#to follow up from my one about alexander being alive

[warrenwaskilledbyadeer]

Suddenly decided it's time for my next... headcanon? theory? hot take? post, unsure which one this falls under

So the Shadow can seem pretty arbitrary considering everything we hear about it doing with Agrippa, Weyer, Alexander, Daniel, Tasi, and not showing up for Oswald at all. It's like. What is this thing's deal? Why does it do certain things sometimes and other times it doesn't? I wondered this myself for a long time, then I replayed TDD and there was a line of Agrippa's that made everything make sense

He talks about how different Orbs react differently to being touched by someone who's uninitiated, and then says this, "I was lucky. The Orb I found spared my life and returned to where I found it."

That was a big "Oooohhhh!!" moment for me. The Shadow doesn't have any consciousness or will of its own - it's the Orbs that do! The Shadow is just "the universe catching up with itself," an entirely dependent entity an Orb can summon and control only if it so chooses. And each Orb seems to have a different "personality," if you will

The biggest evidence for this is the entirety of AMFP obviously, but even in TDD you can see it pretty clearly if you compare Agrippa's discovery of an Orb with Daniel's discovery of an Orb -

"As I entered the underground chamber I could feel that I was trespassing. Because of my curiosity I did my best to fight these instincts and fetched the orb from its place. I scrambled out of the chamber and into the woods. I could sense something was following me, it bayed loudly as it closed in." The moment Agrippa sets foot in the Orb Chamber he immediately feels that he is not supposed to be there, and the moment he leaves it the Shadow is after him. This Orb did not want to be retrieved by him, but as Agrippa said, saw fit to spare him instead of having him killed

"I fell to the ground gasping for air, trying to focus. That's when I saw a faint blue shimmer. My weakened body was heavy to carry, but I managed to push myself towards the enchanting light. It was waiting for me. Enclosed in dark nothingness, I felt myself drawn to the mystic light." Daniel has almost an entirely opposite experience than Agrippa. He doesn't know the Orb is there and isn't searching for it - it reveals itself to him in his moment of need. Rather than feeling like a trespasser, Daniel feels invited in by the Orb. When he touches it, he's "spirited away" instead of having the Shadow set on him. My brother pointed out that Daniel was suffocating in the chamber, and the Orb kept him in the Other World, where time passes faster, until the others had broken in to get Daniel out. It seems it was trying to save his life.

Also much unlike Agrippa, and even unlike Herbert, Daniel never sees the Shadow at all after touching the Orb. It's not until Daniel falls headlong off a ship into the middle of the ocean that Daniel first encounters and is lifted out of the water by this unseen force. Once again, not trying to hurt Daniel, trying to save him. Agrippa is instantly hunted by the Shadow, and the Shadow torments Herbert and his men before closing in a very short amount of time after Herbert finds his Orb. It should also be noted that both Agrippa and Herbert had their Orbs reclaimed from them by the Shadow - Daniel only had himself reclaimed from the water lol

And now for the dreams. I often see people say that this is the Shadow trying to communicate with Daniel. But listen here to how Daniel describes his nightmares:

"As I write my thoughts are drawn to my nightmares in which a most disturbing sound calls to me. A sound defying description, a voice from the void."

We hear some similar language used by Oswald, who never encounters the Shadow but does intimately communicate with his Orb:

"I can only hear the voice from within that gentlest of stones. It sings to me and I dream of a great machine." (There's also a line of dialogue in-game where Oswald mentions the voice from the void part but I can't remember it right now)

Daniel is also communicated to in a dream that teaches him how to make something:

"I was awakened by an exhausting nightmare. Shaking and sweating I retired to the drawing room with a cup of tea. The relic pieces lay spread across the table as I'd left them. But somehow, I knew how it was supposed to be."

Rather than the Shadow, it's Daniel's Orb that's trying to communicate with him in these dreams

Sort of a side note but it's obviously very interesting that Daniel is able to mend Orbs, something that surprises Agrippa when Daniel says he can do it, and something that Alexander never attempted with all the long time he had Agrippa's Orb for. In all likelihood Daniel is the first and maybe only person in either world who's ever been able to do this

Anyway, it's already been said before about how the Shadow is clearly not after Daniel. He was in London for a month without ever encountering it. The night he mends the Orb is the very night that Sir William Smith is killed, someone who Daniel spoke to about the Orb pieces he had. Prof. Taylor, who Daniel asked about Mithraism, is also killed shortly after, and Dr. Tate who seems to have nothing to do with this except that Daniel wanted sedatives from him to stop the nightmares, which is how the Orb is communicating with him. I still like to point it out during all this because I think it helps to back up the fact that Daniel, like Oswald, has an Orb that likes him and in its own way is trying to help him

Another interesting thing is how the Orbs seem to sort of communicate with each other. Daniel has an Orb that is very nice to him, but Agrippa's Orb (which did not treat Agrippa very well) is also nice to Daniel. Daniel's own Orb has got some opinions about people. While it's nice to Daniel, it immediately summons the Shadow when used by Alexander, and even turns against Daniel when Daniel assists Agrippa, who we know is not liked by his Orb (also turns on him if he lets Alexander go through)

Tasi's Orb seems to be pretty neutral. It's just trying to get itself back to the Other World, where it's supposed to be. The Shadow never kills Tasi, it only tries to prevent her from leaving the Other World and takes her back there whenever she makes it to earth. Her Orb just wants to go home

Last note about all this: Those who can control the Orbs can control the Shadow. The only example we have of this really (besides some implications about Temaku in Rebirth) is that Weyer, who is known to have complete mastery over the Orbs, is able to get the Shadow to spit Daniel out when it consumes him

All of this is to say that the Shadow is more like a shared defense system that the Orbs can call down upon someone they don't like or that they deem "unworthy." The Orbs are what have consciousness, personality, and decision-making capabilities

[myfictionaldreams]

Hi, hello! I see requests are open and if you’re liking this idea, I hope you enjoy writing it. If not, it’s more than okay🙈🥺

OKAY OOKKAAAY!!

What if the winter soldier was triggered because of the high amount of stress + torture Bucky goes through while kidnapped by whoever.

Yes the Wakanda’s deprogrammed the soldat but no one really thought pass that. So when Bucky is kidnapped and put under that stress the WS is triggered, comes out to save himself/ Bucky from it

My Little Sun // Bucky/WS x fem!reader

A/N: Thank you so much for the request! I hope you enjoy ღ

Tags: sfw, lots of angst, fluff, description of injuries, reference to torture, trauma response, anxiety, crying, overprotective (to the absolute max), possessive, sam wilson is a great friend

Words: 5.3k

my masterlist 📚 AO3 Link

The days were endless but the nights were torturous when he wasn’t there. The silence, the coolness of the sheets, the empty coffee cup left on the side, it wasn’t how it was supposed to be and that only made it all the more difficult to be in your home.

“I’ll be back in a few days Doll, it’s not supposed to be a big deal anyway, Sam just needs an extra pair of super strong hands”. Bucky always attempted to use his humour to try and ease the anxieties he knew that would be your worst enemy whilst he was away.

Hundreds of missions you’d been there to wave him off, and welcomed him back without even a scratch but this only made it worse, your luck had to run out eventually, right?

Not that your and Bucky's story was the happiest, to begin with. The two of you had been together since Hydra days, having been the Winter Soldier’s nurse until Alexander Pierce noticed the Asset responded better to your orders. For years and years, he only trusted you, even through the mental “resets” or being frozen, the Winter Solider would only trust you. This had its positives and negatives that Pierce liked to use against you but, when Steve Rogers finally found out about his best friend was alive, everything changed. This wasn’t the end of your story though, for two years following this, the two of you were on the run, then lived in Wakanda, saying a farewell to Winter Soldier, then the blip. Both of you were gone for five years which you were in a way thankful for, not sure either could cope without the other and now, after Steve was gone, Bucky was on the road to recovery - with the additional missions with Sam Wilson.

This wasn’t as bad for you but having returned to nursing meant that you couldn’t always be there when he returned or be able to check your phone for updates. At least the role kept you busy, as the days ticked by and finally, as the day of his return was due, you were stuck on restocking, which meant you could stare at your phone, waiting for the jet to return.

The second the phone buzzed, you were off, heart hammering in your chest with the adrenaline, rushing to the headquarters.

Maybe it was your anxiety that overthought the atmosphere in the room, overthinking why it was so quiet, no rushing of agents to unload the jet. It had to also be your anxiety as to why no one seemed to look into your eye or even smile and wave at your arrival, everyone was probably tired.

As you waited in your usual spot, your foot tapping anxiously against the stone floor, it was taking a lot longer to unload the jet. Eventually, an agent approached, suggesting you sit in one of the conference rooms, at least there you could sit down with a glass of water. They were just being polite, there was definitely nothing wrong, even as the 30-minute wait time turned into an hour. You tried to keep your spirits up, knowing that if those negative whispers at the back of your mind started to shout, you’d lose all composure. It was only a few days that they’d been away, only to infiltrate some stolen goods from being trafficked across the borders.

But then, it was strangely close to a known Hydra camp that had been whispered about throughout the underground market with recent activity. A shiver passed through your body at even the mere thought of the name that had ruined so many people's likes, it was almost like a swear word you weren’t allowed to think about.

The years of torture, life-ruining time spent with those demons and through it all Bucky was your saving grace, he always had been, even with the Asset’s mindset. There had always been hope and that had come in the shape of Steve Rogers and most importantly Shuri, giving the Winter soldier the peace to be deprogrammed and allowing Bucky to try and proceed with the life he should have had. Even though it had been years, there was always a small inkling in your mind that the Winter Soldier was ready to be released beneath the surface, something just holding him back and with one wrong move he would be set free and chaos would be caused. 

So as the minutes ticked by, waiting and waiting, the anxiety soon felt like impending doom, your chest ready to split open in fear.

Then finally, after nearly two hours of waiting, it all came crashing down as Sam Wilson slowly opened the door by himself, shutting it soundly behind him. He was still in his Captain America uniform, blood and dirt coating it.

You had stood as soon as the door handle turned, facing Sam, tears welling in your eyes, all control disappearing. Attempting to look into the light in the ceiling to stop the tears from falling, something wasn’t sitting right in your gut, it hadn’t for days, almost like an intuition.

“Is he dead?” your voice wobbled as you tried to hold on from having a complete meltdown, knees locking to stop from shaking and falling.

Sam took a deep breath, making sure to look you in the eye. “He’s not dead, but he hasn’t returned with us. We were ambushed”.

“Who…”

“Hydra”.

That one word, the tainted ugly word was enough to have your body giving up on any strength that it had retained. Sam was quick to catch you before you slammed to the floor, easing the seat beneath you and pouring a glass of fresh water, making sure you took a sip before sitting in the seat next to you.

His hand rested on yours as it lay in your lap, as he began to explain the situation and you were so very grateful for your friend, not trusting yourself to speak at that current moment.

They’d been ambushed, the entire operation was a setup and even the agents, specifically, Bucky was able to hold the enemy back, eventually, they had surrounded him and before Sam could reach him, they had gone.

“I knew this would happen” you eventually declared, looking at Sam’s tired face. “I knew they would get to him, I’ve heard the rumours and the threats but no one seemed to take them seriously! Sam what if they-”

“I know what you’re going to say but that will not happen, Ok? Zemo’s tried it, and others have attempted it. Bucky is just Bucky, Shuri has made sure that the Winter Soldier was deprogrammed so let’s try not to lose control here, we need to concentrate on getting him back and safely.”

There was no reason to disagree with him but the thoughts continued to send you into a panic, spiralling through your head causing only more detriment to your mental health but you wouldn’t verbally say them, wouldn’t want to manifest them into a reality.

“He’s not dead, I would know if he were”, you knew it didn’t make sense, you didn’t have a tracker on his heart but through everything the two of you had shared, it was almost like a silent connection. He often joked that you were both two of the same coin and you truly believed that too.

“He’s not, I believe that too, they wouldn’t want to kill him so quickly”. Saying it like that had sour bile threatening to spill from your mouth so you forced yourself to drink another sip of water, silent tears dripping down your cheeks.

“So what do we do now? Are there people searching for him?”

“Of course, we have everyone out there searching the area, drones are scanning the ground to sense any underground holdings. We aren’t stopping for even a moment. The only reason I’ve returned is that I wanted to be the one to tell you and get some more supplies”.

You tried to half-ass a smile, looking back at Sam with sincerity. “Thank you, I do appreciate it coming from you Sam. What time do we go-”

“That’s the other reason I’m here because I know you’d somehow get involved in the search and I’m sorry but I can’t have you anywhere near the site.”

The overwhelming urge to shout took over your body so much that you had to take a deep breath, rolling back your shoulders, ignoring the heat that had settled in your cheeks. “Listen, Sam, I can be useful please, I know what Hydra are like”.

“I understand that but, you’ve got to see it from my perspective as well. They’ve got Bucky, now what would happen if they also captured you too? What could they make Bucky do if you were in harm's way?  Even without the Winter Soldier, Bucky would kill anyone if it meant keeping you protected so there’s no way I’m letting that happen.”

This also made sense but it still didn’t stop your stomach from clenching as you refrained from arguing. As you tried to settle your emotions, you took in your friend, really looked at him and saw the overwhelming exhaustion and fear settled within his eyes.

“We’ll find him, Sam. Come on, I’ll clean you up, that’s a nasty scratch you’ve got there”, referring to the gash across his forehead. You wanted to be a good friend as much as he has been for you but also, it was a good distraction to fall into work habits.

Working soon became your only salvation, after looking after Sam and watching him return to the jet, you’d made your way back to work yourself. It was the only distraction that had worked and after nearly three days, it had quickly consumed your life, having not returned home once since discovering the news. If you weren’t working, you were sleeping in the changing rooms, showering there, eating vending machine food and returning for the shift.

If you didn’t do this, you’d have a complete and utter breakdown and it also stopped you from getting into a car or plane and going out to where he had been taken. You were sure that the agents were becoming fed up with your ungodly amount of phone calls but every update was needed, even though there had currently been absolutely nothing.

Eventually on the fourth day, your superior ordered you to go home for a full 12 hours but this only meant that you could go back to the office and watch the agents work. None of them asked you to leave which you were thankful for but it was an endless cycle after this, working as a nurse and then sitting with agents.

Four days soon turned into eight which was also when Sam returned again. He’d been out there every single day searching for Bucky, trying to find any clues and it was mostly his activity that you’d watch on the screen day after day.

Sam approached behind you, laying a hand on your shoulder, “let's go for a walk”.

You didn’t want to argue, following behind him as he led the way to the grounds, it felt odd to be outside for this amount of time.

“They called you back to talk to me, didn’t they?” You knew that your behaviour wasn’t normal but it was the only coping mechanism that you could handle right now and you weren’t interfering with anyone either.

“I’ve had my boss and your boss on the phone with me so yes, you’re quite the hot topic. I know you’re worried, I get it, I am too. But you’re going to kill yourself waiting around or working too hard. You need to go home, sweetheart, get some rest, and have an actual meal. If anything happens you’ll be the first person that I call.”

“I can’t go home Sam, not without him, we were supposed to go back together!”, any hope of salvaging the tears was useless as they began to drip down your cheeks.

“I understand that, but you know Buck would kill me if I didn’t look after you so for all of our sakes, let me please drive you home and I’ll even pick you up in the morning but I need you to look after yourself for once.”

The exhaustion truly hit you then, hoping that maybe you were so tired that you’d get in and fall asleep immediately, not having to think about the empty apartment. Eventually, you agreed to Sam’s request, letting him drive you back to your building which you stared at for a few minutes upon arrival, not making any effort to actually leave the safe space within the car. 

“You can do this, if you need anything I’m just at the end of the phone”, he attempted to motivate you, which you were thankful for.

Turning to him in the car, you smiled softly, probably for the first time in eight days, “thanks Sam, I’m lucky to have you in my life”.

“If you keep talking like that you might even make me cry”, he tried to joke, pulling a genuine smile to your cheeks as you exited the car and finally made your way into the apartment. For a good two minutes, you silently stared at the front door, taking a step forward and as the key entered, a small sob escaped your mouth.

The apartment had never looked so dark before as the sun began setting outside, much too quiet as you stepped in. Bucky liked to always have noise even as he slept, mostly from a distraction from his thoughts so you took a leaf out of his book and rushed to turn on the TV.

The background did help slightly, rushing to shower and load the washer but the place felt haunting, even though this was all in your head. Attempting to keep busy, you cleaned the apartment, emptying the contents fridge that held a lot of gone-off food, the milk having solidified so quickly, you threw it into the trash.

