#to look in hong's eyes and immediately tell the toll this relationship took on her once-lively soul

[biherbalwitch]

I'm watching What comes after love at a time where I feel incredibly lonely, bad move.

It gets way too real at times and I have to pause and take a lap around my house. What beautiful writing combined with such dedicated actors!

[letthesleepingdoglie]

The Long Road - 01

Title: Culmination

Part: 01 of 12

Rated: T for suggestive themes

Description: In the aftermath of Wally's death, Dick chooses to take a step back from his life as a hero.His friends. His family. He leaves it all behind, not because he wants to, but because he knows he needs to.No one will understand what Dick knows in his heart: the only way he can honor his best friend's memory, the only way back for him from Wally's death, is to answer his best friend's unspoken question. Without the mask, who is Dick Grayson?

Santa Prisca

June 19th, 2016

00:16 ECT

“Kaldur, this has been a good night.” Dick said reassuringly, placing his escrima sticks back into his leg holster as he walked over to where Kaldur stood. “Maybe the best we’ve had since the three of us took off for Cadmus five plus years ago.”

He lifted his hand and placed it reassuringly on Kaldur’s shoulder, but his Atlantean friend still looked troubled.

Wally stepped forward as well, leaning on Kaldur’s other shoulder. “C’mon, enjoy the moment my friend. You’ve earned it.”

Kaldur finally nodded, but turned his head to glance back at Black Manta, still sprawled out and unconscious in the pool of water behind them. Dick frowned as he noted his comrade’s discomfort, but Wally gave him a quick smile.

It was a good smile, a genuine smile. It was one that said, “I know. But we can deal with it.”

Dick immediately felt relieved. Although the two of them hadn’t had a “falling out” in the strictest sense of the term, things had been undeniably tense between the two of them ever since Dick had asked Artemis to go undercover in order to help Kaldur infiltrate the Light.

On more than one occasion since, when Dick had delivered status updates to Wally, things had gotten heated. Wally, worried out of his mind for Artemis’ safety, lashed out at the only person he could. Most of the time, Dick bore his friend’s rage in silence. Sometimes, he yelled back. In the back of his mind, Dick feared that even if he had managed to bring Artemis back safely, Wally would still never forgive him for sending her into danger in the first place.

It wasn’t just regret about the state his relationship with his best friend that had taken its toll though. With Batman gone, he’d been forced to cover for his off-world mentor, while also handling the analytical and strategic work his mentor usually handled for the entire Justice League, and his duties as the Team’s leader.

It was overwhelming to fulfill all of those responsibilities alone, with no one on the Team he could turn to for help.

Once, when he had been younger and more naive, he would have gladly taken the job as leader of the team. Batman had always made it seem so effortless, so glorious.

And then he had experienced first hand the weight of the responsibility that leadership brought. His friends went from being partners to being his subordinates: their lives were in his hands. He was forced to balance the necessity of sending them into danger with the desire to keep them safe. Bitter experience with Jason had driven the point home that one wrong move and death was the most likely result.

There were so many times he wanted to drop the ruse, reveal his and Aqualad’s plan to the rest of their friends, or to Batman or one of the other senior leaguers. But the more people who knew the more likely their plan would have failed; anyone who knew the truth might have inadvertently cast suspicion on Kaldur by holding back in a fight, or had the truth unwillingly ripped from their mind by a psychic individual like Psimon.

And so, as Nightwing, he had been forced to mostly sequester himself and bear his burden in silence.  A year and a half of keeping secrets, telling lies and weaving elaborate webs of deception had taken their toll  on him mentally and physically.

Now that things were over though, Dick felt like he could finally breathe. His plan had worked.

The sense of relief was overwhelming. He looked forward to being able to re-connect with his best friend, and going back to the easy days of stopping small-time criminals and doomsday cults, rather than multi-galactic conspiracies.

There would undoubtedly be some tough conversations to come with the people he’d kept in the dark. He found himself looking forward to it though; he could finally stop lying to his friends. He could move out from the shadow of Jason’s passing, and work things out with Barbara. He could fix the mess that his life had become in the last few months.

Dick returned Wally’s smile before he looked up at the open night sky above him. He knew that there were still things to be done: informing the UN so that the Reach could be kicked off-world, exonerating the Justice League with the evidence they had gathered tonight, to name a few.

“Not to break up the mood here boys,” Artemis said, walking to stand beside Wally in their loose circle. “but one of us should probably tell the League that I’m actually still alive, and I really don’t want it to be me.”

“Not it!” Wally called out. Before Dick or Kaldur could react, Wally had plucked the enchanted jewel containing their newly gathered evidence from Artemis’ hand and deposited it in Dick’s, picked up his girlfriend in a bridal carry, and sped off.

Dick grinned openly at his friend’s display.

“She’s right though.” he said, holding up the crystal to the light so he could examine it. “We should get this back to the Watchtower ASAP. The sooner we can get Batman, Superman, and the rest of them back from Rimbor, the better.”

“After that, all that’s left is to kick the Reach off of Earth, and that’s it. We win.”

June 20th

North Magnetic Pole

14:10 UTC

Just over a day. That’s how long his newfound hope had lasted.

