#today history paper 12th class

[rightnewshindi]

Today's History, 15 March; आज के दिन 1934 में हुआ था बीएसपी के संस्थापक कांशी राम का जन्म, पढ़ें 15 मार्च का इतिहास

Today's History, 15 March; आज के दिन 1934 में हुआ था बीएसपी के संस्थापक कांशी राम का जन्म, पढ़ें 15 मार्च का इतिहास

History of the Day, 15 March: हर दिन खास होता है क्योंकि हर दिन का अपना इतिहास होता है. इतिहास में 15 मार्च का दिन भी कई ऐतिहासिक घटनाओं का साक्षी बना. पहला टेस्ट मैच खेला गया था आज से 145 साल पहले, यानी 15 मार्च 1877 को ऑस्ट्रेलिया के मेलबर्न में पहला क्रिकेट टेस्ट मैच शुरू हुआ था. ये टेस्ट मैच ऑस्ट्रेलिया और इंग्लैंड के बीच खेला गया था. इस टेस्ट मैच को नई उभर रही टीम ऑस्ट्रेलिया ने पुराने…

[luvjunie]

— when the dam breaks

contains: third person pov (42!miles’), no reader, feelings of anxiety, some harsh language, use of the n-word once, a one-sided fight, angst, mentions of grief, brief comfort at the end

summary: miles was holding himself together just fine, until he wasn’t. wc: 2,748

a/n: this fic is based on one of my headcanons from this post,(the 12th one). handling the grief of losing a parent is one of the hardest, most painful things to navigate, especially when you’re a teen and in school. i can directly relate to miles!42 because of this, which is probably why i’m able to go so in depth with his character. i’m really proud of how this turned out so i hope you guys enjoy reading <3

The back of Ms. Bellam’s history class was Miles’ favorite spot to sit in. The seat by the window, specifically. Where he could gaze out with the fantasy of being anywhere else but stuck listening to the lecture in his fifth block; forced to hear his teacher rave on about some old expedition he couldn’t bring himself to give a shit about.

But today, Miles was not in the back of the class.

He had a bad feeling the moment the bell rung and the projector powered on to display the newest assignment the tall, stocky woman had on the agenda; a partnered project. Which, unfortunately, meant a new seating chart was on the horizon.

Miles must’ve spaced out during the introduction of the assignment, but his teacher’s assertive voice brought him back to the very moment he was dreading.

“Cody, you’re paired with—“ Ms. Bellam pulled a small slip of paper out from a little bucket of randomized names on her desk. “—Lauren.”

She ignored the quiet groan she got after unknowingly pairing two exes together and drew two more names. “Bailey, you’re with Lucas.”

“Sarah, you’re with… Faith. And Miles,” The brunette-haired teacher stuck her hand into the bucket once more to pull out the very last slip of paper, and read it with finality. “You’re with Gabby.”

Miles lifted his head and did a quick scan of the faces around, until he met the eyes of his new partner, Gabby, who gave him a small wave from the front of the class. His jaw clenched at the realization that he’d have to give up his safe corner, since the seats around him were filled, while the one next to her was open.

“Alright everyone, if you’re not already next to your partner, go find them.”

With an inaudible grumble and something along the lines of ‘i hate this fucking class’ and a mix of ‘kill me now’— Miles rose from his chair, snatched his backpack up with a little too much force, and crossed the classroom to plop down defeatedly next to the girl he was paired with.

Chin tucked in his hand and eyes glued to the ticking clock above the white board, he didn’t know how long he sat like that, or how much valuable information he’d missed while he ignored the overly peppy, thirty-year old’s directions to the class. But he did know that the minute hand on that damn analog device wasn’t moving fast enough for his liking. The droning of voices overlapping and the bouncing of ideas filled the once silent air after instructions had been given, but Miles was far from focused on the task at hand.

The incessant tapping of his pencil against the hard plastic of his desk, matched with the clearly agitated bounce of his leg had his partner stealing experimental glances in his direction— her lips having been licked ample times from the stress of debating on whether to make the difficult decision of speaking to the boy who was clearly not interested in conversation— or even being here at all.

She spoke up anyway. “Um… So most of the other groups have pretty much chosen already. That means we’re left with James Cook, Vasco de Gama, Ferdinand Magellan, or—“

“You can pick for us. I don’t really care which one.” Miles interrupted.

“Oh—“ Gabby blinked. His response was curt, but at least she got one. “Okay then, Ferdinand Magellan.” Flipping through the rubric that had been passed out at some point, she referred to the second page with her index finger. “It says our presentation has to be between six to eight slides, which includes the works cited for our research. So we could do one introduction slide, and maybe about,” she paused to think. “Four?— information slides? And then we could add some fun facts and trivia questions at the end so we can get our class participation points in without too much effort. That cool with you?”

Gabby was a nice girl. She never bothered him, never looked at him weird when he’d come into class late sometimes, and had actually ran through the hallway to return the notebook that fell out of his open backpack just last week. He wasn’t aggravated at her, but more so at the fact that everybody could stare at the back of his head now instead of the other way around, like it was before. It made him self conscious about everything, even down to the way he was sitting in his chair. He could feel a few beams on his back right about now, and adjusted his position slightly.

Miles sighed and reminded himself to respond to her politely. “Uh-huh. Sounds good.”

A voice to his left behind him caught his attention, the voice in question belonging to one of the most obnoxious boys he’d ever had the displeasure of knowing— Ethan Thompson. Someone who always had too much to say and nothing productive or appropriate to add— it usually being something creepy or gross about a girl he wanted to ‘get to know’.

Miles would’ve tuned him out, like he always did, but this time it was impossible. Probably because out of all the conversations regarding the explorers meant to be researched, this one had absolutely nothing to do with history, or even school for that matter.

“Bro, did you hear about what happened to…”

Miles strained to hear as best as he could without moving from his seat, though it was a struggle since Gabby was still talking his ear off to the right of him about who would do what when it came to their workload.

“Miles?”

He ignored her as another voice chimed in, and his back stiffened.

“I know dude, my sister told me about it. Said he was killed in action or somethin’ like that… I just know his mom is crushed. I feel really bad.”

Miles knew people talked about this, he wasn’t dumb. But damn, did they have to do it when he was right there?

Then, there was a laugh.

Miles was confused. He didn’t find anything regarding the topic of their conversation even remotely comical.

“Fuck that,” Ethan quieted his voice, though not quiet enough. “That just means Mrs. Morales is single and up for grabs now.”

It took less than a second for Miles’ blood to simmer to a scalding boil. He held a subtle finger up and quieted Gabby, who was currently asking him about what they should research first.

“Can you give me just… one second?” he asked gently.

Gabby’s words died on her tongue and she gave a muddled nod.

Miles threw his elbow over the back of his chair when his torso whipped around, his eyes glazed with enmity and immediately catching Ethan’s.

“The fuck you just say?”

Ethan froze.

Miles’ tone was lethal, rage lifting the volume above the blurred chattering around, venom spitting from his tongue like he intended to kill the boy with words alone. The speed in which the class fell silent would’ve been humorous had there not been such hostility within the air.

“Miles, language!” Ms. Bellam’s eyes snapped up from her computer screen, her face a picture of disbelief at his unusual vitriol. He was always quiet as a mouse in her class, well behaved above all.

Jaws hung slack, the gazes of the students around darted back and forth between the two boys continuously, the tension in the room palpable.

Miles sat up straighter in his seat, jaw clenched and his patience dwindling. To say he was seething would be a dangerous understatement.

“Nah, nah Ms. B,” His head cocked, and his eyes narrowed at Ethan, ruinously. “I wanna know what this nigga just said ‘bout my fuckin’ mom.”

“Oh shit…” Gabby gulped. Today was the most she’d heard Miles speak in class almost the entire semester.

“It was a joke, bro.” Ethan huffed a chuckle, a nervous thing that his friend easily picked up on. Miles was not one to bluff, and Ethan was notorious for taking things too far.

“Don’t bro me, repeat that dumb shit you just said and watch how fast I knock your ass out.” Miles gritted through his teeth, hot air puffing through his nostrils like a bull who’d just seen red.

“Boys, enough!” Ms. Bellman was standing now, hands planted to her desk as she watched with bated breath, just like the rest of the class-now-turned-audience.

Ethan shrugged, and Miles swore he felt his eye twitch.

Strike one.

Then, the boy playfully nudged his friend’s arm with a cocky smirk, as if he thought the threat he’d just received wasn’t one that would be carried out.

Strike two.

“He’s baiting you, Miles…” Gabby whispered dejectedly, in warning, only so Miles could hear. But his tunnel vision had already set in.

“Go ‘head. Repeat yourself.” Miles demanded.

Nails digging into the skin of his palms hard enough to leave crescents in their wake, there was a voice in the back of his mind, reminding him that he could get into serious trouble if he didn’t get his emotions in check, fast. He’d progressed so quickly in his after school M.M.A classes, that now, even getting into a simple fist fight could land him a serious assault charge. A judge would take one look at the history of his intense training, and the option to deem his hands as deadly weapons in the case would immediately be presented, and most likely acted upon.

Knocking the teeth out of a rich white boy would never be the smart decision here, especially not for someone who looked the way he did.

He’d be sent straight to juvie.

“I mean, all I was sayin’ is, technically—“ Ethan threw his hands up in a careless manner. “If I play my cards right, I could be your future step-daddy.”

Strike three.

Ms. Bellam was yelling now. “Ethan, principal’s office, now!”

And that probably would’ve been the better option, had he actually had a choice.

Miles’ movements were swift when he shot out of his seat, and the students in his way followed suit with yelps and gasps as they quickly removed themselves from the area. The desks blocking his pathway to pummeling the shit out of this kid loudly screeched against the school’s tile when they were shoved out of the way, and the one he’d mindlessly flipped over in his stampede proceeded to erupt the room into pure pandemonium.

One punch would’ve been good enough, Miles knew that. But in this moment, thinking rationally was so far out of his reach he would’ve missed it even if he’d jumped for it. He’d swung a closed fist to Ethan’s jaw and knocked him to the floor with ease, then followed him down, sat on his chest and had the boy’s arms pinned under his knees so he couldn’t protect his snobby-ass face. One punch would’ve been good enough, but just two vehement blows later, the satisfying crack of a bone that wasn’t his under Miles’ knuckles had him sending a few more into the reddened face of the boy beneath him, just to really get his point across.

“Jesus Christ— Miles!” Ms. Bellman scrambled from her seat in a panic and rushed to fling the classroom’s door open, her desperate yells directed to anyone who might’ve been strolling the hallways. “We need security in here! You-!” She pointed to a student with a bathroom pass. “Go get security, and tell them to come to room 205, now! Go!”

Everyone was yelling at once, but Miles couldn’t hear anything other than the ringing of rage in his ears. Anger is only grief turned sour— a terribly perilous thing to leave untreated.

Some of his classmates were frozen with shock, or fear, maybe— hands clasped over their gaped mouths while others had their phones out with the camera app open—vampires for some good drama while they hooted and hollered at the most exciting thing they’d seen this entire year.

“That’s enough!”

Strong arms suddenly hooked under Miles’ armpits and prevented his fist from worsening the damage already done. Two male teachers from neighboring classrooms had rushed in and yanked him up and off Ethan, his hips bucking as he kicked his way up onto his feet. Miles’ chest expanded and collapsed with the weight of his heaving breaths, face flushed with the remnants of his lost temper as he directed his attention to Ethan’s friend, who looked like a deer in headlights.

“When your boy wake up, tell him watch his mouth next time!”

Miles didn’t know why he was yelling. It was common knowledge that it’s pretty rare for someone who’s unconscious to understand what you’re saying to them.

He didn’t struggle when the two teachers dragged him away, but when they shoved him out the door and into the hall with more force than he thought necessary, he snatched his arms away from their grasp with a rolled shrug, and huffed a frustrated grunt about how he knew how to walk on his own.

—

The drive home was eerily silent. The radio hadn’t been touched, and neither had Miles by his mother’s gaze the moment they’d left the principal’s office after he received his verdict.

Out of school suspension. One week.

It was the best the administrative staff could do after Rio swallowed her pride and went as low as begging them not to expel her boy.

Slumped in the passenger seat with his hands in his lap, Miles didn’t bother to look at the bruises he knew were forming on his knuckles. It was a familiar feeling, and at the moment he was more concerned with why it felt like his throat had been stuffed with cotton when he tried to talk.

“Mamá, I—“

“Do not. Speak.” Rio’s breath wavered, her hands clutching the wheel so hard she thought she’d crush it. She tried not to let her voice break. “Not one word.”

Silence.

—

It all settled in as they climbed the stairwell, the images of what just happened flashing back in his mind every time he blinked; what he’d done playing over and over again in a continuous loop. The wooden railings creaked under the weight of his mother’s hand, and as she knowingly skipped the one that had weakened over the years, he knew the home that held every single emotion he tried to leave behind when he went to school was now just a few steps up.

Rio’s key twisted in the lock before she opened the door, and Miles followed behind her, shoulders slouched dispiritedly. He resembled something of a stray puppy; desperate for attention, but acceptant and grateful that it, as much of a nuisance as it may be, was being tolerated enough to stay on it’s finder’s heels.

