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[sweetpea-sprite]

magical classism/fantasy politics: the megapost

[ID: a screenshot of cassiopeia casting the manna in ni no kuni: wrath of the white witch. overlaid on top of the image is impact font text which reads “this will affect the / engineering industry i think”. end ID]

good evening everyone. i’m ruby sweetpea-sprite. i’m so fucking normal about ni no kuni’s fake politics. i refuse to be the only one so here i am creating a megapost about every little piece of lore about it so that others can join me. if you’re new here: um. welcome. kublai was a diversity hire. more on that later!

for a summary: non-magical people have been oppressed since nazcaa fell, due to sages being in power and refusing to let them develop their own technology, as they “believe it to be against the gods” (and want to keep their societal power). this, ultimately, culminated into a large reason why lucien became shadar and banned magic. the goal of this post is to compile evidence for these events like some kind of fictional history lesson. it is a long fucking post.

this post will be in sections because it’s a long fucking post. recommended reading before we start, though i will be including quotes so you don’t gotta (though tbh you should read the tales of wonder anyway. for fun): the tenth tale of wonder, the flying machine.

have fun!

part one: the wizard’s companion

this first section is going to be the longest section because there’s so much shit in this fucking book dude. okay. don’t expect all of these sections to be this long the wizard’s companion is just fucked up

if you’ve just come back from reading that tale of wonder. hi! how was it. do you believe me yet

if you did not read the tale of wonder: just so you know, the wizard’s companion is bigoted.

i want to preface this section with this is not horace’s fault i promise. almost certainly, the wizard’s companion has been updated over the ten thousand years since it was written, and nazcaa has various attributes that mean there is no way anyone from there wrote this stuff (more on this later) - even excluding the fact that, you know. we actually have a timeframe for the tenth tale of wonder taking place (as the drawings the man sees are implied to be leonardo da vinci’s flying machine sketches) and it is decidedly not nazcaan times.

whoever the sages were who updated the wizard’s companion, however. well they weren’t great. to summarise: they wanted to keep their place in society and keep it WELL, by suppressing all knowledge of technology ever.

let’s start with the tale of wonder. the tenth tale of wonder, the flying machine, is about a man who goes to ichi no kuni (oliver’s world, for those who don’t know) and discovers sketches of a flying machine done by a painter. he then traces those sketches and brings them back to build the contraption - however, he is stopped by a sage. the entire tale is like this, understand, which is why i recommend reading it, but here are some choice quotes, from pages 300-302 of the companion:

“Using a machine to achieve something that should only be achieved using magic is akin to poisoning this world. “Poison!? Why is it like poison?” “Magic may only be used by those who possess a pure heart and who have undergone the proper training. Wizards borrow some of nature’s power and use it to humans’ benefit. Only those with a pure heart, one uncorrupted by evil, are able to do this. Using machines to triumph over nature is not the behavior of the pure-hearted.” Now, what the sage meant was that anyone could use a machine to manipulate nature--even the untrained and the evil. Machines gave ordinary humans powers that only gods and wizards should have.

“Esteemed Sage, wasn’t magic originally intended to make our lives easier? If machines achieve the same effect, why shouldn’t we use them?” “Because machines can be used by the wrong people, for the wrong reasons,” replied the sage impatiently. But the young wizard was undeterred. “I have been to the other world, and I know how things work there. They have people called ‘scientists’--they are the ones who make the machines--and they work miracles! They are capable of mixing iron with other rare metals to create things called ‘alloys’ which are strong enough to plough even the rockiest of soil. You cannot deny that farmers’ lives are much easier as a result! “Surely you do not believe that all ‘scientists’ seek to improve people’s lives?” the sage snapped back. “Do you not think, perhaps, that some of them wish to use their machines to control people--to bend them to their will?” The young wizard was speechless for a moment, but he soon found his tongue again. “Couldn’t the same be said for magic? Aren’t there some people who seek to use magic to increase their own influence?”

so you can see where i’m coming from.

the comparisons to poison. putting wizards on the same level as gods. stating that only those with a pure heart are able to use magic (blatantly untrue). magic as a sacred thing that cannot be defiled. “Do you not think, perhaps, that some of them wish to use their machines to control people--to bend them to their will?” the sage says, while clearly controlling what non-wizards do with their resources. this tale is directly written on the side of the sage; at the end, when the young man finally builds a cloud sweeper, the final paragraphs say this:

Indeed, he was too captivated by the scenery to spare a thought for the effect his new magical machine would have on the world. Had he known what impact it would have, you can be sure he would not have been quite so elated!

what impact?? there’s no impact i can find. cloud sweepers just exist. they help non-wizards travel. the only impact it could possibly be referencing is perhaps the start of people making more technology, inspired by this guy’s cloud sweepers. which, yeah. i guess the wizard’s companion would be upset about that.

technology, and wizards shunning it, is a large part of the wizard’s companion. this tale is the most egregious example, but there are more areas if you know where to look. we’ll come back to the tale of wonder in a moment, but for now, on the topic of cloud sweepers and how much the sages hate them, take a look at the first means of transportation section - page 129.

Non-wizards have long been forced to rely on vehicles to carry them to their destinations. This section aims to introduce some of the more common modes of transportation currently in use. All wizards are advised to read the information contained herein, for one cannot predict when circumstance--nixing, dismemberment, or wand loss, to name but three--might necessitate the use of such infernal contraptions as those here described.

note the PHRASING. non-wizards are forced to rely on vehicles. dismemberment as one of the circumstances, like you’d have to lose an arm to even consider this. and the most damning - “infernal” contraptions. they fucking hate these things

after that introductory paragraph, it does not get better: it goes on to describe cloud sweepers, in a rather bitter tone:

Wizards, of course, do not require magical assistance to fly through the air. Indeed, in times gone by, wizards would not have countenanced travel by any means other than broom. Alas, the age has changed, and now young wizards insist on using half-magical, half-mechanical contraptions known as “Cloud Sweepers.” Cloud Sweepers require only the merest dash of magic to get them off the ground, meaning that inexperienced magic users--and even non-wizards!--are able to ride them with gay abandon.

and even non-wizards! it says, with shock and horror. dear god... who let the non-wizards travel quickly and safely. this is going against the laws of nature

outside of cloud sweepers, in the second means of transportation section, this continues. with... boats. BOATS. THEY MAKE FUN OF NON-WIZARDS USING BOATS!!! PAGE 147:

Non-wizards rely upon ships to carry them across the world’s oceans. Indeed, many dream of owning their own vessels, imagining the “freedom” this would offer them.

freedom is IN QUOTES. THEY’RE MAKING FUN OF YOU FOR YOUR LITTLE BOAT RIDES!!! in all seriousness, these authors genuinely view non-wizards as inferior. they believe they will never have true freedom; always confined to the vehicles they’re allowed to make, the restrictions on which are defined BY THE SAGES. it’s kind of ridiculous.

obviously, all of this is awful. in the tale of wonder quotes i showed earlier, you can see a sage demanding that a non-wizard get rid of all of his sketches of technology. we can likely assume this was common practice back then, that sages simply had the power to do such a thing - or maybe this man was more dedicated than the rest (he had to be to actually build a da vinci flying machine when da vinci was still alive...) and they decided they had to put an end to it.

however, this kept happening. the tale continues on to say that other people, too, went to ichi no kuni and came back with stories of machines they saw there. how did they go, you might ask me. non-wizards can’t cast gateway.

there was a tunnel between worlds.

THE SAGES SEALED THE TUNNEL BETWEEN WORLDS TO KEEP PEOPLE FROM BRINGING BACK TECHNOLOGY THAT WOULD HELP THEM.

PAGE 302:

The sages realized that something must be done, because technology from the other world was threatening to ruin the balance of their own. They decided to seal the tunnel to the other world, to ensure that the place of magic within society was never threatened again. Now, visiting the other world was not completely forbidden--why, powerful wizards could still cast the spell known as “Gateway” and travel to the other world any time they pleased!

seriously they sealed the tunnel between worlds, knowing that only they would be able to access ichi no kuni. this is a fake world with fake politics and i’m pissed off about this. they wanted non-wizards to have as little power as possible.

this is, unfortunately, not the end of this section. there is one more very large thing about the wizard’s companion and this topic, that i’ve been consciously leaving out:

the sages hate technology. every section on technology is written in a bitter tone... except when they are talking about military, or already existing militarised things.

page 129 (means of transportation part one, cloud sweepers):

To give credit where it is due, certain enterprising engineers have gone so far as to attach guns to the front of their Cloud Sweepers, allowing them to attack enemies while in mid-air--a recognised limitation of the traditional wizard’s broom.

page 130 (rare weapons and armor - yes this is the page right after the one where they insult cloud sweepers):

Such items include pistols that allow one to open locks from a distance, and harps that attack one’s enemies when plucked. Should you be fortunate enough to come across such rare items, do not be afraid to use them on the field of battle. A wizard has nothing to fear from material objects.

page 147 (means of transportation part two, porco grosso):

The latest rumors emanating from the factories of Hamelin surround a battle tank known as the Porco Grosso. This leaked image--depicting the tank’s designers, the Porco twins, standing next to their creation--is the only evidence of its existence. The Porco Grosso is believed to be capable of scaling vertical walls and attacking an entire battalion of enemy troops with a single volley.

page 329 (regions of the world, hamelin):

The citizens of Hamelin are united both by their inquisitive natures and their desire to support and protect their empire. As a result, large-scale magi-scientific military projects are quite normal. Such projects are always kept top-secret, of course, butt rumors suggest that Hamelin’s latest development, the Porco Grosso tank, is several leagues ahead of any weapon in the other nations’ respective arsenals.

A wizard has nothing to fear from material objects. lol. lmao

all of these quotes are entirely neutral or positive about these developments. this edition of the wizard’s companion was published at the very start of shadar’s reign, likely before he began properly enforcing the magic ban. on hamelin’s page, the only technology talked about is that of military value; it’s likely safe to assume any other technology was forbidden.

...more on this later... haha...

part two: the implications

“the implications” of course being various things in game, and how they affect the characters. now that you know the general situation regarding non-wizards, you might ask me. ruby. how in god’s name did this start?

...well, we don’t know for sure. and it could very easily be as simple as “wizards have power and it developed from there”. but i have a theory.

nazcaa, as it happens, was very magi-scientific. we know this because have you ever been attacked by a magimech. i have. it’s fucking terrifying. those bitches were these people’s FAMILIARS!!! nazcaa was around during the age of sages, also known as the sagely stone age, when people were experimenting with stones, discovering the power behind them (maybe i should make a lore post on rocks)! no one was restricted! magi-science was HAPPENING. the wizard king was well known for being equal, to the point of choosing his stone guardians to represent humans, animals, and creatures.

and then, of course, he was assassinated.

and then, of course, his daughter cast the forbidden spell, and doomed nazcaa entirely.

my theory is that nazcaa was somewhat of a trailblazer for this stuff (the MAGIMECHS) and that when it was destroyed, people saw their technology as the thing that cursed them. the wizard’s companion describes nazcaa as a legend; how did the destruction of a kingdom that large not make it into history books? easy: no one knows what happened. but they can guess - and my guess is that they thought their technology went against the laws of nature, and therefore the gods. over thousands of years, this translates into nazcaa being forgotten, but the idea of that still lingering. obviously, this is a theory, and isn’t actually confirmed. but it would make a lot of sense, right?

that’s nazcaa; let’s talk about more modern-day things. for example, khulan and kublai.

even without dotdd confirming it, we can assume xanadu was pretty magical. it was run by a great sage and it fucking floated. it was magical. when kublai was hired, it was a highly magical palace of a highly magical kingdom; he is non-magical, to the point where in dotdd, he uses cloud sweepers, in a clear showing of his divide from wizardry. his position in the xanadu army was... i mean i already said it at the top of this essay: he was a diversity hire.

this is why khulan and kublai’s relationship was such a well-guarded secret. have you ever wondered why in god’s name they were so secretive about it? it’s THIS. are you kidding? the implications of a great sage and a non-wizard sky pirate...

while on the topic of kublai: in dotdd, there’s a little secret cave, called the “sky pirate’s hideout” (different to the one in wotww; kublai’s hideout in dotdd is called dragon’s den) in which you find ghosts of a long lost magic pirate crew from hundreds of years ago. most of it isn’t relevant to this post, but the ghost at the entrance directly scoffs at kublai’s pirate crew for not being able to use magic:

“Using magic to move a huge ship, we were a great pirate crew that controlled the seas around the world!“ [Drippy] “Never saw you lot. Though there is a Pirate King [Kublai] who flies the sky.” “Hmph. The pirates here are small fry compared to the olden days. I guess it’s because they’ve lost their ability to use magic. How pitiful they’ve become.”

it’s a neat little insight into how wizards from before shadar’s reign viewed non-magical people - and a neat little insight into how kublai was likely viewed when hired by the xanaduvian palace.

now that that’s done. here’s the big one:

hamelin.

gascon as well, in a moment. but for now let’s talk about hamelin as a city. now that we know all this, we can pretty easily make some assumptions about hamelin: before shadar’s reign, they were making military weapons and military weapons only (supported by the fact the wizard’s companion still describes hamelin as a “seat of scientific and magical learning”). during shadar’s reign, they may have gone a little too crazy; now that the sages are no longer in power, they’re experiencing an industrial revolution on such a large and fast scale because now they can actually make machines that aren’t. guns or tanks. and they already have the knowledge to do so because they’ve already been making guns and tanks. hamelin is on top of large mining deposits - clear by the mines and quarries everywhere on the pig iron plain - and they’ve already been making the aforementioned guns and tanks, so their tech evolves first.