In a way, it was painfully ironic. When Dick’s parents had died, the whole thing had been a blur to his 8 year old self, with only bits and pieces of that fateful night still left in his memory.

In contrast, Dick could recall each and every one of the hours that had passed since their raid on Santa Prisca with perfect clarity.

The first hours had gone quickly, with a variety of things taking place in quick succession. The Team had flown to the nearest Zeta Tube from Santa Prisca in the Bio Ship and S-Cycle, racing to get their evidence back to the Watchtower as quickly as possible.

Despite the initial shock and confusion the Team’s arrival en masse had caused, Captain Atom had moved quickly, calling the UN together so that he could present the proof the Team had gathered to the international community. Before he’d taken the Zeta tube down to the planet’s surface, Captain Atom had left Aqualad and Nightwing behind to formulate a plan of attack on the Reach mothership.

From their position on the watchtower,  Kaldur and Dick monitored the situation in shifts, ready to act in case the Reach did not choose to leave peacefully.

Surprisingly, now that Artemis was finally safe, there hadn’t been mass outrage from the Team or the League, as he’d originally expected. In truth, most of the anger that was directed at him for sending Kaldur and Artemis into danger in the first place had been forgiven by successfully bringing them out of it.

Owing to his role as Batman’s former protege, most of the League took the news that Nightwing had deceived them about Artemis and Kaldur in stride. Similarly, many of the younger and newer members of the Team, like Jaime or Cassie, trusted both him and his judgement completely. The fact that his precautions had stopped the Reach from discovering his plan when Blue Beetle had been unwittingly turned, and the fact that things had gone well during the raid had only cemented their belief that Nightwing had made the correct decision in sending one of their own undercover.

In the end, only three people chose to confront him while they waited. The first two were Zatanna and Rocket, the only two members of the old Team left who hadn’t originally known the truth, or had it revealed to them in the preceding weeks like Connor and M’gann.

Zatanna, eyes full of both tears, had slapped him so hard that he’d worn a palm print for the rest of the day. As the force of the slap sent him reeling, she followed up with a hug so strong that it drove most of the air from his lungs.

“I’m sorry.” He whispered to her as she cried. He stroked her hair and rubbed her back soothingly. “I’m sorry.”

The worst of the anger had come from Barbara. As soon as he’d formulated an assault plan with Kaldur, Barbara had taken him aside and calmly, but firmly, asked him not why he’d lied, but why he’d come up with the plan in the first place. Dick knew it was a lost cause, but he’d tried to explain.

Like with Zatanna, Dick wanted to say that he was just doing what had to be done. That he was sorry. That he would do anything to make it up. But he never got the chance.

“I want to know what the hell made you think this was your job to do.” Barbara had said, glaring at him with barely contained fury. “Who turned you into Batman’s clone?”

Her words killed any intent he had at defending his actions, because he knew she was right. He accepted it, knowing that her anger was part of the price he’d paid in order to make sure his plan succeeded, and that his friends were safe.

As it became clear that the Reach would not respect the 24 hour deadline to leave that the UN had set for them, Aqualad called the Team into action. While Watchtower systems had detected the abnormal weather patterns, the imminent assault on the Reach ship meant that the weather hadn’t been at the forefront of anyone’s mind.

Everything changed with the information Blue Beetle had managed to scour from Black Beetle’s mind. The League scrambled, and everyone had been called to stop the MFD threat. Nightwing had gone into battle against Reach drones in Hong Kong, alongside B'arzz O’oomm.

Defeating the drones and using Luthor’s virus to stop the MFD’s had been so quick, so easy, that Dick’s hope had surged in those last fateful hours. Even once he’d returned to the Watchtower and discovered the hidden 21st MFD alongside his teammates, he’d remained hopeful.  

He knew that the Team could still stop this. They could still save the Earth and win.

It was those last moments he remembered the most clearly; watching the holographic map as the blips representing Wally and Impulse approached the arctic, turning around in time to catch a glimpse of Wally sprinting through the Zeta Tube once Luthor had theorized how to stop the energy chrysalis.

His position on the Watchtower allowed him to reach the arctic with Artemis, M’gann and the others in time to witness the end; they’d dropped directly from orbit in the bio-ship, allowing gravity to speed their descent.

As he emerged from the ship once it touched down, the swirling mass of energy that threatened to tear the Earth apart slowly diminished right before his eyes as a direct result of the three speedster’s collective efforts.

Despite everything, he never saw his friend die. All he’d seen was a flash of lightning that emanated from the energy vortex lash out and appear to bounce off the ice. Then another. And another.

At the time, he thought that the energy discharge had been a good thing.

Once the vortex had dissipated completely, those of them who’d come in the bio-ship had moved forward together.

He saw it first; there were only two speedsters left standing on the arctic ice, not three. Where M’gann and Kaldur had leapt forward to congratulate their Teammates, Dick had kept his silence; the first cracks in his resolve appeared. He stood back, hoping that his fears would be proven wrong.

They weren’t. The expressions that Flash and Impulse wore told him everything that he needed to know. Seeing Artemis collapse in her grief shattered what remained of his hope.

This was no victory. All of his effort, all of his sacrifices. All for nothing.

Wally was dead.