#to poop all over everything we love

[ktempestbradford]

I have been on a Willy Wonkified journey today and I need y'all to come with me

It started so innocently. Scrolling Google News I come across this article on Ars Technica:

At first glance I thought what happened was parents saw AI-generated images of an event their kids were at and became concerned, then realized it was fake. The reality? Oh so much better.

On Saturday, event organizers shut down a Glasgow-based "Willy's Chocolate Experience" after customers complained that the unofficial Wonka-inspired event, which took place in a sparsely decorated venue, did not match the lush AI-generated images listed on its official website.... According to Sky News, police were called to the event, and "advice was given."

Thing is, the people who paid to go were obviously not expecting exactly this:

But I can see how they'd be a bit pissed upon arriving to this:

It gets worse.

"Tempest, how could it possibly--"

source of this video that also includes this charming description:

Made up a villain called The Unknown — 'an evil chocolate maker who lives in the walls'

There is already a meme.

Oh yes, the Wish.com Oompa Loompa:

Who has already done an interview!

As bad (and hilarious) as this all is, I got curious about the company that put on this event. Did they somehow overreach? Did the actors they hired back out at the last minute? (Or after they saw the script...) Oddly enough, it doesn't seem so!

Given what I found when poking around I'm legit surprised there was an event at all. Cuz this outfit seems to be 100% a scam.

The website for this specific event is here and it has many AI generated images on it, as stated. I don't think anyone who bought tickets looked very closely at these images, otherwise they might have been concerned about how much Catgacating their children would be exposed to.

Yes, Catgacating. You know, CATgacating!

I personally don't think anyone should serve exarserdray flavored lollipops in public spaces given how many people are allergic to it. And the sweet teats might not have been age appropriate.

Though the Twilight Tunnel looks pretty cool:

I'm not sure that Dim Tight Twdrding is safe. I've also been warned that Vivue Sounds are in that weird frequency range that makes you poop your pants upon hearing them.

Yes, Virginia, these folks used an AI image generator for everything on the website and used Chat GPT for some of the text! From the FAQ:

Q: I cannot go on the available days. Will you have more dates in the future? A: Should there be capacity when you arrive, then you will be able to enter without any problems. In the event that this is not the case, we may ask you to wait a bit.

Fear not, for this question is asked again a few lines down and the answer makes more sense.

Curious about the events company behind this disaster, I took myself over to the homepage of House of Illuminati and I was not disappointed.

I would 100% trust these people to plan my wedding.

This abomination of a website is a badly edited WordPress blog filled with AI art and just enough blog posts to make the casual viewer think that it's a legit business for about 0.0004 seconds.

Their attention to detail is stunning, from how they left up the default first post every WP blog gets to how they didn't bother changing the name on several images, thus revealing where they came from. Like this one:

With the lovely and compact filename "DALL·E-2024-01-30-09.50.54-Imagine-a-scene-where-fantasy-and-reality-merge-seamlessly.-In-the-foreground-a-grand-interactive-gala-is-taking-place-filled-with-elegant-guests-i.png"

"Concept.png" came from the same AI generator that gets text almost, but not quiiiiiite right:

There are a suspicious number of .webp images in the uploads, which makes me think they either stole them from other sites where AI "art" was uploaded or they didn't want to pay for the hi-res versions of some and just grabbed the preview image.

The real fun came when I noticed this filename: Before-and-After-Eventologists-Transformation-Edgbaston-Cricket-Ground-1024x1024-1.jpg and decided to do a Google image search. Friends, you will be shocked to hear that the image in question, found on this post touting how they can transform a boring warehouse into a fun event space, was stolen from this actual event planner.

Even better, this weirdly grainy image?

From a post that claims to be about the preparations for a "Willy Wonka" experience (we'll get to this in a minute), is not only NOT an actual image of anyone preparing anything for Illuminati's event, it is stolen from a YouTube thumbnail that's been chopped to remove the name of the company that actually made this. Here's the video.

If you actually read the blog posts they're all copypasta or some AI generated crap. To the point where this seems like not a real business at all. There's very specific business information at the bottom, but nothing else seems real.

As I said, I'm kinda surprised they put on an event at all. This has, "And then they ran off with all our money!" written all over it. I'm perplexed.

And also wondering when the copyright lawyers are gonna start calling, because...

This post explicitly says they're putting together a "Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory Experience" complete with golden tickets.

Somewhere along the line someone must have wised up, because the actual event was called "Willys Chocolate Experience" (note the lack of apostrophe) and the script they handed to the actors about 10 minutes before they were supposed to "perform" was about a "Willy McDuff" and his chocolate factory.

As I was going through this madness with friends in a chat, one pointed out that it took very little prompting to get the free Chat GPT to spit out an event description and such very similar to all this while avoiding copyrighted phrases. But he couldn't figure out where the McDuff came from since it wasn't the type of thing GPT would usually spit out...

Until he altered the prompt to include it would be happening in Glasgow, Scotland.

You cannot make this stuff up.

But truly, honestly, I do not even understand why they didn't take the money and run. Clearly this was all set up to be a scam. A lazy, AI generated scam.

Everything from the website to the event images to the copy to the "script" to the names of things was either stolen or AI generated (aka stolen). Hell, I'd be looking for some poor Japanese visitor wandering the streets of Glasgow, confused, after being jacked for his mascot costume.

HE LIVES IN THE WALLS, Y'ALL.

[useless-catalanfacts]

Something very strange happened, and I think we need to have a talk about the way some people who don't know about Catalan culture misrepresent the Tió (our pre-Christian Christmas present-bringer, a log who poops presents 🪵🎁).

I have a relative who is a teacher in an adult school, she teaches Catalan language (mostly to immigrants). Some days ago, they were doing an activity about Catalan holidays, and two of her students said that Tió should be banned and that it's the worst thing they have ever heard. My relative was very shocked and asked why they could say such a thing (imagine, it's like saying Santa Claus should be banned in the USA). Their reasoning was that they completely misunderstood everything about it. These people are native Spanish speakers and assumed that the Catalan word "tió" (meaning "log" 🪵) means the same as the Spanish word "tío" (meaning "uncle"), even though both words are pronounced differently. They believed that the Tió represents a man and that we tell children to beat people up, so much until they poop themselves, threatening them to give us things. They said it promotes violence to children and that it's disgusting. Nothing further from the truth.

This is not an isolated incident because a few days ago I saw a post on Tumblr repeating this same mistake. I texted the person who posted it saying that it's not called "Poop Uncle" but "Christmas Log" and they said that this was what they were taught by their teacher (this person is from a different continent), and haven't taken down the post. I have also seen comments on Instagram repeating the same and making fun of how gross and violent it is.

The real meaning of Tió

The Log is a way of symbolically passing down our relation with nature. This is how the tradition works:

In early December, we get a log and bring him home. We take care of him: we keep him in a warm place, with a blanket over him, and we feed him things like orange/clementine peels and walnut shells. On Christmas day, all the family comes together. Children get wooden sticks and go get ready in another room, meanwhile adults place presents under the Log's blanket. Children come back and hit the Log while singing a song. There are many local variants of the song but they all come down to asking the Log to poop us good food. When they have finished singing the song, the children remove the blanket and discover the presents that the Log has pooped. Years ago (now this is only done by some farmer families in rural areas, but back in the day this was generalized), the Log was burned in the house's fireplace and its ashes were spread on the fields, believed to act as a magical fertilizer.

Notice what this whole "ritual" has been about: we take care of nature, nature takes care of us, we are part of a whole and there's no real difference between "nature" and "us" because we all give life to each other. After the winter rest, we wake up nature (the Tió) so it will bring fruits and light again.

We take a log from the forest and bring it home. We do this for the Winter Solstice because it's the time of the return of light and the rebirth of nature after the winter sleep, and wood symbolizes the most important things for human life: food, warmth and light. It's difficult for us to imagine nowadays because we are used to electricity, but for our ancestors who only had oil lamps, fire and candles, darkness was almost absolute for many hours in winter, and that's why the Winter Solstice was very important because it meant that light is coming back. We want something from the Log, his fire will allow us to cook, it will give us light, and keep us warm. So we offer him the same: we feed him (notice what we feed it, too: a kind of compost, which is complimentary to human food), we keep him warm, and we love him. Then, we hit him with sticks (mimicking the motion of cutting down a tree) and ask him to give us food, and he does. Then, our ancestors used to burn him for warmth and light, and then take him back to plants spreading his ashes so it will give life to the fields. Which in turn will give us food again, which we will poop and it will fertilize plants again. And it's a cycle that never ends, we're all part of a whole.

We give to the forests, the forests can grow with the remains that all living creatures leave on its ground: leafs, excrements, the remains of parts of our food like nuts and fruit peels. These things give life to the forest. And the forest gives life to us: gives us fruits and wood (=light and warmth). We take these things, and in return we give to forests once again.

Nowadays, the part about warmth and light is often lost to kids, but the part about food is still obvious, even if subconsciously. This is why the Log is not the horrible barbaric tradition that the "haha poop and violence" crowd would make you believe.

And don't get me wrong, it can still be funny! We're the first ones to make jokes about it. And you can, too! But don't spread false ideas: the Spanish word "uncle" appears nowhere near this tradition because it doesn't have anything to do with uncles nor with Spanish-speaking cultures. It's called the Christmas Log (Tió de Nadal, Soca de Nadal, Tronca de Nadal, Tizón de Nadal, etc depending on the area, all meaning "Christmas Log") and it's celebrated by the Catalan people and a part of the Occitan and Pyrenean Aragonese people. The word "poop" (as an imperative verb, as in "please poop for us") appears in the song, but not in the name.

I know that, now that misinformation has gone viral, a post won't stop it. But I hope at least people with a genuine interest can learn some more. By all means, keep laughing! Make all the memes you want! But knowing the whole story will give you understanding. And, please, don't argue in favour of banning our cultural practises, we've had enough of that for centuries.

