#to have to fight for it because you're told you can't be authentic if you're queer

[djarin]

the way they both sidled up to each other. the way they kissed under the moonlight. the way they set and respected each other's boundaries. the hand holding, the thumb war, the gentle smile, the "you won." this is the queer representation i needed. queer people being unapologetically queer in all the gentle, sweet ways we know.

[bl0odyh3art]

NEVER TELL HER.

warnings: rape fantasies, cheating, mentions of glory holes, and fake raping?

this is dead dove/dark content. if are uncomfortable with this kind of content or don't like it, then do not interact.

a/n: yayyy I finally like one of my fics

“Also, Mary isn't able to have sex now.” The doctor looked at him after flipping through all the papers on the heavy clipboard. no sex?.... That's okay.

He can deal with that. “Oh, okay.” James nodded, his hands fidgeting with each other as he was seated on the hard metal chair. The cushion on the chair is long gone, all flat.

A week's gone by, no sex. No masterbation. No nothing.

Driving to the flower shop, gets the same flowers she likes…or liked, pays for them with that same girl as the cashier.

“Hi, James!” You chirped, smiling widely at him with your best smile.

“How's life?”

“It can be better.” He answered uninterestedly while he waited for you to tell him the price after flowers.

“Aww…” Lips pouting with a little frown and head tilt. “Anyways! that'll be $20.”

“20?!...Are you serious…” James groaned and shoved his card in the reader, putting in his pin, blah blah blah blah.

“See you next time, James!” You waved bye to him but he didn't pay attention to it.

Of course he's gonna have some sexual frustration, he feels guilty for even masterbating without Mary at this point because it just doesn't feel the same, he can't pay a hooker…he just doesn't want that…maybe….maybe you.

He loves Mary, but he can't just tell her.

She's so kind, loving, gentle, and caring. He just shudders at the thought of what she should say if he told her he has rape and glory hole fantasies. So disgusted and disappointed. The best he can do is fuck you. Flower shop bimbo.

“James you're into rape fantasies…and glory holes, THAT'S SO DIRTY!” You crawled over to him on the bed, throwing your arms over his shoulders.

Leaning in to whisper to him “Are you gonna tie me up?” He shuddered, not in a good way though. In a disgusted way. God he can hear the gum chewing right in his ear. Do you ever stop chewing it?

“I don't know ... .Can you go in the hallway?” He sighed, of course you listened.

Blah blah blah blah blah, James finally had you on the bed, struggling to pull his dick fast.

“Oh no, Mister…please don't rape me….” You pouted with your pointer finger in your lips. He stopped and stared at you.

“Can you not act like…. you're in a porno…?”

“Oh, yah! sorry..”

“Maybe like… I dunno…try to fight me?”

“James! I don't want to hit you!”

“Just do it…” He sighed as you started kicking and hitting his chest.

“No, Mister! Oh no…. please I have a whole life ahead of me!” Finally he pulled out his dick and shoved it into you, making you gasp.

“Wow, I-..I never thought you were packing” You smiled at him, making him cringe at the choice of words you said.

“Y-yeah….” He groaned slightly, it was good. Definitely got him hard but you weren't Mary, and he wanted this over quick. Rubbing your clit and he thrusted in and out. Your back arched so much, moans so loud and quick…Did you take “how to moan” classes? Mary's were authentic and gentle, quiet but loud enough to let him know she was enjoying it.

“Oh, James! You're so biggg! I want you to cum inside my pussy! Uh huh!” He hated dirty talk, it was so disgusting. Why say what you want while it's happening?

Your pussy was good, warm and wet, a bit of a snug fit but you took him like a soldier.

He pulled out because he forgot condoms. Can't risk having a baby with another woman while his wife is sick. His eyes were closed, mouth shut closed, teeth grating against each other.

His moans were hot, like seriously hot. You couldn't tell if they were pathetic or just plain the best you've heard.

He whispered out a tinny tiny “Mary” as he came all over your stomach. Pulling up his pants and throwing you a towel.

“James, don't you want me to wrap myself in a blanket and just like have my ass out…so it's like a glory hole?” You looked at him, completely dazed out, cock drunk so quickly and easy.

“Umm..no, we can do that some other time.” He nodded and shook his head, he didn't even know if he wanted it or not but right now, he couldn't.

what did he just do?...Will Mary ever find out?...

[starzioo]

𝐒𝐋𝐘𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐈𝐍 𝐁𝐎𝐘 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐂𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐍𝐒.

These are just a ton of SFW/fluff head canons! More will be added when I think of them! Feel free to drop more in the comments! <3

THEO:

➸ Knows how you're feeling just by the look in your eyes.

➸ He loves cooking you authentic Italian food.

➸ Loves holding your hand and being clingy.

➸ One of his love languages is quality time.

➸ "Cara Mia"

➸ "mio Dio, sei perfetto"

➸ He is outrageously loyal to his close circle.

➸ This might be a beige flag, but it's just a thought I had. I can just imagine Theo being the type to jump scare you every chance he gets.

➸ He doesn't like to show it, but he actually really likes hanging out with the 1st and 2nd years. Especially the ones more on the mischievous side. Mainly because they remind him of him and the group when they were that age.

➸ This man would literally worship the ground you walk on if it made you happy.

=========

TOM:

➸ Loves to slow dance with you to the oldies playing on the record player.

➸ He's protective over you.

➸ His only goal with you is marriage.

➸ He loves to kiss your hands.

➸ Doesn't use social media.

➸ He definitely calls you Mrs. Riddle, and he definitely DOES NOT mean it as a joke.

➸ This man would 100% drop everything if you brought up hanging out with him. Study group with the boys? Count Tom out because Y/n wants to see him.

➸ He loves to spend time with you even if it's just sitting in the common room reading.

=========

DRACO:

➸ Loves to spoil you no matter what, one of his love languages is gift giving.

➸ When you show him what you're wearing for the day he loves to give you a twirl.

➸ He's constantly taking pictures of you and him.

➸ Bought you a promise ring made out of your birthstone.

➸ Loves sitting by the fireplace with you more than anything.

➸ Nobody else knows this, but he plays piano. Beautifully too, but he only plays for you.

➸ Even though you don't notice, he admires every little thing you do.

=========

LORENZO:

➸ Buys you flowers back to back. He keeps one for himself so he knows when yours die.

➸ Has written you countless love letters.

➸ Remembers all the little things that you told him, no matter how minor.

➸ Loves when you play with his hair.

➸ Made you take a painting class with him.

➸ This man loves every bit of you, and he just can't get enough. Even the things you don't like about yourself.

=========

BLAISE:

➸ He loves giving you the absolute princess treatment.

➸ Loves going on dates with you no matter the cost, and he plans them.

➸ After an argument he will own up to his mistakes and actually give you a genuine apology.

➸ Is always there to help you study.

➸ He lets everyone know that you're together, but keeps the relationship private.

➸ Even in a fight no matter how serious, he will  never lose his cool with you. He has never once actually raised his voice at you.

=========

MATTHEO:

➸ Absolutely loves to show you off.

➸ You've heard from multiple people about how highly he talks about you when you're not around.

➸ "What are we doing this weekend?"

➸ "heyy beautiful"

➸ Love to run his hand through your hair.

➸ Regardless of time or place this man NEEDS to be have some kind of contact with you whether it's just holding your hand or a hand on your thigh.

➸ Before you two actually started dating he definitely had a crush on you first.

[andy-wm]

Please love me is Jimin's line today

The hardest few seconds for me to watch, were these...

Jimin was absolutely dreading appearing on screen without his trademark beautiful hair.

We know he left it as late as he could and didn't want to show anyone.

He looked like he was barely holding it together when he called attention to his hair being shaved. He must have genuinely been scared of the reaction he would get, even from Kook.

"It looks good on you"

Jungkook, you absolute fucking LEGEND 💜

He knew exactly what to say.

When Jungkook told Jimin he looked good (even with no hair) Jimin turned his face away <those feels choking him up> and when he turned back, the almost desperate look of gratitude mixed with relief was so clear.

Please love me is Jimin's line today.

This is not about vanity, ego or pride.

It brings home how fragile his confidence is. His need for approval and the assurance of being loved is strong. It’s so heartbreaking, but we know he hasn't had an easy road.**

Thankfully he did stand a little bit taller once JK reassured him...

But it wasn't an easy moment for Jungkook either.

Whether because he had to witness Jimin's fear and could do nothing more than pet his head, or because he was facing his own misgivings (probably both) he looked equally lost in that moment.

Remember that these boys have left their home once before and journeyed to a place that was less than welcoming. They've had to face the grim, disproving faces of unkind critics and a system that didn't support or value them.

I don't doubt there were echoes of that feeling on this day, that same sense of trepidation they've known before.

We know how the military treats men like them.

And then...

we got this:

You can take the boy out of Busan but you can't take Busan out of the boy.

(People say this about my home town too...)

The shadow of fear is still there in his eyes but.... he looks like a (very hot) backstreet thug who will absolutely fuck you up no questions asked.

It does occur to me that MS might be the reason Jimin has been learning to fight.

I mean really learning to fight.

Yes he's probably doing boxing too but i suspect something more than that ... you shouldn't get torn knuckles from boxing lessons unless you aren't wrapping your hands properly, just saying.

<Gotta love a person who can hold you and cradle your head, and also knock down an aggressor when they have to.>

If all else fails (words before fists, right?) I hope he can handle himself.

If he must defend himself, and someone (not him) looks like they've had a close encounter with his fists, I saw nothing.

I hope for both of them, their background will serve them well. In any case they will support one another and their love will see them through this. It's exactly why they are enlisting as companions.

🐰🐥

This is no easy journey, for these young men (all seven of them) or for their families, their friends, and their loved ones. Yes, it's reality of life for every person in Korea, but that doesn't make it easier when it's YOU or YOUR person who is going away.

I am seeing them off with an in ache in my chest - I know we all are. But I'm toasting their successful military service, and their quick return.

짠 지민아, 정국이! We love you 💜💛

See you soon, Angels.

** 'Hurry up and be me soon' ...

Some of us know how much it costs to put our authentic self out into the world. The sacrifices you have to be willing to make are huge. You're not only exposing your own vulnerabilities, but the flow on effect for your family and friends is real.

