#today's only 2 student presentations which i don't really look forward to

[tardis--dreams]

debating whether i should skip todays absolutely unnecessary lecture or if i should attend to not ruin my 100% attendance

[aceinthehellhole]

2 out of 3 potential movement classes suck so far, and I'm not holding out hope for the third.

Professor Crewel (yes his actual LITERAL name sounds like "CRUEL") is the most terrifying man I've ever met, and I don't admit that lightly. I am of the philosophy to never turn tail when faced with anyone who wants to mess with me, but Crewel?

Ugh... I just got a full body shudder. This man reeks intimidation. He's got jet black hair and piercing gray eyes that seem to stab through your soul, ripping apart your insides to loot around for something interesting.

Acting movement class takes place in the auditorium on a big stage, and the entire class we had today was about WALKING. I don't know how this school gets funding if they're teaching people how to walk, but I guess that's just the state of our education system for you.

Now, don't get me wrong, it wasn't an easy lap around the room. He called on us one by one to walk the length of the stage with different prompts and kept changing them every few people. Stuff like "walk like an old lady", "walk like someone with a secret", etc etc.

Admittedly it would have been kind of funny watching my classmates go and follow the prompts, walking like goofs in front of everyone. But there was this heavy weight in the room. I dunno if it was from Crewel's stare or the spotlights above the stage, illuminating us like specimens in a lab, but everyone knew to take this thing seriously like always.

So when my name gets called and I jump to my feet, trying to seem casual and confident even though my palms are all sweaty at the thought of becoming the next goof on the chopping block.

The stage lights are super bright and hot and I have to squint to see Professor Crewel, leaning leisurely against his desk, which is on the floor below the stage.

He carries one of those old school extendable pointers with him 24/7, and keeps tapping it against his palm in a way that only he could make feel threatening.

"Trappola!" He barks, flicking the pointer to the right. "Walk as though you are a newly escaped prisoner."

Oh, great.

Actually teach, that's what I wish I was! An escape-y from Night Raven College! This is barely acting!

So I sigh and hunch over, trying to imagine what someone in that situation would look like. Shifting eyes? A malicious grin? Tiptoeing, so as not to draw attention to-

CRACK

The noise rings through the auditorium, making me nearly shit myself.

"Bad form. You look more like a guilty hound dog than a convict." Crewel says, withdrawing the pointer, where it had definitely left a mark from how he'd whipped it against his desk.

Yeesh. His first negative review of the day. Surprise, surprise - it's for me!

Crewel's eyes scan the students' faces, looking for god knows what. His gaze lands on one and his mouth lifts into what for him could be considered a smile.

"Viper." He says, beckoning one guy forward.

The guy nods and steps up. He has, like, the most silky hair I've ever seen. Literally like he stepped out of a Garnier commercial.

"Demonstrate." Crewel barks again.

Viper guy doesn't need to be told twice, and he immediately crouches low to the ground, his ponytail swishing against his back. He crawls forward, eyes scanning left and right, then barrel rolls into a stance as if his back is pressed against an invisible wall, hand splayed behind him as he peeks around the invisible corner.

It feels like I'm watching an action movie unfold right before my eyes. I can't even complain about being cut off in my lousy attempt at playing pretend, this guy is living it.

Crewel claps once. His highest known form of praise. "Well done."

Hell, I'm tempted to clap too. That was... objectively really cool.

But then Crewel's steely eyes bore into me and any thoughts of applause go out the invisible window.

"Trappola. You are to do partner work with Viper. Put together a five minute pantomime." He looks at Viper. "Present it to me by next week."

Ugh. More homework.

Viper nods again. "Yes, sir."

I mean, maybe this pantomime thingy won't be so bad. Viper seems pretty cool.

It's only my third week here, and the universe continually insists on screwing me over.

I hold up my hand to high five him as he rejoins the group, but he COMPLETELY ignores me. Even bumps past my hand on his way. So much for the hope that ONE GUY here wouldn't be a complete asswipe.

Is it because I'm too hot? Too charismatic?? What egregious sin did I commit in a past life to have this one suck so bad?? Ugh.

Lunch time, my lord and savior, please don't fail me now...

