#torture scene for TV - I don't know - I don't like it. And just the atmosphere isn't as balanced as in the other episodes. So many flashbac

[siena-sevenwits]

Disclaimer: These thoughts are more emotionally than logically expressed, and reflect my own experience and preference.

[yongility]

NEO TV # I LIKE ME BETTER WHEN I'M WITH YOU. (jaehyun x reader) 5/?

genre: angst, suggestive, gang au, rich kid au, enemies to lovers (kinda), a lil of fluffy stuff. slowburn, series.

warnings: drug use mentions, gangs, fights, use of weapons, adult language, illegal activities, cheating (not on the main couple), toxic family environment, addictions, manipulation, insecurities, illegal street racing, death mentions. jeno is jaehyun's younger brother, angst, smut and if I slip something my bad haha.

word count: +10k?

a/n: IT'S YONGILITY COMEBACK!!!! Haha I'm sorry this took too long to post!! But I wasn’t feeling it y'know? I couldn’t write anyyyyything to my liking, I was like in a block mood:( but here it is. IM SORRY I gotta confess that it faces me the ick when I try to write smut HAHAHHA but some of you asked so i deliver 🙂‍↔️.

I'm sorry if this is too long TT, but this is kinda a slowburn? it might contain a lot of parts so wait for part 6! One of the reasons this is long af it's because I would like to show you how Jaehyun and (Y/ N's life is before they get together! So pls pls don't skip anything I hope you like it!

if you want to be in the taglist, just lemme know;) enjoy!

When the atmosphere had changed; when the music no longer thumped in their ears and the roar of the engines was left behind, the silence was torturous in the strange scene they found themselves in.

It was rare to see Jung Jaehyun, Wong Lucas, and Mark Lee in the same place these days.

It had been almost a year since they had last properly spoken to Mark, and that last time had not been very pleasant.

Lucas preferred to bury that memory deep in his mind, where he could almost forget it; however, Jaehyun remembered it vividly… he recalled shouting, hurtful words, and maybe even a fight…

And now, being there, in Lucas's house, face to face, felt almost like a dramatic scene. Lucas could feel the strong tension between the two boys in front of him; they had been at his house for quite a while but hadn't said a word since they arrived, and it was making him nervous.

“What do you know and how do you know it?” Jaehyun blurted out harshly, his arms crossed over his chest, staring intently at Mark.

Mark let out a sigh and swallowed slowly.

Jaehyun's gaze was never easy to hold.

Talking about the incident with Winwin and everything that had happened as a result was something that still moved him, and it was hard to find just the right words.

But he had to do it.

Jaehyun needed closure as much as he did.

“After our argument that day, I really needed answers. I couldn’t see what had happened and do nothing,” he began to explain. “The nights were endless for me, I went days without sleeping, the situation with Winwin really affected me… and that’s when I found Qian Kun. He… he’s from China, like Winwin. Right now, he’s not related to any gang, but… he knows a lot of people, here and there, he has a lot of contacts. He told me he would help me find out who sent those people to Winwin’s house.”

“In exchange for what?” Lucas questioned.

“Protection,” Mark answered curtly without looking at either of the two boys in front of him. “Kun fled the gang he was part of in China… he has no support from anyone. Kun knows a lot about many people in that gang, he was one of the youngest members to join. He knows everything about them and thinks they will come looking for him one day… if they aren’t already,” he explained.

Jaehyun kept his gaze fixed on him but now with a hint of confusion.

“Why would you trust someone who fled his gang? You didn’t even know him before, the guy just showed up and offered to find all this information for you?” Jaehyun asked incredulously. “I don’t know about you, but that sounds like bullshit to me,” he said to Lucas. “How do we know he isn’t lying?”

“Why should we believe you?” Lucas now questioned.

“There would be no reason for me to lie about this,” Mark clarified while still under the questioning gazes of the boys in front of him. “Kun and I have common interests.”

“What’s Kun’s story?” Lucas asked. “Why did he leave his gang to come to SM City?”

“Is that really necessary?”

“I don’t trust someone who fled their gang,” Jaehyun responded.

Mark sighed and crossed his arms over his chest. “People from his gang killed his girlfriend in front of him,” he said shortly.

Lucas and Jaehyun flinched at the thought of the sight Kun must have seen, and they both kept quiet.

“They thought she was a mole. That she was selling whatever type of information she heard from Kun to their rival gang,” Mark continued. “They shot her in front of him. No second thoughts. Nothing… He was going to propose the day after that.”

Jaehyun always knew that gang life came with a lot of risks. He knew there would always be fights, threats, and in the worst-case scenario… he knew death was just around the corner. He knew he was hurt from his friend's accident, but he couldn’t imagine the kind of pain this Kun guy had felt when his girlfriend was killed right in front of him.

To know that the person you loved most… with whom you were committed to building a life together, creating something new; vanished so quickly that you couldn’t even say goodbye. To have imagined a life with that person, only to have any beautiful illusion you created in such a horrible life taken away.

Not even the good moments could be enjoyed while they were part of Neo Zone.

“That’s why he fled,” Mark continued. “The night his girlfriend was killed, Kun left the city, he couldn’t even say goodbye to her. That’s why he knows they are looking for him, they think he’s also selling information,” he finished.

“So…” Lucas cleared his throat.

“So Kun understands what it felt like when I tried to find answers as to why, why they did that to Sicheng's family. And he decided to help me, in exchange for being able to take shelter in my house and for me to provide him protection.”

“That guy is staying at your house?” Jaehyun asked incredulously.

“It’s part of the deal,” Mark replied. “Look guys, what I’m about to tell you is crucial information… and I’m not here to tell you expecting us to do something about it. I just know that you need closure just as much as I did,” he commented as he approached them.

“I don’t need closure,” Jaehyun said. “I need to make them suffer the same way Winwin has been suffering for the past year”

“There’s no way to do that,” Mark assured. “And before anything, I… I really want to apologize to you. Especially to you, Jaehyun.” Mark turned his gaze to the mentioned boy and could notice the coldness in his eyes.

“You blamed me” Jaehyun said with a deep voice. “You put the blame on me” he repeated.

“I was angry, okay? And I know that doesn’t justify anything, but I was hurt and I didn’t what to do” Mark explained.

