#to get my withdrawal validated as a medical withdrawal

[galaxywarp]

It's the anon from a while ago who was going through opioid withdrawal.

I went to a pain management clinic and they basically told me my withdrawal symptoms aren't real and I should see a psychologist. They won't help me taper. That an addiction center wouldn't help because I'm not really addicted. Then why do I feel so sick when I try to reduce my dosage? Why do I have all the textbook symptoms of withdrawal? I can't stop cold turkey and I can't be sick all the time cause I have a full time job.

He said the opioids would be out of my system in a week, is that true? I don't know if I can get through a week of feeling like this. I've been on these meds for over a year, it just doesn't feel safe.

He also told me I just have to deal with my chronic pain and there's nothing they can do. It took weeks to see this specialist and he basically told me to go fuck myself.

I ended up breaking down in the appointment and he just had me leave.

I'm so tired and frustrated and I hate feeling like this.

Anon im so sorry. Thats so fucking shitty

I swear it’s fucking like — all he did was set you up for fucking failure.

He’s telling you to ignore your own warning signs until they get bad enough for him to acknowledge. By then you might be desperate enough that you go to street drugs or your withdrawal might need medical assistance. It happens a lot to pain patients whose doctors fuck them over. By the time they validate your problem their solution is now to just cut you off and leave you with no legal options for your pain. It’s an extremely common reason that people end up on heroin.

He’s encouraging you to pretend that the problem isn’t starting and setting you up to keep digging yourself deeper. But of course they’ll say it’s YOUR fault if your pain drives you to do something dangerous.

Ugh. Okay. Listen.

The opiates may very well be out of your system in a week. And i want to assure you that opiate withdrawal, while extremely painful, is not technically dangerous. Not like alcohol or benzodiazepines where you can hallucinate and have seizures. You won’t be in any danger. Just extreme discomfort (as im sure you’ve tasted already)

But if you continue to feel pain after that, and you very well might, i wanna tell you it’s real and valid. Even if doctors try to do the “it’s only in your head” thing.

Cuz you know what. It WILL be in your head. Your body’s pain receptors are going to feel raw and fragile. I was clean from fentanyl for months before my chronic pain truly eased. It’s like your body has to learn how to tolerate pain again and people don’t respect how miserable and painful that process is. You’re brave and strong for facing it.

I’m a little sleep deprived and im not sure what else advice i can offer atm but you’re on my mind anon. Please drop in my inbox again whenever you need.

[casualgh0sty]

So I've been on the hardest antidepressant to get off of for over five years. Last week my new prescriber told me I've basically been on the wrong meds for years and that's why my symptoms are worse.

I am almost done tapering off this medication but the withdrawals are difficult- from waking up in a full cold sweat and needing to shower to headaches and frequent crying for what feels like no reason.

I guess I'm posting this partially looking for validation and I guess any kind words 🤗

[susandsnell]

Ooooh, Becky Albright + College for the headcanon meme (Hiiiiiiii <3)

send me a character + thing if you wanna know my headcanon for them and that thing

Got a bit long, so below the cut!

Becky's college experience at Gotham University was - well. It was hard to be much worse than her high school experience was (though elementary gave it a run for its money), so it was an improvement. It wasn't quite the fairy tale she'd promised herself to get through the worst days, but she'd like to think she's mature enough to have not been disappointed with that. People would talk to her in class and not call her names, at least not to her face (though enough too-long stares and microaggressive comments kept her away from most social events). She was even asked out a few times, although it took a while for her to actually show up to a date given how many times she'd been subjected to boys pretending to ask her out as a cruel prank. Some were even— well, nice—but connecting with people while contending with fractured trust and a tendency to seclude herself in her studies was a tenuous prospect at best.

Friends were about the same; there were people she spoke to, and some she even shared interests with, but a grimace or a missed invitation were enough to make her withdraw again for weeks at a time. Likewise, so were continued medical complications. It was around this time that she adopted her puppy, Harper, for some consistent - and easier - company.

During her undergraduate degree, Becky double-majored in criminal justice and psychology. More schoolwork was always a boon for her; it gave her something to throw herself into, something guaranteeing results and instant validation through grit and dedication. Something a lot easier to navigate than other people, in other words. These were useful pre-law subjects, and she'd long had the plan to be a criminal defense attorney. (Do something useful, exercise her intelligence. Stand up for someone the way no one ever stood up for her.)

Interestingly, on more than one occasion in the course of her psychology studies, Becky did encounter a name on a few (hotly contested) publications that would later frequently intertwine with hers: Doctor Jonathan Crane, a former faculty member, who'd apparently left a few years prior under rather clouded circumstances.

Law school followed the achievement of outstanding grades (though a scholarship and a part-time job at one of the campus bookstores helped matters significantly), and while Becky was always a good student, nothing could have quite prepared her for its demands. The first half of her fall semester was miserable; an extensive and challenging workload was one thing, but coupled with the new lingo and the brutal competition between students, and Becky was left doubting her place in the faculty, or her future as a lawyer, the way she'd never doubted before. That professors often passed over her for cold-calling, and condescending academic advisors made comments about her "not over-exerting herself" while the disability accommodations centre warned repeatedly that "law school isn't for everyone" certainly didn't help matters; less than promising midterm results seemed to put a nail in the coffin.

But Becky's resolve to prove herself was stronger than that. She doubled down, sought out mentors and tutors, traded summaries, and stopped at nothing to succeed. The first thing to go was her social life, but this was nothing new; unfortunately, such rigours did have a ricochet effect on her physical health symptoms, which she wound up neglecting more than she should have. Harper was always well taken care of, though; the loyal pooch was as staunch a companion and study partner as there ever was, and even won over the affections of Becky's roommate, a cold and sharp-eyed but fair-minded LL.M by the name of Janet Van Dorn. (Janet would later help Becky improve her legal writing skills extensively.)