He thought being scolded by his mother was bad, but the lack thereof was even worse. Her brows were clenched, and her conflicted yet somehow blank expression told him that she truly did not have any words for him as she leaned on the kitchen counter, hands clasped firmly around the edge so tightly her knuckles paled. She didn’t even know where to start, and Miles didn’t blame her. He refused to explain why he’d snapped when it was asked of him. When his mother’s widened eyes had pleaded with him to tell the principal what happened in that classroom that set him off in such a way, he didn’t. He had no reason not to, at least one he could think of right now, but his voice just wouldn’t allow it. Both in that office, and now in their kitchen, dimly lit by the warm light above the stove, the weight of his mother’s disappointment clung to the suffocating silence, like a fish to a hook and he just couldn’t take it anymore.

“Mamá, I’m sorry.” He whispered in a quick breath, the lump in his throat painful when he swallowed it.

“Good money, Miles.” Rio shook her head, a hand coming up to rest over the rise and fall of her chest. “Good money! We paid good money to get you into that school, your dad and I. I work hard to keep you there and you just—“

Dad.

And the dam broke. Though its foundation wasn’t very strong to begin with— Miles’ shoulders crumbled under the weight of his actions and his tears flooded past his waterline with choked sobs that left no room for air.

Whatever Rio was going to say had been forgotten. The sight of her son sobbing in a way she hadn’t seen since the night they’d received the news immediately put a stop to her reprimanding. Now, she was truly worried.

“Oh Miles, come come come,” She hastily tugged him into a hug and wrapped him firmly in her arms, her hands repeatedly rubbing up and down the expanse of his back. “¿Qué es Mijo? (what is it, son?) Talk to me. No te lo guardes, ¿recuerda?” (no holding it in, remember?)

Miles could barely catch his breath, and somehow talking about it was just as painful as the ache that resided deep in his chest.

“I—It was Dad, it was about—“ a quick breath in split his sentence in half. “About Dad. He was—talking about what ha—happened and I—“ Miles tried for another, but it caught in his throat, ragged and choppy and had his ribcage stuttering from the lousy attempt to cease his hyperventilating. The fact that he couldn’t get his words out uninterrupted only frustrated him more; only made him cry harder. He scrubbed at his tears with the back of his hand, but it was no use. He couldn’t stop crying. Why couldn’t he stop crying?

“He said—“ Another wilted inhale, and a hiccup. “It was abo—about you, and it was terrible and I— I just, I got so angry, and I tried Mamá, I did. But I couldn’t and—and then I was on him and I’m sorry—“

“Shh, shh. It’s okay, it’s okay.” Rio used a hand to bring his head into her shoulder, his cries muffled and his tears wetting the sleeve of her blouse as his rambling came to a halt. Miles clutched onto her tightly, arms round her waist as he fell apart in front of the woman who’d tried her best to piece him back together.

“Respira, Mijo, respira… (breathe).” Rio whispered. “Please.” Seeing her son so distraught had brought on tears of her own, but she shut her eyes, and tucked away her own feelings so she could focus on his. “It’s okay. It’s alright.”

“But you’re mad at me, I don’t want you to be mad at me—“

Rio shook her head and tutted at him. “I’m not mad at you, papa. I understand. Okay? I’m not angry. No.” She couldn’t be upset with him for something like this, not when he could barely shelter himself from his own guilt.

“It’s okay. You’re okay, baby. I’ve got you.” Miles was inconsolable as Rio continued rubbing his back, and her voice shook when she spoke, but she kept the uncertainty she held within her heart concealed from her promise to him.

“We’re going to be okay.”

[thedeliverygod]

I received the final volume of Noragami in the mail yesterday & read through it so I wanted to do a proper post but I was too tired yesterday to manage so I'm writing it today.

I'm so grateful for Noragami being in my life for the past 10 years (almost to the day--as I know I watched the first season in December of 2014). I have always always been interested in Shinto... I wrote a paper about it in my Asian Film Studies class (regarding it's influence on works from Miyazaki/Studio Ghibli) and I also did a few presentations about a few elements in my Japanese classes.

So to find a story where Shinto is very clearly the main theme but also heavily deals with abuse in it's many forms (child abuse, emotional abuse, abuse from a parent regardless of age) is something that struck so deeply for me. Yato is someone who I have so much in common with... Which is funny to say because you want to be like 'how could I ever have something in common with a god' and yet...

Yukine reminded me immediately of Yahiko from Rurouni Kenshin, a character I always loved for his spunky attitude and his growth through the series [and Yato with Kenshin regarding his history as a god of calamity vs hitokiri battousai]. I can say much the same for same for Yukine. My connection to Yahiko and Rurouni Kenshin has been soiled by the mangaka unfortunately, but I'm so thankful I found a series that moved me even more. The aftermath of Yukine's ablution (read: Hiyori's relief & hugging both of the boys) brought me to tears and ultimately is what made me *need* to read the manga immediately upon completion of the anime.

Hiyori is... everything good about this world. I don't know how else to say it. She is an icon, everything we should all strive to be. She's constantly true to herself and does everything within her power to help the ones she loves (whether they are 'alive' or not).

I'll stop here for now but just a reminder to everyone that @memoriesofnoragami is a week dedicated to reflecting upon our amazing times with Noragami, coming up January 6th through the 12th!

[kavinderrawat]

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[travelsthrujapan]

Tokyo National Museum

Tokyo, May 6, 2025

Our plan today was to go to Mt Fuji, 5th station, the highest point to which motorized transportation is permitted, and to spend the afternoon on a boat ride in a lake in the shadow of the mountain.  We had to change the plan because of overcast skies and steady rain throughout the day.  So instead we chose to spend the time indoors at a museum at Tokyo National Museum.

Tokyo National Museum collects and displays artwork and cultural objects from Asia, with a focus on ancient and medieval Japanese and Asian art.

Two massive Buddhist Deities that stood Infront of a Buddhist Temple in Kyoto.  The temple was destroyed in 1934 in a typhoon, and the massive statues of the deities were shredded.  The devout collected all the pieces and glued them back.

Kichijoten, Goddess of good fortune adopted in Buddhism from Hindu Mythology.  Carved over a 1,000 years ago from a tree trunk.

Dainichi, the creator of the universe and the King of all Buddhas, equivalent to the Hindu God Brahma. 

Fudo, the scarry-looking Buddhist deity who is said to intimidate the unbelievers into following Buddhism (11th century statue).

There is more than one religion in which an important deity walked on water. 

Bodhisattva Monju, riding his lion crossing the sea along with his disciples.  A Bodhisattva, is a candidate for a Buddha who has deferred his ascendance to help others in their quest for Buddhahood.  In Buddhism, everybody has the potential to reach Buddhahood.  You just need to find away to overcome your worldly desires and sufferings.

Lacquer ware decorations.

Sutra (Buddhist scripture) boxes from the 8th century.

Tea anybody?

Tea kettles from a high-class, samurai family.

Sword is an important symbol of military power, royal and communal authority, religion and mysticism to the samurai class (the warriors) because they showed their honor and who they were.

And if you are getting into hand-to-hand combat with a sword, you need good body armor. Bronze body armor (5th century).

Ceramics from the 12th Century, a well-developed art by then.

Pottery from the pre-glazed era (5th century BCE).

What do you think this attire is made from?  Rough cotton? Wool? Nope.

It is made from bark. This technique dates back ages, but it was not until the 19th century that these garments were mass-produced for trade.

An Ainu woman’s statue from a burial mound (5th century BCE). The Ainu, an indigenous group of people, are concentrated in the Northern part of Japan. The other indigenous group in Japan are the Ryukyus, concentrated in the Southern part of Japan.

Sutra (Buddhist scripture) tablets buried in mounds, with the hope of preserving them for a long time for the succeeding generations.  Other sutras were written on paper and buried inside a jar.

Shoes made from bronze metal for the royalty.  You may ask why anybody would want to walk in such uncomfortable shoes.  Well, they were not meant for walking, just to be buried with.

We also spent part of the day at the Tokyo Museum of Science.  Most of the explanations of the exhibits were written in Japanese, so we did not spend much time there.  The only picture I took was that of a shark, that only for the benefit of our grandson, Nolan.  At one time he used to be fascinated with dinosaurs he could name just about every dinosaurs), later his interest veered to sharks (& whales).  Now he is interested in basketball.  Sorry, Nolan, the Japanese did not play basketball in the early era, so no exhibits for that sport in this history museum.

So, Nolan can you tell us what kind of a shark this is?

[newcanttaacademy]

Achieve Top Scores with New Cantt Academy’s Expert Coaching

Achieve Top Scores with New Cantt Academy’s Expert Coaching

Scoring high in board exams requires the right guidance, structured study plans, and consistent practice. If you are looking for the best coaching for Class 10th & 12th in Dehradun, New Cantt Academy provides expert coaching, ensuring that students excel in their exams with confidence. With experienced faculty, well-structured learning materials, and a result-driven approach, the academy helps students achieve academic excellence.

Why Choose New Cantt Academy for Expert Coaching?

New Cantt Academy stands as a leading coaching institute in Dehradun, offering top-tier academic support to students aiming for the best results.

1. Highly Qualified & Experienced Faculty

Dedicated subject experts with years of teaching experience

Interactive teaching methodologies to enhance understanding

Personalized attention to address individual learning needs

2. Comprehensive & Structured Study Material

Well-designed notes following NCERT and board exam patterns

Previous years’ question papers and sample tests for extensive practice

Chapter-wise assignments to strengthen concept clarity

3. Regular Tests & Performance Analysis

Weekly and monthly assessments to track student progress

Full-length mock exams to familiarize students with real exam scenarios

Personalized feedback and improvement strategies

4. In-Depth Conceptual Learning

Focus on fundamental understanding rather than rote memorization

Practical applications of Science and Mathematics for better retention

Analytical and logical reasoning development for all subjects

5. Specialized Coaching for Class 10th & 12th Students

New Cantt Academy provides targeted coaching programs for board exam preparation:

Class 10th Coaching

Mathematics: Concept-based learning with problem-solving strategies

Science: Physics, Chemistry, and Biology with practical examples

English & Hindi: Grammar, comprehension, and literature discussions

Social Studies: History, Geography, Civics, and Economics with structured answer-writing techniques

Class 12th Coaching

Science Stream (PCM & PCB): In-depth coaching for Physics, Chemistry, Mathematics, and Biology

Commerce Stream: Accountancy, Business Studies, and Economics with case studies

Humanities Stream: Political Science, Sociology, History, and Geography with detailed analysis

6. Smart Classrooms & Technology-Enabled Learning

Audio-visual presentations for better concept retention

Digital resources and e-learning modules for advanced study support

Online test series for self-assessment and exam readiness

7. Effective Time Management & Exam Strategies

Expert guidance on time management during exams

Tips and tricks to maximize scores in board exams

Stress-relief techniques and confidence-boosting strategies

Why New Cantt Academy is the Best Coaching for Class 10th & 12th in Dehradun?

Proven success record in board exam results

Personalized doubt-clearing sessions for every student

Continuous progress monitoring and feedback

Parent-teacher meetings to discuss student performance

Scholarship programs for deserving students

Conclusion

New Cantt Academy is the perfect place to prepare for board exams with expert coaching, well-structured learning plans, and experienced mentors. If you are searching for the best coaching for Class 10th & 12th in Dehradun, New Cantt Academy provides everything students need to achieve top scores.

Visit New Cantt Academy today and take the first step toward academic success!

[nationdefenceacademydelhi]

What is NDA? How to Crack NDA Exam in First Attempt – Nation Defence Academy

The National Defence Academy (NDA) is one of the most prestigious military academies in India. It trains candidates for the Indian Army, Navy, and Air Force. The NDA exam is conducted by the Union Public Service Commission (UPSC) twice a year. Thousands of candidates appear for the exam, but only a few clear it. Proper NDA coaching in Delhi can help you achieve success in your first attempt.

NDA Exam Eligibility Criteria

To apply for the NDA exam, candidates must meet the following criteria:

Must be a male or female Indian citizen.

Age between 16.5 to 19.5 years.

Must have completed or be appearing for the 12th standard.

Science students (Physics and Mathematics) can apply for all three wings, while non-science students can apply for the Army wing.

Must meet the physical fitness standards set by the NDA.

NDA Exam Pattern

The NDA exam consists of two papers:

Mathematics – 300 Marks

General Ability Test (GAT) – 600 Marks

English – 200 Marks

General Knowledge – 400 Marks

Candidates who clear the written exam are called for the SSB Interview, which is a five-day selection process. It includes psychological tests, group discussions, and personal interviews.

Tips to Crack NDA Exam in First Attempt

1. Enroll in the Best NDA Coaching in Delhi

Joining a reputed NDA coaching in Delhi can give you expert guidance, structured study plans, and mock tests to improve your performance.

2. Understand the Exam Syllabus

Candidates should be familiar with the NDA syllabus. Focus on key subjects like Mathematics, English, Physics, Chemistry, History, Geography, and Current Affairs.

