#tomorrow won’t be any better
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Want to be used and degraded to a mere body that can be used and be forced to turn off my brain and have no thoughts other than how to serve well to be a good toy and sub.
Of course with many cuddles after all the stress has been fucked out of my system and be half asleep in a warm embrace as I’m being praised, comforted and feel safe.
#nsft#hm if some parts don’t make sense I’m v tired I’m sorry#I’ve been running on three hours of sleep to meet deadlines#also been working for like 11 hours today#probably around 14 if you count the hours from before I went to sleep at 3#tomorrow won’t be any better#oh the cons of being an adult#anyways someone wanting to volunteer to fucking my brains out cuddling me and maybe do some CAD work for me?
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Inz apologises incessantly, whether it’s necessary or not
#inz hc#based of the several trillion times I’ve said sorry today#I said sorry for saying sorry and I was gonna say sorry again after that and :’)#today has been a very frustrating one#tomorrow won’t be any better#Inz rambles#inz mun
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nene omori #2
#tbhk#jshk#nene yashiro#yashiro nene#art tag#doodle tag#ok this one is actually part of the au#tbhk omori au#i finally get to make it a tag yay#don’t zoom for better quality it was made in ms paint you won’t find it lol#immediately after finishing i remembered nene's actual white space equivalent is nothing like this but i am not drawing a whole theatre#and this is more recognisably omori anyway so oh well#i think i might hate this by tomorrow.... we'll see =_=#happy to have proof of this au at last in any case#plutos stuff
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this part of kaveh’s old sketchbook destroys me every time i read it
#i’m done for i can’t draw i won’t draw tomorrow#could i ever do anything better?#GET OUT OF MY HEAD OMG#kaveh#i love him i love how he’s an artist i love that he connects to artists#he makes me feel so Seen#aughhdhdj… idk i’m really struggling with how i feel about my work#and i’ve been really down on it lately…#it’s nice that my fav struggles along with me lol#but ik neither of us have any option other than to pick ourselves up again
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things aren’t going well with peach. while i think my dad’s very right to be concerned that she hasn’t eaten anything in nearly 60 hours (obviously i am too), im becoming increasingly concerned that she hasn’t slept at all in around 36 hours and prior to that she was under anaesthetic, which isn’t exactly restful, so it’s closer to 48 hrs
like dad took her back to the vet today and we’ve got injections for her painkillers now because she’s not eating, and also injections for fluids (because she doesn’t drink; she only gets water from her food), so the not eating is Bad but also kinda under management, but if she doesn’t sleep soon i’m extremely worried. dad was like ‘if she doesn’t eat by tomorrow afternoon we’ll take her back because the injections will run out’ but like. if she doesn’t sleep tonight we have GOT to take her back first thing in the morning so they can sedate her or something
#her pain doesn’t seem to be too bad now that she’s got pain relief so idk what’s stopping her from sleeping#she won’t even lie down unless i’m sitting next to her. she just sits there staring out the window#her pupils are also taking up her entire eyes and have been all day#that’ll be a side effect of the medication and maybe the lack of sleep? but it won’t be making her feel any better#she can probably barely see at this point#like imagine you’ve been awake for 2 days after surgery and you’re in a lot of pain and haven’t eaten since before surgery#and are also on strong painkillers. and you also have no idea what’s wrong with you or why everyone’s doing things that hurt you#bruh your brain would be COOKED. there’s no way she has any idea what’s going on rn but she’s clearly feeling terrible#personal#like i think she’ll be ok in the long-term but she’s gotta somehow get through all these immediate issues#last time something like this happened she stopped drinking and never started again#not eating or sleeping don’t have workarounds as simple as putting water in her food#it really doesn’t help that there’s so much other shit going on rn#i’m doing a whole bunch of stuff with my phone and computer that’s taking a lot of work#but also my sister’s going on a long overseas trip that she’s leaving for tomorrow#so the combo of dad and sister coming and going constantly and also like 6 random deliveries for tech stuff in the last 2 days—#has the dogs really wound up. so georgie’s been howling at absolutely everything#and it’s rainy so my clothes aren’t trying and they’re hanging on a rack hooked on the hallway door so the door can’t close#which puts one less door between my room and the dogs so they’re waking me up every time anything happens#and i sleep during the day so that’s ALL THE TIME. i’ve had like 8 hrs of sleep between the last two afternoons#my sister always has so much random life stuff she wants to talk about and was getting really annoyed that i wasn’t very receptive#like ‘im about to go away for 3 months’ sorry i know its a big thing but i can’t just reschedule peach’s medical emergency
