#tonight i'm getting over you
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Little bright colored outfit with a fun vest ~
(shoes from ebay like 10 years ago. everything else is thrifted)
#ootd#jfashion#fashion#fantasy fashion#mori kei#....like... adjacent... lol#no idea what style this would be lol.. makes me think of like whimsical vaguely fantasy themed childrens book character#finally posting one of my aforementioned seven million drafts of actual outfits and costumes i have finished and edited#the photos for but just never feel like posting lol..#I need to find one of those people whos like 'omg i am ADDICTED to social media ugh i wish i could get off of it#im just browsing and posting like 60 times a daaaaay!!!' and take a little magical bottle and suck some of the social media#enthusiasim out of them. for moi. In exchange they can have some of my 'literally just never in the mood to post or interact with the#outside world ever' energy. We can balance each other. huzzah and so on#Though I think maybe it's part of the general thing I've heard of like.. I can't remember if it was in reference to adhd or just some sort#of general execcutive functioning issue type of thing - but the idea that things have to be ''just right'' before you do something. like#'oh i need to do this task. but i have to wait until XYZ first' or 'oh i can do this but only if X specific condition is met' or etc#The fact that I even have to be in a Specific Mindset to post. or sometimes will delay posting on social media because like 'oh well#I'm going somewhere tomorrow. somehow this matters. i cannot spend 5 minuts posting TONIGHT. clearly it will interfere#somehow schedule wise with the doctor appointment i have 15 hours from now. yes. yes. i must wait until my appointment is over#tomorrow afternoon. THEN i shall post' or etc. etc. lol. NOT even taking into account the many days#I just genuinely and physically sick and it's not even a mental thing. I just physically dont feel like sitting at the computer lol..#ANYWAY.. trying to get back into it. trying to get a business bank account.. make a proper paypal so i can start selling sculptures again.#selling clothes and sculptures.. posting about such things then of course as one must. etc... chanting to hype up and motivate myself lol#But yes. this is my favorite outfit out of the bunch so I am posting it first I guess.. maybe others later..#Also the purple dress says its from shein. which I've heard is bad fast fashion stuff. but maybe okay since its second hand? I havent#been to the bins since like 2020 or late 2019 even. and I think stuff like shein and temu has only become poular in the past few years#but I bet if I went to the bins now I might would find a good handfull of that stuff. Probably now not much different than what you#find in a walmart or a forever 21 or actual physical stores you can go to though. I hear quality of clothing is down everywhere no matter#where you get it or whatnot. What bountiful joys unfettered capitalism and exploitation bestows upon us (<being sarcastic).#Wearing one of my favorite little vests though. I love the texture of it and the clasps on it
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“I could never choose a favorite between all the Gravity Falls AUs, I love them all equally!”
[Later]
“I do not care for Reverse Falls.”
#I don't care for Reverse Falls or Transcendence tbh- but I have more of a distaste for Reverse Falls#I didn't like Transcendence because I find it confusing but Reverse Falls… I have a bone to pick with that one#its such a cool concept you could be running with; but every time I ever saw it back in the day I ALWAYS saw someone sexualizing the twins#it was almost impossible to go through that tag without someone being weird about those two and if made my brain wanna explode#DONT GET ME STARTED ON WILL#I HATE THAT BLUE TRIANGLE#Bill Cipher had so much potential in that AU; Whats the opposite of chaos? ORDER. Make him just as deranged as he usually is-#but in a scary and meticulously organized way!!! it couldve been so cool!!! I don't want that winey blue baby!!! bring me back my yellow guy#anyone wild tag rant over I'm gonna go doodle and eat pizza I guess lol#prince rambles in this chilies tonight
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20/10 stars little guy
