#to clarify yes the three in the back are snape james and sirius | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

halothenthehorns · 3 years ago

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TLTNL- THE UNBREAKABLE VOW

"What's the point of having friends if you can't take your problems out on them?" Sirius still didn't seem to get her problem. "Harry did it all last year," Harry looked properly shamefaced for that being brought up again, "Ron was just returning a bit of the favor."

"This isn't about Harry having a temper! Ron was being horrid to everyone around him, and for what? He could have asked out Hermione ages ago if that was his problem."

The other three had only watched them bicker about this the past five minutes only to get it out now. Harry'd had enough arguing in his life though, and requested, "I'm sure if you ever meet the two, you will happily tell them what idiots they were about it all. For now though, can we continue," and he pointedly gave the book to Remus.

The two graciously agreed, they weren't changing each others minds on the maturity of those who were once sixteen.

Snow was swirling against the icy windows once more; Christmas was approaching fast. Hagrid had already singlehandedly delivered the usual twelve Christmas trees to the Great Hall; garlands of holly and tinsel had been twisted around the banisters of the stairs; everlasting candles glowed from inside the helmets of suits of armor and great bunches of mistletoe had been hung at intervals along the corridors.

"Which all of the students were completely mature about, I'm sure," Remus snorted.

Sirius caught quite the roguish look in remembrance of practicing, and perfecting, every type of kissing available in one night as a challenge under each. It had been his favorite use of the cloak by far.

Large groups of girls tended to converge underneath the mistletoe bunches every time Harry went past, which caused blockages in the corridors; fortunately, however, Harry's frequent nighttime wanderings had given him an unusually good knowledge of the castle's secret passageways,

James clucked his tongue, thinking of the trips his son had made and convinced there were other students who had done even more, and not even the Marauders. He wished his son would indulge in this more for fun or not so wholesome things, rather than the other life-or-death matters they usually were.

so that he was often, without too much difficulty, to navigate the mistletoe-free routes between classes.

Lily giggled a bit and Sirius was eyeing his pup with a pout, both clearly refraining from saying something in regards to this.

"If Ginny was under one of those you think he would?" Sirius muttered to Prongs, clearly not completely able to hold himself back.

James snickered slightly but clearly decided against answering.

Ron, who might once have found the necessity of these detours excuse for jealousy rather than hilarity, simply roared with laughter about it all. Although Harry much preferred this new laughing, joking Ron to the moody, aggressive model he had been enduring for the last few weeks,

Sirius couldn't help but snort enthusiastically at such a comparison, immediately telling James, "do we get the chance to upgrade models often? I wouldn't mind trading Prongs in for a more lively version every now and again."

"Excuse me, I'm sorry I don't always have the energy to go gallivanting with you when my newborn had me up at all hours," James returned with pure indulgence.

the improved Ron came at a heavy price. Firstly, Harry had to put up with the frequent presence of Lavender Brown, who seemed to regard any moment that she was not kissing Ron as a moment wasted;

"Ugh, the horror," Remus agreed, thankful Prongs and Evans really weren't ever so flamboyant in that department.

and secondly, Harry found himself once more the best friend of two people who seemed unlikely ever to speak to each other again.

No one could muster up even a smile for that, it was never fun to hear in the first place, and this time more than any as the argument didn't even have any clear sides. Both of those kids needed to talk to each other to fix this, and at this rate, that didn't seem likely.

Ron, whose hands and forearms still bore scratches and cuts from Hermione's bird attack, was taking a defensive and resentful tone.

"I can't even blame him," Sirius sighed.

"Hermione always has been the violent one, wish Ron would shout back what his problem was and then they'd be on even ground again," Remus agreed.

Ron was often telling Harry how she couldn't complain, having done the same to Krum. Now someone wanted to snog him, he hadn't done anything wrong.

"Did he ever even tell her that was his original anger with her?" Lily demanded. "As far as she's concerned, she's been attacked for ages before Lavender even came around."

Harry remained silent now as he was then, he really had no want at all to get in between his friends lives, love-lives to be specific, at any point in time.

Harry did not answer, but pretended to be absorbed in the book they were supposed to have read before Charms next morning (Quintessence: A Quest). Determined as he was to remain friends with both Ron and Hermione, he was spending a lot of time with his mouth shut tight.

"You don't have that problem in here," Sirius heavily hinted.

Harry just gave a shrug, trying in vain to put into words for him, "I really have no more want to say anything about it. I wish they'd make up, but even if they did, they'd be right back where they started, especially with Lavender around now."

When Harry didn't respond this time as well, Ron continued in a lower mutter he hadn't promised Hermione anything, sure he was going to that party with her, but she'd never, it had just been as friends. He was a free agent.

Lily's brow creased as they did finally get an answer for that, and Ron's actions seemed more deplorable by the moment. Had Hermione outright said as friends, or was it simply implied because the meaning wasn't clear? Ron really should have done more to clarify what he was going with Hermione as before he hooked up with Lavender, but then, so should have Hermione, as she'd spent the past years never giving Ron a clear answer either.

Harry turned a page of Quintessence, aware that Ron was watching him. Ron's voice trailed away in mutters, barely audible over the loud crackling of the fire, though Harry thought he caught the words "Krum" and "Can't complain" again.

Hermione's schedule was so full that Harry could only talk to her properly in the evenings, when Ron was, in any case, so tightly wrapped around Lavender that he did not notice what Harry was doing. Hermione refused to sit in the common room while Ron was there, so Harry generally joined her in the library, which meant that their conversations were held in whispers.

Hermione insisted he was at liberty to kiss whomever he liked, she didn't care, while raising her quill and dotting an 'i' so ferociously that she punctured a hole in her parchment.

"Hmm, yes, she's perfectly all at ease here," James muttered.

Harry said nothing. He thought his voice might soon vanish from the lack of use. He bent a little lower over Advanced Potion-Making and continued to make notes on Everlasting Elixirs, occasionally pausing to decipher the prince's useful additions to Libatius Borage's text.

Hermione added on a few moments later Harry needed to be careful as well.

Harry testily said for the last time he wasn't giving up his Potions book. It had taught him more than Slughorn and Snape together-

All four of them got a good laugh out of that, though the boys were just smug Harry's independent studies were doing him some good like theirs had, Lily's laugh still felt a bit more knowing than she'd let on.

Hermione gave the text a nasty look before correcting she'd meant about Slughorn's party. She'd overheard some girls, including that Romilda Vane, slipping Harry a love potion so he'd invite one of them.

Harry spluttered with indignity while the others just looked sorrowful for that situation. "Surely that's not allowed?!"

"Not particularly, at least, no more than using magic on students is in the corridors," Lily said carefully.

"Still, a detention seems mild, considering all one could do under a love potion, as opposed to just jinxing someone else," James was on Harry's side, he didn't like the idea of his kid being forced to take someone to a party he didn't even want to go to.

"The effects wear off just like any magic, it's really not even that powerful, the range is usually exaggerated and while under the influence of one it also depends on how susceptible you are. Much like the Imperius curse I suppose, though that all depends on the brew." Lily seemed rather mild about it all, but her lips were tight with distaste as she remembered Merope and the extreme that had gone on there. Perhaps some sort of regulation should be put in place more, just because people generally didn't use them for more than harmless fun didn't mean there weren't those who couldn't.

Harry demanded why she hadn't confiscated them, it seemed extraordinary that Hermione's mania for upholding the rules could have abandoned her at this crucial juncture.

"What makes you think she didn't?" Remus asked in confusion, it had been his first thought she would.

"She'd just said she's sure they worked and I should be careful," Harry protested.

"Which makes me sure they have more, not that Hermione didn't step in to take what they did have," Sirius shrugged.

Hermione scowled as she explained they hadn't had them with them, otherwise she would have. So unless that half-blood prince could dream up an antidote for a dozen love potions,

Lily snorted softly, muttering something about not tempting her to try. James chuckled lightly for that, knowing it was a challenge his wife would love.

he should invite someone himself. It was tomorrow, and they were getting desperate.

"Why does he have to invite anyone at all!" James protested. "He didn't even want to go!"

"He could just be like Prongs and go stag everywhere," Sirius smirked.

"It's the Yule Ball all over again," Harry groaned in disgust without even hearing him.

"Why not try something of the same tactic then, invite Hermione now as a friend, or even Ron. Lavender wouldn't be able to go, it could be a way to get you all talking again," Remus offered.

"Merlin do I hope I think of that," Harry sighed.

Harry muttered there wasn't anyone he wanted to invite, while trying not to think about Ginny any more than he could help, despite the fact the fact that she kept cropping up in his dreams in ways that made him devoutly thankful that Ron could not perform Legilimency.

Sirius snorted out a laugh while Harry's misery only grew, that wasn't something he'd ever wanted anyone to hear.

Hermione grimly finished he'd best be careful what he drank then. Romilda Vane had meant business.

"I don't think Hermione looks anything like me," Sirius said pointedly.

Harry got a small laugh out of that, wishing that was all that ever went on in his life, puns from his godfather.

Harry's attention caught on something else to do with that conversation, hadn't Filch banned the Weasley's products?

"And?" All four of them demanded in surprise, looking at Harry like he'd lost his mind.

Harry shushed them, looking at Remus intently to continue his train of thought for them.

Hermione reminded since when did anyone in this school pay attention to what Filch banned.

Harry pointed out those had gotten into the school despite owls being searched.

Hermione explained it was part of the twins service, they ship it in as cough medicine.

Harry was unintentionally derailed, asking why she knew so much about it.

"She was looking at them in their shop," Lily recalled with an odd look at him, clearly wondering like the rest why he was bringing this up. "She'd have read the labels, probably seen some of the deals on how they got around."

"If the twins could smuggle that into the school, what else could be getting in under Filch then," Harry replied absently, finally letting them in on why he'd barely heard her response anymore than Hermione's, but easily catching the others up where his mind was.

"Still on Malfoy then," Sirius snorted. "I gave up on his waste of a life when he missed a Quidditch game!"

"You know, when I said invite a friend, I didn't think that's what you'd have in mind." Remus offered with a smirk.

Harry scowled at both of them making light of this, when he was still convinced there was something going on there. Because Malfoy clearly hadn't done anything yet, they seemed to be just passing the whole thing off by now, and it was driving him nuts.

Hermione gave him the kind of nasty look she had just given his copy of Advanced Potion-Making, coldly replying it had been on the labels for the bottles she'd seen in their shop this summer. She'd didn't go around putting potions in people's drinks, or making others think she had, which was just as bad.

"Eh, I still thought that was brilliant," James chuckled.

Harry waved her off and went on to his idea about Malfoy slipping in that necklace past Filch disgusted as something else.

Hermione was exasperated at once, but Harry demanded a reason this couldn't have worked.

"I don't see why she's being so impatient with you, it's good having this explained to you," Lily sighed.

Hermione reminded him of the Secrecy Sensors, which were also checking mail. They'd detect such a thing as that necklace,

"You both are missing something really obvious," James said with a frown at Harry.

When his expression didn't change, James insisted, "the secret passages. If Malfoy wants something going in and out of the school, that's the best way I can think of."

"Malfoy probably doesn't know about those," Harry said dismissively at once.

"Malfoy's not the only one who needs to know about them," Sirius frowned in understanding as he cottoned on to Prongs at once.

Harry chewed thoughtfully on the idea, which quickly grew into a gnawing worry. They'd taken his Death Eater idea at word, and of all the available Death Eaters, he did know of at least one that could fit exactly what they worried about.

Lily cleared her throat hard before grabbing their attention back, "yes, well, we still have nothing concrete to worry about. If," she stressed the word with worried eyes on her son, "Malfoy is up to something this year, and all that talk from Narcissa at the beginning wasn't just worried about something going on much later, then yes we can worry about it then."

All the boys sighed, not at all liking to the idea of their secret passages being boarded up for any reason, but suddenly the very real risk to the school was present and could no longer be overlooked.

but those love potions weren't considered dark or dangerous.

"She can speak for herself on that one," Sirius sniffed.

Harry huffed that was easy for her to say.

Sirius got a good laugh for mimicking Harry, and so did he.

Hermione ignored him and continued Filch wouldn't know the difference between a cough potion and a love potion, he just wasn't a good enough wizard, but he didn't need to be to-

Hermione stopped dead; Harry had heard it too. Somebody had moved close behind them among the dark bookshelves. They waited, and a moment later the vulture like countenance of Madam Pince appeared around the corner, her sunken cheeks, her skin like parchment, and her long hooked nose illuminated unflatteringly by the lamp she was carrying.

"Lovely descriptions as always," Remus snickered. He'd never much cared for her either, what with the rants she always gave him for drooling over the books he had a tendency to fall asleep on.

She breathed at them the library was now closed- then shouted at Harry what a depraved boy he was and lunged for his book.

Lily sniffed, those notes improved that book, something Pince would never understand.

Harry quickly snatched it away, defending it wasn't a library book but his own!

Her hands turned clawlike as she told him he'd desecrated it!

"It's a bloody textbook, some teachers even encourage us to write in them," Sirius huffed, wanting to chuck one in her face.

Harry had to tug it out of her grip.

She looked as though she might have a seizure;

"Is that all it takes!" James popped himself on the forehead, "and there I was, wasting away my time trying to convince Padfoot to just chew on one."

"I'm sure it would have had the same effect, if I'd ever bothered," Sirius sniffed. He'd tried it once, and the feel of it had been weird enough he hadn't tried it again.

Hermione, who had hastily packed her things, grabbed Harry by the arm and frog marched him away.

She scolded he'd be banned if he wasn't more careful.

"Can she actually do that?" Sirius got a dreamy look on his face. "Think the teachers would go for an, 'I couldn't do my homework,' excuse if so?"

"I sincerely doubt it, considering you never bothered cracking open a book to begin with," Remus snorted.

Harry protested it wasn't his fault, she'd probably heard Hermione being rude about Filch, he'd always suspected there was something going on between them.

Harry smiled as he again managed to get everyone around him laughing for that idea.

Enjoying the fact that they could speak normally again, they made their way along the deserted lamp-lit corridors back to the common room, arguing whether or not Filch and Madam Pince were secretly in love with each other.

"Finally, a normal conversation between you two!" James cackled. "I was beginning to wonder if you had it in you."

The second he walked through the portrait hole, Romilda was waiting,

Lily clucked her tongue and rolled her eyes, she knew that feeling.

offering him a gillywater.

Harry denied, and undeterred, Romilda thrust a box of Chocolate Cauldrons on him that had firewhisky in their center.

"Subtlety is clearly not her Charm," Remus snorted.

