not sure, but here he is, enjoying your featherlike touch, craving it, not wanting it to stop. Yes, he likes it; needs it. But what if, after tonight, you don't want to touch them again? He wouldn't blame you, who would want to touch such repulsive things? The thought brings bile to his throat and he knows it won't stop plaguing his mind. So he has to know, whatever it takes. Moving for the first time, he runs a trembling hand through his hair and summons all his courage.

 "You… you didn't say a word." His quivering voice startles you, making your heart swell with sadness. You don't need your eyes to know that Ivar is filled with dread. The need to reassure him compels you to blindly fumble on the bed until you find his hand, which you grasp between yours. "What do you want me to say?" You ask cautiously, your thumb lightly stroking his knuckles. 

 You can feel Ivar stiffening, his fingernails probably bruising your palms as he lets out a shuddering breath. "I…" He stops to swallow. "The… truth, Y/N. Go ahead, speak your mind. You… you touched…" He stutters, and you're willing to bet his eyes are tightly shut, his tone giving away his level of anxiety. "… you touched them. My legs, I mean. I know… I know how they feel, ugly and disgusting… no need to sugarcoat your thoughts… I… I can handle the truth…" His voice cracks at the end, contradicting his words.

 Releasing his hand, you graze his right thigh with gentle fingers. "No, Ivar", you speak softly yet firmly, "that's not how they feel, at least not to me." You know you have to be honest, you can't just say nonsensical, lovey-dovey things, he won't buy it. "I won't tell you they feel beautiful. They don't." Choosing your words carefully, you let your pointer finger follow a massive scar from his mid-thigh to his knee. "They feel different, and yes, you can feel the scars. It must have been painful, it's probably still is. But I promise you, they're not disgusting. They're your legs. They say a lot, Ivar. They're telling a story, your story. That's why I wanted to know them because as I said earlier, I want to know all about you. And they are part of you. I do think they finally deserve to be cared about, to be loved. Let me love them…" You whisper the last words, feeling vulnerable. 'Let me love you…' is what you want to add, but you know you can't, not yet, so instead you lean forward, your lips brushing and then kissing his thigh.

 Something between a whine and a choked sob escapes his lips and you can hear his breath hitch as his hand gets up close to your neck. "Did I hurt you?" You ask with concern, frowning behind the blindfold. 

 Ivar can't help but smile, even if you can't see it. "No!" he replies quickly, his hand now on the back of your head. "I wasn't expecting that, the kiss I mean, but I… liked it." He explains shyly, surprised by his own words. "Actually, I loved it." He's not lying. He loved the kiss, he loved your words; it's as if a tremendous weight had just been lifted off of him. Part of him tells him not to believe everything you said, but he decides not to. He didn't hear any malice or mischief in your voice. He knows you were being genuine. That's why, choosing to chase the disbelief away, he decides to trust you completely. And that's why, suddenly, without warning, he pulls off the blindfold.

 "What are you doing, Ivar?" You squeak, immediately closing your eyes and picking up the comforter. But as you intend to cover his legs, Ivar grabs your wrists with both hands. "Just leave it where it is." He retorts before letting out a heavy sigh. "And open your eyes."

 You do as you're told, but keep your eyes on his face. There are tears in his eyes and a whirlwind of emotions. "Just look at them, Y/N." He almost commands you, but you know that's a way to hide his true feelings behind bravado. 

 Blinking a few times and scrunching your face, you tilt your head to the side, scrutinizing him. "Are you sure?"

 Your lover just shrugs, biting his lower lip. "Will I ever be?" Taking a deep breath, he adds in a murmur. "But I trust you."

 ***

 Later that night, as you're sound asleep, your head on his chest and his arm around your waist, Ivar can't get sleep, amazed that you didn't run away. He keeps replaying what you did when you saw his legs. You had just smiled. And kissed them one more time. And then thanked him for trusting you, for allowing you to love them. Moved and overwhelmed, he could see the matching tears in your eyes, but no sadness on your face. What he saw instead was relief, and care, and… love? 

 Kissing your head, he mumbles. "It is I who should be thanking you. I don't know what I did to deserve someone like you, but whatever it was, I'm glad. If angels are real, you're mine. I won't let you go, Y/N, never ever." 

 "I love you…" He finally whispers, taking advantage of your slumber. Well, little does he know you're awake but staying perfectly still. You know you weren't meant to hear those three words, not yet. And it doesn't matter. You can wait. You and Ivar have a lifetime to love each other. 

 All of him. All of you. 

🛡⚔️🛡

@honestsycrets​ @lisinfleur​ @waiting4inspiration​ @saldelys​ @gearhead66​ @inforapound​ @readsalot73​ @milkkygirls​ @xbellaxcarolinax​ @shannygoatgruff​ @zuxiezendler​ @a-mess-of-fandoms​ @hecohansen31​ @lonewolf471​ @ivarthebloodyking​ @fuckindiva​ @tgrrose​ @didiintheblog​ @peachyboneless​ @funmadnessandbadassvikings​ @ethereallysimple​ @destynelseclipsa​

[uwuthatshit]

I saw that you would like to get random asks, so I want to take this opportunity to ask about a topic that feels like beyond my personal reach which I would love to hear a personal opinion on from somebody who has a better grasp. (If you don't feel like answering this that's totally okay, I'm just super curious about this topic as a whole and know pretty much nothing about it and I saw you use tags that relate to it, so I thought I'd ask you!)

I'm talking about "kin" like "kinning a character".

I talked to some friends about it to find some definitions for a start but we soon came to a point where we maybe just lack insight from a person who attributes meaning to this phenomenon. What does kinning mean? Is it like "I identify with this character" or does it go beyond feeling understood, seen, represented? If so, in which ways? What do you think could be the reason this attribution to certain characters is a "thing" right now? What do people get out of it, what function could it serve for them? Are there kin communities? What happens if two people who "literally kin" a character meet? What does "literally kinning" mean? Is that a real thing?

I come from a place of 0 opinion or judgement on this topic since I just don't know anything beyond the word and what I personally read into it in passing so far. So if you have time and this would be fun for you to write about, would you like to put together a tiny lesson or direct me to some sources if you know some? I'm super interested from a sociologist's point of view but also as a writer! Imagine inventing a character some people end up kinning! How fascinating! What does it all mean?

I hope you'll have a super good day 😊

Hi Papuru!!! Oh my goodness, you asked a question :))))) Thank you so much for interacting!!! Yay, My Papuru-senpai noticed me  \\\QwQ/// 

Oh LORD, you asked the mother of all questions. Honestly, this one got my mind reeling. 

 “What is Kinning? What does it mean?” 

I remember you asking me this question like, 2 months ago when we first started talking and I 100% remember giving you a half-ass explanation because I was tired and had a shitty day XD I’M SO SORRY I WAS SO TIRED I'M SURE MY EXPLANATION MADE NO SENSE. 

Well, no backing out of it now! I’m more than happy to dig deeper into a topic for a friend! Let’s get started. 

Kinning, in its simplest form, is a ‘relationship’ between a character and a real person in this reality. 

Kinning is an EXTREMELY touchy subject, especially since everyone has their own definition of the characters (what it is in comparison to themselves). How THEY can relate to a character can define how much they “Kin” them. 

Kinning is a term that is also used in the role-playing community, to how much “Alike” you are to a certain character during the duration of your Cosplaying, Acting, and Behaving like a specific Character. 

Now, what do I mean by “Characters?” I mean any fictional character that has ever existed. Now, Kinning is now used more mainstream because it is HUGELY Popular because of Tiktok! And Kinning (As far as I’ve seen and compared myself to) is pretty big in the Anime, DreamSMP, Comic Books, Otome Games, and Manga communities/Fandom. I compare myself to (Or “kin”) Characters that mostly belong from DreamSMP, My Hero Academia, and Diabolik Lovers. 

Kinning is like finding a space where you belong. A lot of people feel out of place, lonely, different, awkward, etc. But don’t get it confused with Stanning, though. 

When a person has a favorite character, you can “Stan” them. This means you would back them up no matter what, they are your FAVORITE character, you want them more than anything in the world. Think BTS Stans. Dream Stans. Bakugo Stans. They are people that rally behind a specific character in this imaginary boxing rink, cheering and patting their favorite character in the imaginary corner where they are sitting. Hyping them up. Crying over them. Think People crying and running after Big Time Rush or 1D, desperate to get a photograph, validation, ect.

Kinning is NOT that. 

Kinning is the feeling of having a personal connection with a character. You see parts of yourself in a character.

THIS INCLUDES BUT IS NOT LIMITED TO:  

Personality, interests, self-esteem issues, hidden secrets, broken relationships, tragic past, similar trauma, same amount of self hatred (or self love), the character also lost a mother and a father, a toe, a hand, tongue, the ability to walk, to care, to be a pacifist. that sort of thing.

My personal belief is that quarantine and the rise in mental illness and isolation made it difficult for people to relate or interact with one another, so then people started finding emotional solace in fictional character. Just an idea?

[desertofsnowflakes]

Incorrect Order Chapter 5 (Nessian AU)

A/N: Do inform me if you wanna be added/removed from the taglist! If you happen to find my storyline similar to another fic or one of yours, I'm extremely sorry, I might've just not known. All characters belong to the author Sarah J. Mass. Enjoy!

Summary: Don't first impressions always affect the way you see someone? Well, what more with the Nesta Archeron? Nesta meets Cassian at few unexpected places and to say it didn't go well was a major understatement. Certain circumstances make them become enemies to tolerable company to friends to lovers.

Trigger Warnings: Swearing, an angry Nesta and a heart-broken Cassian

2094 words | Incorrect Order Masterlist | Read on AO3

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Nesta had never been one for small talk but in his presence she spoke as if she was excellent in small talk. They spoke of all unimportant things and ended up forgetting the important stuff; their names. Again.