Heading downstairs, you disposed of the trash bag into the dumpsters, taking your time to go back as the stars twinkled in the night sky above.

Just as you were outside your apartment door, you stopped. On the floor, was a singular drop of blood at the threshold of the door, that you’d left open as the area was usually secure.

Patting your body quickly for your phone, you cursed for leaving it on the side. Also, you checked that somehow you’d not scratched yourself or even had a nosebleed but there was nothing. The sensible decision would have been leaving the building and not coming back but something within you drew you into the apartment, stepping quietly and turning on the main light, illuminating the kitchen and living room area.

Bucky’s name whispered at the back of your thoughts but you couldn’t let your hopes be lifted. There were no further blood spots anywhere in your home, and as you entered the bedroom, the last room to check, there were no signs of anything wrong, nothing was out of your place, even your phone was still left laying on the side as you reentered the main living space.

This was when a force bulldozed into you, a large hand covering your mouth and a sharp knife held at your throat, pressing over your artery as the weight pushed you back until colliding with the wall. Momentarily you were winded but the sight before you had instant tears welling in your eyes, a sob bubbling in your throat, the hand over your mouth stopping you from crying out the name, Bucky.

There he was, standing over you and there was so much to take in. He was coated in dirt and blood, fresh and dried. Cuts, grazes, gashes, bruises, every form of injury littered the exposed parts of his body, the rest were covered in filthy joggers and a shirt that you suspected to once be grey but now were mixed between black and red, especially the large blood patch in his abdomen that looked fresh.

Bucky had super soldier serum, he would always heal quicker than others, in fact, the paper-thin scratches that you noticed should have healed as you looked at them to nothing more than a pink line but they stayed, unhealed.

However, through everything, it was his eyes that had your thoughts screaming on red alert. The eyes, the stare, that you hadn’t seen in years.

Not panicking was key so even with the knife at your throat, you dropped your shoulders, showing you had no fear, the Winter Soldier always hated when you looked frightened of him. The usual soft clear blue eyes of Bucky were now hard and slightly glazed over as he looked down at your shorter form.

Trying to maintain your courage and not falter, you began to lift your hands, palms up, showing that there are no weapons and you meant no harm but the Asset already knew this. Taking a risk, you wrapped your hands around his wrists, gently earring them away from their hold against you.

The Winter Soldier did not fight it at all.

“Soldier?” you asked tentatively as his hand was removed from your mouth.

The Asset collapsed and any attempt you had to catch him was in vain as he weighed a lot more than you could carry but thankfully, you managed to cup the back of his head before it collided with the floor.

“Buck- Soldier? Open your eyes, please!” desperately you cradled his face, stroking both thumbs against his bruised cheekbones but he was out cold, not even his eyes flickered.

Nurse mode kicked in as you instantly went to the dark area at his abdomen, lifting his shirt to see a stab wound that was still bleeding slowly. Rushing off your feet, you grabbed the first aid pack from the cupboard as well as your phone, leaving it at your side to quickly put pressure onto the wound. 

This woke him up as he grunted in pain, his breaths leaving him in quick bursts as he attempted to grip your wrists.

“Shh it’s ok, I’m going to look after you, I just need to stop the bleeding, I know it hurts, I’m sorry”.

“Солнышко”, he whispered a name that you had not heard in a long time. Years ago, the Soldier had whispered it to you so no one could hear. Eventually, it was the only name he would call you, and one day, it was translated for you. “Little sun”. As he began to regain his memories after escaping Hydra, he would talk about why this name, only repeating that you were his light in a world full of darkness, therefore, his little sun.

“It’s ok, Soldier, you’re going to feel better, I just need you to stay still, let go of my wrists”.

He did instantly, always listening to you.

The wound was still bleeding, and you silently cursed at yourself for not having more resources to care for him but every time you’d care for his wounds after a mission recently, it had been at the facility. “What did they do to you?” your words were only a whisper, a question more for yourself as the panic began to set in. 

Glancing up into his eyes, you found that he had passed out again, allowing you to call someone. Easing one hand off of the wound, quickly unlocking your phone and selecting the first name to pop up, it answers within two rings.

“It’s not even been two hours yet, that’s not enough time-” Sam tried to joke on the other end of the line but you had to cut him off.

“He’s here”.

Sam paused for a second like he didn’t quite understand what you’d said. 

“What? What do you mean he’s there-”

“I mean, what I said Sam! He’s here, passed out on the floor and he's injured sam, I need some help, please!”

“Ok, ok I’ll get the medics to go to your apartment, I’ll head there now as well.”

“Wait Sam, that’s not the only thing. He’s not- He’s not Bucky”.

“Shit.” Sam cursed loudly.

“I can’t have them taking him away again”, you needed the medics but the risk of the Winter Soldier waking up in a room full of strangers was only bound to end in danger.

“They won’t take him away sweetheart, I’ll contact Shuri, it’ll be ok, we’ll sort out a plan.”

And this is exactly what they did. Turning up in force, you rushed to grab the equipment, ignoring the guns that were being pointed at Bucky.

“No one touches him but me, do you all understand?” Everyone agreed, Sam thankfully then turned up and was able to have the guns pointed somewhere than where you were. Eventually, it was decided that they would sedate him which was probably the best option compared to being on guard with guns. Even on transfer to the facility where he would heal, you stayed by his side, cleaning his wounds and suturing a few gashes. After all the scans and investigations, it was determined that other than the stab wound, he had a broken wrist, cracked three ribs, several fingernails missing and head to toe, covered in bruises, cuts and grazes and IV lines were giving him pain medication and antibiotics, he looked a mess.

He had stayed sedated for another day, allowing his body to try and heal. Sam had attempted to send you home once more, but in the end, you had agreed to change into some cream joggers and a t-shirt and then made a little nest next to his bed in the most comfortable chair available.

You’d dozed in your chair for a couple of hours, waking up to find Sam standing behind you but luckily no one else was, the armed guards currently waiting outside as the sedation was wearing off. 

This wasn’t the only precaution and even after arguing about it for hours, they still placed, large cuffs across his body, particularly his metal arm, just in case he woke.

“He’s just gotten out of imprisonment and now he’s back in it”, you mumbled quietly, looking up and down his body.

“It’s not forever, it’s just a precaution”, Sam tried to ease your anxiety, something he seemed to be doing a lot of these days but you were thankful for your friend staying until Bucky woke up.

Leaning across the bed, you held the metal hand, the feeling giving some comfort.

“This feels weird waiting for the Winter Soldier to wake up and you’re just casually there holding his hand.”

Smiling sadly at Sam’s statement, you continued to watch Bucky, or should you be say the Winter Soldier? It was all so confusing, and there was still some hope that it would be Bucky waking up. 

Just as your eyes became heavy, Bucky’s hand suddenly flinched in yours and instantly you were sitting further up on your chair, leaving over him.

“Bucky?” your fingers drifted through his short brunette hair. At first, his eyes didn’t open but he furrowed his brows like he was willing himself to wake up. “It’s ok, I’m here, I’m not going anywhere”, you whispered, leaning in to kiss his forehead, mindful of his injuries. Standing back up, his eyes were now open, staring at you and now it was noticeable that the whites of his eyes were stained with red but at least he could open them properly.

“Buc- … Soldier? How do you feel?” at the near mention of Bucky’s name, the heart rate monitor began to increase in speed so you resorted back to trying to calm him. “You’re safe, it’s ok. Your wounds aren’t healing like they usually would so I’m just keeping a close eye on you.”

“They laced the knives with a special solution”. You’d not expected him to speak so soon, it was gruff from lack of use but his tone was softer than anything the Soldier had ever used.

“What?”

“They bathed the knives in some green solution before cutting me and it’s stopped me from healing.” The sick feeling returned to your stomach with full force, dreading to ever find out what had happened that they had tortured him enough for the Winter Soldier to come out.

“You’re healing well now though which is the main thing. It just might have to be at the same rate as us normal lot”.

Leaning forward once more, your lips softly kissed his temple, fingers still coming through his hair. The sound of his shackles shaking had you looking down at his hands, he’d tried to reach for you too but had been restricted. The Asset also looked down in confusion as to why he was being chained up but his eyes didn’t even glance at the straps, instead, he saw Sam at the end of his bed.

“Soldier, it’s fine, they’re friendly, they just want to help you.”

This wasn’t enough for him, the heart rate spiking to a dangerous level as his muscles struggled against the cuffs, his body straining as he tried to escape. “Calm down Soldier, listen to me Buck-Soldier, stop please, it’s safe!”

It was no use as the more he struggled, the more the guards were getting antsy and before long they were entering the room and pointing their guns at him. Sam began shouting now but that made no difference as the Asset had ripped his arms out of the shackles and the other cuffs were like pieces of string, easily ripped off.

“Point your guns somewhere else! Please get out, I don’t want him to hurt you”, it was complete and utter chaos, you were sure your heart was beating as fast as the one displayed on the monitor. “Stop pulling them out, they are there to help you”, you shouted at the Soldier as he ripped the IVs out of his arm and detached himself from the monitors. 

In the next second, his metal arm was gripping around your middle as he raced out of the bed, staggering slightly with his injuries but that didn’t deter him from pushing you into the corner, standing in front with only his hospital gown on. 

Now you were even more confused. The Winter Soldier was the world’s most dangerous assassin and on many occasions, he had killed to protect you but here he was, not making that step to kill anyone, simply just standing in front of you, being a barrier between the guns and your person.

“Everyone needs to stop this, now!” Sam shouted, holding his hands out in front of the guards.

Placing your hand in the middle of the Soldier’s back, you tried to speak to him, “you- you don’t need to protect me from these people, they are your friends Soldat”.

“I know who they are”, he revealed, looking at Sam now. “I’m not the Soldier, not to the fullest extent. I still have my mind but he’s there at the forefront, I want to kill you all but not because I’ve been ordered to but because I need to protect- WE, need to protect her but I can’t get through to him that you’re safe to be around.”

“Oh Bucky”, you muttered, laying your forehead against his back for a second, savouring his warmth before standing on your tip toes to look over his shoulder. “Please can you leave us for a moment, even if it's just outside the door, I just need you all to leave us”.

It took some stern words from Sam and arguments before they relented and exited, with Sam giving a final nod before thankfully closing the door, leaving the two of you in peace.

“Sit down before you hurt yourself anymore”, you encouraged Bucky as he held onto the stab wound, turning to face where you stood in the corner of the room. Your breaths were coming out in quick bursts, as your eyes flicked between his two confused ones.

Lifting his metal hand, he gently cupped your cheek which you thankfully grabbed, holding it there, having never been more grateful for a moment until now.

“You look sad, and you haven’t been eating properly”, he uttered, looking across your face.

Brushing away his hands, “Yes well, I’m going to be pissed if you don’t get into this bed right now!”

“Yes ma’am” he retorted with the sarcastic tone you’d grown so fond of. Bucky grunted as he eased himself into bed, brushing away the mess left behind by the destroyed cuffs. 

As you began to sit in your seat, he requested, “lie with me”.

“Nice try Barnes but there will be no lying with you, not on that tiny bed, now lie back and heal”. It sounded like you were chastising a child but it was for his own good, the stubborn man.

At the mention of the name Barnes, his eye twitched slightly before rolling his neck and settling back into the pillows. Even though you would lie with him, you still sat as close as you could, holding his flesh hand which was covered in bandages.

“What did they do to you?”

“You don’t want to know Doll”.

He never hid anything from you, maybe it was for the best that he didn’t give you the details whilst everything was so fresh for him.

“Explain to me what you meant that he was in your mind, so you’re Bucky… but you aren’t?”

“Sort of. I think it got to a point where something snapped in my subconscious and he came out but I mean, it worked. His ruthless aggression was just the push I needed to snap my wrist out of the chains and get me or us- out of there”.

You weren’t sure what to say so he continued his explanation. “I have enough control not to kill them lot out there, but he’s still in here, lingering, ready to kill if needs be”, he pointed at his head.

“Well I’m very glad you didn’t kill poor Sam, he just about shit himself”.

Bucky laughed but then winched, gripping his fractured ribs.

“So what do you want to do now? I think Shuri is coming here”.

“That’s probably for the best, it would be nice not to want to kill my friends. I do ask one thing of you though, don’t leave my side”.

Your heart broke at the sincere note to his tone, tears threatening to spill enough that you had to look away from him.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to make you upset”, Bucky tried to sit up to comfort you but you were quick to push his shoulders back into the pillows, moving to now sit on the edge of his bed, cupping his cheek as he continued his explanation. “I just meant, that if you weren’t here, I can already feel how agitated he is thinking about it. What I’m getting at is for everyone’s safety, don’t leave the Winter Soldier. You’re going to have to just deal with us overbearing pair for a little bit, that’s also why we came straight home rather than a hospital”.

“I think I can deal with that for a little while longer”, finally you were able to grin and truly mean it, leaning in to kiss his lips softly.

It was only a second long but he was already trying to deepen it which caused the pain to flare in his face.

You laughed sitting away from him, “you need to heal first Romeo, both of you do”.

Bucky’s eyes softened, before revealing, “he’s missed you. I’ve missed you”.

“I’ve missed you both too, my overprotective murderer”, you joke, kissing his bandaged hand. At this point, Bucky’s eyes had begun to become heavy, dropping slightly. “Get some rest, I’ll be here when you wake up.

“You better me, otherwise I’m killing everyone in that hallway, Солнышко”.

A/N: Солнышко - little sun. I must admit that I used google to find the translation so apologies if this isn't correct.

[melanieph321]

Ruben Dias/Trent Alexander Arnold x Reader - Dark Rivarly Part 3/15

Part 4 and 5 are already out on my Patreon for FREE!

Reader is Trent Alexander Arnold's twin sister. The two have been inseparable since childbirth, more so now when Reader is fresh out of university looking for a job, crashing at her brother's place whilst doing so. One day Reader gets a job offer that she cannot refuse, however it would mean working for her brother's biggest rival in football, Ruben Dias.

Enjoy!

It was another slow day at the shop. You were sagging over the front desk with a lollipop in your mouth, thinking about anything better that you could be doing with your time. Sleep, for example.

"You're still here?" A pair of high heels were heard emerging from the back. Jenny popped up looking gorgeous than ever,  with her lips painted red, matching the color of her hair that was laid down over one shoulder. "I thought Mrs Arnold said that you'd be leaving this morning?"

"I'm not going to Liverpool." You muttered.

"No? Why not?"

Since her newfound free time due to retirement, Grandma often took the train to Liverpool whenever Trent and his team played a home game at Anfield. By now it had become tradition. A tradition that you were perhaps expected to follow, but had a long list of reasons not to. Number one:

"Trent and I aren't really speaking." You said.

"It's that bad huh?"

Jenny put on her coat and went over to the coffee machine. She returned to the front desk with her cup.

"I dunno." You muttered. "It's not like I can't call him and he won't pick up. It's more me ignoring him for what he did to me."

"You mean telling your parents the truth?"

"Right. What a dick move that was."

Jenny shook her head, a smile on her face. "I don't know, Y/N. I think that deep down your brother just worried about you not really having a job or a place to stay. He was fair to let you crash at his for a while, that's what family is for. But it was also fair of him to kick you out when he felt like you weren't pulling your weight. I mean he was basically providing for someone who should be able to provide for themselves, don't you think?"

"What if I don't wanna be a provider?" You protested, with a pout on your lips. "What if I wanna be pampered and taken care of whilst my rich husband works and I sleep all day. Isn't there a name for that? I should have studied that shit instead of marketing. What's it called again?" You snapped your fingers for the answer to come to you.

"A housewife?" Jennifer said.

"Exactly!" You pointed. "I wanna be a housewife, not a provider. Trent ruined that for me. He took my dream."

"Um, I'm pretty sure being a housewife involves more than sleeping and being provided for."

"Really, like what?"

"Well, aren't they supposed to raise children and take care of them?"

"Huh? I don't want kids."

"Right." Jennifer sighed, realizing that you had your own logic applied to the matter. "Either way I was thinking about closing down early today,  if that's okay with you?"

"What for?" You frowned.

"Well, a couple of friends and I were thinking about catching the game in a bar not too far from here. You didn't think your grandma would hire someone who isn't a Liverpool fan, did you?"

"Sounds like grandma." You chuckled.

"Yeah, so feel free to join us. If not, we could always keep the shop open, with you tending the front desk."

You shook your head. "No, you're right. We should close early and catch the game instead.

