#to the point that I wrote about it in her fic

[omgfloofy]

Let's just answer the whole damn list.

1: How many fics have you worked on since January?

I've got the ever present dal segno al coda that I've always been working on this year. However, in May, I came up with the concepts that turned into The Insurgent King and this has kind of taken over EVERYTHING in my mind.

I also got a couple of Ys fics out, a pretty dark story for Van Arkride, and a couple of one shot stories for FFXV.

2: What’s something new that you tried in a fic this year?

👏 MAFIA 👏 ADJACENT 👏

Insurgent King has been SO MUCH FUN because it's really delving a lot into the dark underbelly of stuff. I also got to use my AP style from Endless History in a fic with The King's Interview in that series.

But in general, writing has been amazingly therapeutic for me. It was something I started after my mom's death in 2022 as a bit of personal therapy. I think having time to be in make believe worlds writing fantasy and adventure when it sometimes feels like my world is falling apart has helped me more than you can believe.

Additionally, an upcoming story that I've been planning for Insurgent King is straight up a heist story, ala Oceans 11 and so forth. I've never done something like this before and it has been the craziest thing I've had to plan. And it's the one story that doesn't have a shit ton of stuff already written for it, since the heist needs to be so carefully put together.

I'm SO excited for that story to finally get released. I can't wait for people to read it because it's been so much fun to plan.

3: What piece of media inspired you the most? (This can be the fandom you wrote the most for, the one that spawned the most ideas, the one you thought about the most, etc.)

Final Fantasy XV seems to be the game to keep on giving me a lot of inspiration for ideas. However, I've been finding inspiration for my stories in so many things all over the place.

Trails Through Daybreak has served as much of a supportive 'vibe check' for Insurgent King, as an example. Watching through Tower of God's S2 anime has reminded me of how COOL that comic is and since I've started writing, I've started finding a whole new appreciation for fiction and other stories all over the place. The biggest influence this year, though, has been from old TV shows ala Lost and Stargate, both of which have been an immense inspiration for the storytelling method behind Insurgent King. Look at it like a serialized TV series and the way I'm writing it will probably make a lot more sense.

4: How many fandoms did you write for this year?

For things published, three: Final Fantasy XV, Ys, and Trails.

For things that are still in my WIPs bin? Lost Universe, No Man's Sky, and Helldivers.

5: What ships captured your heart?

I adore Lunoct - but I fully understand that my bias comes from working on dal segno al coda, which is kind of my baby. I can't wait to start releasing it, because Noctis and Lunafreya are the quintessential power couple in it, and fate does not want them together because of the shit they can do when united in it.

6: What characters captured your heart?

I know this was from something I released last year, but it was at the very end of the year, and it still carried over through this year: Anemona from Ys IX. I would not have written anything for her if it wasn't for the Yuletide exchange.

I've also found myself loving the hell out of writing Gladio in my FFXV fics. He's started to become one of the easiest characters for me to write, even.

Also, writing in the point of view of Regis in The King's Gambit. I want to write something that's far more enjoyable for him than the ball of anxiety he was in that fic. Shit was going poorly and he had to change everything to make it go less poorly in that story. I just want something with him being happy.

7: Did you write for any new fandoms or ships this year?

I hadn't written/released anything for the Trails series, strangely enough, until I wrote Cannot Deny His Sleepless Eyes. I have another fic that I've been dabbling with that's Trails from Zero/Trails to Azure, but I'm not far enough to really call anything for it.

8: What fic meant the most to you to write?

The Cordelia Manifest.

This was the first fic of the Insurgent King series. Think of it like the pilot for a TV series. I wrote it based on vibes I got while listening to music from Bubblegum Crisis. While doing so, I realized that I love this setting a LOT and really needed to delve into it more and explain out how Insomnia fell and Noctis became a king of the criminal underworld in it.

9. What fic made you feel the happiest to work on?

Lost and Found.

This was my fic in the FFXV Remix event that happened earlier this year. I had so much fun reading a fic called The new guy by MiraNjell and chose it for my remix fic.

A lot of this was pulled from my own personal experiences from getting a new puppy this year.

10: What fic was the most satisfying to finish writing?

The Insurgent King.

In this case, not the series, but the fic named for the series. This is my longest published fic on AO3, and I felt so proud of actually getting it done.

11: What fic was the most difficult to write?

ad astra is one of my FFXV wips. I've come and go with it several times, but since it delves very hard into concepts that are "beyond human understanding" and kind of delves a bit into cosmic horror… it's easily one of the most difficult projects ahead of me. I want to read more cosmic/eldritch horror before I try to write more of it, and I really want to become a much better writer to do this concept justice.

With what I released, it would be Cannot Deny His Sleepless Eyes. I've never written whump before and this was somewhat uncomfortable as it has a lot of heavily implied child abuse. It's only 400'ish words, but I didn't want to expand on it any further.

12: What fic was the easiest to write?

Infiltration! I just sat on the ending for ages, and then decided "boom" and knocked that shit out in a couple of hours. A lot of Noctis and Prompto's interactions remind me very much of the same kind of 'two friends who lose all brain cells when together' friendship that I have with my best friend.

In fact, the "be quiet" aspect of Infiltration was actually based on a real bet with my best friend from years and years ago.

13: What were your shortest and longest fics posted this year?

Shortest: Cannot Deny His Sleepless Eyes - 414 words

Longest: The Insurgent King (story, not series.) - 62,638

14: What were your go-to writing songs?

I made a whole ass playlist for Insurgent King.

15: What was the hardest fic to title?

Filed Away. I still am not 100% happy with the title.

16: What's your favorite title of the year?

There's an upcoming story in my Insurgent King series called A Field of Flowers. I love everything about this title. I can't wait for people to see just why it's an amazing title, too.

17: Share your favorite opening line

Ring ring. Ring ring. Ring ring. Click. "Fisherman's Lighthouse." "Good… [afternoon], this is an automated call from Concordo Shipping. Your freight parcel has been scanned in at… [Pier Lots Warehouse] and will be ready for pick up in… [forty-eight hours]. Failure to pick up your parcel… [one week] after its release will see that your parcel is forfe–" Click.

The above is the opening from Observator, one of the side stories in Insurgent King. I love it because I think you can hear the automated voice on the line.

18: Share your favorite ending line

Voices echoed through Regis' quickly fading consciousness. He saw the flash of blue, glimmering magic in front of him. He couldn't make out the words from the woman's voice — it sounded as if he was under water. He had no time. He held his left hand up to her. He needed the ring to be noticed immediately. "Take it." His strength faded fast. "Take it to…" But Regis Lucis Caelum never got out that last word before he died on the steps of the Citadel.

The above is the ending (before the super short epilogue) of The King's Gambit, the third story of the Insurgent King series. Regis' death is a catalyst to everything in the series, and I wanted the story that was in his POV to end abruptly as he died. There would be no more 'voice' for the POV any longer, afterall.

19: Share your favorite piece of dialogue

"It's not home." Noct said as he crossed the room and started to poke through the bag. It's dinner, but instead of commenting on the food, he mused out loud, "I'm surprised, though. Ignis is usually super critical when I'm too lax about hiding my identity." "You could make it easier and introduce me to them as your cousin Gladio Gar." "No." Noct stopped, then looked up. He sounded a lot sharper than he initially intended, but continued with it, "Don't. That's my thing." Gladio leaned back with a smug grin. The chair groaned in protest at the large man's weight from the action. "Yeah, I know." He paused for a second, just for the timing of it. "It shouldn't be." "I have a good cover here." Noct mumbled as he dropped into his own chair and opened the box to look through the food. It was a burger — he was surprised it wasn't Cup Noodles. "It's about as great as a baseball cap." "It works!" Noct grabbed a fry out of the box and threw it at Gladio. He laughed as it only bounced harmlessly off his head.

The above is from A Part to Play, one of my Twilight extra stories that's still in WIP format. I have to be extremely careful with this one because it has some very technical stuff to describe and I need to take my time. It should be out soon, though.

19: Share your funniest line

This time, the roles were switched. Luna took hold of Noctis' wrist and walked ahead to lead him, instead. "What's the worst he could do to us?" "To you." Noctis didn't fight being pulled along. "He wouldn't do anything to you." A beat. "He'd just kick my ass in our next training session." "If he's kicking your ass," It was so weird to hear Luna repeat his own words. She always knew what to say and the perfect way to say it, when Noctis felt he fell short in that skillset. Luna quickly glanced back to say, "Then you just need to…" She paused, as she seemed to search for the words, then continued, "get good and show him what for." Noctis thought, at first, that he must have not heard her right. The words and Luna's voice just didn't sound right together. After running that over in his head again, he finally laughed. "I'm sorry. Who are you and what did you do with Lunafreya?"

This is from Date Night, my little 'preview fic' for Noctis and Lunafreya in dal segno al coda.

This fic is a single night of events that just didn't fit in the full narrative of the main story and is Noctis and Lunafreya having an evening out together in Insomnia. (takes place during part 2)

I really have a lot of fun with Noct and Luna in segno. I know I said it before, but I'll say it again: I really can't wait to get comfortable enough to start posting it, because I want people to really have fun with what the two are capable of in that story.

As I said before, they are very much a power couple in dal segno al coda, except there are points here and there when Noctis and Lunafreya just have the chance to be the people they could never otherwise be.

20: What's something that surprised you while you were working on a fic? Did it change the story?

I would go as far as to say that the sudden idea behind Solus popping into my head was a big surprise. It doesn't change the overall story of the Insurgent King, but it does add more to it, I feel.

There's also a contender for biggest 'surprise' that came about from writing part 2 of segno. This wasn't this year - I think I wrote the scene last year, even - but I'm still trying to contend with it. I feel like I have to fight over 'how far is too far' with the idea.

It changed a LOT of segno and triggered a lot of rewrites, as well. However, it was very much a case of 'Lunafreya wants what she wants, and it's not necessarily what the author originally wanted.' LOL

21: What writing programs did you use? Did you write by hand?

I started using Google Drive, but I was introduced to Ellipsus this year and I love it so much. So I've started migrating my works to it.

While it's not the main parts of the story themselves, I have a plnner for dal segno al coda, that I use to keep track of dates in it and what happens around said dates.

I also have been carrying a tiny composition book in my purse to use when I get ideas while away from home.

22: If you had to choose one, what was THE most satisfying writing moment of your year?

I would actually put that towards The King's Interview and when I looked at the finished product on AO3. Not so much the writing part of it, but the design work and workskin editing. Since I have a web development background, I really love playing with AO3 workskins and think they can be a very powerful tool in storytelling.

That header image was made from two different stock images, and intended to illustrate the interview, as you would see on a news site or newspaper.

I also did something like it for the Epilogue for The King's Gambit. I made a faux newspaper front page in InDesign, complete with making a believable printed halftone look of the front of the Citadel. There's so much more of that layout than what I showed.

I've also got a story that's doing something like this further down the line in segno - so I may have just lifted that idea from there. segno's 'front page' is a little more complete than this one, however. Complete with extra fake headlines and snippets of other articles and stuff.

23: Did you do anything special to celebrate finishing a fic?

Not necessarily. I think the only real time to celebrate finishing one would be when I finished The Insurgent King - the story, not the series it's named after. This is probably due to the nature of the series, though, since I was immediately in my files and making notes of where to go with the next story and what had to be revealed in it (as well as what I can't reveal yet).

24: How did you recharge between fics?

I might just pull up a game and play a bit. Nothing too fancy.

25: Did you create fanworks other than fic?

Not really, no.

26: How many events did you take part in? (bangs, exchanges, ship weeks, zines, prompt memes, they all count!)

Just one, really. It was the @ffxvremix. I wrote Lost and Found for it.

27: If this were an awards show, who would you thank?

I'd thank, of course, @firefallvaruna for being my amazing beta reader. I'd also thank @snifftheraven. He's been the best sounding board for a lot of my ideas. He's also super honest and tells me when my ideas are too much, or if I have gone down a path that I probably wouldn't want to take.

28: What's left on your to-do list for 2024?

Sadly, my to-do list included getting part 1 of segno done. Then I got sideswiped by a whole new AU called The Insurgent King. Which is on point for that AU's version of Noctis.

I might celebrate the end of the year by working on segno a bit more and maybe pushing that 75-80% completion a little closer to 100%.

29: What would you like to write next year?

Getting segno's part 1 done and started to AO3 is definitely on my planned list for next year. I'm also continuing onward into Insurgent King.

I know the ending to both series. I should be able to make it.

A slightly revised version of last year's questions! Two ways to play: Reblog and have your followers send you numbers, or answer the whole list!

How many fics have you worked on since January?

What’s something new that you tried in a fic this year?

What piece of media inspired you the most? (This can be the fandom you wrote the most for, the one that spawned the most ideas, the one you thought about the most, etc.)

How many fandoms did you write for this year?

What ships captured your heart?

What characters captured your heart?

Did you write for any new fandoms or ships this year?

What fic meant the most to you to write?

What fic made you feel the happiest to work on?

What fic was the most satisfying to finish writing?

What fic was the most difficult to write?

What fic was the easiest to write?

What were your shortest and longest fics posted this year?

What were your go-to writing songs?

What was the hardest fic to title?

What's your favorite title of the year?

Share your favorite opening line

Share your favorite ending line

Share your favorite piece of dialogue

Share your funniest line

What's something that surprised you while you were working on a fic? Did it change the story?

What writing programs did you use? Did you write by hand?

If you had to choose one, what was THE most satisfying writing moment of your year?

Did you do anything special to celebrate finishing a fic?

How did you recharge between fics?

Did you create fanworks other than fic?

How many events did you take part in? (bangs, exchanges, ship weeks, zines, prompt memes, they all count!)

If this were an awards show, who would you thank?

What's left on your to-do list for 2024?

What would you like to write next year?

[rapmonjoon94]

How To Train Your Human

Summary: You went into the woods looking for your father, however you ventured too far west and ended up in the territory of the dragons. You thought you'd be incinerated on the spot as tradition states that humans can only enter dragon territory once a year, however it seems your defiance and stubbornness is rewarded when the leader of the dragons takes you under his wing.

Word Count: 18.6K

Paring: Dragon Shifter Namjoon/Reader. Side Jimin/Reader

Rating: 18+/M for Mature

Tags: Porn with plot, shapeshifter dragon Namjoon, angst, mentions of throwing up, slow burn, sexual tension, Taehyung is a little shit, smut, so much smut, size difference, size kink, vaginal fingering, eating pussy, dirty talk, strong powerful Namjoon, hand jobs, dragon joon has a big dick, he can smell when she is aroused, Dom Joon, spanking, nipple sucking, belly bulge, unprotected sex but he does not cum inside (be safe!), happy ending

Authors Note: This whole thing started because my friend told me she just finished reading a fantasy book about a girl who falls for a man who can shape shift into a dragon and well here we are. This is one of those fics where when I reread it I'm in shock at what I wrote because god damn she spicyyyyy. (And probably one of my favorite Namjoon fics I've written)

also very much based on this tumblr post because WOW

as always likes comments and reblogs are appreciated and Thank You for reading!!

-------

“Wait! You can’t! Seriously!” A male voice called to you over the sound of the wind as you hiked your skirts higher to avoid the big puddles left behind by last night’s rain and stomped into the town you had spent so much time avoiding as fury and anger rolled off of you in waves, threatening to evaporate anyone who stands in your path.

“I said leave me alone!” You called back to him, not bothering to look at his handsome face as you marched through town watching the people of Frosthill stare at you in shock.

It isn’t very ladylike to storm through town, hiking your skirts up and yelling at someone but you felt this town had ridiculed you enough to the point where you could act out a bit.

“Please! Just listen!” A warm hand closes around your wrist, and you whirl around to face him, your jaw clenched and your eyes wide. He keeps a strong hold on your arm to hold you back.

“Jimin I have heard enough. There is a person! A human! Missing! And your father sent you to what? Shut me up. Reassure me he is doing everything he can while he sits in his office and does fuck all?” You curse rolling your eyes when an older woman standing a foot away tuts at your choice of language.

Well fuck her too

“You can’t just storm his office. He sent me to reassure you we are doing everything possible to find him.” Jimin says eyes wide, as you rip your wrist from his smothering hold and let out a maniacal laugh

“He has been missing for a week Jimin. I highly doubt it.”

You don’t bother to wait for his rebuttal, instead, you trek on as most of the town is now outside their homes staring at you with a mix of shock and fear.

You delicately stepped over a puddle and continued further into town, whatever spell Jimin was under seemed to break as you could hear him calling for you over the wind as you blatantly ignored him once again and finally made it to the town square.

Families were out for their morning walk and nearly jumped out of the way at the sight of you trampling up to them, face screwed up in anger and jaw clenched tight. Little kids were playing by the fountain and they all whispered behind their hands as you passed, you had a feeling you knew what they were saying, old tales passed down from their parents but you continued to march on.

Leaves swirled around your feet and the wind carried Jimin’s pleas for you to stop and listen but you ignored it all over the blood pounding in your ears as you finally made it to The Governor’s office.

The tall brick building stood out against the rest of them as it was the nicest in the square.

You could feel the townspeople closing in as if this was Saturday morning entertainment, and you tried your best to shake that off as Jimin finally caught up to you and once again grabbed your wrist.

“You’re making a scene. Stop this foolishness.” He commanded in a tone that sounded so much like his father that it made you stop and reevaluate.

But a person was missing.

They had been missing for a week

Doing a job for The Governer who didn’t bother looking for him

A whole new surge of anger swelled inside you and you once again ripped yourself from Jimin’s grasp.

“Who cares if I make a scene? This is what they want isn’t it?” You cry out, loud enough for the surrounding people to hear you

Jimin lowers his eyes.

You bite your lip.

“You know full well why I’m doing this Jimin. It’s been a week. Seven days. We both know what lives beyond the town line where he was sent by The Governor.”

Jimin has nothing to say.

Because of course, he doesn’t

“You know why I have to do this. And if you try to stop me again-”

Your voice lowers so only he can hear, you lean in and take in his musky sweet smell and press your cold lips to the shell of his ear.

