#to demonize them is to demonize abuse survivors and victims of trauma and neglect

[isekyaaa]

I hate reading bad takes on manhwa and yet the comments section are the things I just find myself going to.

[anti-ao3]

okay, sorry to hammer on the topic of bullying, but the whole "bully with a sad backstory" belief is extremely harmful to victims/survivors.

idk where it started, but firstly, i do think that school shootings influence this belief. everyone always says that school shooters have been bullied and/or abused at home, which might be true sometimes. but that isn't the root of the problem. the root is white supremacy. it's lack of gun control. because if all victims of bullying became school shooters, then where are all the marginalized groups, like black kids, disabled kids, women, lgbt+ kids etc.? if anything, though, they would probably be demonized. since most school shooters are white, then you'll see them being treated like poor little guys on the internet. i'm talking mainly about the usa, but here in brazil, where i live, we also have school shootings and we learn that the shooters were part of neonazi communities online.

fiction does reinforce this, to the dickheads who think "fiction doesn't affect reality". there are too many bully characters to possibly mention here. but most of them have something in common, they're abused and/or neglected at home, or maybe they're also bullied. but trust me, that is very uncommon in real life. i only had ONE bully who was also mistreated. all my other bullies were privileged, rich kids that just loved making my existence unbearable. and again, many of the victims of bullying i knew, including myself, weren't white, or they were disabled and/or fat. before anyone says it, yes, i'm very aware that bullies learn from their parents and families. but that doesn't always mean they're ABUSED, too. if anything, their families probably encourage their kids being an asshole to minorities.

the reason i'm saying all of this is that bullying is not treated seriously at all. i've been dismissed and ignored several times when i tried to open up about my bullying, including to my school and actual therapists. ppl often tell me it wasn't "that bad" or i'm exaggerating, and it was just "kids being kids" or "boys being boys". or worse, they'll tell me that i have to acknowledge that maybe my bullies/abusers had a tragic backstory too, and i have to forgive them. which is absolute bullshit.

bullying ruined my life. on top of my abusive household, i've become insecure, terrified of social interactions, of group assignments, of presentations, parties and so on. i'm always expecting everyone to hate me. i keep thinking everyone is looking at me and laughing at me behind my back. basically, i've become paranoid. i can't trust anyone. and that probably explains why i seriously hate bully characters and the way society treats bullies overall. i actually remember making a post about bullying on tumblr, and some idiot tried to make it about the bullies and how "they're victims, too".

maybe i'm being too unfair or too harsh because of my personal experience, but i feel very unwelcome in fandoms where bully characters are beloved. nobody thinks my trauma with bullying is valid. society tells me it's not actually abusive or traumatic. no matter how many lives we lose to bullying, nobody cares. and to be reminded of that when i want to interact with a media i like is so daunting.

[lightdancer1]

I will also note re: Tara and her darker side:

First, we do have Amber Benson herself writing a Tara who'd fit comfortably in a Warhammer Fantasy fluff. The sorceress who reads the wrong book, gets corrupted and possessed by those words, and is casually using her world's Willow as a power battery...while being about as hammy as the Wicked Witch of the West. I do love Benson's voice performance in that, and I enjoy using that version not least because given Amber Benson's protectiveness of said character that she wrote the first new media with her featuring an actually legitimately evil version says something.

Second, if we go with the idea that Tara's power draws from the Earth, there are two relevant points here. Assuming Gaia has connections to Greek myth when Osiris is both real and punked by Willow in one of her darker and more awesome moments equally, this is the Gaia who casually spat out monsters to kill the Gods because she was a murderous wrathful entity. Gaia is anything but a kindly maternal figure, she's more Kali-Durga. Second, at a purely scientific level tsunamis, volcanism, landslides, and the like are all things the Earth does.

Like any other kind of magic it has its more destructive sides and tapping into this is not technically Dark Magic, but it is the shadow-side of Earth magic, and it is one area where Tara is and will always be the 'always someone better' to Willow because Willow is a generalist who can do everything somewhat well, and Tara a very specialized focus in one set of magic in the long term. A lot of fanfics make her equal in power and the canon is very blunt that she is not. Not being equal to the most powerful sorcerer on Earth, or according to the comics, the entire universe of the Buffyverse Earth, does not mean that she is weak.

It only means that she comes short next to the magical equivalent of Silver Age Superman and there are huge gulfs in that. Still further, even when there are mitigating reasons Tara in canon sabotaged demon-location spells in the middle of the search for Adam and almost killed the entire Scooby gang in that one day when all her collective traumas bricked her in the face.

The canon character is by no means an infallible moral figure, and that I think is one of the few areas where the broad sketches of the Season 6 arc still work, Tara made smaller-scale mistakes and more importantly learned from them and learned how not to do it again. Willow makes much grander ones in pursuit of control over her life and a power trip from no longer being the side-kick and coming into vast amounts of power without real means to control it. Dark Lord Rosenberg vs. the traumatized cult survivor who more than most would see Mall Goth Sauron exactly for what she is and take the logical protective root of scooting and doing so too fast to warn the Scoobies of the time bomb in their midst.

Things with her and Willow work better when she is not, in fact, always right and when her behavior which on the whole is the best relationship in anything Whedon wrote (and when I continue this is still true and it tells you about all the others he's written) is one of largely picking fights and dealing with insecurities poorly and in a very human fashion until Dark Willow more than justifies the things she did more retroactively than at the time....is subject to the reminder that she is both abuse survivor, cult victim, internalized her view of herself as a demon and is not in fact always right on major things as she never quite accepted that she wasn't one.

