#to the people who play Heavy to help their teams out when they'd rather play someone they main

[guarshroom]

Today I Learned

Alright I learned 2 fairly dumb things on stream today. 1)I need to start having a "pre-stream checklist" which includes the obvious stuff of making sure all my stream info is updated and the sound balances work. This ALSO will include things like "Fucking Eat Something", "Fucking Drink some Water and have it on stand by", "make sure the cat is satisfied so he doesn't try to knock over your fucking mic" 2)Engies rely very heavily on the voice lines to know when spies are fucking with their shit, so this leads to some very funny moments when dealing with 3 turtled engies on a CP map last point with just your revolver.

[animentality]

rey + hayward + cisco + the 7 exes - how do they play dark and darker, the other best game ever created

Hee hee.

Referenced book here.

Rey- he would play a wizard, every time, all the time. Would love spamming all his spells within three minutes of the game starting, on enemies, NPCs, and his friends. He pretty much never survives, because he's having too good of a time fighting every monster and jumping on players and getting third partied. But he's a good sport. Also, he's dumb enough that he sometimes goes through the red portals even when he has good loot and has the opportunity to just leave. Big Dummy.

Hayward- he's taking the first blue portal out first, every time. He actively doesn't tell his friends and doesn't even give them the option of maybe stealing it from him. He sometimes wanders off on his own, looking for his own way out. He'd main a barbarian, because it's the most OP right now and he will always play the most OP character. That being said, if they ever buff rogue, he will absolutely play Rogue and just stab bitches in corners. Like a cunt. Cunty gameplay.

Cisco- He'd play a cleric so he could just protect his friends and force them to do all the work for him. He basically hangs back until he thinks enemies are weak enough for him to kill. If you die first, he'll die trying to get your stuff, though. And either take it for himself when he escapes, or revive you. He's kind of a rat, though, might do good as rogue just for the escape potential. If Rogue ever gets buffed, anyway.

Anaheim- Barbarian main. Absolutely. If he played games, anyway, he'd be the guy who's always on your ass the second you win a crazy fight. He'd also camp the fucking portals like a little bitch.

Mesa- Ranger main, obviously. Likes to put traps outside of doors, and watch doors. Hates close combat fighting. Utilitarian too. She'll leave through blue portals, but if she happens to see more than one, she'll direct you over there before she goes. She only uses the fast arrow ability. She only aims for headshots.

Visalia- Fighter main. Loves the shield and sword combo. Loves stabbing bitches and engaging. Would rather fight players than boring bosses. Hates skeletons and engaging mini bosses. Wish Dark and Darker had Tiers.

Alameda- Mix between a Ranger and a Wizard main? Loves the long range stuff. Kind of oscillates between helping his teammates and being aggressive. He's relentless though, never lets anyone escape him. Likes to kill and be killed more than to play safe and survive. Will always try and save his friends rather than just abandon them because it's easier.

Fontana- Fighter/ Barbarian main. He loves being mega aggro. Avoids skeletons and flying skulls and corpses so he can get at random people. He plays so far away from his team, he might as well play solo. But he sometimes plays with randoms so he has meat shields.

Irvine- Plays all the roles equally. Would like to play what they think the team needs, whether that's a shield, a healer, a slow heavy hitter, or a magic user. They'd avoid Rogue, though, since Rogue is pretty useless and not great for team play. They would let you have blue portal every time. I also wanna say, they'd be good enough to handle the red portals too? They're quick at adapting to new games, and would be interested in the challenge.

Sol- Well....he would be a cleric, for the self healing. He would play pretty alone, though, mostly self healing himself. The only person he'd ever look out for is bumbling little Rey, running around the dungeon like a little fool. But he'd have a good time, as a babysitter.

Thanks for the ask!!!!