(xanadu was on an island right next to autumnia; i wouldn’t be surprised if the iron wyvern came out of hamelin.)

they build a roof over the city. we know from dotdd that the primary reason for this is to protect them (likely from shadar, who is right next door), but it may have also been to keep the rain out of their engines. they don’t think about the consequences - they don’t KNOW about the consequences until they have to name a chest disease hamelin heart, a name, again, from dotdd (love that game), because the smog clouds the city.

(according to dotdd, hamelin was the smallest of the cities on autumnia before shadar took over. now it’s the only one standing.)

now. gascon. gascon is the most obvious piece of evidence for this entire thing, considering his lack of magic is a large plotpoint. it seems like even though hamelin as a city has been largely letting go of all of this, in favour of technology, the noble class has other ideas - they want to keep magical superiority alive, so much so that they refuse to have a non-wizard on the throne. even though gascon is good with machines - he gives you a blueprint for a gun he designed! - and would currently be a better fit for the throne than a great sage with no mechanical knowledge, he’s unable to ascend the throne because he can’t do magic. hamelin is a mechanical empire, no one is allowed to use magic ANYWAY, and gascon isn’t allowed to ascend the throne.

genuinely i wish marcassin’s brokenhearted plotline focused more on his ability to run the kingdom; the person who was meant to and was better fit for the job left him on account of the pressure from the sages, after all. he’s doing his best. he really is. but considering he IS a great sage, and most of marcassin’s education likely revolved around that instead of anything his kingdom is known for (seriously. isn’t it crazy that hamelin is the only one of the three kingdoms run by a great sage? that it has a law on it? ...more on this later)... he is not the best for the job is he. yet even if gascon didn’t run, from what we can tell from what swaine says about the situation, marcassin would have become emperor in his place anyway.

this shit runs DEEP.

part three: lucien

this is the big one. why did lucien, as shadar, ban magic? well i hope that now that you’ve read the rest of this post you can infer why, but the answer is easy: he wanted to stop the oppression of non-wizards, by taking away the power the sages wielded. but it’s actually a lot more personal than that. a lot of this section will be going into one of dotdd’s dlc quests, in which this is essentially spelled out for you.

because, according to this dlc quest: lucien did not grow up practicing magic.

in this quest (really series of quests. there’s three of them), you meet three of lucien’s friends from when he was in the army. they’re ghosts, of course, but they’re unable to move on because they feel guilt for not standing with lucien when he turned traitor. they say, very directly:

“A long time ago, Shadar wasn’t even able to use magic.” [Esther] “Seriously? Shadar. The Dark Djinn. One of the most powerful wizards ever, and you’re saying he wasn’t always able to use magic?” [Swaine] “But... If he couldn’t use magic, how was he able to join the battle mages?” “He didn’t want to join the battle mages. He thought that he would be just a normal soldier, given that he was a young man from Halcyon. But, even though he couldn’t use magic, he was made the attendant of a battle mage magimech.” [Oliver] “Magimech?” “He was a soldier whose job was to make synthetic stones. He knew how to hit the enemy hard, but he broke himself in the process of making our weapons. He was a support worker for those who were on the front lines. Lucien was right in the middle of all that, and I think that’s where he became interested in magic.”

so just to be clear. lucien was originally not a soldier in this war. he was an engineer who made weapons (because he wasn’t allowed to make anything else) who then began fighting after he became interested in magic. not only that, he was an apprentice of some kind to a MAGIMECH. are you kidding.

(speaking of. this is very similar to a certain someone in motorville.)

later on in this quest, you find lucien’s diary - kept safe by the magimech he attended - which details his contempt for living in a magic-driven world:

Magic is to blame, if anything... I won’t ever forgive anyone who uses magic spells to harm another person. If there were no magic in this world in the first place... then we wouldn’t have such horrifying wars, either. There is no place for me in this terrifying world. Even if my existence was suddenly extinguished, I don’t think that even my friends would miss me... or notice. But, the innocence of all the people caught up in this world of magic keeps eating away at me. I want to devote myself to protecting innocence. And I want to leave this diary for my friends to read, one day. I will hide it away somewhere no sane person would ever look for it, and I will entrust it to the custody of a guardian. If ever there is a person who reads this diary... I hope that they are a person who holds the same convictions and hopes for the future of the world that I do.

we all know lucien’s motivations for becoming the dark djinn: he wanted to put an end to the wars that seemed to run rampant throughout the world (hell. if you look at some of the dialogue from king tom and cowlipha lowlah, there’s still animosity between the three kingdoms.) so he became the sole target. and i mean. crazy fucking plan but it worked! the world is a lot more peaceful now than in lucien’s age! i don’t condone the murders but he did kind of fucking do it is the thing!

but why did he ban magic specifically? why were there wars in the first place? here’s my second theory of this post: the wars were between sages.

they’re using magic to fight. they’re using armies to attack each other. why ARE military inventions praised so highly by sages, when they have magic that can do much of the same? because their armies can use them. the target in rubicon when lucien betrayed his army was a sage - alicia’s parent. If there were no magic in this world in the first place... then we wouldn’t have such horrifying wars, either.

the sages like the invention of weapons that non-wizards can use so that those non-wizards can fight their wars for them. hamelin’s law that only a great sage can run the kingdom makes a lot more sense when you consider it’s not only for a class boundary, but for control.

the, now rather obvious, reason lucien banned magic was to get rid of the power imbalance; he took down all of the sages who were oppressing non-wizards, he stopped the wars they caused, he forced them to adapt without magic because they couldn’t defeat him. and. again it worked! hamelin is expanding, the al mamoon army uses cloud sweepers now, khulan and kublai are together... things are better! despite the horrors! the world of ni no kuni, as it is in game, is in a very specific position - where shadar has now managed to achieve his aim - tipping the scales so that non-wizards are no longer oppressed. clearly, there’s still some way to go, but it’s a good damn start.

but his job is done; there’s no need for him anymore. the wars are over, the world is almost peaceful again - the last thread tying it to that time is shadar himself. and i mean he did murder and break the hearts of a lot of people also. for the world to be truly peaceful, he needs to be defeated.

and isn’t it poetic that the pure-hearted one, he who will drive out the darkness. is a kid from motor city who likes building cars and didn’t know magic existed until he was thirteen.

Using machines to triumph over nature is not the behavior of the pure-hearted.

imagine how pissed off these sages would be. they come out of hiding after shadar has been defeated like finally! the place of magic within society has been restored! we will now start banning technology again and the pure-hearted one is sitting there like why would you do that :( they’re so cool :(

THEY WOULD BE SO ANGRYYYY it would be so funny. they can’t even fucking say anything. he’s a great sage’s son. he’s from detroit. they’ve been waiting for this powerful wizard to show up to defeat shadar so they can get their world back and he turns out to be a Mechanic. from Another World. full of CARS. AND HE’S THE SECOND COMING OF THE WIZARD KING. IMAGINE.

part four: conclusion

this is where i leave you. with the knowledge that oliver’s existence is driving magical bigots batshit. good for him

thank you for reading this 4500 WORD JESUS CHRIST???? essay. if you have any questions or comments feel free to leave them in my askbox. i fucking love politics that aren’t real in any shape or form and i also love other things about ni no kuni too so you can ask me anything about it.

i hope you get it now.

[nevertheless-moving]

I posted 162 times in 2022

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I tagged 139 of my posts in 2022

Only 14% of my posts had no tags

#star wars - 68 posts

#murderbot - 21 posts

#nevertheless meta - 17 posts

#my au - 13 posts

#kenobi spoilers - 12 posts

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Longest Tag: 136 characters

#if you ever feel like singing or danceing or drawing or any of the things you really truly dont have to be good at them for it to be fun

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

1,026 notes - Posted February 14, 2022

#4

today we celebrate Esther for being nasty hot and sleeping with the right dude. thank u for risking your sugar daddy and also your life. from the bottom of my heart, you fucking rock. now, please join me in doing a shot in her honor.

1,178 notes - Posted March 16, 2022

#3

sorry not sorry but murderbot dropping ‘i was going to kill all humans until i saw sanctuary moon and then i decided i’d rather watch that instead’ on the sanctuary moon team like a space future atom bomb is exquisite.

assistant sound director going home like ‘yeah your other son might be a doctor but guess who stopped a mass murder?’ a couple lead actors developing even worse diva/god complexes than they already had. the insane stress on the production team ‘if we don’t get the next season out when we promised it might snap and kill thousands of innocent people. it probably won’t. but it might.’ the overwhelming preening desire to work it into ad campaigns, acceptance speeches, casual brunches, etc, balanced out by marketing weeping ‘people do not like SecUnits! we can NOT advertise ourselves as the preferred serial for serial killers!’ crossed with that one extremely paranoid dude in accounting going ‘shutupshutup it can and will hear you and it can and will find you and it can and will kill you stoptalkingaboutit.’ the studio allocating a 5% budget increase for next season instead of the planned 5% budget decrease just—just in case. the odd relief the secondary love interest’s actor feels: ‘well when the robot revolution comes i’ll be one of the last to die’. the odd nervousness the primary antagonist actress feels: ‘it knows this is fiction right? it’s not mad at me, right?’ One of the writers who had been increasingly phoning it in over the last few years suddenly quitting drinking and turning their life around because their work has meaning dammit their work has MEANING.

1,898 notes - Posted February 7, 2022

#2

alright so people learn to express themselves through observation, right? it’s one of the reasons facial expressions and perception there of vary country to country, why people might end up more expressive/stoic depending on your parents/guardians pattern of behavior. and murderbot didn’t acculturate itself watching people around it, it hates watching real people. murderbot developed it’s sense of self watching soap operas. tens of thousands of hours of soap operas. We already know it’s face is painfully easy to read, and while murderbot attributes it to not having practice controlling it’s expression without the benefit of armor:

Then she added, “You know, you can stay here in the crew area if you want. Would you like that?” They all looked at me, most of them smiling. One disadvantage in wearing the armor is that I get used to opaquing the faceplate. I’m out of practice at controlling my expression. Right now I’m pretty sure it was somewhere in the region of stunned horror, or maybe appalled horror.  Mensah sat up, startled. She said hurriedly, “Or not, you know, whatever you like.”  I said, “I need to check the perimeter,” and managed to turn and leave the crew area in a totally normal way and not like I was fleeing from a bunch of giant hostiles.

I would argue that it’s not just lack of practice being neutral—due to it’s particular set of formative experiences, it’s default facial expressions are, in human terms, almost absurdly overexaggerarated. That look of horror is the same one the sanctuary moon terraforming supervisor had when she discovered her twin sister was sleeping with her second husband, and they were both planning on framing her for the death of the colony representative.

2,308 notes - Posted February 25, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

There is — god I don’t know how to put this — there is something profound and tragic and senseless in the fact that the disappointment I feel in JK Rowling so closely mirrors the disappointment Harry and the rest of us felt for his role models. Dumbledore saved the world, Dumbledore was manipulative. Snape was cruel, Snape protected Harry. The Marauders bullied, the Marauders loved. 

Rowling’s failure of empathy and the hurt she’s inflicting cuts so deep because I feel immense, inescapable love for the world she gave us all. How can I still love what comes from someone hateful? How can I stop? If I continue to sing praises of her art does that make me hateful?

Stories are important, especially the stories we’re told as children. They shape our character, they form the framework of how we understand the world, they do. And Harry Potter was the story, it can not be understated, and those of you who feel the same don’t need me to explain. And now when I lean on that to understand this sorrow I’m left with a recursive sort of remorse.

It’s a very raw and painful feeling.

3,052 notes - Posted January 1, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[rhinco]

for emerys: alone, betrayal, fear, secret :3

i thank you for the ask and then i kill you. swiftly

Brief context on Emerys (she/they/he) for the uninitiated (everyone except 2 people): she's a sharkfolk (half ghost shark, which is a chimera not a shark, but falls under the umbrella enough anyway), immortal, and has the ability to 'keep' secrets. If someone confides in them, Emerys will keep their secret, and it will become significantly harder for anyone else to find out what the secret is.

alone: How does your OC deal with loneliness? Have they ever been completely alone before? How do they act when there's no one around to see them?

Oh man. Not fucking well dude.

I think the time Emerys has been the most completely and utterly alone was after Thera died and Em's mother betrayed him and basically framed her for Thera's death (hey nice segue into the next question, I'll get back to that).

He spent a long time traveling in a half-alive state, resorting to forcibly taking secrets from people to stay strong, and was very very alone. She deliberately avoided getting close with anyone or staying in one place for too long, scared of losing someone close to them again. She was like this for around ten years until he met Balt and started working as her assistant in the archive on the Victoria.

They felt alone again after Balt died, but it was a different type of loneliness, and at least she had other people at that point, even if he didn't go to anyone for help.

betrayal: Has your OC ever been betrayed by someone they thought they could trust? Has your OC ever betrayed someone who trusted them?

Yes and yes <3 as said previously, I think the biggest betrayal against Emerys is easily her own mother framing them for the death of her girlfriend to save her reputation. I don't think Emerys necessarily fully trusted Petra at that point, but she did have some level of trust that at least Petra would stick by her own daughter's side instead of. Well. The horrors.

As for betraying someone who trusted them. Insert AITA for helping my partner's boyfriend hide the fact that he's going to die from our partner and everyone else etc. I'm especially ill about this because Sander (albeit unintentionally) recreated the exact situation Emerys was in with Thera before she died, saying 'hey I'm going to die soon and I don't want anyone to know because I don't want everyone to grieve me before I'm dead, I want the time I have left with them to be happy' and despite how badly it ended for them last time she can't say no. He knows it isn't what Igna or anyone else would want but she decides to take that burden on for Sander anyway, knowing that Igna might not forgive her for this.

fear: What is your OC's greatest fear? What do they do when confronted with it? Are they open with their fear, or do they hide it away?