She is not always right, her advice to Willow being a train wreck works better because it's well-meaning, from the POV of someone who sees a problem happening, does what little she can to stop it and when it fails secures herself rather than being forced to always think of others. Equally her growth arc and that of Willow very much complement each other. The neglect victim and the cult victim find their own self-worth and that in each other, and each brings out both the other's good traits and at particular times and in particular ways, their bad ones.

Tara's background is also, as things like the Quiverfull movement and other modern cults show something that can work just as well in a non-supernatural AU. After all that she is NOT a demon is precisely the point, and 'simplifying' things to 'mere' physical and emotional abuse also neglects that cult survivors and the intersections of religions and in particular Christianity in its Protestant (more than Catholic, the Maclays really read like the boondocks of Roll Tide country rather than Catholic) sense with misogyny work in a purely 'normal' world. People raised in insular cults encountering the wider world and escaping them does happen.

Some of them are gay.

That and I also tend to oppose pedestals even or perhaps especially with fictional characters where there are minimal real-world consequences. Allowing people to be truly human, flawed, and the world to be better for the flaws is better than a saintly figure who can do no wrong.

Because what, after all, shows best the growth of an increasingly megalomaniacal and controlling mentality that leads someone to flee for a good reason than someone most equipped of anyone to recognize it for what it is and to refuse to put herself back in the world she fought so hard to escape from? And that in turn spawning out of whether or not it's a metaphor for queerness or heroin that Buffyverse magic is reality-warping with spellbooks and that the power to say to stones 'become bread' and then you have freshly baked loafs of the finest quality is something that would, invariably turn people down dark and destructive paths because there are few people who would be granted such power suddenly and handle it well.

So, ultimately, I think that Tara works best less as an unrealistic saintly good plot device and more as an abuse survivor and cult victim whose greatest arc is both learning to stand up for herself and grow into who she is and what she is, and that it is those same jagged flaws and blind spots that stand her so well with the equally jaggedly flawed and blind in critical places Willow, because their flaws both coarsen and complement each other in equal measure. They are never better than with each other, and there is nothing but the two of them to potentially bring out the very worst traits that can and would lead Tara to almost kill off her family of choice in a blunder that to that point was more potentially lethal than anything Willow did in her entirety of bungled reality warping 'fix my life and oh shit I fucked up other people's stuff bad me, cookie time' stuff up to that point in each other as well. And of course Willow's most destructive acts were all out of the fear of doing the very thing they brought on and motivated by her loss and the suicidal grief she was plunged into from it.

And let's not forget, if we say they're soulmates, that the other soulmate duo in this universe is Buffy and Angel. Is that *really* a recommendation that soulmates and one true loves work well for either person involved here?

[redphlox]

Tenko's tears; Touya's wounded inner child

As I've mentioned before, crying serves various purposes, two of which include emotional regulation and forming social connections. Tears signal "I'm sad and I need help" and usually elicit concern from others. But, for Touya and Tenko, tears didn't fulfill these needs. When Tenko cried, the adults around him tried to distract him from his pain or change how he responded to his abuse instead of defending him or confronting his father Kotaro. They meant well, but in the end it didn't help Tenko and he felt alone. No one validated his pain; he was seen, but he wasn't helped. The same thing happened to Touya, who was seen crying, and crying, and crying, but his parents refused to acknowledge the root cause of his pain because it would mean facing their own mistakes. His tears, his cries for help, never got him the help he needed and never made him feel better.

Even as adults, Dabi and Shigaraki weren't listened to because they didn't display socially acceptable feelings such as sorrow or regret, and they weren't dealing with their trauma in a socially acceptable way, like crying. Shigaraki told Endeavor, in front of Deku and Bakugo, that heroes only hurt their families, but it wasn't until Deku saw a glimpse of Tenko that Deku decided Shigaraki was worth saving because little Tenko’s tears humanized him and made him relatable.

While this is a turning point in the manga, the way it came about insinuates that certain unspoken conditions exist that need to be filled before victimhood can be validated or someone is deemed worthy of help. Not everyone is equal, and not everyone's pain will be good enough in hero society. This warrants the questions the League of Villains keep asking: who are heroes here to save? Who is it that needs saving? Where do you draw the line? Are villains not people too?

This new plot point of Deku being moved by Tenko’s tears also brings into light how isolating and demonizing it is for Dabi not being physically able to cry. He compensates for this – because remember, crying regulates your emotions, and if you can’t cry you turn to other coping mechanisms for self-soothing – by telling himself and others that he doesn’t care about anything or anyone. He copes with his emotions by smiling and grinning, by not getting too attached. He takes an offensive approach through keeping a distance from people by insulting them and being rude. However, his quirk’s link to his emotions betrays him and exposes his true feelings: his flames became hotter after Twice died and his flames turned white while confronting Endeavor. Dabi, despite everything, still cares and feels deeply.

So, how is Dabi supposed to be seen and understood and saved if he can’t prove that he has feelings if he can't cry? Why would he even want to cry, since crying never helped him? All Touya did from the age of four was cry for help, literally, and yet he was ignored and neglected. It wasn't Shigaraki's words that moved Deku, it was the unintended display of emotion through crying, which is something Dabi can't do even if he wanted because his tear ducts are burnt as a result of being so heartbroken over his father not showing up to Sekoto Peak. The irony is ugly and upsetting to witness – overwhelming feelings of abandonment and worthlessness almost killed Dabi ten years ago and now, when the story implies he desperately needs to cry to be seen, he can't, and therefore he's still alone and will continue to be alone.