<talking specifically about Jimin here... how many times do you think his parents will have to say 'no, Jimin doesnt have a girlfriend, and no he isn't looking for one... No he doesn't plan to marry'.>

It's a long journey to self love and acceptance...

We know Jimin has been through a number of iterations of himself. He's been through the tough guy phase, the closed book, the siren, aloof and sophisticated, and the gently feminine.

The image he presents to the world is as much a construct as any person's is - and whether you're aware of this or not, all our public selves are social constructs.

"One size does not fit all" for queer people

For cis gendered heterosexual people, society has a few different ready-made constructs you can adopt, and the rest of society automatically understands the message you're sending. Most of them maintain the status quo of heterosexual cultural norms.

For anyone who DOESNT fit those norms, it's honestly never going to feel good expressing an image that isnt really you. Its like trying and make your circle self fit in a square box.

But theres nothing else that's readily available...

You really have to construct your public image from scratch.

When you aren't part of that typical demographic, figuring out how you want to be seen by the world can be an arduous and complex process.

How much do you reveal? How much do you risk?

You'll experiment with styles, behaviours, and social groups until you find a safe space you can occupy.

Jimin's safe space is with ARMY or his members, but it requires looking perfect.

Think about Jimin's hesitance to appear on camera without makeup. How carefully he chooses his clothes - whether for airport appearances, stage performance or out on the street. He usually has a team of people making sure he looks perfect. His hair is a trademark feature. It's always beautiful.

Remember that he's used to EVERYONE LOOKING AT HIM, ALL THE TIME.

Imagine how it feels to go out in public - against your will - with a shaved head.

Without hair, he would have surely felt naked. Plus, he's no longer in the safe embrace of ARMY, and his buffer of security and managers keeping him out of danger is gone.

He's immensely famous, but not universally loved (don't even go there) and bald, and small, and an IDOL, and very gay ... lets go with unlikely to be heterosexual.

No wonder he was feeling vulnerable.

Ngl, it broke my heart to see him so afraid but I'm sure he'll have a substantial group of supporters around him. I can only hope.

💜💛

[criticalpraisefilm]

I Saw the TV Glow - and I wept. Here's why.

Coming out is scary. There's a million reasons why but the one I want to talk about is the self doubt.

What if I'm wrong? What if it's not true? What if I go through the frightening, worrying steps I have to take to live my most authentic life and it just gets worse?

I Saw the TV Glow asks another question: what if you're right? And what if that fear didn't go away? And what if it was worth it anyway?

(for the sake of this review, I will be referring to the main characters as Owen and Maddy, and using he/him and she/her pronouns respectively, as that is how they are presented in the movie, no matter the subtext. Or just straight text)

Owen (Justice Smith) is a lonely, shy, awkward boy living in the suburbs to an ill mother and an unwelcoming father. He connects with Maddy (Brigette Lundy-Paine), a lonely, shy, awkward girl living with an uncaring mother and an abusive father, over The Pink Opaque, a TV show about two psychic girls, Isabel (Helena Howard) and Tara (Lindsey Jordan) fighting evil. As they grow up and their lives drift apart and together again, the lines between reality and The Pink Opaque start to blur, and Owen and Maddy realise they may have more in common with Isabel and Tara than they realised.

I first watched this movie in a group on a TV connected to a laptop with a bunch of other trans people. The small screen felt appropriate, with the early 2000s VHS aesthetic and imagery, somehow watching something modern and slightly more retro at the same time, like we really were streaming The Pink Opaque, but the real one, not the terrible version Owen discovers later. Describing things from my own childhood as retro feels a bit strange, but life moves on, whether you really live it or not. Maybe we should have watched it on a CRT TV for the full effect.

Regardless, after it was done, there was discussion, but mostly there was silence as we processed what we'd watched and dried our tears. I think I cried more than anyone else. That's not a comment about how it connected with me more than anyone else. I just cry a lot at movies now. Thank you, estrogen.

The second time I watched it it was in a cinema. The movie got a very limited cinema run in my home country and there was only one day to go and see it. I didn't think I could emotionally handle watching it alone, so I invited a few friends. In the end, only one friend was able to come see it with me. That friend is not transgender.

After the movie I stood outside smoking a cigarette and bouncing up and down talking about all the details I had missed the first time, the aspect ratio changes, some of the callbacks that were more obvious second time around, but mostly I ranted about things I had already experienced the first time I saw the movie because it still sat with me.

Somewhat ironically, and maybe slightly perversely, I described how I felt by using a moment from a Marvel movie. I talked to my friend about Maddy and Owen speaking about years moving like seconds, your life going by without you even noticing, like scenes are being skipped. And then you're older, and then you're a year older, and another year, and you barely notice because it's like you're watching it play out on a screen. You can't feel anything because you feel hollow, like someone has dug out your insides and it's all just a dream you can't wake up from. Despite the hollowness and the numbness, you can't breathe.

And I told my friend it was like that moment in Thor: Ragnarok where the Hulk smashes Thor against the ground in a callback to when Hulk did that to Loki in The Avengers. Loki in the crowds stands up and points and shouts "that's how that feels!". Because yes. That's how that feels.

That's how it feels to watch your life go by because you somehow can't bring yourself to care. As if the life isn't yours. As if there's another life you should be living, but it's not there. Or, rather, it is there, but saying it out loud, admitting it to yourself sounds silly. Crazy, even. There's another life I should be living? My memories of being myself are all mixed up with my memories of being somebody else? That's ridiculous. I am myself. I have a life.

I'm not somebody else. I'm not a character I grew up connecting to and relating to. There is no other life waiting for me. I'm myself. I'm not someone else. I'm not a girl.

It doesn't matter that my life doesn't feel my own. It doesn't matter that I wish I was someone else. It doesn't matter that I wish I was beautiful and powerful and very far away. It doesn't matter that I found something, a piece of media that describes being different, and I clung to it like a lifeline. It doesn't matter that the person I connected to through that media did what I'm afraid to and was better for it. It doesn't matter that I can't breathe.

That's how it feels to live in the Midnight Realm. That's also how gender dysphoria feels. At least, that's how it felt to me.

"It was time I became a man."

Owen's line here is one of the two moments in the movie that makes me cry the hardest. I cried a lot, but I really cry there. The denial, the doubling down on the life you hate, that you can't connect with, but that you stick with because that other life you want or have been promised just seems too scary to strive for. Like Isabel in The Pink Opaque, he's afraid of what's inside him, and that fear keeps him away from his life and pushes him towards a life that doesn't suit him, that never suited him, but that he feels he has to live. A life as a real man.

I cried because the denial was heartbreaking and tragic. And very familiar. I was 16 when I learned what the word "transgender" meant, and that being that was something people could do. I didn't come out until I was 21, because it felt scary. I'd know. I'd be more certain. I'm not certain, and what if I'm wrong?

I'm 28 as I write this, and I've never been more certain. But I look back at myself, 10 years ago, and think what if nothing had changed. What if I hadn't taken those steps. What if I hadn't had the support I did and what if nobody had held my hand through that first step. What if nobody had given me the permission to come out and realise that I never needed permission?

Maddy tries to be that hand for Owen, but he's too scared. And that's familiar too. The first time I watched the movie I thought it was odd that Maddy tries to convince Owen to join her in The Pink Opaque, but she shows no joy in it. She doesn't describe how liberating it was to live her own life finally. She just describes the trauma it took to get there. But on my second watch I understood better. Because she had to return to the awful life that wasn't hers. Show how terrible this life is, how it isn't Owen's, how he can be that girl he briefly pretended to be when he wore Isabel's magic dress. The magic is that it's not pretend. This is who you could be.

The gentleness of the way Maddy interacts with Owen in every scene stands out to me. From drawing the tattoo on his neck, to never forcing him to come to terms with himself the way she did. It's not something she can force him into. He has to come to that conclusion himself. The scene where he tries on the dress and her reaction is very important to me. Seeing who he really is before even he does. The fact that the movie has gone out of its way to inform us that she is a lesbian is important, as it informs how she sees him. As a girl. Not as Isabel. Not as part of The Pink Opaque. Not as someone trapped in the Midnight Realm. A girl, first and foremost.

This is reinforced by the way Maddy reappears years after disappearing with shorter hair and wearing a shirt. Whether or not the character has made a change to her gender identity, we don't know, but she's found her truer self and wants to help Owen do the same.

The constant framing of Owen in pink hues, the way the aspect ratio changes between reality and the TV show and eventually starts presenting The Pink Opaque in the real aspect ratio, tell us who Owen is and who he is afraid to be.

If I'm harping on the same point. it's because that's what the movie is, a character piece about what if you didn't transition. What if you didn't take that step, and it takes great pains to show what it feels to be unfulfilled and watch your life go by without ever burying yourself, burying your old life, and rising into your new one as the person you should be.

Which brings me to the other line in the movie that makes me cry more than any other. A simple shot of a street with graffiti in the road, spelling out the ultimate message of Owen's character arc and the movie as a whole:

"There is still time."

There really is no time limit. There is time to learn how to breathe. To be yourself. I came out at 21, but I know plenty of people who came out later. The longer you have a life, the more difficult it is to let it go, and yet I don't know a single person who isn't happier having found a life as their more authentic self. It is always worth it.

That's what the ending is about, to me at least. I've heard people say it's bleak, that it ends suddenly without providing resolution on either the plot, or the allegory that the plot is about, but I disagree. Owen realises that Maddy was right. He gets the permission he's been waiting for for the last 20 years. His apologising for existing afterwards is more realistic than anything else - he's still himself. But he knows where his life should be. He knows to go and join his friend in The Pink Opaque. He knows how to breathe again.

Was Maddy right? Were they in the Midnight Realm the whole time? Was it all just a plot from Mr Melancholy? Were all the people in their lives just there to keep them there and keep them down? Was The Pink Opaque more than a TV show?

I don't care. That's not the part of the movie that moves me. That's just the vehicle through which the movie delivers what it's trying to say.