[imagine-jjba]

Here's another ask! How about some student headcanons for Josuke, Koichi, Okuyasu, & Jotaro? ^^ for example, what kind of habits or quirks do you think they'd have while studying? Also - Another amazing one! Seriously, I'm gonna end up reading all of your works in one night from how lovely they are 😭 I hope I can provide a variety of asks instead of repetitive ones lol !

student headcanons!

hi! thank you for another lovely ask! i’m glad you enjoy my works! not sure if i should make any of these shippy with reader, but i’ll try to include the reader into these! also, i hope you can forgive me for sending in the last one later. truth be told, i thought i finished it and posted it earlier. but it seems that i didn’t finish it, so i did that and posted it. the original thing was supposed to come out much earlier than it did. i’m so sorry for that!

anyway, here’s your student headcanons with josuke, koichi, okuyasu, and jotaro! i’m sorry if some of them are too short for your liking!

@bijoucupid

josuke ;

when he gets to school, he’s always looking for either you or okuyasu, if he hasn’t walked to school with him that day (though, that’s on a rare occasion). he’s very excited to meet up with his friends.

things are very different compared to when he meets you and okuyasu at school. when he meets oku, he’s loud and rambunctious, always wanting to mess around with him and have fun. however, with you, he’s more gentlemanly (thank you for passing that trait down to him, jonathan!) and softer. he wants to give you the impression that he’s cool.

after he meets up with either one of you, he’ll go to his classes. he’s always bored in them, so he spends his free time making small doodles of whatever his mind can think of. sometimes, he can even blank out and doodle random scribbles before realizing that he was doing that.

he’s not very good at note-taking, to be perfectly honest. he’s good at it when he wants to be, but the thing is, he’s normally either too bored or lazy to take notes. he’d be getting better grades than average if he did the notes and paid more attention!

josuke’s pencil case is simple, yet neat and only full of essentials. a pencil, pen, eraser, and a highlighter. everything else, he hasn’t bothered with bringing. he’s satisfied that it isn’t too heavy, though.

he has a certain degree of dislike for school. he’d rather be spending his time with his friends, you, or playing video games at home. though, while he’s stuck at school, his favorite normal school activity are gym classes! he loves being able to participate in the fun sports that they set up. even if he’s good at the sports, he really doesn’t have any time to join an actual team.

he’s also very popular with the girls, even the teachers at his school. they always compliment him, especially his hair. the teachers love to say that he’s a good kid and that he should continue his studies. of course, he’s always very nice to him since they are his elders.

you can normally find him during lunch being surrounded by girls. he doesn’t mind the attention, but if it gets to be too much, he’ll get embarrassed that he’s causing a scene. especially if they’re trying to gain his attention while you’re around! he wants to be intimate and spend time with you while he can find the time to!

once the girls are finally shooed away and josuke has some space to himself, he’ll usually go find where his group of friends are. usually, it’ s just okuyasu since koichi was stolen away by yukako, but every once in a while, he’ll find the couple with okuyasu.

when it’s just him and his best pal, he’ll often talk about the new video games that he knows are coming out. or maybe play some card games with him. whatever keeps them having fun and busy, really. they love to share their interests with each other.

when the whole group is together, they’ll often talk about new stands that have come into the town, whatever they can all talk about and actually have interest in equally.

when he’s with you, however, he’ll want to spend it completely alone. he likes to take you either outside or to an empty classroom where you two can laugh and share your meals together. it always feels like a little date that you improvised together, but it’s always fun.

after the end of the day, he’ll walk home and settle down to play video games. however, tomoko stops him after an hour and makes him do his homework. he hates it, but it really needs to get done.

when he’s studying at home, his mind tend to wander off, but he’s able to pull it back quickly and focus more on the homework. he’s usually wondering what he should do after studying, what his friends/you are doing, or if he should help his mom cook.

his notes are a bit messy, but it’s nothing too bad! it’s just like the average student’s notes! he’s very diligent and to the point with them, but there’s always unrelated doodles on the side of them.