“So was I! Do you know how many times I couldn’t sleep thinking of your words? How they may be true? How many times I tried to imagine what would have happened if I stayed with Sicheng instead of going to make that delivery? When you put the blame on me, I blamed myself day and night. The three first months I couldn’t even go to see Winwin on the hospital without thinking that was my fault. I was so angry with you, with myself that u didn’t knew if I could kept going… and when I realized that it wasn’t my fault… I told myself that I would do anything to find who did it and that I have to do the same thing to them so they would know how Winwin is feeling every passing day.”

The frustration in Jaehyun's voice was noticeable. Lucas understood his friend; after all, he was the one who had accompanied him throughout that phase. On the day of Winwin's accident, Lucas had actually lost three friends. The first, in the hospital, left to the mercy of the universe; the second, Mark, who decided to take a different path; and the third, Jaehyun, who was never the same after the situation.

Jaehyun had always been a curt person, but when the quartet of friends got together, it was as if a different air hit Jaehyun. When the four of them were together, he could feel how he himself loved joking around with them, maybe forgetting a little about his life in Neo Zone and together imagining what life would be like if their reality weren't real.

But when Mark Lee decided to change his path after blaming him for Winwin's accident, it was as if he had lost the little spark he had within him.

“I know, that’s why I’m apologizing,” murmured Mark.

“Right now, your apologies make no difference,” Jaehyun confessed.

Mark remained silent and nodded slowly, taking a moment to think things through and how the next confession could turn the whole world upside down.

His eyes moved to Jaehyun's neck, where the gang tattoos were visible, then to Lucas's body, where the same tattoo was visible on his upper arm thanks to the sleeveless shirt he wore. After swallowing hard, he could feel the heat in his abdomen, where the same mark was.

It disgusted him.

It disgusted him to think that all this was something they could never erase, in some way, and that the memory of the gang would always be with them, imprinted on their skin with no chance of disappearing.

It was as if it burned his skin.

“I just want to let you know, that after I tell you everything I know, there’s no way you can take matters into your own hands,” Mark warned. “I needed closure, knowing what caused all this might help… and I think you deserve that closure too.”

“Get to the point,” Lucas demanded, crossing his arms.

“It was Sooman,” he blurted out without hesitation. Direct and clear.

Jaehyun might have misheard, “What did you say?”

“The person who caused all this was Sooman,” he repeated firmly.

“What are you talking about? You’re crazy,” Lucas muttered.

While Jaehyun remained silent and processed the words, the image of his boss lingered in his mind. He knew Sooman was capable of many things; he had seen them himself, but there was no way he would do something like that to Sicheng’s family.

Why would he do it? If Winwin’s father was one of his best men? Who offered him more loyalty?

Mark Lee’s words simply didn’t make sense.

“I thought I told you not to mess with this,” Jaehyun threatened through gritted teeth.

“I’m telling the truth!” Mark exclaimed. “It was hard for me to understand at first too, but after going over the matter many times, it made sense.”

“Sense?” Jaehyun asked. “It makes no sense. Sooman can be many things, but why would he do that to my Uncle Dong? He was one of his most loyal men; it would be foolish of him to do something like that.”

“It may be foolish, but for someone with the power Sooman has, it doesn’t matter,” Mark insisted. “And he has enough power to have hidden this for a year.”

“Let’s go,” Jaehyun said, giving Lucas a light pat on the back. “I’m not listening to this guy any longer.”

“No matter how much you try to deny it, this is the truth, Jaehyun.”

“But why would Sooman do something like that?” Lucas now intervened.

“It took me time to understand, but by finding all the threads, I was able to piece it together. This accident isn’t the only thing he’s been responsible for,” Mark explained. “Our Uncle Dong had planned to leave the gang; I don’t know if his plan was to try to get out through Sooman or just flee,” he said. Jaehyun and Lucas looked at him confused, and he continued. “Do you remember that time when we were gathered at Jaehyun’s house and Sicheng asked if, hypothetically speaking, he moved to China, would we make the effort to visit him?”

The two boys nodded.

“Winwin already knew about his father’s plans to leave SM City,” Mark clarified. “Sooman found out about this through Cheol Uk; he thought Uncle Dong was planning a betrayal. After all, he was one of his closest men and knew more information than any of us should know,” he paused. “That led him to where he is now.”

“But why would Uncle Dong want to return to China? He left there to work for Sooman here in SM City, he had a settled life and a high position in the gang,” Lucas questioned. “Why would he leave all that to go back to the place he initially sought to escape from?”

“Uncle Dong found out many things in the last few months before he died,” Mark explained, looking at Jaehyun. “He realized that at any moment, Sooman could do to him what he had done to others…” he paused, swallowing slightly.

“What do you mean?” Jaehyun inquired.

“When Sooman realizes that his best men might turn against him… he thinks it’s easier to just get rid of them,” he said, taking a deep breath. “Because that’s exactly what he did to your dad, Jaehyun.”

“What?”

That word got stuck in his throat. He could barely voice it. He wanted to understand and process what Mark had just said, but it was difficult.

It was difficult because just mentioning his dad, his mind clouded with memories of that night when his father died. He remembers seeing the blood spread all over the floor, remembers the sound of the gunshots deafening his body, and above all, remembers how much that situation changed his life.

The words didn’t process in his mind. He spent years trying to find out who had killed his father, but he took it for granted when Sooman said it had been Busan gang members.

He could feel his heart pounding in his chest.

Thump. Thump. Thump.

Who did Mark Lee think he was to come with all this?

“You better back the fuck up before you get smacked the fuck up,” Jaehyun said with anger as he got closer to Mark and grabbed him by the collar of his shirt.

“Fuck this shit, Yoonoh, I’m telling you the truth,” Mark spat. “You can’t be all defensive about this shit. What I know is the truth. You wanna know all these years who did that to your pops? Well, I’m telling you, it was fucking Sooman,” Mark said close to him.

Lucas tried to pull Jaehyun back by his shoulder but couldn’t do anything.

“Sooman was the one who ordered the shooting the night you were out with your dad. And if you’re wondering why? It was because he needed to get rid of your father before he gained more power than him… that’s why he took you under his wing… because he knew he could manipulate you and make you work his way… something he couldn’t do with your dad anymore,” Mark said as he felt Jaehyun’s grip loosen on his neck until he could take a few steps back. “Something he couldn’t do with Uncle Dong either.”

Jaehyun looked him directly in the face, and his whole body shivered.