[tigger8900]

Firekeeper's Daughter, by Angeline Boulley

⭐⭐⭐ 1/2

Daunis Fontaine is a girl caught between two worlds, born of the union between an Ojibwe man and a woman from a wealthy white family. Denied tribal status herself, Daunis nevertheless finds community with her half-brother Levi, Aunt Teddy, and assorted elders of the reservation. But her plans for the future — already adjusted to accommodate her ailing grandmother — are shattered when tragedy strikes the reservation, and she gets involved with an FBI investigation into a lethal twist on a familiar drug. As deaths mount, the lines between what can be shared with the federal government and what should remain an Ojibwe secret begin to blur. How can she find a path forward — with the investigation, her community, or a budding romance — when everything around her seems to have been built on a foundation of deception?

There were a lot of things I really liked about this book, and a lot of things that I really didn't. I felt that the mystery was fairly obvious from early on, but I don't necessarily think that it was a bad thing. Even though I as the reader had a pretty good idea of who the culprit was, I still wanted to see Daunis work it out for herself. It fit nicely with the themes of deception present throughout the novel. What didn't work for me was the culprit's ultimate motivation, and how the character seemed to change like a switch had been flipped and now evil mode is activated.

The pacing in this book is weird, I'm gonna warn you. Again, I think that it worked, but if you're going into this expecting a fast-paced FBI thriller, you're not going to be happy. To give you an idea what I mean, it's about 85 pages(out of 494) before the incident that propels the plot forward even goes down. Now that's not to say that the early pages are wasted. To the contrary, they build the world and establish the relationships that truly make us care about Daunis and her community. They're very necessary to carry the rest of the book. But they're slow, and you're going to spend about 75% of your reading time on the first 25% of the book. The pace picks up as the story goes on though, with a final action sequence that I loved and a 40-ish page denouement, which I also loved, but I'm weird like that.

Something that I'm very conflicted about is how the early 2000s were represented. The time period feels very accurate to me in terms of character values and how they approach things. This, however, leads directly to my biggest beef with this book: the central romance is questionable at best and predatory at worst. An 18-22 age gap is already on the edge of being a bad idea. Throw in the power dynamics, and those red flags are waving so hard they're about to fly off the pole. However, this is looking at it from a 2021(the publication year) perspective. In the 00s, when the novel is set, this would have been seen as thrilling and romantic(source: I was there). I wasn't surprised at all to read in the author's note that Boulley started work on this idea back in the 00s. And yes, the relationship did have to be romantic in nature; a platonic relationship wouldn't have hit the same notes that were necessary to drive the plot and themes, and I say this as someone who's notorious for deeming romantic subplots unnecessary. I guess I'll chalk this one up as points for historical accuracy, and be thankful that the kids seem to be doing better these days.

Continuing in the theme of "things from the 00s I'd rather see left behind," I want to note that the only gay in this book had been buried even before the first page. Again, there's period accuracy in this, because it was a rough time to be out in high school so many students simply didn't, especially if there wasn't already an established gay-straight alliance. But this novel was published in 2021, and today's readers expect better. I can understand not wanting to dive into the issues, but don't bury the only gay and call it good, because it's not!

The last thing I was conflicted about was the representation of Ojibwe culture and values. Boulley shares a lot, which is a good thing, but at times it felt repetitive. Rather than merely showing something she would explain it, and rather than explaining it just the once she'd often explain it several times, as if to make sure the reader had understood. To end on a high note, one of my favorite things about this book was the elders, especially how the relationships seeded over the course of the story came back into play at the end. That was a good example of showing Daunis's devotion to the elders in her community with a minimum of telling us that it's important to her culture, and I wish the other aspects of Ojibwe culture had been explored in the same manner.

[ginkgomoon]

Gavin’s Old Days Date- Analysis

I received an ask just then about this date and so I’m typing my heart away at 2 in the morning. It didn’t really fully sink in to how much of a good date Old Days was until some time had passed, with the way how I looked at Gavin back then different to how I saw him now. This date brought back so many emotions and memories- especially when it’s such a well-rounded story with various hidden meanings and references which enabled me to have something to analyse!

This date circulates around Gavin and MC’s high school history in the span of days Friday and Saturday- on that fateful day when Gavin wanted to give the letter, to the night he waited for her.

It also has a circular storyline structure, from when MC first dreams of Gavin that catalyses following events. But something we also have to note is that the whole entire time until the very last few minutes- MC is ‘dreaming’.

The turbulent flow of time and space stunned me, and countless doors opened before me one by one.

The memory fragments poured in, and those images reflecting me and Gavin flew past quickly.

He turned his back to me and walked away, his white shirt fluttering in the wind, almost engulfed by the increasingly denser mist.