#me (scrounging undetected autist whose ideal fashion sense is ''if i have to be seen at all: shrouded'') seeing encanto the other month.....#and on top of it all i LOVE slice of life. encanto being so focused on What It's About that there's so much of that + character / dynamic#also part of what i loved abt pixar luca. ppl like ''simple story but not a problem :)'' like YEAH thank god it's Also so slice of lifey#2021 what a year lol. though again i only Just saw encanto....tfw Studio Creative Control backs off a bit more than usual: Joy & Wonders#anyway i knew going in bruno wasn't an antagonist (fine if he was though b/c slay & b/c scapegoats can do whatever they want)#knew i'd love him b/c again Scapegoat shows up & i'm the Amazing Showstopping Totally Unique Never The Same gif on loop#but what a delight even beyond those expectations lol. love again how Focused the movie is on What It's About & Thee Points it makes#the Characters / Dynamics & the Metaphor & the plot stays right with all of that. the focus & importance re: thee scapegoats....#& bruno being disabled like whole layer of Yay Yay Yay spamming. that even when He's Back we're reminded he's not ''normal now'' or w/e#(i.e. presenting that as The Good Ending for the disabled outcast. vs just being embraced as part of the group again & accepted As He Is)#meanwhile was like hmm chat is there queercoding do we think? like is he queer: Yes. but is there coding? hmm#sure isn't cishet coded though. but i was also having the thought like fellas is it gay to [higher tenor tessitura or w/e] lol#made me go ''do i know this voice? ok do i know this name / face / actor? (i have never seen anything ever / bad w/names/faces/voices)''#indeed was like yeah haven't seen this; heard of this; seen it once ages ago no way i remember more than like 0.6 details#then from ''ohh haha I'm A Mammal That Cares....yeah i hear that'' to ''omg CHI-CHI RODRIGUEZ???? ;;0;;'' waaah fantastic revelation lmao#also the way Literal Future Seer ability was externalized to make it more wrangleable for plot is so impressive & fun & excellent#got a lot of [i like this thing i saw a lot] i got to say....guess i can do that w/the sideblog i made for one drawing i made last night#encanto 2021#bruno madrigal#also the way bruno is so Nervous + Hiding / Bold + Big Personality like yes ha ha ha Yes....tamped down as ''too much'' experience#also the [stuttering stumbling muttering mumbling] line: i fr nigh wept upon going back over a moment like what am i hearing here?#& realizing the answer was: it's bruno quietly stuttering a moment during this one line (& then (& then (& then)) i saw you) ;;;mm;;;#hang onnn....the first scapegoat who's driven off being Disabled is so real so ;m; that again they're like so he got Weirder; Okay ;;m;;#that we get jorge thumbs up nobody having an Aside to be like [ugh; this guy] or Anything. augh always have too much to say for 30 tags#fabric drape there sure not accurate but i was like okay if i try to really reference that i'm not getting this done tonight
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"You're being entitled!" These bitches are asking us to fund their Hollywood-quality content dreams like Walt Disney pleading a bank he was in debt to to give him another loan to finish Bambi, a movie that did not see any monetary success until it rereleased seven years later. I have to pay so much big money in medical expenses every month that I don't have any "treats" (a starbucks coffee, a different subscription, etc) I can go without. I'm not the entitled one here.
#also i'm not 'acting entitled to their free content' if i don't even want the content to begin with 🤭#watcher#my last post blew up. rip. take me dogs.#also in terms of content creation in general: i do not believe i am entitled to free work of any kind from any artist#however if you post it online for free then the transactional contract has been fulfilled.#if you want comments go back to the 'i'm not gonna post another chapter until i get 5 comments' business model#and like the most frustrating thing is!! I can't subscribe to Anything with money!!#I use my grandparents' passwords. I beg them to add a new channel on the roku if i want it.#i can't tip most online creators because i couldn't make a money mover account before i filed for disability.#i cannot support So Many independent artists and just people selling things to get by even though i want to so badly.#but people are getting divisive over funding an already established and successful entertainment project.#i'm just sick with it tonight.
