#too many thoughts and not enough brain power at 1am

[xxxvomitboyxxx]

"No, no, no - You're young. You have the right to explore. You're Black in a country that will try to convince you you ain't shit. You're gay, and your own people may never accept you."

Marcus and Jerome - Fellow Travelers 1.08.

[thatwildnya]

venti when griffin wifey disappears to nest

The anemo archon is freaking out after his wife has suddenly vanished without a trace. After hours of searching with the help of the Favonius Knights and Diluc he discovers she has made a nest in Dvalin's home to lay a clutch of eggs.

TW: none

notes: the format this is written in what we've named a headcanon drabble mix. it will start with hcs and have a drabble at the end or multiple sprinkled throughout it. these will be tagged as headcanon drabble mix, hc drabble mix, or [fandom]hcdm.

chitters and nickers

Wild: I've started playing genshin recently and it's been on my mind a lot. Decided to write somethin' on a whim. Might make more with the same prompt if this one gets a lot of attention.

nya: i wanna squish venti's cheeks

wifey's bird cat mix

european wildcat, white dove, 7 eggs

very likely this was not planned, Venti’s alcoholic tendencies often cause him to forget protection so it was only a matter of time it caught up to him

unexpected pregnancies with female griffins can be absolutely heart attack inducing due to their instincts kicking in immediately once their body realizes what’s happening. bird brains go into maximum overdrive and once it decides where it wants to nest they’re making a beeline to claim said spot and going builder mode asap.

so imagine the archon’s panic when you’re nowhere to be found after being sick and acting weird all week. poor guy is zooming all over the city alongside the knights and Diluc to find you. once he’s combed through the city he uses his godly powers to call for Dvalin’s assistance. but there’s no answer.

Equation: wifey acting odd + wifey missing + dragon friend not responding. Conclusion: something very bad happened. Solution: it is time to panic at the anemo.

shouts at some random pedestrian passing by to gather the knights and meet him at the lair. unfortunately he mistook the stranger as a knight them self due to wearing similar clothes. and on top of that this person was a foreigner. but he’s gone before the misunderstanding can be cleared. now hubby is thought to be missing. what an eventful day for Mondstadt.

creates a crater when he lands outside his friends home. said friend sticks his head out from the crumbling tower with blurry eyes. what was all this racket for? this is the second time he’s been so rudely awoken today! bro already lost hours of sleep from his wife barging in at 1AM to nest and lay eggs. wifey did what now.

the dragon’s grumpiness dissolves once the situation has been cleared. in fact he was laughing in the end. the image of a large number of humans scurrying around in search of a god’s wife thinking the worst when in actuality she’s enjoying baby time in arguably the safest place in the nation is hilarious!

but that’s not important right now you laid eggies sired by him he’s gonna be a dad! this twink of a god can’t contain his excitement. how many did you lay? when will they hatch? how big are they? have they developed enough to be able to hear his voice? can he hold them? too bad you can’t answer, doves can’t mimic sounds and you aren’t reverting back to human for a while.

has no problem with you nesting in Dvalin’s home. in fact he’s all for it. very few humans and monsters dare to intrude on the territory of the anemo dragon once called Storm Terror. no worries here! so long you had no issues he’d stand by your decision, y’know what they say, a mother knows best!

you are never left alone Venti makes sure there’s always one person he trusts to watch over you and your growing kids. if he could he’d be right there in the nest with his family 24/7. the issue is, however, that you’re the breadwinner of the family. and griffin moms to be won’t leave the eggs alone until they’ve hatched. not for food, water, nothing. avian feline mom’s have wills of steel.

it isn’t long before Venti realizes the problem. kids are not cheap to raise. (especially in this economy) so for the first time in history, the anemo archon begins the treacherous and traumatizing journey of job hunting. it was a grueling quest, one of hardships and difficulty like no other. his confidence and ego took many serious blows, wounds inflicted upon them so deep it was feared he might never recover. there were plenty of times he almost gave up, but he persevered! his family was counting on him, he couldn’t give up. and with the power of love and friendship, he was able to slay- jk he just became a part time knight and takes on quick jobs spread across his nation.

this is quite the change to his usual routine but it’s all worth it. every time he returns to his recently grown family is all the motivation he needs. can’t wait for the day he’ll be greeted by a chorus of chirps after a long day of work.

when he isn’t working he’s always near the nest, if he isn’t in it. and more likely than not he’s by a fire cooking up something for you to eat. he’s glad you’ll eat if food is in reach. man’s on his way to becoming a 5 star chef with how much he’s expanding his culinary skills.

when is baby time? it’s always baby time in this house. and everyone is invited to baby time. can’t help but squeal internally whenever you get excited at visitors. leaving the nest just to gently tug them over so they could see the eggs will always be the cutest thing you’ll do to him. how can he not smile when your feathered face shines with pride everytime you present his kids?

finally, the day comes. he’s in the middle of aiding Diluc unload supplies for Angel’s Share when the Mondstadt citizens are given a heart attack by Dvalin suddenly swooping overhead shouting for him to get his butt back to you. get ready folks, it’s time for round 2 of panic at the anemo!

adding a new crater in Dvalin's lawn he runs to your side with heaving lungs all winded and worried. but you seem completely fine? and so do the babies, albeit one is shivering from the chillness of the ruins and being wet having just hatched… wait a minute-

Did you really have to disappear like that? Especially since you’ve been acting strange the past week?

Your side of the bed was cold when he woke up and he thought you had already left for work. The day goes on as normal, some bard performances here, archon duties there, wine shenanigans, nothing out of the ordinary. Until your boss shows up demanding to know where you are just as he was about to take a post lunch nap.

Okay, there’s no need to panic yet. Maybe your boss forgot you weren’t supposed to be in today? Nope, it’s the middle of the week. Maybe you were late getting back from lunch? What do you mean you haven’t been in all day. Were you scheduled to work offsite? No? Okay, now it's time to panic.

He’s fearing the worst as he and the others search for you. His true identity may be a secret to most but that unfortunately wasn’t true for a certain large powerful group that had already stolen from him twice. He hopes this isn’t their doing.

Thankfully the search doesn’t last long. Once the city has been combed through he flies off to get help from Dvalin. His friend can’t help but laugh when told what was going on. That’s when it’s revealed you’ve been in his lair the whole time.

Just as the dragon said, you’ve taken residence in his lair. Showing up in the middle of the night without warning to build a nest. So that’s where all the missing clothes, blankets, and pillows went. Used as cushions for the nest you’ve built in the middle of the night. The nest, might I add, looks very comfortable. Your loafing self emits a blissful aura, wings drooping lazily at your side and talons tucked under your chest.

Doesn’t know whether to laugh or cry. Opts for a third option to beeline to you for a hug. But there will be no hugs for him. Dvalin manages to grab him before he can take a few steps.

“I would advise against this approach, Barbatos.” the anemo dragon warns while the archon flails in his talons whining, “less you desire a delay in meeting your offspring.”

The bard freezes at his words. Offspring? Does he mean you were…?

Venti is plopped down a few steps away from you, this time waiting for your acknowledgement before coming close. You are more than happy to have him there. Thank you Dvalin for intercepting, you’d be on guard if you’d seen your husband suddenly running full speed at you.

You raise your wings slightly, doing mini flaps as you call out to him in your beautiful avian voice with enthusiasm. You are practically vibrating in excitement as your mate comes to join you in your nest made of natural and man made materials. The same could be said for him.

“Lemme see, lemme see, lemme see!” Venti claps impatiently, ready to see the incubating life underneath your feathers. His eyes somehow manage to get even wider as you sit up. You puff up your chest feathers, head raised high with pride as you reveal the seven eggs you’d laid hours ago.

Venti’s eyes are sparkling with happy tears. Head in hands as he leans forward on his elbows, he studies his growing babies in awe. It pleased him to no end that the shells were decorated in the colors of anemo. If that didn’t scream who sired these eggs then he didn’t know what would.

Hand slightly reaching out, he had intended to wait for the okay like before. But you were offended he had the audacity to think he had to get permission to touch what he had helped to create. And you were going to make your feelings very clear.

Without warning you lunge forward. Small beak clamping on his shirt to jerk him over the edge. The bard lets out a startled yelp, face planting into your wing. Despite being a combination of smaller species of the feline and avian family, you were still quite strong.

“Ow ow ow, was that really necessary love dove?” He rubs his nose. Beak snaps are your reply, pouting at him to hurry up. Your impatience was so great he was denied the option to shake out his hat of feathers and twigs, getting robbed of his head wear. Okay he gets the memo sheesh!

The remainder of the evening is spent snuggled in the nest. Songs of humans and birds are heard late into the night, the voice of a dragon chiming in at times. Peace befalls the land of anemo.

Until it’s shattered by a frantic legion of knights still searching for their god and his wife hours later.

~ time skip yay ~

Venti sobs, clutching his bundle of joy to his chest. It had been nearly half an hour since his firstborn had entered the world yet somehow the tears kept flowing. No matter how hard he tried, the tears wouldn’t halt. But could you really blame him?