I shouted his name aloud and ran desperately, wanting to catch up with him, but the corner of his shirt was like wind that couldn't be grasped, dispersing between my fingers.

His figure became increasingly blurred as he was farther and farther, finally disappearing completely in the narrow field of vision.

Standing in the void, I seemed to have lost all directions and motivation forward.

Until a gentle breeze with a familiar fragrance blew the fog away.

There seemed to be dazzling sunlight piercing through the clouds, and after the mist dissipated, a completely different space-time appeared before me…

This part of MC’s dream is like a metaphor for Gavin’s sudden leave. The mini fragments of her memories and the information that she knew now compared to back in high school come together to try to form some comprehensible picture in her mind, which in this case- her dream.

(Which probably was helped by the presence of Black Cabin with the ‘“doors”. But I could also argue that it wasn’t, because this isn’t supposed to be the first time MC enters Black Cabin. Then again, dates differ from the main storyline.)

But just like how MC is Gavin’s North Star, without him, even she is lost and directionless. They both need each other. As they are each others’ mystery, they are each others’ answers.

“This uniform and medals are my beliefs, with you guiding me in the direction forward.” -Go See Him

MC wants to reach out, not wanting Gavin to leave her, just like how he left seven years ago. Though even here, Gavin’s wind helps guide her forward- to meet him again in this time-space.

Dreams are still a big mystery to us. Some say it reveals our deepest desires and fears presented by our subconscious. By listening to it, we are able to guide our efforts in achieving and chasing what we truly desire whilst avoiding our fears. And if some dreams are based on truth, then it can easily foreshadow what we are about to encounter.

As MC finally settles in appearing at their old school of Loveland High, she sees Gavin.

Through the crowds, he seemed to be looking at the girl standing on the middle of the flag raising platform with a speech draft in her hands. Without realising, he crumpled the letter in his hand even more tightly.

The infamous letter.

Moments ago he saw me, he was so shocked that his pupils contracted slightly. He also slipped when he was about to jump down.

“Who are you?”

The shock in his eyes was now replaced by alertness and uncertainty.

Gavin clearly doesn’t know this MC- because in this time-space, she doesn’t really exist. As I said above, as dreams can be based on truth and our desires, MC feels like she could have done something to correct their relationship in this course of time. But at this stage between her and Gavin, she doesn’t know much about it because he never explicitly told her and she wants to know. This dream is a manifestation of that.

MC: “Excuse me, do you know MC? I am her cousin.”

MC also experiences being her own cousin such as in Time Subway’s Loveland High Noodle Bar and STF Drill Ground.

Gavin looked at me suspiciously for a long time, and finally nodded indifferently.

Gavin: “Oh, what do you want with her?”

MC: “How is she doing in school lately?”

Gavin: “I don’t know her that well.”

Gavin helps MC locate herself- her high school self- but when she looks back, he has already disappeared. She then overhears students talking about Gavin getting beaten up by a hundred people and becomes an investigator into his whereabouts.

The next part of the date isn’t from MC’s narration, which led me to believe that this really did happen in MC and Gavin’s own universe. The ‘truth’ of the dream.

*Beating up happening*

Random Kid Who Doesn’t Have Better Things To Do: “I heard that our school overlord is transferring to another school. Is that true? Since you are leaving, why can’t you be good?”

Gavin: “That’s none of your business!”

Random Kid Who Doesn’t Have Better Things To Do: “True, but after you leave, your beloved girl will no longer be under protection, right? Don’t worry I’ll take care of her for you. And I heard she’s our campus belle.”

Gavin (fiercely with an angry face): “What did you say?”

*More beating up*

MC’s POV begins.

Finally, I found the alley from memory.

Gavin: “You won’t get off so easily next time. Try getting near her and see what happens.”

Gavin leaves and even MC wasn’t fast enough to catch a wounded, bleeding Gavin. She racks her brains to try to figure out where he is, and finally comes to the piano room.

And BEHOLD- Gavin casually sitting on a ginkgo tree dressing his wounds.

Gavin (annoyed): “Why are you everywhere…”

MC: “Are you waiting for MC? She’s preparing for exams so she won’t be here today.”

Gavin: “...I wasn’t looking for her.”

Gavin reluctantly agrees to follow MC into the infirmary and she starts to help properly dress his wounds.

MC: “Are you not a close friend with MC?”

Gavin: “... I’ve just heard her name before. She’s got good grades and she’s very kind.”

MC: “Have you ever talked to her?”

Gavin: “Nope.”

MC: “Then how do you know she’s kind?”