[pomegranatesarchive]

can u PLEASEEE do an smau w oscar x american! reader who’s super gothy and witchy and they go to salem for halloween pleaseee!!

salem date | oscar piastri

pairing; oscar piastri x witchy!reader

summary: oscar loves his witchy girlfriend, and takes her wherever she wants to go, even if it means missing work

liked by oscarpiastri, maxverstappen1, landonorris, and 619,026 others!

yourusername: my favorite thing about moving to monaco? getting to decorate a whole new space and exploring cute new witchy stores 🐈‍⬛🖤

view comments below!

oscarpiastri: is living with me not your absolute favorite thing about moving to monaco?

yourusername: no. walking abracadabra on the beach is my favorite thing, living with you is like top 10

user1: i still can’t belive they named their cat ‘abracadabra’

user2: it’s so on brand for yn, but for oscar? not so much

user3: please, yn has that man wrapped around her finger. if she told him to change his name to halloween, he would do it

maxverstappen1: yn i need my cards to be read again, when are you free?

yourusername: i’m free friday next week, that okay?

maxverstappen1: perfect!! thank you :D

user4: in doing tarot readings for the drivers is so dear to me

landonorris: wait i want my cards read too :(

yourusername: sorry lan, im not free for another 2 weeks after that

landonorris: ugh max ruins everything

maxverstappen1: you snooze you lose, loser

user5: im in monaco, yns in monaco, i have a chance to met yn ln. holy poop

user6: omg i need an apartment tour????

user7: weird question, do you ever get looks by other people? i know you dress quite alternately and was wondering how accepting europeans are?

yourusername: i get looks all the time, but I've become quite used to it, im not bothered by it as i used to be. but i definitely get more looks in places that aren't so touristy, than places like france. key is simply ignoring them 🖤

user8: they just can't handle your swag

charles_leclerc: leo wants another playdate with abra, when are you free?

maxverstappen1: you aren't tricking ANYONE. you keep using these playdates so yn can read your cards without you needing to make an appointment

user9: appointment?? 😭

yourusername: is that true charles?? you've been using leo??

charles_leclerc: NO YN DON'T LISTEN TO HIM, HE IS JUST JEALOUS OF LEO'S AND ABRACADABRAS RELATIONSHIP.

yourusername: i can't belive this charles, i just, i need a moment.

charles_leclerc: yn... it's not what it looks like...

oscarpiastri: am I interrupting something???

user10: you're interrupting the friendship breakup of the century 💔

liked by oscarpiastri, charles_leclerc, and 793,073 others!

yourusername: we are all halloween ready

view comments below!

user11: my favorite time of the year <33

yourusername: you and me both

charles_leclerc: leo misses abra

yourusername: does he? or do you just miss my card readings?

charles_leclerc: little bit of both, i got him a halloween costume, you don't want to see it?

yourusername: of course i want to see it

charles_leclerc: i'll be over in 10 minutes!!

yourusername: DO NOT expect that i'll read your cards

charles_leclerc: i don't 😞

user12: they're back!!!!

user13: salem this year???

yourusername: im still not sure, oscar cant make it this year and it feels weird going without him :((

user14: "it feels weird going without him" OSCAR IF YOU DONT GET YOU AND YN ON A FLIGHT TO SALEM RIGH NOW ISTG.

user15: im going to salem this year in honor of yn not being able to go ✊

maxverstappen1: abra looks so cute!! jimmy and sassy need one of those hats right now

yourusername: i'll make more max, what colors?

maxverstappen1: blue and orange please!

user16: cat lovers bond in the weirdest ways

oscarpiastri: thank you for re-decorating love, i just love waking up to a fake skeleton on our ceiling 🧡

yourusername: put some respect on sir bones name oscar. i’ll have you know that he’s there to protect you.

oscarpiastri: from what?

yourusername: the spiders

oscarpiastri: and how does sir bones protect me from said spiders??

yourusername: he scares them away. duh.

landonorris: yeah duh oscar. gosh get with the program.

liked by oscarpiastri, maxverstappen1, and 620,726 others!

yourusername: salem we love you 🖤

view comments below!

user17: SALEM DATE 3 YEARS IN A ROW!! THATS RIGHT BABY 🕺🕺

maxverstappen1: you’re telling me i could have skipped media day?

yourusername: would you be interested in going to salem?

maxverstappen1: um, to skip media day? yes!

user19: max and his hate for media day will live down as the longest rivalry in f1

user20: need myself a man who would call in sick just so he can take me to some random town for a couple hours

user21: random town??? put some respect on salems NAME.

user22: do you guys think the FIA knew he was missing media day for this, or do you think he told them he was like sick or something 😭

landonorris: i can confirm that they did not know about salem. and he is now in trouble.

user23: NOOO OSCAR

user24: omg oscar just got a fine

user25: HOW MUXH???

user24: they didn’t disclose. all they said was “we have been made aware that a certain driver decided to go on vacation instead of fulfilling their duty.”

user26: that’s so funny

user27: #free oscar

oscarpiastri: the fine was worth it 🖤

yourusername: 🖤🖤🖤

user28: omg wait. do you guys think this was a surprise?? because yn said before that oscar wasn’t going to make it??

yourusername: yes, oscar did suprise me with tickets to salem this morning!

user29: OMG THATS SO CUTE AHHHHH

user30: they’re perfect for each other

charles_leclerc: group trip to salem next year?

georgerussell63: we have practice that day

maxverstappen1: so? we’ll all call in sick or something

f1: 🤨

maxverstappen1: you didn’t see that

. . .

notes: thank you for requesting!! this was fun to make ;))

[gatorbites-imagines]

Love me some bratty wolverine but I NEED my obedient sweet sub too 😋 wolverine who's just so desperate for praise and being told he's good, needy and never knowing how to properly ask for it and just ending up whining and pleading to near tears.... letting you take all the control and being so frightened and uncertain until you're showering him with reassurance and praise

Logan Howlett x male reader

Headcanons

Super exhausted, we did an event as my new education place (what do you call the place you take a bachelor’s degree in english?) that went until ten in the evening, so I’m still pooped. Hope this is still enjoyable though.

How’s everyone else been doing lately? This ended up being more focused on the comfort and relationship part of it, but I hope that’s good too.

I believe the Wolverine from the Deadpool and Wolverine movie would be the type of Logan you are looking for. He’s been through so much, lost so many people, has been hurt so much and lives with such a deep guilt and self-hatred.

In the beginning he wouldn’t show it, especially if you were someone who knew him, or some variant of him, in the past. He has an image he needs to live up too, or at least that’s what Logan thinks.

To him, he doesn’t deserve anything nice or soft. He doesn’t deserve to be loved or cared for, which in the end just ends up being his Achilles heel. Logan has starved himself so much for any kind of affection or care, that when he starts loving somebody he becomes like a dog.

Not a happy wagging panting dog, no. more a starved, dirty, covered in cuts and sores, kind of dog, desperately pouncing on the tiniest sliver of food you throw his way.

In the beginning, Logan would try to deny these feelings completely. Again, he doesn’t think he deserves to even love somebody, especially not somebody as great as you. So, he tried to suppress it. but that only adds onto it. the stuff we try to suppress only comes back stronger; didn’t you know?

That’s why he tries so hard to stay cold, rude, mean, anything he can to chase you off. If you leave first, then it wont matter, right? But damnit, you stay. And you just seem to cling on tighter the more he struggles, like those dogs so used to fighting and snarling at everything for their own safety, finally being taken in by someone whose patient enough to love them, and wait for them to feel safe.

And when Logan finally starts to feel safe, letting down his walls little by little and oh so slowly reaching out. Then he becomes insatiable. In the beginning its small things like standing closer to you, his leg pressing against yours, him bringing you stuff that reminded him of you.

But soon he can’t help but be all over you, only when you’re alone though. You end up with 300+ lb. of hairy gruff Wolverine, glued to you like he needs to be close to you as much as he needs air to breathe.

This is also where you discover that he completely melts when you run your hand through his hair or beard, his eyes almost rolling back as he arches into your loving touch like a sunflower reaching for the sun.

This dynamic also follows into the bedroom. Here Logan starts out thinking he’s gonna be the one in charge and on top, as he’s always been in past relationships.

But when you show signs that you like to make the orders and tell him what to do, Logan is honestly relieved to let the ropes go, falling to his knees with a lump thump and crack, the floor splitting under his weight and desperation to just be good for you, to be loved.

You never thought you would see Logan of all people cry, but you quickly learn that praise is the way to get him there. You were terrified the first time he started silently crying as he rubbed his face back and forth on your knee, a minor tremble in his shoulders. But you learn it’s because he’s so overwhelmed by the fact that somebody actually still loves him.

Logan has spent all this time being in charge and being on edge, that he’s almost desperate and begging for you to take charge. Hed crawl down the street on a leash if that’s what you wanted, all that matters to him is your love, your praise and acknowledgment.

Of course you wouldn’t do that, and you worry a lot about his comfort and safety. It doesn’t take you long to realize that Logan will bend himself backwards to please you, even go further than he’s normally comfortable with.

This leads to you having to give him a scolding that has the mutant falling to his knees and clinging onto you, as if you were gonna leave him behind too. Communication has been and always will be hard for Logan, but over time you pick up his physical cues.

You still like to have him tell you in words what he wants though, just to be sure, but also for him to practice. Even when he’s near tears in pleasure you still want Logan to tell you what he wants, how, and where.

You two always end your times together with a long cuddle, the cuddling lasting longer than what you did before since Logan soaks up your love like a sponge that just never seems to end. You swear he purrs, even if Logan denies it vehemently.

[kaijutegu]

So. Now that she's home and safe and gonna be ok, I can talk about this.

I almost lost Kaiju. Christmas Day. I was woken up by a phone call from Allison, who will be referred to a LOT in this story. Allison runs the pet store where I board Kaiju. She called to tell me that Kaiju had lost a LOT of blood. (As it turns out, half her blood volume. Humans die when we lose 40%, just so you know. She lost 50%.)

There were no visible injuries, and she had passed a bloody stool. Or rather, a blood clot with some poop in it. She continued to pass only blood when they put her in the bathtub to clean her up. If I'd taken her anywhere else, that... would have been it, probably.

But Allison is an actual miracle worker and knew an emergency vet who was open- on Christmas Day- and could see reptiles. As soon as she called me, she took her to the e vet, where they gave her fluids and oxygen and got her stable. They did some x rays and found... nothing.

In fact, the e vet actually complimented me on her bone density and how nice her toe joints look. Whatever this mysterious haemorrhage was, it was in the soft tissue.

The immediate thoughts were:

Impaction

Cancer invading an artery

Aneurism

Reproductive issues

However, the emergency vet couldn't figure it out, and my vet was out of the country. The e vet consulted with a lot of vets and it was decided she'd go into Chicago Exotics for care the next day- they were willing to see her on immediate notice. Allison drove her over and they did an ultrasound... and couldn't differentiate the mass they found.

So, exploratory surgery it was.

But... she didn't have enough blood for that. She wouldn't have survived... if Allison hadn't found blood for her. Tegu donors were found, the transfusion happened, and was completely successful.

And what the surgery found was completely unexpected. No cancer. No repro issues. No typical impaction.

Instead? Weird white things in her muscles and a partial impaction that seems to be related to a reduction in her ability to properly digest. There are two possible diagnoses at this point. One is visceral gout. This is very strange because in reptiles, articular gout basically always happens first, and her kidneys are fine.

The other option? Weird, potentially cross species parasite she picked up when she was in the Everglades. Something she's likely had all her life, something that was dormant until recently.

I'll know when the pathology report comes back in a week or so.

Anyways! She is doing very well. She is alert and interested in things. She has an incredible appetite, even though she can't have solid food yet. She's on three meds, including one I have to inject. At her three week recheck, we will add a fourth- either the correct anti-parasitic or a medication to improve kidney function, depending on the diagnosis. Currently she's in a hospital cage and she hates it- she can't have any substrate because of the stitches.

The vet says it should take about three months until she makes her full blood volume. Her pack cell count should be at 35%. It was at 7% on the 26th. But by the 28th, it was at 10%. She's gonna be ok. She's tough. My little girl is a fighter, always has been. You have to be scrappy to survive in the wild.

And throughout this entire experience, everybody has told me how lovely her personality is. Through the injections and cloacal probing and everything, she never bit or even tried to. The vet didn't think she even wanted to bite. Like it wasn't a question of wanting to bite and not being strong enough- it's just not something in her behavioural repertoire. She doesn't bite because she doesn't want to. Because even at her most scared, at her most painful, she's still Kaiju, the best tegu to ever live. Love is stored in the tegu, and it continues to be stored in the tegu. We have a long road ahead of us, but she's out of the woods and is going to be ok. We both are.