3. Follow a Proper Study Plan

Allocate specific time for Mathematics and GAT.

Practice previous years’ question papers.

Read newspapers and stay updated on current affairs.

4. Work on Time Management

Time management is crucial. Solve mock tests and set timers to improve speed and accuracy.

5. Focus on Physical Fitness

Along with the written exam, candidates must prepare for the physical fitness test. Regular exercise, running, and strength training are essential.

6. Prepare for the SSB Interview

The SSB interview tests leadership, communication skills, and confidence. Practice group discussions, psychological tests, and personal interviews.

Why Choose NDA Coaching in Delhi?

Experienced faculty and retired defence officers as mentors.

Regular mock tests and doubt-clearing sessions.

Study material covering all NDA subjects.

Guidance for SSB interview and personality development.

Clearing the NDA exam on the first attempt is possible with dedication, hard work, and the right coaching. Enroll in the best NDA coaching classes in Delhi to get expert guidance and achieve your goal of joining the Indian Armed Forces. Start your preparation today and make your dream a reality!

[chanakyaiasacademy1]

How to read NCERT books for UPSC exam Preparation.

Introduction:

Preparing for UPSC (Union Public Service Commission) takes a lot of hardwork as it is considered as one of the toughest exam. It requires a strategic approach and proper understanding of the syllabus and study material. 

Chanakya IAS academy is the best online/offline coaching centre in chandigarh. We offer guidance for UPSC aspirants, with expert coaching and comprehensive study materials designed for the future civil servants.

In our last blog we have discussed step by step plans to prepare for UPSC. 

And now we will tell you how NCERT’s are important for Civil Service Exams. So, read this blog till the end.

How to Read NCERT Books for UPSC Preparation?

-Syllabus oriented books:-

Before starting to study reference books, get familiarise yourself thoroughly with the UPSC syllabus. This will help you identify which NCERT books are relevant for your exam preparation.

-Start with Class 6 to 12 Books:-

UPSC aspirants typically start with NCERT books from classes 6th to 12th. These books cover subjects such as History, Geography, Political Science, Economics, and Science, which are essential for both prelims and mains.

-Study Selectively:-

NCERT’s are very knowledgeable textbooks, so read the books according to the syllabus.

-Focus on Key Chapters: 

Prioritise chapters that are frequently referenced in UPSC question papers or cover important historical events, geographical features, etc.

-Understand Core Concepts: 

Pay attention to fundamental concepts and theories. UPSC questions often test understanding rather than rote memorization.

-Make Notes:

Create concise notes while reading NCERT books. Summarise key points, jot down important dates, events, and facts. These notes will serve as quick revision material closer to the exam.

-Referencing:

While NCERT books provide a solid foundation, supplement your reading with other standard reference books and current affairs material. This will help you develop a deep understanding of topics and stay updated with recent developments.

-Revision:

Regular revision is crucial. Schedule periodic revisions of the NCERT material you’ve covered to reinforce your understanding and retain information effectively.

Concluding It to an End:-

Chanakya IAS academy in chandigarh provides special classes for the NCERT that helps you master the art of reading NCERT books is not just about covering the syllabus but about understanding the core concepts that form the basis of UPSC exams. 

Not just NCERT,  Chanakya IAS the best online/offline coaching centre in chandigarh will give you guidance to follow these and stay constant. By following this steps, you can streamline your preparation and enhance your chances of cracking one of India's toughest examinations. Join us today.

[my-lovely-pantomime]

dec 16 '23, saturday day 1/100

started the 100 days of productivity challenge today!

i woke up at 7, cleaned my bathroom and organised my skincare, did some other chores, and took an early morning walk in the woods while listening to music. the amount of snow is abnormally little for this time of year in the city i live in - everything is usually buried in snow at this point. there were withered leaves and pinecones left from late autumn still frozen in the pavement, like some sort of naturally preserved herbarium.

i got home and started working on my literary analysis for a shakespearean excerpt, which took longer than i thought it would. i proceeded to panic about my future and the purpose of my existence for a solid hour. then i read some academic papers about my character Antonio in my school's production of shakespeare's 12th night, because we thought it would be interesting to explore the (very obvious) homoerotic tension between him and another character, Sebastian.

i tried to work on the song im writing on my cheap amazon keyboard, but nothing seemed to come out and i ended up scrolling on pinterest for a solid hour. the 2pm slump really hit me hard today. i eventually decided to go outside and get some fresh air in me. i worked on memorising my lines for the play while pacing in the woods with my dog Tchaikovsky, and may have delivered the most dramatic one man reenactment of the last scene in 12th night known to men to my dog and a random guy passing by. i must say it was quite amazing.

right now i am struggling to find motivation to practice my violin, but i think im going to do it after posting this. the conductor of my orchestra just posted the program for our new concert block come spring, and i am actually kind of excited to play some of these pieces. we get to play one of tchaikovsky's dances from his opera "mazeppa", which im so happy about because i literally named my dog after this man. there's also cinematic scores from how to train your dragon and amadeus, plus the blue danube waltz by strauss.

after practising, i plan to register for a music festival with my jazz band, finish up a reflection for my dramatic arts class, and finally make some tea and read some albert camus in bed.

i have a biology test on monday, so i have to really study for that tomorrow. i usually don't have to study for physics, chemistry, and maths thanks to having the mathematical brain i take pride in, but biology has so much memorisation to it that i have to study. i also need to do some research on 1920s american organized crime for history, and work on my research report for biology.

[bisexualbumblebee-writes]

Classroom Date- Charlie Swan x OC

Charlie Swan x Eleanor Martin

Description: When Eleanor can’t go on a date with Charlie because of work, he decides to just bring the date to her. 

Word Count: 1.9k

Charlie and Eleanor hadn't been dating for that long. They’d only met five months ago at a parent-teacher night, then he asked her out the very next month. The rest was history after that, but in total they’d only been dating for four months. In fact, if they were younger they would still be considered in the honeymoon phase. Though, that may have something to do with the whole mate thing. But he didn’t need to know about all of that yet. Instead Eleanor chose to let him remain blissfully unaware so they could be happy without complication. 

One thing that had come with dating Charlie was just how many mundane things felt like dates. No matter what they did it felt like a romantic occasion. Going out to breakfast, lunch and/or dinner, going fishing, staying in and watching football games, going to high school football games, literally everything. And Eleanor loved it. 

She hadn’t felt this way in years, probably since she was still human. She felt so giddy all the time, excited for the next time she’d get to see him. It was obvious to everyone that came into contact with her that she really was falling in love with the sheriff. And the fact that she knew he felt the same only added to her joy. 

Today had been a normal day. Eleanor had been teaching her last class of the day and week in general. She never allowed herself to boast or be too proud, but she will say that she was proud that she had the capability to make her classes interested in history even when she was saying the most boring things. 

“In France, in the 12th and 13th centuries and beyond, many towns and villages were run at a local level as a commune, and there were often annuals for ‘consuls’ and ‘councilors’, where most of the male inhabitants could vote,” she explained, walking around the classroom. As her gaze scanned over her students, she was internally happy to see them all either enthusiastically taking notes or watching her. 

“A more complex form of election and government was used in the city states of north Italy, with more tiers of elected officials. Women could not usually stand as officials, nor vote, but some of them were noted in the agreed charters of ‘liberties’ that French towns proudly possessed-” she was suddenly cut off by the final bell ringing. Weird, she hadn’t even realized that the hour was already up. Nevertheless, she moved to the front as the students hurriedly packed up their things. 

“Alright guys, remember your projects on the different medieval Europe classes are due next Wednesday, then your quiz is that Friday,” she called over the excited chatter as the kids filed out of the door.

Once the door closed behind the last student, Eleanor sighed softly. It had been a busy week indeed, for both the students and her. But, the end of the semester was coming up so they had to go over everything. She took a seat back at her desk and pulled out her junior class’ essays, which they’d turned in a few days ago. 

Just as she grabbed a red pen from her desk drawer and prepared to start grading, someone knocked on the door. She looked up, then a smile appeared on her face at the sight of her boyfriend in the window. She waved to him as a gesture for him to come inside. Charlie did as he was told and walked in, closing the door behind him. 

“Hi, Charlie,” she greeted happily. 

“Hey, sorry if I’m interrupting,” he started, but she merely brushed it off. 

“Oh, you’re not. I was just about to start this,” she answered as she gestured to the stack of papers in front of her. “What can I help you with?” 

“Well, I was hoping that maybe you’d want to go to The Carver Cafe for some dinner,” he spoke. Eleanor had to stop herself from cooing about how nervous he sounded. He was in his early forties and he was acting like a schoolboy. 

“Aw Char, usually I would love to. But I’ve been putting off grading these papers for like three days. I wanted to get all of it done so I didn’t have to worry about it over the weekend, I’m sorry,” she responded apologetically. The man looked disappointed for a split second before snapping out of it and offering her a reassuring smile. 

“That’s okay Ellie, I understand. It was worth a shot,” he shrugged. He then stepped forward and pressed a quick kiss to the top of her head. 

“I’ll leave you to it, then. Don’t stay here too long,” he said with a lighthearted smile before beginning to head out. Eleanor wished him a goodbye just before the door closed behind him, and she fell back into her seat with a heavy sigh. The thought of going out with Charlie sounded much more tempting than work. Plus she felt bad about disappointing him. But, if she was quick, she could probably get out of there before dark. Maybe they could have time to do something before the night was over and it wouldn’t be a total loss. So, she picked up her pen once again and got to work. 

She was about halfway through the papers after half an hour. Usually she’d breeze through grading, but there was supposed to be a lot of information presented in this essay so she had to be thorough about it. There was nothing worse than a student receiving the wrong grade for something they did or didn’t do. 

She’d been concentrating on reading one student’s rather messy handwriting when her ears perked up after hearing approaching footsteps. That was odd, most (if not all) students and staff should be gone by this point. After a second she realized that she also smelled food. She looked up as the person stopped in front of her door. If she wasn’t surprised the first time by Charlie visiting her, she definitely was now. Nevertheless, she waved him inside yet again when he wordlessly asked to come in from the window. He walked in with a plastic bag in his hand and the smell of food grew stronger. 

“Hey,” he greeted with a small smile, earning a small laugh from the girl. “How’s it going in here?” 

“Uh, I’m halfway done,” she answered slowly. Charlie nodded. 

“That’s good.” 

“Charlie, dear, of course I’ll never complain about seeing you, but what are you doing here?” She asked curiously. “I still have work to do.” 

“Well, I figured that since you couldn’t go out with me because of work, then maybe I could just come to you. You can’t work on an empty stomach.” The gesture was incredibly sweet and endearing, and it almost made Eleanor feel bad. Obviously by this point she still hadn’t told him about her…special diet. Because how would one go about doing that? Now wasn’t the time to tell him, so instead she grinned. 

“That’s so sweet Charlie,” she cooed, gesturing to another desk chair. Charlie set the bag of food down and pulled the chair up. While he did that, she opened the bag and began pulling out the containers. Once they were divided between them, Eleanor opened one of them and ate a fry so she didn’t seem ungrateful. She internally groaned at the fact that she would have to throw it all up later, but it was worth it to see him smile. With that she got back to work. 

“Is there anything I can help you with?” He asked. 

“Hmm… Not with this, thank you though,” she answered kindly, quickly offering him a small smile before looking back down. 

“I’m not bothering you, am I?” The man asked, suddenly becoming worried. 

“Of course not,” Eleanor answered without hesitation, taking a moment to reach out and take his hand with her free one. “You could never. I don’t mind you being here, but it probably feels weird because it’s silent. We can still talk. That way you’re not just watching me work like a creep,” she joked in the last part, which eased his tension. 

“Okay,” he muttered simply. He squeezed her hand before letting go to pick up his burger and take a bite as she continued to read over the essay. 

It took her almost an hour in total to grade and sort the essays then enter them in grades into the grade book. All the while she and Charlie talked about anything and everything that came to mind. Once she was done he helped her slip on her jacket and waited for her to lock up her room before heading out the front door to her car. Eleanor was happy that she was right about getting done just before dark. 

“You didn’t have to walk me to my car, you know,” she pointed out softly once they reached her truck. The man simply scoffed. 

“Yeah, right. What kind of man would I be if I let you do that while it got dark?” He retorted, crossing his arms. 

“You men and your honor,” she jokingly rolled her eyes. Charlie’s face contorted into a soft smile, one that only she was allowed to see. 

“Seriously though. It just makes me feel better to know for a fact that you got to your car safely,” he explained gently, which made the woman grin. She reached up on her tiptoes to kiss his cheek. 

“You’re sweet, Charlie. I’m lucky to have you,” Eleanor muttered sincerely as her hands came up to rest on his shoulders. 

“I’m pretty sure I’m the lucky one,” the man responded simply, wrapping his arms around her waist for a moment. 

“You should probably be heading home soon, I’m sure Bella is cooking something delicious for you,” she mentioned. 

“Do you want to come over?” He asked softly. 

