#top three worst things that happen to Hero moment contender

[modmad]

TPoH: Update!

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[pixiebuggiewrites]

Sorry Wrong Number!

Masterpost - Previous - Next - Ao3 link

Chapter 2:  Hawkmoth has really bad designs and perhaps even worse timing

Since it was her off night from patrol, Ladybug was the last one onto the scene. She landed down on a building next to Viperion, who was observing the akuma’s skillset as Kuro Neko played distraction down below them.

The villain of tonight's look was... interesting to put it nicely. They were a boy around the same age as the heroes that seemed to be wearing a slightly oversized purple and blue three piece suit with a not-so-subtle lightning pattern running up the arms. His hair was shock white and seemed to be defying gravity while his eyes were protected by bright blue goggles-possibly where the akuma was residing. More importantly, he seemed to be covered in electricity, which was gonna make it difficult to get any hits in. He also had a laptop with him- another contender for the akuma’s hiding place but most likely just a weapon.

Not Hawkmoth’s worst design, but it definitely wasn't his finest work either. Though to be fair she had run around in spotted spandex for two years before she found out she could change her costume, so those in glass houses she supposed.

Viperion, noticing the team leader's arrival began to fill her in on what they knew so far.

“They're calling themselves ‘Elect-Trick’, keeps sending out shockwaves to try and knock us back which is frustrating but our suits seem to take the brunt of it which helps but Neko’s staff is a no go at the moment since there's no way to know if it’ll conduct the electricity.”

It likely would, something they had found out the hard way during the last weather akuma they had to face. While magical it was still metallic in nature sadly, which meant she needed to also be careful with her yoyo. She still isn't really sure what it’s made of besides magic, but this was not the way she wanted to find out.

“Alright, in that case we’ll continue to keep him away from the Eiffel Tower, it’s likely the akuma’s going to try and use it as a large conductor. I’m gonna head down, stay up here and be ready to use your second chance at the signal.” She instructed

Viperion nodded and went back to watching the fight just as Ladybug swooped down to join in. She was just in time as the akuma had begun to corner Neko, who had no choice but to rely on playing defense while her staff was out of the mix. The two heroes nodded their heads in greeting as Ladybug yoyo-d her cat themed friend over putting the duo back on even ground with the villain, who seemed to be ranting about school elections of all things.

Which would be a probable explanation for the first half of his name.

The two continued to fight back against the akuma, neither side quite able to grab the upper hand. Ladybugs yoyo-as it turned out, did not conduct electricity afterall. And, seeing as it's practically indestructible she was able to land hits on the akuma without getting shocked. But the akuma had realized the issue with Neko’s staff and was using that to their advantage, aiming a decent chunk of their attacks at the cat hero which forced them to go back on the defense.

As the fight had been going for over an hour at this point, the spotted heroine decided to bring out the big guns. After doing a silent signal letting Viperion know to start his timer, she got in position to call on her lucky charm.

But she didn't get a chance to. Just as she went to throw her yoyo in the air, Viperion called out a warning that sent a feeling of dread through her.

“LB watch out, There's an amok headed straight for the computer!”  

Sure enough, there was an all too familiar purple feather floating through the air on track for the laptop that she quickly caught and purified it before it could land. Thank the Kwami for the power of second chance, nobody wanted to deal with a sentimonster on top of everything else tonight.

Keeping Kuro Neko on the lookout for anymore feathers, She finally activated her lucky charm. Throwing her yoyo up she manifests… a slingshot! She could work with that, just needed to find ammo. Looking around her eyes land firmly on the window of a small toyshop.

Bingo!

Having Viperion keeping an eye out in case he was needed temporarily as backup, she sneaks over and breaks the window with her yoyo. Typically, the heroine would feel bad about causing this much property damage but tonight she’s tired and wants to get this over with so she can make a plan of action for the whole ‘Mayura seems to be back’ thing with her team and maybe get at least a couple hours of sleep. Anyways her miraculous cure would fix the window and return the bouncy balls she was actively stealing so no harm done? After finishing committing what was technically a misdemeanor, she made her way over to the roof Viperion was on and handed off the slingshot supplies before making her way back down.

Luckily Neko had managed to keep Elect-Trick distracted enough for the team to catch him off guard. On Ladybugs call Viperion began to pelt the Akuma with rubber balls, drawing his sight away for long enough to tie him up and take his glasses. One cataclysm later, the teen had been successfully deakumatized and she was able to cast her cure, fixing the decent chunk of property damage caused that night. After making sure the teen was okay to get home safe and getting his address for the interview she would have to conduct later, she turned to her team.

“Good work today guys, let's meet back at base in 30.” Her eyes communicated the urgency of the meeting despite the neutral tone of voice she tried to maintain.

From there the teens all departed in separate directions to recharge their powers and head to the team's secret base.

----------

Okay so secret base was a bit of an overstatement. It is a secret place that the team uses as a base of operations but it was less of a Batcave and more of a repurposed hotel room in Le Grand Paris.

Chloe had brought up the idea after one too many close calls with Marinette's parents while the girls were investigating Hawkmoth. They needed a place to discuss hero work safely without having to talk in code but the question was where. Obtaining an apartment would be difficult as all of them but Luka were still underage, not to mention the issue of trying to pay rent without any parental suspicion. Luckily for Chloe, it's surprisingly easy to just claim a hotel room without being questioned when your Father owns the hotel.

And while it was no Batcave, it wasn't anything to scoff at either. The four teens had been able to pool together enough money in the beginning for the basics, which meant that now any small snuck away chunks of commission money, music gig payments, competition winnings, and allowances were all able to go to improving things bit by bit.

The room was already quite nice, having a separate bedroom that they used as a gym and a kitchenette that was kept well stocked with kwami snacks. Then there was the  main area, which had been split down the middle. The first side was dedicated to the investigation and housing Marinette's Guardian materials, While the second half was a hangout zone where they could chat or decompress after any particularly rough fights.

The base was also secure, Marinette had put so many spells and protections on the room with the help of the kwami that it might as well be a pocket dimension of sorts. The magical security system of sorts was extremely complicated, being tied to the teams auras in a way so that the only way to even find it without being one of them was to be taken there by Ladybug herself. It had taken weeks to pull off but was well worth it to give her team a place that was safe from the outside world.

Ladybug was the first to arrive this time, having flopped down into a chair at their meeting table as her two friends entered the room and joined her. They all sat there for a moment, processing the fact of Mayura’s return. Of course this would happen when they were down a member, it wasn't a complete surprise that the peacock miraculous would come back into play at some point but it was really bad timing.

“So what exactly is the plan?” Viperion asked, finally breaking the silence.

Ladybug sighed, knowing that their workload was going to increase once again. At least it was close to summer vacation.

“First we need to increase patrols- especially around the typical hot spots, Neko do you think we’ll be able to finish those jars by this time next week?”

The cat hero nodded “They're almost done, we’ll need to test them somehow though.”

The two of them had recently been working on a variation of an object enchantment technique mentioned in the grimoire. The original object was dubious in nature, having been used as a cage of sorts that kwami wouldn't be able to phase through. Marinette was disgusted by the thought, further feeding into some suspicions she had about the old order. As she was ranting about it to Kagami about it, her fencer friend got an idea for a way to repurpose the spell to trap akuma when Ladybug couldn't easily get to a fight. It would also allow them a new way to prevent possessions when Ladybug wasn't actively on patrol.

“That's good. Lastly I need Bee’s new number, I was going to ask you for it tomorrow but I need to give her a heads up to start on a new case file. We also might want to move up our plans to contact the heroes there.”

Kuro Neko quickly jotted down the number on a nearby notecard and handed it to Ladybug. After hammering out a few last details about their new patrol schedules the heroes were all free to head home for the night.

The trip home was uneventful, and she arrived home to see that it was just past midnight. She also noticed that her bath bomb had been fixed! It was sometimes a gamble on if something like that would count as akuma damage so it was a nice victory after the day she’s had.

Marinette quickly put in Chloe's number, eager to get to bed. She sent her blonde friend a summary on what happened and let her know to be on the lookout for an email tomorrow with the information to assemble a case file. And with that, Marinette drifted off to sleep.

She had made a small mistake though. In her tired state the young designer’s finger slipped, putting a 5 where there was meant to be a 4.

Meaning Chloe Bourgeois was not the recipient of her intended message.

Good thing she wrote the message in code?

----------

Across the ocean, Damian Wayne received a strange text message.

--------------------------------------------

Taglist (open!!): 

@queencommonsense

[oceanmotioned]

Criminal Mind Games

About The Games

With current events being what they are, we are all in need of some serious distraction. In the interest of something to do, I’ve come up with some weekly headcanon challenges that people can participate in as actively or casually as they please.

The dates themselves are more like guidelines than rules - this is not meant to add pressure or stress to anyone’s day but provide a fun exercise to keep the dash busy and alive throughout the course of a tough time.

There are no rules to how many challenges you need to complete per week and nothing stopping you from completing week one during week four or, if you’re just not feeling a week’s theme, doing another week entirely. It’s all up to you to have fun at your pace!

For multimuses, you can answer with a different character each day, or run a death march round and try and do something each week for each character! I would not recommend trying to do everything for every character, since there’s no trophy for it but hey - you do you! 

Please reblog this challenge so that others can see it and participate in it, or link to it somewhere in your headcanon. The more this spreads ( especially in smaller communities ) the more activity it will hopefully inspire!

Due to how — unintentionally long this turned out to be, I am using a read more to spare everyone a mile long adventure!

Week 1

[ April 07  -  April 18 ]

This week will be longer than the others in order to compensate for time spent spreading this around and for the fact the idea didn’t come to me on a Sunday. This week’s theme is origins and first experiences. 

April 07 - What was your character’s favorite subjects in school? Why?

April 08 - Did your character partake in sports or extracurricular activities? How do those choices now correlate to the career they have today?

April 09 - Did your character always want to work with the F.B.I. or did that come to them later in life? What inspired them to work in their particular fields?

April 10 - What was your character’s first experience with injustice? How does it influence their world view today? 

April 11 - Describe your character’s first encounter with police and how it influenced their views of law enforcement. 

April 12 - Describe their first case, did it impact their view of their new job? Does it influence their choices at all now?

April 13 - Talk about the first time a case felt like it was too much. Who did they turn to? Or did they keep it to themselves? How did they cope, and how did things work out as a result? 

April 14 - Talk about the first time a victim or relative of a victim reached out, or your character encountered them outside of the case. How did that interaction go down, and how did it impact your character’s view on their role in things? 

April 15 - Talk about their first big mistake - doesn’t have to be job related, it could be anything that had a long term impact. What was it, and what have they done since in relation to it? Would others perceive it as a mistake, or do they endeavor to hide it ( or merely their views on it ) ?

April 16 - The first time someone played a prank on them at work, and what happened next. Did they immediately know who was responsible, or was it the start of a war?

April 17 - The first time they lost someone in the line of duty, or had a significant shake up in work team dynamics, and how they coped. 

April 18 - The first time someone at work made them feel like they were part of a group, if not even a family. 

Week 2

[ April 19  -  April 25 ]

This week’s theme is seemingly insignificant details that other characters might pick up on and maybe use in threads as a way of demonstrating how well they know your character!  

April 19 - What’s their default Starbucks order? Do they make different orders if they are happy versus when they are stressed? Tired versus well rested?

April 20 - If another character was temporarily blind and deaf, and could only identify yours through smell, what would immediately jump out at them to let them know it was your character nearby?

April 21 - Something your character never has enough of or is constantly misplacing ( pens, hair ties, etc ) that a Good Buddy™ should keep spares of to offer up in times of need?

April 22 - Personal passion or hyperfocus your character has that they know a lot about and are always happy to talk about that someone could bring up as a means of distracting your character in a stressful or emotional situation? Baseball cards, butterflies, Doctor Who? 

April 23 - Building on the past two days, lets talk signs of stress - what are your character’s tells? Do they move their hands more or less? Do they become physically agitated or seemingly lethargic? Talk faster, talk less? How would their friends and colleagues know something isn’t right?

April 24 - Secret Santa time! What gifts are always sure to please your character, or at least show that Santa has some observational skills. 

April 25 - Do they go for spicy, sweet or sour foods when its time to order takeout? What’s their favorite restaurant for eating in, verses their favorite fast food place? Do they mix it up a lot or are they a creature of habit? 

Week 3

[ April 26  -  May 02 ]

For this week, lets explore the psychological profile of your character by digging into all the things that really make them tick. 

April 26 - What are their biggest fears?

April 27 - Top three regrets?

April 28 - Five things they take the most pride in. 

April 29 - What are their pressure points? ( Things that set them off ) 

April 30 - What techniques do they use to cope with stress and trauma?

May 01 - Worst lies they have ever told / felt they had to maintain?

May 02 - Three moments that they would alter if they could. ( A great way to invite AU opportunities through threading those moments differently later! ) 

Week 4

[ May 03  -  May 09 ]

Jumping into lighter topics, for this week we’re going to look at happy memories to remind ourselves that no matter what hell canon ( or lets face it, we writers! ) has put our character through, they have had good times too and those moments have their own impacts on who they are as a person! 

May 03 - Describe their happiest memory.

May 04 - Happiest memory involving an animal? Be it their pet, someone else’s pet, a zoo moment - something that sparked joy and had animals involved.

May 05 - Describe a time when your character was feeling down, and someone lifted them up - what did they do and why did it work?

May 06 - Happiest memory with their colleagues. 

May 07 - Talk about the best prank they ever took part in, or remember observing.

May 08 - Their happiest memory involving the news - be it delight at a ridiculous headline, vindication in a particular result or even just excitement for someone else’s success.

May 09 - If someone else were to think of your character at their happiest, how old was your character and why was that time so joyful?

Week 5

[ May 10  -  May 16 ]

Bouncing off our happy memory high, characters who may be more withdrawn, depressed, grumpy or just plain unsociable might be feeling confident enough to give us a look into their accomplishments, goals, and insecurities - so let’s dig in while they’re still malleable!

May 10 - What would your character claim as their greatest accomplishment? Would others agree, or say something different?

May 11 - Do they have any idols or heroes that they look up to and aspire to be like?  What does their best self look like?

May 12 - Detail a time your character was undermined and how that impacted them. Do they no longer try, or do they just try harder?

May 13 - Describe the things that make your character feel insecure, and how those insecurities impact their actions today. 

May 14 - If they could choose what they were known for in the world, what would they want their legacy to be?

May 15 - Are they proud of where they are today?

May 16 - Talk about a time when your character let their insecurities get the best of them. Did they learn anything, or did it only exacerbate the problem?

Week 6

[ May 17  -  May 23 ]

For this week, we’re going to take a look at the relationships that impact your character!

May 17 - The colleague they feel closest to, and the one they look up to most. Are they the same person? Why or why not? 

May 18 - Discuss someone who changed, influenced, or significantly impacted your character’s views on justice & vigilantism.

May 19 - Who comes to mind first when your character is asked who is most important to them? Why does that person stand out so much?

May 20 - Who are the people they most want to impress in life?

May 21 - Discuss someone who changed, influenced, or significantly impacted your characters views on religion, karma & luck.

May 22 - Discuss someone who brought out the darkest sides of your character and how those feelings impact your character now. 

May 23 - Discuss someone who caused your character to take the law into their own hands - do they regret it?

Week 7

[ May 24  -  May 31 ]

This week’s theme is wishes and dreams, which is an opportunity for muns to stick bait on a hook and fling it onto the dash for some more fun interactions! 

May 24 - A character you would most like to have yours interact with, and three ideas for start up interactions.

May 25 - 3 to 5 songs that you would love to build a thread around in some way, be it inspired by the vibes or the lyrics.

May 26 - Due to a series of unfortunate events, your character has to go into Witness Protection with (1) other person. Who do you think would be the most challenging and entertaining for your character to be stuck with? Feel free to list multiple options!

May 27 - Make a list of 5 - 10 sentences guaranteed to get a visceral response from your character and invite your followers to send them in.  

May 28 - Thanks to a filing error, your character has been assigned a support animal and it’s going to take a hot minute to untangle the paper trail for how that even happened. What is the animal and who are your character’s top contenders for 1) being at fault for this prank and 2) being responsible for helping them survive the next week. 

May 29 - 3 to 5 obscure / rare characters you would like to see and maybe a bit on why you think they would be interesting - a little blurb that might inspire another to pick them up!

May 30 - Cases resolved, the team has time off. List 3 - 5 reasons your character might ring them up for non-work related events and get-togethers. 

May 31 - Tag 5 people — I’m kidding. Take today off for self care, or post how your character self cares and pat yourself on the back for even reading this far! And absolutely treat yourself if you did even one of these <3 I hope this was at least a little fun for folks!

[capitanogiorgio]

1, 2, 3, 4, 6, 8, 9, 11, 13, 14, 15, 16, 22, 28, 35, 39, 41, 43, 44, 55, 58, 67, 68, 70, 84, 85, 87, 88, 91, 93, 99 : GOOD LUCK 👍

1. Three teams you like 

Juventus, AS Cannes (and Valenciennes FC) and Liverpool

2. Three teams you do not like 

Inter, R Madrid and Nice

3. A team you can’t tolerate and you do not even know why

idk… I usually have a rugh idea why I don’t like a team of football especially if it’s at a “can’t tolerate” level. So no idea.

4. A team that surprised you in recent years (negative way or positive way) 

Actually the Spurs. I’ve never followed them apart from reading results or other relevent articles. They’ve progressed and have a strong team. There’s also Liverpool who has come back being a serious contender for titles, Klopp’s has done wonders.

6. The thing you dislike the most about your club or NT 

For both Italy and France it’s the lack of patience of the fans (and I know I can lack some at times). For France NT it’s especially that kind of French mentality that I’ve seen countless times : if we win, we’re the best, we’d known all along we would win but the minute they lose everyone’s like “Of course, french in sports are always so inconsistant, overpaid brats, smh, I knew we’d lose.” and stuff like that and it drives me mad.

