#told me. every normal person my age has friends and a partner and I'm doing things with my fucking MOTHER who hates me and doesn't

[leatherbookmark]

daily reminder from my mother that I don't matter and shouldn't even expect to matter yayyyyy yayyyy wahooooo yippeeee

[banamine-bananime]

AITA for trying to save my friend and keep the rest of my asshole friends safe from their bad decisions?

I (M26) just went through this real shitty breakup. So basically, my ex C (M lmao man fuck if i know his age idek if knows it. or has one i guess) has this god-fucking-awful habit of deciding to solve every problem by dying about it and/or fucking off without so much as a word to the people unfortunate enough to give a shit about him, except maybe his sister (unhelpful for the rest of us because she also inherited the "fucking off without a word" gene. man fuck this whole family for making me care about them. whatever). Also, killing himself inside peoples brains thats like a whole hobby for him. like okay either ghost us OR kill yourself in front of us altering the trajectory of our lives forever PICK ONE like a NORMAL person.

Okay wait im not explaining this well. So years ago C and W (M37 now) were partners but C was, uh, in a really bad place mentally (S is telling me this is more diplomatic to say than "crazy af") and that situationship ended as badly as a situationship can end. I mean W's told me he pretty much had his sense of identity as someone separate from C totally destroyed by that for a while, which like, in hindsight its kinda an accidental dick move that our team made him take C's legal identity, but in our defense a) the fuck were we supposed to know?, b) tbf he really did need it not to go back to prison, c) it's not like C was using his identity, on account of the fucking off and effectively-dying-as-a-solution habits, and d) i mean. i gotta admit it's also pretty funny in a really fucked way.

aw shit derailed on a tangent again

recently its just like, we just get so focused on one thing its hard to remember anything else, you know?

S is so good at getting us back on track though. thank god because you would not believe the number of irons weve got in the fire to keep track of, its ridiculous. (i love making my partner be the planner in the relationship lol. highly recommend being a passenger princess in the body sometimes. fuck massages, i'm telling you THIS is what you need after a long day getting shit DONE and taking care of everyone else's messes)

So I met C 6 years ago, right out of basic, when we were privates stationed at the same base. middle of nowhere. shit, this is gonna be hard to explain, just realized i should use different names for C to keep them straight. I knew "A" and W knew "E", i didnt meet E until years later. theyre alters and also the same guy but also not the same guy. dont worry about it if you dont get it bc ive dated both of them and i dont think i do. my life is stupid.

Bunch of bullshit happened, A ghosted (lol. you'd be high-fiving me if you knew him) and then found a problem to solve by dying. you get it by now.

Then i meet E, E encounters a problem and tries to die about it round one (i guess round two, after exploding in W <- LOL. you should be high-fiving me right now), E's sister drags him back to the land of the living, E ghosts, W and i start dating, W tries to martyr himself and disappears because i guess E rubbed off on him (dude i am on a fucking roll. you should be high-fiving me out of pity for my glamorously miserable soap-opera life if nothing else. homophobic not to), our team gets W back, E strolls back like he has no idea why im mad at him, we fight about it, makeup-makeouts about it, and E tries to die about it round two: in my brain boogaloo.

So thats how S and i meet. oops, guess i never introduced S? Feels weird to have to introduce ourself twice, people dont really meet us separately anymore LOL. S (M, ageless) is also C's alter, my partner in life and badassery and brain and body. and obviously freaky sex stuff, that goes without saying but i'm saying it anyway to brag. the swish swish to my stabbing people who really deserve it. Not really interested in your opinion on our relationship, it's not what i'm asking about. we're aware its not conventional, because we're not fucking braindead. Im so sick of all the "oooohhhhh this isn't healthy", "he's a male manipulator and youre codependent i know bc i learned psychology from tiktoks by girls with green hair", "why are you wearing your ex-boyfriend's armor colors while wearing his dead ex-boyfriend's armor while dating and sharing a brain with your dead mutual ex's alter", "have you considered going to therapy instead of a quest against death itself" blah blah blah. If youre so bored you need to judge our life then just get your own 🙄🙄🙄

we've been really on that sigma grindset the last few weeks. S has got our sleep optimized down to a tight triphasic 3.46 hours and we're minmaxing the fuck out of the rest of every day. Biohacked to shit over here. too much to do, so we have to make there be enough of our time to do it. who else is gonna? my teammates? the REDS? we're half batman half babysitter to a gaggle of idiots who can barely be trusted to wipe their own asses, let alone fight their own battles and make decisions like "wah wah wah A is dead let's just give up and cry about it or whatever".

Don't even get me started on W. Oh youre all about character-building wake up and grind self-improvement and taking leadership until we're making decisions you dont like, i guess. WHATEVER. this is why we dont listen to you.

its hard, okay. like, you cant understand the sheer fucking stress were under trying to keep all our plans going smoothly while keeping these guys safe while they're basically actively trying to unravel every carefully-laid thread and also strangle themselves in them. im probably going prematurely grey and also losing some time. its hard to remember when we need to hold back and use the kiddy gloves. i really didnt want to come to holding - uh, we'll call him MC (M25) - by the throat, passed-out. he's like a brother to me, been through thick and fucking thin together, so yeah, i feel really bad about that, my bad, we were the asshole there, but like, maybe stop throwing yourself in the way? like run out into the road you're gonna get hit by a truck no matter how hard they slam the brakes. mfw the conses quence. but im NOT asking about that. everyone's been on our dick about "please god stop doing all of this" and abandoning A and trying to break us up way before that, and THAT'S what im asking about

Anyways tl;dr are we the asshole for getting shit done when it takes methods that all our monday morning quarterback friends dont like

_____

OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:

it really was a dick move to dangle my teammate's limp body in a chokehold even though it was basically an accident and also not even directly relevant to the question

OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might not be the asshole:

okay but we're right

[deramin2]

Essek constantly gushing about his partner but pointedly not giving his name hits me so hard in the feels.

Two formative childhood experiences for me:

ONE

I was severely, mercilessly bullied as a child at every school I went to even if they're was no overlap of kids, and authority figures either ignored me or directly told me it was my fault. I was socially toxic. Any other kid who publicly associated with me was also targeted for harassment. I was best friends with a girl around the corner but because I was a couple years younger (in itself an invitation for bullying) and a parish, we could never let anyone know we were friends.

I've been told I should be upset at her for this, but it wasn't her fault. It was the other children who made it a fact that she would be harmed by publicly being my friend. She didn't make those rules, we were both just honest that it existed and there was nothing we could do to change that. The best we could do to survive was at least protect her. And that benefited me by actually having a friend.

So if we talked about each other it was"my friend." No names. No acknowledging we knew each other in public. No introductions to other friends. Keeping that divide up was necessary to survival. I had a couple friends on the same freak level as we and we were in fact targeted with additional harassment to get to the other person. It was a legitimate threat to live with. At some point I just stopped thinking it was ever necessary to reveal who my friends or family are unless it's both explicitly relevant and necessary.

TWO

I learned to use the internet in the late 1990s when anonymity was considered a best practice. Don't give out your age, sex, location, or other identifying information. You don't know who is on the other side of that screen or what they will do to you if they know. Sperate your online and offline worlds to protect yourself.

This helped reinforce experience one because clearly adults also acted like those kids and this just normal human behavior no one will ever put a stop to that you need to be on guard for at all times. Build in air gaps so if one of you is compromised it's harder for the perpetrator to get to other people you care about. Defending them through anonymity is a way of showing you love them.

Also since some family are searchable through have state government jobs that right-wing nut jobs chips target them for, I wanted to make sure they couldn't be connected to me as a queer trans disabled person active online. In case something I said led to them being targeted.

(This is correct advice, even though it flies in the face of modern online conventions. There are tons of malicious people on three internet who will target you and anyone you love if they decide to hurt you.)

RESULT

By default, I refer to people by their relationship to me, not their name. My friend, my partner, my parent, my family, someone I know, etc. Often I avoid gendering them to make it even harder to identify them. I have to consciously consider if the person I'm talking to has any reason to know my associate's name. Blacklist everyone, then whitelist exceptions.

I do this even if both people know each other because the specific association feels dangerous. Better to be viewed as acquaintances than a meaningful relationship that changes how either of us could be viewed. It's not even really a judgement on thinking the person is untrustworthy, I just don't want to spend any extra energy thinking about it. It doesn't even feel relevant because my relationship to this person fellas like it conveys more information that actually matters.

ESSEK

Essek knows both he and Caleb are being targeted by powerful people who have shown they will target loved ones to get to them. Additionally, tensions between the Empire and Dynasty are still high and it could very easily compromise how their own sides view them if it's known that they're romantically entangled with someone from the other side. It could also blow each other's cover and make their meeting places more vulnerable to attack. Especially if their enemies know they could hit both of them at once.

It's genuinely dangerous for their connection to be known, so they don't name names. It's not even a matter of whether Bell's Hells would intentionally misuse that information, but what they also could just let slip to the wrong person. It's not really worth the risk when "my partner" is all the information they actually need to understand him.

My guess is that Essek said "Bren" is hiss partner because they already know a Bren sent them to Astrid. And since Caleb no longer uses the name Bren it would be much harder to connect them. It would have caused more questions, more prying, and more risk to give no name for his partner when directly pressed. So he gives a truthful but less dangerous answer. The anonymity is an act of love.

[greensagephase]

girls, I finally found the man who is exactly what I wanted!😭 just like miguel, height, build, gaze eyes... AAAGGGGH JUST LIKE HIM. and we're lovers now. and I'm 27 years old. Long story short, actually, I mean, life doesn't tell you how and how to get out of it. I hope you can find someone like you want (miguel), Alondra !!

Nonnie, omg CONGRATS, MY FRIEND!!!💖💖💖 I’m so happy you’ve found such a wonderful partner!! You sound so happy, pookie!! 🥹🥹 And on top of finding romantic happiness, you seem to have found someone who resembles Miguel so much, awww!! 🥺💕💕

Before I go on, I want to say that I’m sorry for taking a week to answer your ask (I’ve been apologizing in every ask 😭), but I got so behind on notifs because I wasn't too active last week.

Moving on from that, I want to tell you that your ask improved my mood so much last week when it arrived. I was having a bit of a rough week because TMI, I got my period and I was very emotional, and on top of that, I was having all these thoughts because of the themes discussed in my latest writing (love, relationships, and having children). I think it got to my head a little because of my period, so I was feeling down about almost being 26 and the fact that I’ve never been in a relationship.

It was rather strange, as I’m not the kind of person to worry about these things (though it’s perfectly normal for people to do). I’m a highly optimistic person (perhaps too much) and always try to find the good in people and situations, and this has never been something I’ve worried about, but my mom recently told me what a woman we’re acquainted with through family said to her last month during a family gathering, which was that I was “old” to not be married already.

Again, I’ve never worried about these things because I’m not the kind that thinks that by a certain age you need to complete a certain ‘milestone’ like marriage and having children, and that if you don’t during that age bracket, that’s it — you’ve lost your chance. I don’t think like that, but I think being on my period and the themes in my writing got to me lol 💀😭 but then, your ask arrived and it was so sweet, heartwarming, and comforting to read!! It instantly improved my mood and reminded me of what I believe: romantic love doesn’t have an hourglass, it can come at any point in our lives out of nowhere without us even searching for it.

So I just wanted to say THANK YOU for sharing your happiness and experience with me and everyone else who comes across this post!! I’m so happy for you and your partner, and from the bottom of my heart, I wish you both all the best!!! ❤️��🏼

Also, thank you so much, pookie :)) If it’s meant to be and it’s for my well-being, I hope I cross paths with a wonderful, sweet, loving, and kind gentleman. Maybe with luck, this man will have similar characteristics to Miggy, too, hehe!! 🥺

I hope you’re having a lovely day/night and pls stay safe, friend!! 💕

Alondra❤️

[ititledit]

Terrible headline choice, but overall I'm glad child free women are getting some mainstream coverage

________________

The number of women choosing not to have children is growing and the global birth rate is plunging.

While their reasons vary from climate worries to financial concerns and health complications, those making the decision to be "child-free by choice" say societal acceptance is yet to come, often leaving them feeling ostracised.

The BBC spoke to members of Bristol Childfree Women, a social group with more than 500 members, set up by women and for women who have decided not to have children.

While Caroline Mitchell always knew she never wanted children, she wasn't prepared for how hard reaching "child-bearing age" would be.

The 46-year-old, who lives with her husband in Brislington, Bristol, said while it never bothered her when she was younger, she had not anticipated the barrage of personal questions she would face as friends and acquaintances started to have children.

"I have felt like a freak because of it," she said.

"I feel like my perspective and my experience is just not acceptable."

In Caroline's eyes, society is set up for motherhood.

"You realise how you're quite excluded from a lot of life," she said.

"It's really hard for me to meet people, because it's all about the women you meet at the school gates or the writing clubs for mums."