But wait – he cries tears of blood, doesn’t he?

I think that if he’s caught in a vulnerable place, if the right people (Natsuo) meet him or if he is finally validated and seen and understood (Shouto), those tears of blood would come out and he’d finally be eligible (as gross as that sounds) for salvation, for understanding, for sympathy like Shigaraki. Feelings serve as evidence to society that villains are human too, and Dabi must first be considered a human. It seems that salvation, like the attention Touya received from his father, is conditional. Touya's wounded inner child and status as an abuse survivor will be the ticket to his redemption IF he can be vulnerable and express his pain physically to the younger generation of heroes, because talking about his past hasn't helped and won't help. Even now, as noted in 304, people still weren't sure why he became a villain even though he literally explained why in his pre-recorded broadcast. Dabi, or his inner child, has to show evidence he is still emotionally suffering because his words won't suffice for society or heroes. Honestly, this framing is personally distressing and frustrating because it pushes a bad victim vs good victim mentality, especially in light of Rei commenting that Shouto, who she burnt and forgave her nonetheless, is their family's hero.

Don't get me wrong. Shouto has done nothing wrong to warrant this suffering, and I think it's great that Deku is determined to save everyone within his reach. This makes sense as his role as protagonist. With that said, it's unsettling to me how drastically different he's reacting to Shigaraki compared to how he responded to Dabi by comparing him to Endeavor and implying Dabi is worse for not trying to be better. Before anyone jumps down my throat, I know Deku intervened because he was worried about Shouto, and that Deku is 16 and young. My point is that the narrative and the writing is setting up a problematic view of victims by having the main character nitpick who deserves to be saved based on this societal construct that people must first qualify or prove themselves. Shigaraki shouldn't have had to show his trauma receipts or be relatable for Deku to want to save him. Shigaraki didn’t even expose his inner child on purpose – Deku caught a glimpse of that without Shigaraki’s intention.

Let me say this another way. Imagine if you had to present yourself as sympathetic to a firefighter, an ambulance worker, or a doctor before receiving their help. It would be unprofessional and highly unethical for these professionals to turn you down because you don't fit the image of someone who needs help, someone who's not "sick" enough, whose house isn't burning hot enough, whose injuries aren't "bad" enough. So why do heroes, as a group of public servants, have these unwritten rules and preconceived notions about what a victim looks like? I understand that people are more likely to provide services if you're nice to them (you catch more flies with honey, etc) and that everyone has biases etc, but this isn't a core value of the helping professions or public servants. It's unethical to discriminate and assign varying levels of care based on how someone treats you or others around them. People in need are people in need, and that's that.

As of now, it seems like the manga is on route to support the League's complaints by supplying evidence that their disillusionment with society isn't unfounded - even Twice, who died crying at the hands of a hero part of the older generation, was not considered a person before he was considered a villain. But maybe if he had come across a hero from the younger generation, someone who recognized his tears as human despite his criminal record, he wouldn't have met the fate he did. It seems that the older generation of heroes don't take tears or emotions into account, which is why Tenko and Touya were shrugged off. But the younger generation will go out of their way to help anyone who needs help, but only if they prove themselves or make themselves sympathetic.

[hermaea]

Uno Cards for Divination

Format: [#] — Upright meaning; reversed meaning

This is my original guide ! Do not claim it as your own ♥

Red Suit — Wands

0 — Enthusiasm (childlike), taking on a new project, spontaneity, initiative, excitement; energy block, wasted/missed opportunity, burning out

1 — Confidence, open-mindedness, fertility, opportunities, positive parental figure, passion; misguided, missing opportunities, boring, stagnant, disappointment

2 — Clear choice, difficult decision, limited options, trusting intuition; unclear path, no good options, further thought required

3 — Payoff, success after taking a chance, ambition noticed, energy boost; exhaustion, frustration, sexual ineptitude, too afraid to try

4 — Marriage, family, celebration, community, peace, joy; tension, different values, failed teamwork, unnecessary restraint

5 — Conflict, competition, argument, diversity; conflict with self, stalemate, compromise, end of conflict

6 — Triumph, success, acclaim, pride, achievement; failure, disdain from peers, hubris, opinions falling

7 — Perseverance, courage, standing ground, sticking by morals; abandoning ship, compromising beliefs, burning out

8 — Sudden action, renewed energy, vacation, payoff for very hard work; sudden exhaustion, overworking, delay, bad timing, hysteria

9 — Final stretch, staying resolute, persistence, unforeseen path; not learning from past, severe fatigue, unwilling to learn or listen

+2 — Taking on more than one can handle, overwhelmed, many projects at once, trouble prioritizing; energy boost, renewal, zeal, return of sex drive

Skip — Efforts in vain, failed plans, losing prestige, failing to rise to the challenge; successfully taking advantage, opportunity taken, manipulating someone for own gain

Reverse — Cancelled plans, work being claimed by another, theft, loss; flattery, thinking ahead, dodging questions, laying low, suspicious behavior, suspicion

Yellow Suit — Pentacles

0 — Life change, prosperity, comfort, stability; poverty, greed, lack of opportunities, insecurity, shortsightedness

1 — Grounded, good advice, maturity, material comfort, stability; chaos, anger, abusive situation, bad outlook, poverty

2 — Minor financial trouble, stay level-headed, do not abandon responsibilities, embarrassment; disorganization, running self thin, material losses, overwhelmed

