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georgiapeach30513 · 2 days ago

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Two Good Reasons, Part 16

Summary: Suede turns four

Pairings: Andy Barber X Reader

Rating: 🥺🥺🥺

Warnings: mild language, Audrey 🥺, 18+ ONLY

Word Count: 8K

Series Masterlist

*dividers created by @firefly-graphics

“Big boys seep in hewe?” Suede shouts loudly as you help him put away his clothes. “Pease?” you turn to look at him, and he quickly throws the rest of his socks in the drawer. “Pease?”

“You want Cooper and Connor to stay in your room?”

“Chess. Right dere,” he gives a point over to his bunk beds, and gives you a cheesing grin, “Pease?” He knows how to turn on the cuteness already.

“Where are you going to sleep then?”

“In hewe wif dem,” his speech has vastly improved. Speaking in full sentences, even if the words weren’t the most clear. You can’t help but smile at his communication. He’s clear, and to the point. Very much like his dad. His father was a snake in the grass, but Andy says what he means, and means what he says. Suede is literally a little him now.

“Pease?” He reiterates, and points his finger back towards the bunks.

“Where are you going to sleep then, buddy? If Cooper and Connor are on the bunks.”

“In da foor, duh. Connow up der, Coopa big bed,” you giggle. Suede got along great with your nephews. They entertained him well, and included him in their football tossing, so it’s no wonder that he would want to share his space with the cool older boys. “Not funny, mama. Dey seep in hewe, pease?”

He’s so polite, even if he’s sassy. “We will ask. Uncle Ryan said he was going to bring a tent for them to sleep in the backyard.”

“Me, too!”

“No,” his arms cross over his chest, and he glares at you. “Nope, you’re not sleeping outside where I can’t be near you. If the boys want to sleep in here, they can. And we’ll get out an air mattress for you.”

“Ugh,” he groans, and picks up the rest of his clothes to shove in a drawer. Boys. “Oo no fun.”

“I know, mama is boring. But now the clothes are put away. Put your shoes on, and we’re going to take Rosie on our evening walk,” his quick pouting session is now forgotten, and he smiles looking at you.

“Otay. Me weaw my bits.”

“Your boots?”

“Yeah, me boots. Me hold Osie’s ope?”

“Daddy is going to hold the leash, buddy. Rosie is getting just about too big for you and Audi, huh?”

“Chess. Too big. Big big,” he walks over to his closet, pulling out his favorite rain boots to slip on. “Wain?”

“It’s not raining, Suedey,” he just shrugs, pulling the boots out anyways. He loves them mostly because they’re easy for him to slip on, “You want to get Audrey and Rosie, while I get us some water bottles?”

“Otay. Me bewwy watew, tay?” he says bouncing on out of his room, and into Audrey’s. Berry water has become both his and Audrey’s walking water. Because they get a snack on the walk. And Rosie, sweet puppy has already grown again, but the vet assured you that she should be at a stable weight. One of the best decisions you and Andy made as parents was to let Audrey have a dog.

You glide down the stairs, and get an eye full of the sexiest thing you’ve ever seen; Andy with boxes of diapers. “We got another order,” he says, scrunching his nose. “I feel,” his eyes move over your highly swollen stomach. “I feel this is becoming more and more real,” with every order for the twins Andy mentions this. The reality of him having infants to hold. Diapers to change. Two more kids in the house.

“Yeah, daddy, they’re growing. And Ryden and Everly thank you daily for bringing in all the boxes of things we’re getting. Can Ransom ask Linda to calm down?” Smiling he walks over to you, and kisses you before he’s carrying the box of diapers to the growing nursery. It’s already getting packed. There is always something to put away in their room.

He’ll tend to Rosie’s harness and leash while you get water bottles. You’re not even walking too far, but your kids love feeling independently responsible for their own water. And what could be wrong with more hydration? And actual quality family time. Andy loves his evenings with his family. You can tell it’s his favorite part.

You groan as Ryden gives your stomach a kick. Andy always questions how you know which baby is which, and you just do. You could be crazy, but you’re doubtful of that. Andy’s head pops into the kitchen, “You’re good?” Always worrying about the noises you make.

“Andy, I am fine. Your son just likes to kick my ribs. Tell him to take it easy on his mom, and make sure to help the kids with Rosie,” babies kick and move, but Andy worries about everything. He’ll ask you ten thousand times while on the walk if you are good. It’s sweet, and sometimes annoying.

“Mommy! We’re ready,” Audrey calls from the front door. Scritching behind Rosie’s ears while she waits on you. You gather up the water bottles, and smile as you peek to the front door. Everyone is already piling out of the door. Andy has been the lifeline to you and your kids. The missing piece that you always needed, and also wanted.