“Usually I’d say yes, but I was hoping to get some gardening done. How about you  record the baseball game tonight and we can watch it tomorrow?” She suggested, earning a nod from him. 

“I can do that,” he leaned down and pressed a quick kiss to her lips. “Drive safe, and be careful.” 

“I will.” They shared one more kiss before Charlie pulled away and opened the door of the truck for her. She started the car then rolled down the window. 

“You stay safe too. I love you Charlie,” she said with a small smile. Charlie, despite having heard it several times by this point, lit up. 

“I love you too,” he responded enthusiastically. Eleanor blew him a kiss then rolled up her window and finally pulled out of the parking lot. 

It only took her a minute to notice a police car behind her, specifically a sheriff’s car. A small smile appeared on her face and she couldn’t help but giggle. Her boyfriend had a habit of following her home just to make sure she was safe when he was nearby or she was leaving after hanging out with him, which both warmed her heart and made her laugh. 

She lived pretty close to the school so it only took her a few minutes to get home. After hopping out of her truck she waved to Charlie, who honked in return before continuing on down the road. She shook her head amusedly as she headed inside. It had been a wonderful day with him, even if it was only for an hour and a half. She loved spending time with him no matter what they did, and she knew he felt the same. Which made her feel even better about it.

[moonmeg]

[Personal vent feel free to skip]

I started my research paper thinking I'd be happy if I finally finished. I finished it today. The deadline is tomorrow. What can I say? I cried.

Not because of the stress, not because I thought I did a bad job in the paper. But because I don't know what my teacher will do. I had no issue with her before all this. Let me explain a little: I'm in the 12th grade of a gymnasium. Next year I hope to write and get my Abitur (the German diploma). There are four categories in which you can lay the focus of the Abitur. There's sprachliches Abitur (focus on languages), gesellschaftliches Abitur (focus on society related classes like history or politics), naturwissenschaftliches Abitur (focus on science) and sportliches Abitur (focus on physical education). I chose the focus on languages.

Now we also have a new class that is basically supposed to prepare us for university life. These classes are divided by category of Abitur. Means there's multiple of these classes. We now had to write a research paper. The topic in my course was Modern American Drama. We were assigned a drama to read and write about a certain important aspect/theme of the drama. I was assigned Tennessee Williams' popular work "The Glass Menagerie". I wanted to write my paper about Amanda: analyze her psychology, how her HPD affects the relationship with her children.

My teacher however said I should also analyze the drama in itself. (I have never analyzed an entire drama before-only scenes). Symbolism, Message, all that.

The analysis took up most of the paper, leaving me about 4 pages for the topics I originally wanted to write about. My research paper is barely a research paper - it's an analysis. It's not what I wanted it to be. The limit was 15 pages (title page, table of contents and bibliography included - means only 12 pages for the actual paper).

I cut stuff, I tried my best to save it but at one point there was nothing I could've cut out anymore. And I was left with a total of 17 pages. Two pages over the limit. Classmates of mine have already asked our teacher multiple times if we were allowed to write a little more because it got very narrow. She denied. Okay so what?

Every other course was allowed to write more. Every. Other. Course. Just not ours. Fair? No. No, in no world is that fair. "I do not know of that" she said.

I sit behind my computer, panicking because of those 17 pages. I text my friend, who previously messaged our teacher explaining her situation of not being able to print out the paper because her printer is not working and was not met with understanding or empathy but with "it was made clear that the paper is supposed to be printed out.". Knowing everything else this teacher did and how incredibly nitpicky she is, I start to panic because there's nothing I can do to shorten that paper and fear that I might lose points for that. That might not be much of a deal if the paper wasn't influential for the Abitur.

So I sit there, conflicting emotions, not even sure what I feel. I feel everything but relief. I feel anger at the teacher, anger at myself. I'm not even proud or happy of my paper. I cry.

There is nothing I can do but wait and see what will happen next. And I do not like that. Not at all. I want to find time to draw again, escape into my fantasy and bring my ideas to "canvas". Do the one thing that makes me happy. But I don't have the time. And that just pulls me down more.

I try to let that research paper go but like Amanda Wingfield I seem to not easily forget and let go.

[youthdestinationias]

How to study ancient and medieval history for UPSC prelims

Strategy for Ancient and Medieval History for UPSC

First, let's go through the syllabus of both the prelims and the mains. Then divide the subjects for prelims and mains exam. Next, according to your schedule, you should finish the prelims topic first and then the mains subject or vice versa.

1) History NCERTs for UPSC Exam: NCERT books from class 6th to 12th are very useful for the Civil Services Examination. First of all, all NCERT history books should be read like a novel to get an original idea of the history and timeline. Important parts of books should be marked with a pencil, but do not make notes when reading NCERT for the first time. 

After the closure of the first reading, one should go for previous years' question papers of CSE. In this way, you will understand the demand of UPSC as if questions related to deadlines are not asked in this exam, like when an event happened.

2) India's Ancient Past by R.S. Sharma: This book claims to deal with the origins of various empires and religious cultures in the growing times of India. It also marks the beginning of various geographical, linguistic, and ecological phenomena. 

This volume similarly addresses various issues that exist today in return for ancient India, such as identifying Aryan culture and historical constructions. This book provides a complete and accessible account of the history of early India. It begins by discussing the origins and development of civilizations, empires, and religions. 

It deals with geographical, ecological, and linguistic backgrounds. It looks at specific cultures and customs of the Neolithic, Chalcolithic, and Vedic periods and the Harappan civilization in the Indian subcontinent.  

In addition, Jain and Buddhism, the beginning of Magadha and regional states, and the period of the Mauryas, Central Asian countries, the Satavahanas, the Guptas, and Harshavardhana are also analyzed. Subsequently, it emphasizes the Varna system, urbanization, commerce and trade, development of science and philosophy, and cultural heritage.

3) Medieval history of India by Satish Chandra: This one is the best book for medieval Indian history for UPSC. Most of the topics of medieval history questions in UPSC prelims and mains are related to this textbook.  Satish Chandra's history of medieval India is a comprehensive overview of the history of the Indian subcontinent during the thousand years between the eighth and eighteenth centuries. 

The history of medieval India studies interesting periods in Indian history when the land underwent a drastic change. There was a widespread impact of external invasions on armies, religious movements, and the changing cultural, economic, and political landscape. When you are searching for medieval Indian history for UPSC, this book can solve many of your curiosity.

4) Indian art and culture by Nitin Singhania: You can read NCERTs of ancient India by R.S. Sharma and Sathish Chandra of medieval India. Each chapter will introduce art and culture as separate subjects such as architecture, painting, sculptures, metallurgy, art (Gandhara, etc.), culture, customs of many states, tribes, etc. 

Seriously to a point, only when you read clearly about the respective state or era can you easily tell about their art and culture. Keep your history resources to a minimum and read them to the maximum. If you still want a better resource. 

In this book, a detailed knowledge base of Indian art, paintings, music, and architecture is presented with the help of many paintings and shapes that will please the readers' minds. There are questions at the end of each chapter that will help the students to prepare for the examinations. 

This book is a very useful resource for ancient and medieval history for UPSC. Most of the medieval history questions in UPSC prelims related to Indian art and culture come from this book.

[readyplayerhobi]

The Evolution of You and I

; Hybrid!Jimin x Reader

; Genre: Fluff, light angst, mentions of smut

; Word Count: 10.2k

; Warnings: Mentions of loss of virginity, discussion of sex

; Synopsis: For 15 years, Park Jimin has been in your life in some form. From childhood penpal’s to the closest of friends now, you can’t imagine your life without him even if you’ve never actually met him in person. It doesn’t help that you’ve fallen for him, even across the distance that separates you. But what happens when you finally meet up and you discover he’s been keeping something secret?

; A/N: Based on this prompt from @hybridfanfiction! I read it and immediately wanted to do something, so this happened. It’s in a bit of a more unusual format to my other stuff but I hope you all enjoy it anyway :)

-

8 Years Old

“Can anyone tell me what a penpal is?” Miss Kim asks the class with a pleasant tone to her voice, pretty pink lips turned up gently. She’s so pretty, you always think to yourself, and you like to be in her class. She makes learning fun and never makes you feel bad for not knowing things.

Looking around, a few people raise their hands and give answers that get carefully turned down by her before she gives a bright smile, white teeth shining in the harsh lighting. “A penpal, is someone that you write to who lives far away. Sometimes they live in other countries, sometimes they just live in other parts of the same country. Lots of people become friends this way!”

Miss Kim starts to walk around the room and hands out plain, ruled pieces of paper. “We’re going to be penpals with students from another school in Busan. That’s on the other side of the country from us, on the seaside. Each paper I’m giving you has the name of a student that you are going to write to, so tell them about yourselves. Ask them about themselves. Try and make up a friendship!”

“Miss...what do we say?” You ask quietly as she hands you your sheet of paper. A few of the kids near the supplies are handing out packs of coloured pencils and pens and you take a handful of multi-coloured pencils that are pleasing to your young mind.

A letter can always use extra decorations!

“Well...tell them your name and your age maybe. What you like to do for fun. Your favourite film or animal. Whatever you want to say. It’s your letter!” Watching her carefully, you look back down at your letter with a frown and ponder what to write to your potential new friend.

Park Jimin (Boy), is written across the top in Miss Kim’s pretty handwriting. For a moment, you look across the room at the Park Jimin in your own class and marvel at the fact there’s another out there in Busan, only he’s a boy!

Taking hold of the pink pencil, your tongue sticks out cutely as your brow frowns intensely and you begin to write your letter, ignorant of the raucous laughter and yelling of the rest of your students.

Dear Jimin,

Hi! I’m Y/N, a girl! I go to school in Seoul. Miss Kim says you’re in..Boosan? On the seaside? Is it pretty? We don’t have sea here, but the Han river is okay. It smells sometimes.

Do you go to the beach? Are there crabs? I’ve never seen a crab! I like horses. Do you have horses? There’s no horses in Seoul. Do you like horses?

My favourite film is Hercules. I want to be a god too! Wouldn’t that be cool! I can save you if you want?

Please write back!

From, Y/N

Once done, you draw a bunch of tiny horses around the page in yellows, purples and pinks before adding sparkly stars and a crab or two for Jimin. Because he might like crabs, and you don’t want him to miss out on your decoration too.

You also draw a terrible stick person drawing of yourself. Lips pursing in annoyance, you draw an arrow and note down that your head isn’t really that big. It’s like an astronaut, and you don’t want Jimin to think that. He might not like astronaut people and never write back!

“Is everyone done?” Miss Kim calls out from the front of the classroom, hands clasped against her stomach as she waits for everyone to quiet down. You nod repeatedly before smiling at her brightly as you move to the front and hand her your letter. She looks over it before giving you an approving nod and adding it to her stack.

“That’s wonderful everyone. I’ll get these posted as soon as possible and then we just have to wait!”

And so you do, impatiently so and completely unaware that your life had changed for the better.

-

Hi Y/N!

I’m Jimin, it’s nice to meet you. I live in Busan and the sea is very pretty here. It’s blue, like the sky but more green. It smells funny sometimes too, but I like it. I see crabs a lot! Maybe I can send you one?

I’d like to see the Han river! It’s famous right? In movies and films. And I have no horses, but I have been horse riding! They’re big and scary, but friendly. They don’t really like me though. You should go.

I don’t need saving, but I like Spider-Man films. He saves people too! We can be a superhero team! Wouldn’t that be cool?

What do you like to eat? Do you like seafood? We have lots here, but I don’t like. I like meat, it’s yummy.

Please write back soon!

From, Jimin

-

9 Years Old

Hi Jimin,

It was my birthday yesterday. I’m now 9! Are you 9 too? So you know, my birthday is September 12th. It’s very important, so don’t forget. I’ll draw a picture of my cake for you!

When’s your birthday? Is it soon? Do you like cake too? Who doesn’t like cake? It’s so nice.

School is so boring. I don’t think I like school. Do you? What’s your favourite subject? It’s strange that you send your letters to my house now. I get mail with my name on! My mom puts it on the side for me.

Do you like getting mail too?

Write back soon.

Hugs and kisses, Y/N!

-

Hi Y/N!

Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you! Happy birthday dear Y/N...happy birthday to you!

My birthday isn’t until October 13th. So you’re older than me! Wow, that’s so cool. I hope you got a good birthday present! My mom helped me to pick out this friendship bracelet so I hope you like it.

I like cake! Your cake looked cool. I hope my cake looks like yours!

I love school! I love maths and science. I like numbers, they’re fun. If you need help, then I’ll try! I want to be a maths teacher when I grow up, it’d be cool. I can teach more kids about maths and get them to love it too.

I like getting mail cos it’s from you. What do you want to be when you grow up?

From, Jimin

-

12 Years Old

Hey Jimin,

So remember that stupid boy I told you about? Jackson? Well he kissed me today and it was totally gross and ewww. Why do grown ups like doing that? It was just...wet and icky. Have you ever been kissed yet?

I also had a maths test today and I think I did bad. I wish I was good at it like you! But I get to do arts tomorrow and I’m excited for that. I like drawing. I’ve drawn you a cute dragon on the back of this letter, so I hope you like it.