Gavin: “Why should I answer your questions?”

He looked a little vexed, looking away with his ears turning red.

MC: “Sorry, I meant well. It’s just that she’s mentioned you to me. She says you’re not as bad as what people say you are. You helped carry her books and took her to the infirmary…”

Gavin: “I just happened to be around.”

MC: “Err, then you must happen to be around quite a lot.”

Gavin: “How do you know all of this?”

MC: “She tells me everything. We even look very similar don’t we?”

Gavin: “But you act differently.”

MC helps Gavin finish patching his wounds and Gavin is noted to be unwilling to stay with her.

MC: “I have one more thing to tell you. MC is a bit slow. She is not as good as you think, and will also be blinded by rumours…”

Gavin interrupts me coldly.

Gavin: “She’s a very nice person. What she thinks of me has nothing to do with anyone else. If you're here just to tell me these things, then I don't need to listen to you.”

Gavin grabbed his uniform, but a white object fell from his pocket to the floor.

It was a crumpled letter. Stained in blood.

I went to pick it up but the paper slipped out and I caught a glimpse of the contents by accident.

Gavin quickly picked up the letter and put it back without saying a word.

There was a flash of dismissal in his eyes. He tried to flatten the creases on the letter awkwardly.

(RIP LETTER. He even tried to flatten it. GAVINNN)

Gavin’s view remains the same in their own universe- “You can’t change other people’s opinions but you can change your attitude towards them. Don't let yourself be easily affected. You shouldn't envy me. You’re different from me. You're kind and thoughtful. That's what makes you, you. Besides, I’m not as free as you think, and I care about a lot of things.” -Company Footage [Chapter 3-7]

The scene around her changes. MC figures that if this is the memory of her and Gavin, then the most important thing was to find him.

MC’s mind fixates on the familiar bloody letter- recalling its words. MC then sprints to the school library.

The library looked a little deserted in the darkness. Looking along the rows of bookshelves, I finally found Gavin seated next to the window.

At this point, Gavin has been waiting a whole day for high school MC to meet him. She didn’t read the letter that had the time he wanted her to come.

He turned around and the moment he heard my footsteps, and the glimmer in his eyes suddenly died away again when he saw me.

I realised that on this day, he had wanted to say goodbye.

He just frowned and looked away, uninterested.

MC: “Are you waiting for MC? She might have misunderstood. Sorry, let me apologise for her.”

Gavin: “It has nothing to do with you.”

He paused and said in a self-mockery tone.

Gavin: “I knew she wouldn't come anyway.”

I’ve never seen Gavin like this. At this time, he was still so young and one could easily read his emotions.

Only then did I realise how he described his past as a mere “regret” was an understatement. He had to endure the long wait and the misery of being understood silently.

(It’s 2am and I’m crying.)

I mistook the farewell letter as a threat and threw it away. I never tried to learn the truth and misunderstood him. And still was protected and cherished by him.

I never felt so sorry and never wanted to blame myself even more.

If I didn't know all of this, if we had never met each other after we went in opposite directions…

MC: “Although I know saying these now is meaningless...You’ll be a very awesome person in the future, and you will stick to your belief and to justice. And you’ll also meet the person you want to meet. Even though she might not be great and always troubles you, you will definitely meet each other in the future. So…”

But when I looked back up, Gavin was gone.

As if back to the beginning of the dream, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t catch up or make a sound.

And MC wakes up. (Circular storyline- starts and end with a dream- starts and ends with Gavin.)

“Why did it take you so long to answer? Did you just wake up?”

It was Gavin.

MC: “Gavin… I….”

Gavin: “Why do you sound so weird?”

MC: “I had a dream about you.”

Gavin: “Was it a bad dream? Don’t worry, it won’t happen. By the way, I'll be at your place soon. I brought steamed buns and soybean milk for breakfast.”

Just like how he bought milk and bread for her at the infirmary after she fainted during a school sports event.

The moment I saw Gavin, I threw myself into his arms, crying.

His strong chest, the familiar smell under his collar. This was Gavin, the Gavin who would never disappear or leave me.

Gavin: “Why are you crying?”

He tried to dry my tears clumsily, but both his hands were occupied, so he had to move to the table and put the breakfast down while I hung onto him like a koala.

Gavin: “Tell me, what was your dream about?”

MC: “In my dream, you skipped class, got into fights, and ignored me.”

Gavin: “...”

MC: “You also said, ‘it’s none of your business’ to me coldly several times.”