These questions are all linking to each other nicely actually. Due to aforementioned events Emerys's biggest fear is losing the people she loves, and I think currently that mostly applies to Eri and Ada, partially because they're her kids, but on top of that they're both very mortal and pretty much everyone else Em has close attachments to is immortal.

And this links to his other biggest fear, which is that she's going to end up like her mother. She wants to be a good mother so desperately but especially at first a lot of their parenting decisions come from doing the opposite of what Petra would do. She's gonna learn eventually that she already isn't like his mother, just because of the simple fact that Emerys loves her kids unconditionally.

secret: What's one secret your OC never wants anyone to know about them?

For a very long time it's been the fact that she loves people. They can keep their own secrets, too, and this is the one she's kept the longest. She's slowly unwrapping it, though — when Eri is growing up, Emerys vows to herself to never hide the fact that he loves his daughter from her or anyone else. Eri is the first person that she openly and frequently says I love you to, because their fear of Eri growing up like she did, with the conditional and phasing love of her mother, far outweighed anything else.

[mermaidsirennikita]

Top 10 Reads: Q1 2023

Wow, the first quarter of the year is over! I hate being here, but we're still alive and when you're still alive there's still hope and yada yada yada. Keep breathing!

This is probably the longest I've gone without a reading slump. I feel like part of this is due to personal progress, as slumps often correspond with mental lows for me, but part of it also likely due to me embracing audiobooks. Curse everyone who said I'd like them being right the whole time!!!

Anyway, I liked a lot of books over the past three months. In fact, I loved many of them. For my monthly wrap-ups, I don't limit myself; I just list every book I rated 4/5 or above. Here, I challenged myself to stick to the ten that made me happiest. Some of them... are not out yet. But hey, what're you gonna do?

My only other rule: no repeat authors, and no listing them in order. I think I do have a #1 favorite out of these books, but I don't want to rank novels in order of preference.

Hotel of Secrets by Diana Biller.

Dude. This one took me by surprise. I'd never read Diana Biller before, and I was blown away by the richness of the setting--late nineteenth century Vienna--and the attention paid to the cast. A lot of good romances don't have great supporting casts; this one does, and they add to the fabric of the love story.

But at its heart, despite the somewhat ambiguous title, Hotel of Secrets is a true blue, swoony romance between a jaded woman consumed by keeping her family's hotel afloat, and a virginal spy who's always been able to keep feelings at arm's length... until he rescues her. Several times. The build up of tension between these characters is hot, it's romantic, and it's just so fucking satisfying when it boils over.

Lush Money by Angelina M. Lopez.

The best contemporaries are the ones that go full daytime soap, in my opinion. And by God, does this book go balls to the wall daytime. A ruthless billionaire heroine! A prince hero with a genius IQ and a devotion to GROWING GRAPES. A sex/marriage/baby deal!

This book has a lot going for it--a truly unique, "problematic" heroine who can't make herself commit to love, a slowburn punctuated by how intensely hot and heavy our leads get within the first few pages, and such a strong sense of the telenovela that you can vividly picture it playing out in your head. (Except. A lot more graphic than most telenovelas. Shoutout to the scene where our hero gets caught with his head between the heroine's legs. By the paparazzi.)

Mafia Madman by Mila Finelli.

Who was I before reading Mila Finelli? I don't know, and I don't care. Every book in her Kings of Italy series is an absolute killer (about killers) and you should read all of them ASAP. But Mafia Madman, for me, is the creme de la creme. It immediately soared into my top favorite reads ever, and I've had to physically stop myself from picking up my paperback and rereading my favorite scenes again.

It's just got everything--an absolutely insane hero, a heroine determined to break him as much as he's determined to break her, sex scenes that will melt your brain, and a deeply, highly satisfying grovel that gave me everything I could have asked for. For all that it's over the top and sexy and deranged, at the core of this story is two emotionally injured, twisted people finding each other... and realizing that they can't avoid being vulnerable with one another. No notes!

Then Came You by Lisa Kleypas.

I could have also included Again the Magic here, as I read both this year--but I wanted to stick to one. Then Came You is such an unsung hero of Kleypas's backlist, and not just because it features Derek Craven: The Early Years (though that is certainly a bonus--he's such a sad little baby in this one). The hero bUYS HER A BEAR in this book. Plus light bondage! What more can you ask for?

Then Came You is the kind of classic enemies to lovers story that built the foundation for Kleypas's later enemies to lovers classics like It Happened One Autumn. He's cold and mercenary and stubborn in his refusal to love, she's passionate and rebellious and the only person who can get under his skin. This woman literally shows up to a ball dressed to look like Eve--naked, but with a snake running up her body. And does he lose his shit the way you want? Even more so, actually. Not for nothing, but the setup is that he's courting her sister and she's trying to ruin the match. Yes, it does do that much, much better.

The Dragon and the Pearl by Jeannie Lin.

If there's one thing reading Jeannie Lin taught me, it's that Tang Dynasty China is the perfect setting for historical romance. The heavy rules of etiquette, the political strife to raise the stakes, those stakes forcing a capacity for ruthlessness. Here, she gives the perfect villain romance--bringing back the hot, scarred warlord just in time for a kidnapping plot that will render him completely emotionally overcome for a badass heroine.

But our heroine isn't a sword-wielding badass. She's a former emperor's concubine, renowned for her beauty and perfectly cultured. She wins with mind games and charm, and she's all too aware of how dangerous her hero is. The book is the story of two iron-willed people bending for each other, and falling prey to the worst thing that can happen to a couple of badasses: LOVE.

Something Spectacular by Alexis Hall (out 4/11/2023, full review to come).

I've become a huge fan of Alexis Hall's approach to historical romances. They're funny, they're super queer, and they are very, very romantic. Something Spectacular piggybacks off the laugh-a-minute Something Fabulous, giving us a story that is even more unique to the subgenre, and just a bit angstier, with a couple of nonbinary leads who connect over living in the gray of their binary society, before forging an emotional connection that.... did make me cry.

I also want to call out how hot this book is. One thing I've noticed about queer historicals especially is that they often sort of... soften the sexuality of their characters. Cut the passion in favor of good vibes. Which I get! But here you get the angst and you get the longing and you get exactly why Orfeo is renowned for their skills (beyond singing) across all of Europe. God, they're... a lot.

The Secret Lives of Country Gentlemen by K.J. Charles.

You know, initially I rated this book a 4.25/5, which is a very strong rating for me. I think I will actually go back and raise it, because I can't get this book out of my head. It's the marshy setting, the criminal element, the rich cast of characters, the "fine?"/"FINE!" push-pull of Joss fuckin' Doomsday and Gareth, a flop who is as relatable as he is messy.

Plus, the setup of this book is so original? Our heroes meet before it really kicks off, become hookup buddies, part on bad terms without knowing each other's proper names, and reunite when one is blackmailing the other in a court of law? Throw in a heavy dose of family drama, hot Illicit Affairs, and so much secondhand embarrassment I could've maybe died on the spot, and you have a winner.

Pippa and the Prince of Secrets by Grace Callaway.

This year, I got into Grace Callaway--and I'm so glad I did! Her books are fun and adventurous and super sexy... sexy in a way a lot of historicals aren't right now, unfortunately. They embody what I want out of a historical romance: high stakes love with a bit of wackiness and a hint of humor, plus bodice ripping.

What makes this book a bit more than all the others for me is the emotionality. All of Grace's books that I've read have emotion, but Pippa and Cull have true bittersweet angst. They knew each other as young teens; they had a near miss; and in the intervening years, they both endured such real trauma and loss. Pippa is more world-weary than many of the other Callaway heroines I've read, and Cull worships her but is also so deeply afraid of being rejected by her. When they get down, they get DOWN, but when they're emotional with one another there's an aching tenderness to it. Also, he has a flute and a gang of child soldiers. So it is wacky.

The Notorious Lord Knightly by Lorraine Heath (out 6/27/23, full review to come).

Lorraine Heath's Counterfeit Scoundrel began her Chessmen: Masters of Seduction series in a way that was elegant and romantic, but not quite as insane as a standard Lorraine Heath. I wondered if she was toning it down a little. Well, wonder no more, because her next release has the high drama we love from Lorraine, as well as great, passionate romance between two people who loved each other five years ago and love each other still.

What makes this book is the interplay between a hero who is truly, deeply sorry and truly, deeply in love, and a heroine who wants to hate him so badly but just can't bring herself to put her heart into it. There's a Secret (or several) and there are laughs--but the plot of this one is less Big Plot and more fabulous character work and hurt feelings and sore hearts and I loved every word of it. Lorraine Heath just knows her fucking shit.

The Queer Principles of Kit Webb by Cat Sebastian.

I'd read (and greatly enjoyed) The Perfect Crimes of Marian Hayes; but this book is where the magic happened for me In Sebastian's Highwaymen series. Put together a snarky lordling and a smitten--if rough around the edges--ex-highwayman, plus sex and class commentary? You have a winner.

Cat Sebastian's books are always funny, but this is, like, Benny Hill madcap hijinks funny. They're always emotional, but the wounds here somehow hit deeper. They're always smart, but the social commentary in this one is both clever and real. And you have the classic "they're in love but he's too hurt by the world and life to admit it", which is always a banger. So, so good.

[v-cain]

I posted 405 times in 2022

That's 405 more posts than 2021!

63 posts created (16%)

342 posts reblogged (84%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@xofemeraldstars

@book-place

@bringinsexybackk69

@cas-kingdom

I tagged 79 of my posts in 2022

#supernatural - 9 posts

#sam winchester - 8 posts

#xmen - 7 posts

#dean winchester - 6 posts

#castiel - 5 posts

#moon knight - 5 posts

#criminal minds - 4 posts

#spn - 4 posts

#toothless!reader - 4 posts

#tumblr milestone - 3 posts

Longest Tag: 129 characters

#why isnt underlining a word an option?? i wanted to do that multiple times now and evry time i get stuck with the bold word thing

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

im not even 5 minutes into rewatching moonknight when i realized... if marcs mum is dead..does that mean he was writing steven postcards and leaving them their for him?

31 notes - Posted May 12, 2022

#4

"A Leap Of Faith"

Fandom: Xmen

Pairings: Logan Howlett x gn!teen!reader, Hank McCoy x gn!teen!reader, Scott Summers x gn!teen!reader, Kurt Wagner x gn!teen!reader, Jean Grey x gn!teen!reader, Jubilation Lee x gn!teen!reader

Warnings: Crying, Swearing, Alcohol, Implied Gore

A/N: holy fucking shit this took ages to make. so proud of it though!! the flying part was my favourite part to write, plus scott and logans relationship with the r.

----

"Ok, Scott, truth or dare?" Jean grins at Scott. He looks terrified, which you find hilarious, and he quietly says "Truth?" You look at him with your mouth agape "Damn, Summers, you've got some balls!" Scott rolls his eyes and looks over at Jean, Kurt and Jubilee discussing what they should ask- apparently your questions were 'too lame' so you got kicked. So rude.

Jubilee turns around suddenly and asks "Have you ever taken alcohol from Logans cabinet?" Scott quickly anwsers "Fuck no! I don't have a death wish!" You open your mouth to comment on that but Jubilee turns to you brightly and says "Y/N! Your turn! Truth or Dare?" You smirk, "Well, unlike Summers over here, I'm not a pussy. Dare." Scott threw his hands up in the air "What the fuck, dude?", and you promptly ignore him, instead intently staring at the group in front of you. (Scott got kicked out of the group too, because his dares were deemed too risky.)

After a solid 5 minutes, Kurt turns to you and says "We dare you to fly off the roof!" You instantly pale. "Guys, I'd wake the entire mansion up. Can't you think of something better?" you try reason, but Scott jumps in and quips "What, too much of a pussy?" You glare at him and he shrinks back a bit. "Oh, come on Y/N, it'll be fun! Besides, we've never seen you fly before!" Jubilee chines in.You feel your face start to heat up and your hands shaking.

All too quick, you stand up and stumble over an excuse of needing the bathroom. Jean frowns at you as you scurry out the room, opening her mouth to interfere but Scott has already started truth or dare again.

You rush down the halls, ignoring the looks of any onlooking students. You just wanted to get outside and sit in the garden, and cry a little bit, because of your stupid fucking-

Bam!

You whack into someone tall and stagger back a little, mumbling a small 'Sorry' and continuing on your way. You run over to your spot and finally break down. Tears stream down your face, and all you can think is 'Why did it have to be me? Why me?'  You curl up into a ball, your wings encasing you in a cold shell.

Why me?

----

Logan was walking down the halls after a very, very tiring day- also known as Hank used him as his 'assistant' in the lab. Personally he thought this was payback for drinking all the good whiskey, but hey, could you blame him? Anyway, as he thinks about how damn good that whiskey was, he slams into some kid. Taken aback, he looks down to see a very distraught Y/N, who quickly runs away. "What the fuck?" he mutters, immediately turning to follow them.

A good ten minutes of running to catch up with this kid pass, and Logan slows down as he approaches soft crying. He cautiously walks around the tree.

The snap of a tree branch makes you whip your head towards the noise and growl- only to start crying again once you realize it's just Logan. He awkwardly sits down beside you and wait for you to start talking.

Some time passes and your cries slowly quite down to just sniffles and the occasional hiccup. You rub your eyes and look over at Logan, who simply asks "What happened, kid?" You sigh and look at the ground for a moment, before pulling your tail halfway into your lap and stare at your missing fin. "When I first got my mutation, my parents weren't.." you pause and glance over for a moment "Well you can imagine how they'd react to their kid growing wings and a tail." Logan softly hums beside you.