Caroline said she thinks that sometimes women with children believe the "whole world" is set up for child-free women.

"Actually, it's really exclusionary," she said.

Many in her circle of friends have children and while they have never knowingly done anything to make her feel different, she says, the fact they are "all doing one thing" and she is doing another has been "quite hard".

While Caroline is "100% certain" and "very comfortable" in her identity, she admits she has, on occasion, “agonised" about her decision.

She said that was down to the "cultural expectation" of what was normal and the concept that if you were a woman, having a child was "the natural thing to do".

Official figures released in 2022, external show record numbers of women are reaching the age of 30 child-free.

More than half (50.1%) of women in England and Wales born in 1990 were without a child when they turned 30 in 2020, the first generation to do so, according to the Office for National Statistics.

Megan Stanley, who is originally from Oxfordshire and lives in Bristol, was so certain about her decision to not have children, she has been trying to get sterilised since the age of 19.

When it comes to her painful periods, Megan said it feels "cruel" to go through the "suffering every single month for a body function" she feels she does not need.

"I know that sterilisation doesn't solve periods but it does alleviate a lot of those major symptoms," she said.

But the 31-year-old said she has come up against hurdle after hurdle.

“The doctors would say ‘you're still a bit young’ or ‘you might change your mind’,” she said.

The furthest Megan got was when she was 29 and had an appointment with a surgeon.

"I'd prepared everything - my medical history, prepared all my line of reasoning. I'd even gone as far as to get a testimony from the therapist I was seeing. I'd gone the full mile," she said.

However, permission was not granted once the gynaecologist asked about her relationship status.

"At the time I'd been dating my now long-term partner for maybe three months," Megan said.

She told the doctor that her partner also definitely did not want children and he had already had a vasectomy.

Megan said the doctor then told her that if her partner had a vasectomy, “then you don't need to have this done, do you?"

It was then that Megan said she realised it was "inescapable" and they were "just not going to do it".

"Why should what happens to my body be beholden to what he's done to his?" she said.

"It's got to the point now where I long for the menopause. That's what I'm looking forward to."

Caroline believes women without children may be “complicit” in keeping cultural expectations as they are.

"We don't talk about it - so there's still this thought that it's what everyone does," she said.

"Motherhood is just everywhere all the time, in your face."

She said it was hard not fitting in with the "norm of society" and at times, she had wished she was "different".

"My life would have been easier in some ways," she said.

Yet for many women, whatever choices they make, they seem to beat themselves up about it and "seem to be not very accepting of everyone's choice", Caroline added.

Fiona Powley said she knew she did not want to be a mother from the age of 12 after seeing her own mum struggle with motherhood.

“I just thought motherhood didn't look like lot of fun," she said.

Now 49, Fiona runs the Bristol Childfree Women group, external and while she is currently experiencing menopausal symptoms, she has "no panicking feeling" that she did not use her ability to reproduce.

"It feels very comfortable," she said.

Ironically Fiona now looks at herself and thinks she could have actually done “quite a good job of parenting" but she "never really wanted it enough".

However, like Caroline and Megan she said new people she meets can react negatively when she tells them she chose not to have children.

“There's being told you'll regret it. What's your point of existing? If you don't have children you're not valid as a woman," Fiona said.

Fiona has even been called "selfish" and some have questioned who will look after her when she is old.

“It's almost like people feel uncomfortable," she said.

“It's probably because it never occurred to them that they also had a choice.”

Megan can sympathise.

In the past, the reaction to her not wanting children has been quite "visceral", she said.

She claims some people have painted her as "a child-hater, or a mean person” because of it.

"I think my not wanting kids is just an innate thing to who I am," she said.

Fiona said there were so many reasons why people decide not to have children.

Looking back, she thinks her own reasons were "probably quite unhealthy", but she knows that she is not going to "suddenly wake up as an old lady and feel bitter and regret".

Caroline said she would be a "resentful mother", adding there were a "huge amount of upsides" to not having children, like focusing her time on her relationship with her husband and her hobbies.

Megan agrees.

“There’s a lot of joy to be had in not having kids," she said.

“It isn't all about freedom and money. It's about choice."

[bookaddict24-7]

REVIEWS OF THE WEEK!

Every week I will post various reviews I've written so far in 2024. You can check out my Goodreads for more up-to-date reviews HERE. You can friend me on Goodreads here.

Have you read any of these? What were your thoughts?

___

313. Daydream by Hannah Grace--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️.5

DAYDREAM gave me something that the last book in this series didn't: similar vibes to ICEBREAKER. And while this makes a lot of sense as to why some people didn't like this one and ICEBREAKER but loved the second book, I am the complete opposite because I LOVED ICEBREAKER.

Much like the first book in this series, there was some great communication and mutual understanding. There was an understanding about mental health and understanding boundaries. Despite both characters coming in with anxious personalities, they were both incredibly good at working together (even though the FMC definitely needed therapy for her people pleasing that grew from trauma.)

I'm glad that our beloved MMC was able to find someone who understood him and I'm glad our overworked and new to us FMC was able to find solace in her love interest, especially after that toxic af ex-boyfriend.

There was some great representation in this about how everyone learns differently, some diversity in the characters, that there is beauty in different body types, and that everyone has a different way of handling stress. And strangely enough, even though the two MCs had good communication between each other, it was shown how difficult communication CAN be when you feel like everyone is pressuring you to communicate.

And while the friends to lovers dynamic was awesome, that spice was SPICY. Loved the consent and the way the MMC respected the FMC's decisions and went at her pace.

I also really appreciated Grace's note on how some people choose to live their lives undiagnosed because it's true--sometimes finding coping mechanisms to help you day to day feels like enough.

I'm excited to see what's next in this universe!

___

314. Convenience Store Woman by Sayaka Murata & Ginny Tapley Takemori (Translator)--⭐️⭐️⭐️

Reading this after EARTHLINGS made me notice a few things about this author. Both MCs deal with social ostracizing and emotional dissociation. Both meet men who meet their "freak" and then takes it to the next level, and both have families that exert a concerning level of control over the MC.

There's is a trend. And like I told my friend, I'm glad I read this after EARTHLINGS because in seeing these connections, it's helped me understand how we got from this--an emotionless woman who mimics those around her in order to maintain her status as "part of society"--to the nightmarish events of EARTHLINGS.

CONVENIENCE STORE WOMAN, on the surface, is a simple story of a woman who finds comfort in her part-time job working in a convenience store. When she meets a man who wants to "leave the stone age" and find himself a sugar mama (not said in so many words), that's when she starts to question the life she's made for herself. And I'll be honest, I'm happy with what she ends up doing in the end--it was a nice full circle moment (kind of like how EARTHLINGS had a bizarre full circle moment as well).

One of the things I do like about Murata's writing is her commentary on society. Her writing may be a bit odd and off-putting, but having her characters be outsiders really offers insight into how role-obsessed and behaviour-obsessed society is. If you don't have a partner and a child, have you truly succeeded in life? If you don't have an office job or "adult job", have you truly succeeded? If you don't fit the standards of what it means to be "normal", can you ever really fit in? Even though it's done in a roundabout way, Murata explores and celebrates these differences in CONVENIENCE STORE WOMAN. By putting her anti-social MCs beside her societally acceptable characters, we get to see just how different they are and since we usually only get the POV of the anti-social character, we truly get to see how odd normality might seem to someone who finds it an impossible goal.

Or maybe this was just a novella with some really weird and obsessive characters. But I choose to think that there is more to Murata's writing--especially when I'm seeing parallels in two characters from two wholly different works of fiction.

I still want to read more of her work, if only to see what other similarities her future characters will have. Also, I think that this being a commentary on Japanese society (which I am not a part of) makes it even more fascinating because so much of it can also be applied to Western society.

I'd recommend this if you want a small bite of a book with some pretty big concepts and underlining topics. If you want to subject yourself to EARTHLINGS, I weirdly recommend reading that before this.

___

315. Same Time Next Summer by Annabel Monaghan--⭐️⭐️⭐️.5

After reading my first Annabel Monaghan novel earlier this year, I decided that I must read more of her work and, as expected, SAME TIME NEXT SUMMER didn't disappoint. One of the things I absolutely enjoy about this author's writing is how the pacing of the story completely steals your attention and you can't help but fall head first into the romance and connection between the characters.

As I'm writing this review, I am blasting STICK SEASON and I'm realizing that it would have been the perfect song for these two characters when they first broke up when they were teenagers. While I DO wish we had a bit more time to settle into this lost and heartbreak, there were still instances throughout the book where the tension between them was palpable--even though there was someone else in the middle.

And I have such a complicated relationship with books that have love triangles. Sometimes the characters end up with a wholly new person, but sometimes I'll encounter ones like the one in SAME TIME NEXT SUMMER, where the love was just interrupted for a few years and it is a no-brainer where the story is going to go. I liked seeing how awkward the FMC was around her childhood love and I liked how he was acting all nonchalant, but you knew he was sort of dying on the inside.

What I did really enjoy about this one is that the relationship grew organically--it wasn't too quick or disrespectful, it happened organically and over some time where the FMC struggled when coming to terms with who she had become and who she wanted to be.

One of the things that took me a bit to get used to was the back and forth of the past and present, especially because the narrative voice changed from first person to third person and we got the MMC's perspective. I was NOT a fan of the reason for the breakup and how it all was resolved (the situation not the breakup). Call me pessimistic and in desperate need of therapy, but I don't think it could ever be that simple.

That being said, this was one of those romances you'd definitely want for the beach. It wasn't life-changing, but it was nicely paced, just the right length to stay entertaining, and was cute enough that it would go great with some summer sunshine, that salty beach water, and memories made with family on the sand (or by the pool).

___

316. Secret of the Water Dragon by Tracey West & Damien Jones (Illustrator)--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I will probably not continue with this series after this one, but I still thought this one was adorable! I loved that there is so much exploration of other cultures. I think it's so important to see this in books for younger readers!

I think this is also the book in the early years of the series where you really start to learn a bit more about the lore of the world. We also got to learn more about the other characters. I can see why so many littles are absolutely loving this series--it's adventurous, full of empathy, and honestly, I can see it being challenging enough for younger readers that it keeps them hooked--especially because it doesn't use overly childish and simple words. Plus, it has adventures and is a cohesive story.

Now I feel more confident when recommend this series to some of my little customers!

___

317. Cherry Magic! Volume 12 by Yuu Toyota--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I love how these two support each other and how we see their imperfections. It's one of the things I've always loved about them and as the series progresses, they only get better and better at it--especially because they get to know more about each other.

And I liked the second couple in this because we will finally see them facing the truth! I'm excited to see where their story takes them, especially because of that cliffhanger. I think it's definitely going to take a bit of work to get that couple to their happy ending.

Basically, this whole volume was great for the communication between the couples and because we got to see the dynamics of each couple. I

don't know how many more volumes there will be, but I wonder how Toyota will bring everything together by the end!

___

318. The Beauty of Us by Farzana Doctor

I received a copy of this book from the publisher

THE BEAUTY OF US was a book with many different layers. Being set in the 80s alone offered some intriguing commentary, especially because the main cast of characters were very diverse--which I can only imagine what life was like back then as a minority. Another great layer was the dark academia atmosphere that was haunted by the ghost of a past teacher and a life-altering mystery that has some powerful consequences. I found that THE BEAUTY OF US would make a great Autumn read, to be completely honest.

One of the strongest parts of this book was that it was written in multiple perspectives, giving us a very rounded sense of what was happening. We not only got to learn about the different experiences had in this school, but we also were given insight into how the big mystery of the book eventually affected these characters in different ways.

Another strong part of THE BEAUTY OF US were the core themes of the book surrounding families (found and biological), tradition, language, race, and culture. This school was such a wonderful collection of students from all over the world and since it's set in a small Canadian town in the 80s, I was surprised. But there are obviously moments of racism and one particular character just being a vile person--however, I also understand that she was a teenager and a product of her upbringing and who she surrounded herself with.

THE BEAUTY OF US straddles that fine line of young adult and adult--sometimes veering a little more into the adult side. Some of the topics, like the inappropriate relationship between two characters that is an abuse of power, may be a bit on the older side BUT I also think it's important for teens to read these stories. They might find parallels in their own experiences--not just in the inappropriate relationship, but in how they perceive themselves when surrounded by others who don't look like them or come from similar backgrounds.

Read this if you like dark academia set in the 80s that features a lot of diversity, multiple POVs, and deeper topics that might straddle that line between young adult and new adult.

___

319. The Guernsey Literary & Potato Peel Pie Society by Mary Ann Shaffer--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

This book is so outside my usual preferred genres that I didn't know what to expect. I've had it on my shelves for YEARS, but finally gave in when I saw the audiobook at the library. And let me tell you, I was SURPRISED. Although it wasn't perfect, I enjoyed the hell out of this book. I loved that the island was like a character in itself and it demanded to be written about!

