#too bad that game shut down? i don't exactly remember the details

[ursbearhug]

Okay, so on a side of a little other project I have, I'm going to say this;

I know that you cannot influence ending much. I'm saying this now that I have finished the game. And I'm hazarding a guess that there are many "crossroads" you cannot affect either (which pains me to no end. Caspar... I'm so sorry my boy). That being said your actions ultimately affect villagers nevertheless (i.e. getting them laid or getting them burnt at the stake. Choose your own adventure amrite?) and how you performed will change the outcome for their lives. To me, that is satisfactory.

I've been making some fun off Life is Strange (though only the first game, to an extend BTStormm, I've never played/seen the others and I do not intend to) for a while now; as most people I've seen have. Life is Strange is advertised as "your choices matter" and it is a lie. Life is Strange have 2 linear endings and everything in between does not matter in the slightest. Whether or not you decide to help What's-her-face throughout the game, does not change anything. If you go with ending one, she's there but who cares. If you go with ending two, she and many others are be-gone-thot-ed and nobody cares. I kind of stay true to my word that you play LiS for two reasons; you want to fuck Chloe in hopes that once you dick her down she will finally shut the fuck up and won't be such a bitch; or you play for the art style. I've seen a lot of people clown on LiS for the... Unconvincing and non-stellar animations and facial expressioness, but I'm not that stuck up. As long as game looks decent and is not blowing my computer, I don't care. I'd much rather have very rigid and hardly human expressioned LiS models than have yet another Witcher or Something-something of the West type of graphics and style that can cause heat death of the universe.

Choices in "Penitent" matters. Because if you've been mean to that one guy at all times, he will refuse to help you 9 hours later (real life 9 hours, not in game ones). Or if you've been encouraging something they might end up dead (Ursula please forgive me). I'm guessing the ending will be exactly the same no matter what but the point is that your choices matter on other planes. By being good pagan I am I got two people burnt at the stake. Because I'm such a good matchmaker I made sure Master Smith has loving wife of his dreams and dozen kids, also of his dreams. Because I'm bad investigator I had to pick between one bad killing and the other bad killing. Yeah, somebody probably would want 36 different endings but considering that almost EVERY single dialogue choice can be matter of "this will be remembered" (at first playthrough), programming and setting 36 different endings might be tad difficult. That strikes nice balance. There is one concise ending (that you might be able to manipulate? As I hope I'll learn in time) but your choices matter in the moment and in the very end. (Which again ain't the case in case of LiS; because whether you beat someone's ass or not, Max might be bitching about it for 10 seconds or not and who cares if you be-gone-thot them hoes?)

Visuals are on fucking point. There is a lot of beauty in these simple graphics and style they went with. Animations in some cases are really smooth (for the rigidness the 16th century illumination-esque models enforce) and really quite captivating in some moments. Music happens to sometimes be very good too. However, as said before I'm not really game music nerd. I've not noticed the ambient sound, but the choir music was bees fucking knees. Plot wise and narration wise, it was also very entertaining. I have not seen any of it coming. Not the way it was delivered anyway. I was right about a lot of stuff though, so hurray for being perceptive! 15-16th century Bavaria is *NOT* my field of expertise, I loathed my paleography classes and overall much of Christians and medieval times are not things I can speak in great details. Things that I can comment on have not really been glaring. I have almost but fogot latin by now, but ancient latin (which, again, is different from the medieval or church one. Not uber different but still) was correct and nothing obscenely offending. When they referenced my home country in it's 16th century glory, it was on par with what I've been taught in school (there are two prominent characters from there as well, one of them even from the same city as my previous univeristy, so I feel more honoured than ever probably). I don't know much about 16th century medical knowledge but whatever was mentioned does fall into *my* medical knowledge.

Overall, for what it is worth (my opinion that is) the game is entertaining, it has more or less 23 hours of gameplay (which, for it's price; is a lot) and it has been real treasure to play.

[cyanomys]

Being a DM with OCD sucks >:(

I wanna vent a little bit about how my stupid brain makes my hobby (running D&D and ttrpgs) suck

If I want to run a game in an established setting, I feel like I need to know EVERYTHING about the setting before I am "qualified" to run a game in it. I feel like I have to read every single thing that has been written/made about it and remember it all, which is impossible and never-ending.

Even if I'm not running a game in a certain setting but instead in a certain genre, I feel like I must consume enough media in that genre to be "qualified", which is, again impossible because the goal posts for how much is enough always move further and further away

Even if somehow don't have those problems, then I feel like I need to know the RULES inside and out and there is never an end to where I feel like I have studied the rulebook enough

Even if I did somehow meet all those criteria, I have a really bad memory (well actually, I remember stuff, but it's more like I have really bad recall.) So even if I do ALL the research I can't actually remember any of it anyway and feel like I'm never going to be "qualified" to do it right regardless

If I decide to make my own setting or pursue a unique genre, I once again find myself on a neverending treadmill of needing to fractally add infinite detail to every single thing -- IN EQUAL AMOUNTS. So if I write 3 paragraphs on one thing of a kind (a certain nation for example) I have to write exactly 3 paragraphs on every other one. Then if I get creative and write 5 paragraphs for one, in my pursuit of making them all equal I have to GO BACK and make them ALL 5 paragraphs. This also happens when I prep.

I struggle with not seeing the trees for the forest. That is to say, I often take a really top-down, zoomed-out view of things which leads to me getting really overwhelmed because I'm unable to figure out how to make the small scale stuff (where play actually happens) meet up with and make sense with all the big scale stuff. And when I get overwhelmed I shut down completely.

On top of all this horrible OCD shit going on in my head, I have ADHD. So I can want to prep really bad and then be unable to sit down and do it, or unable to focus on what I'm reading. Or worse, if I have an idea I'm really excited about, because of the emotional disregulation I will get so excited about the idea THAT I CAN'T PREP. Like I will literally be too physically excited and have to go do zoomies and can't write down my ideas (which I will then, FORGET. In the process of being excited)

And then on top of THAT there's the normal social pressure to do a good job. Which is often the straw that breaks the camel's back yknow. And also tends to feed right into my moral OCD. "I'm letting my friends down" -> "I'm a bad friend" -> "I'm bad I'm bad I'm bad I'm bad I'm-"

Like obviously I know all of this is irrational but that doesn't really help :[

Anyway OCD sucks. 0 stars. Do not recommend. Honestly it's a miracle I ever run games at all. 😭 Doing my hobby, WHICH I AM SUPPOSED TO ENJOY, requires actively fighting against some of my worst compulsions (completeness, perfectionism, and scrupulosity.)

I had a therapist once say "well if it causes you so much pain why do it" and I was like clearly you haven't been listening because I can make almost anything painful lmao. Actually the fact that I care about it is the REASON my mental health issues interfere so bad. It makes me want to control it more and make it perfect. So no matter what I do really, my mental health interferes. Might as well try to do the thing I like, even if I mostly fail :(

[fishareglorious]

Who’s talking

The fucking MUSHROOM???? That one over there???!?!!?

lmao ok I like you

I suppose Xamaran’s somewhat of a mouthful. Leave it to Paimon to give sentient fungi nicknames

Know me as myself or know me through my sibling?

My eyes are burning

Reject humanity (or whatever tf Paimon & the Traveler is), return to mushroom

That... mental image is terrifying. Thanks, Xamaran!

ooh are you Katarina?

Oh yeah that’s her alright

Sure i’ll see you in... a month. I keep leaving quests and forgetting them I’m sorry Katarina

Zhiqiong ma’am we might knock you out and drag you back to the surface if u keep throwing your health away

I have no idea how to steer someone away who’s dead-set on endangering themselves

Paimon I’m gonna give you all 187 of my sweet madames. Throw in some of my golden shrimp ball too why not. Actually, have all of my food.

Skyfrost Nail, part 2! I’ve helped people with that damn quest so many times I can probably do it with my eyes closed (lie. I tried to walk with my eyes closed once and flung rosaria off a cliff for some reason. I don’t know how I did that)

The ruin worm or whatever it’s called

Yeah hello ruin worm

You don’t scare me! I know how to use a lumenstone now! (it took me halfway in the quest to figure out what the lumenstone does. I may be an idiot)

YELAN?? 

YELAN!!!!!

hi hi hi hi hi hi ma’am thank you for landing the killing blow on the giant worm (definitely not looking at ur boob mole)

Misread “shoom” as “shroom” and wondered if Paimon inhaled too much mushroom spores

Good good good. If I could I would’ve offered you some soup but unfortunately I cannot give npcs random things unprompted

Imagining Keqing reading a report that says:

“Traveler walked through a pile of black mud even though they could’ve easily removed the source with their lumenstone.” 

“Traveler leaped off a scaffold and broke all their bones.” 

“Traveler climbed up a wall while fighting Fatui and stayed there for 15 seconds.”

“Traveler sighted with Secretary Ganyu (Wasn’t she working in the Pavilion an hour ago?) taking images of her aiming at a giant glowing mushroom. Said mushroom can talk.”

Aye we encounter the female treasure hoarder again! Hello there I need to beat yo ass.

And the hammer guy’s here! I think that’s all of the lantern rite treasure hoarders

Welp fighting the those treasure hoarders lead me to getting the last piece of the millelith offerings, and now i’ve finished the millenial mountains (?) quest.

[designatedbreadbox]

Political One-Shot(?)

This was what I had in mind for a story prompt I had. However, the story wasn't workin' for me so I scrapped it. Nothing will come before or after this, so this has no context.

Word count: 726

Your throat felt warm as you bursted out the doors from the meeting room. A clamor of reporters, leaders, and your fellow demons were promptly shut out as the heavy doors closed. The heels from your dress shoes clicked rapidly against the newly polished floor; no certain direction in mind, you were just walking. Walking to anywhere that wasn't the meeting room. Your throat burned in angry, and sensing the magic that was humming softly from the pact mark, you knew Satan could feel a phantom version of your anger as well.

Your eyebrows furrowed even further and your nose became a little more wrinkled the longer you thought about your mistake. You knew you fucked up when you gave an honest answer when the president of France asked: "What are some of the dangers in this, 'Devildom'? Have you ever felt unsafe there?"

They were all expecting an answer. An honest one at that! Lucifer gave you a discreet look when you replied, but at the same time, he understood. He would've done the same thing, and he knew it.

You were halted suddenly by a gaurd. He motioned for you to not continue further and led you to another room. It wasn't small, but it was still spacious. He exited the room shortly.

The anger you still had in you was beginning to dwindle down. You sat on one of the couches, feeling the stiff fabric fold slightly under your weight. Barely any time had passed before the room was kicked open by Mammon. Mammon walked in along with the rest of the brothers.

"MC!" He shouted. "What was that back there in the meetin' room?"

Levi butted in. "Yea! I know there wasn't many dialogue options, but that kinda painted us in bad light."

Asmo noticed your frowning. "Ah, sweetie! Don't frown! You'll get wrinkles that way!"

Your frown deepened; their voices were annoying. Mammon was just a little too loud, Levi was a little too condenscending, and Asmo was just a little too high-pitch. You wanted them to shut up; you did the best you could! It wasn't your fault!

The 4th born had signs of annoyance on his face while Belphie was trying to stop Beel from eating a painting.

Lucifer spoke up this time. "Tsk. I understand you were in a tight situation, MC, but you could've left a few things out. For their sake, of course."

'For their sake'? Ha! What a ridiculous idea! An idea so stupid you couldn't help but mentally bark a laugh! The Avatar of Pride, asking you to leave out details?

'For their sake'?

'Their'?

"Shut the fuck up, Lucifer." You growled.

The room now felt as cold and as silent like a grave. No one could believe their ears.

"..Excuse me? MC, do you realize what you've done?"

"I do; and I don't regret a second of it."

Lucifer sharply inhaled.

"MC. I advise you bite back those words. All I did, was merely suggest you say something else that-"

You stood up now, invading his personal space and had a look that refused to back down. He saw a look of fiery anger he never saw in you before.

"SAY WHAT LUCIFER? WHAT EXACTLY SHOULD I HAVE SAID? THEY ASKED SPECIFICALLY FOR ANY THREATS I ENCOUNTERED IN THE DEVILDOM, AND I GAVE IT! WHAT DID YOU WANT ME TO SAY?"

A quick glance before continuing.

"SHOULD I HAVE SAID THAT YOU ALMOST KILLED ME ON 3 SEPERATE OCCASIONS? THAT THE REASON ALL 3 FAILED WAS BECAUSE IN ONE, DIAVOLO WAS IN THE SAME ROOM AS YOU AND THE OTHER 2 WAS FROM DIAVOLO'S INTERVENTION? SHOULD I HAVE SAID THAT LEVI ALMOST KILLED ME OVER A STUPID, FUCKING TSL QUIZ GAME? OR, EVEN BETTER, THAT BEEL ALMOST RIPPED MY HEAD OFF SINCE I WAS FORCED TO EAT HIS PUDDING?"

You took a step forward as he stepped back from the invasion of personal space.