“You’re going to hyperventilate at this rate. It’s a wonder you haven’t already.”

“I-I-I *sniffle* can’t h-hel- *sob* help i-it!” he hugs his firstborn closer, blurry gaze never leaving his child’s face. “Sh-she-she’s *hiccup* s-so beau- *sniffle* beautiful!” the dragon rolled his eyes. How much longer did he have to listen to his crying?

“Get a hold of yourself. Your hatchlings won’t benefit if both parents are unable to assist due to being unconscious.”

Venti gives a final sniffle before tilting his head up in an attempt to stop the tears. He blinks rapidly, steadying his breath. A quick wipe of the sleeve and it’s back to staring.

He wanted to see every little thing she did. His perfect little feathered treasure.

The hatchling had somehow managed to sleep through his whole cry fest. Cozily wrapped in a quilt and blissfully resting from her first big hurdle. Not even a day old and she had already passed the most important milestone of her life, breaking the shell that had protected her as she grew.

He quickly wiped his eyes again. He’d cried enough today.

Suddenly she yawned, beak opening wide and talons outstretching. Eyes blinking open, she looks up at her father’s puffy face. Venti smiles warmly at her, his own eyes giving her loving slow blinks. His daughter returns the gesture.

She begins to wiggle in his hold, talons reaching to grip his shirt in an attempt to pull herself closer to his face. To save his daughter the trouble he lifts her closer. He chuckles as he nuzzles her face, her curious sniffs ticking.

“Hello, little one,” he whispers quietly, planting a kiss on her forehead, “the winds welcome you into the world.”

[introvert-bookclub]

it's so fascinating to have kids and see how the human brain puts itself together.

yesterday we all went to a friend's baby shower. my 2yo is best buds with her 2yo and they share the exact same interests in trucks, tractors, cars, and heavy-duty construction equipment (i'm not at all a gender essentialist but jeez it seems hardwired into so many little boys. my husband and i encouraged none of it and here we are, mired in vehicles, talking about fire trucks 12 hours a day.)

friend's 2yo has one of those kid-sized, battery-powered, john deere-branded tractors in his backyard and this is the first time we've been there since they got it. We put my son in the trailer and let his friend drive him around the yard... you have never seen two happier toddlers. Then my son got to try driving for a little bit. Then other kids.

anyway. cut to post-party. my child was absolutely bonkers for the rest of the day. clearly overstimulated/ecstatic from playing with someone else's entirely different set of toys. I asked him if he preferred riding in the tractor or driving it, he said definitively "DRIVING" (a brand new word for him). he absolutely crashed at bedtime and woke up 3x during the night yelling about driving the tractor. Not a nightmare at all, just EXCITED.

we don't buy our son stuff like that, with electronics and noises and lights and whatever. most of our toys are hand-me-downs or gifts from grandparents and our son is still young enough that he doesn't really know the difference........ until he goes to a friends house. so last night at 1am while I was holding him to help him calm back down, i had this thought that we're creating a low-key villain origin story for him. the best toys are never HIS TOYS. i go around all day thinking i'm doing something good for him... encouraging more creative, deeper play, maybe???? but maybe i'm planting the seeds of bitter resentment? how will I know, until it's too late?

[rebelwriter99]

Ahhhh! I tried so hard to resist the infodump and lost. Badly.

Oh dear what a pity never mind.

These two! They unironically fascinate me and have done ever since I first read the Deathly Hallows. Now, this feels like another accidentally interesting character. Remus is a prime example-he’s not written as dynamically disabled, but he is! Dumbledore-deeply in love with a mad dictator? Apparently it’s more likely than you think!

I loved the way Crimson Rivers handled Dumbledore and Grindelwald’s relationship, and I loved Dumbledore’s characterisation as a result. But in Canon…that level of hero worship-especially in a queer relationship in what? 1910? In an isolated country village? That is something. He never denounces his love for Grindelwald-he’s open about it. “We were closer than brothers”. And as far as we know Dumbledore is alone from the point that relationship ends. After Ariana’s death he holds himself at arms length from everyone. I think it’s safe to say he never loves again. Grindelwald was IT for him. He was so young that I doubt there was anyone before him either. Certainly not that seriously.

There’s a part of me that wonders how Dumbledore views his love. He certainly understands love to be a powerful force. But he considers himself in a position of power to be destructive-he avoids putting himself in major leadership positions beyond Hogwarts. So if love is powerful, and him in power is destructive, does he consider his love to be destructive too? Certainly he loved Ariana, he loved both of his siblings, hurting them was in his mind at least the worst thing he ever did. But it was, directly or indirectly, his love for Grindelwald that caused that. He loved Grindelwald so much it drew him in towards his family, and he loved his family so much he couldn’t leave them. That collision was cataclysmic in the way it affected his world view.

I wonder if he thought it was him, his love, that destroyed Grindelwald, that Ariana and what happened to her radicalised him. If Grindelwald had never known Dumbledore’s love, never had his hero worship, his devotion, to fuel the vision they shared-what then?

I suppose there’s as much sense in asking that as there is “what if Lily’s love hadn’t been enough to save Harry?”. We will simply never know what would have been without that love. The elder wand might’ve been in different hands. Would Harry have survived if Dumbledore had never loved Grindelwald, catalysed a madman, and been forced to defeat him? How many times did love save Harry really? And we know Voldemort didn’t understand love-but I wonder if Dumbledore didn’t quite understand it either.

He saw so much through the lens of power and who it was given to, how they wielded it, and somehow I think love was probably the same. Voldemort-who loved so little he considered it powerless, and Dumbledore-who loved once but so fiercely that he believed he had learnt it was the most powerful and destructive force of all. Grindelwald probably agreed with him. He certainly used the fact he could get people to love him. Knew the power that came with that. He just leant into it, rather than leaning away.

And Harry, who proved them all wrong. Who lived for so long without love, that yes he knew it was powerful, but never stopped believing it was something light, something human, something a person shouldn’t be without. I don’t think Voldemort was the only person Harry saw at “King’s Cross” who might have earned his pity. And strangely, I think Grindelwald might have pitied them both too.

It is gone 1am so I shall cease waffling. But I am sure my brain will come back to this…eventually…

whoever sent that ask about grindeldore i want compensation bc ive watched fb2 and i'm now 30 minutes into fb3 and i ALREADY NEED SUPPORT.

"I was young, I was committed-"

"-To me."

STOP IT. oh i fear i'm about to unlock another ship guys.

[gottlem]

you belong with me (gigi x crystal)

a/n - some of this isnt proofread so im SORRY if it gets messy at the end it is literally 3am. also this is my first fic so pls be kind i dont know what im doing like at all. (also keep a look at for slight jackie x jan) this was inspired by someone wanting a fanfic based off of you belong with me by taylor swift and i loved the idea so here we are and i am sorry.

-----

Gigi and Crystal are best friends. Growing up living so close to each other made them an absolute power-duo, for years on end they have been inseparable at all times. When they were younger, Gigi would sleep over at Crystals every single weekend and neither of them would ever get sick of eachother. They spent their nights giggling at nothing and making pinky promises “to never ever not be friends” and that they would be each other's “favourite person” forever, because they didn’t know that life can get a tad bit more… complicated when you start to get a little older. Living in ignorant bliss of the impending doom of high school, they would spend their time in their own little bubble, making the most of each other's company. In their minds, it wasn’t a question whether or not they loved each other. The answer was there without even having to ask the question, but of course they were too young to fully understand anyway.

In her early teens, Crystal would slowly realise that if young Gigi and Crystal were a boy and a girl, everyone would have joked about them being together with them being so close, but since they had been two little girls, they were just best friends in everyone’s eyes. Crystal would also slowly realise that ‘just best friends’ isn’t really where she wanted to stay with Gigi, but that truth wouldn’t come for another few years. She learned about the term ‘lesbian’ when there was a rumour in the 7th grade that she was one. It hadn’t fully occurred to her that girls could like girls in that way, but when she did google what it meant on a random wednesday night, it seemed so obvious. Natural. Of COURSE girls can like girls, they’re so pretty! Needless to say, it didn’t take her very long to understand that maybe the rumour was actually true- but nobody needed to know that. Not even Gigi. Definitely not Gigi. To be honest, she didn’t know where her friend even stood on topics like this, but they had never even talked about boys, so she absolutely didn’t want to risk bringing up girls. 

In 7th grade, Gigi already knew what a lesbian was. She heard talks about her best friend being into girls, but she paid it no mind. If Crystal was gay, she’d tell her, right? Gigi could be trusted with that kind of stuff. Either way, she wouldn’t bring it up. Maybe Crystal hadn’t even heard about it, maybe she was completely oblivious. Yeah. That must be it. It was around this time Gigi realised she herself might like girls. But it had nothing to do with Crystal. Nothing at all. In fact, the topic of relationships had never even come up between them. In 8th grade, Gigi started to get little crushes, exclusively on girls. This was the year she decided she was a lesbian. By then, the rumours about Crystal were long forgotten, but her friend’s sexuality was almost always in the back of Gigi’s mind. Crystal had never expressed interest in boys (or girls for that matter), but then again neither had Gigi. She knew she would have to come out to Crystal at some point - there was no WAY she was hiding a future girlfriend from her best friend. 

