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lavender-romancer · 2 years ago

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Fools

Part One Tommy Shelby x male reader CW: internalised homophobia, sexual themes

There was a secret you had always kept about yourself, only giving yourself to strangers and being yourself in the shadows. You were a fool to think that anything but hurt feelings and betrayal would be the result.

AN: Tommy is not married to Lizzie and Ruby does not exist

”*°•.˜”*°•. ˜”*°•. ˜”*°••°*”˜.•°*”˜.•°*”˜.•°*”˜

The chance meeting of Thomas Shelby took the wind out of your chest. A man who was so unencumbered by guilt, that he did as he pleased and didn't care what other thought of him.

As you sat in a gentlemen's club in London, you were taken by a stranger that looked like he could, and would charm any person. He looked so familiar but you couldn't place him. His eyes looked so full of something, it wasn't life or even sadness but something behind his eyes made it hard to look away. You hadn't noticed how much you were staring until he began walking to you.

"Can I get you a whisky?" He asked and you paused, choosing your words.

"Yes, thank you." You turned back to the bar and looked down at your drink.

"Now you find it hard to reach my gaze?" He asked and you sensed a hint of humor.

"I'm sorry, I was just admiring," you paused. "Your tie. Chosen by your wife, I assume?" You asked.

"I have no wife," he said before finishing his own whisky.

"Ah, me neither," you said quietly. "What business are you in?"

"Betting and alcohol, I'm also an MP ." As he said it you realised that was why you thought you knew him.

"Mr Shelby? I think I remember now." You nodded and took a swig of whisky.

"Thomas, please. And you are?" Thomas asked.

"Y/n," you have him a small smile.

"What brings you to London?" He asked with the hint of a smile.

"Business, I'm looking for some new suppliers and wanting to see the competition down here." You leant your elbow on the bar.

"Hmm, what business are you in?" Tommy asked, lighting a cigarette and holding the case out to you from which you took one.

"Gun manufacturing. It's a family business from before the war but in my control now." Tommy's eyes seemed to perk up at the mention of that.

"I'm looking into buying a gun manufacturing warehouse or shares in an existing company." His eyes felt like they were staring into your soul, a constant and never ending pressure to say the right thing.

"I could always advise you, if you're interested." You said staring into his eyes. He took out his cigarette and in one movement drank the rest of his whisky with his eyes never leaving yours. The fact you found his scent of alcohol and cigarettes so enticing worried you slightly. You wanted to be near him.

"I'll take you up on that offer." You said quietly, he took out a business card and wrote down something on it before handing it to you.

"Use that word and I'll know it's you." Tommy stood up and straightened his coat, you could only stare up at him in awe of his beauty.

"I intend to, Mr Shelby." You let a small smile tug at your lip before he turned and left.

Everyday it seemed harder to resist calling the number Tommy gave you. Not that you didn't want to, but what did it mean? What would be the end result of all of this without hurting the both of you? Regardless, the sexual tension brought up even in that brief interaction with the Brummie had made you incapable to stop thinking about his form: his strong shoulders, his overpowering demeanor, beautiful eyes and… fuck. You'd given yourself a boner at the mere mental conception of him.

You found yourself at an underground nightclub prolific for its police raids and promotion of 'solicitation and sodomy' as the papers put it. But your options were limited to intense unhappiness with a woman, repression or risking being arrested to feel some kind of affection. The more you drank the more you were willing to forget the man next to you wasn't Thomas Shelby. You began to imagine him here, in a dark room surrounded by cigarette smoke, walking over to you and pushing you into a wall before doing whatever he wanted.

Regardless of what Tommy really thought of you, he had awakened something in you that couldn't be denied. He was in your every thought and simultaneously the focus point of your dreams. It was almost ridiculous.

Your unconscious thoughts wouldn't let you forget him, every time you saw a man in a peaked cap that night you'd make a b-line for him. Kissing every man you could find with any possible aesthetic connection to Thomas. You even drank more whisky than usual that night, to remind you of his unmistakable scent of spirits and smoke.

As you walked through to another room of the club holding a cigarette in your mouth you were amazed to see what was in front of you. The unmistakable form of Thomas Shelby was sitting in a booth, whisky in hand as he kissed a smaller man sitting on his lap. You honestly had to open and close your eyes a few times before believing it. Going back to the bar you had two small vodkas before grimacing and walking back into the next room, seeing Tommy sitting alone in the booth you sat across the room, facing him. Lighting a cigarette you stared at him, in an alcohol infused confidence, with a goal of gaining his attention.

It didn't take long for Thomas to feel your eyes on him, he slightly turned his head and saw you. Tie hanging loose around your neck, three buttons undone on your shirt as you almost seductively sat smoking a cigarette directly staring at him. Tommy didn't know if this was some type of power play but either way he was aroused. The dark lighting and alcohol fuelled excitement of the wordless interaction made him want to pull you close.