Is the weather in Busan nicer than here lately? It’s just been raining all the time and is so grey. Soyeon said we should go to karaoke for her birthday but...I don’t really like it. I’m not good at singing. Are you good?

Write back soon!

Hugs and kisses, Y/N.

-

Hey Y/N,

I’m so glad I got your letter today. It wasn’t a very good day :( these people in my school made fun of me for how I look. It made me upset. I can’t change any of that and it made my mom cry when I told her. I didn’t want to make her cry :(

I haven’t been kissed, but it sounds gross. Maybe I’ll stay away from kissing for a while, I trust you! But I guess maybe you need to be grownup to enjoy it? Who knows. We’re still kids!

And I’m sorry about your test. I hope you did well on it but if not then I’m trying to send you my maths knowledge! Your drawing was so good, you’re so good at it! I got my mom to put it up on my wall when I’d coloured it in for you. Can you draw me one that’s coloured in too so I can put that on my wall as well?

It’s sunny here in Busan! I’ve been going to the beach with my brother a lot and playing with our football. I like running around and doing things outside and we both like to play football. Would you play football with us if we ever met? We’re very fast!

Mom says I have a good singing voice, but I don’t like doing it. It makes me shy. You should go with your friends, it might be fun!

Write back :)

Hugs and kisses, Jimin

-

14 Years Old

To: Park Jimin <chim-chimminiepark@hotmail.com>

From: Y/N <aseoulmind@hotmail.com>

Subject: HI!!!!!!!!

JIMINNIEEEEEEEE,

Oh my god. This is our first email, isn’t this weird? O-o

Like…you’re going to get this immediately after I send it! We can talk so much faster instead of waiting for the stupid post. And now we don’t have to worry about writing neatly.

Not that I wrote neatly for you or anything. Cos I totally didn’t.

But still, this is so cool right? My computer is in my living room and my mom keeps track of what I do. Is it like that for you too?

How did your date go with Chaeyoung? Did it go well? I know you were nervous about it but you’re so sweet and kind. I think she’d be missing out if she said no! I’d love to see what she looks like, I’ve never seen a Fennec fox hybrid but I’m sure she’s so pretty and cute.

Argh, write back to me soon please! ^-^

Hugs and kisses, Y/N

-

To: Y/N <aseoulmind@hotmail.com>

From: Park Jimin <chim-chimminiepark@hotmail.com>

Subject: RE: HI!!!!!!!!

\(^U^)/ Y/N!

I’m writing this after only getting it five minutes ago. Isn’t that cool? This is going to make talking to you so easy.

You so wrote neat for me. I can tell. Your writing always got sloppy at the end when you were tired on the longer letters. But it’s okay. I’ll tell you a secret...I used to write neat for you too…

My computer is in my room, but that’s because my brother also has one and my dad has a laptop. They trust me, but they still check my history. So I have to be careful what I go on. I don’t want to get in trouble.

I did take Chaeyoung on a date! I was so nervous ^^; but she said yes! Can you believe that? I almost threw up. She wouldn’t have said yes then. But thanks for having faith in me! ^o^

She’s so pretty. She’s got this...blonde hair that looks like honey and it’s like light is in it. Her ears are so cute too, I bet the fur is soft. I sound sappy, my friends would laugh if I said this. You won’t right? Do...you like hybrids? Some people don’t.

I took her on a date along the beachfront here in Busan. We had dinner at a barbeque place and then went to the movies. I saw Iron Man and it was so cool. Then we had bungeobbang and walked along the front. The sea is pretty at night. Maybe I should take a picture for you? We can send pictures on email right?

Do you still like that Yugyeom? Or do you not want to kiss him because only grown ups do that and it’s icky? Hehe.

Hugs and kisses, Jimin.

-

To: Park Jimin <chim-chimminiepark@hotmail.com>

From: Y/N <aseoulmind@hotmail.com>

Subject: RE: RE: HI!!!!!!!!

OH MY GOD. SHUT UP. I WAS 12 AND KNEW NOTHING.

I hate you.

-

To: Y/N <aseoulmind@hotmail.com>

From: Park Jimin <chim-chimminiepark@hotmail.com>

Subject: RE: RE: RE: HI!!!!!!!!

ㅠㅡㅠ

I’m sorry! Come back...please. I swear, I won’t mention it again!

-

17 Years Old

Park Jimin has signed in.

Y/N: Jimin!

Y/N: Jimin!

Y/N: Jimin!

Park Jimin: Jfc what! Let me sign in first u demon

Y/N: So...I went on a date with Eunho yesterday. Said yes 2 him.

Y/N: He took me bowling and I really wanted him 2 kiss me but he was all ‘I’m being a gentleman’.

Y/N: Think my dad said something 2 him :(

Y/N: Do u think he even likes me?

Park Jimin: Y would u think that?

Y/N: Well...he’s a guy! A teenage guy! U r all dumb and hormonal right?

Park Jimin: Am I supposed 2 be supporting u? Or are u trying 2 offend me?

Y/N: Shh, u kno I love u <333

Y/N: But it’s true. Every1 in my class has done it. Why is Eunho being slow?

Park Jimin: Woah woah!

Park Jimin: Not a race! It was ur first date. Calm down James Bond. Mayb Eunho hasn’t done it either?

Park Jimin: I haven’t

Y/N: Ur school is full of dumb girls

Park Jimin: Y?

Y/N: Cus u r cute

Park Jimin: :3

Park Jimin: ^^; <3

Y/N: :( seriously tho…

Park Jimin: Hey...it’s ok. Don’t worry. Pls.

Y/N: K. Did u pass your test?

Park Jimin: :D

Y/N: Omg yay! I bet ur mom n dad are so proud!

Park Jimin: Yeah, they bought me dinner out. I got top in my class…

Park Jimin: I also got voted class president…

Y/N: Omg, my best friend is such a nerd

Park Jimin: >:o

Park Jimin: Y u so mean?!

Y/N: Cos I love u <3

Y/N: Well done tho. I kno u were worried. But I had faith!

Park Jimin: Thanks :)

Y/N: I asked my mom 4 a dog for my birthday btw

Y/N: But she said no :(

Y/N: Cos my parents work 2 much

Y/N: And I’m only home for 2 more years

Park Jimin: Oh no :( sry

Park Jimin: What would u have wanted? A puppy?

Y/N: Yeah...mayb. We couldn’t have a big dog

Y/N: Our apartment is 2 small here, so small dog

Y/N: My friend has a Cocker Spaniel

Y/N: She’s cute, but she jumps everywhere

Park Jimin: Spaniel’s r cute! :D

Y/N: Would u get a dog?

Park Jimin: Nah

Y/N: What?! Y not?! Dogs r the best

Park Jimin: I don’t like the idea :(

Y/N: Y not?

Park Jimin: Cos...I just don’t. Mom n dad wouldn’t get one anyway

Y/N: That sucks. Don’t get fish tho. They’re boring

Park Jimin: Haha, I won’t

Park Jimin: Hey, did u see that new show out? Game of Thrones?

Y/N: Omg yes

Y/N: So much sex

Y/N: My parents don’t want me 2 watch

Park Jimin: But u did?

Y/N: Hehe

-

18 Years Old

Park Jimin has signed in.

Park Jimin: Hi :)

Park Jimin: Hello?

Park Jimin: Y/N??

Park Jimin: Are u there?

Y/N: Hey...sorry. Yeah, I’m here

Park Jimin: ...are you okay?

Y/N: ...no

Y/N: Not really ;(

Park Jimin: Y?! What’s wrong?!

Park Jimin: What happened? Who do I have to 2 hurt???

Y/N: Eunho…

Park Jimin: What?

Park Jimin: Eunho?

Park Jimin: What’s he done? You’ve been dating for 7 months now?!

Park Jimin: Y/N...talk 2 me :(

Park Jimin: Pls

Y/N: We had sex last night

Park Jimin: Ok...but u wanted that? Right?

Park Jimin: I mean...u said u wanted it? That u were ready?

Y/N: :(

Park Jimin: :( what happened?

Y/N: It was awful Jimminie :(

Park Jimin: <3 u don’t have to talk 2 me. Have u talked to Soyeon about it?

Y/N: No...I don’t want 2. It’s embarrassing

Park Jimin: Ok, u don’t have to do anything

Y/N: No, I want 2 talk to u

Y/N: It hurt so much :( and he didn’t care

Y/N: I told him, but he just said it’s supposed to

Y/N: I cried and went home

Y/N: He broke up with me this morning

Park Jimin: I’m gonna kill him

Park Jimin: I’m gonna fucking kill him

Park Jimin: I’ll bite him so damn hard

Park Jimin: The asshole. I knew he wasn’t good enough for u >:[

Y/N: Jiminnie...y are u going to bite him silly?

Y/N: It’s okay. It’s my fault.

Park Jimin: NO!

Park Jimin: It’s NOT ur fault. U thought u were ready and u loved him

Park Jimin: But he was a dick.

Park Jimin: I’ll bite him for you

Y/N: Haha, y u biting people?

Park Jimin: I’m sorry :( please don’t blame urself

Park Jimin: Ur smart and funny and kind. He messed up. He lost something great. Ur amazing, remember that

Y/N: :)

Y/N: Thank u

Y/N: It hurts, and it will. But I’m happier talking to u already

Park Jimin: I’ll always be here 4 u

Park Jimin: As cheesy as that sounds

Y/N: No...I need it

Y/N: I need my best friend right now

Y/N: <3

Park Jimin: <3

-

20 Years Old

Sitting in the uncomfortable desk chair in your university dorm, you chew your lips nervously as the Skype ringtone plays into the silent air around you. Over the years, you’ve had phone calls with Jimin occasionally on special moments, such as your birthday or his.

In recent years, there’s been a few more but never too many. Plus it was expensive after a while. The two of you have preferred to instant message each other on your laptops in your rooms, but now video calling is a thing. A common thing apparently.

You’d been vaguely aware of it, but it hadn’t entered your head to ask Jimin if he wanted to. Particularly given your laptop was not the best. But you’d been given a brand new laptop for Christmas and so had he. There was no reason to not at least try it anymore.

So here you were, in the silence of your dorm room and waiting for the call to connect to Jimin.

Not only were you nervous because you would be talking to him instead of just typing, but it was a video call. You’d only ever seen the occasional picture of Jimin over the years, taken at some odd angle so that half his head was cropped out or something ridiculous like that.

He’d complained that he didn’t like to have his picture taken, but you didn’t understand why. You always remembered him as being pretty cute, though your last photo was from two years ago. So maybe he got really ugly or something.

Who knows? Stranger things have happened.

Looking to the side, you pick up your ballpoint pen to write down a few notes that suddenly enter your head that will be useful for your homework that you plan on doing later. It’s for your stupid required mathematics class, and you’re half wondering if you can get Jimin to stay online long enough with you to help you out.

It still boggles your mind that he’s going to voluntarily be doing a mathematics degree. Like...he actually likes numbers that much.

A soft laugh leaves you as you suddenly remember one of his original letters, where he’d said that he wanted to be a maths teacher. Who knew that he was entirely serious about that?

“Hello?” A quiet voice that was surprisingly husky calls out through your speakers and you look back with widened eyes, taking in the sight on screen eagerly. He must be laid on his bed or something, as his head is really close to the screen and you can almost see down his shirt.

Which immediately causes you to focus on his eyes, because you can’t handle that. You know he still does dance and soccer, even in uni, and he likes to playfully brag about his ‘rock hard abs’. He’s not quite Dwayne Johnson levels of fit though, despite his boasting over the previous year.

“Shit, damn,” You curse as you scrawl across the page in an ugly mark before dropping the pen and looking back at him with a bright smile. “Hi! Jimin! Hi!”

The two of you go silent, the mood slightly awkward between you both as you take in the sight of him. And he’s doing the same to you, big and bright eyes tracking over the image of your face on screen before he’s letting out a tiny laugh, sound hitching on the highest point of his exhale.

He’s got what look like a plain white shirt on, and you frown at seeing the black beanie pulled down over his head, honey-blonde hair covering up dark eyebrows. “I thought you didn’t like hats? You said they hurt your ears?”

You’d always thought that was slightly odd, but if it was painful for him then you’d just accepted what he said. But seeing him on screen with a hat pulled all the way down till the tips of his ears are hiding behind them has you frowning.

Almost immediately you see his tan cheeks flush red even through the combination of a screen and crappy lighting on his end and bizarrely, his hand taps at the top of his beanie, pressing down on the soft material with a slightly panicked look in his eye.

“I don’t...like hats. But...I mean...I just...use them now. I haven’t washed my hair and I did soccer practice today. So it’s gross.” Jimin’s muttering by the end, looking down at something before giving you a shy smile and you feel something flutter in your stomach at the sight.

It’s only then that you properly take him in, noting the softly rounded cheeks that are still filled with baby fat that are juxtaposed with the sharpness of his jawline. His lashes are dark and full, casting a tiny shadow on his cheeks whenever he looks down and you frown at the bizarre mixture of feelings that sizzle in your veins.

