#took me until almost 3pm to shower and even then i barely did any actual showering

[clueless1995]

ah i think this may be a Proper depressive episode. as opposed to the Lite depression i usually experience

[hismercytomyjustice]

I want to write right now but my brain is such mush. (ಥ﹏ಥ) I knew it would be, trips always take so much out of me, but it’s so frustrating. I have been running around nonstop since Sunday and damn if it isn’t hitting me like a freight train now.

My husband picked me up at the airport and I ate lunch before immediately passing out for a few hours. And then I managed to get up long enough to shower. And have been trying to stay awake/feel like my brain is still in my head ever since.

I am not the type to just start nodding off, but I did on the flight to NY and back and in my Uber to the airport yesterday. Everything has just been so exhausting.

Thank fuck for noise cancelling headphones, Loop earplugs, fidget toys, and extra anxiety meds because idk how I would have functioned without them. It is WILD how much of a difference using the Loops/noise cancelling headphones makes. I go from wanting to start screaming/crying or wanting to run away to being able to actually function and not feel like I’m dying after. Well, mostly anyway.

I barely slept Sunday night because I procrastinated and was panic packing and then had to get up early (6:20ish) to go to the airport. Then I got to the hotel around 12:30 Monday and even tho I requested an early check in, I didn’t get my room until 2:30. Meanwhile all my coworkers got theirs and abandoned me to just sit in the lobby anxiously looking at my watch while I hoped and prayed I’d be able to get to my room before our first session at 3. Apparently the entire hotel was sold out.

I’d been banking on getting to check in, maybe nap, and hopefully shower and change before the sessions started. Instead I got to check in, change clothes, and then just about sprint to the first session. They told us it was a 5min walk from the hotel to the tower but it was closer to 15. I don’t tolerate heat well so I was sweating buckets by the time I got there.

I didn’t have time to get my actual badge or get my hand scanned for the biometric entry. And even tho they looked me up and knew I was an employee and had a badge waiting for me (had to present my ID), I still needed to have someone in the building to come down and vouch for me? Place was sealed up like damn Fort Knox. I couldn’t get to the lobby without going through security, and even tho i had a temporary employee badge with the floors I needed access to printed on it, I couldn't get on or off any of the floors without someone with an actual badge.

Then we were out until 8pm with our team. Basically got back to the hotel and showered and crashed before having to be back in the lobby by 7:15 the next morning to walk back to the tower. We were in sessions from 7:30 to 5:30pm with barely any time for a bathroom break let alone a break to check on work stuff. I had to spend two of our tiny breaks trying to get my badge, but I finally got it. Then dinner was at 6 and ended after 8. Me and a few of my coworkers walked to the marina and took some photos there. Got back to the hotel around 9. Showered and passed out again.

Then had to check out and be back at the tower with all our stuff before 8am on Wednesday. I took an Uber because I didn't want to drag my heavy ass bookbag and suitcase for a 15min walk. We were in sessions again until almost 3pm. At which point I went straight to the airport. It took almost an hour to get there by Uber, so I was working on my phone the whole time. Got through security and even boarded the plane before they told us our flight was cancelled and we needed to deplane.

I can count on one hand the number of times I've had to fly somewhere so I had no clue how a cancelled flight worked. And flights were getting cancelled all over the city. I stood in a line around 50 people deep to wait for the help desk. They told us to rebook on the app so I stepped out of line and was looking at flights when they finally allowed me to try and rebook. The only other direct flight was Thursday at 7:35pm otherwise I’d have 1-2 layovers for a flight that should only take 2 hours.

Thankfully they made a new flight for us that we were automatically booked for. I got back in the now even longer line to ask about vouchers for food/transportation/lodging per my manager’s instructions. They told us nothing was on offer because the cancellation was due to weather.

So THEN I was scrambling to find a hotel for the night. Along with every other stranded passenger. All the cheaper ones by the airport were full. I’m hoping work will comp me for my hotel last night but am not 100% sure so I didn’t want to book a $500 a night stay closer to the airport. So I booked a hotel in NJ that was 15 miles away. It took an hour to get there by Uber. I checked in around 10 and just dissociated in my room for like an hour lol.

Then I showered and went to bed. Got up at around seven to repack my luggage and get another hour long Uber ride back to the airport. Thank god my flight was on time and everything went smoothly from there and now I’m home again.

I’m mentally and physically exhausted and probably will be for another day or two, which sucks. I hate it takes me so long to recover from stuff like this. BUT THAT’S NOT SELF-COMPASSION. I will be a potato tomorrow and maybe Saturday. Hoping to feel marginally human by Sunday.

BUT. I’m actually really proud of myself for figuring shit out when my flight got cancelled. I don’t travel and I certainly don’t travel alone unless I absolutely have to. But I persevered and got a hotel and got back home in one piece! I didn’t panic! It may have been because I took my extra anxiety meds pre-flight that didn’t happen, but regardless I feel like I did so well given everything that happened! Especially only having been to NYC only once before as part of a high school trip in 2007.

I hadn’t even taken an Uber by myself before this trip! I found the office all by myself the first time! I didn’t even get lost in the process! When I have 100% gotten lost in Raleigh before, which is SO MUCH SMALLER THAN NYC. I survived not one but TWO brand new (to me) airports! And my ADHD and OCD mostly cooperated the whole time! Success after success after success!

Tbh I had a lot more fun than I expected to and it was really nice getting to see my coworkers in person. We’re all virtual and only ever met once before last year in New Orleans, but that was a trip including almost 1k people from our org. This was our first time together with just our team.

Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE being virtual, but there’s something to be said for seeing colleagues in person too. At least once in a while!

I’ll probably post more about the trip in the days to come as I still process a lot of it, but overall I had a much better time than I expected to!

I also got to meet more of the sales reps I support and it was so funny to have them just yell out customer names I’d helped them with at me when they saw me haha!!! Glad to know I’m making a positive impact! ꉂ (´∀｀)ʱªʱªʱª It’s so easy to feel very siloed while being virtual. It was nice getting a reminder that they’re actual people I’ve helped and that they appreciate said help!

[mxchellesworld]

Attraction and Repulsion 

Harry Styles x Reader

Synopsis; Where Harry is too much of an asshole for a proper relationship but too good in bed for you to leave 

Warnings; mean!harry, arguments, name calling, smut, unprotected sex, creampies, degradation, impact play, choking, 

a/n; harry styles fans come get yall juice!! ok i wont lie this kinda seems all over the place but i like it anyways. hope yall enjoy and please send some feedback:)

***

You thought it was real funny. It was absolutely hilarious how the whole world saw Harry as a sweet lad who wears big trousers and has fun nails. But you saw him for who he really was. Harry Styles was mean. Plain and simple. 

But you loved it. 

And as much as you tried to deny it, you both knew it was true. You were like magnets. When you weren’t absolutely repulsed by one another, starting an argument, you were wrapped up in each others sheets feeling the strongest attraction you’d ever felt for another person. 

You were always stuck in a limbo of back and forth. Arguments and name calling over the phone leading to quick hang ups and the eventual knock on the door signaling he was there to deal with you the only way he knew how to put you in your place. 

You were drawn to him like a moth to flame. And just like you, he was also too stubborn to admit that he’d want anyone else but you. No matter how cocky he got flaunting the fact that he could get any person in the world with just a smile and wink, he knew he’d never actually do it. 

Under all the petty acts and insults there was the smallest bit of adoration he held for you and you only. 

_ 

You had been lounging around your apartment when your phone chimed. It was one of your girlfriends sending you a link to a newspaper article. You hadn’t bothered to look at the title on the message before clicking on it and seeing the large cover photo on your screen. 

Right there Harry and some model getting cozy after his last show. Big bold letters on the teen magazine reading ‘HARRY STYLES AND NEW BAE???’. You audibly scoffed. 

It wasn’t like he was your boyfriend so you couldn’t really do much about it, you thought ignoring the small sting in your chest. Shaking off the feeling you skimmed the rest of the article then replied to the message, “she is kinda hot, maybe he’ll give me her number lol” 

With that you threw your phone on the other side of the couch and started to get up. It was 3pm a little too early in your book to start drinking at home and especially too early to start letting him ruin your day. 