Unable to think of anything else to do, he accepted them and quickly followed Hermione away. She began with an 'I told you so',

"Anything that stops an 'I told you so,' has to be a good thing," Sirius huffed.

but her face suddenly turned blank; she had just spotted Ron and Lavender, who were intertwined in the same armchair.

Hermione quickly excused herself to the dormitory without another word.

Harry went to bed comforting himself that there was only one more day of lessons to struggle through, plus Slughorn's party, after which he and Ron would depart together for the Burrow. It now seemed impossible that Ron and Hermione would make up with each other before the holidays began, but perhaps, somehow, the break would give them time to calm down, think better of their behavior...

"I wouldn't hold my breath," Remus sighed.

But his hopes were not high, and they sank still lower after enduring a Transfiguration lesson with them both next day. They had just embarked upon the immensely difficult topic of human transfiguration; working in front of mirrors, they were supposed to be changing the color of their own eyebrows.

James and Sirius had scoffed at the use of 'immensely difficult.'

Hermione laughed unkindly at Ron's disastrous first attempt, during which he somehow managed to give himself a spectacular handlebar mustache;

"Don't really know what she was laughing about then," Sirius snorted.

"I personally think they look dashing, was going to grow one myself," James agreed, smoothing non-existent hair down on his chin.

Lily made a face and refused to commentate, afraid it would only encourage him no matter what she said.

Ron retaliated by doing a cruel but accurate impression of Hermione jumping up and down in her seat every time Professor McGonagall asked a question, which Lavender and Parvati found deeply amusing and which reduced Hermione to the verge of tears again.

"Eesh," Remus winced and made a face.

"Those two really know how to hit each other's buttons," James sighed.

"I'm a bit surprised that's what almost made her cry, she should be used to Ron making fun of that," Sirius rolled his eyes.

"It's a difference when they're friends and you know it!" Lily snapped.

Sirius put his hands up defensively and stopped arguing the point, but clearly nothing had changed and neither still saw the others side.

She raced out of the classroom on the bell, leaving half her things behind; Harry, deciding that her need was greater than Ron's just now,

Sirius winced then, he wasn't entirely cruel and wished Ron wouldn't provoke her that bad. He just hoped she didn't run into another troll.

scooped up her remaining possessions and followed her.

He finally tracked her down as she emerged from a girl's bathroom on the floor below.

Sirius winced even harder his little joke almost came to pass.

She was accompanied by Luna Lovegood, who was patting her vaguely on the back.

She greeted him by pointing out one of his eyebrows was yellow.

"Congrats Harry, you got halfway there on your first lesson," James tried to say with chipper.

He greeted her back as he held out Hermione's books.

Hermione took them, thanked him in a choked voice, and she hurried off, without ever giving Harry any time to offer words of comfort, though admittedly he could not think of any.

Luna said she was a bit upset, something about Ron Weasley.

Harry agreed they'd had a row.

Luna decided he was funny sometimes, but a bit unkind.

"That about sums Ron up," Lily sighed in agreement.

Luna was demonstrating her usual knack of speaking uncomfortable truths; he had never met anyone quite like her.

"Nor have I," Sirius agreed with genuine disappointment, but then he supposed, that's why he liked her so much.

He instead politely asked how her term had been going, and she began by saying rather pleasant, as Ginny had gotten many people to stop calling her Loony-

Then Harry burst out, interrupting her to ask if Luna would go to Slughorn's party with him.

James busted out laughing in surprise. None of the others were really any better, but he still took a moment to catch his breath around Harry's stammering, "don't want to think about Ginny that much eh?"

"Wha-no! It's not like that, I mean, I just didn't, I used a friend-"

They were still happily snickering at him, so Harry reached forward to snatch the book away from Remus. He held it protectively, but shook himself off and kept going nonetheless, after pacifying, "we know Harry, but glory you always find a way to make asking anyone out the most interesting thing."

The words were out of Harry's mouth before he could stop them; he heard himself say them as though it were a stranger speaking.

Luna turned her protuberant eyes to him in surprise.

Harry quickly made his intentions perfectly clear, saying just as friends only, and of course if she didn't want to, as he mentally finished he was already hoping she didn't.

Luna was already beaming though, saying she'd love to go as friends.

"Nawh," Lily cooed softly. As she'd just said, clearly Luna had little to no interaction with any friends, so suddenly this seemed like the best idea in the world to her! Why couldn't Harry fall for a nice girl like this, instead of one who caused trouble or his best mates sister? Then again, she'd demanded of the world for ages why Potter had decided he was in love with her, and that had all worked out for the best, so she kept that idea to herself.

Nobody had ever asked her to a party before, as a friend. Should she dye her eyebrow for the event?

"I really love there's just no hesitancy in offering this," Sirius said sincerely, "honestly, whatever party involves that would be better than Slughorn's anyways!"

Harry firmly corrected this idea, saying that had been a mistake, and he'd meet her down in the entrance hall at eight.

A shout of joy came from above, Peeves had overheard the whole thing and at once began chanting that Potty luurved Loony!

Harry scowled even more at their renewed laughter, but at least it was dying down now. Remus did that a little too accurately.

"Got to love Peeves!" James insisted.

"What's your problem Harry, if you're just going with her as a friend why the bother?" Sirius demanded.

"You lot laughing and knowing I don't mean it is grating enough, think how the whole school's going to take it and refusing to even consider the same," Harry said slowly as if to a dim child.

Sirius needed no such help to grasp the situation, but it only caused his lips to start itching again with amusement. He was as well aware as anyone what rumors that school spouted, he just wished his pup would learn to laugh them off a little more than get so uppity about them.

Sure enough, in no time at all the whole school seemed to know that Harry Potter was taking Luna Lovegood to Slughorn's party.

Ron was as much in disbelief as anyone, stating he could have any girl in the whole school, and he chose Loony Lovegood?

Lily huffed and wished Hermione was around to smack him again. Was it really so hard to believe? Ron himself had said she wasn't so bad last year. She didn't understand why none of them had made an effort to hang out with kids outside their circle, outside their house, since they'd made all those friends in the D.A. last year.

Ginny had heard as she was passing by and snapped at him not to call her that, then turned to Harry and encouraged how great this was, she'd never seen her friend so excited. Then she moved to go sit next to Dean.

Harry tried to feel pleased that Ginny was glad he was taking Luna to the party but could not quite manage it. A long way along the table Hermione was sitting alone, playing with her stew. Harry noticed Ron looking at her furtively.

Harry reminded he could apologize any time he liked.

"Tell me whose side you're on again?" Sirius chuckled.

"Whichever one gets them talking again," Harry sighed.

Ron snapped he'd just get attacked by canaries again.

"I like to think Hermione's a little more original," James offered. "Maybe she'll use toucans this time."

"Or perhaps summon a clowder of cats," Remus agreed.

"What?" Harry muttered.

"A group of cats is called a clowder, keep up Harry," Sirius waved off.

Harry said he was only making things worse, why'd he imitate her in class?

Ron snapped she'd laughed at his mustache!

So had Harry, it had been the stupidest thing he'd seen.

"Damn, so that's a no on my own?" James pouted.

But Ron did not seem to have heard;

"A shame, he bloody needed to," Lily groused.

Lavender had just arrived with Parvati. Squeezing herself in between Harry and Ron, Lavender flung her arms around Ron's neck.

Parvati greeted Harry with much less enthusiasm, looking faintly embarrassed and bored by the behavior of their two friends.

"Oh good, I thought it was just me," Harry huffed.

Hermione passed by then, and Parvati gave a very bright and cheerful greeting, positively beaming. Harry could tell that she was feeling guilty for having laughed at Hermione in Transfiguration. He looked around and saw that Hermione was beaming back, if possible even more brightly.

"Girls," all four boys muttered, causing Lily to shake her head in disbelief.

Girls were very strange sometimes.

Lily then added an eyeroll to boot while Sirius got a snicker out of that.

Hermione asked if she was coming to the party tonight, and Parvati sighed she hadn't been invited, wasn't Hermione?

She agreed yes, with Cormac, they were meeting at eight-

Then Lily let out a whistle of surprise as she at once saw what Hermione was doing. If she'd wanted to make her feelings plain, she'd just found the perfect way.

James huffed and grumbled a bit, muttering how grateful he was no lads around school had ever had the gall to say yes to his Lily Flower, even if he was aware she'd tried going out with a few others for a short time. Snivilius' treatment over the years had been more than enough of a deterrent for most though.

There was a noise like a plunger being withdrawn from a blocked sink, and Ron surfaced.

Sirius burst out laughing this time, his pup really did just have the best descriptions for everything!

Hermione acted as though she had not seen or heard anything.

"I can not imagine how," James cocked his head to the side.

Parvati confirmed Cormac McLaggen!

Hermione sweetly agreed that was the one, you know, the lad who had almost become the Gryffindor Keeper.

"Hermione's being really low here," Sirius huffed.

"I think she proved her point quite nicely," Lily giggled, before frowning slightly as his statement really sunk in. "I find this just as equal as what Ron's doing, and it's better than attacking him again. That really wasn't fair of her, so this is the better of the two."

"No one going to say anything about poor innocent McLaggen getting used?" Remus rolled his eyes.

"Harry, smack him for that stupid comment for me, will you?" Sirius leisurely stretched to indicate why he wasn't.

Harry didn't, he was still to busy making faces at his friends furthering this rather than just talking again.

Hermione, gave a very un-Hermione-ish giggle.

Parvati pointed out Hermione must really like her Quidditch players.

"Irony," Remus muttered, considering Hermione had made it as plain as Lily how she felt of the sport, but that girl did tend to get around with the lot.

Hermione corrected she liked good Quidditch players.

"Ouch," all five of them muttered, before James wound up with a defensive look in place, "well by her own statement that doesn't hold. Ron beat out McLaggen in tryouts, and Ron also has won two of the four games he's played. Therefore, Hermione deciding McLaggen over him-"

"James," Lily tisked before he could keep going, he knew as well as any of them what Hermione was doing and was just trying to get himself into a topic of stats again.

He pouted at her, but relinquished he'd have to interrogate his son later for numbers on who could really be the better player. His money was still on Ron, even if McLaggen might have more experience.

She left. At once Lavender and Parvati put their heads together to discuss this new development, with everything they had ever heard about McLaggen, and all they had ever guessed about Hermione. Ron looked strangely blank and said nothing.

"Ron's own words coming back to bite him," Lily said wisely. If he could go around snogging whoever he liked, Hermione was clearly going to indulge in the same.

Harry was left to ponder in silence the depths to which girls would sink to get revenge.

"You've no idea," Lily agreed. "This really isn't even so bad."

Harry looked even more dumbfounded now, not entirely sure he wanted to know what else his mum could have gotten up to in school.

When he arrived in the entrance hall at eight o'clock that night, he found an unusually large number of girls lurking there, all of whom seemed to be staring at him resentfully as he approached Luna. She was wearing a set of spangled silver robes that were attracting a certain amount of giggles from the onlookers, but otherwise she looked quite nice. Harry was glad, in any case, that she had left off her radish earrings, her butterbeer cork necklace, and her Spectrespecs.

"What a shame," Sirius sighed. "Such conversation starters left behind."

They headed up to Slughorn's office, Harry asking if she'd heard the rumor there was a vampire coming.

"I'd prefer the werewolf," Sirius huffed.

Remus rolled his eyes heavily, he'd been suckered into going to those parties by both him and James more than once and had regretted every one.

Luna asked if it was Rufus Scrimgeour?

"Eh?" James muttered in confusion, wondering if they'd missed something in his brief introduction at that first chapter.

"Probably another of Luna's, ah," Lily trailed off while playing with a bit of her hair.

"Fantastic ideas," Sirius finished for her with chipper.

Harry looked on in confusion this was the same Minister of Magic they were talking about.

Luna agreed the very one. Her dad had tried to publish an article over it, but the Ministry had stopped them so the truth couldn't get out.

"Obviously," Remus agreed while trying to fight back a laugh, while the others didn't even bother.

Harry, who thought it most unlikely that Rufus Scrimgeour was a vampire, but who was used to Luna repeating her father's bizarre views as though they were fact, did not reply; they were already approaching Slughorn's office and the sounds of laughter, music, and loud conversation were growing louder with every step they took.

Whether it had been built that way, or because he had used magical trickery to make it so, Slughorn's office was much larger than the usual teacher's study.

"Magic," Sirius impatiently explained, "he's always been one to make himself seem larger. Unnecessary really, you couldn't overlook him anymore than Hagrid."

The ceiling and walls had been draped with emerald, crimson , and gold hangings, so that it looked as though they were all inside a vast tent. The room was crowded and stuffy and bathed in the red light cast by an ornate golden lamp dangling from the center of the ceiling in which real fairies were fluttering, each a brilliant speck of light. Loud singing accompanied by what sounded like mandolins issued from a distant corner; a haze of pipe smoke hung over several elderly warlocks deep in conversation, and a number of house- elves were negotiating their way squeakily through the forest of knees, obscured by the heavy silver platters of food they were bearing, so that they looked like little roving tables.

"That's intentional, I'm sure," Lily sighed. She hadn't heard anything about Hermione's SPEW tactics in a while, she sort of missed that, rather than this recurring problem with Ron.

Slughorn beamed the moment he caught sight of him, grabbing hold of him and already trying to introduce him to everyone in sight, so many he needed to meet!

"Just as many I'd like to avoid," James huffed.

Slughorn was wearing a tasseled velvet hat to match his smoking jacket. Gripping Harry's arm so tightly he might have been hoping to Disapparate with him, Slughorn led him purposefully into the party; Harry seized Luna's hand and dragged her along with him.

"It is the reason you invited her along, to suffer with you," Sirius agreed with a sigh.

They first met Eldred Worple, who wrote a book on Vampires thanks to his friend Sanguini.

Worple, who was a small, stout, bespectacled man, grabbed Harry's hand and shook it enthusiastically; the vampire Sanguini, who was tall and emaciated with dark shadows under his eyes, merely nodded.

"Now picture having to stare at that in a classroom every day as a first year," Remus scoffed. "It's a wonder everyone thought Trocar was a vampire."

"Or why we insist Snivellus is one as well," James agreed.

He looked rather bored. A gaggle of girls was standing close to him, looking curious and excited.

Worple met him cheerfully, and continued he'd just been saying to Slughorn where was the biography on Harry Potter everyone was waiting on?

"Have we?" Sirius asked dryly. "I don't recall, must have slipped my mind!"

"The amount of books you've ignored, I can imagine you wouldn't even notice if one was done about you," Remus shot at him.