Jimin is your best friend, and has been for years. He knows everything about you. Literally everything. Probably stuff guys shouldn’t know, but he knows it anyway. Because he’s always been so easy to talk to and non-judgemental.

You’ve never even considered what he looks like because the pictures are so infrequent and you only cared about him talking to you. Hearing him speak alone is a feast for your ears as you continue to talk and idly discuss your classes in the days since you’ve last messaged, light and high when excited yet hoarse and almost gravelly when he gets serious.

But you’d be the dumbest girl in Seoul if you turned round and said Jimin wasn’t attractive. You felt a little stupid when you realised this, given how long you’ve known him. In fact, Jimin was perhaps the most attractive guy you’ve ever seen, and you suddenly felt shy with him as you continue to talk.

Oddly shy, and yet it’s like you’ve always talked face to face. For hours, the conversation flows and you even find yourself doing your homework with the camera facing you, getting Jimin’s help on your maths equations while the two of you discuss dumb stuff.

He even plays his favourite music for you, unfortunately a Chris Brown song, which leads to a whole argument about his music choices. Even if he spends half the argument laughing at your outrage before giving in with raised hands.

You struggle to look at him though, or to at least maintain eye contact with him. Because Jimin is beautiful. And you’re not entirely sure how to handle this information, nor the confused feelings in your body and mind.

-

21 Years Old

“Hey, are you listening to me?!” Jimin calls out, laughter in his voice as he chastises you for ignoring him. Humming lightly, you focus on painting your final toenail before letting out a tiny noise of success and grinning at him.

Shifting the laptop around, you wiggle your toes while they remain in the pink toe separator, nails a pretty purple that shifts colours to green and gold depending on the light. “Aren’t they pretty?” You ask, letting the camera stay on them before Jimin lets out a gross noise.

“Ew yes, god. Please stop. Please stop showing me your feet. I do not have a foot kink. Even if you do have pretty feet.” You snort at that, letting the laptop fall back onto the bed beside you and angling it so you can see the screen again. Jimin’s sat at his desk, a snapback on his head for some reason as he works on a maths project.

He’s always wearing a damn hat when you call, but he just goes all shy and always says he hasn’t showered. Jimin likes to shower in the morning and be clean for the day, whereas you’re a night person. There’s nothing like going to bed clean.

Which means you argue with him all the time. If he’s so unwilling to show his hair because it’s dirty after his dance or gym or whatever then why not shower at night? But he’d then get defensive and point out that he never asks you to change your routine.

True, but still. His hair always looks so soft, and you want to just see what he’d look like. He makes your heart race anyway, and you have the strongest urge to reach through the screen and move the strands of hair out of his face. But you can’t, because that’s not a real power.

“So what’s up? What’s going on in the ever popular life of Park Jimin?” You ask, leaning back on your mound of pillows while wiggling your eyebrows at him. He snorts quietly, pencil scratching over pencil before he lets out a quiet hum.

“Do I look like I’m being popular right? I’m literally sat doing my homework a week early,” He points the rubber end of the pencil to himself with a sardonic smile. “Your bestie is a nerd remember?”

“A cute nerd.” He looks at you with a soft smile before going back to his work.

“Nothing much anyway. I was...thinking about maybe asking Dami out. I think she likes me, she smells like it.” You look up from your romance book at this with a raised brow. He was always using weird phrases like that.

“She smells like it? Do you mean she looks like it?” Chuckling, you shake your head and completely miss the way Jimin glances at the screen with wide eyes.

“Yeah, yeah that’s what I meant. She smells nice, like oranges. It always makes me feel happy.” Your heart clenches at that, face souring slightly and you mentally chastise yourself. Jimin’s obviously happy with her, and he keeps talking about her a lot so he must like her.

“That’s good. If you like her and she likes you then ask her to be your girlfriend or something. I’m sure you can pull the moves out again. Though...if it’s anything like Jisoo then...maybe don’t.” Jimin’s whining at that, his voice doing that odd noise that you can never replicate as he scowls at the screen before pointing his pencil at it.

“You said you’d never bring that up again!” He scowls, plush bottom lip pushed out enticingly as he give you the most adorable puppy dog eyes.

“It’s not my fault you got so excited you literally peed yourself. Like...seriously bro. What the fuck?” Immediately you’re giggling again, teeth biting at your lip as you try to stop it. He’d not talked to you for a whole three days when he’d admitted he’d done that on his first ever date with Jisoo and you’d laughed so hard you’d cried.

He was a little bit sensitive about stuff like that.

“You’re so mean. Why do I put up with you?” He mutters quietly, rolling his eyes before getting back to his work. His version of giving you the cold shoulder, though he can never last long. Not talking to you is like losing a limb of his. Or so he’d said once.

Or rather, he’d said he’d rather give up jerking off for a week than not talk to you for more than two days.

Sweet, but a very bizarre way to put it.

“Because you love me and you’d be completely lost without me?” You tease lightly, poking your tongue out at him before leaning forward to check on your toenails.

It means you miss the way Jimin stares at the screen looking rather forlorn, lips twisting as he reaches out to touch the screen. “Yeah...that’s right.”

-

22 Years Old

“Have you been applying for any jobs yet?” Soyeon asks from the couch as you chop vegetables for the dinner you said you’d cook. Why you agreed to that, you have absolutely no idea but finals were almost over and your schedules had finally aligned.

Which meant that you were finally able to hang out instead of just passing each other like two ships in the night every morning and evening. Soyeon was in a pre-med course which meant that she was ridiculously busy whereas you were completing your final exams before you would be able to proudly graduate with a degree in history.

It wasn’t the most interesting of subjects but you’d found it palatable enough and it also offered up a lot of job options after graduation. Or it would, once you actually found the time to apply for the damn things.

As soon as college finished, you’d be moving back home with your parents before heading back one final time to attend your graduation ceremony. They were happy you were coming back, as they hadn’t been pleased when you’d said you wanted to live in Seoul in an apartment with Soyeon in your third year.

Why do you need to leave our perfectly good apartment and waste money on rent there? Is what they’d asked you frequently, and you’d rolled your eyes before spouting off something about wanting to experience financial responsibility and become independent from your parents in important life decisions.

In reality, you just wanted to have somewhere where you could party or brings guys home without having to sneak them around under the watchful eye of your parents. Not that you’d brought many home that is.

Soyeon had teased you relentlessly over the last two years about your lack of action in the romance department, and you’d tried your hardest to joke your way out of it every time. But she wasn’t stupid, and neither were you.

It was hard to invest yourself in a relationship when your heart was invested hundreds of miles away on the other side of the country.

Didn’t mean you couldn’t fulfil the needs of your body though. And you did, because you were a young and successful woman with a healthy sexual appetite.

“Not yet. I still have two exams left and I’ve been too busy studying for them and working. Need to bring in that cash some way.” You say sarcastically, raising a brow at her before scraping the vegetables into the soup broth. Letting it simmer, you head over and flop down on the couch next to her with a heavy sigh before smiling.

“You? Oh wait, never mind. Dumb question. Have you got your internship placement yet?” Soyeon gives a brief smile before running her fingers over her forehead with a deep sigh. She looks tired, and the bags under her eyes are large enough that you could probably fit a whole department store sale in them.

“Not yet. I think they’ll be telling us where we are in a month or so. But I’m just...so ready for the 12-hour shifts and all that crap.” She groans before flopping down further into the sofa, grabbing one of the pale purple pillows and smushing it over her face.

Laughing lightly, you pat her thigh before becoming distracted as your phone vibrates on the coffee table in front of you. Leaning over, you peer at the screen before grabbing it and unlocking it quickly with your thumb print.

“What’s lover boy have to say?” Soyeon asks, teasing laced into every word and when you look up to glare, she’s smirking in amusement. Pushing at her foot as it pokes your stomach, you stick your tongue out childishly.

“He’s not my lover boy. Just my best friend.” You murmur, opening up Kakaotalk and reading over his message before rolling your eyes. “And an idiot.”

Turning the screen, you let her read his latest message.

[6:24PM] Jiminnie 💖: Hey, question…

[6:25PM] Jiminnie 💖: What’s it feel like to have sex?

Soyeon squints as she reads, probably cursing herself for not wearing her reading glasses, before she’s snorting with laughter and rolling back into the couch. Looking at you, she wiggles her brows. “Tell him you’re willing to show him.”

“Shut up!”

[6:27PM] Y/N: Good. That’s why I do it

[6:27PM] Y/N: Why? Does it not feel good for you? You’re not doing it right then

[6:27PM] Y/N: If it’s burning...you might wanna see the doctor

“Do you not even find it weird that he’s asked you that?” She asks, shifting in position till she’s on her side, cheek squished into the pillow as she watches the latest episode of Keeping Up With The Kardashians. You’d rather wash your eyes with acid than watch this, but it’s her guilty relaxation programme so you didn’t get to dictate anything to her.

Unfortunately.

“Nope. He’s asked me weirder stuff.” You say distractedly, watching and waiting for him to respond. He’d finished his finals yesterday in Busan, so you had no doubt that he was likely partying it up with his friends before he had to move back into home too.

“You know...if I wasn’t so comfortable in our friendship...I’d feel put out that some guy hundreds of miles away in Busan is closer to you than me,” She pokes you lightly with her toe before smiling. “But it’s good. Unless he breaks your heart. Then I will put my medical knowledge to use.”

[6:32PM] Jiminnie 💖: Haha. Funny

[6:33PM] Jiminnie 💖: No, what does it FEEL like? Like...what does a penis in your vajayjay feel like?

[6:34PM] Y/N: Vajayjay? What are you? Five?

[6:34PM] Jiminnie 💖: Yeah, so answer.

[6:36PM] Y/N: Fine...it feels...like...a dick in your vagina

[6:37PM] Jiminnie 💖: Helpful. Really helpful.

[6:38PM] Y/N: Why do you wanna know?

[6:42PM] Jiminnie 💖: Talking with Taehyung and Jungkook. We wanna know what it feels like, but don’t have anyone to ask except you.

[6:43PM] Y/N: Doesn’t Taehyung have a sister?

[6:44PM] Jiminnie 💖: Omfg yes...but she’s only 19! What kinda sibling relationship do YOU have?

[6:45PM] Y/N: This is true. Okay...it’s like...feeling really full. Uncomfortable if you’re not turned on enough, but...full? And it feels good, but more so when they move. Some girls have a spot that makes it feel even better

[6:45PM] Jiminnie 💖: Do you?

[6:48PM] Y/N: Omfg Jimin. You can’t just ask girls that

[6:48PM] Jiminnie 💖: Well? Do you?

[6:52PM] Y/N: Maybe

[6:54PM] Jiminnie 💖: You so do. We find this fascinating, and yet cannot visualise it at all

[6:55PM] Y/N: So c’mon, what does it feel like for a guy?

[6:56PM] Jiminnie 💖: Well like...tight...hot...wet

You squirm on the sofa at that, thighs clenching together as you suddenly visualise Jimin whispering that into your ear with that deliciously hoarse voice while he’s going deep inside you, hands gripping your thighs.

Shivering, your fingers type on your screen while you glance at Soyeon self-consciously. Nothing like getting horny from texting your best friend while your other best friend lays opposite you. Particularly when neither is aware of what’s going on.

God, would Jimin be texting you this if he knew how you felt about him? Was it even okay to be feeling this for someone you’ve never even met in person? Who knows.

But then you suddenly realise something and look down with wide eyes.

[6:58PM] Y/N: WET? WET?! PARK JIMIN...HOW IS IT WET IF YOU’RE USING A CONDOM? ARE YOU GOING BARE? OMG

[6:59PM] Jiminnie 💖: WHAT? NO...maybe...I mean...maybe once or twice. BUT IT’S OKAY. I SWEAR!

[7:02PM] Y/N: WTF?! JIMIN! YOU’VE NEVER DATED A GIRL FOR MORE THAN 2 MONTHS.

[7:03PM] Y/N: ARE YOU TRYING TO BECOME A YOUNG DAD? OR GET AN STD??

[7:04PM] Jiminnie 💖: Y/N, I swear! It’s okay, I’m okay. Please!

[7:04PM] Jiminnie 💖: I can’t get them from the girls I dated! It’s fine

[7:06PM] Y/N: Wtf do you mean?! Did you get them checked out beforehand or something? Were they on the pill?

[7:08PM] Jiminnie 💖: No, that’s not I mean

[7:09PM] Jiminnie 💖: It just...trust me. Please. I’m okay, I’m clean. I don’t have to worry about kids. It...wasn’t an issue

[7:12PM] Y/N: Jimin...don’t be irresponsible like that.

[7:12PM] Jiminnie 💖: I’m sorry 😞 I didn’t mean to make you worry

[7:13PM] Y/N: I love you Jimin, I don’t want you to do something that you’ll regret just for a moment of pleasure okay? You’re my best friend, I care about you ❤️

[7:15PM] Jiminnie 💖: Yeah...you’re my best friend too. Sorry.

Sighing heavily, you drop your phone to your side on the couch before getting up to check on the soup that’s cooking. It’s so hard to hear Jimin talk about girls and dates, all with the knowledge that you want to love him in the exact way he seems to so desperately crave.