also, when doing projects, he’s very lazy with them. normally, he does the minimum amount to get a decent grade and nothing else. all he really cares about is his friends, but at least he’s putting in some effort.

he’ll usually wait until the last day to finish his project, spending all nighters if he has to. he usually regrets them, but that never stops his ways.

during a group project, however, he doesn’t want be seen as lazy or a “slacker,” so he’ll get his part done as early as possible and let his other group members take care of their parts. if he sees one of them struggling, he’ll even ask if they need help!

overall, he’s an average student. he doesn’t like school, but won’t mind it if it’s something that needs to be done.

koichi ;

koichi is a very intelligent student, first and foremost. he’ll do his work on time and turn it in as early as possible. he wants to work hard to not disappoint those around him.

when he gets to school, he’ll usually try to get to his classroom so that he can have some alone time from the chaos he knows the day will be, but yukako always manages to capture him before. they y’all for a little bit before they have to get to classes.

when he’s in his class, he tries very hard to pay attention. he’ll listen to everything the teacher says and write it down as quickly and neatly as possible, so that he can read over his notes at a later time and understand them.

he’s one of those students that goes overboard with what supplies they have. he carries around many things that he may never even end up using! but, still, he needs to be prepared. this own pencil case holds many things that either you, yukako, or his mother may have suggested to put in.

during lunch, he’ll want to eat with some of his friends, but is normally dragged away by yukako who insists to eat alone together. he’s fine with it and all, but he’d like to spend at least one moment with his friends! he loves her, though, so he’ll go along with whatever she has planned for that lunch.

when he finally gets his time with the students of the dwang gang, he likes to mainly listen in on the conversations that everyone is having. he doesn’t have much to input into a conversation. somethings, he doesn’t even know about. but he likes to listen to others opinions about things.

he’s not considered a popular kid, but he does have people who enjoy him and his company. he’s known by kids in his class, but he’s much less notiable than josuke. a moderate amount of popularity!

koichi is also considered a teacher’s pet, doing many things for them and listening to them. he’s mature enough to get the teacher’s attention and gain their trust. he uses it very wisely.

at the end of the day, he’ll head home and immediately do his homework. he doesn’t want to accidentally take a nap and forget to do it, so he’ll do it right as he comes home as a “just in case” scenario.

his teachers say many praises and good things about him! he’s very reliable and likable to them. though, they do say that he’s nervous about speaking up in class.

this is true, actually! he’s somewhat socially anxious when he has to present things. he tends to over complicate things and make them more than they seem. when he’s presenting in front of the class, he’ll be much quieter and shy, but will try to give as much confidence as he can muster up.

his notes are very intricate and detailed. he uses different colored highlighters in his notes to signify what exactly each important note is. he also has nice handwriting.

when reviewing and studying his notes at home, he usuall has a straight forward plan for them. he’ll review the notes and look over them once before hiding them and quizzing himself. if he gets the answer right, he’ll move onto the next question. however, if he gets the answer wrong, he’ll study it and look over it carefully before trying again.

he loves individual projects! he loves to put his own creativity into whatever he does in his projects. usually, he can’t express those ideas as well when he’s in a group. he’ll love to pitch idea with them, though.

overall, koichi is a great student, very exemplorary and a good example to a lot of students who could use a little push in schooling.

okuyasu ;

okuyasu has a fond dislike of school. he’s not very smart, nor does he remember to do most of his work. though, his friends are always there to help him get back on track with his studies!

when he first gets to school, he’ll always be looking for josuke. he loves hanging out with him almost everyday. but he’ll also be looking for you when the thought comes to mind. he also loves spending his time with you, even more so tham his best pal josuke.

if he meets up with you first, he’s like a puppy craving affection. he’ll always be by yourself and wanting to hold your hand, which you allow. it’s so weird how he managed to get someone like you by his side, especially like this, but it’s something that he would never regret.

