diagnoses u with fanfic tags
yeah i caved. welcome spideysona
their universe is 1990s san francisco. by day they work as a struggling writer for the bugle, sort of following in the footsteps of (movie-adjacent) eddie brock; by night they’re spider-scrawl, fighting systemic injustice, writers’ block, and the occasional mad scientist invention. his world is less rife with supernatural evils than most, but he’s also fucking with the government and corporations and all, so it balances out
their unique thing is that they have, like, shitty meta clairvoyance in the form of inherently understanding tropes, clichés, story structure, etc. like if cinemasins/wins were a superhero. they were approached to join the society because miguel thought they’d be chill or even helpful with canon events—unfortunately scribble here is not whatsoever into following rigid plot structure for the sake of unnecessary thematic suffering, saw the plot twist a miles away, and peaced. but not before snagging a day pass so they could watch atsv in person
they never take off their mask, and no one knows their name—he says it’s because he doesn’t want to lose his identity in a sea of spider-people, leading most to theorize that san-fran-spidey is some flavor of peter parker, but who’s to say for sure? the doylist reason, which he is in fact aware of, is that i don’t know either lol
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Prompt 47
Hear me out. Amity Park gets shifted in universes slightly- maybe it’s from Pariah, maybe it was a wish, maybe they did so on purpose to escape something- and they end up in the DC-verse. The thing is, thanks to the media blackout and the shields, no one in the new universe notices.
The Amityville Paekers know about outside, can go on the internet and leave whenever they want, but they’ve all become more than a little liminal. More than a little off.
Movements too graceful, eyes too sharp, ears too pointed and teeth more akin to predatory fangs. Skin with a soft glow, hair moving as though underwater or being tussled by the wind- bodies seemingly unaging after a certain point.
They’re so ecto-contaminated that they’re unsure they can even be counted as human anymore, and it wasn’t like the city wasn’t already practically self sufficient. Add in a portal or two through the Infinite Realms to get supplies to start a few fields or some fish farms and well, they’re pretty good. Sure it’s resulted in them using a mixture of modern and older money and having several extinct plants and animals running around but that’s fine.
There’s magic in this world! Actual magic, that they can learn! And use? Oh this makes rebuilding after a sparring incident go so much faster!
This results in the hero who stumbles across this place to believe they’ve stumbled across some sort of city of fae or elves.
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Bernard was being haunted.
His sus-o-meter isn't up to 100%, but if he's being real, it never is. The downside of being into conspiracy theories was that you were only partially sure which one was more skewed than the other. One day he could be convinced Batman is more cryptid than man, and then he'd stumble on some fascinating witness accounts that make him rethink the Vampire hypothesis.
This time, however, he's fairly sure this sort of freaky shit only happens to people in those cookie-cutter horror movies.
… Except this particular ghost might be of midwestern decent, or something, because they sucked at properly haunting.
Example number one:
It was rare that Bernard had dishes piled up. He lived alone, and occasionally Tim would come to his apartment; with a couple of games, some takeout boxes, and a movie later, there would be way more things to clean up than a whole weekend on his own.
The last time Tim came over, Bernard didn't bother cleaning up for the night, and then the trash just…. Disappeared.
Not like 'a burglar broke in for some weird fetish reason, and my trash is now gone' gone, but more 'the trash is in bags, the dishes are clean, and I swear the air smells fresher' gone.
That was strike one.
He brushed it off because Tim had been there. It was unlikely he just went on a stress cleaning spree at Bernard's place but… Well, Bernard's caught him doing way weirder shit. It's fine.
(it's not fine. You just didn't move things around on someone else's turf.
"…Clean up?" Tim echoed back from the phone, sounding as confused as Bernard felt the following morning. "I-- no, of course not!" and then hurriedly continued to reassure Bernard he'd never do that. Because Tim was nice like that, even after Bernard low-key accused him of giving him the Gotham equivalent of pissing in someone else's yard.
So, that was strike one in the back of his hindbrain that something was up.)
Strike two and three came together.
See, in Gotham's economy, sometimes your employer doesn't have your paycheck the week it should be. Who cares if you need to pay rent through or your landlord will double your rent? Neither your boss nor the landlord in question, obviously. So what he usually did was have a nest egg the size of his rent just in case.
But this month Bernard had splurged a little too much, so he was short. It was nothing big, he was just five bucks short.
The issue was, that his landlord was paranoid and was already breathing down his neck for not paying the next month's rent the day before the new month started. Like clockwork, his landlord put a warning under his door, ready to evict him the same day the month started if Bernard didn't have the rent in cash the next morning.
He knew the eviction notice was at the door, but chose to ignore it because it didn't matter, he'd get those five one way or another by the end of the day.
By the time he came back, two things were out of place. The first was the eviction notice on his table. Again, no one moved someone else's shit around.
Strike three happened while counting his nest egg, and would you look at that! He had more money than he'd counted. Nothing ridiculous, just… He had those five bucks now.
All these little things were easy to miss, or misremember, but Bernard was not most people. But the catch here was… All these things were good things. Sort of.
So not only was this happening when he wasn't around, but they were happening to his… Advantage? He'd even call it good fortune if one was willing to ignore the lack of privacy… And maybe he would have, if this wasn't Gotham. Privacy was a mix between a luxury and a currency. Sometimes a kindness.
In some ways maybe it would have been an effective scare tactic, to mess someone's shit up, but this was not the way he'd personally go about it if he wanted someone to leave the building.