“The night of Winwin’s accident, he wasn’t supposed to be there. The attack was only meant for Uncle Dong… Sooman wanted to do to Winwin the same thing he did to you,” he explained. “That’s why in the first months of treatment, he was supporting us… he wanted to clear his name and not have us suspect him.”

Jaehyun and Lucas remained silent for a minute, then Jaehyun moved furiously and tried to leave the place.

“I’m gonna fucking kill him,” he said through gritted teeth as he tried to head for the door, but Lucas and Mark stopped him.

“I told you I wasn’t going to tell you all this for you to do something stupid,” Mark said. “What will you do? Try to kill him? As soon as you do, they’ll put a bullet in your head.”

“I don’t give a shit; I want them to suffer the same way Winwin has suffered… the same way my father suffered,” Jaehyun explained, feeling a lump in his throat.

He couldn’t allow himself to be weak.

Not when he had discovered what he had been wanting to know for so long.

“Trying to take revenge won’t change things; if anything, it will make them worse,” Lucas said after a while.

“You couldn’t get close to Sooman even if you wanted to; you know you can’t bring him down. It’s you against a hundred other people in the gang,” Mark continued. “You wouldn’t get out alive even if you begged all the saints.”

“Why would you tell me all of this if I couldn’t do shit about it?” Jaehyun asked, breathing deeply.

“Because I know you needed answers… the same way I did,” Mark replied. “Jaehyun, I know my word doesn’t mean anything to you, but please don’t fuck it up,” he asked. “I know you’re a smart guy. Be smart and don’t get in trouble. You got your answers now, be wise with your decisions.”

The boy remained silent and looked at the whole room in front of him.

His head was going to explode if he didn't get out of there immediately. Everything was spinning, as if the moment of realization was eating him alive. He had waited for this for months, but now that he knew everything... what would change?

Now he only wanted to know the best way to take matters into his own hands.

He needed divine justice.

It was as if it were his only goal right now.

Maybe remembering the moment he had lived hours earlier with Winwin finally having a reaction was what made him think more and more about the situation.

But making a rash decision right now would be putting his life on the line.

How much did he value his life to do it?

_______________________________________________

The clock was perhaps about to strike 1:00 am. She wasn't sure. She had stopped checking the time maybe a while ago.

Her mind couldn't stop spinning around the same issue over and over again.

The issue being none other than Jaehyun.

Lying on her bed in the silence of her room, (Y/N) could hear the beats of her heart resonating in her ears.

Thump. Thump. Thump.

She had called Jaehyun maybe fifty times by now, but her phone lay silent on her nightstand.

She wanted to understand everything. She wanted to understand Jaehyun.

But it was so difficult.

Her mind couldn't process all the events and emotions that had happened in just one day... from experiencing Winwin's reaction at the rehabilitation center, to feeling ecstatic in Jaehyun's company, only to have it all fall apart with Mark Lee's arrival.

She wanted to understand but couldn't.

What was it that Mark wanted to talk to Jaehyun about?

Thump. Thump. Thump.

Perhaps her heartbeats were drowned out by the knocks on her window because she could barely react when she saw a silhouette outside.

How could Jaehyun dare to do that?

When she could finally react, her body leaped a mile a second from her bed, and when she opened the window, she could see how agitated the boy was, and without thinking twice, she threw herself against him to support him against her chest.

Jaehyun said nothing, just placed his weight on the girl's body.

He knew he had lost when seeking her comfort was necessary to get through this night.

He knew he had lost when he couldn't even finish breaking free from her embrace.

Jaehyun's head would surely explode at any moment. His whole day had been an emotional rollercoaster, everything that had happened was piling up more and more in his mind, but he didn't want to break. He couldn't allow himself to.

One minute. Five minutes. Ten minutes.

Perhaps more time had passed while they were in that position, but even though she quite liked the moment, (Y/N) had to end it.

"Come in before someone notices you're here," she murmured, pulling him inside the room.

"Are your parents home?" the boy asked quietly.

"Not yet. They went out for a 'business dinner,' but my dad's guards are still lurking around," she explained, leading him to her bed. After a few minutes of silence, she continued. "Why are you here? What happened with Mark?" she asked quietly.

Without a single word, (Y/N) could see how broken Jaehyun was at that moment.

He didn't even look her in the eyes, his hands barely able to caress hers, and his shoulders were tense.

It was strange to see him like that, and it made her want to know what had happened.

"Right now, you're the only one who can keep me on track," Jaehyun murmured.

(Y/N) swore her heart could break right then and there.

"Jaehyun? What are you talking about? What happened?" she asked, trying to catch his gaze but failing.

Jaehyun sighed. "I really don't want to think about it right now. I don't want to overthink it any more than I already have. I need to block all that out for a moment."

"Jaehyun..." the girl murmured. "I want to understand you."

"Please, not now."

Why was she able to bring out all his vulnerability?

And she didn't even notice when a tear fell onto her hand.

He couldn't cry. Not right now. Not in front of her.

"Jaehyun..."

"Let's not talk about it now," he murmured, placing his hand on the girl's jaw and pressing his lips to hers. "I need to forget."

He didn't know how he got to this point, but he could taste the cherry flavor of the girl's chapstick, mixed with the salty taste of the tear that had run down to his lips.

He didn't even know when the kiss had turned into an unbridled one.

He needed to free himself.

He needed to forget everything.

The girl melted into the kiss. It felt like being in the clouds, feeling Jaehyun's long hands partially caressing her body. Now, she felt familiar with Jaehyun's lips and felt safe with him.

And it felt good to see a different side of Jung Jaehyun's reality.

Thump. Thump. Thump.

(Y/N) felt euphoric when Jaehyun put his hands on her waist and helped her settle into his lap. Her body felt warm; she was sure her cheeks were red, and she believed the color would turn even redder when she let out a small moan feeling Jaehyun underneath her.

She felt a smile on her lips, and then Jaehyun's kisses moved to her neck.

"I don't know how you manage to distract me from anything out there," she said about her neck.

"Jae," she moaned slightly.

"You're gonna make me lose my shit," he said in her lips.

Jaehyun's lips moved to the girl's neck to gently stroke the area, his hands on her waist made the grip deeper and brought her even closer to him. Making her moan again.

"My parents could arrive at any moment," she said, with her head back and her eyes closed. Passing her hands through Jaehyun's hair and playing with it.

Jaehyun removed his lips from the girl's neck and turned to look at her with a loving smile.