Maybe it was time to start looking at other people. You were hot and single, living in a big city with other hot singles, it shouldn’t be too hard for you to find someone to get in a stable relationship with or at the bare minimum a good fuck for the night. 

So you did what anyone else does and picked up your phone once again, going straight to the app store. Right on the front page was tinder and just for good measure you added bumble. Making the accounts were easy enough but selecting the pictures for your profile was tricky. You wanted a good amount of selfies and body shots. Cute pictures but also something risky enough to catch the eye. 

Soon enough you were already swiping and giggling to yourself about the future prospects you had lined up. Meanwhile in a city about a few hundred miles from you Harry was sitting with a frown on his scowl on his face in the same predicament you were in earlier that day. 

He was in his hotel room packing up and getting ready to head back home when his phone chimed. He looked over to see if it was his manager or someone from crew with any updates on departure times however it was one of his close friends. 

At first he was expecting a sports update or an invitation to go to a bar when he got back but instead it was a screenshot of your tinder profile. When had you gotten that? he thought to himself. 

It wasn’t like he could get mad since he knew he didn’t treat you the best. But that was just your dynamic, deep down you both cared for each other and even then it made for the best sex of his life. 

Looking back down at the glowing screen he swiped through the few screenshots he was sent. Various pictures of you out with friends. The one that got him was a picture of you in the bathtub, your body was covered by the porcelain yet just enough of your chest just was showing in the mirror as you gave the camera your best sultry look. 

Yet the real kicker was the bio where you included him in your top artists. He scoffed and shook his head, biting his lip as he clicked out from the messages app. Instead he called up his manager to get him on the fastest plane back home. If the blood wasn’t rushing to his face he knew he’d be hard as a rock but for now he’d save that frustration for when he saw you. 

_

You knew tinder hookups were easy to get but you didn’t know just how easy. After spending the day scrolling away, putting your phone down for food and subtle chores you landed a ‘date’, which you really knew was ‘lets get tacos before we fuck on my couch’. 

You had planned to meet at 8pm at some restaurant by your house. At 6:30 you started to get ready slowly, taking your time in the shower, shaving, the works. You had your music connected to a speaker getting yourself excited for the night. 

Who wouldn’t be? You needed this. This was your time to get all dolled up and get to cum from someone other than yourself or the man who makes the vein in your forehead pop when you think about him. 

You put on your sweet smelling lotion and head to your closet looking for an outfit. It was starting to get warm so you settled for a black t-shirt dress that fell to mid thigh with tan heeled booties. You pulled out a jean jacket to put on top in case it was windy.

After finishing your hair and makeup, it was nearing 7:30 and you were back on your couch fixing up the pillows and picking up any misplaced items in case the night led you back to your place. Suddenly you heard a knock on your door, the same hard 3 rasps which only meant one person. 

Your heels clicked on the hard wood as you made your way to the door, unlocking it and opening it halfway, “What do you want Harold,” you said unamused. 

“You look pretty,” he said pushing past you, ignoring the annoyance in your tone. 

“Wish I could say the same about you. Now what do you want? I’m busy and I have to leave soon,” you said rolling your eyes. 

He took a seat on your previously neat couch, spreading his legs and putting his arms up on the back. The way he looked you up and down sent chills up your spine, “What did you get a date that quick? The internet works wonders doesn’t it love”, he said rolling his neck. 

“How did you know abo- actually I don’t care. As a matter of fact I do have a date and I’m meeting him soon so if you don’t mind leaving,” you said picking up your jacket and purse, “Why don’t you call that one girl from your show? She probably misses you.” 

He let out a short laugh before pushed on his knees to stand back up, “Ah I see what this is. You’re jealous and you think going on a little date with some nobody would hurt me.” The cockiness was just seeping out of him. 

“Pull your head out of your a-,” you started before he cut you off. 

“No no you’re gonna listen to me angel. We may not be together but you belong to me. No one else can ever touch you or fuck you as well as I can,” he said leaning in to whisper in your ear. 

It was almost sad how easily he could have you crumbling. Just then your phone dinged. It was a message from the guy, Danny? You couldn’t remember at this point. 

“Answer it sweatpea, tell him you can’t make it.” 

You were really debating it. On one side this could be your chance to finally tell Harry to fuck off but on the other you knew it would be hard to replace him and you weren’t even sure you completely wanted to. That was a whole other layer of emotions to dig through. 

You looked back up at Harry, one of his curls falling into his eyes which were filled with lust. The way his tongue peeked out to slip over his pink lips gave you the answer you needed. 

“Fuck,” you whispered unlocking your phone. Quickly you typed out a half ass apology about your sister needing you to babysit, even though she lived out of state, he didn’t need to know. 

After you hit send your phone was quickly plucked from your grasp and pushed into Harry’s pocket. You didn’t think much about it when his lips pressing onto yours was acting as a great distraction. 

He pulled away lightly mumbling a “taste like strawberries”. If you weren’t so turned on you would’ve giggled. 

You moaned into his mouth pulling him by his loose button up shirt into your bedroom. It was a routine you had almost perfected at this point with little stumbling or need to grab onto the walls as a guide to make sure neither of you hit any corners. 

Your lips never left each others in the feverish mess of kisses. Each one making you grow needier and needier. Your fingers worked quickly in trying to get the buttons on his shirt undone. You felt his warm ones wrap around yours halting your movements. 

“Not so fast, you think I’m gonna let you off easy for what you did today?” 

You huffed out, “You did the same-”, again he cut you off. 

“I get to do whatever I want because you know who I am,” he finished trailing his thumb over your bottom lip, slowly tugging it down. All you could do was nod. 

“Say it then.” 

“Harry Styles,” you whispered out. 

You could see his pupils get bigger with each syllable. It was his favorite thing, the power, the dominance. He got off on his own name. But so did you, the thought alone made you clench your thighs as you were in the moment. 

His hand came up and tapped on your cheek, a small implication of what you knew he could do, “You’re gonna have to be louder than that lovie. Don’t worry though I’ll let you try again later.”

He backed you up until your legs hit the bed, pushing you down. You slowly crawled back, pulling your jacket and dress off as he worked on his belt and pants. You made quick work of kicking off your boots and settled into the plush sheets. 

“Hurry up Styles. I think Danny could’ve made me cum at least twice now,” you said sliding a hand down to your panties. That move would bite you in the ass but the risk was worth it. 

You let out gasps at the touch of your fingertips, moving your hips, doing anything to put on a show and hopefully have him give you what you wanted quicker. 

He eagerly got on the bed, trapping you under his knees. His hands quickly ripped yours away from where you needed them most, pinning them over your head. He leaned down, face inches from yours until you shared the same breathe. 

“You just want to be punished don’t you? Don’t worry I’ll help you get it through that stupid little slutty brain of yours,” he finished with a sadistic smile. 

You nodded frantically moaning out pleases. His hand came down on your cheek, the chill of his rings pressed against the now warm skin on your face. His nails raked down until his hand was snuggly hugging your neck. 

You tilted your head back giving him more room to squeeze and mark as he pleased, “Please Harry, want you to fuck me already.” 

He tutted his lips giving your neck one last squeeze before he pulled away. “I think we should work on your patience,” he said moving down to your spread legs. 

His warm hands pulled on the lace fabric on your hips, scoffing at the visible wet patch, “Don’t tell me this was all for old Danny-boy.” 

“No Harry its all for you,” you mewled as he let his fingers swipe through your folds. It was evil how he was leisurely propped up between your legs teasingly circling your aching bud, switching between blowing on it and nipping at it. 

You already felt the tears springing in the corners of your eyes. So little was doing so much. Just a little more and you could cum right then and there. And he knew it too. 

“Oh you better not cum. I’m not gonna be very forgiving if you do,” he trailed off almost laughing. He never let up, quick circles on your bud making your body tense up. 

“Ple- no.. oh god Harry,” you whined out. You felt your juices gushing out of you as you reached your peak. He never let up on his motions, going even faster on your overstimulated clit. 

“God you’re so pathetic. Such a whore you just had to cum,” he punctuated with a slap right on your pussy. 