Suede is his shadow. Stands up straighter, smiles more, has more confidence, and his speech is improving. While Audrey clings to Andy’s attention, and approval. Someone that actually put her wants ahead of her future. Someone that made her laugh and smile daily. You know it’s because of her father’s absence, again. The last fiasco, and having court ordered visitations isn’t something he has been willing to do. So instead, she gets her fatherly attention from Andy. Or Ransom, but that’s more in a heart eyes way. Cutest little first crush.

Andy takes on the role of a father like he was born for it. Like you always knew he would. All those stupid little fantasies that the two of you had in high school have come true. You hoped they would, but you didn’t realize that an accidental ride on the school bus when you were a kid would lead to your best friend, to your partner in crime, to your first love, first boyfriend, first everything, to your dreams of a family, to your reality.

That’s what Andy provides; the dream turned into reality. There’s hard and difficult moments. Times when the two of you argue over stupid things. But at the end of the day you wouldn’t want to do any of this without him. You wouldn’t want to have any of the dreams with anyone else but him.

Andy turns, and catches you gazing at your family. He bites on his lips, and looks around him nodding. He feels it, too. Maybe even more than you do. He’s wanted a family so much. Wanted to create something he never had. Become the father he didn’t have. He’s succeeded. While Billy doesn’t deserve it, you wish he could see all that his son has accomplished. Not just accomplished, but how loved he is. How respected he is. How the kids wait for him every evening, and welcome him with the biggest hug, and then he walks over to you with a kiss. Dreamlike.

“Honey, you coming?” He asks, his eyes going glossy. He’s thinking the same thing. You would tell this man every second of the day how much you love him, desire him, and how proud you are of him, and it would never be enough for what he deserves. He sniffles as he holds a hand out for you.

“Thanks, babe,” you whisper, closing the door behind you.

“No, thank you,” he pulls you into his side for a quick hug. “Suede, you and Audi lead the way. We’ll stay back far enough for Rosie to walk between you.”

“Chess! Dis way day, Audi?” Suede gives a point, and Audrey nods her head. The four and half of you start your evening walk. Just the beginning of your ending routine. You love ending the day as a family.

Tomorrow will of course be a new day with its new challenges. Ryden and Everly are growing nonstop. Audrey has quit making excuses for her father for today. Suede is a ball of energy and learning something new daily. Even going back to the daycare center three days a week. You’re making it. One day at a time.

“Nini! Papa!” Audrey darts down the front porch steps, followed by Suede as they capture your parents into a tight hug. “Where's Uncle Ryan?”

“And Coopew and Connow?” Your mom gives a look up to you with a smile at Suede’s voice. “Me boys hewe?”

“They’ll be here tomorrow, but Papa and I are here now,” Suede gives a little pout, but Audrey still hugs tightly to your father tightly. “It’s beautiful out here, sweetheart,” she says admiring the outside of the house and property. ”Come on, why don’t we go inside and you can show me your bedrooms.”

“Me dinoso, rawr!”

“Suede has dinosaurs in his room, but daddy said I could have a princess room,” Audrey is most proud of her overly pink room. A room that her daddy let her design all on her own. The two of them actually picked out the color of the walls together. He let her help paint, but he took so much pride in painting the walls for her. They even were singing Taylor Swift together while he painted.

“Scott’s been…” you clear your throat, shaking your head as you walk up to your mom with a hug. The last thing you want to talk about is Scott. Especially with little ears present, “Oh. Oh, that’s right. Wow, you look huge.”

“Thanks, mother. That’s just what every pregnant woman with twins wants to hear. Hey, dad,” you give them a hug, looking at their copious amounts of luggage. “What’s…that’s a lot for a week.”

“Well, let’s go inside, and talk to your hot husband. Okay?” Your father clears his throat. Motioning to the luggage. “Oh, honey, she isn’t allowed to carry suitcases, Andy won’t allow it. And I’m old.”

“I’m older than you are. Sweetheart, tell Andy he can stop hiding and avoiding me, and get out here, and help with this,” for emphasis he points at the suitcases.

“Oh, he’s not hiding. He’s in the back starting up the grill,” it is only a bit of a lie. That is where he was about to go. And sure, it was slightly to avoid being alone with your father. “But I will go get him.”

“Me fiwst!” Suede runs back towards the house, followed by Audrey. They love being in charge of getting their dad.

“They’ll go get their dad. You want to talk about the luggage?” You ask, and you silently count how many they had.

“Nope. I want you to show me the house with the kids, while Andy and your father get the luggage inside, okay?” Nope. This is your parents' way of wrangling Andy to be alone with your father. He notoriously wasn’t ever the biggest fan of your husband. But he did somehow approve of your relationship with Scott, and that didn’t turn out well. If they want to be weird, Andy can hold his own.

—

“Andrew,” your father stares at Andy with his hands on his hips. “Took you long enough.”