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i like when Alastor gets drawn like he's never had a single thought in his head ever
just... absolutely nothing but tumbleweeds and cobwebs behind those eyes... the decadence of it all... good for him xD
#i have unmedicated adhd so you know my ass has never experienced a moment of genuine not-thinking Ever lmfao#i know he wouldn't actually know the mii music SHHH just let me meme x'3c#gasp! another deerman on my blog so soon??? ... bc i gotta work my way back up to the Best LadsTM hdjshsjsjs#while i'm still figuring out the new sitch. and i was lazy today & wanted to do my nails again finally over messing with that mess#so a colored Al sketch it is for tonight~!! now off to get ready for bed & work in the morning =v=#alastor#hazbin hotel#doodle
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pls know if you're my friend, my desire to ship increases tenfold and i'm becoming that mom who tries to set her daughter up with her friend's kid bc wouldn't it be so dang cute if they ended up together uvu
#it's just!! very fun to ship with friends and longtime mutuals bc there's a level of comfort there#like you never have to stress over shipping with me bc i'm a sucker for it and the build up and the character development and everything#about it really asdfg but fr if we're pals come here and let's let our muses pine for each other <3#and if you're wondering if i consider us pals the answer is yes. yes you silly bean. we're pals if you've spoken to me#and liked my silly lil ramblings and i'm smooching your forehead rn and holding your hand <3#asdfg alright enough out of me!#get ready to ramble | ooc#btw why is writing so hard tonight... i managed one reply after literal hours of agonizing whyyyyy
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but what if... what if there's a prologue from a third character's perspective. She's a victim, or at least painted to be one. She's forced to sell out her husband for a crime he didn't commit to save the lives of her children. The rest of her story isn't from her point of view. She is only viewed and referenced by one of the main characters , whom despises her. The MC views this side character as a murderer and a villain, among many other things. But there's so much bullshitery going on that we learn on her double agent mission that you would have no way of knowing if the MC is right or wrong until suddenly, it's plain as day. The side character that everyone thought was a hopeless, helpless victim--innocent as a rose--is actually the villain. And our MC pays the price of underestimating her.
#writeblr community#writeblr#creative writing#original writing#writers of tumblr#lgbt writers#wip#writing community#writerscommunity#writer#dark fantasy#lgbtq fantasy#lgbt fiction#theliestheytellwip#Had some of my home grown devil's lettuce tonight#first batch of the year#and lemme tell you#it dusted some serious cobwebs from my writer brain#and my wip#and said get to work#so yeah#these are my thoughts#I'm going to go cry over plotting the second act of the book#and writing the end of the first#before I've even fully written it all#because I want to suffer
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ive never gone to see an opera live in europe let alone one outside of a major theater that regularly records and broadcasts their productions so grain of salt etc but i think there's some kind of distinct cultural difference between how european companies do "reimagined" productions of operas vs how american companies do it
#sasha speaks#especially thinking about the number of 'canonical' operas that are recently getting adaptations over here#frequently into english language musicals/operettas#not like rent and miss saigon though i mean more like matchbox magic flute#and la périchole getting adapted as songbird by glimmerglass and wno#or the local company that's putting on a 'circus' version of rigoletto with a new english libretto here in dec#(not sure what that will entail yet but i'm intrigued to find out)#hell even the upcoming pirates of penzance revival on bway which is also weirdly enough getting the jazz age new orleans makeover#ik pirates and bway is a different story from Opera(tm) Proper but still. tangential#anyway don't expect much more elaboration tonight i'm in bed rn as i type.#plus i'd want some actual researched data to back up my claim here if i were to really go on#and i have enough school related research to be prioritizing rn as it is#anyway#oh also smth about what content does and does not appeal to american vs european audiences#and by extension what you can and cannot get away with depicting onstage#(for a recent example consider sancta susanna vs grounded)#(okay anyway gn for real this time)
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vibrating in my chair bc i think i might just be able to finish up the carrd tonight... think i'm juuuust about finished the bio, which means!! just the timeline left after that!!! ...and then proofreading + fixing anything that needs it ig, but!!!!!! ;u;
#we're so closeeeee as long as i don't lose steam there's a good chance of getting it posted tonight aaaaaa#then i can finally return to my drafts and stash 'em all in my queue until i'm caught up lmfao#and probably also log properly back in to discord bc i think my social battery is finally doing a little better!!!#god i hadn't even realized but it's actually been almost a whole month since i've replied to a few of you over there i'm so sORRY about tha#time blindness + chronic overwhelm is a fuckin bitch of a combo ;A;#been in big time avoidance mode for a lotta things this last month or so but i'm looking to change that!!#━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ ooc ⋮ don't @ me.