"OR SPICE THINGS UP WITH SATAN! REMEMBER WHEN HE GOT SO~ ANGRY AT ME BECAUSE I REFUSED TO MAKE A PACT WITH HIM TO SPITE YOU? AND LAST BUT CERTAINLY NOT LEAST, WHAT ABOUT BELPHIE!? HE LITERALLY KILLED ME! DID YOU WANT ME TO SAY THAT INSTEAD, OR IS THAT NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU?"

Heavily breathing, you stormed out the room, hoping to come across Diavolo or Michael to take comfort in. You didn't bother looking back. Consequences be damned when this whole shit-show is over.

[tinisprout]

No Doubt in Us

Chapter Thirteen - Don't Cry *written section below*

Fiance!Haknyeon x Fem!reader

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a/n: You thought the angst was over? yeah so did I idk what happened lol

Synopsis: Life is great, you have your dream job, you finally got your first big break, and you are now engaged to the love of your life. Happier than you’ve ever been, you live life one day at a time. Then one day a terrible accident happens leaving you in a coma. Where you finally awake, everything is not as you remember. Amnesia takes away 3 years of your memory, forgetting your beloved Fiance. Faced with a reality that seems unreal, as your mind is stuck in a past with uncomfortable memories, your future with him is uncertain.

Send me an ask if you want to be put on the taglist for this series

Taglist:@my-summer-night @deputyjuyeon @juhaktheoneforme @sunqnew @givememunjang

Word count: 2.7k

warnings: none

To your surprise, Sunwoo seemed a lot nicer in person than how presents himself in chat. Eric was just as nice but had some mischief to him. Eric had ordered in and the four of you had eaten together. Getting comfortable with the two of them didn’t seem that as hard as you thought it would be. Just like in their old videos you watched where you feature in you seemed to have good friendship chemistry with both of them.

Sunwoo had brought a few video ideas to the table for you and Haknyeon to chose from. He even said if none of these were good we didn’t have to film anything. You and Haknyeon decided what you were comfortable with. You and Haknyeon picked the idea that you were both curious about. ‘Can you find your partner by touching?’

“Really? I didn’t think either of you would pick this one,” Eric says.

“Okay before we decide for real let me explain it, so you both know what you’re getting into,” Sunwoo says, and you and Haknyeon nod. “So you will be blindfolded and in random order, Haknyeon, Eric, and I will each have a round of skinship with you, then you have to determine which one of us is Haknyeon using only your hands. The skinship will consist of holding hands, hugging, touch the cheeks, lips, nose, and hair. Say anything mean or rude while evaluating, you get a penalty bonk. Sound Okay?”

As sunwoo looks between his friends waiting for their decision, you and Haknyeon look at each other and nod consenting to the game. You both give Sunwoo the okay and the setup for the video begins.

“You think you’ll be able to find me?” Haknyeon asks curiously about your thoughts.

“I think I’ll be fine, but please don’t get mad at me if I get anything wrong.”

“However you do I won't be mad, but I can't promise I won't be a little upset if you get them all wrong.” He says in all honesty.

“Alright love birds, we need to film the intro first. So our fans have been wondering where you two have been. Sunwoo and I Haven’t said anything, you can address it or not, whatever you are comfortable with.”

“Maybe another time.” Your situation isn’t even something you shared with your own audience. Maybe one day you would, that would be something you would talk to Haknyeon about.

“Cool, just sit down on the chair and hold this for now and attach this lav mic to your shirt and turn it on. We are going to change into this real quick.” Sunwoo hands you a silly-looking sleeping mask and lav mic, you sit down waiting for their return. The boys come back with black shirts on, miked up and any styling they did with their hair was brushed down flat. Haknyeon stands behind you and Sunwoo stands next to him.

“I’m turning on the cameras,” you suddenly feel a lot more nervous hearing Eric’s words. Noticing how you tensed Haknyeon put a hand on your back, you look to him, and he mouths, ‘You okay.’ Relaxing your shoulders you smile at him, mouthing, ’I’m good.’ After turning the cameras on Eric stans on your other side looking to Sunwoo to start.

“Alright, On three. One, two, three,” Sunwoo looks to the camera, and just like he and Eric have done many times before, they start the intro off at the same time.

“GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD day everyone and welcome back to today’s video!”

“You already know, but if you don’t. I’m Sunwoo.”

“And I’m Eric.”

“And these two right here are our very special guests and friends, Haknyeon and Y/N!”

“Today we are playing a game. Y/N will be blindfolded and see if she can find her boyfriend, Haknyeon, between the three of us through skinship. How do you think you’ll do?” You turn to Eric.

“I’m a little nervous, but I shouldn’t do too bad.”

“Well let's put you to the test to see if your words hold true. We’ll come to you one by one and when you’re done examining, just say, “next”.” You nod at Sunwoo’s words. “Now put on the mask and stick your hand please then we will begin!” Doing as he says you put on the mask and raise your hand up.

Only the shuffling of feet could be heard. First up was Eric and he raised his hand to the camera wiggling his fingers. He then walks up to you and places his hand against yours.

“Can I use both of my hands?” Eric writes yes on your hand so you use both to examine the hand. Eric has to hold back from laughing at the ticklish sensation. “It does feel very similar, but it’s a little wider than Haknyeon’s hand, I think? Next.”

Letting go of his hand you keep yours up waiting for the next one. The next, which was Haknyeon’s hand felt almost the same as the last. There were only small differences that you noticed, “The fingers are a little shorter than the last hand and it’s very warm like Haknyeon’s. This is harder and I thought. Next.”

Sunwoo going last was very different compared to the other two. “This hand definitely isn’t Haknyeon. It’s like a baby’s hand.” Sunwoo was shocked by your answer and felt a little offended. When he turned around he could see Eric and Haknyeon covering their mouths holding in the laughs.

He picked up the toy mallet from the small table next to you and hit your head. “Oh, I was going to say it’s really soft!” You drop the hand with a pout feeling wronged. Sunwoo put the toy down and walked back to the boys.

“Alright, keep the mask on. Now you’ve felt the three hands, which do you think is Haknyeon’s? One, two, or three?” Eric says.

“Hmm, I think two. I can’t get over how warm it was. Haknyeon’s hands are usually very warm.”

“Okay number two will step out in front of you and when they tap you, you can remove the mask and see if you were right or wrong. Number two please step out.” Haknyeon steps out feeling happy that you got it right and gives a thumbs up to the camera in passing. He taps you gently and you felt a little nervous hoping you didn’t get the first one wrong. Thankfully with your vision returned the site of Haknyeon greeted you and you let out a sigh of relief.

“Thank goodness. I don’t know what I would do if I got this one wrong.”

“You did well.” He grabbed your hand and you felt that familiar warmth again.

“Don’t celebrate just yet. That was an easy one. The next one is harder. Mask back on!” Sunwoo yells like he is waiting for you to fail.

“Okay let’s get going then.” You put your mask back on and the process continues and again there was one that stood out in comparison two the other two. “Sunwoo is the second one for sure, his bottom lip is very plump. The first and third are a little harder to guess, even though they don’t feel alike. The image I have in my head is different from what I’m feeling.”

Eric and Haknyeon feel the shape of their own lip, while Sunwoo puckers his lips at the camera showing off his asset.

“Well, there can only be one. Choose wisely.”

“Ugh…. One?”

“Alright, number one step up.” The boy taps you and you take off the mask and you see Eric making a peace sign with a duck face. Shocked you whip around seeing Haknyeon trying to not look sad. Sunwoo and Eric start laughing at your screw-up.

“Haknyeon, I swear it’s harder than it looks! Please don’t be sad.”

“That’s okay, this just means we don’t kiss nearly enough. That can be fixed tonight.”

“Haknyeon!”

“Hey keep it pg-13. Y’all trying to get us demonetized?” Eric reprimands.

“Okay Okay moving on. Next, we are doing hair. Some of you were probably wondering why the three of us look like coconut heads right now. Cause it would be too easy to guess based on how we styled our hair.” Sunwoo smoothly moves the conversation back to normal.

“You just want me to fail don’t you.”

“You’re right. It makes for great content.”

“You’re terrible.” you put the mask back on and raise your hands a bit higher so they don’t have to bend as much. The game starts again and to your dismay, you got another one wrong. This time though it was sunwoo who stood in front of you, stanced up in the fuck boy pose. You cover your face feeling terrible.

“That’s two out of three wrong. Things aren’t looking too good right now.”

In your defense, the two of you had only been truly intimate for two weeks. This would have been easy peasy if you had your memories of him. The old you would have had all these small physical details about him etched into your brain.

“It’s just hair, ours isn’t that different anyway,” Haknyeon says, coming to your defense.

“But you’re a little salty right?” Eric laughs.

“Shut up.” You noted how Haknyeon didn’t exactly deny it.

“I will get the next one right!” you say determined.

“It’s fine Y/N, don’t let it bother you,” but how could it not bother you when it bothered him. It only bothered you more when got noses wrong as well. It wasn’t that big of a deal in reality, in your head it felt like it though. Sure Haknyeon had just a little hope in his heart that you would do well, but he also knew it was still early in the relationship, recognizing all these small things would come with time. You wouldn’t just suddenly remember the finer details.

“I-” you didn’t want to turn around to see Haknyeon, afraid of the face you would see. Feeling disappointed in yourself you kept your head facing straight ahead but you could see your face distort in the viewfinder so you ended up looking down.

“Y/N, it’s just a game no big deal.”

“You’re bothered by it aren’t you, how is it not a big deal?” Everyone could hear how your voice trembled. Any smile on Sunwoo and Eric’s face immediately dropped. Haknyeon quickly came up to you worried.

“Hey, what’s wrong? Look at me,” you shook your head. Haknyeon gets on his knees to see your face and puts his hand over your tightly clenched one. “Why are you crying, Honey?” His heart broke seeing you like this.

Feeling that warm hand again you unclench your fists and hold his. He raises his other hand to wipe your tears away. Eric signals to Sunwoo to turn off the cameras and they both silently moved around the couple turning off the cameras.

“I like you, so I don’t want to hurt you, but I feel like that all I’m doing right now. If I still had my memories I would do better and you wouldn’t be so disappointed. I’m scared every day that I might be hurting a person I care about because I’m forgetting something and I am, I’m hurting you. If I didn’t lose my memories…”

“Y/N, if you didn’t lose your memories nothing would have changed, and yeah that would be great. But my love didn’t come from you knowing how to tell my features apart from our friends. I love you because of how considerate you are of my feelings, just like right now. Some memories are missing, sure, it made you different from before but you aren’t another person. Everything I love about you is still there.”

“Really?”

“Yes, I love that you are a good listener, how you always try to understand me. I love that I can rely on you, and so many other things. We’re working on us, so even if you can’t remember the past for the rest of your life, we still have right now. A relationship takes time, you can learn all these little things with time again. We can make new memories as long as you want to make them with me.”

His words are a much-needed comfort, letting you know you shouldn’t be so worried about your memories. You squeeze his hand and nod when he asks if you understand. “Good. now there is no need to cry anymore is there?” you shake your head, he stands up and your eyes follow him.

Once more he wipes away your tears. He pulls you into his chest, hugging and petting your head with his free hand. You can hear his heartbeat and it coaxes you into calming down. You aren’t sure how long the two of you stay like, but you are the first to speak after the silence.

“I’m okay now,” you sniffle and he gives you a soft smile. The sound of another sniffle draws your attention. You see Eric who looked like he had just balled his eyes out with a box of tissues.

“Um… tissue?” Eric offers to you. You take one without hesitation.

“Thanks, but why are you crying?” you were confused, what happened when you weren’t looking.

“Because I didn’t realize you felt that way. You seemed fine, but you were struggling. I even laughed when you were really trying hard. I’m sorry for being a bad friend.” Eric wipes his tears with a tissue.

“No, you’re not a bad friend. I was being silly getting emotional so easily.”

“Your feelings aren’t silly.”

“We understand that you don’t have your memories of us and that’s fine. You’re our friend. That’s why we are here doing this. So don’t feel pressured to remember things about us, as Haknyeon said, you can learn those things again,” Sunwoo chimes in.

“Ah, I really do have good friends,” everyone smiles a little at your words. “Oh no! I ruined the video didn’t I?”

“No, we could edit that out, but it’s fine anyway we don’t have to film anymore.”

“I can still do it, I promise.”

“Only if you really want to.”

“I do.”

“Okay, but only after a break, both yours and eric’s eyes are red,” you nod agreeing to Sunwoo’s condition. You and Eric iced your eyes, after a 20-minute break. The two of you were all set to go again. This next round was cheeks the difficulty of this one should be easy. This was something you were more familiar with.

“The third one is Haknyeon’s cheeks. They are very soft and plump.” Just like you thought Haknyeon was the one to stand in front of you this time smiling, making his cheek stick out more.

“Y/N is looking to turn things around now?” Sunwoo says.

“I’m trying.”

“The next round is the last one which might be one of the harder ones. It will be a back hug. Good luck.”

You put the mask back on hear someone from behind come up. When they finally embraced you were hit with a familiar smell. You latched onto the arms that held you, smooth and toned arms, mixed with his scent it was without a doubt Haknyeon.

“Haknyeon, that’s you right?” You can’t see it but he nods. “I know this is him, I don’t need to see the others.” you take off the mask and tilt your head up and Haknyeon is looking down on you. You smile and he kisses your forehead.