I describe the first steps of transitioning as a rabbit hole. It's dark, it's cramped, it's difficult to move and it seems like it goes on forever. Going down there in the first place is scary. Seems like a bad idea. What if it leads nowhere? What if it leads deeper? I have a sky that I can see here, and that's fine. My life has places it can go.

It's only after you come out the other side of the rabbit hole that you realise that what you've been seeing when you look up your whole life is the roof of a cave, and that the world is so much larger, and the air is so much crisper than you ever knew. You can move. You can breathe. You can see. The cave is comfortable when you don't know anything else, and the path out is terrifying. But the first time you see the sky, you know that you're never going back.

I cried the first time I saw the sky. And I cry when Owen sees the sky too.

[sysakiddo]

Some diplomatic shenanigans before my exam on wednesday. The feedback I get from you guys is truly overwhelming and I cannot thank you enough 😭🥺 Next up, first maxiel meeting? Hmm?

1,2,3,4

When Daniel finally emerges from the bedroom, the villa seems completely abandoned but the door to the terrace is open. When he gets out, he sees Seb standing by the grill. He is humming a quiet tune, the sizzling from the grill almost like a beat to it. 

“Oi, where are the twinks?” he asks loudly. 

Seb chuckles as he turns around. “Out there, twinking somewhere.” He hands Daniel a bottle of chilled beer, waiting for him to stop laughing. “They went to Nice to pick the others up.” 

Daniel nods and doesn't ask why Sebastian stayed behind. He plays it safe, attacking before Seb even has the chance to admit he is his designated babysitter. 

“So,” Danny starts, the condensation on his hand making him squirm. “Did you, finally?” 

Seb looks away immediately, clicking the grilling tweezers in his hand loudly. Mute, he shakes his head no.

Daniel moans, even though he expected the answer. “Oh my god, Sebastian. This is pitiful.”

Sebastian is glaring now, flipping the zucchini on the grill like his life depended on it. “You managed to kiss the kid a month after meeting him. Sorry that I’m not like you!” 

Daniel hip-checks Seb, “Max wasn’t a kid, come on. He was an ambassador in the US-“

“I remember you called him a jailbait several times-”  

This certainly isn't the first time Sebastian has tried this tactic. Like the other times, it isn't working. “Charles wasn’t a kid either, and he certainly isn’t a kid now. Come on, Seb. All these years?” 

Daniel imagines Max had the same conversation with Charles in the morning somewhere on an old racetrack. He feels hollow pain at realising he probably won’t find out: he doubts Max will be sharing anything with him after the fight. Even after three years of marriage, he still uses the silent treatment as the punishment of his choice.  

“Isn't he dating the Spanish model?” 

Sebastian's hair looks almost golden in the afternoon sun. Daniel doesn't get it. He doesn't know if the thought of the ethics of his feelings for Charles or the doubt of the authenticity of Charles' feelings makes him like this. 

“I don't know how to tell you this, Sebastian. You're not together, that's true. But it's not because of the lack of trying from his side.” 

Sebastian turns around, a macabre grimace on his face. “I can't- Because of me- I won’t let him waste it-“

“He’s already wasting it, Sebastian! Max told me he is thinking of working for UNESCO!” he spits the word out like a curse. 

Sebastian opens his mouth to retort something but is cut off by the noise of people entering the villa. Suddenly, the terrace fills with laughter and loud voices, and Daniel turns to the grill so he doesn't have to see the way Max's eyes skip him over.

Daniel yanks out the grilling tweezers from Seb's hands, and he gives him a weird look. He turns around a few of the zucchinis to distract himself. He has to admit - Seb is onto something. 

He suddenly feels arms wrapping around his torso. He flinches so hard that the tweezers almost fall out of his hand. The hands grip him tighter, feeling the ribs sticking out underneath his pastel green shirt. Max said it complimented his skin tone when they were packing. He looks down, the simple wedding band glimmering in the light on the left hand, now gripping his hip. If it wasn't for the smell and the touch he knows better than anything else, the Audemars on his wrist would give him away. Daniel tenses, expecting a comment about his weight. All he gets is a sigh and the weight of Max's head on his shoulder. 

Max kisses Daniel's neck right at the spot where it meets his shoulder, where it turned slightly red from being in the sun the whole day yesterday. “I missed you, schatje,” he murmurs and Daniel is so shocked he doesn't react in any way.

“I know- I know it's hard for you, sometimes. I will try to make it easier, okay? We will talk later. We're alright.” Max speaks quietly and confidently. Dizzily, Daniel wonders if Max connected his phone to Daniel’s McLaren to call the therapist on the way to Nice. 

Daniel's mouth is open and he blinks a few times. Max thinks he looks a bit like a fish. 

In the weeks following The Catastrophe, the fights would escalate on the next day, Daniel not being able to suffer through the silent treatment. He would always say something that would eventually make the whole situation even worse. Max had his line prepared, “it's the same shit with you every time, you fucking asshole” or a similar equivalent, looking sick of everything, looking sick of Daniel. He would usually wait for Daniel to start crying before storming out, though. That, he couldn't handle. 

Sebastian says something in rapid German aimed at both of them. It snaps Daniel out of his thoughts and as Max answers, a small smile forms on Daniel's face. They are alright. 

Seb obviously expects a contribution from Daniel's part as well, waiting a second after Max finishes speaking. “Really?” Seb looks at Max exasperatedly, shaking his head disapprovingly. “All this time and you still haven't taught him German? That's humiliating.” 

Max yelps. “How is that my fault?!” 

It's not only the three of them anymore, Alex wandering by and looking at the grill with loving expression. He smirks in Daniel's direction, messing up his curls with a hand currently not poking around the steaks Seb put aside. “I think the conjugation might be too much for his pretty little head anyway,” 

“I told you, Max, Australians are basically glorified Americans,” Seb adds in, laughing gleefully at Daniel's expression. 

Daniel finally finds his footing. “How is knowing four languages not enough?”

Max smirks, a glint in his eyes. “Doing Russian lessons on Duolingo doesn't count as knowing a fourth language, cowboy,” 

“You are a freaky bunch, yet I'm the one ostracised here!” Daniel splutters, undignified. 

“Oh, oh, oh! Ostracised, that's how he's trying to show us he's excellent in his mother tongue.” Daniel glares at Alex while everybody else laughs. “Come, come, Georgie! You two can have a rap battle or a spelling bee competition.”

George is just entering through the main doors, carrying three travelling bags in one hand. He looks taller than usual. Anne and Charles enter next, so deep in their conversation that they don't notice the weird exchange between Alex and George as he tries to beckon him over. 

Charles is talking so fast that his words get all tangled up in each other. Daniel thinks he always looks the happiest when speaking French. Anne looks equally excited, only if a bit pale. 

“Anne! Hey, nice to see you again!” he rudely interrupts Charles mid-sentence, and Anne smiles brightly at him, accepting the kiss on the cheek he gives her. “You look a bit pale, everything okay?” 

“Well, the ride-” she shrugs, smiling bashfully, unwilling to finish her sentence. 

Sebastian groans. “Weren't you racing in the morning? Guys, this is not nice to our guest-” 

Charles points his finger at Max without losing even a second. “He started it!” 

“How do you even race on that kind of road? The airport is literally thirty minutes away.” Seb is shaking his head, but the keen smile on his face gives him away. 

Max is sitting on the lounger now, peeling an orange. “I won, Daniel,” he says, matter of factly, like he didn't hear anything Sebastian said. He is expecting praise and gets it, Daniel smiling at him with a thumbs up. 

Half of the things he does are done to impress Daniel. Always will be, probably. He hands the other half of the peeled orange to Daniel. 

Sebastian turns his attention to Anne and introduces himself even though she very clearly knows who he is. 

“I'm Anne Mayhew,” Her eyes are bright. “It's such an honour, Mr. Vettel. I used your proposed analysis operationalisation of a conflict resolution in my dissertation and thought it spectacular.” 

Sebastian looks taken aback by the words. “Oh,” he sounds giddy, like always when someone asks him about his research. “Well, now I'm intrigued. I didn't think someone would be willing to go through all that, especially because Weber's operationalisation is far easier to do right-” Seb cuts himself off. “Mayhew, you said? Like-” 

Charles turns from where he is sorting through the food from the grill that needs to be served on the table. “Yeah, Seb, just like that. Give me a hand here, would you? You can talk about your analysis guide later.” 

Daniel watches them without blinking, sure that he is missing something. 

Seb huffs. “It's not really an analysis guide-” 

|

Pierre turns up only when they all sit down, the food almost gone. He is leading a petite girl by hand. “Y'all look like you came out of the lifestyle magazine,” he says, his accent more pronounced than usual. He slaps the girl's ass lightly before she sits down, and she giggles. She doesn't acknowledge the rest of the people around the table. 

Daniel kicks Max's foot under the table. Max's eye twitches. It's even worse than last year. 

Charles coughs, trying to conceal the laugh that threatens to bubble over. “So,” he says, leaning his elbows on the table. “As a defending champion, I think it's only right if I choose the partner for the quiz first.” 

Max shakes his head no immediately. “Defending champion,” he scoffs. “You cheated.” 

Alex is ready to intervene, “I choose George. Max, you choose next.” 

Max smirks at Charles. He is ready to win. “Anne.” 

“I thought I was your good luck charm!” Daniel gasps and puts his hand over his heart theatrically. 

“Shut up, do you think I forgot how you helped Charles last year? Fucking snake.” he scrunches his nose at the memory and Daniel laughs brightly, winking at Charles. 

Charles looks smug, happy with the situation. “I'm choosing Daniel, then. Seb is the taskmaster. Pierre, do you want to join?” 

Pierre is whispering something to the girl's ear and doesn't react in any way. 

“Ehm,” Anne says hesitantly. “What are you guys talking about?” 

“Pop quiz! Nothing to be worried about.” Max assures her but doesn't mention how he threw Daniel in the pool last year for helping the enemy. It was the first time they didn't win. With Max's geography and history knowledge and Daniel’s weird-facts obsession and solid pop culture perception, they always decimated their opponents. 

“The winners get one favour from each player,” Charles adds, putting away the plates and filling their glasses with more wine.

Sebastian makes a show of scrolling through his phone, finding the questions from the last year that he didn't get to ask. They all settle down, wondering who would be the first to lose their nerves this year. 