Becky's effort paid dividends at time; though her grades were not what they had been in undergrad and high school, she did manage to score a decent internship in her 2L year, as well as one-on-one mentorship from up-and-coming superstar prosecutor, Harvey Dent. (In Nolanverse settings, Becky attends guest lectures and mentorship meetings with GU Law Faculty alumnus Rachel Dawes.) She still never quite could get a handle on tax or property, but she passed, and despite the ups and downs, despite the aching loneliness that never quite went away, things actually seemed to be looking up for Becky Albright, just this once.

Then, just at the start of her third year, the Scarecrow unleashed his latest batch of fear toxin on Greenvale, a city in the Greater Gotham City Area. Becky happened to be visiting her family there for Labor Day weekend.

And the rest, as they say, is history.

(Thanks so much for sending this!!! Ily!!)

[awritersrejections]

Anyone else having angry and complicated feelings this Tu Bishvat?

I've been thinking about how tomorrow is the birthday of all the trees in Israel... and also thinking about all the trees that have been destroyed by Netanyahu's relentless bombing, particularly the olive trees that are so important in Palestinian culture.

(This destruction isn't new, but I've only become aware of it since Oct 7th.)

Obviously there are a lot of awful parts of this war. There are infinite reasons to try to help. I'm not at all religious, and not personally invested in the actual words of the Torah, but. I keep thinking about this bit:

"When in your war against a city you have to besiege it a long time in order to capture it, you must not destroy its trees… Are trees of the field human to withdraw before you into the besieged city? Only trees that you know do not yield food may be destroyed” - Deuteronomy 20:19-20

Like, fucking hell, the hypocrisy would be almost comical if it weren't so heartrending and causing such vicious, lasting harm.

All of which is to say—I've lived in cities all my life and never done the actual in-person tree planting thing. For years now, I've donated to Ecosia instead, to get some trees planted anyway. This year, instead of donating to have a tree planted, I'm donating to ANERA, an organization that provides necessities like food and mattresses to Palestinian refugees. (I spent a minute looking for charities to help restore the olive trees, but that ultimately felt like it was missing the point.)

Of course, no one is obligated to do this! It is entirely valid to celebrate Tu Bishvat however feels right to each individual. This is just a feeling I personally had, and I thought I'd share in case anyone else felt the same.

So, if anyone else is feeling a similar way this Tu Bishvat, and usually spends money on planting a tree—you might consider donating to Palestinian relief efforts instead. Some other good Palestinian-focused charities that I've seen endorsed by Palestinian people (source): PRCS provides critical medical care. CFG is a gaza-based grassroot collective which gives necessities to the community.

[thescrumblingmidwife]

So what are the ways to stop a period (and fertility) as an adult? I need to figure out my plans for when that time comes. I mean permanently, btw.

Hi Anon,

I'm getting a lot of asks like this. Here's another one:

Anonymous asked: whats the safest way to stop getting a period as quickly as possible? i was told by my gynecologist that id be given birth control that'd stop them but i keep getting them and it's been months

So let's do a menstrual suppression post.

MENSTRUAL SUPPRESSION (AKA, Secondary amenorrhea)

What can be done depends a lot on your age, where you are, what kind of healthcare access you have, as well as your reason for seeking menstrual suppression.

If you experience medical complications like endometriosis, serious menstrual pain (dysmenorrhea) or heavy menstrual bleeding that causes anemia, etc., you may find you have an easier time accessing treatments beyond BC than if you just "don't want a period." (FWIW - I think that's a completely valid reason for menstrual suppression!). Trans and GNC people will fall somewhere in the middle - depending on where you are, it may be considered a legitimate medical indication all on its own, and in other areas may result in a roadblock and discrimination.

Disclaimer - my scope as a midwife will be limited to the use of hormonal birth control until I complete separate training on offering gender-affirming care. So please take what I say here only as a rough guide to your own research. If I've missed anything or get anything wrong, please let me know!

PREPUBERTAL (have not yet gotten a period)

Leuprolide (lupron) is an antiandrogen medication that basically stops sex hormones from working. When used in prepubertal/early puberty kids, it's called a "puberty blocker." It's meant to be a temporary solution until the kid can be sure what they want to do next, as its effects are completely reversible. Pediatricians will usually refer you to an endocrinologist or a gender clinic rather than provide themselves.

Otherwise, I'm afraid that you must first go through the initial period of menarche until normal periods are established before you can then go on menstrual suppression.

ADOLESCENT (teen, not yet an adult)

Progestin-only birth control is the first-line treatment. The good news is that pretty much everyone can take it, and it's relatively easy to get. This works by keeping the uterine lining thin, and keeping a level of progestin high enough that you don't experience the withdrawal that triggers menses. Methods include: IUD (intrauterine device), Nexplanon (implant), Depo shot, and pills. In all methods, it takes several months to work, and spotting/breakthrough bleeding is a possibility.

---->If you take the pills, you have to take them at the exact same time every day, so the hormone levels stay even, or you risk breakthrough bleeding. Different brands have different progestins in them, so if one doesn't work for you after several months of taking it properly, you could ask your provider about switching to a different pill.

---->The IUD has the best record with total menstrual suppression after a few months, but it is the most invasive of the LARC methods to insert.

----> Nexplanon can take some time to achieve menstrual suppression, and some people still get breakthrough bleeding, but it is also the single most efficacious BC besides hysterectomy. Yes, even more than tubal ligation.