At this point you were sobbing. Your head was swimming in the pleasure. You tried to apologize but the words weren’t coming together, just broken whimpers and mixes of sorry’s. 

His hand came down on your sensitive cunt two more times, each one had you trying to close your legs but he was quick to keep them open with a bruising grip. 

“Please.. Harry.”

“Please what?” he said taking in your shivering frame.

“Please fuck me! Want you to cum inside me, mark me so everyone knows i’m yours!” you spoke out breathlessly.

Quickly he flipped your over, pulling your hips up so that your pussy was on display for him. He groaned as he swiped the tip of his weeping pink cock over your already puffy folds.

With a long stroke he filled you completely. Your nerves were on fire and he hadn’t even started. His rough hands grabbed onto your hips for leverage on his thrusts.

“Fuck you’re so tight. Such a good little whore just for me to ruin,” he gritted out. He kept a steady pace, quick and deep making sure to hit your sweet spot each time.

Your nails were digging into the pillows for dear life. Eyes shut closed as your mouth fell in silent screams and jumbled phrases of pleasure. The only thing on your mind was HarryHarryHarry.

“Wanna cum again.. oh my god.. Plesse Harry fill me up! I need to feel it,” you said arching your back further. You felt each vein slide along your spongy walls making sure to clench around him and milk him for all he was worth.

His grip on your never let up. He let his hand come down on your ass cheek. Once again the rings contrasting the heat radiating off of you, “That’s it cum for me baby. I want you to scream my name when you do. Can you do that love? Shit , tell me who fucks you this good? Who’s cum do you want spilling inside you?”

You all but screamed a “Harry Styles” letting your neighbors know just who was with you that night, nights before, and nights to come.

The sweet noises and screams of his name had Harry’s cock pulsing inside you, ready to burst at any moment.

One look down at where you connected and he was sent right to heaven. Your cute little pussy creaming right on his cock had him shooting his load deep inside you.

You both gasped and groaned at the feeling of him filling you to the brim. He stilled his motions and you all but collapsed onto your bed.

You felt him lean down once again, pressing a kiss to the shell of your ear before whispering, “You think Danny could’ve done that?”

[fanficshiddles]

Seeking control, Chapter 17

Ellie felt oddly vulnerable when she first got into Tom’s flat. She wasn’t sure why though. She’d spent enough time with Tom now, and not to mention they’d been intimate. But it was being alone with him, solely in his care, there was something odd about that. It made her feel… weird. In a way she couldn’t really describe.

‘Come sit down, Ellie. Let’s make that list. I’ll also need to get a list of what foods you like, so I can get some groceries in. At least you won’t have to put up with the bad food now, just my cooking.’ He gave her a goofy smile, that made her feel at ease when she went and sat next to him.

He put an arm around her, rubbing hers softly while he took note on his phone of the items she wanted from her flat. Her phone was one of the items. Along with a bunch of clothes and toiletry items.

‘Excellent. Right, sweet girl. You make yourself at home. You’ll find the water won’t stop on you after a few seconds, because I get the feeling you won’t try anything silly anymore. However, you are able to go anywhere aside from the kitchen, which is locked, just to be on the safe side because of the dangers in there. Only until you’re completely better.’ He gave her a kiss on the head, making her smile.

‘Thank you, Tom. Truly.’

‘You’re welcome. Now, I won’t be long.’ He petted her head gently before getting up and grabbing his things, then giving her another smile he headed out the door.

Tom went to the shop first to get in the groceries. Then he went into her flat when he returned to get her things.

He picked up her phone from the table. One he had previously replaced a few days ago. But the same model, with the same cover. The only difference was her number was different. And Tom had added in all of her contacts but with wrong numbers, all the numbers were dead but he had set it up through one of his high-tech geek friends, so that any messages went straight to Tom.

Going through her clothes, he added in some more that wasn’t on the list but he thought she would like. He also grabbed her iPod and headphones, thinking she would like that too. The book that was only a few pages in on her bedside table, and anything else he thought she might want.

When he went back into his flat, he found her curled up on the sofa with a blanket over her, she was watching a film. She looked relaxed and content for the first time in a long time.

With a soft smile, he put the bags down and went over to her. ‘Hello, darling. How are you feeling?’ He sat down by her and rubbed her arm, noting a small blush on her cheeks when she sat up.

‘Good… So much happier being away from that place.’ She said sheepishly.

‘That’s good to hear. What are you watching?’

‘Pirates of the Caribbean.’ She said and paused it.

‘You know the newest one is just newly out in the cinema.’

‘It is?’ Her eyes lit up slightly. But she never thought she would get to see it, so that faded away quick.

‘It is. If you’re good, we can see how your treatment goes today and tomorrow, then perhaps on Saturday I could take you for a trip to the cinema. If you fancy it?’ He beamed happily at the way her whole face lit up again and this time it stayed.

‘That would be… great! Thank you.’ She laughed in her excitement and flung herself at Tom, wrapping her arms around his neck.

Tom chuckled and embraced her as he buried his face into her hair, inhaling deep to take in her scent. God, she smelled so good.

She suddenly shot back, looking shy and embarrassed. ‘Sorry.’ She said quietly.

‘Don’t apologise, darling. Affection is good. It’s encouraged with me.’ He smiled and cupped her cheek, his thumb stroked her skin softly and set her body alight.

Ellie’s stomach then rumbled.

‘You must be starving. Let’s have some brunch.’ He picked up the grocery bags and motioned for her to go with him to the kitchen.

He unlocked the door and went through, with Ellie following behind him.

‘How do you fancy an omelette?’ Tom started to unpack and put everything away.

‘That would be amazing!’ Ellie never in her life thought she would be excited over eggs.

Tom chuckled at her enthusiasm. ‘Do you like bacon, cheese?’

‘Both good.’ Ellie nodded, smiling up at him.

‘Excellent. You can go and relax if you want. Make yourself at home, please.’

‘I’d like to help... If that’s alright?’ She asked shyly.

Tom smiled and cupped her cheek. ‘Of course it is, sweet girl.’ He pressed a kiss to her forehead, making her smile even larger.

‘Why don’t you crack these eggs for me.’ He handed her a bowl and the packet of eggs.

She went straight to work. Happy to be doing something normal again.

The two cooked the omelettes together. Tom made them both a cup of tea, that Ellie almost cried over. All she’d been able to drink for the last few weeks was water. Then they soon had their omelettes ready, Tom made them perfectly. Ellie’s stomach was so excited.

Tom grabbed them both a tray from on top of the cupboard and they went into the living room to eat. Once Ellie was finished, she suddenly felt exhausted.

‘Uhm… Would you mind if I had a nap? I feel pretty tired.’

‘Of course. It’s no wonder, you need some proper rest now you’re out of the hospital.’ He reached out and stroked her cheek with the back of his hand. ‘Why don’t you go have a sleep in the bedroom? It will be comfortable and cosy.’

‘In… your… bed?’ She blushed.

‘Yes. I don’t have a spare room, sorry. But I think we are past being shy now, don’t you?’ He chuckled.

‘Yes… True.’ Ellie nodded, blushing furiously.

Tom handed her the bag of her belongings, she then excused herself to the bedroom. She was so happy to have her own clothing again. She found one of her nighties and climbed into Tom’s large bed. She couldn’t believe how comfortable it was when she sank into the mattress and pulled the large, thick quilt over her.

Her head had barely hit the pillow before she fell sound asleep.

Tom entered the bedroom an hour later, when she was in a deep sleep. He pulled up a chair and sat at the side of the bed, watching her intently. Her hair was splayed out across the pillow, her mouth slightly parted while she slept, very small, quiet noises escaped with her every breath.

He reached out and softly stroked the side of her face, unable to avoid touching her. He was so ecstatic about having her all to himself, in his home. The possibilities about what he could do with her were endless.

He sat back in the chair, eyes still on her while he stroked his beard in thought.

Ellie’s eyes fluttered open, she let out a content sigh with how comfortable she was. Rolling over onto her side, she then let out a surprised squeak upon seeing Tom sitting on a chair by the bed, watching her. He smiled brightly when her eyes landed on him.

‘Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you, darling. I came in a few minutes ago, just to make sure you were ok. I admit, I got a bit lost watching you, you are such beauty.’ He said softly, leaning over towards her and stroking her hair.