if he meets up with josuke, he’ll laugh along with him and talk to him about whatever was up with him. if nothing new had changed, he’ll say so and move onto a different topic. however, if something in his life changed, he’ll talk all about it in his usually funny ways. he’s very expressive with his body.

in class, he usually gets bored. it’s very noticeable on his face. sometimes, he can even fall asleep during the boring lessons and lectures that the teacher gives. he’ll get scolded for falling asleep, of course. but he really hates listening to them and would rather do anything else.

he never takes notes in class, only when he’s practically forced to. when he does take notes, it’s very rushed and scribbled down as fast as possible. he never thinks about studying this sort of stuff after school. after all, who needs it when you’ve got cool friends?!

he’s always playing with something on his desk, usually with the pencil that he sometimes brings to school. other times when he does forget it, he’ll play with the paper that the teacher has given him. if there’s a will, there’s a way, as everyone constantly says and knows. and there is a will to be distracted from class, that’s for sure!

his favorite period of the day is lunch, of course! he’s normally packed a nice lunch with him. though, it’s never usually enough. he’s always hungry even after his meal, trying to see if any of his friends are full and don’t want their meals.

he only really enjoys going to school because he gets to have fun with his friends. he loves them and would protect them with his life, just like he’s done in the past.

when he gets home from school, he never really does his work unless one of his friends help him. he’s not good at it, but he still wants to pass his grade! he isn’t really sure how he even made it up to this point without his friends help!

he’s totally not popular with most people. they think he’s not good looking or smart enough to hang around with. it’s a bad stigma to be around, but he really doesn’t mind it. just as long as he has his good few friends, he’s alright with any insults that are thrown his way. though, that doesn’t mean he won’t want to fight back. he just chooses not to.

he’s also really jealous of josuke sometimes, how many girls get to go up to him. but then again, he has an amazing partner like you. he wouldn’t trade anything in the world for you, so he’s glad that he doesn’t get much attention from anyone like that.

he never studies, not unless it’s woth friends. by himself, he tries to, but he ends up getting too distracted and does something else with his time instead. his mind doesn’t focus on one thing so easily.

he loves doing group projects. they motivate him so much to get the work done, especially when he sees his friends working around him. he’ll mostly follow their lead and work as much and as hard as he can.

sadly, though, individual projects aren’t the same. he’s always confused and always asks help from his friends, leading the project inevidibly turning into a grouo effort.

his teachers say nice things about his personality, but that’s about it. you can tell that they don’t expect much from okuyasu, but whatever good things that do come from him, they celebrate it in their own ways. they always commend him for being such a nice young man once you get to know him, however.

overall, he’s a much better person than a student. he’d rather do anything besides school work and isn’t too good with it, but with the help of his friends, he feels as though he can do anything! he also loves you very much.

jotaro ;

jotaro is a different story, really. he doesn’t know what to do in his high school years, always going back and forth between the idea of being a marine biologist and whatever else. he doesn’t know what’s in store for his future just yet.

regardless of not knowing that, he still tries his best to keep up with the work. even though he’s more of a delinquent than any of the young members of the dwang gang could ever be, he still manages to get exceptionally good grades. he’s actually one of the most intelligent in his classes!

throughout his high school years, he didn’t have many friends. the “friends” that he had, before the events of hunting dio down, had mostly abandoned him due to how scary and intimidating he seemed.

after, however, he did seem to have a reliable friend and a partner. you were always by his side and he could never ask for anything more, even if that is cheesy to admit.

he can always be found doing things that he’s not allowed to do in school. but he does them anyway. honestly, no one in the family knows why he turned out to be a delinquent after being such a cute child (from what family pictures holly had shown you). maybe it was him just going through a phase.

in class, he’s quiet, yet intimidating. he doesn’t take notes, as he knows that it would make him seem a little less cool. then again, you’re in his class and already know that he knows most of this stuff. he’s a dork for knowledge, after all. he loves learning, ironically!