For Juve, it’s that lately, there’s this big clash with the spirit of the club and a huge “marketing ideal” for lack of better term : the new logo, billion years away from the historical one, the huge rise in seats prices and a disdain for the ultras who pretty much are the only one who sings at the stadium and it just look like a big enterprise being run for maximum profit forgetting parts of what is essentials to the club in the process.

8. The one time football made you so happy you couldn’t stop smiling for days 

The first time was Italy NT’s win in 2006. I felt invicible at 10 years old. I had spent a whole month being teased at, Italy being insulted at recess, some kids not speaking to me because I was the only one supporting Italy and being shamelessly vocal about it. I spent all that journey on my own, even my parents thought it weird and I was devastated french TV wouldn’t show all the games of Italy NT or when my parents didn’t let me watch because I had school in the morrow. I was also very sad because I was being transferred in another school when I knew nobody and I’d lose all my friends because the school was in the neighbouring city. I learnt that the day before Italy - Germany and gosh, I cried and I cried again at the late goals of Grosso and Del Piero. It helped lessen my dramatic 10 year old self. And then the final, when Italy won I was so happy. I had to hid the remote control so my parents wouldn’t turn off the TV because they didn’t understand the point of watching since France had lost but I argued. I couldn’t tear my eyes of all my heroes lifting that golden cup and the next day when I faced everyone at school that had told me Italy was shit and would never win all month long. Biggest smile on my face. Three days later my mom took me to the sports shop and bought me the 4 stars jersey and I still have it today.

The second was when Cannes, while in 4th division, beat Saint-Etienne right for my birthday in the round of 32 of the Coupe de France. It was super cold and it went all the way to the penalties and we won and it was the first time I saw the stadium full, completely full with about 12000 people. It was magical. At the end there was a pitch invasion and players celebrated with fans it was amazing. We went to win against Plabennec and then against Montpellier, another Ligue 1 club ! We went up until the quarter finals but ultimately lost to Guingamp. But that feeling was… Amazing.

9. The one time football made you so sad you cried for days. 

First there was Cannes getting sent to 7th division. I thought it was so unfair since the owners had done fuck all while the team gave their max. There was Alex leaving Juve the way it happened. And more recently it was Italy not qualifying for the World Cup and Gigi leaving Juve. Gosh that one was a hard blow I spent the whole week crying from his press conference to the game and after.

11. Five players you really admire purely based on football

Giorgio Chiellini (what ??)

Paolo Maldini

Thierry Henry

Eden Hazard (saw him twice when he was in Lille and it was already a recital)

Iker Casillas

13. Five most underrated players in your opinion

So many qzesrdtfygu ! Any GKs and Defenders go there. For having many OM fans in my acquatainces and being up to date with their club as a result, I’d say Hiroki Sakai is really underrated. Unpopular opinion but Pippo Inzaghi was constantly underrated for saying his goals are easy and he’s lucky and he doesn’t know how to play. I said what I said. Danijel Subasic, my good peeps and that’s the truth. Hm Olivier Giroud and Hugo Lloris ???? ANYONE ???? (that counts as a two for one package). And as a very great and Scouse philosopher once said : “Gary Neville is the most underrated player”

14. Five most overrated players in your opinion

Ronald, Titbot, Rami (and even more since the world cup win), Ratmos, Müller (sorry Garance)

15. Name 3 most despicable figures in football in your opinion (coaches, players, owners, companies, anyone…)

UEFA and FIFA tbh.

16. What makes your favorite coach better than other coaches?

He screams like a metal rock star ! And he’s super intense :

Also because he’s done a tremendous work winning 4 Coppa Italia, 4 Scudetti, getting to two UCL finals and keep the team hungry for more !

22. Favorite Left Back today

Me of course aqzesrdtfqzesrdtfyghj ! Ugh today ? I’d go with De Sciglio (he’s polyvalent)

28. Your dream eleven

Buffon, Maldini, Chiellini, Scirea, Gattuso, Pirlo, Giggs, Beckham, Del Piero, Inzaghi, Vieri

35. Favorite tactical formation

4-3-3 or 3-5-2. Although my first love in managing games was the 4-1-2-1-2. Or as I like to call it : 4-4-2 losange !

39. A moment in football that changed you as a person. (e.g injuries, trophies, or transfers)

It’s honestly quite a rollercoaster when you’re ten years old to see your heroes win the world cup and then learn a week later that your favourite team is going to Serie B. I didn’t understand. That was the first time I really read all articles and papers I could find on the matter, even going to the public library to look at the ones I couldn’t buy and try and read everything to understand.

There was also Riccardo Montolivo’s injury just before the 2014 World Cup and Laurent Koscielny’s injury before the 2018 World Cup. I saw both happening in front of my very eyes and I felt awful, I almost wanted to cry. Injuries at such a time are, truly, the worst thing. And Montolivo wasn’t left alone by injuries afterwards and it breaks my heart.

Also, that 2005 ucl final like. The d r a m a (tm)

41. A player you are ashamed of loving

No shame, no regrets, just love !

43. Your achilles’ heel. The player who is your weakness.

Gigi Buffon (and Pippo Inzaghi)

44. Which team did you support the last time two teams you hated played against each other?

None, I wished for a draw aqzesrdtfygu

55. Three players from past generations you wish you had seen

Gaetano Scirea, Giampiero Boniperti and George Best (and Lev Yashin)

58. Most undeserving winners you can think of

Portugal at Euro 2016. They had the crappiest run and yet…..

67. A rival player you wish had joined your team

MON-TO-LI-VO, Icare about nothing ! Otherwise, although he’s a milanista through and through, would have love Gattuso at Juve, see how it would have been.

68. The time you really thought about leaving football

I never wanted to left but I had breaks. It especially coincided when I was playing football myself and the club’s environement was shit. I received insults just because I was 100% at training and dared tackle the ball away from the starlette diva of the team and the coaches didn’t bat an eye. Spent a whole year like this before I had enough and changed club.

70.The best transfer decision your club made

Just saying but buying Andrea Barzagli from Wolfsburg for 300k was like. Genius.

84. A player you wish you could’ve known in real life because you really think you guys could’ve been best friends.

I’d go with Andrea Pirlo, my good bitch I love dearly

85. A player who you want as your partner (lover, boyfriend, husband)

Pippo Inzaghi or Alessandro Del Piero.

87. Five players who others find attractive but you just don’t see it

Max Allegri for Beatrice Icardi, Luka Modric, Griezmann,

88. A player you think you totally would have had a crush on if you were born in another generation

Probably George Best and Paolo Rossi

91. A player who you think has the worst sense when it comes to fashion

Pretty much all players who lived the 90′s and early 2000s. But like… Gigi Buffon always delivered….. looks™ lmao

93. Top 5 bromances that you swear by.

Giorgio Chiellini and Leonardo Bonucci bitch !

Pippo Inzaghi and Bobo Vieri

Dejan Lovren and Mo Salah

Rino Gattuso and the Dickheads™

France 98 is a whole bromance by itself

99. The 5 most attractive players in your club and NT

Juve : De Sciglio, Matuidi, Bernardeschi, Dybala and Chiellini

France NT : Samuel Umtiti, Raphaël Varane, Blaise Matuidi, Benjamin Pavard and Nabil Fekir

Italy NT : Salvatore Sirigu, Ciro Immobile, Mattia De Sciglio, Federico Bernardeschi and Giorgio Chiellini

Thanks !

[harinezumiko]

Side Job: Reunion 1/?

Guess who needed Peridot and Ames to reunite, hint it was me and @drawbauchery. 8]

Warnings for mention of sexual assault and past abuse, but this part is pretty tame. Also @anditwasjustathought‘s glorious Gemsonas!

It turned out “booked for a decade” was a very liberal estimate. The Crystal Arena was headed by a renowned war hero, had a spotless reputation, and had been opened some centuries prior with all three remaining Diamonds in attendance, which was unheard of for a Level Three Arena. That Yellow Diamond was a frequent visitor made it all the more absurdly luxurious for a stupid gladiatorial arena where the matches were fixed and nobody died.

Peridot couldn’t get tickets for nearly a century.

Her numerous jobs, transfers, and surprise restraining order-related relocations were emotionally draining. Peridot 5xG almost looked forward to the Arena trip, just for a chance to unwind without looking constantly over her shoulder. The facet the Crystal Arena was located in was highly developed, and Peridot had actually done some work there fairly recently; there were outposts that needed tech upgrades within her skill set, and a few retired Era One Gems with enough creds to call in technicians of her caliber.

She’d had the sense to make certain that 2xS was actually competing, and was glad of it; the Arena Second, a brittle milky quartz had informed her a little too cheerily that 2xS was very popular, but hadn’t been around much lately. Peridot didn’t know that she wanted her rescuer to know she was in the stands, but the Arena Second had been very insistent about passing her designation along, and she seemed…

Unsurprised? When she gave her cut and facet.

Peridot didn’t know that she liked that much.

There was no possible way for Zircon to come along on this trip, but Peridot could contend with that. She didn’t need her lawyer with her when she was supposed to be having fun. It was a frivolous, embarrassing idea.

Peridot’s shuttle docked without incident. She was more accustomed to traveling like this now; public transport was strange and unusual. It was cramped, and Peridot didn’t like that other Gems could touch her.

But they didn’t.

Most Gems kept their hands to themselves, and the ones that didn’t seemed genuinely repentant. There were quartzes to contend with, but they weren’t like 8xA. Elbows in her face weren’t ideal, but they weren’t invasive. Growling usually worked.

The Crystal Arena was big. Peridot hadn’t been sure of what to expect, but there were guards at the entrance that checked her pass and directed her toward the stands, and she merrily ignored those directions. The stands were easy to find, but Ames wasn’t scheduled right away, and Peridot was resolutely disinterested in the Arena’s purpose.

She wandered, pulled up a map on one of her portable screens, and tried to guess at where, exactly, the contestants would be during preparations.

It wasn’t totally surprising that she got well and truly lost in the process.

The more hallways she turned down, the worse things got. Every pillar looked the same under fluorescent lighting, and at least two stairways ago windows were a thing of the past. Doors were becoming a thing of the past, too, and as unease settled in her belly, Peridot considered her dwindling options. She didn’t have the authority to be down here, and knew it. She was fairly certain that her century long wait to see Ames again would be put off if she admitted to snooping around a Level Three Arena looking for a Gem she barely even knew.

Peridot scowled, absently chewing a finger without thinking on it. She hadn’t even gotten a good look at Ames, and it had been a hundred years. Who was to say that she even remembered her?

Did she want to be remembered, hiding in the back of a malformed exit hole, crying over one of 8xA’s many trespasses against her? It wasn’t like it had been the first time, or the last. It wasn’t even the worst, but she supposed that was mostly thanks to Ames.

“Hey!”

The chill that traveled up Peridot’s spine shouldn’t have been possible. She froze, bit down so hard on her finger that it sparked, and turned in time to see a quartz jogging toward her—shoulder-length white hair, standard uniform, a Gem that was mercifully set on the opposite shoulder from 8xA’s, but definitely an Era Two quartz.

For a moment, panic seized the core of Peridot’s being. She couldn’t be sure of what she was seeing, but instinct warred within her, and as happened too often, the urge to raise her canon in self-defense came too late. She always hesitated now, always flinched away from self-preservation, and instead, she scrunched her eyes shut, prepared for the worst—

“Um… You okay?”

Peridot forced her eyes open and was met with strikingly soft features, wide, pale yellow eyes, and brows furrowed in concern that was impossible to miss. The technician jumped back, feeling color flood her cheeks.

If 2xO hadn’t been an oddly-hued amethyst with her Gem at her naval, Peridot would have sworn she was faced with her twin. Of course, a few extra inches of distance helped prove otherwise; it was the Arena Second, the milky quartz she’d spoken to on vid call when she was trying to book tickets, but the resemblance was uncanny.

“Don’t sneak up on me!” Peridot snapped, looking askance and painfully aware that she wasn’t in a position to be making demands. Still, it was hard to feel dread around this quartz, once the initial wave of fear had passed.

Milky regarded her cautiously, then shrugged shoulders that Peridot noted were too narrow for her caste; she almost reevaluated her guess about where and when she’d been made, before it dawned on her.

The Arena Second at the Crystal Arena was known to be brittle.

Brittle and small and unfit for the frontlines. She remembered reading that, recalled how odd it was that one of the top gladiatorial Arenas would employ someone who needed light armor to participate. It hadn’t been very apparent in the few vid calls where she had spoken to her, but it was impossible to miss when she only had to crane her neck half way to look her in the eye.

“I got lost,” Peridot grumbled, voice sour and fingers curled tightly. “I was looking for someone I know here.”

“Um…” Milky looked conflicted, if a little confused. She shook her head. “It’s Ames you’re looking for, right? You’re, uh, way, way beyond anywhere a guest should be. Like… you need special clearance to be down here.”

“I didn’t pass any signs.”

It wasn’t a lie, technically. Peridot had been careful to turn before passing signs that didn’t interest her.

“Yeah… there’s no signs this far down,” Milky said, pursing her lips in a frown. “But I guess we also don’t have doors you’d have to access with a code, either.”

“I got lost,” Peridot said again, louder this time, and her voice squeaked, just a little. She hated how often that happened, how completely, utterly unintimidating everything about her was.

It wasn’t a good excuse, and they both knew it. But Milky’s frown gave way to a sympathetic smile, and she nodded toward the hallway she had come down. “I can escort you back,” she said, “Ames was really excited to hear you were coming. She thought you forgot.”

Peridot’s nose wrinkled in distaste. She didn’t much like the idea that Ames had told who-knew-who about her. “I wouldn’t forget,” she insisted, earning a nod from the quartz.

“Peridots have good memories, right? Since you do tech stuff?” Milky asked, and it seemed genuine enough. Peridot’s stiff nod didn’t seem to put her off in the least. “We don’t have a full time tech yet, but there’ve been a lot of applicants.”

“I’m a Kindergartener.”

“Ah,” Milky said, in what had to be the least authoritative tone Peridot had heard yet. No wonder she wasn’t a soldier. “I guess it wouldn’t be your style, then.”

They lapsed into silence for some time. Peridot knew, vaguely, that they were going back up somewhere, but the route Milky took was different from the one she’d gone down, and there were definitely doors involved. A small, appropriately paranoid part of her wondered if this quartz was going to toss her out the back for snooping around, and the pragmatic part of her mind wondered next if she could demand a refund if that happened.

“Milky!!”

Milky jumped to attention, looking briefly panicked, and Peridot wondered if she were about to be faced with another, bigger, more quartz-like soldier. Maybe the fabled Arena Head. That was exactly what she didn’t need; an oversized jasper yelling at her for breaking rules that easily could have been not broken if the Arena weren’t a giant maze, or if the map had actually been of any reasonable use.

Instead, upon turning, she was faced with a very angry pearl, and truth be told, Peridot couldn’t begin to guess what to do with that.

Copper Pearl had taken a few of her calls during her failed attempts to book tickets. She wore the same dipped collar that Milky did—a ruddy brown and black uniform that suited her color scheme far better than the Arena Second’s—and sported a short gauzy skirt with a split up the side that showed her Gem. Peridot didn’t know much about pearls, and had no reason to, but she knew the translucent skirt likely meant she was expensive. She wondered with cursory interest why a fancy pearl would be working in a place like this, and then, more appropriately, wondered if she should be afraid of the murderous look on her pretty face.

“Copper!” Milky squeaked, and somewhere deep down, Peridot felt a little better about the way her voice sometimes wavered, knowing that soldiers did the same, even if Milky was brittle and unfit for battle. “We were, uh… See, she got lost, so…”

“Lost?” Copper echoed, and she didn’t sound like she believed it for a second. She pinched the bridge of her nose, and Peridot wondered if she’d belonged to an agate. “Milky, how could you believe—it’s impossible to get ‘lost’ this far from the guest area without a map!”

Color flooded Peridot’s face, knowing she’d been caught. “I was looking for someone!” she snapped back defensively, crossing her arms. The weight of her limb enhancers was comforting, in a way. They were a good barrier. Not that she was afraid of a pearl.

“She’s the peridot who wanted to see Ames, remember?” Milky tried helpfully, spreading her hands placatingly. “She called a bunch of times—“

“Then she should be in her seat, in the stands, where she belongs,” Copper growled, “Not snooping behind the scenes where she can—and will—get hurt!”

From the looks of things, Milky either wasn’t the sort to win an argument against the Arena Pearl, or she might have secretly agreed with her. Peridot scowled at the very idea.

“I’m not dumb,” she snapped, “I know how to handle myself.”

The look Copper cast her way was absolutely scathing. Conversely, Milky looked sheepish. The latter suggested that they hurry along, back to the Arena proper, and Peridot would have argued if she didn’t think that Copper looked like the type of Gem to revoke her ticket and deny her a refund.

Milky ended up walking between them and generally tried to keep things cheerful, while Copper acted nothing like a Gem of her caste and everything like she owned the place. Peridot wondered without asking if they were aware that their personalities were completely backwards, but decided that she preferred a meek quartz she didn’t know over the prospect of an angry and possibly volatile one.

Returning to the main Arena, to halls that now had Gems wandering about before the first match, Peridot was increasingly uncomfortably aware of how many quartzes were here.

She hadn’t thought of that.

Peridot crowded a little closer to Milky, looking around with a frantic air as they moved. The quartz peered down at her, raising an eyebrow. “Ames isn’t in the first match,” she said gently, “I could get you down to see her, if you want?”

“That’s not following protocol…” Copper grumbled under her breath, but she cast a sidelong glance at Peridot and heaved a sigh, waving a hand. “I’m not covering for you if Jasper gets upset. I need to start rolling out terrains.”