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Was doing so good holding it together today but now that I’m laying down and trying to sleep I’m tearing up and I can feel that I’m about to burst into tears any second now
#my mom called me like ten minutes before I was off work today#and asked if I had talked to my grandpa lately and I was like yeah some why?#I’ve been showing what I’ve been cooking with him and my grandma because I was proud of myself#and she was like oh so you know about his potential surgery?#and I was like. his what???????#apparently his pace maker is dying and malfunctioning and he needs a new one#but this is the third time it’s had to be replaced and as he’s gotten older he’s had a lot more health issues#and they’re not even sure his heart can handle getting it replaced…. he has an appointment tomorrow to find that out#and no one told me. no one fucking told me it was that bad and I’m so#like man my feelings on my grandparents are so insanely complicated but I do love them#I love them so much and they practically raised me and loved me more and treated me better than my mother EVER did#they’re the only family members I’ve ever been legitimately terrified and upset over not accepting me cuz I’m queer#like my mom and siblings? I could not give a flying fuck if they hated me for my gender or sexuality#if my grandparents had a bad reaction I think I would fucking kill myself#and idk the point is I love him and I’ve barely seen him at all the past few years because we live far away now and I never visit because I#hate the rest of my family#but what if he can’t have this surgery?????#or what if he can but something goes wrong??????#what if he’s dying and I’m only able to go down and see him one more time#and he could be fine. it might all work out and he could be fine#but man I’m terrified that won’t happen because WHY WOULD NO ONE TELL ME ANY OF THIS#and yeah no I’m fully crying now I can’t do this#he taught me to draw and he built the house I grew up in and he got me into lord of the rings and would take me book shopping#and and and I’m gonna fucking throw up#kaz rambles
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just got a text from the hr department that my boss wants to talk to me tomorrow 🙃
#we’ve had a wave of resignations and now he apparently wants to know how i’m doing#clearly he just wants to know if i’m gonna stay lol#and i’ve been wanting to quit for months i’m only staying until my scholarship contract expires bc i don’t want to pay the money back#if it wasn’t for the scholarship i would’ve been out of there a long time ago the working hours are brutal and the pay is laughable#apparently he offered 2 other colleagues more money to stay i wonder if he’ll do the same for me…#i know i’m gonna be so nervous tomorrow but this is a good opportunity to tell him everything that’s been on my mind for so long#even though i know it probably won’t change much at least i’ll know that i spoke my truth and stood up for myself#people who’ve worked here for over 15 years have quit recently that’s how bad things are atm#i deserve better i just need to pull through these last 5 months of the contract#hopefully i’ll be able to find a better job bc i’m tired of these long hours and not having proper weekends i barely have any free time#i have to work 4 (FOUR!!!) saturdays in a row rn 💀🔫🤡🫠🕳️🚶🏼♀️#☁️
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PRODUCTIVE MARCHING REHEARSAL? IT’S MROE LIKELY THAN YOU THINK
LETS FUCKING GOOOOOOOO
#claire is yapping#i’m hyping myself up bc our football game tmrw is an hour and 45 minutes away. our call time is a full hour earlier than any we’ve had befo#but like our show is finally…. good? 🤯#shit is crazy. bc our band is known for being absolute ASS and our football team is known for being worse#but the band has been getting a lot better! and the football team is also……… hmm. no nvm the football team is still ass#BUT. bc the game is so far away tomorrow. they’re feeding us cause we don’t have time to go home#so it won’t be a struggle meal for dinner💪😜