----> Depo shot is pretty good at achieving amenorrhea, but has more side effects (low libido, dry vagina, risk of bone loss) that can take a while to resolve after you come off it

Testosterone - If you are trans and go on T, it may stop your menstrual cycles/ovulation, but it is not a guarantee. People on T are counseled to also be on BC, because it is does not eliminate the possibility of pregnancy and is teratogenic (can cause birth defects). You should not go on T purely to stop menses, as it has other permanent effects - go on T for those effects and be pleased if it happens to stop your period.

ADULT (18/21+ up)

All of the above methods, plus:

Estrogen-containing birth control may offer more suppression but also increases certain health risks (like clots), and it has a number of contraindications (reasons why someone can't use it safely). Generally don't advise teens to use it.

Tubal ligation for FERTILITY CONTROL ONLY. This will not stop periods!

For transmen: Hysterectomy (uterus removed) and/or salpingectomy/oophorectomy (tubes/ovaries removed). This is a component of gender-affirming care - but you will likely need to find a specialized provider for it. The average gynecologist is not going to do an elective (no medical indication) hysterectomy ----> https://transcare.ucsf.edu/guidelines/hysterectomy

I have seen some evidence that Lupron can be used for menstrual suppression as well, but I haven't heard much about it being used outside of certain medical indications (like if someone has cancer).

GENDER-AFFIRMING CARE

If you identify as trans or gender non-conforming and there is a gender clinic in your area, I recommend trying to get in with them, as they deal with this sort of question regularly. They have interdisciplinary teams (mental health providers, gynecologists, endocrinologists, surgeons, etc) that can meet all your needs. Someone trained in gender-affirming care will be best equipped to help you.

Here is a list of gender clinics in the USA:

Ok, all you Anons out there - I hope this is a good jumping-off point for you to find what you need. The TLDR is please try to find a provider who is willing to work with you and help you find what's available to you in your area!

[jimothysomebody]

Recovering From Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome

It's difficult to gauge exactly where to start, considering the many nuanced factors that lead me here. For awhile it felt like I was dealing with some wretched mystery ailment. After my breakup there was a period of time where money was tight and I wasn't eating well, in part because money was tight and in part because of a long struggle with self image, self loathing, and just a warped and unhealthy perspective of myself. What a stupid, stupid thing it was to subject myself to that degree of harm and malnourishment. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

In late March, somewhat coinciding with my old vape pen breaking, I began to feel a bit unwell and I wasn't sure why. Brainfog, difficulty concentrating and remembering, poor sleep (and that's saying something) headaches, strange dizzy spells and a weird feeling in my head, unusual episodes of elevated anxiety, stress, and depression beyond what is 'normal' for me, stomach issues, changes to my appetite, fatigue, apathy. Some days were better than others, some days were hell, other days I may have one awful episode and be otherwise fine the rest of the day, sometimes a day or so would pass without incident at all and I'd feel totally normal.... but these terrible symptoms kept coming back

Initially I believed it to be the lingering effects of having been anorexic from early February to the beginning of April... but April, May and now most of June have come & gone... and these symptoms have persisted.... what else could it have been?

I figured, outside of the extreme episodes of anxiety, the most likely cause was the effects of tapering off of, and eventually quitting weed. The conclusion I drew was that, surely, I must be experiencing Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome, brought on by increased use of medial grade weed and an increased vaping of delta 8 around this time. It was also my theory that because I didn't do it daily, just used a *lot* every few days or on weekends, that my inconsistent pattern of high dose usage was keeping me in a state of withdrawal that wouldn't stop until I made myself quit. My preferred method was vaping, but I began with edibles July of 2023... for nearly a year my already chemically imbalanced brain became accustomed to a regular supply of THC, surely... surely the cessation of cannabis would have put my brain in a state of crisis and rebellion as it attempts to reset the dials back to my “normal”, right? Much of the literature I read seemed to validate my worries, between credible medical publications from all over, the US, Canada, Australia, the UK, I poured over the findings and data of medical professionals and everything seemed to point to that... what has now worried me the last 42 days I've been sober was the fact that, for most, they seem to be through the worst of it within 2wks to a month... but still I contend with these symptoms. Maybe...just maybe, I was too hopeful and by some twisted hellish coincidence I was, unknowingly, affected by something more dire... there are many, many far more life threatening conditions that share many of those symptoms in common... and that thought has come and gone since March... Friday afternoon I finally humored my paranoia that told me to stop toying with my mortality and went to the ER to get checked out.

They drew blood, did urinalysis, an EKG, chest xrays, and a CT scan of my head, every test came back normal, nearly everything was ideal, save for what results have been effected by a recent brief regimen of prednisone to help with my tenosynovitis (which also significantly improved my withdrawal symptoms)... and in the sea of test results even those *slightly* abnormal results didn't bother me, knowing exactly what caused them.

The test results have given me a lot of peace of mind... I now know definitively, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that what I am experiencing does not have a physical cause... it is instead chemical as my brain tries to regulate itself back from a year of a lot of vaping and edibles. I do not have brain cancer, any brain damage, any debilitating neurological condition, internal bleeding, blood clots, nor do I have any heart or lung condition. No abnormalities were detected... It's just withdrawal, and I can get through this. I've been tempted to vape, a few times. I miss having a mild high, but mostly I miss the relief that comes with it for my anxiety, my depression, ptsd, mild pains, etc. There hasn't been any strong compulsion or urge to use again, in fact not unlike my alcohol I still have (almost 7 months sober now) my vape pen is in plain sight just on my bedside table, where it has, literally, been collecting dust since May 12th. I have had one or two dreams about weed/vaping though, which I suppose isn't a totally unheard of sort of dream to have for people quitting.