One night in the summer before 9th grade, Gigi slept over at Crystal’s house. Just like old times, except now both girls had quite a big secret they were hiding from each other, completely unbeknownst to the fact that it was the exact same secret. Gigi was going to tell her by the end of the night. She was SURE of it. The hours passed like minutes and before the girls knew it, the sun had completely set outside and the moon shone down into Crystal’s brightly coloured bedroom (some would think it’s decor is all over the place, but Gigi would describe it as being perfectly Crystal). The pair had settled into a slow, but somehow not very sleepy conversation despite the time, by around 1am. If Gigi was going to tell her, it was now or never. Before she could change her mind, Gigi had looked Crystal in the eye and started with “I really need to tell you something”. She had rambled on about how much she trusted Crystal, and how much she wanted her to accept this. Crystal didn’t have any idea what Gigi could possibly be leading up to, but she did absoluetly not expect to hear “I’m gay, Crys” coming from her friend’s mouth at 1 in the morning. 

The confession left Crystal speechless. Of course she didn’t judge Gigi, she was gay too! She was just shocked. How long had Gigi known? How long have they both known and didn’t tell eachother? It took Gigi’s tearful eyes and furrowed brows to tear Crystal out of her overthinking. Shit. She hadn’t even responded. 

“Crystal. Are you mad? Oh my god you’re mad aren’t you? Or like weirded out? I can go if you want. I get if you’re like uncomfortable with me staying over now-”

“Gi”

“-I don’t have to sleep in  your room. I’m sorry I told you. We never talk about this kind of stuff why did I think telling you would be ok? I-”

“Gigi!” Crystal shook Gigi’s shoulders to get her attention. Her eyes were bloodshot and Crystal cursed her brain for short circuiting when it did. She knew she had to tell Gigi now. 

“Me too” her voice came out as a whisper, but it cut through the silence of the room with ease. It was Gigi’s turn to be stunned into silence. Neither of the girls said anything. Crystal just hugged her friend. She didn’t stop until they woke up in the morning. That week, Crystal let her eyes linger on her friend a little longer than normal every time they passed each other at school. She found herself re-typing text messages and doing anything to speak to Gigi. She knew what all this meant, but she would not tell Gigi. It was  just a little crush. Everybody gets little crushes.

10th grade rolls around far too quickly than anyone would like to accept. Gigi and Crystal are as close as ever. Well, as close as ‘just friends’ can be, much to Crystal’s (hidden) dismay. Jan and Jackie, who had become very good friends with the pair in 9th grade, would constantly tease Crystal about her not-so-small-anymore crush on Gigi when the other girl wasn’t looking. Of course, Crystal hadn’t told them, but it wasn’t necessarily difficult for the couple to figure it out when she would stare at Gigi every chance she got. The teasing only got more painful about a month into 10th grade, when Gigi started dating the new student, Nicky. Suddenly, Crystal felt herself become awkward around her best friend - someone she used to feel so free with. It was easier to pretend she wasn’t falling in love with her when she was single. But now, now she had someone to be jealous of. Someone to remind her that clearly she’s just not good enough for Gigi. Every now and again, Gigi wouldn’t show up to their usual lunch table, leaving Crystal to third wheel with Jan and Jackie. On these days, Crystal didn’t bother looking for Gigi, she knew who she was with, and frankly she couldn’t bear to see them together. When she first saw the couple kiss, it made her stomach drop. Gigi was waiting for the bus when her friend sat next to her and made easy conversation. They were smiling and laughing until Nicky’s car (because of course she could drive) came to pick Gigi up. When she got in the car, the couple shared a moment far too intimate for Crystal’s liking. She pried her eyes away until she heard the car leave.

By Winter break, Gigi and Nicky had been dating for three months. Crystal wasn’t very familiar with how their relationship was going - she knew it would only hurt her if she always asked Gigi about it. If Gigi wanted to talk to her about it, she would bring it up, and apparently Gigi really didn’t want to talk to her about it. Crystal was fine with this. Well, Crystal was fine with this until there was a knock on her door at 11:58pm on a December night coming from the one and only Gigi Goode. Who was crying. Like, really crying. Crystal took the girl's hand and rushed her to her room, sitting her on the bed they had shared (platonically!!!!) many times before. She let her cry. Crystal had learned in her 16 years of life that sometimes, you just gotta cry. Still, the sight of her friend sobbing so much wasn’t an easy one to digest, nor was it one she had seen often. 

After god only knows how long, Gigi’s cries had died down, she was in Crystal’s pyjamas (which Crystal thought was too much for her brain to handle right now, but considering the situation she pushed these thoughts the the back of her mind, as if she hadn’t tried that for the past year anyway) and she was holding a glass of ice water between both hands. It was Crystal who broke the silence. 

“What’s up?” She was quiet, scared that speaking too loudly would cause the fragile girl infront of her to break down again. But she didn’t. Her brows furrowed and she had a look on her face that Crystal couldn’t quite place, something she wasn’t used to by any means after being friends for a good ten years now. 

“It’s nothing. Me and Nicky just had an argument”

“And this is why you came to my house in hysterics in the middle of the night in Winter. Ok, sure.” She deadpans. Gigi gave her a look as if to say ‘you bitch’ but there’s a fondness behind it nonetheless. 

“Ok fine. It’s more than nothing. It feels like all we ever do is argue anymore. We do like, two things; we argue or we mess around, yknow? And I’m kind of sick of it! It’s like I’m here for her to make out with and that’s all that we have going for us. That’s the only good thing. And shouldn’t there be more? Shouldn’t there be romance, and dates and shouldn’t we be able to be stupid in front of eachother and-” She started to cry again, though not as intense as before, definitely enough to stop her little rant. Crystal thought it was for the better, if she heard anymore of that she might start crying herself. She could give Gigi all of that. Hell, she already did for the most part.

Crystal was torn. She wanted to tell Gigi she should break up with Nicky. She knew it would be for the better, for both of them, but she still felt like it would be selfish of her to give that advice. She didn’t want to accidentally take advantage of Gigi, with her being in such a vulnerable space. So she tells Gigi the facts - well, she didn’t really have much (or any) experience so they could be completely false, but to her they seemed quite solid.

“Couples have honeymoon phases. They can’t keep their hands off each other because they’re so obsessed with this new person they have all to themselves and people get carried away. It’s human nature. But that dies down, or it should. Eventually. Couples argue. It’s healthy to disagree and make up every now and again but there comes a point where it’s just too much. I think you know where that point is. I can’t make it up for you, it’s not my relationship, babe” Crystal let the pet name slip without thinking too much about it. She was tired and it was a school night, and her friend was upset. She told herself it meant nothing. Gigi hugged her and fell asleep quite quickly, exhausted from her emotions having taken over.

Nicky was beautiful. Drop dead gorgeous. Painfully stunning. This was a fact, this was understood by boys and girls alike, gay straight or bi. Gigi was lucky to have her, or maybe she wasn’t. Crystal didn’t know anymore. She could see why Gigi had clearly fallen so hard for the french girl, with her fashion forward style and her thick accent that Crystal had no option to admit was just plain sexy. Again, this was all fact. Gigi was also beautiful. That’s why everyone loved them together. Aesthetically, their relationship just worked. But Crystal had a tear stained pillow and a broken girl to prove that aesthetics mean nothing unless there’s love there too. And Crystal loves Gigi. She always has, and probably always will. Crystal didn’t like Nicky. She didn’t like the knowing glares she would get as they passed each other in the hall. It was as if the french girl could read her damn mind and she didn’t like it one bit. It wound her up to no end. She also didn’t like how she would argue with Gigi until she would cry and cry and run to Crystal’s house, sobbing into her pillow. It became routine. The pillow was pushed to the side, specifically for when Gigi came to cry her mascara onto it. Nicky would always apologise the next day. Gigi would always accept it. Crystal felt more and more hopeless.

A few months later, the routine continues. Gigi sends Crystal a text one night in February at around midnight, to say she’s coming over (a new-ish development in the all too familiar routine) and Crystal prepares the signature glass of water and the tear-soaked pillow for her friend. When she opens the door after Gigi’s knocking, she is met with no tears. Actually, she is met with a smile. Crystal just stands there. Gigi walks casually up the staircase and into Crystal’s bedroom, taking the glass of water and sitting cross-legged on her bed, hugging the pillow, but not for emotional support - because it's just comfier. Crystal follows her, a million questions on the tip of her tongue. She sits opposite to Gigi.

“I broke up with Nicky”

Oh.

OH.

“Just now? Oh my god, are you ok?” Crystal hears herself replying before she even knows what to say, she’s glad she didn’t say something stupid.

“No actually, I broke up with her this morning. I was talking to Jan and Jackie about it earlier, but you weren’t there. Plus, I wanted to tell you like this anyways. Here. Feels like tradition. Like it’s come full circle.”