I don't know how Mary Ann Shaffer did it, but she managed to add so much emotion and character into an epistolary novel. Even though the beginning of the book took me some time to get into, I found myself sinking into the story as it progressed. I wanted the MC to succeed in her story searching adventures, but I especially became invested when she was mailed a letter from one of the members of the society.

I do this thing with books that have romance where I try to guess who will be the eventual capturer of the MC's heart and I immediately knew who he would be in this one, mainly because the other option was someone who promised to be the snuffer of the MC's fire. I despised that man, but also know he was a product of his time.

One of the things I wasn't expecting with this book was how emotionally invested I would get with these many lives. They had so much tragedy happen to them, but they still tried to make the best of their situation and were such a welcoming community. The MC's struggle with keeping her identity in a world that wanted her to get in line was also another great surprise. She had such a powerful personality and was surprisingly progressive with one of her best friends.

There were hilarious moments, heartwarming moments, heartbreaking moments, and that reveal at the end was actually hilarious and so feasible. I also thought it was a timely read (for me) because it made me think about a few things happening in present time. But that's a different topic not making its way into this review.

I highly recommend this book--especially if you want a historical novel written in a unique way, full of heart, great characters, and the softest and most understated romance that sneaks up on both you as the reader and the MC. I definitely see myself reading this again in the future.

___

320. I'll Have What He's Having by Adib Khorram--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I'LL HAVE WHAT HE'S HAVING was quite the experience. Coming from Khorram's incredible YA duology, it was definitely an adjustment because of how spicy this book was, aha. But beyond that, I knew I would enjoy this because Khorram's writing is incredible and full of emotion.

I like how neurotic both characters were about relationships and the past pain they felt with old loves, but how they overcame their anxiousness to give their love a shot. This is why I love dual POVs so much, because I NEED to know where both minds are at--especially when we are shown a situation that always needs a little more context and behind the scenes thought processes. I don't like having to guess what a person is thinking in real life, so it's nice not to have to do it in literature, too.

This is the second book in less than two months that I've read with a wine theme and it was so fascinating. I know the wine world is a complex one, but seeing them in fiction was interesting. Especially the processes and difficulty levels of attaining recognition in that world. But with the wine came the interesting factoids about food and its connection to culture, and family and how some things are completely intertwined.

I also liked the side characters and I think I'd be okay with a companion novel from the POV of a different character--especially the one character who is dating someone that the MC is iffy about. Left me curious and side-eyeing that situation.

Overall, this was SPICY, full of heart, and rounded by Khorram's expert navigation of family and culture. Highly recommend.

___

Happy reading!

[bi-lavelent]

Brie Larson x fem-reader part 1

warning: contains mentions to sex and mentions of mental health. Contains mentions to murder and killing. Contains mentions to pedophillia.

Brie will not be in the chapter it is just the start. I hope you enjoy

Chapter 1 Childhood Trauma

"Mothers, everyone has one, Every girl needs them, Every man wants them, Every baby cries for them, Every human praises them." - Y/N Y/L/N

My life starts simple; While At Least I thought. You see the story I was told growing up was. My gorgeous, beautiful, Intelligent Mom met  my Handsome, Funny Dad and fell in love. They got married and then they  had me. It was the Exact American Dream, It wasn’t Gatsby and Daisy. My Dad and I were best friends. They Made me realize who I would want to marry. We were always going to be that perfect little family. Although that’s where the happiness ends. The rest isn’t  good, though how much stuff do you think can happen in 9 months? less than a year you're probably thinking not that much. Well trust me a lot can happen, my mom did everything a person could do to ruin my life before it even started. But for you to be able to know that part of the story you will need to wait till I'm older, like I did. 

Born into a Christian and Catholic family, and when I say that I mean it my dad was the youth group pastor and my mom was well she said she was catholic that should have been my first signal. That all being said, I was raised to have pride in my family and to love god. I met my childhood best friend at church. Her name was  Ezra Lee. She was named after a colonial Soldier from the 1800s. He was supposedly related to her. The first memory I have is of me and her playing in a sandbox 

. . . . .

"Hey, I have to go to the bathroom." I said to my best friend Ezra Lee  

"Okay I'll wait here." She said back to me

. . . . .

Looking back at this event makes me look at how simple our lives were, You see we thought that we would always get to have this perfect life and in a way her stayed okay or atleast better than mine. I ran into her a few years ago. She was in New York for New years and she had stopped at an ice cream shop in time square. I'm still not sure if I was happy to see her have the life. We both always dreamed about. We had promised each other that we would set each other on blind dates were we would meet our husbands and we would be the others kids' Aunt. But given that was back when I thought I was gonna marry men we were clearly wrong because now I’m writing this while my wife is sitting on the couch watching a romcom. I guess things never go according to plan anyway. Back to the past I realize How happy we were. How innocent  we were. It also makes me question why I didn't realize what was happening around me. It should have been obvious to me but I guess that when you're a kid you're oblivious of what happens around you. I mean it was normal for our  parents to leave their kids in their backyard alone at the age four but then again we were kids and this was normal to us. I have very few memories of being a happy child but I do remember this next fairly clearly. Because it has affected the rest of my life. You see in Colorado I was told by my mom that the normal age to lose your Virginity is 6. So the next part isn’t really going to affect a lot of my life but at the same time it has everything to do with the family I’ve built for myself. 

At a young age I did not only have feelings for the boys at my school but also the girls being a christian I thought that this was wrong. It might be that as an adult it's still hard to tell what's true and what's not but this one thing as a child had a big influence on my life. I remember being five and dating this girl back then dating was more like being best friends. When you're a kid you make a lot of mistakes; But I never thought that I would make this one. As a Preschooler and Elementary student I was considered a bit of a player, and to be honest my friends and my partner still think I am. I would chase the boys around and tackle them and kiss them I would pay them to date me; and like every player I cheated.I was at five and at spring break camp and went behind this boy that i still had a crush on named Christopher to get a crayon to color with, and I saw an opportunity my mind raced back in forth between his back and my lips, Back, lips, Back, lips. This was my opportunity so i sized the moment and  leaned down and kissed him. This was the end of everything. 

I was  popular or so I though you see I didn’t relize that people only liked me because they were scared of me, not because people liked me.blooming back I would have been scared of me too I was a lost kid who didn’t understand how to deal with emotions. Not only that but I had ADHD and Autism you see people love me because I’m diffrent now. But kids are scared of they don’t understand. You see I was like “Young Sheldon.” But my parents didn’t want me to be but you see she liked me she made an exception.she accepted me as an equal not someone to be feared atleast that was until I fucked up. You see she was the one for me the one that I had just messed everything up with. The day that we went back to school everyone in every grade was talking about what I had done. I didn't realize what I had done wrong (I mean it was a elementary relationship those don’t even count right; well apparently they started to count somewhere along the line. But I should also let you know that most pepole in Colorado lose there V card bettween the ages of 5-9  I didn’t no matter who I liked. I’m old fashioned I wanted to wait till marriage. That didn’t end up happening but once you have it with the person who you marry it’s not the same. You feel a spark of deepest emotions and regrets finally being released.) until I saw her and I felt this pit in my stomach grow. 

I walked up to her but kept staring at the ground and said "hay" 

she didn't not respond 

I started to say what I wanted to say and then the bell rang so I said to her, "I'll see you at recess. I want to discuss this."

I made it through the rest of my day with my head down until recess when I got outside I ran up to her smiling. We started to walk around and then I said, "we need some privacy to talk about this." so we moved to where no one could hear us.

She said, "Why did you do it?"

I responded looking down at the ground and kicking the dirt with my feet, "I don't know June."

June responded to me by saying, "Was it a dare?"

A part of me wanted to lie to her and say yes but the mature side of me developed and came out and said,"No."

She responded, "Why did you do it then?"

"I don't know but trust me there's not a bone in my body that doesn't want to take it back and doesn't regret doing it." I said as A tear fell down my face i quickly got rid of it in hopes that she wouldn't see it 

She told me, "How can I trust you when you cheated on me." ( by the way the only thing that I did was leaned over and kissed this kid on his back)

"I don't know what i was thinking." I said I took a pause to catch my breath so that I wouldn't cry and finished by saying,"I don't know if we can have the same level of trust but I will try every day for you to forgive me as long as it takes."

She stood up and Said "I don't think it will be i don't think i can trust you ever again."

"I love you." I said looking straight into her eyes making sure we both were making eye contact. ( I didnt love her because at this point in time I don’t know what love was. My  gorgeous family is across the room; As i wright  this and I don’t fell the same about her as I do about them. But at that point in time I thought I loved her things changed)

"And I hate you." she replied

I just stood there not knowing what to say. I wish I had said something because it might have saved me from these next words but then again I don't think anything could have as the two words I never wanted to come out of someone I loved mouth.

she said, "were over."

My world went dark I ran away crying and that pit didn't leave for a long time neither did the me not smiling and me not laughing and me not being happy it all went away for a very long time. So did the popularity the same day as everyone saw me being vulnerable and weak. I lost it all. Yet did I know that this was just the start of My Trauma as a child. This day ended everything good going for me or so I thought. You see for a long time I thought that no one else would care. But little did I know that there was someone having a normal life in Sacramento California. You see I was 8 when this happens which means she was 6 and attending the American Conservatory Theater which is located in San Francisco. See it’s weird saying all this because we have an 8 year old and a 6 year old right now and I just am so happy that there lives will be diffrent then ours. Anyway The next thing I know I was in the principal's office everyday. I remember one day Threatening to kill a kid and I was down in the office when the principal walked in. 

"Hello Jefferson," I said

"Hello Y/N," He replied 

"Can we just get this over with," I snarkly replied

"There are some people here to talk with you." He said in stern voice

I looked behind him expecting to see my parents but what I saw wasn't that It was two police officers. One started talking to me.

"Hello Mrs.?" one of them asked

"Y/L/N" I said

"Well Mrs.Y/L/N Im John. Will you come with us please," He asked

"Why?" I said standing up

"Hay SIT." He yelled as he pointed a tazer at me 

"Your not the boss of me." I said

Everything went fuzzy and black The next thing I knew I was getting taken out of the school in handcuffs and being put in the back of a cop car. It turned out they thought it wasn’t John though it was an officer who got fired shortly there after. I went to the station and waited at the station until they called my mom. I could hear the call. 

John asked,"Hello is this Mrs.Y/N/L ?"

My mom replied, " Yes, who's this?"

"This is officer john," He said well smiling at me

"What you want officer," My mom said 

"Well I have your daughter here, we need you to come pick her up." John said

"Yah no That's not gonna happen." My mom said and hung up.

I was seven and this isn't even the worst of it. I Stayed in that jail cell till anyone in my family would pick me up. Sadly no one ever did it was 1 year and 9 months until I saw my mother again but she wasnt there for me she was being arrested herself. They didn’t really have room for me in the officer area but I made that cell my home. I just don’t know how permanent it would become. 

I chuckled in my head and said in my head "that's where I got it." 

She had been there for a few days to get clean. The officers John, Peter, Liam, Roy, Rodger, Rodney, Zack, Kyle, Steve and Tony all treated me like family, not like a prisoner but like one of them. I remember Liam coming over to my cell and sitting down to play cards with me.  Well playing he told why my mom was there how she got caught high and selling drugs, how she was already wanted for being a sexual predator. Do you think this is enough trauma yet? Yah I would have too if i were you, but my life had other plans. They found my father 2 months later. He and my mother had split once she had started getting into drugs and when he found out that she was a sexual predator. We Were happy for 2 years. When he started drinking I was 10. When he started drinking he drank so much that some nights he wouldnt even be home when I would wake up. He would abuse me and I didnt know what to do. So one day I went to the police station and ran straight into peter. 

"Hello peter," I said

"Hay chipmunk. why are you here?" He said

Them  he looked at me and saw the bruises they kept me there until they arrested my dad for abuse. They gave me 2 options. I could change my identity and become a foster kid or I could live with my grandparents. I said i wanted to live with my grandparents and they drove me their  and gave my stuff to my grandparents thats were I lived until College. It was 1 year later I was 11 and I had to make a family tree i kept bugging my grandparents to tell me about my family but they just would ignore it. 

Until  one day my grandma set me down and said "do you really wanna know about your family," 

See I mean I really didn’t need to know because the assignment was done already as this was 9 months later. Which they used to keep me knowing because everything I mentioned happened in 9 months and a little bit before than.