“First question for Galex.” George is sitting ramrod straight. Alex already looks done with the game. “Which two artists came up with the number one hit song called WAP?” Sebastian asks in the most serious voice he can master. 

“WAP? What does that even stand for?” George's shoulders sag. Anne can't help it, she bursts out laughing at the situation’s absurdity. 

“Oh, I know, I know! It was the rapper, right?” Alex snaps his fingers a few times. “Cardi B!” he yells out, and Seb makes a beeping noise with his mouth. 

“I said two artists, Alex.” he sighs, turning to the next couple. Alex doesn't even have time to defend himself. “Daniel, question for you. What's the highest Polish mountain range?” 

Charles tsks. “That's a trick! It's the Tatras, for sure. Not really theirs, though, right?” 

Daniel shrugs. 

“One point for you.” Seb winks at Charles. “Fine, Max- Kiribati consists of how many atolls?” 

Max looks up to the sky as if counting in his head. Daniel rolls his eyes at the theatrics. He knows Max doesn't need to count anything. 

“32 atolls, that's for sure,” he says, and Anne interrupts him, voice firm. “Don't forget about one coral island.” Max nods, smiling warmly at her. “Yeah, we're going with that. 32 plus one coral.” 

Seb nods, showing them a thumbs up. He turns to George again, “The capital of Mongolia.” 

“Ulaanbaatar,” Alex answers and Sebastian continues with the next question. “Who is Taylor Swift dating now?” 

Daniel looks unsure when he looks at Charles, who doesn't hesitate to answer. 

“Man of culture, I see,” Sebastian smirks and Charles just shrugs, refusing to be ashamed. A point is a point. “Who made the decision to carry out the first French nuclear test?” 

“Why are you giving us the tricky ones?” Max grumbles. 

Sebastian brushes a frustrated hand through his hair. “I am not! I don't skip questions, no cheating.” 

“Must be Gaillard, right?” Anne quips and Sebastian nods. He doesn't have enough patience for Max's antics. 

They get on with it for a while, but it's painfully obvious Max and Anne are an even stronger team than Max and Daniel. Charles' face falls with every question they answer correctly.

“Aand, the last question: What is the name of the latest Kendrick Lamar's album?” Sebastian asks Max, who looks at him blankly. Anne doesn't let him despair for long, answering correctly. 

“Okay, that's 25 to 19, guys. 12 for Galex, you really need to work on this,” Seb is chuckling, reclining in his seat. 

Everyone is waiting for Charles to start grumbling. “You suck, Daniel. How come you didn't know who got the Grammy for the album of the year? You like music!” 

Daniel scoffs, finishing his wine in one big gulp. Max turns to Anne before the fight can break out. He doesn't feel like saving Daniel from the devil that is Charles when he loses. 

“Okay, this is your first time, so you must be very mindful about the favours you will ask for. Everyone owes you now. Don't waste it.” he advises in a grave manner, then turns to the other end of the table. “George, I want you to call Toto Wolff and ask him for his upper-body workout routine. Tell him you've always admired his chest and biceps and dream of having a body like his one day. Now, please. Thank you.” 

Anne looks at them in shock and gasps when everyone starts snickering as George pulls out his phone. 

|

Daniel corners Charles in kitchen under the pretence of helping him with the cleanup. 

“You know her? Anne?” 

Charles has his hands in the bubbly water in the sink, up his elbows. “No,” he shakes his head. Daniel doesn't say anything, choosing to wait him out. “I know her mother. And you know her too. Geertruida Mayhew, UNHCR?” 

Daniel feels his jaw tick in surprise. The sun had just started to set, and the orange rays coming through the window made Charles look angelic. 

“Mean Gertie is Anne's mom?” 

Charles nods, an almost painful grimace on his face. 

“But she's like-” Daniel takes a washed plate from Charles' hands, mechanically drying it up with a tea towel. “Ginna told me her husband accused her of abuse during the divorce. That's why she couldn't run for the high commissioner.” 

Charles nods again, a little more stiffly. 

“That's why he chose her, right? Max? Is that why he chose Anne?” Daniel whispers, scared that the people filtering into the villa will hear him. 

This time, the other man doesn't react. “Listen, Daniel, what are you asking me for? You know him better than anyone in the world. Better than he knows himself, even.” And that's about the only confirmation Daniel needs. 

next chapter

[certaincollectionlandblog]

Mick Schumacher with a southern GF

Summary: I can't be the only one who thinks that Mick would be absolutely perfect with a southern girlfriend so I had to share.

*Disclaimer: I use Y/N and reader, but when I write this in my mind I see her as a tall plus size gal (mainly because that's my personal body type), but also because I really see Mick doing amazing with a woman like that. If there is anything I write that doesn't apply to you feel free to leave it out and like always feedback is always appreciated and loved!

Photos from Pinterest

you're an up and coming social media influencer and college student who just so happens to also be an F1 fan

You love to document things in your life like travel, food, college, and growing up in the south

You post some F1 content thinking nothing off it when you notice that Mick Schumacher has started to follow you and comment on some of your posts

Let's not lie to ourselves here you totally fangirled and that's totally understandable because it's Mick freaking Schumacher

You guys start DMing back and forth and really hit it off

That was over a year ago and let's just say the rest is history

You love visiting Mick and his family and you always come prepared with a batch of your Mamaw's peanut butter cookies

He loves when you wear your cowboy boots out because he can't quite explain it, but somehow it makes your legs and butt look so good

You're a natural with animals and kids which in Mick's head has him thinking "she's a freaking Disney princess"

Mick loves when you call him so excited about getting a new animal or something in the garden blooming

His mother adores you!! She thinks you are the sweetest woman she's ever met and she is so happy for her son

Seeing Mick in that cowboy hat just really gets you going and more often times than not when he wears you end up saving a horse and riding that cowboy

Bonfires are a regular get together for your family and Mick loves how down to Earth and sweet y'all are

He thinks it's so cute when you say things and your drawl comes out more than normal, especially when you're tired

You somehow give the letter M almost three syllables and he loves it

Your parents taught you to mainly cook from the garden and hunting and Mick is obsessed with your food, he's convinced that love as an ingredient is real

Loves to slip his hand in your back pocket when you're wearing jeans

You don't really post each other on social media much because y'all are more of a private, but not secret couple and it works so well for the both of you

You introduce Mick to some southern staples such as Moonpies, authentic biscuits and gravy, and of course some moonshine (it's not your favorite, but you'll drink it)

Some people like to assume that just cause you talk slow means your stupid and Mick can be the first one to say that is totally not the case

You have more knowledge in the back of your head than the library of Congress and he is so proud of how smart and hardworking you are

Mick loves when you come in dirty from the garden or helping out around the farm

"maybe we should shower together, save some water you know"

Mick's family loves how you're always making him smile and sometimes they swear they've never seen him this happy

Sometimes he'll find you just laying outside on the grass reading a book and he can't help but think to himself "I'm going to marry her someday"

His mom is constantly asking him when he's going to pop the question

One time you told him it smelled like it was going to rain and he looked at you like you grew another head until you explain it to him

You enjoy taking him to the local drive-in near your house and out to a small restaurant

He loves your papaw's raspberry jam and will fight anyone over the jars of it your papaw gives him

With you life for Mick slows down just a little and he sees his future in your eyes

If you're walking ahead of him and he wants you closer he'll pull you gently by your belt loops

You love taking him up to the top of the land and just watching the stars together

He loves you and he couldn't see himself with anyone else

~Instagram~

yourinstagram

liked by yourbestfriend, yourmom, charles_leclerc, and 459 others

yourusername Home is where the heart is

[beardedmrbean]

In an Instagram story posted on Sunday, Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, a New York Democrat, blasted Green Party presidential candidate Jill Stein as "predatory" due to her multiple runs for the White House while struggling to grow the third party at the grassroots level.

In 2016, Stein played kingmaker in several key battleground states. Her vote total was higher than Donald Trump's margin of victory in Wisconsin, Pennsylvania and Michigan—prompting intense backlash from Democrats and political pundits. Not only was Stein widely condemned as a spoiler, but former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, who was the Democratic nominee during the 2016 election, later accused her of being a "Russian asset."

Ocasio-Cortez accused Stein and the Green Party, which reached its current party status in 2001, for only putting its emphasis on presidential elections. To date, no Green Party candidate has ever held a federal office and only a handful have been elected as state legislators.

Ocasio-Cortez, responding to a question from an Instagram follower about Jill Stein's candidacy, said that "this is a little spicy, but I have thoughts."

"If you run for years in a row, and your party has not grown, has not added city council seats, down ballot seats and state electives, that's bad leadership. And that to me is what's upsetting," the congresswoman said about Stein.

Stein will be on the ballot in Arizona, California, Florida, Louisiana, Michigan, Minnesota, New Jersey, North Carolina, Ohio, Pennsylvania, Texas, Washington and West Virginia, according to Ballotpedia's most-recent update.

She will also be on the ballot in Montana, Utah, Nevada, Alaska, Arkansas, Wisconsin, Tennessee, Maine, Maryland and Missouri, Stein's campaign manager Jason Call previously told Newsweek.

Meanwhile, the Green Party is on the ballot in Mississippi, South Carolina and Hawaii.

The reason for why Stein is on the ballot in some states and the Green Party is on in others is because of ballot access procedures.

On its website, the Green Party states that "at least 144 [party members] hold elected office in 20 states across the United States as of February 15, 2024." The list includes Green Party members of local school, zoning and tax boards, as well as several city council members.

The New York Democrat said that Stein had been the Green Party's candidate for 12 years in a row. However, Howie Hawkins ran as the party's nominee in 2020.

"If you have been your party's nominee for 12 years in a row, and you cannot grow your movement, pretty much at all, and can't peruse any successful strategy...and all you do is show up every four years to speak to people who are justifiably pissed off, you're not serious. To me, it does not read as authentic, it reads as predatory. I'm sorry, I'm just saying it," Ocasio-Cortez said in her Instagram story.

She also asserted that she's not against third parties, overall, and that she has and will continue to endorse some third-party candidates, even against Democrats.