"Anyway, they realized that I wouldn't be able to fly if I didn't have one of my fins, so they.." you trail off and stare at your tail. Logan takes a sharp intake and breaths out "Jesus, kid I'm sorry." You stare at your tail for another moment and continue "Me and the others were playing Truth or Dare and they dared me to fly off the roof. I didn't have the confidence to tell them I couldn't, so.." you vaguely gesture to the field surrounding you two. Logan is silent beside you, thinking deeply.

"Well," Logan starts "We could always talk to Hank about making prosthetic fin?". You turn and stare at him, prompting him to continue "Think about it. People get prosthetic hands and legs all the time, why would it be different for you? Just means Hank would have to make it and not some corporation." You start to process what he's saying- you could be able to fly! You grin at Logan who returns it immediately.

----

*Two Weeks Later*

----

After two weeks of Professor McCoy doing measurements and fitting prototype prosthetics on you, it's finally time. You're going to fly. Which sounds so much easier in your head.

You peer over the edge of the roof, cringing at how high you're up. You step back and weakly joke "Hey, if it doesn't work do I get a refund?" Professor McCoy huffed a laugh, and said reassuringly "Trust me, it's going to work." You hum and mutter under your breath "Yeah, like the last two did." Logan claps a hand on your back, "C'mon kid, it's just a leap of faith. The second you jump you'll be fine." You glance at him and step back again, rolling your shoulders back. It's just a leap of faith, that's all it is.

You take a deep breath, and take a running leap off the roof. For a moment you're plummeting towards the ground, wind blurring your eyes and whipping through your hair. Then you pull up your wings and suddenly you're soaring through the air, faster than light itself. You start laughing maniacally- you're fucking flying! You turn around and fly over Professor McCoy and Logan. You can just hear Logan yelling "Fuck yeah, kid!"

You pull yourself upwards into the clouds and slow down, admiring the view. You swoop down to the clouds and fly through them, soaking your clothes. Oops. You twirl around in the air, feeling free as can be.

Eventually you return to Logan and Professor McCoy, and you immediately hug the latter mumbling a "Thank you Professor." He smiles and returns the hug, responding warmly "No problem. Remember to tell me if you have any problems with it." He nods to Logan, and walks downstairs.

You grin at Logan, "Did you see me up there? I was so fast! I was in the fucking clouds, Logan! The clouds! And- and it was so cool! I was so cool!" Logan laughs at your excitedness, wrapping an arm around you as you continue to ramble about how awesome flying was and how you could bring him up there someday.

32 notes - Posted November 12, 2022

#3

"What The Fuck?"

Fandom: Xmen

Pairings: Logan Howlett x gn!teen!reader, mentioned Kurt Wagner x gn!teen!reader

Warnings: Swearing, Falling on your ass.

A/N: crack fic with minor foreshadowing ooh spooky. anyways theres a lil heartfelt moment in there cuz im a loser who likes heartfelt moments. enjoy. (lmk if i missed any warnings)

----

Last night, you got to spend your first night in your own room! This may not seem like huge thing to most, but when you've been sharing with a group of twelve year old boys..you loose your mind a bit.You sit up and stretch with a huge yawn. For once in your life, you've managed to get a peaceful nights sleep, which meant you could probably do something productive with your evening. You go to your dresser and choose a lovely f/c outfit that compliment your scales beautifully, and then walk to your door so you can go downstairs and eat some food. Maybe you would even do today's homework-

THUD

You stumble backwards, nearly falling on your ass. What the fuck? You try and walk forwards once again before you realize the problem: your wings. Sometimes your wings wouldn't fold if you kept them folded for too long, which has never proven to be a problem because you could always squeeze through the doors. This is apparently not the case in your new room. You stare at the door before trying to turn sideways and walk through the door- except your room wasn't big enough to turn fully with your wings expanded.

What the hell do you do? Do you yell for Kurt to get his ass in here and teleport you out? Or do you wait for Logan to realize you're not in class and go looking for you? You stand there for ages before eventually looking out the window. The stars were out tonight, which meant you would be able to convince Logan to skip class and look at the stars instead. If you could get out of your god forsaken room-

----

Logan sighed for what felt like the hundredth time this minute. Y/N was late for class by an hour, which by itself was unusual, but no one has seen Y/N all day- they usually at least try to leave their room during the morning. He gave up on waiting and decided to look for them- first thing first, their bedroom. They could've just overslept and are still tangled in about a million blankets (Logan commented that it looked like a nest, and Y/N's response had been "Fuckin' duh.")

He reached their room and knocked three times, and immediately heard an exasperated "Fucking finally! Open the door!" Clearly confused, Logan opened the door to reveal Y/N standing on their bed with their wings expanded, taking up most of the room. "Kid...what the hell happened?" the teen grinned at him and shrugged, simply responding "I got stuck here for two hours 'cause my wings wouldn't fold. Can you get Kurt to teleport me out?"Logan nodded and took one last glance at them before heading off to the end of the hall where Kurt was.

----

"..So, that's what happened to my wings earlier. It doesn't really hurt, but keeping them folded up all the time does." the teen said nonchalantly. Logan looked at them with a raised eyebrow, "You would think you would have the common sense to stretch them or, you know, fly, but I guess not." You shift uncomfortably and laugh a little " Yeah, I probably should stretch more often." The older man looks at you for a moment but decides to not comment on your wording.

The pair sits in silence for the next while, quietly admiring the stars. You look at Logan momentarily, wondering how different your life would be if you hadn't come to the school. You would probably be deep in a forest, far away from any civilisation. You wouldn't have your amazing friends, any good role models...you would be alone.

Thank fuck you're not.

34 notes - Posted November 11, 2022

#2

"Guard Dog"

Fandom: Xmen

Pairings: Charles Xavier x teen!reader, Hank Mccoy x teen!reader, Kurt Wagner x teen!reader, Scott Summers x teen!reader, Jean Grey x teen!reader, Jubilation Lee x teen!reader

Warnings: Bullying

A/N: this came to me months ago and now im cool enough to write it down. go follow my friends @book-place @bringinsexybackk69 (this is set when everyone other than the teachers are teens! ;] )

----

You drag yourself out of bed and lazily put on a hoodie, not even bothering to change out of your pajamas. Scott had convinced you to wake up at lunch time so you could eat with your friends, which would usually get a solid "Fuck no."...but there was a promise of chocolate chip cookies. So fucking up your sleep schedule it was!

Walking down the stairs, you catch a few staring eyes and shoot a glare at them. They immediately scramble away  much to your happiness.

You easily spot your friends under a tree and walk over to them, enjoying the afternoon you rarely get to see. Scott spots you and cheers "Sup Snow White!". You roll your eyes playfully "Oh hardy har har Summers." you sarcastically snark as you plop yourself down beside Kurt.

Everyone launches back into conversation, and you find yourself calmly smiling at the mess of a group you call family friends. Then, the fire nation attacked.

"Hey, freak! Did you force them to sit with you? Or do they just feel bad?" Your attention is turned to some random teen you've seen in passing- he was mocking your wings. Not a pleasant guy. Jean just rolls her eyes at him, while Kurt sits looking uncomfortable. Jubilee and Scott are glaring at him, and you're- well...

"Oi! Who the fuck do you think you're talking to?" you holler at him. This garners the attention of some nearby students who are now whispering to each other. The teen scoffs and rolls his eyes, "Oh, is this your little guard dog? How cute!" he mockingly coos. Your mind is racing a mile a minute but you keep yourself under control, and calmly walk over to him. The students are gathering closer now, curious to what's going to happen next.

The teen sizes you up and gets in your face, "You mad, doggy? What're gonna do about it? Bark?" You smile sweetly at him, and then swing you're tail underneath his legs. He immediately falls backwards but you catch to collar of his shirt and bring him close, "If you ever, and I mean ever" you bringing him closer "come near my friends again, I won't be here to catch you. Got it?" He nods vigorously. You smile sweetly and let him stumble backwards. "There's a good doggy." you mock as you turn back to your friends.

Sadly, the universe was not on your side, as Professor McCoy calls for you and the teen to follow him to the headmasters office.

...Well, shit.

----

School sucks, you think as you walk to the office. One moment you're defending your friend against some dickwad and the next you're being escorted to the headmasters office, which is complete bullshit! Sure Jean could handle herself on her own, but she shouldn't have to! Everyone deserves a friend who has their back. And maybe a little bit of your reaction was because you were sick of being treated like an animal, but who could blame you?

Before you realize, Professor McCoy is knocking on the Professors door- you wonder if they had to battle for who got the title of "The Professor"- and he opens it, closing it after the three of you are inside. Professor Xavier looks up blindly before a flash of recognition sparks in his eyes, so he sits up straighter and looks more serious. Glancing beside you, it looks like the teen (who's name you learn to be Doug) is playing the innocent lamb while you get the part of the Big Bad Wolf. Lovely.

"Can anyone care to tell me why you're here?" the Professor asks, looking between you two. Doug responds scarily quickly "Yeah, that asshole attacked me for no fucking reason!" Your eyebrows raise a bit- he couldn't have tried made his story a bit believable? The Professor sharply turns to him "Mr. Carol, I do not appreciate that tome of voice." Doug squirms a bit where he stands as the Professor continues "Now please, could you elaborate?"

Doug starts to tell a story how he was leaning against a tree reading a book, when you walked up to him and got up in his face and pushed him to the ground. Which is complete bullshit, but you wouldn't let that show. The Professor takes this in and the  turns to you, and tells you to recount your side of the story. You glance at Doug and start "Well, I was sitting with my friends, when Doug walked by and called Jean a freak. I got mad at him and shouted at him, so he called me a dog multiple time, so I told him to leave me and my friends alone and went to sit back down- that was when Professor McCoy interfered.

Doug glares at me while the Professor frowns. He exchanged glances with the other professor who come to some sort of silent agreement. "It seems clear who is in the right. Doug, you will attend detention during lunchtime for the next two weeks-" Doug turns red and immediately storms out the office, slamming the door on his way out. Dramatic.

The Professor raises an eyebrow and turns to you "Y/N, you will be in detention after school today. I understand wanting to defend your friends, but that wasn't the way to go about it. You may leave now." You nod and turn for the door, pausing and turning back. "Professor, I'm sorry for acting out. It won't happen again." He smiles and you softly and responds "I know, Y/N. Now go, I can hear your friends thoughts from here." You giggle and walk out the door.

You practically sprint out to your friends, who are still waiting for you to come back. Jubilee grins at you and hugs you tightly "That was freaking awesome!" you blush and meekly smile at her. Everyone starts asking if you're ok, but through all the chaos you catch Jeans eye and give her a smile that she returns.

Yeah, you probably shouldn't have done that, and yeah you're fucking exhausted, but it's worth it to see the smile on their faces.

----

Late at night, you sit up straight on the couch you were lazing on and exclaim to youself "Damn Summers never gave me my fucking cookies!"

62 notes - Posted October 19, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

"You'll Have A Family"

Request: OOH X-MEN?? How about a shy gn!teen reader meeting characters of your choice for the first time and they’re all really supportive and nice :) Sorry if that’s kinda weird 😭😭 No worries if not!!

Fandom: Xmen

Mutation Explanation: Dude, imagine toothless except he's a human. R hides their wings and tail with a cloak because they dont like showing them off.

Pairings: (all platonic) Charles Xavier x gn!teen!reader, Logan Howlett x gn!teen!reader, Kurt Wagner x gn!teen!reader

A/N: what? no this wasn't requested in august wdym *sweats nervously* hope you enjoy @book-place !!! <333 (please ignore anything that doesn't make sense, not feeling the best recently so i get a pass on bullshit)

----

You walk up to the gate, hugging your cape closer to your body. The sign on the gate read 'Xavier's School For Gifted Youngsters'. Recently, your family had contacted the headmaster of the school asking if they could enrol you as soon as possible. The school had agreed, and your family had sent you off the next week- they weren't very fond of your mutation.

As you approach the front door, you can't help but overthink all the possibilities of what could happen. What if everyone hates you? What if they turn you away?Where would you go? Why couldn't you be normal-

Before you know it, you're standing in front of the door. You raise your hand to knock, and...stand there for ten minutes deciding whether or not to walk away and live in the woods for the rest of your life.

----

Inside, Charles was leaving his office as he was expecting the arrival of a new student soon. He was heading down to the common area when he heard some frantic thoughts coming behind the front door. He stopped and turned his attention to it. He moved towards the door and opened it to find the new student.

----

You blink and look down to see a man sitting in a wheelchair with a kind smile. "Hello! I'm Professor Charles Xavier, the headmaster of this school. Please, come in." You awkwardly shuffle in the door and close it behind you. Charles noticed that you have yet to take off your cloak, but he wouldn't push you to.

You look around the mansion, that you realize you'll be living in from now on. It reminded you of a tour you took in a castle when you were young-it was probably smaller than this place. Your attention is brought back to Charles as he explains that a student would be meeting you soon to take you on a tour around the mansion.

You nod slightly and rub the sleep out of your eyes, which reminds you of something your parents didn't tell the school. "Uh, sir?" He turns back to you with a small smile. "Yes? And Professor is just fine." You hum in return, and continue "I don't think my parents mentioned this to you, but I have a nocturnal sleeping pattern, so how would I attend classes?" Charles paused for a second, why wouldn't your parents mention this? Brushing the thought off, he responds "We can discuss this later in my office in more detail, but I'm sure we can work around it."

Just as he finished speaking, a teen showed up our of nowhere, scaring the shit out of you. You shriek and jump back, causing your wings to flair up in defence. The teen raised his hands up, "Uh, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to scare you!" You stood back, wings still up, and took in his appearance. He had blue skin, blue hair, yellow eyes and a blue tail thatwas swishing around. He was wearing jeans and a t-shirt with a TV show logo you didn't recognise.