Harry just muttered these seven were as close as anyone was going to get.

He continued seriously,

"Apparently there is one!" Sirius went wide-eyed with delight, before his eyes glazed over at the thought. "Nah, Moony's right, still not worth it."

"He's impossible," James told the others conversationally.

he'd be happy to be of service with this. A few four hour interviews, no real effort on Harry's part at all, they'd have it together in a matter of months- the he snapped at Sanguini to stay close. The vampire had been edging towards the girls with a hungry look in his eye.

"Shouldn't be letting himself get so distracted," James huffed, already wishing to steer Harry away from this.

Worple sized a pasty from a passing elf and stuffed it into Sanguini's hand before turning his attention back to Harry.

"I feel like that's not actually going to satisfy him," Lily muttered, still a bit concerned.

Harry firmly said he was not interested.

"Here's hoping he takes a hint," Remus said in disgust, picturing another Skeeter like wannabe now after Harry.

He excused himself then, spotting Hermione and dragging Luna along with him again after her.

She was relieved to see him, saying she'd just escaped- err, left Cormac.

Lily stiffened with unease and all of the boys frowned, wanting to corner McLaggen themselves now. No lady should ever have to feel like she escaped a date, that was just wrong.

Under mistletoe, she explained to his questioning look.

"What a wanker!" James yelped, very much wishing now he could dissuade McLaggen from ever going near mistletoe for any reason again. His friends and son's expression made it clear they'd help.

Harry told her it served her right, coming here with him.

"Harry!" Lily scolded.

"She brought it on herself," he began grudgingly defended, before he sighed and relented with the same look he'd given his friend at the time, "but I'm happy she didn't have to spend anymore time with him once she realized it."

Hermione dispassionately said she'd been sure he'd annoy Ron the most, she'd even considered Zacharias Smith,

"Wow, Hermione was really trying to prove a point," Sirius grumbled, thinking it was all pointless anyways, if she'd just talk to the idiot she clearly had feelings for.

and she wished she had now, McLaggen made Grawp look like a gentleman.

Lily scoffed and hoped some of Hermione's temper had come through, taught that rotten boy a lesson about how to treat others.

The three of them made their way over to the other side of the room, scooping up goblets of mead on the way, realizing too late that Professor Trelawney was standing there alone.

"Finally, we're in need of a laugh," Remus sighed, they hadn't really anything fun to chat about in ages, Trelawney was usually good for that, or, she had been. Now none of them could think of her without wincing anymore than Dumbledore.

James' expression had gone purely sour, none of them had forgotten it was her ruddy prediction that would get them into this mess very, very soon, and had already ruined Harry's life.

Trelawney greeted Luna with difficulty, her breath smelled of sherry as she said she hadn't spotted her in class lately.

Luna said she had Firenze this year.

"Why am I not surprised Luna took Divination," Sirius nodded, he could imagine these two getting along well.

Trelawney continued in a drunken titter about that horse, it was a insult. So far she seemed too tipsy to recognize Harry.

"Yet," James sighed. "Give it a few moments, the death omens will commence."

"As inaccurately as ever," Sirius agreed with chipper.

Under cover of her furious criticisms of Firenze, Harry drew closer to Hermione and asked if she was going to tell Ron about her interference in the Keeper tryouts?

Hermione said she wouldn't stoop that low.

Harry was relived, saying all it would do was make him fall apart again, they couldn't lose the next match-

"Yeah, I can see how that would backfire, again," Lily heaved a heavy sigh. She liked to think Ron would see the kinder side of her act, she was only trying to help her friend, but really it only showed she had no confidence in Ron, again.

Hermione angrily spat that's all boys cared about was Quidditch. Cormac hadn't asked one question about her all night, no, it was 'A Hundred Great Saves by Cormac McLaggen.' Then speak of the one, she spotted him and vanished so fast she could have disapparated away.

Harry scowled, his hand twitching for his wand anyone made Hermione run off like that.

He at once asked Harry if he'd seen Hermione, and he said no at once and turned back to Luna, forgetting for the moment who she'd been talking to.

"The windbag's better than the blowhard," Remus sniffed.

"Curse him Harry, Slughorn won't do anything to you!" James mock whispered.

This caused Trelawney to finally take notice of him. She at once began of the rumors and stories around him, the Chosen One and all, of course she'd known for a very long time before that.

"Oh yes, of course she has, so kind of her to warn us of it all!" Sirius graciously spewed out while holding back wanting to crush her skull.

Why had he not returned to divination? He of all people must see it as the utmost importance!

"Yes, I do miss tea time in the middle of class," Lily said sweetly, unable to completely hide her clipped tone.

Slughorn arrived then, chastising all of the teachers found their class the most important. He'd never seen a more natural Potioneer, just like his mother!

Lily gave a real giggle of affection, sometimes she missed Slughorn.

Even Severus could hardly rival! To Harry's horror Slughorn seemed to pull Snape right out the crowd from nowhere to join the conversation,

All five of them groaned heavily, it really had been nice going so long not hearing a word of his nasty habits. Seemed getting the DADA job really had put him in a better mood, as he'd yet to really be shown insulting Harry anymore, this was not a kind return they were looking forward to!

Still going on about Harry's exceptional work, of course credit went to him, teaching him the past five years.

James suddenly blinked in surprise, giving Lily a funny sort of look as her laughter increased, though now she was trying to cover it with her hand. He opened his mouth to ask her, for the thousandth time it seemed today, just what was so funny, but Remus hadn't noticed a thing, and James sat back with a calculating look in place, for now merely content on watching her laughter, a noise he knew he'd never grow tired of.

Trapped, with Slughorns arm around his shoulders, Snape looked down his hooked nose at Harry, his black eyes narrowed as he said how funny that was, he hadn't thought he'd taught Potter much of anything.

Lily had schooled her features quickly enough and was scowling along with the rest, honestly agreeing with Sirius' statement, "not like you ever tried!" Even if she was the only one to appreciate the irony.

Snape eyes were boring into Harry, who felt a certain disquiet. The last thing he wanted was for Snape to start investigating the source of his newfound brilliance at Potions.

Her lips twitched again, to a frown this time though. She wouldn't much enjoy it either if Snape found that old book, she didn't like to think what it would bring up, or the problems Harry would have with Slughorn and the school if it did.

Slughorn asked what he was going on to do, and Harry said Auror.

Luna unexpectedly jumped in to say Harry shouldn't do that, they were part of the Rotfang conspiracy, who were planning to bring down the Ministry of Magic from within using Dark Magic and gum diseases.

James blinked slowly at such a random insertion into the conversation, as if coming back from thinking of something a long ways off, but quickly jumped in, "see, this is why I'm so glad you invited Luna along! This is exactly what we needed to liven this party!"

"I think it's all the more reason for Harry to join," Sirius quickly agreed with a happy little chuckle. "He can tear that Conspiracy apart from the inside out!"

"I'd honestly like to hear more about this first, see what we can learn from such a secretive organization living right inside the Ministry," Remus chuckled.

Harry inhaled half his mead up his nose as he started to laugh.

"The whole party was worth it just for that," Harry rubbed his nose in remembrance.

Really, it had been worth bringing Luna just for this.

"Least we're safe in the knowledge you haven't changed," Sirius chuckled in agreement.

Emerging, from his goblet, coughing, sopping wet but still grinning, he saw something calculated to raise his spirits even higher: Draco Malfoy being dragged by the ear toward them by Argus Filch.

"That honestly never does get old," James started grinning at once, the idea of McGonagall doing this to Malfoy again the only thing that could make it better for whatever Malfoy was caught doing.

"Oh!" Harry yelped in pain, pressing hard to his temple which did nothing to alleviate it. Too late to do anything to resist it, the feeling arose again of something important was about to happen, and he ground his teeth together in pain to stop himself thinking at some stupid party!

Remus gave him an anxious look beside him, they all did, but all they could do was go on with that bitter disappointment of again one pure fun moment being snatched away by the never-ending problems in Harry's life.

Filch wheezed out he'd caught this one a floor above trying to sneak down here, saying he'd been invited.

Harry had a hard time for a moment just struggling to remember how to swallow. It was all right there, he was sure of it, crowding around his mind and pressing loudly for his attention, when all he could do was groan in misery and clutch at his head.

Malfoy finally managed to pull himself away to snap he'd lied, he was gate crashing, happy?

"He was probably indignant, this is the first time a Malfoy's ever had to gate crash a party," James muttered without any real attention.

Filch said he wasn't,

"Now why don't I believe him?" Remus rolled his eyes, at least trying to act like this was all normal.

"A student's in trouble, I'm surprised he hasn't pissed himself in pleasure yet," Sirius sniffed.

which didn't quite match the glee on his face as he declared the punishment this was worth!

Slughorn tried to intervene, saying it was Christmas, and of course Draco could stay.

"Urgh, I can't even be mad," James huffed. "The amount of times Slughorn's actually covered for us, doing the same! Course, he often used it to guilt us into going to more of these, so we were never too grateful," James trailed off unhappily when he realized Harry wasn't paying one word of attention, still rubbing furiously at his temple.

Filich's expression of outraged disappointment was perfectly predictable; but why, Harry wondered, watching him, did Malfoy look almost equally unhappy? And why was Snape looking at Malfoy as though both angry and . . . was it possible? ... a little afraid?

Now all four of them were twitching with just as much unease as Harry. Maybe they had been too dismissive of Snape's opening, maybe Malfoy was trying to do something this year, much sooner than they'd been thinking.

But almost before Harry had registered what he had seen, Filch had turned and shuffled away, muttering under his breath; Malfoy had composed his face into a smile and was thanking Slughorn for his generosity, and Snape's face was smoothly inscrutable again.

"Malfoy's never been good at hiding anything, Snape on the other hand," James trailed off unhappily.

Slughorn waved this off, saying to think of it as a return of favor for his old grandfather.

Malfoy quickly agreed his thanks, he had always said he was the best potion-maker he'd ever known!

"Flattery is still getting him everywhere," Sirius scowled.

Harry stared at Malfoy. It was not the sucking-up that intrigued him; he had watched Malfoy do that to Snape for a long time. It was the fact that Malfoy did, after all, look a little ill. This was the first time he had seen Malfoy close up for ages; he now saw that Malfoy had dark shadows under his eyes and a distinctly grayish tinge to his skin.

"What on earth does that little prat have to be so stressed about?" Remus sighed, but not as if he really meant it. Suddenly that conversation with his mother was at the forefront of all their minds. What exactly had Voldemort asked him to do? It was now very clear it was happening right now, what else could be going on?

Harry would have been far more smug if his head wasn't hurting so badly.

Snape interrupted he'd like a word.

They left, Snape leading the way, Malfoy looking resentful. Harry stood there for a moment, irresolute,

"Why the hesitation?" Lily asked in surprise, the thought hadn't even crossed her mind. "By this point, I'd have thought you'd be following them before their cloak swung around the door."

"I'll admit, I was starting to feel a little paranoid," Harry answered distractedly, only the sound of his mother's voice able to penetrate the sieve of his pain filled mind right now.

then said he'd be right back to Luna, excusing himself to the bathroom.

"There's my boys subtlety, always shining through," James tried for sarcasm, but he was leaning forward too eagerly to mean it. He was far to curious if Harry could actually hear something of use for all this.

He thought he heard her, as he hurried off into the crowd, resume the subject of the Rotfang Conspiracy with Professor Trelawney, who seemed sincerely interested.

"Oh look, I was right," Remus said distractedly.

It was easy, once out of the party, to pull his Invisibility Cloak out of his pocket and throw it over himself, for the corridor was quite deserted.

Sirius almost wanted to burst with excitement. Finally, something completely uncontested Harry was using that old cloak for, to spy on Snape!

What was more difficult was finding Snape and Malfoy. Harry ran down the corridor, the noise of his feet masked by the music and loud talk still issuing from Slughorn's office behind him. Perhaps Snape had taken Malfoy to his office in the dungeons ... or perhaps he was escorting him back to the Slytherin common room. . . . Harry pressed his ear against door after door as he dashed down the corridor until, with a great jolt of excitement, he crouched down to the keyhole of the last classroom in the corridor and heard voices.

Snape was saying Draco couldn't afford such mistakes or he was going to be expelled.

Draco protested he didn't have anything to do with that Bell girl! She must have some enemy out there no one knew of!

Remus' hand ached along the page with tension. Where as before he really hadn't known how Malfoy even could have a hand in that, suddenly Snape suspecting him of as much made the possibility seem as if it were back open again. Malfoy's return was certainly ridiculous, what would an average Hogwarts student have to do with this.

"What exactly is Malfoy supposed to be doing?" James hissed for what felt like the thousandth time. "If Snape thinks for a second it involves anything to do with Katie, this all became so much more terrifying!"

Then Malfoy told him to stop, that Occlumency wasn't going to work on him!

Snape grudgingly said his Aunt Bellatrix had been giving him some lessons.

Harry scowled anew, but more for the idea Malfoy picked up on something he never had. It was hard to believe on principle.

Snape asked what thoughts was he concealing from his master?

Sirius shivered in disgust, as far as he was concerned, that officially meant Malfoy was a Death Eater. It was despicable, how this kids life was now ruined, just like his brothers.

Malfoy shouted back he wasn't keeping anything from him, just trying to make Snape butt out!

Harry pressed his ear still more closely against the keyhole. . . . What had happened to make Malfoy speak to Snape like this; Snape, toward whom he had always shown respect, even liking?

"Malfoy's gone off with an ego apparently," Remus muttered, it wouldn't surprise him if Malfoy now thought himself better than his old teacher and fellow Death Eater.

Snape said this was the reason he was being avoided this term then? Fearing his interference? If anyone else had ignored his summons to come to his office-

Malfoy jeered to give him a detention then.

Snape paused before saying he did not wish to do that.

"Wow, Snape can't even pretend to have control over this anymore," James muttered, his mind on that Unbreakable Vow Snape had made. What if he couldn't fulfill requirements outside of his control, what were the circumstances of it not being his fault?

Snape instead offered help, he'd made the Unbreakable Vow to do so.

Malfoy protested he didn't needed help, it was his job, it was just taking longer than he'd planned!

Harry pulled his fingers through his hair in frustration, some small part of him still wanting to cheer and jeer he'd been right and everyone else had been either downplaying, or completely ignoring his suspicions. The larger part of him was too hard to ignore, that feeling of dread, that whatever Malfoy was doing he wanted to prevent at all costs.

Snape insisted he was making foolish mistakes, wandering here after hours-

Malfoy said that wouldn't have happened if he hadn't put Crabbe and Goyle in detention!