when lunch comes around, he’s always hanging around with you. he’ll eat his lunch while trying to make sure that you’re safe, even when there isn’t any threat of anyone or anything around. he’s paranoid most of the time. though, after going to egypt, you guess that he has a right to be anxious.

he always does his homework when he comes home, only after his welcome home kisses (he’s embarrassed about it and will never say that he even gets them, let alone enjoy them.) and a snack from holly. for him, it’s fairly simple to do. he always manages to turn it in, even if he skips a class or something similar to that. you wonder how he’s able to do it sometimes. maybe with the help of star platinum? you have no idea.

everyone and their grandmothers also know that he’s very popular, particularly with women. they’re always trying to talk to him and gain his attention. though, he could really care less about them. it’s irritating to him, but they never seem to leave, even if he yells at them to go away. maybe they’re just immune to his threats.

he studies a lot at home. though, it’s about more advanced subjects. he has books upon books of study material, things that you don’t even know anything about yet. but when you come over, you’re always eager to learn about what he’s up to with those books.

when it comes to projects, he’s not the best at them. he doesn’t care for things like that. he only really cares about the grade, so he tries to make it simple and come up with a decent design. not very creative, but it’s something.

people would usually just offer to do the work for him in group projects. he knows that it’s because they think that he would beat them up if he didn’t make them do the work. or it’s because they’re genuinely nice people. he really doesn’t care, letting them do whatever they want.

his teachers don’t say too much about him, mostly in fear of him. of course, he won’t do anything to them, they’re his elders and that wouldn’t be respectful at all. he would just give them looks at the most. they do, however, think that he’s a very smart student and has potential for great things.

in college, he’s much more careful with his studies. this is the part that counts towards his degree in marine biology, after all. he needs to be perfect at everything he does in college.

he’s a good student in college, almost never missing a class and genuinely interested in the topics that are spoken about. he loves learning about all the different sciences and how to study a certain type of aquatic plant or animal.

sometimes, when coming up with his own scientific experiments, he’ll ask you to help him out. of course, you accept with open arms and help him to the best of your abilities. though, he wants you to be precise and orderly. it’s a bit hard to keep up with him!

generally, in high school, he’s mostly seen as a delinquent. but to you, he’s just a real big dork that loves learning. he’s very interested in sciences, specifically marine biology and later on, plans to make that his degree in college.

[imagine-organization-xiii]

with everything that's going on, how about rating the org members about how useful they'd be in an apocalyptic situation?? and like maybe the positives and negatives of each?

we’re on day nine of quarantine over here and, according to the governor, it’s mandated that all people who aren’t essential workers are required to stay in their homes so i’m mcfreakin losing it

oOoOo

Xemnas - 5/10

Positive: amazingly great leadership skills, good at rounding everyone up and giving them jobs that are best for their particular abilities

Negative: is probably responsible for the apocalypse but no one knows for sure, will try to take over and start a cult

Xigbar - 6.5/10

Positive: weapons genius who comes prepared; a secret doomsday prep guy who has a lot of supplies

Negative: Is Xigbar is an asshole, doesn’t play well with others, hiding a lot of shit

Xaldin - 7.5/10

Positive: strong and willing to do a lot of the heavy lifting, good at following directions and a stickler for rules

Negative: doesn’t like making meaningful relationships with people and keeps people at arm’s length, which sucks when there aren’t very many people left in the world.