"Great, I'll finish packing up some boxes in the back, if you wanna get started on sweeping the floors?"

"Gotch cha', I'll see you in a bit."

You grabbed a broom, ready to sweep like those dusty children in that play that Grandma used to take you and Trent to see as kids. Fiddler On The Roof, it was called. You and Trent used to really enjoy spending an evening at the theater, especially back in the days when your grandpa was still alive.

You were halfway done sweeping when the bell to the front door rang and a young woman entered the shop.

"Um, hello?" You frowned. "The sign outside says we're closed."

"Hello." The woman smiled. "I'm looking for someone, a stylist that I've been told works here."

"Um, you got the wrong shop madam. We only do fittings here, not makeovers."

The woman took your words politely, batting her long eyelashes. "But I've been told that a stylist works here and a really good one at that. I'd like to meet with her please, my client demands it."

You rolled your eyes. "We'll there's only three people working here. One is me and a sixty-two year old lady with a bad hip."

"And the other one?" The lady looked you up and down, not at all impressed with what was presented to her. "Who is the third person?" She asked.

You sighed, but leaned on your broom, shouting for Jennifer. She emerged from the back to the young woman's obvious relief.

"Hello, you must be who I'm looking for."

"Um, hi." Jenny smiled, shaking the hand that the invidious young woman offered. "Do you mind if we talk in private?" She said, looking back at you with your lollipop in your mouth.

"Um, sure, why not."

The two of them disappeared into the back office but returned a couple of minutes after. By then you had swept the floors and all that was left to do was close down and lock the shop.

"What did she want?" You asked Jenny, seeing as the young woman left with her tail between her legs.

"I dunno." She shrugged. "Something about a job, but I told her that she must be mistaken because I'm not a stylist."

"Hmm, strange. "

"Yeah, either way, are you ready to go?"

"Sure. The bar is only down the street right? I might as well leave my things here, no?"

"If you want." She shrugged.

You did exactly that. The two of you were then off to the bar, a fancy and quite posh place. But apparently Jenny and her friends hung out there all the time. They were quite different from you, a different sense of humor etc. It made you feel left out, until they found out who your brother was of course. People naturally paid more attention to you once they knew that you had a twin brother who played football in the highest league in England. Same thing happened at university, making it hard for you to tell which friends liked you for you and which ones didn't. It all showed itself during your years of crashing at people's houses. In a way you saw it as a test of friendship. A test of who would put up with you the longest. So far the winner was Trent. Perhaps that's why him wanting you out, hurt the most.

********************************************

You lit the flashlight on your phone upon returning to the shop to grab your things. The night was still young and Jenny and her friends decided to head for another bar after the game. They insisted you'd come with them, however you declined the offer, saying you were tired from a day of work.

"Stupid bag, where are you?" You were looking for it in the dark. Why you didn't bother turning on the light might have to do something with the fact that you were crying your eyes out like a toddler. Why? You had no idea. It started at the bar. In the bar's bathroom to be specific. The Liverpool match ended with a victory for the home team. Jenny and her friends celebrated with a round of shots, whilst you receive an incoming facetime call from your mother. It was her, your dad and Grandma, surrounded by cheering fans who all celebrated the team's victory.

"We wish you were here honey, hope you're having a great night." She said before ending the call.

For some reason her words and the whole situation made you want to smash a mirror with your fist. You even entered the bar's bathroom,  ready to do it. It was an uncontrollable and raging feeling that swept through your body, the ones you used to get as a child whenever you felt rejected or unfairly treated. Doctors and school counselors would blame your tantrums on your ADHD, but for some reason you always blamed your twin brother Trent. It was Trent's fault that the other kids didn't want to play with you. Trent's fault that the adults swept you aside in order to praise your opposite, despite the fact that you were the first one to emerge from the womb. It was all Trent's fault.

Everything.

"Um, are you okay?"

"Aaaaahhhhh!"

Your scream echoed throughout the shop. You turned around to the sound of a man's voice, only to be met with a giant dark shadow lurking by the door.

"Who are you? What do you want?"

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you."

You squinted your eyes and let the silhouette of the streetlights reveal his identity. "Ruben?"

He smiled. "Good. You remember me."

[watashime-ciel]

explaining the reason why some songs were added to some of my RH playlists because i cant just drop that and not elaborate and i have nothing better to do

i believe the title cannot be clearer than that so. yeah

when i quote a lyrics from the song instead of explaining thats because its a piece of lore im not ready to share because its too personal, too explicit, too sad, or i simply dont want to. this can make you think whats going on with the goofy goobers and make your own headcanons or scenarios. maybe. idk. still, huge TW for lyrics touching mental health generally, su1cide, s/h, EDs and s3xual themes

and ocean o'connor rosenberg

STARTING WITH DJ YELLOW because i always follow the same pattern when i talk of rhythm heaven

RAT A TAT WRITER by FAKE TYPE.: one of his favourite electro swing songs, which he forced Red to make a cover of

Valentino by Olly Alexander: "i should've known not to trust Valentino."

Wanna Be Someone by Telehope: a comfort song for his grey days

Toon Bangers by FAKE TYPE.: his first feminine cosplay was DEMONDICE in Toon Bangers, debuting with Connie and Red in a big convention. they performed that song so it has a special place in his heart

Born This Way by Lady Gaga: guess. just guess. because yellow is the straightest person i know /j

Happy Pills by Weathers: "the voices in my right brain are kinda funny. they tell me, take a deep breath. it's always sunny." piece of lore i'm not ready to share, but maybe dj yellow isn't that happy after all

Help! Oh, Well... by I'm Something Else YT: literally the song explains everything. and yes he needs help /hsrs

Poison by Blake Roman: "what's the worst part of this Hell? I can only blame myself", "wish I had something to live for tomorrow"

Empty by Jaiden Animations and BoyInABand: "but it's so overwhelming and i hope no one can tell, cuz the numbers keep decreasing, this ordeal is becoming routine. check; arms, back, neck, thighs. suck it in and pinch my sides. the scales are betraying me, the mirror is a lie! numbers. it all comes down to numbers. i know it's wrong, but just because you know you're colourblind it doesn't means you can't see the colours. fine! i admit i'm addicted! but the hunger feels good, how do i quit this?! i know i could die, i've seen the statistics! but the voices are with me through thick and thin..."

Noel's Lament from Ride The Cyclone: Yellow is like Noel fr and he quotes "GOD DAMMIT WOULD YOU KEEP IT IN YOUR PANTS FOR JUST A SECOND YOU HORRIBLE SUCCUBUS!?" everyday

MEGANE by UltraNoob: ...he's a completely different person when he uses his glasses. way different.

Trapped In A Dream by RudyWade: the amount of times he woke up from a dream INSIDE A DREAM is insane, feeling like alive is not something he is during those moments. and he always feels like hes going to be trapped forever, which he hates because "the feeling of not being alive is not like not being alive, that's terrifying..". quote, "the clock is ticking, time's running out. i need to wake up, i need to shout. i need to find my way back to life. [...] wake me up, set me free from this dreaming misery. i need to feel alive again!"

Lagtrain by 稲葉曇: the whole song is one he finds the most melancholic of all. he usually hears Mako sing it, and he just breaks down to tears because its so magestic yet so sad and entertaining and melodic and-

Girls by MARINA: "look like a girl, but i think like a guy. not lady like to behave like a slime.", "is there any possibility you'll quit gossiping about me to hide your insecurities? all you say is blah, blah. girls, they never befriend me cuz i fall asleep when they speak of all the calories they eat! all they say is nanananana."

Magical Doctor by MARETU: literally the heaviest song he uses to vent emotionally. like- he screams along

I/Me/Myself by Will Wood: "i wish i could be a girl! and, really, i'd prefer it if you used 'i/me/myself'. am i pretty enough? am i pretty enough to fucking die!?"

bonus: cardigan by Taylor Swift. "you drew stars around my scars". this is something Blue voluntarely offered Yellow to do as a way of comfort and help with urges, also adding the rainbow breathing technique

the end. probably as i add more i will add more to this explanation list in a separate post

BLUE🗣️🗣️

Descartable by Tronic: a song he animated fully of him and all his friends (and yellow). it was the first time he got out his comfort zone

Space Age Bachelor Man from Ride The Cyclone: his ocs and Ricky are very much the same in terms of... lore. but not Ricky's lore. i mean the space Jesus lore. if you watched the musical you know what i mean

Tiempo by Darkar Alatriz (Vete A La Versh): this song hits me way too personally, as i always dedicate it to my deceased pet dog. i really cant get into much detail without hearing the lyrics in my head and thinking of her, but i dont want to keep this song out and act like its not there. i can only say Blue also lost something important to him at an age he considers young. but it wasnt a pet, but two people that are important for a young person whos still growing up

At Atelier by FAKE TYPE.: he sticks to the idea of "imagination has no limits" really well like Miss Atelier, always working hard to improve and finding inspiration everywhere

Candy by Paolo Nutini: okay. i cant act like this story didnt happen. at some point, Blue proposes to Yellow, and he obviously accepts. Candy was playing during Yellow's entrance. but this story happens in the future. waaaaay into the future... but

Cendrillon 10th Anniversary by DiosP: this is the song that replaced the classic waltz music. this song was also Blue and Yellow's debut in a cosplay contest as Cendrillon Miku and Cendrillon KAITO, winning on best performance btw

Alguien Como Tú by Jósean Log: this song is in Spanish, but its about a man in love with a woman. the woman either doesnt knows or doesnt feels the same for him, so he sings asking if she knows someone else with certain qualities she has, saying that if he cant be with her he wants to be with someone like her. during the years where Blue wanted to confess to Yellow but he was scared, he felt very much like this

Keep This To Myself by Casper Caan: the calm and melancholic tune of the song plus the chorus makes him think of the times he repressed his own feelings to help Yellow, as he is the one thats in danger almost everytime, not Blue. "Cuz I have a plan you don't know; i'll keep this to myself"

No Llora by El Cuarteto De Nos: i invite you to translate the lyrics to understand better. this is another song that hits me way too personally so i cant drop the lore. but have this in mind: Blue represses his own feelings so much that he can be a bit emotionless from the outside. now its because he wants to focus on Yellow's health first, but back in the day, he used to do it to prove himself he is strong enough to not cry for everything. although he would go back home and cry on Ann Gler's shoulder (Ann Gler took take of him during his childhood). thats all i can say. i cant quote anything because it burns

J.J

although many of those songs are what he plays on the guitar or sings, there are a few that go beyond that

Get Out The Way by Mother Mother: "i'm not antisocial, i'm just tired of the people. and i'm fine while rolling solo, so get out."

I Can't Handle Change by ROAR: "nothing i do is ever good. nothing i do is ever good enough. nothing i do is ever good. [...] leave me alone, leave me alone..." "i can't help but redeem myself, i know it's not your fault. still, lately i begin to shake for no reason at all."

all Megamasso songs: part of his lore, where he played in the Rhythm Heaven equivalent of Megamasso (Leo [Watashime Slug]'s band before WataSlug) as the second guitar

Christmas Kids by ROAR: "you'll change your name and change your mind, and leave this fucked up place behind, but i'll know, i'll know..." "if you ever try to leave me, i'll find you, Ronnie."

Wrecking Ball by Mother Mother: "you gotta see the artistry in tearing the place apart with me, baby. i am unruly in the stands. i am a rock on top of the sand. i am a fist amidst the hands, and i break it just because i can. let's break it just because we can! deface it just because we can! let's break it just because!... just because.... just because, just because..."

Do You Think About Me?: surprisingly, his mental health improved the instant he befriended Cecil, and got even better when they started dating. although, at some point, he got to a downfall. he becane a clingy person towards Cecil, always anxious if Cecil is being honest or not. in the end, they are the only shoulder he can cry on. "there's a fairytale in our song, it brought us together, gave us a new start. i was lost, falling apart. you gave me a spot somewhere in your heart... and act of God? a shooting star? you came from afar, with open arms... it was so dark, as cold as November almost over, i told ya..."

Cecil💥

What The World Needs from Ride The Cyclone: Ocean reminds them of their mother. she, in reality, was a very close minded, mean, homophobic and egocentric. if you didn't do something as she wanted, then the world doesn't needs you. thankfully she changed, but she was a pain in the ass. like Ocean. nobody likes Ocean.

the majority of songs that sound childish, are from kids shows, etc etc, stick to their desire of never growing up and enjoy a happy childhood they really didn't have. i don't know if it's age regression, at least in Cecil's case (but it is for another goofy goober i'm not specifying), but they find the most comfort in a childish environment, ambiented with music

Body by Mother Mother: us genderqueer people have been in that existential crisis where we even question ourselves if we even exist. well, it got to Cecil really fast the moment they let their hair grow enough to look at themself in the mirror and scream in confussion. and somedays it got really bad that they just- well- read the lyrics-

Towards The Sun by Rihanna: no their favourite movie is not Home. its more of the melancholic tune that they like. it also helps them release more tears when crying becomes a hard task, and even need help with that

we fell in love in october by girl in red: J.J AND CECIL STARTED DATING IN OCTOBER. I REPEAT, J.J AND CECIL STARTED DA-

i wanna be your girlfriend: the day before Cecil confessed felt like that for them

Empty by Jaiden Animations and BoyInABand: they struggle to eat. simple as that. maybe it's the colour, the shape, the smell, the taste... they just struggle and need time to finish a few bites. they're in their way tho, trying new foods everyday with J.J's help. the song is not directly on their playlist, it's just like a character soundtrack, as much of the lyrics can be connected to Cez

Last Effect by last note.: berore playing the guitar, they played the violin, and this song is one they played last before switching completely to the guitar. coincidently, both violin and guitar are essential on that song

with this we conclude the goofy goobers songs that have a reason to be in the playlists i made. yes i know their stories are sad. no i dont regret anything. yes much of those headcanons were made for my own comfort. no i dont give a shit whatchu think🫂

im cold guys its like 7° outside thats too cold

anyways GOOD NEWS i got a job (yippee) so i will finally get money to buy that one compilation visual kei album with watashime slug's kyo x batsu japanese version omfg im- guys. guys its a dream come true

bye guys drink wotah plz dont get dehidrated

[steambot-shenanigans]

Steam Powered Giraffe Mechanisms crossover bulletfic

I had an idea for a Steam Powered Giraffe au where Commander Cosmo and the Steam Powered Giraffe heroes formed a crew of space adventurers to track down traces of the necrostar and thwart the tragedies it leaves behind. (Those tragedies of course would be the events of the Mechanisms albums)

But this idea got too big and I don’t know if I ever would have been able to write it. I enjoy thinking about this au, but I would not be able to do it justice with my current writing skill. So as a compromise with myself, here is the plot it would have had in bullet points.

WOW This got WAY LONGER than I thought it would so prepare yourself for that going in.

Beginning/setup

Commander Cosmo’s celebration of defeating the Astronaut is short lived when he realizes that the body of the Astronaut has been possessed by the Necrostar, creating the Necronaut

He decides to assemble a team of heroes (“all of them”) to follow the readings he picked up and try to defeat the necronaut. He feels it is his responsibility as he thinks it was his fault the necronaut exists

While he does this, though, he needs to keep Cosmica close by so he can teach her how to not kill everyone and also supervise her, which she resents a bit, but ultimately understands the purpose of

Cosmo, along with the crew of the SS Alexander go to earth. Cosmo meets with SPG and they tell him about all the heroes they know of, starting with Delilah Morreo who is still alive due to being a wraith

They know that in order to not mess with the timeline, they must take the older heroes out of their timelines after or right before they die. That presents the problem of keeping them alive

Delilah and Cosmo come up with devices to technologically augment the heroes with blue matter and a touch of green.

Delilah learned about some of this engineering technique from a fellow scientist she met a while back who she had to end her research fellowship with once she learned the scientist was a vampire

They rescue Captain Albert Alexander shortly after he sank to the bottom of the sea, using a stealth submarine and brought him back to life with mechanical lungs to replace the ones damaged by water intake

They rescue Rex Marksley in his own home as a disease that left him blind was about to kill him, and give him a new pair of mechanical eyes that can aim even better than his natural eyes. He opts to wear dark goggles over his eyes as he adjusts, and he can see just fine out of them. He didn’t want to be saved, but he was not going to turn down his world in a time of need

They rescue Lilly “Airheart” on the mountainside, leaving only Jimmy’s goggles behind. Lilly already had an engine for a heart, being half plane, and so all Cosmo and Delilah had to do was add a blue matter core to it. Lilly wished she could take Jimmy’s goggles with her as she learns to pilot a spaceship.