Feyre sent an invitation for her first anniversary party as she did for every other occasion. The only thing different was that Nesta never bothered to pay heed to her invitations before. After the day in the alley, however, she decided she was going to turn over a new leaf. This was her first step.

She checked her reflection on the side-mirror. She tried to keep her outfit and make-up as simple as possible. She only wore a white ruffled-sleeved blouse with a black pencil skirt. Her hair was braided into a coronet. She looked good, but not as good as she’ll look if she took her own time to do a detailed make-over. She let out a breath and braced herself for the inevitable little chat with her sisters.

“Nesta?” a bewildered voice breathed. She whirled around to face her younger sister, Elain, looking up at her, a small smile playing about her lips. “You’re here,” she said and flung her arms around Nesta. Nesta automatically wrapped her arms around Elain’s smaller frame. Eventually, Elain pulled back.

“No offense, but I really thought you wouldn’t be coming,” Elain said.

Nesta felt as if the smile on her face couldn't be wiped out for the next few hours. “Honestly, I didn't think I'd come either. But here I am.”

She nodded and pulled Nesta to the garden the party was held at.

“I did this,” Elain said. “This garden, I planted and groomed all this.”

“No wonder why it looks so beautiful,” Nesta replied.

She flushed and said contemplatively, “You're so different now, Nesta.”

“I hope in a good way. Where's Feyre?”

“Let's go meet everyone first.”

Nesta shook her head. “I— I need to talk to both of you before I meet everyone else. ”

Elain hesitated then said, “Can you wait in that room? I'll fetch Feyre and come.”

Nesta nodded and headed to the door at the end of the garden Elain pointed at. The room was classy, much like the exterior of the house. She was struck by the simple yet grand theme of Feyre's house. She knew he and his brothers were rich but she just didn't understand the extent of their wealth. Till now.

“What are you thinking?” Feyre wasn't the type to blindly trust people. It took more than coming for her anniversary to persuade her that Nesta's intentions were good.

Nesta faced Feyre, her youngest sister, who stood before her, gorgeous yet fierce in a simple but elegant blue gown. She shrugged, “Just thinking that I'm glad my sisters were well-provided when I couldn't take care of them.”

Feyre’s face didn’t change, she just gestured towards the couches. “Have a seat,” she said.

Nesta sat down, “You both look splendid,” she said. Feyre said that the gown was a gift, Elain thanked Nesta and offered the same.

Nesta cleared her throat. “I need to tell the both of you something. Many things, actually.”

Elain nodded encouragingly. Feyre said, “Go on.”

So Nesta spoke. She apologised. For how she wasn't there to fulfill the role of an elder sister. For how she failed to attend Feyre's marriage and many other occasions. For all the rude words she spoke to them. For shunning them. She apologised for being self consumed. For everything else.

She also promised. To try harder. To become better. To be a good sister and sister-in-law. To be with them at all times, especially when they needed her. And they listened.

“I know these words aren't enough, but I'll try to make it so,” she finished, her hands clasped with both her sisters on her sides.

“You said you'll try, Nesta. We will too,” Feyre said.

“I see a very bright future ahead of us,” Elain said.

Nesta couldn't help the tears anymore. She folded her arms around her sisters and tucked them close. Her sisters. Her beloved sisters she now knew she'd do anything to protect.

“I see a very bright future too,” Nesta said.

Nesta pulled back after what felt like an hour and looked at her sisters' tear-streaked faces.

“I love you,” the three of them said simultaneously. Nesta giggled. Elain laughed. Feyre stared.

Nesta gently brushed the tears from both of their cheeks. “I don't want to see any of you crying.”

She hugged them again, willing the hug to convey everything she didn't say out loud.

“Now, now, enough snuggling. We've got a party to attend and people to meet, remember?” Feyre said.

***

Cassian was anxious. He had always hoped Nesta, his sister-in-law, would come for the gatherings they had; be it family dinners, or birthday parties, or the random meetings they had when they just got tipsy and played games. He hadn't seen her face-to-face before. All he knows about Nesta are from the descriptions from Feyre and Elain. That, too, was minimal. One of them would quickly change the topic to something pleasant the moment traces of an emotional breakdown were visible. Every time he hoped, he was let down. She never came. He vowed he would stop hoping and instead just go about and act as if she didn't exist. But that never happened. Every time his family met, his treacherous heart would start hoping only to have a chunk of it fall off when she failed to attend. Today was no different.

Then there’s the woman who he’d been talking to the whole afternoon. He was a tangled up mess of emotions and doubt and confusion. He had been sort-of pining after Nesta. She was exactly the person he’d like. Apparently she was drop-dead gorgeous, witty and… feral. Feyre said that. Feral. She’d be someone worth seeing. She was totally a worthy opponent. It’d be fun. But the other woman? Mother above, she was ethereal. More than ethereal, in fact. Words can't contain what he had to say about her.

He was damn near killing Az for calling him right when they were about to exchange names. He really can't believe he was a hairsbreadth away from knowing her before it was all ripped away. Now they were back to square one. He didn't know anything about her.

Azriel clapped him on his back so hard that he almost stumbled and fell. Or probably that was because he was too distracted. “All good Somm?”

“Mmm-hmm,” he replied noncommittally. He busied his hands with re-rinsing the champagne flutes and wiping them clean again. He did this two times already. Still.

“Mood is sour today, Cass?” Az teased, mock-frowning.

“Nah,” Cassian said wryly, “it's as sweet as honeydew. Especially today, when my chat got interrupted.” He glared at Azriel.

“Now, now, that is a story for another day. For now though, I think I've got something that can cheer up your brooding self.”

“What is it?” he mumbled.

Az grinned. “Nesta is here.”

***

Feyre and Elain took Nesta on a quick tour around the house. Feyre’s paintings were hung on the walls throughout the whole house. Nesta grimly noticed that there wasn't a single picture of her. There were even paintings of their father whose heart had long stopped beating. But none of hers. If only she didn’t push herself away, Nesta would’ve been a happy part of her sisters’ lives.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered. Feyre took her hand in hers. Elain tucked herself to Nesta’s side, wrapping her arms over her slender shoulders.

Nesta already met Mor, a stunning blonde woman, and Amren, a slightly intimidating and short person. Now she only had to meet her brother-in-laws.

“Let’s go meet the boys!” Elain said brightly.

We walked back to the garden. Feyre seemed to get more and more elated the closer we got to the garden. Huh. Probably falling in love would do that to someone. Anyway, as long as her sisters were happy.

They stepped through the doorway. The garden was decorated with more banners and streamers hung on the back of chairs and on the low branches. Again, it looked opulent in a simple way.

There were three men in the centre of the garden, gathered around a table. They all were slightly similar, broad shouldered, tapered waists, muscular limbs. Three of them wore formal shirts and pants clinging to their frames. The one in the middle was Rhysand, she supposed. She smirked internally. Of course Feyre ended up with this guy. She's got a good taste. Must've gotten it from the oldest sister.

The one on the right, though. His figure felt familiar. Very, very familiar. She couldn't quite put a finger on it yet.

“The one on the left is Azriel, the one on the right is Cassian,” Feyre said, and Nesta nodded.

The boys must be really engrossed with their conversation. They hadn't noticed the three of them yet.

The guy she thought was familiar threw his head back and laughed. She gasped. That laugh. She'd know the laugh anywhere. Indeed, when he angled his face so that she could get a glimpse, she knew she was done for. She swallowed with much difficulty.

“I need to go,” she said quickly.

“Go? But— but we haven't cut the cake yet. It's still early. We've got lots more fun stuff,” Elain said.

“You said you'll try, Nesta. Only, this doesn't feel like 'trying',” Feyre said.

They sounded… hurt.

Mother above, I'm doing this wrong.

“Nesta?” Elain asked. “Is something wrong?”

“Yeah,” Feyre added, “you look pale.”

“Y-yeah it's f-fine. Kinda. My head hurts,” she said, accidentally clutching her stomach. “I-I mean, yeah my head hurts. Very badly. I gotta go.” She looked helplessly at both of them. “I'm so sorry. I really am. It's just— I think I need rest. I'll recompense. Probably dinner in three days?” They both shared a look and agreed.

Nesta was already walking away. “Love you both,” she threw over her shoulder.

***

“Feyre!” Rhys called. He beckoned Feyre and Elain to the table. He didn't see Nesta.

Cassian lightly kissed Feyre on her cheek once they made their way to the table and said, “Gorgeous as always. Happy anniversary!”

Feyre grinned, but it showed traces of disappointment.

He frowned. “Hey, what's wrong?”

She just shook her head and mumbled, “Nesta.” Rhys's face hardened. His brother was never fond of Nesta. He said that she was why Feyre was always worried.

“Where's Nesta?” Az asked, craning his neck to see behind farther.

“She… left,” Elain pointed, revealing a figure disappearing behind the gates. A figure he knew all too well. Shitshitshitshit.

His head snapped back to his brothers. “That is Nesta?” he damn near shouted.

Rhys scowled, “Yeah.”

No wonder why she's so beautiful, he thought dumbly before running after her with a quick “I'll be back.”

***

Nesta was wrong. In all her happiness of being reunited with her sisters, she completely forgot how even a small thing can break one's smile. She felt like she couldn't breathe. She kept her calm demeanour, but inside, she was a raging storm of emotions.

One step in front of the other, she kept reminding herself.

She kept walking. Even when she heard footsteps. Even when the steps got louder. Even as he got close enough to cease running.

But not when he called her name. She halted. Locked up her emotions. She knew she shouldn't but she turned around anyway.

“What do you want?” she snapped.

“Nesta,” he breathed. She tried to hold back her shudder. It was from the night air, she told herself.

“If you have nothing to say, do let me know. I'm not going to wait forever,” she said. Harsher than she intended to. But she didn't care, at least, that's what she told herself.

Cassian winked, “I'm honored you came, sweetheart. I'll pass the credit to my influence on you. ”

She ground her teeth against the truth threatening to fall off her lips. Yes, I came here because you made me happy. And I thought that if I tried, as I did with you, I can rebuild my relationship with my sisters.