I'm set to see yet another therapist soon in July, and shortly thereafter, I imagine, another doctor. I'm not sure what the plan of attack will be, considering the chemical imbalance is now influenced by quitting weed. In the past I've seen a lot of success with SSRI's like sertraline/Zoloft, in treating my depression, with some positive changes to my anxiety as well, it'd certainly simplify things to be on just one med but I'm not optimistic that will be the case, nor do I don't know just how effective sertraline would be while recovering from PAWS... I do know this much, compared to how I felt in April I feel, generally speaking, significantly better. I do still experience all the symptoms I've described but to a lesser degree and with less frequency and diminished duration compared to how I had been previously... it is my belief that, with time and resolve I will make a full recovery from this horrid months long trial. I really think I'm gonna be okay.

[jams-sims]

(Here ya go I just posted my comment i left under Manly video here with some edits)

I was right! I'm not at all surprised by the mother saying, she can't believe Ashely brainwashed Andrew. Firstly Andrew isn't as weak as he lets on. The problem is it benefits him to play that role. I also find it super interesting she said she protected the kid after they killed that little girl. You'd think as a parent you'd want to talk to them. But throughout all the flashbacks it's always been just them two together. With Andrew sometimes being with other people. (it could be that our siblings here are unreliable narrators but even as we saw them interact with the mother she seems to stay constant with the memories we've seen.)

Jesus it off rips again, Ashely and her need to not have shit tossed back her way. That's why I said Andrew is less bad just because he thinks about shit. He is still bad but Ashely is constantly digging into him. Right after the parents are gone, she back to accusing him. She makes shit all the more difficult they had the easiest out!! Put their parents back in bed. Alive and in a coma you'd think it was a medical problem!

And Ashely in all her wisdom says no let's chop them up. They are chronically stupid, Ashley says she saw a sigh of relief coming from Andrew when she killed them. Yeah because it is usually him killing people and Ashely using it to blackmail and gaslight him afterward. It's a cycle and I'm shaking my phone because of it.

Andrew's withdrawal from Ashely during the dismemberment scene is telling. Because Ashely never validated any of Andrew's feelings whether that be his plans or worries. The "relationship" has become (even more so) lopsided. He no longer puts up a fight but that means he no longer communicates with her.

Ashely is more like her mother than she thinks. Only in the way she treats Andrew. They both see him as someone reliable but not much else. Someone they can lean on but not really take his emotions into account. Andy was someone she could manipulate full stop. Andrew is who Andy truly is while fighting for some type of autonomy. On the 1st bridge scene Andrews not joking when he says he wants to kill Ashely and then himself. And again Ashely brushes him off, he breaks down for her. "I only asked you for one thing Ashely." And I think that layered because after they killed the girl that liked him. Andrew gave up everything for Ashely, from the ice cream and the girlfriends. It was never enough that he said it even as a kid. Now that he reaching a breaking point and he asks for one thing from her she can't do it. (Andrew even proves my point when Manly picks to trust Andrew)

GOD DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THE MOM AGAIN! (during a trust scene in the basement.)

INSTANTLY! When Andrew talks to her she says "I'm sorry for always making you look after her." I had a nano second of Oh that's a good start- AND THEN SHE FOLLOWED THAT SHIT UP WITH "DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT WAS FOR ME ANDREW?" AAAAAHHHH

The only saving grace and I mean the only saving grace is. The mom fully stopped and said this is her fault, that she fucked up. I find it super interesting though with Andrew and I wanna know which one is more canon. Between the Accept and Decline. Accept Andrew admits to being stuck. He's not happy, but he will stick with Ashely (Codependence)

The decline is funny and the mom full out says "Are you fucking her?" because she can't think of another reason for him to do all this. (Again not fully realizing how fucked up it was to let him raise Ashely while also being a child himself. but also Andrew has stopped taking such a nose dive in his mood. It's lighter because Ashely trusted him.

The ending tho have way different vibes. Distinctly Ashley worries about two different things in one ending Ashley's worried about Andrew killing her because she has finally pushed him too far. In the more positive and light-hearted one. She worried Andrew had changed so much that he no longer needed her. That the thought of honeypotting him could make him stay. Because now Andrew is no longer spiraling and because he's more confidant and les remorseful he's mirroring her. It makes her upset. Both ending end with Andrew getting a mole on his hand with an eye. Which could mean a lot of things. That he is marked for a service later, that he has a tar soul but it hasn't hatched.

To go back to the "scene" they way yall were acting on tumblr you'd think that wasn't just a fuxkin wink from the devs. Which it was- thats all it was.

Andrew had the perfect reaction. It's a normal reaction, Ashley on the other hand thought it may have happened sooner or later and that's without Manly picking the never say never option. So the siblings are sibling it up without it being weird.

But what really gets me is what ending is considered Canon or is it up to the audiences to pick. (also if you reading this hot mess tell me what ending do you think is canon) It's clear the Bad end is tied to not trusting Andrew. I'm assuming that's what the skulls mean. A more natural ending comes from Andrew's growth. Because instead of it being Ashely worried about death. She worried about him leaving which would fit her narrative more. Although I like angry Andrew ending.

[thevirgodoll]

Hi dear, I hope that you are having a beautiful day.

I really want to get your side on this; so I'm depressed and I'm also an overachiver. I've had depression for about 2 years but it has only crossed the boundaries of my head about three months ago when I got rejected from my dream uni and since then my grades have gone downhill and so have both my mental and physical health. I'm lost (because I missed a goal I had been preparing for for almost a decade lmao) but at the same time the I'm getting so close to hitting rock bottom that I'm relived to have a new and healthier beginning.