"You mean he actually puts his own students in detention?" Sirius mock gasped while James pretended to faint in shock.

"Purely for motivational reasons I'm sure, he could dig through Crabbe and Goyle's mind instead to find out what they're doing with Malfoy," Remus said as he glared down at this.

"Yes, heavens forbid he not be bias for one moment," Lily scowled at the lot of them. As far as she was concerned, Snape was trying to help. Narcissa, Malfoy, even Dumbledore, if Draco was the one doing this, so why couldn't they just lay off him for one moment and listen.

Malfoy cut off none of that mattered! Besides, he had better people besides those two to help him.

Remus swallowed convulsively with worry, he still despised the idea of just what other help that was.

More Death Eaters, with much more knowledge of the castle? More horrible people, like his Aunt Bellatrix? Or some even more unspeakable, like a threat Malfoy had already used once, that Remus still feared to this day.

Malfoy knew exactly what was going on, Snape wanted to steal his glory!

"Wow, and this impertinent child is the one we're all so afraid of right now," Sirius snorted in disgust that could be on anyone's mind right now. Nothing about what was going on was glorious.

There was another pause, then Snape said coldly he was speaking like a child.

"Because he is," Lily sighed, still knowing that didn't excuse all that was being implied here.

It was understandable his father's imprisonment would-

Snape couldn't' get out another word, Harry had barely a second' s warning; he heard Malfoy's footsteps on the other side of the door and flung himself out of the way just as it burst open . Malfoy was striding away down the corridor, past the open door of Slughorn's office, around the distant corner, and out of sight. Hardly daring to breathe, Harry remained crouched down as Snape emerged slowly from the classroom. His expression unfathomable, he returned to the party. Harry remained on the floor, hidden beneath the cloak, his mind racing.

"With?" The others asked excitedly.

"I had my proof," Harry said quietly, finally settling his endless fidgeting now that such an important memory was returned and he could think again. "Malfoy's up to something, and I'm the only one that can stop it."

HPHPHPHP

This chapter right here really does prove my point about the second one being pointless. It's all repeat information now, what was the point of Spinner's End? Without that chapter, this would have been a much bigger reveal, as we wouldn't have even gotten confirmation until this point at half-way through the story something really was going on.

#Harry Potter #fanfcion #The Life That Never Lived #reading the books #Marauders #James Potter #Remus Lupin #sirius Black #Lily Potter

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nearlymanaged · 4 years ago

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13. Lily’s Revelation and A Sleeping Dog

Lily had been sitting on the floor in the Gryffindor common room, leaning her back against the edge of one of the sofas; she had assumed this position about two hours into doing Ancient Runes homework, which was proving to test both her and Remus’ willpower.

“I’m just missing about an inch…” She mumbled and Remus leaned over from his armchair to scan Lily’s parchment with his eyes.

“It seems like you're contradicting yourself here… See, because up here you said…”

“Bloody hell…”

“For how much everyone talks about how difficult sixth year is, I am deeply shocked to find myself somehow still surprised by just how hard,” he leaned back in his seat with a tired chuckle.

“What if my conclusion is that it’s inconclusive?” Lily asked, obviously not needing an answer, frowning at her essay.

“Yeah, I’m starting to suspect this was a trick assignment. If we had been--”

“You’re bleeding, Remus!” Lily snatched his forearm, careful not to touch a thin red line that was appearing on the sleeve of his shirt.

“Oh...that’s...yeah…” He retracted his limb and shuffled uncomfortably in the armchair. “It’s nothing.”

Lily didn’t say anything but rather simply eyed Remus, her eyes full of about a dozen different emotions and thoughts. This wasn’t the first time that he had fresh wounds that never seemed to have an explanation. Their appearance, Lily had noticed, was always preceded by a mysterious visit to the hospital wing which, as far as she could tell, happened every month. She knew for a fact that Remus would often spend the night or two in the hospital dormitory, although not every time. But most importantly of all, she’d observed, these hospital visits and fresh wounds always coincided with the full moon.

She didn’t tell Remus this, but before she went home for Christmas, she had spent some time in the library, looking up information about werewolves. They had been taught about them in Defence Against the Dark Arts lessons a couple of years prior so she wasn’t completely unfamiliar with the subject, but she didn’t want to assume anything.

At first, when the thought popped up in her head, it was almost jokingly that she considered it. But soon she couldn’t deny that it made sense, that everything made sense, if that were the case. Now, Lily was almost completely sure that Remus Lupin was a werewolf; she wondered how she hadn’t figured it out before, it seemed almost laughable that she had known this person for years and had no clue… But then again, they had never been friends exactly. She had never spent much time with him until the beginning of their sixth year.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Remus spoke quietly, and yet it made Lily flinch ever so slightly as she felt herself being jerked out of her thoughts.

“Like what?” She asked, flustered.

“Strangely.”

“I don’t know, it’s just how my face is.” She had decided a while ago to never bring up what she suspected to Remus. She felt that that would have been the grossest robbery of his privacy and free will. “Alright, I’ve done a good amount tonight. I can’t read or write anymore, it’s all blurring together.”

“Moony!” The voice of Sirius Black rang out through the entire common room out of nowhere and before Lily could turn around, Remus’ three friends were flocking around them.

But the unexpected arrival of the boys wasn’t what truly startled her. Moony, she thought, of course. She’d heard Remus’ nickname before on a handful of occasions but she never thought anything of it. In any case, it never came up between the two of them seeing as they didn’t spend much time together in the other boys’ presence. But it made sense. It made perfect sense…

“There’s that strange look again,” Remus chuckled, his eyes fixed upon Lily. “Maybe we should take a break from Runes over the weekend?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Moony… I mean, Remus!” She corrected herself, all the while James was making himself comfortable no more than an inch away from her on the sofa.

“Did you just call me Moony?”

“No. I mean, I guess, yes…” Lily cast a sideways glance at James, who was staring at her squarely, and scooted away a little bit, only to have him move closer again.

“Ah well you see, we call him Moony because--”

“I didn’t ask why,” Lily attempted her best nonchalant impression as she cut across Peter; she had no desire to either have his friends out him or make them lie to her. “I mean, surely, it’s because of the Moon.”

“Wait… Did you tell her?” James’ eyes bore into Remus’ face.

“I didn’t, James,” there was a note of impatience in his voice.

“Why is she being so weird then?” Sirius, who had sat down on the other side of Lily, squinted at her sideways.

“Maybe she’s seen something?” Peter offered, also narrowing his eyes at the girl.

“Do you think she suspects something?” James went on.

“She probably does now,” Remus said in a voice that was definitely accompanied by a roll of his eyes.

“Alright, alright. Are you messing with me?” Lily looked around at all the boys.

“She wants to know if we’re messing with her,” Sirius leaned to look at James over her.

“I would never!” James gasped.

“But is she messing with us?” Peter piped up.

“Are they always this insufferable?” Lily asked loudly, looking at Remus.

“No, no. They’re usually much worse. You’re not curious about what they think you know?”

“No,” Lily answered without missing a beat, locking eyes with Remus, whose face was painted with an inarticulate emotion now.

“Because you do know?” He asked after a pause, quietly; but Lily didn’t need to answer - she merely looked down at the rug, causing Sirius to let out a gasp. “Well. To be fair, I would have been a little offended on your behalf if you never figured it out,” Remus spoke again.

Lily stole a glance at him but she couldn’t make out whether he was mad or upset or relieved. “Is it true then?” Her voice came out just above a whisper as she looked up again.

“Does anyone else know?” Sirius sounded rather menacing all of a sudden.

“Don’t be rude, Sirius, she asked first,” Remus continued with the same nondescript note in his voice as he looked over at Lily; he looked paler suddenly, she thought. “Yes. I am a,” he quickly glanced around and sighed, “monster, for lack of a better word.”

“Shut up, Remus!” Sirius growled and turned to the girl again. “Does anyone else know?”

“If you’re asking if I’ve told anyone - of course not!” Lily glared at him indignantly. “But… How long…”

“About a decade, give or take,” Remus mumbled and Lily stared at him wordlessly, her eyes popped in disbelief.

“Lads, do you think she knows about the rest of us too?” Peter glanced around fearfully.

“Oi! She is here and capable of speaking for herself,” Lily snapped out of it. “And-- what do you mean, the rest of you? You’re not all...” She looked at each one of the boys.

“This one is not for me to talk about,” Remus said looking down at the book in his lap; he still seemed tense.

“Well,” James cleared his throat. “Sirius, Peter, and I are--”

“Really now?!” Sirius exclaimed. “We’re making this public knowledge?”

“Lily is not public,” James pouted.

“I think we should tell her,” Peter chimed in.

“You’re only saying that because she yelled at you,” Sirius frowned at him.

“I think we should tell her too!”

“That’s only because you’re in love with her, Prongs!”

“So?”

“Remus?”

“Sirius, this is really not for me to decide. If you’re asking for my opinion, I trust Lily completely.”

“Fine then!” Sirius sighed angrily before dropping his voice. “We’re animagi. There.”

“Excuse me, what?” Lily leaned back in shock as she stared back at him and then laughed when no one said anything. “I see, you are messing with me.”

“I personally wish we were,” Remus gave her a sad smile. “But alas.”

“Are you serious?” Lily slowly looked over at Peter and then at James.

“Yes,” Sirius answered impatiently.

Lily gasped and, without thinking, locked his forearm in a rough grasp. “I don’t believe it!”

“I know, I was surprised too,” Peter mumbled.

“But that is extremely advanced magic!” She gaped in awe; Sirius, in the meantime, gently unclasped her fingers from around his arm and moved her hand over to James’ wrist.

“I’ll say. It was a fucking drag, it took forever…” Sirius bobbed his head.

Lily knew that they were telling her the truth, but as she listened to them talk about how they managed to finally change into animals just the previous year and how they would go to the Shrieking Shack with Remus, she just couldn’t wrap her head around it.

“But… Surely, the staff know,” she mumbled as if answering her own unasked question, “but how come no one else knows?”

“The staff know about me,” Remus clarified.

“We’re unregistered,” James added.

“Unbelievable! But no one else knows about Remus?”

“Snape does, actually...”

“He does?!”

“I’m surprised he never told you, that greasy little git,” Sirius folded his arms over his chest.

“But how long has he known?”

“Since last year. Sometime around the beginning of second term, I guess.”

“Ah well, I haven’t been talking to him much lately… So your arm,” she looked over at Remus again. “Is that from...from this past full moon?”

“What’s wrong with your arm?” James’s voice was tinged with alarm while Sirius got up to his feet and leapt over to where Remus was sitting.

“I don’t have any Dittany on me!” Peter too sounded panicked.

James stood up as well and put his hands around his mouth to amplify his voice. “Does anyone have any essence of Dittany?”

“It’s just a scab that’s peeled off,” Sirius mumbled, holding Remus’ wrist in one hand and using the other to push his sleeve up.

James sat down again, both him and Peter looking relieved, while Sirius started murmuring incantations, cleaning the blood off Remus’ arm and shirt. Lily watched the scene wide-eyed, slightly dazed almost. She understood now why Sirius seemed to care so deeply and so gently for Remus. And not just him - Peter and James seemed to share that same unconditional love for their friend, that urge to make sure that he’s okay. She couldn’t keep a smile at bay at the sight.

“Well then,” Lily finally managed to collect herself somewhat. “We’ll have to work out some kind of a schedule so I can help you with notes and homework,” she looked at Remus.

“You don’t have to--”

“Don’t be stupid, N.E.W.T.s are just around the corner. You don’t want to fail anything, do you? Blimey, you’ve always been at the top of every class...”

“Well,” Remus sounded more at ease now, a small smile playing on his lips. “I’ve always had help.”

“So modest, this one,” Peter rolled his eyes with a chuckle.

“We have nothing to do with how good you are at everything. If anything, we have the opposite effect,” Sirius put his wand away and perched himself up on the armrest of Remus’ chair.

“Really now, Moons, don’t make me look like a huge nerd in front of Evans, will you?” James huffed dramatically.

“You know what,” Lily’s expression rearranged itself into a smirk as she sat back more comfortably. “I’m very much into nerds. Can’t get enough of them,” she added as the boys all started laughing at James.

* * *

“I just keep feeling that jolt every time I start dozing off…” Remus mumbled sleepily in the dark.

He had woken up with a start just seconds before and he must have made enough of a ruckus to tip Sirius off - he had asked if Remus was okay, temporarily startling him even more since he didn’t know anyone else was awake.

“We’ve got to get you some Sleeping Draught from Madam Pomfrey,” Sirius replied. “She’s offered it before.”

“I don’t need it, it’ll just make me even more drowsy the rest of the day.”

“You’ve not been sleeping though. Are you sure you’re okay?”

“You haven’t been sleeping.”

“Don’t deflect,” Sirius’ voice came out of the dark and Remus could hear a smile in it.

It warmed his heart immensely whenever Sirius said and did things that meant he cared. And the way that he cared was different - over the years, Remus had gotten really good at distinguishing between care and pity. Some of his relatives that knew about his lycanthropy always treated him as though he was fragile, as though he would shatter and explode any second. Even his own parents sometimes looked at him with eyes full of sorrow and regret that, as far as Remus was concerned, was no one else’s but his to feel. And ever since he’d had that terrifying conversation with Lily, he had been thinking back on their friendship, understanding finally why she was so nice, so kind to him.

But Sirius never once, in all the years, looked at him as if he felt sorry for him. On the contrary, when he found out about Remus’ condition, he said something along the lines of it being ‘wicked’ before he proceeded to tell him that he’d have to come up with a better excuse to push his friends away. And then he effortlessly fell into this routine of, well, caring for him. That moment, that confession, was nothing more to Sirius, it seemed, than an opportunity to prove his friendship, and he had done it every day since.

“I’m fine,” Remus drawled, “my head’s just been buzzing with too much stuff. Even Lily Evans is cracking under the pressure of sixth year, how can anyone else stand a chance?”

There was a long pause before Sirius spoke again. “How do you feel about her knowing about your furry little problem?”

“Oh, you know, the usual - just hoping she doesn’t start seeing me as a monster and slowly distance herself from me until we become less than acquaintances.”

“Moony, shut the fuck up. For what it’s worth, she took it a lot better than Peter,” Sirius whispered and they both sniggered, remembering their friend’s pale, horror-stricken face on a night a few years ago.

“She did, didn’t she? Almost too well.”

“Too well?”

“Yeah,” Remus pulled his shoulders into a shrug as he stared at the underside of his bed’s canopy through the thick darkness. “Who knows what she’s really thinking, you know?”