Tommy stood up and your heartbeat quickened as your chest got tighter, heat rising to your chest the closer he got. He leant down and got close to your ear.

"Come with me." Tommy whispered before turning around and walking away, you quickly got up and followed him. He walked out through a back office and you couldn't help but think he was about to kill you but, the erection in your trousers still persisted regardless of the danger. Tommy sat down in the large green leather desk chair as you stood awkwardly in front of the desk not knowing where to go from here. You instead walked to the small drinks trolley near the desk with your back to Thomas, pouring the two of you a glass of whisky. You'd just finished pouring the second glass when you felt Thomas' presence close behind you. Placing down the bottle of whisky you lent your hands on the trolley, your knees feeling as if they might fail if he touched you.

Tommy's hands began moving up your back and along your shoulders, you could only hear him breathing as you focussed on his touch. His touch only served to excite you more as his hands moved around your waist and up your chest till you could feel his touch on the bare skin of your chest. Tommy moved closer and leant his cheek on your back, arms enclosed around you as his hands rubbed up and down your torso. You slowly moved your hands up to his and began to stroke his arms, attempting to soothe the concerns he had silently laid out for you.

Tommy was gripping you tightly and moved closer until his body was pressed against your back, your hand crossed over your body and began to run through his hair. Comforting the supposedly imposing leader felt almost proper, without a word spoken he had allowed you to be close to him, allowing you into an understanding of trust that only men like you could have.

You slowly began to turn around, Tommy's grip loosening as you turned. His head was bowed, perhaps unable to meet your gaze or consumed by the same shame you felt about yourself. Either way you ran your hand around his body and slowly began kissing his neck. With your other hand you gently pushed his head to the side and kissed up his neck before licking his ear, eliciting a moan from his lips.

There was suddenly a loud noise from outside and the two of you turned your heads towards the door. You both knew that it could be anything but a raid was the most likely so you ran out of the backdoor together. No words were spoken as you walked away from the club but there was an understanding. That you now knew something about the other that wasn't conceivable to others. A secret that was unutterable to another.

"Do you want to come back-" you began and Tommy turned to you before abruptly saying-

"No." He lit a cigarette and began walking off another direction leaving you confused with tears in your eyes.

"Mr Shelby," you called and he turned, looking similarly emotional in his eyes but you doubted he would ever admit it.

"Yes?" He asked in a curt tone that completely juxtaposed the tenderness he had shown you before.

"Shall I call your office, when I return to Birmingham?" You asked hopefully, Thomas took a moment- silently pondering on how much he wanted to see you again accompanied by the everlasting shame- before nodding.

He turned and continued walking away from you. You pulled your tie off your neck and folded it, watching Tommy's figure grow smaller before walking back to your flat.

The events of that night a few weeks ago played over in your mind more than you care to admit. No longer dreamed up intimacy or fantasies about how his touch felt. You could feel his hands on your body, hear his breath and smell his cologne. Everytime you indulged yourself with 'self-satisfaction', you would feel him on your body and be kissing his neck all over again. Tommy existed in your thoughts through every meeting, every phone call, every intoxicated night. It felt so real that you could have been told it was all a dream itself. Maybe it hadn't been him, maybe someone who looked like him. But all you could think about was kissing his neck once more.

It had been around a month before you had the courage to phone his office. The word he had given you was violet. How you were supposed to work that into conversation you didn't know but you had to see him again, even if only for business.

"Shelby company limited, Lizzie speaking, how can I direct you?" The receptionist asked from the other end of the line.

"Good afternoon, I met Mr Shelby in London and we wanted me to set up a meeting to discuss stocks in my gun manufacturing company. I wondered if I could speak to him?" You gripped your elbow with your hand.

"Were you given a business card?" She asked.

"Yes, it was…" you paused. "Violet?" You were so unsure of whether this was the right way to say the word that it almost sounded like a question, after a moment she replied.

"I'll connect you now sir, thank you." You let out a sigh of relief and sat back in your chair.

"Thomas Shelby," his voice said down the line and your lips parted. Hearing his voice elicited a reaction you had never experienced, a complete and immediate tension in your chest at the need to impress him.

"Thomas, it's me." You said quietly and heard silence from the other end.

"We can set up a meeting as soon as you're available," he responded and you worried that what fleeting intimacy transpired between you was just that, fleeting.

"Yes," you paused, feeling as if you might choke up. '"I can have my secretary clear my week to discuss anything of merit. I can be in Birmingham tomorrow if that's too your convenience"

"That sounds appropriate, is two o'clock convenient?" He asked and you audibly sighed before agreeing and putting down the phone.