He held back laughter and listened to my tearful complaint. Then he suddenly took my hand, and slapped it on his palm.

Gavin: “Then bully me back now.”

MC: “Gavin, have you ever thought about… what if we didn’t meet?”

He gave it some thought and nodded seriously.

Gavin: “Yes I have. If I wasn't there, would the girl get bullied? Would someone be looking out for her? I’ve also wondered if someone would fall in love with her or give her a love letter.... Would she like someone else? So, if I were to meet her again, I must hold onto her.”

He took my hand lightly, and kissed it preciously, his voice soft.

“And never let her go again.”

(The same hands that helped dress his wounds. CRYING.)

All this time Gavin had regretted not being able to give the letter to her in person, presumably with the fear of rejection from the one person he cared about. Even if Gavin hadn’t had a conversation with her or knew her very well, the interactions they have had together was enough for Gavin to form an opinion of her- a strong enough opinion that even he refuses to listen to MC’s ‘cousin’ (interactions like wanting to introduce himself in the library but MC dashes off LOL).

Wanting to protect her continuously from the students during the alleyway fight and waiting day and night for her also really does showcase his determination and the effectiveness of having a glimmer of hope from and for someone goes a long way, especially with a loyal man like Gavin.

Additionally, MC states that he was cold to her, which shows that even someone who claimed to be her cousin wouldn't melt Gavin’s heart with secondhand words. (That wall that he built up between him and MC of how he bats each question she asks with another question LOL.)

Even in front of Cousin MC, he wants to keep up that tough and unbreakable persona, the one that high school MC is more familiar with- until the very end when he finally has to come to the conclusion that MC is not going to see him. This therefore really does make him think that she didn't want to meet him. And in the storyline, he really did have to live like that, thinking that she thought of him just like how everyone did- until they met again.

But after all that Gavin had been through, he’s willing to cherish every moment he has with MC in the future. Not basing their relationship off of the failures, misunderstandings and regrets- but their hopes and dreams of a better future together.

“Before you… I lower all my defences.” -Gavin

[pbandjesse]

Day 2 of our teaching! Allergies are bothering me and I'm very tired. But it was a better day.

Last night after everything I felt a lot better. James is just such a good boyfriend letting me store a cat at his house. He fell asleep pretty quickly after making cookies and hot chocolate for us. And I pups around the apartment for a while. Played with the cat. And eventually was able to go to sleep.

We were supposed to wake up at 7 and he was going to make us pancakes. But he accidentally set the alarm for 7 p.m. instead of am. So we didn't get up until 8 and he had to go to work so we're going to have pancakes another guy. I got changed and headed out of there before he had to leave for work. I wanted to get something to eat and hang out at my apartment.

I biked home and made breakfast. How waffle and a banana. And I eventually just went and lay down for a little while. I kind of have napped until 10. I got up and worked in my studio for about an hour. Started my diorama. Work on some other stuff for the store. It was a nice morning.

It was absolutely gorgeous outside. I still am wearing a coat because there's still a little bit of a chill in the air but it's just so nice out. I headed out and sat at the bus stop and listen to music. Had a good bus ride in and got to the school at about 12:45.

I'm still having some trouble with Fitsum being a bit timid. But I think we do work well together. And he got there soon after I did. We worked on my example piece and we talked about how we would approach the day. We decided to have our first youth Circle in the hallway. In the kind of Alcove outside the classroom. It's still really hard that we have to move all of our stuff from one end of the building to the other and by the end of the day fitsum was able to get the the cleaning lady Miss Jen to let us use her storage closet that's near where we're teaching. And that's going to help a lot. But we still really need to find a better solution for how we're going to store our stuff. I ask Marshall if maybe we could get a second Kart but even that I feel like will be hard. We'll see what happens.

220 the kids came up and we started our youth Circle. Marshall was filling in for Tiffany because she has strep throat and is going to be gone today and tomorrow. And he stayed kind of around taking notes. But today went so much better than yesterday. They were listening and actually paying attention. We were able to go through the rules and the kids took the tests. And things just went a lot better. That is not to say there weren't troubles but it was a lot better.

I felt really bad because I got a little confused about the schedule and the kids were not doing things I wanted to be doing so we end up going to recess late. But it was fine. They got out to recess and they run around and it was a beautiful day.

We went in for dinner and that was fine. I ran to the classroom and got some stuff set up. One of the kids dropped a sandwich on the ground and was very upset because he said that he wasn't allowed to have a second one but I went and got him a second one and it was fine.