“Are you sure you’re ok though?” It’s honestly creepy to see Gigi so calm over Nicky, after all the tears she had spilled before.

“Yeah. I think it truly ended a long time ago.”

“Oh.”

It’s silent. Crystal feels tense. Like there’s something else to be said, like something else is going to happen. And she’s right. Because when she looks up, Gigi is staring at her, pupils wide and ears red. Crystal feels like she’s under a microscope. A breath gets stuck in her throat. Gigi giggles at it. She giggles and she inches forward. She inches forward and lifts her hands. She lifts her hands to Crystal’s face. And they’re kissing. They’re kissing and Crystal is smiling. When they pull away, Gigi has plump lips and a dumb smile on her face. Crystal loves it. They sit there for a minute, just staring at each other. Letting each other give the moment a second to sink in. When it does, they laugh. And then they talk about it. And then they kiss some more. And then they fall asleep. So what if it took Gigi a bad relationship to see what was standing right infront of her? Now they have each other, and that isn’t going to change.

[chickenscratchxx]

gen Z dating rant

By: chicken.scratch

Day 1,345,216 of sitting in my narcissistic despair comes to a close. As I gear up for month seven of sobriety I find it difficult to find daily activities that tickle my fancy. Hence my new found stimulation: the validation that comes from the temptation of procreation. In layman's terms; tinder, bumble, and other  rectifying  outlets that make a man feel wanted. Take this as Jordan's review of dating in the twenty first century if you will. Or take it as a guide to dating in the twenty first century if you may. I really don't give a fuck. 

I took pride in never using an app to get laid for the majority of my sex life. I'm not being over zealous (okay, maybe I am). My nerves and "butterflies" were extinguished around the seventh grade. As a precursor I lost my virginity at 15, got head for the first time at 14, and had my first kiss at 5. I believe the kiss was my lady cousin. Whatever. I'm a sex addict, a dope fiend, a true "anything that produces an effect" fiend. I'm obsessive, possessive, and contradictory. I have expectations out the ass for everyone around me yet expect them to have no preexisting expectations involving my actions. 

So goes my whole life. For as long as I can remember I've had a disconnection to love. Really human beings in general. For as long as I can remember I haven't felt "love" for my parents or anyone for that matter. So I was a sheep in the heard when it came to saying I love you to those I guess Im expected to love. Like I said im a sex addict. It is what it is. So what. Who gives a fuck. Ask my ex lovers and they'll tell you something completely different. I do what I want when I want. That means sex. So before we really dig into this 21st century idea of dating, please if you're a feminist who wears "power in the pussy" t-shirts and flaunts your titties with tassels on main street, yes, even you may be able to get something out of this. So lets dig in.

I'm old school. Even on these fucking apps ill get horny around 12/1am and start asking these validation seekers if they'd like to grab a drink and every time they have some excuse. "Oh its too late", "I don't know you like that", or my personal favorite "I'm already in bed…tomorrow?". Are you fucking kidding me. I've been. Banned on all major platforms several times for slick and sly comments. But this brings us to the hook of the article which is validation problems within generation z. Now lets make this clear I'm not supporting underage drinking but yes I have offered to buy ladies underage a drink. (Key word: offered) I get it. Having a dating app on your phone is as common as having uber, if you put two and two together with that one lets make a baby. But if you have a dating app put in your god forsaken bio (which no one reads) that you're only on it for the validation. So what do I mean by Validation.. Validation (in this case)- the act of ones presence or aesthetic presence being confirmed. In other words- you think I'm sexy and you confirm this affirmation by swiping right on my profile or seeing that I have a new match from so and so, even though I may find nothing in their bio or pictures attractive, the thought of " I could sleep with them if I wanted to" arises. Temptation+Procreation=Validation. The issue with the topic of validation is woman (men as well (I'm not gay but I know men  purge this sin as well))  put a profile up on these apps in order to receive attention that their significant other is no longer providing. I'm guilty of this. In fact, I did this while in a three long relationship. She was no longer pleasing the part of my brain that says "oh yes, Jordan, she thinks you're sexy and that is enough". So I put up a bumble and tinder profile and got off on the fact that I had all these matches and girls messaging me with their shitty pick up lines (My personal favorite: Are you a spy? Because I could see you under covers) and need for validation themselves. And it was a balancing act at first. It really was. But the validation was enough. I did however feel like a piece of shit for having to delete the apps right before we would hangout. It is what it is. I dont give a fuck. I got over that guilt faster than I did a shot of dope or a bad sexual encounter.  All I'm saying is if you're on a dating app and you swipe right and you don't say anything, then fuck you. Stop wasting everyone's time with some beautiful picture and some bullshit and don't reply cause you're on the bullshit. Us single people don't have time to waste on high expectations just to be let down with a no response or a typical "I'm tired I'm going to stay in tonight". Please. If you're one of those people fuck you and your boyfriend who isn't putting out for you. 

Another pattern I've noticed is this trial period involving digital communication. As many times as I've messaged a lady and asked her to grab dinner with me and gotten the response, " I don't know you like that. But we can chat for a while and than Ill let you know". The fucked up thing about this is every person who says this has some sort of very provocative picture. 

-yours truly

#blogspot #blog #read #blogger #funny #blm #blackout #word #wordy #fuckyou #unapologetic #igotitlikethat #heroin #heroin addict #dating #tinder #bumble #fuckboy #loser #player #academic 

[belsmomaus]

Tired (the one where Alec and Magnus don’t get enough sleep thanks to baby Max)

Read on AO3

Alec woke up to a high pitched, pitiful wailing. Again!

He couldn’t help the groan. Couldn’t be bothered to help it, actually. His eyes burned with fatigue, even still closed. His every limb weighed heavy with exhaustion as if his bones were made of lead and his muscles of jelly. And his head hurt. For days now. Sometimes more, sometimes less, depending on how much sleep he managed to get. The shrill sound currently reverberating in his head rudely awakened the almost peaceful dull throb behind his temples that quickly roared up in anger.

Without opening his eyes he reached out and nudged Magnus’ shoulder – or where he believed his shoulder to be. He could feel the warmth of his body right at his side, his arm draped across his belly. It didn’t feel like a shoulder, though, more like an upper arm. Didn’t matter. Just to be sure his fingers closed around it and gave the other another short, but firm shake.

The answering groan was all Alec wanted to hear.

“It’s your turn!” he declared, his voice rough and no match for the desperate screams that filled the room.

Magnus mumbled something, Alec could feel his lips moving against the skin of his shoulder, but he couldn’t make out the words. Wasn’t sure if it actually were words. Magnus moved, his muscles tensing, his legs and arms shuffling against the bed, against Alec, rearranging themselves. There had been a time when Alec would’ve watched in adoration as his powerful warlock fought tooth and nail against waking up. There had been a time when a fond smile would’ve graced his lips at feeling Magnus cuddling even closer against him.

But not now.

The pitiful noise died down. But he knew from experience that it would flare up again in just another moment. His head kept on throbbing from that infernal frequency, though. And Magnus’ limbs grew heavy again, just as the screaming started anew.

With another groan he finally opened his eyes. His lids scraped like sandpaper against his eyeballs as he blinked a few times to focus in the twilight of the room. He looked at the alarm clock at his bedside table – 00:34 am – then quickly down, just long enough to grab Magnus’ shoulder this time around, and give him another shake. Harder than before.

A long-suffering groan sounded from his side. “Alright, alright. I’m awake.” It was slurred and sounded anything but, but Alec really didn’t care.

He watched just long enough to be sure that Magnus really got up, which he did. Sluggish and staggering. His movements held none of his usual grace, no exaggerating gestures, no flourishes. Just the uncoordinated stumbling of a tired man, who got rudely awakened.

Alec closed his eyes again and turned around, away from all the ruckus, trying to shut out the noise by sheer willpower alone.

He should feel bad about it. About pushing Magnus out of bed like that. The warlock was just as tired and exhausted as he was, after all. He should feel bad for being annoyed with Max for waking them up yet again – the second time that night and it wasn’t even 1am. He was just a baby for crying out loud. A baby that was unusually sensitive to all things magic according to Magnus. The boy could feel the lingering magic of spells and portals, could feel the distant thrum of the ley lines underneath, but he was just a baby. He had no way of dealing with all that information. The kid was completely overwhelmed with sensory stimuli Alec couldn’t even begin to understand. It wasn’t his fault.

But right now, in the middle of the night, his body and mind at their limits, he didn’t have the energy to feel bad. Maybe it was selfish, maybe it made him a bad person, but right now he couldn’t be bothered. He only wanted to sleep. Was that too much to ask?

There were shuffling steps and the rustling of fabric and then there’s Magnus, cooing and shushing over the desperate cries. “Shh, it’s alright my little blueberry. Papa is here now.” His voice is rough and yet so incredibly gentle, like a soothing caress. A moment later he heard the door, then it clicked shut again and just like that the hiccuping cries dulled down to an easy to ignore background noise.

Alec sighed with relief.

He’s fast asleep a second later.

