#to clarify I’m saying trans folk are cool

[stay-silly621]

Look, I’m really trying my hardest to treat trans people the same way I would cis people but please understand how difficult that is when literally every trans person I’ve met has been the coolest person ever

[fixing-bad-posts]

Heya, I really really hope this doesn't come off as particularly rude, but I was wondering, why would bisexual women be considered lesbians sometimes and I think you also brought up transgender men and genderqueer ppl? For bisexual women, I just am kinda confused, they can be in lesbian relationships and lesbian spaces, but just describing them as lesbians seems kinda confusing because lesbian denotes specifically sapphic attraction at least from where I've always heard it, so wouldn't it be kinda confusing. And for the genderqueer folks or trans folks, wouldn't that just bring their genders closer to feminine and at least from what I've heard from some pple I know, they don't like non binary being seen as more womanly (I've heard it being described as woman-lite before annoying) and instead seen as a more inbetween which it sometimes isn't, because of bigotry and other things since nbs can be both fem or masc or androgynous, but wouldn't non woman lesbians kinda push it to be seen as kinda more fem or that person as more fem? I don't know and frankly I'm just kinda confused. I'm really really sorry that this probably comes off as super rude and I hope you forgive me. I frankly just want to learn a little more and have been reading up but wanted to know what you thought. And I just realized how long this was, so so sorry

hello anon! these days, i usually don’t answer asks like these because i’ve already done so several times, but you seem very well-meaning and confused, so i’ll do my best to help. first of all, please check my faq for resources and links about mspec labels and bi lesbians.

second of all—generally—here is my advice for when you encounter a queer label that confuses you:

1) literally just ignore it until you...

2) meet someone in your life who uses that label, at which point you might (respectfully) ask them what using that label means to them specifically, and why it’s important. i’ve done this in real life. the script is something like,

“it’s really cool to get to talk to someone in real life about this stuff—if i may ask, what does identifying as [insert label] mean to you, personally?”

you might also say,

“i’ve never met someone who identifies with [their label] before. would you mind giving me some pointers on the important things to keep in mind in order to respect your identity/make sure you feel respected by me?”

i’ve also never asked anyone to correct me if i mess up and say something rude, but i’m working on the confidence and charisma to be able to say that, because i owe that to others.

all of that said, i wanted to respond to some of your specific questions, and clarify a couple of things below the cut. to clarify:

1. “describing [bisexual women] as lesbians seems kinda confusing because lesbian denotes specifically sapphic attraction”. to be clear i am not the one describing bisexual women as lesbians, in this hypothetical situation. when i post about bi-lesbians, i am posting in support of people who—for whatever reason—chose that label for themselves. what i am not doing: advocating to redefine the classically understood definition of lesbian for the entire populous.

2. “wouldn’t it be kinda confusing”? yes! i understand it can be confusing, and i commend you for expressing your confusion instead of reacting in disgust or anger. there are so many things in the queer community that are confusing, even to me, and you don’t need to feel guilty for asking questions as long as you come from a place of genuine curiosity. being confused isn’t bad, and defining yourself in a way that confuses others is, likewise, no transgression.

3. “for the genderqueer folks or trans folks, wouldn’t [identifying as a lesbian] just bring their genders closer to feminine […] wouldn’t non woman lesbians […] be seen as kinda more fem”? the answer is: sort of. it depends entirely on how and why the person using this label came to these words. you wrote, “i’ve heard from some pple i know, they don’t like non binary being seen as more womanly”, and i have definitely also heard that! so, for people who feel that way, they probably wouldn’t want a label that evokes womanhood and/or aligns them with femininity assigned to them. but every person is different—so for some nonbinary people, they absolutely do not want to be seen as “woman-lite”, whereas for other nonbinary people, they might want to be seen closer to femme than masc, while still nonbinary. this goes back to what i said at the beginning: best practice is to ask the people in your life how they want you to respect them.

closing thoughts: i hope this clarified some things, but i understand that the topic may still be confusing—feel free to message me if you want a non-judgmental queer to talk things through with. i promise i’ll take you in good faith <3

[basedkikuenjoyer]

Jojolands - First Impressions

That’s what we’re doing here. I know I haven’t really delved into Jojo’s much before, but I know several of my mutuals are big into it and I am at least a fan of this bizarre multi-generational adventure. Still need to finish Part 8 but honestly...I’ll probably just wait for the anime. It’s too confusing for me to properly binge the manga. I’ll keep any actual spoilers under the cut, but first...

