#to post this kinna stuff without annoying people

[the-interplay-of-sex-and-violins]

I'm just going to answer these because nobody will ask and also nobody knows I exist anyway!

Did you want to hear about a drow twink today? No? Well you're gonna!

Part one!

What circumstances led to your Dark Urge becoming their Class/Subclass? Kelyn is an assassin/bard. His first kill was when he was 7, because someone had been hired to assassinate him--it's unclear if it was a rival noble family or his own mother trying to kill him. Either way, his skill at murder got his mother to fast-track his education as an assassin himself, and by his teens he was his house's favorite killer and infamous in Menzoberranzan for his brutality, efficiency, and creativity. When he was in his 80s, he discovered he was a natural savant with music, especially violin, which similarly was immediately co-opted by his mother as an addition to his tools as an assassin, giving him access to some useful magic as well as an easy way to get close to targets.

Did your Dark Urge have any romantic and/or sexual relationships prior to their illithid adventure? If yes, who was it with and what was it like? If no, how did they feel about being single? In Menzoberranzan, likely no romantic relationships (although he's hinted at some sexual experience he actively does not want to elaborate on). For the short time on the surface before he ended up in Baldur's Gate, there may have been the occasional dalliance, but nothing serious or steady. In Baldur's Gate, he and Gortash quickly became enamored with each other after they started working together. It likely started as something non-serious and mostly physical, with shades of using one another; Gortash using sex as a tool to manipulate Kelyn, Kelyn using it as a coping mechanism to repress the Urge, and both of them in it out of genuine physical attraction to each other. But eventually it turned into a sort of toxic co-dependence where they both make each other worse and also need each other, and there was actual feeling there...but how much is unclear, and ultimately they probably would have both been ready to betray each other for their goals if necessary (though Kelyn would have only betrayed Gortash if Bhaal demanded it and gave him no other choice, and Gortash fully intended to keep Kelyn as his partner for as long as he possibly could--ideally, indefinitely). It's also probably extremely likely much of Gortash's attraction to Kelyn was in recognizing how much of a monster he was, and in being the one who held his leash, at least part of the time; for Kelyn, being leashed was a comfort, because at least someone might have some control of him, and being able to be honest about his nature was itself a relief.

What would your Dark Urge consider to be their greatest skill? Is this accurate? He'd like to think its his violin skills, but realistically would probably say its his ability to manipulate people. Both are accurate; he's not the greatest violinist in the world, but he's extremely naturally skilled, and he's got a very good knack for reading people.

What would your Dark Urge consider to be their greatest flaw? Is this accurate? Definitely the whole "he loves murder, a lot" thing. It's definitely his most excitingly deadly flaw, anyway!

What opinion does your Dark Urge have about the Gods? Ambiguous, leaning negative. He's had very little proof of the "good" gods doing anything worth a damn, and the "bad" ones seem all too eager to involve themselves in his life. The events of the game also soured him to gods in general, with specific dislike for Mystra and Shar (and, of course, Bhaal). Mostly he'd just like them all to leave him--and his friends--alone.

How does your Dark Urge react to waking up with memory loss? Mostly just with confusion and vague alarm; he doesn't remember enough to remember how to feel about it. He thought it was a side effect of the tadpole at first, as well as the Urges, and when it became apparent it wasn't, that alarmed him a fair bit more...but it wasn't exactly something he could immediately do anything about, either.

Did your Dark Urge recall any childhood memories? If yes, how do they feel about the revelations? If no, was it by choice or lack of options? Only in bits and pieces, which is helped by Alythara reminding him of some. She intentionally left out the worst parts that she thought would only cause him pain; and based on what Kelyn does recall, he doesn't blame her and is grateful not to remember specifics; he knows enough to know being a boy in Menzoberranzan was not pleasant. He tries to focus on the comforting, good parts he does remember.

How does your Dark Urge feel about the wilderness? It's alright. He's no druid or ranger, but he appreciates nature and specifically how much calmer and emptier it can be than a city. But, at the same time, he does enjoy the benefits of civilization.

How does your Dark Urge feel about the city? He's much more at home in the city than not, having been in one pretty much his entire life. He usually prefers the energy of having other people around, but is simultaneously afraid of having so many potential victims near him.

What motivates your Dark Urge to either embrace or resist the tadpole? Kelyn's already got enough brain problems and reasons to fear he's a legitimate danger to those around him; he has absolutely no desire to aggravate that by becoming more ilithid, thank you very much. Besides, he has little control of his own mind as it is, and he's desperate to keep whatever grasp on it he can.