***

The moment Alec woke again the heavy, heartfelt groan was already on his lips, only it died as soon as he realized that there was no crying this time. On the contrary, there was absolute silence all around. Confused he blinked his eyes open, while he reached out a searching hand at the same time.

The bed next to him was empty. The sheets cold.

More alert now he pushed himself up on his elbows. His gaze swept across the room while he listened. Silvery moonlight spilled in through the window. The alarm clock read 2:07 am. It was quiet. Too quiet. Because the room was empty apart from himself. There was no Magnus. And there was no Max.

His gaze lingered on the empty crib, his heart beating faster against his ribs. He’s out of bed in a hurry, his dull headache forgotten. It took his sluggish, sleep-deprived brain a few hectic steps to finally catch up with him. Max was with Magnus. He’s safe. They’re home. He’s with Magnus. There’s no safer place than that.

Everything’s okay.

But why weren’t they back in bed, then?

Frowning he padded through the room on bare feet, opening the door. There was a faint light shining into the hallway from the living room.

“Magnus?” he asked into the quiet loft, his voice barely above a whisper.

There was no answer.

So he followed the light instead. Slowly and cautiously – the situation just out of the ordinary enough to activate his shadowhunter instincts. He spotted the light source from the hallway: the small lamp. It was just enough light to find one’s way around the big room, but barely more than that. Magnus almost never used it, but Alec had always enjoyed the warm glow of the lamp. It created a nice and cozy atmosphere, perfect for a late night cuddle. And its light complemented Magnus’ skin in ways that made Alec’s stomach flutter.

One final step and the living room opened up in front of him. And there they were, his missing boys. Right there on the couch with an empty baby bottle on the floor next to them.

Magnus was leaning back into the corner in just his dark silk pajama pants, half sitting, half lying. One of his legs was pulled up and resting against the backrest, the other one was stretched out on the floor. A white blanket covered his middle where a mop of unruly dark hair peaked out. Their son nestled comfortably against Magnus’ naked chest, sleeping peacefully, just like his Papa who held him securely in place even though he was fast asleep.

Magnus’ skin practically glowed in the dim and warm light, almost golden. A perfect contrast to Max’ blue skin and dark blue hair. Like the sun next to the night sky.

It took his breath away for a moment.

They were beautiful.

Absolutely, stunningly beautiful.

Max with his adorable little button nose. His tiny hand curled into a tight fist. His mouth slack, completely relaxed and the ever present pacifier on the verge of slipping out.

And Magnus, his hair a mess, multiple strands flopping softly against his forehead. His lips slightly parted as well.

Like father, like son.

The thought filled Alec’s chest with warmth.

Even in sleep the exhaustion was edged deep into Magnus’ face. His skin looked paler than usual and without his make-up on there was no denying the dark circles under his eyes.

Still, to Alec he had never looked more beautiful than right now, with their son in his arms, unguarded and open and completely at peace.

Their son.

Their son!

It still felt unreal somehow.

It had all happened so fast.

It was still new, so very new, and it took some getting used to on so many levels. But he was theirs now. That little sunshine that someone had just left in front of the Institute’s door. Beautiful and innocent and too sensitive for his own good, their precious little warlock.

The warm smile on his face felt like a balm on his soul.

And the scene in front of him was more than compensation enough for all those sleepless nights and stressful days that little Max had put them through. Magnus had assured him that it would pass, that Max just needed time to build a natural protection against those external magical influences that he picked up on. He only hoped that happened rather sooner than later. Sleep deprivation and the resulting irritation he could handle – some days better than others – but he hated seeing their little boy in distress or pain.

Though, a few days ago, Magnus had assured him that Max had already started to “get a feeling” for Magnus’ magic, recognizing it as some kind of constant background noise that rarely affected him anymore.

But seeing them now, like this – his little family, his little family!! – the tribulations of the past three weeks didn’t matter anymore. His exhaustion didn’t matter, not with that overwhelming warmth in his chest. That overflow of love and protectiveness that he barely knew how to handle.

Instinctively he took a step closer.

Something on the table caught his eye. A short flash. It turned out to be his phone, the display reflecting the light at a certain angle.

An idea struck his mind and that fond smile on his lips turned into a big grin.

He grabbed his phone and activated the camera. A step back, a quick click and a moment later he looked at the picture on his phone. It couldn’t compare to the real thing and yet, just imagining it in a frame on his desk at the Institute… the warmth in his chest got even warmer. And that silly grin was still all over his face as he put the phone back down again.

It only turned into a fond sigh as he realized that no matter how cute, this moment had to end. He hated to wake Magnus yet again, but the way his head was turned all the way to his side hurt just from looking at it. The warlock was already exhausted enough, he didn’t need the pains that accompanied a nap on the couch in an awkward position on top of that.

Alec knelt down on the floor next to him. With gentle fingers he pushed the errand strands out of Magnus’ face, then carded them through his hair altogether, enjoying the softness of it against his skin. He so rarely got a chance to feel it without any styling product in it. Magnus’ lips twitched into a languorous smile in his sleep and a soft, appreciative noise rumbled in his throat, almost like a purr. It reminded Alec of a cat. Biting back on a chuckle he kissed first his forehead, then his temple.

“Magnus? Time to wake up,” he said, voice gentle as not to startle him.

It took a second try as well as a few more kisses and caresses until Magnus finally woke up. He blinked a few times against the light, clearly confused and disoriented. His eyes like liquid gold, devoid of their usual glamour. “Huh?”

“You fell asleep on the couch.”

“Oh.”

Then, suddenly a bit more alert, Magnus tensed, his hand tightened around Max and he looked down at the boy, checking if he was okay. The moment he saw him sleeping peacefully he relaxed again and the most beautiful smile played across his lips. Lazy and exhausted and all the more open for it. Almost a bit woozy. Alec just wasn’t sure if from lack of sleep or plain simple happiness.

Probably a bit of both, he thought with nothing but fondness.

He kissed him again, this time on his lips, before he got up. “Come on, let’s get you both back to bed!” He beckoned with his hand and held it there, waiting, until Magnus took it and pulled himself up, careful not to jostle Max too much.

With his arm around his shoulders he led Magnus back to the bedroom. There was a quick wave of his hand, a pale flash of blue, just for a second and the soft light behind them went dark.

Magnus didn’t put Max back into his crib, instead he crawled into their bed right away where he lay down on his back, the little one still secure against his chest. The moment Alec settled down as well and pulled the blanket over them all, the boy gave a heavy sigh, as if the weight of the world rested on his little shoulders. Magnus gently stroked across Max’ dark hair, then stopped, frowned and made another quick movement with his hand like flicking his fingers, just without the sound. Blue wisps of magic swirled around his fingers for just a moment, then a pacifier appeared in his hand. The other one was gone, Alec realized. Probably fell down on their way back to the bedroom without them noticing.

He took it and placed it on the nightstand. They’d need it later on, for sure. But not right now.

Alec cuddled closer with his head on Magnus’ shoulder and allowed himself a moment to just watch their son. In the end, just watching wasn’t enough. It barely ever was. So he reached out and stroked the boy’s arm and took his little hand in his, caressing that tight fist with his thumb. And it opened up, tiny blue fingers relaxing, searching until they found his index finger and closed around it with surprising strength.

With a tired smile he pushed up once more and pressed a kiss to Max’ brow, then another one to Magnus’ slack lips – already asleep again. He lay back down, felt Magnus’ head lolling his way, felt his cheek press against his hair, felt the tight grip of baby fingers and the bubbling warmth in his chest.

My family.

He was asleep in no time.

***

Alec startled awake, the shrill cry so much closer and louder this time.

He rolled onto his back with a groan. He could swear he’d just closed his eyes a minute ago. Something blue sparked beyond his still closed eyelids and a wailing weight was dropped onto his chest. There was movement next to him as Magnus turned around, away from them. Closely followed by a rough voice, sleep-addled and slurring:

“Your son this time, Alexander.”

[octopodeez]

Coffee Shop Soundtrack (Loki x Reader)

Here’s a fluffy coffee shop AU that absolutely no one asked for!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dedicated to @devilstrip pls enjoy this steaming-pile-of-shit-fic

**THIS CONTAINS NO INFINITY WAR SPOILERS**

His hand enveloped yours, and you froze.

It was a light feeling. A delicate touch that left your stomach tied in knots and your body tingling from adrenaline. The tips of his fingers rested over your knuckles, and stayed still, even as you twitched. It was an oddly intimate feeling, something extraordinarily gentle and human, which was the last thing you expected from someone like him. But it was nice. And you were losing yourself in your own fantasies. Your entire life had apparently been leading up to this moment, and you—

“May I have my coffee, please?”

You blinked as your brain caught up to speed on the current situation. Somehow the star-struck mix of shock and fear masqueraded as something romantic. This wasn’t love. It was just the feeling of being in the presence of a god.

“Sorry, yeah,” you released the cup and carefully snaked your hand back.