Without information on how Roller Skate King, Salgexicon, and Leopold Expiditus died, they cannot take them out of the timeline, and the Suspender man wasn’t much of a hero, so those four got left back on earth

Cosmo entrusts the safety of present day earth with Olly and the Equinox Band (they were already doing it anyway, because technically this timeline’s Cosmo is still in the star)

The rescued heroes freak out about being in space and in the future but eventually get used to it enough to do what they were brought to do

Once Upon a Time in Space

They track traces of the Necronaut to an old, dangerous sector of space in the far future, as well as traces of a matter type similar to red matter, but it’s frequency is slightly higher

They discover that King Cole is using a new thing called Orange Matter to keep himself alive and create Rose Red clones fueled by the war he eternally wages. It is unsure whether the war fuels the orange matter, or if the orange matter just makes everyone want to go to war

The Necronaut’s meddling would set this up to be a tragedy, so Cosmo’s team intervened

Because most of them cannot die, when the defense grid is brought down around New Constantinople, it is the crew of the SS Alexander that go into the caverns below the palace and confront King Cole.

Captain Albert Alexander fought off the Three Little Pigs with the help of Rav, and at the same time

Rex Marksley brought down King Cole with a single shot right through the heart.

Commander Cosmo breaks through the life pod containing Rose

Together they personally escort Rose back to Cinders, and meet Snow on the way

They collect the red matter and store it in a lead lined container for later study, but investigation reveals there used to be more.

Tales speak of a mysterious figure that talked to King Cole and showed him how to use a natural resource of New Constantinople to extend his life. Some people say the figure is the devil

Ulysses Dies at Dawn

Acheron run on purple matter, which symbolizes desire

There used to be some in the vault, and the radiation still remains, pulling in certain suits and olympians, making them sure they want what’s inside

The radiation itself manifested a seed’s simple desire to grow into a tree

Our heroes seek an audience with Hades who is very interested in their story and does not seem to be who they say they are

Though Hades won’t help, they did learn a bit about their plan and go to the vault before the suits

Gidget takes the trial of wits

Captain Albert Alexander took the trial of strenght

Cosmica passed the trial of song

Lily took the trial of love and came right back to life after the contraption killed her

They see it’s just a tree, and close the vault again

They tell the suits that it’s just a tree

Life in the City goes on

“Is that all? Is the tragedy averted?”

“This whole place is a living tragedy”

They confiscate the purple matter and help negotiate positive social change (it helps when you have two glowy people that could destroy the planet in an instant)

High Noon Over Camelot

Needless to say, both Rex and Rav are excited about the next destination

Though the latter is disappointed that the solution to this particular tragedy is not blowing up the sun before the station can fall into it

Scans of the station reveal broken communication systems as well as where the command center was and a life sign indicating someone in stasis, as well as a bunch of other life signs

Scans also reveal a Matter type that by process of elimination can be assumed to be yellow

To not startle the inhabitants, the human looking people (Lilly, Delilah, Captain, and Rex) go into the main station to talk to the people about finding a solution (Lilly and Delilah have to wear cloaks but at least they’re not green)

Rav, and cosmo go below to look for the person in stasis, leaving Cosmica alone with Booplax and Gidget as a test of her ability to not destroy things when left to her own devices

Cosmo destroys the gun turrets guarding the captain’s cabin and they find and talk to Captain David Robert Matthea, who tells them about the GRAIL and the problems with the station

Rex, Captain, Delilah, and Lilly meet Merlin, hear his prophecies (he is very confused that they are here. He did not Foresee that), and Lilly talks to the ghouls while Rex and Captain talk to the townsfolk

They reconvene and Delilah and Lilly talk about how Ghouls have their own culture and how they raised a human as their own

Rex and Captain talk about the townsfolk’s prejudice and the problems of living on the station

They try to educate each side about the other, and get noticed by Mordred and they work together to try for peace with the ghouls, but Gawain and the pendragons aren’t convinced

Delilah investigates the Siege seat and determines it’s purpose

About this time, Rav and Cosmo come back up through the saloon entrance, shocking a lot of people.

The commotion draws the rest of the team and Cosmo imputs the key and explains to the pendragon gang about what’s going on

They are inclined to believe a glowy person that just popped out of the floor, but that doesn’t mean they think he should declare himself captain

The pendragons eventually agree that Arthur should be captain and they get the station out of the decaying orbit around the sun

In celebration, Mordred reveals that he is Arthur’s son, and explains the whole being trans thing

Using the grail, they fix some of the problems with the station, and as people have less problems, they become more open to diplomacy

Having a son that’s living proof that Ghouls are not all bad also does not hurt

On the way out, Merlin asks for a ride in their spaceship, the crew is surprised he knows what a spaceship is until he reveals that he’s not from the station, nor is he actually named Merlin

Leaving the station they look for where the yellow matter radiation readings were coming from and find it was inside the sun.

As the sun radiated the station with heat, the yellow matter inside radiated the station with fear, turning beings who were exposed to long into things that elicited fear, and causing the townsfolk with less but still significant radiation to fear each other and fear those who were different

Cosmica and Cosmo enter the star together to take the yellow matter out and carefully contain it

The crew help Merlin Brian find his ship using readings from his own self regenerating technology which seems to run on green and blue matter as well

The crew get to know Brian a bit and they swap stories

Meeting with the Mechanisms

The SS Alexander is given permission to dock on the Aurora once Brian’s transmission goes through

Brian introduces them to each other

“So you’re the ones who have been ruining our perfectly good tragedies!”

Conflict, arguing

There’s plenty of tragedy in space, find something else is the general consensus, as well as, a story doesn’t have to be completely true for it to matter and be a good story

They did have one more story they were looking into though and when Cosmo hears about it, he knows it will be their final stand

The Bifrost Incident

The heroes go to Yggdrasil

The mechanisms don’t get involved because it could still go tragically

Cosmo and the Necronaut meet in a dream where the Necronaut brags about his final plan and ends up revealing that his plan involves Odin

The crew head to Asguard and try to convince Odin to not launch the train but she cannot be convinced, the Necrostar has been whispering to her, though she knows it by a different name.

The Necronaut was made of green matter.

It took blue matter energy from the conflict it orchestrated between SPG and the Space Gaint, as well as the Sky Sharks.

It got Red Matter from Commander Cosmo’s core when it tried to kill him

It got orange matter from New Constantinople, far in the future when it obtained some of the substance in return for teaching the king how to use the rest to live forever, though it did not tell him the affect it would have on his mind

It got purple matter from the City, buried amongst the roots of a tree, and once again showed an ambitious young man how to use it to get what he most desired

It got yellow matter from a burning orb of fear, and on the way out, pulled a space station just close enough that it would start to fall into the sun, gradually.

Now it had a whole rainbow, creation and destruction, fear and desire, passion and death, and it looked a bit different

And Odin intended to launch a train right into it

Nothing about the train or the ritual was what it wanted. What it really cared about was the people on the train, and the tragedy they could cause

One final tragedy, if done right, combined with the power of a rainbow of matter, would make the Necronaut unstoppable

Odin launches the train

The crew manage to get on the train but they don’t know how to stop it.

Relying on old faithful, they begin looking for signs of the beginnings of a tragedy.

It is difficult because they all look strange now, but they split up to do their best

Cosmica and Cosmo exit the train and are inside the swirling rainbow of the necronaut’s new form. They want to try talking to him

The rest of the crew talk to as many people as possible and poke around with Gidget hacking into things and they find Loki

A person with an orange streak in their hair and no memories sounds like it could lead to tragedies

Delilah tries to use an alchemical compound with blue matter to restore her memories but it is temporary, and what she says doesn’t make sense

See Thor outside of Loki’s cabin, Thor goes in, gets mad and asks them about it, they tell him what they learned

Thor goes to confront Odin, the others follow

The crew take out the guards to protect Thor but try to convince him to not kill Loki

They listen to him about Balder and explain about how the train is Very Bad and Loki was right for trying to stop it

Thor asks for proof and Rav just points out the window where cosmo and Cosmica are fighting a physical manifestation of the necronaut

Cosmica pulls a “he’s still in there” and tries to bring back the Astronaut by singing a bit of Soliton

For a moment, it seems like it worked, and the monstrous necrostar form turns into the Astronaut

Cosmica holds his face in her hands and tells him she missed him

The Astronaut smiles for a moment before his face falls

“You let me die.”

Cosmica pulls back, letting go of his hands but he grabs her and pulls her in with a look of rage on his face

“You let me DIE!” His sonic voice sends shockwaves that knock cosmo back a few feet and shake the train

Back on the train, Thor believes the crew but doesn’t know how to stop this from going badly, neither does anyone else

Out of ideas, they go back to Loki and find Sygn

They talk about the train stuff and Sygn comes with them to investigate the engine room and brings Loki

They see Kvasir and the altar but before they can panic, Gidget or Delilah warns that pulling him out would cause him to bleed out

They investigate the controls and try to gather first aid supplies

No one can make heads or tails of what the controls do so they decide to take Kvasir out

Surely messing with the system is the opposite of what the necronaut wants!

Things go wrong. They try to patch up kvasir but he’s loosing too much blood, thrashing, and he dies

The gears warp and the train goes weird

Squamous things appear on the train, caused by the rainbow Matter of the Necronaut seeping in either on purpose or on accident and everything is a blue of color and fear and destruction and desire and death and creation and passion

Back outside of the train, the astronaut shakes with rage as Cosmica tries to explain herself

He won’t listen, and ends up monologuing about how Cosmica betrayed him and the necrostar showed him how powerful he could be if he joined it, how he could get revenge on her and Cosmo for ruining his cosmic love, but how this final tragedy will once and for all achieve his goal, he and the necrostar will become one for good and he will always be the speed of light

The Crew on the train rush to save as many people as possible, leaving only Lilly behind with Loki and Sygn in the engine room. Now that the chaos of the train is unleashed, the energy of all the matter types in the train restores Loki’s memory

Thor continues through the train to confront Odin and Rav goes with him to help even the odds

In the engine, Loki and Sigyn realize that if the train doesn’t have blood, it will arrive in Midguard and could take the evil it’s passed through with it, and they go to unhitch the engine but just then, Cosmica is thrown into the engine car from above by the Necronaut, ripping the ceiling open a bit

Cosmica sees what Loki and Sigyn were about to do and warns them against it

“You shouldn’t have to sacrifice the person you love, not if there’s another way. And there’s always another way”

The Astronaut is surprised to hear this, it seems to get through to him, if even a little, though the Necrostar in him tries to fight it

Seeing an opening, Cosmica gives a good apology for letting him die and appeals to his humanity

He has another “what have I done” moment and lets Cosmica and Cosmo separate him from the Necrostar fragment which they contain

Without the Necrostar fragment keeping him alive, he finally perishes for good and Cosmica kisses him as he takes his final breaths. “I won’t leave you this time”

Epilogue

The bifrost/necrostar collapses without the core fragment to keep it together

Thor and Rav defeat Odin with the power of the explosives that Rav always seems to have on him, but it shatters the windows of the observation deck and they are holding on for dear life

Cosmo and Cosmica bring the train back to ground

They go back to earth to share the good news and figure out what to do with a handful of immortal people

[yr-obedt-cicero]

Do you think that Hamilton’s children were aware of his illegitimacy? I highly doubt Hamilton talked about his childhood much, but do you think at least one or two of the children suspected something while he was alive? I know J.C. Hamilton skimmed over it in the biography he wrote of his father, so he at least was somewhat aware of it in adulthood.

It's not clear, but my best assumption is that he likely told them if they were curious (Which I'm sure they were, after all they were quite close with their maternal relatives and knew no one from their dad's side) the same story he told William Jackson, which was;

A Dane a fortune-hunter of the name of Lavine came to Nevis bedizzened with gold, and paid his addresses to my mother then a handsome young woman having a snug fortune. In compliance with the wishes of her mother who was captivated by the glitter of the [blank] but against her own inclination she married Lavine. The marriage was unhappy and ended in a separation by divorce. My mother afterwards went to St Kitts, became acquainted with my father and a marriage between them ensued, followed by many years cohabitation and several children. But unluckily it turned out that the divorce was not absolute but qualified, and thence the second marriage was not lawful. Hence when my mother died the small property which she left went to my half brother Mr Lavine who lived in South Carolina and was for a time partner with Mr Kane.

Source — Alexander Hamilton to William Jackson, [August 26, 1800]

Because interestingly, John C. Hamilton tells the exact same story in his biographies of his father;

Hamilton was the offspring of a second marriage. His mother's first husband was a Dane, named Lavine, who, attracted by her beauty, and recommended to her mother by his wealth, received her hand against her inclination. The marriage proving unhappy, she applied for and obtained a divorce, and removing to St. Christopher's, there married the father of the subject of these notices, and had by him several sons, of whom Alexander was the youngest.

Source — The Life of Alexander Hamilton, by John Church Hamilton

The falsehood here being that Rachel never acquired the proper divorce they make it seem. Additionally they had James Hamilton Jr. in 1753, and in 1757 or 1755 they had Hamilton (And whatever other possible siblings), before the divorce in 1759.

Nine years after Rachel left Lavien and was with James Sr., Lavien had found himself in a lot of debt, he had to sell most of his plantation, and rent out his few slaves to make enough. Additionally there was a woman living with him, and cleaning for him, so it is likely that he wished to marry her, which lead to him wishing to obtain a divorce summons on February 26, 1759. Lavien claimed Rachel had; “absented herself from [Lavien] for nine years and gone elsewhere, where she has begotten several illegitimate children, so that such action is believed to be more sufficient for him to obtain a divorce from her.” [x] Lavien also said he “had taken care of Rachel's legitimate child [Peter Lavien] from what little he has been able to earn,” while she had, “completely forgotten her duty and let husband and child alone and instead given herself up to whoring with everyone, which things the plantiff are so well known that her own family and friends must hate her for it.” [x] Lavien demanded that Rachel also be denied all legal rights to his property. He warned that if he died before her, Rachel as a widow would possibly seek to take “possession of the estate” and therefore, “not only acquire what she ought not to have but also take this away from his child and give it to her whore-children.” [x]

But the thing is, Rachel didn't even try to refute the allegations, or show up to court; which meant on the 25th of June, Lavien recieved a divorce that permitted him to remarry—but on the other hand, Rachel couldn't. So then, her children were deemed illegitimate, and she was barred from ever marrying again. There haven't been any discovered court or wedding records to show that Rachel may have tried to marry James before the divorce came up a few years later, so there is still the slight possibility Hamilton was right about his parents trying to marry and eventually when the divorce came up later it disallowed their marriage. But until that is actually proven, it seems like it was something Hamilton's parents told him, instead of the actual reality of the situation (Which definitely would have been a comprehensible lie, because Rachel knew full well she was not properly divorced, and even continued to go by “Lavien” on some of the records on the island). And he may have discovered the truth later on. After all, the records were on the island, and he would have found out about the 1759 divorce, or the 1769 probate record, especially since he was a smart kid and would have questioned their situation after his mother's death. He was pushed through several homes and lost everything, I think something would have noticably not been clicking together and he would have asked. But even so, it is likely Hamilton may have continued to repeat the story his parents told him to spare himself and his family roots. Granted, that is mostly all speculation.

John mentions that his father “rarely as he dwelt upon his personal history”, [x] so I don't think it was an open conversation topic with his kids. Although Hamilton did seem to fondly tell his kids about his mother and his time attending a Jewish school, so it wasn't as though he told his kids nothing. Just probably the sugarcoated truth. But I'm also sure the truth may have bypassed the older ones, especially when you consider how aware of politics Philip was at a young age, he was bound to hear at least a few times from his father's political rivals about Hamilton's illegitimacy. Wether he confronted his father about this, wether Hamilton probably tried to cover it up as mere slander, or wether Philip truly believed him, or may have had lingering suspicion; is all speculation. Perhaps that is why he was quite eager to fight for his father's honor when Eacker slandered the Federalist party. But I also think eventually all the kids would have had to have heard sometime in their adulthood about the illegitimacy rumors surrounding their father, but it's complete speculation what happened after. Did they ask their mother about it? Did Eliza also continue the myth that Hamilton used? Who knows. But it seems the family all followed the story that their father wasn't actually a bastard, but some legal mistakes got in the way.

Hope this helps!

[daandyli0n]

so!! since i'm still thinking about my Fnaf Rewrite,

The Afton Children in the rewrite (order of age):

Alexander "Alex" Afton

the eldest.