“I had just started to take the food out to the grill,” there’s no amusement on your father’s face, and no attempt at reaching for any of the suitcases. “So I guess we should get these inside.”

“For a man that has all your power, why are you cowering away from me when you’re alone.”

“With all due respect, sir, but I still see you like I did as a little boy, and you hated me. I just want to keep the peace so my wife and kids have a great day and week,” it’s all he wants to do. You love and respect your father, and that’s what he’ll do. Even though he finds him to be terrifying. Retired cops can do that.

“I never hated you.”

“Yeah, if I recall correctly, you, well — you were never nice.”

“I never thought you were good enough for my daughter,” Andy shrugs. There really isn’t much use in trying to change your father’s mind now. He’s married to you, impregnated you, and will adopt your other two children. Andy is in. He’s always been in.

“And it seems I was very wrong. I judged you harshly because of your own sperm donor,” Andy just nods. Hoping that the man will further iterate his frustrations. “And dammit, I knew you’d take my daughter away from me. You two were too young.”

“We’re not too young now, sir. And I’ve kept my promise. I will become a judge someday. But more importantly, I love your daughter, and your grandchildren.”

“I truly don’t care what you do. You’ve gone further in your career than I ever saw happening. You were too young to be playing house,” a little mishap that Ryan couldn’t keep his mouth shut about, and Andy truly became enemy number one. “That playing house was supposed to stay when you were kids. You know what you did.”

“Loved her?”

“Cute. You — you were too young.”

“She was seventeen.”

“And too young to be,” your father groans, running his hand down his face.

“I loved her then, too. We waited. And then, well…things happened.”

“Then you made promises you couldn’t keep, and focused on school, and forgot about her. How is that fair?” And college is where everything changed for Andy. You were once the priority in his life, but then it became his school because he would make you proud. Mistakes were made that he can’t change. But he’s here with you now.

“You broke her heart.”

“I know. And it’s something I have to live with. It’s one of my biggest regrets, but I can’t change that now.”

“I thought with the douche bag she was going to have a brand new start. He came from a good well off family. He spoiled her with things. And I think for a while she was happy. Happiest when she became a mother. My wife never cared for him. I see now why,” there’s a silence that falls between the two of them. Both realizing that there were so many things that aren’t worth dwelling over.

“When are you adopting my grandchildren?”

“Suede’s petition has just one more week in the paper. So far nobody has contested it. Audrey is a bit different. Scott thinks he wants her,” your father’s brow lifts up, and Andy sighs. He’s aware that you don’t care if your parents know Scott’s dirty business. He’s heard you talking to your mom about it. “He doesn’t want my wife, but he still wants to control her. You should know by now the only way to control her is through her kids.”

“What do you mean?”

“She was born to be a mom. She’s always wanted it, and she’s a damn good mom. She’d do anything for her kids, and either you are present with her and them as a whole, or you’re not in her life,” it’s a simple fact. You loved and mothered fiercely. And still made time to be a wife to him.

“Is that why you accepted my grandchildren quickly?”

Andy nods. No reason to lie now. Only Ransom truly knew Andy’s inside thoughts concerning the relationship. “Initially, yeah. If I wanted her, I had to want them. But,” he smiles, and runs his hand down his beard. “They make it easy to fall in love with them just as much as I did their mother. I knew it was a need for me to be good to them if I wanted her. But I didn’t even have to try. Second nature. I want to be good to them, but mostly be good for them. It’s what they and your daughter deserve. I made mistakes when we were young, but I’ve never stopped loving her or the extensions of her. And when Scott realizes that it’s not his kids he wants, but the status of fulfilling his caveman needs, he’ll let Audrey go. He doesn’t love her like a father. If he did, he wouldn't have been drunk in front of her, and he’d call her on a regular basis.”

“Do you drink?” Andy nods. One thing the kids had never seen Andy was drunk, and they never would. “How many a night?”

“No more than two, but usually it’s just one beer.”

“Good man. Anyways. Umm, thank you for not being the deadbeat I thought you would be. I wish you all the luck with Suede, and eventually Audrey. And you’re right, the kids are my daughter’s life. So where do you fit in the picture?” This is where your father saw yours and Scott’s relationship go rocky. The moment someone else became her priority.

“The difference between me and Scott and I is I realize that they need her in that way. I don’t. I also came into their lives while she was a mother. I’m aware of how devoted she is to them. We’re partners, sir. We parent together, and when they go to sleep, we…”

“That’s good. We don’t need to go on,” Andy smirks, running his fingers down his beard. He finally has the approval of your old man.

“We’re not playing house anymore, sir. We’re a family.”

“You treat his kids the same as you do your own, and I don’t care.”

“They’re all mine,” Andy grunts as he picks up a suitcase. “He was just the sperm donor. And make no mistake, your daughter will cut my balls off if I don’t. Why are there so many suitcases?”