"What I have a problem with is, if you're running for president, you are the DeFacto leader of your party. I've been on record with criticisms of the two-party system. This is not about that," the congresswoman added.

A spokesperson for Stein referred Newsweek to the Green Party candidate's posts on X, formerly Twitter, in response to Ocasio-Cortez.

The Massachusetts native wrote in one post, "What's seriously predatory is pretending your candidate is 'working tirelessly for a ceasefire' [in Gaza] when in reality they're actively arming and funding genocide."

She wrote in a second post, "Democrats sue to kick us off ballots, hire operatives to infiltrate and sabotage us, lock us out of debates, fight ranked-choice voting, then act concerned that Greens have only won 1400 elections. So which party is authentic, and which is predatory?"

Newsweek emailed Ocasio-Cortez's office Sunday afternoon for comment.

The Democratic Party has gone through considerable legal efforts to challenge third parties from appearing on ballots.

Before independent candidate Robert F. Kennedy Jr. suspended his campaign and endorsed Trump, Democratic-funded lawsuits had successfully removed him from the ballot in New York and had tried and failed to remove him in North Carolina and New Jersey.

On Monday, the Wisconsin Supreme Court rejected an attempt by Democratic National Committee (DNC) official David Strange to knock Stein off the state's ballot this year.

Strange said that the Green Party should not be allowed to nominate presidential electors in Wisconsin because it does not have any state officeholders or legislative candidates to nominate these presidential electors. However, the court ruled that "the petitioner is not entitled to the relief he seeks."

Michael White, co-chair of the Wisconsin Green Party, said the complaint was a "mark of fear by the Democratic Party."

In her 2017 book, What Happened, Clinton wrote: "So in each state, there were more than enough Stein voters to swing the result."

Nationally, Stein received 1 percent of the vote in 2016, just under 1.5 million votes. In the 2020 election between Trump and Joe Biden, the Green Party's candidate, Hawkins, only received 0.2 percent of the popular vote.

When asked recently by Newsweek if she feared a similar backlash after Trump's 2016 victory when Clinton and many in the Democratic Party blamed her for taking crucial votes in several battleground states, Stein said those "smear or fear campaigns by the parties of Wall Street have never stopped."

"The exit polls showed the vast majority of our votes in 2016 were non-voters," Stein said, stating it is nonsense to claim her party took votes away from Clinton. "That campaign has never stopped and doesn't influence my thinking. My thinking is on the climate catastrophe, economic hardships and stopping endless wars."

In addition to Stein, Democratic presidential nominee Vice President Kamala Harris could also lose votes in key states to Cornel West, the "Justice for All Party" presidential candidate.

According to the Associated Press, a cohort of Republican strategists, attorneys, and supporters nationwide are striving to influence the upcoming November elections in a manner that potentially benefits Trump. Their objective is to bolster third-party candidates like West who present liberal voters with a different option that might divert support from Harris.

The funding source for this initiative remains ambiguous, but it holds substantial potential to alter outcomes in states that saw extremely narrow margins in the 2020 election won by Biden.

West's campaign has encouraged the effort. Last month, the academic told the AP that "American politics is highly gangster-like activity" and he "just wanted to get on that ballot."

Trump has offered praise for West, calling him "one of my favorite candidates." Of Stein, the former president favors her for the same reason.

"I like her very much. You know why? She takes 100 percent from them. He takes 100 percent," Trump has said.

[ordinaryschmuck]

Quick Thoughts on Echo

I feel like Echo is going to be one of those shows where, depending on who you are, you're either going to REALLY love it or REALLY hate it. For me, though, I'd say it's...MOSTLY good.

The action is well-done and well-choreographed (don't let people tell you differently). You feel the punches and impacts a lot of the time, showing off how brutal and violent a character like Maya Lopez is.

It's also great to see the MCU get dark and gritty again, killing people, showing blood, and diving deep into the darkness of a character's backstory. They really did show a little girl watch as her mom bled to death, huh?

As for the characters, almost everyone here is written and acted well. Maya, especially, works as this character shrouded in darkness that her family tries hard to bring back into the light. And her family are all charming as can be, with the performances being entertaining and allowing each actor to do well to sell that they care deeply for Maya despite her shortcomings.

Then there's the representation, which I'm told is on point. Marvel worked well with the Choctaw Tribe to make this as authentic as possible, and I'm willing to take their word for it. I'm too white to know how authentic all of this is, but I haven't heard anyone other than other white people complain so I think it's fine. But...Okay, there are SOME negatives to be had with how it connects to her powers.

In the show, Maya has the powers to reach out to her ancestors, where their strength ECHOES through her and her bloodline, making THEM strong. Each episode even shows us one of her ancestors and just what made them so cool and empowering. And, yeah, that's a cool concept with half-decent execution, and I like all the different ways each ancestor is represented. The problem is...that isn't Echo. That couldn't be FARTHER from Echo. Echo's powers in the comics is that she's kind of like Taskmaster, she can memorize a person's fight moves and stand out on her own because of it. The reason why she doesn't do that HERE is because the person in charge of this series saw that and said, "Nah, that's stupid. I'm going to do my OWN thing." And call me crazy, but if you can't find a way to make a superhero's powers cool in an adaptation, then maybe...DON'T write for that character?

Because I already went over this with Ms. Marvel. The superhero's powers are their most important feature. Spider-Man swings, Superman flies, and Hulk smashes, it's a whole thing. You change the power, and it's not the same superhero anymore. And it's a weird change too. Like, this character doesn't need big, glowy superpowers to be badass. It sort of takes the punch out of the fact that she's this disabled hero who kicks butt despite being deaf and missing a leg. Give her superpowers, and it gives this idea that she NEEDS them to prove that she's capable instead of...proving that she can do it despite her disabilities. It's why I liked Episode Three within this first season. It shows how resourceful Maya can be in a dangerous situation with the episode hinting that her ancestor's spirit is guiding her gunshots and aim, but not enhancing her strength and abilities. THAT is how I think the power change could work better, where the ancestors' spirits guide Maya but leave her own strengths to win the day. None of that weird glowing shit. You don't need weird glowing shit if all she's fighting is the Kingpin.

Speaking of which, Kingpin's in this...And he's not as engaging as he was in Daredevil. The show tries SO HARD to force this relationship between Fisk and Maya, and...it doesn't work as well as it should. Like, Maya's rage towards Fisk? I buy that. THAT works. Fisk's love for Maya? It...feels disingenuous and almost out of nowhere, especially since Hawkeye didn't do much to show us that bond in the first place. The writers COULD HAVE, but they wanted to leave Kingpin as this big surprise just to get audiences to cheer. And I'd say that'd it be for the best to save the real bonding moments with Echo and Kingpin for ECHO'S show, making it more about her, but...it falls short. There's not enough time to showcase Maya's relationship with Fisk BEFORE the big betrayal, and it hurts the show and Kingpin's character considerably with how badly he's shoehorned in. I do like this one idea in the end where he faces his trauma and there's some decent set up for what lies in the future. Other than that, he...doesn't work well here.

Overall, I'd say Echo works fine enough. When it's good, it's REALLY engaging and some of the MCU's best work. When it's bad, it's pretty awkward and obviously rushed out. I'd still recommend it as a great time as these five episodes just fly by with some epic, brutal fun. But if you want something that hits the same highs as Daredevil, you're going to be disappointed. This isn't Daredevil, this is Disney trying to BE Daredevil. It works fine enough, but let's hope these edges are polished out by the time Daredevil: Born Again comes out or, at the very least, Echo gets a Season Two.

(Also, don't worry about having to watch Hawkeye. The first episode catches you up quick...It's poorly paced and rigid, but it still catches you up if you want to watch Echo for, well, Echo)

[cheesewritings]

Damage, Inc.  Chapter 2: We Are The Ones Who Will Never Be Broken

Summary: Shared secrets. Found family. Kept promises.

Warnings: character death-ish. Grief. Parent loss. Language.

Wayne Munson sits on his sofa contemplating his life. He's dealt with a lot in his 40 some odd years of life. Never did he think he'd have to bury his nephew. Hell he didn't even have a body to bury. Just an empty coffin and a headstone. "I'm sorry Caroline. I couldn't keep him safe." Wayne says to the open air. He then hears a car coming up the driveway, preparing to have to go out and yell at some kids who have decided his home is their latest target for vandalism. He's surprised when he sees a 67 Kaiser pulling in front of his home; he's even more surprised when he sees a 5'1" blonde girl jump out of the jeep.

"Hello sir, are you Wayne?" she asks. "That would be correct. Wayne Munson, what can I do for you?" he responds. "Son of a bitch. My dad will shit a brick." she says gaining a bit of excitement in her voice. "Who's your dad?" he asks. "Eli Hopper." she answers. "General Eli Hopper." "So you're Winnie?" Wayne manages a bit of a smile at the girl who is the age his nephew would have been had he survived the catastrophe. "That I am. Lieutenant Eowyn Hopper, at your service" she offers a salute to the man despite having a higher rank. "You served with my pops and uncle right?" she asks. "That I did." he answers. "Well, how would you feel about lacing up your boots one more time?" she asks. "Listen kid, I had to bury an empty coffin because my nephew's body couldn't be found. The only fighting I'll be doing is to clear his name." he answers.

Eowyn tries to hide her true intentions behind coming here when she answers, "I do not love the sword for its sharpness, nor the arrow for its swiftness, nor the warrior for his glory. I love only that which they defend." "That was his favorite line from Two Towers" he answers. "You know something don't you." "Perhaps I do." she answers. "Kid it's been two years since he died. Nothing you say can hurt me anymore than I already am" he answers. "He is the man who tamed the shieldmaiden of the north. He is my Faramir." she responds, "he is alive, well, and wants to see you. That is why I am here. We leave at 0600."