The look of calm remained on his face as he sighed heavily and muttered a brisk thank you, then walked away before you had the chance to return the pleasantry. You almost laughed at how ridiculous it was to think that you’d be able to say anything, anyways. You’d become something of a fish out of water; mouth awkwardly gaping as you gasped for air. Or words. Both were lost to you, regardless.

To your surprise, he took a seat in the back corner, rather than leaving. A bold move, seeing as he was hated by most of the general public for the stunts he pulled in New York a few years back. What was he doing back on Earth, anyways?

You got your answer as he pulled out a book.

Reading. Loki, god of mischief, brother of Thor, was sitting in a Starbucks, reading. And not one person seemed to care…not that there was even anyone around to notice.

Running your hand down your face, you checked your watch. It was almost 1am, and the skies were cloudy. The weather channel had been warning your area of a massive storm for nearly a week, and it was bound to start soon. High winds. Flash floods. The whole kit and caboodle. But your rent was due in a few weeks, and you were going to pay it, even if it meant drowning in sewer water and coffee.  

There was something surreal about being in a Starbucks during ridiculous hours of the night. Time seemed to slow, and despite the soft music in the background, there was a sort of silence that made you feel like you were teetering on the border of your dimension and a hazy dream. You could see the city lights outside your window, and if you squinted enough, Lake Michigan would appear on the horizon. There were always cars, even if they were few and far in between. There were always customers, too, who wandered in with the same frequency as the cars. Maybe fewer. And they all wanted the same thing: a large black coffee. These were not the type of people to use fancy words like venti, or ask for frilly drinks. They kept to themselves. They just wanted to get their caffeine fix and move on.

“Won’t one of your contraptions boil over and explode if you don’t pay closer attention?” He asked suddenly.    

“Uh, no,” you mumbled, feeling embarrassed that he caught you staring. You took a quick glance around your station, anyways, just to be safe.

He made a small, disinterested noise in response, as he licked his thumb and turned the page. The silence between you was now very awkward. At least on your end.

Looking for a way to busy yourself, you went to fumble with the music. It was one of the perks of working late hours: you were freed from the usual playlist of the same dozen songs. As long as you kept the volume soft and switched things back by the time your shift ended, you could listen to anything. Tonight, you opted for something relaxing, but with a steady tempo—the sort of thing that was good to clean to—and grabbed a mop.

Outside, you could hear rain begin hitting the pavement. Thunder rumbled in the distance and you cringed. You hated storms—or at least the noisy ones.

“I don’t care much for them, either.”

You clutched the handle of the mop and forced a smile. “I didn’t know you could read minds, too.”

“I can read frightened humans clutching brooms.”

“It’s…a mop…” A weak counter, but you were trying to process the fact that he’d so casually called you a human. The word rolled off his tongue as if he was speaking to a pet.

“I’m sorry. A mop,” he quipped and closed his book.

You ran your thumb over the grain of the handle. “So can you call your brother and ask him to lay off the thunder?”

“This is nature, not my brother,” he looked out the window and something bittersweet crossed his features. “He likes to put on a much bigger spectacle—“

“Are you actually him?” You blurted. “Are you actually Loki? Or are you just one of those assholes that resembles a celebrity and just rolls with it when people mistake you for the real deal so you can laugh about it later?”

“I’m a celebrity?”

“I can’t think of a better word. Villain sounds too comic book-y.”

“And would you be afraid if I was him?”

“No.” You straightened yourself out, and latched onto the thread of hope that maybe he wasn’t the ethereal being you’d mistaken him for. Maybe he was just some weirdo. In which case, you had pepper spray in your back pocket if things got out of hand. “Loki wouldn’t be stupid enough to come back here. And even if he was, he wouldn’t pick Chicago to hide out in. Not when it’s so close to his last fuckup.”

“You make some excellent points,” he chuckled. “But you’re a bit off the mark.”

In a swift motion he held his hand up, and a thin piece of metal materialized in a flash of green light. Without a second thought, he tucked it between the pages of his book, and shut it.

“That was…so…extra.”

For a moment he seemed taken aback; disappointed that this human wasn’t falling down, shocked and impressed and maybe a bit fearful of his power. But he had to remind himself that this wasn’t why he was here. This wasn’t why he was in this form. This wasn’t why the storm raged so violently outside.

“I’ve been called many things, but extra is not one of them.”

***

Four cups of coffee later, and you were seated across from him, laughing as if you’d known each other for years. He told you about his brother. His sister. His father. His mother. His home. He asked you about the music you played, and why someone like you was in a place like this, and what your aspirations were; a reminder that questions like those used to be genuine before the douche bags of the world got hold of them.  

He made little trinkets disappear and reappear, at your wide-eyed requests. In turn, you showed him how to draw hearts and swirls in latte foam. It wasn’t nearly as impressive as what he could do, but from the way he seemed so enamored by your words, one wouldn’t be able to tell the difference.

You were hunched over, forming the outline of a cat when a particularly loud crack of lighting rattled the windows. Startled, you dropped your utensil into the mug, and cursed.

“Dammit. That was the best one I’d ever done.”

‘You could always try again,” he replied, waving his hand fluidly over the mug to make the foam flat and white once more.

Pursing your lips together, you stared at the coffee, and then looked up to meet his eyes.

“Why are you here? Why sit in a shitty coffee shop in Chicago when you could be literally anywhere else in the world?”

“Because,” he laced his fingers together and rested his elbows on the table, “I made a promise to my brother and his wizard friend that I’d remain within a certain radius of them. This city is as far away as I could get without breaking that promise.”  

“And this specific place?”

“I came in here by chance, saw something I liked, and decided to stay,” there was a sort of sheepish tone to his voice.

“Well…I’m glad you did. And if you’d like, maybe I could show you around a little. It’s a great city.”

“I’d very much like that.”

His lips were soft against yours as he leaned in to kiss you, and his skin was cool to the touch. It had a magnetic quality to it that drew you in deeper and deeper, until you kissed him with such fervor that you thought you might drown in him. Outside, the storm started to subside; a coincidence that made the moment all the more poetic. Lord help you if this didn’t work out in the end, because you knew that nobody on this Earth could ever kiss you like that.

***

For the first time in a long time, Loki was feeling good. Truly, honestly, purely, good. The sun was just coming up, and already the streets were filled with sleepy drivers yawning the whole way to work. Perhaps if he was alone any longer, then an actual bounce would’ve worked its way into his step, but his moment was rudely interrupted.

“So how did it go, brother?”

He choked on his coffee and looked to the side. There was Thor, chipper as ever, with a mischievous smile on his face. This was one in only a handful of times that he’d ever managed to sneak up on Loki, and he was sure he wouldn’t hear the end of it.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“I think you do.”

“I don’t.”

“Come now, brother,” Thor scoffed, matching his pace. “We could do this all day. You being coy and stupid; me, feigning naivety. Back and forth, back and forth, stupid and naïve, stupid and naïve,” Thor slung his arm over Loki as he spoke, “But in the end, I think we’re just postponing the inevitable.”

“And what might that be?”

“That in 1500 years, you still can’t get a date. Not even with my help—”

“Oh, were those sparkles outside yours?” Loki halted and shook his brother’s arm off his shoulders.

Thor narrowed his eyes. Months later and the Grandmaster’s pet name was still a sore spot. Loki could only hope it’d stay that way for at least another thousand years or so. There was just so much fun to be had with it.

“I try to help you, and this is the thanks I get.”

“Terrifying the poor thing with a storm is not help.”

Thor huffed and crossed his arms, clearly offended.

“I only meant to encourage closeness—“

“Loki!”

Both men turned at the sound of your voice as you jogged towards them. There was a brief falter in your steps as you realized Thor was there. He was nearly unrecognizable from behind after his apparent haircut. You cleared your throat, awkwardly.

“Hey, you forgot your book…”

“Did I? Ah, well thank you,” he replied lightly and took it from your outstretched hand.

“No problem. I’ll see you next week, then?”

“Yes. And I suspect the weather will be much nicer,” Loki shot a sideways glance at his companion.

“Sounds good, I’ll see you then,” you smiled and gave a small wave as you walked away, feeling very proud of yourself for keeping your composure.

As you turned the corner and disappeared from sight, Loki drummed his fingers against the cover of the book. A content grin crossed his features.

“See, brother? I didn’t need your sparkles, after all.”

Master List (x)

[jkwontravels]

San Francisco, CA

Out of all my travels, San Francisco came closest to how I feel about New York. It runs on a diluted version of NY's energy - not quite powerful enough to light up the city 24/7, but has enough juice to get a good taste. And like NY, it's strategically divided into neighborhoods blossomed to match the quirks of each aspiring crowd. All are gathered to take advantage of a city-driven life, but separated by a sea of health-crazed juice shops, tall tech headquarters, semi-warm beaches and various homeless shelters. If given the chance, I could probably find a quaint little block to call home for a few years.

In my narrow-minded brain, I imagined a sunny California, but SF rarely gets warm, especially in the summer. According to my SF resident friend. I was greeted with chilly winds, blowing me to the other side of the street where the sun occasionally graced its warm rays over me. When I wasn't chasing the sun, I was dodging flying trash, homeless people puking and random whiffs of poop sneaking its way up my nose. But coming from the big apple where chaos and dirt rule, I put on my best city mindset and searched for something that I could appreciate.