15 in 1983, 19 in 1987, 24-25 in 1993.

the Fnaf 1-2 Phone Guy.

the "Foxybro" of this rewrite.

short story summary:

Alex had been a Mama's Boy through and through. His mother's death in childbirth had absolutely devastated him, and he took it out on his younger brother, Cassidy, despite him being only a child. His father's emotional manipulation and abuse following his mother's death, done in a desperate attempt to keep his own children out of trouble and thus out of danger, certainly didn't help matters.

This is not to say that Cassidy was the only family member he lashed out towards. Michael and William generally had to face the brunt of his anger, something that typically led to Mike and Alex being at each other's throats quite often. This is also not to say that Alex didn't love his siblings; he would've traded his life for theirs any day. Unfortunately, his anger and pain outweighed that love.

Cassidy's death changed Alex. He mellowed out a bit, but that mostly came from the guilt that threatened to eat him alive daily. He got a job at Freddy's, mostly at his father's request. He would generally record messages for the employees who worked the nightshift, typically to give company policy updates and advice/orders for their shifts. But as time went on...it became clear that Alex had come to some realizations. Realizations about the skeletons in his father's closet. Specifically, the several child-sized skeletons in his father's closet. One of which he believes might be his brother's.

He's starting to suspect his father's explanation of Cassidy "mysteriously and suddenly" dying in his sleep, when he'd been doing nothing but improving for the past two months prior, might've been a lie.

Maybe Cassidy had gotten suspicious, too. Maybe Dad shut him up, and then covered up his crime as being a "sudden" death.

Unfortunately, Alex never got to find that out while he was alive. His short life ended towards the end of 1993, during one of his last night shifts.

Seems that Cassidy wasn't as forgiving as Alex might have thought he was.

Michael "Mike/Mickey/Mikey/Mick" Afton

the second oldest.

12-13 in 1983, 16-17 in 1987, 22-23 in 1993, 31-32 in 2001, 42-43 in 2012, 44-45 in 2014.

our good old protagonist.

typically the "Night 6" nightguard, although he is the main protagonist, or at least a secondary protagonist, in a few games in this rewrite.

short story summary:

William's spitting image. Michael was, surprisingly enough, the peacekeeper of his household. One of Cassidy's only allies in the house, alongside Elizabeth, Michael was rather close to his baby brother, even going as far to sew a walkie-talkie into his brother's plushie so the two could communicate better when Mike was away.

When Cassidy was brought home from the hospital to recover, Michael, out of guilt for not getting there sooner, is with him every step of the way, even as Cassidy's behavior got more...concerning.

In the aftermath of his brother's death, Mike struggles to hold himself together in his grief. William pushes him to work at Freddy's, supposedly as a distraction of sorts.

It is while working as an employee that Mike starts to suffer more tragedy: Jeremy almost dies from a mangled plastic fox biting down into his skull. Before that, several more children died in that very restaurant. His brother dies in the final restaurant before the company went dormant for a few decades.

Then his father disappears in early 1995, and Michael tries to bury down his trauma. It is when he gets a job to act as a nightguard for the now abandoned Fredbear's Family Diner, that he is forced to confront his past...

and his now dead father.

He's going to make this right. For everybody. For those missing children, for Charlie.

For Cassidy.

Evan Afton

the middle child.

11 in 1983, 28-29 in 2012, 30-31 in 2014.

the lucky one.

doesn't have a main-ish role in story until Fnaf 3 and 6, and even then it's just him keeping in touch with Michael.

short story summary:

Evan steered clear of any family drama, and kept his feelings and grief to himself, mostly. One of the brightest kids in the family, save Mike, Evan's future was a promising one.

He left for college a few states over, and never looked back. Not as everything started going to shit for his family. He only ever really kept in touch with Michael.

Mike considers him lucky. He got a chance to leave before everything went to hell in a gas truck.

Even then, Evan still maintains Cassidy's grave every few months, checking on the flowers and making sure the grave hasn't been disturbed.

He still misses the brother that never really got the chance to live.

Elizabeth "Liz/Lizzy" Afton

the only daughter.

8 in 1982.

the death that set off the chain of dominos.

one of the spirits that haunts Freddy's, just not in "Circus Baby" in the rewrite :) (although it is effectively Baby's equivalent in this rewrite)

short story summary:

Daddy's Girl. His little angel. Her death in 1982 truly sets the plot in motion.

Stuck in a clown hare robot after getting to close to it while it was malfunctioning one day, Liz is more confused than anything else. Why she's still here. Why her big brother killed her baby brother. Why her father killed her friends.

She has complicated feelings on her father towards the end, not sure what to think of the man she once idolized.

Especially after learning what happened to Cass.

Cassidy "Cass/Cassy" Afton

the baby of the family.

5-6 in 1982, 6-7 in 1983.

one of the Fredbear spirits, specifically the Vengeful Spirit.

"The One You Should Not Have Killed."

short(ish) story summary:

Cassidy's birth had also been his mother's death, and the start to his father's mental decline. Socially anxious, and easily frightened, Cassidy had always had hurls of insults and taunts thrown at him from his eldest brother, Alex: "Crybaby," "Scaredy Cat," you get the idea.

Mike and Liz were his only real guardians in that household. Well, aside from his dad, of course. But he worked a lot.

And then he watches Liz die to an animatronic. His simple anxiety soon escalates to trauma, paranoia, fear.

He is comforted by some of Liz's friends from school, who recognize him as her brother. The girls, Gabrielle and Naomi, as well as a couple of other kids, are some of Cass's first friends aside from his siblings. Charlie, Uncle Henry's daughter and a girl that Cass practically considers a sister, is also there for him.

For two months, Cass sneaks away from home to hang out with these kids, to find some distraction from his life. They even get him gifts! It's not even his birthday yet! Charlie even gets a special Fredbear plush from her dad to give to him!

Then Charlie is murdered.

And then those nice kids disappear...

Cassidy takes it all really hard. But at least he still has Mickey...

Then Alex "pranks" him. He's never felt so much pain before...is this what Lizzy felt when she died?

He's apparently in a coma for three days, but it feels like it's been weeks.

He saw all the kids and Charlie there. But they all looked...different. Sadder.

They told him what his dad did to them.

He plays with them. Charlie seems worried, hoping he'll "make it," that he won't end up like them.

He hears Alex apologizing to him and-

He wakes up. His family is there.

Alex looks...relieved.

The next two months are tense. He's feeling better, but...he's angry. Angry that Alex almost killed him. Angry that his father hurt his friends. He hurt Charlie.

Michael hovers around him any chance he gets, like if he isn't careful, Cassidy will die if he looks away for too long. Michael is the only one he really talks to much anymore, because Michael doesn't seem too weirded out by his behavior.

But, unfortunately, his father doesn't seem to enjoy Cassidy’s constant reference to his victims. He takes Cassidy aside, trying to "reason" with him that Cass had only seen them in a coma dream, that what he had heard them say was only something his brain had conjured up while he was between life and death. Cass doesn't believe him.

One night, around two months after The Incident, Cassidy awakens to his father's hands wrapped around his throat. He's only seven, he never stood a chance against his dad.

His father chokes the life out of him and buries his body in the woods. He makes the death out to be a natural one, like Cass had simply died in his sleep. Charlie finds his soul in the woods where he is buried, and she guides him back to Freddy’s, to inhabit the suit that, eventually, in a way, killed him.

Cassidy is angry. At his situation and everyone else's. And worst of all, he'll likely never get justice for his own murder.

But he'll make make sure his father gets what's coming to him.

He is the one his father should not have killed, in that regard.

[nonbigalmari]

[This is a transcript written by me (Mari Diaz) from April 3rd 2024 at 9:00 pm. written in third person.]

[The transcript begins with Mari standing in the middle of a field at night, several cans of Root Beer laying on the floor with a wagon full of fireworks, mostly roman candles, as Mari grabs one out of the pack and flicks a silver lighter open.]

Ma: Let the show begin.

[Mari lights the firework and points it to the sky, after a few seconds multiple balls of light come shooting out with a sound that sounds almost like a whistle. After a few more seconds the light stops, and the wind blows… A groan. It echoes through the forest behind Mari as they pause and look behind them.]

Ma: HELLO? ANYONE THERE?

[No response besides more groaning, Mari sighs looking back over at the roman candles and grabbing two.]

Ma: Oh fuck yeah, forgot I could shoot off two.

[Mari ties the wicks on both roman candles together, before lighting them up and pointing them at the sky. As before balls of light begin flying out of the tubes, whistling by as they shoot off. Mari begins giggling as the fireworks continue.]

Ma: YEAHHHHHHHHH BUDDY! THIS SHIT IS STILL FUN.

[Eventually the fireworks stop, and Mari throws the tubes on the ground. Again another strange noise, this time more groaning, less muffled but still far away. Followed by the crunching of leaves, Mari slowly turns around.]

Ma: Fucking hello? I hear you walking dickhead!

[No response, after this Mari rips off one of their shoes, removes the sock and grabs a soda can, stuffing it into the sock and tying it up.]

Ma: OK ASSHOLE! IF YOU TRY ATTACKING ME LIKE I'M SOME DUMB TEEN IN A SHITTY 80S OR 90S HORROR MOVIE I'M GONNA BEAT YOUR ASS!!!

[The walking stops, Mari smiles.]

Ma: YEAH THAT’S WHAT I THOUGHT! FUCK OFF WISH.COM JASON VOORHEES ACTING BITCH!

[Mari wraps the sock around their hand for easy access before grabbing another roman candle, the walking starts back up while Mari lights the candle as does the groaning but now… it sounds like. Screaming?]

?: PUT IT UP!!!! HIGHER!!!!

[Mari screams as something runs at them, they turn around and point the roman candle at the figure as it goes off, shooting the figure with several balls of fire before Mari throws the candle in a bucket of water before running over to the figure.]

Ma: I SWEAR TO GOD! WAIT… H?

Ha: [Muffled.] YES. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU. OW.

[H continues rolling around on the grass screaming.]

Ma: What the fuck are you even doing out here?

Ha: [Muffled.] HAVING A BREAKDOWN. WHY ARE YOU OUT HERE.

Ma: Distracting myself from Jeremy being dead, everytime I blink I see his face… or lack thereof. Anyway, WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?

[H finally sits up, ripping off her mask.]

Ha: WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN?

Ma: YOU SOUNDING LIKE A SERIAL KILLER IN A SHITTY HORROR FLICK. GROANING IN THE FOREST, WALKING SLOWLY, RUNNING AT ME ALL CREEPY AND SHIT.

[H stops, looking at Mari.]

Ha: I was sobbing you dumbass! As for the walking, I have a limp.

Ma: What.

Ha: YEAH! I…

[H looks at her right thigh, duct tape wrapped around it.]

Ha: Nothing

Ma: Damn. Anyway, what happened? Why the breakdown.

Ha: Me and Alexander got into a fight, he said shit… nothing that wasn't right. It just hurts having my fears be proven right.

Ma: Oh… Um… Ok… Are you good?

Ha: Nope! Unless you meant the firework in which case, yep!

[H stands up, dusting herself off looking back at Mari.]

Ha: How are you?

Ma: … Alive.

Ha: Well no shit I see that, I meant how are you with everything that's happened.

Ma: … Ugh. Not great. But it's fine.

Ha: You sure?

Ma: … No. No, I'm not. But it doesn't matter.

Ha: It does… But no point in pushing you to speak about it.

[Mari grabs another can of root beer and opens it, taking a sip before looking back at H.]

Ma: I'm making a transcript out of this. Can I uh… Use two letters from the name you said to Jenny during y'alls fight?

Ha: … No. Use a question mark.

Ma: I already do that for E. Not having two question mark goobers.

Ha: … Fine. Fuck it.

Ma: THANK YOU! GOD DAMN!

Ha: Yeah.

[H grabs the knife that fell when she hit the ground, a bit of brown-ish black-ish blood on the blade. As she stuffs it into her pocket.]

Ha: Welp! I should get going… Um… Enjoy your fireworks… I guess…

Ma: Yep. Later.

[Mari turns around, not taking a second glance at H, H continues looking at Mari, almost looking worried before turning around and slowly limping off. Once the footsteps get quiet Mari begins crying. Throwing the can of soda on the ground before screaming.]

Ma: IT'S NOT FUCKING FAIR. WHY HIM. WHY HIM.

[Mari begins kicking more shit over, including the wagon with roman candles. They eventually fall to the ground. Sobbing.]

[End transcript.]

[lovelylukaaa]

Townie Makeover #3: Goth Family

The Goth Family was easily next on my list. They're too iconic to NOT include in my new save. It was pretty fun going back and studying up on all their lore for this one. I had NO idea that Bella Goth had died. Didn't keep it 100% lore accurate but I put my own twist on it.

I really loved @adelarsims version of Cassandra (being a huge paranormal fan and all) so I kinda adapted that and added to her story.

** MORTIMER **

Didn't change Mortimer much beside skin details and a new outfit. He was already fine to begin with.

** CASSANDRA **

Before

After

Full Body

** ALEXANDER **

Before

After

Full Body

The Goth family fell apart after the death of Bella Goth. Almost immediately Mortimer began dating Dina Calliente who needless to say, isn't exactly the best "step-mom".

After the occult war all of the living occults went into hiding, which lead humans to believe they went exitinct. But Cassandra never bought that one bit. Years after the occult war Bella Goth randomly went missing without a trace, only to turn up dead on a strange island called Lunar Lakes (an island across the world and far away from their home). How did she get all the way to Lunar Lakes? Why was there 0 evidence and a dead lead? Cassandra didn't believe any of it.

Cassandra dug deep into her family history, finding out even more shady stuff. For one, her great granfather had died due to a "magic bean incident" (whatever that means) and she also had a secret dead family member who was completely erased from the family tree named Lolita Goth.

Cassandra could only connect this all to one thing: the occult. They had to be involved in some way. Perhaps an alien came in and swooped her mother away or wiped the memories of everyone, erasing Lolita Goth's existence ot just something. In some way, the occult were involved. And to take it a step further, Cassandra believes that Calliente's are also involved. Perhaps they themeselves are occult?

I mean c'mon. Your mom's last seen at Don Lothario's house, she goes missing without a trace, the Callinete's move in the very next day, your dad starts dating one of them, reports come out saying your mother was spotted in a strange town looking lost and with possible amnies, she then turns up dead on a mysterious island, far away from home, Don Lothario then all of a sudden moves in with the Calliente's, it's somehow gotta all be connected there's no way it's not, right?

Cassandra has now made it her lifes goal to find out the truth about her family and the occult aswell. Cassandra even started her schools first, and only, ever occult club (she is however the only member of this club). Everyone thinks Cassandra is crazy for believing in this occult bullcrap, but Cassandra's 100% convinced occults are still real and alive and that they have something to do with her family, and she's already got one lead right in front of her. The Callientes.

If you want my honest opinion, I think the Callientes are secret aliens who kidnapped then killed Bella so they could get with Mortimer. Also I think Mortimer is involved in her death somehow in some way. Wish we had the answers to these questions. Damn you Sims 4 for not following the original timeline!

Funnily enough Cassandra is the main character of this family now that her mothers dead LOL. I have an idea for Mortimers story and once I get to the Calliente's, you'll see what it is :)

Sadly Alexander doesn't really have as expanded of a story that the rest of the family does. Maybe when he ages up i'll figure smth out.

This is my like, what, 9th Tumblr post today? Let me go to sleep it's 12:20am and I have school in the morning...

[geekyglimpses-nest]

2. I'm The One On Trial, Sir.

Warnings: +18 minor don't interact, slow burn, graphic language, humor, sexual content, physical trauma, blood (gore), bodies/corpses, death, drug use, guns, murder (atempted), PTSD, violence, english is not my first language.

Summary: Tensions rise as Delaney faces trial on charges of treason against her country. Accused of being a spy for HYDRA, she must navigate a legal battle that challenges her credibility and reputation. As the trial unfolds, revelations about her past and the inner workings of the scientific community come to light, shedding new light on the complexities of power, gender dynamics, and justice. With her future hanging in the balance, Delaney must confront not only the accusations against her but also the broader societal forces at play.

Words in total: 1,398 words

4 months later

Everything I gave to S.H.I.E.L.D was a lie and a complete waste of my time.

Most of my division was H.Y.D.R.A, Michael, Ron and I where the only ones that weren’t. When I got recruited by S.H.I.E.L.D I'd sweared I’d give my life for this and in a way, I did. I gave my everyday and night and now it feels like I’ve received a stab in back as compensation. I’m no longer the woman that used to work for them. I’m drowned in their secrets and treason. The weapons that where developed where a lie, the studies we made were build on a lie. It was all an evil plan directed by a psychopath like Alexander Pierce.