It felt that once again you had got involved with a man who may be the same way you were but married to a woman, not willing to accept what he was. You had been with so many men that marry women, so many that make you feel like it might be different but, less and less you opened up to the possibility of anything but sex or just ignoring one another outside of being alone. Tommy sounded like the latter, at least it seemed outside of genuine business he would ignore you and what transpired between the two of you.

The following day you were standing at Euston station with your case, frustrated with yourself at this wild fucking goose chase for a man you had met twice. A man who had shown you nothing but contempt outside of wanting comfort. The journey was filled with you reading and trying to not think about the way he touched you. The way his touch made you feel at home.

The pervasiveness of this alienating feeling could have made you consider jumping in front of the very train you were to catch but, it wouldn't be proper. This feeling of eventual rejection was not new and by this point it should have been predicted by you or at least anticipated. At least when you slept with women they didn't make you feel like a mistake or a bad decision made off the cuff. You may not have loved women but you thought you could be close to one and possibly retain a semblance of happiness.

next part Peaky Blinders Taglist: @queenofkings1212 @severewobblerlightdragon @cl5369 @fairypitou @stressedandbandobessed7771 @shadow-of-wonder @hipsternoionlylikeunicorns @curled-hair-red-lips @lucystivinsky1315

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lavender-romancer · 1 year ago

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Crosses on my body

Part Five Tommy Shelby x Reader

You were a nun in Dublin but when you decided to take action against those in powerful positions in the church you had to escape. When you turn up in Birmingham and begin a relationship with Tommy Shelby will he be able to protect you from your past?

”*°•.˜”*°•. ˜”*°•. ˜”*°••°*”˜.•°*”˜.•°*”˜.•°*”˜

previous chapter

"We'll be in touch?" You mocked Fagan's tone. "What a pretentious cunt," you said before taking a swig of beer as you and Tommy sat in the Garrison.

"And to think he interrupted our first kiss that lasted more than a few seconds," Tommy joked and you raised an eyebrow.

"Did you just make a joke, Mr Shelby ?" You asked.

"Perhaps." He smirked.

"Maybe I should move," you commented and Tommy answered almost too quickly.

"No," he paused, collecting himself. "They know where you are now so you'll be followed, at least here you can be protected."

"You're keen to keep me around," you raised an eyebrow and Tommy rolled his eyes.

"Oh, get over it. A car will take you back to the house, I have to take care of some things here," your knees touched his under the bar and you allowed yourself to smile.

This was the first time you'd been able to walk around the whole house without interruption, it was immensely overwhelming. You'd never been in a house this big let alone slept in one, so you had no idea there were so many different rooms. The amount of bathrooms in this house was frankly outrageous but when you saw the grand portrait next to the staircase you were taken aback. Charlie, Tommy… and Grace. The three of them looked so regal, so purposeful. It felt like Grace's eyes followed you as you walked up the stairs, feeling like you were intruding on a family that didn't need you. Tommy's generosity was not lost on you but neither were the circumstances of Tommy and his son. Losing a wife and a mother would have been a catastrophic loss, you never wanted anyone to think you were inserting yourself into the dynamic.

You went up to the spare bedroom you'd been staying in and took a deep breath, smelling the dried lavender that stood in a vase near the window. It was time to ask for much needed guidance from the Lord to show you the way your journey would continue.

"O Holy Spirit of God," you paused and closed your eyes, leaning your forehead on your clasped hands. "Take me as your disciple. Guide me, illuminate me, sanctify me. Bind my hands that they may do no evil, cover my eyes that they may see it no more, sanctify my heart that evil may not dwell within me. Be my God, my guide."

You took a deep breath and sat on the bed, there was still no voice. God still hid himself from you and after having his constant guidance for so long you didn't know how to proceed.

"Reveal yourself to me, oh mighty God. Search me, oh God, and know my heart. Try me, and know my thoughts, see if there is any wicked way in me, and lead me in the everlasting way." You whispered before making the cross on your body.

The absence of the Lord in your life was a deep wound you weren't sure how to heal. You were always taught that if God hid himself from you that you had not accepted him as your sovereign, your one and only guide. But you did what was right, surely God would not want corruption in his church?

Perhaps your sin of leaving the church in Dublin was too great for him to forgive you. Even confessional was out of the question, you knew that word went around the parishes. For the first time you no longer felt safe anywhere in the Catholic Church. You knew then that you had to destroy the rot that was growing within it.

Tommy was reading some budget proposals from Michael and he couldn't stop his mind getting distracted by thinking of you. How you smelled, what it felt like to kiss you… No. He had to focus. But fuck, you were just a constant figure in his mind, the protagonist of his thoughts.