***

Cassian did something stupid. He grabbed her hand. Her eyes snapped to his, burning with anger. Like the day they first met.

He gave her a crooked grin that he knew would drive her mad. Well, more than she already was. He tilted his head to the garden, “The party is that way, love.”

She snatched back her hand at continued walking. Like a fool, he followed. “I spoke to my sisters. Told them I won't be staying tonight. And that we'll have dinner in three day's time. Does that satisfy you? Now, can you stop following me?”

“Something's wrong. What's wrong, Nes?”

“One,” she ground out, “don't call me that. Two, I'm a grown-ass woman; I know how to take care of myself. I don't need a babysitter.”

“You did. That day,” he said quietly.

She whirled on him, “Is this you taking back favours? Because I'm not interested. You want money? Take it. Tell me your price and fucking take it! Don't tread on my heels because you helped me, okay? I've got way better things to do.” She paused, “And don't follow me, Cassian.”

She turned and stalked away.

You want money? Take it. 'Take it.' As if he were a beggar, asking for alms. As if they weren't laughing at each other's jokes not more than an hour ago. As if he didn't spend a week taking care of her as if she were a part of his soul. Maybe she was.

But that was before, Cassian thought as his heart cleaved into two perfect halves. No— it smashed to a million tiny pieces.

He waited till Nesta was out of his line of sight. He turned and walked back to the garden, leaving his heart behind.

taglist: @shadowsinger07 @im-someone-i-guess @saltyfortunes @cressjacquine @julian-blackthorn-supremacy @champanheandluxxury @zemiraa @ladygabrielli1997 @nehemikkele @heartless--aromantic @sv0430 @ddsworldofbooks @irenethaleia @sjm-things @dontgetsalmonella

[theomengirl]

~ GOM as a father ~

[notes] ~ hello! i' m sorry for not being active for the past two weeks because i was battling writer's block, and since college has started it also got in the way of my writing. the requests are piling up and i'll try to work on them as soon as possible ;;; here's a hc of your fav gom boys while you wait. thank you! ♡

Kuroko

the most normal out of the 6.

he’s really appreciative and compliments his child on something they do.

the type to give a sweet morning call and kisses them as soon as they wake up.

later at night, he would read them books and stay longer before their bedtime just to have a simple talk. “what was your favorite part of today?”

also assures them that he's all-ears if they're bothered by something.

no matter how bad his day went, he would never show it in front of them.

you and Kuroko always stick a note filled with encouraging words on their lunchbox to boost their spirit.

sets a healthy lifestyle to help with their growth because he doesn't want them to take after his low stamina.

he loves to assist when they have an art project and he'd display the artwork at home while giving a pat on the head. "look at this awesome work made by you."

Kise

the moment he officially became a dad, he cried for a whole day.

one night, you felt exhausted and Kise wasn't on the bed the moment you woke up. then you found him at the room next door, snoring on the carpet with scattered diapers while your child was sleeping soundly in their crib.

hangs family pictures all over the house and he puts his child's shots throughout the years. he's also active on social medias to boast about his little family.

he's clingy and would give big hugs and kisses at random times, for no reason at all. often argues about who love whom more.

a little sad when they refuse to accept his affection. "dad, stop it. i'm older now." "doesn't matter, i'd still hug and kiss you every day even if you grow grey hair."

spoils them with toys until there's barely any space to keep them, which gaining him a whack from you. "don't buy toys anymore." but he just couldn't look away and came home with another one.

brags about the magazines which he featured on. "doesn't your dad look handsome here?"

he takes his child to his photoshoot site once in a while and the people there would squeal.

his heart breaks if he sees them getting frustrated or sad. "hey, you have your mom and me. you'll always be our biggest pride so let's figure out together, alright? now should we crash at your favorite restaurant?"

gets excited when they do. he's also good at role plays, sometimes a cop, a prince, a monster, etc.

Midorima

a little awkward and confused as how to act natural when his child pretend to shoot him or he plays a prince.

"mom, can you play with me? dad's terrible." then he'd call Kise to ask for some advice.

often doubts himself whether he's a good father or not, but that thought got washed out after his child came home saying he got an A for his essay; 10 things i love about my father. reading it before he leaves for work has become a routine.

bonds over basketball. he'd teach his child how to shoot threes and encourage them until they get better.

he makes sure they keep lucky items with them every day.

totally lost his cool and was panicking when his child got a fever. you tried to calm him down but he instantly rushed to the hospital, only to return home again because the doctor said it wasn't serious; just a usual fever every kid runs to.

the type to set a curfew.

might push them in term of academics, but not too hard. and he would always praise them no matter how bad the score they get. "it's just a number. i just hope you understand the subject so it'll be an advantage for you in the future, you can always do better, because you're our son/daughter."

lowkey jealous if the Shutoku uncles get close to them and glares at Takao because his child seems to favor him.

Aomine

the troublemakers in the house, especially if he has a son. a carbon copy just in a smaller size.

definitely passes on his basketball legacy and they would lose track of time. you had to call them multiple times over dinner only to get responded with "5 more minutes!" and lasted for another hour.

tells them the importance of teamwork no matter how good they are in basketball. he doesn't want his child to repeat his mistake in the past.

"why are you worried over the exam you just finished, when the scores aren't out yet at that? honey, tell the kiddo what place i was during high school," he said as he laid down on the sofa, watching tv while picking on his nose. "your dad was in last place."

he would give a lesson to whoever tries to pick up on or belittle his child.

try to position himself a friend instead of a parent so they'll not be afraid to open up to him.

calls them with pet names he comes up with or he just go with "oi kiddo"

lots of skinship and he often buries them under his large body or traps their head under his shirt when he's being playful.

"don't grow up too fast. i'll be sad, you know?"

Murasakibara

despite his habit of unhealthy eating, he restricts his child to do the same.

"no more candies." "but dad, you had it more than me. can i, please?" "no. you're still growing, your teeth will rot." "so can i eat as much as you once i grow up?" "still no."

the happiest when the school invites parents for a one-day activity together. the other children hover around him because they find his purple hair amusing.

you were amazed by how much he had matured after having a child compared to before the marriage.

rewards them with snacks and sweets if they achieve something.

loves to give them teddy bear hugs.

Akashi

sets good examples that his child would follow; a man with manners.

pays full attention to their education. at the same time he takes things slowly and is aware that his child isn't a machine that should excel at everything.

"please do tell me if you ever feel like the lesson doesn't suit you. talk to me, okay?"

says "i love you" or "you're the greatest thing ever happened in our life" whenever he gets the chance.

tries his best to spend some time with them despite his busy schedules as he doesn't want to lose track of their growth.

takes them along to his business trips, classical concerts or simply playing basketball with the uncles from Teiko in hopes that his child will learn naturally by watching.

he would never demand them to be perfect like the doctrine he received from his father, because his child's happiness is number 1 priority above anything else.

teaches them leadership skills and how to earn other people's respect without hurting them.

overall, he avoids to repeat his past by being more considerate and affectionate to his own child which he treasured so much.

[xxkellsvixen19xx]

Spotlight: A Life Of A Troubled Celebrity Heartthrob Ch 2

Word Count: 5,483

As usual the party was much bigger than expected. By the end of the night almost everyone was totally wasted.

"Hey Y/L/N! I just wanted to thank you again..you know for-for everything." Sommer shouted into Y/N's ear. She was way beyond drunk at this point. Y/N tried to stay sober after she spotted Colson locking lips with Brinna, the DJ from Rock 93.9 FM. He had totally ignored her all night.

"Don't sweat it. That's what friends are for right." Y/N replied with a tight smile.

"You consider me a friend? After everything I've done to you?" She asked bewildered.

"Yeah. Why not?" She shrugged.

"Awww you're the sweetest." Sommer gushed as she gripped Y/N in a bear hug.

"Sorry to interrupt but I need to borrow Y/N quickly." Ashleigh grabbed Y/N's hand and dragged her to the bedroom.

"What's up?" Y/N asked, breathless.

"What's going on? I just witnessed Colson doing tongue wrestling with Brinna..You saw him too didn't you?" Her face fell.

"Yeah, I did but it's no biggie." Y/N tried to brush it off. "It's not like we're exclusive or anything right?"

"I'm so sorry sweetie. I know it hurts." Ashleigh hugged her and stepped back. "He shouldn't have led you on though. Jerk."

"He didn't promise me anything okay? We just kissed a couple of times so that doesn't mean anything to someone like him." Y/N sank onto the bed and started to strip off her dress.

"Are you calling it a night then?"

"Yep. I can't go out there and put on a brave face anymore. I'd rather stay in my room and have a pity party." She said morosely as she jumped under the covers.

"Okay, call me if you need me. Goodnight." Ashleigh shut the door behind her and as she turned around she saw Colson and Brinna ripping each others clothes off, as he kicked open his bedroom door. Poor Y/N she thought as she went back to the party.

"Hey Ash, where's Y/N?" Baze asked.

"She's got a bit of a headache so she's called it a night." Ashleigh lied.

"Oh I thought maybe it was because of Colson's behavior."

"Why would she care about that?" She said on defense mode.

"Forget it. It doesn't matter." He mumbled as he walked away.

The party was in full swing and most people were having a great time. Sommer and Slim were all over each other as usual and Iann even tried to flirt with Ashleigh. Colson resurfaced an hour later, it looked like he had showered and changed again. Ashleigh was a bit tipsy by now so she decided to confront him. She marched towards him with great determination, not thinking about the consequences that would follow.

Colson was sitting out by the poolside with his friends and there was a random blonde sitting on his lap. This made Ashleigh angrier than what she was before.

"Hey Colson can I have a word?" She stood in front of him, a martini in her hand.

"Hey Ash. I'm kind of busy now..as you can see." He leaned over and sucked the girl's face.

"You're a jerk you know that?!" She said with venom and her voice.

"Tell me something I don't know sweets." He laughed and took a sip of his drink.