How many like him are still alive?

How many like him that we don’t know about that are still in the shadows?

I was part of the INSIGHT crew in a different division for a similar project that was suppose to be launched into space. We used the same information and research from the INSIGHT project with a couple minimal changes that had to be made for it to work on outer space. Picture it like an outer space helicarrier, the purpose of it was for it travel around certain delimited area of space to monitor activity and prevent possible dangers and attacks like the one a couple years ago with Loki Odinson. When I started on the project I faithfully believed in it because at the time I really needed something to believe in, and now it’s like I’m back there again, needing something to believe in. Most of the documents I’ve been reading serve to proof and show HYDRA’s plan.

Armin Zola was a Swiss scientist working for Red Skull, formally known as Johann Schmidt, during World War II. Schmidt was a Nazi agent in Hitler’s service, a loyal follower and believer of the Fuhrer, of course he simply used his power for personal purposes, among them Zola. Schmidt lost his sanity in search for the power of the gods. HYDRA was created under the belief that mankind could not be trusted with their own freedom, what HYDRA did not understand is that if you try to take away mankind’s freedom they will resist, so they came to the conclusion that mankind should surrender their freedom of their own free will, so S.H.I.E.L.D. was founded and Armin Zola was recruited. Operation Paperclip was a post World War II secret mission where S.H.I.E.L.D. recruited german scientists with strategic value, among them Zola, S.H.I.E.L.D. expected Zola to cooperate with the cause, but the reality was that Zola cooperated only to support his own cause. Captain Rogers went on ice thinking that with his sacrifice and Schmidt’s death, HYDRA would go down with him, but: “Cut off one head and two more will replace it”. Thanks to Zola the new HYDRA was born infecting S.H.I.E.L.D. like a parasite. For 70 years HYDRA had provoked crises, incited wars and when history didn’t cooperate, they altered history. Zola designed an algorithm that resulted in Project INSIGHT, a purification project that would allow the rise of a new world order because humanity was willing to give up that freedom in order to receive security. Project INSIGHT was eliminated by Steve Rogers during the Triskelion attack. There were rumors about a predecessor to Project Insight, a rumor, a myth and even an urban legend among the secret documents of S.H.I.E.L.D. The Winter Soldier project. Credited with more than two dozen assassinations over the past 50 years, the Winter Soldier was activated for very specific missions that required clean, professional execution. He is a myth because there was never any proof of his existence, his jobs were quick, clean and unwitnessed. His identity and background was revealed after the fall of S.H.I.E.L.D, so I assume the man is a fugitive from justice now. James Buchanan Barnes former soldier of the 107th Infantry Regiment, best friend of Steve Rogers, Captain America. Captured in ‘43 by H.Y.D.R.R.A., Zola experimented on him with one of the first prototype recreations of Dr. Erskine’s super soldier serum that gave birth to Captain America. During a mission Barnes along with Steve Rogers and the Howling Commandos had the objective of capturing Zola, Barnes fell from the train and was declared dead. But thanks to experiments performed on him during his capture he survived the accident, but lost an arm on impact. When he was recovered by HYDRA., they experimented again with his body until they perfected their perfect weapon, giving him superhuman abilities including a cybernetic arm; this was complemented by constant brainwashing that had the objective of erasing his memory every time the Soldier seemed to become aware of his actions and recover his memory of the past, with the passage of time the cryogenic state became part of the Winter Soldier’s routine, thus giving HYDRA a near-perfect weapon that could carry out all of their dirty work for nearly 70 years. With just 10 words HYDRA was able to activate “The New Fist of HYDRA”.

S.H.I.E.L.D. knew of the existence of the Winter Soldier and never said anything, just as it said nothing about many things. The Winter Soldier project was not the only attempt at human weapons developed by HYDRA in an attempt to dominate the world. Siberia was not only the temporary home of the Winter Soldier, but it also witnessed the birth of more Winter Soldiers. In 1991 the Winter Soldier was activated in order to retrieve the remains of the Super Soldier Serum then being guarded and transported by Howard and Maria Stark to a safe location, the couple was eliminated by the Winter Soldier and brought back the remains of the serum and from those remains was born the greatest group of assassins recorded in HYDRA history, worse than the Winter Soldier himself, capable of bringing down an empire. They speak more than 30 languages, can hide in broad daylight, infiltrate, assassinate, destabilize, capable of overthrowing an entire nation in one night and no one would see them come.

There was a rumor that not all the serum were used to create this other Winter Soldiers, HYDRA kept one container with the minimum required to recreate the Winter Soldier serum and they’ve kept it for years now, hidden.

So I now find the idea of “peace” extremely stupid, only man in places of power can determine what peace means, only these people have the power and resources to use this word to move the world for their own benefit and plans. Peace means everyone and everything moves exactly they way they need it to, no matter who’s hurt or how many. How can I ever trust anything this country tells me when the truth and the resources can be so easily manipulated by those who create this lies?

In true perspective and in the eye of the public, I worked for H.Y.D.R.A.

══════⊹⊱≼≽⊰⊹══════

“I would like to call Dr. Kingsley to the stand” says the persecution. I walk towards the stand and sit on the chair. My breath is shallow, I can perceive a light ringing in the back of my ears, my blood feels like fire, all my body is in flames. “Will you please state your full name?” he asks

“Delaney Alani Kingsley” I answer

“And you are a astrophysicist is that correct?”

“Primarily, yes from Columbia University”

“Primarily? What do you mean with that?”

“I have other studies and specialties”

“Are those studies the reasons why S.H.I.E.L.D recruited you?”

“I suppose” I answer

“We need a yes or no answers Dr. Kingsley”

“Yes, then”

“Before being recruited by them, had you heard from this organization?”

“No. Not officially at least”

“How so? Be more specific please”

“I’d heard about them after the 2012 alien invasion and attack on New York”

“How come? They were a secret organization”

“An ex girlfriend of mine worked for the New York police, she was a detective. She told me there was more than the media had been saying. We both investigated and found traces of S.H.I.E.L.D”

“What happened after that?”

“S.H.I.E.L.D agents visited us and threatened us to drop the investigation”

“Did you?”

“No, we didn’t”

“Do you think this might’ve also been a reason why you where on S.H.IE.L.D’s radar?”

“I wouldn’t know that. There was never a file or report of the visit”

“Had you worked for any secret or government organizations before S.H.I.E.L.D?”

I laugh “No sir, I hadn’t”

“Are you a HYDRA spy?” The question is so sudden and comes with no previous warning that it surprises me “Doctor?”

“N…no, I’m not a HYDRA spy”

“Why did you hesitate then?”

“I… I wasn’t expecting the question”

“You do know this is a trial against all HYDRA spies within S.H.I.E.L.D protection right?”

“Yes sir, I do”

“Then you know what the consequences are if it’s discovered you are indeed a H.Y.D.R.A spy?”

“Objection. Speculation” says my defense attorney

“I’ll change the question. Did you know S.H.I.E.L.D had been infiltrated by .H.Y.D.R.A?”

“No, I didn’t” The lawyer walks back to his desk and is given a piece of paper, he then walks back to me.

“Would you say you’re a difficult woman to work with?” he asks

“Excuse me?” I ask offended

“Your honor I’d like to bring up evidence number 1225. It’s an statement given by one of Dr. Kingsley’s co-workers, Dr. William Rheet. Dr. Kingsley would you mind reading the paragraph that’s been highlighted in the file in front of you please?” I grab my glasses and read the paragraph “Dr. Kingsley is the most competent female astrophysicist I’ve worked with” fucking misogynistic piece of shit “I would say she’s difficult to work with. She’s always very quiet, never smiles or laughs. She never goes for drinks with the rest of us, she always stays late on the lab, first one to come in, last one to leave. She’s very serious. She seems paranoiac and has a lot of mood swings.” I breath and take my glasses off.

“What would you say about this statement made by Dr. Rheet” he asks, I can see from a mile away his stupid grin

“I would say it’s a very misogynistic thing to say and I’m not surprised knowing who Mr. Rheet is. He constantly flirted with me at work even though I’d rejected him countless times alone and with witnesses and I can see by the date of this “report” that it was the exact date I’d rejected his sexual proposition publicly, I’m guessing he wasn’t very happy with my decision. I also filed a harassment complaint against him and I don’t see it as part of the evidence and within that file was the security tape of this day. I’ll tell to you the same thing I told to him when he made the proposition while cornering me against a wall. The fact that I’m usually a very anti social person has nothing to do with me being a HYDRA spy, for all we know he could’ve been a HYDRA spy himself but I don’t see him having a trial, or his career being put into question, or being publicly humiliated. Not being able to go to the fucking grocery store without being called names while walking in the streets, being followed home everyday, getting dead threats delivered to his door. You know who does? Me.” I can see my lawyer begging me to stop, trying to tell me that is not gonna help my case, if only it will give them enough reason to believe this bastard “No, he’s being treated as hero for trying to stop me thinking I was a HYDRA spy without no further proof and based of pure false accusations about my personality that he didn’t like because god help anyone who rejected that man. I remind you Mr. Johnson that my credibility as a human and as an astrophysicist is the one being put into question here and the fact I’m a single bisexual woman doesn’t make it easier. Because oh does this country love to villainize and laugh at single woman who have the courage to speak for themselves. How about we talk about the fact the list of people your citing first for this patriotic trial are all women” The attorney looks surprised and I can see him realize his fucked up

“No further questions Your Honor” he says as he goes back to sit in his desk.

I laugh.

The judge declares a recess for him and the jury to reach a final verdict about my trial. As I walk towards the nearest exit of the courthouse I can see numerous women seated in the large wooden benches that are spread all across the hall, I recognize a few of them, researchers, mechanics, tech engineers, agents, secretary’s, fellow astrophysicists. Each and every single one of them accompanied by their lawyers, they all have their gazes glued to the floor while their lawyers whisper to their ears. I push the doors open and the light from the sun makes me have to close my eyes briefly, in front of me is a river of people from the media trying to push through the fences to get to me, security does their best to stop them. I walk the opposite way were a benche is located and I sit, seconds after my lawyer Sarah seats next to me, she sighs as she puts down her briefcase and papers on the floor next to her.

“I don’t know if that was a very smart decision” she says as she drinks water “I don’t fucking care anymore Sarah. This assholes are trying to put in question my entire career, the career that took me years to build. These career has taken everything of me, nights, days, friendships, relationships, family, money. They have no fucking clue how much I’ve given of my life to my career, just for a fucker like Rheet to come and destroy it in a fucking second. I wish it was the first time this has ever happened to me but I’ve dealt with the this type of questioning my entire life all the way from male professors, academia and students, constantly wondering who did I sleep with to get to where I am today and every single time I’ve let my work to speak for itself, but now… it’s different. Throughout all this fucking circus I’ve been witness for the last two weeks I haven’t once seen a fucking man get in that stand if not to discredit every single fucking word I’ve said and done. I’m done… I’m done with his fucking trial, I’m done with S.H.I.E.L.D, I’m done with the justice system of this country that continues to let us down by leaving us alone. So I’m sorry if for once in a very long time I give this fuckers a piece of my mind, I no longer care if I come off as cold, heartless, neurotic, crazy. I just need this to be done so I can live my life and all I see is you doing absolutely nothing to defend or protect me, I gave you everything, every single detail, so I’m gonna need you tell me if you’ll be able to get me out of this, I’m gonna need you to do your fucking job and do the worst to this assholes cause I’m not about to let them continue to drag my name and my career like they’ve been doing it” I run out of breath and my voice cracks at end, my eyes are watery, I turn to look the opposite way of Sarah.

“I’m getting you out. When Ron got me in touch with you I told him I’d get you out and not only that… but these fuckers are paying for every single goddamn minute we’ve both have been sited there listening to their bullshit for two weeks now. Listen to me Dr. Kingsley, I know in your position I can’t ask you to trust me, I understand that I’m asking for a lot here but listen to me… I’m confident we’re winning this case. I haven’t pulled out anything yet because I want them to show me absolutely everything they’ve got because they have no clue what I already have ready to be launched as soon as they fuck it up and that just happened. They have nothing, no proofs of you being a HYDRA spy and the judge know it” she laughs “I’m about to humiliate them in way they’ve never been. I want you to look very carefully at that smug look they’ve been carrying this entire trial and see it fall as they realize they’re done. I’m a woman too, I know exactly what you’re talking about because we both choose our careers ahead of our personal lifes and that has consequences that I have yet to see a man live. We both choose male dominated careers, I know the struggles you’re telling me” I turn to look at her “I’m telling you I’m getting you out Dr. Kingsley”

...

“Any last statements from the accused?” asks the judge towards Sarah

“Yes sir” says Sarah as she stands, she walks towards the middles of the room and addressees the jury “Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, today we are here to decide the fate of Dr. Delaney Kingsley, an esteemed astrophysicist accused of treason against her own country. But before we pass judgment, let us not forget the cornerstone of our justice system: innocent until proven guilty. Now, the prosecution would have you believe that Dr. Kingsley is a spy, a traitor, simply because she is a woman who prefers the solace of her laboratory to the company of her colleagues. They have painted her as a villain, a mastermind working in the shadows for a secret Nazi organization. But I implore you to look beyond the stereotypes and prejudices that have clouded this case. Dr. Kingsley is not a spy. She is a dedicated scientist, passionate about her work and committed to the pursuit of knowledge. Yes, she may be quiet, reserved, even antisocial at times, but does that make her a criminal? Does her preference for solitude condemn her to a life behind bars? The prosecution’s case is built on a foundation of speculation and prejudice, lacking any shred of professionalism or concrete evidence. Where is the evidence? Where are the smoking guns, the secret documents, the coded messages? There is none. Because there is no evidence. They have failed to present a single piece of tangible proof linking Dr. Kingsley to espionage. Instead, they have relied on character assassination and baseless accusations to make their case. Furthermore, let us not ignore the broader context in which this trial takes place. The scientific community, like many other fields, has long been dominated by men. Women like Dr. Kingsley face immense barriers to success, constantly forced to prove themselves in a male-dominated world. Is it any wonder that she may prefer the solitude of her laboratory to the judgmental gaze of her colleagues? The prosecution’s case hinges on the testimony of a disgruntled male coworker who, let’s not forget, was accused of sexual harassment by Dr. Kingsley. Is it not possible that his accusations are nothing more than a vengeful attempt to tarnish her reputation? To deflect attention away from his own misconduct? So I ask you, members of the jury, to set aside your preconceptions and baseless assumptions. Judge Dr. Kingsley not on her demeanor or social habits, but on the facts of the case. And when you do, I am confident you will reach the only conclusion that is just: that Dr. Delaney Alani Kingsley is innocent of the charges against her. Thank you.”

══════⊹⊱≼≽⊰⊹══════

After the trial and after the D.A office couldn’t find any further proof of my being a H.Y.D.R.A spy, the government cleared my name and fully compensated me for my “loyal” service to this country. My hospital, physical therapy, medical bills, medicine, everything was taken care for. They also let me keep my D.C apartment as part of the agreement and I receive a monthly check from the government. They also offered a government job at NASA, which I declined.

None of this “compensations”, which were ways to keep me quiet and docile, will be enough for the physical and psychological trauma the attack created. The public slander I suffered after being accused of being responsible of Michael Anderson’s dead and betraying the country. Being constantly harassed by media, my face and life being public so that anyone could read it. Only after the final result of the trial was announced was I able to finally breath, but that didn’t take away the stares people threw at me, the way mothers would grab their children and walk faster when they passed me, the street harassment just kept happening, which is the reason I can no longer walk alone or walk long distances. I asked for a private driver and it was given to me for a couple months.

This was almost a year ago, and as I expected people soon started to forget who I was and what my face looked like. For a while everyone seemed to know who I was, expect me. I still don’t know who I’m now. I can only see I’m just the vessel of the woman I used and wished to be. So like I said no amount of money will be able to amend that wound.

“Dear most you really go?” asks Mrs. Durmaz “It’s almost been a year since the trial, people are moving on, so should you. If you do this is like giving them the win”

I sigh as I close the last box with my few belongings “Mrs. Durmaz this was never a who is gonna win situation. I came to D.C. because I was lost and I wanted out after everything that happened to me in New York and I’m starting to see a pattern here” I turn towards to Mrs. Durmaz “I’ll come see you often and I’ll send for you okey? You’re far more important to me that you think” she smiles and approaches me to give a short and brief hug “At least call me once a week so that I know you’re alive” I laugh “I will”

I grab the last box and close the door to my apartment, we both walk to the black SUV that is waiting for me, I open the door and Mrs. Durmaz holds it for me as I go in “I’ll be fine, don’t worry” I whisper, she nods and closes the door for me.