‘It’s… ok… What time is it?’ She slowly sat up, keeping the quilt around her and trying to ignore what his words ignited inside her.

‘It’s 3pm.’ Tom said, checking his watch.

‘Oh god. I slept for ages.’ Ellie rubbed her face.

‘You were obviously needing it, sweetheart. Do you feel better?’ He took her hand in his and rubbed his thumb across the back of her hand. He was very touchy feely. Not that she was complaining, mind you.

‘I do. Thank you.’ She nodded.

‘Why don’t we administer your treatment? Then you can have a shower afterwards and get dressed.’ He asked softly.

Ellie’s eyes widened slightly, she’d forgotten about her treatment that would still need to be administered.

‘Ok.’ She nodded.

Tom’s cock was already straining in his trousers. He moved onto the bed and climbed under the quilt with her, she was already trembling before he’d even touched her.

He nuzzled her nose with his own, his hands wandering down her body and underneath her nightie. His fingers lightly tickled up her body, making her giggle and setting her skin alight with goosebumps on his trail.

Tom smiled and kissed her, happy when she responded with the same amount of enthusiasm that he had. Her arms even came around him, holding him to her as she pressed up against him, wanting more.

He slid his hand down and into her knickers, groaning when he found her soaking wet already. Nipping playfully on her lower lip, he kissed down her neck and then moved down her body.

‘Why don’t we try something slightly different, darling? To celebrate you getting out.’ He winked at her and disappeared underneath the quilt.

Ellie felt her stomach flip, knowing exactly what he meant when she felt him tug her knickers down and off. He tossed them out from under the quilt and onto the floor, then she felt him move between her legs. She attempted to close her thighs from him, but he growled and nipped her inner thigh, making her squeak and her thighs fall back open again.

‘Relax, sweet girl.’ He growled from underneath.

She did just that. Since she couldn’t actually see him, she let her head fall back onto the pillow and closed her eyes to enjoy it. Feeling his breath dance across her skin, getting closer and closer…

She couldn’t remember the last time a guy went down on her. She wasn’t actually sure if anyone ever had, come to think of it. Not to her knowledge anyway.

Tom’s tongue felt delightful when it slid between her folds, going from long broad strokes up and down to more concentrated flicks over her clit that wanted all of the attention. She’d never felt anything like it. The slurping and growls that came from down below was rather lewd, but highly arousing at the same time.

She could feel his beard tickling and scratching against her soft skin, making her feel even more sensitive to his actions. It wasn’t until she let out a scream when she came, that she realised her hands had made their way under the quilt and were buried in his long curls, tugging as she became lost in her pleasure.

‘Oh my god.’ She gasped, letting go of him, slightly embarrassed that she had got so into it.

Tom crawled up over her, grinning from ear to ear. His lips and chin were glistening wet.

‘My my, darling. That was quite the feast.’ He purred, licking his lips then his mouth was on hers again, forcing her to taste herself on him.

He managed to get his cock out without much effort, lined himself up with her and in one smooth thrust, he was inside of her. Pushing into her warmth and forcing her soft walls to mould around him.

This time, Tom managed to take her slowly, intimately. Full of kisses and caresses, he whispered sweet nothings into her ear. He was just so ecstatic to have her home.

And Ellie… she was happy to be there.

After having sex, Ellie was feeling a little vulnerable. Tom took her to the bathroom and he showered with her, making sure to wash her body gently. He massaged her shoulders too, enjoying the way she relaxed even more under his touch.

But he then noticed she had a few tears that were mingling in with the water. Tom frowned and tipped her chin up, looking worried.

‘What is it, sweet girl?’

‘I… I just… What is this? What are we? I’m confused. It’s not normal for Doctors to have patients staying with them, to have sex… Is it?’ Her eyes were wide and lost looking.

In Tom’s eyes, she was just screaming at him to protect her. To save her. To give her the answers she needed.

‘It’s not normal, no. But we have something special, you and I. Your condition is a rare one nowadays, which causes for rare treatment. But I think you and I both know this has also went further than just treatment… Don’t we?’ He smiled when her eyes brightened slightly.

‘R… really? You think?’

‘Yes. I do think so, darling. There’s no denying on my part that my feelings for you are stronger than just my patient.’ He trailed the tips of his fingers up and down the side of her face.

Ellie never said anything, she stepped into him and pressed her cheek against his bare chest and wrapped her arms around him. Tom smiled and pressed his face into her hair as he put his arms around her too.

[theshapeshifter100]

Guess What? I’m Not a Robot Ch28

Summary: The police start to round up androids and impose the curfew.

Chapter Warnings: Crying, heavy military presence, implied anxiety

Word Count: 1,827

3PM Tuesday 9th November 2038

They only just had time for Megan to shower and partially dry and Paul to change clothes before things started getting bad.

The news had been blaring since they got in, and besides the protests that day, a large chunk of what was playing was repeated messages for all androids to be handed over to the police and a curfew was being put in place for all of Detroit.

Megan stared at the screen, swallowing hard as she paused in towel drying her hair. This was bad. This was very, very bad.

Megan looked over at Paul, who was also watching, rapt. They had two options. Stay here safely, until the mentioned temperature checks were brought in, in which case they were screwed. Or they could try to leave, but where would they go?

They could go to Megan’s parent’s home, except androids were in use across the country, so it might not be long until checks started happening there too. Canada was an option, she had cousins in Canada, but then what? They couldn’t stay in Canada forever!

The answer came in the form of a message from Alex.

AAA Battery: Everyone get to mine ASAP

Paul and Megan saw it at the same time and looked at each other. Alex lived on the other side of the city, and if there was a curfew in place, public transport might not be running.

“We can make it,” Paul stated. “I don’t need to sleep; I can carry you.”

“It’ll take hours!” Megan protested, “I don’t see this curfew getting any better.”

“Then we leave before it gets worse.”

“Here is safe!”

“Here we’re sitting ducks!”

“The police don’t know that you’re an android!”

“They didn’t do full checks!” Paul was starting to pace. “What if this escalates to raids? What if the door gets knocked down and I’m scanned with a temperature sensor before either of us can do anything? What then? Because if that happens, I’m shut down and you’re arrested!”

“That could happen if we leave!”

“If we leave, we can have more control over it,” Paul stopped pacing to look at her. “It’s still daylight.”

“It’ll be dark by the time we get to Alex’s.”

“We’ll be fine. People are still leaving work places. We can caught in the rush. If we don’t find anyone to get us to Alex’s, fine. We’ll cope.”

Megan swallowed. “I really don’t like this.”

“It’s two evils,” Paul agreed. “We’ve just got to decide which one is more likely to work.”

“We don’t have enough information,” Megan twisted her hands together. “We don’t know what they’re going to do.”

“And we won’t know until it’s too late,” Paul looked at her pleadingly. “Let’s go. Please.”

“Okay, let me get a bag,” Megan declared, giving her hair one last towel dry before dropping the towel in the laundry basket.

“I’ll warn the Beckwith’s,” Paul decided, grabbing keys from the bowl and putting on his baseball cap.

“Be safe.”

“I will,” Paul stepped out of the door, barely letting it close behind him before striding to the other side of the hall and knocking on the Beckwith’s door.

The android opened the door, making Paul stiffen. He’d never talked to her, never wanted to. She was his replacement, seeing her was painful.

He had to put that aside.

“Are Mrs and Mrs Beckwith home?” he asked Anita. “It’s urgent.”

“Of course. One moment,” Anita stepped back into the house, and brought out the young Mrs Beckwith, who Paul remembered being called Danielle.

“Paul? What is it? Why are you dressed like that?”

“Never mind that!” Paul waved off, shocking Mrs Beckwith into silence. “Have you been watching the news?” he knew the answer was likely to be ‘no’, they rarely did watch the news.

“No, no we have not,” Mrs Beckwith seemed to have recovered her wits. “What on earth has gotten into you?”

“Doesn’t matter. Look, police are organising raids in residential areas, rounding up androids. If you want to protect Anita you need to get out of Detroit. Get her out of the uniform, hide or remove her LED and she might just be safe.”