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it’s yom kippur now and im not supposed to eat anything until sunset tomorrow but ive had a headache all day and rn its fucking SPLITTING but im 5 hours into the fast and i don’t know what to do. eating something would probably make me feel better but it’s yom kippur and i don’t have a longstanding ailment that would prohibit me from fasting or whatever it’s just i woke up with a headache that has gotten worse throughout the day and now the fast has started but it’s the worst it’s been all day. idk what to do. i need to eat something but i can’t
#purrs#i feel bad having any other thoughts other than like. atonement on this day but imso stressed i didn’t do my homework all weekend bc#yesterday i had horrible cramps and today i had a horrible headache and i was holding out for it to get better and it didn’t and now im#going to be in HELL fasting tomorrow bc not eating or drinking already *gives* me a headache idk what it’s going to be like when I already#have one and i can’t just take pain meds bc we don’t have any 💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻 im absolutely fucking miserable#food#definitely not getting written in the book of life for saying this 😻✌️ but im so tired of there being a struggle every day. like every day s#something happens and i can’t make a decision that i know will be best for me because im scared of what others who are more powerful will#think. and in this specific instance it’s god and my mom. most of the time it’s just my mom. and im just so tired. i can never do what i#know is best for me because the timing is never right. lol#like can i please not have a horrible headache on the holiest day of the year when im not supposed to eat anything. can i please have a win.#anyway my homework is due tomorrow at 4:30 and ive done nothing to work on it at all whatsoever so i won’t even be able to observe the h#holiday anyway bc i’ll be doing that homework stressed and hungry and dealing with a horrible headache. can’t wait!
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Barely written like 3 paragraphs and already feeling tapped out 😪
Damn but trying to go back to writing after so long a writer's block really feels like pulling teeth...
#Raksh posts#raksh's writing ramblings#trying to take a go at the masseur!Pete AU#and like -- my brain is still absolutely Buzzing coming up with the rest of the fic#but I can barely get myself to put any more words down in the doc#like Really? REALLY?? Am really gonna tap out just 3 paragraphs in? ughhhh#then again feeling guilty won’t help and they do say its better to tap out while still having some energy#so its easier to take it up next time#so maybe today is the day to start and just let my brain run with it for the rest of the day?#so then I can write out more of these thoughts running rampat through my brain tomorrow?#I dunno#why's writing gotta be so hard 😔#Im also a bit sick and quite tired#i have more time bcs sick leave but then again not feeling the best soooo#ehhhhh anyway#I might try writing a lil' more later during the day#see how it goes
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jesus christ I feel like shit
#thank god for testosterone making me unable to cry like a normal person because I sure would be otherwise#im as close as I can get to it pretty much#cant wait for my mom to get back today or tomorrow and ask me when I start the new job and I’ll just have to say oh yeah :) they never#called back actually :) haha#I know they made it sound close to certain but lol guess not!#kibumblabs#i fucking hate this I hate getting invested in anything and putting in time and effort into shit just to get fucking spat on#just emailed the general hotel email but I doubt that’ll do anything. anything good anyway#cause the restaraunt/club is managed seperately I’ll probably just get the runaround or a ‘I’ll let her know you contacted us’ which#literally never actually means anything#either that or I’ll just be rejected indirectly which won’t exactly make me feel. better#I also applied for the 8000th time to another place for a similar job but I’ve never had luck with this place so that’ll probably also#result in nothing#woohoo it’s fucking September and we’re still stuck at fucking square one! hahaahaahahahaah SO cool#for real it should actually be a fucking legal requirement to give your applicants/interviewees some form of follow-up. it’s just so#fucking degrading to try and follow-up and just being ghosted. like what’s the point of that#it feels simultaneously like rejection and being strung along at the same time. i talked to you in person the least you could do is give#me any kind of update. for the love of god
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I’m still running a little hot and my cough has transitioned into a cold so I decided it’d be better to not go to school tomorrow and to cancel the plans I had with my friends bc I don’t wanna get them sick too. So… now it’s looking like I am gonna spend my birthday alone after all, and that thought is hitting me harder than I thought it would