Also, consider this a MAJOR plug for Curious Creatures in Chicago. I'm never going to board my animals anywhere else.

[stevieschrodinger]

Part One TwentyTwo

This chapter is NSFW

“Okay,” Steve says to himself quietly, trying to psych himself up for this. They’ve washed up and brushed their teeth, Eddie’s already in bed and Steve is running out of excuses to hide in the bathroom.

Yesterday was a pretty long day, the couple hours of housework before watching ‘Splash,’ at lunch time, and then Joyce and Hopper's visit in the afternoon. So, last night after scrubbing the pool, Steve had been exhausted and Eddie’s new muscles had been quivering with exertion. He’d walked like an old man to get up the stairs, and showering together had been quick and perfunctory; Eddie practically falling asleep against Steve under the water. He’d barely managed their ‘last kiss of the day’ before falling asleep.

Tonight, not so much, and Eddie had been watching Steve expectantly for at least an hour before they came to bed. Or at least, it felt like he had been, maybe it’s just Steve’s imagination.

Tonight is the night. Probably.

Steve remembers the way Eddie’s dick had seemed to startle and slip back inside, like a terrified cat hiding under the couch. “It’s probably more frightened of you than you are of it,” Steve whispers reassurance to himself as he dries his hands, then heads into the bedroom and climbs into bed.

“Stee love,” Eddie says as Steve settles down.

“Hey baby? You okay?”

Eddie makes an affirmative noise, “kisses?”

“Sure,” because how could Steve possibly resist him. The prickliness has grown out of Eddie’s hair, it’s long enough to become more like a peach fuzz now, and Steve likes running his hands over it a little. He fiddles with the point of Eddie’s ear too.

“Eddie? Before...when you had a tail...did you have a, uhm, did you have a dick then?”

“Dick?”

Steve hums, leaning back to cup himself through his pants to show him, “dick. Or penis I guess, is the proper name.”

Eddie’s face lights with understanding, “no. Not before.”

“Right. Right. So...we need to work this out together.”

“Together,” Eddie latches onto the salient point there. Steve’s pretty sure Eddie would agree to pretty much anything as long as Steve spiced it up with a ‘together.’ Which is kind of nice, to be loved like that.

They kiss again, soft and gentle, Steve sometimes pulling back to rub noses, until it’s Eddie’s turn to ask a question, “pull pants down?”

Steve snorts a laugh, he can’t help it. Fond and warm inside; nothing could possibly be scary with Eddie.

“Sure baby, we can do that.”

They undress themselves, Eddie with no concern for the space around him, and Steve has to dodge a lethal elbow as Eddie strips off real quick.

Looking down the long pale line of Eddie’s bony body, a thought occurs to Steve, “did you poop before?”

Eddie shakes his head, “no poop tail.”

“Oh. So I guess you just...digested absolutely everything? There was no poop at all?”

“Yes poop,” and then Eddie makes a motion, opening his mouth and fake coughing, indicating with his fingers that he caught something, that something...came up.

“Out of your mouth,” Steve says, unable to hide how absolutely horrified he is at the image. And then flashing on all the times they kissed before Eddie had legs.

“Not...poop,” Eddie thinks for a second, “seeds. Pear…” he holds his hand above his head, a single finger sticking up, “pear hat.”

“Ohhhhh...the seeds and,” Steve copies Eddie, one finger pointing above his head, “stalk.” Eddie nods, “what did you do with them?” Steve never ever saw Eddie do this, he had no idea this was even happening.

Eddie makes a fair impression of scratching at the coverlet, and then pushing a mound of...dirt back over what he’s just imaginary buried in the covers, “you planted them. You planted the seeds. Like with the pine cones?”

Eddie nods, “planted the seeds, yes,” and then he points, their universal sign for ‘outside’, “pear trees?”

“I...I don’t know if they will grow, I don’t really know much about trees but...when the weather gets a little warmer, we can go looking for them?”

“Warm weather put tent out?”

“Yeah, yeah sure baby we can put your tent back up,” Eddie nods, content with Steve’s answer, he leans in for more kisses, the oval points of Eddie’s nails scratching gently down Steve’s back, Steve stops them again, carefully disengaging, another thought occurs to him, “did you plant things in The Upside Down?”

Eddie nods, “seeds. Black trees and…” he makes a wriggly motion with his hands.

“The vines,” Steve suddenly understands, “you planted them, for food?”

“Yes...tadpole vines best food. Not good when...parent?”

“Ohhh...they’re nicer when they’re, like young, I guess?”

Eddie hums smiling. Steve can’t help it, he kisses him again, Eddie wriggling closer, pressing them together. Eddie’s bony, but it isn’t off putting, and Steve can feel his cock pressing against the top of Eddie’s slit for a moment before he remembers what comes out of there and pulls back a little, “can I touch you?”

“Touch good.”

“Can I touch you here?” Steve hovers his hand in the space between them, wanting to make sure Eddie understands completely before he does anything. Eddie nods, rolling onto his back a little to allow Steve some access, “okay, lets do this.” There’s no way Steve’s going to be able to let himself get into this if he’s worrying about Eddie’s dick suddenly biting him.

It also means if Eddie just...didn’t have a dick before, then that means they need to figure out...everything. Can Eddie even have an orgasm? Steve has no idea how his parts work so, “I guess we can just...try stuff, okay baby?”

“Eddidie try,” Eddie confirms, shifting his legs further apart, as clear of an invite as Eddie could possibly give; Steve throws a leg over Eddie’s to get close enough. The soft light of the bedside lamp is enough to see by.

Eddie’s shifting, parting his legs, has caused the slit to gape a little down between Eddie’s legs, but nothing has made an appearance just yet, “I guess I’ll just...go for it.”

Steve traces the edge of Eddie’s slit with a fingertip, careful and soft. He figures it’s not that different to what a girl would have in placement, but it seems tighter and smaller, more flush to Eddie’s body; neater somehow. He’s also completely hairless here, and there’s no stubble, so Steve figures nothing is ever going to grow down here. Steve lets his fingertip slide into where Eddie has gaped open a little. It’s not dry inside, but it’s not exactly moist either. It just feels like more skin.

Steve rubs his finger up and down the middle of Eddie’s slit a couple of times, not going any further than the part that’s opened naturally. Eddie’s dick still hasn’t made an appearance. “This okay?” Eddie’s watching him with wide eyes, lying still for the moment. He doesn’t appear to be...well...aroused, or showing any particular interest yet, but he nods. “Okay, lets go a little...more.”

Steve lets his finger sink in. There’s no resistance, and Steve finds it’s a little more moist the deeper he goes. Eddie accepts his finger easily, shifting a little and letting out a sweet sounding sigh once Steve is as deep as he can go. The top of Eddie’s slit finally parts, just the head of his dick poking out a little. Like it’s...cautious. Curious.

“Uhm, hey,” Steve says, and then berates himself internally for how absolutely fucking ridiculous that was. Luckily Eddie has no clue what’s normal and clearly isn’t judging him for having a chat with his dick.

Steve’s been with plenty of girls, but never with a guy. And definitely never with anyone who doesn’t have human parts so, unfortunately, absolutely non of Steve’s experience is translating to how he’s supposed to deal with this…he takes a breath, and decides he needs to be all in.

“Okay,” he carefully presses down with his finger, Eddie’s narrow inside, the sides of his channel gripping Steve’s finger as he slides downward until he finds the ‘bottom’ of Eddie’s opening. He traces it with his finger, following the dip until he finds a...ridge. Or a pucker; he rubs it with his moist finger. Eddie makes a huffing noise, “feel good?”

Eddie frowns at him, “maybe?”

“Right, okay,” so Steve withdraws his finger, Eddie making a soft noise of what Steve hopes is pleasure. He carefully offers his slightly moist fingertip to the black, rounded exposed head of Eddie’s cock, and then just...waits. Eddie’s penis slithers out a little further, and then, after a brief stand off, it gently nudges at Steve’s offered finger. “Oh, okay, yeah,” Steve’s eyes flick to Eddie’s briefly to check in, only to find he’s looking down his own body, watching with as much open interest as Steve is. Right then.

Eddie’s dick slithers all the way out, the head as black as Steve remembers, fading into the usual color of Eddie’s pale flesh; it tangles gently with Steve’s fingers, and Eddie makes a noise. Just a little wisp of a thing, but it gives Steve hope that he’s doing the right thing with this. He risks a brief look; Eddie’s cheeks have a little flush to them, his mouth popped open just a tiny bit.

Eddie’s dick is nudging at Steve’s finger, drawing his attention back down, and Steve watches as the head opens up, slowly the petals peel apart. It’s pink inside, Steve sees this time, and covered in hundreds of the most minuscule little pink bumps. Like kind of teeth, or the start of teeth, but they never quite made it there. It waits, hovering uncertainly.

Steve takes a deep breath, letting it out slow, “okay little guy,” and he really, really needs to stop speaking to Eddie’s penis, like, right now.

Steve, gently, offers the pad of his thumb. The petals cup it, a soft touch, all of the tiny little nobbles pressing against Steve’s skin, just wide enough that their petal tips cross over the edges of Steve’s thumbnail. Eddie sighs, and then...kind of nothing happens.

Steve’s eyes flick to Eddie again, since his dick seems content to just hold Steve’s thumb, “Eddie, this okay?”

Eddie nods.

“Any idea what I should...do?”

Eddie shakes his head, looking at Steve helplessly.

“Right, okay, maybe I can…” Steve shifts his hand, keeping his thumb where it is, he wraps his fingers around the thick shaft. Eddie’s dick squirms a little in his grip, but otherwise it seems fine. Steve holds a little tighter, and next to him, Eddie breathes out a little sound. Maybe a little startled, “okay?”

Eddie nods real quick, the sound of his short hair dragging on the pillow, “touch good,” he insists, reaching up himself to grip Steve’s arm where Steve is half hovering over him.

“Okay,” they both look down again, past Eddie’s ribs and his still nearly concave stomach, “okay.”

Steve grips a little tighter, Eddie dick is squirming against Steve’s palm but not like it’s trying to escape or anything, just like it’s rubbing against all of Steve’s hand that it can reach. Steve figures sticking to what works is probably the way to go, so he takes away his thumb to hold Eddie properly, then tries gently sliding his hand down, in an attempt to jack Eddie off.

The flower petal head flails a little, grasping at the air. When Steve pulls down, Eddie's dick simply bends with him, and Steve is sure some of it just...goes back inside. So rather than rubbing Eddie’s dick he just ends up...moving it. Steve hums, that’s not going to work he doesn’t think. Eddie’s dick might be firm but it’s just not rigid enough for Steve to make that work. Steve draws his hand back up to the top, offering the flailing head his thumb, where once again it latches, apparently, happily.

Eddie makes another soft noise at that, he did last time too, Steve thinks. Maybe that’s where he should focus his attention. He decides to try it, gripping Eddie’s dick more firmly, it gives him purchase to rub the pad of his thumb across the dip of the opening and the petals.

Eddie’s breath comes sharp and startled, his nails digging into Steve’s arm, “did I hurt you?”