I’m sold. This intro chapter hooked me more than Stone Ocean. I’ve never really been into JJBA for the plot, I like what my boyfriend said when I got him to watch the dub. “This is one where you’re just here to enjoy the experience.” If I put it in art terms, something like One Piece is a very traditional story. It’s not exactly breaking a lot of new territory, more perfecting an established style. Jojo’s? That’s abstract art. Sure there’s an overarching story to each part and how they tie together, but you’re mostly just enjoying the vibe. And oh my god do I love everything about this vibe in Part 9. First and foremost though...

My newest beloved blorbo Dragona. Just gonna say this now and get it out of the way; it’s as worth getting hung up on pronouns as it is that clip of Izo referring to Kiku as his “brother.” Differing norms are going to make this finicky, especially when we’re talking about a Japanese author writing about Hawaii as a setting through the viewpoint of a 15yo younger brother. Little different, but I live in an area with a lot of Marshall Islanders. You sorta get used to it. We could ultimately find out Dragona is as much a “woman at heart” as someone like Kiku and referring to him as such still makes sense in context. Especially with an older Japanese author and there still very much being a mindset of like, not using “transgender” to refer to anyone except someone who has fully transitioned and treating it like a man becoming a woman there. Make sense?

All that to say, use your eyes and common sense over getting hung up on specific words. I’ll probably casually use she/her most of the time because it’s hard not to. Everything I see so far suggests Dragona also acts pretty girly and hell...I’ve known 18yo trans folk existing in a space like this while they sort themselves out. We’re clearly going for something in that bubble, I’m sure Dragona will have more room to clarify...it’s Jojo’s, just roll with it. Because by all accounts we’re looking at the sane, reasonable one in the group. And that’s cool, I’m definitely keeping an eye on this pair from the perspective of wondering if maybe, just maybe Araki was a little influenced by a certain pair of samurai “brothers” who like to play with similar territory. If nothing else, our introduction does show, not tell that absent being informed most people are going to read Dragona as female. Curious about those “cosmetic injections” as well.

With that out of the way, I adore our introduction to these new Joestars. Sets the time, locale, everything so well. They’re rocking out to Dua Lipa, hassled by dickhead cops, name dropping covid, cops one up the racism with transphobia. Then our best bros fuck em up. Awesome. These parts since Stone Ocean all track with an AU version of a previous part, and I love that we don’t waste time showing off our new cast as a twist on Passione from Vento Aureo. Though this time we aren’t screwing around with noble intentions. This is all about getting filthy rich and I’m here for it. Especially with my second love from this first chapter.

This bitch. Who is, without a doubt, 100% that bitch. If she has a Stand please let it be Lizzo inspired. Speaking of Stands, Jodio’s November Rain is cool looking and I like the reference...but of course Dragona is the better one with a nod to the absolutely legendary slow jam Smooth Operator. Given the similarities I love the jokes about “Sex Reassignment Pistols” Fun fact, 80s wrestler and guy who looks like he walked straight out of a porno “Ravishing” Rick Rude would sometimes use that song as entrance music. Does it sound like fight music? Nah, but he made it werk. Where the hell was I?

Right, let’s steal this diamond! Good hook, I’m invested and we have the gang together. Although I know this series well enough to know we’ll probably find a better motivation along the way (please be nice to momma and Beach Boy’s reference Barbra Ann Araki, she’s so loving) for now I love focusing on a gang of scrunkly criminals who make no bones about it. Jodio’s going to school solely to sell drugs, Dragona and Boss Bitch Meryl seem to have a lovely bond. Like I said, a part hasn’t hooked me this well since introducing Jolyene ashamed to have been caught paddlin’ the pink canoe. Part where I just died though...