“Good job,” you are happy that Haknyeon praised you but also embarrassed that he kissed you in front of the camera.

“How did you guess?” Eric asked shocked by how fast that was.

“It was his smell. He is wearing the cologne I like.”

“That is almost cheating, but I’ll let it slide since that was really cute,” Sunwoo says and then turns to the camera. “Well everyone, that’s all for today’s video. Thank you Haknyeon and Y/N for joining us again.”

“And thank you everyone for watching. Like, subscribe, and all that other good stuff. And always remember Eric-”

“And Sunwoo.”

“Loves you. BYE!” Eric and Sunwoo say at the same time, waving to the camera. Then they stop and go to turn the cameras off.

“And that’s a wrap. So we can chill again if you want,” Eric suggests.

“Sounds good to me,” Everyone else agrees, you spend two more hours at Sunwoo and Eric’s place just conversing before calling it a day and heading home. That night you and Haknyeon lay in bed cuddling together. You think to yourself that you could definitely see yourself falling in love with this man. Maybe you already did, time would tell.

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[only-lonely-stars]

The Future is Bright, Chapter 2

[Chapter 1 (Beginning)] // [Chapter 2 - you are here!] // [Chapter 3] // [Chapter 10 (End)] (FFN)

The weekly Sunday update is here! Now that the team is in Shintaro, Some things may be... illuminated.

Summary: What would happen if Cole had indeed had a reflection in the tomb of the First Spinjitzu Master? How would that have changed his life later? What would it have been? This story follows what might have happened if he had seen something, and what it was; who he would have become. What if his future was already decided?... (Rated T for safety. Alternate title: the Cosmic Spoilers AU.)

Chapter 2: She’s Pretty Nice

The first day the Ninja spent in Shintaro was like a day spent in heaven. The city was gorgeous, and the palace more so. Princess Vania gave them the guided tour, personally showing off her favorite places, plus their personal rooms. Eventually they all split up to explore (Princess Vania had to leave and go about her duties), so Cole spent a lot of time exploring on his own and getting lost. Nevertheless, everyone made it back to the palace safe and sound for a delicious supper, and then relaxed in a common room on one of the palace's higher floors.

As everyone relaxed and chatted, they all remarked upon how lovely the city was. Cole, for the most part, was pretty enthusiastic.

There was just one problem…

Cole had remembered what he'd seen. He didn't tell anyone, instead laughing and joking with the others, but he couldn't put it out of his mind. He knew exactly what his reflection had been, and suddenly all the beauty of Shintaro was not enough to distract him. Even the beauty of the princess wasn't enough, and she was extremely so, inside and out. If anything, she only made him more confused. He hated the confusion more than he even felt confused; it was strange, and unpleasant at best.

As they tired that night, everyone slowly left and went to bed. Eventually it was only Cole and Jay. Cole was yawning, but he didn't want to go to bed just yet. Jay seemed happy to sleep on the couch, but was still too hyper. It was so like him… would he have to leave this behind if he was right about his vision?

Jay stretched like a cat and groaned, jostling Cole out of his thoughts. "So– uh– Cole."

Cole looked over, coming back to reality again. "Yeah? What is it?"

Jay grinned at him, wiggling his eyebrows. "Princess Vania, huh?"

"...Yeah? What about her?" A little heat came to Cole's cheeks, but not enough to be seen. "She's pretty nice."

"Pretty nice?" Jay winked. "That all you have to say about her?"

"Yeah? Nothing's going on there."

"Oh, come on!" Jay flopped back on the couch. "Don't tell me you missed the extremely obvious crush she has on you!"

"B– wh– she does not have a crush on me!" Cole protested, the heat increasing.

"What, do you want a demonstration so you can see it for yourself?" Jay asked incredulously.

Cole laughed. "What are you even talking about?"

"It's like this!" Jay got up from the couch, grabbing a gold pillow and putting it on his head. He grinned, tucking a tuft of his hair behind his ear and pitching his voice up into falsetto. "Oh, Cole! The earth elemental! It must be so much fun to command the very earth, what does it feel like?"

Cole's jaw dropped, and as soon as he picked it up off the floor, he shoved Jay. "Shut up, Jay! It's not like that!"

Jay snickered loudly. "Yeah, sure it isn't! You'd say that no matter what girl was crushing on you and that's a fact."

"I would not!"

"You would! It's so painfully obvious!"

"It is not!"

"Just accept the truth!" Jay sing-songed. "She's got a crush on you, and you don't seem to mind."

"I don't– er, I do! I do mind, and she doesn't! Besides, I– well–" Cole groaned heavily. "I'm focused on other things right now."

Jay tilted his head to the side, still holding the pillow to it. "You're 'focused?'"

"Yeah. Focused."

"Focused is a code word for 'worried.' What's wrong? You do look like something's actually bothering you."

Cole opened his mouth to speak, but as he looked at Jay, he couldn't help snickering. "Alright, I can't take you seriously with a pillow on your head, Jay."

The blue ninja gasped in shock. "Hey! I need my props!" He smacked Cole with the pillow as he said it.

Cole laughed. "Sure you do!" He pulled the pillow from Jay's hands and tossed it aside onto the floor, far from his reach. "You definitely need help to tell a story."

"Well that's just rude. Never tease a talented actor, Cole."

"Ha, as if. That game show of yours wasn't much acting!"

"We agreed never to talk about that!"

Cole laughed more. "I never signed a contract! You, on the other hand…"

"I made a good bit from that gig, you can't deny that!" Jay fell back on the couch, just gently enough not to do any damage, and sprawled out across it. "And anyway, that's not the point. The point is whatever's got you down in the dumps."

At that, Cole sighed, and he leaned back into the couch. Absently, he grabbed a pillow and clutched it to his stomach comfortingly. What was he supposed to say? What would Jay think if he told him? Across the couch from him, Jay watched in uncharacteristic quiet. It was welcome, considering how much he had to sort out his thoughts.

"...I think my vision from the tomb is coming true."

Jay looked confused, but realization dawned quickly. "Wait, your vision from the FSM's tomb those years ago? The one of the future with you in the funny dress?"

Cole nodded, not taking the bait. "Yeah. I know you didn't see the details, but…"

"You see the connection?" Jay asked, frowning sympathetically.

"Yeah." He held the pillow just a little tighter, coming to grips– ha, grips– with his thoughts. "The colors, the clothes, the freaking hair– everything lines up. I end up here."

Jay's frown deepened. "You didn't see yourself in a sensei's gi? Just some robes that might be from Shintaro? You're sure it comes from here?"

Cole nodded. "It's the only thing that makes sense."

"Wow."

"...Yeah."

Jay sighed. "Those visions– are you sure they'll come true, and aren't just from some random possible timeline? They're definitely happening?"

"I don't see why they wouldn't. It's not like the FSM lied, just hid things," Cole grumbled. "He hid a lot of junk from everyone."

"Hm…" Jay frowned, grabbing a pillow of his own and playing with a tassel on it absently. "By that logic I definitely become a pirate, then."

"Ha! Fat chance. You'll just get that eyepatch, no pirates involved."

Jay snickered. "I kind of hope so. I don't like pirates."

"Oh believe me, I know."

Jay's head whipped to the side, seemingly painfully, and he stared at Cole. "You know?!" His eyes were wide and frantic.

Cole gave him a look, concerned. "...I know that you hate pirates, yeah? It's not like you complain about them all the time or anything."

"Oh! Phew. Yeah." Jay sighed, lacking his usual drama. "That's what I meant."

"Yeah, okay." Cole rolled his eyes with a smile. "Weren't you needling me about how I'm supposedly going to be stuck wearing a dress all the time, Mr. I Hate Pirates?"

"Yes, yes I was." Jay perked back up. "I do have to ask, though; didn't your reflection have a yang pin?"

There it was– the part that stuck the most. "Yeah. I don't know what to think of it."

"Me neither. You've been low-key– or maybe high-key, honestly– against getting into any kind of relationship, but marriage? Really?" Jay scoffed.

Cole laughed, but he didn't know whether it was amused or incredulous.. "Yeah. That's my dilemma." He leaned his chin on the pillow in his arms. "Someone's waiting for me here, but I don't know who. Do I even want to know?"

Jay paused, but then snickered, muffling it with his hand. "Okay, out of context, that sounds really creepy."

That triggered more laughter from Cole. "Jay, come on! This is serious stuff!"

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I can only be serious for a few minutes at a time, you know me! Very dependent on the circumstances!"

Cole rolled his eyes. "Yeah, I do know you, you pill!"

"Hey, rude!"

"Am I wrong?"

"No…"

"See? There we go." Cole rolled his eyes. "I know you, and I know that I don't want romance. Not on my bucket list."

Jay scoffed, managing to calm down. "So what if you don't want it?"

"What do you mean?" He looked over at Jay. "It's my life. What if I don't want to share it?"

"I mean, so what?" Jay rolled his eyes. "Sometimes fate gets in the way. Not like we really control our futures anyway."

It was Cole's turn to scoff. "Uh, yeah. Okay. Last I checked, if fate was real, it killed me and then brought me back to life, which was definitely part of my vision. I don't exactly trust the future not to ruin all my plans."

Jay rolled his eyes. "Come on, stop being so pessimistic! Being a ghost wasn't great, but it isn't like it was that terrible. You needed those abilities a lot."

"Sure, but I hated it."

"You didn't hate being able to pass through walls and scare me."

Cole paused. "...That part was pretty good, actually."

"See? Not all that bad!" Jay crossed his arms, smiling smugly. "Can't lie to me."

"Jay, just get back on topic or go to bed."

"Fine." Jay sighed, leaning back against the arm of the couch. "As I was saying. Would it be so bad if you fell for some girl here? It'd be easier than what me and Nya had to go through, and this place is amazing! You'd be able to just relax for the rest of your life."

Cole sighed too. "Well, I don't know. Shintaro's great, but I can't just relax and chill for the rest of my life." He shrugged. "Besides, I don't think I'm going to find some sort of soulmate like you and Nya did– we already saw what happened when I tried."

"Ha, that's just because you tried with Nya."

"What about Seliel? She flat-out hated me for ages, and still, nothing came of it."

"That's different, Cole. She was very interested in being a 'strong, independent woman who don't need no man.' You don't fit the bill there." Jay rolled his eyes. "Seriously, just you wait; you're gonna fall for someone, and you're gonna fall hard. Mark my words."

"I hope you're either very right or very wrong."

"Rude! I'm always right."

"I'm not telling any comfortable lies tonight. Too tired."

"Fair." Jay grinned. "I'm gonna love watching it, whoever it is. Maybe it's Princess Vania."

Cole growled, gripping the pillow tighter, as if it could stop the sudden frustration that was roiling in his stomach. "Jay, I will smother you with this pillow and make it look like an accident."

"You're gonna kill me just because I'm telling the truth?"

"I'm gonna kill you because you're being a pain!" He couldn't help but grin, begging to be challenged. "Just wait. We're gonna leave Shintaro and the princess isn't gonna do one little thing. Absolutely nothing will happen between us."

"Keep telling yourself that!" Jay threw his pillow at Cole.

Cole rolled his eyes and got up, throwing his own pillow back at Jay. "I will. Good night!"

"Goodnight! Sweet dreams!" Jay's grin only grew. "Hope you dream of princesses!"

Cole flushed– was it from anger or embarrassment? He couldn't tell. "My threat of suffocation still stands!"

"Sure," Jay said with a smug snicker. "Just go to bed before you give me more cannon fodder; I can go on all night."

"You're the absolute worst. You do know that, right?"

Jay sniffed. "Now I do."

"Whatever." Cole turned and left, mind at war with himself. What was he supposed to do? What if he could just leave Shintaro? Would that make it easier…?

[dingobabywrites]

 so, in light of recent events, people have been discussing when they think Dean and Cas realized that they were in love with each other. While I 100% believe dean realized in purgatory, I dont think Castiel realized until Dean broke Naomi's connection.

BUT!!!!

I also think that is around the same time Sam realized it too. Obviously Charlie already knew ( " what about Castiel, he seems helpful and..Dreamy" she's a lesbian. That comment wasn't for Her!") I think Charlie was the one to point it out to sam and I think the two of them agreed to keep it to themselves since neither of those two would have been able to handle that information. So, I wrote a little thing about how I think it went down.

I also wanted to give myself an explanation for those wierd looks and mystery note from the end of the episode...so yeah...here's that.

Sam hobbled down the hall to the guest room, his hand still throbbing from knocking Dean unconcious . It was…worrisome, to say the least, that he was having this much trouble with healing from such a minor injury, not to mention the other things that were happening to his body; the fatigue, coughing up blood. Troubling, but, as much as he hated to admit it, worth it. Dean had been pissing him off more than usual lately anyway. It wasn't just the trials. Sure, he was frustrated with Dean for thinking he wasn't strong enough to handle them (he had fought against Lucifer in his own mind for christ's sake) but it was everything else too. His loyalty to Benny still didn't sit right with him. He had been so quick to kill Amy, just because she was a monster. He didn't care that she was just feeding her kid. She was just a monster to him. But for some reason, Benny got a pass. Sure, the guy saved both their asses, he was grateful for that, but even Bobby knew it was wrong.