3 — Learning, mentorship, commitment, wisdom beyond years, encouragement, reward for attentiveness; shortsightedness, hedonism, aimlessness, immaturity

4 — Materialism, greed, nostalgia, sentimental, obsession, need for control; minimalism, sharing, losing some money to generosity or addiction, self-soothing

5 — Entering a negative period, hardship, pressure, neglect, temporary but impactful loss; getting back on feet, relief, outside help, accepting aid, recovery

6 — Charity, reward, authority, support, value seen; manipulation of power, manipulation of finances, inequality, dependence

7 — Returns on investment, reward, manifestation of goals, cultivation, effort finally paying off; bad business, abandoned projects, idleness, waste

8 — New line of work, success, concentration, making good connections, confidence; dissatisfaction, tired of routine, workaholism, lack of qualifications

9 — Independence, profit, elegance, indulgence, freedom, wisdom; overworking, dependency, deceit, cheapness of character, shallow character

+2 — Major financial loss, bad karma, enemy succeeding, punishment for bad decision; seizing a risky opportunity, succeeding with some conditions, chance to impress peers

Skip — Bad investment, theft, trusted person taking advantage, misplaced loyalty; taking an opportunity from someone else, thriftiness, stealing from another, selfishness

Reverse — Risky partnership, older partner, inexperience, trust not quite earned; divulging secrets, new addition to the family/household, making room, pet, inferiority

Green Suit — Swords

0 — Stroke of genius, intellectual or philosophical breakthrough, pursuing a new interest, ideas; failure, restlessness, wrong path, overlooked

1 — Sophistication, discerning, politeness, cool & collected older figure, wisdom; rudeness, tactlessness, acting foolishly, oppression, judgmental

2 — Difficult decision, crossroads, blindness, repressed emotions in the face of change; learning a painful truth, emotionally guarded, overwhelmed

3 — Heartbreak, removal, loneliness, loss, depression, grief; overcoming hardship, optimism, recovery, CAN ALSO MEAN emotional repression

4 — Need for escape, solitude, overstimulation/overload, introspection, relaxation; recovering mental health, return to world, restlessness, CAN ALSO MEAN breakdown, mental collapse

5 — Surrender, self-sabotaging behavior, gratuitous violence, resisting a threat that is too cumbersome to beat; taking a big risk to get out of a tight spot, moving on, compromise, communication, suddenly taking action

6 — Progress, calming waters, spirit guides, journey, running away; very strenuous & long journey ahead, abandoning plans, entrapment

7 — Lack of conscience, holding onto beliefs too tightly, manipulating others carefully, getting away with something; confession, coming to senses, descent into perpetual deceit of the self & of others

8 — Trapped in a bad situation, forced to face demons, victimization, major anxiety, sick with thoughts; escape, freedom, taking control, survivor, end of a long punishment

9 — Overthinking, making something out of nothing, at breaking point, negative thinking; recovery, accepting little joys, accepting help, CAN ALSO MEAN complete mental breakdown, giving up

+2 — Something to think about, making connections in head, learning quickly, realization; teaching others, taking on a mentor role, letting thoughts flow, self-expression through words

Skip — Forgetting, repression of a memory, distancing self from past, trying to renew self; nostalgia, (painful) reminder, sentimental, missing something that is gone forever

Reverse — Ideas shut down, not allowed to express thoughts, treated like an idiot; leading a discussion, censoring inappropriate ideas, speaking up

Blue Suit — Cups

0 — Happiness, new fulfillment, conception, new relationship; emotional loss, bad news, unlucky in love

1 — Charming person, emotional maturity, warmth, sensitivity, affection; emotional immaturity, self-serving, cheating on a partner, bitterness

2 — Partnership, compatibility, soulmates, strong connection; incompatibility, breakup, bullying, toxic relationship

3 — Reunion, socializing, partying, indulgence, wedding, graduation; over-indulgence, gossip, loneliness, cancelled plans

4 — Refusing an offer, apathy, yearning, self-absorption as a result of depression or anxiety; accepting an offer, seizing the day, letting go of regret, self-awareness, optimism

5 — Grief, trauma, despair, sudden & unwelcome change, misery; moving on, resolving grief or trauma, acceptance of situation

6 — Children, nostalgia, homesickness, youth, innocence, goodwill; looking ahead, thinking about the future, move to independence, CAN ALSO MEAN looking too fondly on the past, childhood abuse, losing innocence, stuck in the past

7 — Fantasizing, lots of options to choose from, uncertainty, procrastination; reality, clarity, sobriety, restriction, limited choice

8 — Abandonment, escaping, self-discovery, withdrawal, moving away physically but looking within; stagnation, fear of change, fake happiness, low self-worth, staying in a bad situation

9 — Fulfillment, dreams realized, pleasure, spiritual accomplishment, recognition; nightmare scenario, desires turning out to be undesirable, devastation, unrewarding

+2 — Emotional outburst, stuck in a bad relationship, wandering eyes; good communication, equal power dynamic, healthy self-disclosure, learning someone’s true feelings

Skip — Emotional abuse, neglect, not being listened to properly, deteriorating physical health; ignoring someone unpleasant, insults, brushing off others’ comments

Reverse — Becoming aware of toxic tendencies, unsavory self-discovery, learning who true friends are, road to self-improvement; venting to someone but never listening to them, backstabbing, telling secrets, using someone

Special Cards

Wild, upright — Balance, order, reflection on the self; peace, contentment with the self

Wild, reversed — Disorder, neglect of one particular aspect of life (card above is too present, card below is not getting enough attention)