"Tell me to stop right now if you want to," he asked with a dazed look while returning his kisses to the girl's neck, leaving them marked there.

The girl tightened her hands on the boy's hair and moaned.

"I need to hear it from your words, beautiful baby," Jaehyun asked.

(Y/N) moved her hands to Jaehyun's jaw and pulled him closer to give him a chaste kiss.

She shook her head and smiled. "I don't want you to stop now or ever," she assured him.

Jaehyun moved his hand to the girl's leg and maneuvered her position until she lay on her back on the bed, with Jaehyun over her and caressing every part of her body.

The pajama shirt that was placed over her torso disappeared after a few seconds, and the words got stuck in her mouth when Jaehyun gently touched her breasts.

She couldn't think of anything other than the man in front of her.

Doing everything. Touching everything. Loving everything.

Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump.

"Jae~ please~" she asked between moans.

"Please, what baby?"

"Please touch me. Anywhere. Just don't stop" she said.

Jaehyun smiled slightly, taking her little short off and leaving her all exposed to Jaehyun's mercy.

A breathy moan escaped her lips when his digits started to make their way towards her sensitive bundle of nerves. (Y/N) whined when he put more pressure in the spot, making her buck her hips towards him, provoking a smile in Jaehyun's face.

And it was then when he coated his middle and index finger with his saliva and slows inserted his fingers into her. She gasped at the stretch and her hands went to take a grab on her sheets not being able to word something out thanks to the incoherent moans she was letting out.

"Yeah baby, keep moaning like that" he asked dumbfounded.

He pulled (Y/N) into a heated kiss while he kept finger-fucked her, keeping his rhythm making her even wetter as every thrust from his fingers was made.

She could swear she could see stars just by the way his fingers entered her every passing second. She is unable to voice a praise for Jaehyun, but she thinks he doesn't care, because it looks like he prefers moans and whines.

"You look to fucked out and it's just been my fingers" he said kissing her neck and then going straight for her breasts.

She tried to adjust her legs more so he can have more accessibility to her entrance and that gives him the green light to keep with everything. So his pace became faster and harder. His fingers were coming in and out reaching a sensitive spot inside of her. Sensitive enough to be close to cumming.

"Fuck, Jae... 's getting too much" she said bucking her hips towards his fingers and the hand that Jaehyun had free was in her abdomen trying to pin her to the bed.

A strangled moan escaped her mouth and the knot in her stomach was getting tighter.

She can barely see the smile Jaehyun had in his face, but when she was so close to cum, he took out his fingers, to lick all of her arousal up and then kissing her.

"You're so pretty" he worded. "Even so dumbfucked like this" he clean the sweat in her forehead while smiling. "I'm gonna make you feel so good"

"Yes, Jae?" She smiled. "Gonna make me feel good?"

"So good baby, you won't be able to word something out"

The heat of the night was making her feel like she was in cloud nine. So that's why her hands sneakily found the waistband of his jeans; tugging the material of the way trying to get a hold of his dick but Jaehyun stopped her grabbing her hand and taking matters in his own hands and taking his jeans off along with his underwear releasing his throbbing cock. (Y/N) hands went straight to palm his dick and draw a line in one of the prominent veins that were situated in his hardness.

"Baby, could you spread those pretty legs for me?" (Y/N) did as she was told so and spread her legs just for Jaehyun be able to position between them. She liked how Jaehyun could be so vocal while she just was a mess under him, Jaehyun dick twitched just at he sight of her being so ready to have him, looking all pretty underneath him and then he didn't waste any more time as he took his cock in his hand to line up his tip in her dripping cunt.

They both let out moans as he pushed forward until she was filled up. His eyes were looking right to the middle of both of them, watching greedy the way his dick disappeared into her entrance. Just as it was made for him to fill up.

"God, Jaehyun...i feel so full" she whined as she rolled her eyes and started letting out messy moans.

"Y'a feel me in there, pretty girl?" He asked as he put his hand on her stomach seeing the bulk that was there.

"Yes Jae! You're so deep"

Hearing that was enough to Jaehyun to lose his mind and pulled his hips back, dragging so slowly his tip along her sensitive walls and then smack his hips, burying his entire girth inside of her cunt with a messy moan.

His pace was like that the next minutes. Reporting his motion over and over again, leaving some kisses here and there while he got a grip in her hips trying to keep her in place when he slammed his cock so deep in her.

Jaehyun was just too pussydrunk that he had to start pound into her sopping cunt to keep him sane. "Gonna fill you up. So hard. You'll only think of me the rest of your life"

"Fuck yes. Want that, want that so bad"

She didn't think Jaehyun could go harder, but she was wrong, because the moment she mouthed that word out, the pace of his hips were insane, slamming so good all the way up to her cervix making her let the most filthiest moans he could ever hear. He reached out her clit with one of her hands and started to play with it to make her cum.

She didn't know how she could last this longer but it was enough when Jaehyun slammed into an specific point that she just lost it. She let out a strangled moan and she gripped his shoulders as her life dependent on it. She saw white flashed light the moment she came, feeling all of her arousal coat Jaehyun's coat as he fucked her drip into her. A couple of thrust more were enough for Jaehyun to release his seed into her, letting a grunt out and steady himself.

"You did such a great job baby" he whispered as he moved himself to lay beside her and embrace her in his arms. He looked to her sleepy eyes and wiped some of her sweat out of her forehead to then let a small kis in there. "Such a pretty baby"

Being too worked out to speak, she rested her head into his chest to fall asleep in his embrace, feeling the sweet kisses Jaehyun was leaving in her head and zoning out.

Thump. Thump. Thump.

Possibly now the clock was approaching 4:00 am. Jaehyun hadn't been able to sleep at all.

After the euphoria had subsided from his body... The events of the previous day returned to terrorize his mind.

He lightly caressed (Y/N)'s shoulder as his head spun. What could he do? What would he do? Even with the faint light entering through the window of the room, he could observe the space around him; he swore that the girl's room was three times larger than his own living room. He wanted to take a look around at his surroundings and noticed that everything there was much more expensive than he could ever afford.

The room's atmosphere was far more than he was used to.

Much more than he could fit into.

Realizing all of this in such a short time was like a slap in the face to himself.

Because he never deserved (Y/N), no matter how much he wanted to.

And he didn't want to drag another person into a hole they couldn't escape from.