And then there was Cas.

 

Sam wanted nothing more, than to tell Dean that he should have learned his lesson the first time with the Angel. It wasn't like he didn't like Castiel. Of course he did. He was appreciative of everything the guy had done for them. Dean was right that he had saved their asses more than once. It was just….at the end of the day, whether they liked him or not, Castiel had betrayed them. He understood that perfectly. What he couldn't understand, was why dean was so suprised by him doing it again. Hell, Dean had been the one to bring up that fact that the guy wasn't acting right since he got back and yet, there he was, praying to him, putting his trust in him again. It was maddening, to say the least. He had tried to talk to his brother about it, but Dean immediately shut down.

So, yeah, his hand was still hurting, but it was damn worth it.

He turned the corner to find Charlie stuffing her things into her duffle. He knocked on the door frame with his uninjured hand. "Hey, there."

"Sam." She half smiled, when she turned around, her eyes still a little bleary from crying. "Hi, I'm just…just packing up to head out and…" she sniffled and plopped down on the bed, covering her face as she began crying anew.

Sam walked into the room and pulled up the desk chair, sitting down in front of her. "Dean told me what happened, while you two were under." He said. "I am so sorry about your mom, Charlie." He placed his hand on her shoulder as she began crying harder. "I know how hard it is to let go like that…"

"Dean was right," she sniffed. "I needed to stop holding on."

Sam let out a bitter scoff and pulled his hand back, squeezing both hands between his legs. "Yeah, Dean's always right, isn't he? Too bad he can't follow his own advice."

Charlie looked up, her eyes sad and confused. "Holding on to my mom was the reason I was stuck there. If he hadn't made me let go, I would have died.we both would have."

Sam shook his head at himself, trying his damndest to let go of his own bitterness to be there for his friend. "Ya, I know. I'm sorry…just…I know you're hurting right now, I just want you to know I'm here for you."

Charlie sniffed again, wiping her arm across her face to dry it before leaning back and staring at Sam. "I don't get it." She said, as firmly as possible.

Sam, leaned back and shrugged. "Me neither, really. I always thought all djinn fed off happiness. It's like every time we figure stuff out, something new comes along to throw us off our game."

"Not that." Charlie said, waving his statement off. Sam looked at her, confused, not sure what she was referring to. She took a breath and pulled a book out of her duffle throwing it on Sam's lap. 'Mystery Spot' By Carver Edlund. "You say these books happened in real life. That everything written in them actually went down…but the past two times I've been around you guys…you certainly dont act like you do in the books."

Sam skimmed the first page of the book and chuckled, tossing it back on the bed next to Charlie. "Yeah, well, things have just been different, I guess."

"So, you used to love and support each other, no matter what and now you just, what? Stopped?" She asked.

"It's…" Sam scoffed and shook his head. "things are just, more complicated now…"

"You maybe, wanna elaborate there buddy?" She asked. "I may be a genius, but a mind reader, I am not."

Sam let out a breath and scrubbed a hand through his hair. He figured it might feel better to at least get something off his chest. "To be honest Charlie, I dont think Dean is cut out for the job anymore."

"Why not?"

"His judgment, for one thing." Sam answered. "I don't know, just ever since he got back from purgatory… he's been…it's like he can't think straight anymore. He used to be no nonsense when it came to killing monsters and only trusting people he knew he could trust and now… I mean, I get it. Purgatory was rough on him, but the guy has literally been to Hell and back. I don't see why this time is any different."

"What do you mean?" Charlie asked softly.

"I mean like, being friends with a freaking vamp." Sam answered, coldly. "Yeah, Benny wasn't like the others, and I get the whole 'brother's in arms' aspect, but it still doesn't make sense." He waved his hand, gesturing back at the book before letting it drop. "That Dean? That Dean would have never put his trust in a monster. That Dean wouldn't let people back into his life that had screwed him over, and now…I don't know, now it's like he just doesn't care about letting people in that who could hurt him, or…people who already have."

"So, it's not just about the vampire." Charlie said. "Who else has Dean been trusting that you don't think he should?"

Sam gritted his teeth and shook his head. "Cas really messed him up Charlie. I mean, the guy already turned his back on us once and Dean just let him back into our lives like nothing even happened."

"Ah." Charlie said, with complete understanding. "Okay, I get it now."

"Get what?" Sam asked.

"I get why Dean has been acting wierd, duh." She said, like it was obvious. Sam sat, staring at her, trying to peice together what puzzle she seemed to have completed. "Oh, my God. Do you really not see it?" Charlie laughed.

"Um, no?" Sam said, skeptically.

"Wow," she scoffed. "And here I thought you were the observant one." Sam waited for her to explain herself, still utterly lost on what she was talking about. "It's Castiel." She said, speaking to him as if he were a child.

"What about him?" Sam asked, hoping like hell that she wasn't talking about the angel brainwashing his brother or something.

"I've read the books, Sam." She said. "I know all about Dean's special Angel friend."

"No." Sam shook his head. "No, chuck stopped writing after Dean went to hell. There's no way you could have a read anything about Cas."

Charlie scrunched her face and bobbed her head back and forth. "Mmmm, not exactly." She reached into her bag and pulled put her laptop, turning it on. "Remember how I said the books were online now?" Sam nodded waiting for her to continue. "Okay, dont get mad," she said as she typed "but, he may have kept writing a little bit longer than you thought…."

"He what?!" Sam said, furious. They had told that dick to knock it off after that stupid convention."How long?"

"Relax." She said, scrolling through some page on her screen. "He stopped after you sacrifice yourself to Hell, actually. It was beautifully written by the way, super emotional, but no one has seen or heard from him since."

'Good!' Sam thought to himself. He felt a little bad for that thought, since Kevin was now the prophet it meant that the reason no one had heard from Chuck was likely because he was dead, but at least no one else could know more about their lives than they already did. "Okay, but what does any of this have to do with Dean? Why would Cas be the reason he's acting wierd?"

Charlie sighed, cringing to her self a little. "Well, as you already know, where there's a fandom, there's most likely fanfiction…"

"I'm aware." Sam said, peeved by the memory of stumbling upon the fanfiction written about him and Dean.

"Look, I'm not saying anything is definite, but alot of people who write fanfiction are really good at reading between the lines." She clicked her mouse a few times before closing her laptop and setting it back in her bag. "I mean, I've read all the books myself, and I totally know that you guys are real people and not some fictional characters, and it's completely not okay to speculate on your lives and feelings or whatever...but I mean, it's kinda hard not to see where they're all coming from."

"What are you talking about, Charlie?"

"Dean said that Benny helped him fight through purgatory, right?" She said. "He met him pretty early on in his time there, no?"

"Yeah," Sam said, still completely bemused, "I guess…Dean hasn't really talked a lot about what happened while he was there. He told me some things, but he never really went into detail."

Charlie nodded and shrugged sheepishly before continuing. "Okay, so he met Benny early on, and Benny told him he had a way to get back, right off the bat. So, why did it take them so long to get out of there?"

"Dean said he spent alot of his time searching for Cas." Sam answered.

"Exactly!" She exclaimed, like that should have been the answer.

"I'm sorry Charlie, I still don't understand what you're getting at here."

"Sam, he could've come back at any point after meeting Benny. They only spent as much time as they did together, because Dean wanted to bring Castiel back with him. Even after everything he did. Don't you think that's a little…suspicious?"

"That's exactly what I've been saying!" Sam said. "Why would he do that?!"

"Yeah, Sam, why?" She said, still trying to lead him. "Why would someone run back into a fire, when they have a way out? I mean, I think you, of all people, would know the answer to that."

Sam gaped at her in shock. It took a minute for him to register what she was implying, but once he did… "Charlie, that's…"

"Just a thought!" She defended before he finished. "I'm just saying that Dean doesn't normally put his trust in people. Except, maybe…the people he REALLY cares about and the people that protect them. Maybe there's more to the story when it comes to his trust in Benny than you thought. I definitely feel like there's more when it comes to Castiel."

"Charlie, come on." Sam laughed a little. " You know Dean. He's…"

"More complicated than people give him credit for." Charlie cut him off. "He also knows how hard it is to let go of the people he loves. He's actually really bad at it. Maybe, worse than you know."

"Charlie," Sam started, before being cut off once more.

"He's definitely more concerned about you than you think." Charlie said firmly, standing up as she did. She began packing once more, keeping her eyes averted from Sam's. "He's not trying to control you, you know. He raised you, Sam. You mean alot to him. You ever think for a moment that he's just really scared for you? Scared of losing you? I mean, back to my point, he is really bad at losing people."

Sam sat in silence, petulantly mulling over Charlie's words. She was right, probably. Dean may have been scared, but it was still possible that he just couldn't hack the life anymore. Sam wasn't some child. And the other stuff she was saying…she was way off base. There was a big difference between reading about someone's and living it.

"I sent you the link to the website I used to read the books." Charlie said as she zipped up her bags. She slung her backpack over her shoulder crossing her arms as she stared him down. "I know you lived through it all and everything, but not every part was about you. There's a few things you may have missed."

"Yeah, I don't think that's gonna happen." Sam shook his head.

"Just a suggestion." She shrugged. "It might open your eyes to a few things you don't understand. I get not wanting to relive those times but…if you ever decide that's something you might wanna do, hit me up. I can tell you what chapters to skip, or whatever. And, if your really curious about Dean's relationship to Castiel, 'On the Head of a Pin' is a good place to start. The torture chapters are pretty rough, and I know you'll want to skip over your parts…but the other stuff.…" she shrugged.

"Okay." He said, at a loss for more words than that.

"You ready to roll?" Dean said, from the doorway, knocking on the door frame before entering the room.

"Looks, like it." Charlie smiled up at him as he entered.

"I didn't interrupt anything did I?" Dean asked looking between her and Sam with concern written all over his face. "You guys look a little spooked."

"Ew, gross, no." Charlie said, scrunching her face at Dean's implications. "Sam, was just helping me with my bags. Right Sam?"

"Uh, yeah…" Sam said, standing up and grabbing her duffle off the bed.

"Eh, come on, you know I'm just teasin ya!" Dean chuckled, jabbing her on the shoulder playfully. "He may have the hair, but the body parts are all wrong, right?"

"Definitely." Charlie agreed.

"Come on." Dean said, tilting his head toward the door. He waited for Charlie to leave the room, then cast a skeptical glance at Sam before following after. Sam was sure he was in for an earful after she left. He began dreading it as he said his goodbyes, anticipating the lecture as he told Charlie she was welcome to comeback at anytime. But it wasn't the only thing on his mind now. After bidding Charlie farewell, he went inside, giving the two of them their time alone. He hesitated for a moment, convinced that the trials were seriously messing with his head if he was even considering this. Then again…

He headed to the library, grabbing a peice of paper and a pen on his way and sat down. 'This is just stupid.' He thought to himself as he wrote down the words 'On the Head of a Pin'. He heard the bunker door open. Dean walked up, the look on his face telling Sam that it was time for his ass- chewing, so he decided to cut it off before it could start.

He clicked the pen closed and stood up, ready to defend his actions. "Okay, look you were right. I-I should laid low. I-I know." He said as Dean approached him."I should have hung back. I'm glad I was able.."

Then Dean grabbed him. Then Dean pulled him into a hug. It wasn't at all what he was expecting. He was lost, but relieved and hugged his brother back.

Dean chuckled and patted his back before pulling away. "What do you say we find our prophet?." Dean smiled, before smaking him in the chest and walking away.

Sam was left to himself, completely bewildered by what had just occurred. Dean had certainly not been acting like himself, but this was a whole new level. Maybe there was some truth to Charlie's words? Maybe he really was just scared? Maybe Sam really didn't know everything about his brother. Now, wasn't the time to think about that, though. Dean was right, the had to look for Kevin. They had work to do. Research.

But Dean had to sleep at some point. Maybe Sam could do a little light reading in that time.

If Charlie was right about Dean being scared for him, who knew what else she was right about?

[crossbows-and-moonshine]

Let The Flames Begin (Chapter 10)

The response to this story has been overwhelming, thank you all for reading!

If you’re new around here and you love Boondock Saints (who doesn't love 1999 Reedus though? o.O ), then feel free to check out my other fics! :D

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When Daryl woke the next morning, he had a fleeting moment of peace. That tiny little moment where your brain still hasn't fully woke and you feel peaceful, blissfully unaware of all the shit in the outside world. But as usual, it didn't last long, and when his brain caught up with his body, he remembered every painful detail of the day before. From Merles bad trip and concussing the girl, to her thinking she was fucking gay. He groaned to himself, rolling over onto his stomach and pulling the blanket over his head. He didn't want to face the day, he never wanted to face her ever again. He considered jumping out the window and letting the biters get him. That would be fucking better than having to talk to her now she thought he liked fucking dick. Now she was off sleeping in his brother's bed. The jealousy hit him hard, feeling like he had been struck by lightning. She didn't like Merle that way, at least he thought she didn't. Merle had been trying to get her in bed for as long as they fucking knew her and she had turned him down every time. But still, the thought of her sleeping next to Merle made his blood run cold and it was all his own damn fault.