“I think I do know, actually. She’s probably thinking that you don’t deserve this but that there isn’t a soul in this entire castle that would cope with it better than you do, and she’s probably feeling pretty special to have earned your trust. She’s probably hoping that you don’t push her away, too.”

Remus lay there, unable to conjure any words to respond to what Sirius had said. His lips twitched, wanting to form syllables, to verbalise the mess that was his mind, but he couldn’t.

“You there, Moony?”

“Yeah…”

“I thought you fell asleep.”

“I wish.”

“Do you want some chamomile tea?”

“I’m good, thanks.”

“Are you hungry? Did you eat enough at dinner? Maybe that’s why you can’t sleep?”

“I’m not hungry, Pads.”

“Are you cold? Hot?”

“No…”

“Not enough pillows? Too many pillows?”

“Shut up,” Remus wheezed out through a chuckle.

“Alright, I’m coming over…”

“You’re what?” Remus asked, but no answer came; instead, he heard Sirius’ mattress creaking followed by some shuffling, and then a big, black dog leapt onto his bed. “What are you doing?”

Of course, Padfoot couldn’t answer and instead, he made himself comfortable at the foot of the bed, lying down across Remus’ legs.

“Unless you’re going to smother me to death in the middle of the night so I can sleep forever, I don’t see how this is supposed to help me?”

The black dog got up, turned around on the spot a few times, and lied down again, a little closer to the head of the bed this time.

“You don’t have to turn into a dog just to get out of talking to me, you know.”

At this, Padfoot lightly bit Remus’ hand, as if in place of a verbal protest.

Frankly, Remus couldn’t argue with the comfort that having another body there provided him with; Padfoot’s slow, steady breathing, the warmth of him, his presence was nothing short of soothing. Soon enough, he started dozing off again. He found himself just barely awake a couple times throughout the night, just enough to make out Padfoot's massive mound of a silhouette, before falling back asleep.

Finally, he had no idea how many hours later, he could almost physically feel himself being gently pulled out of his dreams, his waking mind finally registering James’ voice talking about Sirius. Remus fluttered his eyes open and a couple of seconds later, everything became focused and sharp as his surroundings came into view in the dimmed morning light. He realised then that he wasn’t alone in his bed - Sirius, in his beautiful human form, was sleeping next to him, only one of his feet covered by the blanket, his other leg and arm draped loosely across Remus’ own body.

“Remus, are you awake? Have you seen…” the curtain of his bed flew open to reveal James, whose face suddenly fell into a surprised expression before a smirk found its way onto his lips, “...Sirius.”

“Mornin’,” Sirius yawned and stretched next to Remus; evidently, James’ yelping had finally managed to wake him up.

“You lot finally figured it out then?”

“Figured out what?” Remus raised his eyebrows, all while excruciatingly aware of how close he was to Sirius.

“You know, your...thing. Well, I’ll be the first one to say I’m happy you did because I’ve been tired of listening--”

“James,” Sirius spoke with noticeable patience.

“What thing? Were we supposed to be fighting or something?” Remus looked at the two boys.

“Fighting…” James chuckled. “I mean, it’s obviously not just about me, but it was getting a bit--”

“James.”

“What? Is this a secret? I don’t need to tell anyone, but Peter should probably know…”

“What is he talking about?” Remus turned to Sirius, his face just inches away.

“I wish I could give you an answer, Moony.”

“What...what do you mean?” James finally stopped blabbering.

“James, Moony couldn’t sleep last night.”

“So you crawled into his bed?” James furrowed his eyebrows.

“Actually, technically, Padfoot the dog did.”

“Okay, alright, I see… Er, Sirius, could you come in here to help me with...something?” James turned on his heel swiftly and started walking across the dormitory.

“You want me to come help you with something...in the bathroom?” Sirius asked brightly as James held the door open, waiting for his friends.

“Yes.”

“Moony--” Sirius started but was interrupted.

“I want no part in this. He’s probably got something illegal in there,” Remus chuckled, sitting up in bed.

“No, I was just going to say, I slept really well. Thanks,” Sirius said as he got out of bed and then followed James into the bathroom.

Remus could hear the two boys talking quietly, almost whispering, behind the closed door, but he didn’t care much for it. Yes, his mind was still drifting over what James had said, wondering what he was talking about, but far more importantly than that, the thing that left Remus in a daze was the fact that Sirius had slept in his bed and then thanked him for it.

Unable to fight a smile away, he got out of bed and started getting ready for the day. Surely, it was going to be a lovely one.

#idk lads #wolfstar fanfiction #wolfstar #remus lupin #james potter #sirius black #peter pettigrew #marauders #hogwarts #fanfic

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downn-in-flames · 5 years ago

Text

and it was like slow motion

What do you do when the one who means the most to you is the one who didn't show?

{prequel the first to and all the pieces fall}

notes: this is just a short little one-shot prequel to a novel i've got in the works - it's an alternate universe in which voldemort doesn't exist and james + lily don't get together during their seventh year. the novel picks up about three years after they've graduated hogwarts, and this one-shot takes place in september 1978.if you can't tell by the title and summary alone, this fic is heavily based on the moment i knew by taylor swift, and the series as a whole pulls from the red, reputation, and lover albums. :P

read it on: hpft | ao3 | ffnet

She'd be lying if she said she didn't pick this dress out specifically for James.

He'd always liked her in yellow, always told her it made her look like sunshine. And she'd always flushed at the compliment, unsure if it was meant to be friendly or meant to be something more.

She's now almost positive that it was the latter.

The sweetheart neckline is also for his benefit; it shows off her cleavage just enough that she knows he won't be able to resist glancing at it every so often, and she'll obviously call him out on it, and he'll stammer out some sort of excuse, and she'll respond with something coy, and…

She's getting ahead of herself.

But she can't really help it - she hasn't seen the bloke since graduation, so it's natural that she'd be a little overeager about the thought of seeing him again.

She watches as her reflection runs her hands over the fabric, making sure every last inch of it is in place. Her red hair falls down her back in waves and her makeup is mostly natural - nothing like the sort of stuff she's gotten used to - but it's enough to make her look like she's positively glowing.

There's a knock on the door, effectively startling Lily from her trance of watching herself in the mirror.

She knows, objectively, that it's not James - James has never been great about getting anywhere on time, he was at least somewhat better while he was Head Boy, but that was only for official things. Anything else, and he was useless.

But even despite that logic, she feels hope rise in her chest anyways.

When she opens the door though, there's no tall, dark-haired boy behind it. Instead, there's Marlene and Dorcas.

"Hot damn," Marlene says, in lieu of a normal greeting. "You look like you're trying to stun someone."

Dorcas snorts at that. "Let me guess, he's about yea tall, plays professional Quidditch, perpetually has sex hair, name rhymes with Hotter?"

Lily flushes at the call-out.

Arguing with her would be entirely useless - Dorcas is completely aware of how much she'd come to fancy James in their last few months of Hogwarts.

"You're going to succeed, you know," Dorcas tells her. "Potter could barely keep his eyes off of you in Hogwarts robes, much less this. He'll be goddamn speechless."

"I'm honestly surprised this is the first time you're seeing him since graduation," Marlene adds. "Quidditch training can't be that time-consuming, can it? You two were practically attached at the hip by the last month of school."

Lily shrugs, trying her best to keep her face impassive. "I dunno, I guess it's just a big adjustment for him, getting used to the whole professional athlete life."

"Yeah, I suppose."

But the truth is… she doesn't fully get it either. She's written to him five or so times since graduation, asking about life and training and casually suggesting that maybe they grab dinner and catch up with each other, if he's got a free night any time soon? And yet, every time, her owl has returned empty-clawed. He's not responded to her once. She knows full well that he was always terrible at responding to his mum's letters at school - he got more than one half-hearted Howler about his lack of response - but… five times?

She supposes she can ask him about that when he gets here today. Or, at the very least, decide on a better form of communication where he'll actually remember to answer her.

Because despite all of the letters going unanswered, she knows he'll be here today. This is different from a short blurb of a letter - this is a party they'd all had planned since the first of September last year. A reunion party when the Hogwarts Express left King's Cross for the first time without any of them on it. They'd talked about it constantly all year.

She combs back through her memory of seventh year, through the many, many times he said he'd be here today - he wouldn't go back on that.

Her little flat is decorated perfectly for the occasion - red and gold balloons all over, just like their House colours, and lots of sweets available, just like the ones the trolley witch always comes around with. And the, of course, a fair bit of alcohol, which is decidedly not just like the Hogwarts Express, but seems to be a necessity at a post-graduation party.

Marlene and Dorcas sit on her couch, poking through the candy selection on the table in front of them, and Lily's just about to join them when there's another knock.

It's Remus this time, and he gives Lily a big hug as soon as she opens the door for him.

"It's so good to see you, Lil," he tells her.

She beams at him. "You too."

"I keep feeling like I've forgotten something," he laughs. "Shouldn't we be on a train right now?"

"Shit, I'm supposed to be running a prefect meeting right now."

"I'm sure they're all awfully lost right now, without either of their Heads," Remus replies.

"Oi, Lupin, stop talking about school and come pour yourself a drink!" Marlene yells from the other side of the flat, and Remus' attention is diverted.

"McKinnon, you haven't changed one bit."

"Well of course I haven't," she answers reasonably. "It's only been three months - how much can someone change in three months?"

"Hey Marley," Dorcas says to her, "remember that summer you left Hogwarts straight as an arrow and came back loudly announcing to everyone you knew that you were 'gay as hell'? Because I'd say that's a pretty big change for three months."

"I was never 'straight as an arrow'," Marlene retorts. "I was just heavily closeted - there's a difference."

Dorcas shrugs, then throws her arm around her girlfriend. "Fair enough."

"Evans!" Through her still-open front door she hears the all-too-familiar voice of Sirius Black yelling her name - she briefly entertains the hope that James will be walking up to her doorstep with him, but when she turns her head to see him, it's just the one.

"Black," she replies with a grin - even though she's disappointed that James isn't here yet, she's undeniably excited to see Sirius as well.

He spins her around in a tight hug as soon as he crosses the threshold into her flat - honestly, she can't believe a full three months have passed since she's seen him. He gives damn good hugs.

"I've got to say," he says, appraising her after he sets her back down, "you pull off Muggle clothes infinitely better than wizarding ones."

She's got a whole closet worth of elaborate and increasingly risqué wizarding dress robes that would likely beg to differ, but Sirius can't know about those (because he'd surely ask how she's managed to get her hands on all of those, and that's a question she absolutely cannot answer for him), so she just laughs and agrees with him.

"I never did much enjoy Hogwarts robes."

"Neither did I, Evans," he replies with a grin. "Neither did I."

Then he turns his attention to Remus, who's still standing on Lily's other side. "Moony, long time no see," he says, and there's a slightly devious look in his eyes that makes Remus flush.

Lily makes a mental note to figure out what that's all about eventually.

Mary arrives a few minutes later, then Peter after that. Everyone pours themselves drinks and makes themselves comfortable all across Lily's living room, stealing chairs from her kitchen or sitting on the floor as they all trade stories and memories.

"Remember our first train ride to Hogwarts, Evans?" Sirius asks her. "Remember what little shits James and I were?"

Lily thinks back to that day, back to that exchange in the train compartment where she'd so passionately defended Snape to an exceptionally obnoxious James and Sirius. It's a strange memory to think back on, purely because of how tainted it's become. The boy she'd protected turned out to be a closeted blood purist who called her a nasty slur and condoned attacks on her friends, and the boys she'd been yelling at grew up to be the good ones, and the ones she's actually friends with now.

"We were all little shits," she clarifies.

"Speaking of Prongs," Peter chimes in, "where is he?"

Lily's almost glad someone else brought up James' absence - she's had her eyes on the door almost constantly for the past fifteen minutes or so, just waiting for him to walk in. She hopes no one has noticed that, but knowing her friends, at least one of them has.

Sirius shrugs. "No fucking clue. He's usually late, but he's not usually this late. Not to mention that it's, well… "

"It's Lily's party, and James's ability to be on time only exists specifically for her?" Marlene finishes, none-too-subtly.

"Yes, exactly that."

Lily tries to act more nonchalant than she feels. She's not going to acknowledge the sinking feeling that's started in her gut, not going to give it any power over her while she's supposed to be enjoying time with her friends. He's just running later than usual, that's all.

"It's fine," she tells them. "He'll get here when he gets here."

She's greeted with more than one slightly suspicious look, like they don't believe she's as casual about his tardiness as she seems, and she immediately feels the need to turn the attention away from herself. They're all acting like she's made of glass or something, and she doesn't like that one bit.

"How has James been lately?" Mary asks. "I haven't heard from him once since graduation."

She's looking at Lily as she poses the question, like she's expecting Lily to have seen him more recently. Lily doesn't want to admit that she hasn't heard anything from him either, if only because acknowledging that means coming to terms with the fact that maybe she's no different from Mary in his eyes.

But maybe no one's heard from him. Maybe he's just stopped talking to Sirius and Remus and Peter as well and it's just an everyone thing as he adjusts to his new training schedule.

"He's doing pretty good," Peter answers, not picking up on the fact that Mary's question was aimed at Lily and not him. "He spends most of his time training or with his teammates though - I've only seen him like four times all summer."

Four times. Peter - and presumably Remus and Sirius too - have seen James four times since graduation. She hasn't seen him once - hell, she hasn't even gotten a single letter. And clearly, yeah, he is busy, but he's not too busy to see his other friends.

She'd really thought, after graduation and that last night before they left Hogwarts, that they were in a good place. That his feelings for her were the same as hers for him - he'd certainly made it seem that way, at the very least. After all of that, why would he decide to stop talking to her - and just her?

"He's too good for us now," Sirius says, and the smirk on his face says that he's being sarcastic, but his words hit Lily with full force.

She hadn't really let herself consider that option before, the idea that James would somehow move on - move past - his school friends, ditching them entirely for a new life. He'd never made any sort of indication that he was planning on doing that at school, had never said anything that would make her believe he thought himself above the rest of them after signing his Quidditch contract.

She doesn't want to believe he'd be that person.

But time is ticking, and he's still not here.

***

The hours pass by, and Lily's trying her best to enjoy herself, sipping at a butterbeer and laughing along with everyone, but really, she just wants to be alone.

She looks around the room - everyone's talking and laughing, but it's still obvious that there's one thing missing. That there's one person missing.

And in that moment, the truth finally sinks in.

Despite his promises and the fact that all of his other friends are here today, James isn't coming today. Something has changed between the two of them, a total about-face from their last interactions, and he's decided to cut her out as a result.