Mark's words echoed in his head, and Qian Kun's story ended up burning him... Because if he continued with all this... would (Y/N) end up like Kun's girlfriend? Like his father? Like Winwin?

Just thinking about it made him feel an overwhelming urge to vomit.

But what an unjust life.

Didn't he even have the right to love?

Jaehyun couldn't hide his past and erase his present. If he wanted to do it, he had to face it, but... How could he confront Sooman if he couldn't come out of it alive?

How could he say goodbye to what was embracing him right now?

But if he wanted the justice he needed... He had to do it, even if it cost him something precious, he had to do it.

Even so, there was no way he could fulfill anything that (Y/N) wanted.

They didn't live in the same reality, and it wouldn't end well for either of them.

So, giving one last look at the sleeping girl beside him, he managed to get out of bed and gather his things to dress as quietly as possible... walk towards the window and see her one last time before fleeing from there.

No explanation. No farewell.

Not knowing if it was the last time they would meet in life.

And he regretted it so much.

a/n: I hope you liked even though in took me weeeeeeks to post hahaha, love y’all! NOT PROOFREAD!

taglist is open! if you want to be added just lemme know;)

taglist: @spicyryujin @daegalismybiasinnct @peachfulnight @gojoscumslut @bluedbliss @dear-97 @girlwholovespreppyattire @hana-off-icial @cigarettesafterjae @beomgyusonlywife @bts-iris @doejaejung @methneo @kriizztin @mrsuhnshine @pieddpiperr (idk why some of the tags just doesn’t work out! 😔)

If you want to ask me something, feel free to send them here!

[mlobsters]

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are we gonna make nic cry (it's a low bar but s7 finale managed to not make it)

JODY It's not a date till I've cried.

we're definitely leaning into full on bad guy crowley this season. i liked when he was more ambiguous. maybe he'll help, maybe he'll fuck everyone over. dragging jody into it, now. all right

not me feeling more emotional about bobby's scrapyard than i did about seeing actual-bobby again

CROWLEY Nice try, squirrel. Moose is doing these trials. Moose signs. DEAN No, no. He's not signing anything until I read the fine print. [SAM yanks the pen from DEAN] SAM I can read it. DEAN Hey, you wanted me here. I'm here. But I'll be damned if I'm gonna let him screw us even more. CROWLEY What's this? Trouble in paradise, boys?

crowley's turning into a bit of a caricature. too much of a good thing maybe

DEAN I can do this all day, 'cause you know what? Damn, it feels good! But sooner or later, you're gonna have to face it -- you're ours. Which means that your demon ass is going to be a mortal ass pretty damn quick. CROWLEY [to SAM] What's he mouthing on about? SAM You're the third trial, Crowley.

a) ignoring any bitch implications b) you know i really dislike torture but even i got a little vicarious satisfaction from dean punching him c) i've got a hodgepodge of demon dean/mark of cain nebulous plot awareness that's on the horizon but no idea how they come to pass, so my mind keeps wandering wondering if this or that is related. focus!

CASTIEL Yes. Would you say that you're looking for, uh, a partner in crime... ...or, uh, someone who's into nurse role-play and light domination? DWIGHT Brother, it's 10:00 a.m. on a Tuesday.

sir, this is a wendy's

lovely shot but it feels like the shiny happy people version of s1 true detective which is on the brain because of this video of a deleted scene i posted a bit ago which is just (gorgeous) extended moody atmospheric location shots of coastal louisiana set to appropriate music

SAM Honestly, for the first time in a long time, it feels like we're gonna win. I'm good.

TAKE IT BACK, SAM.

dean's just trying to help!

the sick damp puppy look is just too precious for words. dean, give him a hug and some soup

lovely lovely. even more true detective s1 vibes (that season of that show was one of the most beautiful things... southern gothic atmospherics off the charts. ugh. i made an edit with it and hannibal because the rust cohle is will graham is rust cohle of it all)

true detective s1e2 seeing things

DEAN Anything? You've been gone long enough. CASTIEL No. There was one female, but... DEAN What? CASTIEL ...I don't think she was female

heavy sigh. transphobic jokes are evergreen

followed up by dean being flabbergasted for .. 10 seconds? that the cupid love match thing was two men. fuck you, show. i know, it's nothing new. but back to back, i'm exponentially annoyed

and i'm so disinterested in this heaven business i'd never looked up naomi's actress. she was sam carter on sg1! totally did not recognize her without the blonde hair. i didn't watch a ton of sg1 but enough to be quite familiar with the mains

stargate sg-1 amanda tapping as samantha carter

anyway. back to sam being half dead and abaddon smoking out (was it red? they did this with crowley too and i wasn't sure it wasn't just the lighting on the black smoke)

again the twilight/zombie looks good on him

this crowley thing.. this whole girls (tv series) speech his voice is higher pitched and the accent changed? what is going on

and are we supposed to be feeling something about crowley crying and wanting help from sam with asking for forgiveness? the time given his speech and music says yes, but my brain says excuse me what now. offering his neck up like bella, mushy music swells

DEAN Metatron lied. You finish this trial, you're dead, Sam. SAM So?

glad i knew that was coming

okay so i've watched this whole church scene several times now trying to figure out why it's not hitting any emotional buttons. padalecki is working his ass off and doing amazing and i'm getting nothing from jackles, subsequently i'm feeling not much of anything. did they break my emotions? which is extra weird because the text of this conversation is like.. romantic catnip? should be breaking and remaking my heart and yet...? just for a hint at the end the music reminded me of the expanse and THAT made me feeling a little something. so, like a broken record, i'm blaming this partially on the musical score.

SAM Look at him. Look at him! Look how close we are! Other people will die if I don't finish this! DEAN Think about it. Think about what we know, huh? Pulling souls from hell, curing demons, hell, ganking a Hellhound! We have enough knowledge on our side to turn the tide here. But I can't do it without you. SAM You can barely do it with me. I mean, you think I screw up everything I try. You think I need a chaperone, remember? DEAN Come on, man. That's not what I meant. SAM No, it's exactly what you meant. You want to know what I confessed in there? What my greatest sin was? It was how many times I let you down. I can't do that again. DEAN Sam -- SAM [beginning to cry] What happens when you've decided I can't be trusted again? I mean, who are you gonna turn to next time instead of me? Another angel, another -- another vampire? Do you have any idea what it feels like to watch your brother just –

like this really should be stabbing me in the gut and it's just not and it is such a shame because really, padalecki is doing so good with it. damnit, show, what did you do

DEAN Hold on, hold on! You seriously think that? Because none of it -- none of it -- is true. Listen, man, I know we've had our disagreements, okay? Hell, I know I've said some junk that set you back on your heels. But, Sammy...come on. I killed Benny to save you. I'm willing to let this bastard and all the sons of bitches that killed mom walk because of you. Don't you dare think that there is anything, past or present, that I would put in front of you! It has never been like that, ever! I need you to see that. I'm begging you.