Mrs Beckwith blinked in surprise, taking this in. “Very well. We shall do just that. Stay safe Paul,” she closed the door and Paul turned to see Megan standing next to him. She had a smallish backpack over her shoulder and was holding out his hoodie and raincoat.

“Make it a little less obvious that you don’t feel the cold,” she noted, and Paul put them on, noting that she was also wearing a hoodie and a coat.

“Let’s go,” he said, and Megan nodded, face grim and tight with nervous determination.

 3.20PM Tuesday 9th November 2038

Once outside they realised that one detail wasn’t quite correct.

“People are getting on the bus,” Megan noted.

“Yeah, they’re just being guarded,” Paul added, clocking the black body armour the guards were wearing.

“And checking ID’s,” Megan sighed. “Never mind.”

“Let’s go before they spot us,” Paul added, and the two kept walking. They went in the opposite direction to the bus stop. Even with people still using public transport, it was almost eerily quiet.

Automated taxis zoomed by, but all the taxi ranks were empty. They still had to walk.

“Hey! You two!”

Megan and Paul froze at the shout. Megan shoved her hands in her pockets as they turned, trying to hide her fists clenched in fear.

A black armoured soldier walked over at a brisk pace. “There’s a curfew being put in place right now. Go to your homes.”

“That’s where we are going,” Paul assured.

“Very well, ID’s please.”

Megan’s heart rate shot through the roof, but Paul managed to remain calm.

“Aw damn it, I left it at home. I mean, I wasn’t expecting a curfew, you know?”

“What about you?” he asked Megan, and she fished out her student ID and handed it to him. He inspected it and handed it back over. “Looks alright here ma’am. Sir, I’m just going to have to ask you to hold still a moment.”

He pulled out a small handheld laser device, which they both recognised as a temperature sensor that was being shown on the news. He made to scan it at them, but paused when the red light didn’t come on.

“What the...?” he pulled it back and checked it over. “I swore I... Damn batteries died almost instantly!” he put the temperature gun away. “Apologies ma’am, sir. You look alright, get home safe.”

“Thank you sir,” Paul smiled as he began to walk away, and Megan managed to small smile before following him.

Once out of earshot Megan muttered.

“That was too close.”

“Agreed.”

They had to pass through the busier parts of Detroit to get to Alex’s, so dived for the nearest parked car when they saw another guard. Megan put her hand over her mouth to hide the water vapour as they walked past, heart hammering in her chest. They walked past, scanned the area, and turned around.

Paul grabbed her hand and she followed him to the next car. A squad came running past, but missed them entirely. Instead they descended on an unlucky android.

Both Megan and Paul tensed as the android begged with the squad, trying to get them to believe that they were human. A single gunshot sounded and the android went silent.

Paul gripped Megan’s hand and she squeezed it. It wasn’t over yet for them.

They took it one car at a time, sprinting across gaps when they had to. It took the best part of two hours to get out of the city centre, and by that point Megan was almost convinced that she’d had multiple heart attacks.

The number of military personal decreased once they left the centre, but on the flip side, there were fewer places to hide, and fewer androids to distract them.

“Stop right there!” one cried as they tried to duck between street lights, and a hand grabbed Megan’s shoulder to pull her away from Paul.

“What are you doing? There’s a curfew,” even though they couldn’t see his face, they had a feeling he was narrowing his eyes, especially at Paul. The fact that Paul had changed his hair suddenly gave them the benefit of the doubt.

“Sorry, we’re not familiar with Detroit,” Paul was the King of Excuses tonight. “We’re trying to get back to our host family, but we’ve been lost for hours!”

“Hours, huh?” the soldier didn’t seem to believe them. “Can I see your ID’s please?”

Paul groaned. “I left it at the host family’s house. I’m sorry, I’m forgetful.”

“Forget his head if it wasn’t screwed on,” Megan managed to chime in coherently, despite her heart trying to make a new home outside of her rib cage.

The solider seemed to run out of patience and whipped out the temperature gun. In the low light it could be mistaken for an actual gun, which gave Megan an idea.

“I wanna go home!” she suddenly cried, and began to full on sob. Even Paul was taken aback as tears and snot began to fall down her face at a rapid pace.

The soldier paused in lifting the temperature sensor and looked around for backup, clearly flustered. Luckily for Megan and Paul, there was no such backup.

“O-okay, please stop crying,” the soldier tried to comfort. “It’s not a real gun-”

On the word ‘gun’ Megan turned the crying up to 11 and Paul shot the soldier a look with a mix of ‘look what you did’ and ‘help me’.

“Okay okay,” the solider put the temperature scanner away. “See, it’s gone. You two head back now. I’d escort you but I have to keep an eye for deviants. If you see anything dangerous, get as far as you can away from it. Understand?”

Megan nodded. “Ye-yes,” she half sobbed, hiccupping and wiping her eyes.

“Atta girl. Stay safe you two,” the soldier walked off in one direction and Megan and Paul went in the other.

“What was that?” Paul hissed once out of earshot.

“Never underestimate the power of the ugly cry,” Megan informed him sagely, wiping snot off of her face with her sleeve. “It works especially well if you’re already terrified, you’re female, and you look younger than you are.”

“I will have to remember that.”

“It won’t work on you,” Megan added. “You’re too tall and obviously older. You might be able to pretend to have autism, but that’s touchy territory so I wouldn’t recommend it unless you really had to.”

The two of them stuck to the shadows and walked through the park to avoid soldiers. They even ended up diving for someone’s front yard as one of them started to turn their flashlight unexpectedly in their direction.

Finally, nearly five hours after they’d left, they made it to Alex’s.

So, shit hit the fan quick. This is a part of the story were I have to make some assumptions, as we don't see this happening until Kara and co make their way to Jericho, but Rose claims it's been happening for hours.

Other Options Flowchart

(Megan) Stay in the apartment (leads to different scene where they have to leave or be arrested)

(Paul) Don't warn the Beckwiths.

(Paul) Pretend not to be deviant.

(Paul) Tell them to stay put. Tell them to hide

(Paul) Second guard. Run. Knock away sensor. Attack.

(Megan (same scenario)) Talk down. Beg. Distract. If failed, Paul would be shot and Megan possibly arrested. QTEs. Going between cars, if failed chances of being spotted is higher-may lead to Paul dead ending and maybe Megan arrested.

Tags! @nightmarejim @septicart-appreciation

[metalpixie-blog1]

Midgardsblot- Wolfziet Blog/Review continued...

So where was I? Midgardsblot to Wolfszeit. My adventure continues…

Having sucessfully left Midgardsblot in Borre behind me, I took the metro to a place, where to this day I still get tongue-tied trying to pronounce, even though Sognsvann, once you know even rudimentary Norwegian, should be really easy to say! With the overwhelming beauty of the Sognsvann lake itself, its sister lakes and the surrounding forest, I couldn’t believe where I was and also where I had come from. The reason I had taken a detour was a desire to see as much as I could before catching my coach to Copenhagen later that evening, giving me plenty of time to spare.

Once I arrived at the lake, with the next opportunity to rest not until I boarded my coach later that night, I took time out to have a good sleep before checking out the beauty around me and continuing my journey onward to Denmark. Anyone that knows me, however, will know that I’m a massive walking enthusiast and going to a place with such perfect terrain for hiking whilst carrying incredibly heavy bags containing everything but the kitchen sink was a little soul destroying, not being able to go on the miles & miles of hikes available around me. I did try for a small walk up hill until it became too much to bear and retreated back to the spot I had left, sitting by the lake soaking it all in until it was near time to leave. I do think it’s worth a return journey, where perhaps I will camp a couple of days and enjoy the all the lakes & views have to offer, especially as I only found out while there that it is legal to go to any natural forest area in Norway and camp for up to three days so long as you clean up after yourself and always seek permission from private landowners if you want to camp on their land.

Leaving the lake I got to Oslo itself with perhaps four hours to spare which turned out to be a great thing. Whilst on the opera building looking out onto the city of Oslo I spoke to an elderly Canadian couple who told me all about Vigeland Sculpture Park, with maybe just a couple of hours to spare (at this point) I contemplated journeying there as it was appealed to my arty side. Honestly I’m not one of those people who reads tour guides, maybe I should, but I find it more interesting and exciting finding it out from locals or even fellow travellers. Knowing that I was up against the clock made it that little bit more exciting! I powered through to get to the sculpture park, took some videos, a moment to look at the art and beauty of the surroundings and even managed to stop off at a local pub for food before heading to the bus terminal all in the nick of time. It was an experience that was definitely worth the risk.