“Daryl, get the fuck up!” Merle called from the other side of the bedroom door. Daryl inhaled a deep breath, not wanting to deal with any of this bullshit.

“Fuck off!” he growled, his voice muffled with his face in the pillow and the blanket over his head. He heard the door open anyway and he wasn't surprised.

“Now come on baby brother, tell me what’s got ya hidin’ out in here,” Merle smirked. Daryl could hear that smirk in his voice, the one that told him he knew exactly why he was hiding. He was glad he was fucking hiding as his cheeks turned red, the idea that the girl had fucking told his brother what happened was embarrassing.

“Fuck off,” he repeated harshly, groaning when Merle yanked the covers off him. He made no effort to move, to turn and look at him. He didn't want to catch that shit-eating grin he knew was plastered all over his stupid fucking face.

“Nothin’ to do with a certain pretty little thing thinkin’ you're a homosexual then?” he asked, laughter lacing his words as Daryl growled. He turned over, grabbing the pillow next to him and he flung it at Merle. Merle burst out laughing, seeming to find great amusement in the situation as Daryl glared at him from where he was lay.

“Hey! I know ya ain't gay alright! I’ve seen ya with plenty of women. But fuck, why the shit didn't ya tell her ya weren't?” Merle snorted, looking at his brother like he was stupid. Daryl furrowed his brow, wondering what he was on about until it clicked in his mind. He had been stunned by her words and then too busy reliving old wounds. He had gawped at her like a fucking fish and not said a word, not corrected her on anything.

“Fuck,” he groaned, covering his face with his hands as his brother continued to laugh at him.

“Don't worry about it baby brother. Good ol’ Merle took care of it,” Merle smirked widely at him. Daryl sat up then looking at him warily.

“Ya...took care of it how?” he asked hesitantly. Merle's version of taking care of things rarely resulted in helping. It usually caused more fucking problems.

“I put her straight. That ya not gay, never have been. Told her ya’ve been wantin’ to get in her pants since ya first fuckin’ saw her!” he cackled, making Daryl's eyes widen so much they almost fell out of their fucking sockets.

“Ya did what?!” he yelled, completely mortified. Nah, fuck this shit. I wonder if I could smother myself…

“I’m yankin' ya chain! Fuck!” Merle laughed heartily as he stepped closer to him. Daryl relaxed but only a little as he looked up at him.

“I didn't tell her that, even though it's true. But I did tell her ya like women so ya don't need to worry about that shit no more,” he grinned, like he was so proud of himself for doing something decent for once.

“Thanks,” Daryl muttered, looking down for a minute as his head tried to calm down from the mind fuck the morning had turned into.

“I’m gonna give ya a bit of brotherly advice now, so ya best listen,” Merle started, looking deadly serious. Daryl just blinked at him, looking almost like a young boy as he waited for what his brother wanted to say.

“I know ya like her. I see the way ya look at her, hell, how ya’ve always looked at her. I know ya ain’t like me, ya different so I know it’s not the same as it is for me,” he continued, Daryl squinted at him calling him different but Merle just shook his head.

“Hell, it ain't a bad thing Daryl. I’m glad ya ain't like me. It’s a good thing. All I’m sayin’ is, I know ya deal with shit differently. Like last night, freakin’ out over a damn kiss to the cheek. Ya don't like to be touched, I get it, and I know ya ain't got much game brother, but shit, I thought ya had more than that,” he snorted. Daryl heaved a sigh, wondering what the fuck the advice would be, if there even was any. Merle sensed his impatience and tutted at him.

“If ya like her, ya don't have to do anythin’ ya don't’ wanna, but ya should at least just let shit happen. If she tries to kiss ya cheek, fuckin’ let her. If she wants to share a bed, don't fight it. Fuck, if she wants to suck ya damn dick, let her do it. Stop fightin’ shit Daryl. Ya look at her different to the other girls ya’ve fucked, I can see it. I ain't blind and I ain't damn stupid either. Ya know how I feel about women, and I don't think me and relationships would ever fuckin’ mix. But like I said, I know ya different. She’s a good girl brother, she's a little spitfire when she wants to be. She can hold her own, but she’s still good inside. I think she's good for ya,” he finished, his face more serious than Daryl had ever seen him.

It felt so awkward, neither of them able to look at each other for a moment. These moments with Merle were rare. These moments when he really was the big brother he needed, when he came through like this. Daryl couldn't remember the last time he had a moment like this with him, but now it was here, it was awkward as shit. He didn't really know what to say. He felt all sorts of shit. He was embarrassed his brother had noticed he liked her, even before the world went to shit. He was shocked that Merle hadn't taken the piss out of him for it, ever, and he was shocked that Merle actually seemed to be somewhat giving his blessing, if Daryl wanted to make this anything. Merle had said she was good for him, complimented her. Daryl was well aware of how his brother usually viewed women. That they were good for nothing but a good fuck and to cook and clean. Yet Cherlene seemed to have effected Merle too.

“Ain’t matter anyway. Like she’d be interested in a Dixon,” Daryl scoffed bitterly, realising this whole pep talk was worth shit when it came down to it. No matter how much he liked her, it would never happen. He wasn't about to fool himself and act like it would. Optimism got him nowhere in life. Merle heaved a sigh and shook his head as he took a step back.

“Maybe. Maybe not. Ya won't fuckin’ know if ya keep runnin’ from it Daryl,” he muttered, wishing he could shake some sense into him. But Merle could see Daryl shutting down, he didn't blame him. This whole thing had been a little more intense and touchy-feely than he had meant and now things were weird.

“Anyway, get your ass downstairs. The girls up and we’re both waitin’ to get the truck, then we can try for the highway again,” with that, Merle was gone. Daryl breathed a sigh of relief at the peace of being on his own. But now he had to go downstairs and face her. Be fucking stuck in the truck with her for hours on end after the ordeal that was the night before. He actually hoped Merle would sit with them this time. He was an ass but he was a fucking ice breaker and a distraction. If Merle was winding her up, she wouldn't be focused on him and how pathetic and awkward he was.

He tugged on his boots before reluctantly leaving the room, he really didn't want to but he couldn't hide out here forever either. When he got downstairs, Merle was in the kitchen packing what little was there into a bag he found. It wasn't much but they would need every little thing they could find. Daryl walked into the living room and Charlene was eating graham crackers out of a box. He tensed, stood there as their eyes locked for a moment. He noticed her cheeks flush as she glanced back down to the box. Great, now shits awkward.

“You want some?” she asked, her voice weirdly higher than usual and he could tell by how she was averting her eyes she looked somewhat nervous. He tried to hide his frown as he nodded, his stomach growled as he sat on the couch with her, leaving a good distance between them.

It was silent for a moment, the only noises were Merle rummaging in the kitchen and muttering to himself and their crunching of the crackers, which seemed unusually loud to his ears.

“Look, I'm sorry about last night. Assuming you were gay. I just...You know me well enough by now, when I get nervous I put my foot in my mouth and make an ass out of myself,” she rambled, finally looking at him again with her bright green eyes. He was confused why she was apologising, it was all his fault, but he rolled with it anyway.

“It’s fine, wouldn't have thought that if I didn't freak out like a fuckin’ idiot,” he sighed, chewing his thumb anxiously as he looked down.

“I get it. Merle told me...you don't like to be touched. I know I can be a bit much sometimes. Always around you and stuff. I’ve just always been a little touchy-feely. So I'm sorry, for making you uncomfortable like that,” she muttered softly, toying with a cracker in her hand.

Daryl frowned, he didn't like that his brother had disclosed that bit of information with her. Anyone that knew him knew he wasn't one to be touched. It was fine if he initiated it, but he was always wary of other people touching him, ever since his childhood where the only contact he had with people involved being hurt in some way.

“Ya ain't much...I don't mind it. Just caught me off guard I guess,” he shrugged, not wanting her to pull away completely because of what his brother had said, about what she must think of him now. A fuckin’ freak.

“What if...the next time I do something that makes you uncomfortable, just tell me. And I’ll do the same with you. We don't need to freak out or ramble nervous shit that embarrasses each other,” she snorted wryly, giving him a little smile. He chanced a glance at her, a tug of a smile on his own lips.

“Sounds good to me,” he said with a nod, still chewing his thumb. He didn’t know how well it would work. When he freaked out the night before, his brain had just malfunctioned completely. He didn't have time to rationalise anything and suddenly things had gone from bad to worse. He hoped that the air was a little clearer now. That she would be a little more careful so she didn't spook him but not pull away from him altogether.

She took out another cracker and one for him, handing it out to him. It was like she was giving some kind of peace offering to him and he almost snorted. He gave her a half-smile, taking it and relishing the moment when their fingers touched briefly. He masked it well though, she didn't need to know that despite his deep-rooted issues about being touched, he craved it more than anything in the fucking world, as fucked as his brain was. Wanting something that his body would shy from. He munched his cracker, feeling like the air was a little lighter. She didn't hate him, she hadn’t embarrassed him. She had said sorry and come up with a plan that would hopefully make them avoid any other moments like the night before. Merle was right, she was good for him.

“Alright kids, lets head out. Still don't know if that herd will come back this way,” Merle said as he walked in the room. Charlene stood, box of crackers still in her hands as she nibbled them. Merle reached over and took one, making her growl playfully and smack him around the head.

“That there’s abuse girlie,” Merle huffed as he rubbed his head, even though the smack didn't hurt in the least. Daryl watched on amused as his brother squinted at her. Shocked he hadn't throttled her or said anything offensive. It was weird. Apparently, things were better between them. He already knew Merle liked her which was weird enough because Merle never liked anyone. Hopefully, things would be a little easier with the three of them from now on.

Taglist; @risingphoenix761 @daryldixonandfrogs @arlaina28 @divadinag @keeperofwonderlandus @jodiereedus22 @easnuppa @fand0m-fiend @txladyj-blog

[dakotablackwood]

Silence [Pt. 2]

Part 1, Part 2

Warnings: Unsympathetic Virgil, deception, manipulation, physical pain, bottled feelings, disguised violent threat, murder mention/joke, cursing, insults, hatred, Phonophobia [Fear of loud noises]

Ships: Loceit??? Who knows??? DLMP, other ships TBD

Prologue: It all got to be too much for Deceit sometimes. He's a flawed side, defective, useless. He isn't supposed to have these fears. He isn't supposed to flinch every time he drops something. He isn't supposed to have a panic attack when the dryer at a fast food restaurant is just a little bit too loud. It only gets worse when Virgil decides to mess with him. He thought Virgil would get better after being with the light sides. He didn't think Virgil would do anything to harm him. He couldn't hate Deceit so much that he'd hurt him, right?

--------------------

When he woke up, he almost thought it was all a dream. Well, he hoped it was. As distinct hushed whispers came into focus, he knew it wasn't. If that wasn't enough, the texture of his bed felt….wrong. He didn't want to move, he didn't want to open his eyes, he didn't want to do anything to give the impression he was awake. It made him sick just thinking about the look on their faces. He'd honestly rather spontaneously combust than have to deal with their hatred. They probably thought it was a joke, some tactic to gain their trust. That would be fine, at least they would leave it as that. Maybe it would be better that way. 

Suddenly, a specific comment caught his attention. It was quiet, and he seemed to be the only one who heard it.

"You always screw things up, don't you?" 

Deceit's eyes flew open, and he was sitting up in just a few seconds. He regretted it immediately. Not only had he caught the others' attention, but he was now dizzy with how fast he'd gotten up. His mind blurred and his vision gave out. His body started to sway while he held his head, waiting for it all to stop. 

A hand settled firmly on his upper arm. He couldn't comprehend it until a few seconds later, but when he did, he noticed that it hurt. It burned, really. As the dizziness subsided, he was able to look up and see Virgil, Logan, Patton, and Roman all standing over him. All he could focus on, though, was Virgil's hand over his arm, barely even touching him. 

Deceit had fallen back, landing on his pillow at some point in his dizziness. He hadn't felt it at all, which was weird, but then again he was really dizzy. Normally, he would've cared about the fact that he wasn't in his own room. He would've been appreciative of the attention he was getting, if it weren't for the searing pain of Virgil's hand on his arm. He was so confused. 'How is he doing that? What did I do? What is happening?'

The pain made him bite his tongue, flinching and moving around uncomfortably. 

He opened his mouth to speak, and as soon as he did, Virgil pulled his hand from his arm. Deceit gloved hand went to rub his skin where the side had touched him, "Why- how did you do that?"

Virgil mocked confusion, as if he wasn't speaking to the master of deception, "What do you mean, snake face? Are you already trying to mess with us?" He glared, but to Deceit, it meant 'shut up, no one will believe you'.

Deceit just rolled his eyes, not wanting to play these games. All he wanted was to know why he wasn't in his room anymore and how the hell he got here. He looked at the others, scanning each of their faces. Patton's was concerned, ever loving and caring. Roman's expression displayed uncertainty. Logan's was calm, but his eyes. His eyes showed concern. Genuine concern. 

One of the things Deceit can do is see true emotion through people's eyes. He was able to see how someone truly felt, if they showed it or not.