“Where to ma’am?” asks the driver

“Airport please”

Previous chapter | Series Masterlist | Next Chapter

Notes: New chapter! Hope you enojoy, let me know your thoughts about it in the comments please if it's in you to repost and like it would help me a lot! Thank you

[booksandchainmail]

Pale 7.a

At first I thought this was going to be a Ulysse interlude, then I realized it's Kevin. Blech.

... I'd say it's interesting that the majority of interludes we've gotten have been from the points of view of antagonists, but I think that might just be a reflection of how few true allies the Kennet Trio has

Not much to say about this opening scene, just Kevin being exactly what I expected

By his gospel, the one we came to name Prometheus had peers, and it was not the one who tried to seize the original Fire, but many. All who tried, succeed or fail, were punished. I found my deity nine miles beneath the surface of the earth, thoroughly protected so none might disturb his eternal punishment. Had he succeeded, our campfires might not be wood we’ve set alight, but something else entirely.

oh that's sick as hell. I am now invested in Ulysse

Now he is my god and I am his sole worshiper, his champion.

"Sole worshiper of a god" is a great concept. (This is part of why I'm having such a good time with Pale Lights). I really like the blending of a normally-distant divine relationship with the closeness that comes from being the only one (and often the god taking a great deal of interest in and care of their worshiper's life). Also fun way to play around with faith and power dynamics, depending on how much ability the god retains and how seriously the worshiper takes the divinity aspect.

Other works that have this: Pale Lights, Thief's Covenant, The Thousand Eyes

 "Later, I met your god before you did. He burned me alive both times I ventured down there.  Others had claim over me.  In another lifetime, toward the end, we became friends.”

I also want to read this story

He shared an appreciation for things of value, and if Lawrence wasn’t keeping the company of fellow weirdos from the same families as these kids at this school, he would sometimes invite Kevin.

oh that is 100% manipulation

But over the years, little moments like that had stacked up.  And now… …Now he was a bit afraid of her.

I looked back at the girls' theories about Rae, and they ended up at personification of backlash? But that was just a guess

And it looks like Kevin isn't escaping the karma his eye generates... that could amplify whatever's up with Rae, once it finally explodes

Ted?  What was going on with Ted?  Was Alexander in communication with the man?

I'm not sure either: It could just be an effect of Ted being karmically blessed, and the librarian/school in general offering him what he needs

Clem was as stupid as I’ve ever seen her.  We’re not best friends anymore

oh good, that must be a relief for her

my online following is… it’s better than ever, frankly, but it’s taking more of my time to manage until all the fights and arguments die down.

I hope she's lying about that one

in the center of that table was a recreation of Sargent Hall, complete with mini-figures representing the occupants.

return of this thing! I guess Nicolette got it out from the fire ok

Ted — Kevin — Shellie — Rae Respective to their names were cards and numbers. 3, 7, 13, 19.

The dossier noted that Ted and Clem are around the same level of use, so it makes sense that he's number three. I wonder who is 1? Kevin being rated higher than Shellie seems like a reflection on how useful his eye is at dealing with mundane problems subtly (and how hard she is to control). Not sure what the ranking implies about Rae.

Noose in one corner, connecting to Ted, coin in the other, connecting to Shellie.

once again, same types of object as the awakening ritual. Coin is mostly fortune I think, woven object I'm less sure. Pact awakening ritual had it as dream and fate.

But he could read the notation.  ‘Noone will die at his girlfriend’s hand’.

get fucked!

“Nah, stark resemblance to an old crush,” he said. “Writing on the back says… Laila Throop. Was your old crush a Throop?”

no idea what's up with this, but it has to be important. Laila's been coming up a lot lately (Musette, and Fernanda's interlude). Her family specializes in curses: I could see them coming into contact with Kevin through that.

The works themselves are a trove of detail on people, especially those in the Maritime provinces and the major cities of Canada and the northeastern United States.

oh cool. So Alexander has compiled Ted's notes from other timelines. I wonder how long he's had them? Because this could explain a lot, if he's been able to draw on this knowledge for his plans all along. It would explain how he made those dossiers, for one.

... I wonder if there's anything on Kennet or the Carmine Beast in there. I don't think there'd be anything on the girls, since Ted's loop ended before they got involved, but things have been going on in the town for a while.

Courtesy of Raymond, the prompt is yet unfinished, but each pull from the coda of texts will help it improve.  For the time being it will do its best to list texts that may be relevant.

score one for the digital humanities

Alexander, I think, wanted us to find it because there may be traps here, not in the sense that a blade may jump out of nowhere, I don’t think, but the wrong information in the wrong person’s mind.

I can see Kevin setting off events by trying to preemptively defend himself from Rae, or this pushing him into demanding answers.

This was an arrangement of a court of judges in this region, who saw the danger and reached out to everyone in the area to ensure they had the power to set this into motion. 

oh! My first thought was the council the CB was on, but I looked at the dossiers again, and Ted's from Prince Edward Island, which is pretty far away, so probably not

I am a collector of people.  If you’ll take my help, I’ll point you to certain people.  But the moment you’re free, if it has anything to do with my help, I want your assistance after.

well fuck. I guess that explains why Ted works for Bristow now.

one student named Laila Throop was on the opposing side and had a really strong resemblance to someone from his past that he hated. “Her next.” He tapped her photograph

man Laila can just not catch a break... I wonder if this is what Musette saw?

[mesetacadre]

#it is so hard being a history nerd when I don't give a shit about those fucking kids#first of all the only actual kid was alexei. the others were already adults#second of all idk man I care so much more about the millions of children born into slavery under romanov rule#shall I remind everyone that a romanov made slavery legal? that it took over 200 years to be abolished?#and that abolition didn't mean jack shit because the freed slaves had no money or land and often had to stay with their masters?#and that the romanovs following alexander 2 actively made it hard for working class children to get an education and move up in the world??#I know I just sat a russian history exam two months ago so all this is fresh on my mind but ffs come on#why does it feel like I'm the only one who knows this stuff?? the only one who cares???#Anastasia did irreversible damage to the western perception of the romanovs and no one is willing to reexamine their world view#and I loved that movie as a kid and still listen to the soundtrack. but good god#I almost wish it had never been made because of the consequences of it#I mean come on. it explicitly showed that revolutionaries storming the winter palace were AIDED BY DEMONS UNLOCKING THE GATE#'oh since the revolution our lives have been so gray' DO YOU REALLY THINK THE AVERAGE PERSON'S LIFE WAS BLOODY AMAZING UNDER THE MONARCHY#ugh… y'all went so far with your red scare bullshit that you turned into monarchist bootlickers#I once saw someone say that the only russians western leftists will ever care about is those damn romanov kids#and I stand by that bc it's true#you go so far with your hatred of communism and russian people that you sooner feel sympathy for a monarch than the common people#also the last romanovs weren't even russian. they were german and english and french and whatever else#so it's not even russian people that westerners would care about#on that note. if the bolsheviks are so damn evil. why did all the european monarchs related to the romanovs refuse to help them?#they were alive for a good year after the 1917 revolution. plenty of time to get them to England or wherever else#but no yeah it's the communists that are evil#I just woke up so idk maybe this is all incomprehensible. but there's nothing quite like long political rants first thing in the morning#but I will say that I live maybe 5-ish kilometres away from where the ipatiev house once stood and it's the only thing my city's known for#on that note WHY THE FUCK IS THERE A CHURCH THERE NOW. WHY THE FUCK ARE THE ROMANOVS SAINTS#THEY DID NOTHING TO DESERVE FUCKING SAINTHOOD EXCEPT DIE. SHOULD WE MAKE EVERY PERSON WHO'S EVER EXISTED A SAINT JUST BECAUSE THEY DIED#that pisses me off to no end. but I'm gonna stop ranting now before I get a headache#I haven't even eaten breakfast yet lmao#maybe that's why I'm extra pissy. aside from the fact I'm 100% right#as always 😁

["leftist" tumblr user who makes guillotine jokes at Jeff Bezos and has "eat the rich" in their bio voice]: It was so heartless what the communists did to the romanovs, ruthless and senseless political violence is never okay

[danisfra]

making the most of afterlife

chapter 6 <<<< >>>>

Vincent is… confused, he really thought his threat would make the old man explode, but he was not doing anything, maybe it wasn’t the kid he was worried about? Was it actually about the business? Did the old man try to fool him? Weird, he was pretty sure he was right. Right after his threat the man just looked at the floor and hasn’t moved since, he would have thought he died sitting up if he hadn’t later muttered a soft “don’t.”

Oh, good he’s still alive. He has the chance to taunt him some more, hopefully, the old man still has some spirit in him. “don’t, what?” he inquired, crouching to hear him better, “You have to be more clear old man,” he tested the defeated old man, tilting his head. “Did the cat bite your tongue? C’mon, say something” he pushed when there was no answer. “don’t you dare harm him!” the old man suddenly stood up and summoned a sandstorm that surrounded everyone. He heard various shots being fired into the cloud but a yell of “Don’t! You’ll hit the boss’ son!” stopped them.

Alex took the opportunity to escape into the forest, using the darkness to get a head start, he weaved between trees, jumping rocks and tree roots, trying his best to see in the dark (cursing himself at not remembering a spell to help him), and pushing his old body to run as fast as it can, all while paying attention to the sounds around him for signs of any danger. His foot catches on a hole in the ground, making him lose his balance, and fall to the dirt hard enough to knock the air out of his lungs. Taking a moment to catch his breath, Alexander curses as he frees his now sprained ankle out of the burrow and uses this time to think.

If what he heard was right, the monster he was talking to, was the son of someone important. Important enough that if something happened to him it would affect the mob on a grand scale, he hates to do this, especially to someone so young but it’s a sacrifice he had to make to protect the kid and venge anyone who was harmed by the mob. He'll have to make the curse, but for it to work he must make sure the conditions are just right. The man stands up carefully on his uninjured foot, using the trees for balance, and slowly heads forward to look for a place to prepare the curse. Vincent furiously rubs the sand out of his eyes, while screaming to the bunch of idiots who think he’s bulletproof “damn it! What are you doing? Stop him!” when he managed to finally blink all the sand out of his eyes, he sees something that makes him shake with anger, he asks lowly in a dangerous tone “where is the old man?” the others were either at a loss for an answer or looking around as if the old man was just going to appear. One of them approached him, “Sir, are you ok?” he grabbed the idiot’s tie and screeched “Why would I be ok!? The old man escaped! And if you don’t find him, I’m going to make sure you die by my own hands!” using his hold on the tie to get him closer so he can make eye contact, he growled a low “understood?” the fool nodded, straitening up to get away from Vincent’s anger, he announced “everyone! Go after the owner!” before hurrying to the forest, the others following suit. Vincent stayed at the back of the group, grumbling curses at the old man, and trying to not trip on the rocks hidden in the poor lighting. swatting at annoying blood-sucking mosquitoes who dared try to bite him, who is only helping to sour his already irritated mood. He’s keeping up with the rest at a lazy pace, getting more and more annoyed at how slow they were being, could these pawns get any slower?! At this rate, they’re gonna lose the old man! And he sure as hell won’t let that bastard go unscathed, when he finds him, he’s gonna shove handfuls of sand down his throat until his stomach explodes, or maybe hell torture that precious kid of his in front of him, or maybe he’ll... His pace slows down to a stop, wait… that’s right! he was the one doing all the work out there, and he was doing just fine dealing with the old man until the idiots screwed it up with their terrible aim. This means he only needs to find the old man by himself and there’ll be no more obstacles to get in his way, but first, he has to get rid of these wastes of space. He hurries to catch up to the group, deep in thought. Stealing a glance at the gun from the guy in from of him, a plan starts forming in his head.

stopping his limping to catch his breath, he concludes he’s getting way too old for this stuff, but at least his efforts paid off, as in the distance, he can see a run-down shack, one that seems rotten to the core and falling apart in places, but it’s as good as anything he can find in the middle of nowhere.

this could be considered winning the lottery in his situation, especially now that he finally found a place to hide while he puts together the curse. Hurrying to the shack at a snail’s pace lets him examine the construction closer, he can see spots where mold is taking over the walls, and there’s a bird’s nest lying in what he assumes is the remains of a chimney.

Once he reaches the door, he finds it unlocked only needing a small push to open all the way. taking in the interior, the first thing he notices is the many holes in the ceiling, giving the interior a clear view of the full moon, something that he can cross off the list of things to prepare. After closing the door and using a nearby plank to lock it, he gets to work.

<<<< >>>>

[sstreetgh0st]

Writing prompt #2

Raven

Ever since I was a child I wonder what it was like to go to a ball. Mother always went with father when they did not want to deal with me. But when she was sober she would tell me stories. About how the palace was lively. With music and dancing.

She says it is what heaven looks like to those who are still alive. While I did listen to my mother I never took her word on it. Because when she was at the palace she went drunk.

But for once I think mother was right. The place is lovely. A glass dome showing off the midnight. But the lights that hang still light up the first floor.

People dancing with another. Wearing colorful clothes with masks. Only few people are wearing black. Ace told me that the point of dances like these are to try to find your lover through the masks. I responded to him saying that it seems stupid to have a masked dance with assassins and murders being in the street.

Ace never responded to that question. “ Where are you?” I mumble to myself. I look over the gold railing and see the two individuals immediately. Wearing a crimson red suit is Ace. Despite the black mask with a beak on it I can tell it’s Ace. By the way he holds the glass cup full of liquor.

Ace is the only person I know who holds a cup by the bottom of it. Almost balancing it on his hand. Then their Milo. One of the few people wearing black. A gold mask covering his eyes. I know it’s him because of how the suit he’s wearing is a bit big on his frame.

“ Why, what is a lady like you doing by yourself?” I velvet voice says. I whip my head over my shoulder to find the owner of the voice.

It sounds so familiar to Kian. But it’s not him. “ I am waiting for someone.” I lie. “ Well- do you want to dance while you wait for you gentlemen?” The man asks.

I think about saying no til I see in the corner of my eye the prince. The prince of Edam. I turn to the man and say “ sure!” In a fake cherry voice.

When the man offer me his hand I take it as he leads me down the stairs. “ What is your name?” The man asks me. “Reva” I lie. “ That’s a lovely name.” The man compliments.

“ What is your name?” “Kian.” The man responded. Wait- wait wait. I feel like I been hit with a punch. There no way Kian alive. I saw his body. I was there when he was killed. I was there. I do not stop walking but I do not respond. Maybe it is a different Kian. I hope so.

Once we got to the bottom of the gold stairs the man- Kian asks me “ would you like a drink?” I see Ace is still at the bar so I say “ sure.” I follow Kian to the bar. I see Ace standing by the far end of the table ledge. I tap Kian shoulder. “ Be right back.” I tell him. Kian nods his head and says “ I will be here.”

I walk away from the man and to the young boy. “ Ace.” I say. I realize I am standing to close to him when I get smack by the beak of the long mask. “Ah sorry!” Ace says.

“ You are fine Ace.” I respond taking a step back. “Raven?” Ace asks. “ Yes it is me. But most people here are calling me Reva.” “ Makes sense.”

“ Are you going by a other name?” I asks. “ No one has asked me about my name. But if they do I will just go by my full name.” “ Alexander right?”

“ The one and only.” Ace says. Taking a sip of liquor. “ You know you can be outed pretty quickly.” I state. “ What do you mean?” Ace asks.

“The way your holding your glass.” I point at the cup. “ Most people here are holding it by its side. But you hold it at the bottom.”

I stifle a laugh as I see Ace immediately hold the glass by its side. Ace sees the smirk on my lips and say “ there.” I roll my eyes.

“ I found the spirt.” I say. I don’t bother to whisper about it. After all no one is paying attention to us. “ Where is it?” Ace asks.

“ Went out the east door. Grab Milo. I am going to head back.” I state. Ace nods his head and places the glass down. I go over to Kian. Before I leave I must know one thing.

“ Kian right?” I ask a man. “ Yes it is me.” “ Where are you from?” I ask. “ I was born in Edam.” So it is not you. “ Oh, well ok.” I respond while running my hands down my dress.

“ Well, I am sorry but my love is waiting for me on the dance floor.” I lie. “ Ah. Well it was nice knowing you Raven.” Before I even take one step backwards Kian grabs my arm. I am about to protest til Kian whispered “ Go after the prince and you will not see the moon again.”