Vexen - 7/10

Positive: practically a genius, good with fixing things and has medical experience, also a source of cool air when it gets hot and stuffy

Negative: doesn’t get along with like anyone and he’s really impatient with everyone and everything

Lexaeus - 8/10

Positive: strong, quiet, good at building things. is kind and willing to help when you manage to get past all of those barriers

Negative: extremely anti-social, seriously intimidating and no one really wants to ask him for help

Zexion - 9/10

Positive: super smart and can help build or fix all kinds of different machinery

Negative: would rather spend more time with his head in a book than helping out the others

Saix - 5/10

Positive: smart, good at organizing and planning things

Negative: no empathy for literally anything or anyone

Axel - 7/10

Positive: constant source of heat and fire when it gets cold, helpful when it comes to cooking raw food, makes sure you don’t freeze to death

Negative: extremely loyal to a rare and lucky few, though he does feel sorry for everyone.

Demyx - 8/10

Positive: constant source of clean water. positive attitude, always willing to help and comfort those who are frightened

Negative: has a hard time buckling down and getting serious

Luxord - 2/10

Positive: good time management skills, can teach everyone how to play cards which helps them occupy their time when they’re bored

Negative: gambling addict, has a lot of secrets and acts like he knows a lot more than you do

Marluxia - 9.5/10

Positive: BOTANY - an amazingly important food source. Great with growing plants, but he ALSO knows which plants/herbs are safe to eat and which are poisonous

Negative: too sassy, but you can look past the sass. probably also trying to make a group to overthrow everyone else

Larxene - 6.5/10

Positive: great with machinery and powering machines, helps with the electricity. Confident and a sturdy presence

Negative: likes to talk a lot of shit. No qualms against telling people if she thinks they’re useless

Roxas - 4.5/10

Positive: smart and resourceful, more powerful and has more good ideas than he realizes

Negative: giant guilt complex that brings the group mood down, always overwhelmed

Xion - 5.5/10

Positive: generally has a positive attitude and is good for team morale. Smart and resourceful

Negative: always worried, no confidence, doesn’t know what to do with her place in the world

[myvelouri]

I'm having a slight break down. This is going to be way too personal

If anyone is allowed to hate their life (trust me there's a lot of people who are) then it's definitely me.

I'll tell you why. First of all, why should I care about this? I say that to myself, but I care a lot anyway.

I've never really been able to have sex like normal. As in, my body just fucking sucks and does weird shit. So, I've said it before. If I have sex or masturbate for more than 2 weeks, my skin suddenly becomes really oily and I get these hard bumps that eventually turn into fat ass PIMPLES and often times cysts. And yeah, they have scarred my face permanently. I get this on my fave, my back, bottom and arm pits. If I stay abstinent and don't jerk off or ANYTHING, I have the most perfect skin. (The permanent scars are still of course there and many have accumulated). And I just feel like this isn't supposed to happen, this isn't supposed to be real, doctors say it's impossible, yet it's happening to me and it's dead ass real. I've done many experiments and changed the variables like a science project, and it WAS one. I can prove this happens to me. But it's not about you believing me. I'm extremely... Heart broken that this is happening at all. My heart starts to shake. Because this seems unrealistic. Still, 15 years later. I still have to deal with this. To cope, I tell myself, well, other people just have acne ALL the time without being able to stop it, but me? I know what triggers it, and I don't have acne at all, but if I don't have sex as much as I want to, then I'm good to go. But my god it's such torture. It truly is. All of my ex's and past FWB actually ARE aware of this "condition" I have. They seem to be totally baffled by it too, and how real it is.

And it affects not just my own sense of freedom and enjoyment... But my god, when your girl is horny and she wants to fuck your brains out and you have to say "I'm sorry babe, I just can't... I can't right now, it'll be bad for me" it hurts the relationship wether she says "okay babe, I understand" or not. It just does.

And on top of all that, my dick size pisses me off. I'm 6'2", my dick should be huge. But it ain't. And here's another kicker, I can't fucking get hard. Imagine a 20 year with a fuck ass dick. Yeah, hi, that's me.

Although I stopped any kind of masturbation and porn for months at a time and it totally helped my erection.. it felt so fucking horrible. Wasting months and years of my life unable to just whack off or have fun having sex with someone I like and likes me.

It's cruel. It's so fucking cruel.