Even so, he thought even the others could see Logan's emotions if they tried. They were always so strong, but somehow, the others never saw them. They never saw how truly emotional Logan is. It seemed so obvious to Deceit, but the other seemed to have his emotions so covered up that the others just didn't quite notice it. It was so confusing to Deceit. How did they not see it?! He was upset and almost crying, how did no one notice?

It always baffled him how the others could be so smart, so attached to each other, and yet they couldn't notice things like Logan's body stiffening (hurt, upset, angry) or him going silent (ignored, surprised). Deceit noticed these things, yes, but Logan's eyes broke every little external wall he put up for himself. He could have a cold hard expression, but be incredibly hurt or excited. 

He quickly snapped back to life when he heard Patton's voice suddenly, "Deceit, are you….are you okay? Yesterday was rough for you, I imagine." He chuckled softly, rubbing the back of his neck.

Deceit's eyes were still just slightly red from crying, and he could feel the dried tears on his face. He remembered every detail of last night and flinched, "Perfectly fine, Patton. I've been fine, last night was nothing. It was simply a burst of emotion that I obviously couldn't handle. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll take my leave before you all start hating me again. I'd rather not be here for that part." As he stood, he finally took a look at the room he was in. Obviously Patton's, with blue walls decorated with rainbows, kittens, dogs, stars, and every other happy thing you can think of. There was a wall of pictures and memories from Thomas' past. They showcased big accomplishments in their host's life, like when Thomas got an award and when he got the lead role in a school play. 

The room was bright and happy, everything in it was something from Thomas' past that held value. 

Patton's room and Deceit's were very very different in that aspect, despite having the same layout.

Speaking of Patton, the side frowned when he went to leave, "Wait, ki- Deceit!"

At the mention of his 'name', the deceptive side turned to look at the bubbly dad. It didn't hurt that he didn't call him 'kiddo', it didn't, it didn't, it didn't, he wasn't a kid why would it hurt- "Yes, oh so loveable Morality?"

Patton crossed his arms, "Please tell us why you were so upset. We've never seen you cry before, we're just concerned."

He didn't know what bothered him so much about that little statement, but Deceit just hissed in annoyance, "Concerned? Really? Don't even try with that. I don't do anything that important, now go do your job and stop lying to a liar. Honestly Morality, you could've called me stupid to my face and it would've been less insulting." He could taste the lie on his tongue. It was a nice, rich honey-like substance. If it wasn't for the blatant, hurtful lie he would've appreciated the taste. He craves it, and this would've been a victory if it weren't for the pain that came with it. 

"Well, I care king cobra!" Roman said defensively, "I mean, come on! We're not part of a mean person, we can't completely hate you! Have a little faith in us man, we're not that terrible." The prince huffed, looking to the side like an insulted teenager. 

"Yeah, we're not going to like….kill you or anything." Virgil 'agreed', and somehow, no one noticed the sarcasm except Deceit. 

This just made the snake faced side uncomfortable. The way the other's eyes darkened, how Virgil's smirk looked sinister to only him. It all just made him want to throw up.

"Right, well, I'm going to be in my room. While I'm there, try to keep it down for me." Deceit asked casually before sinking out. He didn't feel comfortable anymore, and he didn't need to deal with this right now. As soon as he made it to his room, he groaned and went to go look for his hat.

Now, any other side/person would've thought Deceit's request probably had nothing to do with the reason he was distressed the previous night. However, that little statement had confirmed everything that Logan had hypothesized already. He knew why he was crying, and he knew exactly what that meant. Was he going to tell the others? No.

Now you might be thinking "why not?"

Because, put simply, the others had had enough of his explanations, lectures, and definitions. He didn't think they would understand or care about what it meant either. They would lose interest, ignore him, dismiss his information as invalid.

He really did care about Deceit. He knows more about Deceit than Deceit even knows he knows about. He knows Deceit knows more about him, too. Does he care? No. He actually quite likes how someone can see past his hard exterior. 

Yes, it was hard to be the logical side. It would be harder to do his job, though, if the others hated him. Which was why he felt kind of bad for Deceit in a way. While filming SvS, he had to step in and stop the other. Not because he wanted to be rude- despite how rude it might've came off as to Deceit- but because he knew the others wouldn't listen. He knew the snake side wasn't going to get anywhere, and it was better if it was stopped before the deceptive side felt just as bad as he did when he himself was ignored. It wasn't worth it to keep going, because it would only hurt worse the longer it went on.

He made a mental note to keep the noise level to a minimum.

After a few minutes of silence, he decided enough was enough and that they were wasting time, "We all need to resume our individual work elsewhere. We are not accomplishing anything standing here except for 'effectively' wasting valuable time. If we are done here, we should disperse, as I believe we cannot properly do our part in helping Thomas without moving from this specific spot. I will leave now, and I expect everyone else, excluding Patton, to do the same. This is Patton's room, obviously, so technically he's where he needs to be. Apart from him-" He was cut off by a groan from Roman.

"Alright, alright we get it! We're leaving!" Roman said before sinking out with raised hands.

Virgil just shrugged, leaving silently with a peace sign.

After the last of the two left, Logan sighed and finally sunk out. 

Back in Deceit's room, panic was starting to rise as he searched everywhere for his hat. He just couldn't find it, and he didn't have another one. He was hyperventilating as he checked the floor for the twelfth time, sweaty with fear. It had to be there. It HAD to be there. As he searched, he felt more and more vulnerable and defenseless without his hat. He was searching for hours, having destroyed his room in the process. He was crying again by the end of it, on his knees in the middle of the room. His hair was messed up, his makeup even more messed up than before. He wanted his hat so badly, it was childish. It was so so childish but he NEEDED it. It was his hat for god sake. It was one of the only things that gave him comfort, the only thing beside it being his gloves. He felt stupid, but he also felt so….exposed without that damn hat. Burn anything in his room, sure, he didn't care. The only things he ever cared about was his hat and gloves, so be it if everything else is gone. He was so annoyed, upset, anxious. All he wanted was his hat, was that too much to ask?

Back in Virgil's room, tucked discreetly into a drawer and covered by clothes, was a little black hat. Inside, hidden from the eyes of everyone, was a little embroidery of a two headed snake.

[punkscowardschampions]

Tess & Bea

Tess: You have to tell me where you are Bea: I'm fine Tess: That isn't what I asked Bea: That's what you need to hear regardless Tess: No, I need to hear a location Tess: but I'll drive round with a screaming baby regardless Bea: Don't waste time guilting me, go home Tess: Come home and I can too Bea: That's not an option Tess: Neither is this Bea: Yes it is Bea: I can say the placement fell apart, they'll have to find a new one, easy Tess: If that's what you want, we can talk about it Bea: Just keep Ro, okay Bea: please Tess: Oh Bea, of course we're keeping her Bea: Good Bea: She doesn't need to leave, she's not done anything Tess: None of this is about your sister, it's about you Tess: and you don't need to leave Tess: Talk to me Bea: I do Bea: I'm not going to stop Bea: I'm sorry but I can't Tess: So you leave, what then? Tess: You know they could send you anywhere Bea: I'll visit Tess: If you say the placement broke down, you don't also get to come round for tea Bea: I meant him Bea: I know I can't come see you all Tess: He'll still live here Tess: If you're gone, you're gone, kid Bea: You can't keep him under house arrest forever Tess: You think I'm letting him out of my sight after this? Bea: Yeah Bea: screaming baby, after-all Tess: I'd say watch me, but you won't be here to see it Bea: I'd say the track record is 1-0 to me Tess: The punishment doesn't really fit my crime, but go ahead Bea: This isn't about punishing you Tess: I am being anyway Tess: but I ain't special, so are you, so is he Bea: We didn't mean to, alright Tess: I know that Bea: There's no point punishing him for it Tess: There's every point in trying to protect him though Tess: especially since I've done such a shit job of it up til now Bea: I'm not a predator Tess: That's not what I'm saying Tess: I can't stop you from going but I can stop him running off after you Bea: Yes you are Tess: No, I'm not Tess: I'm saying I know exactly how he feels about you and what he's willing to do Bea: I'll tell him not to Tess: Yeah, 'cause that'll work Bea: You're either going to protect him or you aren't then Tess: All I can do is try Tess: That ain't always enough, I don't need you or anyone else to tell me Bea: Well then Tess: Are you gonna tell me where you are or am I calling the police out? Bea: Don't be ridiculous Bea: I'm just thinking Tess: Whether you reckon it's ridiculous or not, it's the hoop I have to jump through Tess: I'm still your foster carer for now Bea: If you don't come, I'll tell you Tess: Tell me and I'll decide whether it's safe to leave you there or not Tess: This isn't a game Bea: I'm not an idiot Bea: I wouldn't go anywhere unsafe Tess: Me either, but you've both treated me like a mug Tess: That stops now Bea: It wasn't personal Tess: How do you reckon that? Tess: This affects all of us Bea: We didn't want any of you to know Tess: Well, now I do, and if you leave the others are gonna notice Tess: They'll have questions Bea: That have simple answers Tess: You really want your sister to think that the slightest bad behavior and she's out on her ear too? 'Cause that's how it'll look Bea: It isn't slight bad behaviour, I've not stolen a fiver out your purse Bea: I'm not a child Bea: and she's unlikely to repeat the offense so I think we're fine Tess: Oh so you want me to tell her the truth, warts and all, yeah? Tess: Put it in your file for the next person and everything, like Bea: I don't care, do what you have to Bea: I told you, I'm not going to stop seeing him Tess: You may not care about yourself but I care about you Tess: Jesus Bea: I know and I care about you, believe it or not Bea: that's why I'm fixing this Tess: It's not a fix Tess: If you leave here fuck knows where they'll put you, who with Bea: I'll be fine Bea: I'm sure I've handled worse Tess: You don't know that Tess: and what about him? I'll carry the guilt and responsibility of it, I know I can handle it, but don't tell me you want that for Fraze Bea: Don't Tess: I don't need to tell you what he's like Tess: How much it'd hurt him if anything happens to you, he's already in bits that you legged it Tess: You need to think carefully about what you want your next move to be Bea: I'll talk to him Tess: Come home, he's waiting for you Bea: I don't want to talk to you yet okay Tess: I'm not gonna block the door unless you do Tess: You can come back Bea: Alright Tess: He don't wanna talk to me either but I'll let him stay too Bea: It's just Bea: we don't need to ever do we Tess: I reckon we do, kid Tess: but it doesn't have to be tonight Bea: We'll see Tess: Listen, if I'd had the option at your age, shit might have worked out different for me Tess: I'm not saying I need every detail, believe me I don't, but shutting me out ain't the way either of you are gonna get what you want Bea: We know what we're doing, don't worry Tess: That doesn't make me feel better Tess: and it's not just about that Bea: I'm just saying Tess: Me too Bea: I'm not gonna make you a grandma Bea: get real Tess: I know you won't, all the time I've spent having chats with him to make sure that won't happen Bea: Ugh Tess: Not a barrel of laughs for any of us Bea: You know they teach us all that in reception now, yeah? Tess: I know that this is the last baby I'm raising Tess: and that I didn't push these kids outta me for someone else to raise 'em Bea: Should've given Fearghal the talk Tess: I've given him plenty Bea: Maybe yourself, then Tess: I give it out, don't mean I take it Bea: Hmm Tess: Anyway, I wanted every one of 'em Tess: You included Bea: It's alright, he won't remember any of this Bea: 3-4 earliest, you can say what you like 'til then Tess: I'll say what I like then too Tess: You know me Bea: Of course Tess: So, where are you? Tess: 'cause I'm gonna keep asking Bea: I was on a bus Bea: now I'm waiting for one back Tess: I'll come get you Tess: in silence Tess: at least from me, can't speak for the baby Bea: Can I get in the back or is it the boot only Tess: I was thinking roof rack Bea: ha ha Tess: Career in stand up after maternity leave is a maybe Tess: fair enough Bea: Wouldn't run up any credit banking on it Tess: Those days are over, kid Tess: I don't owe anyone anything Bea: Leave that out of your routine Bea: not very relatable Tess: Depends on your audience Bea: Aiming for royal variety as your first gig is even more ambitious Tess: Gotta aim high Tess: Be an even shitter role model otherwise Bea: Shut up Tess: You've got jokes too, yeah? Tess: Trying to tell me what to do is bound to get a few laughs Bea: Know your audience Tess: ha ha ha Bea: Alright, not coming for your gig Tess: Good to know, like Tess: I need the cash more than you Bea: How'd you work that one out Tess: Many mouths to feed under my roof Tess: including yours Bea: Which you're currently managing to do Bea: I've got none Tess: Well, I would've paid you for babysitting if you'd got eyes for anyone but each other Bea: ha ad infinitum Tess: That one ain't a joke, trust me Tess: I trusted you both with my kid Bea: And he is and was fine Tess: You really gonna take credit for that, are you? Bea: We wouldn't let anything happen to him Tess: It isn't always a choice Tess: and you've already made it clear what your priorities were and are Bea: He was asleep Tess: If you're reckoning that gets you off the hook you're speaking to the wrong person Bea: I'm saying, he was fine Bea: you don't watch him sleep Tess: and I'm saying there's plenty of other teenagers I could've paid not to give a fuck Bea: and I'm saying we do Bea: didn't leave him outside or forget to feed him Tess: Yeah 'cause that's the benchmark here Tess: don't take the piss Bea: Jesus Tess: Be as angry as you want, I'm livid Bea: Not waiting for permission Bea: just this bus Tess: I saw that for myself Tess: He's not allowed no girls in when I'm not, it's not different rules for you Bea: If you wanna make that your cross to bear Tess: I'd love to not have to Bea: Then don't Tess: Look what happens when I take any steps back Tess: Great idea, cheers Bea: This would've happened regardless of how much of a helicopter mum you want to be Bea: It's got nothing to do with you, I keep saying Tess: The consequences have got everything to do with me, whatever happens Tess: I'm responsible for him and you Bea: It's not like I have a social worker Bea: and it's not like it's illegal Bea: or anyone else knows Tess: 'Cause I'm it, I'm meant to do it all for you Tess: that's what parenting is Tess: I'm not bothered about things blowing up in your face that way Tess: what happens when you two don't wanna be together anymore, you'll have to leave or live with it Bea: I know Bea: we've done that before, remember Tess: It'll be harder this time Bea: We can handle it Tess: You can't speak for him Tess: He's not as strong as he lets on, you know that Bea: Well it's happened Bea: It can't be taken back Tess: No shit Bea: So he'll have to Bea: You can't do anything about it Tess: I can pick up the pieces, I'll have to Bea: That's what parenting is Tess: Yeah Bea: Are you telling me I can't date your son? Tess: I'm not that stupid Bea: Then what Tess: It's too late to prepare you for what this is gonna be like, but I have to try Bea: We're the only ones who know what it's like Tess: That ain't gonna stop everyone else having an opinion Bea: I've got about as much interest in them as I usually do Tess: He cares if you don't Tess: and he'll care more living that bullshit day in and day out Bea: then he can dump me Bea: I'm not forcing him to do anything Bea: I don't know why you think that I am Bea: he isn't a baby Tess: It ain't that simple Tess: wanting something doesn't make it easy Tess: and not caring don't mean people can't make it harder, they still can Bea: What is anyone going to do Bea: You can't even do shit Bea: end of Tess: You'll find out if you're determined to Bea: I've told you I'm not stopping Tess: and I've warned you Tess: like you said, end of then Bea: Yep Tess: Do you want that to be your last word before you get in this car? Bea: Do you want an apology? Bea: If so you'll have to be more specific because I'm not apologizing for parts I'm not sorry for Tess: You don't reckon you've got anything to be sorry for Tess: Why would I want an apology you don't mean? Bea: I didn't say that Tess: As good as Bea: I don't want to leave for my benefit Tess: It wouldn't be for any of ours Tess: Not mine, not his and not your sister's Bea: If I wasn't in your care, you wouldn't get any repercussions, any judgment, or any of those opinions you're talking about Tess: I can handle 'em, I already have done long before you moved in Tess: I'm trying to warn you 'cause nobody did me, there's not much they can say I haven't heard Bea: So can I Bea: Words don't do shit to me Tess: If it's only words I'll stop worrying Bea: If anyone calls the social what can they do Bea: you say you discourage it, don't leave us alone, whatever Bea: they've got bigger fish to fry Tess: I don't know what they'll do, that's the point Bea: Nothing Bea: Even if they did take me away, so what, I already said I'll go Tess: None of us want you to, that's what Tess: fuck's sake Bea: So we'll hide it and lie and no one outside the family needs to know Tess: that'll look worse when it comes out Tess: I don't want another kid taken off me, alright Bea: What can I do Tess: You could've come to me, but like you said, it's happened now Bea: No I couldn't Bea: You think you could've talked me out of it Bea: Him, maybe Bea: but you're years too late Tess: I told you, I'm not that stupid Tess: I know what it feels like to not give a fuck about anything but the one person everyone is telling you that you shouldn't Tess: and what the consequences feel like Tess: when those people are right and when they are wrong too Tess: one lad broke my heart and the other never has Bea: That's life, right? Bea: You can't protect them from it, though being a mum is wanting to, I'm sure Tess: Mine, yeah, don't follow in my footsteps any of you Bea: Not my plan Bea: but you've done alright Tess: Good Tess: now maybe Bea: Ask any therapist, your childhood ain't your fault Bea: unless you wanna go there Tess: I ain't been a child for a long time, there's no excuse for me there Bea: You were then Tess: I weren't allowed to be then Tess: that was the problem Tess: So I tried to be an adult, and unsurprisingly fucked that up Tess: Still am and still do Bea: I know what you're trying to say Bea: but it ain't an option for me either Bea: ain't your fault Bea: but it's how it is Tess: I'm trying to say I don't just love Fraze, it's you too Tess: Everything I want for him, I want for you Tess: end of story Bea: This doesn't mean we can't get what we want, and what you want for us Bea: I swear Tess: I wanna believe that, but I'm as far from a 13 year old kid as you can get Bea: Wait and see then Tess: That's all I can do Tess: what you can do is take this kid far away from me while I have a cig and not say a word about it when we get back Bea: Alright Bea: even hold my tongue on how you trust me with your precious youngest now Tess: Keep him where I can see him, like Bea: Within eyeline but away from the second-hand poison, gotcha Tess: It ain't personal, it's just that he's my last go at this Tess: to not entirely fuck up from day 1 Bea: Thank God for the silence rule so I don't have to hear any more of this Tess: I can break it as easy as I made it if you're gonna be that gutted Bea: You're clearly gonna Tess: Leave your reverse psychology outside the car Bea: Only if you leave the woe is me bit Bea: who are you fooling Tess: I want your sympathy as much as I want any of this Tess: It's how it is Tess: You've had what, 6 years, to see for yourself Bea: Then leave it out Bea: like you're not on your way to a sainting Tess: I'm not that close to death, cheers Bea: That you know of Tess: killing me so you can run away with my son is plan B then? Good one Bea: Nope but if you have an aneurysm at the wheel we're all goners Tess: don't flatter yourself that you've made me that angry Tess: the baby did a number on my hormones not you, kid Bea: Then I repeat, quit the bitching Tess: Quit the attitude Bea: 😏 Tess: Yeah, that's what I thought Bea: Where are you Tess: If I honked my horn you'd hear it Tess: do you want me to be your embarrassing Ma? Bea: As if you have any other mode Tess: Don't start lying now Bea: 🤐 Tess: Yeah yeah, get in the car