For the last few years I've dedicated all my time, efforts and headspace to school. It's my senior year yet I barely have friends, non school related job experience, I even lost the ability to sleep at some point. It's been ages since I've bought clothes, I look extra sloppy all the time and I never go out.

I've learnt a lot through this experience but since it's not going my way, I need to keep moving.

Any advice?

Love you and your blog <333

Navigating Depression while in College

This won't be a Doll Diaries for now but I will create one later.

I appreciate you sharing this with me and want to commend you on still trying and even recognizing that something needs to change. I also want to say that something like this isn't your fault and is a completely normal experience. I think a lot of people overlook the mishaps that can happen in college if depression isn't handled...because we are all so goal oriented, the ugly side of it gets pushed down and creates a loop of inadequacy.

Rejection is a typical part of your 20s...I'm still learning how to deal with it myself. I don't know everything, I'm still in my 20s as well.

I do believe, though, that everything happens for a reason and that something I wanted that I didn't get isn't a rejection but a redirection to something greater.

I completely relate to being in a rut and having health issues impact your college career. I have multiple chronic illnesses. I also have severe depressive episodes and ADHD. I've also had times where I wasn't able to make the best grades in the world.

What got me together was:

going to see a therapist (my school offers it for free)

learning that meds was a good option for me (it isn't for everyone, but it was for me)

getting diagnosed with mental disorders (helped me understand myself better and give validation to what was going on)

developing a consistent routine in all areas (easier said than done)

learning how to love myself as I am while also knowing things must change and taking accountability

having days where I let myself go and relax instead of being productive 24/7

I'm also in my senior year after losing years my experience due to my health. I had to medically withdraw twice so trust me I get it.

While I've lost time due to my health, I realized I can only control right now. My health problems were a sign to slow down.

Why worry on what could've happened? Thinking anything of that nature is a disservice. Introspection is good, but introspection can become rumination after a while. Learn to have a limit.

I do recommend treating yourself and getting out and doing things. Figure out what style of clothes you want to wear, what hair, etc since that's important to you.

Relearn yourself...ask yourself who you are outside of academia because a lot of people lose themselves in it and then have nowhere to turn once it's beginning to end. Find some professor that you can reach out to and confide in to help you, and if not, there's plenty of resources at your school for your program.

Congratulations on reaching your senior year. Focus on yourself, graduation, and becoming the person you want to be. Everything will happen in its due time, and months from now, you will realize that staying in the moment was all you ever needed to enjoy yourself.

Hope this helps ❤️

[infraaa]

『In reference to my upcoming SNOWY DRIVE project, I figured that I would make some family headcanons for Affogato Cookie so people won’t get confused.』

Affogato Cookie — Family Headcanons

tw // domestic abuse, bullying, implied absentee parents

Affogato is the eldest of three. Latte is his younger sister, the middle child, and Espresso is the youngest. The three of them grew up in the coffee village together in the Dark Cacao Kingdom.

Currently, Affogato is twenty nine. Latte is twenty six, and Espresso is twenty five.

All three of them are mixed, where Espresso is the only one that takes up after his father. Latte and Affogato on the other hand come off more with their mother, hence why they both have to do with either milk, cream, or ice cream.

Almost immediately after Espresso was born, their father had walked out on them due to lack of motivation to be a parent. Because of this, Affogato and Latte had taught Espresso that their father was a bad man, and gave him the same grudge that they both have over him, despite Espresso not even knowing their father that well compared to his older siblings.

Their mother was tough hearted, but paid more attention to Latte and Espresso growing up. Affogato had to try and shove himself into family events, make things up in an attempt to please his mother, and oftentimes he had to compete with Espresso for his mother’s love. Even with this in place, Affogato was severely bullied for being half ice cream, half coffee.

Latte was also a victim of this bullying, however Affogato would very frequently take up for her. If she went to her older brother crying, someone was getting their ass handed to them. However she never got it as bad as he’s older brother.

Affogato was often singled out by the other residents of the village, poked fun at, was often mocked and even beat up by others. Their mother then started to slowly believe the people around her and started dismissing Affogato, claiming that he would ruin her reputation.

Through his mother’s actions, Affogato had learned the art of manipulation. He coped through putting on a mask all the time, putting in a false impression of who he actually was just to get by. His siblings caught wind of this, and tried to help him by validating him for who he was, and loved him for who he was, despite their mother always telling Espresso and Latte not to associate with him.

When Affogato turned sixteen, he had decided that he had enough of all the bullying, the shaming, the constant withdrawal of love and acknowledgement from his mother. So he left. In order to do this and be successful at it, he started doing hard labor at the age of twelve, progressing up in jobs the more he aged. He would plow driveways in the winter, mow the grass if not only his own yard, but the neighbors’ yards, and he would make clothes out of the fabric of clothes that wouldn’t fit his younger siblings and sell those.

He got his first job at age fourteen as a cashier at a local supermarket. This was where he got some of his knowledge of witchcraft from. There was a coworker that he had that worked in a separate department, and they would speak to each other. And for a buck or two, this coworker would teach Affogato about black magic, witchcraft, and curses.

When he turned sixteen, he got his license, and had his mother’s boyfriend at the time co-sign him for a car, which is the same car that he’s had. After he left, he continued to expand his knowledge on magic, witchcraft, and expanded out to eastern medicine, voodoo, paganism, and wiccan practices.

He hasn’t contacted his family ever since then, but he did meet Espresso once after seven years.

He was strolling through Parfaedia, shopping for more gemstones and ingredients for medical potions. He ran into Espresso at a coffee shop on his way out. At first, the tension in the air was so thick, you couldn’t even cut it with a knife. But after a few minutes of catching up, it slowly dissipated, and they shared contact information. Affogato never asked about his mother or father.