"You're a waste of time!" She threw her drink in his face and walked away. Everyone at the table gasped

"What the-??" His face twisted in anger as he stood and went after her.

"Hey how dare you??? Who do you think you are to do that to ME??!" He grabbed her roughly by the arm.

"Ash." She said sweetly.

"What??!" He snapped.

"You asked me who I think I am and I said Ash. That's what you called me remember??"She gave him an angelic smile.

"Don't try and be smart with me or you'll regret it!" He pointed a finger at her and pushed her back forcefully, causing her to stumble back.

"Oh I will.. but probably not as much as Y/N regrets hooking up with you right now." She gritted her teeth.

"She wanted it just as much as I did. Unfortunately I couldn't unpick her lock cos it's too much work. So I had to find a well that's already been dug out. But next time she gives herself to me willingly-she won't leave my room a virgin." He smirked as he walked backwards.

He winked at Ashleigh before turning round and going back to his table. She stood there trembling with anger. How could they have all been so wrong about Colson? Everyone assumed he was a nice enough guy, yes he had a few rough edges here and there but he was a good person wasn't he? It was so easy to believe what you read in the tabloids but this time around they seemed to be right. Colson Baker was a bad boy in every sense of the word.

"Hey Olivia something is about to go down-you and Y/N need to get out of here now!" Baze came and grabbed her by the elbow and made for the fire-escape.

"What's going on?" She asked confused, as they hurried along.

"I'll explain later. Just go somewhere safe for now. Here's some money," He gave her a thick wad of cash, "Go and check into a hotel or something. I'll call you. Keep your phone on." He pushed her towards the stairs.

"Please tell me what's going on??!" She cried. He wasn't making sense and she was scared.

"I will. Promise. I need to go and get Y/N before it's too late so please go!" He turned around and walked back into the penthouse.

"Excuse me Colson but there are police officers in the foyer with a search warrant. What's the way forward?" Jax whispered into Colson's ear.

"What? Are you sure??? Stall them I need to find Y/N and get her out of here." Colson sprang into action. He ran to Y/N's room and fortunately she was wide awake. She was on Facetime with her friends when he barged into her room.

"Hey! We need to get out of here now. The police are on their way up to raid this place so please get dressed fast!" He threw off the covers and dragged her out of bed.

"What? Raiding the place? For what??" She put on her shoes, threw on sweatpants and a sweater quickly.

"No time to explain now okay? I'm going to need you to trust me on this okay?" He held her shoulders and looked at her earnestly.

"Jax is going to drive you to a safe place. I will follow through if I'm not taken in-" He didn't get to finish his statement because police bust into the room and commanded them to raise their hands.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Quite a number of Colson's friends and friend's friends spent the night in a holding cell. The police found a significant amount of illegal drugs at the condo. It turns out Travis was actually an undercover detective. They had been trying to bust a drug ring so they were interrogating Colson and his friends to try and get a name of their supplier but they were all tight- lipped.

Finally one of them let it slip that Slim knew the name of the link so they let everyone else go. Colson's lawyer, Andre showed up much later before they were released. Y/N in her disheveled state, followed behind, her eyes puffed up from crying all night. Andre had arranged for them to use the back entrance in order to avoid the paparazzi.

"Thanks for taking your time to get here." Colson snapped as he walked towards the waiting SUV. Y/N jumped into the car wordlessly. She had a lot of things to say to Colson but now was not the right time.

"I've been trying to do damage control. The story is all over the media and drug possession is a serious crime in case you didn't know." Andre said with a grave look on his face.

"I didn't have any on me okay?" He countered.

"But all your blood tests contained high volumes of-" Barry tried to say but was cut off as usual.

"I know what the freakin' test said! I don't pay you to be my father okay? So back off!" He yelled, before he jumped into the car.

Y/N was seated at the opposite end and she just glared at him briefly, then continued to stare out the window. Colson ran his fingers through his hair and sighed deeply. He needed to make things right with Y/N but he didn't know where to start. She didn't deserve to be caught up in his mess. She didn't deserve any of this.

"Y/N." He said softly.

"So you know my real name? Hmm.." She folded her arms and stared at him.

"Look I'm not good with apologies..For the longest time I haven't had the need to apologize to any one for anything. It's always the other way round." His blue eyes pierced through her.

"So you're expecting me to-"

"No!No. That's not what I meant." He held up his hands. "I don't know how to say this but-" He moved and sat closer to her and held her hands. "I'm sorry that you got caught up in this mess. This isn't what you signed up for."

"You got that right. I have a good mind to hightail it out of here and catch the next plane back to Ohio." She scowled.

"Please don't do that. At least give me a chance to make it up to you?" He stroked her cheek with the back of his hand. " Please?"

"Why does it matter to you whether I go or stay?" She asked as she pulled away.

"Simply because." He said and she raised an eyebrow.

"Not good enough Baker."

"I like having you around?" He gave her his million dollar smile that caused her heart to melt.

"Fine. I will stay...on one condition.." Her face turned serious.

"Name it." He held his breath.

"I'll need you to keep your distance..just until your figure out what it is that you really want."

"I'm sorry-"

"Let me finish-if that's okay?"

"Sure." He placed his hands on his knees and listened intently.

"You can't keep toying with my feelings. I have them you know? And it hurts when you go hot and cold on me. I know that I'm not even your type and that I was easy but this can't go on. I won't allow it. I came here as your fan and not to be your babysitter so I would really appreciate it if you treated me as such. If you want something more then I would also require something more from you-like fidelity and respect-a real relationship. But I know that is way beyond you and wishful thinking on my part." She said wistfully, her brown eyes clouding with tears.

"Look sweets I'm sorry about the way I treated you but that's just who I am. I like you- a lot. But I can't give you what you want. I don't think I ever could." He said, his voice filled with regret.

"I know. Thanks for being honest." She blinked back tears. He slid over to her and wrapped his arms around her. She put her hands round his waist and laid her head on his chest for what she considered to be the last time.

"You deserve better than me Bambi. I'm no good. I don't want to hurt you so I will try my best to keep away from you. Though I'm not making any promises.." He turned to face her and smiled.

"You're hopeless." She swatted his shoulder and laughed.

"I need to ask you one last thing though?"

"Anything." She looked up at him.

"Will you go with me to the prom? I'm making a guest appearance at a high school prom so.."

"I have a few other options to consider but I think I'll go with you." She teased.

"Gosh! You have just made me the happiest guy Y/F/N Y/L/N." He winked at her and she blushed.

********************************************

Jax had driven them to Colson's other house in a secluded area in Los Angeles. So far the press had no knowledge of his whereabouts so they would be staying there until it was time to leave for Canada on Sunday. Y/N had called Olivia to check on her and the others -they were safely guarded at the penthouse. Baze had tried to call her but she cut the call. She was still angry with him, he could have at least given her a heads up.

"Bambi are you done yet? It's only a high school prom sweets-there's no need to go all out." Colson glanced at his Apple watch again and started to pace the room impatiently. He was dressed in a white shirt, that he had left unbuttoned and a midnight blue designer suit, the latest collection from Giorgio Armani, where he was currently one of the brand ambassadors. His blonde hair was sleeked back and it accentuated his handsome face.

"I'm almost done." Y/N put the finishing touches on her face, examined herself in the mirror and when she was satisfied she left the room.

Her hair was swept to the side and she had donned a sleeveless, glittery midnight-blue gown, with a halter neck, that accentuated her curves and exposed modest cleavage and her back. She had protested to Melissa that she would be a bit overdressed for a prom but to no avail. Byron told her that they would be there briefly and after that she had to accompany Colson to his concert at Madison Square Garden where she would have to change again. This was good publicity. He had assured Y/N that she was good for Colson's image. She was a regular girl that no one knew so they could use that to their advantage. It would prove to the public that Colson Baker was a changed man.

"Wow! You look beautiful." He stared at her as she walked into the sitting room. "It was definitely worth the wait. Shall we?" He held out his arm for her.

"You're looking very handsome but that's nothing new right?" She linked her arm with his as they walked towards the elevator.

"It's nice to hear it if it's coming from a genuine reliable source." He grinned.

Melissa had selected her outfits as usual. The press would be there in and they wanted to portray the best side of Colson. Anything to get their focus off the bad publicity he had received recently. It was hard to believe that they had only been here for two days and there was already so much drama that had happened.

Y/N was not sure if she would go along with this whole plan of being Colson's girlfriend, but Byron said it was pure speculation. He just wanted to lead the press into thinking that but Y/N could not understand how it would help. Byron said he would give her time to think it over and they would discuss it further tomorrow morning.

They arrived at Mira Vista High School's hall just before they were about to crown the prom queen and king. The honor was given to Colson of course and people were falling all over themselves to get a glimpse of him. They had prepared a corner table for him, his guards were surrounding the area and they were not permitting anyone to get close.

"And now ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls. It is my utmost pleasure and honor to welcome America's golden boy, every teens rock-idol-please help me welcome to the stage the one, the only superstar of all time: Colson Baker!!!" The MC announced and all the students went wild as Colson stood up and walked to the podium. He pulled Y/N along with him although she tried to resist at first.

"Please." He mouthed over the noise. She nodded her agreement and stood with him.

They could hardly contain their excitement. The girls screamed and the guys hooted.

"Colson, Colson, Colson!" Was resounding all over the school hall causing the walls to vibrate.

"Thank you. Thank you all so much. I love you guys." More screams and "We love you too Colson."

"Well I'd love to sit around and chat a bit-but as the saying goes the show must go on." He spoke into the mic. "So my lovely date over there-and I will announce your homecoming king and queen, then we gotta bust outta here cos we got a concert to go to. Is anyone coming out to Madison Square tonight?? I will be giving out ten free tickets tonight so keep your fingers crossed. But most definitely the king and queen deserve tickets right?"

The crowd roared.