[erikismybitch]

Based off the Jill Scott interlude PT.2

You didn’t trip off what happened in the grocery store . But then it happened again, with another woman at the gym.

Then three more times after he posted the faceless pic of you and the “Erik” chain on his Instagram.

“Women sure are resourceful, like fucking spies when they want to be nosey ” you spoke sourly as you blocked yet another girl from your inbox. It was the most action your Instagram had seen in a long time . All this unwanted attention surrounding you brought back that old self conscious girl you’d hidden years ago.

“So, you gon keep me on pause the whole time? Maybe I should just end the FaceTime “ Erik said through the speaker of your iPhone .

“Sorry that I had to deal with one of your many hidden girlfriends” you went back to the FaceTime. Erik was sitting in his car on his work break . He mumbled lowly, knowing you couldn’t hear him. “Talking mess?” You asked with a lifted brow . The frustration was written all over his face , for the past week it had been a downhill battle between you and him.

“I was dealing with a lot of them girls back before you. But I didn’t feel the way about you that I do now “

“Is that supposed to be a compliment? “ you snapped . Eriks phone paused as you continued to rant . “I won the race and you were the prize?”

Eriks face came onto the phone screen again. He didnt say anything, he spent the past few days explaining himself . He never cheated , these were all women of the past . He was out of options and figured his best bet was to stay silent .

“I didn’t know you were THAT nigga”

“Please !” He finally spoke , twisting his face . “You got with me cause I was THAT nigga, don’t act new”

“Erik , I got with you cause you were you . I didn’t know it would come with all of this”

“Then break up with me then!” Erik shouted angrily and ended the FaceTime call . It scared you , not the tone of his voice but those words . You were angry with him and you weren’t sure what you wanted . Breaking up with him was not on your list .

Just as you were about to press the call back button, Erik sent you a text .

I’m sorry for yelling like that , I’ll pick you up later tonight for that party.

K.

You tossed the phone across your bed . Tiana and Devin were a married couple who hosted game nights at their hillside home . They were older and a couple that you admired. Tiana was an old co-worker of yours , she and Devin introduced you to Erik at their very own party. The two of you hadn’t seen them in a while and agreed to go tonight .

You listened as the postal worker slid the mail in your home door slot . You went to fetch the mail from the front . You scanned through it .

“Bills, bills, bills, Complex for Erik, and Cosmo for me”

You dropped everything except for the Cosmopolitan magazine. Ironically your current life story was on the cover in big bold letters

“So, you’re dating a ladies man pg 48 “.

“Yes, yes the hell I am” You eagerly opened the magazine to the article . Not even bothering to sit down, you began to read .

“...It's horrible and infuriating and brings out your jealous side. I get it. So what do you do? How do you handle him, and, more important, how do you keep him focused on your relationship when he's being approached left and right?...”

“How?” You mouthed out loud , as if the article was speaking to you

“...don't put him so high up on a pedestal. You deserve each other, and you are equals in the relationship. That mind-set is important...”

“Okay, okay” you nodded in an agreeable manner then read down a little more .

“...when a woman comes up to him and you're around. Let her and him know that he is yours, and you want to keep it that way. He will find that fiery, possessive side of you exciting and comforting...”

“I’m not fighting for no man, Cosmo”

“..."accidentally" let him see an innocent yet flirty text from a guy you met at work, or mention how "weird" it was that so-and-so asked you for a drink...”

“This is dumb as hell” you laughed and tossed the magazine with the rest of the mail . You should have known better than to look for advice from a pop culture magazine .

Hours passed and Erik was outside waiting for you . You had taken your time getting ready . The curls your usually had were flattened straight and tucked behind your ears. A casual dress accompanied with a denim jacket and heels . Plus , your make up was perfect.

You walked out of your apartment complex and made your way to Eriks truck. He thought you looked amazing , even more so than ever because you didn’t know how beautiful you were. To him, it was effortless.

“What?” You snapped with an attitude . You noticed the look he gave you when you got into the car . Erik laughed in response and pulled off .

“Nothing , you just look good... that’s all” Erik nodded his head to his music nonchalantly. You turned your body towards the window , just so Erik couldn’t get the satisfaction of seeing your smile . How could a girl be mad at that? And plus, he looked good too.

Erik drove briskly through the mountains , until he reached Devin and Tianas Spanish-styled home . There were several cars in the drive way as you pulled up . You both went inside and greeted everyone. Some new faces and some old .

You went your separate way from Erik, finding comfort in playing games with other people. Erik kept his eye on you the entire time , he was like a lost puppy waiting for you to find him. Out of the two host, Tiana was the first to notice that Erik wasn’t having fun . He told her that the two of you were on bad terms so he gave you space. She suggested that the four of you played a game alone . Tiana gathered you and her husband , then met Erik in a well-off room away from the main party .

“Let’s get it “ Devin shuffled the deck of Uno cards and gave each person seven . Both couples sat across from their mates and played the game .

“Uno!” You called out excitedly , you were down to your last card .

Erik hit you with a draw four and a smirk . Everybody cursed and took cards from the deck .

“Just when I think everything is straight , Erik shuts shit down “

“It’s just a game though” Erik placed a card onto the stack .

“It’s just a game though” you mimicked him in a nagging voice .

The married couple couldn’t stand the tension and before an argument started they interjected .

“You guys talking about Uno, or something else ?” Devin asked .

“Ask the ladies man” you motioned towards Erik . He tossed his cards on the table , fed up .

“What’s going on with you guys , seriously?” Tiana lowered her voice a bit , making sure nobody in the other room could hear the conversation.

“She’s upset because other women still like me” Erik made it seem like no big deal .

“Is that true?” Tiana interjected

“It’s more complicated than that , women are approaching me and messaging me about him”

The two of you felt completely comfortable spilling all the intimate details of the relationship with them . That had years of experience and knowledge under their belts . Erik gave them his view and you followed up with your own .

“You’re upset at something Erik can’t control and Erik should have helped you get to a place where you feel secure” Tiana began to preach .

Erik moved closer to you , running his hand across your lower back . “You don’t feel secure with me?” He spoke low, only for you to hear .

“I feel like I’m suddenly in a competition. If all those women weren’t enough for you then how could I, just one girl, be enough ?” Erik wrapped his arm around you and brought you into his chest . His way of letting you know you were secure with him. He didn’t know you felt that way .

“Why was she different than the rest of the girls?” Tiana questioned Erik. He thought about the night he met her, in this same house . Sure he had seen women more beautiful, women with better bodies and more sex appeal. But it was something about you that drew him in .

“This man drooled on himself when he saw her!” Devin blurted out .

“I did, my shirt got wet and everything “ Erik admitted shamelessly.

“We laughed about that shit for weeks” Devin cracked up.

“Girl, If that don’t make you feel secure then I don’t know what can” Tiana teased .

Devin and Tiana left the room, they allowed you and Erik some alone time . You tried your best not to taunt him for drooling, but you were flattered . Erik still held you against him, you took it a step further and embraced his waist . The words “sorry” were at the tip of your tongue . As soon as you were about to speak, Erik did.