But he’s just your best friend.

Your best friend who apparently has unprotected sex with women. It makes you heart hurt for two reasons. One, because you’re worried he’ll do something stupid and get hurt. Two, because despite you reaming him out, there’s a part of you that’s jealous of the girls he sleeps with like that.

Which is ridiculously dumb and you curse to yourself quietly, hitting your head with a spoon until you wince at the pain and rub at the area. Putting it down and staring at the soup is as it cooks, you let out a long sigh that feels like it comes from your stomach.

You may be graduating university and entering the real world, but you were still clueless on what to do with Jimin. Because he owns a rather large piece of real estate in your heart now without even realising it. Does he even realise the important thing he has in his grasp?

[7:25PM] Jiminnie 💖: I love you too. ❤️

-

23 Years Old

Shuffling around on the spot, you contemplate whether you look more casual resting against the large LED sign currently advertising skin lotion or if it looks like you’re trying too hard. Crossing your ankles definitely was trying too hard but you felt like you didn’t know what to do with your limbs.

It felt like you were a big bag full of ants that were currently crawling under your skin. As soon as that metaphor runs through your mind, you shake your head with a grimace before patting your cheeks lightly.

“You can do this, it’s fine. It’s just...it’s just your childhood penpal that you’ve accidentally fallen in love with over the years. No big deal.” And it really wasn’t, because you’d been wanting to meet Jimin for 15 years now.

No amount of letters which eventually turned into emails, leading further into texts and Skype calls could ever compare to seeing someone in person.

You’d done your time of loving Jimin from afar. Surely you should be allowed to do so up close right? He was perhaps the sweetest and most loyal person you’d ever met, even if you’d never met him properly.

But he was Jimin. Your Jimin. And if there was one thing you knew about him, it was that he would be so upset to know that he’d made you feel awkward or nervous. His sweet nature would mean he’d spend the rest of the day giving you those obscenely large puppy dog eyes as he tried to make you smile.

The vibration of your phone in your hand distracts you and you look down with a smile that slowly spreads into a grin as you read the message that pops up, even if there’s a thread of confusion to you.

[1:02PM] Jiminnie 💖: Turn around 😊 Please don’t be mad

Almost immediately you’re spinning around, a scream of pure excitement ready to burst out of your throat when you notice two things that make your eyes widen while you step back in shock.

Firstly, Park Jimin is far more attractive in real life than on camera or in his pictures. He’s taller than he always makes out and you’re a little surprised to find yourself peering up at him. Despite this though, he looks just as slim and lean as you’d always thought.

As if you could just pick him up and spin him around. That does nothing to disguise the toned muscles you eye through his skin tight jeans, leading you to believe that his arms and torso must be equally as buff. Well, he was always doing some form of exercise as it seemed like he had endless amounts of energy.

Jimin’s face is also a work of art, cherubic in its innocence and statuesque in its beauty. Soft, rounded cheeks are tinged a sweet dusky pink that compliments his healthy golden tan, offset by the angular lines of his jaw and his plush lips that he licks at nervously.

You’d always thought that Jimin’s eyes were so sweet and kind, filled with a love that he simply couldn’t hide and you could see that even better now up close. He truly radiated joy and happiness to see you, but there was a ridiculous amount of tension in his body.

And between you both suddenly.

Because the second thing you noticed was atop his head. In amongst the familiar ruffled strands of dark honey-blonde hair are two floppy ears, silky smooth fur a shade or so darker and providing a pleasing contrast to his natural hair colouring. The texture of the fur matches his hair, as if he’s had a shower and spent the time running his hands through it till it’s dried in soft curls and waves.

The hesitant movement of something from behind leads you to peering around him, noting a tail with fur as dark as his ears. It wags slowly yet is very close to his legs, as if he’s unsure whether to be happy or worried.

Jimin is a hybrid.

You’re not sure whether to feel shock, betrayal or excitement at this revelation. He had told you that he had something important to tell you when you met, but you’d just thought that he would was going to say he loved you. Like you were going to tell him.

Not that...that he wasn’t even the same species as you. Or was he? Hybrids were humans right? Or at least part human.

It was with a touch of shame that you realised you weren’t too up on your hybrid knowledge. They had been integrated into human society for a century now. There was no one alive who remembered the days when hybrid’s were created in labs and sold to humans to be treated as glorified servants or pets and used for whatever heinous thing their owner wanted.

No, hybrids had long become normal members of society. They owned property and businesses across the country, educated themselves at the same halls of learning that humans did, were integral members of the government and even had families with other hybrids and humans.

It had taken them fifty years to get their full legal status, and since then they had just quietly integrated. Hybrids were born from other hybrids now, no longer being bred or forcibly bred in captivity.

And while there were humans who still resented the presence of hybrids amongst them in all levels of society, the vast majority had accepted it. Or...as well as humanity could accept anything that was different to them.

Your ignorance was horrifically embarrassing now, and you wanted to go back in time to when you first started writing to Jimin and tell yourself to learn everything you could about hybrids. Because this was Jimin, and it was an intrinsic part of him that he’d obviously felt the need to hide.

Why, you didn’t know. That was something he would need to tell you. At least you now knew why he always wore beanies or hats whenever he video called you. Or why his pictures always cut off at a certain point.

In fact, many of the things he’d said over the years were suddenly starting to make sense and you felt ashamed that you’d never clicked on faster.

“Jimin?” You ask slowly, confusion threaded so deeply into the word as you let it escape your mouth. Almost as if he can tell the emotional rollercoaster you’re going on, he dips his head quickly in response.

A flash of his tongue lets you see him wet his lips while his throat works as he swallows.

“Hi. I’m sorry...about this,” He gestures vaguely to himself and you frown instantly, recognising the negative tone to his voice. Despite your shock about his secrecy about something so important, you feel the intrinsic need to step forward and comfort him. Reassure him that he’s okay.

Though you’re not sure what you’re reassuring him for exactly, so you move forward anyway and place a hand lightly on his arm. He’s got a navy blue hoodie on with a white shirt peeking out from underneath, and you admire the softness of the fabric for a moment before peering up at him and giving him a tiny smile.

“Hey, it’s okay. I’m sure you’ve got a reasonable explanation. How about...how about we go grab  a coffee and then we can find a bench or something? And...we can talk. Because...I’m really going to need an explanation here Jimin. This is not what I was expecting.” His tail had begun to wave enthusiastically at your words and from the deepening pink on his cheeks, you suspect he’s embarrassed that its doing so.

Which is silly. Even you know that dog hybrids can control their tails to a degree but that extreme emotions override any control they may have.

“Sorry.” Gently pushing at his arm and giving him a reassuring smile, you lead him towards a chain coffee shop before tutting at him.

“Please stop apologising Jimin. Please? You know me. You know I’m not going to judge you, I’m just...shocked. I wasn’t expecting this because...well you’ve never made any mention of it before.” You’re positive that he can practically smell the surprise on you at this point, but he just chews at his lip nervously while you enter the coffee shop.

Neither of you get chance to talk after that until after you’ve both grabbed your drinks in to-go cups, a caramel frappuccino for you and a gingerbread cappuccino for him. Why they were selling gingerbread stuff in September, you had no idea.

Either way, the two of you awkwardly head back outside to find somewhere that was a little more private to have what you suspected was going to be one of the most important discussions in your entire friendship with Jimin. And you’d discussed boys with him and sex, so this was big.

After a few minutes of searching around, the two of you settle onto a wooden bench in the middle of the leafy park in silence. It’s pretty here, and you can see the small pond just past the trees on the other side of the path, a few ducks quacking along with two swans gliding along the surface elegantly.

There’s a couple of families sat around the edge, some feeding the ducks pieces of bread despite the warning signs while others enjoy homemade picnics on cute blankets. It’s all so domestic that you can’t help but let out a deep sigh and you relax back, inhaling the delightful scent of nature.

“I’m a King Charles Cocker Spaniel hybrid. Pure. My family can trace our origins back to the very first lab hybrids in our lineage two hundred and sixty years ago. I’m proud of being a hybrid...I want you to know that firstly,” He looks at you seriously, his mahogany eyes filled with a surprising amount of fierceness and you nod slowly. “I just...I’d never had a friend who didn’t know what I was. And despite what humans say and think, there’s still some discrimination there. I just...I don’t know, wanted to talk to you without being asked dumb questions about myself.”

Playing with the cardboard wrap around your cup, you let out a sigh of frustration. “Jimin...why didn’t you just tell me? Surely over 15 years you knew that I wasn’t going to be mad or push you away? I mean...okay I’m a little mad now because you didn’t tell me for that long. But...did I give the impression that I’d react negatively to you or something?”

His ears droop a little at that and you watch in fascination. Jimin’s entire demeanour is timid and filled with trepidation, his slight shoulders hunched in while his tail curls around himself almost protectively.

“N-no...but...when you’ve lied consistently for years then it’s hard to tell the truth. I’m really sorry, I feel so ashamed of myself. Especially when you’d look so happy to see me and I’d be lying saying I was cold in the middle of summer or something. I’m so sorry. I never lied about anything else. This was the only thing.” He shifts in his seat and you can see the desperate need in his eyes to make you see that was being serious.

Sighing quietly, you reach out and place a hand on his thigh. The movement feels oddly natural to say you’ve never met in person, and yet it feels new at the same time. Fizzing excitement in your stomach kind of new.

For a moment, you get distracted at the feel of his firm muscles under the denim fabric, tensing up at your touch while your fingers idly trace unintelligible symbols there. You’re finally doing what you’d dreamt of, hoped of for so long and you can’t help the tiny smile that appears as you do so.

“Jimin...it’s a shock, yes. But only because you lied. The Jimin I know doesn’t lie. Or I guess he does?” There’s a touch of insecurity to your voice suddenly as your mind races through all your interactions with him over the years, wondering if perhaps he’d lied about other things despite what he said.

Immediately though Jimin is placing his cup on the bench before grabbing your hands and tugging them to his chest with a horror-stricken face, head shaking so hard it’s making his hair and ears fly endearingly.

“No, no. I never lied about anything else! This was it! The only thing. It’s not even that important. I have ears and a tail, I have better sense of smell and hearing along with a few traits that still linger but...that’s it. I’m still Jimin. I still love mint ice cream and action films and comic books. I still went to college and studied math, just like I said. I have a job here in Seoul as a maths teacher. I swear, I haven’t lied about anything else. I’m not expecting you to accept this instantly, but please. Please don’t leave me.”

You look him over carefully, noting the sheen of tears in his eyes as he pleads with you to understand him and accept him. His origin wasn’t really that important, not when you’d gotten to know him so well over the years. But still…

“It hurts Jimin. I’m not gonna lie. You lied about something so...fundamental about you. It’s not like you’ve lied all these years about green being your favourite colour instead of yellow. This is who you are. And I don’t know what to think right now. Are you ashamed of yourself?”

He shakes his head vehemently at that, his fingers stroking the smooth skin of your hand gently as he focuses on them. “No. I have no reason to be. I have good friends back home and some who moved here too. I have a family who loves me, and being hybrid has never really been brought up. I just...I was a dumb kid who made a stupid decision that I didn’t know how to escape.”

“Jimin...you should have just told me. I wouldn’t have minded. I don’t mind now really. Your ears and tail are adorable, and a lot of the things you’ve said over the years make sense suddenly. I’m just...hurt that you never felt the need to tell me if you’re proud of yourself.” His head dips low at that, lips pouting cutely.

“Because I loved writing to you at first, and pretending to be something I’m not. But then I just loved writing to you. It relaxed me and you knew everything about me, even the stuff my friends and family didn’t. Everything except one of my most defining traits. But I didn’t want to ruin anything because I couldn’t handle the idea that you’d just...ghost me. Because by then I loved talking to you, but I also loved you too.” His confession is everything you’d been hoping for before you’d turned around, only with the addition of a sad apology.

Looking closely at his face, you take in the attractive sight up close in person for once instead of through a pixelated or lagging screen. His eyes are so large and expressive as they watch you carefully with nerves, but you know that when he smiles hard or laughs so intensely he folds over that those pretty eyes almost vanish in happiness.

It’s as you look closely into them, that you realise he’s still your Jimin. Still the Jimin who had terrible spelling when he was only 8 years old and didn’t really know how to articulate himself. Still the Jimin who excitedly wrote to you at 14 to tell you about his first kiss then obviously got embarrassed halfway through. He was still the man who’s voice had gone soft and shy the first time you ever called each other and who’s cheeks had turned a cherry red upon your first video call.

He was your Jimin. Just not with a whole new aspect that you got to explore.

“You love me?” Is all you ask, because it’s all you really care about right now. Jimin can never change what he is, but his feelings can change if you hurt him too much.

He’s quiet for a moment before slowly nodding, that nut-brown hair falling into his eyes as he does so. “I didn’t move all the way to Seoul because they needed maths teachers. I did it because you’re here. And...I wanted to be something more than just your best friend.”