Milky looked ready to protest, but Copper was already moving away from her, marching with purpose in the opposite direction.

“Is she always like that?” Peridot asked, deliberately avoiding both Milky’s question and her gaze. “Seems abrasive for a pearl.”

Milky elected not to comment on the technician’s inappropriate tone, instead motioning for her to follow her down another hallway. She seemed to know an awful lot of visitors, and greeted them accordingly. Quartzes and spectators alike seemed to both know and like her—and Peridot supposed she could see why. She was warm and friendly, and perhaps more importantly, harmless.

Which was exactly none of what a quartz should be, but then, Peridot didn’t really like quartzes.

And that begged the question of what she was doing here, in what had to be the second most quartz-filled place after an active Kindergarten. There were other castes too, but Peridot suspected that they had been able to afford tickets for better seating, and likely weren’t going to be caught ambling about in the lobby or hallways. Peridot felt the hair at the nape of her neck prickle and wondered if she were imagining things when her gaze darted toward the crowd, just in case, because she could never be too sure…

8xA would surely regret it if she’d stalked her out here today, Peridot thought, but that didn’t mean she wanted to see her assailant again. It had only been a few weeks since the last close call—mercifully cut short by her shuttle pulling away from the station before the amethyst could cut through the crowd, but not before making eye contact.

That was the worst of it; that 8xA knew she didn’t even have to get her hands on her anymore. She still seemed to derive sick pleasure from it, but she could get the same reaction across a room. Peridot still had to file a complaint once she’d been discovered, and several supervisors complained. It was hard to find work, harder to keep work, hard to maintain a good reputation. Peridot was tired, worn down, and 8xA seemed to have a limitless supply of both time and energy that she could devote to ruining her life.

Ames was something of a last resort, and Peridot knew it. Zircon had told her that her involvement at the Kindergarten was almost entirely luck; 2xS owed her a favor and had been in the area. As a Gem of White Diamond’s quadrant, she didn’t actually have the legal precedence to take on Peridot’s case, and Zircon wasn’t sure she was reliable, anyway.

But Ames had deterred 8xA, just for a little while. Peridot thought of how short she was on creds and wondered what she would have to offer in exchange for protection, but by now, there wasn’t much that was off the table.

“5xG? 5xG, right?” Milky’s voice was soft, but startled her so badly that she nearly jumped out of her enhancers. Peridot jolted, looked ready to run, and the Arena Second smiled disarmingly at her. “We’re at the showers. I can’t let you in there, but I can go get Ames. I wanted to let you know.”

“Oh.”

Thanks was probably the right thing to say, but Milky had keyed in a code and slipped through a sliding door and abandoned her in the deserted hallway before she thought of it. Without really thinking, Peridot took to pacing, and the cracked finger from earlier zapped her when she absently put it in her mouth. With a muttered curse, she rotated the digits and chewed at another one instead.

She heard the doors slide open with a mechanical hum while her back was turned and froze. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Milky jog off, functionally abandoning her, and she almost ran after her. This was a terrible idea, Ames had no reason to remember her, even less reason to help her, and oh stars she hadn’t thought this through at all—

Peridot turned almost mechanically, voice caught in her throat, and was faced with exactly who she’d been looking for—only it was the first time she’d ever seen Ames from the front, in halfway decent lighting. The amethyst was heads taller than her at a slouch—and she was definitely slouching—and her long white hair was tied up in a messy knot at the back of her skull. Peridot thought it was safe to assume that it was wet from showering, and wrinkled her nose a little in distaste. It seemed foolish to go to the trouble of a wet shower before engaging in something physical like—whatever these matches entailed.

She tipped her head back, bound and determined not to back down, not when she was cornered. Wide blue eyes met hers—oddly bright, she noted; most amethysts had darker eyes—and Peridot didn’t know what to say when Ames’ entire face broke out in a grin.

“Peridot 5xG! You finally came to see me,” she teased, with the sort of familiarity that Peridot normally detested. Somehow, instead, this time it pulled the tension from her shoulders. “Lucky me, I’m not set to lose today! That’d be an embarrassing reunion, huh? Wouldn’t be worth your ticket to see me lose.”

“You remember me,” Peridot said stiffly.

Ames nodded easily, leaning against the door in the most precarious possible manner; if someone opened it from the inside, she would tumble right in. “Shouldn’t I? I’m surprised you remember me; you’ve gotta run into way more amethysts than I do peridots.”

“You helped me,” Peridot said, wishing she’d rehearsed this better in her head instead of focusing on trying to download dated, blatantly incomplete maps that had only gotten her lost.

“Of course,” Ames’ smile dropped, just a fraction. Her brows creased in concern. “You needed it.”

“I need it again.”

[gwynnew]

'Three Billboards' director Martin McDonagh on Tarantino comparisons, telling off priests, and making an American hero of Frances McDormand

Frances McDormand in ‘Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri’ (Photo: Fox Searchlight Pictures c/o Everett Collection)

“This one felt like the least violent of all my things,” director Martin McDonagh says of Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri, his unpredictable, uproarious, emotional gut-punch of a film. By “all my things,” McDonagh is referring to his two previous feature films, In Bruges and Seven Psychopaths, as well as his body of work as a playwright (he’s been nominated for four Tony Awards since 1998). In both mediums, his dramas are characterized by their profane wit and gasp-inducing violence, resulting in inevitable comparisons to Quentin Tarantino (which McDonagh does not relish, for reasons he explained below). Three Billboards, about a woman (Frances McDormand) who goes to war with her small-town police department in hopes of finding her daughter’s killer, is as viscerally brutal as anything the British filmmaker has written. At the same time, the film is sharply critical of violence, with a timely message about how rage and hopelessness cause people to spin away into their own orbits at the exact moment they should be coming together. “I used to be an anarchist, I used to be all punk rock, but now it’s, ‘Let’s love each other!’” McDonagh half-joked to Yahoo Entertainment.

Though he began working on Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri nearly a decade ago (long before a different Missouri town became shorthand for police brutality), McDonagh’s film speaks more precisely and urgently to the present American moment than any other awards-season contender thus far. Days before the film opened, McDonagh sat down with Yahoo Entertainment for a deep-dive interview about “un-P.C.” language, telling off Catholic priests, arguing with McDormand, his dissatisfaction with Seven Psychopaths, and why he’ll never make a sequel to anything. [Minor spoilers.]

Yahoo Movies: This film is about cycles of violence and anger, and it feels like a specifically American story. Was that part of your intention? Martin McDonagh: Yeah, I did feel like it was a very American story from the outset, and I don’t think it could have been set anywhere else. But I think that’s just as much about Frances’ character, Mildred. There’s something kind of big and grand and American, and almost Western-like about her, the size of her, cinematically.

It was written about eight years ago, so it wasn’t written as either a response to Missouri in the last two years or Trump’s America or any of that kind of stuff. But, it does feel like it’s a good time to put a film like this out, because it is sort of dealing with those issues, but there’s a lot of heart and hope to it. So as much as it starts from a place of rage — and that seems to be going on all around the country right now — there’s something more hopeful and humane about it by the end.

Many Americans right now feel this sense of, “Everything has gone horribly wrong, the worst things that can happen are happening, and it’s all hopeless.” Your characters in this film are also in situations where they feel hopeless. Yeah, but I don’t think the film is. I mean, they start off in a place of anger and despair and rage, but I don’t think we stay there. In fact, through almost the anger, things change, because of her actions at the start of the film, things somehow progress.

And as an outsider, looking at America: there is a lot of hope.  There’s so much protest and anger, and I think that’s a good thing. People aren’t accepting everything from the top down, and there’s a lot of hope to be found in that, I think. I wouldn’t say it’s a hopeless situation.

It feels that way sometimes. But then you can’t forget, it’s not very long ago that a black guy was elected twice, you know? The country hasn’t changed that much. So, things do seem a bit polarized, but the film is about stepping back a little bit and trying to see the humanity behind everyone. I’ve become like a big hippie in my old age. [laughs] I used to be an anarchist. I used to be all punk rock, but now it’s, “Let’s love each other!”

The movie doesn’t shortcut its way through those difficult themes. Exactly. It’s not like simple, “Isn’t everyone good?” Because Sam’s character [corrupt police officer Dixon, played by Sam Rockwell] is a s**t at the start, and he changes, but he’s still probably a s**t deep down. But there is room for maneuver. And [Mildred] isn’t a simple hero, too. That’s what the film is trying to explore, the gray areas of us all. It’s not as simple as that. But there’s some hope to be found in that fact, that we’ve all got our issues and we’re none of us perfect, but we’re all sort of worthy of a chance.

Martin McDonagh attending the Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri premiere at the 74th Venice International Film Festival in September (Photo: DPA/Courtesy Everett Collection)

How do you figure out how to use violence in your stories? I think each one it’s a different kettle of fish, really. This one felt like the least violent of all my things, because there’s only one gunshot in the whole film. We don’t see many guns, to be honest. And she is violent with words, and with children outside schools. [laughs] But apart from that, she’s not — oh, but then there’s the dentist thing.

Somebody gets pushed through a window, someone gets set on fire… That’s true. Actually it’s a pretty violent film when you look at it that way. But the sensibility is anti- all that. Seven Psychopaths was too glib, even though it was supposed to be a meta-anti-violent film; using the violence so much in it means it’s kind of not. Anyway, I wasn’t satisfied with it. But everything I’ve done is, at its heart, sort of anti-violence and questioning of it. At the same time I know that violence in stories is exciting and certainly in the plays, there’s something kind of dangerous and interesting plot-wise about using it. But I hope it’s never used for thrills or for effect. My sensibility is always anti-it, anyway, and I hope that mostly comes through when we get it right. Like this certainly, I think, I feel like we get it right, and even like the whole sort of end sequence is about questioning all of those motivations for revenge and violence.

This is why I get annoyed when people compare you to Quentin Tarantino. Yeaaah. Yeah. Especially — yeah. I mean I like a lot of his early stuff, but I think there’s always been more of a questioning of it in my stuff.

I would love to talk to you about a couple specific moments and scenes. One is the scene where Mildred is talking to her bunny slippers. Funny, that was kind of the first image in the first thought of her character. Everything stemmed from that. For some reason, that was the first half-page I noted. And I think it’s because, the incongruity of an image like that, of someone just getting up in despair, and just saying, you know, with rage, “I’m gonna crucify the motherf***ers” — but saying it to her cute bunny slippers, and that even striking her as the silliest thing in the world, and her having to laugh at her own rage. It’s kind of what the film’s all about. It’s really weird.

It feels really true to the absurd places that grief takes your brain. Yeah, exactly. I really like that scene. Because I even like the wallpaper in that scene — it’s all butterflies. She’s this woman in complete depression, and it’s like, butterflies and bunny slippers. [laughs] That’s me. It’s more about butterflies and bunny slippers than it is about violence and rage.

How about the scene where Mildred tells off the priest? Oh, yeah. That should happen more often in movies, I think!  I didn’t plot the film out beforehand, so the plot was just, people reacting to her, and her reacting to people. I didn’t know that that priest was going to turn up when he did. But I knew when he was in there, he wasn’t going to get out, metaphorically, alive. And naturally, your own opinions about that kind of subject bobble through. But the takedown of it was quite interesting. It’s like a page-long speech, basically, and when it starts off, he and we are wondering, “Where is she going with this? Crips and bloods and gangs in the ’80s?” But that’s almost a stage-speech kind of script. It’s like, “Pull you in, pull you in, pull you in, and smack, smack, smack, smack, now f**k off!” [laughs]  But I mean, it’s gotten a round of applause most screenings I’ve seen with, you know, real people coming to see it. So. We should show it for the church and see what their response is. [laughs]

Mildred’s murdered daughter [Kathryn Newton] is seen only once, in a flashback. What was behind that decision? You see a lot of these crime films, and C.S.I. and stuff like that, and the victims are always just victims, they’re not actually human beings, they’re not actually women. So I wanted to show that this isn’t just a nameless corpse. This is a person with music tastes and anger and who’s just an actual person that we’re talking about, not a statistic and not a plot device. So you just want to touch on her, and know what the memories of her were left, and then move on without staying in that place.

Was that a tough role to cast? Not too bad. It needed someone to be equally as feisty as Frances herself. Kathryn Newton, whose star is starting to shine now, was perfect and nailed it. Sometimes when you’re that young, you just have fearlessness. So she is completely happy to hold her own with Frances in that scene.

Frances McDormand, Peter Dinklage, and director Martin McDonagh on set (Photo: Merrick Morton/Fox Searchlight Pictures c/o Everett Collection)

Peter Dinklage plays a character in the film who’s a little out of step with the others. Tell me how you see his role in the film. Well, Peter I’d wanted to work with for many years. I’ve known him for like 15 years, from New York theater, actually, before The Station Agent, even. And whenever I’m writing a film, I try to think not just, Could this character be a man or a woman, or black or white? I also go to, little person or not little person? And sometimes that kind of prompts a different way of looking at a character.  We almost did In Bruges together and that didn’t quite work out, but I wanted to write something for him, so I wrote this one for him. But it just gives the character a whole different dimension, that people in small towns don’t treat [little people] with as much respect as they ought to. That prejudice isn’t something that’s really explored too much. Certainly, he’s probably the nicest character in the film, but he’s equally aggrieved that he’s treated as a lesser person because of his height. But he’ll be in the sequel. [laughs] He is the sequel.

I remember watching In Bruges and wondering if Peter Dinklage had auditioned. The actor who’s in that role is great though. The sad thing about the guy who’s in In Bruges, Jordan Prentice: he would always lose every single role to Peter. And the one role he gets, I read four or five reviews that all said “Peter Dinklage is amazing in this one.” Like how prejudiced, or just lacking in… You just read the thing that’s in front of you!

He could be Peter Dinklage’s brother in the sequel. It could be a True West thing. Nice! That would be a great True West. That would be a good idea. Hang on, does that make it your idea or my idea? If it makes millions now, are you gonna sue?

I think you need to give me an executive producer credit. I don’t want the money, I just want the glory. OK, sucker. [laughs]  No, always get something contractual. Anyone can be a producer.

The word “midget” did make me flinch. I mean, I wouldn’t use that word. But people in a small town like that would. Peter doesn’t use it in the film about himself. But again, in a story, even though I would want to say, “That’s not the word to use,” people wouldn’t be doing that. Or he wouldn’t be calling up every person who uses that word about him, in a small town situation, because that’s not what happens. So it wouldn’t be true for him to be standing up for his rights in every scene where he’s called a midget.

Did you talk to Peter about that? We did discuss the fact that he would never say it. But he didn’t have an issue with other people saying it, because it’s true. And there’s always politically incorrect terms in my stuff, because there are in real life. I mean, I’m a pretty PC person, but I don’t think your films should be, because I don’t think it represents the truth.

In that vein, there’s a lot of talk about Dixon torturing black people, but we never actually see it. Tell me about that decision. Well, he also says he didn’t do it — though we know he did something, to be honest, but the way it’s used in the film needs to be unspecific. You need to kind of suspect him but not be sure one way or the other if it’s true. So that’s why it couldn’t be shown.  Also Woody’s character [the police chief, played by Woody Harrelson] says, “There’s no evidence to support that.” So we should be left feeling, “Hmm, he seems like a s**t and he probably is a s**t, but did he go that far?” And that should be part of the gray area, I guess.

You joked about a sequel. Would you ever actually make a sequel to a film like this? If I ever do a sequel, kill me.

When you’re done with characters you’re done with them? Yeah. There are very few, apart from the Godfathers maybe, where the second installment added anything to it. No, I like a story being told in one sitting. You can fill in the blanks yourself, but I shouldn’t have to.

So you won’t be doing any superhero movies? Never, ever, ever. That’s the other reason why you can kill me. If I ever do, you can set fire to my house. You can Molotov cocktail me.

You know, I’ve had other directors and actors tell me, “I’m not interested in superheroes,” and then they get a look at that paycheck… No, not me. Promise. We can shake hands on that. [laughs]

I just wanted to talk about Frances McDormand for a minute. To hear her talk about this movie, you two just argued the entire time. We didn’t really, but I’ve been kind of playing up that as well. I think she likes the idea of her being this ornery, tough — yeah. [laughs] We didn’t really fight that much, but it was like 5 percent more than I’m used to. So that seemed like a lot to me. But no, we were almost exactly on the same page, but she would sometimes want to cut dialogue. And coming from theater, I’m very precious about the script. We can always cut it in the edit, I always felt. So those were only tiny little things we’d — not go head to head about, but have little conversations about.

Did you have any disagreements about Mildred that ended up informing the character? No, no, and that’s the thing — we were 100 percent on the same page. In fact, we could go to war together. It never really came to it, because the financiers were very much on the same page, but even about the costume not changing, and the look of her. We were instantly like that. Because you do get a few notes of, “It’s a bit one-note.” But it’s like, she’s going to war. She needs a uniform. It’s more iconic, I think, for her to be in one suit the whole time. And with the bandana, the image is pretty striking and pretty tough. Her character and her performance are so strong. I think it’s a good one for 12-year-old girls to see from hereon in. Like, that’s the way you enter a bar, or talk to an ad man, or talk to a cop. [laughs] 

It’s good to see a hero who’s an older woman who wears no makeup and takes no s—t. Exactly. We need a few more of those.