She salutes the older man and goes to turn before she suddenly is wrapped in an embrace. "Thank you." Eowyn hugs him back and says "It's nothing. Now he can annoy someone else for a change and I can go and take a relaxing bubble bath." They share a laugh and Eowyn continues "When we found him, and he told me his name the first thing out of my mouth was literally 'Munson….like Corporal Wayne Munson?' and when he said you were his uncle I knew we had to find you. Dad's been trying to locate you for a while but wasn't really able to with his work for the coalition. Eddie doesn't know that I'm bringing you back with me, but he sent me here to let you know he's alive and I quote 'somehow landed the most badass chick on the planet and he hopes you're proud'" she explains, "knowing your background and experience though, I think you might be a perfect asset to our latest squadron of the coalition." "I'll pack up and meet you at Jim's cabin." Wayne says. "Five bucks Eddie shits himself when he sees you" Eowyn says. "I can't bet on a sure thing" Wayne chuckles.

Eowyn climbs into her jeep and heads back to her uncle's cabin. Driving slowly, she takes in the ruins of a once peaceful small town. The town that made her who she is. But there is a bitterness to her thoughts. This town shunned a man who allegedly died to save it. This town led a witch hunt on a man simply because he dared to be his true authentic self; something she would have not been able to do if it hadn't been for that same man she found two years ago. Eowyn was brought into this world kicking, screaming, and covered in someone else's blood. She would have no problem going out the same way; especially if that meant defending the people she cares about most.

[anyathefandom]

❄️The liason diaries❄️: 8/31/00 to 10/9/00

Note: So I'm picking up where I left off last time on the liason diaries because current GH sucks so I need to watch some quality soap entertainment.

Liz: I bet you've seen the wind in a lot of different places. Jason: no I've only seen it with you.

Aww I think it's nice but a bit sad that Liz feels like she can only be her true authentic self is when she's around him.🥺

Like I knew JR Jacob young played lucky at this point but it's still a whole jump scare.😂 I was like sir what the hell are you doing here?!!

Sonny is giving Jason (and me because I'm clueless) the rundown on why lucky was being weird with Jason so Carly now believes Liz wants sonny for herself so she told lucky that liason was more than platonic. Oooh she's a messy bitch.😂

Jason basically: Waaaait you speak Carly now??? Sonny: What?😳Nooooo Jason: Omg you're starting to understand her. Sonny: Hey listen it ain't like that. No but the way I cackled because sonny clearly has more of an understanding of how Carly operates and is now in denial about it.😂

Hearing sonny talk about Carly is the funniest shit ever because mans got nervous that Jason was catching on to the fact that he has feelings for her and instantly started to complain about Carly. Like sir we see you.😏

Carly really came into Liz's workplace to gloat that Jason is back and hasn't come to see her but ended up looking like a clown the minute Liz told her he came to see her last night. The way Carly instantly got triggered and proceeded to act like Liz was stalking Jason had me dead. Like miss girl can't accept the fact that she isn't the only woman in Jason's life.🙈

These Carly and Liz scenes slap though. The rivalry chemistry hits.🤷 Also Sarah and Rebecca face card's will NEVER decline.

Okay so I feel like I'm missing something about lucky because right now Liz is telling Jason about how apparently lucky told her to be with Nikolas but his eyes were saying something different. Sounds like this man was brainwashed or blackmailed.🤔

It wouldn't be Liz if she wasn't trying to get on that bike.🤭

Okay so I'm really loving Liz asking Jason how he was able to let go of robin because she wants to be able to move on from lucky because lucky is pushing her away and Jason is explaining to her how it hurt more than anything for a while after Robin was out of his life but with time it fades and you start to remember that you have things to live for such as people or goals to accomplish and eventually you'll realize the pain is gone one day.

Ship aside I really do love their friendship above all else. They've been each other's rock and it really reminds me of CaTrina.🥰

Jason: What do you like? Liz: I don't understand- Jason: Painting? Ice cream? Going fast- Liz with no hesitation: Going fast! Me: Okay GH writers where is Liz's motorcycle?!!!

Jason: I used to fight. Liz: With whom? Jason: Anyone I don't know. *Liz laughs* you don't strike me as the fight picking type. Jason: oh no I'm not really but there must be something about me that irritates people or they knew it was something that I wanted because I would go to Jakes and I wouldn't even be paying attention and then some guy would insult one of the waitresses and I would try an stop him and then all hell would break loose.

It's still blowing me how this Jason has me like:

Sidenote: Like perhaps I understand now the dicks wars liason and Jasam was having back then over Jason🤭

Boxing lessons! Their cuties fr fr.

Jason: How hard can you hit? Liz: *laughs* I don't know I don't go around hitting people everyday. This whole bar fighting thing is gonna be kind of new for me.

Jason: See now you gotta move otherwise your too easy to catch.

Me: it's all going according to plan 😈

Okay but I need Liz to apply some of those jabs to Finn's face as of right now.🙃

A Robin in Paris mention!

Not them bantering about her driving his bike. Like I'm legit giggling and kicking my feet.🤭

Lucky while there bantering:

Liason be minding their business and having an innocent conversation and someone will just be lurking on them.😂

*Lucky creeping out of the shadows* lucky: You don't belong with him. Liz: Lucky- lucky to jason: Stay the hell away from Elizabeth.

Jason internally: *Plays Beyonce- Deja Vu* No because I'm sure Jason is going "First Nikolas now his brother 😩"

Wait wasn't lucky and Jason cool before he died like bro why does lucky sound like he got genuine beef with him now? Like you can tell this isn't just about Liz.

Lucky: Why don't you admit that you are trying to go for Elizabeth. Jason: She's my friend and I thought you were too. Me: Oh so it's not just me going "???" On why lucky is being an asshole to Jason.

Y'all the ugliest laugh just came out of me because Lucky really tried to swing on him and instantly got pushed back by Jason. Like nah that was embarrassing for him.🙈

Oh now lucky is saying Liz belongs with him.👀Yeah I knew something was going on with him because ain't no way he doesn't still love Liz.

Jason: This guy this dealer Zander. Me: Waaaait is that how Zander got on the show 😳

Now Zander is taking emily hostage and the fact that I know they fall in love has me like "okay how is that about to happen?🙈"

The way I still trust Jason way more to get shit done rather than the pcpd.🤷

Liz basically: Wait so Carly and sonny got married??? Where does that leave you? Jason: Me?😕 Mans really was like "What exactly do I have to with this?😂

Listen to this day I still can't believe this writing regime did a jarly wedding and tried to convince us Jason was developing feelings for her again.🙈

Carly just got here and already starting a fight with Elizabeth 🙈 like girl do you rest?😂

Why did I laugh so hard seeing Jason searching for Emily and then the scene cuts to her and Zander chilling in the jaguar and her getting excited to hear the song her and juan wrote on the radio.😂 Like Zander ain't she supposed to be a terrified hostage???

Lucky is being so difficult about this Emily rescue plan and refusing to go back home with Liz like Jason told him to do and I'm sitting here like "Yo your going to get someone fucked up because you think you know it all😩"

Seeee now Liz is at gun point and he's spilling the details about the plan. This is what I was talking about!!

Now Jason got to save Liz and I already know lucky gonna cry about it in the car later.🤭

Emily to Jason and LnL2: Liiiiisten y'all don't know Zander like I do.

Like girl was defending him hard😂

Liz: why did you cover for Zander? Jason: Because Emily asked me too, why did you? Liz: Because you did. Me: AND THAT'S ON WHAT??!!! BEST FRIENDSHIP! yeah y'all thought I was going to say ✨Soulmatism✨ 😂 I'm not there with them yet but perhaps down the line i will be🤷

Liz: Why do you think she cares about him after what he did? Jason: I don't know people aren't all one thing or another. You know for everything that Zander has done wrong he did something good and Emily saw that. Liz: Yeah sometimes that happens. A person can appear one way to everyone else... harder and dangerous but you know they can be different. Me: *squints* Oh....i'm about to be in their chokehold...

No you guys because one thing about Liz girlie is forever going "Fuck with the haters say Jason Morgan is him"😌

Sidenote: I want to say I love that Jason trusts Emily's judgement so much that he immediately went along with letting Zander go. That's family right there!

My end thoughts: Liason kinda iconic because everybody is always lurking on them😂 but in all seriousness their friendship remains🤌 for me because I love the way they can be themselves around each other and are so comfortable with each other they can have deep talks and they have this implicit trust is one another that will always make me go "And that's a superior friendship baby!!" Oh and Liz always wanting to get on that bike will never fail to take me out. Like please GH should've given Liz a bike of her own.🤭 Part 3 is definitely a go because this was too much FUN!

[tamarakkoarchive]

Shin Megami Tensei II livetweet thread (7/8)

finally moved my ass to finish the law ending and i.... i.... where do i fucking begin

okay guys so remember that the reason that i wanted to go through all the snes games was due to pressure of understanding the smt4a themes and then i went through the stage of finding a lot of aspects of mt2 and smt1 being done better than later titles

so... smt2 was basically the game that made me go "...okay, i DEFINITELY prefer the smt4 rendition of this" instead

~

i think the story is a lot more branched here so i'll have to see the rest of the routes to understand how everything went down but as of now all i can say is that i'm beyond appalled with how... awfully confusing the law side is

i'll try to summarize the whole route in green text form because again it's too much shit to put in screenshots

> be zayin > be goody two shoes that work for the church, unaware you're a clone > comes aleph, "church bad actually" > "shit he's right, i must side with the struggling people"

> try to convince everyone to rebel against the state's dictatorship, realize a lot of people are too afraid to speak up > decide to use myself as a shield, tresspass to fight the leaders and see a fake yhvh

> "oh i get it... the reason church bad is because the law guys are evil and fake. we must strive to be the Good and Authentic law guys instead" > "ALSO i remember now, i was originally a half-angel half-demon entity. that means i have the power to fairly judge everything"

> "anyway Humanity Is Full Of Sin And Must Receive Divine Punishment By The True God" > escape with aleph and hiroko and a group of selected people on a spaceship > shoopdawoop the whole planet > arrive to (the true) yhvh congratulating them

> "btw yhvh You Are Also Full Of Sin For Making Such Genocide Happen In The First Place And Now We'll Fucking Kill You For Last" > kill yhvh AGAIN >

me: hmm the massacre ending in smtiva has something to comment about nanashi and yhvh but i can't pinpoint exactly what me beating the law route in smt2:

so... before further discussion, let's just comment on this little aspect

>smt4 trio shares the naming theme with the smt1 guys (futsuo = average man = flynn/furin) (waruo = bad man = walter/waruta) (yoshio = good man = jonathan/yonatan) what if i told you... nanashi has a similar thing going on with aleph >the names of aleph & the smt2 eugenic babies are hebrew alphabet letters. yhvh is god in the hebrew bible

>you don't pronounce aleph. just like you aren't supposed to pronounce... yhvh >nanashi technically was found as a orphan and named as the jpn equivalent for John Doe... so if he stays with this name (which is preferred by his adoptive family), it'd technically turn out as he having no name of his own for someone to pronounce...