I replied "yes"

"Okay sit down Me and your grandpa met in college and fell in love. your mom met your dad's brother and his friends in highschool, and your mom is a bit of a psychopath. You see she killed them, she stabbed most of them and burnt a couple alive. With the help of your father's ex wife. Who I think you know because she was your childhood best friend's mother .  Your father and your mother met in college in therapy. Your father for the death of his brother and Your Mother for mental help. They started dating, got married and got pregnant with you. The first four months she slept with your fathers ex wife.  You see your father and her got married Junior year of high school and were only married for only two years. Your father did not know they murdered a bunch of people in those 4 months about 43 people to be percisis they broke up to hide from the cops they got plastic surgery to not look the same so that the

 cops wouldn't find them. They weren’t that’s smart of people your mom never had been but the only time she was smart was when her sisters pet died or when she was getting in trouble you see she was always in the principal's office. ( wow just like me) After they broke up Your mother started hooking up with your fathers father, your grandfather your mother killed, your fathers mother your grandmother. Your mother slept with a highschooler 14 years old that kid was. The next was 17, then 12, then 9, then 10, then 5, then 4, then a 15 year old. She  wrote in journals that she couldn’t stop because they always made her fell so good. (I still question if this is why she kept on touching my legs when we were laying together.She always wanted me to sleep next to her. Another thing that only the cops knew for a while I find it hard to talk about is that my dad told my mom to go into the bedroom so they could do stuff she grabbed me and said can she come too.My dad stopped her and said no.) but she  kept those kids  in the basement of a house only she and no one else knew she owned .  Well she was still with your grandfather. your grandfather and her used to do drugs ( later on I also I found out that they would drug my dad and do drugs of off him and have sex on top of him while he was drugged.)in his son's house well he was at work at this time your mother had been pregnant with you 7 months. She stabbed your grandfather well sleeping  next to him. Blew up the house with the kids in it and then once your father found out she was doing drugs he checked her into a hospital to get her clean and make sure you were okay. they stayed married tell you were 1 to make sure she wouldn't do drugs during this one year he caught her cheating on him with the man you called dad for the rest of your life and divorced her your mother set her ex girlfriend up with your father they had your sister also and named her Ezra if I’m right she way your  best friend thats why they were always over there your dad divorced her when she cheated out him with your mother and the man you called your father. So did you really wanna know your family history?" she  asked me

" how do you know all of this," I asked

she pulled out a bunch of journals and diaries "because your mom wrote everything down."

When I said trauma I ment trauma. This drove something deep down in my core. You see I had always wanted to be a cop to give families the justice that they needed so I headed to the police satiation and ran into Johnson arms crying I could breathe I finally told him everything and . I showed them all the journals I stayed there for the night. The next day we went to the location where my mom had hid all the bodys that stupid bitch kept track of everything. My dog is even better at hiding his bones in our bed. Although I  was praying that they didn't find anybody, once we started finding bodies we never stopped finding the bodies there were too many too count. It guess she hadn’t stopped after I was born. I looked down in shock Crying. I walked up to John. 

I didn't know what to say but I said Cryinging " I want a normal life again. Everyones gonna look at me diffrent. I know that can't happen now but i'm willing to prove against my mom wrong. I feel bad for all these families but I want to do something normal.". 

John and I had a talk along with my grandparents and we decided that it would be better to have me be homeschooled. So that the bully wouldn’t get to me. It didn’t but I still struggled. I would go to the local store and people wouldn’t sell stuff to me. I was outside playing in the street and a car pulled up. It was the parents of the kids they had come to yell at me. They said I shouldn’t deserve to be alive and that they should look both me and my mom up. My grandfather came out and stopped him.

John wanted me too atleast stay near kids and I said theater actually what happened was. 

"Like what?" John said 

"I know i can't go to school yet because they don’t trust me and that i need to be acclimated into normall that’s why im doing homeschool but maybe( I looked down a saw a poster for a theater production at a highschool for Chicago there was a hot girl on the front wearing only a bra and pants.) i could start with doing theater." I said (hopping there would be hot pepole)

That's when this career choice started. That's when I made the first decision that I can remember. I arrived there that morning as a 12 year old left feeling like a 30 year old; With back issues needing a back massage and foot rub but that was all after my moms went to court

if you would like more just comment pls or like

[celiaelise]

So my dad and stepmom have been watching "Love On The Spectrum", and I ended up watching a couple episodes with them.

The show is fine, idk, I don't really have thoughts on it right now. What I DO have thoughts on is how my father responds to it.

He always spoke about the people on the show as such an Other! Now, let me be clear. No one in my family is diagnosed with autism. However, I strongly suspect most, if not all, of us have it, and my dad's the person who I have the least doubts about. (with myself being second) Also to be clear, I have not voiced this suspicion to my father.

He KNOWS he resembles an autistic person, and has been told so by more than one third party! But he seems to think people who are "successful" don't count, or whatever. (Which, I suppose if we're going by the very strict medical definition of "a disorder", could be seen as true.)

But when I pointed out that one of the autistic people on the show doesn't seem to have enough information on a topic, and say, "someone should have explained this to him!" my dad says, "they do explain it to them, but they don't seem to be able to conceptualize romance and relationships the way we do." Like, excuse me, who's "we"?? You KNOW I'm 28 and have NEVER been on a date; the same age OR OLDER as some of the people on the show whose lack of romantic experience is being portrayed as remarkable.

An autistic man goes on a date with a woman who tells him she's a pre-K teacher, and my dad goes, "oh! so she's not also autistic." (I worked as a teacher at daycare/preschool for four years.) And then expresses that he'd been wondering if it's even moral or appropriate for someone without autism to be in a relationship with someone autistic. I remind him that one of my friends, whose years-long relationship my father is aware of, has autism, and their partner doesn't. (I don't remind my father that he, himself, appears to be an autistic man in a relationship with a nuerotypical woman.)

My father tries to correct himself, without having the specific vocabulary to, that he means people like in the show, who live with their parents at the age of thirty. "Physically they're capable of taking care of themselves, so, y'know, there must be some kind of mental problem." I don't point out that I, myself, will turn 29 in a couple months, and, though I do live alone in my apartment, I receive a pretty significant amount of support, financially and otherwise, from both my parents. He maybe doesn't understand just how bad I am at "taking care of myself" l am, even aside from the money.

Perhaps he doesn't know that I can't even walk through my space normally because there's so much stuff everywhere, that I only shower every other day and I'm doing well to brush my teeth twice a week, that I can barely keep myself fed and never cook, or that I'm currently struggling not to get fired over being late because I struggle to process the linear passage of time. Not to mention that I need an entire armada of medications every day just to function at THIS level!!

Honestly I've lately been considering the possibility that I might never free myself from my parents' support, what that would mean and what it would look like. Because sometimes I'm like, "Wow I really AM disabled", and even doing my current job, (which is easy, and full of autistic people) seems like a huge challenge.

So, anyway, idk. I related more to the people on the show than my dad seems willing to recognize, and that doesn't feel great. Plus, like, even if I'm wrong, and we AREN'T autistic, what benefit is there to distancing ourselves from autistic people??? From being like, "they're NOTHING like ME."?

[yuna-writes]

The right partner

A relative once told me that friends usually don't last a very long time because people lives start to change. They either get married, have children, and become too busy with their lives to maintain many friends. I'm not sure if that's true, but my relative had a lot of friends around my age. As my relative is nearing mid 50's, many of them hasn't really kept in touch and stayed around. They either started a family or moved somewhere far away. So my relative suggested I should really trying prioritizing in finding a partner instead of trying to make friends that most likely won't last.

I'm still open to making friends, and I prefer creating friendships and hope one of the interaction might lead to a partner. It feels more like natural interaction compared to speed dating random strangers and rushing things. But I've also thought about what type of partner is the 'right fit' and I do have an idea on the type of person I feel attracted to, but unsure if they are the right fit in terms of my needs. I think I'm more interested in extroverts because of their high energy level, spontaneity, and I feel like they would encourage me to go outside more. It balances out my introverted personality.

But for some strange reason every single extrovert I hanged out with didn't go well. They either got frustrated with me and I got drained by their energy level. Another thing I noticed is that people who focus a lot on the outer world and enjoy the present for 'what is' tend to not connect with me on an intellectual level. They don't care so much about theories, concepts, philosophy or they don't seem open to them. They just care about what exist in the present reality.

So the idea of dating someone different seems intriguing because the novelty in the relationship might seem new or exciting. It's like entering the mind of a different world through another person, but after a while, I do foresee an issue in the relationship where we might misunderstand each other a lot and miscommunicate. For me, I never understood how and why my personality formed but I can spend several weeks staying indoors, enjoy reading books, watching's shows, and writing literature. Therefore, usually intellectual ideas or creative pursuits energizes me.

When I look in the outside, everyone seems to be engaged in more outside activities and dating culture is very focused on outside activities as well. At some point, I felt like as if something was wrong with me. Was I too shy, anxious or anti-social? I don't feel any of these apply to me. I do feel a bit anxious if I'm forced to be an extrovert, but I don't think it has much to do with anxiety rather then my boundaries. Everyone has boundaries and what they can't do. Some of things I never really understood about an extrovert is when someone told me she felt really anxious being alone in her room for several hours. She always need to be outside and surrounded by people. Therefore, she is more anxious when she is forced to be alone and in her own thoughts. I don't think people realize extroverts can feel anxious too, but I suppose they haven't questioned why would they feel anxious when they always appear confident, energized and seem to appear always positive.

I do think introverts get misunderstood more but I've accepted it as a normal way of life I guess. It's not just being introvert, I don't seem to be very interested or connected to the culture. That was something I didn't understand either. I'm not very interested in prom, partying, bar life, American sports, and many western recreational activities. It's not that I never tried them or wasn't open to them. I did try some activities but I always end up favoring activities requires intense intellectual focus, creativity, and abstract thinking. It's usually activities that's considered unpopular and very individualistic. So I guess if I had to find a partner, this person have to understand my interests and need to be indoors a lot. I just haven't met someone who have the same energy wavelength. I did meet some introverts, but I felt like they weren't introverts more than really depressed and anxious people. I feel like a healthy introvert isn't someone who's depressed but excited about pursuing their own thing in their own style.

[helheimraptor]

I loved you and you did nothing - Cordell Walker x reader

Warnings; mentions of Sexual Assault, messy plot lines, yelling (well, descriptions of it)

"Why the fuck do I have to remind you that I run this shit?" Cordell shouts at me.

I turn around and hear Micki stop walking a few steps ahead of me, I see her appear at my side as she gives Cordell the same look I'm wearing.

"I wasn't aware you started 'running this shit'? When did this happen, Walker?" I ask getting in his face.

Micki stands back and watches me get into our partners face. Cordell has always treated me like it's his duty to care for me and I've hated it. I'm the same age as Micki, only a few years younger than he is. With the exception that I've known Cordell my whole life so maybe that's where his attitude comes from.

"It started when you joined my team!" Cordell shouts in my face.

"No it started when I was born! You're an asshole who can't handle anything not being in your control! Micki and I can handle this case, go back home to your daughter who I practically raised with Emily when you weren't around cause work was your priority over your own damn family!" I say starting off  surprisingly calm and I end up yelling the last few words in his face and he steps back, shocked that I went there.

"Emily always liked you more than she liked me, no wonder why," Cordell says. "I'm starting to see how you take every person I'm close to away from me."

"It's not my fault they find me more likeable!" I say as I back away to Micki who has her hand out to touch my back when I reach her.

"You're ridiculous! I can't believe it, why would you even try to take over?" Cordell asks as he starts pacing.

I look at Micki in shock that he's still going on about how us two women have taken over a case that could get Cordell thrown into jail for one wrong move. It's a sensitive case surrounding the sexual assault of a young teen and a male ranger is the last thing she wants.

"Because we're trying to protect you from ruining your life on this case!" I exclaim, my voice wavering with emotion.

"Protect me? Why? I can handle this shit!" Cordell shouts again.

"Not this shit, I don't wanna see you get thrown into jail for saying the wrong thing like you happen to do some times," I say at a normal register and try to make eye contact with Cordell as Micki starts to grab both of my shoulders.

"Why do you care?!" Cordell stops pacing and shouts at me, pointing a finger in my face.

I take a deep breath and look him in the eyes, "because I love you, you idiot!"

Cordell's face changes instantly and Micki pulls me in to give me a hug as Cordell processes what I just told him.

"Since when?" Cordell asks me.

"Since I graduated high school, you were 24," I say, my voice muffled by Micki's shoulder.

"Oh," Cordell says.

"Oh? That's all?" I ask as I back away from Micki. "I know I never fucking told you but I assumed it was kind of obvious Walker, I was head over heels for you for years, you were the perfect guy, you understood my life style, you grew up on a ranch, you were caring, kind, you were selfless for fucks sake and I wanted that for so long."

Cordell starts to tear up as he realises how much he's hurt me over the years by being so oblivious.

"I tried telling you, fuck I did tell you straight up multiple times but you brushed it off as platonic love, sibling love or whatever you called it to excuse the fact that you felt the same way after you met Emily," I explain, Micki letting this all unravel. "I was heartbroken when you married Emily but god knows I knew how much you two loved each other, so I moved on but once she died it all came flooding back, I had learnt to love her with the love I used to have for you, I learnt to love the kids with that love but now she's gone it's back."

Cordell tries to touch me but Micki stops him.