Watch a trailer for ‘Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri’

Read more from Yahoo Entertainment:

Sam Rockwell on channeling American rage in ‘Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri’

Woody Harrelson says ‘Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri’ is a “masterpiece” 

‘Lady Bird’: How Greta Gerwig gave wings to her Oscar-buzzing directorial debut

[itsiotrecords-blog]

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We’ve all experienced that awkward moment in life where we’ve tripped up in the street or on a staircase, but there’s one silver lining to every one of those moments – they weren’t viewed by millions of people. Some of us might have been caught stumbling in a Vine video or on a friend’s Snapchat, but unless it went viral, these people won’t have faced any large scale public humiliation. Unfortunately for celebrities, their entire life is in the spotlight and when they trip and stumble in a public place, the world is gonna remember it! The shame of slipping up in public must have been triple for these celebs, but they had no choice but to pretend like nothing happened. It’s no surprise that a lot of these falls happened on stage – which can often be blamed on high heels or a “wardrobe malfunction.” But most of the time, these stars were getting a little too carried away with their performance to watch where they were going and the result is hilarious. Being snapped falling over in the park is one thing, but having an epic tumble on stage means these famous figures had both their actual audience in the crowd and the world audience to contend with. Seriously cringey. We don’t want to trade lives with any of them in this situation. From glam red carpet events to choreography that didn’t quite go as planned, these are the moments celebs wish could be erased from public record. Here are 15 cringe-worthy falls we couldn’t help but laugh at…

#1 Beyonce I love and respect Queen Bee as much as the next person, but her epic fall during a 2007 concert was admittedly quite funny – mostly because it was head first down about 10 steps! Thankfully, Bey wasn’t injured at all so we shouldn’t feel too guilty about finding it funny. The audience could be audibly heard gasping after she hit the floor, but she soon got right back up and slayed with some signature hair-flipping dance moves. After what must have been a hugely cringe-worthy moment for her, Beyonce apparently pleaded with her adoring crowd “Don’t put this on YouTube!” Unfortunately, even Queen Bee can’t hold back the tide when it comes to the Internet and within hours, her epic tumble was plastered over news channels and quickly sparked online parodies. As cringey and painful as it may have looked, nothing fazed Queen Bee – she apparently didn’t even miss a line of the song “Ring The Alarm!”

#2 Katy Perry Cake can figuratively be some people’s downfall (mine included!), but cake literally caused Miss Perry to slip up not once but several times after a rendition of her debut hit “I Kissed a Girl.” Performing at the Latin America MTV Awards back in 2008, Katy P jumped into a massive pink cake on stage as part of her act. Unfortunately, the cake and icing mess made the stage super slippery and it wasn’t long before the singer slipped and struggled, Bambi-like, to get up again. After slipping in the cake, Katy was visibly embarrassed but laughed it off by starting a mini food fight with her guitarist. He helped her up but she went down again (and again). Poor girl. Eventually, Perry just gave up attempting to stand at all and just crawled off the stage on her hands and knees – leaving a trail of pink icing behind her. Not one of her finest moments!

#3 Jennifer Lawrence Picture the scene: your name has just been announced after those amazing words “..and the Oscar goes to…” You can’t believe this moment. This is the day your career and life has been building up to. You make your way nervously and excitedly to the stage to receive this incredible honour in front of all the actors who have inspired you. But as you do, you trip up the stairs with the world and your hero’s watching. Hi ground, please swallow me up. This is what must have been going through poor J-Law’s mind when she tripped up before receiving her Best Actress Oscar in 2013. Jennifer Lawrence was probably wishing she had opted for a short dress instead of the epic Disney princess gown that made her trip up. Luckily, she recovered from it pretty well and even had Hugh Jackman step in to help her off the floor. Of all the moments to lose your footing though – cringetastic.

#4 Iggy Azalea In a not so “Fancy” move, Iggy Azalea slipped up in front of thousands during an MTV performance of her most well-known song, “Fancy.” The blonde Aussie singer was clearly enjoying herself too much and became a little too engrossed in her rapping because she took a few too many steps backward and fell right off the stage! Ouch. That can’t be cool. Amusingly, she could still be heard rapping the lyrics while on the floor and security guards soon stepped in to help her back on stage. A fan in the audience caught the embarrassing moment Iggy disappeared off stage after dancing backwards – you’d think her fans might have warned her to look out for the edge. Azalea must have been riding such a buzz to get totally caught up in her own rap lyrics and underestimate the length of the stage. Maybe stay in one spot next time, Igg!

#5 Madonna Remember when the Queen of Pop had her embarrassing fall from grace at the Brit Awards? It pretty much broke the Internet back in 2015 and countless memes now exist because of it. So what made it so meme-worthy? Let’s refresh. First off, it was Madonna’s first Brit performance in 20 years (unfortunate) and second of all, she fell from a pretty great height…backwards and in heels. Ouchie. Madge was wearing a long cape as part of her dramatic reveal, but she struggled to untie it in time, so when her dancers assumed it was loose, they yanked it and Madonna came tumbling down with it. Apparently, though, this could have all been her own fault. In true diva fashion, Madonna vetoed the original cape design of a hook and went with a tie instead (which she failed to undo with one hand). Never heard of “hoist by your own petard,” Madge?

#6 Michelle Williams Before Beyonce had her epic fall as a solo artist, her bandmate Michelle Williams had a pretty embarrassing slip up of her own. During a BET performance in 2004, the Destiny’s Child ladies were in the middle of dancing to their hit song “Soldier” when Michelle suddenly lost balance and collapsed to the floor. The funniest thing about poor Michelle’s tumble is the reaction from Beyonce and Kelly. They both briefly looked down at Michelle before carrying on as if nothing happened – they didn’t even help the poor girl up! More than a decade later, Michelle’s infamous fall has led some to believe that not all was rosy between the Destiny’s Child girls. (The look Kelly Rowland shot Michelle as she stumbled was pretty shady!). But this was probably just a case of being pros and letting the show go on – even if a member of your group falls embarrassingly hard on live television!

#7 Justin Bieber Of all the celebrity blunders on here, this is the one that I’ll admit taking the most satisfaction out of. Sorry die-hard Beliebers, but who doesn’t enjoy watching this jumped up little A-hole make a fool of himself? I’m only human. In this particularity epic stage tumble, Bieber was performing a duet with Carly Rae Jepsen while on tour in Canada when he took a little trip down the stairs. What’s worse is that the pair could be seen on about three large screens as well, so there was literally nowhere to hide. In what was probably intended as a flawless performance routine, the duo danced at opposite sides of the stage before meeting in the middle and dancing down a central staircase together. Embarrassingly for Bieber (and hilariously for the rest of us), Bieber not only stumbled on the steps but actually slid down a few on his butt. The fall probably hurt his ego more than his backside though. Get out the popcorn when you watch this one.

#8 Naomi Campbell You probably haven’t made it in the modelling world until you’ve had an embarrassing fall on the catwalk. It’s probably a badge of honour. We’re guessing Naomi Campbell didn’t see it this way though. The British supermodel had a spectacularly humiliating fall during a catwalk show in 1993. Campbell was modelling the latest Vivienne Westwood collection in Paris, when her absurdly high heels let her down in the worst way. Poor Naomi started off graceful but ended up looking like Bambi on the ice as she hit the floor. The towering platform heels that caused her cringey blunder have since gone on display in exhibitions in New York and Japan. Alas – thanks to YouTube – Campbell’s epic tumble will forever be on display too. Westwood, who designed the ill-fated shoes, said that “Shoes must have very high heels to put women’s beauty on a pedestal.” Your shoes could have Naomi on a hospital bed!

#9 Drake In a pretty ironic move, Drake took a tumble on stage while he was in the middle of performing his song “Take Care.” Drizzy might have heeded his own advice and taken care before he tumbled backwards halfway through his set! Admirably, he literally took the fall in his stride, since he turned his trip into a backward roll – prompting a lot of cheers from his fans. Leave it to Drake to try and make an embarrassing tumble look as smooth as his voice. In a double dose of irony, the lyric of the song that immediately followed his awkward trip and roll was “You’ve seen all my mistakes.” Yes, Drake – a packed stadium and around half a million YouTube users saw it. It’s a wise dude that learns from his mistakes, though, so hats off to Drizzy for keeping his cool and making the fall look like it was all part of his plan.

#10 Lady Gaga What do you get when you mix sky-high heeled boots with performing on top of a piano? A pretty painful and cringey stage fall is what. When Lady Gaga fell off her piano during a 2011 concert, she never let on how much the fall must have hurt her, but man it had to hurt! While performing her hit “You & I,” Miss Gaga decided it would be a good idea to place one heel on the piano keys and the other on the piano stool – what part of that did she think was a good idea? As expected, Lady G ended up doing the splits for a brief moment before landing in a heap on the floor. Of course – Gaga being Gaga – she tried to work the fall into part of her act and carried on singing underneath the piano. This isn’t the first time the daring singer suffered an embarrassing tumble due to high heels. A year before in 2010, Gaga fell flat on her face at London’s Heathrow Airport thanks to wearing ridiculously steep platform shoes.

#11 Meghan Trainor While dancing to her song “Me Too” on The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon, Meghan Trainor lost her balance in a pair of towering heels right at the end of a pretty epic set. In a delicious slice of irony, her song “Me Too” is all about self-confidence and the fact that, as the lyrics go “If I was you, I’d wanna be me too.” Sorry, Meghan, but not many of us would want to be you in that situation! Just seconds before the song ended, Trainor spun round for one last dance move, when she staggered and took the mic stand down with her. Cringe! Despite ending her sassy song with a pretty uncool and mortifying slip-up, she saw the funny side and so did talk show host Jimmy Fallon. As Meghan remained on the floor laughing it off, Fallon walked over to her and lay down next to her, just to make her feel less of a dork. Nice.

#12 Heidi Klum Not all supermodels fall over on the catwalk, as Heidi Klum proved during the 2008 Emmy’s. The gorgeous blonde model was being carried by co-host Tom Bergeron as part of a skit that went disastrously wrong pretty fast. Klum was pretending to swoon in Bergeron’s arms when he accidentally dropped her hard to the floor. The German beauty took a photo of her leg backstage which showed off a deep purple bruise at the top of her thigh – nasty! Apparently, a lot of the comedy routines that night were fairly unrehearsed and left the audience pretty unimpressed. Still, at least the Emmy’s crowd got to see an epic blunder! As a slender, 5 ft 9 supermodel, Klum doesn’t strike us as particularity heavy. Maybe the organizers could have hired someone a little stronger than Tom Bergeron to carry Klum out onto the stage. Heidi’s butt (and her pride) had to hurt for days afterwards.

#13 Demi Lovato Poor Demi Lovato just can’t catch a break when it comes to stage tumbles. The singer/actress has slipped up quite a few times while performing in recent years, falling over in two separate performances in 2015 alone! The 24-year-old was performing her massive hit “Cool for the Summer” at the Madison Square Garden Jingle Ball back in December 2015 when she tripped on a mic stand and fell flat on her back. She had just completed a 20 minute set of her songs too! Demi’s a class act though. She stayed on the floor and kicked her legs in the air in time to the music as if it was all part of the routine. It’s okay, Demi, we believe you. A few months before this slip, she had another stage dive at a summer pool party. She was dancing on a wet stage to “Cool For The Summer” and (unsurprisingly) slipped and landed pretty hard. Ouch. Maybe the song has some kind of curse attached to it?

#14 U2’s The Edge Living up to his name, U2’s lead guitarist The Edge walked a little too close to the edge of the stage one night and suffered a painful-looking (but pretty funny) fall. During the band’s opening night of their 2015 world tour, The Edge misjudged the actual edge of the stage and stepped off into the void which barely left the guitarist with even a scratch, despite how steep the fall was. In an interview about the blunder, The Edge explains how he lost sight of where the stage “edge” really was “Out of the corner of my eye, I could see the curve of the round and I thought I was already there. I stepped off on what I thought was the stage and I had basically cut the corner.” U2 drummer Larry Mullen joked that it could have been the shortest tour in history if the Edge’s injuries were worse. Lead singer Bono joked that he was looking forward to the idea of “days off.” Harsh!

#15 Rihanna Poor RiRi. This fall wasn’t just a little slip-up – she suffered an epic topple and ended up on her hands and knees! Rihanna had just kick started her Loud tour in 2011 when she took an epic tumble in high heels while dancing on stage. The beauty from Barbados was twerking and rolling her hips along to her hit song “What’s My Name?” when her heels tripped her up and caused her to go flying. Rihanna was dressed in a crop top and hot pants that showed off her gorgeous curvy figure, but there was nothing hot about her stage dive – that had to be super cringey! Luckily, Ri-Ri had a sense of humour about the whole thing and seemed to be laughing it off as she carried on with her dance routine. Falling on your hands and knees is never a good look (especially in front of thousands of fans), but at least she saw the funny side.

Source: TheRichest

[buddyrabrahams]

10 biggest storylines entering the NBA draft lottery

There is no spectacle in sports like the NBA Draft lottery. The NHL has a lottery of its own, but it only puts the top overall pick up for chance, and one hockey player typically provides less of an impact to his new franchise compared to a basketball player.

The lottery can change everything for a host of teams and players, in the matter of minutes, without a single basketball in play. Instead, ping-pong balls dance around and decide the fate of franchises in just a moment.

This year’s lottery has extra intrigue injected. Picks have been traded, protected, and designated for swapping. Some of the most high-profile teams and power players in today’s NBA will be watching with keen interest, ready to celebrate their chance to fish for a franchise player.

Here’s a look at the 10 most important things to know about Tuesday’s NBA Draft lottery.

1. The Lakers await their fate

No team has more on the line at the lottery drawing than the Los Angeles Lakers. The newly re-built front office will watch with bated breath as the franchise’s next three to five years hangs in the balance. Back in 2012, the Lakers sent a protected future first-round pick to the Suns for Steve Nash, pairing the two-time MVP with Dwight Howard and Kobe Bryant.

While that superteam floundered, the Suns would later move that pick in the four-team deal that saw Isaiah Thomas, Michael Carter-Williams, and Brandon Knight shipped to new teams. The Sixers, deep in the throes of asset acquisition, were happy to swap Carter-Williams for the promise of such a high pick.

The pick has stayed inside its agreed upon protections, and hence with the Lakers, every year thus far, but is in real jeopardy of heading to Philly this year. The Lakers keep the pick if it falls in the top three. There is a 46.9 percent chance that happens. The Sixers will get it if it falls fourth or higher. If the pick stays with the Lakers this year, the Sixers will receive the Lakers’ pick next year, completely unprotected.

To make matter worse for Los Angeles, that same summer in which they acquired Nash, they sent a future first-round pick to the Orlando Magic for Howard. That pick is scheduled to be sent to the Magic two years following the one sent to Philadelphia (due to the Stepien Rule, which forbids teams from trading consecutive first-round picks). Luckily for the Lakers, if they keep this year’s pick, the future selection owed to Orlando expires and becomes two second-round picks.

Best case for Los Angeles means keeping their pick this year and in 2019, but sending next season’s selection to Philadelphia (and doing everything to make sure it isn’t at the top of the draft).

It’s safe to say that ESPN’s cameras will be locked on Magic Johnson.

2. The Kings reap what they sowed

Meanwhile, up the California coast, the Sacramento Kings are in a similar situation.

In 2015, Kings general manager Vlade Divac made a trade with the Sixers that has already hurt the franchise, and the worst is yet to come. Looking to sign veterans like Rajon Rondo to please DeMarcus Cousins, Sacramento sent the salaries of Nik Stauskas, Jason Thompson, and Carl Landry to Philadelphia for two meaningless European stashed players. As compensation for taking on those salaries, the Kings also sent the Sixers a 2019 first-round pick (unprotected) and the right to swap picks in the 2016 and 2017 first rounds.

The Kings were lucky that the lottery balls kept them from swapping last year, but this lottery offers another opportunity for that trade to haunt Sacramento. The Kings have 2.8 percent chance of seeing their logo pop up from the lottery machine at No. 1, and would have to sadly turn over that top pick to Philadelphia. In any scenario in which the Kings jump ahead of the Sixers, the teams would swap spots.

Kings fans could be thankful that they at least will end the night with a top ten pick no matter what, but it would sting to lose that swap having reaped no benefit from it. Receiving New Orleans’ pick from the DeMarcus Cousins trade (if it falls outside the top 3) would help ease the burden a bit.

3. ‘The Process’ is trusted once again

After breaking down those first two scenarios, it’s pretty clear that the Philadelphia 76ers will be front and center at the lottery again this year.

The re-building Sixers will have a chance at two top-six picks (via their own and the Lakers) and beefed up chances at the top selection (via the Kings). With Joel Embiid and Ben Simmons both hopefully returning from injury, the chance to add a lot more talent at the top of the draft has Philly fans salivating.

With oodles of future picks down the line and movable young talent on the roster, the Sixers could be in play for trades in the days leading up to the draft. Contrary to the wishes of Process Trusters, that decision rests with current GM Bryan Colangelo, not the architect of this rebuild, former GM and cult-hero Sam Hinkie. Regardless, the Sixers front office and ownership espoused the value of adding more and more opportunities to acquire top line talent, and this lottery could bring those to Philly.

Sixers fans will cheer with gusto as their beloved Joel Embiid represents the team on stage at the lottery.

4. The Celtics sit on top

Further up the East Coast, the Celtics have benefited from a similarly beneficial trade.

In 2013, Boston traded Paul Pierce, Kevin Garnett, and Jason Terry to Brooklyn for an absolute warchest of future draft assets. The Celtics brought home three future Nets’ draft picks and the right to swap picks this year.

Making matters even sweeter, the trade proved to be a disaster for Brooklyn, who immediately swooned to the bottom of the league. Suddenly, just as Brad Stevens was developing the young Celtics into a playoff team, Boston would also have the chance to select at the top of the draft in Brooklyn’s place year after year.

While floundering teams going through half-hearted re-shuffling projects, the Celtics can draft like a team that has been tanking, without having to lose those games. If the Nets ping-pong ball jiggles to the top spot, this trade will go from an abject trainwreck to one of the worst deals in league history.

