#to do wings. gosh those wings. y’all I am making zero noise with those I’m just hopping

[gatorinator]

I started crying, in my senior class the other day, while we were partnered up—and my partner was THE PROFESSOR💀 he was very sweet about it, and gave me a moment and asked me if I was doing ok. I just told him I was super overwhelmed with life in general (THATS an understatement. Currently fighting for my life just to try and work up the energy to call the pharmacist so I can meet with a pharmistist so I can get some anti depressants before I kill myself (sorry I’m being a little dramatic)). He was very kind about it.

I say this because I just checked my school email, and my tap professor (that’s right. Like tap dancing. Listen, I have the shoes, I might as well take the class) emailed me saying I looked SCARED while tapping and offered some suggestions (ok exact words were “timid” which. Still).

I had a coworker look over at me in surprise, say “oh please go home, you look tired.” That surprised me, as I thought I was holding it together pretty well.

As someone who tends to feel like they are suffering in silence, there’s some embarrassment to getting called out for all the ways I’m slipping—but it’s also a little relieving? That people can see I’m maybe not totally fine? That what’s going on in my head is in fact negatively affecting me, I’m not just being a wimp. Idk. Even when people ask me how I’m doing and I say “really bad” I say it in a way that sounds like a joke, because I don’t know how to have a serious convo about it. But I’m trying to cry for help. So it’s nice to know that people do notice I’m absolutely crumbling occasionally. Also that I need to “really dig into the ground with those heels” and “loosen those ankles especially with the heel shuffle heel before draw backs.”