~

me: fans often say smt2 is centered on law themes just like nocturne is centered on chaos. if demifiend went chaos because everyone was an asshole and he didn't have much choice, i wonder what would make aleph go to law me: me: lord HE'D BE A BACKSTABBING BITCH FOR ALL THE ALIGNMENTS

that initial plot point of the church being bad because of a fake yhvh giving the impression they were onto a less fascist law route and then zayin just keeps fucking changing his mind and puts both the humanity and yhvh on the same murder list like WHAT SIDE ARE YOU FUCKING ON

LIAR!!!!!!!!!

LIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR

i'm going full higurashi rena at this dude. i can't fucking take this.

he says all this shit in defense of a being that he ends up nonchalantly effing moments latter. if yhvh was fascist then satan goes triple fascist

the funniest thing is that despite all my horror with zayin's character arc he STILL doesn't beat chiaki

to be fair what made zayin sting so much is that he goes from moderate conservative to labor activist and then to EXTREME eugenicist while chiaki on the other hand never gave us any expectation she cared for other people so the shock wasn't as big when she started spewing n4zi nonsense

~

good news guys, there are chaos and neutral runs on youtube so that means i don't have to play them myself ❤️

okay since the struggle is over let's just look at the art. beth and hiroko. so since lilith gets rejected by the smt1 protagonist (adam) over the heroine (eve), i guess... kaneko this time wanted the protagonist staying with a canon bdsm gf?? COUGH i mean... his bdsm mommy

it's not that i hate slutty designs, but the tone shift caused by hiroko is REALLY too distracting for me lmao. i gotta repeat over a hundred times, this bitch 1. worked for the church 2. had a completely average personality

funnily the incest aspect would be the one thing that would make me invested in her relationship with aleph but after dr mekata dropped the bomb and she got mad at him, the game never.... touches on the subject again

~

holy shit guys, just realized this is the sample that gave origin to the iconic fiend theme in nocturne

and smt2 is the first game w fiends in it! but they don't play this theme or any different one from the normal battle sadly but ngl they felt so irrelevant in smt2 that the music deserved its real debut in nocturne

dying at the name this streamer picked for hiroko

~

man i'm so disappointed on both of these streamers not talking to overworld npcs that i'm pretty sure have different dialogue depending on the route. this is already a game with barely much written text damn

basically a plot point in the chaos route is that you gotta help astaroth return to its true form ishtar so the barren lands where demons are originated can go back to being fertile again and you see this little guy being born

but the fucking stream didn't talk to this npc! why do i know this scene exists then? because of a post i reblogged on tumblr 6 years ago and saved it on the tag which is why i could go back to get these

it me

~

okay so i watched all the endings, read a smt2-specific interview with the devs, even reread the neutral route again in a let's play thread so i could extra check for stuff i didn't notice before so let's pass the judgement

what makes this title stand out individually in the mainline series? A: worldbuilding (it goes the deepest regarding how society with monsters and humans would work, the clash between different religions, the consequences with victims of war disasters etc)

smt1-2 are in a way the "must-play-to-understand-posterior-games" not necessarily for better characters or for better story, but basically so you can understand how certain key elements of the series work

a lot of explanation regarding why law and chaos don't mix together is left out in the other games. nocturne is almost empty on this matter, even smt4 where they play a big role you hardly know the full context of why they are fighting

hell SJ and smt4 go in such a superficial way that they end up making the chaos side severely nonsensical to understand. the lack of focus on the church causing the oppression on different religions undermines their cause a lot and end up just making them worse than the law cucks

for another smt2 tidbit, lucifuge is the fucker who created the demonic currency and it's even commented on how a messiah affects the economy

btw speaking of unspoke lore, you know a very random worldbuilding fact that is never brought up ever again? in mt2, they explain that guns = good for killing physical demons while swords = good for killing transcendent being like ghosts

[the-firebird69]

So I think this stupid noise when I'm walking when I'm short fat and Italian and my friend here says I'm gonna make the same stupid noise when I'm like this which I have been recently because I weigh a lot it's hard to move around so I started laughing instead I'm in really awesome shape I sound like I'm not it kinda helps me and I do enjoy what I'm hearing he says your father's AI boy and he's mentally ill and he's gone he left and she heard it and said it's not right but he is out of here but this is me and I'm huge I'm about the 6 foot 9 And my friend is laughing saying I don't think I'll get much bigger than that and they do have something to say about it but still I'm a wrecking machine at this size and he says I'm going to be bane he thinks soon arkham Asylum might be before New York City and it's true and it does look like Peter so people have to watch that but here it goes I can't stand other one of you I knew idiots keep calling him too and you're gonna lose it's not really that hard of a method and he's doing it because you're forcing him to which is gross you need to shut up you really do and I need you out what's disgusting is you don't do anything right it's time for you to go he tastes like fresh rendered cream if the light falls if you wanna face the story of Wahhaka you have to try the habit and that was his friend breaking in from create on PBS and he wanted to know what the dish was and she wanted to cook for him and couldn't do it and he leads a tough life she's kinda hard on him in the head like no life start going out and she started being a **** and started to threaten him and he left and his wife didn't like it could knock her out and use his creatures I guess and try to get her brain out there and OK it's a weird conversation I'm about 500 lbs and I use the bane formula and I become a lot bigger and I can crush that little turd A friend here is like me and yeah I'm getting irradiated and I use it it goes away and he's gonna get big and the stuff is coming on tomorrow morning more so in the afternoon and there'll be one big one and that will last a day I think and they said yeah and then another one will come only probably a day and a half later and he's gonna feel it it feels strange tingly and you felt it before and felt odd and we think medicine got released and you had to flex it's weird it's like you're sick but you're not and transformation. And I wanna hear what the comparison is. But at this size if I workout for a while I can bench press probably 800 pounds and squat a ridiculous amount it's around 2500

Bane and that is one of my identities yes

We have seen him like this and he has been this recently and he doesn't on purpose and he's trying to grab the idiot among other people. And he tries to get here this big and he was the guy with Lori and Lori said ohh my god it's you and was astounded and our son said there are worse people out there mention blockbuster and Tommy F knew about it and we're talking about Triple H and she told them about them and found them tormenting trump and they still are. lol. and dave saved him inadvertantly. and bily hicks is astonished. surprised. and not mean. how, he torments me they kill ppl panted them at armstrong round the school. we ck. What's amazing is it worked and it did save Trump and they like to watch it and the sun is not really doing a purpose it doesn't want to get in trouble for hurting trump but he wants trump to get away from him and Trump doesn't think he has to thinks the stuff's weak and it's not but I guess he's gonna fight the empire so there are a couple things about this pic. One is it's authentic and the second it's his actual size 3rd he is a very big man when he mutates into one. And he's got that funny smile it's one of his friends but really he becomes huge and he wants to know at 6 foot 9 which is what he is our son would look very close to this with a couple differences that make us on look different but not as big and Tommy is relieved a little and now he's not because we let him in on a little information That our son would be a little bit more muscular in three areas One of them would be his entire upper body add an inch at each muscle group roughly especially the traps and that's right he's more like the Hulk but Tommy F is right behind if he were to use spice he would have it and be tremendous and nobody would stop him but he doesn't wanna do it and our son says that's smart it makes you sick and he could bear it but it's illegal yeah And the other is that his legs would be longer and larger by about two inches across and we're not talking about circumfurance its diameter True though he would have to juice up and bulk up so it's 6 foot 9 our son would look like this with longer legs and his legs would not be any bulk here they'd be a little bit and he would be about the same size probably a half inch across or less and that's at 6 foot 9 ok that's very big that's almost 7 foot but what you're looking at is what he would look like for the most part it's because he's not gonna bulk up and he's not going to on purpose he says this is plenty big plenty. So there won't be many differences just his bones will be bigger that's the second thing but if he were to bulk up he would be what we said

Thor Freya

Olympus

[punkinspice]

Actually you know what I'm not done with these thoughts and I will go on.

Over the years I keep hearing how Shadow's writing and character has been absolutely obliterated, and yes, there have tons of inconsistencies and new writers with new interpretations and restrictions and as much as I love Boom, it did ultimately change a lot things, mostly for the bad unfortunately. (rip my heart) (And I also don't want to excuse bad the bad writing and laziness on part of writing and directing Shadow has been having in the mainline series, as for sure that plays a part in all of this too.)

That all being said, who's to say that after the timeline wipeout after 06, how much of it was reset? How far back did everyone have to go? How many of certain game events didn't happen because of it? How much of the development and growth that we saw Shadow go through in that game, get completely erased and reset?

With that in mind, and imo, we're seeing a Shadow who hasn't had that chance of healing in that way and is having to process and grieve in an entirely new way. This is a Shadow who hasn't been able to "put the past" behind him. And lets be real: as I stated above, Shadow literally had his brain messed with and had lies programmed into his brain. Shadow is someone who is legitimately recovering from actual brainwashing and reprogramming. He could very easily be compared to a cult survivor in that way, and trying to integrate into a new sense of self and identity that he's not even sure what or who he is. And as someone who is also in a process of healing and recovery from a lifetime of indoctrination, and was in a cult for a few years, I cannot even begin to tell you how complicated, painful and complex those feelings and realizations are. To constantly feel like you're being ripped in half because the Identity you once thought you embodied with you're whole being, is now crumbling before you as a fake shell of who you were told to be your whole life, while the actual authentic part of you who wants freedom and life, feels so utterly foreign and dangerous.

And then to constantly be around people, Sonic especially, who are able to simply embrace freedom and live their own lives open and honestly? Yeah, that has to be so grating and enraging because you wish it was that easy for you. But you can't explain why it's so enraging because you can't even begin to explain what you're going through, and it feels like everyone around you expects you to just be able to immediately move on from everything you've been through and for it all to roll off your shoulders.