“That thing I did a couple of nights ago with you, in the barn… consider it done. Forever.”

Jimin’s eyes widen and a blush coats his cheeks as you give him a wink before climbing up the stairs, leaving him dumbfounded at the bottom before throwing open the doors and heading inside.

The lobby is warm and eases the cold that seemed to soak through your bones on your walk here and when you spot The Governor’s receptionist you can’t help but smirk when you see her horrified look at you standing in the office.

'“Good Morning is The Governor busy?” You ask, keeping your voice sweet as you lean on the desk and the door bangs open behind you.

Jimin.

Great.

“I-Uh-Well- he seems to-uh”

“Perfect I’ll see myself in!” You exclaim not waiting for her to stop blabbering as you push open the door to her right and head into the narrow short hallway that leads to The Governers office.

You can hear Jimin muttering something to her but you pay it no mind as you walk the hallway and Jimin’s right behind you again.

You stand in front of the intimidating oak door and poise your hand to knock when you feel Jimin’s presence behind you.

He doesn’t say anything for once and for that you are thankful as you knock three times and a deep voice tells you to enter.

The office is spacious and filled with dark oak furniture and luxurious chairs that probably cost all the money your family has and when he looks up from the papers on his desk he seems not at all surprised to see you.

One of the townspeople must have tipped him off.

“Ah, Jimin didn’t I tell you to talk to her, not bring her here.” Mr. Park says wearily as he shuffles more papers as if it will make him look important and Jimin fidgets next to you.

“I came here myself. Jimin had nothing to do with it.” You say boldly as you don’t bother to wait for an invitation that won’t come and instead, you take a plush dark green chair by his desk and plop yourself down into it.

If The Governor is scandalized by your behavior he doesn’t show it, Jimin however makes a noise in the back of his throat which you choose to ignore.

“Well, I have a feeling I know why you have stomped through town all the way here but do enlighten me in case I am mistaken.” The Governor says leaning back in his chair and taking off his glasses wiping a hand down his weary face.

“Well, I’d like to report a missing person, though according to your son, you are doing everything in your power to find him. I just wanted to make sure as it has been an entire week since he has left. On your orders, I might add.” You snarled as Jimin seemed to press himself further into the wall behind you and The Governor looked shocked you were so boldly talking to him like that.

“As I’m sure my son stated we are-”

You cut him off.

“Jimin did a great job of filling me in on all the things you are doing but I’d like some results, Governor. You sent my father out to gather mahogany for a town project and he was more than happy to do so even though this town has treated him so poorly. Did you do this on purpose to send him away?” You ask flattening your hands over your skirt to hide how badly they were shaking.

“Send him away? Are you accusing me? We did not do this to send him away. We need that wood to rebuild some furniture items in townspeople’s homes. The beds are falling apart. Children are sleeping on the floor. He is the town’s carpenter and inventor after all! He was the perfect person for the job!” The Governor cries out

You stare at him shifting in your chair and letting your thoughts run wild. He has been missing for seven days. He was supposed to already be back but never came home. He has actually been gone for eleven days but he said the job would only take four days, mahogany only grows in the deepest and thickest parts of the forest, where all types of creatures live.

“Governor you know as well as I do that this job was only supposed to take four days. One to head to the deep woods, two to cut down some trees, and one more to haul the wood back. He has been gone for eleven days in total. You are a smart man. We all know the lore and traditions we uphold. You know what lurks in the deepest parts of the forest where said trees grow. We all know the treaty that was formed over two hundred years ago. Did you send my father to his death? He has been called the town lunatic for quite some time now, inventor turned carpenter after the incident with my mother. It would be easy to send him on an impossible task to get rid of him.” You ponder keeping your voice steady and low as your stomach turns at the possibility of it being true.

The Governor shifts in his seat and shuffles more papers on his desk seemingly worried at what you are accusing him of.

“We do have concerns about him not coming back, the only problem is our best men are currently out in the eastern town dealing with some business. Yoongi and his men won’t be back for another two weeks and we can’t exactly call him back for one missing person.” The Governor admits wiping at his brow as you sink lower in your chair.

Two more weeks?

“I can’t wait that long. We can’t wait that long and you know that!” You cry out.

“I understand the concern but my hands are tied.”

“You have other options. Go into the forest and talk to the dragons. You must have a good rapport with them after sending them offerings for so long!” You beg and The Governor lets out a harsh laugh.

“Visit them? When we only visit once a year? The treaty that was signed said we would not impose on each other’s land except once a year to give each other gifts as a sign of peace. Invading their land just to ask about a missing person is suicide!” He cries out face red

You slump further in your chair hanging your head.

“Listen I’m going to be frank with you here. I want your father to be okay. I do. After what happened with your mother. I know how important he is to you and how he’s all you have. But this town just doesn’t have the manpower. All of my men fit for the job are out with Yoongi. This town is ever growing and changing but we just don’t have the manpower right now. And no woman is fit for the job.” He says with a high laugh as if that thought alone is absurd

“So you are going to have to wait. Sorry, that is my final word.” He says eyes full of sympathy but you don’t dare look into them, you received too many of those looks when your mother passed.

However, his blatant comment about how now the woman is fit for the job sent a new wave of anger and hatred through you. In your eyes, women were just as powerful as men regardless of what The Governor or the townspeople thought. You could easily overpower Jimin if you had to and when you whirled around to see him giving you the same sympathetic look his father was giving you an idea formed in your head.

You stood up and bowed slightly to The Governor.

“I appreciate your words, Governor. Can we make a deal? I will be patient and not bother you again until Yoongi’s men are home if you promise me once they are healed up and ready they will go out looking for my father. I would also like it in writing please.”

The Governor’s eyebrows raised but after sending you a simple nod he drew up the papers and within ten minutes you both had signed and the paper was tucked safely into your small pouch that hung around your waist.

“Thank you for your time Governor.” You say humbly as you once again bow and you hear him tell Jimin to be a gentleman and walk you home.

You snicker as everything falls into plan.

The Autumn sun is weak but still feels nice on your face as Jimin keeps a hand on the small of your back as he takes you out of the village and to your humble little stone house at the very edge of town. He is talking the whole way home but you don’t hear him over all the plans and ideas that are swirling around your head.

Jimin’s hand is warm on your back and you shoot him a grateful smile when your house finally comes into sight.

It’s nothing big or fancy. Just a two-story stone house with a coop and barn in the back surrounded by giant trees of many varieties that seem to always cast the house in its shadow.

Jimin brought you right up to the front of the house hand still on the small of your back as the sun dipped behind a cloud casting everything in darkness for only a moment before reappearing.

“There you go safe and sound,” Jimin says with a small smile on his face as you finally lift your head to stare at him.

“Thank you for walking me home Jimin. Even though I was off the handle earlier I appreciate you looking out for me.” You say smiling shyly.

“I’m always happy to help.” He says looking down at your lips not so subtly and you can’t help but smirk.

'“It is quite chilly out here don’t you think? Want to come inside and get warmed up before you head back.” You offer with a tilt of your head as Jimin nods and you let him into your tiny but cozy home.

You move around lighting candles and getting the fire started as Jimin takes the house in. He had never been inside your house as most of your rendezvous had been in the barn out back amongst the soft hay where no one could see.

If anyone knew he was sleeping with the carpenter's daughter.

He shuddered to think what would happen.

Lucky for him you didn’t seem to mind the secrecy and something about the thrill of being caught seemed to turn you on.

Jimin felt his pants tighten when he thought about that night in the barn. How warm and wet your mouth was, how hot you sounded moaning under him as he breached your wet folds with his cock.

You turned around startling him from his lewd thoughts and when your eyes flicked downwards he knew he had been caught.

Jimin also looked down to see his cock sticking out obscenely from his light-colored pants and he blushed furiously as you smiled softly and walked towards him, gracefully slow like you had done time and time before.

“That must be uncomfortable.” You comment reaching a warmed hand down to cup him through his pants and Jimin hissed at the contact.

“I was just…thinking.” He finished lamely as it seemed all the blood in his body had flooded his cock and left him feeling dumb and slow with his words.

“And what would you be thinking about that got you so excited?” You coo applying more pressure and palming the head in a way that has his cock twitching embarrassingly fast.

“The barn. What we did. In the barn.” He says as his eyes flutter closed and his plush lips part to let out a content sigh when you begin to stroke him through his pants.

“That night was memorable for me too you know.” You whisper, unable to stop yourself from leaning closer to him and nibbling gently on his ear.

Jimin shudders at the combination of your mouth and hand and in an instant he pushes you against the small wooden kitchen table and his lips attack yours in a fiery kiss.

You moan into his mouth and your hands leave his bulge to pull him into your small bedroom.

Hands come to rip at buttons and undo laces and by the time you are both stark naked in front of each other, you begin to go at each other again with a new fever that makes you moan and throw your head back as Jimin’s mouth explores your perky breasts.

You reach down to stroke his hardened cock and you feel how much arousal is dripping out of him as you gather it and slide it down his heated length, flicking your wrist as you get to the head making him twitch in your grasp.

“It was so hot watching you stand up to my father like that. Fuck I was so worried I would get erect when I was in his office,” he admits between kisses as his fingers come down to play with your entrance.

The sun is slipping lower in the sky and you know you have to get a move on.

“Fuck me. Jimin, please. I’m so wet for you!” You cry out when his finger circles your clit in a way that makes you arch up into his touch.

You know Jimin well enough to know he likes it when you beg so he pushes you down on the bed lightly and grabs your legs forcing them open.

You see the lust glinting in his eyes when he lines his cock up to your dripping entrance and when he enters you the moan that leaves your mouth is obscene. You throw your head back to give him a free show as he finally fills you to the hilt and takes in your naked form under his body.

“You are so beautiful. You know that right?” He asks as you nod and begin to fuck yourself down on his cock. Taking him this quick will result in you feeling sore the next day but you knew you had to act fast so you began to fuck yourself against him like a needy animal.

Moans were spilling from both your mouths as he fucked into your harshly. The old bed creaked under your bodies but you both didn’t seem to mind the noise. You arched your back to get him deeper and whined out his name as you felt your high approaching quickly.

“Jimin-gonna-f-fuck.” You cry out as his fingers come down to circle your clit and you tip over the edge crying out his name and cuming hard around his length.

Jimin pulls out of you once you recover and spills his seed all over your naked stomach and chest as you watch in awe how his cock throbs in his fingers and how his seed paints you.

Once spent, Jimin flops down on the bed and you head to the small bathroom to get cleaned up. You don’t bother redressing as Jimin has seen it all before and when you come back to your small bedroom he is still on the bed fighting the urge to sleep.

“That was incredible.” He breathes out as his cheek is smushed into one of your pillows and tiredness seems to take over his body.

“Jimin you seem tired. Rest here before you head back.” You coo as you sit on the bed and rub his back in soothing circles.

“Are you sure? I don’t want to impose?” He asks, though his eyes do flutter closed.

“You are never imposing. Get some rest.” You say kissing the crown of his head as he falls into a peaceful slumber.

-----

Jimin wakes because he feels cold all over. He lifts his head to take in his surroundings and realizes he is still in your home. He smiles to himself as he takes in your scent still lingering on the pillow and when he turns over he expects to see you there patiently waiting for him to wake up.

What he doesn’t expect is for the bed to be empty.

He sits up and slowly dresses himself before moving from room to room to look for you. Worry rises in his chest when he sees all the candles were extinguished and the fire was put out, it wasn’t even warm anymore which meant it must have been put out ages ago.

He worries that someone took you until he sees a note on the table from you.

Thank you for the dagger.

Jimin pales and runs a hand down his front before realizing he never put back on his scabbard. He took it off in the frenzy and left it on the floor of your room.

He runs back to the bedroom but his weapon is nowhere to be found and he lets out a groan of frustration.

You took his dagger. Why the hell would you take his dagger?

Then it dawns on him, you weren’t making peace with his father after all. You were only complying because you had given up on his father ever helping you. Instead, you used his son to steal a weapon that women were not allowed to have and you were going to traverse the cold woods by yourself. That was why you were so eager to bed him. You needed him to fall asleep so you could steal the weapon while it was still daylight.

Jimin bit his lip. He wasn’t sure what to tell his father. No one would believe you had played dirty and overpowered him to steal his weapon. And he couldn’t exactly walk into his father’s office and tell him he had been off having the most mind-blowing sex with you and his weapon got stolen.

Jimin sighed and left the small cabin, briefly staring at the woods that loomed around your property. Hoping you made it back safe as you were the best fuck he ever had.

-------

The woods behind your house were like a second home to you. The air was crisp with autumn and the leaves crunched under your boots as you grabbed at the scabbard around your chest to make sure it was still there.

You had left Jimin in the little cottage alone and hoped he wouldn’t mind that you had borrowed his weapon, well you guessed he didn’t have a choice as you had left over an hour ago.

The crunching of the leaves was the only sound as you traversed the woods and kept close to the path that had been set out before you by generations of woodcutters.

You were grateful you had the idea to change into your father’s clothes before leaving, as a woman alone in the woods was dangerous.

You passed the mighty pine trees and birch trees, knowing that the trees you were looking for were much deeper in the woods.

The air smelt of campfire and you tried your best to steer clear of that as that meant people, and you didn’t want to run into anyone on this path.

You pulled your cloak hood higher on your head to hide your hair as you walked through the woods, ears prickling at every sound around you as you went deeper and deeper.

The trees seemed more spaced out here and you knew you were getting close as dusk was approaching. Surviving a night in the woods without cover was not an option so you kept your eyes out for a small cave that you could hide in until daybreak.

A noise to your right caused you to jump and place a hand on your heart but it turned out to be a small fluffy rabbit sniffing the ground a foot away.

You continued your trek until you found a small cave that was perfect to spend the night in. Your parents had taught you basic survival so you were able to get a fire started and get a can of beans cooking as you waited out the night.

-------

Once morning arrived you cleared everything, checked once again you had Jimin’s dagger, and ventured off into the world.

The town of Frosthill seemed miles away by now and you wondered if anyone would even notice that you were gone beside Jimin.

You shook your head as you pulled your hood up against the morning air.

Not one single person cared when you were in town so why would they bother to care now?

You hiked for several hours. Vaguely aware of where you were going you followed the narrow dirt path and tried your best not to trip on leaves or roots that stuck up from the ground.

The path became narrower with each passing hour and doubt filled your mind as you wondered if this was even the right way.

The path was so covered by leaves you weren’t sure anymore as you twirled in a circle and took in your surroundings.

If you went too far West you would be in their territory and you shuddered at the thought.

Clouds were starting to roll in and you wondered if you were going to get another autumn storm as you peered up into the sky.

However what was blocking out the sun was not clouds, but two dragons circling the area.

Oh shit.

Their bodies were long and wide as their wings flapped carrying them miles within a single second. You clapped your hand over your mouth to stop from screaming as your eyes scanned the area. You needed a place to hide and now.

You had ventured too far west.

You were on dragon land.

You knew the stories of what happened when a human set foot on Dragonland without permission, usually, they never made it out alive.

The dragons were still circling the area seemingly looking for something and you hurried through the woods in search of a cave or a big bolder, anything to hide you.

As you panicked the dragons above seemed to hover in midair as you ran through the forest in search of a hiding place. Twigs and leaves were crunching under your boots and branches slammed at your arms and face. You tried your best to stay upright as it seemed the very forest you were in was trying to reveal you.

Everyone knew you could not outrun a dragon but you didn’t know what else to do as your heart hammered in your chest and every fiber of your being was begging you to run and hide.

You stumbled across a big rock and hid behind it just as something touched down beside you. The scream you let out seemed to echo through the trees as you clapped a hand over your mouth and stood in shock as a dragon landed beside you.

You had never met a dragon before, only heard the stories, so being this close to one was frightening.

It was a big black dragon but you could see gold flecks in his scales as he stared at you. His eyes were narrowed and curious as you stood as still as you could, hoping somehow he couldn’t see you.

Another thump had your chest heaving as you backed yourself into the cold mossy rock as the other dragon touched down on your other side.

This dragon was much bigger and instead of having golden-flecked scales this one’s scales seemed to shimmer a bright iridescent pink and you forced yourself to breathe and not pass out.

The dragons had you blocked in on both sides and you cursed yourself for not heading toward a body of water. Sure maybe you would have frozen to death but it would have masked your scent and made it harder for them to find you.

Bile rose in your throat but you fought to swallow it down as the dragons seemed to stare at each other unsure of what to do.

If they were going to kill you for stepping on their land could they at least get it over with instead of leaving you here frozen in fear as you try your best not to throw up on yourself?

The dragons finally seem to agree as one of them gives the other a slight nod before launching itself into the sky making your hood fly off your head

The other dragon wastes no time and uses its claws to hold you firm before launching itself into the sky after the bigger one.

Your scream gets swallowed by the wind as the dragon follows the other and they take you miles away from where you were just standing. Tears stain your cheeks as the wind whips around.

The journey is short and when you see land coming into view you once again swallow down the bile rising as trees of red and yellow and brilliant orange come closer.

The dragons start to descend and you close your eyes as they seem to nosedive back down to earth.

The dragon that is holding you lets go right before they hit the ground causing to you stumble and hit the mossy earth hard as they touch down gracefully ten feet away.

A harsh pain shoots through your shoulder at the landing as anxiety is gripping you tight, keeping you sprawled out on the forest floor as you breathe in the scent of moss and earth and your senses seem to come back slowly one at a time.

You hear huffs and grunts and bravely lift your head to see the dragons eyeing each other and communicating.

Their sharp eyes flick to yours and for a moment you wonder if it would be best to play dead but you know the scent of your sweat from nerves would give it away, so instead you stay down on the ground and await for what comes next.

The ground shakes and the earth seems to uproot as something much larger and scarier comes into view.

A grand dragon, like nothing you had ever seen before touches down in front of you. This dragon was huge with tar-black scales and wings that were so wide they took up most of the clearing. The dragon’s eyes were pure gold as was his belly. His wings were a mixture of gold and black giving off a sense of importance as he lifted his head and sniffed the air.

He must be the head of the dragons and you knew you were in trouble.