Slowly, your wings lowered back down but you were still nervous. The teen awkwardly glances at the Professor before holding his hand out to shake. "My name is Kurt. What's yours?" You hesitantly shake his hand, responding quietly "Y/N L/N..." He smiles at you, and then explains how he would be giving you the tour of the mansion. You nod and bid your goodbyes to the Professor, who smiles and returns to his office.

A few hours later, Kurt has shown you where classes are, bathrooms, bedrooms, the kitchen, the common area...and you are exhausted. All you wanted to do was flop down on your bed and sleep, but the universe had other plans. Right at the end of your tour, Kurt and you ran into some of Kurts friends. They introduced themselves as Scott, Jean and Jubilee. You nod at them but say nothing in response. You all stand there for a moment before Jean suggests everyone goes outside because it's a nice day outside.

"Um... I'm actually pretty tired after travelling all night... I think I'm gonna lie down for a while." You awkwardly smile. Jean smiles at you kindly and responds "Yeah, that's chill, have a good nap!" And with that, the group were off. You stand still for a moment and then head upstairs to the bedrooms. You get there, and finally fall asleep.

----

When you wake up, you find that you've slept through dinner. You shrug off your cloak and walk downstairs, your tail dragging on the ground. You always felt more relaxed during the night time- there wasn't anyone around to judge you, and you could look at the stars in peace and quiet.

You walk down to the kitchen without getting lost- total win- and rummage around in the cupboards for some food. One of the best parts of your mutation is the fact you can see perfectly well in the dark, so you've never had to use lights during the night.

You find a packet of your favourite chips, hopping up on the counter to eat them.

Lost in your own world, you failed to notice a new arrival in the kitchen.

----

Logan walked down the hallway in the mansion, with the intention of getting some beer from the kitchen. He walked in, and noticed someone sitting on the counter. They had yellow eyes- holy shit were they glowing?- black scaly wings and tail, and scattered scales across their arms, face and legs. They had claws for hands and feet, which looked scarily sharp. What caught his eye the most, though, was that clutched in their hands were his chips.

----

"Hey kid-" The stranger didn't get to finish his sentence because you, once again, got the shit scared out of you and fell off the counter. The man tried to come and help you up but your wings shot up protectively and a fireball started in your throat. The man steps back slowly and raises his hands up in defence, "Woah, kid, I'm not gonna hurt you. 'Was just gonna say you were eatin' my chips." You continue to stare at him for a moment, trying to determine if he was telling the truth. You backed down and picked up the chips, eating them again.

The man raises and eyebrow at you, "That's mine." You narrow your eyes at him and growl, to which he rolls his eyes and breaks the lock off a cabinet beside the sink. He reaches in and pulls out a can of beer. You peer at the cabinet, curious. He notices and thinks for a moment. "You want one?" Your eyes shoot up to him and you nod immediately. He chuckles and grabs one for you too.

See the full post

91 notes - Posted October 14, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[raedear]

I posted 15,428 times in 2022

800 posts created (5%)

14,628 posts reblogged (95%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@spacegirlsgang

@nonbinary-nicolo

@thedreadpiratematt

I tagged 2,694 of my posts in 2022

#nickycore - 161 posts

#yusufcore - 133 posts

#ask me anything my dudes - 119 posts

#the old guard - 33 posts

#chewing glass - 28 posts

#immortal husbands - 26 posts

#kaysanova - 25 posts

#andycore - 23 posts

#bookercore - 23 posts

#first line game - 21 posts

Longest Tag: 90 characters

#🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

look at that face. you know it happened and Nicky just accepted that this is his life now.

329 notes - Posted November 2, 2022

#4

if you've ever wondered if a comment you've left on a fic has reached the author in some way or made a difference to them: a well-timed comment there just improved my mood enough that I didn't quit my job in a fit of pique.

Everyone who's ever left me a comment or a nice tag: I love you with my whole heart and I am kissing you full on the mouth.

343 notes - Posted March 24, 2022

#3

good evening lads. how we feeling.

523 notes - Posted June 22, 2022

#2

So @wickedpact posted this and said this:

And then I saw it an hour ago and wrote this in a complete haze. Hope that's okay, pal! If I still like it later I'll maybe post it on ao3.

(I made Nicky a junior doctor and tripled his shift. This isn't a value judgment of nurses, I just forgot the prompt details)

Bone app the teeth:

It's definitely not safe for him to be driving, but it wasn't safe to work a 37 hour shift either, and here Nicky is, fresh off the ward and so tired he thinks he might crack under the weight of it. Not only that, but behind the wheel, so exhausted that the only thing keeping him awake is the blind terror of hurting another person. He's just five minutes away from home though, and the thought of his warm bed keeps him going. If he can ever make it there.

The light is on above the porch when he pulls into the driveway, and it's like the very sight of it gives Nicky's body the permission it's been waiting for to give up. He can feel it, muscle by muscle, his body crumbling into sleep.

He doesn't have his key, but the spare is behind the little decorative panel as always, and the door swings open before he's even fully registered unlocking it.

From there, it's easy. Shoes kicked off at the door, bag dumped to deal with in the morning, scrubs stripped too. He stumbles into the downstairs bathroom to brush his teeth and use the toilet dressed in just his boxers and his undershirt, and resists the siren call of sitting on the edge of the bath as he brushes his teeth. If he does that, there's no chance he'll get back up again.

It's a herculean effort, but in short order Nicky drags his mostly-unconscious self out of the bathroom and up the stairs (with just one detour to check he actually locked the door behind him when he came in).

As always, the bedroom door is slightly ajar because the door handle creaks loudly enough to wake the dead. Nicky brushes past it, not even noticing, too drawn in by the sight of his bed not ten feet away.

It's not a graceful landing. Even a belly flop would have more dignity. Nicky shoves his way into the bed like a battering ram, and by the time he lands on the mattress he has the duvet up around his nose and Joe's arm wrapped tightly around him. Used to him, Joe just bundles him up against his chest and carries on sleeping.

Nicky's snoring before his head hits the pillow.

—

'Nicky.'

Nicky grumbles and grinds his nose against Joe's chest. No matter what time it is, it's too early. Especially on the heels of such a long shift. Unless the house is on fire, he's not waking up.

'Nicky, you need to wake up.'

'No—' Nicky whines, dragging it out. Joe smells like fresh linens and sleep, and he's so warm. Why would Nicky ever want to—oh no. Oh, oh no.

Nicky wakes up completely, the realisation of where he is and what he's done slipping down his spine like a block of ice, freezing him as it goes.

Joe's on his back with Nicky's head on his chest, and Nicky is so embarrassed he thinks he might actually burst into flames.

Very slowly, very carefully, all the time wishing he was dreaming, Nicky raises his head to meet Joe's eyes.

Joe's bleary, confused, beautiful eyes.

'I am so sorry,' says Nicky slowly when the silence stretches on too long. 'I-I don't. I'm sorry.'

Joe's hands are on the small of his back, which is the only thing stopping Nicky from leaping out of the bed.

'When did you get here?' asks Joe, raspy with sleep. He's always looked like a surprised puppy first thing in the morning. Nicky's chest hurts.

'I don't know,' answers Nicky, honestly. 'I don't even remember coming here.'

'Nicky,' says Joe, in that way he always did when this happened before, Nicky, exhausted on the heels of some too-long shift, doing something that's normal when you're well-rested and dangerous when you're not. Like driving. Or cooking. Or accidentally turning up at your ex-boyfriend's house, a full week after you broke up with him.

Nicky shrugs, awkward and humiliated, and sits up completely. Joe's hands are slow to slip off his back.

'I'm sorry,' he says again. Joe sits up too, slouching against the headboard and looking at Nicky like he's a puzzle to be solved. 'I was just…tired. And I wanted to go home. I wasn't thinking.'

'Your flat is ten minutes closer to the hospital than here,' Joe says, even and clear. Nicky cringes.

'Yes,' he says, slowly, feeling out where he can possibly go from here to explain why he broke into his ex-boyfriend's house sometime in the night and got into bed with him. 'That is…I…well.'

See the full post

534 notes - Posted April 23, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

569 notes - Posted February 4, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[oswlld]

Artists self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five arts/sets/edits/gifs that you've done, then pass on to at least five other people. Time to shine and spread some self-love and appreciation 💖

Thank you, Mitaliiii 😚💞 I’m gonna split this btwn non-bl’s and bl’s, since I really got into the fandom this year and couldn’t boil down all my edits to a ✨top five✨:

Thirteen x P&P - one of the earliest edits I did when I was first exploring VSCO; you can see how restrained I was in using the double exposure and blurring back then; nevertheless, still one of my fav executions

Weeping Angels - back when I was still hesitant on using the beta upload; played around with compositions while still under the ten (10) photo limit and was happy with the end result

WandaVision x Love Warrior - I think this show help me solidify my current editing process; if you compare a lot of what I make today to this one, it still holds up while having the system still be effective to this day

Hamilton, A Series Told By America Now - one of the largest, if not The largest, series I undertook while on this remade blog; eight (8) parts, six (6) edits each, had to make the "cast" consistent??? Can I show you what I’m proudest of?

Anakin/Darth - this is one of those edit ideas that fell into place as I went; I think it was the typography for me

--

InkPa x Darkroom Chemicals - art school really came in handy when it came to this edit lol; I think this was the only time I’ve ever had to deconstruct a screencap to it’s (almost) early development state

PatPran x P&P - I think after the Moon Knight edit I did recently, this one was the longest I’ve held onto an idea before finally executing it (six months, i think??); what else is there to say, p’aof maked a pretty show with a pretty shots

KinnPorsche Bio(?) - one of the very few times the fonts were against me; also, a very ambitious undertaking for me to edit/post while I was still very early into binging the show, so half the time, I was like "idk these dudes but I think they’re neat"

To My Star 2 x Giovanni/Baldwin Conversation - sometimes I have an insp. edit locked up in my head, waiting for the perfect scene and had to endure all of pain to finally get here lol

Vice Versa x PINK - oof only time will tell if I ever decide to double down on a show like this; posting both a quote edit AND a web weave for three months was a marathon, but I think this one has to be one of my favs, in terms of the typo, edits, and quote combos

+bonus - if you have been around before bad buddy or even since bad buddy ended, you know that i just don’t do meta lol I leave that to people who can words and brain better; idk how y’all do it, this took almost a week and every single last drop of brainpower I had to put this together

--

EDIT: @i-got-the-feels also tagged me for this meme, thank you so much for thinking of me 💛💛

[ratabethchase]

I posted 19,126 times in 2022

That's 4,359 more posts than 2021!

51 posts created (0%)

19,075 posts reblogged (100%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@existentialvoidofexistence

@jelly-pies

@ironghostie

@wouldthehill

@an-odd-idea

I tagged 461 of my posts in 2022

#ask - 10 posts

#asks - 9 posts

#slay - 3 posts

#&lt;3 - 3 posts

#percy jackson - 3 posts

#!!! - 2 posts

#i dont want him to think its not in a bro way and i dont even know how much physical contact we have even had but. like. yearning dude. - 2 posts

#nice - 2 posts

#the 1 by taylor swift - 2 posts

#i have three windows open at all times - 2 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#friendly reminder that space junk in orbit that is more than 10 cm in width (i think) can do incredible domino effect-like damage. and this

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

TAYLOR SWIFT WROTE MASTERMIND ABOUT ANNABETH CHASE

9 notes - Posted October 22, 2022

#4

JUST READ UR BIO WHEN WAS UR BIRTHDAY???????

OMG SLAY!! MY BIRTHDAY IS 6TH OF SEPTEMBER AND SINCE IM AUSTRALIAN THAT MEANS ITS 6/9 😎😎😎😎😎😎

9 notes - Posted October 20, 2022

#3

neurotypical friends do not understand

26 notes - Posted May 1, 2022

#2

woah woah woah! i might delete this a bit later cause i think im gonna work on it some more tomorrow but. still reeling over that fact i made this.

[ID: two similar glass cups of tea next to each other. the one on the left is a reference photograph for a painting on the left. the reference has a big leaf in the cup and a simple background whereas the left does not have either. the painting has two hearts above it, one brownish-pink and the other green.]

26 notes - Posted June 10, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

ten songs i love by different artists

omg thank you @existentialvoidofexistence for tagging me!! i was very close to reblogging your post just to be an asshole but you're lucky <3

Stand Tall from Julie and the Phantoms

I could listen to this song a million times and i would literally never stop going absolutely bonkers at it. I love it so so much dude i need to rewatch jatp

2. Hate Myself by dodie

just. such a good song. i struggled to pick a dodie song because i love all of them so much but this was the first to come to mind

3. Bad Reputation by Joan Jett

This is such a headbanger and i have been listening to it recently bc my band might do a cover of it which will be fun. i dont know if i can sing like joan jett though

4. That's Not My Name by The Ting Tings

i have no idea how i even found out about this song but it goes so hard .

5. Madison by Orla Gartland

madison is my proof to my irls that i listened to orla gartland before heartstopper because when i was writing my english creative piece i had it stuck in my head so i named the two characters madison and orla.

6. Waiting in the Wings from Rapunzel's Tangled Adventure

legit have not even seen this show. i just watched this animatic on youtube and i have been hooked on it ever since. it just makes me Feel Things.

7. Real Gone by Sheryl Crow

the song from cars. my brother has watched cars so much out loud that i have grown to love this song. my teacher also saw me listening to it once and got excited that i also liked sheryl crow

8. My Tennessee Mountain Home by Dolly Parton

omg showing off that broad music taste. country music gets so much slander and for what. i love this song so much.

9. 1985 by Bo Burnham

slaps.