“No. No it didn’t hurt. Good. Touch many good.”

Right, well, that's about as big of a green light as Steve figures he’s going to get. He rubs again with his thumb. He rubs straight across, forward and back, the pad of his thumb following the shallow bowl shaped dip revealed by the petals, which Eddie seems to like if his quiet noises are anything to go by.

Steve changes it up, trying small circles across all the petals, the tiny little bumps dragging on his skin...almost like he’s rubbing the soft side of velcro. “Stee,” Eddie moans, shifting his hips, parting his legs even further.

“Okay baby?” Steve asks him, although he can’t take his eyes off where Eddie’s penis is wriggling against his palm and fingers, where the flower petals are opening and closing on Steve's thumb. They bend easily where Steve presses on them, alternately stretching as far open as they can before they grip at Steve’s thumb again, moving in a strange, pulsing dance.

The next time they open fully, Steve uses the opportunity to rub his thumb all the way across them, tip to tip, and Eddie’s hips buck uncontrolled, Eddie making a startled noise of pleasure.

Steve himself has started to get hard against Eddie’s hip, Eddie’s wriggling and obvious noises of pleasure causing Steve to become aroused, and he lets himself grind a little, only half aware of his own movements. The wet head drags against Eddie’s soft skin, so Steve rocks again, he’s not able to drag his eyes away from where he’s working the flower petal head of Eddie’s cock.

The drag of all the little nobbles feels a little dry, so Steve leans down, lifting his thumb out of the way for a moment to let a blob of spit drip onto Eddie’s dick, Steve presses it in with his thumb, spreading the moisture.

Eddie’s reaction is almost immediate, his back arches and the petals grip Steve’s thumb tight. Much tighter than they have up until now. Eddie’s hips are writhing against the bed, rolling like waves as Steve just holds still. Eddie makes quiet noises, and Steve flicks his eyes up for a second to check on him; Eddie’s eyes are squeezed shut tight, his mouth hanging open wide. The hand on Steve’s arm holding there loosely, forgotten as Eddie, presumably, orgasms.

The head of Eddie’s dick feels like it’s pulsing. Sucking. Gentle pulls against the pad of of Steve’s thumb, like little sucking kisses. And then it fades, becoming weaker, the petals grip loosening as Eddie’s hips relax back onto the bed and become still, his penis slowly slipping from Steve’s fingers. It withdraws some of the way, resting floppily against the bottom of Eddie’s tummy.

It looks a little drunk, the way it wobbles over.

“Stee,” Eddie says weakly, his hand flopping against Steve’s arm in a halfhearted pat.

“Yeah?”

“Good,” Eddie blinks at him, pupils blown wide but eyes all sleepy. He smacks his lips a second before shifting against Steve and frowning down at himself, “et.”

Eddie’s speech seems to have regressed back to how it was in the beginning, but Steve doesn’t mind. He kind of likes that he just blew Eddie’s mind, “wet? Where?”

“In,” Eddie answers, shifting again, one leg is still trapped by Steve’s thigh, but Eddie moves the other leg, trying to pull them together, he wriggles his free leg to scissor his thighs together.

And yeah, Steve can see it now, seeping shiny wet from the middle of Eddie’s slit, “can I?”

Steve’s hand hovers, waiting for Eddie to nod, which he does.

Eddie is very wet now. He shifts, parting his legs again to accommodate Steve’s finger, and then fingers after the first one slips in so easily. It looks completely clear in the light, and it’s very viscous on Steve’s fingers. Steve pulls them out again to look at them; it’s very thick, almost jello like where it clings, all shiny. It’s super slick where Steve rubs his fingers together.

Sever rocks against Eddie’s hip again, his hard cock dragging against Eddie’s hip at the thought of sinking his cock into Eddie’s wet slit.

It’s warm inside, Steve notices first when he puts his fingers back, the slick on his fingers had chilled in the air, highlighting the difference. It’s much easier to feel around now, Steve’s fingers sliding easily through the slick. Eddie sighs, and it sounds contented, so Steve asks, “this okay?”

Eddie hums, “touch good.”

“As good as when I was touching your dick?”

Eddie frowns sleepily, thinking about it, “no. Different.”

Steve nods, he gets that.

Steve investigates properly now, touching all of Eddie’s insides that he can reach. The walls are slick all over now, some of the gooey slick being pressed out around Steve’s fingers. Steve can’t find any features but for the pucker right at the bottom, so he touches there again.

A wet fingertip breaches it far more easily than Steve expects, and Eddie yelps, suddenly grabbing Steve’s wrist, “no,” Eddie’s dick slips back inside, like it wants to get out of the way.

“Okay, okay, is it bad?”

Eddie giggles, shifting against the sensations before relaxing again and blinking, “maybe. Good bad.”

“Okay,” Steve files that away, but avoids it for now.

Steve’s hips have started rocking again, as he slowly finger fucks Eddie’s channel. All the soft wetness making slick noises as he does. Eddie makes happy noises, the occasional relaxed sigh, but he looks sleepy again, “do you think you could come from this?”

“Come?”

“Like before, it felt really good?”

“Eddie come then wet? Dick touch come?”

“Yeah, do you think me touching you like this will make you come again?”

Eddie seems to think for a minute, blinking more awake again and tilting his hips a little to rock down onto Steve’s fingers, “feel many good...not come good.”

“Right, okay,” Eddie keeps shifting, and Steve follows the movement with his own hips, his cock leaking now, leaving a little smear of precome on Eddie’s skin.

“Stee come?”

“Not yet...I want to, though.”

“Eddidie can? Help? Same before? Tail.”

“Yeah. Yeah baby you can touch this time, if you want. Use your hands?”

“Okay,” they switch positions a little, Eddie not seeming to be at all bothered by it when Steve’s fingers abruptly slip free of him. Steve uses the slick on his fingers to wet his cock first, and when Eddie’s sees this he lifts a leg, not at all self conscious, and drags his own fingers over his slit, gathering the thick wetness there.

Steve helps Eddie position his hand, wrapping it around Eddie’s hand on his cock, then moving them both. Eddie catches on fast, “I’m not going to take long,” Steve tells him, already feeling the familiar tightening in his balls.

Steve lets go, Eddie has the idea now, and he jacks Steve fast, making wet noises. His fingers are so pale next to Steve’s skin, but firm and strong, and Steve doesn’t look away from the movement of Eddie’s hand.

“Close baby,” Steve breaths out a warning, his own hips starting to tilt, fucking a little into Eddie’s movements.

Steve lets his eyes close and his head slide back, Eddie lets out a sweet sounding, “oh,” as Steve starts to come, the first pulses landing hot on his own stomach. He has to reach out again, grasping Eddie’s hand to slow him, to show him how to work Steve through his orgasm.

Steve lets himself have a second, after, blinking sleepily as the last twitches of pleasure tingle though him. Next to him, Eddie makes a sound of disgust, and Steve looks over to find he’s clearly just licked some of Steve’s come off his fingers.

Steve can’t help it, he laughs, “not good?”

Eddie wrinkles his nose, “not good.”

“You want to get cleaned up?”

Eddie nods, “wet.”

They shower again together, just to get the worst of it off, “did that feel okay baby? Was it good?”

Eddie nods, “good. Feel…” Eddie stops a second, standing under the water, trying to figure out how to tell Steve. He makes the flashing movement from the Christmas lights, with his hands, “pretty. Many many,” he rubs his tummy, but low down, making his fingers dance in little tingles across his skin, “good like Christmas food and Pizza and Pears.”

“I think I get what you mean. It felt really good.”

Eddie nods, seemingly satisfied, but then frowns, “more later? Again?”

Steve snorts a laugh. That does make him feel absolutely certain, Eddie must have liked it if he’s asking again so soon, “sure baby.”

Eddie’s not at all self conscious, and he happily cocks a leg, resting his foot on the side of the tub to let Steve clear out the goop from inside his slit. Steve figures he gets the worst of it, inspecting a particularly lumpy part that’s has stuck itself to his fingertips.

There are darker shapes inside, small dots Steve thinks, about the size of peas maybe. Steve inspects the darker splotches clinging to his fingers; he’s only found a couple in amongst the clear jello they’ve cleaned from between Eddie’s legs, “baby, what do you think these are?”

Eddie shrugs, “seeds?”

Steve lets the water catch them, washing them away, “best not plant those in the yard.”

Eddie snorts a laugh, “Eddidie trees,” and then laughs again, tickled by the idea.

Part TwentyFour

[spidybaby]

I love the difference between girls who like footballers and read fanfics, but they do know it's all a fanfic, and they won't actually marry the footballer.

And the girls who read fanfic, they are obsessed with everything about the footballer. They stalk the family, and they even know what day, hour, minute, second their favorite poop for the first time.

The first ones joke with things like "now that Fermin has a girlfriend, that means she would be our bestie on the gavi fanfics"

And the second ones. "I hate her. She's ugly. I hope she gets run over when she crosses the street. I'll never accept her into the family..."

Babe... baby girl.... my darling... you are NOT part of the family, you do not get to approve any girl, boy, or person that cross paths with your favorite footballer.

We need to stop normalizing the hate that these girls receive. We need to stop calling them gold diggers, sluts, any kind of derogatory name.

As girls, boys, or people. We like this footballer, we love how good he is on the pitch, we love how nice he is, we love how much he cares for the fans.

But we do not care if he has a girlfriend, sure it hurts that my delulu self that has to stop dreaming about meeting him at the baker shop and him falling in love with me like Shane did over mitchy singing on camp rock.

I'm not here for the hate. Let's all love each other and, most importantly:

LET'S ALL RESPECT EACH OTHER ❤️

💋 that's all, kisses 💋

[flemingsgirl]

Bundle of joy

Her sweet wife's expecting and her teammates being just like family.

Viviane Miedema x freader

Tw: Mention of vomit and a swear..

Wrapped in your coat only your eyes and scrunched nose looking out you sat behind the bench of her team; Viv organized you a bandage for the seat. When the team walks back to the locker room Katie and some other wave at you and as Vivianne makes her way past you she stops at the railing. “Look at you all freezing up, just wearing gloves, what are you hoping for,” you laughed and she rolls her eyes. Her hand reaching for yours intertwining them, “You okay?” She knitted her brows. “you’re quite passive just some jogs.”

“Yeah, yeah, someone kicked me against my shine.”

“Nasty.”

“You can say that loud. Are you alright?” her eyes wandering from yours down to your abdomen.

“I’m fine, we’re fine” her lips curl up and her dimple visualizes on her cheek. “You’re rocking it Anna,” you squeeze her hand, the goner laughed, and you showed how you have her finger crossed, she gives you another radiant smile before disappearing into the dugout.

When the game ends her eyes search for you on your designed seat. “You good Miedema?” her thick accent filling the air.

“Yeah just looking..”

“For Y/N? I think she left ten minutes ago.” The woman takes off as the words left katies mouth.

Banging on the several doors in the restroom she hears heavy breathing behind the last one. “Schatje,” she raises her hand and knocks hesitantly on the door, “can you let me in?”

“It’s open,” you mumble, and she slowly pushes the door open. “It hit out of the blue, couldn’t even watch the end.”

Her hand rubs over your back, her other holding your hair back, “it’s alright, it wasn’t even important.”