You dipped your head low and prayed under your breath that someone would come to save you when the two dragons that brought you here let out a series of snaps and growls, clearly informing their leader what had happened.

You stayed close to the ground shivering in fear as the leader let out a low warning growl and both the dragons that found you shot into the sky and left you alone with the biggest dragon.

You were visibly shaking, your dagger bit into your chest as you stayed flat on the ground. You didn’t dare make the first move as you felt the dragon sniff the air again and then with a flash he grabbed you in his large talons and dragged you off.

You covered your mouth to stop your scream as he dragged you further into the woods, knocking over trees and storming over land as he found a cave suitable and threw you inside.

Your body hit the earth hard and you moaned in pain as you rolled in a ball and waited for death to take you.

Instead, however, you noticed an eerie silence as the dragon seemed to be doing nothing at all. Your heart hammered in your chest as if it was fighting to stay alive and you steeled yourself before lifting your head.

Gone was the dragon and in its place was a man.

You gasped and shakily stood up bracing yourself on the wall of the cave as you took him in.

He was tall, a lot taller than you with dark hair that fell into his sharp dragon-like eyes which were now a deep brown color instead of gold. His lips were full and his jawline was sharp. He was wearing a simple black outfit that kept most of his body covered but you could tell by his silhouette he was fit.

He procured a black cape and tossed it your way without looking at you. Instead, his eyes were on the sky above as if he were waiting for something. You felt the material under your hands. It was silky but the inside was made of fur and would keep you warm as you held it in your hands you looked up at him with utter confusion.

“Put it on.” He demanded in a gruff tone as you followed his orders and threw it over your shoulders. It smelt manly and spicy and something carnal swirled inside of you.

“What? What’s going on?” You asked as your legs finally gave way and you sunk to the ground. You didn’t wait for his reply and instead, you crawled to the corner of the cave and got sick against the wall.

The man waited patiently for you to finish and when you wiped your mouth and turned around he was still staring at you with those eyes you were sure could see right through to your very soul.

He radiated power and authority and you felt embarassment creep up as you just got sick in front of him.

“What-where? What happened where’s the dragon?’ You asked feeling silly as you slumped against the cold and damp cave wall and you wiped your brow eyeing him standing there.

“How do you suppose we interact with you humans during the yearly offerings? You think your kind can speak dragon. Please.” He scoffs as if your question offends him and you draw the cloak he gave you closer around your body to ward off the chill.

He must sense your distress because he leaves the cave for a moment and returns with firewood. He plops it on the ground in front of you and turns on his heel transforming himself into the big dragon he was once. You push your back against the wall in fright but all he does is blow a small fireball at the fire to light it, then with another turn he turns himself back into the handsome man that was standing before you moments ago.

Your head is swimming with questions and your mouth feels like it has been filled with cotton as you sit by the fire and take it the warmth.

You sit in silence for quite some time until he interrupts your racing thoughts.

“I’m sure you have a lot of questions as do I. I have to go out on patrol and will come back and we will talk. You stay here.” He says in a tone that leaves no room for argument.

“That cloak has my scent so no other dragon in the area will come after you while you are wearing it. If you think of leaving it is your choice but I do warn you it's better to stay where you are for the time being.”

He turns his broad back to you and before you know it he is out of the cave and transforming into his scaly self again before he launches himself into the sky.

You don’t know what to think or how to even begin to process what just happened as exhaustion takes over your weary body and you curl yourself in a ball under his cloak and fall asleep.

-------

The smell of food is what wakes you and you lift your head to see darkness has fallen and he is back with two other humans you don’t recognize.

One is just as tall as his leader with a shock of pink hair and is poking at something on the fire. The other is shorter but still very muscular with dark black hair that gives him a boyish look, you notice his hair is flecked with gold as realization dawns on you.

The two dragons that brought you here were now in human form.

You slowly sit up as the leader’s eyes snap to yours over the fire and you stare at him sheepishly not sure what to say.

“Well, good morning sunshine.” Comes the pink-haired man’s voice as he pokes at the fire again. The one with the gold-flecked hair shoots you a soft reassuring smile and you feel yourself soften.

“Namjoon said you humans get hungry often and he can’t cook for shit so he had us cook some stuff for you so you don’t starve.” The pink-haired one says cheerfully as you inch closer to the fire and take in the rabbit that is laid over it.

You hope it’s not the rabbit that startled you earlier but you realize you can’t be picky in what you eat so you nod slowly at the men sitting before you and draw the leader’s cloak tighter around you.

Namjoon.

The name suited him.

“The way you were dressed, we thought. We thought you were a lost woodcutter. If we knew you were a woman. Well, it’s still good we snatched you up.” The pink-haired one said as he poked at the rabbit again.

“Is it?” You ask timidly as Namjoon stares at you causing a shiver to run down your spine.

“Yes. You are much safer here than wandering lost through the woods. How did a woman end up in the woods so off the path anyway?” Namjoon asks with a tilt of his head.

The two other humans look at you and you feel anger bubble inside of you.

“What is the big deal if a woman is lost in the woods? I’m not some helpless thing that accidentally wandered in and got lost on the trail. I kept myself alive just fine before you showed up!” You retorted crossing your arms over your chest.

“You misunderstand me,” Namjoon says calmly not at all bothered by your outburst.

“Women of our kind are…strong and capable. We do not look down on them or lock them away as your kind does. What I mean is how did you get so lost in the woods and what were you doing in the woods anyway.”

The pink-haired man rotates the rabbit on the fire as the gold-flecked one sits closer to you as if you are about to tell a thrilling tale.

“I was looking for my father. He got lost in the woods seven days ago. He was cutting down mahogany trees for the town to repair some furniture. I went to The Governor to send out a search party but unfortunately, The Governor is useless so I took matters into my own hands. I didn’t mean to wander into your territory that was a mistake.” You say.

“Foods done.” The pink-haired one says lowly as he takes it off the fire and begins to cut the meat up offering it to you first on a small piece of wood.

“Where are you from?” Namjoon asks as he refuses the food served to him but the other two dig in with fervor.

“Frosthill.” You reply as you slowly bring the food to your lips not able to deny your hunger any longer as you slowly and carefully eat.

The gold-haired man snickers and Namjoon rolls his eyes.

“Yes, we have noticed that Governor Park is useless. Always so twitchy around us.” He admits with an alluring smirk as he throws more kindling on the fire to keep the flame alive.

“So you wandered into the woods, taking a dagger that you so obviously stole to look for your father?” Namjoon asks after you finish swallowing your food.

You nod.

“That’s very admirable of you.” He says thoughtfully as you continue to eat and try to hide the pride that is glowing in your chest.

“After you eat you will sleep and we will take you back to town tomorrow.” He says after a beat of silence.

“I can’t leave!” You argue as you place your food aside and stare at him in shock.

“These woods are dangerous surely you can’t stay.” He argues back

“The Governor said it will take weeks for Yoongi and his men to return from the east. It would be over a month since my father disappeared. He’s my last living family member. I’m not leaving! I won’t leave until I find him!” You demand standing up.

The other two seemed to shrink back against the wall and you wondered if anyone ever argued with Namjoon before as the two of them seemed frozen in shock at your words.

“You are leaving by daybreak and that is final. We can’t have a human running through our woods something could happen.” He says now standing up to match you, even though he was a head taller you still stared him down with the intensity of a hundred flames.

“You might be their leader but you aren’t mine Namjoon. And I’m not leaving without my father. So either I find him or you and your dragon pack do.” You threaten as you hear a gruff growl in Namjoons throat and you can almost feel the palpable anger roll off of his body.

“Pst we aren’t a pack. We are a flight. Just saying.” The pink-haired one says as Namjoon snaps.

“Seokjin. Jungkook. Out. Go patrol the southern border. Do not come back until you are told.”

The two scramble to follow their leader’s orders as they bid silent goodbyes and leave the cave, moments later they take to the sky leaving you alone with the angry leader.

“I’m not leaving without my father.” You reiterate as you cross your arms over your chest and stare him down, feeling anger and frustration bubble up inside of your chest.

Getting captured by dragons: big mistake.

Arguing with a dragon: even bigger mistake

“You are the most stubborn human I have met.” He says lowly as you smirk proudly at him over the fire.

“What? Are other humans too scared of you to fight back?” You taunt as he moves gracefully from his spot across the fire until he is right in front of you.

His musky scent fills your nose and before you know it he pushes you back until you are backed against the cave wall. His hands are on either side of your head keeping you locked in and when you stare up into those sharp eyes they are now slowly turning gold as a rumble is emitting from his chest.

“I may not be your leader but if you want to stay alive you have to do as I say. It is not safe for you here. You veered too far past the line and are deep in dragon territory. If Seokjin didn’t smell the fear on you… if Jungkook had not grabbed you-” He shook his head unable to complete his sentence.

“Then find my father and get me out of here. If you try to remove me by force I will just wander into these woods again. I’m not leaving without him.” You say sharply as you stare up into those eyes that are now pure gold.

“You dare test me human?” He asks voice laced with danger as he moves in closer and you feel the hair on your arms rise.

“You dare sit back and do nothing?” You taunt unable to stop the words from tumbling from your mouth.

“You are in my secluded cave, my dragons made you a meal and you are wearing my cloak and you dare argue with me?” He asks again as his lips ghost over your jaw and despite yourself, you arch into his touch as your nipples brush against his broad chest.

The air crackles with tension and you feel arousal pool between your legs as you stare at him, neither of you willing to back down and instead are locked in a stare-off. He huffs deep in his chest and you cock an eyebrow almost daring him to come closer.

“I’m not leaving without my father.” You say to him again, clenching your jaw as he moves in even closer, bathing you in his scent and pinning you against the wall.

His scent fills your nose and you can feel his breath come out in small puffs as his hand curls into the wall beside your head bringing some of the loose limestone down on your shoulders. Your heart beats rapidly in your chest and your eyes flick down to his plush lips.

He once again growls low but this time it almost comes out as a whimper and your eyes flick back up to his as he continues to stare at you with an eyebrow cocked and his jaw clenching.

You won’t back down. You have learned enough times that most people saw you as a helpless woman. You felt as if backing down would solidify that so you stood your ground as you puffed out your chest to match his didn’t break eye contact.

Electricity crackled throughout the cave and you pushed yourself even closer trying to intimidate him but instead, you could feel the swell of his hard cock pressing into your stomach. He was achingly hard against you and when you pressed further you could hear a strangled groan leave his lips as his eyes fluttered closed. You let out a gasp and Namjoon pulled away backing down as you stayed plastered against the wall breathing heavily.

If what you felt was what you thought you felt this man was fucking huge.

And you were rilling him up in more ways than one.

Before either of you could speak another human entered the cave and waved his hand in the air as if warding off some smell.

“Fucking hell Namjoon the pheromones in here could kill a person.” He jokes but stops short when he sees you plastered against the wall breathing heavily.

“So the rumors are true?” He asks as his dark fluffy hair falls into his eyes and a mischievous grin paints his lips.

“Get out of here Taehyung we are leaving.” He demands as Taehyung eyes you curiously.

“Well sorry to break up this steamy moment but there is trouble in the south that you need to come attend to.” He says smoothly as Namjoon runs a hand down his face.

You feel a blush coat your cheeks and you try your best to hide how aroused you feel as you break his stare and instead look at your feet.

“That’s why we are leaving. Let’s go.” Namjoon barks as he grabs Taehyung by the scruff of his neck and throws him from the cave.

“Stay here. We will discuss finding your father when I get back. Keep that cloak on.” He barks as you nod and he disappears out of the cave you can hear his wings flapping as he shoots himself into the sky.

-------

When you wake up it is already daybreak and Namjoon is sitting by the fire alone poking at it seemingly lost in thought.

The events of yesterday play over in your mind and you feel yourself clenching your thighs as you fight back the urge to run over to him and sit on his lap, hoping to feel his hard cock all over again.

Something about him, his stature, his power, the way he had you pinned against the wall, how his breath fanned over your face had you aching for him a way you had not ached for anybody in ages.

“I know you are awake, I can smell you from here.” He growls as you sit up abruptly and close your legs.

“You can….smell me?” You ask pulling the cloak around your shoulders and feeling embarassment creep up.

“Of course. How do you think you were found? Seokjin smelt your fear.” He says matter of factly and you hide your face in shame.

So Namjoon could smell how aroused you were yesterday.

Well, that’s just great.

“I knew you could smell things like that. I just- Is that why you got hard yesterday? You could smell me.” You asked feeling bold as Namjoon’s lips drew into a dangerous smirk.

“I talked to some of my best and most trusted Dragons and they will be out patrolling looking for your father.” He says ignoring your previous question as you inch closer to the fire and bathe in the warmth.

“Hoseok will be here soon to feed you,” Namjoon reports not making eye contact with you.

“You can’t do it?” You prod as you look out at the cave entrance at the sunny day and long to be out in the sunshine.

“I’m a leader for a reason. I have skills that others don’t and vice versa.” He says teeth biting down into his lip.

Before you can respond a man enters the cave with a rabbit flung over his shoulder and he is the least dragon-like you have ever met.

Though this whole meeting dragons thing was still new to you.

He was tall and built but smiled like a million suns as he greeted you. He was friendly and kind as he got to work prepping the meat and placing it on the fire to cook. He had a million questions for you all of which you were happy to answer as Namjoon sat brooding and didn’t say a word.

The air was soon filled with the smell of cooked meat and Hoseok plated some up for you and offered some to Namjoon who politely declined and you wondered if he was going to eat at all.

Lucky for you, Hoseok kept the conversation alive as you ate, and when he bid you farewell, you missed him instantly.

“So now what?” You ask Namjoon as you wrap the cloak around your body and sigh contently.

“It depends…will you listen to me and follow directions?” He asks boldly cocking an eyebrow as he stands up from the cold earth and wipes his palms on his pants.

“Depends on what you’re asking.” You say following his lead and standing up.

He seems to stand there in quiet contemplation as you cross your arms over your chest and wait.

His eyes flick to yours briefly before shaking his head as if he is clearing it.

“Sorry Jungkook won’t stop whining about his duties today and I have to hear all about it. I’m usually better at blocking him out.” Namjoon explains as he extinguishes the fire and runs a hand through his messy hair.

“You can….communicate? Without him being here?” You ask.

“Yes, we can communicate through our thoughts if we so choose. That’s how I knew where to meet Seokjin and Jungkook when they grabbed you. They warned me a human was in the forest.” He explained calmly.

“That’s so cool. But I also feel like it would be annoying at times. I like having my thoughts to myself.” You say brushing your hands down your body to get rid of any dirt from spending the night sleeping on the floor.

“Yes, it can be taxing at times. Taehyung for instance wouldn’t fucking leave me alone yesterday even though I asked him several times to stay away.” Namjoon grits out as a low growl leaves his chest and you can’t help the blush that coats your cheeks.

“He was in your head….when we were….”

“I told him I was in the middle of something.” Namjoon grits out, his annoyance obvious which causes you to giggle.

“Well just because we were interrupted doesn’t mean we can’t continue.” You implore as Namjoon shakes his head with a smile tugging at his lips.

“If you are willing to follow my instructions I was thinking I could take you to where the mahogany trees grow and we could look for your father. It is far so you would have to ride on my back.” He says ignoring your previous comment.

“Wait hold on. You said you could smell when….. so Taehyung could… ohmygod!” You cry out not listening to what he said as your mind reeled with what happened yesterday.

Namjoon chuckled darkly as you covered your face in embarassment,

“Still on that, I see. Yes, Taehyung could smell you. Between the two of us, we stunk up the whole cave with that.” Namjoon said as you finally removed your hands and could see a faint blush coating his cheeks as well.

You didn’t know Namjoon for long, but something about this big scary leader of Dragons blushing before you was quite charming.

“I’m so embarrassed oh my god this is awful I should apologize to Taehyung.” You fret as you begin to pace the cave.

Namjoon just laughs which causes you to stop in your tracks to stare at him.

“Believe me the last thing you need to do is apologize to him. The amount of times I’ve walked in on him in the same position. Don’t worry your pretty head about it.” Namjoon reassures as you let out a small relieved sigh.

“So as I was saying before you got distracted I was thinking I would take you to where the mahogany trees grow and we can search the grounds for your father.” He continues

“How would we get there though?” You ask.

“You would have to follow my instructions no matter what so we can get there safely.”

Your thoughts run wild as you ponder the idea. It was very nice of Namjoon to offer to do this for you, especially after yesterday’s difiance and you give him a curt nod as he smiles, showing you two dimples you had never seen before. Then again you didn’t think you ever saw him smile until now.

“How does one ride a dragon though?” You ask

Namjoon stares at you

You stare back and the realization of what you said dawns on you.

“I mean-I- for travel.” You stammer as you feel your cheeks heat and Namjoon once again blushing wildly.

“If you trust me I would take you on my back, probably a lot better than me holding you like Jungkook did,” Namjoon replies as you fasten his cloak tighter and try to ignore the images in your mind of you riding him a much different way.

“If you see another dragon hide yourself against my back. We don’t want others to see you. Humans are not supposed to ride dragons and haven’t for years. You must stay hidden. You must not be seen.”

He turns his broad back to you and exits the cave turning into a dragon. You slowly and carefully mount his back, which almost feels like climbing a mountain with how large and wide he is.

Once you get yourself comfortable you give him a playful pat and Namjoon rockets himself into the sky as you hold on for dear life.

The sun is warm on your skin but you can hardly feel it over the rush of the wind as it takes you higher and higher into the clouds. The air is dense up here but he doesn’t keep you here for long as he dips back down towards the trees and finally levels out taking you away from the cave and towards your small town.

The ride is short and lucky for you no other dragons seem to be nearby as Namjoon circles a clearing before touching down and letting you gently climb off his back.

He extends his great gold wings to stretch them out before turning into a human and standing up.

The clearing is still full of mahogany trees but you do notice some of them had been cut down.

Namjoon lets you take your time surveying the area but stays close to you in case. His presence makes you feel safer as you walk quite a ways but find no sign of your father anywhere.

“Nothing?” He asks softly after an hour of looking and you shake your head, tears spilling hot and fast down your cheeks.