A satisfying day alone, now night was falling and it was time to wind down and start to think about trying to sleep. I was on my way to Copenhagen and at first it was hard to simmer down but I got a good couple of hours. My adventure was in full bloom, I had already seen some of Norway and now I was heading to Denmark.

THE HUSTLE & BUSTLE OF COPENHAGEN

Early morning and the realisation that I was in Denmark hadn’t fully sunk in. Myself and a fellow Migardsblot attendee got off the coach and we prepared for the next part of our trips, her onward journey home to Germany and mine to sample what Denmark had to offer! First impressions of where we got off weren’t too positive, waking up to crisp morning air to look upon not to visually pleasing scenery. (Granted nothing at this moment or maybe at all was going to top the views I witnessed in Norway, however it seemed like any old dirty looking city at this point.) To top it off, after getting directions from a local, I got lost whilst looking for my hostel! I found the city easy to walk through in the early morning however it was quite chaotic later in the day. I noticed that in both Norway and Denmark, people take exercise seriously as they both have a lot more bike lanes to offer, and there are more people on bikes. Looking left for the traffic and right for the bikes it was crazy, I completely respect and appreciate more people using their legs and exercising but being British and not used to actually full bike lanes it was a tad hazardous. Reaching the hostel, the relief and satisfying feeling that I was finally going to have a shower after an all-nighter on a coach was the almost over whelming Nope! Got to the desk and bear in mind I have been to many a hostel on trips previous this one was different to all the others, this one didn’t check in until 3pm (Great I have hours!! All I want is a shower and to wash my clothes….) so I exhausted the day by going on walks around Denmark, checking out the tourist Venus fly trap that is the little mermaid statue. (Childhood nostalgia.) Then trying to walk other places which my feet and legs didn’t forgive me for in the end, making the shower even more enjoyable once finally embracing it.

Next day I went on a cultural trip to a certain place in Denmark where everything was really chilled, I could say where it is but for this time I’ll leave you to go and witness it for yourself. Let’s just say I was intoxicated by things not only the surroundings but the things that were going on, such as artists whether it be painters or musicians. Just being alone walking by the water nearby and seeing locals collecting fire wood and other such things was great. One of the times that being alone for that one moment was truly perfect.

I found being myself a little hard at times in Copenhagen, just because of the more diverse mix of people and I’m like Marmite you either love or hate me. Which as Denmark banned Marmite wasn't a good thing! So for this time it wasn’t like being a festival where it’s easy to find people that had anything in common with, these were people of all ethnicities and cultures which is good. Your never going to gel with everyone, so being at the hostel and Denmark in general was a little out of my comfort zone. Don’t misunderstand me I did really enjoy it at times. I met some great, interesting people some who understood me better than I could even imagine, however I found I was thinking too much and coming from somewhere I found tranquil and peaceful at times this was just a completely different and quite tense experience. Saying this I do think I would return just not after going to somewhere like Norway first.

ONWARDS TO GERMANY

Boarding the night train in Germany was a challenge in some ways, I got on so far down from where my actual carriage was that I had to back track with a heavy back pack walking down the narrowest spaces on the train, I was sweating lots and still couldn’t find where I was meant to be going. I ended up giving up and sitting near to people who actually were pretty nice and one of them was super mothering which is welcome sometimes. Once they left I got some shut eye, having to change trains a few times in the early AM. Even though I was tired I still found this part of my journey interesting, including the times I was awake and getting excited for my last part of the trip. A little helpful tip if you ever end up on a night train to Germany, at Hamburg station around perhaps 5am in the morning and wonder if there will be anything open, yes is the answer, many places that offer sandwiches and coffee which was very welcome.

WOLFSZEIT

The elusive German festival, truly in the middle of nowhere. Almost impossible to get to, it was lucky that I knew someone who lived in Germany who knew where she was going. It was a complete rush to get most of the way there and the rest would have been a least an hours walk. Luckily me and friend where asked if we wanted a ride from some friendly natives who were going to festival so no walking for us! However getting back on a Sunday was near to impossible having no buses and barely any trains running. Even knowing this, I still got a ticket and train there, figuring me and my friend would work something out as that what we seemed to do together. There wasn’t any resting, from one train us to another. I think the final bus is where I had some minutes to spare where I ran to the nearest shop to pick some food as we were going to be in the middle of nowhere, literally. We were at the point where it was an hour trek from the nearest village to the actual site, stepping off the bus and minute to prepare myself for the trip, then a car pulled out within the and a guy started talking German. Bonus we have a lift. Off to Wolfszeit!

WOLFSZEIT

With our tents all set up, we met up with more friends and took our time to really get to know where things were, what things they had to offer etc. This festival was very small and only had two food options, in the day and didn’t have a super market or shop anywhere near so it’s recommended to buy all the food and drink you need before you get there. However they do have a couple of café type shop pop ups in the morning that opens early for a couple hours, and if you get there early enough you get the best pick with its fantastic fresh sandwiches, coffee and fruit. And to be honest it is extraordinarily welcome after the night before, plus the fact at the best of times all you might need is a good brew and sometimes it’s not easy to find at festival. Not this one!

Again, just like Midgardsblot, this festival was not what I had expected. Yes I knew it was a small festival in the middle of know where other than that I was clueless, the website gave nothing away and actually all the views where mesmerising. Like seeing stars that were seemed bigger and brighter than those visible back home and surrounded by the pure blue of the sky and fullness of the moon. Truly breathtaking and magical, surrounded by trees and walks that go for miles. When we weren’t listening to music or attempting to sleep we were going on walks and this place was so majestic. It was the definition of rural living with locals living on the hill top and near a lake. Even with it being so out the way and almost impossible to get back from if you didn’t drive like Moi, it didn’t matter even if this was the last time I could go to this festival I was glad I took the nonstop journey for this experience as it was completely worth it.

The music

Line-Up 2016:- SATYRICON SOLSTAFIR VARG EISREGEN ARKONA HEIDEVOLK NARGAROTH URFAUST IMPERIUM DEKADENZ HEIMDALLS WACHT NACHTBLUT OBSCURITY BLACK MESSIAH WOLFCHANT XIV DARK CENTURIS HARAKIRI FOR THE SKY THRUDVANGAR FIMBULVET FIRTAN STRYDEGOR.

If you think it was the acts at this event were going to play the same old, think again! Yes I had seen a couple of acts repeatedly over the course of the summer, I had witness Heidvolk at least 3 times before seeing them at Wolfsziet and they alone did an awesome set. Instead of playing the popular songs in the ordinary fashion, they had an acoustic part to their set which was great. Solstafir also stepped out of their usual routine and played their earlier more rock style stuff which was good to hear also. This festival had some acts that I hadn’t seen anywhere else either due to cancellations or they just didn’t play in other festivals this year. I was most looking forward to Black Messiah (German folk metal band) who cancelled Ragnarok festival in April this year. Firtan, a Black/pagan metal also from Germany. Other then their sets being a little too short for my liking, I was delighted to see both of those bands as I had listened to a lot of both of them before travelling to Wolfsziet. Another two bands I had never seen live before and were really looking forward to was Harakiri For The Sky and Obscurity! To be honest I can't remember seeing much Obscurity, however Harakiri For The Sky were as good if not better then I imagined. I would have been happy just going for just those four acts alone and still felt that the festival was worth the travel and the sleepiness nights, however most of the acts there new, old or in between were pretty superb. If I was going to name the worst act it would only be because it was the last act of the last night and at this point the weekend, traveling and walking was taking its toll so watching a; flamboyant, colourful, dramatically and I think slightly unnecessary act was the reason this act was my least favourite, and that act was Satyricon, I’m sure I will watch them again (sorry guys just wasn’t for me on this occasion.)

I was truly satisfied not only with the festival in general but the acts also under a beautiful night sky and hot heat in the day.