10. Bright Lights Bigger City/Magic from Pitch Perfect

i am obsessed with pitch perfect. it is so misogynistic and so feminist at the same time.

honestly though. these are just the most recent songs ive listened to lol!

no pressure tags for some mutuals and some people i see in my notes quite often:

@yaznomarbles @woweejoeyrichter @wands-n-lillies @ironghostie @guyhusbands @franken-pigeon @hillerska-official @fluencca @an-odd-idea @wouldthehill @whyare-youlooking

@insanitysmiles @comradebacterium @auaddict @bluedragonbaby @coffeeflavoredtears525600 @cowboy-lesbian @darkarfs @murkat @brorphine @repetitive-tautology

jeez that was a lot more tags than i thought i would do but. yeah. do it or dont do it

34 notes - Posted June 27, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[racheld93]

I posted 836 times in 2022

That's 96 more posts than 2021!

40 posts created (5%)

796 posts reblogged (95%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@lamberts

@saganarojanaolt

@nixie-deangel

@memes-saved-me

I tagged 836 of my posts in 2022

#fuck - 288 posts

#stranger things - 284 posts

#harringrove - 251 posts

#billy hargrove - 238 posts

#yes - 183 posts

#well this is gorgeous - 171 posts

#steve harrington - 167 posts

#the witcher - 151 posts

#geraskier - 149 posts

#jaskier - 137 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#then id imagine illya is so incensed that he angrily cuddles napoleon to where its hard for him to breathe and says he loves him constantly

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Headcanon that childhood friends Billy and Argyle exchanged friendship necklaces.

Billy never takes his medallion off and Argyle rarely forgets to pull his owl pendant on every morning.

And when they see each other again, for the first time after Billy moving away, they both are still wearing them as they hug with tears in their eyes outside Max's hospital room.

Because Argyle has been mourning his best friend for eight months and Billy's been trapped in hell and believing he'd ever see another soul again.

Only it turns out Billy wasn't dead, not completely, and he wasn't in hell, just some hellscape dimension called the Upside Down. And when he heard the sound of heavy metal like a siren's call, he ventured out of his barricaded basement in Loch Nora and found some idiots trying to save the world without the proper equipment like his homemade flamethrower.

Their first words to each other after their long tight embrace are:

"Righteous beard and flowing hair my dude. You're like, pulling a white Jesus, with the whole resurrection and saving everyone."

"It's ten in the morning, you should not be this high without supervision."

Argyle grins and hugs Billy again, so tight the blond tries not to flinch from is ever aching and still recovering body.

"I missed you so much, Billiam."

Billy huffs and hugs back, eyes welling up again.

"Missed you too, Argie."

209 notes - Posted September 17, 2022

#4

Want to know what really grosses me out in general and also about Stranger Things because I was born and raised in Indiana?

The age of consent is 16.

Yes you read that correctly.

Thats why in season one it 'wasn't made a big deal' that Jonathan took pictures of Nancy and Steve having sex.

And in season two it 'wasn't made a big deal' for Karen, a grown ass married woman, to flirt back with Billy, a kid thats the same age as her eldest child.

And in season three it 'wasn't made a big deal' when the Karen and Billy shit happened again no matter if he was freshly 18 or not, it still would have been legal as long as he was 16 or older. And I'm so glad they didn't put that shit on screen. Hate that Billy got flayed, hate that so much you have no idea. But I would have hated it even more if things had gone as they'd planned and Karen really did show up to have sex with a kid her daughter's age.

What I'm saying is, it was cool that a nostalgic show took place in my home state not too unlike a town I grew up in. But with choices the duffers made over the seasons, also including the subtle not so subtle implied rasicm and obvious homophobia and ignorant satanic paranoia and blatant child abuse (that all very much still happens today), it makes me think that the only reason they chose a conservative Midwestern state was so they could get away with writing all that bullshit.

And if it wasn't for some of the actors pushing for better dialog and situations and basically twisting their arms for different scenes and refusing to do others, this show wouldn't have lasted this long. Because we'd have been watching the same overused and small-minded stereotypes and tropes from decades ago and have stopped watching.

So, does learning the age of consent in Indiana make you even more aware of how many scenes in Stranger Things gives me the heebie jeebies?

Thought so.

220 notes - Posted August 17, 2022

#3

Inspired by my other Dad Murray post... This is what I got so far. But I’m sure some of y’all can do better... and I take forever to write shit anyway so here is a taste...

What if... Post S3 Fix-It wherein Billy survived and everyone visits him in the hospital a lot and it is a lot. A few because they want to, some of them out of guilt or obligation at first but then they look forward to it. And while others go because they wish they could have helped Billy more while he was flayed, some not having known he was even possessed and others told about it too late.

Anyway, Murray is a common visitor, mostly crossing paths with Steve and Max and Robin, and that pot dealer and cheerleader that are Billy's friends but not 'in the know'. Billy has no fucking idea who he is at first until Murray starts talking and then never stops, his first words are:

"Hey kid, I'm Murray Bauman, investigative journalist and in the know about this whole shitshow. Really admire how you fought that gross as shit monster with your bare fucking hands. Anyway, I hear you have the highest GPA in Hawkins High history, tell me what you think about Ronald Reagan."

Billy blinks and then his face purses meanly, "Wish that fucker had aimed higher and got him in the face in '81. But then the bitch would have been revered a martyr and the fucking Republicans would be even worse. And since I survived, I still got a chance to piss on his grave one day."

Murray beams at him and pulls out contraband chocolate bars from his coat.

"Kid, you and I are gonna get along just fine." He breaks the Hershey bar into pieces and sits close so he can pop one in Billy's mouth after he nods. "Just let these melt, gotta get that hospital mush taste out of your mouth. Now, you wanna hear about what stupid shit Reagan has said recently? Or do you like crosswords?"

Billy sucks on the chocolate, the taste a marvelous change from everything previously. "I'm a sudoku guy, but I make crosswords my bitch."

"Excellent."

*Murray finds out about the abuse, beats the shit out of Neil and 'runs him out of town'. Then he takes all of Billy's stuff to his new place that is closer to Hawkins and tells Billy he's his kid now, so sign this and he'll take over Billy's insurance and help him with his school work until he can get back to classes. Billy cries and Murray hugs him and Billy cries some more.

Aug 9 '22

394 notes - Posted August 12, 2022

#2

See the full post

1,416 notes - Posted September 3, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

I've seen a lot of fics fixing Billy's home life and I've loved them all... Susan bettering herself and Neil getting arrested, Joyce taking Billy in as one of her own and being the mama bear he has always needed, Hopper adopting another child of abuse and protecting them both so fiercely that they help him grow from his own trauma too, I've even read rarer fics where Mrs Henderson or the Harringtons take him under their wing and help him be independent.

But where are the fics with Murray, crazy eccentric incredible karate fighting Murray, seeing the aftermath of this young boy fighting a monster with his bare fucking hands and surviving only to despair about the thought of finally being able to leave the hospital and go home? Where are the fics with Neil getting his ass handed to him and screamed at and frightened by a guy with crazy eyes and spit flying from his mouth with righteous fury? Where are the fics with Billy being seen and heard and protected and loved by a wonderful freak of a man that doesn't think twice about showing compassion and understanding and forgiveness and acceptance?

What I'm saying is, Murray Bauman may not be the first person you think of as parent material, but he'd certainly be a great one.

And he'd have no compunction about getting rid of the bastard before him. No one would ever find the fucking body.

2,248 notes - Posted August 9, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[thatonemoviefan]

I posted 2,272 times in 2022

That's 2,016 more posts than 2021!

30 posts created (1%)

2,242 posts reblogged (99%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@karamelcoveredolicity

@troubleinapinksuit

@deyjahvu

@asrealasadonut

@bcofl0ve

I tagged 66 of my posts in 2022

#austin butler - 39 posts

#austin butler elvis - 33 posts

#elvis movie - 31 posts

#baz luhrmann elvis - 26 posts

#elvis presley - 21 posts

#elvis (2022) - 19 posts

#elvis 2022 - 18 posts

#percy jackson - 9 posts

#pjo - 9 posts

#pjo series - 8 posts

Longest Tag: 83 characters

#i know my experiences are not universal but like idk man this feels pretty unifying

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

If you are a fanfic writer in the Elvis/Austin Butler community and you have been effected by the the Wattpad plagerism, PLEASE FILL OUT THIS TAKEDOWN NOTICE

It basically details more of the copyright infringement the way I understand it

I reported the story again as Wattpad didn’t do shit the last time we tried. And I think if we want to get this thief to stop, filling this out might be a good idea

22 notes - Posted November 28, 2022

#4

“It’s hard to think of these out of context when you’ve seen this movie (almost) ten times”

36 notes - Posted August 22, 2022

#3

So since Elvis fans are discussing the new announcement…I guess I’ll talk about it

So for those who don’t know, it was announced that Sofia Coppola, acclaimed filmmaker and one that I actually kinda like, is making a bio-pic about Priscilla Presley, specifically about her memoir Elvis and Me (which is a great read btw).

But not only that, but casted in the role of Elvis is Jacob Elordi who dated Kaia Gerber who is currently dating Austin.

That’s the most I will ever talk about celebrity news.

Okay.

I love Sofia’s work. I think she’s a great filmmaker and I would love to see how she’d adapt the book with her style.

However.

The movie won’t be out for a while. Casting announcement means this thing is probably well into pre-production. And a big budget Hollywood bio-pic from a critically acclaimed director that will want to be an awards contender, won’t be out for a while. The guess being thrown around in the fandom is 2024.

However.

The casting announcement coming out practically three months after Elvis (2022)’s release while we’re still riding the high, and even the movie itself, feels like a deliberate cash grab to capitalize on all this new Elvis hype.

And that must suck for Austin and Jacob who are now going to be pitted against each other and constantly compared.

But also yeah. Austin worked his ass off for this role and now someone else is riding his high. That must be unfair.

And yeah. I’m not sure how Priscilla and Lisa Marie will take to this.

Idk how the book rights work with this whole thing. Like idk if Priscilla owns the book rights but the vibe I’m getting is she wasn’t consulted and I have no clue how true that is. But Elvis (2022) was the most accurate film on Elvis’s life and it was the one the family was the most happy with. So this does feel a little insulting that this announcement is riding the high of a film that was truly a passion project for those involved.

So what are my thoughts?

I don’t know dude. On one hand, I’m interested in another version of this story especially done by another pretty great filmmaker. But on the other, it feels so cash grabby and like a PR stunt. Like Jacob being cast is not a coincidence. And I don’t want to compare the two, even though I think Austin is probably going to be the better of the two

We’ll see what happens but yeah this whole thing does leave a bad taste in my mouth

67 notes - Posted September 13, 2022

#2

Percy Jackson: No Way Home

Coming soon

art by TheCarica on Instagram

Part One of Percy Jackson: No Way Home

618 notes - Posted May 13, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

So when are we gonna get Percy Jackson: No Way Home?

Part Two

8,142 notes - Posted April 14, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[daikon1]

I posted 585 times in 2022

44 posts created (8%)

541 posts reblogged (92%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@tea-for-two-a-tragedy

@lilliebellfanfics

@floraone

@dropsofmoonlightzine

@asophiewannabe

I tagged 585 of my posts in 2022

#sailor moon - 159 posts

#this artist is amazing - 132 posts

#fanart - 87 posts

#sailor moon fanart - 82 posts

#usamamo - 54 posts

#mental health - 51 posts

#signal boost - 45 posts

#drops of moonlight zine - 36 posts

#sailor moon fanfiction - 34 posts

#dropsofmoonlightzine - 34 posts

Longest Tag: 117 characters

#my brother is a semi-weird positive dude who will love you unconditionally but also he has other stuff going on julia

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Close to Home

Usagi and Mamoru have been best friends, practically family, since childhood. Naturally, Mamoru is hopelessly in love with Usagi… and she has no idea.

Add in some superhero alter-egos, a plan to move in together, and things are about to get messy.

My new friends-to-roommates-to-lovers multichapter! Buckle in, y’all, it’s gonna be a slow burn 😉😘🔥

42 notes - Posted June 16, 2022

#4

A (Blind) Date with Destiny!

Ten years after Usagi last saw her first crush, Minako sets her up on a blind date with a guy who happens to have the same name… but surely Chiba Mamoru would turn down a date with Odango Atama… unless… he doesn’t remember her?

Part 1 of my contribution for a Valentine’s seven authors/one prompt exchange!!

FFN

57 notes - Posted February 8, 2022

#3

Moving In

Usagi moves into Mamoru’s place and notices he’s behaving strangely… what else is a girl to do but investigate??

A little snippet of domestic fluff written for my wonderful beta and forever cheerleader @floraone for @betaappreciation Day!!

74 notes - Posted February 28, 2022

#2

SIGNAL BOOSTING this coloring book that has STOLEN ART from @nari20 and possibly other fan artists in our fandom and is now selling them for a profit.

Please report this to Amazon as copyright infringement and ask them not to sell it.

100 notes - Posted February 3, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

PSA: Writing is a cultivatable skill, not an innate talent.

​I am hugely flattered when people tell me they think I'm a good writer (personally I think I am 'reasonably capable') BUT in any conversation about my writing, it's VERY important to note that I've been writing for fun in some capacity, pretty much daily, since about 2002. The way that I got "good" at writing was by doing it. A LOT. (Trust me: I still have some of the old stuff, and looking at it makes me CRINGE. Hard.) So please, don't ever look at your own writing and say "Other people are better at this, why should I bother?" There will always be someone whose writing you look up to, and that's okay. If writing brings you joy or you have a story you want to tell, you deserve to do it! The worst that will happen is that your writing will get a little better with each thing you write.