5. The Knicks’ chance to fix things

Despite the best efforts of the Lakers, Kings, and Nets, no franchise has been more publicly ridiculed or picked apart than the New York Knicks. Despite high profile names on the roster, like Carmelo Anthony, Derrick Rose, and Kristaps Porzingis, the Knicks won just 31 games and finished with the seventh-best lottery odds in the league.

As rumors swirl about virtually every Knicks player, coach, or front office member, the lottery gives New York a chance immediately turn things around.

Adding a star in the draft like Markelle Fultz or Lonzo Ball would erase worries about the fit, timing, and personalities of Anthony and Porzingis.

On the flip side, choosing seventh or eighth in this draft could be troublesome, with a collection of game-changing prospects that may not be available that late.

Most teams would celebrate nabbing a top-three pick, but the Knicks would breathe a sigh of relief.

Read Nos. 6-10 on Page 2

6. Can Minnesota get lucky again?

Every other team stuck in a series of lottery-bound seasons looks at the Timberwolves with envious eyes. A bit of luck and good fortune helped Minnesota survive without missing a beat when Kevin Love was sent to Cleveland.

After receiving top pick Andrew Wiggins from the Cavaliers, Minnesota won the lottery the following season and snagged promising big man Karl-Anthony Towns at the top of the 2015 draft. Despite that stockpile of young talent, the Wolves have yet to leap into the playoffs.

In a world of superstars and superteams, Wiggins and Towns will need help. Fans across the nation would gag at the sight of Minnesota landing another top pick, but that would turn the Wolves from a plucky upstart to a team actually capable of making noise this decade. The T-Wolves have a 5.3 percent chance of winning the top pick, and an 18.2 percent chance of securing a top-three spot.

7. Orlando starts a new chapter

Quietly, as high-profile clubs in major markets have plodded in squalor, the Orlando Magic have been one of the worst managed and mishandled franchises in the NBA. After struggling to take advantage of trading their superstar, Dwight Howard, Orlando has been rudderless for the last half decade.

The Magic had chosen in the top five in three straight drafts, until last June. The Magic swapped their first-round pick and Victor Oladipo for Serge Ibaka. The talented big man lasted only a few months in Orlando, and then was traded at the deadline to Toronto.

The path forward for the Magic is as cloudy as ever.

Aaron Gordon has shown flashes, but likely is playing out of position. Elfrid Payton is above-average, but flawed. Mario Hezonja has produced little to nothing in his first two years in the NBA. Star power is drastically absent from the Orlando roster, a problem solved by the bounce of a lotto ball.

Without luck at the lottery, things will likely stay dismal in Orlando. The Magic have a 10.3 percent chance of getting the top pick and a 33.4 percent shot at a top-three pick.

8. Phoenix needs some answers

Like Orlando, Phoenix has spent several seasons toiling at the bottom of the standings, making puzzling choices in the draft and free agency in efforts to build a better team. Looking for players, other than Devin Booker, who could contribute to a contending team on the Phoenix roster is a tough test.

Marquese Chriss, Dragan Bender, and Tyler Ulis leave something to be desired. Booker has shown that he can blossom into stardom. This lottery and draft cycle could present an opportunity to add another player capable of greatness. With that one-two punch, and fingers crossed for the futures of Chriss and Bender, Phoenix’s future begins to make a bit more sense.

Without the addition of a top pick, the Suns appear to be headed for mediocrity, with Booker flanked by question marks and uncertainties. The Suns do have strong chances at receiving a high pick in the draft. They have nearly a 20-percent chance at winning the top pick, and a 55.8 percent shot at a top-three pick.

9. Dallas looks for their next Nowitzki

Mark Cuban’s efforts to build a competitor since the Mavericks’ championship in 2011 have been scattered and futile. With Dallas star Dirk Nowitzki in the twilight of his career, the Mavericks are looking for a bridge to the next era in their history.

Harrison Barnes was swiped away from Golden State for a maximum price, but likely can’t be the centerpiece on a contending team. With some good fortune this week, he may suddenly look more attractive, paired with Markelle Fultz or Lonzo Ball.

Cuban has always turned his nose up at teams who tank. This year, as always, the Mavs did their best to fight for a playoff spot. If lottery luck has any shred of karma attached to it, perhaps Dallas can nab the next star it desperately needs.

Dallas has a 2.2 percent chance of winning the top pick and is more likely to end up somewhere around the 10th spot.

10. Flawed teams pray to the lottery gods

The last four or five teams in the lottery in any given year at least share one thing: a faint sense of hope. Unlike other sports where the top picks are automatically doled out to the worst of the worst, the NBA at least gives teams just outside the playoffs a prayer at a game-changing draft pick.

Detroit, Denver, Miami, and Charlotte each have shown something promising in recent seasons, but not enough to reach the playoffs this year or inspire confidence that they could contend any time soon. Each would jump for joy at the sight of their envelope being opened last during Tuesday’s lottery.

Detroit may be the most eager, with Reggie Jackson struggling to fit in the Motor City. Guards capable of being franchise players are available at the top of this draft. Pairing Fultz or Ball with Andre Drummond, Tobias Harris, and Kentavious Caldwell-Pope could turn the Pistons into a playoff team.

Shane McNichol covers college basketball and the NBA for Larry Brown Sports. He also blogs about basketball at Palestra Back and has contributed to Rush The Court, ESPN.com, and USA Today Sports Weekly. Follow him on Twitter @OnTheShaneTrain.

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[americanateurovision]

American “Experts” Weigh In

Melodifestivalen, Sweden’s annual selection for the Eurovision Song Contest, comes to an end on Saturday. Many Eurovision fans pay close attention to the happenings at Melodifestivalen, as Sweden is consistently a strong contender at the Contest. 

Your typical American doesn’t follow Melodifestivalen, or Eurovision, for that matter. But I am fortunate to have a small group of American superfans that spend their Saturdays with me, adhered to a broadcast of a Swedish television show.  

These American devotees share their thoughts on who should win Melodifestivalen this weekend, and go on to represent Sweden at Eurovision.

Lisa Ajax

I wish I could back Dinah Nah, but I simply cannot because of that pink shake-and-go wig she wore on stage. Granted, her recent legal woes probably kept her from having the time to find a decent lace front, but Dinah, honey, that wig cost you what would have been an inevitable victory! SO. This year's reigning supreme will be none other than the young ingenue, LISA AJAX. This girl is serving up everything I wanted from Melodi: a modern, catchy pop anthem, a bedazzled bra, simple staging, and an unnecessary raincoat. Lisa's provocative lyrics make a clear *STATEMENT* that stays with the audience and has the people singing along with her. Come on, Sweden, this is the moment that counts! #JusticeForLisaAjax -Sean Serluco

Charlotte Perrelli’s Broke Off, Dozed Off Air Guitar Playing

When the tens of American Eurovision fans heard the grande dame of schlager music was returning, we shrieked, "Props to ya, Mama!" When we heard she was doing an acoustic guitar ballad, it turned into, "Oooh, I have a thing during her performance"/ a convenient bathroom break. But those that gave up on her missed the true HERO of Melodifestivalen: Charlotte's immaculate guitar playing. 

Charlotte's song, "Mitt Liv" (translated: "Oh Dear God No"), was an artistic masterpiece. She must have been dreaming about pushing her hairline further up her forehead because her strumming did not even come close to matching the guitar in the song. She manages to strum three times slower than the guitar track and plucks only one string at a time, despite constantly changing multi-string cords with her other hand. Nothing says TRUE ARTISTE like faking instrumental talent. 

Some may criticize her for being so off, BUT THEY WOULD BE WRONG. It was a brave choice to interpret guitar-playing like she did, and the Swedes were simply not on her plane of existence. She was awarded dead last place in her semifinal, quite an accomplishment for a former champion. This result will surely go down as the worst outcome of voting in the past five years. 

No one else may want to, but TAKE ME TO YOUR HEAVEN with that guitar playing, Charlotte! -Sharif Shawki

Robin Bengtsson

As someone who generally orders food with an eye for the sides rather than the main, Robin Bengtsson’s “I Can’t Go On” is serving me up a pile of my favorite accompaniments on top of the open-mouthed cod entree that is Robin himself, and I am FEELING IT.

Robin has clearly learned from his first foray into Melodifestivalen last year that it’s going to take more than a harmonica to propel him to victory. 2016’s “Constellation Prize” and this year’s “I Can’t Go On” share some of the same catchy beats and themes, but the similarities stop there. “I Can’t Go On” is giving us MOAR on every level and hardly any of the improvements have to do with Robin as a human performer (aside from the fact that his prominent forehead line appears to have been quietly Botox’d away).

There are three major areas I’ve identified that make “I Can’t Go On” the standout entry of Melodifestivalen 2017, and the only deserving performance to move forward to the Eurovision competition in May.

Lyrics

Along with Lisa Ajax, Robin is breaking down barriers by throwing a couple casual “fuck”s into his mix. “Constellation Prize” gave us the standard fare of,

I'm breaking down the wall That you're a star But now I'm about to fall Because you are, 'cause you are beautiful Beautiful, babe

But “I Can’t Go On” goes edgy, with a tinge of porn, when he croons (open-mouthed and committed to continual emoji hands 👌 ),

I just can't go on no more, When you look this fucking beautiful Ooh hands down to the floor my love And I'm doing whatever you want

Staging

We get our first taste of the greatness to come when Robin and his gaggle of gays start walking it OUT towards a row of treadmills that will be their stage for the next three minutes. Immediately, they are posing, they are unbuttoning jackets, they are hair flipping, and they are giving us full and unadulterated crotch shots, all while constantly in motion.

The effect is incredible. The energy emanating from four queens feeling every oat on earth (plus Robin, I guess) is palpable, as they strut, swerve, and body roll their way through every rotation of the treadmill belt. Must be seen to be believed.

BACK. UP. DANCERS. 

Words cannot, and will never be able to, adequately describe how the addition of Daniel Koivunen to any performance elevates it into the realm of the supernatural. Daniel is 1/7th of Complete Dance Crew, but he may as well be the only dancer in all of Sweden.

While the other boys on stage do deserve some props, it’s difficult to see anyone else when Daniel winds it up and turns it out. All eyes are immediately drawn to his charisma, uniqueness, nerve, and talent. Points of interest to the unseasoned viewer come at 1:25 (second from front), 1:48 (full on everything), and my personal favorite, 2:34 (far right, giving the most).  

We’ve seen Daniel before alongside Dinah Nah and Anton Ewald, but his spotlight stealing performance in “I Can’t Go On” is reason #1 why Robin Bengtsson must be advanced to represent Sweden in Eurovision. This national treasure deserves an international stage.

In conclusion, “I Can’t Go On” is the one to watch during the Finale this weekend. It’s gay, it’s straight, it’s fun, it’s gross, and it’s giving me everything I’m looking for. ONWARD TO EUROVISION. -Anna File

De Vet Du

I have discovered, through writing these opinion pieces for my friend’s Eurovision blog, that I have a problem. And that problem is called Hot Guys™. I have written for this blog in the past, and at the time, I went against my personal views of having English-only Eurovision submissions in favor of hotness. This year is no different. Allow me to make my case for De Vet Du as Sweden’s entry for Eurovision.

De Vet Du is basically Sweden’s Lonely Island, BUT with a super Hot Guy ™ named DJ Hunk, who only appears topless. Let’s also say that this is a subtle knock against The Patriarchy, because I’m pretty sure that Sweden is woke enough to pull that off too.  

So here’s the brass tacks: I have no idea what’s going on in this song because it’s not in English. However, it contains some great things:  

Falsetto singing

Totally bizarre back-up dancers

A Volkswagen bug

A HOT GUY™ WHO IS ALSO SHIRTLESS

Some sort of joke about NASCAR

A reference to the 1997 movie, A Night At The Roxbury

Key change

They have pizza on their jackets, and pizza is the best

I want to see the Eurovision audience salivate over De Vet Du, as I have been for six weeks. This, sadly, is impossible because they did not make the final. However, this weekend, I WILL be screaming for De Vet Du like a teenager, as I was in the arena for their live performance (the author of this blog will attest to the veracity of that statement). I will continue to show it to people I work with, who have no idea what Eurovision even is. And I will watch it every night before I go to bed for... another reason.

ALSO FUCK SWEDEN FOR NOT ADVANCING LOREEN TO THE FINALS. -Ali Carney

Not Wiktoria

All signs are pointing to Wiktoria being crowned the winner on Saturday. May I use this time to appeal to you, Sweden? This is not the correct representation of Sweden as a nation. It is a girl in a periwinkle bridesmaid dress who sings around and on top of a bed. This is not the best you can do.

Sweden, your musical artists, writers, and producers are responsible for some of the biggest hits of the last few decades. Backstreet Boys, Britney Spears, Katy Perry, Rihanna, Lady Gaga, and Ariana Grande are just some of the recent patrons to your vast musical export market. International superstar and Swedish native, Zara Larsson, is performing at the Melodifestivalen final, in the interval act. Is this to invite comparison? “Look at what we can do, world... And look at what we’re sending to Eurovision!” 

Yes, Wiktoria is adorable. She’s charming and sings (mostly) well. “As I Lay Me Down” is catchy (even though it’s basically the same damn song as her entry last year). And I get it, you just shelled out 125 million krona (around $14 million USD) to host Eurovision last year, so you’re not eager to do it again. But please, let me implore you, pick Robin Bengtsson and his squad of vogueing treadmill dancers. Choose Lisa Ajax with her bejeweled rain poncho and potty mouth. Or, please, pick Mariette, because that is a Eurovision-ready entry. Send something that will stand out among the competition. Not Wiktoria. 

[writingsubmissions]