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parents are gone on a cruise. time to tear through my room looking for the tatting shuttles i know i bought years ago and am 95% sure are not lost to The Old House
#textiles#tatting#rosie babbles#*red string corkboard voice* you see if i can get good enough at tatting i can make little bits of lace jewelry and such#which i can THEN see if the cutesy little coffee shop that makes a point to sell local artists' works would be willing to buy from me and#then sell or straight-up sell for me or however the fuck it works and THEN on the slim chance that everything has gone to plan so far i#CONTINUE DOING THIS until such time as i have Wheels™ and then KEEP GOING SOME MORE until i either have a stable non-craft job#or i'm stable enough doing This that my parents will stop treating me like a ''lazy entitled asshole''#anyway. it is after midnight and i am feeling the mental illness in this chilis tonight#it's either this or feet pics. and late-night-deranged me and daytime-deranged me are violently clashing over whether or not to do the feet#pics thing but they're in complete agreement over the tatting thing
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#tw suicide#idk i feel like i am probably gonna kms after TIT#i would do it sooner but i asked one of my friends to come with me and it would suck if i made him go alone#and it is something to look forward to which is helping me hang on i guess#but ughhhh once uni starts again in september i know everything is gonna fall apart.#i already got an extension on my thesis due to being a useless shell of a person who can't motivate themselves to do anything atm#but i was supposed to get some work done over the summer and have so far done nothing#hence why i want to kms before i have to talk to my fucking supervisors again and admit yet again that i simply cannot do this 😭#and it's not just this. my executive dysfunction has been so bad over the past couple of years and it's only getting worse#to the point where i can't imagine being able to work at all. and if i can't work i can't get out of my parents house#and then what the fuck is the point.#every time i see someone on here talking about bonding with their parents over dnp I'm like damn what's it like#to have parents who actually want to talk to you DSFGJJKL i know they let me live in their house at my big age#but that's only bc id literally be homeless otherwise and they're not like evil. they just don't love me#also went through a deeply embarrassing breakup recently#tl;dr ive been in love with this person for over a decade and i thought they were the dan to my phil or vice versa.#then after 10 years they left me and i'll spare the details but it has me wondering if they ever loved me#i thought it was a “let's live together and get a cat one day” relationship#but now i feel like for them. it was just a “sex and video games” type situation#i am trying soooo hard to at least be creative bc that makes me happy sometimes but it's hard to not be overly critical of myself#and now im getting to a point where i can barely even find any joy in this space any more. for a bunch of reasons#most of which revolve around me being extremely sensitive. and this is like my last bastion of dopamine so that fucking sucks#idk i don't see the point in my life any more. a social worker actually told me recently that i should consider euthanasia so.#it's just completely over for me i fear#this is not even mentioning all the damn migraines. and all the other ways in which my body simply doesn't work properly#sorry for this weird ass vent I'm not in therapy any more bc i couldn't find a therapist willing to treat me+all my diagnoses at this point#and im scared my friends will stop wanting to talk to me if i talk to them about this. several of them already have#the 2 friends i have left anyway. that's a whole other thing. when they said it's hard for autistic ppl to make friends i took that persona#so uh at this point it's vent here or develop a substance abuse problem. and im already halfway to having a substance abuse problem#anyway dan and phil for the love of god please fucking post something tonight. unfortunately you are my only hope
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Just saw this comment on a story posted a month ago.
*cries in Eddie Munson Solo Series no one wanted to read, interact with or request for*
No shade to the person that commented this on their own fic if you recognize it. It's not their fault. I'm not mad at them. More crying in the tags.
#and no I didn't tag the solo series like I normally would because it's not about THAT. It's not about trying to get people to read it#It was just really ouchie to see the same concept I wrote 2 years ago get triple the notes in ONE MONTH.#and double the notes of my solo series masterlist in general in one month vs 2 years of my stories sitting there rotting#Then I see people saying they need more solo Eddie and I'm just here like my dudes I begged for requests. BEGGED. But bc I wasn't#/have never been a popular writer people don't want it from ME. It's like omg we want THIS but not like that. Not from you.#Can't help but let it get you down when nothing has changed in 2 years. It's not like I worked my way up and have the interaction now#that every other blog I used to commiserate with back in the day is getting currently. Fandom isn't a competition but it's not fair either#and I really struggle with that a lot of the time#Also yes I will concede I should be happy with the notes on the solo series because they are the highest of all the work on my page but#they're still nothing compared to what some people have just hours after posting a new story.