Smiling brightly, you give in to your instinct and reach up to brush it out of his eyes, marvelling at how fluffy the strands feel. Your eyes flick up to his ears, the fur shining healthily and you get the urge to stroke them too. But even you know that no one touches a hybrids animal aspects without permission. They’re often highly personal or sensitive areas and will react badly normally.

But despite never meeting each other before, Jimin knows you perhaps better than you know yourself. And he must read your curiosity on your face as he tilts his head slightly till your fingers butt the base of one; a silent permission for you to touch them.

Hesitantly, you run one finger along the impossibly velvet soft fur on one ear. Without even realising, you’re smiling brightly at how nice it feels. Turning your hand over, you let the backs of your fingers stroke along each ear slowly and simply admire how soft they are.

It’s only then that you notice the way Jimin is leaning closer to you with each stroke, eyes closed and a dopey smile on his face as you do so. You like your hair being stroked and find the feeling therapeutic, so you can only imagine how this feels for Jimin.

Smiling to yourself, you lean forward before you press a sweet kiss to the apple of his cheeks. Almost immediately he jerks away, eyes wide with shock while a hand presses to said cheek as he looks you over.

Moving your hands, you let one rest lightly on his thigh before the other moves to his slim waist as you give him a grin filled with mischief and a tiny bit of nerves. “Your ears are very soft. I hope you’d be okay with me stroking them more.”

Jimin’s lip open and close repeatedly for a moment, the dog hybrid doing a marvellous impression of a fish before he points at himself. “Me? You...you’re okay with me? And what I said?”

Nodding, you shuffle closer to him until you gingerly lean against him, head on his shoulder and take in his clean scent. “Yes. I mean...we’re going to have work on this whole lying to me for fifteen years thing but...yeah. You’re still my Jiminnie. And I still love you just as much as I did before. But no lying to me from now on. I mean it. I won’t forgive it a second time.”

He’s silent then, the atmosphere full of shock and shy nerves between you both. Leaning your head further into his shoulder, you inhale deeply and just take him in for the first time. There’s no overwhelming scent of cologne, but you expect he likely wouldn’t like using most because of his sensitive nose. Most hybrids have to have specially made colognes and perfumes.

Almost immediately your eyes widen as you gasp in shock. “Jimin! You let me send you cologne all the damn time for presents! You couldn’t even use it!”

His shoulder moves rapidly underneath your cheek as he laughs quietly, shaking his head before he shifts till you’re looking up at him. “I appreciated the thought. Asking for hybrid cologne would have given me away. And it got put to use! My friends, Jungkook and Namjoon, are human so they used them. I loved every one you sent though, and even if they were too strong for me...I liked them.”

“Park Jimin! You...you need to tell me what you like. So I can buy you that.” Your lip sticks out almost petulantly as you look up at him, feeling oddly childish with the excitement of what was obviously a relationship between you and the man you’ve loved for years. Neither of you feel the need to ask explicitly, because you just know.

He watches you for a moment with amusement, his tail thumping against the bench and betraying his own happiness as his eyes crease into those familiar shapes that you love and adore so much. A tiny giggle leaves his mouth, high pitched enough to make him squeak before he leans forward and presses the softest kiss to your lips.

It’s nothing major, and yet your first proper kiss with him takes your breath away all the same. Because it’s everything you’ve imagined for years. And yet nothing like what you’ve imagined, because it’s so much more than you could’ve hoped for.

Sighing into him, you lean forward and increase the pressure on his lips until he lets out a tiny gasp of a moan against you, breath puffing against your skin as he pulls away. Leaning his forehead against yours, the two of you simply take in the moment before looking at each other with shy exhilaration rushing through your veins.

“I like you,” He whispers, so close you can feel each word brush your lips and your own spread into a sweet smile. “No, I love you. So...you’re enough for me.”

Watching him so closely, you note how his mahogany eyes have a touch of whiskey amber in the centre, spreading out slowly in a burst of colour. Bringing up a finger, you trace over the impossibly soft skin of his lower lip before you kiss him once more with a tiny giggle.

“I love you too Jiminnie. At least you didn’t pee yourself.”

“Really? Maybe I take it back.”

“No! Don’t. Please. It was sweet.”

“Shut up and just kiss me. Please.”

[kavinderrawat]

Home Tuition for Class 10 & 12 in Dehradun: Ace Your Board Exams!

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[altphilcmena]

𝐓𝐀𝐒𝐊 𝟎𝟎𝟑 ;; a collection of writings.

implications of trauma, death, murder, gun violence, mental illness / rehabilitation, general violence. 

𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔 𝒊 𝒔𝒂𝒘 𝒕𝒐𝒅𝒂𝒚 ;; dated october 23rd, 2013. written in a moleskin journal.

the birds chirping

a broken wind chime

daisies in the windowsill

lysander and his boyfriend

elektra and her guitar

juno, alone

the setting sun

𝒔𝒆𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒔𝒐𝒐𝒏 ;; dated september 29th, 2015. written on yellow notepad paper, lost behind the vanity.

     mother, father, lysander, juno, orion, valora, and whoever else it may concern -

this is not goodbye, and it is not forever. explicitly, i am leaving home for an undetermined amount of time. i have respectfully decided to follow elektra in her pursuits - they are of passion, and of yearning, and i have felt this way for quite some time now. this is not a life of fulfillment, at least not one for me. i wish to experience more. i want to know more. i want to feel cultured beyond the texts of ancient greek and latin. i want to feel what elektra feels, and if she goes, i will be void of it. i have to go, but it is not forever. this is not goodbye. to lysander, i send my best regards. he will say yes. juno, i’m sorry. i am forever sorry. orion, valora - i will think of you both, everyday, and the people you become. mother, father - our intelligence is not yet aligned, but one day it will be. you will be proud, as you always are. you are admirable, and so will i. water the garden, take care of the stable, stay out of the woods.

                                                       evermore,                                                                            𝒑𝒉𝒊𝒍𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒏𝒂

𝒇𝒍𝒐𝒓𝒊𝒅𝒂 ;; dated may 6th, 2019. written on a napkin, and burnt with a lighter.

i have potentially done something terrible, today. we’re leaving in the morning, and i doubt we’ll ever return. some laws are stupid. i did not hurt anyone. i will never hurt anyone. i simply gave a warning shot.

𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆𝒍𝒍 ;; dated may 30th, 2019. written on stationery, adorned with mushrooms. sent to the carmichael residence at woodside, california.

florence broke down in connecticut today. the sign says lovell. the streets are busy, in that small town way. it’s a small town - mostly college students. we are fine, please do not send money. it is always burned. i believe i may enroll at the university here, radcliffe. there is a floral shop that always smells sweet, and the boy behind the register always smiles at me. there are rumors of ghosts and misfortune that haunt radcliffe - but do not fret, i will not open unearthed boxes. i have learnt my lesson. i’m careful, now. more careful than i had been before. i’m smarter, too. i suppose i have you to thank for that. so, thank you. i am running out of space to write. with best wishes, philo

𝒕𝒐𝒅𝒂𝒚'𝒔 𝒉𝒊𝒌𝒆 ;; dated july 12th, 2010. written on construction paper, later torn and folded to make paper stars for a fancy paper stars jar.

i don’t like the police, they ask very many questions. they came to our house and asked us about our hike today. juno’s and i’s, to be very specific. it was only the two of us. but we are very smart. they asked what we saw. i saw many birds. blackbirds and bluebirds and a cardinal, too - those are red. sparrows and wrens. finches. i saw poison oak, but because i am very smart i did not touch the poison oak. i saw wildflowers. i saw a red scarf, and it was very odd. we went down a different path than usual, but there are no scarves in the woods besides on this path. it was a very dirty scarf, but my eyes are very good and i can see color very well. juno didn’t like the scarf, though. she hated the scarf. she liked it at first, but then she hated it after she touched it. the fabric must not be very nice. i don’t blame the scarf, however, for how it was made. it is just a scarf. but she screamed and screamed and screamed and the park ranger was called. he’s very nice, the park ranger. he called mom and dad. juno couldn’t, but i don’t know why. we’re home now, and the cops are gone, but juno has been very quiet. i hope she is okay. it was just a scarf. i hope we go on another hike soon. i miss the trees. they have things to tell me.

𝒈𝒓𝒐𝒄𝒆𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒔 ;; dated november 5th, 2019. written in a tiny notebook with crayon.

brown sugar

almond milk

cat litter

bleach

bedazzling kit

eggs, brown

oranges

strawberries

blackberries

earl grey tea

hair ties

get well soon card

bandaids

𝒕𝒐 𝒅𝒐 𝒍𝒊𝒔𝒕 ;; dated april 17th, 2018. written on the window in dry erase.

dive for scraps at junkyard

weld

fast food breakfast

hang upside down to test blood flow

fish

fast food lunch

library

class :o(

meet elektra at bridge

diner dinner

moonlit walk across town

stargaze

𝒅𝒓𝒂𝒇𝒕𝒔 ;; dated april 28th, 2020. written in a notebook, later discarded.

leopold is a good person. leopold kristoff fowler is a good person. leopold fowler is a good person. leo fowler is a good person. i can testify this, because he is kind to me because i see him everyday, and he does not have a history of unwarranted violence. i believe that what you saw on that day was a fluke, a lapse in judgement power thought (come back to this) leo fowler is of noble character. i know this for fact. it is not disputable. i would trust my life in his hands. i do trust my life in his hands. trust holds more value above all else. my life has been in his hands before, matter of fact. i believe leo fowler saved my life, in fact (repetitive), after a very terrible accident in which i fell from several heights. it was one of the scariest things i have ever experienced. he was there as it happened, and took immediate action to insure i was properly taken care of. i fear that if it hadn’t been for him, i would be under very different circumstances. (handwriting becomes illegible, as if the rest had been scribbled away)

𝒕𝒐 𝒋𝒖𝒏𝒐 ;; dated feburary 1st, 2017. written on floral stationary and sent in an envelope (lost in the mail and never delivered).

     to juno, my dearly estranged sister,

it’s been some years now since we’ve last spoke, and i hope you are well. truly well. elektra and i are fine, as we always are. we are surviving, and i hope you are too. you’re one of the bravest people i know, maybe even more so than elektra (do not tell her that i said this, please) and i know i have hurt you in more ways than can be said, or imagined. i will not excuse my selfishness, but i urge you to see from my perspective. i am not dumb, nor have i ever. i have ears and eyes and very keen senses. i knew you were being sent away, and so did elektra. come to think of it, you are the only one who was left unaware. i can’t tell you if it was selfish, or if it was in their best interest for you. i’m afraid i’m biased, and i still cannot yet see from your perspective. clearly, at least. i wish i can, someday, and i wish to hear from you soon. i’m sorry that we left as we did. i’m sorry i didn’t tell you my plans. i’m sorry for abandoning you. i know we both don’t care for empty homes, that’s why i left when i did. i thought you’d be gone, longer, too. sometimes i have very poor judgment and i’m not ashamed to admit it. i am, however, ashamed to admit that i have misjudged you. you’re far more complex than i knew of, and i can only blame the ignorance of youth. it’s only been two years, but i’m far wiser now. please believe me. i wouldn’t leave you now, if i were the age i am now than i was then. one day when the cycle repeats, i hope i remember to do better by you. congratulations on your acceptance to columbia.

                                                      evermore,                                                                          𝒑𝒉𝒊𝒍𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒏𝒂

𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔 𝒊 𝒔𝒂𝒘 𝒕𝒐𝒅𝒂𝒚 ;; dated may 12th, 2020. written in a moleskin journal.

the rising sun

pail sleeping on a pile of blankets

rosemary and basil and mint and thyme

my reflection

elektra, and her guitar

leo :o)

a murder of crows

my favorite tree

songbirds

the stars, far earlier than night

[asterlavande]

Productivity: Day 5 of 100

March 12th Breakdown:

- I practiced a total of an hour and thirty minutes today and I feel like all the practice I did actually did nothing for me today even though I tried. But I have come to the conclusion that I really need to focus on the fact that I now see music as a hobby more than anything.

- My computer is really slow right now, but! I finally completed the annotated bibliography for my Research Methods class. If he continues to diminish my work as he has done SO many times. I’m going to throw hands.

- I continued learning about location vocabulary in Latin and I also strengthened my French vocabulary concerning nationalities.

- I am now on page 80 of “American Dirt.”

- Started reading “A Good Neighborhood” trying to stay on top of my book club reading this month. I read up to page 6 with all the introductory material.

- Read up to page 104 in “Juliet Takes a Breath.”

- I now end this day with my meditation report. I did it for 15 minutes, but I feel so tired and sleep-deprived that I was more falling asleep and caught myself multiple times about to fall over.

March 13th Goals:

- Research Methods: Work on my Final Term Paper Outline.

- Baroque History: Complete part one for the Ornamentation 5 Discussion.

- Critical Theory: Read up to page 196 in “Juliet Takes a Breath.”

- Form & Tech: Read “Happy Like This”

- Reading: “American Dirt”, “A Good Neighborhood” and “The Shadow of the Wind.”

- Language: Practice French and Latin.

- Spiritual: Practice and meditate.

- Chores: Finish cleaning room & sweep the house.