But to make myself feel fucking better, I tell myself, "hey, at least I wasn't born a pedophile, imagine how much worse that would be." And yeah. That doesn't even make me feel better anymore

My heart is racing now, as I type this.

My face in scars, my body just awful.

There's also the fact that I have a condition, a oral one, so, my mouth and jaws never fully properly formed growing up, and my face grew elongated and basically gave me a perma-derpy face. Picture Napoleon Dynamite, but brown, and fat. That's what the fuck happenened to me. It's a common condition. And you can see my school pictures every year from kindergartner to 5th grade and watch my face degrade and retard. It's fascinating to see. But I used to be a beautiful fuckin kid. This condition made me so ugly. I remember before I had it. In kindergarten and before, I have memories of girls all over me saying I was so cute. Girls asked me to marry them in kindergarten. But a few years later, those same girls didn't recognize me. It was traumatic for me. Big time. In fact, my heart is racing even faster right now. I'm gonna take a sip of my alcohol real quick.

Okay. So, on top of all that, I was a heavy kid. Well, luckily for me I'm a smarty pants and I was able to lose all my weight by 14 years old. Super skinny. But guess what? I have loose skin. It's rather mild but my god I cannot wear tight shirts at all. It's awful. I never take my shirt off in public. I've been working out and I can look decent in pictures in a few poses. But it's still horrendous in real life. You can see stretch marks too. I don't mind those.

But yeah. I've never felt free. I still have that insecurity and I usually try to hide my body if the wind is pushing my shirt into my body. I get anxiety and start sweating. It's just mental. I can't stop it, I can't okay?

And here's another thing. I was always really intelligent, very quick, and extremely funny. I used to be the class clown in my classes and even in my family (I have tons of relatives) and I used to be so popular on both of those social scenes. It was incredible. Girls would like me for my personality but wouldn't date or fuck me because they said I looked too ugly and goofy. Yeah, let me tell you, that took a long time to be okay with. I'm not okay with it still, but I won't cry anymore about it. So yeah, my brain, the only thing I cherished. I was amazing at video games, above average in everything I did, I used to help out my friends and family in video games and they'd be so impressed, they'd love me so much. I'd play online and people would go nuts at my skills, even when playing multiplayer games with family actually, I'd do some crazy fast reaction shots in shooters that was fucking incredible. I used to play professionally with a team I had too. I was looked up to in many ways. I was told that too. And so I loved my brain. I remember the quality of life, being capable of joking around, and it was so much fun, what a great gift of life. I'd joke around nonstop, riff with everyone, and I'd always be the one to win and end up making everyone crack up. Wow. That was FUN. It made life worth living and is why I absolutely adore comedy. But... I suddenly was hit with depression. I isolated myself. And slowly, my brain started to deteriorate. I have lost all of my big personality, humor (most of it is gone) my quickness, I'm terrible at games, my brain functions very slowly, I'm terrible at socializing (I used to dominate) and I can't study or pass classes like I used to (I used to with ease) and I can't remember things or memorize things at all anymore. Depression is slowly killing my brain, year by year. It's even worse now.

And now I'm finally old. I have nothing, can't do anything. My depression isn't mild. It was originally diagnosed as "severe depression" and it has killed me, who I am. The real me ain't here. I try not to say that as it makes my sister cry. But I died a long time ago. I'm just a shadow of my former self trying to make the best of whatever is left for me here. I have strong opinions on things, and I can't fucking even care anymore.

The worst part is just waking up. Every day. I hate thinking. But it's all my brain makes me do. And it's not even good at it anymore like I used to be. I wish it would stop. I'm scared to buy a gun. I was getting one for sport. To shoot targets. Not to kill anyone. I mean, it's good for self defense. But I just wanted it for sport. But I'm afraid. Because I think I really would shoot myself in the head eventually. I am so scared of that.

I'm tired.

I'm so very tired.