#I saw someone complaining the other day that there are less new stories in the fandom than ever 1. That's simply not true. 2. Even if it wa#can you blame writers for giving up when readers are checking the same popular blogs over again or reading the same 5 tropes the same#2 pairings over and over. The same series? Over and over. Ignoring everything else and then complaining that their faves don't post enough?#That the popular writer with the incredible series (that rightfully deserves interaction) hasn't posted a new dad!eddie or rockstar!eddie#drabble in ages meanwhile there are writes out there pouring their souls into dad!eddie and no one reads it. There is so much rockstar Eddi#smut out there that it could sustain a brand new reader for an entire year before they needed a new fic#Idk man. I'm just feeling so defeated. I write for fun now. But there was a point in time where I desperately tried to build a platform by#offering requests and writing a lot of things I would not otherwise write to try and gain traction on my page and every time I see another#food fucking fic get hundreds of notes I get so sad that I wrote that stupid Melon fic because I had people in my life that told me#they would be excited to read it and for what? One of them still talks to me. The others moved on so fast. Most didn't even reblog it.#Some of them have since written their own food fucking fics that got triple the notes of my OG. Again. No shade to them. I don't own the#concept. It's just disheartening and fucking sad above all else. How hard I tried to get people to LIKE me and my stories. 😂#Just sad hours in general tonight my guys. Going to go and pour the bad feelings into Aftermath and then maybe make a bad life choice and#pour all my savings into an ipad#YES I KNOW first world problems. I know. That's why I try not to talk about it bc it seems so petty considering the state of the world#But you can't help what gets you down#EMMs Journal#EMM's Journal
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my last week, a visual demonstration
#Robin processes emotions on main#hi yes I came back early. it's in order to process. I needed to like.... spill my guts on the dashboard tonight#IM STRUGGLING..#I have GOT to get a job#just one (1) more visit to a friend this summer and then I will be APPLYING for things again#also I'm having the very devil of a time trying to get myself to contribute to this household. I hate it#I hate that helping out makes me feel like I'm losing my agency—losing myself—like I'm dying every time. I want to be BETTER than this#but I also need to feel like an adult with agency but also I need to BEHAVE like an adult but even just saying that makes me feel nauseous#I need. something. to change. I hate this. I feel selfish and cowardly and I hate feeling selfish and cowardly#I need to . communicate. work something out with my mother so that I stop feeling perpetually behind and ashamed#if I could manage to feel good about chores and not just like I'm scrambling to keep up..... that would..... be... more... motivational#the problem is that I feel unsafe/unstable right now and my instinctive response is to close myself off to all demands#WHICH AS YOU CAN IMAGINE IS NOT CONDUCIVE TO BECOMING MORE STABLE.#demand avoidance makes me bad at contributing to the household AND terrified of applying to jobs and AUGH... AUGH.#I DO BETTER WHEN I LIVE ON MY OWN#living on my own‚ I don't have to deal with the whole soul-crushing horrorshow of negotiating my own emotions about doing chores#chores are GOOD and ENJOYABLE when they're for ME. they're only psychological torture when they're things I do as part of my ''rent''#ok. bedtime. I've sufficiently spilled my dang guts all over the place. it will get better eventually I think#I'm just having a horrible time Right Now#I'll figure this out though dangit#I KNOW the answer is to just Do the stuff and face fears and communicate and whatever I KNOW. but if anyone tells me that I'm going to bite#ok I'm done thank you and sorry to anyone reading this far <3 it really will be all right
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i'll be like "yes give me grief as a device in wrestling i will eat it up" and then they give it to me in droves during my Grieving Month™ and suddenly i am . A Wreck!
#shut up kell#im unwell. if i don't cry over something concerning this fucking faction it's because i'm dead ✌️😗#i don't know man just. i'm an artist. everything i make regardless of subject matter is tied to my grief. it is how i make it thru each day.#they're also artists. wrestling is their art form it's just. it really touches me to get to watch it unfold#and to be a part of their processing and their healing and their fucking grief.#erick rowan i love you so so much and i hope you have a good night tonight 🖤#anyways. im not watching anymore because im tired and even though i loved that vignette it was a lot for me to handle atm so. nightly night#nighty* night.
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catboy maid satan :3 with a bell attached to his bow collar :3
YO. Are you trying to kill me, anon?!
Catboy maid Satan.
Bow collar... with bell...
Give him the ears...
Excuse me while I start foaming at the mouth.
#I swear if I could draw it'd be over for you fools#as it is I'll just have to write it instead huh#I don't think I can get out of it anymore now#but just to be clear I'm going to enjoy every second of it lol#catboy maid satan dear god#please be in my dreams tonight#obey me satan#anon asks#misc answers
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