Latte also met reunited with him when Espresso found out where Affogato was living. He was still living around the coffee village, more closer to the Licorice Sea. They all saw however they despite living around the Coffee Village, no one dared to try and poke at Affogato this time around. It only had to happen once. Someone recognized Affogato, now a fully grown adult, and attempted to poke fun at him. After a week, the same person had gotten severely sick. Everyone traced it back to Affogato once that person claimed that they saw voodoo dolls hidden away in his closet.

He was revered as a senior mage in the community, and would be faced often with women wanting their fortunes read. Affogato learned that he could do this as a side job and get a little cash out of it.

It took some time, but eventually, Espresso, Latte, and Affogato grew tight knit with each other once again, just like they were as children. They meet every other weekend to bond, taking turns on who would host each gathering. Espresso would eventually never hear the end of his older brother teasing him about Madeline Cookie, despite Espresso constantly telling him that he and Madeline were just acquainted.

Latte was also subjected to Affogato’s playful torment, in the way of playing matchmaker to find Latte someone. Through route of speed dating, Affogato would sit and laugh as Latte found disgust in the men he would pair her up with, sometimes even talking to her about getting with Almond Cookie or Eclair Cookie, despite one of them being a coworker to her at the University, and the other being twice her age with a daughter.

Overall, they have a very close relationship, despite their past, and Affogato wouldn’t trade anything out to not have them in his life. He hides his past from people because it makes him feel lowly as a person, claiming that he “doesn’t remember much.” But, in truth, he could recall things in detail from his youth, much like his siblings could.

[paydayquid]

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[aspd-culture]

do you know... how.. you "get interested" in people's speech again? i just cannot listen. everyone is so boring except whatever my shiny new toys are.. until they get boring too. even when i still want to stay close or there's something i can get, i just hate listening to what other people talk about, out loud or over text, and they get hurt feelings. i'm not trying to hurt their feelings... i'm just bored.

This is so valid and honestly, sometimes you need to gently be honest with them and say "hey this isn't about anything you did, but I just need some time alone for mental health reasons (or "to recharge" if the first one isn't safe to say)". Everyone needs that, prosocial, antisocial, anyone. Even totally neurotypical and mentally healthy people need some amount of alone time at some point, and it's ok to gently express that need. Preferably not in the middle of their sentence to avoid hurt feelings.

However, if a break won't help and it is a long term thing that you feel is a problem you'd like to solve, then (if you can) I would really advise seeking the assistance of a professional. Social withdrawal is common in multiple disorders and some pwASPD find that therapy and/or medications can help with this a lot. That's currently how I'm working on mine.

Other things that may help if that isn't an option or in the meantime is to try and listen to podcasts and/or watch "talking to a camera" style videos as a sort of gentle exposure, or practicing with Exceptions if you have any. Start with subjects you are only somewhat interested in and work from there towards things you have no interest in. Work slowly as to not burn out your listening spoons on these exposures to the point where you can't function in daily life.

I hope this helps, good luck. It is definitely one of those symptoms that gets swept under the rug because it affects us more than them so unfortunately there are fewer well known coping mechanisms, but that's what I could think of.

[cru1sec0nt0l]

Working in Healthcare

I feel like I'm struggling to be everything to everyone at all time. I don't know how to turn off and I feel it during the work week. During my annual review today, my boss mentioned how I'm probably setting myself up for burnout by not having good boundaries. I think today was the first time I've accepted that I provide good patient care, but that was by virtue of the official review rather than anything my patients have told me in the past.

Now that I think about it, it's bizarre. The "grade on my report card" from my boss, so to speak, helped me feel more confident in myself than patient's feedback that I "saved their life" or helped them in any significant way. Maybe it's because I care more about validation from my peers than my patients. Patients, unfortunately, often times cannot tell when they receive bad care, so in reflection I think I find it hard to feel validated by praise for good care.

The report card piece has a lot of levels to it. I think grad school crushed my personality and my spirit at multiple levels. I don't think I've yet recovered. And I think failing boards also heightened my imposter syndrome (which has some deep roots in undergrad). There's lots of shit to work out.

I think I just feel it more when I've got stressors outside of work like I do now (medical bills, housing, family stress). Like today, the rent was proposed to be raised a second time in two months to an amount I cannot afford. My brother reached out today after getting turned down for a 2nd date and he sounds like he's struggling with aspects similar to depression (tired, lack of interest in anything, withdrawing or passive in most/all relationships), but he refuses to open up. I don't know what he wants or how to help. So all I can do is worry, I guess. And so all I feel is exhausted. From listening to people in pain all day, reassuring them, then trying to figure out my housing, then sitting and trying to help my brother process over text, to just feeling completely emptied and I still have a fuck ton of notes to do for patient visits. My time to myself today was a 20 minute youtube video, of which I watched 12 minutes.

idk. endrant

[fearofahumanplanet]

Hi I'm the anon from https://at.tumblr.com/askaborderline/hey-looking-for-supportadvice-i-am-terrified/tlz1qbnadpq0

Could you elaborate more on what you said about it sounding like NPD?

Oh, hey!

Okay, well first off, said before but I'm going to reiterate here: I CANNOT and will not diagnose you, I am not a doctor, please just use this as a sort of guideline and general observations and please look into it yourself if you think this is something you may suffer from. (Just be careful - most medical sources are incredibly ableist and hateful towards NPD, it is possibly the most stigmatized mental disorder I can think of).

