#to see undisputable evidence of that which you cannot integrate into your inner experience

[misscammiedawn]

I was struggling to write a post about my recent brush in with this conceit and this gives me an opportunity to say my piece in regards. It may be a little off topic, but it's an opening to talk about a thing which has been on my mind.

Given I suffer a dissociative disorder I often find entire chunks of my history and skillset pruned and have to rediscover it again and again. When I was coding for a video game project, back when I was involved in such things, I told my team that it "felt like I was a protagonist in the sequel of a JRPG, continuing the story from level 1 all over again every time we begin a new project."

And much like Sora or Master Aqua, when I begin a new endeavor within hypnosis I must trust that my skills lay deeper than mere memory.

Recently I have been wanting to start files again. I am aware I have done this many times. I have recorded many fully produced files in my history and yet I retain no internalized recollection of this process. Thus I must learn again.

I had a moment of true despair this week when I came across a series of recordings I had made in 2021 as practice for my voice lessons that I was taking at the time. I had made a new file every day with some remarkable ideas.

"Oneshot, a single take recording that urges the listener to never listen to the file again. I get one chance to record, you get one chance to listen"

A file based on one of my favorite hypnosis scenes from Charlies' Angels, telling a listener to type along with my "typing test".

An instruction to always type "Hypnosis" with a capital H every time you write it.

...and 2 short years later I had no memory of these files. Not of writing the scripts (which I have yet to find a trace of), not of posting them, not of recording them, not of planning, not of feedback, not of what I was doing.

I know what I did that month. I had a very important social event I attended. I recall the job I was working. I recall watching things on TV with Oikos on Thursday nights.

But for some reason this month long process that must have taken hours of my time each day was so thoroughly blacked out I still struggle to believe it, even with evidence.

...so... in the face of *that* level of discouragement. How do I deal?

Because whether it be a matter of being in a rut or losing my confidence, I often find myself limited.

My first step is typically to check my past work. Read old stories, files and journals. Find where my spark is and then emulate myself until I start doing it without trying.

I ask my partners to make requests and I attempt to fulfill them.

I throw myself in headlong without a plan and just see if I start flying instinctively.

And, yes...

I see what other people are doing. I watch hypno scenes and read MCstories and ask people what their interests at the moment are.

The fire is always there. It just needs a little guidance sometimes.

I always say "save every time a partner sends you a scene, it's a request packaged in fiction." and that has served me well until now.

Do You Ever Just Forget How To Do Hypnosis?

Not even joking. This isn't some sort of shit-post I promise, but sometimes with ADHD brain going brrrr I will get into my hypnosis thing whether it be a script or a live scene and my brian will just go:

"hey are you sure you actually remember how to do hypnosis?"

So the question is, how do we combat this feeling? Because let's be honest it's one that is not rational nor required when you are tisting on the regular and like me have a busy work schedule of giving people the hypnosis feels. (As a quick side note, in a scene with a trusted partner it would be hot af to have your ability to "fight back" with hypnosis taken away, especially if you were both switches with sticky fingers and brains, but I'm going to pocket that for another time...)

Step one: Take a break! I'm not even kidding. I know when my battery is dead energy wise I am more prone to this kind of thinking. Maybe you are tired or overworked as a dominant/top (the person doing the hypnosis doesn't always have to be dominant). I know people who can literally do scene after scene after scene, and that has never been me. I literally went three years without hypnotizing anyone outside of making audios and livestreaming, including my wife, because I was chronically ill and just worn down. You can't be a super tist if you aren't taking care of yourself. So, take a break. Look after yourself. If you aren't doing that it could be a sign that burnout is coming, or approaching and you need to protect yourself. Never be afraid to say "that's enough". Many times I've hit my limit not only long term but mid scene as a Domme. It's okay and it's very normal and I wish we spoke about it more.

Step two: Try something new! Sometimes, I get stuck in a rut of doing the same thing over and over. I love repetition and conditioning using it is fun but wow, it can get boring for everyone. So this feeling could be a sign it's time to read some smut, listen to some audios, read the blogs and try something new. It might not work, but it might also be the best thing you've ever done. Recently I also have been sending tiny audios to friends based on whims or ideas I've been thinking of. This is a great way to test something new, low stakes, and play around. I also recommend having people you can talk to. I love to befriend other hypnosis creators and community members because not only are they just "built different" and fun to be around but also I can hear them talk about their passions, which reignites mine and we can pool ideas.

Set three: Read some resources! Education is so important in this scene. Now that doesn't mean do what I did and go to a certifcation course, I don't think people outside of people wanting to be a professional hypnotist should do this. But it is important to refresh your knowledge and not be afraid to learn. Now I am an ex-teacher so I am biased as hell about the importance of education, but, it's not hard to upgrade your skills with a little education. Mind Play is a great book, I always recommend it for being simple to read. Go to a class at a convention or locally (they have them online too so you can access them even in places far away like New Zealand). Join a hypnosis discord with discussion rooms or groups. Talk to others about their experiences. Watch a YouTube video on hypnosis. Listen to podcasts about it. These are all educational tools for upgrading your skills and even if like me you've been doing this for an eternity (or what feels like it) you can still refresh your skills and maybe you might learn something that helps get you out of that funk.

So these are just some of the things that help when my brain decides to gaslight me into thinking I am terrible at this. I know this is never going to be one side fits all but I think it's important to talk about imposter syndrome from all sides of the watch.

Have you ever felt like this? And if so what did you do about it? I'd love to keep this conversation going!

-Secret