UFC Fight Night 106 Preview

WHAT'S HAPPENING: *Oh, if only UFC 209 had a decent main event. After a 2017 slate that has mostly been fine, UFC 209 was well on its way to being the first standout event of the year thanks to an exciting undercard filled with some interesting results. But that's pretty much out the window, since the main event between Tyron Woodley and Stephen Thompson was the worst UFC title fight in years, possibly ever. It's a testament to the weirdness of MMA that the same two guys, who, in November, had the standout fight on the most stacked card in UFC history, gave us whatever the hell this was just four months later. Thompson fought conservatively, which is fine, but given that Woodley has a somewhat narrow game consisting of takedowns and a strong right hand, Thompson didn't really give him many options in terms of doing anything. So the two just, well, didn't do anything for pretty much five rounds - Thompson controlled most of the fight, but didn't really do much in terms of offense, and while Woodley got a takedown in the third round, that was pretty much it. And in what seemed like the MMA gods mocking the fans who had sat through twenty-four minutes of a horrible fight, Woodley managed to turn things on in the last minute of the fight, blitzing Thompson and almost finishing the fight multiple times before the horn sounded. The consensus was that the fifth was a 10-8 round for Woodley, which, amazingly enough, meant that most people had the rematch as a draw, just like the first time around. But the judges awarded Woodley the decision, and while the chaos scenario of a draw in such a bad fight would've been amusing, thankfully this seemingly closes the book on Woodley/Thompson. I wrote last week that the great fight the two had was just the kind of performance that Woodley needed to legitimize his title reign in the eyes of many fans, but this undid all that and then some - Woodley's now got the rep once again as a boring fighter who probably doesn't deserve to be champ, and even worse, pretty much any exciting challenger is currently coming off a loss. Just a disaster all around. *Adding insult to injury, the other big title fight on the card wound up not even happening at all, as Khabib Nurmagomedov had weight-cutting issues and was sent to the hospital, cancelling his interim lightweight title fight against Tony Ferguson the morning before it was slated to take place. A lot of damning stuff about UFC and how they take care of fighters came out as part of this - the most egregious was Dana White apparently saying that UFC could've saved the bout if Khabib's camp had contacted them and not taken their fighter to the hospital. There's...really no way to make that sound good, and is pretty obviously just endangering one of their top fighters. Michael Johnson, who's responsible for Ferguson's lone UFC loss, was in Vegas and willing to step up on a day's notice, but Ferguson turned down the bout, mostly because UFC both refused to make Ferguson/Johnson a title fight, and offered Ferguson less money than he would've made against Khabib. So I have no idea where you really go from here, since it's unclear if Khabib has a future going forward at lightweight - and if he does and UFC wants to keep this pairing intact, they better do so quick, since Ramadan is coming up and would put Nurmagomedov out of action for a few months. Also swirling above all this is that this was theoretically going to determine a future opponent for Conor McGregor, and now that's out the window - plus if Khabib does in fact establish himself as the top lightweight contender going forward, McGregor now has the weight issues to point to as a reason to not to take the fight. Sigh. Just a disaster all around. *Well, enough negativity - despite the top of the card going horribly, the rest of UFC 209 was pretty damn fun, and the most notable result was probably Alistair Overeem scoring a third-round knockout of Mark Hunt. It was a surprisingly resilient performance from Overeem, who ate a bunch of hard shots from Hunt before coming back and finishing a fight that he was winning most of the way through. I have no idea where Hunt goes from here, given that he's lost two straight, is well into his forties, and is currently suing UFC, but Overeem might be the rightful top contender for the heavyweight title with Cain Velasquez seemingly eternally in surgery. The only problem is that Overeem just lost to title-holder Stipe Miocic in September, so Overeem will probably be the loudest guy cheering on Junior dos Santos when he fights for the belt in May, given that Overeem knocked out JDS in late 2015. *The other big name on the card, Rashad Evans, finally made his debut at middleweight, and...well, it didn't stem the downward tide of his career, as he lost a narrow split decision to Dan Kelly. It was a weird one - Evans looked in excellent cosmetic shape, but he just really never put his stamp on the fight; he hit some solid shots, but Kelly just kept pressuring forward and dictating the terms of the fight, and while I thought Evans won, it was one of those bouts that could go either way. It's a huge win for Kelly, an aged Australian judoka who nobody was expecting much from, and I have no idea where Evans goes from here - Kelly was about as good a style matchup that Evans could ask for as far as credible middleweights, and I don't really feel like seeing him get knocked out by other fighters in the division. *The rest of the card was highlighted by two of the more ridiculous comebacks in UFC history. Luke Sanders was handling Iuri Alcantara in a pretty one-sided fight until, for some reason, Sanders decided to knee Alcantara in the head while the Brazilian was obviously down, causing a halt to the fight and giving Alcantara time to recover and make it into the second round. From there, Sanders was still dominating, but then Alcantara rolled for a desperation kneebar that actually worked, earning a submission in what figured to be one of the better comebacks of the year...for about twenty minutes. That's because the next fight was stud Bosnian prospect Mirsad Bektic taking on veteran grinder Darren Elkins - and while it seemed absurd that Bektic was the biggest favorite on the card against someone as tough as Elkins, it looked pretty smart for most of the fight, as Bektic just repeatedly took Elkins down and absolutely mauled him. But Elkins was eventually able to stop one takedown, and that gave him enough of an opening to hit a punch and kick that sent Bektic crumbling to the ground, ass over tea kettle, for what's going to go down as one of the most memorable comebacks in the history of the sport. Ridiculous. *And there was more good stuff - the co-main saw Lando Vannata and David Teymur have a pretty great striking match for three rounds, with Teymur surprisingly getting the upset win in a fight that pretty much could've gone either way. This is really a fight where both guys came out of it the better, since Vannata was able to show off a lot of his funky offense, and Teymur obviously got a big win. With the cancellation of Nurmagomedov/Ferguson, a deep undercard bout between Amanda Cooper and the debuting Cynthia Calvillo was surprisingly promoted to the main card, but Calvillo looked excellent, exploiting Cooper's over-aggressive grappling game with some impressive submission work and eventually earning a quick choke. Marcin Tybura won a heavyweight bout over Luis Henrique that only I seemed to like, as it was a weird, sloppy bout where both guys had their moments. Tyson Pedro beat Paul Craig in a battle of light heavyweight unbeatens - Pedro's still raw, but the Australian seemingly has a ton of potential. Albert Morales won a fun decision over Andre Soukhamthath to open up the show, and in the one particularly bad undercard fight, Mark Godbeer just sort of cruised to a decision over the debuting Daniel Spitz at heavyweight. *Albert Tumenov signed with top Russian promotion ACB, continuing the trend that Nikita Krylov has seemingly started. Russian promotions have money and will pay huge for their local heroes, so as contracts come up and WME-IMG continues to try and run UFC on a budget, it won't be surprising to see all these Russian fighters leave UFC as suddenly as they all seemingly appeared. Welcome to the new normal. It'll be interesting to see if UFC still continues their plans to move into Russia in the coming year or two, since given the current environment, I really don't see how they're able to make it profitable. *Marloes Coenen retired after losing Bellator's inaugural featherweight title fight to Julia Budd. Coenen's pretty much the O.G. of female mixed martial arts, as the Dutchwoman was fighting in Japan as a teenager all the way back in 2000, but she never quite broke through stateside. Her two biggest fights were probably against Cris Cyborg in Strikeforce and Invicta, and, to her credit, she managed to last into the third and fourth rounds, respectively, before getting finished. Coenen had a brief run at bantamweight, taking the Strikeforce championship from Sarah Kaufman and defending it against Liz Carmouche before losing it to Miesha Tate, but after that she moved back up to 145 and was sort of on the outside looking in for major American MMA before Bellator picked her up. After seventeen years, retiring after this loss is probably the way to go, and since I've never heard anyone ever say a bad word about Coenen, hopefully retirement suits her well. *And let's end things, seemingly like always, with a flagged drug test. This time it's Ben Rothwell that's been flagged, and his UFC 211 bout with Fabricio Werdum is suddenly in doubt. Rothwell's had this issue once before, as he had a flagged test at UFC 164, which took place in his native Wisconsin. But Wisconsin pretty much let Rothwell off easy - Rothwell explained the test failure went back to some testosterone treatment he's been receiving ever since a car crash he was in as a teenager, and the state more or less let him off with only a slap on the wrist. So, maybe this has to do with that, and given that Cris Cyborg was able to get a TUE, who knows how USADA is going to treat this. ------ BOOKINGS: *UFC finally got around to announcing some big fights for that Kansas City card on Fox in April, and the promotion showed they're still capable of pulling the occasional rabbit out of their hat. Demetrious Johnson will attempt to tie Anderson Silva's record of ten UFC title defenses against Wilson Reis, who Johnson was scheduled to fight at UFC 201 this past July before getting injured. Johnson's expressed a desire to get the record out of the way before moving up to bantamweight or pursuing other challenges, so it'll be interesting to see where "Mighty Mouse" goes if he wins here and then gets one more victory (perhaps a long overdue trilogy fight with Joseph Benavidez?). Also added to that card is a pretty awesome middleweight fight, as Jacare Souza returns to face Robert Whittaker in what figures to be both Souza's toughest test in a while as well as the biggest fight of Whittaker's career. That said, it's pretty amazing that even if Souza wins here, he's still no better than third in line for a title shot, thanks to all the Bisping/GSP madness. *UFC really isn't screwing around with UFC 211, as they continue to stack the card up. After Demian Maia/Jorge Masvidal got announced for the pay-per-view in Dallas, there were some questions about if UFC would still throw the rumored Eddie Alvarez/Dustin Poirier fight on the card, but that bout did officially get confirmed even after some rumblings the fight was off. (As Alvarez tells it, he initially turned down the fight to pursue a bout with Nate Diaz, but when Diaz turned THAT down, Alvarez turned around and took the Poirier fight again, though there were rumors of Poirier being matched up with Michael Chiesa.) And 211 also got what figures to be two pretty solid undercard fights - top flyweight contenders Henry Cejudo and Sergio Pettis square off in what's a huge chance for Pettis, and former two-division WSOF champ David Branch makes his return at middleweight to take on rising Polish fighter Krzysztof Jotko. Adding to all this, there's some rumblings that the Khabib Nurmagomedov/Tony Ferguson fight may land here if Khabib thinks he can healthily make the weight cut - it'd give the card three title fights, which seems ridiculous, but given that Ramadan is coming up, options for a Nurmagomedov fight are limited. *UFC announced two more cards for June and July, as it looks like the promotion is deciding to run a bunch of shows abroad in mid-2017. On June 10th, UFC will return to Auckland, New Zealand - it'll be interesting to see who gets tabbed for a main event slot there, since the promotion typically relies on one of two guys; but Mark Hunt figures to be out with injuries sustained in the Overeem fight, and Robert Whittaker is fighting on that Fox card in April. UFC's first offering in New Zealand was built around James Te Huna, of all people, but given that this card is on FS1 and not Fight Pass, you'd expect something more credible. And on July 16th, UFC is coming back to Glasgow, Scotland, which is good news - in July of 2015, the company put on a card there with a Michael Bisping/Thales Leites main event. and the crowd was one of the best of the year. *Let's run through some of the other fights that have been announced. The Nashville card is shaping up pretty nicely, adding three solid undercard fights. Jake Ellenberger and Mike Perry square off in a battle of welterweight knockout artists, Joe Proctor moves up to 170 to take on Bryan Barberena, and in a pretty fun lightweight bout, Joe Lauzon returns to take on Scotland's Stevie Ray. With the Glasgow card coming up, a win here could put Ray in a pretty big fight come July. UFC 210 in Buffalo added an undercard bout between Mike De La Torre and Myles Jury, a former top lightweight prospect who cut down to 145, got tapped by Charles Oliveira, and hasn't been seen in about fifteen months. UFC's apparently seeking another main card bout for 210, but damned if I know what that could be at this point, since time is running out. Russian's Gadzhimurad Antigulov and Denmark's Joachim Christensen are facing off at UFC 211 in Dallas, which is strange, since UFC has a card in Europe just two weeks later. UFC 212 in Brazil added two undercard bouts - middleweight submission artists Antonio Carlos Junior and Eric Spicely square off, and bantamweight, and bantamweight Deiveson Alcantara, best known for a "pimp slap" KO that went viral, debuts against Mexico's Marco Beltran. And in an interesting booking, the May card in Stockholm adds Russian striker Mairbek Taisumov against Brazilian prospect Joaquim Silva. It's interesting because Taisumov had long been tied to a bout against former champ Anthony Pettis, a long overdue big test for the Russian knockout artist, who's been racking up win after win. But as fun as a fight against Silva is, this is a huge step down for Taisumov, and one wonders if UFC sees the writing on the wall with Russian fighters returning home and just doesn't see building Taisumov up as worth it. ----- ROSTER CUTS: 1) Albert Tumenov (17-4 overall, 5-3 UFC, last fought 10/8/16, L vs. Leon Edwards): As mentioned above, Tumenov signed with Russian promotion ACB, becoming the latest of what might set up to be a mass Russian exodus from American MMA. Tumenov had an unimpressive debut loss to Ildemar Alcantara, but rebounded to become one of the more exciting prospects at welterweight, showing off a brutal array of striking skills, highlighted by him absolutely melting Alan Jouban in October of 2015. That knockout really put Tumenov on the map, and a win over Lorenz Larkin kept that momentum going, but Gunnar Nelson eventually exploited Tumenov's fatal flaw - while the Russian's takedown defense was solid, if you were able to get him there, the fight was pretty much over, as Tumenov didn't really have a ton in the way of grappling skills. This past October, Leon Edwards was losing the fight on the feet, but got it to the ground and pulled off the same trick, and that seemingly cemented Tumenov's ceiling, at least in the short term. Tumenov's loss won't kill UFC all by itself, but given that it's just more of the promotion losing both Russian talent and exciting mid-card talent, it's not a great sign. ----- UPCOMING UFC SHOWS: 3/18 - UFC Fight Night 107 - London, England - Corey Anderson vs. Jimi Manuwa, Alan Jouban vs. Gunnar Nelson 4/8 - UFC 210 - Buffalo, NY - Daniel Cormier ( c ) vs. Anthony Johnson, Gegard Mousasi vs. Chris Weidman 4/15 - UFC on Fox 24 - Kansas City, MO - Demetrious Johnson ( c ) vs. Wilson Reis, Rose Namajunas vs. Michelle Waterson, Jacare Souza vs. Robert Whittaker 4/22 - UFC Fight Night 108 - Nashville, TN - Artem Lobov vs. Cub Swanson, Al Iaquinta vs. Diego Sanchez, Sam Alvey vs. Thales Leites 5/13 - UFC 211 - Dallas, TX - Stipe Miocic ( c ) vs. Junior dos Santos, Joanna Jedrzejczyk ( c ) vs. Jessica Andrade, Ben Rothwell vs. Fabricio Werdum, Demian Maia vs. Jorge Masvidal, Eddie Alvarez vs. Dustin Poirier 5/28 - UFC Fight Night 109 - Stockholm, Sweden - Alexander Gustafsson vs. Glover Teixeira 6/3 - UFC 212 - Rio De Janeiro, Brazil - Jose Aldo (c) vs. Max Holloway (ic), Claudia Gadelha vs. Karolina Kowalkiewicz ----- UFC Fight Night 106 - March 11, 2017 - Centro de Formacao Olimpica do Nordeste - Fortaleza, Brazil Well, UFC quietly put together a pretty excellent TV card here - while there's no particularly huge main event, if you threw a title fight on top of it, I could easily see this as one of those lower-level pay-per-views out of Brazil that, say, Jose Aldo used to headline. But in 2017, it's pretty rare to see a card this deep, so this is apparently the first sign the cupboards are getting close to re-stocked. In the top two fights, we have Brazilian legends trying to fend off up-and-comers (or, well, whatever you consider Gian Villante), and after that we just have a bunch of interesting action fights. Should be a good one. MAIN CARD (Fox Sports 1 - 10:00 PM ET): Middleweight: (#9) Vitor Belfort vs. (#10) Kelvin Gastelum Light Heavyweight: (#6) Mauricio Rua vs. (#12) Gian Villante Lightweight: (#5) Edson Barboza vs. (#9) Beneil Dariush Flyweight: (#3) Jussier Formiga vs. (#8) Ray Borg Women's Bantamweight: (#9) Bethe Correia vs. (#13) Marion Reneau Welterweight: Tim Means vs. Alex Oliveira PRELIMINARY CARD (Fox Sports 1 - 8:00 PM ET): Lightweight: (#11) Francisco Trinaldo vs. Kevin Lee Welterweight: Sergio Moraes vs. Davi Ramos Bantamweight: (#14) Rani Yahya vs. Joe Soto Lightweight: Joshua Burkman vs. Michel Prazeres PRELIMINARY CARD (UFC Fight Pass - 7:00 PM ET): Featherweight: Rony Jason vs. Jeremy Kennedy Middleweight: Paulo Costa vs. Garreth McLellan THE RUNDOWN: Vitor Belfort (25-13 overall, 14-9 UFC, 5-3 PRIDE, 0-1 Strikeforce) vs. Kelvin Gastelum (14-2 overall, 8-2 UFC): Oh, what a long strange trip it's been for Vitor Belfort. Belfort made his UFC debut all the way back at UFC 12 in 1997, and we've had iteration after iteration of the strangely charismatic, mentally fragile Brazilian legend. The most notorious of these versions, at least recently, has probably been "TRT Vitor", whose peak was 2013, where he knocked out Michael Bisping, Luke Rockhold, and Dan Henderson in fairly short order, all while looking way more jacked to the gills than anyone in their late thirties should, and all in Brazil, where drug testing at the time was suspiciously lax. After that, subtext became text, as Belfort apparently failed a random drug test in February of 2014, and Josh Gross did some excellent reporting about how UFC had pretty much swept Belfort's elevated testosterone levels for a 2012 fight against Jon Jones under the rug, but after about a year and a half of waiting, Belfort did eventually get a title shot at then-champ Chris Weidman, where he, well, suddenly looked like a late-thirties Vitor Belfort. Belfort actually shocked him early - "The Phenom" was always been dangerous in the first round, even in a diminished state, but Weidman was able to recover in fairly short order, and, as always, when things start crashing down at Belfort, they fall apart quickly, in this case for a first-round knockout loss. Belfort was able to rebound with another quick win over Henderson, but losses to Jacare Souza and Gegard Mousasi in 2016 were fairly rough, and it looks like without being able to use testosterone, Belfort is just circling the drain. And that's why I suppose this fight had enough risk/reward ratio for Kelvin Gastelum to try and stick at middleweight, rather than try another ill-fated cut to welterweight like he had threatened. UFC pretty much lucked into Gastelum, who came out of nowhere to upset Uriah Hall and win season 17 of TUF in 2013, when Gastelum was barely old enough to legally drink. And suddenly having a young star that, as a Mexican-American, could serve a potentially giant market, UFC did the smart thing and pushed him to the moon, with mixed results. Gastelum killed it early, with a winning streak that included guys like Rick Story and Jake Ellenberger, but his first fight in 2015, against Tyron Woodley, wound up being a bit of a disaster. Gastelum had enough trouble cutting weight that he had to be sent to the hospital, and in something that looks even more insane with time, UFC allowed Gastelum to return from the hospital and basically weigh in ten pounds overweight just so the fight could go on. Gastelum, unsurprisingly, looked terrible in the fight, and UFC basically punished him by forcing Gastelum to have a one-off fight at middleweight, where he finished Nate Marquardt. Then it was back down to 170, where Gastelum's momentum seemingly stalled with a close decision loss to Neil Magny, but a rebound win over Johny Hendricks seemed to have Gastelum as a top prospect once more...until he blew weight once again, forcing a fight at Madison Square Garden with Donald Cerrone to be called off. So, back to middleweight it was, and after some early trouble, Gastelum looked excellent in putting away Tim Kennedy, though he expressed a desire to return back to welterweight until this fight opened up. And Gastelum's not wrong for wanting to do so, provided he gets his diet under control, since he is fairly undersized compared to the top middleweights, but I don't really see that as much of a concern here. I mentioned before that Belfort has always, at the very least, been dangerous early, been in his last two losses, he hasn't even been that - it's basically been a decent feeling-out process, followed by Jacare or Mousasi getting the advantage and not really giving it up until Belfort is lying bloody on the ground. And, well, I don't see things going much differently here. If Belfort does have anything left, Gastelum's a bit of a slow starter that he could at least physically overwhelm, but outside of the early Hail Mary finish, there's really not a ton to recommend Belfort and this could turn into a mauling pretty quickly. I'll at least say Belfort survives into the second round before Gastelum gets some sort of stoppage finish, and honestly, I don't really know where either guy goes from there. Mauricio Rua (24-10 overall, 8-8 UFC, 12-1 PRIDE) vs. Gian Villante (15-7 overall, 5-4 UFC, 3-2 Strikeforce): A well-matched, but strange fight, as this one could go in any number of directions. I suppose late-career Shogun Rua hasn't gone quite as poorly as it could've - a former champion and legend of the sport, Rua was always pretty much dependent on his power and athleticism, and brutal knockout losses to Dan Henderson and Ovince St. Preux in 2014 suggested that as both of those fell off and Rua's chin seemingly went, he was falling off in pretty quick fashion. But Rua's been able to recover - I'm not sure he actually deserved the decision in either fight against Antonio Rogerio Nogueira or Corey Anderson, but looked solid in each fight, won both, and now, given the state of the light heavyweight division, is probably closer to a title shot than anyone would've figured. But first he has to get through Gian Villante, who'd be one of the more frustrating talents in the division if anyone had any faith left in