Shadow is in a very intense grieving process and he probably doesn't even realize it. And Grief is Not. Linear.

He is angry. And he honestly has every right to be so.

You're also really not used to making choices for yourself. You've always been told you're whole life exactly Who and What you are and what you're meant to do. And now you're afraid of endangering those around you because you are uncertain of yourself and these intensely strong powers you have. Plus everyone you ever cared about before, was killed because of you.

So you self isolate.

At least those fighting voices in your mind aren't being over-whelmed with everyone else's opinions, and you're the Ultimate Lifeform! You're supposed to know how to fix these things and to Save the World! It's what you're meant to do! Of course the choices I am going to make will be the right ones! Doing things on my own, alone is the safest and only way to get things done! Isn't it?

AND THEN TO TOP IT ALL OFF SHADOW IS A LITERAL CHILD?? A TEENAGER?! He gets mistaken for Sonic, who is canonically 15/16 years old, so despite being "artificially" made, he obviously has to physically look around that age??? AND WHAT TEENAGER KNOWS WHO THEY ARE, MUCH LESS WITH THAT TYPE OF TRAUMA LOADED ON TOP OF IT ALL??? Also who knows how long he's actually been conscious? Just because he was meant to be "immortal" doesn't mean he didn't start out as a baby and was raised on the Ark alongside Maria, or maybe he was created after Maria's illness started manifesting worse? And Maria is like 12/13? There really is so much we don't know about it aside from theorizing, but reguardless.... Shadow is still very young. (And yes being frozen for 50s years doesn't mean he gained 50 years of experience; HE WAS FROZEN AND UNCONSCIOUS)

and THANK GOODNESS!!! He has friends and teammates who are also just as stubborn as he is and are always there for him to help pull him out of a spiral and to find him when he's self isolating.

Again, there's just so much there....... and sure is some of it projecting on my part? Probably. But what good is a Blorbo if you can't project at least something onto them? But that being said I really do think that there is an element to Shadow's character in this reguard that isn't ever really talked about, at least in a serious way that could be impacting his character in the ways that we've been seeing lately. His recovery from trauma. And I think that it could be a very interesting thing for us to dive into more.

Ok I feel like we don't often address the real tragedy of the ARK enough. This was a decades long government funded project where families lived. Where scientists were told that this was a safe place to come and figure out how to better humanity. Shadow himself was ultimately created to be a cure for disease and possibly immortality. To help bring hope to Earth!

There's also a high chance that GUN had secretly assigned certain scientists, Gerald included, to make the Ultimate Lifeform or rather the Ultimate Weapon because yeah sure, fear of the Black Arms for when they invade, but also probably more to control humanity if needed.

The invasion of the ARK is horrible in that everyone on that spaceship was executed, minus the small handful of survivors, but honestly to me, watching Maria die in front of him isn't the most tragic part about Shadow's experience. Who knows how long it was before he was captured by GUN after Maria sent him down to Earth. Maybe a few hours? maybe a day or two tops?

Shadow was captured by those who wanted him made, experimented on him against his will, Gerald snapped and messed with his brain and altered his memories to the point of becoming that Ultimate Weapon and exacting someone else's revenge on humanity. and then GUN called it all off, executed Gerald, and now without having a way to dispose of Shadow, locked him away in cryo-sleep for 50 years. (but they also kept him as a fail safe to be the Ultimate Weapon when needed)

When Shadow is awakened by Eggman, these things are still very fresh on his mind. To him this has all happened to him like it was yesterday. He didn't have the time or space to process all that had actually happened to him and it more than explains the actions he was doing the whole of SA2. And considering everything that he was going through, the fact that he was able to forgive at the end and undo and overcome the wrong he began to instigate in the first place? It really speaks to the true character of Shadow.

And honestly I could go on on how the rest of the series and Shadow's character arcs have been on his grieving process and that yeah, you do have a lot of set backs and there's probably still so much of that old programming and memories that Gerald messed with that I think he's still trying to sort out how much of it was true or not.

There's just.... so much there...

[anemia-rp]

I can't stand people that are overly optimistic all the time and they tend to get on my nerves. I understand that people should not be pessimistic all the time, but I would say I'm mostly realistic. I try my best not to lose control, but sometimes my emotions get the better of me. Like if someone really pisses me off then I say he had it coming if I just go ahead and punch them. I just want people to stay away from me and I don't really care what they think about me.

I want to interaction with someone that seems to have a brain and is capable of using it. Someone gullible is entertaining in the beginning, but they're not a challenge. So I agree with you on that. And I would say it's rare to find an equal opponent.

Well said. The experiences we make shape us in different ways and depending on the path you take you become a different version of yourself. And you can never say which experience will change you in what way. I think it's possible to get a small glimpse of someone's core if you're truly willing to see. I show different sides of myself to someone I deem worthy or in the very rare case only realize I showed a new side to someone after I did already.

I decided if it's a monster people see in me, then I will be exactly that monster. I'm confident if I saw I doubt no one decided to really understand me so far. People have no idea what I'm capable off, but they stay away from me anyways. I'm making sure no one makes fun of me either. I refuse to let anyone walk over me ever again. So what you tell me is safe with me. Let's see whether you can trust me on this even though you have no reason to do so.

Not a complete asshole, huh? Maybe there is a tiny part of me, that makes me redeemable. The small acts of kindness that get easily overlooked, I see. Strangle enough I can imagine you in an old folk's home, telling them stories like you would little kids. I bet you would be popular with them. I'm not sure whether old people would like me.

I wouldn't say it means much to me. It's more like a part of me believes I'm better of there. I'm better off in a world with no rules, where I can do whatever I want, a world in which people stay away from me. A world that is closer to hell.

Guess it's best to be realistic, but what's that even? Anyway, that's interesting, I'm impulsive as well when it comes to slamming my fist into someone's face, but I'm not impulsive at all when it comes to positive feelings. And of course how I look like in the end is the most important. Nothing is worth it to lose my dignity for it.

True. I don't only want the challenge of a fight but the challenge for me to have to show other sides of me, too.

If someone is too submissive I've got a harder time to trust them because there's nothing that could be a safe place for me among them. And so I rather hide my weak spots.

Good method. Why wasting your time on convincing someone otherwise? I usually do it like that, too. I don't go around gossiping either. Anyway, I told you relatively much about me already, but yeah, I'd rather trust someone who doesn't try hard that others trust them. Guess that's about authenticity.

Yeah, huh? I'm friendlier than some people expect and wanna see. And I can have manners if I wanna have them. If you show too openly that you're leery it will push people away, no matter how old. But if you appear relaxed and speak with many emotions in your face they will turn to you. That's how it is mostly.

I'm sure not everyone is made to fit into this world. So probably it's good there is something like parallel worlds to hide and be yourself in. If more people knew this there would be billions of escapists I guess. I wonder if there is still anyone left who's fully satisfied with the world how it is these days.

[fragilecapricornconfessions]

I am hurting. I am hurting so much. I wish I could squeeze my heart into your ribcage so you can feel the pain for a moment. However, I understand that such a thing would be so selfish. I don't want you to hurt at all. I don't want you to be in any pain. I don't want you experiencing turmoil or destruction. It's bad enough that I have to go through these things. It's bad enough that I am alone with my thoughts most of my days, and I am struggling to find ways to cope and distract myself. I can't believe I haven't spoken to you since last year. It feels so unnatural to say that. Why can't you just reach out? Why can't I get the tiniest sign? Why must so many of my prayers be left unanswered? Do you know what I would do right now if you contacted me? I would literally jump with joy. I would stand up and start jumping. My heartrate would increase significantly, and I would put on the biggest smile I am capable of wearing. I will look up at the heavens and cross my chest. I will get down on my knees and express the sincerest form of gratitude to God in heaven. You have no clue how happy I would be and how much hope I would get if I had just the tiniest communication from you. I will accept just a few words. I would accept an emoji. I would accept a reaction to a post. View my story. Do something. Anything. Anything at all. The tiniest sign would have the most profound effect on me. However, I tell myself all the time that if it hasn't happened in eight weeks, what makes me think it will happen now? Would a catalyst be required to initiate some kind of sign or message? Is it something that could happen out of the blue? Is there any point in latching on to hope? Will I eventually make my way out of this dark abyss that I was thrown into? It's so dark in here that sometimes I'm not even sure I'm heading in the right direction. The hues in nature aren't as vibrant as they used to be. The vocals in my favorite songs aren't as melodic as I remember them to be. My favorite foods don't taste as good anymore. I never felt this way before. I suppose this is so because it took you to make me realize what true love is. I never knew what true love was. I always conflated the love I have felt in the past with true love. However, you opened up a whole new dimension of love for me that I never thought existed. I am crazy about you. You always told me how you were obsessed with me. You were infatuated by me. You were so clingy for me. You couldn't imagine going a day without me. You told me you would be devastated if we ever stopped talking. You said all these things to me. I'm not delusional. I remember it all so vividly. I can recall your words with such clarity that there is no mistaking the authenticity of my recollections. With all this being said, I can only imagine how you're feeling now that our biggest fears have manifested. Are you trying to heal? Are you latching on to hope like I am? Are you struggling to cope with everything? Are you accepting what has happened and trying to move on from it? Please tell me you still have hope. Please tell me you still wish to talk to me. Please tell me you still want to see me again one day. I love you. I love you so much. I hate that I can only see you in my dreams or in pictures. I absolutely hate it. It isn't fair to me, and I wish it weren't the case. Some people say that things sometimes have to get worse before they can get better. Why must such stupid platitudes exist in the world? Why can't things just be perpetually good? Why must we always have to prove ourselves to the world? Why must we always have to fight for love and friendship? Why must everything we do be met with some type of resistance? This is not a life worth living. I understand that the difficulty experienced will help us appreciate life more, but at some point, enough is enough. How much hurt must we endure? Why do we have to keep fighting for things that we deeply deserve? It makes no sense to me. I need you. I need you so badly, my love. Please return to me. Please don't surrender. Please don't you dare give up on us.