They crowned the prom king and queen, then Colson and Y/N opened up the dance floor. He put his hands round her small waist and she looped hers around his neck. She rested her head on his chest and it felt like home. Like she belonged here, in his arms. He smelt so good and his masculine scent was intoxicating, causing her senses to reel. The DJ was playing Lover by Taylor Swift. Colson started to sing along as he looked at her pointedly.

𝑪𝒂𝒏 𝑰 𝒈𝒐 𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒈𝒐

𝑪𝒂𝒏 𝒘𝒆 𝒂𝒍𝒘𝒂𝒚𝒔 𝒃𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒄𝒍𝒐𝒔𝒆?

𝑭𝒐𝒓𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓, 𝒂𝒉 𝑻𝒂𝒌𝒆 𝒎𝒆 𝒐𝒖𝒕, 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒕𝒂𝒌𝒆 𝒎𝒆 𝒉𝒐𝒎𝒆

𝒀𝒐𝒖'𝒓𝒆 𝒎𝒚, 𝒎𝒚, 𝒎𝒚, 𝒎𝒚 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆𝒓

"So I got a private performance..I feel kind of special." She smiled as she put her hand on his chest.

"You are..Thanks for doing this sweets." He whispered into Y/N's ear as they danced, sending shivers down her spine. "I owe you one." He brushed his cheek against her soft one.

"I'll hold you to that." She said softly.

"Baby you can hold me to anything." He laughed and it made him look young and carefree.

"You should do that more often." Y/N said as she smiled back at him. His smile was contagious.

"What laugh? Smile? I know it seems I have everything in that I could possibly want-and don't get me wrong I am grateful but-" He shook his had sadly, " You know what let's not talk about this right now okay?" He kissed her forehead.

"Okay," She touched his cheek lightly.

"Smile." He said as he put his head closer to hers and snapped a photo of them. She pulled out her tongue instead.

"I'm soo going to post this pic." He chuckled as he typed wildly on his iPhone.

"Go right ahead." She swung her hair back and grinned at him.

"Hey sweets..let me sign a few autographs and take a whole lotta selfies, then we can get out of here. I'll be right back-don't move." He led her back to the table and left her seated with Jax.

He made his way back accompanied by his other guards and he melted into the crowd. It was evident that his young fans still loved him by the way they interacted with him. He always grabbed the attention of everyone in a room, people were instantly drawn to him like a moth to a flame. When he was done the guards cleared the way for him as he walked back over to Y/N.

"You're ready to get out of here Bambi?" He put his hand on the small of her back and steered her towards the exit points.

"You look tired?If you're not up for the concert I can get Jax to drop you off at the condo?" He asked with concern.

"What are you kidding me right now?? I wouldn't miss your concert for the world! That's what I'm here for after all!"

"Okay, okay let's go then." He laughed as he entwined their hands.

The press ambushed them as soon as they walked out of the school hall and they were inundated with questions. The body guards pushed them through forcefully and Colson protectively cradled Y/N's head on his chest and she kept it there until they jumped into the limo.

"You're okay?" Colson cupped her face.

"I'm okay Baker. Still in one piece as you can see."

"Good." Silence fell as their eyes burned into each other and the air became electric. Sparks were flying and the attraction was undeniable. They both seemed to wrestle with their feelings but common sense took over.

"I want nothing more than to kiss you right now.." He swallowed hard, his Adam's apple bobbed. "but I can't-I will respect your wishes.' He dropped his hands from her face, as if burned.

She turned her head aside and the moment was lost.

They arrived at Madison Square and as soon as they stepped out of the car Colson was whisked away and she didn't see him again until much later. Melissa led Y/N to the dressing room, where Ashleigh and Sommer were also getting ready and helped them to change into casual outfits.

"Hey stranger!" Ashleigh hugged Y/N as soon as she entered the room.

"Hey you, where have you been?" Sommer hugged her awkwardly.

"Hey..I'm glad you guys are okay." Y/N said as she sat in front of the dresser and allowed Melissa to work her magic. "I couldn't come back to the penthouse because of the press and I had to go to some prom with Colson. We came straight here after."

"So you and Colson..?" Sommer asked.

"No. Nothing like that." Y/N stressed.

"So Travis is a detective.." Ashleigh swayed the topic of discussion, picking up that Y/N was uncomfortable.

"Yeah. Who would have thought huh?" Y/N mused. "Is Slim still-?

"No. They let him go. Insufficient evidence." Sommer tried to make light of it.

"Right girls you're all done . Let's get you to the concert." Melissa announced.

"Yeah! That's what we came for." Ashleigh shouted excitedly.

"Group hug." Sommer said and everyone huddled together and ended up taking photos.

Jax led them to the VIP section where they had a pretty good view of the stage. They were served drinks of their choice and the tables had champagne on ice, tequila and drinks they couldn't even pronounce.

Colson was on stage performing hit after hit and doing what he does best. Sweat was dripping all over his lean body and girls in the audience were about to pass out just by looking at him. He seemed oblivious to all of this as he continued with his performance. One lucky girl was hurled onto the stage and screamed her head off when he started grinding on her.

"This next song is dedicated to all my fans. But especially my ultimate fans that made it through to the competition. I'd like to bring them out to the stage so you can all meet them. C'mon guys." Jax ushered them onto the stage and left them standing next to Colson.

"You guys ready? You all remember the routine right?" He whispered to them and they nodded. "Great. Let's do this." They positioned themselves behind Colson and he started to sing.

He lingered behind Y/N a little longer than necessary and when he decided to kiss her at the end of the song the audience went crazy. It was a spur of the moment thing and he hadn't planned to do it. Y/N blushed furiously and hid her face in his shoulder and he laughed.

"Sorry about that sweets. Blame it on the adrenaline." He whispered in her ear before he walked back to the center of the stage.

"Everybody give it up for my Ultimate Fans!!" He gestured towards them and they took a bow before walking off the stage.

********************************************

The sun blasted through the windows causing Y/N to groan and wince in pain. She couldn't remember when or how she got home last night. Her head was pounding and felt like it belonged to someone else. The room was spinning slightly and it hurt when she opened her eyes. Alcohol was bad. Especially when it was free.

She managed to drag herself out of bed and went to revive herself in the bathroom. After a cold shower she felt a bit better, but her head was still hammering. She downed a few painkillers and made her way to the kitchen and bumped into a half-naked blonde standing by the kitchen sink.

"Hey." She said and scampered off.

Y/N held her temples and took deep breaths. Her heart was being squeezed but she tried to tell herself that it didn't matter. What Colson did or who he did didn't matter. But the more she tried to bury the pain the more evident it became. She steadied herself on the counter and drank a glass of water but the pain manifested its ugly head. She rushed out of the kitchen with tears streaming down her face but what she saw next only caused her more pain.

Colson was standing just outside his bedroom door making out with the mystery blonde. She was clinging onto him like her life depended on it.

"You made my night sweets. Hope I run into you again next time I'm in the neighborhood." He said to her as he gave her a final peck.

"See you around Colson." She crooned and blew him a kiss before descending the stairs.

Y/N stood transfixed on the spot unable to move. Their eyes met and Colson simply winked at her before closing the door in her face. She trudged back to her room and threw herself on the bed. Then she made a decision-she had to go back to the penthouse. There was no way she would stay under the same roof with Colson while he continued to play ping-pong with her fragile heart.

"I can't do this anymore." She said to herself.

With her bag packed she hauled it downstairs and went in pursuit of Jax or any other driver that would take her back to the condo. She found Jax in the kitchen, giving the cook instructions to take breakfast up to her room.

"That won't be necessary Jax." She came up from behind. "I'm going back to the others-at the penthouse."

"Is Colson aware of your intentions?" He quirked his eyebrow as he towered over her.

"Why would he even care?" She lashed out. "Sorry Jax. I shouldn't be-"

"That's quite all right Miss Y/L/N. I know Colson can be a bit too much to handle sometimes." He winked at her, his brown eyes twinkling mischievously.

"Do you wan't to leave now or after brunch?" He lifted her heavy luggage off the floor.

"Now please." She pleaded as she followed him out to the car.

"I'm risking a lot by taking you away without Colson's knowledge. You do know that right?" He looked at her through the rear-view mirror.

"Really? He could have fooled me." She muttered under her breath.

"I know it may seem like he's a bit of a...jerk but he's under a lot of pressure. He doesn't have any real friends, except Slim maybe-but he's good kid. Just be patient with him. He'll come around sooner than later." Jax was fiercely loyal to his boss.

"I'm sorry but I can't play his games anymore. It hurts too much. I just can't." Her voice broke.

"I understand." Jax replied.

"I can't allow my self to get in too deep. I might not make it back out. So it's better this way. I need to keep my distance." She croaked, fighting back tears.

"It's not a question about keeping your distance but about whether you two can stay away from each other." Jax stated.

"We've only known each other for less than two weeks. I'm sure we can manage." She bit her bottom lip and her heart leaped. Even she didn't believe that.

"If you insist." Jax said and began to hum tunelessly to himself.

Y/N sighed and leaned her head back on the seat. She must have dozed off somewhere along the way because next thing she woke up in her room at the penthouse.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Meanwhile somewhere in Los Angeles a grouchy Colson had finally woken up and decided he wanted to take a certain doe-eyed raven beauty to a late lunch. But alas, when he opened her bedroom door he was met by a soft breeze that wafted through billowing curtains.

"Bambi?"He called out from the landing. No response. "Y/N?" He made his way down the stairs and met with Jax who was sitting on a chair in the sitting room.

"She isn't here Colson." He said from behind a newspaper.

"What? Where is she? Where did she go?" He grabbed the newspaper out of Jax's hands and scowled at him.

"No point in taking your frustrations out on me. You should blame yourself." Jax reprimanded him. He was the only one that could do that and get away with it.

"I don't want her to get too attached." He pulled on his hair and sat on the couch.

"You or her?" Jax raised his eyebrow.

"What? Her obviously!" He scoffed.