"I don't want you to get involved in this case because it happened to me Cordell, you weren't there to help because of work, Emily helped me the best she could but I needed my best friend and HE WASNT FUCKING THERE!" I cry and shout at him as he realises what he missed out on by being so obsessed with work that his own wife was helping me instead of the person who knew me better than I know myself.

Micki gets Cordell to take a few steps back to give me space.

"So yeah I'm taking the fucking lead on this, grow up," I spit and turn around and continue the case we were assigned, I feel Micki fall in step with me as she wraps an arm around my shoulders and we leave Cordell standing on the footpath reeling in what just happened.

[nevermore-the-kitsune]

Pokemon Teams for Fictional Characters pt. 2

Damian Wayne

(Also, I'm not including move sets because in my headcannon Pokemon do remember all their old moves. But humans choose to only use four)

For this AU I'm having the Wayne's own the Gotham City Gym, which specializes in Dark types. Most of the cannon events still happened. Just with a few tweaks here and there. (Dick's 20, Jason's 16, Cass is 15 Tim's 15 but younger than Cass and Damian's 13 because I love AUs where there closer in age).

Anyway here we go!

First things first in the Pokemon Universe his alias wouldn't be Robin since they don't exist. Instead I think it would be Rookidee, since thats the closest Pokemon to a Robin.

His Partner Pokemon and ace would be a Gligar

Name: Goliath

Gender: Male

Why: Gligar screams Goliath (his Batdragon) plus the coloring of his evolutions matches with Dami's Robin and Batman outfits

Story: He found Goliath while climbing a mountain for his training. At the time he was four and Goliath was a hatching. Damian ended up giving him some food, seeing that the hatching was hungry.

Grateful, the Gligar followed him hoping to return the favor.

When Damian's hand got broken on that same trip, Goliath was the one to help him finish his mission and get home safely.

Talia was impressed that Damian could tame a wild Pokemon without catching it, so she allowed him to keep him as his first Pokemon.

-----

Next he would have a Meowth

Name: Alfred

Gender: Female

Why: This one has to do with its evolution. Persian are said to only be loyal to trainers it likes and that it takes a lot to get them to like you. Their also said to be prissy and uptight. This reminded me of Damian. How it took forever for him to trust his brothers and his own snobby attitude. Thus I think it fits.

Story: After coming to live with his father Damian didn't know how to act. He saw his "brothers" and father treating their Pokemon so different than how the League did. They all trained hard. But, there was something eles: warm praise for a job well done, asking for insight on a case (they had taught their bipedal pokemon sighn language) and comfort on a bad day. His father and brothers treated their Pokemon like... people

In the League Pokemon where the lowest soldier, lower than the slaves or concubines. They trained, ate then they had to and got in their ball.

He had been a little more lenient in his training with Goliath. When asked he said that he was still a baby and he had to take things slow in this stage or he might develop too much muscle mass and be unable to fly.

He had kept him out of his ball with the excuse of developing muscle mass at a proper pace.

He liked Goliath's company. The Gligar was a good companion. But on the same level as another person?

He had expressed these thoughts to Pennyworth, the only person in the house to give him a straight answer when he needed it.

Pennyworth had explained to him that some people love to hold power over others and that Pokemon where an easy target, since they couldn't communicate their emotions as clearly as people could.

"Think of Mistress Cain. She sometimes cannot communicate with words, but we know that she's intelligent. But some people see her as less than intelligent and treat her as such because of the power it gives them."

Two weeks later Damian would come across a group of teenagers attempting to shave a Meowth. The Pokemon was little more than skin and bone and crying out on pain. So, Damian broke their fingers and shaved part of their heads for good measure.

He kept the Meowth and named her after the man who taught him about the abuse of power.

---

Next, a Poochyena

Name: Titus

Gender: Male

Why: These Pokemon and their evolution are ruthless with their pray, and only obey trainers with external skill.

Story: Raven gave Damian Titus as a gift. She said that she rescued him from an underground fighting ring (where the battles are to the death). He was still to young to battle so he didn't need much rehabilitation. The other Pokemon there though...

---

Now we have a Type Null

Name: Heretic

Gender: ???

Why: This Pokemon was created in lab, and artificial designed for the purpose of fighting, just like Damian. True I could have given him Mewtwo, but that cat seems to fit Kon more.

Story: Damian's mother had spent years creating Type: Null with the purpose of being able to kill any target. As a last test she wanted to see which of her creations was suppirrior. So she sent the Type Null out to (try and) kill her son.

Damian, with the rest of his team, beat the Pokemon but couldn't kill it. He had long since vowed to wash the blood from his hands. Instead he offered his hand to it and asked it to join him.

---

Here we have the hardest to explain... Mimikyu

Name: Habibi (I hope I spelled that right)

Gender: Female

Why: Damian is complex, he wants to be accepted and loved just like Mimikyu but dosent know how. Both try to mimic others in order to get that love, Damian his father and Mimikyu Pikachu. So I see this as Damian's spirit Pokemon in a way.

Story: He didn't know why it was so hard to fit in. Gods know he tried. But... little things confused him. Like how eveyone could understand each other without words or singhing. He had no problems with that on a battlefield, but in day to day life; it felt like he was on a separate server.

Like how Todd knew at breakfast with just a look that Drake was in a bad mood and how to help. Or how Grayson could audomadicly tell what kind of day at school the rest of them had withen a few minutes. Hell even Drake could tell what grunts ment what from father! Which ment good job, Which ment I'm glade your okay, or frustration either at them or at a case (Cass didn't surprise him, she had to learn how to communicate without words and watch body language and micro expressions).

School was no better; sometimes it was to load or bright othertimes, when everyone was doing a test, it felt to quiet. But, to much or to little, Damian was always aware of every movement, every sound. It was like the very instincts that saved his life every night where turned against him.

He turned to his nearly forgotten childhood habits to distract himself from everything around him. That only led to more whisper shouting and what even he could tell where displeased glares with a grunt of "fucking tapping" or a snap of "stop!" He knew it was disrupting but it was all be could do to drown out the noise or silence.

On one particularly bad day at school; apparently during one of their tests one of his classmates had had enough of Damian's tapping and decided to make a scene.

There was some yelling from the kid. A few cries in agreement. Before the teacher had gotten hem to settle down. He had demanded that Damian look him in the eye and when he finally did told him to stop with the tapping or else he would be sent to the office, Gym Leaders son or not.

He was the last to finish that test where he normally finished first. The silence had been to load!!

After that clusterfuck Damian finally headed home. He had texted Grayson saying that he was meeting a friend somewhere to work on a project and to not pick him up. In truth he didn't want his brother reading what kind of day he had had. He needed some time to himself.

That was how he found himself in a nearby park. It was filled with plenty of sounds that didn't suffocate him and the fall leaves where soothing to his eyes. Damian had Titus out of his ball as company, knowing that the pup loved park walks.

They had been walking for an hour when they came across a box set off just on the edge of the trail. "Free to Good Homes" was written on the side in black sharpie.

No sound was coming from inside, so he assumed that the had all been taken. Until Titus went closer sniffing at the seemingly empty box.

"Pooch Pooch"

"Hmmm... what is is it boy?" He asked as he walked closer to his Pokemon and the Box. Damian hoped he was wrong. It was cruel to leave a baby Pokemon all alone, especially since the weather was getting colder by the day.

Inside the box was in fact a lone Pokemon. At first glance it looked like a Pikachu. But something was off. It looked more like a doll than a living creature. If it wasn't for the small chirps it let out and slight way that it was shivering from the cold Damian would have written it off as a toy. No wonder it got left behind...

Damian reached down and picked up the mystery Pokemon as gently as he could.

"Come on beloved, lets go home."

He tucked the Pokemon in his jacket to warm it up before reaching for his phone to call Grayson for a ride home.

That night Damian locked himself away, even skipped patrol, and spent a sleepless night learning everything he could about his newest Pokemon.

---

That was inspired by this comic

---

Finaly, for his last spot Eevee!!

Name: Omni

Gender: Female

Why: I'm going to have all the Batfam members have an Eeveelution. This branch and the Batfam are both growing consistently. We all have our favorites but we love them all the same. So I think it fits.

Story: Everyone in the family had an Eevee or one of its evolutions. Damian's Father said that Eevee was the Wayne family symbol, it was potential, the ability to become whatever you wanted.

Though it surprised Damian that the Wayne symbol wasn't a Noibat or Noivern (Batman's ace) at first he eventually understood the logic in choosing such a Pokemon to represent the family name. That only made things harder for him being the only one not having one. Did they not truly see him as family?

On the one year anniversary of Damian arriving at The Mannor, his family through a small party. Pennyworth made his favorite foods, The Mannor was decorated in tacky streamers (Graysons' idea) and they watched some of Damian's favorite fims, their Pokemon curled up with them. His father had offered to take the day off from the gym. Until Todd suggested that Damian take on the challengers.

The Gotham gym was part of his heritage. Damian had been training for the day that he could finally help weed out the weak challengers just like his siblings sometimes did (think the battles you do before challenging a gym leader in the games).

On that day, if the challengers agreed to it, their final battle wasn't with Bruce Wayne the Dark Knight but instead his son. Most accepted thinking that it would be an easy win, that they had lucked out in not having to battle one of the stongest Gym Leaders in the League and could still get the Shadow Badge.

Those poor fools.

Damian was only allowed to use Alfred, Titus and Habibi since he used Goliath and Heretic primarily as Rookidee.

Damian fought seven trainers that day in 3v3 fights. Only two of them got the badge.

With the day overwith and the night rising, so did Gothams' protecters.

The night ended with exhausted body's and adrenaline crashes. Damian was ready to slip into a mini coma from the day he had but before he could head upstairs to The Mannor...

"Not so fast baby bat." Graysons' voice called out to him. "We got one more surprise for you."

Damian raised his eyebrow at that. What else could they do? His father came back from the locker rooms where he had been desuiting, it always took him the longest because of his "old man bones" as Todd said.

"Son," his father said "its Wayne tradition to get your first Pokemon when you turn ten years old. I missed that with you." He paused, eyes briefly shifting to the floor before they snapped back on Damian's face. "Luckily there's one tradition we didn't miss. When you've lived at The Mannor for a year or the adoption papers get finalized, I give my children this..."

He pulled a Poke'ball out of his poket and handed to Damian. "Go on son, let them out."

He did

Staring at him was his own Eevee.

---

AN: All of Damian's Pokemon (sans maybe Omni, I'm thinking of leaving her as an Eevee) will eventually evolve. Eventually.

[heavensenthearty]

I know I've said I restrain myself from doing ATLA analysis for a reason, but sometimes there are things that... rub me in the wrong way 😕 In this case it was something that I read from an user saying the problems within Maiko's relationship coming from that both Zuko and Mai were just acting like normal teenagers and therefore their relationship "wasn't abusive".

I agree that they were acting like normal teenagers; I'm not angry at Mai for being upset about being dumped, she's 15! Lots of girls her age get much angrier even at the prospect of being dumped. Independently of the circumstances of being or not being at the center of a war, she would still be 15.

It doesn't mean her relationship with Zuko was healthy tho.

I don't consider it inherently abusive. (Not intentionally, at least.) But it was toxic.

And that's not surprising either, lots of kids get into toxic relationships at that age! They haven't lived enough to understand what they want or deserve from a partner.

Now, what are the evidences of toxicity?

Mai shut Zuko down when he was trying with communicate with her.

She rejected his thoughtful gestures.

She reminded him of the horrifying act that left him permanently disfigured.

It's not that she's an inherently bad person, it's just that she a) can't relate to Zuko's trauma, b) really isn't interested in seashells, c) still can't relate to Zuko's trauma.

How could she; she's not emotionally mature enough, she's fifteen!

And Zuko wasn't exactly an angel either, he had his angry outbursts.

He literally humiliated Mai in front of a party full of people.

And he closed himself off from her.

He had his reasons to act this way but those reasons don't necessarily excuse his behavior, at least not enough to show his face in front of Mai. Like, ever again.

She might not be a tortured soul, but she has feelings. He. Hurt. Her.

And lots of 16-yo boys do this to their first girlfriends. Once in my high school junior year, the guy that had a crush on me decided that it was appropriate to tell me maybe my father never even wanted me after I told him he actually arrived 10 hours late to the hospital on my birth day.

Teenagers are complicated beings, they are still figuring themselves and the rest of the world out. And whatever tiny tidbits Mai and Zuko had discovered about themselves, they pushed them apart more than what they pushed them together.

Mai: Zuko, what is wrong with you?

Zuko: What's wrong with me?

Mai: Your temper is out of control. You blow up over every little thing. You're so impatient and hotheaded and angry!

Zuko: Well, at least I feel something, as opposed to you. You have no passion for anything! You're just a big blah!

This is their actual dialogue. This is them textually, frankly, straightforwardly, out loud saying that they have nothing in common.