That’s the thing about cities. Understanding the unfiltered mess of it all requires you to hunt for something to love. Otherwise, you'll wonder what you missed out on that everyone else found so beautiful. And SF was beautiful. It offered unique foods, approachable nightlife, mixed cultures and incredible views. This may sound insignificant, but it's so rare to find a city that can capture opposing elements in one glance, like distant mountains peeping between skyscrapers. Or palm trees in the financial district. What I once considered a tropical element associated with vacation getaways, were planted casually amongst the most industrial and corporate area.

Since it was my first time in SF (and in California), I had an extremely tourist driven agenda - covering my bases from the Golden Gate Bridge to Fishermans Wharf. Thankfully, my friend Katie had been living there for 2 years and knew the ropes as she led me on this journey. So thank you lady. This trip is dedicated and in thanks to you. Nothing beats a good friend like an organized type a friend ;)

Here's the breakdown of my trip starting with food from highest recommended to still recommended:

Brenda's French Soul Food - ever heard of French Soul Food? Me neither. That's because you never (or rarely) encounter a restaurant trying to fuse one of the most highly regarded type of fine cuisine with soul-comforting southern food. The food definitely skews more towards southern, but the 30 minute wait was well worth it. Shrimp grits yall. Shrimp grits.

Bobs donuts - I might be biased cuz I came here after a drunken night out at 1am, but regardless, it's still a great donut shop. The classic glazed was my favorite - light, airy and homemade.

Bite - I'm a sucker for sandwiches so this made the top of my list. Rotisserie chicken in a sandwich with gouda cheese?! Yes please. You can smell the rotisserie as you approach the store. I challenge you to not walk in.

Humphry Slocombe - the flavors alone were enticing enough for me. A few that caught my eye: Far West Fungi Cap, Olive Oil + Rhubarb, Matchadoodle, etc. I sampled a few but secret breakfast was my favorite.

Mr Holmes Bakehouse - there's a lot of hype around this place but I have to give it to them. The lemon donut was fantastic. I could probably lick a tub of that tangy cream.

In and out - it was my first time, but if you've been, skip. There are too many great restaurants to waste your time here. But if you haven't been, it's worth the trip for the burger. The fries are dead cardboard.

Blue bottle - you just have to. And don't you dare put milk or sugar.

Trish's Donuts - miniature funnel cake type of donuts. Best when freshly out of the fryer and tossed in sugar.

Tacorea - Korean Mexican fusion. Not mind-blowingly delicious, but if you throw tater tots and Korean-style meat together with cheese, then yes, 80% chance I'll like it.

Destinations from highest recommended:

Golden Gate Bridge - iconic and beautiful as everyone says. The color was petitioned for so admire its orange hue whenever you lay eyes on it. Beats dull grey for sure.

Bakers beach - warm sand, cold waters, sand slides, a view of the bridge and a few naked butts. Yes, there are nude men on one end of the beach. The other end is filled with crowds of bass-playing millennials, families with kids and tween couples. Pick your poison.

Ferry building - a big gourmet food market comparable to Chelsea market in NYC. Grab a cone of humphry’s, walk the pier and enjoy the view of the bay Bridge. You're welcome.

Fishermans Wharf - true to its name, this is your go-to destination if you're thinking about chowder, lobster rolls and all things seafood. But be aware, Madame Tussauds is nearby so this is a major tourist attraction. Stop by boudin bakery for animal-shaped breads or just stare through the window like I did. No shame.

Pier 39 - located in Fishermans Wharf, this pier is home to a merry-go-around, Trish's Donuts, seafood restaurants, sea lions and day drinking.

Off the grid in the summer - a "food truck" festival on a patch of green grass where families gather for level 100 picnics. I mean tents, full spreads, ice boxes packed with alcohol, lounge chairs and grills. San Franciscans don't take picnics lightly.

Ghiradelli Square - a small area home to ghiradelli's store/restaurant (free chocolate samples when you walk in) and small boutique stores selling overpriced gems.

City Lights Booksellers - charismatic bookstore with perfect lighting for that insta.

Lombard Street - a pretty windy road. Not sure what the hype is though. Expect tourists.

Washington Square Park - ordinary park that I decided to include because it reminded me of the one in ny. It doesn't compare.

Bars:

Harper & Rye - poppin bar filled with singles ready to mingle. Everyone is getting drunk, but no one is dancing. The drinks are decent but pricey.

Marengo on the Alley - a more professional bar for those after work drinks.

Most of the spots above are within a tight vicinity so if you're feeling determined, you can walk. Being a native New Yorker, I thought this would be a piece of cake, but my calves were not ready for all the hills. I was sore because I’m a weakling, but any fit amateur is capable.

I also spent a day in Napa/Sonoma touring 3 wineries. A blog post on that will soon follow... 

[isolationshepherd-blog]

May 21st 2148

What the hell? It’s 5am and I’ve just switched on my work tablet to find this (I’ve taken a screen capture for the record). I’ve contacted Sinclair and he’s on his way over. I’ve disconnected from the mainframe to be safe and I’m typing this on my personal tablet which doesn’t appear to be affected, thankfully. I’ll keep offline anyway just in case. I’m fairly sure it’s going to turn out to be a prank.

7am

It’s not a prank. Sinclair says the system has been hacked by persons unknown and there’s evidence they have been looking through files. They’ve left a trail behind them so they’re either incompetent or they want us to know what they are capable of. I suspect the latter. I’m less convinced about the genuineness of the motive, though. If you’re serious about gaining improved working conditions why would you also request moonshine? Also, they have misused the apostrophe with the plural noun. Smells like teenage spirit to me. I’ve commenced investigations.

7.30pm

This has turned out to be a long, nightmarish day. I’ve been all over the Ark interrogating a depressingly long list of likely suspects with no result. Sinclair is convinced it’s a legitimate group so I visited Factory Station and interviewed all the technicians. Nobody admitted knowing anything about it and I believed them. Sinclair has been through Engineering with a fine-tooth comb and doesn’t think the hacker is one of his staff. Tomorrow I’m going to follow my hunch of earlier and head to Farm Station where many of the teenage trouble-makers on this ship reside.

I have a big problem, personally, though, and I’m dubious about writing this down now but I may as well; the worst damage has already been done. I thought I was safe typing on my personal tablet because I never connect to the network on it but it turns out that all devices are backed up every night to the Ark’s mainframe computer. It’s automatic and it can’t be changed by the user. This means that every diary entry I’ve made so far is backed up somewhere in the system and not only could Sinclair or his team see it anytime but so could the hacker. I never deleted my dream about Abby. I forgot. OK, I didn’t forget, I may have read it through once or twice since I wrote it, but regardless. It’s out there. If anyone finds it and reads it I’m a dead man. It will be round the Ark quicker than a photon through space, and there’s nothing faster than that. I will never live it down and it’s not as though I can move to another country. Fuck.

May 22nd 2148 12.15pm

A quick update. My suspicions about Farm Station were proved right. I’ve caught the hacker and I’m waiting for him to be transferred to Prison Station for questioning. His name is John Mbege. He’s seventeen and a co-conspirator of that delinquent Pike’s always complaining about, John Murphy. I haven’t been able to prove Murphy’s involvement yet, but I’m sure it’s only a matter of time. I’m going to instigate a major investigation into Farm Station. They get too many free passes because they’re effectively the living heart of the Ark. If it weren’t for the work they do, and the things they produce, life in here would be even more intolerable than it already is at times. Some citizens are abusing this trust and privilege, though. Rebellion is rife amongst the young people and it needs nipping in the bud, as it were. First on my list are Green and Jordan. If they’re not in the Skybox before the end of this year I’ll eat my glue-covered boots.

1am

The day is finally over. It has been satisfying in one sense because the culprit is now locked up in the Skybox and it turns out it was a prank, some hair-brained scheme Mbege dreamed up in his tiny mind to wind up the authorities. On the other hand, I have been unable to find a way to delete the diary entries that are already in the system without drawing a huge amount of attention to myself. I questioned Raven Reyes about it subtly but she was very unhelpful and I don’t know enough about computer technology to be able to do it.

I guess this is the end of the diary. This thought depresses me. I’ve got used to writing in it; it’s been helpful, a way to order my thoughts, clear my mind. It’s been a way to share some truths, I suppose. I can’t continue to be honest in it if everything I say is at risk of being read by somebody else. There’s no one to trust on this ship, this orbiting prison of the body and mind. What’s that old war slogan from Earth History? “Loose lips sink ships”. The one who holds all the information holds the power and I’m not giving anyone else power over me. No one can know my true thoughts or plans; the security of the Ark depends on my complete discretion. On the other hand, the diary has become an essential tool as I mentioned before. I must find a solution.