Namjoon pulls you in for a side hug and wraps his arm around you letting you cry into his shoulder. The dragon part of him is reminding him he has better things to worry about than the affairs of this human whom he had only met, but the human part of him aches at the loss.

Namjoon lets you cry as much as you need to, holding you steady against him and protecting you from the wind.

Once you calm down you wipe your nose on your sleeve and push your hair back from your face.

“I’m sorry I didn’t mean to cry all over you like that.” You mutter as you wipe your tears away as quickly as they come.

“It’s okay I don’t mind.” Namjoon comforts you as he keeps you tucked against him.

“I really don’t want to leave without him. I can’t leave without him.” You whimper unable to hold back as more tears fall.

“We can keep searching. You can stay for longer but…”

His question lingers in the air.

“Isn’t there someone at home missing you? Or looking for you too?” Namjoon asks you.

You let out a bitter laugh and shake your head.

“My father is the only family I have left. He…was an inventor and one day something went wrong with one of his inventions and it ended up killing my mother.” You squeezed your eyes shut at the painful memory.

“He gave up inventing and instead became a humble carpenter. I almost wonder if The Governor sent him in here to die. The whole town thinks we are strange and we have been outcasts ever since. I doubt anyone in the town even misses me. Well maybe except Jimin, but he’s just in it for a quick fuck.” You say with a bitter laugh as Namjoon seems to stiffen beside you.

“You are having sex with The Governor’s son?” Namjoon quips with an eyebrow raised.

“Not often. Just. Whenever we feel like it. I- I don’t have to explain this to you.” You say feeling suddenly shy as you pull away from his embrace embarrassed at yourself for opening up to him like that.

“You don’t have to explain yourself I just-”

“What!” You shot out unable to stop yourself.

“You thought I’d sit at home and wait for the perfect man to sweep me off my feet. Me?! An outcast after what happened. The poor girl who had to take care of her father after he blew up her mother. Do you think anyone wants that? Wants this?” You cry out unable to look at Namjoon as you yell into the empty forest.

Namjoon is patient and lets you rant but his heart aches for you. He doesn’t know the extent of what you have been through but he knows that you have all this pain inside as you keep yelling and ranting, pacing the forest floor.

Just as you are losing steam Namjoon runs towards you and pushes you against a tree, his palm warm against your mouth as he holds you steady and quiet.

You cry out in shock and anger as his eyes sweep behind you, keeping you steady behind the tree.

“Shush. Someone is here.” He growls low, cutting off your protests as you can hear the crunching of leaves, someone is walking nearby.

“We are on human land we have to go. I’m going to let you go, you will climb on my back and we will get the fuck out of here. Understood.” He demands eyes glowing gold as you nod and Namjoon lets you go.

You see him transform and nearly let out a scream as you see an arrow fly through the woods and hit a nearby tree.

You don’t stop to look back as Namjoon extends a wing to hide you and before you can climb onto his back he grabs you in his talons and launches himself from the ground.

The air whips your hair around and the only sounds you can hear are the wind whistling in your ears and the sounds of Namjoon’s mighty wings carrying you away.

-------

The news comes while you are asleep.

Namjoon is in the cave and keeps the fire going to keep you warm when Seokjin touches down outside.

Once inside the cave, he is back in his human form and drops more food for you on the cave floor as he takes in your sleeping form, wrapped up in Namjoon’s cloak and snoring softly.

“We have things to talk about Namjoon,” Seokjin says softly not wanting to wake you as he plops down beside Namjoon eyes wide with worry.

“Aren’t I the leader here?” Namjoon grumbles but he still turns to face Seokjin as you let out a soft snore.

“Yes, but what you did today was wreckless and could have gotten you killed. Then who would be our leader? Jungkook is beside himself thinking he could have lost you.” Seokjin says as Namjoon averts his eyes.

“Going on human land to look for her father. Are you out of your mind? You could have flown over but no you had to touch down and transform on human land too. Yoongi is too good with a weapon Namjoon.”

“It wasn’t Yoongi. He’s still east according to reports.” Namjoon responds still poking at the fire.

“Well, whoever it was they have good aim from what I hear. Sure we could overpower a human if we had to but you were on their land. If they killed you it would have been justified. You were way over the border.” Seokjin reminds him as Namjoon lets out a weary sigh.

He knew it was dangerous. He knew it was stupid but he thought bringing you there would give you a little bit of hope. Maybe gets you to trust the dragons more. Trust him more. He was looking for your father. He had his best men on it but instead of giving you hope he feels he made it worse.

You hardly said anything when he got you back to the cave, instead, you curled into a ball and fell asleep almost immediately.

Namjoon didn’t like that you didn’t say anything to him.

And he liked it even less that you had another man touching you, fucking you.

Before Seokjin could scold him more Namjoon cut him off.

“I know I know. It was dumb. A mistake. I’ll make it up to Jungkook later. Now have you come here to scold me or is there news?” Namjoon asks as his sharp eyes don’t leave your sleeping form.

Seokjin figures it’s best not to argue with the leader so he gets to work cooking food on the fire, hype aware of how Namjoon stares at the human.

“We found her father,” Seokjin says softly as Namjoon’s eyes snap to his.

“When? Where?” Namjoon asks as Seokjin bites his lip and continues to prep the food.

“Well, you have to promise not to be mad.” Seokjin starts as Namjoon lets loose a low warning growl.

A sentence like that can never be good.

“Taehyung…he… he went to her town and found her house. Her father somehow wandered home unscathed.” Seokjin says timidly as Namjoon feels heat rise throughout his body.

“You’re telling me. Taehyung. Went into her town. As a human?” Namjoon growls low as Seokjin seems to shrink under his leader’s heated gaze.

“Hoseok and I already gave him an earful but yes he did. No one knows who he is anyway as he is the newest of us but yeah. He did.” Seokjin says still timid as he pokes at the fire not wanting to see Namjoon's wrath.

“You came in here scolding me for being on human land but Taehyung walks right into her town?! Is he insane?” Namjoon hisses trying to keep his voice low so you can sleep.

“Well you can scold Taehyung but you're the leader….who’s going to scold you? Someone had to do it and I drew the short straw.”

Namjoon ran a tired hand down his face.

“Well he’s going to get the scolding of his life but…I’m glad her father is safe.” Namjoon finishes as the cave is filled with the sizzle of fish cooking.

“Are you?” Seokjin asks eyebrow quirked as Namjoon stills.

“Of course I am.” He retorted as you shifted in your sleep.

“We all have noticed you have grown fond of the human. Are you going to be able to let her go?” Seokjin asks as you stir more and Namjoon knows it’s only moments before you will wake.

“I have to. I have no choice.”

The news gets broken to you after you eat.

Both Seokjin and Namjoon decide to wait until you are finished at the fear of you choking when they tell you your father is safe at home.

“So what happened?!” You ask, shock apparent on your face as Seokjin recalls how Taehyung walked into your town and found your house, finding your father safe and sound but terribly worried about you.

“Now I really should apologize to Taehyung after what he walked in on.” You mutter as Seokjin lifts a brow and his eyes flit to Namjoon who is suddenly very interested in the cave wall.

“There are still a couple of hours of daylight left if you wish us to take you to him. You just have to promise if anyone asks about Taehyung you pretend you have no idea. Also maybe just tell them you got lost in the woods. We don’t want to bring trouble to our kind because we took you in. Taehyung has brought enough trouble by going into town.” Seokjin explained with a shake of his head but a small smile on his lips.

He seemed just as excited as you that your father was safe.

Namjoon however stayed stoic and silent as he stared at the cave walls, occasionally looking at you.

“Well, I have a patrol to do. Namjoon can take you back.” Seokjin explains as he stands up and you follow suit.

You wrap him in a warm hug and thank him for everything and Seokjin returns the hug but his eyes are locked on Namjoon who is now staring with a low growl rumbling in his chest.

“Please thank Jungkook and Hoseok for me. Oh and tell Taehyung I’m sorry he had to walk in on…yeah.” You finish pulling away and blushing to match Namjoon’s blush.

Interesting.

“What exactly did he walk in on? Just so I know what to say?” Seokjin teases as Namjoon stands up quickly and barks at Seokjin to get a move on.

Seokjin waves over his shoulder and leaves you alone with Namjoon who looks anything but pleased.

“We should go.” He says softly as he puts out the fire and his cold attitude matches the cold of the room as he leaves and transforms into his dragon self outside.

You slowly look around the cave once more before leaving and slowly climbing on Namjoon’s back. He lets out a small huff and shoots himself into the sky.

Your thoughts are a tangled web as the world around you suddenly doesn’t seem as interesting as it did before.

You were glad that your father was safe. You were glad that he was home which also meant you could come home. You’d have to find a way to return Jimin’s dagger to him without raising suspicion but the thought of seeing Jimin again made you feel queasy.

Not because of Jimin himself but because of what you told Namjoon.

Also Namjoon in general.

The way he looked at you, the way he pinned you against the cave wall. You knew something was simmering below the surface and as glad as you were that your father was back, you also wished you had more time to explore it.

You opened your heart to him and didn’t have time to let him open his. You didn’t feel ready to go back to your old life, something about Namjoon drew you in, made you feel powerful, made you feel alive.

Before you could even begin to untangle these thoughts you felt him descending on the very edge of the forest and you held your breath as your stomach swooped.

Namjoon touched down gracefully for being so large and you carefully climbed off his back before he could transform into a human.

You didn’t know what to say, how to thank him, how to say goodbye but it seemed he didn’t give you the chance because as you were about to open your mouth he let out a small huff and shot up into the sky, leaving you standing in the clearing alone.

Well.

That was that then.

-------

The days turned into weeks and everything slowly turned back to normal.

The reunion with your father was sweet as he swept you into his arms and told you how he got lost in the woods for several days only living off berries until he eventually stumbled back.

You told a similar tale, keeping your promise to Seokjin and leaving out the parts about the dragons as you settled back into your life.

Two days after your return you ran into Jimin in town as you were buying bread. You whispered for him to meet you in the barn around nightfall.

However, you didn’t meet him but you left his dagger on the hay pile where you usually fucked.

Jimin wouldn’t look at you after that, instead shooting you dirty looks whenever he could but you didn’t mind. You didn’t miss him much anyway.

The winter chill came hard and fast this year coating everything in snow as you trekked through town to continue to grab supplies for your small cottage.

The air was bitingly cold and you held your hood firmly over your head to ward off the chill as you completed your errands.

Jimin was in the blacksmiths as you passed and you held your head high, only to be met with the ding of the bell and his boots crunching through the snow next to you.

“So that’s it then? You steal my dagger and just throw it on the hay pile to be found by me? Can’t even talk to me anymore.” He hisses as you stop in your tracks and face him.

“My father was gone for ages and your father did nothing to help him. My father just got back… so sorry I want to spend time with him instead of letting you get your dick wet.” You snarl under your breath as Jimin steps back in shock.

“I covered for you when you stole my dagger and this is how you repay me?” He says anger seeping through his voice as your breaths mingle in the cold air.

“How exactly did you cover for me? You had sex with me and fell asleep and I stole your dagger. What were you going to tell your father when he asked? Surely you weren’t going to tell him you were with me.”

“I pretended I lost it to save you!” He blurts out.

“Save me or save yourself? I know you are ashamed to be with me Jimin. I know you see me how the rest of the town does though you won't admit it.” You say calmly.

Jimin stares at you, his beautiful face painted in anger.

“Were done. This. This is done.” he scowls pushing past you to storm down the street.

But you had already known it was done.

It was done the day you first laid eyes on Namjoon.

You let your thoughts drift back to him as you make your way out of town to your small cottage struggling under the weight of the bags and the fresh fallen snow.

It still stung that Namjoon never bothered to say goodbye and you almost wonder if he is even thinking about you too.

You haven’t forgotten the tension in the cave, how hard and needy he felt against you as he pushed you against the wall. How often those sharp eyes would land on you making you squirm.

Before you know it you are at your front door. You try to clear the thoughts of Namjoon from your mind but you know no matter how hard you try you will never meet a man like him in your entire life.

-------

A month had gone by since you had seen Namjoon. A whole month of sitting in the cottage and yearning for him and letting your thoughts be consumed by him.

Your father knew something was up and asked multiple times what happened in the woods but you reiterated the same story over and over until he had given up.

One cold frosty morning you were tending to the chickens when you saw something flutter out of the corner of your eye.

You finished collecting the eggs and when you turned it was still there.

A black cloak fluttering on a tree branch a couple of feet from your coop. You knew that cloak, you would recognize it anywhere and you nearly dropped the eggs when the wind grabbed it, revealing the fur lining.

Namjoon was here, somewhere. Or had been here.

He dropped it off for you.

He was thinking about you too.

You slowly placed the basket of eggs on the ground and walked over the cloak, your hand slightly shaking.

When your hand wrapped around the soft material you couldn’t help but let your eyes close as all the memories replayed in your mind. The cloak smelt of him and your head spun when you wrapped it around your shoulders, taking you right back to that cave, right back to him hard and needy against you.

Your thoughts were broken by church bells echoing across town and out to your little home as you quickly grabbed the eggs and headed inside still wearing the cloak.

Your father had questions of course but you lied and said one of the townspeople must have lost it and you would do your due diligence to return it tomorrow.

He seemed pleased with that response and you hated lying to him but was it really lying if you were going to return it to the dragon it belonged to?

-------

The forest was a lot different in just a couple of months, and every step you took deeper into it reminded you of that.

The trees were bare as the winter chill had stripped them down to only their branches. Most of the leaves had been cleared away leaving you walking through deep snow, hiking up your father’s clothes once again as you wandered in.

Even without having Jimin’s weapon, you didn’t feel afraid.

Namjoon had told you once that he could smell everything on you

From fear to sweat to….arousal.

You knew it was only a matter of time before he found you again.

The woods grew dense and the snow was starting to freeze your toes in your boots as you carried on.

The sun was weak today casting everything in a somber light as you held onto a tree for support and caught your breath.

Even if somehow he couldn’t smell you, you did have the protection of wearing his cloak and that gave you the strength to carry on.

An hour in the snow was still deep and you were having a hard time traversing it. The cloak kept you warm and safe and the trees provided a small barrier against the wind.

Two hours later you were wondering if this whole thing was a mistake.

You figured you’d wander in the woods and he would sense you were there, maybe smell you, and be on you in minutes. However, the minutes had dragged into hours and you felt numb and sore.

Your feet ached in cold and your cheeks were stinging and tinged pink as your breath fogged in front of your very eyes.

The temperature was dropping.

This was a bad idea.

Just as you were about to give up you could hear the flapping of wings and you looked up in time to see a huge dragon sailing above you.

It seemed to sense you and your heart fluttered thinking it was your dragon. However, when it started to descend you realized you didn’t recognize this dragon at all.

No gold-flecked scales, no pink either.

It touched down harshly in front of you and its beady eyes narrowed on yours.

You stayed frozen as you checked the dragon, all black except for a sickly green color around its snout.

It licked its lips and your stomach plummeted.

This was not a friendly dragon and you were about to be lunch.

Just as the dragon opened its mouth to shoot fire you were swooped up in claws and taken from the forest floor.

The wind whipped your hair around and when you finally found the bravery to open your eyes you looked up to see your saviour which was a black dragon with a golden belly.

“Namjoon!” You cried over the wind as he ignored you and took you higher and higher across the winter sky.

Flying was a lot colder this time around and he seemed to take you further than he ever had.

By the time you had touched down your cheeks and hands were frozen and you felt chilled to the bone.

He didn’t drop you off at the cave, or any cave for that matter. In fact, he dropped you off high in the mountains where an old rustic cottage sat.

You were about to open your mouth to thank him but you saw he wasn’t transforming back into his human self.

His eyes were narrowed and golden and even though he didn’t speak you could feel the rage radiating off him in waves.

He nodded a head towards the cottage and took off in flight leaving you stranded at the edge of a mountain.

You stood there watching his great wings flap against the sky and before long he was a speck in the distance.

You had no choice but to enter the quant cottage and warm yourself up as you got a fire started. It took ages with your numb fingers but once you were able to light the match the whole living room was bathed in warm firelight.

You padded from room to room slowly looking around as the wind howled all around you.

There was a small kitchen, a cozy living room, a small bathroom, and two bedrooms in the back.

Something drew you to the bedroom on the left and when you went inside your head spun. All you smelt was him.

Namjoon’s scent was everywhere and when you opened the closet sweaters and pants hung nearly, organized by color.

Your own clothes were frozen and not nearly as comfortable so you stripped in his room and grabbed a soft blue sweater to throw over your head.

You didn’t bother with the pants as he was much bigger than you but you did strip them off anyway and decided you would wear his sweater as a dress.

Making your way back to the living room you saw him standing by the fire, the light illuminating his dark features and when he made eye contact with you the air seemed to woosh from your lungs.

“You really are the most stubborn human I have ever met you know that.” He growls as his narrowed eyes rove your body and you are suddenly very aware you were not wearing pants.

“Good to see you too.” You deadpan as you make your way over to the couch and throw a blanket on your lap to cover yourself up.

“Do you know how bad it could have been if I had not been following you for the last hour?” He asks, voice low and dangerous as the fire flickers.

“So you knew I was in the forest then?” You ask

“Obviously.” He says sounding bored.

“And you didn’t think to come get me sooner? I walked around for two hours like an idiot looking for you.” You say sharply feeling embarassment rise.

He knew you had been there all along. He just let you wander lost.

“I thought you’d give up. I guess I forgot your stubbornness.” He chuckled to himself as he continued to stare into the fire.

“Why would I give up? You left your cloak on my property and I-I thought.” You said letting your voice die out as you stared at your lap.

You read this wrong, the whole thing was wrong and now you looked like a fool.

“Yes, I was wondering where that cloak had wandered off too.”

Your eyes met his sharp ones and he let out a long weary sigh.

“My cloak went missing days ago. It seems Taehyung has a taste for meddling. I made him confess right after I found you.” Namjoon says finally pushing away from the fire to sit in a lounge chair next to you.