“Every game is important for me, seemingly not for her.” Your head rests in your hand as you take deep breaths in.

“She cannot quite understand it,” Viv lets out a chuckle and takes your cheek in her hand.

“Don’t, I stink.”

“So, do I.”

“You don’t wanna kiss me with all the vomit.”

“I’d always kiss you but if you don’t feel like it it’s okay.” She rises to her feet holding out a hand for you, “you wanna come into the changing room and wait for me?”

“I don’t know I’m not sure if the nausea is gone,” you take her hand, and she helps you on your feet.

“Good, small steps, okay? So how are we?” leading you out of the stall and towards the sinks, getting some water in her hands she attaches it to your skin, a prickling feeling runs through your body. “You’re doing so well.”

“I’m just standing.”

“Yeah, and that’s enough,” she places her hands on your tummy which is hid in your coat. “We’re almost done, only a few weeks.” She pecks your cheek, then the other and at last your forehead. “I’m so proud of you.”

“Thank you, my love,” you bring your arms around your neck and snuggle into the crock of her neck, the sweaty smell almost calming you. “I’m ready let’s get this done.”

She guides you into the changing room where you’re meet with cheers and shouting from her mates, Beth almost jumping you to the ground, Viv could catch the two of you before worse could happen. “I can’t believe only a few weeks,” she squeaks still jumping up and down. Two strong arms sling around your body as Katie pulls you into her embrace “Can’t leave before aunty Katie said hello,” she lowers her head to the bump, “Yo hello bud in there, it’s your favourite don’t upset your mommies they’re doing their best and beyond. Can’t wait until you’re here.”

“Oh, girls you’re so sweet,” tears built up in your eyes and your bottom lip trembles they’re taking the cue and hold you in their embrace until Vivianne is ready to go home. “Okay guys see you tomorrow,” she waves for them, and you both step out.

The first days back home with your little bundle of joy was everything besides joy, screaming, crying, vomiting, pooping, people who say it’s easy peasy lemon squeezy should rod in hell. Hectic that was your new normal. Don’t get this wrong the birth of your baby girl was next to your wedding day the best day in your life, Heleen is a sweet girl and looks just like her mom but then she got this cold in the first days being home, she gets fuzzy and screams almost the whole day, neither of you could keep an eye shut, your hearts breaking at her being sick.

After this bumpy start the three of you fell perfect into the family routine and life. The only thing that was a topic that you discussed with your wife was football. She paused training with the girls the first month of Heleen’s life, she needed to get back on the pitch, stay in form, train for her to be part of the squad but that wasn’t as important to her than her family.

“Viv, it’s been a month you can’t stay home and workout here.”

“Why so?

“We don’t have the capacitate nor the girls to push you. You miss them. I know,” you caresses her cheek as you step closer to her in the rocking chair. “They need you. We got this; you still have half of the day with us my love.”

“But what if I don’t want to leave you?”

“I don’t want it either but there are some things we can’t change. We’ll come around as much as we can,” you peck her cheek and rest your head on hers as your hands hold her face. “You’re not a bad person, it’s your job.”

Marking her tenth month she was the first time in the stadium with you, the noise cancelling headphones on her head as she cradles in your arm eyes sparkling as she observes her surroundings. “Quite lovely innit Hel?” you kiss her occipital. “Look there’s mommy,” you point towards your wife who walks behind Beth onto the pitch, she squeaks and jumps in your lap. Heleen fell asleep around the twentieth minutes.

Viv scored twice that day and sent you a heart each time. Your daughter wakes before them and sees them as well, so you think cause she somewhat claps her small hands together, making you giggle. When the games ends you moved closer to the pitch with your daughter tight pressed into your body.

“Look who’s there,” you turn her in your grip, “your favourite aunty.” Katie sees you and runs over to you almost crashing into some other player.

“Look at you, all proud of aunty to win,” she raises her hands towards you, and you hand your daughter to the other woman.

“But careful Katie,” one brow raised, and your pointing finger dared on her.

“You know me.”

“Yeah, the biggest argument.”

“Let’s get you to your mommy,” she coos and walks over to Viv who was wrapped in a conversation with Beth and Caitlin.

“Oh, who’s there!”

“Our biggest fan!”

“Hartendief,” Viv tickles her side, and she wiggles in Katie’s grip and then she takes her off her aunties arm and into her body. “I scored for you have you seen that?” she whispers into her little ear, “I’m very happy you’re here.” She pecks her forehead and joins the conversation again, a smile plastered on her lips.

[stellaaarree]

some atsv characters with a reader that dresses bimbo, w/ the makeup and nails ect :)

MIGUEL

instantly your gonna get called “diva”.

loves the opposites looks though

he pays for all your expensive mini skirts.

insert miguel’s shocked face. “mi amor?! this skirt is the size of a belt! £35 for a piece of stripped fabric?? dios mío.” he groans, swiping his card at the register.

will just lean in the door way watching you do your makeup. loves it nowhere near as much as your natural face but if you’re happy hes ecstatic (secretly. we all know he has to keep the badass exterior.)

occasionally pulls your skirt down a little so it’s covering more. that place is only for him to see >:(!

sugar daddy vibes. dropping you off at the nail salon and picking you up all fancy with your starbucks order in hand😚😚

MILES

is way too scared to touch you in fear of messing up your pretty hair or makeup.

ADORES EVERYTHING.

something about you getting cold in your skimpy pink outfit and his black hoodie is going over your shoulder gets him giggling. everyone knows it’d have to be his.

asks his parents for money so he can pay for your nails😭😭

you assure him that he doesn’t have to pay and when he’s not allowed money he’s the one that swipes your card so it looks like its his. delusional king.

will 100% have your starbucks order memorised and when he hears you say for the first time just pauses with a “…how did you say all of that in the span of ten seconds?..”

brags 100%. if he has his other friends round his place and you’ve left one of your bright pink shirts there will go, “oh! sorry guys don’t mind the pink shirt over there.” knowing damn well he doesn’t wear pink..nor baby tees.

GWEN

you’re the reason she dyed the ends of her hair pink. always has a bit of your sweetness around🫶🏻

shopping sprees!!! then after y’all go to mcdonalds and she’s tucking napkins over your shirt so the sauce doesn’t ruin it.

feeding you fries so your lipstick doesn’t smudge.

genuinely just loves to be up close with you.

she’s taking out your perfectly clipped and bumped up hair at the end of the day. being oh so gentle as your head falls asleep by her shoulder.

when you go to her place she empties out all the things she feels you’d like from her closet and now you have your own drawer. spare makeup, hair clips, a mini straightener and her brightly coloured hoodies and jumpers.

y’all share socks. shut up its cute!!!!!!!

she’s got ones with stars scattered on them and you’ve got hearts on yours.

HOBIE

as we’ve noted, he doesn’t believe in consistency so the stark contrast between you two is adorable.

always holding your hand, thumb going over the 3d details on your nails.or he’s straight up staring at the glittery gloss as you talk while making hand gestures.

‘darlin’ and doll’ are now your new names.

you give him hair inspo and he gives you hair inspo😭😭

has a special pink guitar pic that he uses when you’re around!!!!

absolutely enamoured with your nails, you know the questions coming. the dreaded question.

when y’all are comfy, cuddling he speaks the dreaded moment. “doll, …how’d you wipe your arse with those.” and the cute moment is ruined. you obviously where not gonna share your struggles so you hit him back with the “girls don’t poop, idiot.”

PETER B PARKER

when you babysit mayday she always comes back with painted nails + toes. peter always having the same question. “how’d you get her to stay still for that long?!” with a smile you reply. “she makes exceptions for her favourite.”

if you guys are eating and sauce or something gets on your painted lips, he doesn’t even mention it. just straight away wiping it off and going back to the conversation at hand.

is the main funder for your clothes.

miguel and him fight over it all the time. miguel’s usual comeback “spoil your own kid! this ones mine!” and peter rolling his eyes.

peters the kinda guy to fund your usual things. his price range going from £5 - £25. as it happens more oftens.

miguels on the other hand. £35 - £200. and it obviously is a rare occasion.

to give extra thanks to peter you’d kiss his cheek. leaving a pink kiss stain behind and him proudly showing it off.

obsessed with the style. he’s a pretty chill guy so when asking you to come down to the store with him and you walk out in full glam, plans change. “yeah, no, we’re going to dinner instead. cmon pretty.” there was no option that was an order😭

you guys ended up stealing the pink coasters at the restaurant.

BONUS!! you’re maydays personal stylist. nails, done, hair? done, needing an outfit? done. and she sits still and pretty the whole time. completely shocking everyone else how you’ve kept her quiet. she just focuses on your pretty glittered eyelids as your big fluffy lashes bat at her sweetly🫶🏻🫶🏻

you after atsv spoils you rotten😭😭

[misshoneyimhome]

For Dad!Willy X reader can we get one where his family/teammates meet the baby for the first time 💙

Honestly, I can’t even put into words how much I’m loving all the dad!Willy content we’ve been diving into lately! I’m in such a mood for it, and if I’m honest, I’ve got a ton more thoughts and ideas—but I’m keeping it short and sweet to make it an easy read 😉 Absolutely obsessed! Hopefully, you’re enjoying it as much as I am, babes 🤗

Tropes & warnings: no warnings, except once again overload cuteness! Dad!Willy x reader, baby!Eliot, meeting family and friends

Word count: 1K

➼｡ﾟ

First Impressions and Family Ties I dad!willy x reader ✐

The condo buzzed with a palpable mix of excitement and nerves as you cradled Eliot in your arms, your gaze flicking over to William. He stood leaned against the kitchen counter, exuding a level of calm that felt borderline infuriating given the storm brewing in your chest. His easy smile didn’t match the worry swirling in your head—a chaotic blend of pride, anxiety, and a desperate desire to make everything perfect.

“What if he cries the whole time?” you burst out, pacing the living room while Eliot nuzzled against your chest, utterly unbothered by your spiralling thoughts. “What if someone holds him, and he poops everywhere? Or—what if he spits up on your mum?”

William’s chuckle rumbled softly, a sound that somehow made you want to both relax and glare at him. Pushing off the counter, he crossed the room in a few casual strides, radiating an effortless confidence you couldn’t wrap your head around. “Babe,” he said, sliding an arm around your waist and pulling you close, “he’s a baby. That’s literally his job. And my mum raised five of us—trust me, she’s seen worse.”

You shot him a look, your nerves clinging stubbornly. “You’re seriously not nervous at all?”

“Not even a little,” he replied without missing a beat, his fingers brushing over Eliot’s downy-soft hair. “They’re going to love him. And he’s got you, so what’s there to worry about?”

Before you could muster a response, the faint ding of the elevator reached your ears, followed by the telltale sound of footsteps approaching. Your heart immediately leaped into overdrive.

“They’re here,” you whispered, clutching Eliot just a little tighter.

William’s hand slid to your shoulder, his thumb drawing soothing circles against your skin. “Hey, deep breaths,” he murmured, his voice low and steady. “We’ve got this.”

The door swung open, and Camilla Nylander was the first to step inside. Her warm smile reached her eyes as she immediately spotted the two of you. “Oh, there you are!” she exclaimed, wrapping William in a quick, affectionate hug before turning to you. “And you,” she said, her tone softening as she kissed your cheek. “It’s so good to see you again, sweetheart.”