"Fucking nuns," Tommy muttered under his breath as he turned over the next piece of paper.

"Tommy, you've got an appointment. Cars waiting outside," Lizzy poked her head round the door and Tommy nodded. Looking in his diary he was to go to the opening of the children's home in Grace's name.

The whole affair felt forced when it was one thing he was especially proud of. Even though he was once these children with no stable support now it felt like there was a barrier between the two of them. His old life and his new life didn't intermix. There was no way to go back to being that boy from watery lane, no way to overcome his unforgiving ambition that put him in this situation in the first place.

"Mr Shelby," a name called him out of his daydream, he turned and it was Fagan. "I'm having this office, Mr Shelby. I can take the children to confession every second Sunday and not be too far from your offices at the same time." Tommy stayed silent and Fagan smiled before walking away.

Tommy's teeth might fall out if he continued grinding them like this, his jaw set into a most aggravated place. Fists clenched with no opportunity to launch them into Fagans' shit eating grin as he threatened to hurt you.

You sat on your bed, whiskey in hand, staring at the wall in a trance-like state of numbness. The misfortune of your life felt deserved in some ways. You had committed the greatest sin of being born to an unwed mother, your life beginning in such religious depravity must mean you deserve this treatment from the church. Your own self-pity sickened you but, you didn't know how else to come to terms with the fact you would never be safe again and never enter a Catholic church in this country or Ireland again. This control that Catholicism had on the way you lived your life, for the first time was unacceptable and unforgivable.

After dedicating your youth, your innocence to the institution of religion you had been shunned for wanting to reveal sin in your home. You wanted to wash it all away. Wash away the knowledge and the rituals and the love for Christ. In your soul you always felt that your love of God and Mother Mary compelled you to reveal the exploitation within the church. But if this was your Godly mission, why were you tested by your own people in such a way?

You heard the front door open, it was a large and slightly old door so the creaks and cracks would sound throughout the whole house. Tommy must be back by now, you said to yourself- trying to convince yourself he hadn't left you too. Your mood seemed to lift exponentially, even the possibility of it being Tommy made you happier. It was dangerous how much power you were putting into his hands but you trusted him. More than anyone else in your life.

Walking out of your room you stayed on the landing, cautious of getting in the way of his work. You peered round the wall next to the staircase and saw him taking off his coat and handing it towards Francis before heading up the stairs. He was walking but was too quick for you, you had just made it back to your door when he caught sight of you.

"Waiting for me, were you?" He asked with a smirk and you rolled your eyes.

"You wish that I was," you turned to him and ran a hand through your hair.

"I just know that you missed me." He said decidedly whilst leaning against the door to your bedroom and staring you up and down.

"What would you like to do this evening?" You asked and he paused.

"What I would like is to be close to you and snuff out anything or anyone who intends to stop me doing that." Tommy leant forward and kissed you on the cheek, you opened your bedroom door and left it open for him.

A few moments later, Tommy was leaning on your chest as you stroked his hair. You lay in silent understanding that you needed one another, to what degree you weren't sure. But regardless, right now you needed one another.

"Why do you feel drawn to me?" You asked quietly and Tommy looked up at you.

"What do you mean?" He looked confused or possibly offended.

"I'm almost the antithesis of you, we have commonalities but… my faith? Doesn't it pose a difficult situation for you to understand?" You pushed his hair backwards and continued playing with it. Tommy didn't answer for a while and just looked up at your face in quiet contemplation.

"It's your eyes," He paused. "There's a darkness that I am inexplicably drawn to as if I can't control it. I believe in many ways we are the same, but it's the differences that entice me."

"Entice?" You questioned with a stifled laugh.

"Oh, fuck off." Tommy buried his head in your chest.

"Do you want to learn to pray the rosary? I know you'll never do it but knowledge is power." Tommy nodded and you sat up, pulling your rosary from around your neck and knelt by the side of the bed.

"I do know how. To a certain point, my aunt taught me but I don't remember much of it." Tommy looked at you and you nodded.

"Well it can take a long time depending on the prayer you choose but I'll just show you a decade." You began teaching Thomas to pray a decade of the rosary, what each bead meant and the prayer you would say. He listened in respectful silence and whilst you knew you weren't doing this to inspire religiosity, you appreciated his attention all the same.

Peaky blinders taglist: @queenofkings1212 @severewobblerlightdragon @cl5369 @fairypitou @stressedandbandobessed7771 @shadow-of-wonder @hipsternoionlylikeunicorns @curled-hair-red-lips @lucystivinsky1315 Series taglist: @juicyj28 @alessioayla @fmo166 @eugene-emt-roe @wednesdayismyfunday @iwannabeinthesequalmrghostface @surazim

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