#to slimy and favorative and forgetful and untrustworthy and inefficient
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#it feels super awful to know everything I’ve ever done really came down to one moment#I’m a completely different person now because of one thing#and there’s nothing I can do#I just had to sit there and watch my entire professional career explode#also who I am as a person.#I went from being detailed and team oriented and trustworthy#to slimy and favorative and forgetful and untrustworthy and inefficient#I’m a disgusting human being#I don’t care that it’s a mistake and I don’t care that that’s not what really happened#it’s my word against someone else’s so why the fuck should even i believe that it was a mistake#I remember it wrong#and I am a bad person#and I let everyone down#and I don’t deserve to be a leader#because who the fuck would want someone like me as a leader#even if I could handle it#which I obviously can’t because I can’t even do this base level thing#I hate myself.#I hate how it all happened in one moment#I hate how disgusting I feel#I hate how it all came down to this#my character doesn’t matter. my work ethic doesn’t matter.#I got it all wrong. it was all fake.#I was so fake it wasn’t me.#I hate this I hate myself I hate me I hate that I only do things for attention#I hate that im fake. I hate that I make mistakes.#making mistakes is not okay for me. this is a mistake they have to write down and everyone had to scold me for.#I thought I was better than this but it proves me right to think anything of myself#I was right to believe I am nothing.#see what happens the moment I think I can trust myself
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