Sirius's earlier sarcasm was a thin mask of the truth - James is probably too caught up in his new glamorous professional Quidditch lifestyle to give a damn about some girl from his Hogwarts days anymore.

And as usual, she's put her faith in someone who's decided that the best option is to crush it under their heel.

She feels a tightness growing in her chest, and suddenly, the desire to be alone becomes a need. "I'm going to the loo," she says abruptly, interrupting whatever conversation that she was only halfway paying attention to her, setting her bottle down on the table in front of her and leaving the room as fast as she can without acting suspicious.

She goes down the hallway and closes the door behind her.

There, in the bathroom, she tries not to fall apart, fingers gripping at the edge of the bathroom sink tightly. She stares at them, watching her knuckles go white.

"He said he'd be here," she says hopelessly, to no one but herself, her voice barely above a whisper.

She knows it's stupid, because he said he'd be here months ago, and things change, and he's incredibly busy with Pride of Portree. But he'd told her, with her hands in his and a look of utmost sincerity in his eyes, that he wouldn't miss this party for the world.

And like a fool, she'd believed him.

She looks back up at the mirror, at the single tear running down her cheek, and her jaw sets. She should've known better than to let herself care this deeply about someone again. She shouldn't have given James this power over her, the power to cut her this deeply over something as little as blowing off a party.

Fuck. She swore, after Snape, that she wasn't going to give anyone else the potential to break her like that. She wasn't going to let herself fall for anyone's stupid tricks or lies anymore.

And… maybe that's the problem. Nothing about James has ever felt like a trick, or a lie, or like he's ever anything but what he appears to be. That's one of the things she likes best about him, the fact that he's unapologetically himself and doesn't waver from that.

The idea that he's changed so much in three short months - from the boy who'd become one of her best friends and trusted her with all his biggest secrets, to someone who wants nothing to do with her - feels like such a sudden and unexpected shift. Especially when, as Marlene had pointed out just a few hours ago, it's not like the rest of them have changed much since school ended.

But it seems that's exactly what happened - she really can't think of any other plausible explanation for all of this. And really, she should've realised it a while ago.

She curses herself, again, because why the fuck did she not see this coming? Why did it take three months, multiple unresponded letters, and a no-show at a party for her to realise James doesn't really care about her the way she'd let herself believe he did? Why did she let herself get blinded by affection and feelings and rose-coloured glasses, only to get herself hurt again?

Petunia, Severus, James. She's been through this shit three times now.

And this time, she's done with it - she's had enough. She's done letting people in, letting them have such a profound piece of her heart, because clearly even the people she thinks are somehow different and better turn out to be exactly the same as everyone before.

She wipes the tears from her cheeks, determined not to let herself continue to cry over someone who doesn't deserve it.

There's a soft knock at the door and Remus' voice comes through from the other side. "Lily?"

"Yes?" She wills her voice not to crack - and it doesn't. If nothing else, her Order work so far has really done wonders for her acting abilities.

"We just - I just wanted to make sure you were okay."

Of course. Despite her best acting, James's close friends have always had a bit of a sense on when something's really wrong - her abrupt departure from the party seems to be no exception. She's willing to bet more than one of them followed her down the hall.

She gets confirmation of that when she opens the door and is face-to-face with both Remus and Sirius. "I'm brilliant," she tells them, hoping like hell that it's not too obvious that she was crying just a few minutes ago.

"Evans, I've got no clue why he didn't show today," Sirius says. "I mean, we've definitely talked about it recently, so it's not like he just forgot about it."

Lily doesn't miss the subtle elbow from Remus at that, a small jab of you're not helping.

"It's fine," she lies. Even though it's not.

But what else is she supposed to say? That the one person whose presence meant the most to her is the one who didn't show up, and that it's finally shown her just how much he doesn't care about her anymore?

"No, it's not," Sirius argues back. "It's real shitty of him to just not show up to something we've all been planning for a year with no explanation to you whatsoever."

And secretly, she agrees with him. But she also refuses to let him know that she cares that much.

"It really is," she tells them, brushing her hair over her shoulder. "He's got his Quidditch career to pay attention to now, and like you said, he's too good for us - too good for me - now. That's fine, I really don't care."

She'll keep saying that out loud until she starts to mean it.

If not letting herself care about anyone is the way she stops getting betrayed, than so be it. She'll be a heartless ice queen if that's what it takes.

Both Remus and Sirius just look at her, slightly aghast, and Lily thinks to herself that, at the very least, a shocked look is better than a pitying one.

"Lily - " Remus starts.

"Let's get back to the party, yeah?" she says, and the nonchalance in her voice feels less faked this time. "I want to watch Peter get his eyebrows get burned off in Exploding Snap for the thousandth time."

***

The next morning, after everyone's left (because of course everyone else ended up getting too plastered to Apparate home and ended up crashing on the floor of her tiny one-bedroom flat), she goes about the process of cleaning up the apartment from the mess they'd made the night before. She's long since abandoned the yellow party dress in favour of an oversized T-shirt and pajama shorts, and she waves her wand and watches as the empty bottles and cups pile themselves in the bin, the balloons deflate and follow suit, and all her cushions right themselves again.

Then she sets down her wand, because she wants to do this next part by hand.

When she'd moved into this flat, she'd covered the walls of her living room with pictures of her Hogwarts years. The room is filled with images of her laughing and smiling with friends - and somehow, James is a nearly constant fixture in all of them.

And so, one by one, she removes every single one of them from her walls. Every single photograph with his stupid face gets put into a pile of memories she no longer wants to be confronted with every day.

But as much as she just wants to get rid of them permanently, she can't quite convince herself to part with them just yet. So she summons a small black storage box from her closet, piling them all inside and closing the lid neatly on top. Locked up in a box, just like she's locking them all away in her mind.

She carries the box into her bedroom, shoving it as far under her bed as she can manage. It can stay there and collect dust for… Merlin knows how long. And maybe one day, when she truly and completely stops giving a fuck about James Potter, she'll find it and laugh and shove it into the bin for real this time.

The rest of her Sunday is spent deep-cleaning the rest of her flat, writing an update to Dumbledore, and perusing the Sunday edition of the Prophet for anything interesting. The sun is low in the sky when an owl comes knocking at her window, bearing a tiny, rolled-up scroll.

She opens the window for just long enough to take the letter from the owl, before sending it on its way. She unfurls the note, revealing one messily-written line in black ink.

I'm sorry I didn't make it yesterday. -J

She looks at the letter - if it can even be called that, it's barely even a sentence - and answers it aloud with words she'll never send.

"Yeah, I'm sorry, too."

#hp fanfiction #jily fanfiction #jily #james potter x lily evans #angst #jily angst #jily fic #harry potter fanfic #and when you get me alone it's so simple #that's the series tag for all these things related to this one novel and all the one-shots that have spiralled out of it #because i have no self-control and this universe has run away from me

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belgian-quaffle · 6 years ago

Text

the week of unknown pranks

Monday, 8:52 am

"Why do you look so happy?" Dorcas Meadows, secretory extraordinaire, snaps her gum as James Potter approaches, stopping to hang his coat at the rack near her desk.

James puts on his most innocent grin. "I have no idea what you're talking about,"

Dorcas, or Dee, as the friendly secretary often went by, catches on immediately, used to the antics of the office at this point. "Did you prank Snivellus today?"

"Dee!" Sirius Black, James' best friend and partner in crime, steps up behind him, and sends his typical flirtatious grin toward the girl in front of him. As usual, she doesn't react. "How dare you accuse us of such a thing?"

The side of James mouth curls up in a mischievous grin. "You know that the answer is yes,"

Dorcas peers up over the edge of her tall desk toward the cluster of desks shared by James, Sirius, and Severus Snape-nicknamed Snivellus by the two and rarely called otherwise-and widens her eyes interestedly. "Oh, good work, boys! He's not in yet; you have some time to settle your alibis,"

Sirius frowns. "What are you talking about? We haven't done ours yet!"

"Look at his keyboard!" Dorcas throws her hand over in that general direction. "And you'll tell me you didn't do that,"

James and Sirius follow her hand to see the short, yellow, tentacle-like projections that are the tell-tale signs of freshly sprouted Flitterbloom growing out of Snivellus' keyboard.

"We didn't do that," James says, looking around, his eyes wide.

"Yeah, ok," Dorcas grins knowingly.

"That wasn't us!" Sirius protests.

She looks between the two of them, just as confused and amazed as the Pranksters. "Then who was it?"

James frowns, his search around them yielding nothing. "I don't know Dee, but I'm going to find out,"

Confessional: James Potter and Sirius Black

"Just go? Alright, name's James Potter. I've worked here at Dumbledore-Flamel Parchment for...Merlin, five years now," He stares straight ahead and finishes with a dead pan. "and every day is a gift,"

"Excuse you," Sirius turns in his seat next to James and glares. "Every moment you spend with me is a gift,"

James looks directly ahead again. "Do you see what I mean?"

Monday, 9:24 am

James is at the water cooler when the shout comes. "POTTER!"

He pulls himself away from trying to decide if the redhead on the other side of the room got a haircut in favor of smiling brightly at the dark-haired man in front of him. "Snivelllus! Good morning! Have a good weekend?"

Sirius snickers at his desk, lounging back casually in his chair. "Get a good lie in?" From both his tone and the smirk on his face, he had gotten a good lie in this weekend, to use the term they'd coined way back when, whenever one of them got lucky. Usually, it got a rise out of Snivellus from the tone alone, unsure why they were always asking him about sleeping late with such grins on their faces.

Today though, there was nowhere to rise. Snivellus' face was already red and blotchy and he glared at James ferociously. "POTTER!" He repeated. "What did you do?"

"Not too much so far," James shrugs, walking back over to their desk cluster. "Server's running slow today so by the time I logged on, I've really only had time to check my e-mail. Benjy's sent another chain."

"Did he?" Sirius leans forward excitedly, clicking around with his mouse to look for the email. "How are we dying this week?"

"A child named Clarissa escaped from Azkaban and is going to track us all to our rooms at night," James grins.

"POTTER!" Snivellus roars again. "What did you do to my computer?"

"Oh!" James shrugs as he sits down, reaching out for his tea. "Dunno, Snivellus, wasn't us," He blows casually on his mug.

"Right," Snivellus returns snidely. "And our next product will be edible parchment,"

"That's the best idea you've ever had, Snivelly," Sirius beams. "Imagine, cotton candy parchment!"

James' eyes light up. "Notes you send in class that you could actually eat when you got caught!"

"POTTER!"

"Ugh," Sirius shakes his head. "Must you be so loud, Snivellus? This is an office,"

"People are working," James adds.

Snivellus' next response is cut off by the arrival of their boss, Albus Dumbledore, the eccentric head of the company, Dumbledore-Flamel Parchment Company. He looks at the three of them with mild interest, addressing his employee's rage with the same mild-mannered tone he would use to ask about his weekend. "Severus. What seems to be the problem?"

Dumbledore's presence alone tempers Snivellus' glare as he answers. "Potter messed with my computer again,"

James bites his lip hesitantly as Dumbledore appraises the situation in front of him, but it seems there's nothing to worry about. "It seems to me that Mr. Potter has merely created you a lovely garden for the workplace, but if it bothers you so, Severus, then," He waves his wand to vanish the blooming plant...only for more buds to appear. Snivellus makes a noise of annoyance, but Dumbledore gets a twinkle in his eyes. "Well it seems you'll have a garden anyway, Severus," He conjures up a new keyboard, placing it alongside the blooming one on the desk. "Perhaps the three of you can work out a watering schedule,"

"Can't," Sirius holds both thumbs up. "Black thumbs," He grins and then he and James burst into laughter.

Confessional: Severus Snape

"Potter can say whatever he wants," Severus narrows his eyes. "But some of us are more focused on doing our actual sales work so that we don't have time for such childish nonsense to make sure our egos get their fill. I think you'll find the numbers speak for themselves." He leans back in the chair with a satisfied smirk on his face.

Monday 12:57 pm

"Ok, but did you have to antagonize him so much," Remus Lupin sighs, pulling out one of the breakroom chairs to sit.

"Moony!" Sirius gasps. "How dare you ask such a question. Antagonize is my middle name!"

"Just ask his mother," James snickers.

"You didn't even do it! All I'm saying was, you could have left this one alone a little,"

"It's like he doesn't even know us!" Sirius says dramatically.

"And we call him a brother," James agrees.

Remus bites back another sigh. As the Human Resources Representative, he often felt conflicted, torn between his two best friends and the consequences of the pranks they pulled. "Well, what happened to your prank?"

"Oh, we scrapped that," Sirius waves off his comment.

"You should see the look on Snivellus' face every time he looks up and sees the Flitterblooms," James beams.

"Remember, if he kills you, I have to do the paperwork, so at least try and be nice to him today," Remus knows a lost cause when he sees one.

"Well it's not like you'll have anything else to do if we croak," Sirius says bluntly.

"The extra paperwork can keep you busy!" James teases.

"It's time to find new friends," Remus rubs his temples.

"I've been telling you that for years," The arrival of the blonde and red head has all three looking up from their lunches. Marlene McKinnon, the blonde, was the sassy Director of Customer Service for Dumbledore-Flamel, and was a longtime friend of the boys, particularly James, with whom she'd grown up because of their parents being friends. The red head, Lily Evans, was a more recent addition to the company, though Marlene had quickly taken her under her wing.

"Oi!" James protests, sliding his chair over to make room for the girls. "Offense!"

"Tough," Marlene shrugs, slipping into the seat next to him. "So, how'd you do it?"

"We didn't," Sirius says flatly.

She gives him a look. "Uh huh, okay, and I didn't order an Elphias Doge bag online this morning when I should have been going through the customer complaints,"

"Marlene!" Lily gasps.

"What am I supposed to do this afternoon, Lily?"

"Marley, it wasn't us!" James protests.

Marlene's blue eyes narrow as she stares him down. "Well who the fuck else is pranking Snivelly?"

"Our new hero," Sirius returns solemnly.

Confessional: Marlene McKinnon and Lily Evans

"Lily started here, I'd say 4 months ago?" Marlene looks over at her friend for confirmation. "And let me tell you, it's been great finally having another woman at the office,"

"Marlene!" Lily shakes her head. "There are three other women in the office besides us!"

"Women that I like," Marlene clarifies.

"So honored," Lily says. "The one woman she likes,"

"Only person, on some days,"

"You're the head of customer service!" Lily cries.

"What's your point, Lily?"

"It's in your job to like people!"