And then it was our kind. First I have the kids cover their portfolios and paper and as they finish that they were allowed to come get paint and then paint a color wheel on the outside of their portfolios. Mackenzie finished first and she was so sweet. I had her be my assistant and as I was handing out paying people will go to her to get instruction on how to draw the circle and the color wheel. She was so helpful. Like I had told the entire class what they were expected to do but she gave them more Concrete Construction and it was just so good. I was very proud of her. But some was helping the few kids that still needed to finish their portfolios or for the two new students making the privalia from scratch. This led to some drama because one of the girls felt like fitsum wasn't paying enough attention to everyone else and was trying to finish a complete profolio at a time and that was taking forever for them. Which I totally understand if that is what was happening but she was being very disrespectful and besides that she had lied to me about what her name was and try to get another student trouble over it. It was just kind of a mess. Enough that Marshall had to take her out of the classroom for a while. She wasn't the only one there was one other student who threw a bit of a fit. I had to talk to his mom at the end of the day. And I hate that I don't want people to get in trouble I want them to have a good time. But he was really having some outbursts that were very inappropriate. But today really was a lot better than yesterday so I think we're on a good up tick.

After all the kids got picked up Marshall had a meeting with us to make sure that we were okay and asked us about any of her concerns. I said that we probably need to get our own paints and that the system that I was using of using the back of a paintbrush to scoop the paint out of the bottle was not working it was not an effective use of my time. I also brought a second Kart thing and he talked about how we need both need to be present. That it seemed like I was taking more of the authoritarian Rule and put some was very much sitting back. And honestly yes that is what I'm talking about him being too timid. It's not that he's not a good educator I just think he hasn't figured out how to talk to them yet. I think he'll get better I just hope he doesn't give up. He was very upset on the ride home.

I overheard Marcus one of the other teachers say to one of the kids that he was friends with that cat that lives outside. And so I pulled him aside and I said hey I took that cat home last night and gave it a bath are you looking for a cat. And he said I wanted to get a cat that's so cute that you brought it inside and gave it a bath. So he may be taking that cat if his roommate is okay with it. It's not a guarantee but I'm very very quickly. It would be really nice if that works out. He's such a nice little cat he deserves a good home. And Marcus has a really nice guy. I hope that his roommate is cool with it.

We got out of there a little late. And fitsum was still a little upset about everything. Just the way the students were talking to him and he felt like he wanted them to respect him but they weren't. And I just had to keep telling him like I think tomorrow will be better and we just got to keep plugging forward. I think we'll be a good team just got to keep working at it.

I got back here at like 6:30. I made pizza and had an avocado with a egg inside of it. I worked on some necklaces for the store. And then around 8 James came over. We watched videos and cuddled on the couch for a while. We made brownie cookies and they were very good. And he just left. And I am about to go get ready for bed. I am sleepy and tomorrow is my last few hours off before I have 5 9 hour days in a row. Making that money. Which is good because I have $22 and I would really like to get my savings back on track.

I hope you all sleep well tonight. Fitsum taking over tomorrow to leave his own project but I'm still going to be very present. And I really hope that it's a good day. Sleep well everyone. Stay warm.

[pbandjesse]

I'm pretty exhausted again. I'm very much looking forward to going to sleep but today is my very nice day.

I voted! But I didn't do it until the end of the day. I slept okay last night. Dad was out in the living room and I was in my room. I woke up at 8:30 and got dressed. He had gone around the corner and have coffee. But he came back around 9. We spent the morning fixing stuff up in here. He fixed my window and the fence. And we talked about stuff. It was a nice morning.

It was pouring outside though. And so we decided we would go out to the county to have breakfast since I didn't really want to walk anywhere. We went to an IHOP. It was actually IHOP where I had a date earlier this year. Which was funny. And we had to wait for the longest time. We got there a little after 10:30 and we didn't get seed until 11. And the restaurant was empty. The waiting room was full. They were only seating people in like seven of the booths and nowhere else. And people are starting to get pretty angry. I texted James and he agreed with me that people are more likely to not be upset if they're sitting in seats rather than waiting with an empty dining room. So I don't understand the thought process there. But it seem like the wait staff and management were having some issues. But I wasn't that concerned we had plenty of time.

It was nice just sitting and talking to Dad though. We eventually got seated and I showed him some of my music but I've been listening to. And we got our food. Our waitress was very nice. And I'm just really glad he got to come visit me.