Draw 4, upright — Overly punishing the self, mistreatment by a loved one, feeling stuck or stagnant, needing change but not having the power to

Draw 4, reversed — Settling the score, revenge, taking power back from one who has abused it; in extreme situations, being the abuser

Shuffle Hands — Denial, deceit, poor reasoning, foolish or immature person

Trade Hands — Retribution, taking a calculated risk; showing someone something inappropriately, shared trauma

[maya-spirit1]

​ ​The Only Way To End “Rape Culture,” Is To Spiritually Awaken

When problems are not acknowledged, they don’t go away. Our society has a long history of denying difficult realities such as, poverty, wars, discrimnation, abuse,climate change, gender inequality, and many more. It’s a human response to want to avoid painful and difficult emotions or situations, yet ignoring them only makes things worse in the long run. For example, denying the fact climate change is getting worse, does not lead to less flooding, earthquakes, fires, or pollution. On the contrary, it only increases the severity of all of these problems until they reach a point in which they can no longer be ignored. When it comes to the issue of “rape culture,” the fact humanity has pushed away this “behavioral pandemic,” of sexual abuse/assault, incest, date-rape, spousal rape, sexual harrasement, and stalking, has only led to the majority of people, especially women, getting hurt. If more people had the confidence to admit they have survived some sort of sexual violence, you might discover that almost anyone who is around you is a survivor. When the MeToo movement sparked momentum in 2017, I was incredibly surprised to have discovered so many people in my community of friends are survivors. However, the movement is slowly weakening because the nature of humans’ need for denial of bad things, which can be compared to the current Covid19 pandemic, as some people claim is a hoax despite the much clear evidence proving it’s real- the only reason these people deny it, is because they don’t want to deal with it.

Denial hurts all who are involved because we are all spiritually connected, when I deny your pain, I also deny my pain. Even after the progress the MeToo movement has brought by raising awareness, and leading public conversation about sexual violence, it is still a subject most wish to avoid, and not enough is being done to improve the way survivors are treated by the judical, medical, and mental health systems. Most people have no idea how abusive these systems can be towards survivors worldwide. The judicial system harshly judges survivors and blames them for the assault even in cases where there is a significant amount of evidence in support of the survivor’s report. Yet, statistically 97 % of rapists don’t even spend one night in jail or get any kind of punishment, every 73 seconds and American is assaulted, 1-6 women is a survivor of rape or assault - according to Rainn organization, which works hard to overturn these devastating statistics. Sadly, the judicial system is not the only one that is failing survivors, the medical and mental health system express a lot of bias against survivors as well, and unfortunately many times they do more harm than good. Those bias opinions are part of victim blaming - every time a doctor or a mental health professional judges a survivor based on the fact they have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and as a result decides to not take their medical concerns seriously; thinking that whatever pain and imbalance is just anxiety, they fail survivors who actually have real medical conditions that are being neglected and can put their life in danger.Nonetheless, most survivors are at risk for heart, and lung disease, as well as autoimmune disease as a result of the long term trauma. Medical and mental health professionals also hurt survivors by being insensitive when examining them - truly all doctors must be trauma trained so they treat all patients as full human beings, as opposed to just items on their schedule. Of course they are many great medical and mental health professionals, however there are many that are brutal.

My friend Anna who was raped had told me that after her assault cops showed up on her door, not to help her, but to arrest her. Her rapist; ex-boyfriend, had told the police that she was suicidal. The cops with no further notice had taken her in with no questions, and without any attempt to investigate her rape elagations. Due to the psych depratment being full the police kept her in the precinct for a night until they had committed her to the psych deperatment against her will, while still refusing to take her rape elegations seriously. Meanwhile as you can imagine rape evidence have been destroyed since Anna has been locked up in the psych deprtement for two weeks where she was emotionally abused, neglected and ridiculed. The justice system, the police, and hospital not only failed her, but traumatized and hurt her even more. All they had to do was listen to her, and file her rape elegation report.

Hospitals in general are very oppressive and abusive toward women, especially young women, and women of color. I once had a kidney infection, I was in immense pain, I was crying in agony. The doctors at the hospital wanted me to do a pelvic exam - I refused to do so due to my traumas, they tried to force me, and said if I don’t do a pelvic, they won’t check me at all. I stayed with much pain, all the staff was abusive to me, treating me like a criminal even though I am one of the most gentle people I know. After a night of humiliation, neglect, and threats by doctors that were supposed to help me. I took a cab back home, and contacted my GYN, she immediately figured out what was going on and sent me antibiotics - I was fine the next day and led a meditation group in the park. I was treated like a mentally ill criminal just because I was a woman with reported PTSD, while I had an acute kidney infection that was causing so much pain it went down to my legs because it was spreading. Without my GYN wise and quick decision, my life could have been in danger. The bias and insensitivity towards survivors must stop! When a rape survivor arrives at the hospital or at a doctor soon after attack, or years later, she must get most compassionate care because how she is treated by the people that are menat to help her has role in how fast she will heal - gentle support is essential - tough love is not love. To end “rape culture” we must raise our boys to be more gentle, instead of telling our girls they need to be tougher. Girls are tough - they are managing in a society that constantly judges them, undermines them, insults them, and disrespects them since the beginning of time.