"don't you dare think that there is anything, past or present, that I would put in front of you" like hello, feelings, this is insane, where are you

the only part that worked for me is the little handfasting moment

do not to get to see this soft smile very often

DEAN Just let it go. SAM I can't. It's in me, Dean. You don't know what this feels like. [DEAN wraps a bandanna around Sam’s cut.] DEAN Hey, listen,we will figure it out, okay, just like we always do. Come on. DEAN Come on. Let it go, okay? Let it go, brother. SAM Hey, Dean. DEAN See? [ SAM Breathing shakily then Sam doubles over in pain. DEAN brings SAM outside the church. ] DEAN Sam? I got you, little brother. You're gonna be just fine.

calling him brother and little brother in one go

apparently i've forgotten already how cas and megatron left things in the time i spent trying to wrap my head around my (lack of) emotional reaction to the church thing. ah right, it was a spell, needed castiel's grace. that's why it's raining angels

the music, the effects.. this all hit the right notes at least. reminded me a smidge of stranger things with the music and rain and the car and ominous things happening in the sky.

see, imagine this show, but with the music of stranger things. like, really well done music cues, not just bad generic weird fake rock blues whatever and classic rock because we have one character note about his musical preferences and we're gonna ride it into the ground. i'm so bitter about the music in this show letting it down! lol

so why did fandom glom on to the spelling of cas? since it's pronounced cass. and is cass in the captions and scripts. having never heard it but seen it a bunch, i assumed it was going to be pronounced caz. cass too feminine?

(for the record one tear came from the expanse-like musical cue and i don't think spn gets the credit for it. i'm stunned, honestly)

so sometimes, i will admit, i have a kneejerk dislike - or anger, of something that seems irrational considering my shipping preferences. like, in 2x11 playthings and sam honestly looks like he's about to kiss dean, i was mad. i felt like they were baiting this thing that would never go anywhere, i was pissy about the gay jokes in the scenes prior at the front desk. now with separation and seeing 6 more seasons, i see how they actually have often stuck to this plausible deniability romance dynamic between them and made it more textual without making the impossible full commit to gay incest on the CW.

i don't think that's what's going on with me and the church thing because i'm not like freaked out->upset->pissy, i'm just... not feeling it. super weird

trying to keep a list of the horrifying results of castiel's attempts to do the right thing.... there's just so many 🤪

[louisapennyfeather2021]

I'm back with another analysis of songs from my All For the Game playlist, as I have added songs since the first post!

Disclaimer: I do think of the songs applying to live action, Netflix adaptation style TV series. These are just my ideas and in no way reflect the preferences and opinions of the Fandom. These also do not represent Nora's own thoughts on the topic. This is purely a post by a member of the fandom.

Tw: mentions of rape, torture , and death.

Heaven Knows by The Pretty Reckless- There is a lot of potential with this song. It could play throughout the series or a few specific scenes in an episode. I think it would do well to play during an Exy practice or game. This song just mostly resonates well with me and I think it would be great for representing the Foxes as the series begins.

One, two, three and four, the devil's knocking at your door

Caught in the eye of a dead man's lie

Show you life with your head held high

Now you're on your knees with a head on low

Big man tells you where to go

Tell them it's good, tell 'em ok

Don't do a goddamn thing they say

Oh Lord, heaven knows, we belong way down below

Arsonist's Lullaby by Hozier- You all are going to hate me for this one. It was one that brought a specific scene to mind so quickly, it was concerning. The song would start playing quietly as Luther returns to the dinner table at the Hemmick dinner. Some lyrics would seep through the brief monologues. As they realized Andrew was in trouble, the song would play the loudest. The scene would move in slow, torturous slow-motion. The shot would follow Neil and Aaron running through the Hemmick house(in slow-motion) and up the stairs. Everything remains in slow-motion with the song playing as they burst through the bedroom door. The camera would capture Neil and Aaron's expressions before panning to close cut shots of Drake and Andrew. The music would only ebb and the slow-motion would return to normal as Aaron killed Drake with the racket. The song fits the scene and Andrew history with Drake perfectly as well as the position Luther put Andrew in. It's dark and anxiety inducing.(I couldn't find specific lyrics that described the scene, but I felt compelled to include the chorus)

All you have is your fire

And the place you need to reach

Don't you ever tame your demons

But always keep 'em on a leash

We Must Be Killers by Mikky Ekko- I can't remember how I decided this song would fit, but I eventually decided it'd fit well in the scenes between Andrew getting our of the hospital and when Bee takes him the East Haven. The song represents the darkness that follows the previous scenes. Specifically, it applies to Aaron and possibly Neil, both in a different way. It'd also represent the trust that Andrew is putting into Neil, knowing Neil won't let him down. The song also creates an atmosphere of acceptance of the events despite how the characters or how the audience feels.

We all know how to fake it baby

We dont know what we've done

We must be killers children of the wild ones

Killers where we got left to run

What Would You Say to the Dark by Becky Shaheen- As I listened to this, I knew immediately where it would be playing. It'd be playing as Neil left Palmetto to spend Christmas in the Nest. The tone would be so dark and so tense. Neil would obviously be hiding any feeling he has for the trip, but the music would make up for that. Especially since tbete isn't much talking between Neil leaving Palametto to him arriving at Evermore. It mostly hurts because Neil knows he has to do this for Andrew, even if Andrew would kill him. The music provides the perfect tension for the torture that Neil will be forces to endure for the next three weeks.

Take a breath

Like it's your last

Say a prayer

Like it's your last

What would you say to the dark?

Would you be afraid to watch the pieces fall apart

And watch the whole world fall apart

Only One King by Tommee Profitt and Jung Youth- This mostly applies to the beats in the song and how it's matches perfectly with a sports scene. Specifically, the scenes of Neil practicing with the Ravens over Christmas Break. Or more specifically, the first practice. I chose this song in particular because I'm imaging the screen panning from Neil stumbling to keep up with the Ravens to Riko completely showing him up. It represents a silent battle that Neil is trying and failing to win over who is the better player. It's a scene that will be very prominent and memorable because it'll be referenced when the final scene on the court happens. In this scene, Riko is the King. He has the power. The scene will be compared to the final scene where even though he's on his knees, Neil prevailed over Riko.