Her gaze shifted down to Eliot, and her expression melted into one of pure adoration. “Oh, my sweet boy,” she breathed, her hands coming up to her chest as she took in the sight of him. “He’s even more beautiful than I imagined.” She hesitated, her eyes meeting yours. “May I?”

You nodded, your heart easing as she carefully gathered Eliot into her arms. The practised ease with which she held him—gentle yet confident—was enough to make some of your tension dissipate. Watching her coo softly to him, her face glowing with pride, you felt the tiniest spark of hope that maybe, just maybe, everything was going to be okay.

Michael was right behind her, his broad smile as easygoing as his gait. He clapped William on the shoulder before leaning down to get a good look at Eliot. “Got that Nylander charm already,” he said with a knowing grin. “Though I’ll say, he’s a lot calmer than you were as a baby.”

William smirked, his arm still firmly around your waist. “I’ve mellowed out.”

“Oh, sure,” came Alex’s voice as he strode in, Danielle and Stephanie in tow. “That’s why you once tried to use my hockey gloves to fish a puck out of the toilet.”

“That was one time!” William groaned, though his sheepish grin betrayed him.

Danielle leaned in close to Eliot, brushing her fingers lightly over his tiny hands. “Wow,” she said, her voice tinged with awe. “He’s already got more hair than Willy.”

“Okay, what’s with the hair comments today?” William demanded, running a hand through his blond locks for emphasis.

Alex smirked, leaning against the couch. “We’re just saying, enjoy it while it lasts.”

“Don’t jinx it,” Michael warned, lifting a hand in mock solemnity. “You two could end up bald like me in ten years. Genetics doesn’t play favourites.”

The room erupted in laughter as the Nylander siblings took turns doting on Eliot. Stephanie cradled him with a quiet confidence, her expression soft as she traced the tiny curve of his fingers. “He’s perfect,” she declared, grinning. “Don’t worry, Eliot. Aunt Steph’s got you. I’ll protect you from Uncle Alex’s terrible jokes.”

The doorbell rang again, cutting through the playful chaos, and William crossed the room to answer it. His teammates filtered in, their familiar banter filling the space.

Rasmus Sandin was the first to approach Eliot, his grin wide and mischievous. “Look at this little guy,” he said, crouching beside Camilla. “Eliot Nylander, already cooler than his dad.”

“Careful, Sandman,” William retorted, his grin mirroring Rasmus’s. “You’re not safe on the ice or off.”

Matthew Knies followed close behind, his towering frame somehow softened by the awe on his face. “He’s amazing,” he murmured, crouching slightly as Eliot let out a soft yawn. “So, when’s his first skating lesson?”

“He’s already better than Willy,” Rasmus quipped, dodging the playful shove William aimed his way.

The condo filled with laughter, warm chatter, and the occasional sound of Eliot’s soft sighs as he was passed from one adoring pair of arms to the next. When John Tavares finally stepped forward to hold him, the room grew momentarily quiet. His steady presence radiated calm as he gazed down at the baby. “Future captain material,” he said with a smile, glancing up at William.

William laughed, rubbing the back of his neck. “One step at a time, Johnny. Right now, we’re just trying to keep the pacifier in.”

As the evening wore on, the space felt warmer, filled with the unmistakable hum of love and connection. You caught William watching you from across the room, his eyes soft and full of something unspoken. When he finally made his way back to your side, his hand rested at the small of your back, his touch grounding you as his lips quirked into a soft, knowing smile.

And in that moment, with Eliot nestled safely, surrounded by laughter and love, you realised this wasn’t just a gathering. This was family. This was home.

[wonik1ss]

✦ TODDLERS AND TIARAS — ❝ ive ot6 ❞

[ 寂しげなmoonlight 君といれば ]

synopsis • ives love for you goes unknown even to you sometimes ( ??? ) fluff < song rec : sun and moon - aespa >

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ𝜗𝜚 it all started when one day during iz*one’s off days wonyoung and yujin ran into tweleve year old you

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ𝜗𝜚 wonyoung paused and looked through one of the practice rooms to see you learning la vien rose’s choero

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ𝜗𝜚 yujin and her cooed and then ducked when you looked over to see your choreographer walk in

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ𝜗𝜚 two years later you all meet again when a meeting was held for ives creation

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ𝜗𝜚 during practice you were always a few steps behind and wonyoung could tell so she always paid extra attention to you and made sure you got everything

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ𝜗𝜚 while rei and liz always took you out shopping conveniently during testing seasons

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ𝜗𝜚 while gaeul always helped you with your homework and yujin always stopped by your school to drop lunch she knew you already had

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ𝜗𝜚 while leeseo always claimed to need to sleep in your bed cause your mattress was so soft (totally not because she felt the closest to you and felt like physical she needed to be too)

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ𝜗𝜚 “leeseo I think my arms starting to get stringy..”

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ𝜗𝜚 “it’s still attached stop whining !”

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ𝜗𝜚 you weren’t used to the korea’s culture or idol culture of being so close since that was mostly reserved for the maknae which you weren’t since you debuted at sixteen

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ𝜗𝜚 so when you started your birthday love you were very surprised to see your presents

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ𝜗𝜚 “oh wonyoung got me a heavy gift”. as you opened it your eyes grew wide and your chat blew up

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ𝜗𝜚 the girl had bought you three tiaras with a note ‘for our princess’. you laughed as the chat still erupted and you moved on

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ𝜗𝜚 this kind of reminded of the time rei pinching your cheeks while teaching you random Japanese words.. like really weird

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ𝜗𝜚 “so what did you just teach me?”. you said your hair and hers up in two buns with a ridiculous amount of glitter on your cheeks from rei’s make over

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ𝜗𝜚 “smelly cheese stick”. rei said as she turned on her camera for her daily vlog. your mouth ajar.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ𝜗𝜚 “do you wanna learn tomato cookie for spy poop next?”. you scratched your head while Rei resisted the urge to pinch your cheeks

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ𝜗𝜚 or maybe the time when there was perfectly six seats left in your groups van but yujin and liz were fighting for who’s lap you got to sit on.. it was a suggestion from your manager who said it jokingly but they took it so seriously..

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ𝜗𝜚 “no but I’m older and have stronger bones !”. yujin said as she held onto your waist very tightly.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ𝜗𝜚 “but we are like twin sisters it’s only fair !”. liz held both your hands as yujin cursed and wonyoung and leeseo busted out laughing. while rei spoke up.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ𝜗𝜚 “y/n said she was tired she can just sleep on my lap in the back”. you nodded and climbed over to the back while both girls just sat grumpy the whole ride home

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ𝜗𝜚 oh but what about the time wonyoung and gaeul kept dragging you on stage during ott

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ𝜗𝜚 wonyoungs line stared and she kissed your cheek while you smiled at a fan and at the same time gaeul decided she just needed to dance with you

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ𝜗𝜚 then two minutes later gaeul was giving you a piggy back and when she just put you down wonyoung grabbed liz’s hand and beckoned you their child to take a family photo for a fan

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ𝜗𝜚 you just thought nothing of it.. korea wasn’t your home and you hadn’t been an idol for a long time so maybe you didn’t know everything

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ𝜗𝜚 but you did know your member cherished even when they treated you like a toddler or dressed you up like a doll with tiaras and such it was all out of love for your big happy family

[writeandsurvive]

Author's note: just a little Gibbs idea I've had in mind. Maybe I'll get back to writing for him more... :) maybe it's because I'm binging NCIS from the beginning again. I tried to keep it as gender neutral as possible, hope I did well. Also, it's not proofread and I'm not a native English speaker.

Summary: you're babysitting your brother's twins by yourself and ends up calling for help.

Warnings: age gap, I guess?, talk of near death experience, taking care of babies, reader not wanting kids, siblings banter

Babysitting ~ Leroy Jethro Gibbs

"Are you sure you're up for this?"

"Seriously? It's the fourth time you're asking. We're gonna be just fine!" You reassured your brother, as you're sitting on the play mat your ten months old nephew and niece. If you were completely honest, you were a bit anxious about babysitting the twins all by yourself as it was the first time. But you couldn't let your brother know that, as he was already struggling to leave.

"All you have to do is feed them, change their diapers at some point and put them to bed." He got down to pick up his daughter, finally saying goodbye.

"I promise they will be alive and in one piece when you come back. Hopefully, tomorrow morning." You grinned at him before grabbing your nephew and gentle holding him on his feet. "Now go daddy, have fun." You said with a baby voice, like it was your little dude saying it. After one more kiss to his girl, he put her down and did the same with his son.

"It's just a work thing." He told you for the umpteenth time.

"Yeah, but the beautiful single mom from your office will be there."

"She left just a month ago. I'm so not ready to jump into anything." He couldn't bring himself to say the name of his wife and mother of his children. One day, she just decided that being a mom and a wife wasn't for her and she took off. Which is why you were babysitting that night.

"Don't jump into anything, just jump on her."

"On those elegant words, I'm out. Bye babies, I love you!" He sent them kisses as he was walking towards the door. "What are you doing?" He asked when he noticed you were following.

"Going to a party of course!"

"Don't leave them out of your sight! Even for one second!" He scolded.

"They are on their mat, playing!"

"And your niece is starting to crawl!"

"Just leave and bang someone."

"And you wonder why you're still single..."

He finally left but not without holding his shoulder after you punched him.

"Okay babies! We can do this, right?"

Turned out, you couldn't. Or at least, it wasn't going as smoothly as you thought it would. Shortly after your brother left, your niece started to cry her heart out, wondering why daddy wasn't there, for sure. Then, your nephew decided that he wasn't going to eat. The food didn't seem yucky to you but it was to him, and he thought throwing around and at you was funny. So did your niece. By this time, your brother had already texted you twice and you obviously lied. The little boy being covered in soft food, you decided to give them both a bath, hoping it'd tired them a bit. But they both were very much against the baby shower gel, and your niece pooped in the tub. Which made everyone almost throw up.

After a (very) long struggle, they were finally in their PJs, clean and ready for bed. You thought a break was coming, but your niece had a meltdown. Which caused your nephew to have one too. You didn't know what was wrong, you tried everything you could to calm them both but nothing was working. You contemplated calling your brother several times, but it was his first night out since she left and you didn't want to ruin it for him. After over an hour of struggle, you did call someone.

"Gibbs," he answered.

"How much do you love me?" You immediately asked over the crying. You barely heard him chuckle.

"I'm on my way."

"Thank you, thank you, thank you! I owe you one!"

You didn't know how long it took your team leader to show up at your brother's house. But somehow, as you were trying to soothe the twins on your brother's bed, you felt a presence behind you. "How did you get in? You know what, I don't care. Help me, please, I don't know what to do."

Whether or not the twins noticed that there was someone else in the room, they weren't stopping. Gibbs got closer to you, look down at the twins. "First, you're gonna take a deep breath."

"They are crying bloody murder!" You exclaimed.

"The more frustrated and anxious you get, the more they'll cry." You felt his hand on your shoulder and his gentle squeeze. You closed your eyes, tried to block the noises and took a deep breath.

"Now, are they fed? Changed?"

You wanted to give him a snarky comment as you always do, but didn't have the patience for it. So you just said yes.