This terrible reality can only change with education, and awareness. Most people have no idea how badly survivors are treated by the systems. Also, because of victim blaming within and outside the systems, survivors are reluctant to report sexual crimes for fear they will not be believed as often happens. No matter what a woman was wearing, drinking, or saying before, if she said no, it means no. With lack of trust in the systems, the statistics for sexual assault, rape and abuse are much higher than studies show. If we consciously start to spread the message to stop victim blaming, and if we truly tap into our soul and imagine how it might feel for a survivor who is being hurt twice, by the perpetrator, and by society, maybe they will think twice before they question a survivor, what she wore, or how if she fought. Awakening means becoming aware, and we need to inform and educate doctors, nurses, lawyers, cops, detectives, teachers, and common people about the facts of sexual assault and abuse; a dark alley it’s not the common place where these crimes happen, it is more common within one’s family or community, it doesn’t matter what the survivor wore, sexual violence survivors have broken memories as a normal brain response to an abnormal circumstances,discrepancies don’t mean a survivor is lying - it means they are traumatized. All that and more are the truth most people ignore.

Another element that must happen in order to awaken humanity towards reality is gentle discussions about acceptance. As long as our society refuses to accept that true evil exists, nothing can change. This denial is what is preventing the healing, which is why I offer gentle discussions about our own private fears to confront our own demons, so we may accept the fact all humans have demons, and some can have very dark ones. By demons I obviously don’t mean real demons, I refer to what they represent: fears, illusions, and emotions like greed, jealousy, lust, or vengeance. These emotions don’t have to be destructive, but they can’t be if we ignore them until we can no longer contain them. Sometimes people blame survivors just because they were not able to get justice for themselves, or because the truth about how evil this world can be, breaks their bubble, and they rather attack others than to accept reality. If we gently start discussions and support each other in confronting our own demons, I truly believe we will become a more compassionate, and powerful society that can put an end to rape culture, and patriarchy, but the work of the whole start within. As we heal ourselves, we energetically raise the consciousness that allows others to heal and awaken as well. Mindfulness and meditations is a tool to connect with source, discover our strengths and weaknesses, and grow.

As I mentioned in other posts, everything starts with education, and awakening in its most basic form means, “soul learning.” My wish is for humanity to learn the truth about what this life really means, and how we can live it better, how we can love ourselves, and others better, how we can accept our journey more as we accept the journey of others, and most important accept each other’s experience and pain - when we can do that we could stop victim blaming, and end rape culture.

.

[pluckyredhead]

Daredevil 101: Typhoid Mary, Part 2

CONTENT WARNING: Same as last time - dubcon, attempted sexual assault, sexual violence, infidelity, child abuse, ableist depictions of mental illness.

When we last left the Nocenti/Romita run of Daredevil, Matt had begun cheating on Karen with the sweet, innocent Mary Walker, little guessing her other identity as the unhinged killer Typhoid. He was also about to face off against Foggy in the courtroom, via a proxy at least, with Foggy representing the slimy corporation Kelco, whose illegal toxic waste dumping had blinded a little boy named Tyrone, and Matt coaching Tyrone’s inexperienced lawyer.

Foggy, canonically one of the best and most expensive lawyers in the MU, somewhat pityingly expects to run rings around his opposition - until Matt walks in (just as an audience member), and he completely falls apart:

Get a haircut, Matt.

While the jury deliberates, Matt goes to the apartment Foggy now shares with Glori to rub it in:

“What happened to your morality, Foggy? P.S. I have literally attempted murder multiple times."

Foggy doesn’t say a word in this whole sequence, which just...baby. My sweet baby. MATT’S GOOD OPINION MEANS SO MUCH TO HIM.

Anyway Matt concludes his speechifying by offering Foggy a job at the clinic and is about to leave when Glori hauls him into the other room and reads him the riot act, pointing out that Matt is acting like this at least in part because he’s pissed that Foggy and Glori started dating after Glori dumped Matt. Matt ignores this and high-and-mighties his way out of the apartment, and...that’s, um, kind of the last we see of Glori for a really long time??? Which is so weird??? I love you, Glori, I’m sorry that you, like most of Matt’s love interests, eventually come to a Tragic End (TM).

The jury deliberation goes on for long enough to Daredevil to fight Typhoid again, but just as she’s about to kill him:

Mary loves Matt so much (apparently...this is not a relationship that has much emotional weight, since we basically only ever see them sucking face while neglecting a blind child and never, like, having things in common) that she’s managed to exert some sort of control over Typhoid for the first time. Matt, meanwhile, is still completely oblivious.

Matt dries off, and the jury reconvenes:

SOMEONE GET TYRONE AWAY FROM MATT, JESUS.

Meanwhile, Foggy finally does what he’s known he has to do for issues and issues now, and quits.

(That second panel in the second row is a reference to Fisk having attempted to pay off a juror, which Matt managed to put a stop to.)

Anyway, Tyrone’s family wins their lawsuit! Hooray! Fisk is furious, and also increasingly jealous of Typhoid’s toying with Matt:

I’m pretty sure this is supposed to make us thing Typhoid is even more evil and disgusting, which, you can move right along with your slut-shaming and your fatphobia, Daredevil comics.

This raises the question of whether Fisk is committing infidelity here, since he is technically still married, though Vanessa is currently institutionalized in Europe due to the trauma she sustained at the hands of the, um, sewer people. Or, what I find more interesting - whether Fisk thinks he’s committing infidelity, because the overall morality of having what is technically an affair when one’s partner is ill and indefinitely incapable of consent is certainly not something I feel equipped to make a call on. But Fisk is very invested in the sanctity of marriage - note his meddling in the Nelson marriage - and I don’t think he's shown with anyone besides Vanessa or Typhoid. It’s also worth noting that Matt, who is in a similar situation many years later, does consider himself to have cheated.