357 notes - Posted January 18, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[notwxrriors]

i really want to write fic about this but i dont have time so im gonna send it to you instead i think you will appreciate it. polyparx+j where otto and jawn are the first to fuck. i feel like everyone starts with awtto which like yeah. .. but like.. otto who is so so crushing on awsten but awsten just refuses to believe it he keeps ignoring it and playing it off and so otto gets with jawn because he just needs Something at least. anyways awsten gets a little jealous and he and jawn get in a fight about it and eventually jawn is just like "well maybe if you weren't so fucking stupid you could see he's more in love with you than he ever was with me." (obv he doesnt really mean it because now otto just has feelings for both of them and he basically played himself) anyways then i think they would have nasty freaky gay sex. and geoff shows up somewhere in the mix eventually. thoughts?? (sorry for the long ass ask btw)

this isn't even in the top ten longest asks I've received do not b concerned my friend

this is soo interesting like what era r u thinking like o9k or like early parx? or even later parx? I'm thinking early parx and I'll explain why but lmk op

anyways otto having feelings for aws first is so sweet and aws like. knows but he's too scared or like still kinds dealing w religious trauma and he just is not ready for all that. so. otto hooks up w jawn BECAUSE jawn has feelings for geoff but he's feeling sorta anxious ab the whole geoff being a boy thing and ottos like I'm gonna help him by letting him get some experience w a dude and mayb it'll have the side benefit of making aws jealous >:)

and jawn n otto have been friends a long time so jawn trusts him and agrees and he knows ab the whole aws thing and they fuck and jawns not as scared anymore but it def does make aws jealous and they argue and jawns like "I don't even like otto like that and he doesn't give a shit ab me get over it and go talk to him" and aws is mad and he doesn't really get it and yeah otto does Start feeling some typa way ab jawn but he knows jawn loves geoff

but that's when they all figure out polyamory is a thing and they can All b happy w each other still 🥰 but otto and jawn always sorta have a particular thing between the two of them bc they started it,

[andrewuttaro]

Catechetical Cat (Week 52) In the End

In the twilight of life, God will not judge us on our earthly possessions and human success, but rather on how much we have loved.

St. John of the Cross

I went to the same school district from Kindergarten all the way through to my senior year in High School. There was certainly a sense of stability in this but even the longest thing I had ever participated in up to that point had to come to an end. The surreal thing about graduating from a school district you’ve been in for twelve plus years is that some of the faces of your peers are so engrained in your mind that you can see them as a child with a flip of the switch in your mind’s eye. I recalled a buddy going into the Marines who I got into a fight with in fourth grade math class. I recalled a friend I am still in contact with who had a giant afro when we were in Middle School. I recalled my second grade crush now more different from me than I could’ve imagined back then and just being happy for her next step after we walked the graduation stage. We throw our hats in the air and scatter to the winds.

This year almost saw my ten year High School reunion. There are rumors it may happen next year instead. These kinds of reunions are a ready made premise for an episode of a sitcom. I can think of three shows off the top of my head that have a High School reunion episode! There is some inherent competition to see who made it further in life. Jealousy and hilarity ensue followed by a moral lesson about age and what we value most in our lives. That friend from High School I am still in contact with wants to go to ours and if he goes I told him I would go. While these events are generally organized by the more local alumni who have something to prove I think I can endure the egos long enough to enjoy some lightly aged callbacks to the world of a decade ago… as long as I got my friend with me. We can do many things with a little help from the ones who love us.

The time spent trying to compare is wasted when you consider what you get to keep at the end. Nobody takes anything with them at the end of it all. Sure you can have fun along the way but if I am not a doctor or a lawyer that’s fine because I am still the friendly, caring dude I was when all these folks last saw me, except now I am much more mature… I would say. All we have in life is each other: and that means all we can really do in life is love. We can love those who we share this time with and that’s what’s in everyone’s eulogy anyway. They say money can’t but happiness, but I’ve met enough rich people in my life to know that misses the point just a little. Money can’t buy holiness: that incandescent quality of the people who use their lives loving others. Happiness is only ever a side effect; holiness is the thing we run after in the end whether we even know that’s what it is or not. That’s what saints are made of, and it doesn’t take a divine amount of love to be a saint.

Thank you for reading my weekly blog this year. This was a way for me to practice some focused writing each week and I do think I’ve gotten a little better as a result. It would be a splendid bonus if anyone was edified for this writing. In the New Year I’ll be focusing on the promotion of my book, the proofreading of which often gave me ideas for this blog. My new book, “How to catch feelings for Jesus” is available online at Wipf & Stock, Amazon, Barnes and Noble and other book retailers. My hope is that this may help you find the Jesus who gave his all loving us. Thank you again for the time you’ve given reading my blog and I wish you all a happy, holy, and healthy New Year!

[iwritefandomimagines]

EMILY PRENTISS x READER: Figure it out

masterlist

pairing: emily prentiss x fem!reader

description: you and prentiss had gotten on like a house on fire since day one, and it hadn’t gone unnoticed how often you flirted. but the question on everyone’s lips, including your own, was just how serious was it?

warnings: cursing & kissing

Emily Prentiss’ hand was no stranger to your leg. It so often settled in the space between your knee and your upper thigh, casually and as though it belonged there.

At this point, you hardly even noticed the contact.

There were a lot of aspects of your relationship with Emily that you’d have questioned with anyone else, but everything with her just felt comfortable and right.

She was gorgeous, and entirely your type.

But you’d never had that conversation about your sexualities, so you weren’t sure whether it was just flirty girly closeness or... something more. You really hoped it was the latter.

You spent all of your time together, even on nights out, so it wasn’t like you saw her with anyone romantically or anything. You couldn’t figure it out.

You were currently sat at a table in a busy bar, after a long day solving a difficult case. The whole of the team surrounded you, but it was like you and Emily were in an entirely different world to the others as you sipped at your drinks and giggled amongst yourselves.

“I’m going to go and get a drink, Em,” you whispered, seeing as everyone else had not long been up to the bar for another, “Do you want anything?”

She bit her lip, glancing at her empty cup and nodding, “Yes please... Don’t be long, though,” she winked. You smirked in return, taking her cup from her hand but letting your fingers linger for a little longer than usual, “I’d never keep a girl like you waiting, hm.”

As you sauntered over to the bar, Penelope turned to Emily with a devilish grin on her face, “Have you two finally made things official, yet?”

Emily scoffed, “What? Me and Y/N?”

Penelope rolled her eyes, “Of course I mean you two. You can’t ever keep your hands off each other... I can’t believe you haven’t just admitted your feelings yet, hun.”

Emily looked confused, her eyes trailing up to where you stood at the bar awkwardly waiting to be served.

“I don’t even think she likes girls?” she pouted, knowing full well that if she was certain that you did, she’d have taken the plunge and kissed you a long, long time ago. But she’d assumed it was just that you were just being friendly. Well, extra friendly, she supposed.

“She so does, Em. She told me about her last ex girlfriend... Make your move,” Penelope nudged Emily’s side, glancing up at you now too as a man sauntered to your side and placed his hand on your waist, “Before you’re beaten to it, sunshine.”

Almost without a thought, Prentiss rose to her feet and strode over to where you stood shy and uncomfortable under the touch of the total stranger who’d so boldly decided to touch you.

“Y/N, babe,” she slid the man’s hand off of you, replacing it with her own and collecting the drink you had just bought for her, “Thank you for the drink.”

The entire team’s eyes were trained closely on the interaction as you went wide eyed, tingling beneath her gentle touch. This jealous, possessive side of Emily was undeniably hot, even if you didn’t quite understand it right now.

Biting the inside of your cheek, you picked up your drink now too, slinking your other arm around Emily as you turned to leave the bar. She shot the man a dirty look, eyeing him up and down distastefully, “Sorry, dude. Me and my gorgeous girlfriend are gonna go get some fresh air.”

You were practically winded by her use of the word girlfriend, but you played along and followed her to the door that led to the bar’s smoking area. 

“Girlfriend?” you raised your eyebrow as you felt the fresh air wash over you.

Emily looked nervous for a moment, as if she regretted her actions. She was scared she’d misread your reciprocation of her attraction to you, but the glint in your eye told her different, even so.

“Sorry... That creep was-” but you cut her off with a forceful kiss, your free hand pulling her close to you by her waist, “I like the sound of that, coming from you.”

Emily looked stunned for a moment, before dipping her head to kiss you again as if to test the waters.

When you pulled back again, she was silent for a brief second before explaining herself, “Garcia told me you like girls because I’ve been trying to figure it out for the longest time... If you did or not. I didn’t know if flirting with me was just a friendly joke or something.”

“I want to call you an idiot for not noticing that I’m crazy about you,” you laughed, “But I’ve been in the exact same dilemma for ages, Em. I’ve thought about kissing you so many fucking times, I was just scared of crossing a line.”

Emily’s hands tangled in your hair, pushing you towards the wall of the smoking area as her lips found yours again. It was like this was fate, like kissing her was exactly what you were made for. The moment was perfect, and you kissed back just as passionately as butterflies invaded your stomach.

“I’m crazy about you too, Y/N,” Emily heaved out a sigh, biting back a smirk as she looked at your smudged lipstick and messy hair that she caused, “Have been this whole time. And when you walked in in that dress? I think I lost my mind. Then that asshole came over to you and-”

“Jealousy is hot on you, Em,” you licked your lips, teasing, “You storming over and calling me your girlfriend? Definitely a contender for top ten moments of my life.”

She blushed, before immediately resuming a confident demeanour and cupping your face in her palm, “I can say it for real, if you’d like that. My girlfriend. My girlfriend... Y/N, my girlfriend.”

“I could listen to you say that forever, Em,” you beamed, peppering kisses across her face, “I’d like that... Being your girlfriend. Emily Prentiss’ girlfriend...”

Emily pulled you closer to her, shifting so that you were side by side but her arm was tightly wrapped around you, “Thank fuck. Now we should probably get back inside before the team worry, and before I suggest that we say fuck tonight and go back to mine.”

“We could do both.... Go say goodbye to them and do the latter?” you teased, eyes tracing her body from head to toe.

Emily thought about your words for a moment, before nodding swiftly and chugging a large amount of her drink, “Let’s go, girlfriend.”

“I’m never gonna get tired of hearing you call me that, y’know,” you kissed the corner of her mouth, “C’mon baby, let’s go.”

--------

thank u for reading, as ever !! I hope you enjoyed this, feel free to request more if you’d like -- I'm writing as much as possible at the moment. here is my prompt list and, if you’d like to read more of my stuff, here is my masterlist!

[joshslater]

Appointments

Similar stories and bonus material on my Patreon.

I can understand why they don't trust people here, a lot of them are real criminals after all, but it still feels a bit humiliating to down the crushed pill and empty the entire glass of water while the nurse is watching. I have to show up fifteen minutes before the scheduled appointment to take the first drug, whatever it is, and then sit down and wait for it to take effect. The fifteen minutes doesn't even count towards the reserved time. It's three times a week, Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, up to three hours each, for four months. That's the sentence to stay out of jail. Miss an appointment, straight to jail. Don't comply with the treatment, straight to jail. Still a pretty good deal. Nine hours per week I don't have any control over, or ten hours if you count this sitting and waiting bullshit, compared to all hours all the time in jail.

I have no idea what the pill is for. Some sort of sedative I'm sure, because I always feel a bit dull and agreeable after. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have followed all the doctor's instructions so readily if I wasn't drugged somehow, at least not the first few times. Now it is kind of a routine.

I show up, take the drug, and wait a bit. Then she shows up and asks me to join her in one of the procedure rooms. She tells me to remove my shoes, jeans, and underwear and place myself on the chair. It's not really a chair. It's like a Z-shaped thing where you place your legs on the padded lower bars so you are kneeling, and then bend forward so your upper body is flat with the top with your head looking down on the floor past the edge of the padded top surface.

She walks behind me and asks if I'm comfortable. Not really. It's demeaning to sit there and expose my ass to her, legs apart, but I guess that is the point of this therapy. How it will address my supposed anger issues is beyond me. Better than jail though. When I tell her I am she secures my hands down by my hip with straps and then proceeds to strap my legs in place by securing my ankles. She says it is for my own safety, so I don't fall off. It's probably bullshit, but she is right in it's not very secure, but tricky enough to wiggle out of. Not that I have tried. She then tips the entire thing forwards. I had a bit of a scare the first time and audibly gasped as I thought I was about to crash face first into the floor with arms and legs tied. Turned out it's just a secondary position of the thing, positioning my ass up in the air.

"Are you comfortable?" she asks again, every time. Again I say I am, strapped to chair, face almost touching the floor, my naked ass high and exposed. She then slowly inserts something into my asshole. It doesn't go that far in, but feels heavy and has some wires or tubes going to it that I can feel draping my leg. It enters easily. I don't know if it is the same device as the first time, but I wouldn't be surprised if they have been scaling up the size slowly. All I can do is look down the floor while she sets me up and then starts the machine.

Just before leaving the room there is a little pinch in the ass as she injects something in my butt cheek. Then she leaves, promising to be back once it has run its program, never explaining what "it" or "the program" is. The first minutes I feel nothing. Then there is movement, though different between appointments. It can expand in width, it can penetrate deeper, it can vibrate, it can rotate, it can change temperature. It often runs through a series of configurations.

I don't know which of the drugs, if any of them, is making me horny but it doesn't take long until I can hear the soft tapping of precum dripping into the metal tray at the bottom of the chair. It's pointless to try to stay alert. You're stuck in the chair for hours with nothing else than looking at the floor and listening to the hum of the machine and the drip of body fluids. You can just as well close your eyes and let yourself drift away in machine-induced bliss.