And guess what, lots of teenage couples have nothing in common either. That's why they break up. That's why they decide to remain friends. (Friends for whom they would make sacrifices by the way 😒) That's why they move on to someone else who hopefully is more willing to communicate in a leveled tone and without highlighting all of their flaws, and if they don't, then they move on yet again.

The worst part of Maiko is that none of the emotional damage they are causing to each other is intentional, it's just who they are. Zuko is insecure, Mai is fatalistic; why torture them so much by pushing them together?

Sure, they love each other, but 👏🏽they👏🏽 are 👏🏽not 👏🏽compatible👏🏽.

Mai doesn't want to be a shoulder to cry on. Zuko needs a shoulder to cry on. Seriously, the most tragic part of the series is not that they are teenagers stuck at the center of a war; is that they are teenagers stuck in the destructive, vicious cycle of toxic relationships — which will eventually ruin their friendship 😒.

[mephew-j]

okay now I'm curious about all the Pokemon headcanon stuff you got 👀

Oh, dear.

Right. Didn´t think anyone would be interested. Thought this was just another story for myself.

But I´ll gladly tell ya what my brain got up with so far (and what my time allows me to write - I´m not done yet!). =)

Also sorry for taking so long but I have been chipping away each evening after work as I wanted to give a proper answer. But then I received my second Covid-vaccination on Monday and I didn´t take it too well and felt horrible on Tuesday. But I´m good again. =)

Ok, so it´s literally a persona AU in the Pokemon world which doesn´t have a name - yet at least - located in a new region due to me wanting to have Pokemon that don´t all exist in the same region.

So there´s the ME! Persona – a human girl/woman who moved to a more rural part of the region with her mother when she was younger when her parents decided to split up.

There she went to a normal grammar school and made a small amount of friends while her mother found an office job at the local breeder´s facility that provides the professor of this region – Dr. Primrose – with starters. And like literally every other child she was fascinated by Pokemon and dreamt about becoming a Pokemon trainer after school. Really basic stuff this far.

But when her friends and her graduated she found herself doubting to be ripe to becoming a trainer at the age of 10. She simply didn´t feel ready to be on her own yet.

So as her friends left to become trainers she stood behind alone.

Her mother told her not to worry too much and to proceed school instead giving her an advantage over the others her age one day. And so she did.

She attended and finished high school and the idea of becoming a trainer had taken a backseat in her life.

When she was asked what she wanted to do now that school was officially over she found herself quite clueless and decided on taking a few internships – at the local Pokemon store, the post office, etc. but nothing really seemed fitting.

One day her mother asked her whether she´d want to give the Pokemon breeder facility a try. She agreed and took another internship there.

After just a week in it was clear that she would do an apprenticeship there to become a “Pokemon nursing assistant”. In these three years of practical and scholar education she didn´t just learn the profession but also grew as a person and got her driver´s licence.

Mostly she got educated by the Pokemon working there as it had always been easier for her to work/communicate with them than with other humans. But her human colleagues took great care of her, too, of course:

There was the leader of the facility – an elderly woman in her mid-50s who had once been a trainer herself - her Machamp, Blaziken, Sceptile, Swampert, Kangaskhan, Chansey and a hand-full of employees along with a few other Pokemon that were rather deemed unfit as starters or simply decided to stay, who did a great job at breeding, hatching and raising starters and orphaned Pokemon.

Especially one Treeko had become fond of her and was usually the one who took her by the hand.

Nearly at the end of her apprenticeship the facility leader took her to the side and asked her to consider becoming a trainer after all as she would have “just the right stuff” to be a considerably good one.

Again Me! hesitated for a while until she decided to give it a try this time. She packed her things and when she went to the breeder facility to say Goodbye the previously mentioned Treeko quickly fetched his Pokeball. He stood in front of her waiting for her to kneel. Surprised she followed the invitation and when she had reached his level the Treeko placed the ball into her hands and gave her an asserted look. She reciprocated with a smile and nodded.

The Pokemon:

-Treeko/Grovyle/Sceptile: A male Treeko who was bred and born as one of the first ones in the breeder facility and was later handed to Dr. Primrose along with other starters to be picked by young trainers at the start of their journeys.

Unfortunately, though he was deemed unfit as a starter after several children had called Dr. Primrose shortly after they had chosen him as their partner and told her that they simply couldn´t handle him; he wouldn´t listen to a word they said or that he would be overall renitent.

Dr. Primrose had taken him back every time to give it a new try but decided to send him back to the breeder facility in the end. “No Pokemon can be forced to be a trainer´s Pokemon.”

The facility took him back and let him help there which he did.

Several years passed until one day a young woman showed up and started her internship at the facility. She seemed lost and shy like a Pokemon that had just hatched so the Treeko was quick to take pity on her. The pity then grew into fondness and when it was clear the now graduated trainee would start her own journey he rushed into the warehouse, grabbed his Pokeball and handed it over to her.

He had decided to be her starter.

The Treeko/Grovyle/Sceptile in my AU has a much higher age than a normal starter would have and more knowledge of life. Sometimes his behaviour will come close to that of a parent. His level also had been a little higher due to occasional fun-fights between him and some other Pokemon at the facility. It´s no wonder that he also had been the first one of the team to evolve closely followed by Yamask/Cofagrigus.

- Yamask/Cofagrigus: Me! and Treeko encountered him as they crossed a small deserted and desolate part of the region mostly inhabited by poison and ghost types just a few days from their hometown.

The Yamask seemed to be alone and hid badly behind the little that was there to hide behind as the two travellers took a quick break and meal. As it wasn´t hard to spot the ghost in his concealment Me! prepared a third meal and cautiously shoved it over the hiding Pokemon who took the food gratefully after inspecting it thoroughly.

When the two went on their way the Yamask must have followed them as they spotted him again when they erected their night quarters many hours later and quite far away from the bleak land.

´Weird, especially ghost Pokemon usually act in groups. Why is this one alone?´ Me! thought as she prepared another extra dish for the unusual guest before going to sleep.

In the course of the night Me! woke up again and again only to find the Yamask having come a little closer every time she opened her eyes until he had found his place right next to her and her Treeko on her camping mat by dawn.

So the next morning it had been clear to Me! that they´d have a new team member and as Treeko didn´t seem to mind the the new Pokemon in any negative way either Me! caught the Yamask.

Me! considered the Yamask could have only been a few weeks old as it didn´t act like a ghost type at all – sure every ghost Pokemon had their own personality but they were usually inclined to show certain character traits such as enjoying the one or the other prank or scare on their fellow Pokemon or even trainer – but this one acted more like it had just hatched. She had seen it several times before after all. This assumption had been confirmed in the next Pokemon Centre.

Yamask was a very timid, shy and overall scared Pokemon who would have always hid behind his trainer and would have always searched for shelter and warmth usually sleeping in Me!´s arms and thus in the middle of Me! and Treeko.

Me! never forced him to fight and in the beginning he didn´t seem too keen on doing so anyway. But the more he watched other Pokemon fight the more he seemed to want to try it on his own because one day – a fellow Pokemon trainer had challenged Me! – he simply hopped in front of Treeko and asserted himself. Treeko took a few steps back and gave him the opportunity. Yamask lost the fight horribly and when Treeko took over he evolved.

Spurred on by that event he tried to fight again and again and lost several times. Whenever he went K.O. he´d always watch Grovyle fight and tried to learn from him as best he could.

Until one day he won. From that they on he insisted on fighting all the more and as he actually won his fights now Grovyle barely had to take over.

When he evolved though he was overwhelmed and had a hard time coping with his new form. Other Pokemon – especially smaller ones – suddenly were scared of him and other trainers that had called his prior form “cute” were now frightened as well. He smiled at them but that only made it worse. He was barely able to move around let alone fight and what was he supposed to do with these appendages? He was especially upset that the couldn´t sleep in his trainer’s arms anymore.

The little self-confidence he had been able to built up through fights was blown away.

Me! hit a countless amount of books trying to help her Pokemon and while she could help him with some problems several other were left untouched.

Luckily though the team met another trainer soon after who had a fully grown/asserted Cofagrigus. The trainer and their Cofagrigus gladly helped and things turned better quickly allowing Me!´ Cofagrigus to move around properly and even fight again.

Me!´s Cofagrigus had never been one of the stronger Pokemon but he always tried his best and at some point his high level alone gave him an advantage.

Through all of the story Cofagrigus´ character barely changed; he had always been a timid and friendly Pokemon searching for his trainer´s affection and proximity seeing her as his mother. Though he had grown as a person being more self-confident (especially in fights) and self-aware having learnt that ghost-types were quick on inclining fear on others. The latter he would only “abuse” when things actually got dicey.

He would oftenly search for his trainer´s hand to hold while they were walking.

Me! had the idea to try and learn and teach Cofagrigus sign language as she had seen and read several documentations and articles about people teaching Pokemon this language. And a Pokemon with hands – how handy was that?

Me! sleeps in a sleeping bag on Cofagrigus whenever they are out in the wild with a ghost hand carefully placed on her shoulder. She would never admit that this causes her sacroiliac pain sometimes though.

- Ralts/Kirlia/Gardevoir: Male

- Sizzlipede/Centiskorch: Female

- Darkrai:

- Honedge/Doublade/Aegislash: Male

The other characters:

- (Name) and her Gastly/Haunter/Gengar “Na-na”: (Name) had never had a very close relationship with any of the family members as she had always been the odd one out even as she was little. Her grandmother – she fondly called “Na-na” - was the only exception as she also had been one to fall out the line.

Her grandmother had always used to tell her stories, myths and legends from all around the globe as she had been travelling as a young Pokemon trainer herself. (Name) had always loved these stories and her grandmother´s presence especially as she had always been the one to encourage her on whatever she did.

“I wanna be a Pokemon trainer just like Nana!” she once exclaimed in front of her entire family at a party. Her whole family immediately turned on her grandmother and accused her of planting stupid ideas in the little child´s mind. It wasn´t common to train Pokemon in this family but to get a good graduation and a well-paying job instead.

From that day on she was forbidden to see her grandmother. Though that didn´t stop any of the two to still be in contact; they wrote little messages and attached them onto “Nana”´s Murkrow to deliver the messages, whenever a lesson would have been omitted she would speed to her grandmother´s house to at least see her a few minutes, etc.

One day though no new message had arrived. Nor had any followed the next day.

She kneeled to her parents and pleaded to drive to her grandmother´s house and after a few hours they agreed and drove there. But when no one opened her parent´s started to worry as well and called the police.

…

A few days later was the funeral. (Name) had only been 7 years old and had lost the only person who she truly cared for and she didn´t cope with it well throwing temper tantrums, hitting other children in school, hitting even her parents.

They didn´t know what to do so they sent her to a children-psychologist with little effect.

One night when she had been lying awake again she had decided to go to the graveyard – she needed someone to talk, she needed her grandmother.

When she arrived at her grandmother´s tombstone she couldn´t keep it in any longer and yielded in crying.

Startled by the sound a Gastly flew up from behind the tombstone and paused in mid-air looking at the child below it. (Name) has had raised her eyes by now and looked at the Ghastly with big eyes.

She immediately remembered one of her grandmother´s stories in which a young couple had a baby but the mother died in childbed fever. When the husband and the baby visited the mother´s grave one night a ghost emerged from it and they were together again.

It had only been a legend from another region her grandmother had told her once but for (Name) it had been very real at this moment.

“Na-na” she had whispered and the Ghastly had come closer circling (Name) curiously.

To (Name) that had been an acknowledgement she was seeing her grandmother again.

From that day on she had been visiting the graveyard every night, so very happy to her grandmother again and talk to her and the Ghastly would await her arrival.

The psychologist had been assuming she would have made her grandmother up as some sort of imaginary friend as some children would do. Telling this her parent´s they were very relieved.

Until one morning a Ghastly came hovering down the stairs next to their daughter. The parents immediately panicked and yanked their daughter away from the Pokemon but when (Name) cried out “No! Leave Na-na alone!” they halted and called their daughter´s psychologist.

He advised them to better leave the Pokemon with their daughter as it did her extremely well and they complied unwillingly.

Why- of all Pokemon out there – did it have to be a ghost/poison type, wouldn´t have a Meowth or a Cleffa done too?

Name and Ghastly would have gone everywhere together from now on if others approved of it or not.

When (Name) had been old enough she started her own journey without her parent´s consent yet still they had known they couldn´t have kept her from going – she had been taken too much after her grandmother.

The two have been travelling the region from then on together knowing they can always rely on each other as many situations have already proven.

Of course (Name) has realized Na-na is not her actual grandmother long ago.

Na-na is female.

Institutions:

- The PSO (The Pokemon Safety Orgnaisation)

[celestiteflowers]

[Taikyoku Denki] Analysis of Fuduki Kai (part 1)

As on the title, here are my theories, thoughts and feelings about Taikyoku! Kai in this stage 10. Details are below:

1. Personality

Kai first appeared in the scene when the children returned, while everyone was skeptical and scared of Kakeru, Kai did not hesitate to sit at the same table and introduced himself to him.