“I-I thought- I…wow this is embarassing.” You say hugging your arms around yourself and staring at your feet unable to look at him.

“You thought I sent it.” He asks softly as you finally look his way.

His expression is gentle and understanding and you nod slowly.

“I had been completing rounds in an area Taehyung knew I would be in. I smelt the cloak right away. I smelt you right away. I was hoping you would give up. Go home but as I said you are a stubborn human. The dragon that found you. That could have been bad. Which is why I wanted you to go home. The forest is dangerous. I am dangerous.”

“So you don’t want me here?” You ask in a small voice feeling the sting of rejection deep in your chest.

“I brought you to my private cottage in the mountains. The only ones who know about it are my dragons. I brought you here for three reasons. Number one to keep you safe.” He says voice low as he leans closer to you as if he is about to tell you a secret.

“Number two, I told my dragons if they even fly close to this place tonight I will incinerate them.”

You giggle.

“Number three is because here you are, wearing my clothes, smelling of my cloak, and if I am not mistaken wearing no pants. I brought you here so I could ravish you in peace.”

You let out a small whimper at his words, squeezing your thighs together as Namjoon chuckles low and dangerously.

“That’s why you came all this way right? Why you put yourself in so much danger? Why you haven’t fucked the Park boy in weeks….. yes I know about that.” He says before you can interject.

You whimpered out his name. The tension was thick as a cloud and made your heart rate speed as he leaned even closer to you and you sucked in a breath.

“You want me, don’t you? You have wanted me since that first fight in the cave? Am I correct?”

You nod unable to form words as his hand reaches out to tuck a stray hair behind your ear.

“I didn’t say goodbye the first time because I couldn’t. I felt the same as you. The pull. The desire. Saying goodbye was too hard. I kick myself almost every day that I didn’t take you right there up against the cave wall. You were so stubborn, so infuriating that it made my cock so fucking hard.” He snarled, face inches from yours breath warm against your face.

“Do you still think I’m stubborn and infuriating?” You ask in a small voice as you shrink under his searing gaze.

“My human walked into the forest today, put her life at risk to get a good fuck by a dragon. What do you think princess?” He rasps against the shell of your ear causing goosebumps to rise on your skin despite the warm fire only mere feet away.

“You-Your human?” You asked him slowly blinking as he snickered and his mouth stretched into a sinister smile.

“Yes. My human. I’m going to fuck you and make you mine. As long as that’s what you wandered into the woods for?” He says teasingly with a cock of his eyebrow.

Desire throbbed throughout your body and you felt the anticipation of what was to come hang in the air.

You wanted him and you wanted him bad.

“Need to hear you say it human. Say how bad you want me.” He demands as you nod.

“No no, I need words.” He teases causing you to arch up and try to connect your lips with his.

“Words darling. Words. You do know what those are?”

You swallow hard.

“Yes. Namjoon please fuck me.” You beg as his eyes ignite gold and he grabs you and throws you over his broad shoulder.

You squeal and hold on for dear life as a hand comes down to spank your backside causing you to gasp and leak arousal down your thighs as he kicks open the bedroom door and throws you down on the bed.

Before you can blink his body is on top of yours, keeping you pinned to the bed as his mouth roves your neck. His nose is cold against your skin and you arch up to meet his body wanting to be covered by every inch of him as he explores you with passion.

“Kiss me- fuck Namjoon-please.” You beg as he attacks your lips with his own causing you to moan obscenly against his warm mouth.

His lips are firm and when he grinds his body down on yours you are delighted to feel the swell of his hard cock pressing against your stomach as you grind yourself against it to try and help relieve some of the ache that has formed between your legs.

Namjoon’s kisses are hot and when he delivers a small bite to your lip you gasp as he takes to opportunity to slip his tongue inside and explore your mouth.

Your hands are scraping at his body, desperate to feel his bare skin against yours as his hand comes to play with the hem of his sweatshirt that you are wearing, pulling it higher and higher exposing yourself to him.

He breaks the kiss causing you to whine in protest as he sits up and shucks his shirt over his head. You gasp when your eyes are met with miles of tanned skin and muscles that had been sculpted by hard work.

What shocked you most was his markings.

His body had many gold lines running around it. One thick line ran from his neck all the way down to his naval and you wondered if it would run further down.

His arms had thick gold bands circling them and he must have seen you staring because he turned around to show you his back, which had gold markings in the shape of dragon wings.

“Wow.” You breathed out as you took in his beauty.

He blushed under your praise.

“We get these markings when we become leaders. I’ve been a leader for five years but the wings just came in last year.” He explains as he sits on the bed and carefully takes your hand pressing it to the gold marks on his chest.

“You’re beautiful Namjoon.” You breathe out as he gives you a rare shy smile, which once again causes those dimples to show on his cheeks.

You slowly use the tip of your finger to trace the gold line on his chest, he shivers under your touch but lets you continue as you trace down his body, eyes following the path to where the line dips lower and his hard cock is straining against his pants in a way that has your mouth watering.

When you make it to the edge of his pants his resolve snaps and Namjoon pushes you back down on the bed and begins to kiss you again.

Your hands come to grab at his hair as his mouth attacks yours as his hips jut his cock into your stomach.

His lips don’t stay on yours for long as they begin to travel down your cheek and to your jawline where he peppers them making you whine and thrash under him.

“Don’t tease please.” You beg out as his lips suck a mark into your skin just above your collarbone as he chuckles against your skin.

“My little human you have to remember I’m a shapeshifter. A dragon. My cock is going to be a lot bigger than what you are used to. I have to prep you my impatient one.” He coos against your skin making you moan as his lips are intoxicating against your skin and you want nothing more than to have them somewhere else.

He seems to read your mind as he once again sits up on the bed and tugs at the sweater you are wearing, pulling it off and throwing it to the floor with a thump.

“Good choice. That is one of my favorite ones. You looked divine in it but I think you look better without it on.” He notes as his eyes rove your naked body.

“It…It was the one that smelled the most like you.” You admitted as his narrowed eyes took their time exploring your body.

From your collarbones to your breasts to your stomach and when his eyes dipped down to the flimsy piece of cloth covering your core the gold in his eyes seemed to shimmer.

“My beautiful human.” He hums as his lips connect with the skin of your neck and you throw your head back as they once again move.

When his warm, wet mouth makes it to your breasts you whine out his name as you try your best to hump your lower body into him.

At this point, you wonder if you have soaked the bed under you with how aroused you feel.

“Patience.” He reminds you as his mouth finally connects with your nipple and you see stars.

His other hand comes up to palm at your other breasts as he takes his time with your right one. Alternating between licking and sucking making arousal shoot through your bloodstream.

His mouth is warm and wet and when he pulls off your nipple with a wet pop you can’t help but squeeze your legs together in anticipation.

His eyes travel south and his mouth curls into a smirk when he catches the piece of fabric, so wet against you as he tears it from your body.

You gasp.

Namjoon slowly gets off the bed and palms his hard cock through his pants. His bulge is straight up obscene the way it is pushing against the fabric of his pants and when he adjusts it you can clearly see the head leaking precum staining his pants.

“Please. Namjoon. Please.” You beg feeling delirious from your arousal as he chuckles and grabs your legs pulling you to the edge of the bed with ease.

“How many times do I have to remind you to be patient with me? As much as I would love to slide my cock inside of you, and believe me I can tell by your scent how aroused you are, I also don’t want to hurt you.” He explains as he grabs a pillow and kneels on it you sit up to stare at him, the leader of the dragons kneeling before you.

“If your flight saw you now what would they say.” You teased as Namjoon’s eyes seemed to glow a brighter gold, even the markings on his body seemed to glow at your words.

“They would be jealous of how lucky I am to be between your legs about to ravish your pussy.” He says calmly as you throw a hand over your mouth to stop the moan that threatens to spill out.

“We are high in the mountains darling you can be as loud as you want. Actually, I encourage it.” He says shooting you a wink.

The first lick makes you arch off the bed and cry out his name.

The second lick makes you whine and moan against him

And the noises are just obscene.

His tongue laps and sucks at your core, licking up everything you have to give him as he noses at your clit and dances his tongue across your soaked folds.

You want to watch him but the pleasure takes over as you lay back on the bed and moan his name to the ceiling as he works you towards a high you know will destroy you.

His tongue flicks across your clit sending sparks up your spine and his hands stay firm on your thighs holding you to the bed as you take everything he is giving you.

Your voice raises in pitch. Your stomach is coiling in pleasure and when you finally cry out his name in warning Namjoon growls against your core and that sets you off.

You cum while gripping the sheets and crying out his name as waves upon waves of pleasure crash down on you. Namjoon licks up everything even going as far as nuzzling his nose against your pussy to give you extra stimulation.

When you can’t take it anymore you reach down to softly push his head away.

You feel weak and dizzy but also invigorated as you finally sit up and see Namjoon still kneeling before you.

His eyes are back to their brown color but his markings still glow and his face and cheeks are wet with your orgasm.

“Fuck.” You get out as you lay back down on the bed and press a hand to your racing heart.

It seems however Namjoon is not done as you feel a finger trace up your leg, starting at your knee and teasing higher and higher.

He gets up from the floor and places one knee on the bed and one hand on the bed holding himself steady as he hovers over you.

You push yourself up on your elbows as you suck in a sharp breath when he finally makes it to your core and when his finger circles your entrance you nod at him.

Namjoon coats his finger in your wetness before slowly pushing it inside your pussy. You sigh at the feeling of finally being filled and when he adds another finger you can’t help but grind down on them.

“Needy thing aren’t you.” He chuckled as he began to fuck you on his long fingers, pulling them out and pushing them in making you shiver.

As Namjoon works you with his fingers you can’t help but notice his neglected cock twitching in his pants.

You surprise him but reaching out for it and palming his length causing a low growl to leave his throat as he curls his fingers inside of you to rub at that spot that makes you see stars.

“Patience. You will get my cock in due time.” He says gruffly as his fingers start to speed up inside of you.

“Want you to feel good too Joon.” You argue as you palm at his cock and apply pressure to the head of it making him throw his head back and the veins in his neck bulge as you work him.

“I have two fingers deep in your pussy I feel great.” He argues back as he once again curls his fingers and you cum around them without warning.

Your walls spasm and you cry out his name as more arousal coats your insides and Namjoon helps you work through your high.

You come down a lot quicker this time and when you sit up you see Namjoon happily lapping at his digits that were just buried deep inside you.

“Can’t wait any longer need your cock.” You beg as he snickers and stands up from the bed.

Namjoon stands at the foot of the bed and stares you down. His eyes are narrowed and sharp as he takes in your ruined frame. He slowly reaches for his pants and palms at his cock as you take him in.

You knew he was the leader of the dragons. He was powerful, but this man standing in front of you radiated such confidence and power, that it made your mouth dry as he seemed to have enough of his own teasing and he finally pulled his pants down agonizingly slow.

When you saw the base of his cock you swallowed hard at its girth as he revealed more of himself to you. Once he shed himself off his pants his cock slapped against his stomach and your eyes grew wide.

He was thick and long, longer than you had ever seen and his cock was flushed an angry red color, but surprisingly had the gold markings wound around it.

His cockhead was leaking precum and it twitched against him as you fought to tear your eyes away from it and back to his handsome face.

“You understand now why I had to prep you.” He says with an eyebrow raised as you bite your lip and nod.

Namjoon settles himself on the bed as anticipation hangs in the air. You try to be polite and stare anywhere else but his cock but your eyes seem drawn to it and your pussy throbs at the thought of it entering you.

“You asked me once how do you ride a dragon?” he quips as he leans back against the headboard with a confident smirk on his face.

“Well, I think I’d like you to show me how you ride a dragon.”

You waste no time in climbing up on his lap settling yourself on his powerful thighs. You bring a hand down to grip his cock and moan at the sheer size of it.

Namjoon leaks steadily down his shaft as you begin to jerk him off slowly.

You flick your wrist at the top and he lets out a low grunt in his throat as you work him.

His shaft is warm and velvety under your palm and you can almost feel the blood pumping through it from the vein on the side.

Namjoon tries his best to hold back and let you explore but the feeling of your wetness coating his thigh and the fact he is already so embarrassingly close by just a couple strokes of your hand makes him push your hand away.

“You are too good at that you know.” He mutters

You snicker.

“Yeah, I’ve had some practice.” You taunt as Namjoon’s eyes narrow and a low disapproving grumble vibrates in his chest.

“And from now on the only person you will practice with is me. My human. Mine.” He growls as his teeth nip at your earlobe and you throw your head back and whine out his name.

“Say it. Say you're mine and only mine.” Namjoon demands as one hand comes down to swat at your ass causing it to sting and a broken moan to fall from your lips.

“Say it or I won’t fuck you.” He threatens as he once again slaps your ass and you cry out his name, tears of desperation gathering in your eyes.

“Yours. Joon. Only yours.” You beg as he snickers and his inner dragon purrs happily at the sound of that before he grabs the base of his cock and lines it up with your dripping folds.

“Now you have to be a good girl and listen to everything I say before I fuck you okay.” He mutters against your ear as his other hand comes up to pet your hair.

“Anything Joon. Anything.” You cry out.

“I’m going to stick my cock in you and you are going to sit there and take it until you adjust okay. I don’t want to hurt my beautiful human. I want her to be a good girl and wait until she’s fully adjusted got it?” He asks as you sob and try to force yourself down on his cock desperation making you act out.

“I said to be a good girl. Can you do that for me?” He coos in your ear as you whine and nod.

Namjoon slowly grabs his cock and lets you sink onto it at your own pace.

The stretch is unbelievable and you almost feel your eyes cross at how good it feels. You take him inch by inch, taking deep breaths and stopping when you need to.

Namjoon is patient as he lets you sink down but you can tell by the look on his face he is doing everything in his power not to fuck up into you wildly.

Once you make it to the bottom and he is fully sheathed you let out a shaky breath and press your hands to his warm chest for support.

“Fuck I’m so full Joonie.” You grit out as the stretch still stings, though the comforting circles he rubs on your back do help.

“I know baby. You feel so tight around my cock. Squeezing me so good. You're going to squeeze the cum right out of me aren’t you.” He purrs in your ear which makes your walls flutter around his length.

“So full but so good.” You cry out as you look down and gasp when you look between your bodies.

Namjoon’s cock is so big, so deep inside of you it makes your lower stomach bulge out slightly. His eyes follow yours and he lets out an animalistic growl as he sees how full you are.

The minutes tick by. You feel yourself slowly start to relax around his cock and when you finally look up into his handsome face he has his eyes closed, his teeth biting into his lip and is taking short breaths out of his nose.

“You okay there Joon?” You ask playfully as he opens his eyes which are once again shining gold and he stares at you.

“I’m okay.” He says voice slightly cracking as you giggle, finally feeling your body adjust to his length and you wiggle your hips slightly, teasing him.

“Are you sure? You look in pain?” You goad unable to stop yourself from swirling your hips and looking at the pained expression on his face.

“You feel so hot and tight around me and I am trying to be a gentleman and let you adjust but you teasing me like this is not helping.” He grits out and you once again giggle.

“Who says I’m not adjusted?” You tease and it’s game over.

Namjoon grabs your hips so hard you know you will have bruises tomorrow and he fucks up into you wildly.

You grab onto his shoulders for support as you grind down to meet his thrusts.

Namjoon huffs out in annoyance and rolls you over so he is on top of you and begins to snap his hips harshly, causing his cock to reach inside of you so deep it makes you see stars.

“S-So good.” You cry out voice slurring as he continues to pound into you with force

Namjoon grunts in your ear, low and dangerous as he fucks into you, his voice sending shivers up your spine as he pistons in his hips into you in a way that has his cockhead touching your g-spot with every thrust.

“You test me. You tease me. You come into these woods putting your life in danger just to find me. You are so infuriating sometimes.” He growls as he holds you down on the bed and fucks into you sending wave after wave of pleasure crashing over your body.

“I think you like the thrill you know. I think you like someone testing you.” You shoot back as his face snaps up to meet your gaze and he licks his lips.

“You know I fucking do.” He groans as he slips his cock out of you and you are about to protest but he flips you over and gets you on your hands and knees.

His cock enters you again and this time the angle is different and so much deeper as he pounds into you harshly, making you take his entire length.

“You know how hard it was for me to say goodbye. You know how much I came all over my fist at the thought of you. I felt like a pervert the amount of times I got hard at the thought of you. The amount of cum I wasted on my fist instead of being buried in your pussy.”

You cry out at his words but it seems he’s not done. With every thrust of his cock he is bringing you closer to the edge and you start to fuck back into him meeting him halfway and making a growl rumble deep in his chest.

“I’m going to cum so deep inside you today. You will be ruined for anyone else. You are mine. No one else just my little cum dump to use as I please.”

He sends a hard smack to your ass and you cry out his name as the pleasure in your stomach builds higher and high and the coil of pleasure gets tighter.

You cry out his name.

But he knows. Of course, he knows.

His hand comes to reach between your legs and with a couple of circles of your clit he has you cumming hard, your walls clamping around his cock as you cry out his name, tears falling at how good it feels as your orgasm crashes into you.

Namjoon is still fucking into you wildly but he can feel his own high approaching, his body is glistening with sweat making his gold marking glow as he grabs the base of his cock and tries his best to stave off his orgasm until he pulls out.

Namjoon pulls out with a harsh hiss, and after a couple of strokes to his heated length, he cums all over your back using his hand to milk himself dry as ropes of white cum land on your back and ass.

You wait until he’s done before slumping on the bed and taking several deep breaths. A dull ache forms between your legs as you lay there motionless and try to catch your breath.

Your body tingles in after orgasm bliss and you can’t help but flutter your eyes closed as he moves off the bed behind you.

You feel a warm cloth on your back as Namjoon wipes you down, he takes his time and is meticulous in his work and before you know it you are scooped up into his arms and carried to the small bathroom where a warm bath is running.

You are slowly lowered down in the bath and you hiss at the warm temperature but you feel your body instantly relax when you are submerged.

Namjoon leaves the room and when he returns he is dressed in simple black pants and a white shirt and he plops down on the floor next to the tub to keep you company.