It's affecting me for sure. The Monday session is the one I'm craving the most. I start getting anxious already Sunday afternoon, feeling like something is missing. So far I've resisted the temptation to buy a vibrator and explore my ass on my own time, but there is little else I can think of on Mondays before the appointment.

It always feels like no time at all has passed, certainly like too little time has passed, when she comes back into the room and gloves up. I'm just zoned out like a stoner and sometimes don't notice her until she removes the thing from my ass. She then proceeds to unlock the dick cage from my dick and balls. Given my horny bliss the dick will shoot up like a bamboo rod. She has some sort of wand that feels pretty thin that she then puts into the ass right up to the prostate. It never takes many seconds of vibrations for me to shoot a load. It feels like they are bigger than ever before. I'm certainly pulsing more times than before, like 6-10 ropes.

She then washes my butt, dick, and balls, and massage them with some sort of cream. Perhaps different ones. Then she picks up a new, probably sterilized, dick cage and locks everything up. She tilts the chair back up again and asks if everything is OK before undoing the straps holding me in place. I answer that everything is OK, but that really undersells it. I'm like a stoner in a post-orgasm haze for at least ten minutes. Then she reminds me to put on my underwear, pants, and shoes before leaving and reminds me of the next appointment two or three days later.

"You're next," she tells me from the other side of the waiting room, interrupting my read of top sexiest men on Love Island list from Cosmopolitan. The selection of magazines is rather limited. "Afternoon," I reply, putting away the magazines and walking towards the door.

"How was the weekend?" "Hot, as you well know. I didn't do much." I don't tell her I was spending all of Sunday considering pushing blunt objects up my ass to relieve myself. "It doesn't invite to activities, does it? Go ahead and make yourself comfortable."

In a now well-practiced routine I kick off my shoes, take off my jeans, fold them and place them on the chair just inside the door, remove my boxers, and put them on top of the jeans. Then I kneel in place on the procedure chair and give my dick cage a quick jiggle. Nothing worse than being strapped to some medical equipment and having your scrotum pinched. Then I bend forward over the shelf, and position my arms back, along the sides of my body.

As always before the doctor secures my arms and legs, and tips the entire contraption forward.

"Are you comfortable like this?" "Yes."

She then deviates from normal procedure by wiping down my ass with some sort of wet wipes and then inserts the automatic douche. I can feel liquid being pushed in and sucked out of my ass a few times, after which she removes the equipment and leaves the room. I'm starting to become anxious. This is the longest I've been in two months without anything vibrating in my ass. I try to flex my butt cheeks to no success.

After way too long someone enters the room again. "Good afternoon, I'm James." I can only move my head a little and can't see much more than a pair of sneakers and the lower part of sweatpants.

"Hi."

He rifles through some papers.

"I understand you've been under this treatment for two months now, correct?" "Yes." The whole thing feels absurd. Whoever this dude is, he's talking to my exposed ass. "So you now have a fully developed prostate massage addiction?" "What? No!" "No? So, you would prefer to be released and go home now?"

No, I need my treatment, but that is totally different.

"No. You have to do what you normally do." "You want me to massage your prostate?" "Yes! Or whatever is normally done."

I can hear the snap of a rubber glove and within seconds a finger is with ease pushing into my ass. He is probing around carefully and deliberately. I want to move my butt to get it deeper, to have it flick across my prostate, but I'm too tied down. He fumbles around like that for minutes.

"You need to get in deeper," I say almost desperately. "I'm sorry my fingers are only so long," he says, continuing with his ineffectual rummaging. And after a few seconds, like he was carefully considering it, "My dick is longer, though. I can use that if you like." "Funny," I say, dismissing his joke.

While he continues doing what I must now assume to be deliberately the wrong thing, the thought continues to linger in my mind. Would it really be a big difference between having another man's fingers or his dick up my ass. Yes! Yes, I decide. But why? This is covered by patient confidentiality, right? HIPPA or HIIPA or HIPAA or whatever. No one has to know.

"What if you did?" "What if I did what?" He was forcing me to say it. "What if you did use your dick instead?" "Would you like me to?"

He must be right. I must be addicted to prostate massage. Why the fuck that happened is a later question. I feel like a soda bottle being lazily shaken by someone. I need to be unscrewed.

"Yes. Yes!"

He pulls out his finger and I can hear the sound of latex, him fiddling with his pants, and then without warning feel something thick and warm moving up inside me. I have a slight shiver as it moves past my prostate and further in. It sure is longer than his fingers all right. I can feel the warmth of his body as it touches against my butt cheeks when he finally gets balls deep. He stops there, leans over me, and asks "Are you comfortable like this?"

"Yes," I say automatically before realizing I really am.

[sleepdeprivedsloth]

OMG YES you don't understand how excited it makes me to see your requests open! I've been waiting for this moment for so long!! XD I would freakin LOVE to see what you do with Hinata and Kageyama! I personally prefer their platonic relationship and lee Kageyama has my whole heart, but I'd be 100% happy with whatever you decide to do!! For the numbers, maybe #6 and #19? Thanks so much for opening requests! I'm so excited you don't understandddd!!! <3 (Also I hope you feel better soon! ^^)

a/n: thank you so much for all the kind words!! ik it's been a (very long) while since the last time i posted, and i sincerely apologize for the wait! I"M SO GLAD THAT YOU REQUESTED PLATONIC KAGEYAMA AND HINATA BC THEIR FRIENDSHIP WAS SO FUN TO WRITE IN THIS!! hope you all enjoy :)

Someone Admitting Something

[Haikyuu - Hinata, Kageyama]

words: 1.4 k

#6: “Don’t you even dare touch me…”

#19: “Geez! You sure do squirm a lot!”

--

Some setter you turned out to be. Kageyama winced at the internal criticism, his movements sluggish as he packed up his belongings in the club room. Can’t even control something as simple as your timing.

It wasn’t even a real game, just another practice match against Seijoh, but that didn’t mean that it didn’t matter. Kageyama was off his game right from the start; the ball sat uncomfortably in his hands at every serve, his fingers clumsy with every set. He was losing more points than gaining, until he was benched and Sugawara subbed in for him. After Suga came into the picture, Karasuno was luckily able to turn the match around and earn a win against Abajo Sai. No thanks to Kageyama.

Why are you even on the team when you can’t help out during a match? Kageyama closed his eyes and sighed, feeling completely and utterly defeated.

“What’s taking you so long, slowpoke?” Kageyama’s eyes snapped open at the voice. Looking around, he realized that he and none other than Hinata Shoyo were the last two left. “Are you trying to race me to see who can take the longest to leave?!”

Kageyama looked back to Hinata with the most deadpan expression he could manage, hoping that his face was conveying just how stupid this thought was.

Unfortunately, the message went straight over the ginger’s head. “Ha! I accept your reverse-race challenge! Prepare to lose, Crappyama!” he exclaimed as he bent over to start untying his shoelaces in a slow motion type manner.

Kageyama only shook his head and continued to pack his things away, for once ignoring the childish competition proposed by his teammate.

“Kageyama?” Hinata asked, beginning to sense that something was off. The Kageyama he knew would never turn down a chance to one-up him, even if it was something as silly as a slow-mo race. “You doing okay, dude?”

“Do you prefer me or Sugawara?”

Utterly confused, Hinata could only respond with, “Huh??”

Kageyama looked down, his bangs covering over his eyes. “As a setter. Do you prefer to hit sets from me or Suga?”

“Oh, that’s an easy one! I prefer both of you!” Hinata replied, not missing a beat. “You guys are both super talented and experienced, so there’s no way I could only choose one of you.”

“Even after today?” Kageyama spoke barely above a whisper, his voice quieted by shame and regret. “Even after I was so useless to the team that Coach put me on the bench?”

Suddenly, Kageyama felt a pair of arms wrap around his lower ribs from behind him in a tight embrace. After the initial flinch from the unexpected contact, he looked back and saw a mess of orange hair pressed against his spine.

“Is this sad mood really because of the practice match?” Hinata mumbled into Kageyama’s back, sending shivers to run through the ravenette’s body. “It was one off day, dude. One bad game doesn’t determine your worth as a setter, especially when you’ve had so many great and amazing days!”

Kageyama shrugged away from Hinata’s hug and turned to face his teammate, raising his voice to argue, “All of those other days don’t matter if I can’t give you a good set when it actually counts!”

Throwing his arms exasperatedly into the air, Hinata was quick to shout back. “That’s why you have a whole team to back you up, stupid! If you give a bad set, the spikers will adjust. If your serves suck ass, we’ll prepare to go on the defense. If you’re feeling off your game, the team’s got your back! Coach didn’t put you on the bench because he thinks that you’re a bad setter, otherwise you wouldn’t be on the starting lineup! Suga subbed in for you to help out. That’s what a team does, for crying out loud!”

Kageyama could only stare into Hinata’s eyes, mouth slightly agape out of shock. He certainly didn’t expect to be lectured into feeling better. But the setter had to admit: his teammate wasn’t wrong.

“You got that, Sulkyama?!”

“Uh, yeah,” Kageyama breathed out, snapping out of his thoughts with a teasing smile spreading across his face. “Thanks, Shorty.”

Hinata crossed his arms in front of his chest and spoke with a playful sternness, “I don’t want a ‘thank you,’ I want you to admit it is okay for everyone to have bad days.”

With his usual, competitive attitude having returned, Kageyama challenged, “Isn’t my ‘thanks’ good enough for you? No way you’re getting my gratitude and me admitting anything as silly as that.”

“Oh yeah?” Hinata asked with a raised eyebrow, taking a step closer to his friend. “I bet I could make you.”

“Mhm, and how would you manage to do that?”

“I have my ways,” the ginger teased, raising his hands up and wiggling his fingers threateningly towards Kageyama.

The ravenette’s eyes widened, a wobbly smile already finding a place on his flustered face, knowing from experience what Hinata’s go-to cheer up tactic was. Backing away slowly, Kageyama warned, “Don’t you even dare touch me, you human tanger-IHIHIHIHINE! Nohohohoho!”

Before he could even finish, the shorter boy had rushed over and latched his hands onto Kageyama’s sides, wiggling all ten of his fingers into the sensitive flesh. And poor Kageyama had no time to even try and resist the bouts of laughter that started to flow out of him. Curse Hinata’s stupidly fast reflexes!

“I’m sorry, I didn’t quite catch that over your helpless laughter,” the ginger teased, moving his hands down to squeeze at Kageyama’s hips. The ravenette’s knees buckled as he slid down to the floor, but nevertheless Hinata’s ever-relentless squeezes followed. “Is there something you wanna admit for me, Sulkyama?”

“NahaHAHAhaha!!” Kageyama writhed underneath Hinata’s hands from his position on the floor, but despite his best efforts, he just couldn’t dislodge his friend’s torturous hands from his hips. “Gehehet your hands OHOHOFFA MEHEHEHE! Thehehere’s nothing to admiHIHIHIT!”

Hinata stopped his squeezes, but kept his hands firmly in place holding Kageyama down as he clicked his tongue in mock disappointment. “Nothing? Huh, that’s weird,” he spoke as his hands slithered down to rest on top of the ravenette’s thighs.

Kageyama’s breath hitched from the subtle contact, eyes widening in a giddy horror. “W-wait, no-”

“Because I could’ve sworn that someone needed to admit something,” Hinata gave a small squeeze to Kageyama’s thighs, watching with a smirk as the taller boy shrieked with a full body jolt. “And y’know what? This would be a perfect time to admit something before someone gets tickle-tickled somewhere that’s a little too tickle-ticklish~”

“Nohohoho!!” Kageyama’s hands grabbed desperately at Hinata’s, trying anything to get them off of him. Just the mere presence of those small torturous squeezers on his thighs was enough to make him giggle uncontrollably. “Nohohot thehehere! Plehehease, anywhere-”

“Anywhere but here?” Hinata teased with a few quick pinches. “Poor, ticklish Tobio. Whatever shall he do?”

“Nahahahaha, stahahahahahap!!”

“You know what I wanna hear, Ticklyama!” Finished with the taunting touches, Hinata grabbed onto the outer sides of Kageyama’s thighs and dug in with all his might, wiggling his fingers deep into the flesh.

“GAHAHAHAHAHAHA! NONONOHOHOHOHO!” Kageyama’s legs began kicking spontaneously, his waist bucking up into the air in a fruitless attempt to lessen the strong tickly sensations traveling throughout his entire lower body. “STAHAHAHAHAP!! PLEHEHEASE, I-IHIHI CAHAHAN’T!”

“Geez, Kageyama! You sure do squirm a lot!” Hinata exclaimed playfully, keeping a firm grip on his friend’s legs. “You know how to make me stop, just stop being so damn stubborn!”

“OKAHAHAY FIHIHINE!!” Kageyama gathered up all of his remaining strength and admitted in a single breath, “EVERYOHONE HAS BAHAHAD DAHAHAYS AND THAHAT’S OKAHAHAY!! NOW STOHOHOP!”

“Hmm, how about you also admit that you have a stupid face?” the ginger teased.

“SHOHOHOHOYO!!”

“Okay, okay, i guess you’ve had enough,” Hinata spoke with a fond smile, taking his hands off of Kageyama’s thighs after a few final pinches. After bouncing back onto his feet, he extended a hand towards his giggly friend and helped him off of the ground. “You feeling better?”

“Yeah, thahahanks,” Kageyama nodded his head as the last of his chuckles and titters slipped out. “Yohou can really be a little shihihit sometimes, you knohow that?”

“Oh please, you know you love it~”

“What?! Take that back, you turd face!”

“NAHAHAHA!! Wahahait, Kageyamahaha, I take it back! I TAHAHAKE IT BAHAHACK!!”

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a/n: thanks for reading everyone! life update post coming soon :)