3am

I’ve got it. The solution. This is probably not going to be a very coherent entry because I’ve just woken up after only two hours of sleep but that’s clearly all my brain needed to come up with an answer. If there’s one thing this hacking business has identified, it’s that keeping all our security information on the Ark’s mainframe is a bad idea. If that idiot Mbege can hack the network so easily then I shudder to think what someone with malicious intent could achieve. Sinclair may trust that Raven Reyes has now made the Ark leak-proof but I don’t. I’ll just tell him that at least one tablet should stay off the network and not get backed up, so that extremely sensitive information is less likely to get into the wrong hands. As Head of the Guard it is natural that the un-networked tablet should belong to me. Of course, the tablet could still get stolen but it could be encrypted. It would be easy for Reyes to secure one tablet I’m sure. Although would that look suspicious, if it were only my tablet that was unmonitored? Maybe it would be better if all the Councillor’s had access to private tablets. That would deflect Sinclair’s thoughts from me. I will action this first thing. There’s nothing I can do about the information that is already out there. My dream about Abby exists as a series of ones and zeros somewhere in the Ark mainframe and I’ll just have to live with that and hope no one ever looks. Time to sleep, if I can.

[marsdelapaz-blog]

Looking Back

Note: This post may be filled with Engineering-related stuff

Since many of my friends are asking about how I reviewed for ECE board exams, here goes my post on what happened during the past few months (and maybe some tips that I hope would help):

Becoming a licensed Electronics Engineer is quite hard. It seems true that the exams for this field are really difficult. Talk about studying a very wide scope of subjects from Mathematics, General Engineering and Applied Sciences, Electronics, and Electronic Systems and Technologies... nakakabaliw!

The decision of taking the boards was just sudden. I was supposed to start working already but Mom told me to review first. Luckily, I was a scholar because the team I was part of won during a regional quiz bee back in college. I enrolled in Excel due to tons of free books as perks of being a quizzer.

I can still remember my first day in review center. There was a long queue of students outside the office. It was almost time for the lesson to begin that I and some of the guys I chatted with decided to head first to our classrooms. My section was C4. The room was quiet. I sat in front because of my blurred vision. It was then I met my first set of friends Phoebe and Kuya Anthony. People seemed to be in groups since most of them were from same schools. Fortunately, those two were from different universities too.

During the first few weeks, our classes were only during MWF. After some time, we had a lot of makeup and remedial classes. Since my weekly allowance was not enough, I asked one of the teachers there if I could just sit-in on different sections to catch up with the lessons. It was really tiring to have weekday classes plus exams every Saturday. Talk about commuting, battling the traffic in Dela Rosa and the long lines in bus terminals just to go home transformed me into this everyday haggard look. Also, I was not able to have lunch with that sched that I only brought bread with me as my baon. No wonder I got a lot thinner those days.

I remember my birthday last year, there was no celebration at all. I just went to Greenbelt after my class to go to the chapel. Along my travel from Morayta, I suddenly saw a “pass” writing on one of the UVs. Afterwards, the girl beside me was looking at her license. I hoped that they were God’s signs for me. I told Him that the greatest gift He could give to me is passing the board exams... that all of our sacrifices would be worth it.

Since going to RC was so exhausting, I decided to transfer to section F which is dedicated for those who are working. I didn’t find any difficulties adjusting. My new section is filled with various types of people and with a wider range of ages. At first, I was really nervous on going home since class ends at 9pm every Saturday. I thought it was dangerous and would be hard to find a ride going back to Buendia but it wasn’t actually. I usually arrived at home around 12 midnight. During Sunday, my sched went from 8am until 7pm. So yeah, I only slept for 4 hours or less every Sat back then.

I enjoyed being part of F. I made good friends with people from different parts of the country. They are Dave, Xy, Bob, Arianne, James, Lea, Harold and Orville. One thing we all have in common is that we love eating! We even munched some chips while we sat in front during classes lol. Also, we shared extra infos with what we reviewed. During vacant time, we usually went to Mini Stop to chat about random stuff and to buy more food! We are a happy group that we find a way to laugh no matter how stressful the process went on. We also had a short bond outside Excel and that was after our mock board. As usual, we just had meryenda together. We also attended Victory together. I actually enjoyed worshipping and listening to their preachings (I hope I’m saying the right terms).

As for my study habits, I was able to have more time to read and practice solving because I only had weekend classes. I had longer hours to read pdfs, lecture notes and books. I made my own schedule in which I alternated MATH-ELEX with GEAS-EST combination. I woke up as early as 5:30 or 6 in the morning then I slept at around 12 midnight. I dominated my review with concepts that I made sure to feed my brain with tons of infos everyday. I practiced solving especially in Math cause I felt some trouble in answering complex questions. I also had some 20-30 minutes power naps when it felt like 2 cups of coffee, sweets and spicy chips (especially Ding Dong sweet and spicy... my fave!) can’t help me for the day.

During the review, I became really depressed when I found out my scores during the mock board exam were really low. That was when I told myself to push harder. There were days that I can’t help but breakdown. I am really thankful to have my friends whom I can vent and cry out all my frustrations. When I feel really tired and can’t tolerate headache, I took some time to rest. I watched some Just For Laughs videos on Youtube and read some motivation quotes on Twitter. Afterwards, I resume studying.

As days before boards got nearer, I had less time to relax. I told myself that all these sacrifices would pay off soon. I put my faith in God that He’ll give what’s best for me. I was not able to attend mass every Sunday but I made sure to pray everyday. Some examinees had rituals before boards but I actually didn’t have any (though it seemed like I didn’t cut my hair cause it was said having a haircut would remove good luck but I actually didn’t have time to go to salon lol).

The day before boards, I went to Landayan to pray then afterwards rushed going home to pack my things. Mom let me stay in a transient house near UE (board exams venue) with my Excel classmate Remy who also lives in Laguna. I just scanned my index cards in bed then attempted to sleep at 1am though I had insomnia. Also, our roomie (ugh) had some issues on keeping the lights on that she and my friend almost had a fight.

First day: Remy and I had a short review of notes at 3am then prepared for our exams. I bought breakfast then went to UE. I didn’t bring a jacket and the ac was focused towards my seat that I went to the washroom several times before starting.  Math gave me a headache due to too much symbols. 15 minutes left and I still had some blanks. I just had the shotgun and intelligent guess methods. We were asked to get back to the room early that I ate for less than 30 minutes only. ELEX was okay. Most of the questions were from Gibilisco and luckily, I was able to read the whole file. When I went back to where we were staying. I was super sleepy that I didn’t read my notes much even if I had coffee at night.

Second day: I felt really tired that I wanted to sleep more. Fortunately, Remy woke me up. I spilled coffee on my blouse that I covered it with my jacket. GEAS exam was mostly about Mechanics. I didn’t practice much on that subject but it was my fave when I was in APC back then that I was able to recall how to solve the questions. I wasn’t able to memorize the RA 9292 so I guessed those ECE Laws questions. Those from Engineering Economy were sort of basic. For lunch, I met my mom then she handed me snacks so that I can eat whenever I feel hungry while answering. I felt gg with  EST. I wasn’t able to memorize the formulas especially for Microwave Comms. I just tried answering them based on how I understood the concepts with all the books I read. There was also a time I felt really dizzy that I ate Mcdo flavored fries which really smelled in the whole room btw. Haha! I didn’t consume the whole time for exam that I passed my paper around 4pm. I can still remember my embarrassing moment when I slipped upon going down the stairs and the PRC staff saw me. Grabe. I just told myself that even if such things happened, I’ll still become an engineer.

Third day: Our venue for ECT exam was held in St. Jude. We rode a cab going there as a birthday treat from Xy. The exam had 50 items with some Math and ELEX questions sort of recycled from the ECE boards. I finished around 10:30am. Mom fetched me and we had lunch there with my Dave and Xy from Excel. We went to Recto after for our last bond.

Upon going home after the tiring exams, I felt off when the transient house admin forgot to return my Excel id. I wanted it as a remembrance. I kept on ranting and hoping that it was a sign that I passed. I also deactivated my FB account so that people won’t ask me anything and not to think much about boards.

Days after, our school’s dean invited my thesis mates to participate in a national contest. I then went back to Perps and saw my friends from lower batch. While chatting with some of them, I heard congratulations from those far from me. They were saying that I passed the board exams. At first I thought it was the results for ECT but then I saw with my own eyes that my name was listed on ECE board passers. I was shouting and really happy. My phone and FB were flooded with all the greetings. Our thesis also won 3rd place. It was a super blessed day indeed.

So how did I make it? I just kept on reading and practicing. I gave my best effort no matter how tiring the process was. I maintained being happy even if I was super stressed. During the boards, I imagined myself as just taking a simple test during college. I tried to avoid being nervous. Also, I did not give up in order to fulfill my goal of passing.

Some resources I used:

Math: Gillesania 1 & 2, Excel books, lecture notes

ELEX: Gibilisco, Floyd, Excel books especially Industrial Electronics, lecture notes

GEAS: Excel books, Youtube, IECEP questions, lecture notes

EST: Frenzel, MCQs, Excel books, lecture notes

For the files of those I mentioned (plus those I wished I studied if I had more time), click here.