We drove out to Wildwood next so that he could see the school that I'm teaching at. And then we drove to where I had to get dropped off to go to work for training. We sat in the car for a few minutes and talk to. But I felt anxious about going inside so I just said that I was going to go. And he headed home. I am annoyed that he has not texted me that he got home safe. But I'm sure everything is fine.

It was a long day of training. First they asked us to be there at 1. But there was a whole bunch of drama and so we didn't start until after 2. But I do get to sit next to Marcus and talk about the cat. Who's drag name is apparently Mufasa. And apparently the cat is very scratchy but they're having good luck so far. They're just hoping that the roommates allergies settle out a little bit more before they can really make a decision but he says that he really likes the cat a lot. So I'm glad that's working. It was also Marcus birthday today so we had donuts for everyone so that was nice.

The first part of the training was cultural competency which was really enjoyable. We got to learn about how to best understand students and how we shouldn't make assumptions and how to be better about understand where they're coming from. The second half of the PD was weird. It was supposed to be a meeting for just the white teachers to talk about something. But then everyone felt uncomfortable with that idea so the girl who was supposed to read it kind of explained why we are doing it. And all of us kind of went around the room and talk about why the wording of how it was put in front of us made us uncomfortable. And we all kind of discussed how we can move forward. I've kind of felt bad for the girl because she had obviously put a lot of effort into program and we try to shut her down. And I would like to hear what she had to say but I don't think the way it was presented was the best way to go about it. There was good intentions but people were still hurt.

It was really nice meeting co-workers I haven't met before though. Teachers from the other sites. And it was nice being able to voice some of the things that I've been worried about. I was a little frustrated with the girl who is going to be leading the program because she kept saying that white teachers cause damage to students of color. And how she doesn't believe white teacher she even really be in the classroom with black children. And it just went around from Good Intentions to another form of segregation. Which I feel I see often in sjw communities online. Where the intentions are to be respectful and learn more. But it gets to a point where you treat people of color as other so much that you segregate us again. And make it so that we have to be afraid of each other in the long run. It just makes me crazy that we can't have a conversation where we can be honest but not have this white guilt thing that she was talking out both sides of her mouth about. Regardless. I'm glad the conversation happened and I do look forward to working with my co-workers and my students and learning more and being a better person. And a better teacher.

I was pretty exhausted after that honestly though. I wanted to just call the car and go home. But voting was very important to me and I decided that I would take the bus since it was just about to be coming anyway. The sun was going down and there was a rainbow and it's beautiful and the sunset was just so nice over the hill. And then my bus came and I went and voted. And my polling place was really nice. I got a snack bar at a sticker and a button. I gave the button to James.

I'm glad I was able to vote. I headed home after that and cleaned up and fed sweet pea. And then I went to James's house.

It's his DND night so I just gave him his next birthday present and hug him for a while. I got to meet two of his friends that I haven't met before. One of them didn't actually know, he's a friend of a friend in the group and it was his first night there. So I'm glad James is making friends and having a good time. I was only there for about an hour and then I decide to come back home so I could get cleaned up and rest.

I biked back here and took a bath. I wash my hair and I basically just been sitting on the couch watching videos with sweetpea since then. I was going to work on my studio but I just feel really beat up. I think I might go down for a few minutes and do some stuff after I get this posted but I really just want to go get in bed.

Tomorrow morning I'm going to go over to the thrift store in Fells Point and bother James wherever he's at. And then I'm going to work. Teaching Wildwood. It's another drawing day and I'm looking forward to it. I hope that the kids had a good weekend. Nice long a little break. I hope you all stay dry tonight and sleep well. Kiss all of your cats on their sweet little heads for me.

[pbandjesse]

I am very tired. Both because it was a busy day and because my allergies are making it so i cant breathe very well.

Today was pretty nice though! Sleeping over with James was nice but I had a lot of trouble breathing. I woke up a few times because of it. So getting up was hard. James let me sleep a little longer while he made us pancakes. He also made a syrup and it was very good and he is such a good boyfriend. We got ready and dressed and left a little after 10.

We went to my apartment. He rinsed his coffee cup and went to work. And I spent an hour and a half chilling and recharging. I had the baked potato he put together for me. And i was very cold so I went and laid down for a half hour before I had to go,

I still took the earlier bus. And it was chilly. But it was nice. It was a good ride to wildwood. And i had lots of time when i got there.