He grabbed your niece into his arms, "Grab this little guy and do what I'm doing." You followed his instructions. Holding and bouncing your little man a certain way. After the eventful evening, you almost missed how incredible Gibbs looked with a baby in his arms, how gentle and soft he was. Such a natural. You nearly stopped everything when you heard him starting to sing a lullaby. It was quiet and you could barely hear him above the crying. That's when you realized that only your nephew was still crying. "You stopped." He warned you. "Don't get frustrated, hon. Sing to him."

You took another deep breath and did as told. Slowly, your nephew was calming down. It was magic.

"Lead the way to their bedroom." He whispered.

He put down in the little girl in her crib, and helped you putting down the baby boy, as he noticed you were too scared of waking him up. You stayed there for a moment, silently looking down at them, Gibbs right next to you.

"It's official, I do not want kids."

Gibbs chuckled and slid his hand in the back of your neck, bringing you to him so he could kiss your hair. You took the opportunity to go for a hug and he gently returned it. It suddenly became much easier to breathe.

"Is the baby monitor on?"

You checked, and grabbed the part you were supposed to keep with you.

"I need to change." You said after leaving the bedroom.

"You can take a shower."

"Do I look that bad?"

"You look like you need to relax."

"True. Will you be there when I get out?"

"Yes, give me the monitor." You did and felt shivers all over your body as his long fingers brushed against yours.

"Grab anything you want from the fridge. I'll be quick."

"No rush."

It was one of the most amazing shower you've ever had.

You knew you didn't want to have children most of your adult life, but it just got confirmed. You didn't want this to be your daily life. You loved kids, and you loved the twins more than anything in the world, but you didn't need one of your own.

When you reached the kitchen, it was sparkling clean. The big mess from dinner was gone. The toys were put away. Gibbs had his back turned to you as he was doing the dishes. "I don't know if I want to scold you or kiss you." You regretted the last words as soon as they got out.

Gibbs looked at you over his shoulder with a smile. "You're welcome."

"Seriously, you didn't have to!"

"No problem! You accepted to babysit twins after the crappy days we've had at work."

"Yeah," you sighed, remembering the awful case the team dealt with and only closed a few hours ago.

"How you feeling?" He asked, turning off the water and drying off his hands.

"How you feeling?" You retorted, earning a shy smirk from Gibbs.

"I'm fine." He reassured you, or at least, tried.

You got closer to him, grabbing the hand towel for him to put it away, and locked eyes with this man you've been in love with for a very long time. "You almost got killed, Gibbs." You said barely above a whisper.

"It comes with the job." He just said.

"Doesn't make it okay when it's such a close call." You could see the scene again. The bullet rushing so close to his head. A few centimeters to the left and Gibbs wouldn't be anymore. That thought hurt. It scared you more than anything else. And you couldn't control the tears forming in your eyes.

"I'm okay." He said one more time, knowing that you needed to hear it. So did he.

You felt his arms slowly wrapping around you, and before you knew it, your face was buried in his neck, as you inhaled his unique scent deeply. You held onto him tightly. "I can't lose you. Not you. Ever."

But you would, one day. Him being older than you, you knew that and Gibbs definitely knew it too. Which is why he never acted on his attraction and feelings for you. He knew you were feeling the same, he knew you were in love with him - even though he couldn't understand why or how. He could easily have given in, and enjoy whatever moments with you. But he refused. He couldn't do that to you, nor to himself. Everyday in this job, he could lose you too. That bullet could've been for you and not miss. Losing Shannon - and Kelly - was the hardest thing he's ever had to go through, and he couldn't bare the idea of losing another partner, especially you.

Which was why he tried to get you to leave NCIS several in the past few years. At first, it was pointing out how this job sucks - he loves it but he's a bit of masochist -, how you'd be better off doing something safe. Then it was introducing you to someone who had move on from this job and never felt better. And lately, it was asking Vance to find you a desk job you would actually enjoy. But nothing worked. You were still there, by his side, in harm's way.

Would it hurt to give in just this once? He wondered as he felt you clutching onto him. You fitted so perfectly in his arms, you smelled so good. You were showing your vulnerability, which you rarely do, with anyone and Gibbs found it very appealing.

He was looking down at you, you were looking up. He could lean in a few inches and his lips would reach yours. He started to, very slowly. But before it happened, your phone went off. You rushed to it, not to answer but mostly to shut it down, after it would wake up the twins, despite them being upstairs.

"Seriously!" You said after picking up.

"Just wanted to check in. Are they safely in bed?" You rolled your eyes.

"Of course not, I told you we were having a party. Can't you hear the music? Do they prefer scotch or bourbon?" You saw Gibbs smiling.

"You suck."

"So do you. Go back, and enjoy your night out, idiot."

"Hey, wait. Are you--sure it's not too soon for me?"

"She left, bro. Screw her. Whether it's a one time thing or more, as long as you're happy with it, just go for it. You deserve some fun."

"Says you, who can't move on from her boss, even though nothing ever happened. I mean, I tried to introduce you to some nice pe--" you hung up before he could finish. You knew Gibbs hear the entire thing.

"I'm, uh, gonna check on the twins."

But he held you back. "They are fine." He whispered.

"You already knew, didn't you?" You could look into his magnificent blue eyes. "That's why you've been trying to get rid of me?"

He sighed and brought you closer. His nose in your hair, his lips against your forehead. "I can't lose you either." He whispered, returning the vulnerability you showed earlier.

Hearing those words, you didn't think twice. You lifted your head up and crashed your lips on his. Gibbs didn't have the strength nor will to fight it. He intensified the kiss quickly, backing you up against the wall, where it happened for the very first time.

First of many.

[elderwisp]

◁ || ▷ now playing

Icarus: Can we change the song? I’m not feeling the uplifting music today.

Aponi: Am I sensing grouchiness?

Winona: Nah, it’s the dread of recognizing a mistake. We all feel it too, Icarus.

Icarus: Winona, I swear to god-

[ the music gets louder ]

Icarus: So, what do we think?

Winona: [ cackles ] Oh this is GOLD! 

Aponi: It’s… Big.

Winona: I’m pretty sure the house has been broken into.

Icarus: No it hasn’t.

Winona: We’re gonna ignore the broken window? Alright.

Icarus: It’s not broken! 

Winona: It is. Have you even checked inside?

Icarus: I, uhm.

Winona: You checked, right?

Aponi: You’re stressing out your brother, I’m sure everything will be fine.

Icarus: It’s not fine.

Winona: You’ve doomed us. 

Icarus: I wasn’t trying to!

Winona: There’s rat poop all over the floor, we’re literally going to get the plague living here.

Icarus: Rats shouldn’t be common in this area-

Winona: Oh my god- Look!

Icarus: That’s… Uhm. Yeah that looks like it belongs to a rat.

Winona: Lovely, I’ll look up hotels in the nicely conditioned truck because I’m positive the AC is broken as well. Nice one.

Aponi: Icarus, I know that look.

Icarus: I messed up bad, didn’t I? Got too ahead of myself and put us in a terrible situation.

Aponi: Hey, don’t beat yourself up now. Sure, the house has some quirks, nobody’s perfect. Applies to homes as well but we’re in this together.

Icarus: I’m not gonna ask you to fix this.

Aponi: I won’t be much help, but I can do small things. We’ll all work together to build a home. It’ll be like a fun summer project!

Icarus: I can always ask Syx and Ares to help.

Aponi: Exactly! However I think for today, we can start by cleaning the place and uh, let’s stay at a hotel for tonight.

Icarus: Agreed. I’ll grab the broom and trash bags. 

Winona: Found a place ten minutes away. Can I borrow your card?

Icarus: In a second, we’re gonna clean up the place.

Winona: Why? Just sell the place. 

Icarus: No, we’re gonna make it a home. 

Winona: Dude.

Icarus: Winona, I really need your support in this. Please.

Winona: Whatever, but I call aux!

Icarus: Fine. Fine!

[guess-my-next-obsession]

Hey! I love your writing. Could I please request a fluff piece when Iris is till a baby and Joel is on dad duty? Idk just something really fluffy where he just enjoys being a dad and also Sarah helping?

Dad Duty

pairing: elementary!joel miller x f!reader

rating: F (no outbreak au, talks of diapers and poop because infants are a mess, elementary!joel being the best dad/husband in the world, talks of being drunk/alcohol consumption)

wc: <1k

a/n: sorry for the delayed wait on this, anon! i hope you enjoyed it nonetheless 🫶🏼

series masterlist | joel masterlist

“Are you sure you’ve got everything?” you asked, standing by the front door in a “going out” outfit for the first time since your daughter had been born six months ago. “I can cancel.”

Joel shook his head sternly as he and Sarah sat on the couch, Iris fast asleep in his arms.

“It’s your best friend’s birthday,” he said. “I won’t hear the end of it from her if she suspects you cancelled all because you don’t think I can handle a six-month old.”

“Of course I think you can handle it,” you said, offering him a sweet smile as you grabbed your purse. “I just feel guilty—“

“Baby,” he sighed, tilting his head at you. “Iris ain’t gonna remember you goin’ out one time when she was six months old.”

“I know, but—“

“No buts,” he said. “Get your fine ass out there, and take a couple shots for me while you’re at it.”

“Besides,” Sarah chimed in, pulling your eyes to hers. “I’m here as backup. Go have fun for once.”

Letting out a deep exhale, you nodded, agreeing to bury your guilt over leaving your daughter behind for the first time. “Fine. But if you need me—“

“Baby,” Joel chuckled. “We got it. Go get hammered.”

Walking over to him, you leaned down and kissed his cheek. “Thank you. I love you.”

“Love you more,” he said, tilting your chin so that he could steal a quick peck on your lips, careful not to smudge your lipstick. “Go on now before they start honkin’ and wake baby girl up.”

“Alright,” you said, walking over to the door. “Sarah, don’t let your dad try to cook anything. I’d hate to come back to ashes.”

“Already on it.”

“Sarah!” Joel called from the upstairs nursery, Iris on the changing table in front of him making the biggest and grossest mess he’d ever encountered in his tenure as a father. “We got any more wipes?”

Sarah was already laughing when she walked in, carrying a new pack of wipes in hand before she witnessed the scene in front of her and started to gag.

“I’m never having a kid,” she said, covering her nose with her t-shirt.

“This ain’t the usual,” Joel said, shaking his head as he tried his best to clean up his very wiggly daughter. “Stay still, baby girl. It’s—Jesus, Iris. How’d it get in your hair?”

“I’m not even sure a bath will fix this,” Sarah said, looking disgusted. “I think we have to take her back and get a brand new baby.”

“Your mom would notice,” he said. “Otherwise, ain’t too bad an idea.”

After a thorough cleaning that left Joel scarred, Iris was set down in her activity chair down in the living room, her favorite nonsensical cartoon on while Sarah helped Joel cook some mac and cheese for dinner, her babbles filing the home.

“And to think she thought the house would catch on fire if I tried to cook,” he said, smiling at the thought of you.

“Well, in fairness it has almost happened before,” she said, earning an offended look from her father. “You don’t remember the fork in the microwave incident?”

“Shit,” he cursed, shaking his head. “You’re right. But in my defense, someone left it in my takeout box.”

“Yeah, you.” Joel chuckled, amused by her wit. “But to pad your stats, we can lie and say you made dinner tonight.”