“Because Charlene says that you guys need us,” Andy sets the suitcase down, and stares at him. This is going into enemy territory. He didn’t know anything about this, so he’s guessing you don’t either. “It was joked that we could come and live with you for a few months until after the twins were born. Your wife said there’s a guest bedroom until the twins are old enough to be separate,” Andy stares confused at your father. “I don’t know how serious she was, but my wife is very serious. We’re here to stay until the twins are a few months old. You’re going to be working. She’s got the older two kids, and just two arms.”

“You’re living here?” Danger. He needs you.

“We won’t be in the way. And we’re not staying out here yet. We’ve got another trip to go on, and we’ll be back before the babies are born. She is. I’ve got some business to attend to with my other daughter,” Morgan. Always needing her dad to coddle her and tell her how perfect she is.

“Here here?” Andy’s voice goes up an octave. Your dad is serious. He’s stating that your parents would be living here.

“Yeah, we’re going to be housemates. That is unless you think we’re overstaying our welcome. A few extra hands to help with four kids would be nice though. So we’re leaving some stuff here. Going on vacation, Charlene will come back, and I’ll be back probably when the twins are born.”

“Here with us?” This is unbelievable.

“I feel like you have a problem with this,” Andy shakes his head. Not a problem. A bit blindsided. He wonders how you’re going to feel about this. The extra help once the twins arrive could be nice. Not a long term thing though. No, he’s going to need the two of them out before it becomes too long.

“Have — you just assumed that this was a good idea?”

“My daughter mentioned it would be nice. So here we are being nice. Do you have a problem with us being here?” Andy grits his teeth, shaking his head. “Is this going to cause a fight with the two of you?”

“Nope. No, sir. We don’t have fights because stress is not good for her,” but there would have to be a conversation with you. Just you and him. Your parents didn’t need to be privy to the conversation. He would let you decide if you want them here.

“I feel you have a problem.”

“I feel you’re a bit testy,” wanting to see if Andy will actually blow up. He won’t.

“Jack, I’m not testy,” your father gives him a nod as he hoists up some suitcases. “Was that a test?”

“Yep. The first one would have already blown his top. Anyways, I know my wife imposes herself when it comes to the kids, so if it is an issue, we can change things. It’s not that big of a deal. You’re the man of the house now,” your father taps him on the shoulder, and walks inside.

Andy is the man of the house, but he wants this decision to be made by the both of you. He doesn’t particularly have a problem with your parents staying, but they can’t stress you out. The doctor gave clear instructions, no stress. The babies had too far to go for you to be getting stressed regularly.

Actually, your mom being here didn’t sound like such a bad thing. Especially now with Suede back in daycare. Leaving you at home alone. Something that bothers him immensely. He even taught Suede how to call 911 in case of an emergency. Home isn’t too close to town. Her being here could solve some of that problem.

And then once the twins got here, there would be two of them, and still Audrey and Suede need him. And you may need him. And the twins will need him. And suddenly her being here, if she’s offering sounds great. He could make it work. Whatever you wanted. But he’s definitely on board.

Now he has to wait for your brother and his boys. And then a party. Hardly anyone is going to be here apart from your family, but he could sense Audrey’s anxiety rising already. He can’t imagine having to watch someone losing air the way Suede was at her age. All on her birthday. It is already agreed that you would stay right with Audrey the entire time, and he would stay right with Suede. No food apart from preapproved food from the two of you would be here.

Whatever it takes to make her comfortable. She knows the plan. And once Ransom and Tatum arrived that just gave extra adult eyes. But images like Suede unable to breathe never leave you, especially when you’re such a small little girl.

“Me race!!” Suede gives a scream as he jumps in front of your nephews. “Me yittwe, me fiwst, tay?” This is great logic. He is little, he should go first.

“Are you finally admitting you have short legs?” Connor says, teasingly. Suede loves them. Loves that they spend time with him. Anyone else might have got a pout with this comment, but not Connor and Cooper.

“Chess. Me yittwe. Onwy fouw. Yittwe yegs. See,” he holds out his legs for emphasis. “Oo taww boys. Me yittwe, but me gwow big big wike my daddy!” He gives a point over to Andy. “Oo dad showtew!”

“Dad! A three year old is saying you’re shorter Andy,” Cooper giggles, getting into position to run.

“Me fouw today!” Suede stomps, growling up at the older boys.

“Yeah, Andy is just a tall asshole,” Ryan laughs at his oldest son, and Suede turns to look at him gasping.

“Ass hoe?” Andy cringes as he looks at Ryan. “What is ass hoe? My mom ass hoe?”

“No,” Ryan shakes his head, realizing that he’s with younger kids than his own teenagers. His two sons laugh, listening to Suede repeat ass hoe for the thirteenth time. “Forget I said anything.”