"Right. If you insist." Jax started to hum tunelessly, as he usually did when he wasn't buying a story.

"Stop that humming. It's working on my nerves." He snapped.

"If you really want to know she's back with the others at the penthouse."

"But the press is crawling all over that place. She should have stayed here. Why did you allow her to leave??" He demanded.

"Because she wanted to leave after seeing you with that blonde-and I can't blame her." Jax grunted. "You should at least show her some respect."

"I promised to keep my hands off her so I needed a distraction." Colson paced the room like a caged animal. He didn't consider how his actions would affect Y/N, he was too self-absorbed for that.

"Your little stunt that you pulled on stage made it to the entertainment page. Evidently.." Jax cleared his throat and straightened the newspaper.

"Let me see that!" Colson took the paper and there it was for all the world to see-him and Y/N, their lips firmly glued together, her fingers buried in his golden locks. His blue orbs closed as if he was savoring the moment, not wanting it to end.

"You got what you wanted." Jax observed.

"I-not exactly..I was just caught up in the moment that's all." He put his hand behind his neck.

"Really Colson? And you aimed straight for Y/N's puckered lips. Interesting." He straightened out the paper and continued to read the article.

"Bryon is going to have a fit." Colson sighed as he leaned back on the couch.

"So since it's official that you and Y/N are an item-officially not unofficially. Then I think it's time to clean up your act." Jax put the paper aside and looked at Colson intently.

"Yeah..for the first time you could be right." He said, thoughtfully weighing his options. "Truth of the matter is I'm a sex-addict Jax. I can't control it. Especially when hot, sexy girls throw themselves all over me.. I can't resist them." He shrugged helplessly.

"What a load of bull manure!" Jax spat out. "I don't believe that crap for one second." He said with distaste.

"It's true man..I have a problem.. a real problem" He expressed with his hands.

"Rubbish." Jax replied. "You need to stop making excuses for your bad behavior Colson. The drugs, the alcohol, treating women like toilet paper, the bad attitude-IT needs to stop. Only you have the power to change it. No one else." Jax said with concern but he knew his sound counsel was falling on deaf ears.

"I need that in order to survive in this industry. You don't understand-forget it." He said with a wave of his hand.

"Actually I do. I'm 33 and I was your age once.. I was once an addict and and alcoholic. My wife took my kids and left me. I hated her for a very long time but now I understand why she did it. It took me a while but I finally cleaned up my act. I did it for my family and most importantly I did it for myself. I needed to get clean and stay clean for me. I just hope you can do the same before it's too late." He stood up and walked out leaving Colson to his thoughts.

[ijo4shua]

[gif is not mine]

give it to me

[requests are open]

pairings: bang chan x female reader

genre: smut + tiny bit fluff

summary: chan and you have been dating for quite awhile now and although you've both been doing long distance for more than a year, things were starting to get a lot harder to handle. with that, you both were also starting to get extra frustrated and extra needy. fortunately for the both of you, facetime exists.

warnings: sexting, phone sex, dirty talk, cursing, daddy kink (duh it's chan) and mastrubation

"Chan," you sighed as you sat back in your chair. "I miss you."

You stared at the YouTube video playing on your phone, admiring your boyfriend and his members' performance.

You couldn't help but gulp at the sight of him lifting his shirt and biting his lip.

"I wish you were here," you said to yourself as your hand slowly started moving to your now wet core.

The song came to an end and only then did you realize what you were doing.

You moved your hand immediately and stood up, shocked by your own actions.

"I'm becoming way too sensitive about this stuff," you thought to yourself. "Maybe I should talk to Chan about it."

No matter how hard you tried thinking about clean things, you just couldn't.

You needed Chan.

You ran to the bathroom and washed your face with cold water, "Ugh I can't be doing this right now."

But of course, the thoughts still didn't stop.

"Maybe a shower will help," you said out loud as you stripped down to your underwear, desperately trying to come up with more things to do to distract yourself from all your dirty thoughts.

You caught a glimpse of yourself in the mirror, feeling a sense of confidence as you analyzed the way your body looked in your matching bra and underwear.

Another thought crossed your mind but this time, you didn't try fighting it.

You grabbed your phone and began taking pictures of yourself.

Before you knew it, you were sending them to Chan — no warning whatsoever — with the message "i need you right now," following after.

You walked back to your bedroom and sat on your bed, positioning yourself in a way you could easily touch yourself.

As you were looking through your secret photo album filled with pretty scandalous pictures and videos of both you and Chan, you got a notification.

It was him.

You eagerly opened the message and read "woah where is this coming from baby? you're gonna have to warn me next time"

"i couldn't help it! i can't control myself when I see you looking that hot on stage," you answered.

"oh so you watched my performance? ;)"

"ofc i did. what kind of girlfriend would i be if i didn't?"

"baby you can't be doing this to me right now. you're giving me whiplash here."

I tilted my head, confused as to what he meant. "what do you mean?"

"i'm stuck between wanting to squeezing the hell out of you and smothering you with kisses and..." he started. "... wanting to rip those pretty little panties right off your body so i could fuck you hard into the sheets and fill you up."

You felt your body tense up and your panties beginning to get soaked.

Before you could even respond, Chan followed with another message saying, "but yknow my body wants to do the later a lot more right now."

"i want that too baby."

Almost immediately after responding, Chan sent you a picture of his dick imprint in his grey sweatpants, how clichè, am i right? with the message "look what you did" following after it.

"call me. now." was all you could say.

Your phone immediately rang, signaling that Chan wanted to FaceTime.

You quickly answered, feeling your body becoming more and more weak and needy.

As soon as the call connected, your hand moved inside of your underwear and began rubbing against your wet pussy that had already soaked the sheets.

"Let me see what you're doing, beautiful," your boyfriend said as he began position his phone.

You observed his surroundings, noticing that he was in the studio.

You obeyed and placed your phone at the edge of your bed, against your footboard.

After getting a good enough angle, you leaned back onto your bed frame and subconsciously began spreading your legs.

"Fuck, I can see how wet you are from here, baby," Chan began as he started stroking his boner through his sweatpants.

"Take it off already," you seductively said.

He nodded his head and obeyed.

You watched as his erect penis came into view.

"Your turn," he said, slowly beginning to stroke himself.

You smirked and slowly removed your underwear.

Chan's body stiffened as he began stroking himself much faster now.

The feeling of embarrassment suddenly started to take you over, obvious enough for him to notice.

"Hey, hey, it's okay, baby," he started. "It's just me."

Although his words were very comforting and just what you needed in a situation like this, you still couldn't help but feel extremely self-conscious.

In the year and a half you and Chan had been dating, you've never done this with him. Heck, you've never done this with anyone.

I mean, of course you've had sex with each other before, but this was different. Way different.

"Y/N, you're the most beautiful girl I've ever seen. And despite the fact that I never thought I could ever fall more in love with you, you always seem to surprise me," he said softly and sincerely. "If you're not comfortable enough to do this, it's okay. I understand."

That's when you noticed he had already put his pants back on.

He gave you a reassuring smile and slightly nodded his head.

Seriously, how did you get so lucky?

"I want to," you said with a sudden wave of confidence. "I need it. Right. Now."

He looked shocked but smirked immediately after.

"Take it off, daddy," you said without even thinking.

The "pet name" took the both of you by surprise, but it also definitely intensified the situation.

You slowly spread your legs and immediately started to rub your still drenched core.

Chan was back to stroking himself, but a lot faster than before.

You watched as he stared at you with needy eyes, barely hearing his moans and whimpers.

He got louder and louder, making you even more horny.

You inserted your middle finger into yourself, almost squeezing your legs shut as you were already undoubtably sensitive.

"Put another one in, princess," Chan shakily pleaded.

You inserted your ring finger and let out a whimper.

"Louder," He blurted out. "Don't hold back. I love hearing your pretty moans."

Your fingers started pumping in and out of you faster and faster, making you moan a lot louder than you were comfortable with — but you couldn't help it.

Eventually, your other hand started to move up to your breats.

You moved your bra out of the way and began playing with your nipples.

"Ugh. Just like that, babygirl."

His eyes were drooping and he sunk into his chair more.

He lifted the end of his shirt and held it between his teeth, revealing his infamous abs.

His breathing became rapid and shaky, "I wish my fingers were inside you right now."

You squirmed at his words, "I wish you were filling me up with your cock right now."

Chan's eyes slammed shut as his head fell back.

His moans were at its loudest volume and you couldn't help but get louder as well.

"I-i'm gonna cu-cum," he said, squirming in his seat.

"So am I-I."

You both became sloppy with your movements.

Chan forced his eyes opened with the intent to come undone while looking at the girl he was so in love with.

You.

"I'm cumming!" you yelled out as you started pumping much faster, still playing with your breasts.

Before being able to respond, Chan let out the sexiest moan and released at the exact same time as you did.

Both of you began riding out your highs while making intense eye contact with each other.

Your moans became quiter and quieter, until it just became extremely heavy breathing.

"T-thank God for good WiFi connection," he said, lightening up the mood.

You couldn't help but giggle at his comment as you laid back in your bed, completely out of breath.

"I love you, Chan," you said in the spur of the moment. "I love you so much."

He sat up from his chair and leaned in closer to the camera, "And I love you, beautiful — more than words could ever explain."

You sweetly smiled, satisfied with his response.

"Let's clean up, okay?" he said, grabbing a random towel from his bag and wiping himself down as well as anywhere else he might've gotten "dirty."

You nodded and reached for your phone.

"Just a few more months, okay?" Chan said, obviously with a heavy heart. "A few more months and you'll be back in my arms."

"I don't have a problem waiting for you."

Your response left him shocked, but completely satisfied and relieved.

"I'll talk to you later, baby," he said, trying to hide the fact that he was blushing like a total idiot.

You nodded with a small smile.

He blew one last kiss and hung up the phone.

You took a deep breath and threw your phone to the other side of the bed.

As soon as it landed, it turned on, signaling that you had a new notification.