Marlene shakes her head and scrunches up her nose. "Silly Lily,"

Tuesday, 9:03 am

"Unbelievable," Sirius gasps, staring in front of them at Snivellus' desk, which along with his chair and everything he owned, was wrapped in Christmas paper. "Are you doing this without me?" He pouts.

"We live together!" James says incredulously.

"Well I don't know what you get up to at night," Sirius sniffs haughtily. "It's six to eight whole hours apart."

"Whatever do you do with yourself," James says dryly, approaching the desk with care to examine the work in front of them. "You think Moony is pranking without us?" He adds, feeling hurt even as the words leave his mouth.

"He would never!" Sirius says adamantly. "Mostly because his conscious wouldn't let him. But also, this wrap job is too perfect to be his,"

Which, fair point.

"Foiled again," James mutters.

Snivellus is enraged when he enters to find his entire workspace wrapped in Christmas paper, and more so when many of his office supplies are inside boxes upon boxes that take him ages to open. It's mid-morning before he has the whole thing unwrapped and he glowers at James and Sirius the entire time.

James' admiration for the mysterious prankster grows.

Confessional: James Potter and Sirius Black

"So, we've come up with a list," Sirius says, rather seriously.

"Except we've already eliminated everyone from it," James holds up a piece of parchment (from DF's new, brightly colored line) with a bunch of names, all scratched through with dark lines.

Sirius' eyes narrow. "All our suspects either didn't have the means to do it or they're just not bright enough,"

"No offense, Pete," James adds. "We know you try, but..."

They shrug simultaneously, matching expressions showing off just how sorry they truly weren't.

Tuesday, 2:37 pm

"...and if we are all VIGILANT with our orders," Alastor "Mad-Eye" Moody barks during the office's weekly roundup, eyes wild as he looks around the room at them all. "Then we won't have any of the shit that happened last week with the Hogwarts school order!" He pauses, just long enough for everyone to settle in their seats, so they all jump when he shouts, "CONSTANT VIGLIANCE!"

"Thank you, Mad-Eye," Albus fights back an amused smile.

"Has he finally lost it?" Sirius mutters to James.

"He lost it a long time ago," James whispers back.

"Next, we'll hear from our office manager with an update from around the office," Albus smiles pleasantly. "Miss Evans?"

"Remind me?" Peter Pettigrew, from accounting, leans over. "Exactly what's an office manager?"

"She manages the office, you blithering idiot," Snivellus snaps, overhearing the question and adding his two cents.

James and Sirius exchange a look. They'd yet to figure out what had Snivellus so sensitive regarding anything about their newest co-worker, but for some reason, the slightest bit about her set him off. "Well, that was less than helpful, Snivellus," Sirius returns.

"I'll be placing a supply order sometime early next week," Lily announces. "So, if there's anything you'd like, let me know!"

"Hey, Evans!" James pokes his hand up; she looks over. "I need a new chair. The wheels on mine have been broken since we had Chair Races last week,"

"You have a wand, Potter," Lily tilts her head at him, confused. "Just-fix it,"

"Well, er, I tried that," James nods confidently. "Except, I actually burnt one of them off? While using my wand to propel the chair. So, um, I tried to fix it, and the new wheel just isn't the same,"

"Serves you right," Snivellus says haughtily.

"Eh shut it Snivelly," Edgar Bones, of accounting and Second Place fame in the Semi-Annual Chair Races, waves him off. "You're just pissed you came in last!"

"It's a stupid competition and waste of time!" Snivellus sniffs.

"Spoken like a true sore loser!" Sirius grins.

"Spoken like a-" Snivellus begins.

James cuts him off. "So, where have we fallen on this new chair thing?"

"Uhh," Lily hesitates.

"Chair granted," Albus nods. "So long as you invite me to your next Chair Races,"

James and Sirius exchange an interested look with Edgar and Remus. "Deal," James grins.

Confessional: Remus Lupin

"I was supposed to give a talk this week about wasting time in the workplace," Remus taps his fingers together. "...but I don't think that's going to be happening,"

Wednesday 9:18 am

"What did you do to my mouse?" James looks up hopefully, catching Sirius' eye as Snivellus' clicks his mouse a few times, frowning only harder as nothing happens. "Potter!"

A grin spreads over Sirius' face and James feels a matching one grow on his own. They weren't any closer to figuring out who they Mystery Prankster was, but the two of them had dragged Remus into a long conversation about it at the pub last night that culminated in a discussion about how they were looking forward to coming in today to see what awaited them in the morning...only to come into the office with seemingly no pranks in sight.

"Having some trouble there, Snivelly?" Sirius asks calmly.

"As you well know," Snivellus snaps in return.

"We maintain our innocence in this and all pranks this week," James says, watching as Snivellus' clicks become more forceful.

"Right, like I'm supposed to believe-" Click! Sparks are flying across the room.

James' jaw drops as the vase on Dorcas' desk fills with flowers. Another forceful click and the water cooler is filled with a dark red wine. Click! Click! Click!

"A baby lion!" Sirius gasps, as the cub appears between his and James' desk.

"POTTER!" Snivellus roars through James' raucous laughter.

James wipes a tear away from his eye. "This is my favorite day,"

Confessional: James Potter and Sirius Black

"Would Remus be mad if made this guy our new furry little problem?" Sirius cuddles the lion cub close to his face.

"How could he be mad at a face like that?" James coos, scratching at behind the cub's ear.

Wednesday 3:16pm

"This one's nice," James ignores the scoff from Snivellus across from him in favor of Sirius' grin. "Sending it now,"

Sirius gasps. "Look at the lake!"

"Shouldn't you be working?" Snivellus sneers.

"How's that mouse going, Snivelly?" James returns pleasantly. He gets a scowl in return.

"10 bedroom!" Sirius muses.

"Far from work," James acquiesces. "But we could hook the Floo up so we didn't have to Apparate everywhere,"

"What are you looking at?" Marlene's head suddenly appears on his shoulder, her arms looping around his neck. She's not alone; when James turns his head to look at her, he's able to see Lily just behind her, giving him the same strange look.

"Our new house out in the country,"

"You two own a house?" Lily frowns.

"Why are you looking at houses?" Marlene corrects, asking the more important question.

"So Godric can have to space to run!" Sirius responds, like the answer should be obvious.

The girls exchange a look. "Who is Godric?"

"Our new pet lion!" James slides back in his chair, so the girls can see the cub sleeping under his desk. "Snivellus gifted him to us this morning!"

"Potter!" Snivellus snaps.

"Our apologies," Sirius nods solemnly before making the correction. "Snivellus' prankster gifted us him this morning, when they fixed his mouse to fire spells whenever he clicks."

Lily laughs. "And you're keeping him?"

"Look how cute he is!" James cries. "Of course, we are!"

"At least until Remus finds out and makes them get rid of it," Marlene snickers.

"Don't you say such hurtful words in front of Drizzy!" Sirius gasps.

"What?" Marlene laughs.

"Drizzy! We've called him Godric and nicknamed him Drizzy for short!" Sirius leans over to peer under James' desk. "Isn't that right?" He coos.

Marlene bites her lip, looking between the two of them. "Lily, help me out here; will it be better to tell Remus now or wait it out and see how he reacts when he finds out about the lion?"

"The second, for sure,"

Marlene nods. "Ok, good,"

Confessional: Marlene McKinnon

"Sirius Black comes in with a freshly repaired finger and scratches all down his arm within a month" Marlene points for emphasis. "Or I buy drinks for the entire office,"

Thursday, 10:12 am

"What? No-" Snivellus shakes his head. "Mr. Jone-of course, I wouldn't, it was-" He stares at the phone in shock, the dial tone ringing loudly enough for James to hear it across from him. "POTTER!" He barks.

"Yes?" James leans forward, resting his chin in his hands.

Snivellus' eyes narrow. "You know what you did."

James grins. Actually, he doesn't. Mystery Prankster strikes again. "Remind me?"

"You changed Mr. Jones' shipping information to Ben Dover!"

James and Sirius burst into loud laughter. What a classic. James almost regrets that it wasn't him that changed it. "That's a hefty accusation there,"

"No one else has such a juvenile sense of humor to do such a thing," Snivellus sneers rudely.

"Well that's just ignorant of you," Sirius says. "This is right in Peter's lane!" He nods toward accounting.

The phone rings again...and again...and again. James and Sirius spend their day fighting back laughter as the fake names his customers complain about get better and better-Cherry Popper, Jack Meoff, Dixon Cider.

By the time lunch arrives and Snivellus stalks off angrily, they're unable to hold it in anymore, bending over laughing and burying their faces to hide the tears in their eyes.

Which is exactly how Fabian and Gideon Prewitt, the Warehouse Foremen, find them, when they step into the office.

"Oi!" Fabian nudges James to catch his attention. "Has something else happened?"

"What else happened?" James asks interestedly.

"I asked you first!"

"Someone changed all of the names for Snivelly's customer's orders," James explains

"Yeah, you guys," Gideon nods.

"No, you guys," Sirius frowns, sharing the same confused glance as James. The Prewitt twins were the top remaining suspects left on their list for who the Mystery Prankster could be...except it wasn't them?

"No, you guys," Fabian argues.

"Well, apparently it's none of us!" James cries exasperated and throwing his hands up in the air.

"Man," Gideon sinks against James' desk. "We really thought it was you,"

"We'll tell you what; he's got some good names coming in if they haven't all called yet," Fabian adds.

"I'm slightly bitter we didn't think of this," Sirius says dramatically.

"It's so simple, yet so ingenious," James admires.

Confessional: James Potter and Sirius Black

Frowning, James stares straight ahead, lifting the parchment up. His eyes narrow as he dips the quill in ink and slowly, he scratches through the last two names on the list.

"And we're back to nothing," Sirius frowns.

"Absolutely zilch," James bites.

Friday, 8:58 am

"Just. Wait." Dorcas can't even contain her glee as she doesn't bother with hello when James and Sirius enter.

"What's happened?" Sirius demands.

"It's-" She shakes her head, curls whipping back and forth. "No, you've got to see it for yourselves,"

James and Sirius exchange a look and a grin, then run over to their desks excitedly.

"This is incredible!" Sirius exclaims.

James has to agree.

Plastered all over every surface of Snivellus' desk are pictures of James' and Sirius' faces. They move from picture to picture, laughing with each other and pointing up, only to laugh even harder.

It's going to drive Snivellus crazy until he gets it off.

It also does absolutely nothing to prove James and Sirius' innocence.

James is sure that neither of them cares.

Snivellus arrives only a few minutes later, with the expected reaction. "POTTER!"

"Enjoying your re-decorating?" James asks, not looking up from the e-mail he's typing.

"They won't come off!"

This is news. "Won't they?" James asks mildly, looking up with interest.

"What did you use?"

"Wasn't-" Sirius begins.

"Don't try and tell me it wasn't you," Snivellus brushes him off. "It's your faces all over,"

Sirius shrugs. "Wasn't us,"

If looks could kill, James would have been down a best friend. With that last scathing glare, Snivellus returns to trying to remove the pictures and James and Sirius exchange another grin, before returning to work.

Friday, 5:23 pm

"It took him at least an hour before he realized it was a Permanent Sticking Charm!" James laughs, taking a sip of his beer. Post-work happy hour is the best hour, especially on days like today, when most of the office is able to come out. "He refused to work at his desk for the rest of the day!"

Marlene snickers. "Talk about dramatic,"

"Right?" Sirius cries. "He has to stare at our faces all day anyway!"

"That'd make anyone miserable," Marlene quips instantly.

"Oi! Watch yourself, McKinnon,"

She grins. "You were able to all day, Black,"

"Just wish we knew who was doing this all week," James cuts in, stopping the two of them before they really got going (which he knows from experience is the right thing to do).

"No one believes it wasn't you two," Edgar says.

"It wasn't!" Sirius protests.

"Mmhmm," Edgar nods, grabbing his drink to go back to their table on the other side of the pub, followed by Marlene, who'd been eager to meet up with Dorcas since their arrival, leaving the boys with Lily.

"Lily, I swear, it wasn't us!" James argues his innocence, holding both his hands up in proof.

Lily gives him a look. "Well of course it wasn't you,"

A moment of silence settles over James, Sirius, and Remus. "It was you!" James gasps.

Lily merely lifts her beer to her mouth and sips before turning back toward Marlene, with only a flip of her hair.

"Well shit," Sirius blinks.

"I'm in love with her," James announces.

Remus sighs. "Yeah, that sounds about right,"

#marauders the office au #fic things #marauders #marauders era #harry potter #harry potter fanfiction

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professor-riddikulus · 8 years ago

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On a Clear Night - Chapter 8

Hello friends, this is Chapter 8 of my ongoing Wolfstar fic “On a Clear Night”, if you’re not familiar, you might want to start from the very beginning (it’s a very good place to start), because by this point shit is starting to get damn real.

Summary: What if Snape had never found his way to the Shrieking Shack in Harry's third year? What if Peter hadn't escaped? Peter is going to trial, Harry is moving in with his fantastic, ex-con of a godfather, and Remus and Sirius need to find a way to build a bridge over twelve years of misunderstanding and misplaced hatred. Rated M - Romance/Angst - Remus/Sirius Words: 28,770

Did I mention you should start from the beginning? I did? Okay, on to the fic!

On Boxing Day they all (mercifully) slept in. Remus was just heading downstairs at half past ten to have his morning toast and tea when he quite literally ran into a shirtless Sirius.

"Woah there Moony. Careful." Sirius was smiling.

"Hey, erm good morning Sirius." Remus willed himself not to stare at Sirius' chest, covered in tattoos,which though thinner, had lost none of its appeal since Remus had last seen it. You can't g around saying you want to just be mates for a while if you keep giving him sentimental gifts and staring at his incredibly appealing chest.

"Heading down to the kitchen?"

"I thought I might have a bite."

"Hold on, don't go anywhere, I have something for you. Fuck wait here." Sirius left Remus standing on the landing and threw himself back up the stairs to his room. After a few moments he returned with a frame in his hand. He shuffled it back and forth from his left hand to his right a few times before handing it to Remus.

"I wanted to give this to you yesterday, but I didn't know how you'd take it, so I erm...fuck...I just have a copy and I thought...well it means a to to me so I thought you might want one too."