“Suede, uncle Ryan is an idiot, and mommy is going to put him in time out. Now run your race, buddy.”

“Mama be mad? Unk Yan is ass hoe?” There is no winning in this situation. Once Suede realizes that it’s something he shouldn’t do, he smirks as he repeating the word or action. Testing to see just how long he can go without getting in trouble.

“Stop saying that word.”

“Ass hoe bad?”

“Suede,” Andy narrows his eyes, using that tone, and Suede sighs, turning back to the race. “Your sister is going to kill you for that.”

“You just said his name, and he stops? You didn’t even offer him to get in trouble or raise your voice. How?”

“Your teens are too far gone now,” Ryan scowls at Andy as he watches the boys mostly just run around more than race. It wouldn’t have been a fair race between the three of them. They adapt. “You guys live too far away.”

“Yeah, well, their mom will not be entertaining me moving out here with the boys. We have 50/50 custody. You on the other hand. Suede’s almost legally yours,” Ryan wiggles his brows, insinuating that you guys should move back to Michigan.

“Moving isn’t in our future. This is our home,” this is the most perfect house for your soon to be family of six. Andy can’t even fathom leaving the area, much less this house. This home. “Is Connor thinking about what he’s going to do after high school?”

“Welder like me. Cooper is my dreamer though. He thinks pro soccer is in the future.”

“Daddy!” Andy sits forward and looks behind him at the screaming girl who runs right towards him. She doesn’t stop until she’s colliding in his arms. “Are you watching Suedey?”

“Yes, princess.”

“And he has eaten anything he shouldn’t?” Ryan looks uncomfortably at Audrey, and turns to look at you with your parents. Carrying trays of food to set on the table. He didn’t realize how Audrey’s anxiety about Suede's birthday affected her. Nobody realizes how serious it her behavior change is until they see it. All morning she watched as you and his mom prepared food, asking questions nonstop.

“No, princess. Remember, we checked all labels as a family,” she sighs watching the three boys running around, and scratches her nose. “Baby, he’s okay, and he’s going to be okay.”

“What about the bees? Y-y-you you you know that he got stung, and we had to use his pen. And and and I don’t know if Connor and Cooper can can can deal with that.”

“Rosie,” Andy gives a whistle waiting for the sweet dog to be by Audrey’s side, and he taps her leg. Rosie lays her nose on Audrey’s lap, and Andy holds her just a bit tighter, “Connor and Cooper don’t have to deal with anything; me and mommy are here. And I’ve got my eyes on Suede all day, okay? Mommy, too. But if you need anything, mommy will be the one helping you, so I can stay watching, bubs, okay?”

“I know, but but but I just worry. You p-p-promise nothing will happen to him? I just just just worry. It was — it was scary.”

Andy leans forward, kissing her on the forehead, and nods his head, “I promise I won’t let anything happen to bub. Now, Uncle Ann and Miss Tatum will be here in a little bit. Didn’t you make something for Miss Tatum?”

“It’s just a coloring page. Uncle Ann said her favorite flower was an iris. But I’ll go get it. Don’t take your eyes off him, okay?”

Ryan watches Audrey run off, and back towards you. She gives you a quick hug, and a look up to you before she and Rosie go back into the house, “She stutters?”

“Only when talking about Suede’s allergies, and her father now. It was just randomly. Stress causes her brain and mouth to not work together,,” Andy’s voice clips off. He pays far too much attention to Suede. The atmosphere around the two men changes immediately. “He doesn’t even realize how much he’s messed with her mind. Doesn’t even care that we could have lost Suede. Doesn’t even care about him. It’s a good thing for me, but I look at that little boy, and wonder how in the world could he even consider that? How does he sleep at night not knowing if his kids are okay? If they’re healthy?”

“You could argue he feels comfortable knowing my sister is their mother. And he knows you’re a better option as a father.”

“No,” Andy responds resolutely. “He’s an ass. One that doesn't deserve these kids. He also doesn’t want to deal with the consequences of his actions with Suede. Audrey will deal with that trauma for the rest of her life. While her father can’t even tell her the truth. Suede is trash and disposable for him. And Audrey is no good to him broken.”

“You think she’s broken?”

“I know she is. She’s five and stutters when we have get togethers. She stresses about the food that her brother eats so much that she has to read labels with us. She wants to make sure that someone is always watching him. Yeah, she’s broken, but we’re doing what we can to fix her. And maybe this will always give her anxiety. And while I’m annoyed, it’s not at her. I will do whatever I have to to make sure that tiny little girl is assured as much as possible. I will give her what she needs if it means that she has one less stressor in her life.”

“She is very small,” Andy rolls his eyes as he looks at Ryan. “Is she eating regularly?”

“Really? You think we’re malnourishing her?”

“No,” Ryan changes his tone, attempting to tread lightly. “I mean has she continued to eat regularly since the stress with Scott?”