him. It's easily to see why it was Villante, and not longtime friend Chris Weidman, who was considered the top prospect when both were coming up on the scene - Villante's a top-flight athlete going back to his days as a fringe NFL prospect, has some solid striking fundamentals and some knockout power. But Villante's badly lacking in all the stuff that's essentially not on paper - his fight IQ isn't the best, as he can easily be lured into brawls with guys he should be able to out-wrestle, and his fatal flaw is probably some ridiculously inconsistent defense; once Villante gets into a groove, he tends to kind of zone out on defense, at which point his opponents have been able to blast him - Tom Lawlor knocked him out in 2015, and in Villante's last fight, Saparbek Safarov, a trashy brawler who Villante should've easily beaten, even got a few good shots in after Villante was winning the balance of the fight. There's just a ton going on here - Rua's the better technical fighter, Villante's the better athlete, and while Villante theoretically has the power to knock Rua out, Villante's defensive lapses make it just as likely that Rua can turn around and do the same thing. Nothing here would really surprise me - I could see either guy knocking the other out (and knowing Villante, he'll probably be winning the fight if Rua knocks him out), or a decision that winds up being either a fun brawl or either guy just pecking at the other with leg kicks. I'll favor a narrow decision and say that Rua takes it, but this should be fascinating, even though I'm hesitant to say it'll be good. Edson Barboza (18-4 overall, 12-4 UFC) vs. Beneil Dariush (14-2 overall, 8-2 UFC): A really excellent fight here, between two former blue-chip prospects that are hitting their stride. Looking back, the hype train for Edson Barboza probably left the station a little too early a few years back - while Barboza did look awesome in destroying lower-level foes with his ridiculously fearsome kicking arsenal, including the most brutal leg kicks in the business, he did make his UFC debut only a year and a half into his career. So it's pretty understandable that Barboza has had a fairly rocky path - his memorable 2012 upset loss to Jamie Varner is still a bit shocking in retrospect, but you can see Barboza's slow ascent up the ladder, as while he continued to fall against top-flight opponents like Donald Cerrone and Michael Johnson, his wins were slowly getting better and better. After losing to Tony Ferguson at the end of 2015 in what was a pretty awesome fight, 2016 looks like it might be the year that Barboza finally broke through, as he pretty much handled former champ Anthony Pettis at his own game and temporarily sent him down to featherweight, and followed that up with a shellacking of Gilbert Melendez. So it'll be interesting to see how Beneil Dariush fares against him, since the California native is on a similar sort of career path. Dariush came into UFC as a blue-chip prospect, primarily thanks to an excellent BJJ career, but also suffered a shocking loss early in his UFC career, surprisingly getting starched by Ramsey Nijem in a 2014 fight in Abu Dhabi. But Dariush recovered and was reeling off a solid win streak - including an iffy decision win over Michael Johnson - before shockingly getting submitted by Michael Chiesa this past April; between that and the sudden comeback loss in the Nijem fight, whispers started that focus in the cage and overconfidence might start to be a problem for Dariush. But Dariush took a quick-turnaround fight against James Vick and knocked him out, and then scored a solid win over Russian prospect Rashid Magomedov to regain his momentum, and now he gets the toughest test of his career. The Magomedov fight might be instructive as far as how Dariush is going to approach this fight - Magomedov's a similarly talented distance striker as Barboza, even though Barboza throws a much higher output and is much more physically intimidating. Dariush was mostly able to hang on the feet - and his striking has been an extremely pleasant surprise as his UFC career has progressed - but succeeded a lot in just clinching up Magomedov and making it an ugly fight to win rounds. I could see that happening here - Barboza has struggled in the past with opponents who have pretty much ignored the risk of his power and kicks and just decided to pressure him - but Barboza's game feels like it's clicking as well as it ever has, and as I mentioned, Barboza's way harder to handle than Magomedov. I do expect Dariush to acquit himself well and make this what might be a surprisingly close fight, but I'll still take Barboza by decision. Jussier Formiga (19-4 overall, 5-3 UFC) vs. Ray Borg (10-2 overall, 4-2 UFC): One of these days, Jussier Formiga will get a flyweight title shot...probably. The Brazilian has been one of the top flyweights in UFC for as long as they've had the division, and seemingly every other top fighter has gotten a crack at Demetrious Johnson, but for whatever reason, the timing just never worked out for Formiga - he's just never been the best option available, and instead he's been the guy that John Dodson, Joseph Benavidez, and Henry Cejudo have had to beat to get title shots. But outside of those fights, Formiga has just kept plugging along, using his grappling-heavy style to send back all other comers. He gets another solid test here in New Mexico's Ray Borg, who at 23 years old remains one of the more intriguing young talents in the division, though as it seems with pretty much every flyweight nowadays, that comes with the caveat that he can actually make the weight. Borg had an impressive UFC debut at age 20, losing a narrow decision to Dustin Ortiz in a fight a lot of people thought he won, and then UFC brought him along slowly, pretty much allowing him to style out on some lower-level competition. 2016 figured to be a breakthrough year for Borg, but Justin Scoggins ended that fairly quickly, using his size to keep Borg at bay and win a decision, though then Scoggins was pretty much forced to move up to bantamweight because of said size. And, funnily enough, Borg blew weight for his follow-up bout against Louis Smolka this past December, so while Borg looked good in a big rebound win, his future in the division is now even more in question. It's a hard fight to call, mostly since I'm not sure how Formiga's game is going to play against Borg - Borg's striking is improving at a rapid pace, and while Formiga's one of the better submission artists in the division, Borg is both a solid scrambler and a pretty good wrestler, which matters even more since Borg actually figures to be the bigger, thicker guy here. I could look pretty dumb, since maybe Formiga's just that good and just takes Borg's back at will and controls most of the fight, but I'll actually take Borg to control most of the fight and take the win, even though I expect it to be a close decision. Bethe Correia (10-2 overall, 4-2 UFC) vs. Marion Reneau (7-3 overall, 3-2 UFC): Bethe Correia both probably deserves to be a punchline and remains quite underrated - while it's easy to make fun of her, since she basically looks and acts like a cartoon character, seems fairly delusional as far as her place in the division, and is, frankly, probably the worst athlete on the UFC roster, she's actually a pretty solid fighter despite all that. Correia started out fighting when she was training to lose weight while working as an accountant, which explains that lack of athleticism, but she's more or less become the best damn Bethe Correia she's ever going to be, since she's a fairly solid boxer who makes it work despite no physical gifts whatsoever. And as a result, her loss to Ronda Rousey is the only one where she's been blown out - though, amazingly, Correia seemed to have the right idea as far as boxing Rousey up, although the athleticism gap meant Ronda still destroyed her in half a minute - as her last loss saw her lose a narrow fight to Raquel Pennington. And that's really the tightrope that Correia walks - since she doesn't really have any sort of dynamism, her wins are pretty much destined to be decisions, and often narrow ones, since while she can win rounds, she can't really put her stamp on a fight. After beating Jessica Eye to stay afloat in the UFC, Correia gets an interesting test here in Marion Reneau, who's also probably done better than anyone could've expected on the big stage. Reneau, who's already in her late thirties, was deemed too old to be on the Rousey/Tate season of TUF, but eventually earned her UFC shot anyway and made up for lost time, destroying Alexis Dufresne and then turning around on short notice and getting a surprising submission of Jessica Andrade. But Holly Holm's boxing pretty much flummoxed Reneau and put an end to that run, and after what was more or less a robbery loss to Ashlee Evans-Smith, Reneau found herself on the cut line before getting a rebound win over Milana Dudieva. It's an interesting fight, particularly since Reneau figures to be the first opponent to really try and clinch up Correia and maybe take her down - outside of the Rousey fight, Correia has pretty much faced a steady diet of strikers, so we haven't really seen any sort of grappling game from Correia, and frankly, I'm not really all that optimistic that she has one. If Reneau just chooses to box with Correia, I see this as a pretty winnable fight for the Brazilian, but since Reneau seems to have more options than that, I'll favor her to win a decision, though like a lot of fights on this main card, it's a close one. Tim Means (26-7-1 [1] overall, 8-4 [1] UFC) vs. Alex Oliveira (16-4-1 [2] overall, 5-2 [1] UFC): I'm glad UFC ran this one back after a controversial no-contest last December, since it was a fun as hell fight on paper, was good in practice, and now might be even better with some bad blood. Tim Means has always been one of my favorite fringe-top fifteen guys; his story's great enough, as Means did a whole bunch of drugs, got shot, spent some time in jail and then turned his life around, but he still basically fights like the cage is a strip club parking lot, as he's a giant, mean dude who's quite liberal with throwing giant elbows and knees. And that made for a fun fight against Alex "Cowboy" Oliveira, who's been an interesting prospect - when he came into UFC, he figured to be a more of a striker, and he does have some natural fluidity there, but he's been at his best when he's been able to get his wrestling game going, as Oliveira basically just has enough farm strength to overwhelm and control most of his opponents. So the two fought at UFC 207, and the initial returns were pretty much the opposite of what I kind of expected - Oliveira actually got the better of things on the feet, landing a big kick to the liver that sent Means flying, but when things got into the clinch, it was actually Means who had the advantage, as he was pretty much able to power out of and reverse everything that Oliveira attempted. But then Means landed a knee to Oliveira's head while Oliveira had a knee on the ground, and then Oliveira pretty much oversold it in order to try and get the fight called a disqualification win for the Brazilian. And it probably should've been - Means apparently misunderstood the rule for a downed opponent, as while Oliveira was lifting his hand up off the ground, the supposed "three points of contact" rule doesn't actually exist - if your knee is on the ground, you're automatically downed. And while Means didn't properly understand the rules, he did fairly obviously intentionally throw the knee that ended the fight, which means it should have been a DQ loss. But the referee ruled the knee was unintentional - somehow - and we get a no contest, which hey, at least means we get to see this fight again, and now Means is pretty pissed that Oliveira tried to bullshit his way to a victory. It's as solid a matchup as it was the first time around, and like last time, I favor Means. Who knows if it holds, but a big takeaway from the first fight was that Oliveira won't be able to control Means in the clinch, which is somewhat unsurprising - Means is a giant welterweight, even if Oliveira does also have a huge frame for a former lightweight. And hey, maybe that won't matter - Oliveira did land by far the biggest blow of the first fight for as briefly they were striking with each other - but I trust Means's size and reach there as well, and say he wears down Cowboy and gets the finish in, say, the third round. Still, this is a sleeper choice for the best fight on the card. Francisco Trinaldo (21-4 overall, 11-3 UFC) vs. Kevin Lee (14-2 overall, 7-2 UFC): While this is a pretty fun fight, one wonders exactly what Francisco Trinaldo needs to do to get a big fight, particularly since he's already 38 years old. When he came onto the UFC scene via the first season of TUF: Brazil, Trinaldo figured to be a cult favorite in his homeland and not much else - he was a popular personality from his time on the show, but already an older prospect, and the thickly muscled lightweight's game didn't really seem to be much past trying to take his opponents down, clamp on some sort of choke, and essentially try to use his strength to squeeze their head off. But after a fairly middling start to his UFC career, Trinaldo was one of the more shining examples of a trend you can see with a lot of Brazilian fighters - once they get UFC money and can actually train full-time, improvement comes rapidly, and Trinaldo suddenly started showing a much-improved striking game, reeling off a seven-fight win streak. You would've thought a pretty great 2016 would've gotten Trinaldo a shot at a top fighter - he beat solid vets Ross Pearson and Paul Felder pretty handily, and had one of the more underrated fights of the year in an awesome brawl against Yancy Medeiros - but instead he serves as the big fight for someone else, in this case top prospect Kevin Lee. Lee is only 24, and quite fun, since, simply put, he's a bit of a motherfucker, calling out pretty much anyone he can over social media and always seeking to show the world how great he is. And after looking promising in a UFC debut loss to Al Iaquinta that was way too much, too soon, UFC's pretty much brought Lee along slowly (not unlike Ray Borg, who's fighting further up the card) and allowed him to develop his game and have a few showcases. Lee's overconfidence can get the best of him at times - Leonardo Santos got a stunning knockout win when Lee was pretty much caught with his hands down - but he's come along nicely, primarily as a powerful wrestler with some solid submissions in his bag. After beating Magomed Mustafaev, Lee called out pretty much the entirety of the Russian grappling community (since that's what Kevin Lee would do), which would've made for some interesting matchups, but instead UFC decided to give him Trinaldo. And I think it still might be too much, too soon - for as good as Lee's looked, there hasn't really been a ton of striking in his last two fights. Admittedly, he overwhelmed Jake Matthews quickly enough that there wasn't really the chance for much, and Mustafaev is much more dangerous on the feet, but I would've liked to have seen more from Lee standing since the Santos loss to be confidence he can beat someone like Trinaldo. I could see Lee having flashes of success going for the takedown - though Trinaldo's enough of a powerhouse that who knows - but I figure this to be a lot of Trinaldo just outboxing Lee and throwing a lot of stuff at him that the prospect can't yet answer. Still, it's a well-made fight, even if I'm pretty sure it'll be a clear decision win for Trinaldo and a marker of where Lee needs to improve rather than the crowning of a new rising contender at 155. Sergio Moraes (11-2-1 overall, 5-1-1 UFC, 1-0 Bellator) vs. Davi Ramos (6-1 overall, 0-1 Bellator): A funky little undercard fight with some potential to be interesting. Sergio Moraes probably has the most under-the-radar success in the UFC - he's been undefeated since his UFC debut, the TUF: Brazil middleweight final against Cezar Ferreira all the way back in 2012, but Moraes doesn't really get big fights or prominent spots, and isn't really talked about as any sort of contender. That's understandable - first, a string of injuries took Moraes out of action for pretty much two years, from 2013 to 2015, and killed any momentum his career might've had, and his wins are mostly either ugly or unmemorable affairs. The BJJ ace has rounded out his game with just enough striking to be dangerous, but still, Moraes's fights just sort of...happen, rather than impress. Here, he faces late notice replacement Davi Ramos, a fellow BJJ stud who's an interesting matchup thanks to those grappling credentials. Ramos had a long layoff of his own after a one-off loss in Bellator to David Rickels, but has impressed in his two fights since then. But Ramos is a natural lightweight and was small even there, so he figures to be dwarfed here by Moraes. I kind of have to favor Moraes by decision thanks to the size and experience advantages, plus Ramos only having about a week to prepare, but Ramos's striking is coming along well enough and both guys' skill-sets are similar enough that this could wind up being a fairly even fight. Still, that may not be the best thing, since I sort of see this as a fight where we just get two grapplers trying to kickbox for the better part of fifteen minutes. Rani Yahya (23-8 [1] overall, 8-2 [1] UFC, 4-3 WEC) vs. Joe Soto (17-5 overall, 2-3 UFC, 4-1 Bellator): I was going to say how impressive it was that Rani Yahya is still going strong at his age, but he's somehow only 32 years old - but still, it's impressive he's been doing this for fourteen years, given that he started shortly before his eighteenth birthday. Yahya's a weird fighter, a fireplug that pretty much just looked to wrestle foes to the ground and play the BJJ game with them, but it's been effective and somewhat entertaining - lately, UFC's basically just taken submission-based prospects and matched them against Yahya, and as a result we've gotten some fun grappling exchanges, all in fights that Yahya has won. But this time around, Yahya's facing Joe Soto, a well-rounded vet - a former Bellator featherweight champion, Soto had a weirdly memorable UFC debut; he was scheduled for an undercard bout in August of 2014 when Renan Barao had weight-cutting issues, so Soto got the call to fight bantamweight champ T.J. Dillashaw on just a day's notice. Soto acquitted himself well, making it to the fifth round before losing, but after losing two more fights, it looked like that might be the highlight of Soto's UFC career. But Soto rebounded with two wins, including a win over Marco Beltran where Soto took the fight on late notice and won via a sweet leglock, and he's finally carved out a niche on the UFC roster. Soto's a bit more well-rounded, and could win this if it turns into a striking match, but at this point I need to roll with Yahya, since I don't really see anything that suggests Soto can stop Yahya from dictating where the fight takes place. Like a lot of Yahya's recent fights, we should get some fun exchanges since Soto's quite savvy on the ground, but at the end of the day I'm taking the Brazilian by clear decision. Joshua Burkman (28-14 [1] overall, 6-9 [1] UFC) vs. Michel Prazeres (21-2 overall, 5-2 UFC): Well, UFC's apparently still in the Josh Burkman business, even though I'm not really sure what they see in him at this point. Burkman definitely earned his way back into the UFC with some big wins in WSOF, but his second tenure has been a whole bunch of nothing - a 2015 fight with Patrick Cote was a surprisingly fun loss, and Burkman followed that up by cutting down to lightweight and getting a lackluster win over K.J. Noons, but every other fight Burkman has been in has been a boring loss, and we're six fights in. But whatever, Burkman's back for another shot after losing two straight, and he faces Brazil's Michel "Trator" Prazeres, who's had a surprising amount of success. Prazeres is extremely short and stout for a lightweight, and as one would expect, he's pretty much just a power grinder, which has worked, including a surprising win over Mairbek Taisumov that keeps looking better as time goes on. And Prazeres's last fight, against Gilbert Burns, showed that Prazeres also has some solid defensive wrestling - Burns, a BJJ ace, kept trying to get things to the ground, but Prazeres prevented him from doing so and pieced up the top prospect with a solid striking game. Shockingly, I actually think Burkman has a shot here given the size difference, but I'll still take Prazeres to win the decision, since I just sort of trust him to, well, do more stuff, as Burkman can be fairly inactive at times looking for an opening. Either way, neither guy is particularly exciting, so this may be your window to take care of some other things. Rony Jason (14-6 [1] overall, 4-3 [1] UFC) vs. Jeremy Kennedy (9-0 overall, 1-0 UFC): A really interesting fight here, since both guys get a big chance to prove themselves. Rony Jason was the featherweight winner of TUF: Brazil 1, and figured to be the biggest star coming off the show, but his UFC tenure has been a mixed bag - Jason got some impressive wins early, showing both some dangerous submission skills and knockout power, but Jeremy Stephens absolutely wrecked him, and since, Jason has been pretty much been trading wins and losses, with a suspension for a failed drug test causing a year-long layoff in between. After weirdly getting thrown in against fringe contender Dennis Bermudez and losing rather handily, Jason looks to rebound against Jeremy Kennedy, one of the more intriguing entrants in UFC's recent wave of Canadian signings. Kennedy has one of the better nicknames on the UFC roster - "JBC", thanks to his love of Wendy's junior bacon cheeseburgers - and has an intriguing skill-set, as he's tall and long for the division and has some solid grappling, but is mostly known as a striker thanks to his time training in Thailand. It's hard to know what to make of this one, mostly since Kennedy is still sort of an unknown - again, striking is apparently his strong suit, but he spent most of his UFC debut just grinding out Alessandro Ricci, which was a smart move since Ricci's striking is also the best part of his game. But given that Jason's a completely different style matchup, who knows what Kennedy will bring and if his striking is up to snuff. With Kennedy being a question mark, I'll just sort of rely on Jason's dynamism to get the job done here - I'll say he gets things to the ground and clamps on some sort of submission in, say, the second round, since that's the best part of his game, but if Kennedy's striking game turns out to be legit, it wouldn't surprise me if he just outboxed the Brazilian for three rounds. Paulo Costa (8-0 overall) vs. Garreth McLellan (13-5 overall, 1-3 UFC): Paulo "Borrachinha" Costa didn't make much of an impression on TUF: Brazil 3, but he rebounded fine after not getting the UFC call, continuing where he left off, as all eight of Costa's pro MMA wins are by knockout. That eventually earned him the call here, about three years later, and he faces South Africa's Garreth McLellan, who surprisingly got another shot with the promotion. McLellan's faced the same problem as a lot of his countrymen, as well as guys from some other countries, in the UFC - on their local circuit, guys like McLellan are the best wrestlers around, so they have those skills as a bit of a fallback, but at the UFC level, pretty much everyone has a plus level of grappling, negating that failsafe and basically causing the games of guys like McLellan to completely fall apart. Still, if nothing else, McLellan is ridiculously tough, so while Costa figures to be able to tee off on the South African at will, if he doesn't have much of a gas tank or much in the way of other skills, McLellan's more than capable of just hanging around enough to eventually take advantage. Still, I'll call for Costa to eventually wear McLellan down and stop him in the third round, but at this point, anything past round one is more or less untested waters for the Brazilian.