Kai first appeared in the scene when the children returned, while everyone was skeptical and scared of Kakeru, Kai did not hesitate to sit at the same table and introduced himself to him.

Since Kai also has a huge passion for food, the blond gokuzaku was attracted to him and the two of them quickly became friends. After that, they happily sang the duet "I'm so hungry". Although Iku knew that Kakeru was not an enemy, he couldn't help but worry and scold his seniors "Why are you so easy to trust people ?!"

Kai is a typical "straight forward" type. He won't scare to tell his opinion no matter who the opponent is and it makes him became the only one who has done things that no one has dared to do before! For example, he dared to tease the grumpy higher demon (Haru) and did not hesitate to scold Hajime when he saw the patriarch's son pretending to be tough. He is also the only human who does not hesitate to say that the "king" of the gokuzaku- Shun "lives up to his title".

Accompanying that righteousness is the virtue of responsibility and loyalty since Kai is one of Hajime's two "guardians". Kai always tries to ensure the purple-head man safety at all times, although he doesn't as strong as him. Even when both of them were seriously injured, Kai tried to drag himself as a shield for the person he considered a "younger brother", he ignored his wound, told everybody not to worry about him, and took care of Hajime instead. He was indignant and remorseful about his worthlessness when the person he had vowed to protect was wounded, even though it was not his fault. Nothing was foreseen on the battlefield and at that time, Kai had to deal with some higher demons too so he couldn’t support Hajime. Furthermore, just as Hajime said, he has to take responsibility for himself, not Kai.

2. Strength

People will say that Kai is the type of character that specializes in causing laughs and does not know how to put forth his strength as the supporting character due to his humorous debut and other "recklessly" actions, right? Although Kai is a funny and somewhat bold person, he definitely not a weak minor character. Moreover, Kai is not only a protagonist, he is also so strong that even gokuzaku must be wary of him.

[Hajime: If you want to go out during the full moon then at least ask me or Kai to come along.]

Hajime is the "yang" of the world, someone with innate superior strength said not just himself or someone else? That's right, Hajime admitted that apart from himself -the strongest human- only Kai could beat gokuzaku and this also implied that he was the second strongest man of the mankind. That is the reason why I believe that Hajime trusted Kai's abilities to let him do the probe Kakeru task. Because even though the blond was introduced by the children, they have never seen a higher demon that is not intended to harm them before. Hence, Hajime needed to make sure that Kakeru didn’t fool them.

After Shun, Arata, and Kakeru introduced themselves, showing that they weren't as brutal as the other higher demons. However, If Kai was surprised at them by 1, Shun must have amazed him by 100.

[Kai: You guys are indeed different, I have encountered a few gokuzaku before and only their presence were scary enough.

Shun: Oh a human that had confronted with the higher deamons before and can still standing at this place to chat now. I don't know whether to call you very lucky or skilled]

The White Demon Lord, who has lived for over 3000 years, must have witnessed many things but when Shun heard about Kai's battle experience, he couldn’t help but opened his eyes widely. If the one who told Shun the tales was Hajime then everything could be explained immediately (the “yang” of the world), yet the person standing in front of him was just an ordinary young warrior. Kai was not only defeating a low-level demon, but also had smashed some of the highest-level demons and returned undamaged and this unprecedented feat stunned the White Demon Lord. Thus, If the higher demons reach a specific standard, they can endure Hajime’s yang energy and also want to be closed to it, like the gokuzakus in our party. Shun is the strongest of the strong in all of the higher demons and he chose Kai to be his contract partner. Besides the interested in Kai of Shun, I believe that Kai is also have enormous “yang” energy too and it attracted the latter.

When Kai and Hajime are chased by Doutaku’s party at the first time, Haru surprised "Are these two humans ?!" And You must also uttered the same sentence to Kai as he struggled with the latter attacks. Kai is not only can slash the gokuzaku like slashing mud, but also use his bare hands to lift it and slam them to the ground. When Kai said he had encountered the gokuzaku before and won, he wasn’t lying to show off. It is simply the obvious fact.

You can see that Kai is still very young right now, which means that the first time he fights gokuzaku he was even younger. Assuming the ages of the human characters in this stage are taken to be the same as the originals, Taikyoku Denki was released in AGF 2016 so Kai is 21 years old which means he was already able to defeat gokuzaku in his adolescence. After many years of practice, Kai came up with a method how to defeat the higher demons and he passed on to his juniors.

[Kai: No matter how strong and fast the gokuzaku is, there will be a time when they are within our reach. Just calmly and patiently waiting for that pivotal moment, we can do the counterattack]

Kakeru couldn’t help but sweated while Koi and Iku reported about Kai's teachings. Hence, the blond told Rui “Scary, they're even scarier than the gokuzaku I've met before."

That is not a complicate tactic and it seems very simple at first glance, but not everyone can do it. Don't forget that gokuzaku is at the top of the food chain, and humans are at the bottom. So it was understandable for Kakeru to be horrified when hearing a human could say lightly about how to kill gokuzaku.

After the peace returned, Kai made a contract with Shun and accepted the "Must play with me every day" condition of him. The word "play" of the White Demon King certainly cannot be normal and it was shown in the sentence said by You "Isn't that very difficult to fulfill?". Shun used to be bored so he slept all day, now he stays awake all days and live happily. Thus, there is no sign of "boredom" on Shun’s face so he definitely having lots of fun with Kai and the latter was not only survived but also found the joy in it!

3. Conclusion

Kai is the second strongest warrior of humanity is undeniable, but he is not arrogant because of it. We can see that Kai is also a person has a wide heart like the sea and his personality just like the sunshine. He happily played with the kids and was even able to make friends with the gokuzaku. So it is not difficult to explain why everyone around like him.

*Note: the part 2 is about some of highlight and funny moments scenes of Kai~

https://celestiteflowers.tumblr.com/post/640922973979770880/taikyoku-denki-analysis-of-fuduki-kai-part

[popculturebuffet]

*Goofy and Launchpad are hanging a banner*

Banner: CONGRADULATIONS SENIOR WOODCHUCK VIOLET!

Huey: Excellent work guys.. and it only took three hours, four broken lamps.. several jabs in the eyes.. some bloodloss but you did it.

Dewey and Louie: (Walk in)

Louie: So what's all this?

Huey: A party for violet.. I thought she deserved a celebration.. I mean her parents took her out after but you can't get enough and I got one even though I turned it down because I did a terrible thing to try and get it.

Della: And i'm proud of you sweetie... (Has been there thewhole time with boyd, both in uniform)

Huey: I also thought I should bring some of our fellow woodchucks.. but most were small children and our house is a deathtrap on a normal day so for obvious reasons I invited the nigh indescrutable robot who my best friend can repair and my mom who lives here. I mean mom still counts. She's also going to try and start corunning meetings since .. how do I put this nicely.

Della: Launchpad your a terrible Chuckleader

Launchpad: Entirely accurate. And you look hot in that uniform

Della: Also entirely accurate. And while throwing a party for the person who defeated you in compettition isn't MY style, I prefer to sulk and swear vengance, I am PROUD of you for being the bigger duck. Metaphorically she's not a duck and her hair gives her a slight advantage.

Boyd: I"m just happy to be invited. As was my brother.

Louie: HUEY NO HUEY WHY HUEY WHY

Huey: "A woodchuck always invites another woodchuck"..though thankfully the guidebook also says "A woodchuck always obeys restraining orders" so the most he can do is creepily lurk outside.

Doofus:(Breathing heavily and creepily into the closest window from outside)

Louie: Eugh... but we're not going outside for this? Please say no.

Huey: We were but for obvious reasons I cancled the outside portion. I also laid out the solicitor traps with picutres of goldie so HOPEFULLy he'll evnetually end up in one of those. Your my brother, I take your eneimies as seriously as I do my oath as a junior woodchuck. Plus he scares me too.

BOYD: Oh he's not so bad. He stopped holding a knife to my throat while I was powered down after mama and poppa told him to only three times!

Webby: (Riding in on a cartload of snacks and books ) I got the suplies for your party! Almonds like she likes, some salmon and some light reading. You are such a good friend.

Louie: Sure that's ALLL he wants to be.

Huey: (panicked) yeah of COURSE I do... why would you say that?

Dewey: Ohhh Huey's got a girlfriend, huey's got a girlfriend, come on eveyrbody!

Dewey and Della: Huey's got a girlfriend, huey's got a girlfriend!

Boyd: HUEY"S GOT A PARTNER TO SHARE HIS HOPES AND DREAMS WITH MOCKING TONE

Dewey: Your learning buddy

Boyd: We have never met before.

Dewey: We haven't have we? ... why haven't we? I always wanted a robot buddy to laugh at my jokes and do wacky hyjinks with.

Boyd: And I always wanted a third friend!

Della: Sorry son force of habit.

Huey: I do not like violet.. just because she's pretty.. and smarter than me.. and she smells nice.. which I only know because she flew me out of danger after I didn't do the same in a moment of weakness... and she's also awwkawrd with people... and fine I do.

Webby: EHHHH MY BROTHER LIKES MY BEST FRIEND... I'M SO HAPPY RIGHT NOW. WE NEED A PLAN.

Huey: I have one it's called be nice and hope she notices.

Della: Oh baby child no. You have to actually make a move. Don't be like your uncle donald

Donald: (Burts in from the back) Stop telling the boys that! I mean it's probably true but it hurts.

Della: I was telling dewey to actually MAKE a move and not just wait for her to notice.

Donald: Oh... then your mother is absolutley right.

Huey: You taught me that!

Donald: And I was very wrong and i'm very much alone and i'll probably die alone aside from you guys. I'm okay with that.

Della: Okay i'm going to put a pin in that because your going to die alone over my dead body.

Donald: We talked scrooge out of us sharing a casket though.

Della: Again pin my baby needs me, Huey just be honest, be yourself... and just don't corner her.. just ask her nicely to go to a movie, or a library or an abandoned condo built on an native american buiral ground.

Webby: Thanks again for the date spot suggestion by the way. Lena loved it.

Della: your welcome. I have enoguh mom for all of you.. includingt he tiny robot and the grown man who misses his child.

Goofy: Awwww...

Louie: Wait why IS goofy here?

Donald: He's rooming with me. I still had the spare room and he has empty nest.. plus he needs a new house after the old one burned down.

Goofy: It's just like college!

Huey: But I"m.. scared okay? besides her being objectivley better than me, I had BOYD run the satstics.

BOYD: But your still great.

Huey: Thank you, what if she dosen't want that or dosen't feel that way?

Louie: Then you'll be awkard around each other for a while.. you were going to be ANYWAY if you don't tell her and either way the awkward goes away. You got this man. She's a nerd, your a nerd, your all nerds.

Launchpad: (Happily) hey!

Louie: You got this. We're all in your corner.

Doofus: (from outside still) Even me... though if you fail i'm going for that.

Webby: (cheerfully) If you even THINK about hitting on my best friend again I will hunt you down to the ends of the earth and bury you where no will ever find you.

Doofus: Ohhhh I won't.. your much more intresting.

Webby: Ewwwww.. I have a girlfriend. Also your objectivley disgusting in every way shape or form.

Doofus: Well I (gun cocks) Am being threatned by your help. Good day to you. (Runs off)

Louie: MRs. b, did you ever know that your my hero?

Beakly: (beams proudly and then goes back to her gardening)

Dewey: Louie's right, while I will mock you constnatly you got this. Plus you got her best friend in her corner.

Webby: Yeah.. though if you ever hurt her i'll do to you what i'll probably have to do to doofus one day

Huey: That is entirely fair and I will accept my death without a struggle.

Webby: See you are good boyfriend material!

Huey: Though I doubt I mean she couldn't possibly...

MEANWHILE: not far from the house, Lena and Violet are walking

Violet: Feel the same way. I mean... for one your around.

Lena: I appricate the compliment but i'm dating his sister. And i'm also VERY gay. Like our dad's gay. Like huey's mom is turbo bi.

Violet: Yes i've read the "Bi as explitive" t-shirt she wore when we first met her. But besides a lack of better options why me? I'm stilted, I do not get people, and until a few months ago my only friend was learning.

Lena: Take out stilted and you just described him too. Your similar enough to really click but just diffrent enough it won't get boring.

Violet: But you nad webby

Lena: Are opposites. Yes this is true. But it's not ALL relationships. Sometimes you date someone just like you, sometimes you don't.. I mean our dad's aren't exactly the same either, but their amazing. And so are you. I may not belivie in most people, But I belivie in you. (they arrive at the gates, violet has been in uniform naturally) Now get in there and get that nerd, Nerd.

Violet: (has been tearing up slightly and hugs her sister) You are the best sibling I never asked for.