“Yes. She’ll go through ebbs and flows after seeing him where her appetite isn’t the best, but she hasn’t seen or heard from him in three weeks now. Coward. And he can’t deal with the fact that he has to see her at a center. His lawyer informed me that it could be uncomfortable for Audrey, meaning him. So the simple solution was dinner with all of us, and he declined. And as for Audrey being small, she’s petite, but perfect,” Ryan gives a nod, staring out at the boys playing again.

“I’m going to get a beer. Want one?” Ryan answers with a short yes, and Andy stands up to walk away. He continues to look towards Suede as he walks towards the garage. Having to take his eyes off the little boy in order to retrieve him and his brother in law a beer, and to use the restroom for a moment.

You give a little laugh to your mom as you, her, and Audrey walk out of the house with Rosie. Your sweet little girl looks at her brother screaming, and laughing, and then to the seat where Andy had vacated before she drops the bag of chips, grasping at her chest. “Mommy,” she chokes out.

Setting the plate of food on the table, you turn around, and your smile quickly fades. Audrey’s face is all ruddy, and eyes filled with tears as she points to Andy’s empty chair. Rosie walks in circles around her as she pulls at the bottom of Audrey’s dress.

Your legs are already carrying towards your daughter, “Audrey, baby, breathe for mommy,” she shakes her head pointing at the chair, and Ryan turns around, and stands up to walk over to you.

“No! Suedey! He can’t breathe! Stay with him!!”

“Audrey, Suedey is breathing just fine. Eyes on me,” your voice tries to calm her as you get to your knees, and on her level. “He’s breathing hard because he’s running.”

“Daddy promised!” Stepping out of the garage, Andy looks towards Suede, and then over towards the two of you. “You — promised. Mommy, I can’t — can’t breathe. I can’t breathe! It hurts.”

“Princess…”

“No!” Her small body crashes into you in the tightest embrace that she can give you, and you motion for Andy to assist you to get back up. “Mommy, I can’t…”

“Shh, baby, we’re going inside. Rosie, come here. Come see your girl with me,” she’ll never regulate her breathing out here with everyone looking at them.

“But — daddy.”

“Daddy is going to stay outside and watch Suedey,” her breathing is still too ragged to be around all these people. Audrey doesn’t like people as it is, and now there’s more in her safe space of home, so you need to get her away from the conversation, and let her breathe.

“Doe,” Andy says, looking at you regretfully. “You got her?” Nodding your head, you point over to his perch for him to watch Suede, and you carry your baby inside. Poor Rosie follows you with her head looking up at Audrey. Yipping at you when she can’t get to her.

“Come on, Rosie girl. Uhh,” you let out an exasperated breath, sitting on the couch, and pat on the seat for Rosie to join you. The sweet pup jumps onto the couch, and lays her head on Audrey’s leg, but she still clings to your body haphazardly due to the twins. Her head rests on your chest, and she hiccups trying to catch her breath.

You sit and let her hear your steady heartbreak. Let her feel you breathing before you ever even attempt to talk. Just be present. Be her constant during her fearful panic attack. Her fingers pulse on your ribs. The little chubby digits slightly digging into your body, matching her steadying breaths, and you just hope that she can vocalize her feelings.

Audrey’s tiny hand rubs down your side, searching for Rosie before the chocolate lab’s nose pushes up on her hand. Softly she starts petting her snout, sniffling and whispering inaudibly. “Why did daddy leave?”

“Is that why you were struggling to breathe?” In lieu of responding with words, she nods her head on your chest. “I think daddy had to go to the bathroom, and uncle Ryan was there. Mommy was just inside.”

“But he promised.”

“Suede was running around with the boys, and remember how we all checked his labels?” She nods on your body again, still unable to lift her head. “Do you know why we all checked his labels?”

“To make sure he wouldn’t eat any allergy.”

“That’s right. So even if his sticky little fingers made it to the food, Suede could have safely eaten everything,” you want to hit Scott, and you’re not someone that resorts to physical pain. But it would feel good to hit him.

“But the bees,” she taps on her knee, urging Rosie to come closer, and her friend inches as close as possible. Laying her head down on her leg.

“Suede isn’t allergic to bees.”

“But at the pumpkin patch?”

“That was because he was stung so many times. Remember he had to take an allergy test, and he’s not allergic to bees,” she lets out an annoyed puff of air.

“Suede is okay?” Audrey lifts her head up to look at you, looking so much younger than she actually is. For how mature she is, she’s still just your tiny five year old. You nod your head, and give her a kiss to her forehead. “Has my Scott dad called him?”

“No, baby.”

“Because he doesn’t want Suede?” You look at her without saying anything. Staring at her as her eyes go red. “He doesn’t love Suede, does he?”

“I think he thought parenting Suede was difficult. Maybe Suede scared him with all his allergies.”