And speaking of cheating!

Any guy who ever said to me “Oh, darling...you’re like a child” would immediately find himself dumped so hard, even if he did look like Matt Murdock/Charlie Cox/kind of a redheaded Robert Redford in terrible sunglasses. But this is what I’m talking about when I say that Mary is all supplicant and innocent and sweet, and also what I’m talking about when I say this is a full-on affair where Matt is considering leaving Karen, and not just the occasional dubcon-y stolen kiss.

Also, for those of you who were not yet born in the 80s, that dress is real.

Typhoid has realized that Mary won’t allow her to kill Daredevil - oh, and Fisk explicitly told her not to, because he wants Matt broken, not dead - but she decides to get someone else to do her dirty work anyway, and uses Fisk’s IBM Henchman Database to hire all of Matt’s rogues from this particular era (none particularly interesting...Bullet, Bushwacker, I’m already asleep) to beat the shit out of him instead:

That last line is such a cliche I can’t even make a joke about it. I’m so tired.

Brief interlude for Matt and Karen to rescue some missing kids with the help of the Fatboys, and then for Matt to be adorable:

I love the consistent canon that Matt is great with kids, and this scene is so heartbreaking and sweet (even if Butch hasn’t shown up since like 1990 and Matt hasn’t thought about him once, but what can you do?).

ANYWAY. Back to Typhoid destroying Matt’s life!

There are a lot of covers during this run with Matt in a tattered costume and a subject position, but this one might be the most explicit - especially with the hints of pink on the torn underside of the costume and the massive phallic object between Mary’s legs. (And the liquid trickling down Matt’s face towards his open mouth, can’t forget that!) Over and over again we see Matt weak and in peril, defeated and violated, both by Mary and later by the gender-bending Mephisto.

What strikes me is that Matt’s not just victimized here - he’s sexualized. He’s objectified. Matt’s always been a fairly lithe, graceful hero as opposed to your Supermans, your Caps, your Punishers, and in these covers - which, remember, are a marketing tool, meant to entice customers to buy - he’s portrayed as beautiful and eroticized in an entirely submissive, feminine way. And this was during the chest-thumping, uber macho, xenophobic 80s!

But it’s part of the handwringing, too. The fact that he’s an eroticized victim is part of what makes Typhoid so threatening. If part of Matt didn’t “want it,” she wouldn’t be scary. (PLEASE NOTE I am not saying that sexual assault survivors want their assault in any way! I’m talking about the unhealthy construction of this narrative and the underlying anxiety of it, especially to the straight male reader.)

And while we’re talking about the underlying anxiety of changing gender roles and also power dynamics and also kink...

Yeah, I don’t even know what to do with that last panel.

This is after Typhoid has sicced Matt’s rogues on him and they’ve all beaten him to hell and back. He starts hallucinating that his father’s ghost is yelling at him in an alley, and is then rolled by some random petty criminals and beaten further. So yeah, he’s calling some random mook “daddy” there.

I honestly don’t know if it’s intended to be kinky, but...I kind of think it is? Again, so much of this run is about the dangerous subversion of gender roles. Early on Matt gets hit on by a dude in a seedy bar (“Well, well, well...red spandex, tight as a drum. You pitching or catching, Redman?”); in the next post, he’ll kiss someone who normally presents as male and it will UPEND THE MORAL FABRIC OF THE UNIVERSE, I’M NOT KIDDING.

So yeah...when I look at Matt here - chest bared, head bowed, legs spread, calling the person beating him “Daddy” - I can’t help thinking that this is yet another lesson on the dangerous enticement that is male submission.

Matt eventually tangles with Typhoid while still in this sorry state, and she manages to push Mary down far enough to strike the killing blow and throw him off a bridge (though she does shed a solitary tear over it):

Matt doesn’t die. (Surprise! They do still publish Daredevil comics, after all. In fact, Matt’s never totally died and come back, though he has faked his death at least four times that I can think of off the top of my head.) He just lies there under the bridge until he’s attacked by an evil vacuum cleaner.

...Yeah, so this had something to do with the big company-wide “Inferno” crossover, which I didn’t read, but all the electronics in the city come to life and attack people? And there’s a vacuum cleaner under this bridge?

Anyway Matt fights it of, and then who should show up to take him to the hospital?

Why, it’s Typhoid Mary of the incredibly obvious name! Judging by her hair not being in weird inexplicable dreads and her speech bubbles being white and not pink - and the fact that Matt recognizes her as Mary - I guess she’s attained some sort of compromise between her two personalities for the moment?

Meanwhile, Karen has been keeping the Fatboys safe with the help of a guest-starring Natasha and worrying herself sick over Matt’s disappearance. She’s confused when Mary shows up at the hospital to see Matt as well, and especially when Mary (who appears to be fully Mary now, no Typhoid) calmly tells Karen that she knows all about Karen but it’s Mary that he really loves:

Karen leaves the hospital in tears and doesn’t return to their apartment.

The city burns. Matt eventually hauls himself out of bed and fights demons until the crossover is (almost) over.

The legal clinic is closed on the basis of Matt operating without a license. The Fatboys hate Matt now for cheating on Karen. Mary was an illusion.

Matt’s reaching rock bottom, and he’ll hit it in the next adventure: Gay Panic Road Trip to Albany! There are genetically engineered pigs and straw feminists, it’s pretty exciting.

[gigil-bot]

11.15.18 I finally have some time to jot my thoughts down.. I finally have a breather now that the election is over. And what an election this was.