“I remember after our second date, you didn’t call me for a like a week. Usually I wouldn’t trip ... but I did.” He played with your chain for emphasis. “That’s when I knew you were different “

“Erik, I’m sorry I’ve been mean . You don’t deserve that “

“It’s alright , you ready to get out of here?”

You nodded your head and agreed . The two of you said goodbye to everyone and made your way to the car . Erik drove through the hills slowly , enjoying the entire view of the lit city below . His car came to a stop, right on the edge of the road . A few cars were parked near by. They probably had the same idea as Erik .

He wanted to get high and enjoy this view with his girl, his one and only girl. Erik broke down his weed and rolled a blunt . He lit it , giving you the honor of hitting it first .

“I didn’t know how insecure I was , until tonight“ You mouthed , after inhaling and blowing a little smoke through your nostrils .

“You have nothing to be insecure about, I’m with you for a reason. Nobody makes me feel the way you do”

That put a big smile on your face . All you needed was a little assurance. You have him the blunt . He took it between his soft lips and inhaled . It had been almost a week since you felt him inside of you . And something about that small gesture turned you on. You reached over his lap and reclined his seat . Erik smirked at you, he knew exactly what you wanted .

His jeans were already low. You unbuttoned him and pulled his briefs down. His beautiful dick sprung at attention. Without a word you wrapped your mouth around his shaft . You focused on getting it wet so your lips could glide easily . This was his favorite , you were the best at it . You wanted to show him how much you wanted him .

“Shit baby, just like that” Erik ashed his blunt , it felt so good he couldn’t smoke anymore . You slurped hard, hearing the sopping sounds over the radio. Your head bobbed as you popped your lips on the tip of his veiny dick. Erik held on to the back of your head for leverage , bringing you all the way back down on him . You covered every last inch until his dick touched the back of your throat .

“You so perfect for me” Erik brought your head up , allowing you to take in air. He lifted you by your shoulders and kissed your moist lips . It was slow, sensual and passionate . Erik snuck your dress above your ass, then took it upon himself to slide your panties to the side .

“Come sit on this dick” his voice was smooth but still demanding . Just how you liked it.

You raised your leg over his lap, thanking god that Erik had a truck with tints. Erik cut the engine and turned off the radio . You thought maybe he wanted to listen for trouble , but he just wanted to hear you .

You slid onto him easily , seizing the moment . He always felt so good inside of you. Erik peeled your breast from the top of your dress . You rode him slowly .

“This the dick that got you wearing that chain?” he hissed , digging his palm into both of your ass cheeks .

“Yes baby” You let out a whimper, speeding up and adding a little bounce to your movement.

“Show me how you got that fucking chain!” He slapped your ass hard , kicking you in gear . Your breast bounced up and down . Eriks eyes reverted back and forth . Your silk like wetness coated his dick , each time you came down on his shaft he let out a grunt of satisfaction.

The sweet musty smell filled the car , so did the humidity . It covered all the windows , nobody could peak in if they tried .

Eriks hands roamed from your ass , to your waist , to the cup of your delicious breast .Then they found a place on the sides of your neck , bringing you down on to him . Your foreheads touched and the air flared from Eriks nostrils loudly .

“Let it out daddy ! “ you demanded against his lips . He slapped your ass again , piercing his fingers into your mounds . He forced your hips to move to his liking . Erik took control, his dick sent a lightning sensation through senses.

“Ohhh my god” you croaked and rested in the crevice of Eriks neck.

“Yeah? Daddy feel good to you ?” Erik boasted at the sounds you were making .

“Mmmmm, feel so good” you assured him.

Erik used his thighs to thrust upward into you . You let out a scream so loud that it even shocked you . You were powerless, and willing to do anything he wanted in that moment . The sensation he gave you , you’d rob a bank if he asked you to .

You pulled yourself up, holding the sides of his face firmly . Eriks eyes connected with yours before he kissed you quickly . Nothing but Pure extacy was written all over your face . You opened your mouth wide as you took in air .

Erik knew that face, he sped his strokes up . With each thrust his seat became soaked with your cream.

You gripped the roof handle and his chest as you felt yourself about to explode. You came violently . Your head flew back and a growl escaped your pretty lips.

“Don’t fucking move!” Erik never stopped fucking you . Your walls contracted around him as you tried your best not to lift up . Your flesh was far too sensitive to take the pounding Erik was giving you . Just when you thought you couldn’t take it anymore , he let out a Harsh breath and came inside of you .

You laid back on top of him, unable to climb back into your spot .

“This shit feel so good, I could just drive home with my dick still inside of you “

You let out a tired laugh and kissed under his chin. It was sticky from sweat . It didn’t matter to you , you loved every part of him. You kissed his lips and then back down to his neck . With your tongue you marked your spot and sensually began to suck on its saltiness.

Erik’s dick began to stiffen inside of you . “Round two?” He mumbled.

“Meet me in the back seat”

[booksbroadwaybbc]

Don't know what to do with myself. via /r/selfimprovement

Don't know what to do with myself.

Hi. I'm 21 and still in community college, but I did get my provisional admission to this university I wanted to transfer to. I work as a runner at Din Tai Fung and I'm supposed to make bank, but I don't really know yet because I'm a new employee. Headtitle question at the bottom

I think I've lived an okay-ish life, kind of. story time, skip to the end if you dont wanna read it I come from a Korean family, can't say I remember much of my childhood except mostly being beaten and yelled at. There were good times too, but they usually ended prettily shittily. Moved around a bunch, went to a lot of schools. I've dealt with a lot of abusive stuff from both parents, but I'm not going to talk about my mom because things have gotten better and she's still here for me(?). For some extreme stuff- my dad broke my brothers toes in elementary school. In my senior year, he threatened me at knifepoint and forced it into my hands and told me to stab my brother or he would stab me. Beatings from him were pretty bad, and it's not just belts and sticks bad. I played co-ed baseball in 5th grade, so bam, there was that too. He liked to throw chairs and literally flip tables when he was angry (hes a private construction worker, so he's pretty strong). Broke a lot of his phones throwing them at us, the wall, the floor, whatever. Ive had a lot of problems with my social affairs in highschool- anxiety, being cold, being short tempered, aggressive, violent, sharp tongued. I started warming up in senior year because of this girl I dated, which was a pretty big deal because gays are not allowed in this household. And well, im bi but its the same thing to them. Can't say that went too well, because my brother found out and blackmailed me in the situation we were living in. But who cares, because siblings hate each other right? Anyways, broke up with her, broke her heart, treated her poorly and whatever two years later we made up and was able to be friends again. Back to dad- he was usually never around for things like elementary grad, middle school grad, and highschool- my mom made him come, but he sure didn't seem happy about it. In highschool, he only laid down on his phone playi ng his shitty phone games. Doesnt talk to me, doesnt talk to my brother, doesnt talk to my mom. His routine: wake up, go to work, come home, phone games, eat, phone games, sleep. If you try to talk to him, he ignores you. If you press it, he'll give you some boring answer like "go away already".

Anywho, that abusive fuck was caught cheating. Had an affair with a client's sister. Sold the house we lived in, mom moved to Newark, him to San Leandro. Mom didnt want to deal with me, so I got the boot and lived wjth acquaintances in Hayward. Couldnt afford it, so mom told me to move to San Leandro with him. I moved in with my best friend helping me and we saw the evidence. Bambam, hello lady clothing and shit. I went apeshit nuts and he tried to convince me, then threatened that I would be in big trouble if i said anything. (Parents were separated but not divorced). Alright, ill keep my big mouth shut.

I worked for his "girlfriend" at her cafe in Berkeley. Why? Well, it was easy money and i needed it to keep up with my shitty coping habits- partying and party favors, mostly e. You dont have to deal with stress if youre always out partying.

Anywho, fast forward, skip a lot of details. Mom gets a phone call one day from mutual acquaintance saying dad is sick and asks her to bring him some food. Alright. So she does because she still cares, and finds out the truth. Calls me and demands me to come right now and unlock the door- note that this is a 40 minute drive. By the time i get there, theres hella police and a window is broken and theres hella shit going on. Things settled down but being my immature ass i scream at my parents for both being immature, and they shouldve just cut things clean. I yell at my dad for being a fuckhead and cheating, you didnt raise a liar but you are one. I yell at my mom for being irresponsible and breaking things. Police grabs my shoulder but i swipe it off and bam. Im on the floor, face into concrete, chipped teeth and i cant even see where my dog is. Tbh i was more worried that he ran off because he was still a puppy and i was holding him during this whole ordeal. My glasses got knocked off my face when those two officers fucking bodyslammed me into the ground. I'm 5ft4, i weighed like 130 at this time but im just a legit smol asian girl.

What happened next? Well yknow, i got arrested and sent to jail for assaulting a police officer, nbd. Sat there for a few hours, listening to some psycho making weird noises. Finally get some call saying that my mom was waiting for me, and she bailed me out. She was crying a lot and told me that my dad didnt even bat an eye as they took me away, that he smiled and tried to fix his goddamn broken window. I believe it too, because I saw that shitty smirk on his face when i got to the scene. My mom has a bit of an uncontrollable temper so she looks psycho when the other person was the wack one. This was in January 2017.

Skip forward to the next police thing. June 2017. My mom demands that i pack all my shit and move back, and she wants to go with me. I plead no, but what am i gonna do against her? Alright, we drive and she starts saying stuff about lying and calls the bitch a slut and homewrecker and stuff, dad gets up to stand inbetween and stuff. Tells her to move than basically shoves her across the living room towards the door. **insert hysteria and bam again, screaming and each other, his hands on her, me trying to squeeze my body in between them and get his hands off of her. Doesnt really work cos he turns on me, hits me away and goes back to beat her. My screaming doesnt really help either, but i try what I can to claw his arms off of her. Nooooo, bad idea, but better me than her. He grabs me and my head is locked into his elbow so I bite down, arm. Baaaad idea again, but its in self defense imo. Im just trying to help my mom. He p much beats me up into a pulp her, grabs my shirt all the way up and yikes thats embarassing. The struggle goes on and eventually its calm again because slutface is like "honey staph"- note: only words and no actions to get close, buuuut, it works. Me and mom move to my room and start removing all my weebshit from the walls. Mom is muttering and saying a bunch of bs for him to hear and he storms into the room because hes fucking triggered and start the violence again. Oh but this is where i do the fun thing- i lunge myself at him so im like on top of him but holy shit, he legit pulls me off of him and throws me against the wall cabinets, and two hand chokes me, with his knees on my chest. Mom starts screaming at him, claws his face and soon the police are here and shit. Bitch called the police, and this is where it gets more fucked up. I legally live here, its on my license. I came back to move out, so its okay for me to be here, because i came to pack my stuff and take whats mine. So why exactly did the police not believe me? Why did my mom get arrested for putting dumb scratches on his face when he beat us, with pictures - that day- to prove that he inflicted more wounds on us. We were just defending ourselves. He put his hands on us first. Anyways, that starts my worries cos im like. Im 20, but idk what to do. How do i find money to bail my mom out? How do i even do that in the first place? But i managed.

Anywho skip forward, jackass is no longer in my life, tho i have to deal with him through my brother from time to time. Parents officially divorced Feb 2018. I've lived with my mom, she bought a cafeteria for a little bit so I worked there. Things were really hard because my mom had a lot of pent up anger that she would take out on me. My brother moved out because he went to university so he didnt really have to deal with much. Im also the older child, so bam. Anyways, we fought a lot. A LOT LOT. Like apeshit crazylot. I took a lot of beatings. It was like the weekend before Christmas of 2017 where a took a huge beating and ran away from my problems by going to my now-ex's house. He offered me to move in with him and his family, so I did. I had the choice of going back to my moms lifestyle and attempt to make up, or trying to live a different life. I lived with him from like Christmas to March 2018. We started having a lot of problems because he regret inviting me, he wasnt ready to give up his personal space and I was done babysitting someone who was older than me. Doing his laundry, doing his dishes, cleaning his room. I was done with being bored, never going out, being ignored while he did the same thing my dad did. Sit on his phone and not speak a word. Yeah, there were good times too, but they seem so fleeting when it seeps in with your own personal trauma of being ignored. Btw- when i moved to his place, my brother moved back home to fill the gap, but my brother is better with dealing with my mom and she doesnt blow up at him.

After I moved back, it was better. Yeah, shit went down sometimes but i guess overall it was better? My mom cried a lot. I would hear her talk on the phone with her family members in Korea and cry about how she was tired of everything and didn't want to do it anymore. I know exactly how that feels. Well, in the later months of 2018, we got along better and havent really had those blowups. I tried my best to stay home more instead of going out at night because she hated it. I tried to be nicer to her and more compromising. She's in Korea rn and things suck. During the whole parents thing, it sucks to feel like your parents are passing you to each other likea toy they dont want. It sucks to not really feel familial love growing up, where mom is just doing things because shes supposed to and dad just flat out pretends you dont exist. It sucks that it takes two years of partying, drugs and cons to find out

Submitted October 31, 2018 at 10:33AM by xfirelily via reddit https://ift.tt/2CRsVBn