“Does he scare you?” You push back her baby hairs, nodding your head. You can’t forever coddle Scott’s reputation. You won’t speak ill of him, but if Audrey puts the thoughts together, you won’t stop her. She’s smart enough, “Do you want to — give up on him?”

“Never. I’ll never give up on any of my kids. I never even want to spend a day without any of you.”

“Were you sad when I went to my Scott daddy’s?” You nod, and Audrey looks down at Rosie. You can almost see the thought rushing through her brain as she tries and processes something. “If he asks me to see him, do you not want me to go?”

“Baby, all I want is for you to be happy and safe. And I will do whatever I can in my power to make sure that you are. You know that for now you have to see your father at either a visitation center or with me and daddy present.”

“Because he had that square bottle and was acting weird?” You give her a nod, and she retreats back into her thoughts. You almost hate that it’s at this moment that she looks like your baby again, but it’s for the worst reason. She looks so angelic and little as she tries to figure out her father’s behavior, “It’s alcohol, right?”

“What do you know about alcohol?”

“Well, Scott daddy said that Andy drinks alcohol, too. The stuff in the garage that stays locked up. The beer. He drinks it at dinner,” there isn’t much to add. You have made it clear that you always want the alcohol away from kid hands. The solution was a tiny room built onto the garage that housed a separate fridge, and space for wine and liquor. The lock always stays on, and Andy has never gone past his limit.

“How come daddy never acts weird?”

“He doesn’t drink too much.”

“Do you like alcohol?”

“Sometimes. But I can’t drink when I’m pregnant because it will hurt the babies. Does it bother you that Andy drinks?” She shakes her head no, and you want to sigh in relief. You’d make him drink after they fell asleep. But she remembers and recognizes Scott’s altered behavior. In her tiny little mind she’s comparing the two men.

“Does my Scott daddy hate me and Suede?”

“No, baby,” he should be the one responding to these questions. He should see her face scrunch up in confusion as she tries to figure out why her father doesn’t see her as much as Andy does. Why Scott gave up Suede but not her. And she wonders why Scott makes mean comments towards her brother.

“Does my Scott daddy love me like daddy does?” You sigh, shrugging. Shaking your head because you have no idea how you respond to that. How to even begin to figure out an answer. You don’t know Scott. As long as you were with the man, who he is now is not who you married.

“Do you think daddy and your scott daddy love you differently?”

“I think daddy misses me when I’m gone.”

“He does. He paced around the house, and was checking his watch nonstop. And was even looking at his phone to see if you had used the iPad mini to call,” she winces, recalling why she didn’t call on her iPad. Her Scott daddy broke it.

“Do you know when he goes to get a drink of water or a snack, he comes upstairs and checks in on me and Suede?” You nod your head yes. Suede had a camera put in his room to make yourself feel relaxed about him being so far away from you since they are upstairs.

Andy also told you he’d go check on them, and he does, every night before he settles into bed. But if he woke up to check on them, you didn’t sleep well without Andy, and you watched the camera to see him just looking at Suede, and he always checks on Audrey while upstairs.

“He got scared one time when I wasn’t in my room. I had to go potty. Is he afraid that my Scott daddy will come and take me?” It is a fear that Andy has. He’s told you so many times that he worries Scott will come here. Cameras were at every entrance, and set up in hallways. You hate the paranoia. You didn’t quite have that anxiety, but it made him comfortable.

“I think Andy is just scared.”

“Because of his dad?” You and Andy never discussed his father. Hadn’t since before you met Scott. You didn’t have to. You knew Andy’s story, and you didn’t care, “My Scott daddy said he’s in jail for,” she leans closer, and cups your ear, “For killing a woman.”

“That happened when Andy was a young boy. He never raised him. Your father shouldn’t have said anything about that man, or told you things much too adult for you.”

“I’m sorry,” shamefully she looks away, but you lift her chin up for you to look at you.

“You don’t have to be sorry. You’re a child that doesn’t need to know adult things. But if there’s ever anything that your father says or does that confuses you, will you talk to me and daddy? I’m not mad, but I want you to be a child for as long as possible. I don’t want you to worry about your brother the way you do, but I’m thankful you love him so much. I don’t want you to have so much anxiety because your biggest concern should be what color dress you want to put on your dolls, and what you want your clean clothes to smell like.”

“I like the new kind. The maggie-olia,” magnolia. You want to put that in your vault of cute things your kids say.

“Remember, all I want is for you to be happy and safe. And above all to feel loved.”

“Did I look like a dork out there?”

“No, in fact I think everyone, including Suede, were worried. I think you were overwhelmed by your fear, and the way your body reacts to that isn’t your fault. You have seen and heard so much for such a sweet five year old. You’re still so young, and you’re growing, and you have these complex emotions that your brain just can't understand.”