"btw i think it's so sexy when you call me daddy. just thought you should know," read the new text message from your Chan.

You couldn't help but giggle at his sudden confession.

"Ugh. I better marry him," you said to yourself as you walked towards the shower.

a/n: omg this was my first ever attempt at writing smut so pls bare with me if i didn't do all that well. anyways i hope you guys enjoyed. remember, i take requests! hehe thank you!

[wonderouslilith]

After one millions of tries trying to make a gif that moves on tumblr, i’m here to talk about the episode.

I really liked how it went, to the opposite of Rui’s episode that was an amazing display of... nothing. This episode really showed how L loves R that much, and that for him R is everything. L is one of my favorite characters (my second favorite after Atom and he shares place with Kira lol) so it kinda hurt seeing him like that. I love R and i know he shouldn’t  be like that but it really hurt to see him like that. In the end i cried with R’s message and i want to hug the twins so much!! 

And i need to say: I’m totally satisfied with L’s ending because basically it showed both of his sides. I really liked it, that’s all i needed for the ending.. I mean i already had a guess that his ending would be about it (since kokorohitotsu can be translated as madness and one heart) and i was really hyped to see it... 

THAT’S. ALL. I. NEEDED.

Now i need cute R’s Colorful and my precious son’s Non-Stop Soul Lava(THAT’S THE TRANSLATION I GOT FOR THE SONG!)

Anyway, i still crying over the fact i won’t have more LagPo and Unico till the last episode. If they appear before it, i’ll really be happy, but i have no hopes on it... I know the anime is of MG4, but they are part of the guys life. Who is L without torturing Kira for being too close of R? Who is Rui if not the guy who tries to be a small version of Makishima Shy? I know Teruma has Alto and Tsubasa as his friends that helps him a lot and shit, but... I like the twins teaching things to him! Well forget my rant of “I NEED EVERYONE EVEN IF I LOVE THE FOUR OF THEM!”

To add my rant, my week has been really tough... I’ve gotten tired faster, and i really need a break. This week is Carnaval so i think i can have more free time to do shits. 

Just a little note before end this LONG SHIT ASS POST. Yesterday i’ve felt happy because my teacher ffrom the Illustration course had praised me. He said that my drawings were really good and interesting and i was like “Woow!! WOOOOOOW!!!” Well, i’m happy for this even if the course got me tired as hell!

That’s it for today, everyone who reads this shit (aka. who?)

Next Week Cover: Ageage Again (Rin, Miku Gumi & SeeU)?

[bmongmong]

Chapter 6 - Interesting

Blue pill or red pill - Jungkook

Description: You're a young girl, who's a little bit introverted and afraid to be under everybody's eyes. You only have your best friend, but it's ok for you. You don't want to be popular and believe in minimal things. One day you meet a guy. Or two?

Jungkook x Reader

The imagines I used are not mine Credit to the owners

Y/n pov

"ROSE' I'M FREAKING OUT!" I shout over the phone. I called my best friend to tell her EVERYTHING, as soon as I got into my room.

"So" she says taking a small break "basically you got to the twins' house, thinking that you and Jungkook were going to be alone. Then you see Jungwook shirtless doing push-ups. After that you studied and you almost kissed with Jungkook. His brother interrupted you two and they almost started a fight. You stopped them and rushed out of the room. You were having a panic attack and Jungkook calmed you down, while hugging you. You both apologized to each other and he insisted to get you home. Once you arrived at your house you gave him a kiss in the cheek and then ran away."

It took me almost an hour to explain her what happened and she just summarized everything in less than two minutes.

"Umh, yeah that's basically it." I say, fascinated by her talent.

"I'll tell you what I think" as she says this I feel nervous, but also curious. Like a kid who discovers new things day by day. "On one side there's Jungwook, who acts like a bully but at the same time, he saved you from those girls and keeps teasing you. He's the classic bad guy that falls in love with the cute girl"

As she talks about him that way, I feel like gagging. It will never happen. Me and Jungwook? No way. She then continues:

"On the other side, there's Jungkook, who's the perfect guy that treats you amazingly, but also told you that you're only one of his close friend. He's also jealous of his brother flirting with you, that's why he almost punched him. He's the cute boy that wants to protect his girl, but at the same time is too shy to say what he feels"

She's doing a very detailed description. I'm amazed by her sixth sense.

"So basically, you're in between two fires" I can feel her evil smile as she tells me that.

I suddenly start to feel nervous and guilty. I don't know why, but I feel like something bad is going to happen. I'm also a bit scared, I don't want to be the reason for a fight.

It's morning and I wake up with mixed emotions. I smile as I remember about the sweet and warm hug between me and Jungkook. But then reality hits me and I also remember about Jungwook and the whole drama.

The morning went pretty normal at school. Jimin and Rosé kept flirting and kissing, Jungkook and Jungwook kept giving death stares at each other. And I was just in the middle of them. Like Rosé said.

"I want to do something fun" Jungwook says grinning and looking at me. He didn't really whisper, so Jungkook heard what he said. I hope these two won't fight here. I'm sweating a bit and starting to feel hot. Luckily Jungkook doesn't answer, he just glances at him and then gets back to his homework.

Now I'm going back home with Rosé, who is talking to me about Jimin, as always:

"He's so sweet y/n. Why did I wait this long? Oh right! His birthday is coming in a couple of weeks. He wants to invite us at his villa." She says smiling. But I'm not so convinced with this idea. I hate crowded places, and knowing how famous Jimin is, he's going to invite tons of people. I guess my best friend noticed my concern.

"Y/n" she says taking my hand as we walk "He said that this year he wants to do something smaller than the previous ones. He said that he's going to invite only the four of us: me, you and the twins."

"Really?" I say a bit surprised. I guess it will be fine, as long as I'm with Rosé. I just nod and accept the invitation.

As I get home I feel observed by both of my parents.

"What happened?" I ask confused "Did I do something wrong?" I wonder what's wrong with them. They're just silent. I feel the palms of my hands sweating, this is killing me. After ten awkward seconds, in which I raised an eyebrow at them, my mum decides to talk:

"You have nothing to tell us?"

What? What do I have to tell them. I show them my confused face, as I think about what it could be. But nothing comes to my mind.

"Do you have a boyfriend?" my dad gets my attention with his sudden question.

"WHAT? A B-BOYFRIEND?" what is wrong with them. They know I'm single.

"Yesterday Rosé came here to give you this" my mum says showing my one of my notebooks.

"That's my notebook! I couldn't find it anywhere." I say smiling and lifting my hands to take it, but my mum quickly snapped it.

"You said that you were going to meet with Rosé yesterday." My dad says.

My smile drops. I'm sweating even more. I don't feel nervous, I rather feel pressured. They see that I can't come up with an excuse, so my mum decides to keep talking:

"She told us that you went to 'Jungkook's house'"

That's it. I'm doomed. They're going to kill me. Not that they don't want me to have a boyfriend, but they want me to tell them everything. I clench my fists and lower my head, hoping that they won't scold me too hard, but I hear a giggle coming from my mum's mouth. I slowly look up and see the both of them smiling like crazy.

"Is he cute?" my mum asks.

"How old is he? Can I trust him?" my dad takes over.

They're bombarding me with questions. My jaw drops and I'm in disbelief, expecting a totally different reaction from them.

As they keep questioning me things about him I just stop them:

"He's not my boyfriend! We're just close friends and we met just to study!"

"Yeah sure...FRIENDS" my mum says emphasizing that particular word. I swear, they're starting to get on my nerves. How do I get out of this? As they keep teasing me, I feel the anger growing inside me. I could explode in any second. But then I receive a call from Rosé.

"Oh Rosé is calling me, I have to go, byeee" I say rushing into my bedroom.

As I get inside I answer the call.

"Hi y/n!"

"Hi Rosé, you just saved me"

"From what?"

"My parents. They know about Jungkook. Kinda"

"Really? How?" by the sound of her voice, I can understand that she's playing dumb.

"HOW COULD YOU TELL THEM!" I scold her.

"AHAHAH I didn't mean to, really. I honestly thought that you've told them. Or at least that you've told them that you were going to study with a friend" she has a point.

"Anyway...why did you call me?" I try to change the subject as soon as I realize that I'm wrong.

"I know we just separated only half an hour ago. But today I don't feel like staying at home. So I wanted to ask if you wanted to come with me to the same café"

"Oh sure!! I'll wear something cute and get there! Bye" and I hang out.

Rosé took me to some clothes shops and made me buy a lot of new clothes. I'm looking for a cute one.

It's nothing too special, but I still like it. I slowly open the door, preventing it from cracking and tiptoeing outside. Fortunately my parents didn't hear me and I run as far as I can.

As I walk I receive a message from Jungkook.

Jungkook:

Hi Y/n! what are you doing? 😊

Y/n:

I'mgoing out with Rosé 😊

Jungkook:

You're so cute :D <3

My heart skipped a beat on that. I didn't expect that at all. As I keep walking I suddenly look at a window shop, in which I can see my reflection. I'm smiling so hard and I didn't even realize that. I feel so happy right now.

Without realizing I start hopping happily and arrive to the cafè, where I see Rosé waiting for me.

"Someone seems happy" she says as soon as I reach her.

"Yesss, he called me cute" I say looking at the clear sky. This sensation feels great. It seems like my life is going to the right path.

"I can literally see your eyes becoming heart shaped" she says laughing.

After a bit we eventually decide to sit at a table outside. As we keep talking about random stuff, I seem from a distance Jimin with Jungwook waving at us.

"Rosé look. There's Jimin!" I say to her, and she immediately wave back at him and gesturing them to come over.

Why is she calling them? I mean, I know she wants to greet her boyfriend, but there's also Jungwook! I hope he doesn't do or say anything wrong.

"Hi girls!" Jimin says as he kisses her girlfriend. "Is everything fine?"

"Yes!!" Rosé says showing her best smile. She looks so happy with him. I wish I could find someone like she did. I mean, there's Jungkook, but I don't know if he feels the same way.