But before I begin, I want to give a shoutout to xxx.You inspire me. I might not speak to you, and I might not like you. But I am inspired by you. By your passion, by your resilience, by your ability to make others feel special, by your ability to build community. By your ability to give yourself to your work and your art.

But what you also remind me is that there are shitty people out there.. who work really hard.. people who will use and walk over others.. manipulate them without empathy or remorse.. people who will make another's life a living hell and justify it.. people who can bring others behind their evil ideologies for one reason or another... and knowing these people exist gives me reason to not delay. To work harder. To push myself to my limits because that's where growth occurs, and not only that, it's because I know that if I am not working as hard as the opposition, my team will lose and many people will continue to suffer..

Now I know this is not a matter of us versus them because in the grand scheme of things, we are all one, we are all connected. But at the individual and community levels, people are affected. And in the grand scheme of things all of us are impacted by actions and inactions. Each of us is a node in a larger network. Each of us matters. And every decision one node makes affects the rest of us. I want to create a net positive with the life of my node to uplift all the nodes around me.. and evetually in the entire network.. I want to create a net positive outcome in the lives of whoever my actions can affect.. in whatever way I can as long as I remain ethical and values-driven.

Fidelity, justice, autonomy, beneficence, nonmaleficence, integrity -- this is my creed, the creed of all helping professionals.

For the past couple of months, I have been growing.. sometimes in the hot scorching sun, but growing nonetheless. And now, more than ever, do I feel prepared to make a difference. To apply my knowledge and values and put it into practice.. compassion, empathy and a willingness to do good. I have done so much and have learned so much in the past couple of months, I feel like a different person. I feel equipped with the tools, experience, and knowledge to do more and to be more..

And we've are seeing the results of my and others' collective action. We are growing in numbers- the people called to mobilize and improve the lives of the members of their communities and bring hope for the future..

We took back the house... and more and more, women are rising up and empowering one another to do the same. I am grateful to be a part of this movement, this culture shift, where women are no longer victims, no longer survivors, but fucking badass warriors who have seen shit and have been through some shit but still show up every single day to battle their demons and take care of business.

I love where I am. Now don't get me wrong, like I said, growth is not always easy.. I didn't want to wake up today. There was a period of time where I didn't want to continue because I had been through the fire.. been chewed out, so stressed out I felt my body on fire and electricity surged through my veins.. but we breathe and push through.. when everyone was telling me it's not worth it, I should quit, I should give up, I kept going, and I will keep going.. because I believe in what I am doing. I believe that what I am doing is making a difference. It already has.. In have gotten to see.. first-hand the spark, and now it's a slow burn until we see the culmination of our work come to life, but as we grow and empower more women, things can only get better. Gender parity 2020!

And finally, I have to end with my gratitude.. I know I am exactly where I was meant to be. I have so much to be grateful for. 3 years ago, 5 years ago, I was wishing for something like this and through a series of events, here I am. I am so supported and so loved by God, The Universe, Source, and I know NOTHING can take that away from me.

I wanted to make a difference.. in my journal about 2 or 3 years ago, I wrote, "I want to gain the knowledge, skills, and experience necessary to become an effective community leader, a positive role model, and to make a positive impact on my community and the world through my work in government, social services, an agency, etc. I want to enact positive, sustainable change for future gens."

And this was before my internship experience with an agency that serves children of abuse, this was before my work with the women's center, before my experiences with my women's leadership network, and before I even knew the org that I am working with now.. existed..

As Steve Jobs stated, "You can never connect the dots looking forward, you can only connect them looking back." My dots weren't just dots. My dots were stars, and my life has been a constellation. My fate was written in the stars, and I am so grateful for my life.. and everything I had been through because I am here today. Doing the work that needs to be done to empower the people who are going to lead our future.

And finally finally, I could not been here without my fellowship funders and the people who believed in me and gave me a chance-- Rosalina, Millie, Sara, Dr. E, Dr. V, National-- Dr. Cuillado, Tsihai, Marta, Arianna, Dr. Stout and all the women and people who have been here for me since day 1: my grandma, Brandon, Nathan, my brother

And the people who supported me along the way: Auntie Helen and Uncle Bing, Heidi, my supervisor at ASI-- so many many people

Above all, is God, obv, but right below is my boyfriend who is unwavering in his loyalty, who shows me love and support through his actions, and inspires me to be myself and be okay with who I am.. he is slowly breaking me out of my shell.. the shell I created as an abused and neglected child. A child who went through the trauma of separation from their primary caregiver as a 1 year old.. and then again as a 3 year old.. S/O to my Child Abuse, Psych, and HUSR classes for teaching me about my traumas and helping me learn to heal from them. It was a huge light bulb moment to learn abiut why Inal the way Inam because of what happened to me in my formative years. I have attachment issues because baby me thought I was abandoned at 1.. and then baby me was taken away again at 3. The formative years create those templates for relationships.. then physically and emotionally abused and neglected.. Boy what a template. He's showing me that not everyone will scream or get angry at me at the drop of a hat.. that people can be kind and considerate of one another.. that collaboration happens everywhere and not just in a team or classroom setting.. it happens in a family.. in a household. I grew up in a completely different environment where I was in survival mode all the time.. every kid for themselves.. and I lived in so much fear and anxiety.. every. single. day. But I didn't know that's what I was experiencing.. living in this household with my boyfriend.. is a stark contrast to what I grew up in.. and I am learning what normal can be.. and it's nice. It's safe. And he feels like home.