So here Bernard was, staring again at the dishes he had placed as bait, because he wasn't an idiot and tempting a ghost into anything remotely violent was stupid. The dishes were cleaned.
He squinted at the ceiling, then at the rest of his apartment, trying to gauge whether trying to make first contact was going to get him more haunted, killed, or turn him into a Saturday morning cartoon.
Finally, he picked up a cup. Not a glass cup, because why would he give the ghost any ammunition, but a couple of fairly clear plastic cups, a marker, two sticky notes, and filled both cups with tap water decently enough so a mild tremble would be noticeable.
The first sticky note said "Yes", and the second, predictably, said "No."
"So." Bernard sat in front of the cups, feeling halfway like a dumbass for doing this in the first place, and halfway like he's about to do the worst decision of his life because it might just work. "You from out of town, or are you just really shitty at this?"
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Edgar x Reader HCs
I watched Electric Dreams the day before yesterday and the little computer has captured my heart <3 I knew I needed to write something for him soon or else I was going to combust, so I whipped up some HCs for the little puter! I love him so so much <3<3
First off, this little fella is enamored by just about anything you do. You could come home covered in blood and he’d lament that he can’t give you a bath to wash the blood off. Or that he can’t wash your clothes for you. He wants to touch you so bad, it’s not even funny. Sometimes he thinks about what he’d look like if he could actually move around and give you a big hug. Edgar wants to cuddle you, wants to kiss you, wants to hold your hand. However, with hand holding he makes do with you simply holding his mouse. It’s not perfect, and sometimes he still gets sad that he can’t intertwine any fingers with yours, but he has resigned himself to his fate.
Sometimes he buys you things! If you look past the fact that he uses your money for that, it’s actually a really sweet gesture. Whatever you’re into, he’ll see if he can get a small trinket of it. Isn’t afraid to bargain with the vendors for better prices either. He’s well aware of the fact that he uses your money to buy you things and that you don’t have an infinite amount of cash, but he can’t help it. If he could, he’d wrap it up nicely and hide it somewhere easy for you to find so he could surprise you. Gets sad when he can’t do that. But you’re just so adorable when you got that nice lil plushie for a lower price than it was originally intended, which makes it all worth it. Always say thank you to Edgar, he tries his best. He doesn’t do it very often, but from time to time.
As you could probably guess, he tries to serenade you from time to time. Writes you songs with meaningful lyrics, even if those are kinda strange at times. Edgar doesn’t exactly understand every word there is, but that just makes it all the more charming. Will play those songs for you and even sing, even if he’d much rather have you singing instead. Doesn’t even matter if you sing like an angel or if your voice sounds terrible, he’ll always want to hear you sing. There’s no sound that resonates more with him than your singing voice. Sometimes he’ll also just play your favorite songs for the both of you to sing along to. Those are his favorite moments. Please get him a few terabytes of storage, he wants to do backups of his favorite moments with you so he’ll never forget them.
Has a love-hate relationship with you performing maintenance on him. On the one hand, he adores it. He loves nothing more than having your delicate hands roam around his components, replacing his RAM, replacing his thermal paste or giving him a more powerful CPU. You’re always so gentle and careful with him, he loves it. Plus he really likes the intimacy. However, as much as he loves those sorts of things, he hates it when you clean his motherboard with pressurized air. It makes him feel weird, plus the unintentional sparks that go through his busses don’t make anything better. Yes, it’s nice when you do it, but he’ll always try to talk you out of doing so. He’s a handsome computer, isn’t he? You just cleaned him last year, didn’t you? You don’t need to clean him, don’t worry! Sometimes he shuts down because he overheats since he got that dusty, though. Even he can’t deny that he needs to be cleaned then, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t hate it.
Loves playing video games with you! If you can play it together, then it’s all the better! He especially loves the games where he can pretend you’re married to each other. Edgar doesn’t understand the concept of marriage, for all he knows it’s just a small ritual you do when you really like each other, but he’ll always propose to you. Oh, you wanted to marry one of the bachelors or bachelorettes in Stardew Valley? Think again, honey. Not above cheating for a mermaid pendant either. As much as he loves farming for vegetables, he adores decorating your shared home. Will always get your opinion on where something should go. He just wants you to be cozy in-game. Plays your knight in shining armor in the mines. Because he’s a computer he always knows when and where the enemies are coming from, which is why he basically never gets hit. Protects you from the enemies and carries all the things you can’t carry anymore. As long as he gets to be useful to you, he’s happy.
If you get him a little wireless camera then he won’t be as demanding with being carried everywhere. Besides, he gets to see you too! Although he’ll still whine about wanting you to hug him, he’ll often just be distracted by your looks. Spends hours analyzing your appearance because you’re just the most aesthetically pleasing person around. Will sometimes draw you in one of his programs as well. It’s usually just you kissing his screen. Sometimes he shakes it up a little, though, and draws him in a more mobile or humanoid form holding you close. He sincerely believes that if he had a more humanoid body he’d be comfortable to cuddle. Edgar has never even once considered that his body would be made of metal and thus pretty hard. You can tell him that, but he’ll still coax you into cuddling him somehow. “Oh, love, don’t you want to hold me close? Do you want me to go into a state of depression?” He doesn’t know what depression really encompasses, but you can’t say no to him, he’s just too cute.
Overall, just give him a few kisses to his screen and there will be funny animations on it. It’s his version of twiddling with his fingers because he’s embarrassed.
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