“That was incredible” You breathe out unable to keep your head up and instead you decide to rest it on your arms as you stare at him.

“I agree.” He responds as his hand comes out to grab yours as his thumb rubs soothing circles on your skin.

“You are a liar though Joon.” You say softly as his eyebrows raise.

“You didn’t cum inside me like you said. Thought you wanted to make me yours?” You ask grinning at him.

Despite just having the best sex of his life his cock twitches in interest in his pants.

“It was a heat of the moment thing. If I did cum inside you and got you pregnant…we dragons usually don’t mix with humans but there are cases where they do. There’s just a lot we would have to go through first. If you were pregnant with my child. I’d be cast out. I’d lose my leadership, my dragons, my everything.” he admits as he brings your hand up to his lips to press a soft kiss.

He will admit the thought of carrying his child is making his cock a lot more interested in the conversation and he grumbles when he realizes he is fully hard again.

“What are the steps we have to take?” You ask staring up at him through full lashes.

“I’d have to court you for at least six months. Then we would have to go to the council and explain the situation. And only after their approval would we be able to continue. And because I’m a leader, it will take a lot longer.” He admits feeling suddenly saddened.

“Well I already admitted to being yours so I guess the rest of the steps don’t seem so bad.” You sigh sleepily as Namjoon’s head snaps up.

“You want to be with me? To have me court you?” He asks feeling his heart hammer in his chest.

“Of course! I walked into the woods and risked my life for you. I didn’t just do that for a fuck. Though that was amazing.” You say winking at him.

Namjoon’s heart flutters and he leans down to press a soft kiss to your temple as your eyes slowly close.

Namjoon lets you rest knowing despite his best efforts you will still be sore for days to come. He sits on the cold bathroom floor and reaches out through his mind to Seokjin.

Yes, Namjoon? Are we allowed to communicate with you now?

Namjoon rolls his eyes at the smugness in Seokjin’s voice and lets out a frustrated sigh when Hoseok joins in

Ah, you are done. About time. We were worried dusk would come before the two of you got your hands off each other.

Good thing her father’s a carpenter maybe he can make you a bed. I assume you destroyed this one?

Namjoon let out a warning growl but it didn’t stop the dragons in his head from chuckling

Okay nevermind this conversation is over

Hey! We didn’t mean it we were just teasing. Anyway, what do you need?

Namjoon eyes you snoozing peacefully in the tub, his hand dipped in the water to make sure it is still warm for you

Can you teach me how to cook?

The silence in his head makes him fidget before he hears a snicker

Do you want to burn the cabin down that bad?

Hoseok and his goddamn “humor”

Can you both be serious for once?

Ah Hoseok you know how our Joon is. If he’s asking for help it must be serious. Besides he can just burn it down with a fireball. Now tell me Namjoon are you courting the human?

Yes

The cheers in his head are loud as Seokjin and Hoseok whoop and holler in excitement

Okay okay enough. I’m still your leader you know

Oh, this is so exciting! Of course Namjoon we will teach you how to cook for her, maybe air out the cabin before we come over though it’s going to be hard to teach you how to cook with all the sex in the air.

Namjoon grumbles at Hoseok’s teasing but when he looks at you it makes a little teasing all worth it.

Tag List:

@kingofbodyrolls

[chlix]

treatment resistant

bf! chan x fem! reader: he comforts you during a mental health episode

pairing: chan x reader

genre: ANGST like seriously, turns into comfort at the end tho 🙏🏾

word count: 4.7k

warnings: graphic depictions of depression, anxiety/anxiety attacks, and psychosis (paranoia); self worth issues; general self-loathing

a/n: i wrote this in one sitting about six months ago and deliberated posting it, but it's almost the end of the year so i feel like i should release it. i used to feel so validated by fics where reader is depressed and gets comforted, but she was never as depressed as i sometimes was, so i drew a bit from life for this one. everyone please be safe and read the warnings <3

It doesn't start with the dishes. In fact, you think your therapist might tell you that it's not about the dishes at all, but about your own poor self-image, or lack of emotional regulation, or about a thousand other things that are wrong with the way you perceive yourself and the world.

The truth is that lately you've been sleeping way too late and waking up too early, and you're so tired that you can't eat, which makes you so hungry that you can't take naps. You're between jobs and the outlook hasn't been great, your best friend keeps blowing you off in favor of her new boyfriend, and just this week you found out that your favorite bakery is no longer making the souffles that you've been using as a pick me up since you moved into this building.

You don't do well with change, or rejection, or honestly anything, lately. You wake up stressed and you go to sleep stressed. You keep your phone on Do Not Disturb because you can't bear receiving notifications. Just today you've talked yourself out of taking showers twice, only to have a meltdown when you tried to sit on your bed because you felt too dirty to touch your own sheets. You sit on the floor instead. You eat a singular banana for lunch, just to make your headache go away. Your headache does not go away. You feel both unreal and painfully solid, sinking into the ground and on the verge of floating away.

Your boyfriend, Chan, keeps texting you updates about his day, and answering them feels like an exercise in performance art. You scroll through your previous texts to make sure you're adding the right amount of exclamation points, that you're using the same recent emojis. It's like cosplaying a happier version of yourself. A better version, a version that he could love, as opposed to how you are now: greasy and gross and plastered to the floor in your hallway. The idea of him seeing you like this fills you terror, or at least it would if you hadn't burned out your capacity for feeling things already.

A new message pops up.

Chan: Hey baby ❤️ Was thinking of swinging by tonight after work? I can bring dinner with me

Just the thought of eating threatens to make you vomit. You suck in a breath and hold it as you type,

You: If you want something specific go for it! I already started cooking but we could have it another time

Chan: I don't want to waste all your hard work. We can have what you're making. I'm sure it'll be delicious :)

You: I can promise edible. Delicious is up in the air rn 😭

Chan: I have faith in you even if you don't ❤️. I'll be there around seven today

You: Okay! I love you sm, see you then! ❤️❤️❤️

You lock your phone and throw it across the room. Why do you do this to yourself? "Already started cooking?" You haven't showered today.  Normally you try to deter Chan from coming over when you're having a freakazoid episode, but now you've basically invited him in? You have to be normal for an entire evening?

You fall on your back on the ground and put your hands over your face, blocking out the sunshine that insists on steaming through the cracks in the drapes. Your heart is beating so hard you worry you're going into cardiac arrest.

Get off the fucking ground, y/n, you tell yourself. You have to go cook dinner for your boyfriend.

"There is something very wrong with me," you say out loud, very quietly. The silence of your apartment swallows the words. They vanish, as if never said.

You get up.

It takes you two tries to make something even passing as edible. Your head is all over the place, and you burn batches of oil and veggies before you manage to stay in your body long enough to finish making anything. It takes an embarrassing amount of pans and spoons and bowls to make something that should be simple, and as dishes pile up in the sink you feel stupider and stupider. Why are you acting like you don't know how to cook? It's not hard to make some vegetables in stew. You don't know why it's taking every appliance in your kitchen and all of your concentration to execute such a simple task.

By the time you're done cooking, you've stressed yourself out enough that you're getting a tension headache. You close your eyes and brace yourself against the sink, rallying yourself.

Just do these dishes and then you can sit down, you think. Just one more thing.

You pick up a sponge.

You put the sponge down.

There is no way you can do these dishes.

It doesn't so much hit you like a train as the realization slowly creeps up on you. It's not that many dishes, really. It looks like a lot, because the pots and bowls are so large, but numerically there's very few items in your sink. It wouldn't even take 30 minutes to clean everything and leave it in the rack for later.

But that's not happening. The idea fills you with a cold and genuine dread, just as strong and perverse as when you'd tried to shower earlier, or sit on your bed. You can't turn on the tap because then the water will touch you, and it will feel Wrong, and then your whole body will feel Wrong, and then you'll die of Sudden Onset Wrongness. And now that you think about it, a lot of your anxiety today has revolved around water, and isn't that a symptom of rabies? Hydrophobia? Did you get rabies somehow? Would you know if you had rabies? Maybe that's the thing that's wrong with you- you're not depressed or insane or just a terrible person living a terrible life. You're just rabid. There's something eating your brain, and that's what's making you into such a fucking failure of a person.

While you're debating the possibility of brain-eating viruses, Chan comes home from work. You automatically turn towards him, a bright smile on your face, and rush to greet him.

"Hey, Channie!" you say, bouncing over to him with a pep you do not feel. "I'm so happy you're here!"

And you are, mostly. You love your boyfriend, really you do. He's loving and attentive, and he's never made you feel like anything less than the number one priority in his life. You have similar values and work ethics, which keeps you on the same page through most difficult periods in either of your lives and careers. You haven't been together long, but your bond is solid, and you really believe you're going to make it far together.

You also really believe you won't if he ever finds out what a complete nutcase you are. So you hide it. You grin at him and you appear light and joyful and easygoing and you brush off his concerns with adages and placations, and you redirect the conversation back to him, because you're a good listener and you love the sound of his voice and you much prefer that activity to any activity that involves you explaining how you laid on the floor for five hours and had an emotional breakdown while slicing cabbage. He has other things to worry about, other problems to solve without adding yourself to the list. You're supposed to be his respite, not another draining task. He doesn't need to know how hard it's been lately. You shouldn't have to say it.

So he doesn't. And you don't.

"Hey baby," he says. He sets his stuff down and kisses you in greeting. "How was your day?"

"Okay," you say. The answer feels curt, but you don't want to ruminate any more on your absolutely fruitless afternoon.

Chan doesn't comment on your strange answer. He takes his shoes off and hangs up his coat, and as he's about to walk past you he spots the mountain of dishes in the kitchen.

"Oh, were you about to do the dishes? I can do them if you'd like."

"You just got home," you protest. "You should go sit down."

"But you've been standing just as long cooking dinner, right? I should do my part."

His insistence is making something terrible expand in your gut. Instead of being flattered at his offer to help, his words feel like a violent condemnation. You should've done the dishes before he got home. You should've finished cleaning the kitchen altogether, so that he can relax in a clean environment. What kind of stupid fucking girlfriend are you, where you can't even do basic chores around the house?

"No, it's okay. I already psyched myself up to do them, so I'll do them."

Chan hums in a tone that's either playful or mocking, you genuinely can't tell which. "Okay, if you say so. Don't be afraid to tap out if the dishes get the better of you."

Great. He thinks you're so stupid you couldn't do the dishes if you tried.

You subtly regulate your breathing as you turn towards the sink. Chan disappears into the apartment out of view, and you give yourself thirty seconds to push your freak-out as far down inside you as you can.

"You're not an idiot, y/n," you tell yourself. "You can do some fucking dishes."

You reach under the sink and pull out some disposable plastic gloves. They make your hands look weirdly swollen and unfamiliar, as if they aren't your hands anymore. For a bizarre moment, you're convinced that they're genuinely not, that someone else's hands have been put on your body. You close your eyes so hard sparks fly in front of you.

Stop being crazy. Do the fucking dishes.

You turn on the water and pick up a bowl.

Chan reappears. You flash him a smile, but say nothing. Chan grins back, all dimples and crescent eyes. He's so handsome it makes you want to rip your own skin off. You thank God every day that you were born beautiful, because you could never have caught his attention with your personality alone. He'd be completely out of your league, and honestly, maybe he still is.

That thought gets shut down and pushed away. One crisis at a time. You don't have hands and you might have rabies, but you definitely have a boyfriend who loves you. There's no point in kicking yourself while you're down.

You turn back to the sink.

You cannot do these fucking dishes.

"Work was funny today," Chan says as he moves over to the stove and opens the pot.

"Mm?"

"Just some technical issues in the studio. Nothing serious, but it gave us some good bloopers."

You pick up a glass cup. You can see your reflection mirrored back at you in the curve, and your eyes are so wide. Have they always been that wide? Are your eyes drier these days than they normally are? You can't tell, because every part of you feels both dehydrated and submerged under water.

"This is really good, babe," Chan says.

You blink. "What?"

Chan holds up his bowl. "The stew. It's great. I told you it would be delicious."

You let out a pleased sound. "Thank you baby. Your encouragement really motivated me."

It was the wrong thing to say. You have no idea how, but from the way Chan's expression changes slightly as he looks at you, you know he's caught on to you acting weird.

"Is everything alright?"

Shit.

"With me? Yeah, I guess so. I've just been really tired lately."

"On the job hunt?" he asks sympathetically. It's like a stake in your heart.

"As always."

He wraps an arm around you and presses a kiss to your hair. "Don't worry, baby. You're super qualified in your field. You'll find something soon."

You need him to stop touching you or you'll start throwing pans at the wall.

"I hope so," is all you say.

"I know so. Just keep faith."

You hum again, noncommittal. It's like you're slowly losing the ability to speak. And the gloves are too tight and the water is so loud and you're nauseous and your head still hurts and it's probably not even the stress, it's probably the rabies, it's turning your brain into swiss cheese as you speak.

After another tight squeeze, Chan lets you go and retrieves his bowl from where he'd set it down. You hope he might leave you to go eat in the living room, but instead he hovers on the opposite side of the island, and continues telling you about his day. Normally, you'd love to hear the play by play of every crazy thing that happened with his group members and managers. Today, it's like nails on a chalkboard. The story is endless, keeps weaving around other anecdotes and tangents and you wish he would just shut up for one second so you can pull yourself together but you can't say that, because he isn't doing anything wrong, you're just being crazy, you're a bad and lazy girlfriend and you can't even put your own issues on hold long enough to listen to your boyfriend talk about his day. Everything is wrong wrong wrong, and you're Wrong and something is Wrong With You and it just keeps going it never stopswhy can't it all just stop-

"Y/N?"

Your name sounds like it's coming from a thousand miles away.

"Y/N? Are you okay?"

You turn to look at Chan, see his eyebrows pinched together in concern. You have no idea how long he's been saying your name.

Very calmly, you strip your gloves off and lay them to the side. You turn off the water.

"Sorry," you say. "Give me one moment, please."

You walk past him and down the hall to your bedroom, where you very calmly and gently close the door behind yourself. You climb on to your bed, filthy clothes and all, and pull two of the pillows from the end to rest on top of each other. You tie your hair back with a hair tie, press your face into the stack of pillows below you so that your whole face is covered.

And you just start screaming.

Screaming is therapeutic, apparently. Or at least, it's on the approved list of emotional regulation activities your therapist had given you. As long as you aren't screaming at anyone, it can be an effective form of release. It helps you release the tension from your core and focus that nervous energy into sound and action.

You scream into the pillow as loud as you can. You aren't sure how much it's doing to muffle your sound, but the belief that it's helping allows you to let go. It's tearing at your throat, the intensity of it. Once you start it's hard to stop, you just keep going and going and going, as if you're expelling demons.

When you finally peter out, you pause for a moment, then push yourself onto your knees. You're dizzy. Blood is rushing in your ears. It's oddly hard to breathe, as if you can't get enough air in your lungs. Even the fact of your own body is too much for you. You wish you could abandon it, just for a moment. You wish you could observe this from the outside so that you would better know how to fix it.

Eventually, your breaths calm. The buzzing recedes, leaving room for rational thought. And your chest feels....lighter. No longer is there a bomb sitting in your sternum, waiting to explode. The pressure has equalized. You look down at your hands, fisted in your bedsheets, and they look like your hands.

Cool. Cool cool cool cool cool.

You think you can probably do the dishes now.

Gingerly, you climb out of bed and make your way to the door. You open it, prepared to put your smile back on and apologize for your rude exit.

Chan is outside your door.

His eyes are wide with alarm. He looks stiff, hesitant. One of his hands is outstretched towards the door, as if about to knock.

Your face goes blank, wiring short-circuiting as you try to figure out what to say.

"Hey, y/n," Chan says, slow, testing. "Are you okay?"

Your script restarts, and a big smile automatically draws itself on your face. "Oh, yeah, I'm fine. Sorry about that. I just got a little overwhelmed."

"Overwhelmed?"

"Yeah. It's fine, though. Come on, you can finish telling me your story."

You grab his hand and try to pull him away from the bedroom. He doesn't budge.

"Will you tell me what's going on?"

You turn back to look at him. "Nothing's going on."

"Baby, I understand if you don't want to talk to me about it yet. But you don't need to pretend there's nothing wrong. You don't need to lie to me."

"I'm not lying."

"I heard you screaming in there."

Ice flushes through your body.

"Ah. Well, it's like I said. I got a little overwhelmed. I'm not hurt or anything. Sorry if I worried you."

"A little overwhelmed?" He's getting frustrated now, put off by your blase tone. "You look like you're on the verge of a nervous breakdown."

"No, I don't," you say, because you don't. You know what you look like when you get like this. You've trained your expressions so well that your face doesn't flush. Your eyes don't tear up. You have to look put together, because if you don't look put together then you can't convince yourself that you are put together.

"Y/n. I know you. I can tell when something's up." He sighs. "I've thought you were a bit distant for the past couple of weeks but I figured you would come to me eventually. But here we are, and you're having an anxiety attack right in front of me and you won't even admit it."

"I'm not having an anxiety attack."

"Love, I know what anxiety looks like. If you'd just let me help-"

"I'm not having an anxiety attack. I don't have anxiety. I would know if I did."

"Everyone has bad days and hard times, baby. You don't have to be defensive. I'm not accusing you of anything."

"You say you're not accusing me of anything after unilaterally diagnosing me with anxiety?"

Chan lets out a long breath. "That wasn't what I meant. I just mean-"

"You can't just assign me disorders when you decide I'm acting irrationally. You don't know my medical history. You don't even know me that well. You don't know if my behavior is normal or not."

"You can't be getting upset at me for 'not knowing you' when it's clear you're actively hiding things from me," Chan says, patience thinning. "I see you're in distress and you're picking apart my wording? I'm trying to help you."

"I didn't say I wanted your help."

"You're my partner! Of course I'm going to help you!"

"You can't!"

"Why not?"

"Because-" You choke on it and slam your lips shut.

Chan's face is drawn in irritation. He makes a go on gesture. But you can't go on. It's like the words are trapped in bubbling tar.