Lena: (Hugs her back) right back atcha

(Inside)

Dewey: (holding a cake shaped like violet's head and eating it directly with his mouth) I got the cake

Huey: This isa why I set up a decoy.. three of htem.

(Della and launchpad are also holding hteir own cakes)

Della: But i'd never...

Huey: You would if this wasn't so important to me, so I feel your behavior deserves to be rewarded. Now if you'll excuse me I need to hide my emotions. (Waves hand over face.. and still looks like a nervous mess) There no one will notice

Louie: Huey she's a nerd not blind. Look man, your amazing, you are a catch.. I mean not at our age or even in highschool but eventually scrooge will die and you'll be richer because you'll probably invent something that makes you rich before that. As I said just go for it man, just find an opportunity and cease it.. we're all backing you up. And if it fails, we'll be there to pick you up. Now go get that nerd.

Huey: Right.. i'm just going to pen the door and

Duckworth: Masters violet and lena... (Leads them into the foyer) Also nicely done.. and thank you for asking my permission though in the future as long as your uncle is uninvolved you need only give me a heads up so he can hide from it.

Huey: Thank you duckworth.. ahme... ta-da!

Violet: (blushes) It's wonderful... and is that a bookshelf? And.. is that terry pratchetts complete works? And a cake shaped like my head.. may I?

Huey: (Hands her a knife)

Violet: (Cuts in) And it's an exact repleica of my interior cranimum. I knew you wanted those x-rays for a reason b esides curosity you rascal

Huey: (Blushes) I uh.. thanks

Violet: (Blushes bakc) Uh any time)

Della: Awwww

Huey: Hey violet I was uh wondering,, I uh..

Violet: ... okay so he does feel the same wya tha'ts a relief. You were right Lena

Huey: Wait what?

Louie: You had to give her the pep talk too huh?

Lena: Yup.. I mean she is usuually confident

Louie: Not so true here...

Dewey: I"m fine with that.. it's what makes him loveable.. that and it means i'm not 100% teh donald

Della: Nah you got too much of my genetics for that.

Huey: Okay I can handle this okay..

Violet: Oh god you really aren't intrested

Huey: No I am I am but why me? I"m not even a senior woodchuck.

Violet: no but when given the easy out you didn't take it, you took the honorable path. YOu also are smart, adorable, and do not mind the fact I speak more roboticaly than our actual robot friend.

BOYD: 4 friends!

Huey: An dyou.. dont' seem bothered that I kinda sorta a little am nervous.

Violet: If you mean extremley yes but I find it cute.

Huey: I.. uh (Blushes0 uhhhhh... youralsobrillantandcuteandIlikeyourhairandthewayyousmellandIknowthat'sweirdbutIwasupwindofyousoicouldn'thelpitandiwnattobeyourboyfriendeventually

Louie:Wow just.. wow.. I mean I expected it to be bad but that is art

Violet: I accept (Smooches his cheek) Now let's dig into my head shall we? I call frontal lobe

Lena: I want a large portion of skull

Webby: I get the eyes.

(The two nerds hold hands and head for the cake)

FIN

[aoiaoimm]

Iwaizumi Hajime & Oikawa Tooru: character- couple analysis: who wore the galaxies, who lightened up the stars?

• Written by me.

• Personal thoughts.

• Ao3 link here

"What I am saying then is just because you don’t know how you manage to be conscious, how you manage to grow and shape your body, doesn’t mean that you’re not doing it. Equally, if you don’t know how the universe shines the stars, constellates the constellations, or galactifies the galaxies – you don’t know but that doesn’t mean that you aren’t doing it just the same way as you are breathing without knowing how you breathe."

----Alan Watts from the book The Essence of Alan Watts Vol. 4: Death (1975)

---------------

On Facebook, there is a topic that came up like this: Can you guys try to list out how many rival pairs are there in Haikyuu?

Someone suggested Hinata and Kageyama. Others said it’s obviously like the relationship between Nekoma and Karasuno, or the equal of Nishinoya and Yaku's abilities. Speaking of the barrier, there's Aone, there's Tendou, there's Matsukawa. Although a bit skewed, there are people who think that this is Bokuto, Kuroo.

At that time, I thought like this: You know, Iwaizumi and Oikawa are also rivals.

The beginning of their story begins with a few small images: Oikawa with the passion for volleyball from an early age, and Iwaizumi who was drawn to his fanciful hobby even when his full attention had been put into the racquet he used to catch insects and forests. Starting from that prologue, Oikawa Tooru's world only had volleyball, and Iwaizumi Hajime's world only had Oikawa Tooru. Although I was very hesitant in writing all the above, but I don’t think that is wrong. If everyone has carefully watched the anime and even read the manga, people will see almost any frame, when Furudate-sensei describes Oikawa's growth, Iwaizumi is always there for him. Supporting him, looking at him, staying behind him. Never once did Iwaizumi exploit anything other than volleyball and Oikawa, perhaps the world for Iwaizumi is just Oikawa, to go to school in the morning, to study, play volleyball together. Perhaps not just a friend, Iwaizumi to Oikawa is a quiet walk after a late workout, a light from a window in a dark night, a clenched fist that adds more warmth. Surely, even when Iwaizumi was just a child, his thoughts were like this: He is simple-minded, he is very stubborn, a crybaby, and he doesn’t know how to take care of himself. I have to look after him, I have to be here. I should be the support he needs, I should take care of him.

Because Iwaizumi Hajime has always been like this: hot-tempered but easy-going, grumpy but firm with his own gentle tenderness. He doesn't ask for anything, because maybe for Iwaizumi, just as long as Oikawa is okay, he is fine either. Oikawa is his best friend, the person he cares about the most, rather than the fact that he didn't start with a love for volleyball like Oikawa, more than an insect cage and racket. Iwa-chan, Iwa-chan, look, this serve is great, let's play volleyball. It’s okay, Oikawa. I choose you.

And then what?

Oikawa collapses in front of him, doesn’t even have even a bit of joy for playing volleyball. This is not just a painful pain for Oikawa, but it is snatching what Iwaizumi wants most- which he has always tried hard to collect and preserve- and shatter to pieces. Iwaizumi was there when Oikawa started his passion for volleyball and watched the way it sprouted around him, unable to stop Oikawa from his own guilt. Iwaizumi was there when they entered the middle school together, became captain and ace, and lost at the hands of Shiratorizawa. Yet it's still not that he can save Oikawa from that painful black hole in the end, until Oikawa explodes in front of him, until Iwaizumi almost couldn’t stop from gung further, before he can do anything with the younger setter that year.

On many forums, websites, media types, in fact, there are many people who have different opinions: think about it, Iwaizumi can choose a softer and less violent way to wake Oikawa up isn't it? Why does he always have to be so violent like that? Are they really friends? They're teammates, aren't they?

The answer is: only because they’re teammates, that they can treat each other as so.

Because they’re friends, Iwaizumi can bring all the anger in him down on Oikawa with a hit on the head. Listen carefully, the sounds from the invisible story page, the sounds that literary minds bring you. The frown on Iwaizumi's face, the way his fists tighten around Oikawa's collar before he gives him a bump on the forehead, they're saying it too.

If they were a normal friends, would it be possible to one of them to immediately hit the other person? If they were only normal friends, would you not hesitate, not be afraid of anything, not feel upset and do something like that?

I'm not promoting violence, I'm trying to understand the emotions that are cornered into muscular movement, in a person who has always been familiar with the watching position, with the role of a supporter.

The blow that Iwaizumi gave to Oikawa, is exactly the same as the punch Oikawa was almost swung towards Kageyama without thinking. If Iwaizumi wasn’t there, what would happen after? But of course, we have no chance to discuss that subject, because Iwaizumi was there, sliding right where he needed to be as if the universe was always, always watching them. Certainly a part of him wanted to scream: look! Feel it! This is what you intend to do with Kageyama! Think it through, what are you thinking? You are a fool! You really have no cure!

But he didn’t. Instead, he said:

“Among us, no one has the ability to win against Ushiwaka in a one-on-one match. But damn, volleyball has six people on the court and that must have a reason! Even if the person on the other side of the net is a first-year genius or Ushiwaka, six who are stronger are stronger!”

Maybe that's what Oikawa wants to hear the most. Perhaps Oikawa doesn't want to hear people call him the best setter, doesn't want to hear people praise him anymore. Perhaps what Oikawa wants is someone to come over and tell him that no one can win against Ushijima alone, that he has already tried his best, that he doesn't need to worry anymore, just rest. Now it's everyone's turn. The people on the same side of the net are all his allies, Oikawa had Kitagawa Daiichi by then, just that he didn't realize they were what he needed until Iwaizumi told him that. He had been rolling around in those hellish years, hurting himself, pressing himself on the involuntary burden like Atlas with the eternal punishment of carrying the earth on his shoulders. Oikawa has never wondered then, what about the other thing?

The joy he craved when playing volleyball.

"Suddenly, I feel invincible."

Feeling that there's nothing that could win over him right then, it's because Oikawa Tooru suddenly realized he was with such a person.

Instead of advising Oikawa Tooru to remove the burden of this planet from his shoulders, Iwaizumi Hajime suggested them to do it together until they couldn't anymore, until the world crumbled on their shoulders.

Instead of smooth and sad goodbye words, Iwaizumi Hajime said that you are the partner I can boast, an excellent setter. No matter which team you join, that fact will never change.

You know, Iwaizumi Hajime is a guy with a lot of "didn't", with a lot of "instead", only for Oikawa Tooru.

Oikawa Tooru is a proud and arrogant jerk, enjoying jokes and compliments about himself. Think, when you are being called "excellent setter", what kind of face would you have? In each match, when you look at the opponent, what kind of face would you have? A smirk, probably. Brown eyes quickly become sharp but a little arrogant, it's also right to say that Oikawa Tooru is a complacent, but it is not wrong to think that he knows his ability, aware of what he is, what he should do to keep it up, how he is better than others, how people look up on him.

However, after watching the anime, I felt like the kind of looks Oikawa gave Iwaizumi when he finished their challenge, was something stranger. I mean, Oikawa has been praised a thousand times before, right? Surely he must not be too surprised anymore? Yet he is. The pupils opened their eyes wide with every single of Iwaizumi's words, he probably couldn't believe this was the person three years ago who slammed his forehead into Oikawa’s face. When Iwaizumi ends his impromptu speech and Oikawa turns around to face Iwaizumi, there is a kind of emotion in his eyes that is usually not there when Oikawa receives a compliment. It is called warmth. It is called pride. It is called a tender emotion, the noble respect between two friends that not everyone can have, when both find themselves stopping by the familiar park, under the moonlight.

"..... But when we confront each other, I will definitely defeat you"

“I have no intention of losing either."

For everyone, this is simply Iwaizumi's fight with Oikawa, or a hint about what will happen in the future, for example, that they will meet again even if they choose two different schools. For me, this is Iwaizumi's last respect for Oikawa when their high school volleyball career is over, as the two prepare to turn to a new chapter of their lives without the other person.

Do you know? Considering someone as a peer competitor is a kind of gentle respect.

Talking about personal issues again, for a while I was very determined to complete the literature test my school took in order to be able to be in the excellent students team. There was this girl in the same class as me who attended the test with me, and when it came to the exam day, she jokingly asked me that because we are in the same class, that can I go easy on her. I also just smiled back then, but actually in my head, I kept thinking. I didn't tell her, but I wanted to say no, I won't need to hold back on you. I will do my best if we compete with each other, because I respect you, because I know you are amazing and powerful enough to me to do that.

So, I think Iwaizumi means the same thing. The fact that he seriously considers Oikawa to be his opponent is kinda odd, because we've always been used to look at him as someone who silently looks after Oikawa, walking behind him, taking care of him. As Ushijima said, almost everyone tried to assert that without Oikawa, Aoba Johsai would be just a mediocre team. But no, after all, Iwaizumi was there, facing Oikawa, on equal position with Oikawa, forcing Oikawa to seriously accept himself as an opponent. Everyone knows this, but to me, I still want to say that Iwaizumi Hajime is really, really strong.

He doesn’t want to stay in the back anymore. He didn't want to be overshadowed by Oikawa, he didn't want to be silent, he wanted to stop watching. He wanted to take a step forward. He wants to be a rival to Oikawa.

Yesterday, while rewatching "Seijou after match", I was surprised to realize Oikawa's eyes were so soft, to realize Iwaizumi was always in his own way, steadfast and thorny until the last minute.

Perhaps Iwaizumi's wish at that time was more than just facing Oikawa on the court. It was his own way of expressing- apart from his deep respect- that he wants to see Oikawa again. He wants to be with Oikawa again, with anything related to volleyball. Perhaps all the little things that Iwaizumi Hajime wants is just to once again feel his connection with Oikawa, once again meet him when the two have became adults,

Once again,

Can be able to play volleyball together.

Oikawa Tooru is covered by the whole galaxy, but Iwaizumi Hajime is the one who lights up the stars.