The journey home.

A long one needless to say miss my flight after my friend gave me a lift that was totally out of his way to the airport. My luggage went missing and I had to try and get another flight, however I found it hilarious as it turned out I accidently had to go to Belgium…Again! And once I touch down in Belgium from Olso (yes I had to go from Frankfurt to Oslo to Belgium to Manchester) my Bag mysteriously appeared thanks to the helpful lost baggage staff, I had already got used to fact I wouldn’t see it again and they found it for me, was truly grateful.

Hours late but in one piece I made it home from one truly exciting adventure and will hope to do another festival again soon. All in all one hell of a trip!

[neonpinksami]

Alright guys, so I’m going to give my lengthy review of how using my menstrual cup went. It is pretty personal and discusses everything involved with a period so I’ll put it under a Read More so no one who is grossed out has to read it. I do feel a little uncomfortable sharing so much personal information but I think it’ll be really helpful for anyone curious about menstrual cups.

If you just want a simple summary: It was amazing, I highly recommend it for anyone who gets periods, it mostly takes some time learning and getting used to but it's not too far from using a tampon

And here we go:

Overview: I am a 22-year old college student who spends 99% of my time sitting around, so if you're looking for a review on how this works in an active lifestyle you should look elsewhere. Since my classes ended and I just went shopping, I really have no reason to go out so this entire review is based on me just doing stuff around my house and walking my dog. I take birth control pills, so I get my period for 5-6 days exact.  My period started on Saturday and I didn't get the cup till Monday afternoon, so this was about halfway through. I usually just use tampons prior to this. And I used the Dutchess cup purchased from Amazon, since it wasn't too expensive and I figured would be a good starter cup, plus for $15 I got 2.

I am NOT any kind of professional anything in this topic, so this is all just an average student trying out a cup. All of this is just opinion based recounting of how I utilized the cup, correctly or incorrectly.

Day 1: Monday

I woke up around 2 or 3pm-ish (don't judge my sleep schedule please) and took a shower around 4pm. I put in the cup during my shower, it wasn't difficult really. I did somewhat feel it there, but not uncomfortably and I'm sure it just takes some getting used to. I was able to comfortably pee with it in a few hours later, no leaks. Around 10pm I decided to try to change it. I used the toilet first, and I think when I pooped it moved down some so I tried to push it back up just to see what it would do if I wasn't planning to change it. But I think I accidentally broke the seal and it started leaking. So taking it out was a bit messy and took me a bit, but wasn't too bad, I'm sure with practice it'll be easier. I dumped it and used my tub faucet to rinse it out. And then it was still pretty easy to insert again, but there was some blood left over from removing it that I had to wipe away. And I definitely could've left it longer, there wasn't too much blood in there after 6 hours. Unfortunately, my bowels picked a bad day to be irritated and I had to remove the cup again around 2am to poop. Then, to be safe, I emptied it before I went to bed around 6am. So far, only had trouble emptying it the first time. Once inserting it, it doesn't pop open but I just retried and it worked fine.

Day 2:

I woke up at around 3pm (again, don't judge) and didn't feel the normal discomfort or urgency I feel with tampons overnight. I was able to just relax for a while, wash my face and such morning routines, and then finally changed it at 5pm. So that was 11 hours of it in. And not much blood, really. Then again, I wasn't standing for long before I changed it so maybe some was left from my laying down so long?  I did have a little trouble removing it and it was a little uncomfortable doing so, but I think I just haven't gotten the hang of it just yet. At around 8pm I felt a little off and found some blood leakage, not much though. The cup wasn't full at all, I think the seal just broke? I reinserted it a bit lower sitting than before just to see if it was more comfortable or effective, but I think it kinda naturally moved up anyways. I changed it at around 430am and took a bath, which was great because I didn't have to worry about it getting soggy like a tampon and was able to comfortably stay in there as long as I wanted.

Day 3: 

I woke up and stayed in bed for a very long time. Changed the cup around 5pm. There wasn't much blood, but that's probably because tonight is when I start my pills again so I'm usually finished by tomorrow. I'm sure I could've left it in if I really wanted, since there was as I little blood. I'm not sure if the 12 hours thing is for any health reason, or just because that's the average time till it's full? Not sure. But I kept it in another 12 hours and didn't change it till I went to shower at 5am. There was little blood and it was more brown which is usual for my last day. Normally, I would either uncomfortably deal with a tampon tonight, since I'm usually light on the last day, or a pad, which I don't usually buy and it feels more wasteful to me. But I didn't feel uncomfortable putting the cup in even though there's barely any blood. I'm wondering now how I'm gonna determine the end of my cycle without a mess, since I usually judge it by if there's any blood on a pad during a day and I dunno how noticeable it will be for the cup?

Day 4:

I woke up at 1130am to drive to campus so I could pick something up, but I waited until about 8pm to actually change the cup. There was almost nothing there, so I decided to just use a liner for today since I'm probably finished with my period. Which I was right, so I boiled the cup and put it away until next time

Overall, this thing was amazing. It definitely has a learning curve, and I'm still kinda nervous to not use a liner with it. But I only had a leak once.  I felt a lot more comfortable, didn't feel rushed ever to empty it, and just felt better overall. Instead of the average 5 tampons I'd be throwing out a day, I just had to wash this out every now and then. Its effective, comfortable, more sanitary and safe, less costly and less wasteful than tampons or pads. So I very much recommend this and encourage period-havers to try it. Especially for $15 for two, if it doesn't work out it's not a huge waste of money. Also, there's more expensive ones that might be better than the Dutchess Cup that you could try, but I didn’t have any issues with mine so. 

[light-saint]

There is nothing more amazing than the feeling you get when you get to see the sun bathing your face with it’s morning light from the highest peak of your beautiful home country.

I must admit, even though Chirripó is Costa Rica’s highest mountain, I had never actually seen any image that referred to this place. I knew it was there and that it was cold (actually very cold), but never had I seen a picture of it. It was a mystery to me. Like having a treasure hidden in your closet that even though you knew there was something important there, you wouldn’t dare to even look at it.

That is how I felt of this place. I wanted to get to the top with no expectations whatsoever and see everything with my own eyes!

One of the rivers that Flows on the Base of the Mountain

We started out as a group of about 8 people planning to go do the hike. Everyone was excited at the beginning, but when the time came to show up and say “Yes! I’m going, I just payed!”, 6 of them canceled and just Juan and I ended up going. I don’t really know why this happens, and it happens a lot they say, but it’s like the mountain decides who goes and who doesn’t. I guess that for me it’s a little bit of a challenge to keep your intention on going and doing it no matter what. Sad, I must say, because they lost an experience of a lifetime. But well, not really my problem, I, on the other hand, was the happiest person alive to live this experience!

The trip started once that Juan came looking for me at about 5:30am on a Saturday. We had to drive to Perez Zeledón and from there it was like an hour drive to the base of the mountain. It was hard to keep him from listening to Justin Beiber, but I finally convinced him and we could listen to normal music for about 4 and a half hours.

Giving it all to singing.

Getting near Base

The road.

Once we got there, we actually found ourselves joining the tour bus that had left earlier. Yes, we were on a tour schedule, and had to rendezvous at the National Park to get our bracelet and tickets for food and entrance to the Shelter on the valley atop the mountain.

To make it a little bit clearer, there is actually 15 km from the base to the Shelter. Up there you are allowed to stay up to four days depending on the permit you get. We stayed up there only one night. From the shelter you can do lots of hikes. Chirripó is only one of the hikes you can do, about 3 km from the shelter, but there is also Ventisqueros, Crestones, Terbi, Ditkevi, Guardianes de las Aguas Eternas, etc, etc… Chirripo is the highest, though, standing at 3820 meters above sea level.  We made all of these hikes in just 2 days, which I don´t really recommend you doing if you want to take it slow!

Deciding what to get and what to leave to the Arrieros.

Meeting Hall

Getting ready to look for the waterfall.

The town at the Base of the Mountain

Once at the base we slept at the Hotel Uran, located about 20 m from the entrance to the Km Zero of the trail. Great food. Amazing service. Had a small talk with the whole tour group to get to know each other and off to relax. Some of us even went to a nearby waterfall located about 15 m from the hotel. Beautiful place to relax!