“No, she’d expect me to start cookin’ then,” he said. “I may have pulled a miracle tonight, but my battin’ average ain’t great. Do you want to take the chance of house burnin’ down?”

“Good point.”

“Exactly. You’re takin’ the credit for this work of art.” Joel pointed at the pot of artificial cheese goodness. “How in the world am I hungry after cleaning up Iris’s shi—“

“Dad,” she winced. “I just got the image out of my mind.”

“If I gotta remember it, you do too, baby girl.”

It was midnight by the time you stumbled in, waving your best friend and her designated driver-slash-husband goodbye as you cracked the front door open before heading inside. To your surprise, Joel was still awake and rocking Iris to sleep in his arms, though judging by the heavy blink of his eyelids, he was barely hanging on.

“Hey baby,” he said with a smile as you stumbled your way over to the couch as quietly and gracefully as you could to sit down beside him, pressing a kiss to his shoulder. “How was it?”

“I’m drunk,” you confessed, your voice raspy from singing along to the club’s music. “And hungry.”

“Well, lucky for you, Sarah made dinner,” he said, standing up with Iris and setting her down in her rocker before holding his hand out for you. “Come on, you drunkard.”

“How were the girls?” you asked, clasping your hand in his as he guided you to the kitchen table to have a seat while he warmed up tonight’s leftovers.

“A piece of cake,” he said, shooting you a smile from over his shoulder. “Iris had one very messy diaper incident, but besides that, she was an angel. Just like her mom.”

“Hey, I won’t be having any messy diaper incidents for another fifty years or so,” you joked, earning another grin. “You gonna love me when I’m wearing a diaper?”

“Baby, I’m older than you,” he reminded. “If you’re wearin’ a diaper, so am I.”

“Oh, I can’t wait,” you mused with a wide, drunken grin. “You can save your payback for then, have Iris see how it feels.”

“I like the way you think, baby,” he chuckled. “But I love her too much to make her go through what I went through earlier. I think I’m gonna need therapy after that.”

You stood up, finding your way over to him to wrap your arms around his waist and hug his back, too in love with him not to touch him.

“Thank you for tonight. I didn’t know how much I needed it,” you said, humming as Joel’s hand lowered from the pot on the stove to run over your forearm wrapped around his middle. “How about next weekend I watch the girls so you can have a night out?”

“Maybe one of these days we’ll both get to go out,” he chuckled. “Until then, I’m good stayin’ at home with my girls.”

[ducktracy]

Looney Tunes really fucks up with your sense of time. It makes you contend with facts like "the last Looney Tunes short could have been about a Tasmanian tiger and it wouldn't have to be justified because they weren't extinct yet."

DOESN'T IT??? THAT'S WHY I LOVE IT SO MUCH!!!! OHHHHHHHHHH YOU'RE GETTIN' ME STARTED

IRONICALLY i'm usually the opposite frame of reference, a thought i regularly have is "the earth is millions of years old and i get to live in the fraction of a fraction of a blip just a little bit after these guys were around and some of the directors and animators were still alive when i was born, we're really not that far apart, everything is so recent in comparison, i'm so lucky to be alive and get to experience this" LOL.

but yeah, the historical aspect is a huge huge huge huge huge reason why i'm a LT fanatic and why i have no plans of ever slowing down and haven't yet. it's like an anthropology lesson. i love seeing what trends were current with what year. i love seeing radios in the shorts evolve into televisions, i love hearing jokes about then-new things (like Daffy crying in the cut dialogue from Daffy Duck in Egghead about how if he gets shot then he'll never collect on his social security, which was less than 3 years old at the time of the short's release), i love seeing how the fashion evolves, how the music evolves, how the attitudes of the characters evolve depending on the needs and wants and assimilation of the public... it's one huge time capsule, and i think that tends to be viewed disparagingly and there IS a lot to view disparagingly. we all know how much hasn't aged well at all. but i do love that these shorts show their age (when not in the sense of discriminating against a group of people) and it's such a big part of the charm. these characters and stories are timeless in many ways, and many ways they're not! and i think so much of the charm comes from the era in which these shorts are born. explore it! have fun with it! IUNNO! as a history nerd and an anthropology nerd and pop culture history nerd it's just.. AHH. things like these really get me emotional in the best way. it's an animated time capsule we have at our finger tips

it's also kind of reassuring, too, because there's so many jokes or premises or character tics or just. THINGS. that make you go, hey, we aren't that far removed at all. again, earth is millions of years old, we're very close to these guys in the timeline range! and so it's really fun seeing certain jokes or phrases that seem current. like i remember watching Porky's Preview for the first time and genuinely struggling to believe that it was almost (and now is OVER) 80 years old. or, you can argue that Daffy Duck made the first YouTube Poop with Daffy Duck in Hollywood. and it's not some sort of freak accident. humor is universal and transcends time! "this is so funny for being so old" No, it's just funny! i've gone on this soapbox elsewhere about how i get so incensed when people seem to imply that just because something is old doesn't mean it can be funny, or if it is it's in a "freak accident" sort of way. no! it's funny! these guys knew what they were doing! they had a sense of humor, and it's not too different than ours in certain points! it's not some freak accident!

IM GOING ON A BIT OF A SEPARATE RANT HERE HAHA but the timelessness and not timelessness of these shorts is incredibly important to me and so big on why i'm doing what i do. it's really humbling, it's really fascinating, and there's just so much to learn and soak up

[simplydannie]

Written for and inspired by @grinnworld. Inspiration from their post here!

Set in an entire different AU, ever since the passing of their parents, Floyd has been raising the twins for the last three years. Now thirteen, Floyd is experiencing a lot changes… especially with Velvet.

It had been three years since the day…since the day their parents died.

Floyd was trusted to care for them, despite his tiny size, their parents trusted him because of how loving he was towards the twins…he really did care for them. Now they were thirteen, and life really didn’t prepare him to raise any thirteen year olds…GIANT thirteen year olds for that matter.

Veneer was much calmer than his sister. He didn’t demand much, except for the occasional attention. Velvet on the other hand was more of a handful, especially these past couple of weeks. Her mood was haywire, Floyd felt like he was walking on eggshells half the time around her.

“Alright, something simple for dinner, burger and fries?” Floyd had said one day.

“Okay!” Veneer exclaimed bouncing happily.

“….UGH…” Was all that came out of the girls mouth.

“What? Don’t want burger and fries?”

“….No…” Velvet exclaimed.

“…Um, okay…Oh! Mac’n’Cheese!”

“Yummy!” Veneer said again.

Velvet rolled her eyes, “No.”

“..Pizza?”

“Oh double pepperoni!” The boy yipped happily.

“No! No! No! I don’t want anything! Stop pressuring me!” Velvet then stormed off and closed herself in the room. Veneer looked at Floyd with a confused expression and a rumbling tummy.

“….Sooooo what are we having?”

“Guys come on school!” Floyd walked down the hall calling out for the twins to hurry. He peeked in Veneer’s room, “Ven seriously?”

The boy was face down on his bed, mouth wide open and snoring, his alarm ringing and ringing next to him, “Five more minutes.” He pouted.

Using his hair, Floyd whipped open the blinds allowing for the bright morning sunglight to shine through. Veneer grunted and whined covering his face with a pillow, “Nooo, it burns!”

“Come on. Let’s get up sleepy head.” The small Troll then made his way over to Velvet’s room. Her bed was empty…but he could hear grunts and angered tones coming from her closet, “Vels?”

She barged out of her closet, tears running down her face. The young Rageon began throwing her clothes on the floor, ripping them from her closet, tossing them in mounds next to her bed.

“I HATE EVERYTHING! EVERYTHING! EVERYTHING LOOKS LIKE POOP! I WANT NEW CLOTHES! NOTHING LOOKS GOOD ON ME!” She sat down hugging her knees crying and crying. Floyd wasn’t sure what to do, he wasn’t sure how to approach it. Quietly and slowly he neared Velvet.

“It’s okay Vels. How about that dress you like?” He suggested.

“I already wore that!!!”

“Okay, okay. Take a moment and think what your favorite color is today, rememer that always helps you pic an outfit?”

Velvet was silent as she contiplated what he had told her….She calmed down as she dug through her pile of clothes, going back into the closet to change. She then came out an pink overall dress with a white sleeved under shirt underneath.

“There! See. Now lets go down for…..”

“I HATE IT!!!” She ran back into the closet crying.

The twins nearly missed the bus after Velvet had her little break down. At breakfast she couldn’t decide what she wanted, while Veneer happily munched away on his favorite cereal…As the twins were at school Floyd laid facing up towards the ceiling. He didn’t know what was wrong with her, why she was such on a rampage. Maye it was a phase? She was thirteen now. Maybe it was a mourning thing she was going through? She did love her parents.

“Rageons are definitely different than Trolls…” He murmured to himself. He heard the bus pull up front. Floyd peeked through the window to see the twins getting off….He already saw Velvet wasn’t having it, she must have had a really bad day. She flung her backpack to the ground and stomped her way towards the front door. Veneer was left trying to collect her things as he wobbled after her. The front door opened and slammed shut again as she came through. Velvet stomped her way up the stairs and straight into the bathroom.

“Oh boy…” Floyd heard a soft knock coming from the front door.

“Um….can someone please open the door for me?” Veneer’s soft voice came from the other side.

Floyd approached the bathroom in which Velvet closed herself behind. There wasn’t crying, but he could hear her heaving breathing as her anger slowly began to diminish. Veneer was behind him watching carefully…As the weeks went by he began to worry what was going on. Velvet didn’t want to hang out as much or do anything with him really…he began to feel lonely. Floyd slowly tapped on the door.

“Vels?”

“…..What..” Her tone was stern and serious; she did not want to be bothered.

“Was everything okay at school?” He asked.

“…….No…….”

“What happened sweetie?….Are you two getting bullied again? Tell me who it is! I’ll go straight down there and- “

“No Floyd!”

“Then what Vels? What’s going on? These past week has been different. We’re worried about you….You know can talk to me about anything…Tell me anything…I’m here for you…both of you.”

“You can’t help with this one Floyd.”

“….I can try…”

“No!”

“Please…”

“NO!!”

Floyd sighed, “Okay Vels….” He began to walk away….

“….You wouldn’t understand…” Her voice came out again.

“What Vels? Understand what? I can if you helped me.” Floyd responded.

“It’s…..It’s a girl thing….It happened at school. My teacher and nurce talked to me about it.”

“…Girl thing?” Floyd lingered and thought; what could she possibly mean, what girl thing? He tried thinking, “Vel’s please help me understand.”

“Its something….that happens every month….”

“…Every month?…..….oh….oooooooh……..OH!” It finally hit Floyd. His exclamation caused Veneer to jump where he was.

“What happened? Is she going to be okay? Does she need to go to the doctor?” He began to asked. Floyd paced up and down in a panic.

“She’s fine. She’s fine. We uh, we need to go to the store. NOW! We need to get a few things…Okay, okay. Vel’s hang tight! Me and your brother will be right back!!” He called out pulling Veneer by his pant leg.

“What? Floyd why are you freaking out? What happened? Oh my god, is she going to die!” Veneer panicked.

“No. But if we don’t hurry then she’ll definietly kill us! Let’s go Ven! Let’s go now!!”