What motivates your Dark Urge to either embrace or resist the Urge? His innate nature is to be a kind, gentle man who doesn't want to hurt people without necessity; Bhaal's influence smothers that and can hide it, but Kelyn's aware of it now, and disgusted by the things he does when he gives in. As such, he's hyper-aware of it at all times, and fighting tooth and nail to resist.

How does your Dark Urge feel about being a Bhaalspawn? He hates it and the realization terrifies him, and he mostly tries not to think about it in a "if I think about this too long I'll give in to despair" kind of way.

How does your Dark Urge feel about killing? Without Bhaal's influence, Kelyn dislikes killing but understands sometimes it's a necessity, or some people simply need to die. It's always an option, but almost never the first one. With Bhaal's influence, though, he loves it, and enjoys toying with victims; usually he prefers to play cat-and-mouse with them and kill them decisively once he gets bored, but torture is always available as a choice too, if you're really special!

How good of a liar is your Dark Urge? How do they feel about lying? Very good, and he has no significant qualms about it, though he prefers to bend the truth or exaggerate rather than outright lie. He still tends to be truthful rather than not, however; he just will lie if he feels the need.

What is your Dark Urge’s greatest fear? Not being able to resist the Urge at a crucial moment, and actually harming or killing someone he loves.

Intermission. Pet an owlbear.

Now, part two:

What is your Dark Urge’s greatest desire? To be rid of the Urge.

What is your Dark Urge’s greatest regret? Alfira. He genuinely really liked and bonded with her in the short time they knew each other, and in another life they would have been really good friends; her murder was a devastating wake-up call for him about how serious and real the Urge is, and it's always going to be a thing that haunts him.

How does your Dark Urge feel about love? About like most people, I assume. More specifically, he thinks it's a lovely idea...but applied to himself, well, he's worried what someone getting close to him means for them, once he realizes how deadly his Urges are. At the same time, though, he fears without those connections, he'd lose himself entirely: it's his bonds with Alythara, Yurissa, and eventually Astarion that encouraged him to fight it at all, instead of inevitably being worn down by Bhaal.

Has your Dark Urge become particularly close to anyone romantically and/or platonically in their journey? If so, who, and what is the relationship like? If no, why not? Oh hai Astarion! Initially, Kelyn and Astarion didn't exactly like each other; Astarion outright disliked him and thought he was an obnoxious do-gooder with no sense of how bad the world actually is, Kelyn thought Astarion was a slimy, shady ass but he was funny and kind of pretty and he didn't think he had a reason to distrust him yet. This quickly devolved into belligerent, snarky flirting that actually went somewhere, and they graduated to frenemies-with-benefits, and eventually they began to realize each other's hidden depths and how much they actually had in common; particularly, Astarion realized Kelyn is not as naïve or innocent as he thought, and Kelyn realized Astarion's got a hell of a tragic backstory he wants to help with. Before long it became something real, with both of them functioning to ground the other and believe they could each be better than they thought they were. Once they're an established couple, they're rather disgustingly and obviously in love, although Kelyn is more obvious; Astarion tends to deflect and downplay his affection with snark and sarcasm, especially in front of an audience, and while Kelyn happily plays along, he also tends to exhibit more puppy-dog devotion.

Is your Dark Urge open about their Urge or do they try to hide it? Why? Kelyn mentioned it lightly a few times, but quickly clammed up when others brushed it off, and keeps it to himself as long as possible (right up until he nearly kills Astarion) out of fear he's going mad and nobody will take that revelation well. A large part of it is shame and self-loathing, too, for the thoughts he has about the people around him. Once it's a known fact, he'll talk about it...but he doesn't like to, because it makes other people uncomfortable and he's still deeply ashamed of having those thoughts at all. He's most comfortable discussing it with Alythara (who knew about it, and had hoped the tadpole cured him of it, like it cured Astarion of his vampiric weaknesses) and Astarion (who accepts it more readily and tends to treat it less seriously than everyone else, often with humor).

What are 2-3 songs that your Dark Urge would relate to? How 'bout I just leave this here. Technically it's Kelstarion, so a bit of Kel, a bit of Astarion, a fair bit of both. However, special commendation goes to Kiss Me You Animal, History Will Not Repeat, and Pretty Pills for Broken Hearts.