“Will it understand some day?”

“Yes, princess. But I think that you, and all of us as a family, maybe need to look into talking with someone,” hers and Rosie’s head both tilt at the same time and in the same manner. “Someone that can help us heal as a family, and maybe if you want to talk to them alone they can help you understand these big feelings that you have.”

“You promise Suede is okay?”

“Yes. But can you promise me that Audrey is okay?”

She giggles, and leans forward, pressing her forehead against yours, “You’re a good mommy,” you doubt it sometimes. Doubt if you’ve made the right decisions concerning Scott, so confirmation from the cutest five year old feels so good.

“And you’re my most beautiful perfect Audrey. You’re such a good daughter, baby.”

“Can I sit with daddy?” You whisper out a yeah to her. You see in her eyes how exhausted she is. She might even fall asleep in Andy’s arms. Knowing just how much your baby is pretending to be okay some days, breaks your heart “I know you can’t chase after Suede, but he can sit with you.”

“I think I’ve been traded for Cooper and Connor. How about they sit across from us at the table?”

“Okay,” Audrey’s head perks up when she hears a familiar laugh talking to Andy. She peeks towards the front door, and smiles at you. “Even though Uncle Ann and Miss Tatum are here, I still want to sit with daddy, okay? But can you tell Uncle Ann? I don’t want to hurt his feelings.”

“Yes, darling. Are you ready to go back outside? I bet everyone is hungry, and I know Suede will be excited about presents,” without responding she slides off your lap, and waits on both you and Rosie to get off the couch. These babies are crowding your belly. It is becoming more and more difficult to get up off the couch.

“Thanks, mommy,” Audrey holds up a hand for you, and you take it in your own before walking outside to your family. Everyone out there is your family. Andy’s, too.

Sitting beside your father, your mother smiles at your family on the opposite couch. One part of the luggage was old photos of you when you were a child. Ryan snoozes in the chair, waiting on everyone to leave the living room so he can stretch out.

The teenagers are upstairs “sleeping” when in reality they’re watching a scary movie that Suede couldn’t watch. It’s fine. You hadn’t got to truly spend time with Suede today, so extra time with him is nice. The four of you are clad in the matching dinosaur pajama sets that ’Miss Tatum’ gave Suede as a family gift. She already told you it was Ransom that picked them out.

Audrey hugs on the swell of your stomach, resting her head at the top, while Suede sits between you and Andy. He flips through some of the photo albums, and you can’t help but to glance up at Andy. He looks so happy and at peace.

“That not daddy,” Suede laughs, pointing at a scrawny little boy that was very much daddy.

“Buddy, that is definitely me,” Audrey covers her mouth with her hand and giggle, while you lean over to kiss your husband.

“Oo wittwe wike me!”

“It took me several years to start growing.”

“Mommy!” Audrey gasps and sits up. She causes Rosie’s head to jolt up, and she looks at the little girl long enough to realize that she is okay before laying her head back down on her bed. “Is that you and daddy?”

“It is. That is daddy’s junior prom,” you hear your dad groan, turning up the television a bit more. Your mom gives him a playful whack to his belly. Your mom clearly told him that Andy’s junior prom was the night you lost your virginity. Rude. He didn’t need to know that.

“You look like a princess.”

“She was my princess,” your dad growls again. Rolling her eyes, your mom settles back further into the couch, and smiles as she watches the four of you. The random little kisses you and Andy give each other. The way he watches at both Audrey and Suede as they ask questions about the photos, and even the constant touches he gives your baby bump.

Against all odds, you and Andy did it. You made it. You’re exactly where you said you would be, loving each other. Creating your family, and he has surpassed every thing that she knew he could be as a husband and father.

So much is going in your custody, but she knows that deep down the family will be okay. Andy loves you too fiercely for it not to be. He enjoys you, and your kids. He wants to spend time with you, and your kids. He wants to create memories with you, and your kids. He is the man that you said he was.

You peek up at the top of the stairs as Connor gives you a head nod that the movie is over, and it is time for bed. You’d linger a bit longer if it wasn’t for your exhausted brother. “How did you and daddy meet?” Audrey asks, pointing to a photo of the cute scrawny boy again.

“We’ll save that story for another time. Uncle Ryan is exhausted though. And it’s been a long day, so why don’t we go upstairs and tuck you two in bed, huh?”

“No, oo no need tuck me in. Me big boy,” he would say that since Connor and Cooper are here.

“I still need to be tucked in.”

“Oo no baby, Audi.”

“I know, Suedey. Rosie, bedtime,” your mother watches you and Andy both walk upstairs with the kids before she gets off the loveseat, and wakes up her oldest baby. She looks back at your father, and smiles before he stands and they walk into the guest bedroom. It’d been a long day. But she has doubts on your future anymore, and she knows your father doesn’t anymore either.

Masterlist

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