As i walked up to the building there were 2 cats sitting in the sun outside. I had lots of time so i got down and let them smell my hand. And they let me pet them! The one had a collar and the other was pretty skinny and dirty. I went and sat on the bench and the collared one sat under me and the dirty one let me pick him up and pet him. I cuddled him and sung to him for a while. He purred but like. I dont think he knew how because it was very croaky. I sat there and enjoyed these cats until they ran away.

I was still a little early. I said hi to the girl at the desk and then back to Tiffany's office. I worked on my lesson planning a bit. Fitsum came and we did a little more training. Then up to the class!

We were with the 4th and 5th graders. And that was cool. To get to know the kids I'll be with a little more. We started with a circle. Talked. The kids have to much energy but i like them! They are very sweet.

We had recess. Where i had to have words with a student because she chased one od my cat friends screaming. I was not happy with her being mean to an animal. But it was a good recess and it was nice to be outside. The kids are very funny. They're all screaming and running around in circles. When it was on the playground was fine. My problem was just when they were being mean to the animals. Which thankfully was not really anywhere near the playground itself.

Go back inside and had dinner. They had a weird taco bowl thing. Kids shared it with me a little got a couple chips. One girl gave me her carrots and you were absolutely disgusting. Like they tasted like sugar. I don't particularly like carrots but these were disgusting I only could eat too and I thought I was going to throw up. I felt just like when I was a kid when Mom would make me eat something I didn't like and I didn't have the words to explain why I didn't like it. This was exactly that. Apparently I really just don't like canned carrots.

We went up to the classroom and started working on art. Mr. D, one of the other teachers that I think I'm going to be working with, was leading the activity this week. They had made Sculpey objects last week and they were painting them to that. But a couple of those hoping things have broken so about five of them were making new ones. I got to sit and help a couple of the girls learn how to make little sculptural animals. I made a little tiny cat like I normally do. And they were like oh my God make one for me. And I said we'll make it together I'll show you how I do it. Then they would attempt to make it. And I would clean it up. And then they would crush it and asked me to make a new one. I said no you're going to make your own. And by the end the one girl had made four or five and the one she ends up keeping look really good and she had done most of the work. So it was nice to be able to actually work with them. Figure out how much help they need. What they can accomplish and what they can't. I also Drew with some of the kids for a little bit as well. It is really interesting seeing how everyone was interacting with the kids. We had four adults in the room so that can be a little bit different obviously. D is very quiet and reserved but they all really like him. Liz's louder butt firmer and really has a grasp on the control of the space. I was in there playing with the kids and I'm quiet but I am present. Fitsum I'm not sure about. I don't think he has a ton of experience working with little kids. Like don't get me wrong he wasn't that or anything. But he seems very uncomfortable and not sure what he was doing. I only really saw him interact with the kids twice during the art time. And like a recess he wasn't really talking to them at all. He did play a little bit of basketball but I don't know he just seems very uncomfortable. But that might have just been a space thing. And also he's from Africa and some of the kids were asking him if he knew people from countries that were literally thousands of miles away from where he's from. That had to be a little bit uncomfortable for him. I still think he's going to be fine once everything settles in.

I ended up having a really nice conversation with mr. D during the pickup hour. We sat on one of the lunch benches and he told me all about LARPing and cosplay. I used to do a little bit of that in high school and you guys know I love the costume so I was able to share some of my experiences as well. We have a lot of similar feelings about what aren't we want to work on this semester so honestly I hope we work together I think we would go well. And then it was time to go. Me and Fitsum went over to Tiffany's office to just have a debriefing before we went home. He gave me a ride. But he did have to leave me on the street because his girlfriend was at the cafe and he wanted to get her from there. But that was fine it's like two blocks. It was pretty chilly out though and I was very glad to be home.

But I had to turn the heat on here that's how cold it is. I put a pizza in the oven and took a shower. Wash my hair. Got changed and had my food. I watch TV for a little bit and cuddled with sweetp. I went through some more of my clothes that are down in the basement and brought out more winter stuff. More things with long sleeves. I organize my closet. And now I am really much just looking forward to getting in bed. I have the morning off tomorrow and I'm going to do laundry and go get groceries and I'm going to vacuum. Maybe I'll even have time to do some art and work on my lesson plans. But really I'm saving all of the lesson plans for Wednesday. So I'm not that concerned about it. I just hope it's going to be a good day. Go back to Wildwood in the afternoon to Shadow the younger kids class. And I'm interested to see what the teaching style would be like. So wish me luck. I hope you guys all have a good night and sleep well. Stay warm.