Your silence stretches. Chan sighs and drags a hand down his face in exhaustion. He'd gone out of his way to come visit you and now he regrets it. You've wasted his evening and ruined his mood. It's only a matter of time before he realizes you ruin everything. Hell realize he's drowning in all your mess and decide to save himself, and then you'll be alone again.

You draw in a breath of your own, but you're still lightheaded.

"Why did you invite me over if you didn't want me to see you like this?" he asks finally. "You don't have to see me every day if that's not what you want."

All the anger is gone from his voice. He's being so patient that your own stubbornness is acrid in comparison. You swallow, hard. Every muscle in your body is tense. You have the pull the words out of your throat with hooks, one syllable at a time.

"I wanted to see you," you explain, stilted and pathetic. "I thought I could pretend for long enough."

"Pretend what?"

That I'm not crazy. That I'm not falling apart. That I'm normal and easygoing and a joy to be around and definitely not rabid.

It's impossible to say. You don't know what's wrong with you, but you know that something is. You can't do the dishes. And you can't do this.

Your knees buckle and you sink to the floor of the hallway.

"Y/n?"

You don't respond. You're just staring straight ahead, all your thoughts whirring so fast that you're having trouble parsing any of them.

"Y/n? Hey, baby, sweetheart, can you look at me?"

You blink, and he's in front of you, on your level. He's trying to look calm but you can see the panic in his eyes. It only makes your chest tighter. You're dragging him down, you're cursing him. He needs to get out or you'll have his blood on your hands.

"We need to break up," you whisper.

Chan reels back like he's been slapped. "What?"

"We can't- we need to break up. I shouldn't have invited you over. I'm sorry."

"I..." Chan is at a loss for words. "You don't mean that."

But you do mean it. With everything in your body. "We can't be together."

"Baby, I don't know what you're thinking, but we don't have to break up if you don't want to. I don't want to break up."

You feel sick with his sureness. How can he claim to know you better than you know yourself?

"You don't get it," you say. Your tone is unnatural, words strange on your tongue. "We just can't be together."

"Can you tell me why you feel that way?"

"Just look at me."

"I am looking at you. And all I see is my beautiful, wonderful, perfect girlfriend who is having a very bad day and might be making some hasty decisions."

"Not a bad day. A bad life. I'm fucked up, Chan." The words come out with such a quiet malice that it shocks even yourself. "I can't even do the fucking dishes."

"I can do the dishes, love. I said it wasn't a big deal."

"No no no. It's not about the dishes." You're struggling to explain- the words are getting twisted, the thoughts all merge together- "I can't do anything. It's not about the fucking dishes. It's about- I can't-"

And you burst into tears

"I'm sorry," you say. "I'm really sorry. I just-"

"It's okay," he soothes. "It's okay. I understand now."

He doesn't. He can't, and you know that full well. You shake your head, vision blurring from your tears. You're so embarassed and it's making you cry worse. You think you must look so ugly right now. He must be repulsed by you. You're repulsed by yourself, your own misery making your skin crawl.

"Can I touch you, baby? I want to hold you."

You shouldn't. You'll infect him. You'll ruin him and take away everything that makes him good. Why is he even still talking to you? Why doesn't he leave?

"You don't have to-to feel obligated. I can just- if you give me a second-"

"I don't feel obligated," he says, patient but firm. "I love you. I want to hold you all the time."

Something in your chest cracks. You're so weak. It's pathetic. But you can't hold yourself back anymore.

"Please," you whisper, defeated.

Chan reaches out and pulls you into his arm. You're both still on the ground, but he rearranges you so you can hide your face in his shoulder, and you do, too humiliated by your tears to be able to look at his face. He presses a kiss to the top of your head and your traitorous body relaxes without your permission.

"You've been struggling for a long time haven't you?" he asks. "You didn't want me to pity you."

You don't say anything. You can't bear to.

"Well, I don't pity you. I think you're very strong, trying to deal with this on your own. You made me dinner today even though you didn't really want to, right? That was very kind of you to do. You take such good care of me, baby. You light up my life. Isn't it fair that I should get to take care of you too? Can't I return the favor by helping you now?"

"It's not the same," you mumble into his shirt, because the magnitude of the two asks isn't comparable. You chopped up some vegetables and threw them in a pot. He is witnessing you have a mental breakdown in your hallway. You're not equally yoked. It's too much to ask of anyone.

"Whether it's the same or not doesn't matter. Love isn't transactional. It doesn't have to be equal effort every single time. This isn't a favor I'm returning. I'm comforting you because you're upset, and I hate to see you cry. Do you believe me when I say I want to see you happy and smiling? That I would do anything to ensure it?"

You finally pull away from him, wiping away your tears on your sleeve. "You might have to go find a new girlfriend then," you say, voice cracking from the tears and the weight of your despair.

"I don't want a new girlfriend. I want you." He's hesitant, but he continues. "There are ways of getting help, you know. We can try some things, like therapy, or medication. I can help you. You don't have to feel this way all the time."

You shake your head. "I'm in therapy and on meds already. None of it really....works on me. I have fewer bad days than I used to but they still leave me like...like this. And they just drag on....it turns to weeks and months, and I can't....I can't do anything." You let out a shaky breath and make yourself stop talking. Even after all this, the urge to hold back is engrained in you. "You deserve better."

"I think I decide what I deserve," Chan says. "I know it's hard to open up about things like this, but what's worse than you being depressed is you hiding it from me. How can we work on this if you're pretending it's not real?"

"I wanted to be good for you. I wanted to be...to be easy."

Chan leans forward and cups your face in his hands. He looks you right in the eyes, and you see that they're glossy with their own unshed tears. "I don't need you to be easy. No one is. I just want you to be you. And I want you to let me be there for you. In everything. Including this. I want all of you. Do you think you can do that? Can you try?" He wipes away your tears with his thumb.

You swallow harshly. It goes against everything in you, everything you've taught yourself. Chan loves you. He wants to stay. Even though it may all crash and burn later, even though he might still turn on you or reject you or give up on you and declare this all a lost cause, right now he wants to stay. He believes in you. And you want to hold on to that belief as long as it lasts.

"Okay. I'll try."

A relieved smile stretches across his face.

"That's my girl," he says, and presses a kiss to your forehead. It makes something like pride settle in your chest, as if the part of you that cracked earlier might not stay jagged forever.

"Let's get off the floor, hmm? I feel like you might've spent enough time down here today."

You definitely hadn't mentioned that. Maybe he really does understand more than you'd thought possible. You don't know exactly how to feel about that, but you allow a bit of gratefulness to come through as he stands up on his own and reaches a hand down to pull you up. You wipe your eyes one last time, let out a breath, and take his hand.

[hollowed-theory-hall]

Some James, Lily, and Sirius notes

I needed to figure out for my fic what Sirius was doing after graduation and before Azkaban. Like, what James, Lily, and Sirius were doing for a living, you know. The common fanon consensus is that Sirius and James were Aurors, but I found an interview that gave the closest to canon answer that we have:

Q: Harry often wondered about his parents lives before he died. What did Lily, James, Remus, Lupin and Sirius do after Hogwarts? JKR: To take Remus first, Remus was unemployable. Poor Lupin, prior to Dumbledore taking him in, led a really impoverished life because no one wanted to employ a werewolf. The other three were full-time members of the Order of the Phoenix. If you remember when Lily, James and co. were at school, the first war was raging. It never reached the heights that the second war reached, because the Ministry was never infiltrated to that extent but it was a very bad time, the same disappearances, the same deaths. So that’s what they did, they left school. James has gold, enough to support Sirius and Lily. So I suppose they lived off a private income. But they were full-time fighters, that’s what they did, until Lily fell pregnant with Harry. So then they went into hiding.

(Interview)

And I found this answer hilarious and it implies 2 things:

That my assumption that James and Lily went into hiding prior to Harry's birth when the prophecy was made is likely what the intention was.

And that there is a nonzero chance Sirius lived with James and Lily at least part-time. He was, after all, living off of James' inheritance (while Remus didn't). JKR stated James supported Sirius and Lily, not Remus who was suspected to be a traitor at the time.

The mental image of a married James and Lily with an infant Harry and Sirius all in the same house is hilarious and I just wanted to share it.

We know how close James and Sirius were:

“Naturally,” said Madam Rosmerta, with a small laugh. “Never saw one without the other, did you? The number of times I had them in here — ooh, they used to make me laugh. Quite the double act, Sirius Black and James Potter!”

(PoA, Ch10)

They were so co-dependant they enchanted the two-way mirrors becouse they couldn't bear to stay in separate detentions from each other. James and Sirius' friendship was insane.

And Lily's letter to Sirius actually hints the situation wasn't far off from what JKR said in the above interview:

We were so sorry you couldn’t come, but the Order’s got to come first, and Harry’s not old enough to know it’s his birthday anyway! James is getting a bit frustrated shut up here, he tries not to show it but I can tell—also Dumbledore’s still got his Invisibility Cloak, so no chance of little excursions. If you could visit, it would cheer him up so much. Wormy was here last weekend.

(DH, Ch10)

It's made clear Lily wrote to Sirius outside of her relationship with James, that she and Sirius were close by that point, and that Sirius came by whenever he could. I don't know, I just find these three and their potential dynamic in these few years between graduation and the end of the war super interesting.

like Lily and James are married, James and Sirius are best-best friends, and Lily is clearly very close to Sirius by her death. He's probably her closest friend (or one of them) when she dies. And, like, these three are raising baby Harry between them.

Like, Lily asking Sirius to come over to cheer up James... idk... it makes me feel things.

[malk1ns]

i read a fic recently with rookie sid and 2010 geno and i’ve been thinking of that a lot so… for your prompt maybe baby sid being enamored by an older geno? nsfw or pg is up to you :P merry christmas to you too btw!!

ok so once upon a time i wrote this fic which is pretty much exactly that premise! and i really loved writing it and it's still one of my personal favorites of mine, so i'm going to take your prompt and use it as an excuse to write a wee little follow-up, from sid's point of view...no smut or anything in this one, just a cranky 22 year old with a massive (reciprocated) crush on his captain. you'll have to read the first one for this to make sense!

Sid thought it would get easier when his dad retired.

Well, really, he expected that after a couple of months he wouldn't feel so desperate for Geno all the time. Not that he wouldn't still want him, of course not, Geno was the defining catalyst of Sid's sexual awakening and the star of 90% of his fantasies from adolescence onwards, but Sid thought that maybe after the first few times, when Geno didn't get sick of him or tell him they needed to stop, he'd be able to be a little more mature about the whole thing.

As it happens, though, he spent the rest of his rookie year in single-minded pursuit of two things: 100 points, and Geno's dick.

It's a good thing he had his dad's example to make sure he stayed focused on his game. If his work ethic and internal motivation weren't already firmly ingrained, Sid might have let his head be turned so far by getting what he wanted after so much time that he let his game slip.

Geno probably wouldn't have let that happen, though. He takes hockey more seriously than Sid does, even, and for as much time as they spent sneaking around to be together, Sid thinks they probably doubled that in extra ice time after practice, practicing one-timers and head-fakes and set plays to try out on the man advantage.

Sid's dad was always there too, is the thing. Sid lives at home still, his mom won't let him buy his own place until he signs his first real contract and isn't blowing an entire season's worth of income on a house, and Sid very quickly ran out of reasons to get his dad to head home early and let Geno drive him back. It made the time with Geno he managed to steal all the better.

Sid, maybe stupidly, thought that once his rookie year was over, when his dad officially retired and wasn't on the team anymore, he'd have a little more separation from his parents at the rink.

His dad barely stayed retired two months before his mom practically pushed him out the door directly into the goalie development role the Penguins offered him, though, and Sid's sophomore season starts the same way his rookie year did—sitting in the passenger seat of his Dad's truck, glaring out the window on the way to practice.

He must be making quite a face, because Geno's already there and half-changed into his gear when Sid walks into the locker room, and when he sees Sid's expression he does that thing with his jaw where he's trying not to laugh out loud.

Sid only scowls harder. Even Geno in his hockey pants and nothing else isn't enough to cheer him up.

It ends up turning out okay, though. Sid's mom stops asking so many questions about where he's going at night when his dad isn't around to give her the exact run-down of official team activities. Sid isn't sharing a hotel room on roadies anymore, so if he sneaks out after curfew and tiptoes down the hall to Geno's room, there's nobody to tattle, and no chance that he'll run into his dad out looking for the ice machine. And his dad gets so wrapped up in working with the goalies that they never finish practice at the same time, so if Sid makes some vague excuse about reviewing tape with the power play unit and he'll catch a ride, his dad waves him off without protest.

His schedule opens up, just like that. And Geno's more than happy to fill his time, tumbling Sid into bed and blowing his mind at every available opportunity. Their first California road trip, the one with built-in off-days for recreation, had been a revelation—after figuring out that yes, Geno really can eat someone out until they cry, Sid spent their beach day so distracted he was forced out of the volleyball game for bringing his team down.

There's a contract waiting for him on July 1, Sid knows. Pat hasn't sent him the details yet, but Sid knows it's good, something that will set him up for life pretty much, with signing bonuses to protect his earnings in case of another lockout and full trade protection as soon as he's eligible.

He's already talked to the realtor most of the guys use. She'd offered a few options in Cranberry, close to the practice facilities and where he grew up, but Sid told her he wants to get a little distance from his folks, somewhere he can set up his own house and not have his mom tempted to walk down the block and redecorate every other week.

And if the neighborhood he told her to focus on is Geno's, well, Sid's favorite breakfast place is there too, and he's always liked older parts of the city, with big trees and historic homes.

The fact that he could be within a ten-minute drive of Geno's house is just an extra perk.

[fromkenari]

@alliwantforchristmasislou

I don't talk about my identity a lot because I live in a town in the 2/3rds of the state that is red despite it being a blue state. I'm not accepted, nor is it really safe for me open about it beyond my friends, and the sad thing is I have only one other friend in this town with the same pronouns as me and my friends, all of whom are queer positive and a bunch of whom are queer themselves don't use the correct pronouns for my other friend who uses them or me because well, you know, transphobia but they claim it's because using "they" in a singular sense is just too awkward for them to do that for my one other friend who uses they/them and me. And I could talk about the suicide rate of non-cis kids in this town, but this is a positive post, right? It's why the Trevor Project is so important.

So anyway. Tumblr, Discord, and the internet, in general, have been the only hardline I have to a diverse queer network. I've been on this site since sometime in early 2009, and you know, before that, I was on Livejournal, and before that, I was on fan forums, Yahoo! Groups, and Pro Boards. So I've been around. I've seen it all in real time. And even though I was not into anything to do with Superwholock, I saw all of that, and you know, I have never really been deep in a fandom. Not even when I was on Livejournal. I just have a massive aversion to oversaturation.

So. I've been watching 911 since the pilot. I was hyped for it because of Angela Bassett. I thought, "You're making Angela Bassett a cop and handing her a TV show; what could go wrong?" (That's rhetorical; don't @ me. I know better now.) Anyway. I was hooked from the first episode, and you have to understand when 911 premiered, I was in one of the darkest points of my life. I had finally been declared legally disabled, which I had been working toward for 3 years. So, you know, nobody on Tumblr was talking about this show. By the end of Season 1, a few of us were scratching around at things, but there wasn't much there.

Then, Season 2 happened, and you know, Season 2 was some of my best times in the 911 fandom. I was there when we were deciding on Beddie vs Buddie. I was there when the first Buck/Eddie fic was posted to AO3. I even wrote some back then. It was a completely different energy then. There was an entire Discord server of us who were mortified that "Be Careful What You Wish For" was likely about the part of fandom that wanted Eddie and Shannon to end, but the consensus was, "WTF, we wanted her gone, but not like that!" And then, you know, the people celebrating it got louder and louder, and I was in fandom less and less until I stopped posting about 911 entirely on Tumblr.

Eventually, I made a new blog, this blog, not because of that, but because Tumblr shadowbanned my old blog, and nothing I posted would show up in tags. And you know, I was a big fandom creator and roleplayer, and I had to start all over. But I was still watching 911. I never stopped. I also watch Lone Star, and oh, the stories I could tell about the early days of Lone Star when 911 OG purists were throwing hissy fits that Lone Star content was getting tagged as 911. Seriously, it was a knockdown, drag-out fight to watch. But anyway, you know, I'm watching, and I'm waiting. I'm waiting for Evan Buckley to be confirmed as bisexual as I get my Henren scraps and cry over everything they do to Josh.

Then, the show gets canceled. But OMG, it's Immediately picked up by ABC, so trying to understand how to feel was indescribable. Because Seasons 5 and 6 sucked, they sucked, and I won't be convinced otherwise, and I was despairing because I was going to have to jump ship. And then the show jumped networks. So, I'm figured what do I have to lose?

So, I am still reeling from the Cruise ship disaster and rescue. And I'm going, "Is my show back? It's kind of back, right?" while also going, "And Tommy's back, and he's getting along with everyone. Sure, why not?" And then, you know, Episode 4 happened, and I'm watching it wondering what the hell is going on. Is Tommy going to be a recurring character now? And then you know Buck was an idiot, and you know I thought it was about Eddie, and I was kind of mad because really? The cast and crew get kicked around by their ship's fans, and you're giving them this? Because anyone who tells me watching that episode as it was airing that they thought Buck was doing that for Tommy before the loft scene, I'm calling horseshit because I've been watching since episode 1

I've wanted Bi Buck for as long as I can remember. And it was not until the loft scene that I even realized something was happening. I didn't know what it was, but something was off. And some point, I was standing on the couch freaking out at my TV, going, "WHY ARE THEY STANDING SO CLOSE TOGETHER? WHAT IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW?" And then, you know, the kiss happened, and thankfully, no one was living next door in my duplex at the time because I was not quiet about my joy, and I sprained my freaking knee. I was so chaotic in my reaction. (I had to go to urgent care. It was a whole thing. Eh, my joints suck because of chronic illness. I told you I was on disability a long time ago, okay.) And you know, once I simmered down, I ran to this blog to post about it because 4 episodes on a new network, and they gave me Bi Buck.