Cause there's only one king

And there's only one crown

And there ain't enough room for us both on the throne

So it's 'bout to go down

So you better start running

So you better start running

So you better start running

Because I'm coming right now

'Cause I'm coming right now

Wake Me Up by Josh Ronen- This is another one that will hurt. This would play as Neil was returning to PSU and as Wymack took him home. The song is great representation for how Neil hit one of his lowest points, if not the lowest point, in the entire series. The chorus is very tense and would play as Neil tried to take a knife to his face and Wymack had to talk him out of it. The song represents how in that moment, Neil is completely weighed down with hopelessness.

I have never liked the dark

Pulls me in and tears me up

I hope when I close my eyes

That beauty will find me

I see fire and ashes fall

Will there be someone to save my soul

Take me higher to safer ground

All these bad dreams have sunk to my bones

If I don't open my eyes

Wake me up

Shake Away by Michael Patrick Kelly- This is another song(see the first post) that could be played at the end of the first season. Neil is "free" in the sense that yes, he is still bound by the yakuza, but he is so much closer to freedom than before. The lyrics apply to not only Neil, but other characters like Jean, Kevin, Andrew, and Aaron. Jean because he has a future now, Kevin because he isn't being held back by Riko, Andrew because he's finding his footing to move forward, and Aaron because he has a lot more freedom in his personal life regarding his strained relationship with Andrew. Basically, the song would be a heartfelt, end of season song before the possibility of a Season 2 starting and being just as emotional and traumatizing.

Shake away, shake away the old chains in my life

Got a new, got a new love and open eyes

Break away, break away the old ways and live high

Got a new course for the light

***

Alright, that's part two of my brief song/scene analysis. I genuinely think some of the songs mentioned fit perfectly with the atmosphere of the books and would go great in a tv series.

I'll attempt to make a masterlist and link it here to hold all of my All For the Game posts. I'll also(eventually) link the first playlist post I made.

[badapricot]

Coming to your anonymous with a quite long ask to discuss lw and the last episode further. 🙋‍♀️

At first I will say 100% agreement with the collective feelings of everyone about the way they chose to handle the ep. It's that it's not bad, it's just missing a lot that's up in the air for the viewer to go through and try to make out a full picture. (I tried and i'll explain what I got, it's what I want to discuss).

The thing about lw that I see now after it's finished is that it yes, does commentary about the bl industry but just doesn't flash out carry that burden into its entire identity. They are trying to start that discussion in a smart way while not taking itself too seriously because after all we have a romcom in our hands! I think somehow they don't want to go for a higher weight than they could carry because it's a still fresh try at it.

Now to the episode and how my effort to understand what happened went (I'll only speak about some points regarding the reconciliation):

1- the four months were actually more of waiting for gene to wear down and fully embrace his "need" of nubsib in his life? -> the more I think about the scenes, we just don't get anything to understand from them except the gene is just still, waiting, worn out and both professionally and personally is in need of nubsib to show up in front of him. nubsib on the other hand isn't even a focus 😂 (the biggest flow if I might say of the series is that we just never have his point of view, we see him from gene's eyes and nothing more) nubsib as their argument went wanted gene but he saw how he was distressed so he played along I guess? If gene can't say out loud that he can be with him those four months away from the public eye so I'll do both things myself 😂 have gene be by himself till he loses every last bit of defense against me and i'll go by his wish till my contract is over. (THEY COULD JUST TELL US THS)

2- the remembering the past and then the count to 10 then kiss is an analogy directed at their younger selves, how gene used to count and close his eyes for sib to kiss his cheek as a mean of making up after a problem. I specifically think the hazy dream-like atmosphere of the entire sequence is not necessarily how it happened? but more like the feel of it? also with how it started and ended with jap being there before with gene alone and after with both of them. (we know how jap was the one that helped nubsib everytime before to get closer to gene)

Despite how I can totally explain this point I just think it was possible for them to flash it out more. I know that conveying this message in scenes and conversations would take long but they could have also chosen other direction with the characters?

The some thing I appreciate so much about this is the connection to the beginning from gene's view. we have nubsib telling him that he took his time to understand his feelings as a child but gene didn't. I actually kinda found it strange when I was watching how when hin asked him to go home? he went to his family's house? and when jap talked about the inspiration and gene said his own story he went down the memory lane of the childhood instead of his present with nubsib? what would you think is the message there? Is it that he needed to layer his feelings down to the young gene and see how actually did like sib then also? Or it's his subconscious thinking back to how he left sib in their hiding place and he kept waiting for him while he was actually leaving? Was it that he was going back to that young sib waiting for him?

I think it's an interesting idea but not within enough time frame to get us to undertones the point. It just depended solely on gene and his inner feelings that we also didn't hear. 😂 while sib was waiting on the side lines or let's say gene kept him waiting beside him till he counted the magical ten? 😂

3- this point is just me thinking how the extra cut thing despite providing new content for us is for them and for the plot kinda not that important because they can't put important plot point in it and be deleted from the actual broadcast on the channel. so it's not like us saying they could've used the extra time for better can help. with that said I really loved the fairytale settings. It was so cute and fun.

WHEW THAT WAS LONG😅....

I'm sorry, I'm at the end of a long ask answering binge so I might not be able to match everything you wrote because I don't have the energy, but lemme see if I can get to everything:

I totally agree that Lovely Writer left too much up to interpretation because Tee thinks that viewers can read his mind despite the fact that he's producing a TV show which is a visual and audible medium. Characters need to say or at least imply things for us to understand them. Things should not need to be explained in the BTS for fans to understand what happened when you have over an hour of airtime. That's bad writing.

I don't think Nubsib was purposefully breaking Gene down. I think he stayed away from Gene to show that he could be mature because he saw that there was no way out of the mess he had made and if he tried to solve it in immature ways, Gene wouldn't have forgiven him. Gene didn't want him to solve it by quitting or with money, like a spoiled brat. He wanted him to fulfill his obligations. Because Nubsib was patient, he got his reward. But I agree with your assessment that the break was about making Gene realize how much he needed Nubsib. I just don't think Nubsib was intentionally torturing him or anything. Of course, none of these things were communicated to the viewer cause Tee thinks we're mind readers.