The two boys ended up sitting at our table and getting something fresh to drink.

"So y/n" Jimin asks me "Rosé told me that you'll come to my birthday! I'm so happy" he says smiling wide.

"O-Oh yeah, I'll come and have fun with all of you!" I say trying to not look at Jungwook, who now starts talking:

"Oh yes, we're going to have a lot of fun" he smirks. I really want to punch him.

"Oh Rosé" the blonde guy says "I need to talk to you about something, can we go in that silent street? It's something private" I widen my eyes. I hope she gets my signals. I don't want to be left alone with the other one. But she doesn't seem to look at me and she just says:

"Is it really important?"

"Yes, it is" her boyfriend says.

"Ok lets go. Y/n I'll be right back" and with that they left.

It's really awkward. At least for me, because it looks like Jungwook is enjoying this, way too much. To feel less awkward, I decide to take my phone and chat with Jungkook. I swear, this scene looks so absurd. I'm sitting next to a guy and at the same time I'm chatting with his twin.

"You seem busy" Jungwook says.

"Yes, I am" I say coldly.

"Who is it?" he says stretching his head and leaning towards me to see the screen of my phone.

"None of your business" I say putting the phone on my chest.

"I see..." he looks suspicious.

As I keep texting with Jungkook, the guy next to me stays quiet.. I guess he got it now. But I spoke too soon.

He suddenly snaps my phone out of my hands and reads the messages. I try to get it back, but he stops me by putting his arm over me.

"Oh oh oh, look what we have here. My cute little brother. You two looks so happy" he says as he keeps scrolling up our chat.

"Give it back!" I shout finally managing to take my phone back.

"Uhhh someone is mad" he says in a teasing tone. I just ignore him, I don't want to mess with him. Thinking that now he would probably shut up, I hear him saying something:

"You know y/n. I like to mess with people, just for fun. And I really like to see people's different reactions every time. And now I want to see your reaction to one of my spites..."

As he says so I look at him and...

...he's smirking like crazy. He's seriously scaring me right now. I feel my stomach hurting a bit and my hands shaking. But I have to look confident.

"W-What are you t-talking abo-" he cuts me off smashing his lips on mine. I widen my eyes in surprise and freeze on my spot. He suddenly bits my lower lip hard, making me gasp and open my mouth. He takes advantage of that moment and slides his tongue inside my mouth. He's actually a good kisser, but I'm not giving into the kiss. I push him away and look at him shocked, as I wipe my mouth with my arm.

"Things are going to get interesting" he then says liking his lips. I stand up and run away from him.

As I walk fast I bump into Rosé, who was now coming back to our table.

"Y/n where are you going?" she asks me confused, but then she sees tears in my eyes "Oh my god what happ-" I didn't let her finish the sentence and just run away.

I run as fast as I can, but at some point I stop, feeling too tired. I bend down and put my hands on my knees, to find some support. I suddenly feel a knot on my stomach. I start to cry and sob really hard, as I feel the pain growing and pervading every inch of my body. My throat feels clogged and I feel like I'm running out of hair, so I start breathing really hard and fast.

It's not my fault, he did that all by himself. I didn't do anything, but why do I feel like this? Sad? Angry? No...guilty.

As I get home I quickly run to my rum and lock myself inside. how could he do that? Why does he have to interfere? Does he enjoys watching people getting hurt? He's the devil. My stomach starts to hurt even more and I can't contain my loud whines. Then I receive a text message from Jungkook.

Jungkook:

By the way, do you have something to do next Thursday? We can hang out and maybe eat an ice cream together ^^

As I read the message I start crying harder and harder, at the point that I almost puke.

Rosé's pov

Why was she crying? I ask myself. But then I remember that she was alone with Jungwook.

That bastard.

I walk at a face pace towards him and shouts:

"What did you do to her?!"

"Me? Nothing" I see him grinning, as he pronounces those words.

"I'm going to beat you up if you don't tell me" I say, but Jimin cuts me off by saying:

"Rosé, calm down" he then looks at his friend "What did you do?" he doesn't sound mand. It's like, he's given up. Almost if it's an habit seeing Jungwook making troubles.

"I just wanted to spice things up" Jungwook says flicking his tongue.

"Tell me what you did!" I shout expecting him to get surprised, but all I earn is an evil grin on is mouth. He then says:

"Why don't you go and ask y/n? I think she didn't mind it at all"

As he leans back on his chair, I feel the anger building up inside me. It has never happened before. Not this much. I clench my fists and start running to y/n's house. I can hear from afar Jungwook saying to Jimin:

"Don't follow her. I think she'll need time alone with her best friend"

Seriously, I hate him so much. What did he ever do to make y/n cry?

I run as fast as I can, and now I'm finally at her house. I knock on the door several times and her mum shows up.

"Hi Rosé! What are you doing here?" she says smiling. I guess she didn't see y/n crying.

"Can I see y/n?" I say out of breath.

"Of course, she's in her room!"

I quickly run to her bedroom and open the door without knocking and I see the most heartbreaking scene I've ever seen.

[irarelypostanything]

Imaginary Debates - Christianity

Person 1: We argued politics last week. I feel like we're going to argue religion today

Person 2: I mean, why not? Beach Hut Deli says there will be a 15-minute wait on our sandwiches, so what's the worst that could happen? Let me start...did you go to church yesterday?

Person 1: Yes

Person 2: Why?

Person 1: What do you mean, why? Part of Christianity is about community, and places of worship.

Person 2: No, like...why are you Christian. It's confused me for the longest time. You seem like a pretty smart guy

Person 1: Well I spent most of last weekend watching Game of Thrones fights re-edited with lightsabers, but thanks

Person 2: I was raised Christian, but then I grew up and thought about it. And I want to convince you that the giant blue book you love so much makes absolutely no sense

Person 1: It's black, but how so?

Person 2: You're familiar with Genesis? The creation, the fall, the flood?

Person 1: Of course

Person 2: It couldn't possibly have happened that way. We have evidence of evolution, there's no way two of every animal would have fit inside that arc, and there's actually scientific evidence AGAINST the flood

Person 1: Genesis is...difficult. The essence of it isn't in what happened, fact for fact, but in the myth and the narrative it presents. Namely, the significance of our separation from God and from The Fall

Person 2: So it seems like you're picking and choosing which parts of the Bible, which Christians proclaim is the word of God, are significant and which are trivial. I have a number of issues with this already, but then what DO you believe in?

Person 1: You know that phrase "Don't treat it as Gospel?" Well I treat the Gospel as the Gospel. The story of Jesus and those who came after. That's the heart of Christianity

Person 2: Are you sure Jesus was real?

Person 1: There is actual, historical evidence that someone named Jesus lived and had followers and was crucified

Person 2: And maybe there's historical evidence that someone named Bob lived and had followers. Do you really believe that he was the son of God?

Person 1: Yes

Person 2: Then why didn't he channel this infinite power to prevent crucifixion?

Person 1: Even if you treat this as complete fiction, which is how it seems you do, then that's the point of the story. Jesus was without sin. Jesus was the bridge between man and God. If he struck back, he would not be without sin. And he knew he would make that sacrifice

Person 2: Why?

Person 1: What do you mean WHY? So that we could be saved.

Person 2: I don't know, man. It sounds pretty made up to me. Like some dude just got crucified, and then they made up everything else as they invented the religion

Person 1: Hundreds of people witnessed him rise from the dead

Person 2: Sure. Yeah. Okay. Um...next argument...your religion makes people do dumb things

Person 1: Please elaborate

Person 2: It's sexist. It's homophobic. It's backwards. Flip to any random page, and you'll probably find something either violent, stupid, or just flat-out wrong

Person 1: The Bible is full of violence because the people it depicts are heavily flawed. Moses was flawed. David was flawed. They all had their problems and stories, yet they were all saved by their faith. And all of this led up to Jesus, who was perfect, and He left us the seeds to be saved through Him

Person 2: Leviticus says that we should purify mold by putting blood on it

Person 1: What?

Person 2: Yeah. Read it. Which is totally wrong and stupid and dangerous, and so is a lot of the rest of the book

Person 1: In books like Leviticus, it's the philosophy and not the ritual that matters.

Person 2: Again, picking and choosing

Person 1: Okay fine, let's just...take a step back

Person 2: Okay

Person 1: Pascal's Wager. Draw a four-square matrix. You believe in God. He's not real. No result. You're atheist. God doesn't exist. Nothing. But if he DOES exist, then this means salvation or damnation. Wouldn't faith be worth it?

Person 2: The reason that argument is totally dumb is that no just God would value faith on a utilitarian basis

Person 1: I both agree and disagree with that statement

Person 2: And I don't think believing in a religion that's untrue and illogical has no consequence. Christianity is just one giant obstacle to progress, something built on the basis that we should feel bad about ourselves for everything, which has caught on because humans are some sorry, self-loathing creatures

Person 1: Really? I think it's a source of hope. At an early age, it makes people believe in something higher than themselves. It provides community. Support. It contributes to literacy, distributes food...

Person 2: ...Is used to justify murder

Person 1: Is used to PREVENT murder. Did I ever tell you the story of how I became Christian? I had a dream. A vision. So immediately I went to Google, having heard that I need to get on the right path, and I found a church just a block or two away. Someone approaches me and talks to me, and we just so happen to talk about my apartment complex. Turns out she lived exactly where I lived. Out of 900 apartment complexes, she lived in mine. 1 in 810,000 probability

Person 2: Well if it's the probability you'd be in the same apartment, 1 in 900. Plus everyone else at that church. Also, why in the name of the FSM and the invisible pink unicorn does that matter?

Person 1: It was a sign, a message from God himself that someone exactly where I was had seen the light, and I could too

Person 2: Or it was random coincidence, like most of the things that happen in life

Person 1: It had meaning

Person 2: No it didn't. This argument has gotten us no where

Person 1: Well, at least our sandwiches are ready