[poweredbydietcoke]

My favorite books of 2016

(~3500 words, 10-15min read)

As I was thinking back on 2016 over the holidays, I decided to go re-read my notes from all of the books I read this year (a total of 48 books—4 audio books, 5 “tree books”, with the balance on Kindle, and 3 of them were repeat reads) and see what I had learned (or simply enjoyed) … then it seemed easy enough to write it up. Rather than a generic top-ten, I picked my favorite twelve just because, and all by themselves they came out with an interesting blend of topics. My favorite quotes are in block quotes below the book.

Normal Accidents by Charles Perrow - originally recommended to me by Ryan Barrett, this classic engineering tome holds up well in theory (if not in the examples he chose), and is a fantastic reminder to anyone building (or operating) complex systems … which these days, is basically all of us. TL;DR the more linear you can make a system (interactions flow one direction in a well-defined path, instead of complex where everything interacts with everything else), and the more loosely-coupled you can make a system (with buffers and room for slack to ensure errors are isolated to one part of the system, rather than tightly-coupled where an error in system 1 immediately spills over to system 2), the safer and more reliable the system will be. 

the characteristics of high-risk technologies that suggest that no matter how effective conventional safety devices are, there is a form of accident that is inevitable.

If interactive complexity and tight coupling—system characteristics—inevitably will produce an accident, I believe we are justified in calling it a normal accident, or a system accident. The odd term normal accident is meant to signal that, given the system characteristics, multiple and unexpected interactions of failures are inevitable.

computers are more reliable than pneumatic controls.

A note on the terms “complex” and “linear” is in order. It is difficult to find precise terms that are also brief; I have opted for brevity. “Complex” should read “interactions in an unexpected sequence”; “linear” should read “interactions in an expected sequence.”

tight coupling is a mechanical term meaning there is no slack or buffer or give between two items.

Tightly coupled systems have more time-dependent processes: they cannot wait or stand by until attended to

Straight to Hell by John Le Fevre of @GSElevator fame - this one can best be described as a guilty pleasure, but it’s funny (and inappropriate) as hell. It’s one banker’s memories, likely exaggerated for good measure, of his time in New York, London, and Hong Kong. Definitely not appropriate for kids.

Who by Geoff Smart - originally recommended by my friend Jordan Burton, and then a number of other people, this is probably the book I’ve gifted most widely this year. Like many “practical” “business” books, it could probably be half the length and just as good, but it lays out a fundamentally useful (and from first principles) approach to evaluating people for the purposes of hiring. TL;DR it emphasizes the importance of functional scorecards (rather than vague, useless, traditional “job descriptions”), well-defined interview objectives, and behavioral interview techniques to increase your chances of hiring well. 

Part of successful hiring means having the discipline to pass on talented people who are not a fit

Jonathan Livingstone Seagull by Richard Bach - recommended by my coach Chris Holmberg, this is the closest I got to philosophy this year (that I actually enjoyed), but it was fantastic. Basically, a fable about a seagull learning to fly, and while all the rest of the seagulls just want to “fly to live”, Jonathan wants to “live to fly” and learn everything he can about flying, just for flying’s sake. I certainly haven’t absorbed all of the learnings, but it’s a very rewarding read on multiple dimensions. 

He spoke of very simple things—that it is right for a gull to fly, that freedom is the very nature of his being, that whatever stands against that freedom must be set aside, be it ritual or superstition or limitation in any form. “Set aside,” came a voice from the multitude, “even if it be the Law of the Flock?” “The only true law is that which leads to freedom,” Jonathan said. “There is no other.”

“Why is it,” Jonathan puzzled, “that the hardest thing in the world is to convince a bird that he is free, and that he can prove it for himself if he’d just spend a little time practicing? Why should that be so hard?”

Manna by Marshall Brain - I don’t remember who recommended this to me (maybe Ryan?), but it was a fun pair of short stories on the best- and worst-cases of our future robot overlords. TL;DR don’t kick the robot dog on Youtube (LINK), because its descendants will probably retaliate. But seriously, very quick read and thought-provoking, even if it does diverge into utopian ... "hopefulness." 

The Other Side of History by Professor Robert Garland - recommended by Cornell professor David Collum (whose end-of-year essay my dad passed on last year and I quite enjoyed...warning it's not for the faint of heart or easily offended), this was the first Audible audiobook I listened to … and it was fantastic. An engaging series of lectures based on the premise that most of history studies the heroes, the royalty, the “influential figures”, this would instead cover all of the nameless, faceless people that history generally glossed over. What was it like to be an Egyptian peasant during the reign of the Pharaohs? Or an Italian shopkeeper during the time of the Medicis. 

Living with a SEAL by Jesse Itzler - recommended by my colleague Steve D’Angelo, this book is another easy/quick/fun read. Based on the premise that the author hired a former Navy SEAL to come live with him for a month and train him (for fitness), it’s an amusing tale of “you can do a lot more than you think you can,” peppered with quotes of “SEAL says …”. Some highlights:

“I don’t stop when I’m tired. I stop when I’m done.”

“It doesn’t have to be fun. It has to be effective.”

I found out SEAL once entered a race where you could either run for twenty-four or forty-eight hours. Shocker: SEAL signed up for the forty-eight-hour one. At around the twenty-three-hour mark, he’d run approximately 130 miles, but he’d also torn his quad. He asked the race officials if they could just clock him out at twenty-four hours. When he was told they couldn’t do that, he said, “ROGER THAT,” asked for a roll of tape, and wrapped his quad. He walked (limped) on a torn quad for the last twenty-four hours to finish the race and complete the entire forty-eight hours. “When you think you’re done, you’re only at forty percent of what your body is capable of doing. That’s just the limit that we put on ourselves.”

Open by Andre Agassi - recommended by my old roommate Tricia Lee prior to my first-ever trip to Wimbledon, this was a great autobiographical account of one of the great legends (and characters) of tennis, including all of his ups and downs. 

The scoreboard said I lost today, but what the scoreboard doesn’t say is what it is I have found. Over the last twenty-one years I have found loyalty: You have pulled for me on the court, and also in life. I have found inspiration: You have willed me to succeed, sometimes even in my lowest moments. And I have found generosity: You have given me your shoulders to stand on, to reach for my dreams—dreams I could have never reached without you. Over the last twenty-one years I have found you, and I will take you and the memory of you with me for the rest of my life.

Turn the Ship Around by David Marquet - recommended by Robert MacCloy, this was the other contender for my most-gifted book of 2016. From the email I sent to our executive team: 

It’s the story of a USN captain assigned to command the USS Santa Fe, one of the latest of the 688-class nuclear attack submarines, and how he guides it from one of the worst-performing submarines in the fleet to one of the best. Let’s start with the metrics he chose — not only performance evaluations during exercises, but also the promotion rates for the crew, and how many of them went on to bigger and better things in the Navy (captaining their own ships, etc). And what’s even cooler, he focuses on what happens to those numbers *ten years* after he has left command; it’s about building a system that runs itself, not simply about him being awesome. 

He, and the crew, affect this change largely through adopting his philosophy on leadership (which he calls “leader-leader”, in contrast to “leader-follower”) … this matches very well with my own personal philosophy, only he has thought about it a lot more, written it down, and is probably way better at it to boot. :) 

First, a few observations he makes about leader-follower. It’s great when you wanted physical labor from people, and didn’t need to harness everyone’s intelligence. But it tends to suppress people thinking for themselves the farther down the chain they get. Even when it works, it leads to personality-driven leaders (and organizations) that fall apart when leaders leave. There are no checks and balances (he tells a great story about an order he gave, by mistake, which is a physical impossibility and yet was relayed all the way down the chain of command “because he said so”). And finally, he points out that to scale this type of organization demands incredible stamina from the leader(s), who must be everywhere all the time to make sure things don’t fail. 

In contrast, leader-leader is the idea that each individual in the organization has both the responsibility and the authority to do his or her job. This doesn’t mean there’s no org chart / structure (it’s the Navy, after all!), but that the default assumption is that each person does his/her job and his/her manager will only step in when things go totally wrong. Put differently, “don’t move information to authority — move the authority to the information.” The person closest to the work is probably the right one to make the decision. I could write a few more paragraphs on specific learnings and stories but I’ll leave it for you to discover, and/or maybe discuss in the future. Instead I’ll leave you with one major change he made in his organization which, while we’re way less formal, I think makes sense for us as well. Instead of the classic “sir, I request permission to…”, everyone on the Santa Fe says “I intend to…”, and one of the captain’s goals is to go as long as possible saying only “very well.” This means that the crew plays “a game” of providing just the right level of information upwards in any decision to allow the approver to decide it’s the right action (without needing to ask a lot of questions back). 

And the Weak Suffer What They Must by Yanis Varoufakis - I think I first heard about this book from dad; it’s a fun, opinionated (even if I don’t agree with a lot of them) account of the Euro crisis by Greece’s short-term finance minister, starting from before Bretton Woods and going to the present day, and closing with a chilling personal warning about the rise of the Golden Dawn party in Greece and what he believes is a return of Nazi-ism across Europe. As with many political economic texts, I found it hard to separate fact from opinion (there’s an immense amount of “X caused Y”), but the perspective is interesting and certainly credible. 

“Gentlemen, for years you have been disparaging our stewardship of the postwar global financial system—the one we created to help you rise up from ashes of your own making. You felt at liberty to violate its spirit and its rules. You assumed we would continue, Atlas-like, to prop it up whatever the cost and despite your insults and acts of sabotage. But you were wrong! On Sunday, President Nixon severed the lifeline between our dollar and your currencies.4 Let’s see how this will work for you! My hunch is that your currencies will resemble lifeboats jettisoned from the good ship USS Dollar, buffeted by high seas they were never designed for, crashing into each other and, generally, failing to chart their own course.”

looking through Keynes’s papers and books at King’s College, Cambridge, I noticed a copy of Thucydides’s Peloponnesian War in the original ancient Greek. I took it out and quickly browsed through its pages. There it was, underlined in pencil, the famous passage in which powerful Athenian generals explained to the helpless Melians why “rights” are only pertinent “between equals in power” and, for this reason, they were about “to do as they pleased with them.” It was because “the strong actually do what they can and the weak suffer what they must.” ... “those who find themselves in the clutches of misfortune should . . . be allowed to thrive beyond the limits set by the precise calculation of their power. And this is a principle which does not affect you less, since your own fall would be visited by the most terrible vengeance, watched by the whole world”

So what did these Bundesbank men do? In a move more reminiscent of a banana republic than a European democracy, Germany’s central bank engineered a sharp recession to oust the government.

Volcker symbolizes the self-confident American policy maker whose greatest fault is an unquestioning conviction that what is good for the United States is good for the world; a weakness compensated for with an astonishing capacity to look into the future and distinguish between that which is desirable from that which is feasible.

If the budget goes into a deficit exceeding the Maastricht Treaty maximum of 3 percent, the commission begins to issue warnings that can eventually lead to sanctions. Usually this triggers a long negotiation between the member-state and the commission that becomes the subject of lengthy Eurogroup meetings, leading to some additional austerity for the country in question plus a great deal of creative fiddling with its macroeconomic accounting.

The Seven-Day Weekend by Ricardo Semmler - another recommendation from Chris Holmberg, this could be quite simply described as the hippie version of Turn The Ship Around. :) A discussion of Semco, a reasonably large and successful company in Brazil which eschews all traditional management structures in favor of complete “use your best judgement”. Both are somewhat light on tactical explanations of how this actually works, and strong on the reasoning behind “why”, but clearly there’s something here (and clearly it resonates with me!) 

“Sometimes I sits and thinks, sometimes I just sits.” —Satchel Paige

To put it another way, people who have learned to answer e-mails on Sunday evenings also need to learn how to go to the movies on Monday afternoons.

We brainstorm up to ten years into the future, but we only write down the next six months, a process that guarantees freedom. Besides, every one-year plan that I see has all the good things happening in the second half.

It’s hard for a leader, especially a charismatic one, to avoid becoming synonymous with the company in the eyes of employees and the public. Equally harmful is that leader who believes all the hype and equates himself with the company. To avoid this trap, I believe a dedicated leader must physically distance himself from day-to-day company workings and continually decrease his influence.

I also want my customers to depend on the company, not on me. I learned this maxim from a client who owned a large chain of diners and bought his dishwashers from us at a heavy discount. He was a ferocious bargainer and often tried to go up the corporate ladder for even more rebates. When the unit general manager passed him on to me, I listened at length to his tale of loyalty and commitment. When he finished, I asked him the size of his current discount. I expressed utter shock at the size of his discount (shock akin to that felt by Claude Raines that there was gambling at Rick’s place in the movie Casablanca), but immediately promised to honor it and also have a stern talk with the manager who’d authorized it. The customer hung up, relieved that he could keep the same deal, but knowing that deeper rebates were unlikely. After I’d done the same to a half dozen customers, they stopped calling me.

How did he keep his job when his official forecasts were so off the mark? “Ah,” said the man with silver hair and thick eyeglasses, “I have the right to be wrong, but only so long as I am precisely wrong!” Talk about Alice in Wonderland–style logic!

As an IBM CEO once put it, “We only restructure for a good reason, and if we haven’t restructured in a while, that’s a good reason.”

Algorithms to Live By by Brian Christian - this was a book that kept popping up enough I finally had to read it (first Lizzie, then Scott Cannon, and so on from there)…and it was totally worth it. The basic premise is “what do computer science algorithms look like when applied to life?”, and it a) largely jibes with the way I think about my life, b) is a great reminder and exploration of new stuff, and c) is quite entertaining. Think the optimal-stopping problem applied to apartment searches or dating; explore/exploit applied to trying new restaurants; etc.

I find that the three major administrative problems on a campus are sex for the students, athletics for the alumni, and parking for the faculty. —Clark Kerr, President of UC Berkeley, 1958–1967

A similar insight might help us resist the quick-moving fads of human society. When it comes to culture, tradition plays the role of the evolutionary constraints. A bit of conservatism, a certain bias in favor of history, can buffer us against the boom-and-bust cycle of fads. That doesn’t mean we ought to ignore the latest data either, of course. Jump toward the bandwagon, by all means—but not necessarily on it.

When we start designing something, we sketch out ideas with a big, thick Sharpie marker, instead of a ball-point pen. Why? Pen points are too fine. They’re too high-resolution. They encourage you to worry about things that you shouldn’t worry about yet, like perfecting the shading or whether to use a dotted or dashed line. You end up focusing on things that should still be out of focus. A Sharpie makes it impossible to drill down that deep. You can only draw shapes, lines, and boxes. That’s good. The big picture is all you should be worrying about in the beginning.

The world’s most difficult word to translate has been identified as “ilunga,” from the Tshiluba language spoken in south-eastern DR Congo.… Ilunga means “a person who is ready to forgive any abuse for the first time, to tolerate it a second time, but never a third time.”

Now is better than never. Although never is often better than right now.

I’m an optimist in the sense that I believe humans are noble and honorable, and some of them are really smart.… I have a somewhat more pessimistic view of people in groups. —Steve Jobs

the value of a stock isn’t what people think it’s worth but what people think people think it’s worth. In fact, even that’s not going far enough...We have reached the third degree where we devote our intelligences to anticipating what average opinion expects the average opinion to be. And there are some, I believe who practice the fourth, fifth, and higher degrees.

James Branch Cabell: “The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds; and the pessimist fears this is true.”

NB: once again, all links are Amazon Affiliate links ... any affiliate fees go to the charity of my choosing, right now Wounded Warriors.