Same deal for the scene where Gene is wandering around his house hallucinating. It was a hazy dream sequence with lots of vague meaning that viewers need to infer. I don't think that's how it exactly happened because I don't think Gene is actually schizophrenic. It was all dreams and metaphors. I don't know what Gene was thinking or how Sib got there. On your question about interpreting why Gene thought of young Sib and not grown up Nubsib I think it's because that's when he first loved Nubsib, even when it wasn't romantic. We can see him struggle with this when he instinctively tries to baby grown up Nubsib after the big reveal, and he struggles with the idea that this buff hunk is also his cute little neighbour. I don't think they were indicating that Gene reciprocated that young and didn't understand his feelings but it's up to interpretation. In the book I think Gene did reciprocate because he told Nubsib he'd be his bride to comfort him, or something like that.

I agree that they could have cut the fairytale scenes or included them as bonus footage in exchange for clearer writing and explanations. The fairytale scenes are cute but not that important. Plot is more important than a dream sequence.

[louisapennyfeather2021]

So I gave up. Here's a few songs from my All For the Game playlist and why think they'd be great for scenes in a live action tv series adaptation of the All For the Game series. A few of the songs on the playlist were added purely because of their titles and lyrics, others because they'd sound so good mixed with an Exy game/practice compilation.

I'm linking the playlist in case anyone wants to use it for reference.

All the Kingsmen by The Rigs- The opening credits song/the theme song for the series. The music and vocalizations without the lyrics is amazing and would be perfect to mix up and blend for the opening credits. The Alternative/Indi genre is also hugely popular with opening credits and this is no different.

When all the Kings men

And all their horses

Can't find a way to

A way to save you

When all the day's end

Remember me then

It's not too late to

Too late to save you

King of the World by WAR*HALL- The song playing as the Ravens start warmups in the first game between the Ravens and the Foxes. Riko would be focused on the most because at this point in the storyline, Riko and many of the characters see him as the guy who holds all the pieces. The song's rhythm makes it intimidating, dominant, and darkly powerful. It's everything Riko thinks he is. Parts of the song play during warmups and then at the end of the game after the Raven's win.

Come on, you can try to come at me

In a second you'll be wondering what's happening

On your knees and you're begging for mercy

Your own blood tells you that you're unworthy

If you wonder what to call me

If you're finding that the words are falling short

If you wonder what to call me

If you wonder what to call me

You can call me king

You can call me king of the world

Wolves by KAAZE and Sam Tinnesz- This song plays as the Foxes play through the championship season. Not all games, just a few. It would play as they practice, as they grow stronger, and as the days countdown. Some scenes from games played by Edgar Allan would also be included. It demonstrates the power the foxes actually hold and how they aren't to be taken as a joke by anyone. They deserve to be where they are. They're earning their spot and they'll prove it by taking the championship trophy from the Ravens. The intensity and adrenaline the song encourages fits perfectly with the spirit and determination of the Foxes.

Don't look us right in the face

It's like starin' at a burnin' sun

Got teeth like razor blades

And you know that we're out for blood

We're out for blood!

Hold On by The Rescues- This song plays as Neil is being kidnapped by Nathan's thugs and during the car ride when he's being tortured by Lola. The song itself provides enough anxiety inducing beats and powerful lyrics the create the atmosphere needed to prove just how serious the situation is. The lyrics can also add to the heartbreak of Neil thinking about the Foxes and how he wants to keep them safe.

So now you're sleeping peaceful

I lie awake and pray

That you'll be strong tomorrow

And will see another day

And we will praise it

And love the light that brings a smile

Across your face

Hold on

Hold on to yourself

This is gonna hurt like hell

Numb by David Archuleta- The song in the scenes after Neil is released to the Foxes after the FBI interrogation. Even if he knows it's not over yet, Neil feels like he's safe for a second. It's the first time he's really Neil Josten and he doesn't need to run anymore.

Everybody needs time away

To wake up with the sun on their face

I'm not there yet but I know

That I don't wanna feel numb

Falling over all of my shadows

Yeah I'm all done

'Cause none of that ever really mattered

It hurts to live so wide awake, oh

But it's a chance I can take

I won't run, run, run

'Cause I dont want to feel numb

New Kings by Sleeping Wolf- This plays as the Ravens and Foxes prepare for the final match and plays at the end of the game as the Foxes win. This song represents everything the Foxes have struggled with for the entire year. It recognizes their success and presents them with their rightful place on the Exy Court. The entire song takes a direct shot at Edgar Allan with no hesitancy.

We will stand, we will fight

We'll take everything we need

We won't lay down and die

This is who we are meant to be

There's no second guessin'

Yeah, we're gonna wear the crown

'Cause we will stand, we will fight

We won't stop until you all see

We're the new kings

Safe Place to Land by Christian Burghardt- It'd have to be an added scene at the end of the first season, but the song represents the freedom that they all have (what little it might be for some of them). It represents how Neil doesn't need to run, Kevin doesn't need to hide in someone's shadow, and Jean isn't owned. They can all just exist and that's enough.

I'm always gonna be

Your safe place to land

Safe place to land

The ground beneath your feet, like you never had

Like you never had

When you're at ten thousand feet

No parachute, you got my hand

I'm always gonna be

Your safe place to land

Safe place to land

I'm Born to Run by American Authors- Another good song for ending season one of what should be a multi season tv series. Neil is free(for the most part). He's only bound by the main branch of the Moriyama family and even that is a very lenient binding. He gets to do what he loves to do. Kevin and Jean are in the same boat. The rest of the Foxes are on track for success. The song is ironic with it's lyrical meanings and how it now applies to an ex-runaway.

I'm gonna live my life like I'm gonna die young

Like it's never enough, like I'm born to run

I'm gonna spend my time like tomorrow won't come

Do whatever I want like I'm born to run

I wanna see Paris, I wanna see Tokyo

I wanna be careless even if I break my bones

I'm gonna live my life like I'm gonna die young

Like it's never enough, like I'm born to run

So this is just a few ideas. I have plenty of songs that can apply to specific characters or just to a possible tv series in general. A few songs could apply to more scenes that can be added to give more insight to the lives of the characters.

As always, constructive criticism, questions, comments, and recommendation are welcomed as direct messages, asks, comments, or reblogs!