(Second off, I'm going to use the actual NPD diagnostic criteria as much as I can, but it's incredibly ableist and only focuses on outward behaviors and none of the internal feelings, so a lot of this will have to be anecdotal from experiences from me and many other people I've met w/ NPD)

"I am terrified that I'm going to slip up and not be perfect when I'm around others" This was the first thing that really got me, this is not actually an inherent BPD symptom by any means, this is actually the crux of NPD - the diagnostic criteria doesn't mention it, just goes on and on about "arrogance" or whatever, but I really desperately think it needs official re-definition, bc every person w/ NPD I've met (including myself) is struck with a constant, debilitating, endless need to be perfect and never be seen failing to anyone around them - it's really hard to live with, but yeah, that's what first made me think. I also get a lot of general paranoia and anxiety about it even when I'm not around others.

"when I accidentally seem like I'm not perfect I enter this horrible cycle of self-hate and I keep splitting on people after like "oh they're doing good things/is really good straight" to "they're not worth my effort" especially when I'm the one who slips up even though I need to be the one to be perfect" and this to me sounds like what a lot of us call a "narc crash" - in which you essentially are forced to confront the reality that you aren't perfect and/or you're running low on "supply" (admiration), and as such you tend to go through a lot of cognitive dissonance that leads to breakdowns and (often) anger at others or a need to withdraw or engage in reckless behaviors.

"I just have a general apathy towards being friends with anyone," This is another common thing I experience in social relationships and a lot of people w/ NPD do, to quote the diagnostic criteria "lacking empathy". We also tend to see relationships as rather transactional, often have "chosen people" that tend to get close more because of them being good sources of supply rather than because there's an emotional connection. (This is not a condemnation. People w/ low empathy can actively choose to still be kind and maintain relationships. It just hardly comes innately, in my experience. It definitely feels like work to me, it's just work I choose to put in).

"It's like I keep getting a high especially when complimented or validated (and this has caused me to attach and I have a new fp now and it's happened a LOT)" To quote the diagnostic criteria again, "requires excess admiration". (That supply I talked about). This is exactly how I experience receiving supply, it feels like a drug to me and can essentially keep me living. Without it, I quite literally do want to die - it's pretty wretched. BPD & NPD are also pretty common co-morbidities, so that early admiration often causes one to develop a FP and... yeah. There's also this thing that NPD circles usually call "relationship burnout", and this is definitely something I also experience, in which you essentially find it very hard to maintain relationships, because after the initial beginning stage of knowing someone new, I pretty much usually get bored of them and the apathy comes back anew.

"then a crash when I get insulted or I fuck up etc. (This causes splitting as well) and it's such extreme emotions that it's hard to manage" I point up to the narc crash again, bc this is exactly how it happens to me a lot of the time and when you have a BPD comorbid involved the emotions are even more intense.

So like I said, do not take this as diagnosis, I'm not a doctor, but I really do think it might be good for you to look into it and get a clearer idea of what's going on in your head, bc reading your ask really just felt like reading about an NPD experience, I thought I somehow ended up on the wrong blog.

I hope that clears some things up and I wish the best for you :)

[kvibe-test]

Internship Abroad: Housing, Visas, and More

Preparing for an internship abroad can be exciting, but it also comes with its fair share of challenges, especially when it comes to securing housing and visas. My journey began with researching various housing options. While I initially considered staying at The Intune Group’s housing facility, I decided against it. I wanted to experience the independence of living on my own, something I hadn't done in my 22 years. Plus, the housing facility was quite expensive, costing around $15,500 for the duration of my stay. I figured an Airbnb apartment would be more affordable and offer more privacy.

Accommodations

Airbnb quickly became my focus. I scoured the internet for various rental options, including Airbnb, Zillow, and other American sites. After comparing prices and reading reviews, I decided Airbnb was the best choice for me. I booked my apartment in mid-January, giving me about a month and a half to prepare for my move to the US in late February.

Airbnb is a popular option for short-term housing abroad. It allows you to rent a room or an entire apartment/house from local hosts. However, it's essential to verify the location and read reviews before booking. Additionally, some cities have regulations regarding Airbnb rentals, so always check local laws. If you are seeking a less expensive option, student housing, homestays, or private apartments are also viable choices. Student housing is often affordable and convenient if your internship is associated with a university. Homestays offer an immersive cultural experience, while private apartments provide more privacy. Research various platforms to explore these options.

Legal Preparations

Securing a visa is another critical step. The visa process was a bit stressful, and I had to request a faster processing time to ensure my visa was approved before my flight. The visa appointment was scheduled for just a few days before my departure, which left me scrambling. I was advised that I couldn't book my flight until I had my visa in hand, which meant I had to book a last-minute flight, which was more expensive. It was a bit of a hassle, but once I received my visa, everything went smoothly.

Visa Application is a crucial step when preparing for an internship abroad. The application process varies depending on the country, so always check the specific requirements of your destination. Some common requirements include a valid passport, proof of sufficient funds, health insurance, and a letter from your internship provider. Prepare for your visa interview by researching common questions and practicing your responses. Dress professionally, bring all necessary documents, and be ready to explain why you chose the specific internship and how it will benefit your career.

Travel Planning

As research has shown, travel insurance is essential for international travel, especially when you’re interning abroad. It covers unexpected incidents, such as medical emergencies, trip cancellations, or lost luggage. I made sure to get travel insurance to protect myself from any unforeseen circumstances that might arise during my time in the US. I also learned that it's important to have a credit card with no foreign transaction fees to save money on international purchases and ATM withdrawals.

Travel insurance is essential when interning abroad. It covers unexpected incidents, such as medical emergencies, trip cancellations, or lost luggage. Compare different policies and providers to find the best coverage for your needs. When planning your travel, consider using a credit card with no foreign transaction fees. This will help you save money on international purchases and ATM withdrawals. Additionally, inform your bank about your travel plans to avoid any issues with your credit or debit card abroad.