These are all from the time we spent waiting for midnight and walking to the waterfall.

The time had come. Juan and I were ready and had even taken things off of our backpacks because we knew they were not going to be needed. 11:40 pm. Everything quiet. Backpacks on our backs and headlamps not yet on. We made sure nothing was left on the room and headed out. 11:55pm. We started stretching. We had a 6-7 hour walk in front and this was totally needed. There were 2 groups: the ´slow´ one that started at 12 am and the ´fast´ one that was intended to catch the first group started at 1 am. We were on the slow one because Juan and I were both carrying a lot of weight and thought that maybe we needed to have more time on our side.

12 mid night.

“Let’s go team!” – the team leader shouted.

All of us grabbed on to our walking stick and started moving. All of us cleared our heads, switched the headlamp on and looked straight ahead. Again, much like the Arenal hike, all you could hear were footsteps and see the lights of the people you had in front. It was going to be a 6-7 hour walk, but we had our energy drinks and bars with us.

The first km is called the “Thermometer”, it’s one of the hardest. It’s called like this to measure who can handle the rest of the hike. It does live up to it’s name, i can assure you that!

14 more kilometers to go and you already feel your legs throbbing. This is a very mental hike. All you got to do is look at your next step and keep on doing it. We stayed with one of the guys from the tour and got to know him well. His name is Jean. Curious thing about him is that Juan and I thought we had a lot of weight on our backs… Well, Jean had 16kg on his backpack. He didn’t pay for the things to be taken up (They are called Arrieros, you pay for the weight taken up and they do with horses), like Juan and I did with half of our stuff.

The Thermometer

Kilometer 7 resting spot.

Juan Eating at kilometer 4.

This is Jean.

Views at Kilometer 10

Views at Kilometer 10

Views at Kilometer 10

We only made stops at Km 4, the gate where the warden had to be, Km 7, which is half way and there is also a little bit of a shelter where you can fill your Camelback again, and, km 10 that we really needed to rest a little. The last 2 km are the hardest. It’s called “La cuesta de los arrepentidos” or The Repentant Slope, you can imagine why. But from then on you get so much energy knowing that there’s one one km to go!

The repentant Slope

After the Repentant Slope.

Finally! The Albergue (shelter). It’s more like a hostel right now, though. Amazing, I must add. The architecture is great for being so high up and every room has bunk beds with super comfortable mattresses. Once we got there, we had breakfast and went directly to rest. There was a long hike still on the way and our legs weren’t answering. Oh, we also had a cold shower first. Can you imagine? We were at probably 6 degrees Celsius, and THERE WAS NO HOT WATER. All you had to do was stand in front of the shower head, count to three, and open the shower. It literally HURT. It had taken us 6 hours and 20 minutes to get up there. We got there on a great time. Almost nobody had passed us and we had a small window for sleeping.

Juan getting the Shot

View of Crestones from the Shelter

Our Room.

FINALLY AT THE SHELTER

9am. Get up again.

The next hike was Crestones.

We could barely walk but hey! This is the first time I get to go to Chirripó and we had already done 15 km up. There was no way I was going to miss any landscape. So, at a relatively slow pace, we started going up again. This time I took less stuff on my bag, yet the camera gear is heavy.

Crestones is AMAZING. You can feel the scale from the images. Up there, the valley looks like no other landscape in my country. We took a couple of pictures, had lunch, smiled like I never thought I could, and kept walking towards Terbi. We got to Terbi (3760m above sea level) at about 1:15pm. The third highest mountain.

Our Guide Jose

Hi.

Look at the scale of this place!

Can you spot him?

From there we took the same path to get to Guardianes de las Aguas Eternas, a pathway that has rocks on it’s sides and you feel really small. The next stop was El Valle de los Conejos. This was after you went down the mountain and got to a more barren type of valley with a crossroad and some benches. We had the option of going to Ditkevi (a Lake), back to the shelter, or to Ventisqueros, the second highest peak. Only Juan from the 15 of us decided he didn’t want to go to Ditkevi.

Guardianes de las Aguas Eternas

2pm. Waiting for the people at the Crossroad in the Valley.

Valle de los Conejos

3pm. Ditkevi.

This lake’s name, Ditkevi, means: Place to have close encounters with God. Jean and I waited for the group and I went to meditate for some time until everyone gathered. The energy there feels so perfect.

Someone. though, decided it was a good idea to get INSIDE the lake… it was cloudy out, temperature was cold, and yet they wanted to get inside the freezing lake!? Well… it was another challenge. A girl started out and got in with no problem, and obviously everyone started cheering and motivating each other to get in. At the end I had to… Peer Pressure basically… But who cares? I actually did want to get in. So I took off my shirt, thought of all the cold waterfalls I had got into and started running inside. The feeling is none like you’d ever imagined. You do feel like your body just changes. As if you are reborn. The skin itches and you breath again. You are another you and leave that body somewhere inside the mountains of this magical place.

4pm. We were walking back to the Shelter. Done. Some crazy ones decided they were going to Ventisqueros, so they did. My legs would have never been able to. We still had to wake up early in the morning to see the sunrise at Chirripo.

5pm. Rest. 6pm. Dinner. 7pm. Sleep. Even though my head was unbearable from the heat, the weight and the walk, I managed to get some rest.

NEXT DAY.

We woke up at about 1:30 am. Grabbed our stuff, put on a jacket and headlamps and started our walk to Chirripo. When starting out I remembered my camera didn’t have enough battery so Juan waited for me as the group continued. I ran back to the room. That moment when we were out there at 2 am, i glanced up and couldn’t accept what my eyes were looking at. I will just leave you with this image:

The Whole Milky Way!

Yes. The WHOLE Milky Way was on top of us. I just could not believe it. We stayed behind the group and managed to take plenty of long exposure images. WHAT A NIGHT! It was 3km from the Shelter to the Highest Peak, so we still had some way to go.

Finally the sun started rising in the horizon and we were almost at the top. 5 am and there was still a steep way up. We had to leave our jiking poles halfway because at this moment we were to use our hands for grabbing the rock.

5:15 am. We were on the top! I was the happiest person on Earth. The view was something out of this world. The sun was bathing my face with it’s morning glow and I was up there staring at it. Tears fell down my cheeks and and couldn’t stop smiling. The lakes, the volcanoes, the clouds, the Sun. We had the most beautiful treat I could have ever imagined having. We were blessed with that view.

The whole group with the view~

Look at the scale!~

Juan at the top!

This face resembles a lot of happiness, I promise!

The way down was also spectacular. I had never walked such an amazing landscape. It was like walking a painting. Juan and I got to the Shelter, had breakfast and slept for a couple of hours until we were ready to go down. This time we did not pay for Arrieros, so our bags weigh 12 kg each. It was going to be a tough way in the middle of the day, but we were super motivated knowing that we had such a show in the morning and we only had to go down.

Juan With the view

The view and I

Ready. Set. Go! 9am we were on our way. Music on our earphones and nothing was going to stop us. The whole scenery on our way down was also something to notice. it was beautiful. We only stopped at km 7 to re-fill with water, but from then on we knew there was no stopping. To finish it up, it started raining at km 4. This was a bit of a problem because I had a sweater and a towel strapped to my bag and couldn’t get it inside the backpack, so as it got wet, the bag got heavier. My ankles and my legs were moving on their own because I had little energy. I don’t know how I finally got down, but we did, and it was the happiest moment of all. It took us 4 hours to get down.

1pm. We had lunch at the Uran, grabbed everything and threw it in the car. Luckily Juan was the one who decided to drive. I had little to no movement on my legs.

We even stopped at the beach to get to know Dominical which I hadn’t visited, and then continued our way to the city. We were back at about 5 pm.

This was probably one of the most amazing hikes I’ve ever done, and if I have the chance, I will do it again this year for sure. I hope you can as well. The magic in this mountain is something nobody should miss experiencing. I have the treasure now, inside my chest, my lungs and my skin. This is what I was looking for.

Chirripó; the treasure mountain. There is nothing more amazing than the feeling you get when you get to see the sun bathing your face with it's morning light from the highest peak of your beautiful home country.