And you know, I tried so hard to find a voice for Tommy in my head, but I couldn't. I didn't have enough material to do it. I appreciated everyone who could do it because I read your fic, which was great. I didn't even get into the fandom for it until Season 8 because I couldn't wrap my head around the ship, but I was going to sit there as long as it took to understand Tommy because it's Bi Buck's canon ship. Of course, I want to be able to write it myself. That's what I do. And right about when Tommy brought Buck avocado toast, I got it. Everything synced up in my head, and I understood it. I could go back and look at things and understand why Tommy did things now.

So, during that break for Halloween, I was writing little things and not posting them. I had already at the start of Season 8 found a Discord server, and I was hanging out in the tag. I was looking through follow lists people posted and zipping through them. And yeah, sue me. I call it Tevan because that's what Tommy calls him. That's not a judgment on anyone; it's just my preference. I forgot to mention that I was also there when shit hit the fan during the Season 7 hiatus and trying to survive in my old 911 Discord Servers, but people were awful for no reason. I'm never gonna understand why a whole swath of fandom hated the ship to the point that they were causing traumatic harm to other people, especially queer men in fandom. That's just so beyond me, and, again, another reason we need the Trevor Project is that queer men fetishists on Tumblr do not constitute a safe community for queer people. But I'm getting off track.

So you know, they broke up Buck and Tommy in the next freaking episode, and I had a lot of feelings. I posted a lot of them here. Some of them conflict because you know the human brain can handle more than one viewpoint. Gray areas are my bread and butter when it comes to media. Anyone gets puritanical about anything; I don't care what you ship; I will remove you from my curated experience because I don't need it. It's not healthy.

I've been writing more and more about this ship since the breakup. I even wrote a fixit for the breakup. And you know what happened in the show compared to what people say in interviews? There's a huge disconnect. In any other situation, especially given it's 911 and the Abby of it all, you would expect this to not be over because that's not how Buck's big love interests work. Most of his relationships end with him being too invested, but you don't get to call it a pivotal relationship for Buck and say it's over cold turkey. That's crappy writing because it completely goes against his characterization.

But I didn't realize how attached many people were to Tommy. I felt like I finally met him in the Halloween episode, and bam, he's gone in the next. So much wasted potential. So much drama. So many harassed actors and crew members. So many "journalists" acting like it's their blog is the gossip section of their high school newspaper, but they get screeners? So much crap happened, and what was it all for? So Buck can pine for Tommy and cause Los Angeles County to go on a flour ration? Like? I don't get it. So yeah. If the show wants to fix this mistake because this one they did leave themselves a contingency plan by not killing the man, they can fix it.

So bring back Tommy. If you do, I'll think about forgiving you for Amir's storyline last season. But we still need to talk about what messages we're sending people in these episodes. Those teenage girls do not deserve to get blamed because a grown man went rage quit to the max. The copaganda is SO HIGH that I can't even watch Athena's scenes now. And there's a bunch more I won't list because we're talking about Tommy and how you need to bring him back. I love these characters, but I'm tired of them repeatedly getting the same trauma and outcomes. You finally let queer people kiss again on your show, and then you get rid of one of them?

Anyway. I'm going to keep writing BuckTommy because I need something good to happen in fandom as I continue to watch this ridiculous show. And if you read this whole thing. I'm sorry that this is how it ends.

[sungbeam]

NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR: thank you to @petrichor-han for tagging me in her lovely wrapped post!! i had so much fun putting this together, and my spreadsheet tracker can finally be used for something bahaha 💀 i'll be talking more about my experiences this year later in the post!

some no pressure tags: @gluion @winterchimez @winwintea @polarisjisung @thepixelelf @sorryimananti-romantic @diamonddaze01 @jinkoh @blizzardfluffykpop @sohnric @from-izzy

first fic of 2024: daybreak ☆ ju haknyeon

posted january 5th

i remember writing this in bed while being in an awful spot, mentally. in an effort to save myself from disaster, i wrote this very short fic to focus on describing something comforting.

last fic of 2024: what we make of it ☆ wen junhui

posted december 1st

i also wrote this one in bed (i've written a lot of these in bed...)!! and it was after much mental simpery over wen junhui and the pics from his new drama that i gave into the idea of general!jun (i've also been dying to write something historically adjacent).

longest fic: incantations ☆ ji changmin

i remember conjuring about four ideas for the dbn halloween event before ultimately settling on yet another demon au TT like there was a cultish monster hunter au, a fallen angel reincarnation au, and a zombie apocalypse au... i honestly didn't know if i would make it or not lol and i had @justalildumpling proofing while i wrote the ending haha i can't say if i'm completely satisfied with it, but i can say that i think my world building and plot building skills have def improved, and you can see it in that fic

most popular fic: leave the window open ☆ choi san

tbh i thought this fic was gonna be a flop at first bc it wasn't until maybe a day after i posted it that it started to get traction? i also had the idea for it haunting my brain for MONTHS and i was so glad to finally get it out into words haha suffice to say, i am still so surprised by how well it did, but pleasantly so!

personal pick: creature ☆ ji changmin

i could talk about this fic, this series, this CHARACTER for DAYS. at this point, nt!changmin is a completely different entity to the changmin you think you know LOL creature is my self-indulgent character study of a demonic being who loves a person so much that he doesn't know what to do with himself

pretty self-explanatory — i honestly have no idea how i wrote over 300k last year, but i'm still pretty happy with how much i was able to write this year! i took a lot more breaks, and more time to write, and this def doesn't encompass just how many words i've written that are still in drafting stages and not published :')

i bet at least one of these surprises you >< (it's changmin right? jkjk)

ji changmin: ~51,900

— find him in: casino royale, subtle poetry, creature, and incantations

txt choi line: ~21,600

— find them in: bird hunt

jeong yunho: ~12,600

— find him in: bedfellows and something to give each other

to my friends, mutuals, and readers, thank you so much for being by my side this year! it's been brutal out here, not gonna lie, and i wish i had been able to post and write more this year. alas, life happens. i also find that writing longer fics that are more fleshed out just satisfy my creative needs a lot better—meaning that i will likely not produce as many fics, quantity-wise, as i used to.

on that note, i hope to at least give you some idea of what you can look forward to in the new year! i have several ideas for my superhero collab, including (but not limited to): mutant angel!jeonghan, scarlet witch!minghao, and venom!changmin. i'm also actively plotting out ventures with our sebongs, particularly a dokyeom knight fic and a fake dating dino fic! as for my current ongoing wips, i am hoping to get more finished for terra nova (high sci-fi/fantasy ateez fic), birds of prey (mafia hongjoong), and other secret projects 😌

that's all from me, friends. happy holidays and see you in the new year 💖🥂✨

[iamnmbr3]

I was reading the wiki page on Occlumency for a fic and now I'm even more confused why JKR thinks Draco can't be redeemed (or whatever she's said on it, I don't care too much for her words).

She literally acknowledges in a quote that Draco is so good at Occlumency because he can compartmentalise his feelings well, and gave as an example that he's such a 'good' bully (good is kind of contested because I really don't think he was that good lol) because he can suppress the pity he feels. Like, she basically says that he does feel bad for (some) of the things he did (or at least has the capacity to), and he just forces it down. I'd imagine an actually 'good' bully wouldn't even feel pity to begin with.

She also says he shut down his compassion to be a good DE, which really just sounds like he tried to shut it down and failed in the end, because he's awful at being actually cruel and doing things the other DEs do. And overall, most people don't hold out for very long when they're actively suppressing or shutting down emotions, and I honestly think it's very possible that Draco struggled more and more with that near the end of the War until it all fell apart at some point.

Of course, this is all just post-books quotes, and fuck JKR, but it's so interesting that she acknowledges that he can (and maybe actively does) feel pity and compassion, which would be such a good set up for a redemption arc imo!

I'm mostly asking this here because your analyses are amazing and you're by far my favourite drarry blog (even though this is only Draco, oops), but I'm curious what you think of this since I don't think you've said anything on this yet (correct me if I'm wrong lol, I could be).

yeah exactly. (for those who don't know - on wizarding world there's this whole long incredibly pretentious and condescending essay that she wrote about how draco didn't get a redemption arc and fans better not like him or else which is hugely contradictory and literally describes how he got a redemption arc - and drops some cool additional lore that makes him even more interesting and complicated - all while trying to get fans not to care. it's wild.) a while ago i started a meta breaking it down but I never got around to finishing it. I really should dig it up.

and yeah I think that whole essay provides great additional backstory that adds depth and interest to draco's character (love the bit about him keeping dark arts relics in a glass cabinet as a reminder - to look at and never use) and is literally the opposite of what jkr wants it to be. she literally describes how he had doubts and had to suppress parts of himself to go along with something he knew was wrong (something that bellatrix or even lucius very obviously didn't have to do) and how ultimately his morals won out, he spent the rest of his life regretting his actions, and fought with his family in order to raise his son with different values. I.e. he CHANGED HIS MIND AND HIS ACTIONS...aka a redemption arc.

the essay is great till jkr concludes with 'so this is why draco is irredeemably evil and fans shouldn't like him'. um ??? the??? why didn't u write him that way???? her lack of self awareness is bizarre.

[converse-luke]

Imzira run (version2!) update, underdark edition. She’s been sprinting around the place so she can get her special sword and Gale can get his special staff.

Astarion keeps falling off cliffs.

And Imzira gets ready to call Nere weak so she can watch him have a hissy fit about it.

[makotonaegiunderstander]

something I’ve been thinking abt is how many people think Makoto is immune to despair. I don’t think he is. I think becoming the ultimate Hope was BECAUSE he felt despair. He wouldn’t have fully reached that point without Junko. Makoto becoming such a beacon was his last attempt to avoid completely falling and it wasn’t because he didn’t feel despair, it was because he was too damn stubborn to allow everything to go to waste and he refused to sacrifice his beliefs for someone else’s. His inner monologue tells me he DID experience the same new low the other suvivors did in the final trial, but at the point where he had the choice to give up and die, he looked at the others and he looked at Junko and he couldn’t allow it to happen, not out of self preservation, but because the idea that Junko would have control over their lives made him FURIOUS. and that utter refusal to die kicked in, wether luck or otherwise, and he made the concious effort for one last push while something in him was breaking. He had to be broken in order for the Ultimate Hope to come through so aggressively, bc it could only exist in the face of the Ultimate Despair. He snapped the same way she did, but in the other direction. In what could have been his final moments he chose to embody everything Junko wasn’t, and every single optimistic and luck fueled ideal in him suddenly charged forward and pushed him. It was a combination of the final straw and a choice. Makoto isn’t immune to feeling despair, he’s just too stubborn to fall into it of his own volition. I think that’s why I like that scene in DR3 so much. People were SO SHOCKED Makoto actually fell for the tape, that he actually became despair for a moment. I saw people getting mad or disappointed, saying it was pathetic and Makoto seemed to fall from some sort of pedestal for them. Honestly part of me wonders if that sort of mentality, which clearly people had in universe, affected Makoto a bit. Like he started to see himself as less of a person, subconsciously. Prompting him to take more risks, less self preservation, act way more bold. It seems he has to be reminded a lot not to put himself in danger by his friends, to not do something too reckless. All over the place I would see in regards to that scene either this frivolous ‘oh this was just angst drama with no meaning behind it’ or ‘he can do better than that. he’s so weak’ or ‘come on, there’s no way he’d fall into despair, he’s the Ultimate Hope!’ This kind of mentality, which was kind of ironic considering Ryota was there the entire time saying the same thing and treating Makoto the same way. Like Makoto was superhuman. Like Makoto didn’t feel despair the same way ‘normal people’ did. In a way that was also how Munakata saw Makoto. Makoto stopped being a PERSON to the world when he became Ultimate Hope, he became a concept, a belief system, much the same way Junko ascended beyond herself. But the difference is that treating Makoto that way is the opposite of the reason Makoto became such a representative for hope. He wasn’t doing something no one else could. He was doing something everyone had the chance to, he just… was a little more optimistic, a little more stubborn, a little more ‘gung-ho’ about things. He just took the lead where no one else did, where no one else knew they even COULD in the face of Junko’s unstoppable force. She had overcome the biggest threats and obstacles in the world, what could one person do? And the answer Makoto found was, anything. Everything. It doesn’t all rest on Makoto, he’s just the one that was inspired to try to do what seemed like the impossible. But as evidenced by the change in his friends after that trial, it’s clearly not something only Makoto is capable of. The others pulled out of despair thanks to Makoto, but it was their choice to do so.

“But… this world is so huge, and we’re so small. What can we do…? No, we can probably do anything. Yeah! We can do anything!”

[shadyvoidhologram]

I was laying in bed overthinking, as you do, and started to go on a depressive doom spiral. And then, to distract myself I started thinking about the things I like.

[Spoilers and some gross details incoming, you know what Mouthwashing is about]

So, eventually I started thinking about Curly being in a similar headspace as I was, laying down, incapable of doing anything, constantly in pain and hearing time and time again how quickly things are going to shit and that it's all your fault.

Him replaying his mistakes over and over on his head, imagining the many ways things could've gone a different way if only he had done something instead of ignoring the issues to "keep the peace".

Remembering every interaction that led to the accident, Anya's confession, his friends poorly disguised resentment, him ignoring and filtering details of his crew's mental state, her taking the gun, the notice, Jimmy.

Him being a coward and disguising his hate of confrontation with the guise of being a good friend.

And then comming back to reality, to is burning flesh. To the blood, shit and bile staining the bandages, robe and bed, to watching and hearing his friends suffer and die, unable to do anything.

When the kid dies, in the midst of all the emotional chaos, he feels some sick sense of relief knowing that probably Swansea will deal with both of them quickly and it'll be over at last.

Then Jimmy finds the gun.

And he can't help but laugh. He remembers the conversation they had and he cackles bitterly because not even in death can her wishes be respected. She trusted him and he failed her even after she was gone.

Soon enough it's just the two of them left.

Through muffled ears he hears Jimmy rambling, talking to himself, asking questions and answering right after, he sees him moving the bodies around. When Jimmy carries him from the infirmary to the common room table he's still as stone, not a sound leaves his mouth, he doesn't look at the bodies thrown on the chairs around the table, he doesn't even breathe.

But all of Jimmy's attention, hatred, idolatry, and envy are on him only. Eyes glossy, cut pieces of a one sided conversation and a tentative smile on his lips when he reaches for the slightly dented knife.

He screams until his lungs close and his throat burns. When he's fed parts of himself he cries and throws up until he is forced to swallow and keep it down.

He's dehidrated, half delirious from the blood loss and emotionally checked out when Jimmy picks him up and tells him they can still fix this, he knows what to do. That he's going home.

Sure, he thinks, he wants to go home.

When he's placed on the cryopod he just stares at Jimmy talk to himself at him some more, about being heroes and everything being all right now. Then he steps out of sight.

It's on the silence after the loud bang when his brain starts working again, he's completely and utterly alone on a crashed ship of a company that's closing it's doors, with a now depleted shipment that wasn't even important enough to guarantee a search party, and no way of fending for himself in the case of 20 years passing and no one coming, even less if the power gave out before that.

As the cryopod finally starts to cool, the few tears he has left fall from his remaining eye.

He hopes he doesn't wake up to see what happens next.

..ok see y'all when I wake up-

[nostalgia-tblr]

I watched Avengers: Age of Ultron (apart from I skipped some overly long action sequences) and I am not sure so can someone tell me whether or not Tony Stark was the baddy in that film? Because about halfway through I was sure he was but then it was maybe just an evil robot after all and I am confused because either this film was surprisingly subversive or it was about robots hitting each other.

[fluffypotatey]

can I say as resident red son fan in imminent-danger's corner: so fucking true. lord. s4 didn't need red son it wasn't abt him and the heavily fanon idea that red son needs the most comforting or whatever when mk is out here being misery kid supreme is baffling. hes a supporting character but fandom will sideline mei for red son even for shit that red son in CANON gave to mei/its YOUR power Mei. anyway i feel it. i like him but WHEW. fandom makes him a bit difficult to wholeheartedly like bc of what comes with it sometimes

bro i barely recognize fanon!Red Son with his canon counterpart it’s wild.

the fact that most of his screen time is in s1 and the s2 special while Mei is relevant all seasons, yet he has more fandom hype is…..interesting, to say the least :/

after watching (binging) lmk to s4 i was ready for some Mei fanart and metas and shit but it is like pulling teeth ;-;

[rebornofstars]

Hey! How do you feel sepfember is going? I've enjoyed seeing all the lovely art and writings. Hope you're doing well!

luna!! hi!! thank you for the ask 💞

sepfember is going more brilliantly than i ever could have hoped. it's been absolutely wonderful seeing people coming together to create things! i've been trying my best to express my joy in the tags of my reblogs, but i'm not sure anything ever could! it's been truly wonderful. i have loved every minute of it so far - writing the prompt drabbles every day, and checking the tag for other people's work to reblog, and sniffing out beautiful art for the queue... a couple of times people have pinged me on the LU discord too, to show me sepfember art, and it entirely melted my heart. and i can't tell if it's coincidence but i'm seeing more sepfember-unrelated/untagged female focused art on my dash too!

in a franchise that caters a great deal to male gamers (and in my own linked universe bubble where all of our main characters are men), my only wish for this event was to balance the scales just a little - create a little bit of brainspace in our minds for the women. show more people who they are and what their names are and what they do! spare a moment to wonder about their goals and motives and characterisation. because they do exist! there are more women in this franchise than even i thought before this event! and i think they're worth celebrating, don't you?

[paimonial-rage]

My favorite works in no particular order:

Tipsy Tales (Anemo Boys)

Symbiosis (Ayato)

What Destiny Has Brought (Fischl)

Hello How Are You (Gorou)

Follow the Wind II (Kazuha)

Of the Same Coin (Mika)

Songs of the Wind (Venti)

Nothing Lasts Forever (Yae Miko)

Sharing a Drink They Call Loneliness (Zhongli)

Of Hopes and Prayers (Zhongli)

[cocoa-coated-fish]

i wanted to write a silly little fic but it just. Keeps. Getting. Longer.