What first impression does your Dark Urge give off to strangers? The immediate impression is likely to be intimidated, because he's a drow in dark clothing. But he very quickly comes across as warm, cheerful, and friendly once you actually speak to him, and if you're in any kind of distress, very kind and understanding.

How does your Dark Urge feel about what others think of them? In general he's not overly concerned unless it's hindering him, but he's very conscious of the fact that he tends to intimidate people at first and exaggerates his natural friendliness a bit to head it off.

Does your Dark Urge have a treasured item with them? If yes, what is it and why is it special? If no, how do they feel about item sentimentality in general? His violin. It's the very first one he ever had, and he values it more than just about anything (possibly including his own life)--playing music helps soothe and quiet the Urges, and it's his main coping mechanism to keep from giving in. His violin is thus both a means of self-expression, and more importantly a lifeline to keep from being dragged into the darkness trying to swallow him, as well as a symbol of his ability to resist at all.

How does your Dark Urge feel about Sceleritas Fel? He loathes the little bastard and wants him the hell away from himself and anyone he cares about.

How does your Dark Urge feel about Bhaal? Kelyn wants to hate him, and mostly does, but hating a god is like hating a hurricane; largely pointless and a waste of energy. He'd rather be using that energy to do some good in the world, or perhaps something in particular that would spite his father.

How does your Dark Urge feel about giving and receiving orders? If they're reasonable and not worded too rudely, he's fine taking orders. He's more likely to object if it's not coming from a woman, though; he's subconsciously still running off his conditioning to fear and respect women without question, and he tends to default to that. As for giving, he doesn't really feel like he deserves that authority, but he essentially has "muscle memory" from leading Bhaal's cult, so he slips into it easily without thinking. He does still wonder why the hell people keep looking to him to lead, though.

How well does your Dark Urge function under pressure? Surprisingly well, at least outwardly. He may need to freak out a bit afterwards, however. He's decent at compartmentalizing, though, and setting aside his stress to blow up on him at a later, more convenient moment.

What advice would you give to your Dark Urge? Hug your boyfriend more, he needs it and so do you. It'll be okay.

What are your Dark Urge’s intentions/goals after the end of the game? His biggest concern is to find a way to give Astarion the sun back, and ideally to mitigate his other vampiric weaknesses if the opportunity presents itself. Beyond that, he'd like to settle down and just have a relatively-normal life for once, but Astarion takes precedence.

30 Questions for your Dark Urge

These questions can be used as an Ask Game or just answering them all for fun character development!

(Tav edition here)

What circumstances led to your Dark Urge becoming their Class/Subclass?

Did your Dark Urge have any romantic and/or sexual relationships prior to their illithid adventure? If yes, who was it with and what was it like? If no, how did they feel about being single?

What would your Dark Urge consider to be their greatest skill? Is this accurate?

What would your Dark Urge consider to be their greatest flaw? Is this accurate?

What opinion does your Dark Urge have about the Gods?

How does your Dark Urge react to waking up with memory loss?

Did your Dark Urge recall any childhood memories? If yes, how do they feel about the revelations? If no, was it by choice or lack of options?

How does your Dark Urge feel about the wilderness?

How does your Dark Urge feel about the city?

What motivates your Dark Urge to either embrace or resist the tadpole?

What motivates your Dark Urge to either embrace or resist the Urge?

How does your Dark Urge feel about being a bhaalspawn?

How does your Dark Urge feel about killing?

How good of a liar is your Dark Urge? How do they feel about lying?

What is your Dark Urge’s greatest fear?

What is your Dark Urge’s greatest desire?

What is your Dark Urge’s greatest regret?

How does your Dark Urge feel about love?

Has your Dark Urge become particularly close to anyone romantically and/or platonically in their journey? If so, who, and what is the relationship like? If no, why not?

Is your Dark Urge open about their Urge or do they try to hide it? Why?

What are 2-3 songs that your Dark Urge would relate to?

What first impression does your Dark Urge give off to strangers?

How does your Dark Urge feel about what others think of them?

Does your Dark Urge have a treasured item with them? If yes, what is it and why is it special? If no, how do they feel about item sentimentality in general?

How does your Dark Urge feel about Sceleritas Fel?

How does your Dark Urge feel about Bhaal?

How does your Dark Urge feel about giving and receiving orders?

How well does your Dark Urge function under pressure?

What advice would you give to your Dark Urge?

What are your Dark Urge’s intentions/goals after the end of the game?