Remus was only half-listening to this waterfall of anxious words because he had turned over the frame and seen the picture inside. His own, sleepy, eighteen-year-old face looked back at him. It was the photo they took the day they moved into their new flat, the one Sirius had insisted on snapping as they were drifting off to sleep on that horrible couch they had. Sirius was bright-eyed and grinning, showing off his canines and messy hair. He was shirtless, as he was in front of Remus now, his tattoos swimming across his chest. Sirius looked in the photo as if someone had just handed him the whole world on a plate, greedy and excited and warm. God he looks so young. We both do. Neither of them had the deep worry lines carved into their face, or in Remus' case the streaks of grey hair along his temples. The younger Remus looked sleepy, utterly satisfied, comfortable, safe, with the smallest hint of disbelief as if he didn't know how he was allowed to have this kind of happiness. He would have given anything in that moment to have that happiness recapture the electricity and ease in equal measure that passed between them in the photo.

Remus looked up and realized that there were tears in his eyes. Sirius was watching him, slightly wary.

"Hey Remus, look shit I'm sorry I didn't know it would make you sad -"

But Remus took one quick step, closed the distance between them and kissed Sirius. There was nothing, Remus decided, like kissing Sirius Black. It was like swimming in a warm rip current that pulled you in and out to sea, a force of nature. It only took a second for the shock to fade from Sirius' body and for him to wrap a strong hand around Remus' waist, pulling Remus against him. Remus' whole body seemed to have grown extra nerves, he was acutely aware of every point of contact between them, each meeting burning itself into his mind until he was totally overloaded and could do nothing but lean on Sirius for support. Sirius deepened the kiss, trailing his teeth across Remus'' bottom lip and Remus give a little "oh" of surprise. Sirius made a noise somewhere between a moan and a growl that sent a shock down Remus' spine and made him acutely aware of how hard he was already. He threaded a hand through Sirius' hair and tugged it just a little bit the way Sirius used to like, pressing further against him. The rest of the world disappeared until there was only the taste of Sirius, the feel of him, the feeling of home. Touching him after thousands of days imagining touching him - it was better than he could have ever imagined. It was like breathing again, like kissing Sirius had jump started his heart from hibernation, he could feel it beating in his throat.

Remus could have stayed like that forever, could have never let go of this man, his anchor. But there was a rustling on the landing behind Sirius and Remus realized that they were making out on the landing right between his bedroom and Harry's. He pulled away from a reluctant Sirius almost at the exact same time as Harry opened his bedroom door to see his two godfathers pink in the face and a bit breathless. Remus was still holding the photo Sirius had given him in his hand and he put it behind his back under the scrutiny of the surprised teenager.

Harry smirked at them, Sirius was looking at the floor, not helping their charade at all.

"Oh well good morning godparents," Harry said in the voice he usually reserved for sassing Snape, "I hope you two are staying out of trouble?" His eyes lingered a bit on Sirius' mussed hair and Remus' bright pink cheeks, "So I'm just going down to the kitchen for at least an hour now."

And with that he turned and left the landing, Sirius and Remus staring after him.

"When did he get so-?"

"He's been living with you too long already Padfoot."

"Don't blame me, he's James' kid, some of this is genetic."

"Some of it."

They looked at each other for a long moment and the awkward emotional tension that had stretched between them since Remus left Hogwarts began to creep back into his mind. He'd just kissed Sirius. Kissed him after he told him that he wanted to take things slow. More than that, he searched his mind and realized that in no way did he regret it at all. He'd do it again if he had the chance.

Sirius was looking at him intensely and Remus smiled a little half-smile at him, "That was..erm…"

"Incredibly unexpected and deliciously sexy?" Sirius offered.

"Yes. Exactly that."

"Hey Remus? It's okay if you still think I'm devilishly handsome. I really can't blame you."

"Shut up Sirius."

"I mean but you can't resist can you?"

"And why the fuck should I?"

"What kind of language is that for a professor?"

"Ex-professor."

Sirius kissed him this time, soft, smooth and almost romantic compared to the hungry heat of their first kiss. It was short, Sirius pulled away just at the moment that he knew would leave Remus wanting a bit more. This was how he operated, Remus remembered, he was a notorious tease and needed lots and lots of positive feedback. But when he committed, wow did he commit.

Sirius smiled, "We should probably go downstairs."

Remus sighed, "I suppose we should. Don't want to give that little punk any ideas."

"I mean I think he already has the gist."

Remus rolled his eyes, but they trooped down to the kitchen where Kreacher was making Harry a huge pile of scrambled eggs and bacon. To his credit, Harry didn't say anything more about nearly catching Sirius and Remus lip-locked on the landing, instead he merely gave them both a knowing look before launching into an idea to apparatus out to the countryside to play one-on-one quidditch with Sirius.

"Or we could go two-on-one?" He asked, looking at Remus.

"You and Remus against me?" Sirius clarified.

"Don't be ridiculous. I can take the both of you easy." Harry laughed and Sirius raised an eyebrow.

"Oh yeah?"

Remus knew where this was going and wanted to avoid an argument, "I think I'll just come watch. I've got some reading to do anyway."

So an hour later the three of them apparated far enough outside London that they could set up some wards in a field to disguise their game from the muggles. They chose the back of an open field, dotted with rocks and a few flat boulders for Remus to sit on and with just enough trees on the edge to make Remus feel less like they were going to get caught. At the north end of the field was a tiny stream that was iced over, and near it was a large boulder on which Remus cuddled under a warm blanket to read. Sirius and Harry set some makeshift hoops up and Harry flew circles around Sirius for several chilly hours. Sirius, to his credit, did much better than Remus expected considering he probably hadn't been on a broom in ages.

They had lunch in the field, after which Sirius changed into Padfoot to startle and chased a couple of rabbits, barking madly and tripping over his own feet in the process. Remus and Harry watched him ambling around, periodically yelling to him about which direction the rabbits had gone when he lost them.

Harry was leaning back on his arms, face turned towards the winter sun. Sirius came back to the rock and curled up, as Padfoot, with his head on Remus' lap. Remus ran his hands through the silky black fur almost absentmindedly, scratching him behind the ears. They sat in happy silence for a bit, and just when it was starting to get a bit too cold, even in their thick coats, Harry broke the silence.

"So, the Marauders, which by the way guys is a stupid name, you all became animagi when you were what, sixteen?"

"Fifteen, wasn't it Padfoot?"

Sirius had stood up and walked opposite them before turning back into his human self and taking a seat, "Yup, we started attempting it in fourth year but it took a little while, I think we could all transform by midway through fifth."

"How do you do it?" Harry asked eagerly.

"It's a fucking process, let me tell you. There's all this weird meditation and visualization, complex stages of spellwork, and then there's the month that you have to keep a Mandrake leaf in your mouth."

Remus laughed, "You should have seen them Harry, they of course didn't time it so that they'd be doing the Mandrake bit over break, instead they had to cook up this crazy vow of silence. It was honestly the quietest month we ever spent at Hogwarts."

"McGonagall was so pleased after she stopped trying to figure out what we were protesting."

"Yeah and when James started speaking again you could see the depression set in once again." Remus laughed.

"I wonder what kind of animal I'd be."

Sirius looked at him, his head cocked a bit to the side, doglike, "I think a lot of the time people have animagus forms that are the same as their Patronus, so you might be a stag like James."

Remus cut in, "But not always. There are lots of examples where there was a deviation in forms between the two."

Harry beamed, "It would be nice to know."

Remus had a feeling he knew where this was going, and it was starting to make him a bit nervous.

"Would you teach me Sirius?" Harry asked, staring excitedly into his godfather's face.

Remus knew it. He had known ever since the first night that Harry came home for the holidays. Every time that Sirius turned into Padfoot, Harry's eyes would light up. He had wanted to know about all their adventures at Hogwarts but especially those ones that featured them turning into animals. The way Sirius talked about it, being a dog gave him a sense of freedom that he didn't get anywhere else, it quieted the human tendencies to worry, to be stressed or sad about abstract things, it was a mental and emotional release. Of course, transforming into an animal was a decidedly different prospect for Remus. Sure he loved running with Sirius on the nights of the full moon, but he would still give anything not to have to. The problem was, if he knew Sirius at all, he was going to jump at the idea.

"You really want to learn pup?"

"Yeah, I mean why the hell not?"

Remus raised his eyebrows, "Are you sure that's a good idea Sirius?" his voice very clearly indicated that he did not, in fact, think it was a good idea.

Sirius brushed this off, "Of course! He's talented he'll figure it out quick with me guiding him."

"I have no doubt he'd be capable-"

"So what's the problem? Can you imagine we could all run the full moon together in the summers."

This was the problem.

"Sirius," there was warning in his tone this time, "you should think this over."

Harry glanced from Remus to Sirius and back as if he were watching a tennis match.

"I am thinking it over. And I think it would be brilliant Moons. I don't know why this is an issue."

"Because he's too young-"

"The same age as Prongs and I were-"

"And the two of you were idiots back then if you remember, Padfoot."

"I don't remember you complaining, especially because we did it for you to begin with."

This stung and Remus looked down at his hands for a moment to gather himself. His eyes followed a thin white scar that becan where his pinky joined his hand and wrapped around his wrist near his pulse point. He rubbed it absentmindedly with his other hand, feeling the bumps and ridges of torn and repaired skin.

"Perhaps," he said with an air of forced calm, "it's time to go back to the house. It's getting cold."

"You can say that again," Harry said, but Sirius shot him a look and he didn't say anything else until they had apparated back to Grimmauld Place. Harry scampered up to his room with some vague words about a book that he wanted to get to which must have been a complete lie, but it was all for the best because when Remus entered the kitchen after Sirius, Sirius rounded on him. Remus had seen that hard look in Sirius' eyes before, the grey turning to steel. When he was angry was when you saw the stuck-up posh boy come out of Sirius. He tilted his head slightly back, emphasizing those aristocratic cheekbones, and flexed his jaw and shoulders. Remus hated it, it not only meant that he was in for a fight, it was a reminder of the life that Sirius had, the life that that Remus never even dreamed of.

"So tell me why the fuck you're so bent out of shape about making him a Marauder? It's his birthright!"

"Oh now we're making him a Marauder?" Remus spat, "Christ Sirius he's fourteen."

"So what?"

"So even if he turns out to be a stag he's not going to be James, you can't put that kind of monumental expectation on a kid."

"Who said I was expecting anything?"

"You want to have adventures like the old days, I get it Sirius, I really do but-"

"Do you really get it Moony? Because freedom might mean something fucking different to me than to you."

"You could get him in a load of trouble, with the Ministry Sirius! And in case you forgot," Remus' voice was rising, "the fact that you and Peter weren't registered got you into a fair bit of trouble until recently! The Ministry never knew they were looking for a-"

"And the fact that I wasn't registered is the whole fucking reason I could get out of Azkaban too, otherwise you all would have let me bloody rot there."

The words hit Remus like a whip. He couldn't believe Sirius was trying to throw Azkaban in his face, like he should have known, like Remus had some information that he just never acted on. Like he wanted Sirius to be stuck in that hellhole for years. Remus narrowed his eyes, "Don't talk to me like that Sirius."

"I'll talk to you however the fuck I want."

"I didn't put you there."

"You were pretty fucking quick to believe that I killed James fucking Potter, Lupin." These words exited Sirius like they were poison being drawn from a wound. He almost whispered them, and each one was full of as much venom as could be squeezed into each syllable.

Remus took a step back. "What the fuck was I supposed to think, Black?"

"You should have had some faith in me!"

"How dare you."

"Well you should have."

"How dare you fucking say something like that to me. You fucking asshole. You have no idea what I went through when you didn't come back, when I found out! What the fuck were you doing chasing down Peter Pettigrew by yourself?!"

"I wanted to kill the little fuck who had killed my brother."

"You didn't stop to think for one fucking second that maybe that was a bad idea? No, fucking Sirius Black can take anyone on single-handedly. You never thought maybe you should come home and tell me what the fuck was going on?!"

"Don't come at me like you know what the hell was going on Lupin. Don't fucking even think it."

"I was waiting for you! I waited for hours!"

"Oh and a few hours of torment really compares-"

"Shut the FUCK up Sirius! For once in your fucking life you shut your fucking mouth and listen to me!"

This actually had the desired effect. Sirius looked momentarily thrown off balance by the force of Remus' yelling, and Remus took the opportunity to let it all spill out.

"A few hours?! Fuck you. I had to hear about James and Lily from a fucking MINISTRY EMPLOYEE WHO CAME TO TELL ME YOU'D KILLED THEM! You...should have come home to me you fucking shit...you should have been the one to tell me. You left me Sirius. You left me fucking alone. For years." Tears were streaming down his face at this point and his voice cracked from the strain of screaming. But Sirius wasn't ready to back down either. They had opened this chasm between them - now they were falling down into the broken abyss of rock and stale air and they had not yet neared the bottom.

"You didn't have to fucking see them Remus. You didn't hold James' fucking burned body in your hands. You didn't smell the fucking singed hair and the stench of Dark Magic. You have no idea…" Sirius was crying too, "you have no idea what it was like to step into that miserable house. So don't you yell at me about reasonable decisions, I was out of my mind! You have no idea what that kind of hell is like. I do, I've been fucking living it over and over for years."

"But I could have helped you! You should have come home Sirius. Do you have any idea what it feels like to have to hate the person you love most in the whole damn world? It ripped my fucking heart out every day. I felt like I was dying, no worse than that!"

"You know what, fuck you Remus. You should have stood up for me. You looked me in the bloody eyes at the trial and walked away while I BEGGED. How could you think I did it?"

"How could I NOT?! You didn't tell me anything! We were barely speaking for months before that! If you'd just come HOME, if you'd just EXPLAINED. You should have trusted me! How could you be so fucking reckless with the other fucking people that needed you?! You had me! You had Harry!"

"Don't bring him into this shit!"

"And why not?"

"Because where the hell have you been for him the last thirteen years? Huh? Do you have ANY FUCKING idea the way those Muggles treated him?"

"I don't-"

"No! You don't. Because you never even fucking bothered to check on James' SON. They were abusing him, keeping him locked up in a cupboard, barely feeding him, hitting him, forcing him to do all their housework, letting their kid kick the crap out of him."

"What was I supposed to do Sirius, I didn't have a job-"

"YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO DO SOMETHING. Fucking anything Remus. James trusted you!"

Remus said nothing. They were both breathing heavy from screaming at one another, and Sirius was gripping the kitchen table so hard that his hands looked like they might bruise. Remus was crying so hard that his vision was swimming, and all the strength seemed to have gone out of

"Fuck you Sirius. You left. You fucking left."

"Yeah for a fucking reason. I did something. What the fuck did you do, Remus?"

"I survived without you. And I can do it again."

With that, Remus turned and walked out of the kitchen. He was wrong to come in the first place, there was too much hatred to patch over with a photo and a leather jacket. And Sirius would never understand.

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