Relocating for Work

One thing that caught me off guard was the requirement to have separate health insurance for my stay in the US. Apparently, in the Netherlands, you can't have Dutch health insurance if you're abroad for an extended period. It was a bit of a hassle to manage, and I even received an email a few weeks ago reminding me that I needed to have medical insurance, which I didn't. As a result, I had to pay a fee, which was frustrating. This is another thing to consider when planning your internship abroad, and it's important to research the local health insurance options and requirements to avoid any surprises.

If you're moving to a new country for your internship, research the local health insurance options. Some countries have public health systems, while others rely on private insurance. Make sure you understand the coverage and costs associated with each option.

Overall, preparing for an internship abroad can be a lot of work. But with careful planning and research, you can navigate the challenges and make the most of your experience. By securing housing, obtaining a visa, and taking care of necessary travel arrangements, you can focus on the exciting opportunities that await you.

[sunnydaze03]

5/11/24- six week check in

did you know my name’s not actually june? you know, i didn’t know that either until a bit after i downloaded tumblr. i don’t scroll here without a purpose, because this is mostly a resource for me. i appreciate anonymity though, and i still really love the name. maybe i’ll come to use it in my life at some point- i’m just not there yet now.

i’ve been experiencing withdrawals. i’m stressing over the fact i haven’t been noticing changes i think others have had already, and i’m stressed that i won’t have enough money to buy another shipment of hormones by july. i’m scared, because i just can’t go back to not having hormones, and i’m terrified of the implications of that. only taking 4mg a day doesn’t feel like enough because my chest doesn’t hurt as much as other girls chests seem to, or i don’t feel like i smell that different, or the fact everywhere i turn, i see someone saying that it’s not enough. and i don’t like anti-androgens, but i swear if i would’ve thought about it just a bit more back in february, i would’ve ordered cypro and at least taken that once every other day or so… it’s better than not having that safety blanket, because i don’t know if my dose is even high enough for me.

i want to keep my safety intact, but there’s this post i saw that i just can’t get out of my mind.

“a low dose? is that what you really want? is that who you really are?”

and the fact of the matter is, someday i’ll have to tell the people around me that i’m on hormones. i’ve even hidden it from some of my friends because the concept of self-medicating is so farfetched for some people. it’s okay, i don’t blame them. but, the fact this is life or death now is getting so real that it’s getting hard to handle the gravity and the weight. and, god, i’m still not even out the closet. i NEED to scrounge up the money and i NEED to buy a higher dose that works for my body. i’m so early on and i know some of these comparisons are unhealthy, but i know i don’t think i’m getting enough for the levels i should have. forget hiding- i just want to feel like me.

there is one thing i’ve noticed though, and it is totally my chest. yes, my chest hurts now a lot ^_^, it’s quite affirming but it also suckssss because sometimes i accidentally brush past things and i feel the wrath of the sun on my chest, but it’s great, i promise. there’s definitely some shape starting to form, and i’ve started wearing an undershirt to keep things from hurting. well, that and i don’t want pointy nipples.

i think i’ve been stressed out over this. i’m sorry about that, i really want this to be as positive a space as i can make it, but i also have to be honest. and my life isn’t perfect. i’m gonna weigh two choices. one is to wait things out and feel like i’m under-dosing myself, because i think i am? or i can raise my dose now and feel comfier in what i’m getting, but have to get my next dose sooner than i planned on it. honestly, if anyone sees this and has any valid advice, please let me know, because i can’t really overstate how this isn’t an ideal situation to be in.

leagues better than not being on hrt, though.

[historyofcannabis]

Primary Source

Initially the plan was to make a post on Instagram asking controversial questions to create a kind of debatable post. Unfortunately, I decided to withdraw from this idea because I felt it would flop and I wouldn’t get good answers. I figured they’d all be foolish or bogus answers because people play too much and I don’t have time for games that aren’t entertaining to me.

For my primary source post I decided to read a book on marijuana legalization and hope to find something interesting. The book I found is called, “Marijuana legalization: what everyone needs to know” this book has a number of four authors their names are Johnathan P. Caulkins, Angela Hawken, Beau Kilmer and Mark A.R.Kleiman, this book was A1 as a primary source because it provided me with questions to focus on, so I can find valid points to highlight in this post. 

So Instead of me reading this whole book I just bookmarked a few chapters that answered the following questions: how is marijuana legalization different from other drugs? How can legalization violate international conventions? And who supports and who opposes marijuana legalization in the context? 

The first thing I wanted to find an answer to is how is marijuana legalization different from other drugs. Here's the answer I got, first the legalization of marijuana takes the world for a spin because so many people smoke marijuana and not all weed makes you feel or act the same way every time you inhale so the actions that could possibly happen are far from predictable. The main reason why marijuana and other psychoactive drugs are illegal is to limit crime and other corruptions but marijuana doesn’t really make people act out of character and go crazy how cocaine, meth or heroin would and anybody can back that answer you don’t hear too much about someone having a psychoactive episode off marijuana. 

Another question I highlighted was, who supports and opposes marijuana legalization in the United states? The book answered that question based on demographics and stereotypes. People born after 1950, people without children, men, liberals, westerns and those with weaker ties to religion are people who support marijuana legalization. Conservatives, people born before 1925, parents and grandparents are the ones mostly opposed towards marijuana.  

Last question was questioning how marijuana legalization can violate the international convention, parties signed to the single convention on narcotic drugs are required to avert possession, production and trade of drugs used for non-medical and nonscientific purposes only.