#it’s my 18th too. big date you know?#and I was never gonna have a big party or anything. last time I did that I was 8#I don’t even know enough people to have a big party#but having my friends there would have been enough even if we did nothing special#we probably would have just ordered food and bought a cake and watched something until eventually passing out#and that’d be enough#but unless I miraculously get better by tomorrow I won’t even have that#why does nothing in my life ever work out the way I want it to??#is it really so much to ask for? some company on my birthday?#the one day of the year I’d really. really like to be surrounded by people on??#why’d I have to get sick now. why not on any other week#why not a few days earlier. or on Sunday or something#why can I not have this one fucking thing#it’s like the universe despises me
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That feeling when you’re visiting someone and staying at their place for a while, but just straight up cannot fucking fall asleep no matter how hard you try because it’s too warm, too bright, the sounds are all wrong, and somehow you don’t even feel tired anyway so you just lay there trying to find a comfortable position but the bed (couch) kinda hurts and you don’t have enough pressure on your body so you eventually give up and sit there on your phone cause what the fuck else are you gonna do
#I’m suffering#I’m gonna feel this tomorrow#but I’ve tried to fall asleep for four hours now#I don’t think it’s meant to be#I’ve got a small dog to keep me company at least#the dog also cannot sleep#I’m not really surprised this happened though#I always have difficultly sleeping somewhere ‘’new’’#but tbh tomorrow night probably won’t be any better#a nibbles actual post
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i had horrible anxiety yesterday because of the next few days, now that I left my things at my aunt’s house and I’m at work I feel a tiny bit better
#most of the anxiety is bc I go to see hozier tomorrow at this festival#and it’s the first time I go to the festival and probably the second time I go to a concert#so i hope that being around that many people won’t give me an anxiety attack#im going with my cousin (and probably her friends) and I trust her 100% with everything#and she’s this tiny little thing than won’t take any shit from anyone so that makes me feel better#but im also with my period and I’m on my second day and it’s heavy heavy flow#and i have cramps#so hopefully tomorrow I won’t have such horrible cramps and less flow#mariana.txt
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why is the pool not open at 4am, this is an outrage (read: despite taking melatonin, it appears i am destined to only sleep from 10:30ish to 1:00ish tonight and if i can’t sleep i may as well be swimming, bc it’s good for my joints and is also sensory heaven. granted lack of sleep is neither of those things but i can’t fix that at this point)
#post#the insomnia won#and tomorrow night won’t be any better bc i’m staying with my little siblings overnight#and therefore won’t be in my Meticulously Cultivated Sleep Environment™️#in fact now that i think of it the next time i’m likely to be able to sleep for a reasonable amount of time is friday#it’s sunday (well- monday now)#will i survive this? probably. but will i be dramatic about it? yes.#disability
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Someone help I sunk cost fallacied my way into still working at 3:30am this work isn’t even important but I’m not done >:(
#I don’t know how long it’ll take before I’m happy with this#I should just stop and do it tomorrow but like#it’s so late that I won’t get up at any decent time and if I do I’ll be dead#so I’ve got a better chance at doing it on time if I stay up and finish it now but in doing so#I make sure that it’s SHIT and also torture myself bc I can’t concentrate on it or think super clearly rn#god I’m so tired#I didn’t even need to do this early I just like this teacher and I didn’t wanna give it to her super late and give her extra work#why am I doing this should I just sleep#I have until 3:30 tomorrow but I also have a class at 1#yknow what no I don’t bc I have to read before I go to that and that’s not happening now#so I could go to bed now and get up late and still have time to do it#I’d also have to blow off lunch plans which got rescheduled once already but like come on#I think! I will deal with the rest of this tomorrow and I think that would have been the right decision 3 hours ago#ughsgshshjdj I hate deadlines I specifically tried to not have deadlines this term and yet I’ve been hit with so many anyway bc people suck#I actually can’t deal with this course I have so much to do I’d like to not do that anymore#anyway! sleep now! please go to bed#luke.txt
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