Milo

“ You’re a lovely dancer.” The lady comments. “ Why thank you.” I respond to women. Or lady- she looks older then me but not as old as Raven. “ I still have not learn your name.” She asks . If you knew my name you would run. “ Yet you still haven’t told me your name young lady.” I say as I lift my hand in the air. The thin lady twirls on the floor. Her dusty rose dress flairs on the dance floor. When she stop twirling she says “ well if you must know my name is Julia. “ Julia- oh how I missed her. “ What’s your maiden name?” I ask

“Considering marriage I see.” Oh right- OH RIGHT SHIT. I do not know much about Edam and its culture. But I do know from Maria that asking a lady her maiden’s name is like asking the lady to marriage. I just want to know if you are the Julia I grew up with. “ Oh no no.” I hastily say.

I think Julia is rolling her eyes when she says “ fine. My maiden name is Winter.” Winter- that’s a completely different name. One more time. “ Have you ever had a different name?”

The lips of the young lady flatten. “ Why must you know?” She asks slowly. She definitely went by another name-

“ Because- curiosity is my way of speaking.” She can see through this. A observer vs an observer. “ Well you know what they say. Curiosity kills the cat.” She says coldly.

“ Who said I was a cat?” I respond coldly lowering my head to Julia’s face. “ I think you’re a owl. A omen of death.” Julia says getting closer to my face.

“A owl is also smart.” I respond. “In Edam they are a symbol of bad luck.” “ What is your last name Julia?” I ask.

“Tell me your fist name.” “In exchange for your information I will be needing your last name.” Julia lets out a sigh and says “ if you must know my original maiden name was Hallow.”

Hallow- H Julia Hallow. Back at Acrasia we never had actual names. We were known by our numbers . The elders never let us know our actual name. Most people were sent to Acrasia at a age they were able to read. Those people often went by there last name. And I remember there was this older girl - in my class she went by the name Hallow. Hallow - subject 039.

“ Now your name?” Julia asks. She wouldn’t know me. I didn’t even have my name back then. “ Milo.” I say. Before Julia can respond Someone grasps my arm. “ Milo!” Someone shouted. Ace-

Ace drags me away from Julia. “ What is going on?!” I ask as Ace drags me somewhere. “ Raven found the spirt. She’s going to meet us there.”

Raven found the prince-

[ramrodd]

Everything You Thought You Knew About The Gospels Is Wrong!4

COMMENTARY:

My ex-wife went to Brown, She married an All-American Stix player from Brown and accompanied him in the Peace Corps as a camp follower. She saved my life at a time when I was alive more out of habit than any particular purpose. The only thing that drew me forward was my relationship with the Holy Spirit, And that was really just out of habit.

In the final analysis, faith is existential. It's call the Acts of the Apostles and not the "sit around wand wait for Jesus to beam me up", of the Salvation Gospel of Campus Crusade for Christ. The Acts of the Apostles is in itinerary of the Word of God by foot and mouth, Both Peter and Paul were committed to the Great Commission of the Liberation Gospel of Jesus, Jesus wasn't teaching anything new: he was  making a course correction fo tangential  trajectory of the Eschatology that originated in the corruption of the Commandments by Moses that is echoe in the Pro-Life Calvinism of the Dobb's decision, The historical scale of the Jesus Seminar is too myopic to fully appreciate the historical sweep of the literature of the Bible.

The thing you ignore in all your scholarship, is the realm of the Magi revealed by the narrative of the Hebrew bible from 3760 BCE when the Book of Job was composed by Elohim the verb as the anchor for Enoch's 700 Year Epoch  as a grid consisting of ten 700 year "weeks" that is the template for Jacob's  Ladders, which , in tern, anticipates Aristotle. Genesis 15:5 anticipates Plato's  Theory of Forms, the gestalt of Euclid's mathematics suspended in the field of topology,

After I got back from Vietnam, I oucl have earned a comfortable living as a  fortune teller in numerology and cards, Before the Nazification of DC by the Reagan Conservatives in 1981, there was a very healthy wicca community in Northern Virginian and Gypsy fortune tellers all over DC and Arlington, DC was the most spiritually and racially mellow region in America after the 70 Memoria  and the campaign to initiate Home Rule for DC and the Fourth of July in 1976, By 1979, Chuck Brown's Bustin Loose and Bob Marley Jammin' defined the streets of DC,

During that time, I was trying to pit Plan B together and I was into a bunch of stuff just from listening to Cat Stevens that shows up in the Bible, One of the things I became aware of was the sharp distinction between the astrology and numerology of everything east of Persia and the astrology and numerology of everything west of India, the fullest extent of Alexander the Great. The reason why Alexander got as far as he did was because of the connection between the Magi and Enoch's grid. We can trace the impact of the Magi on Western Civilization from the Book of Job, which emerges in the annals of Egypt about 185 years before the Step Pyramid was completed, The  Era of the Pyramids, globally, was the climax phase of the Sone Age. The Social organization required to build the pyramids. globally, was sufficient to sustain a lunar colony,, but lacking all the bells and whistles required to build the stairway to the Heavens ,

And that's what the Torah was  created to enable humanity to do. A purpose of Jesu's appearance into history was to validate the God Hypothesis in order to purify inquiry of superstitious behavior. A result is Hume's rules of evidence, which enables God Fearers to examine nature like an atheist,  F-MA is the way an atheist sees the world and being able to manipulate creation on that basis is how we nukes Japan and sent Apollo 11 to the moon and back. There is nothing that pleased Elohim the verb more than F=MA. It is what Free Will is all about. It's why Pro=Life Calvinism is so full of shit

But you can't get there with the theology of the Jesus Seminar. You need to come to grok the Magi. Melchizedek was a Magi  and if you figure out when he appears in Genesis, on Epoch's grid and draw a line perpendicular to the common time line of the Mediterranian basis, you can see the various narratives  appearing around like cotton candy around the cultural cones of Home and Virgin and who every was narrating the Etruscan civilization, .

And everything converges on the Cross at 3793 on the Jewish Calendar in a chiasmatic moment globally and historically and is propelled into the future by the Cross the Talked and produce Hebrews and the Apostle's Creed.  

That's the story you, two, owe yourselves to be telling.

[theotherboywhonevergrewup]

My Top Songs of 2023

Another year down, another post of my top 10 songs of the year! These songs are not necessarily the 10 best songs of the year musically or even my 10 favorite songs of the year. They're simply the songs that defined my year of 2023 the most.

First, the honorable mentions. "MR. TAKE YA B*TCH" by Lil Mabu featuring chirseanrock easily had the catchiest hook of 2023. That song is addicting. "SAD B!TCH" by Anne-Marie was also a standout this year with the perfect blend of dance-y, catchy, and empowering to get over being sad. And I feel it must be mentioned, even though Rihanna had an unforgettable Super Bowl performance this year, that Rihanna drought is still here with no new album from her, and no new songs this year. Now, let's get into this list!

10. "Alive" by The Scarlet Opera

"Alive" lives up to its name, as a huge lively rock anthem released in February reminiscent of Queen. I hadn't heard of the Scarlet Opera before this song, and it really took me by surprise. It starts off with a beautiful vocal and piano melody, but the band keeps taking the song up a notch, especially vocalist Luka Bazulka with his vocals absolutely soaring by the end of the song. The lyrics perfectly match this musical adventure, being about finding your place and living true to yourself. The single was eventually accompanied by an EP, Comedy, but personally, "Alive" was still easily the standout track.

9. "What Was" by Benson Boone

Last year, I had a goal to go to at least 10 concerts. Thankfully, I was able to make that goal, going to 22 concerts and 1 music festival! Of all of the singers I saw last year, Benson Boone's vocals were one of the best, which is especially impressive given his limited training. Granted, he puts it on a lil thick for the ladies a lot of the time, but somehow it works. His fun personality makes a good balance for his often sorrowful songs. "What Was" in particular has the narrator regretting losing his relationship and wanting to start over. Boone is able to tenderly hit the verses and emote the torment in the chorus, all while cheekily doing a backflip in live performances. His corresponding EP Pulse is generally more upbeat than his previous release Walk Me Home.... I appreciate the variety in his discography, but his other tearjerkers like "Little Runaway" and "To Love Someone" also hit the spot, especially since I went through a bad breakup last year and really resonated with the sad white boi anthems.

8. "leave me in the dark" by Alexander Stewart

Speaking of my breakup and sad white boi songs, "leave me in the dark" is probably the breakup song that lyrically matched my situation the most. The music video beautifully captures the metaphor of a former lover left alone, blindfolded, lost and confused with nowhere to go. Stewart's vocals capture the rollercoaster of emotions, from a soft feeling of loneliness to a loud angry cry of resentment, with the simple piano escalating to a powerful piano, drum, and belt before cutting back to the quiet piano and vocals again. Follow-up singles "I'm trying" and "i wish you cheated" along with EP if you only knew also capture the turmoil of recovering from a breakup, and they were such comforts for me to know that, even though I was left in the dark, I was not alone.

7. "Waffle House" by Jonas Brothers

Let's put a pause on the sad songs for a second. "Waffle House" is simply a fun, addicting song about how family and friendship can overcome the speedbumps of life. Its music video captures this with fun choreography and ending with a concert, which of course I always love a concert experience. I'll admit, this song is mostly on this list due to my trip to the Midwest (we don't have Waffle House where I live). That trip was a blast; it was awesome to reconnect with friends whom I hadn't seen in years who now live all over the country. I missed a late night dinner at Waffle House with a couple of them, and all of us joked how Waffle House was the highlight of the trip, but I think that really made me resonate with the song in how such an ordinary place and experience and that sense of ordinary connection is beautiful in its own way, pushing life forward. Their album The Album has other fun hits like "Wings," expected of a Jonas Brothers album and a breath of fresh air for my playlists.

6. "Flowers" by Miley Cyrus

I didn't realize I had put the two Disney Channel alumni next to each other until after I compiled the list, but it feels right. As someone who grew up with Disney Channel and am similar in age to Cyrus and the Jonas', I have always been proud to see people my age killing it in life and overcoming various obstacles, "blooming" if you will. If this list was a list of songs that were all over America this year, this song would definitely be number one. There was no escaping this song, and you know what, I'm not mad about that. Cyrus very famously had a nasty divorce, but with this song, Cyrus takes control of her life and embraces self-love and independence. At the time of release, I didn't think much of this song, but as the year went on, as I experienced my breakup, as I recovered, I related to this song more and more, and each time I hear it, I recognize something new and find a way to love myself even more and embrace being free from the toxic relationship I was previously in. I think most people would have expected me to be stuck in a state of regret, like Bruno Mars's "When I Was Your Man." But just as Cyrus references that song (which her ex-husband reportedly dedicated to her), I'm proud to be past all that and out of that rut. The "Flowers" music video is simple, comprised mostly of clips of Cyrus enjoying her life, which is how it should be. Endless Summer Vacation has a variety of pop bops, some of which are arguably more musically and lyrically powerful (see "Used To Be Young"), but "Flowers" took the year by storm and rightfully so.

5. "missin u" by Tori Kelly

To my memory, I don't think I've ever added music from anyone I personally know onto these lists, but "missin u" is too good to pass up. Both the song and the music video itself perfectly draw from its 90s and 00s inspirations from the pop and R&B scenes that people of my generation grew up with. The best part in my opinion is Tori absolutely going in with the adlibs, just as the pop and R&B divas would do back in the day. The corresponding EP tori is full of great music, most notably "cut" which includes writing credits by Timbaland, which I remember us talking about back in the day. I'm so proud that she accomplished that dream and many other dreams, and I know there are many more accomplishments to come!

4. "Other's Melodies" by Gatton

This song is so beautiful and healing. It's very simple and somber, with mostly just Gatton's voice and piano. It's a song of realization and not necessarily dwelling in this, but a melancholy reflection resolving in hope. The music video captures fun moments between friends, so much so that I wasn't even sure if Gatton was in the video at first. But I think that's part of the message of the video, that Gatton is now in a safe space with safe people, moving on from those who were draining him. I am grateful to have this piece of beauty, piece of healing that I carried with me as I found my voice again.

3. "What Was I Made For?" by Billie Eilish

The theme for me this year was sad piano songs, and arguably the biggest sad piano of the year was rightfully Billie Eilish's "What Was I Made For?" It's primary meaning is the realization of the current state of womanhood and corresponding struggles as girls grow up, as this song is essentially Margot Robbie's character's theme in the Barbie film. As a man, I may not fully understand women's' struggles (relating more to Ken's theme from the film "I'm Just Ken" which is a fun and dramatic song in its own right), but I agree it's important for art pieces like the film and this song to help women related and men understand. Beyond that, the song is a beautiful piece about finding your place in the world. Eilish is a master of the soft vocals and harmonies floating over the piano to convey these complex feelings.

2. "One That Got Away" by MUNA

"One That Got Away" is an upbeat song about realizing your self-worth and having the confidence to walk away from situations that aren't for you. Katie Gavin's voice delivers the catchy melody over the 80s inspired synths and drums for a memorable tune that leaves listeners dancing and singing along, empowering us to remind ourselves we are the ones that got away. The music video takes the title more literally, reminiscent of heist movies like Oceans Eleven. They didn't release an album this year, still somewhat fresh from their 2022 release MUNA, but I look forward to hearing more from them!

1. "Maybe Next Time" by Jamie Miller

Let's get back to those sad white boi songs! While Alexander Stewart's "leave me in the dark" is the song that best reflects my breakup in retrospect, while going through it, "Maybe Next Time" was what I was feeling most. Welsh singer Jamie Miller starts soft with a heartbreaking opening line, "Mom says trust your gut but I think mine's broken / 'Cause I could swear that we were meant to be." This self doubt and brokenness show in his voice as it and the piano eventually escalate to regret for not being enough and hope for being good enough next time. "Maybe next time I'll be enough / You'll give me everythin' instead of givin' up / Maybe next time won't be a waste / You'll be the one and not the onе that got away." And in true Jamie Miller fashion, the song lightens up a bit with a raw delivery of the beginning of the chorus in a lower octave before emotions come crushing down with his powerful belt, and the final quiet delivery of "maybe next time." I think what's so beautiful about Miller's releases this year is that you can see his journey of healing through his music. Looking back now, I think "Maybe Next Time" is the wrong message, at least for me. While it is beautiful in its honesty, the narrator puts himself down so much and focuses on whether or not he is enough. I think Miller recognized this as well, and subsequent release "No Matter What" has lyrics such as "Even on the dark days, even through the heartache / Even when you're too afraid to say you need someone / ... / I'm not givin' up on you, I'm here no matter what." While this could be an uplifting love song to a significant other, its corresponding music video has him singing this song to a younger version of himself, which I take to be overcoming that self-blame in "Maybe Next Time" and to be showing up for yourself when you need it most. With EP The Things I Left Unsaid, we see even more of his journey. "Rooting For You" is a song of acceptance. There is still some lingering hurt, "My biggest fear is that you move on faster / It's sad but it's true," but any lingering feelings his have are now joy (albeit a complicated, painful joy) for his ex as he roots for them, "Heard you found somebody else / I felt my heart drop out of my chest / If only one of us is doing better / I'm glad that it's you." The final song of The Things I Left Unsaid shows him even further into his healing journey. "Only Place" has the narrator now fully realizing how wrong his ex was for him, "There was a time / When every part of me was part of you / Every lie you said felt like the truth / Hearts were getting twisted / Toxic narcissistic / But pretty damn convincing." This leads to the titular line in the chorus, "The only place I'm moving is on." No more looking back, no more "maybe next time," it's over and done. I honestly did not like this song as much at first, that is until I reached that realization myself, that moving on is something to be celebrated. It seems like a small moment, but actually living the line "You call I / Ignore it / For the first time" was one of many moments that I realized I'm happy, happier even, that I have moved on and the only place I'm moving is on. To round it out, I do want to quickly mention that the only song I haven't mentioned on The Things I Left Unsaid, "Empty Room," is also a breathtaking song dealing with the loss of a loved one, in Miller's case his grandmother. I'm glad to have finally seen Miller perform in person, and it was an amazing experience meeting him and getting to tell him how his music helped me on my healing journey. It was so encouraging to hear him say, "Well, we're on to bigger and better things" to me. 2023 was hard, heartbreak is destructive, but I'm blessed to say I'm honestly happier. It turned out to be one of if not the best year of my life, and I'm so grateful that life just keeps getting better.