Two words were all I needed to see to know Araki did his research on the islands. Spam Onigiri. It makes sense if you know the history, soldiers in WW2 brought Spam with them to a lot of these islands because it’s easy meat to ship and stockpile. It became popular trading fodder with locals, they still very much consume a lot to this day. Because it’s also something you don’t have to worry about taking a while to ship. And there are some dope Polynesian recipes built around using it these days. I’ve just personally always found that a fun quirk from the Marshall Islanders I know and past experience with people from Hawaii, Guam, etc. Will never forget a lab partner from Guam in college, said something about it and he was just gobsmacked. Had been going his whole time here wondering why it was so hard to find certain flavors on the mainland. 

Anyways, that was a lot of disjointed rambling to say I’m very excited about Part 9. Disjointed rambling is on theme though because it’s Jojos. Nothing bad is allowed to happen to Dragona or Barbara Ann. Paco and the weird guy? Meh. Jodio’s great because he’s a scruffy no-goodnik and proud of it.

[meangirlsx]

I hope this isn’t too personal but as a bi/ace person, how did you realize you were bi? As an ace folk I feel like my perception of attraction is all f-ed up and I can’t figure out if I just think girls are pretty or if I’m actually into girls? It doesn’t really matter cause I’ll only ever really be able to date guys bc of my family but I want to know for me

No, not too personal at all! I’m actually really glad you asked because it’s something I struggled with a lot and it’s nice to know I’m not the only one. I just apologize in advance for the essay I’m writing to give you as much context and information as possible for how I figured it out. (Also I basically wrote an essay on the guys I’ve thought I loved, so it’s only right for me to write an essay like this.)

I’m totally with you, I feel like my perception of attraction is about as reliable as a broken clock: maybe right occasionally but otherwise not much help.

I never questioned whether or not I was interested in guys. It was expected and assumed. I never really understood things people would talk about or show in media, like people just not being able to control themselves or people getting excited over events like Broadway Bares, but I never doubted my interest in guys.

In that same vein, despite going to an alternative high school where we talked a lot about LGBTQIA+ topics and I had a lot of friends who were out, it never occurred to me that I could be interested in anyone other than guys. I can look back now at a lot of situations growing up and see the times I mistook interest in a girl for admiration or just thinking she was insanely cool.

The first time I ever questioned being straight, I think I was 14 and I was doing a Romeo and Juliet balcony scene project with a friend who actually was going to come out as a trans man the next year. (The only reason I’m sharing that is because I don’t want to misgender him now but it’s obviously relevant that I didn’t know yet that he’s a man.) When I was watching the footage back to edit, I caught a sweet gesture in his Romeo monologue to me that gave me total butterflies and I found myself watching it over and over. I decided by the end of the week that I wasn’t actually interested in him, and then proceeded to convince myself I was straight again until I was 21.

I was at a regional theatre convention with my college department and we’d seen one of the schools perform a show earlier in the day. The girl who played the lead was absolutely incredible. Later in the day, I was on a bus waiting to go back to the hotel, and I saw that school in line to also board the bus, including the girl. I thought I was just a little starstruck, but my head was spinning as they all got on and she made her way toward the back of the bus where I was to let people continue to get on. She asked if she could sit next to me and I thought my heart was going to explode it was beating so fast.

Normally, when people sit next to me who I don’t know, we both do things on our phones so we don’t have to talk to a stranger. I had absolutely no intention of picking up my phone if there was any chance she wanted to talk to me. And she did. And I truly about died. It turned out that she’d had a rehearsal during a class I attended that she’d wanted to go to, and I’d taken extreme notes, so I offered to send them to her and gave her my phone to give me her email, but I didn’t clarify that. She put in her number. I did not shut up about her for the last two days of the trip or the following week.

Being in a very liberal college theatre group, of course my friends were all super excited and supportive, and one of the adults on the trip with us is bisexual and she was actually a big help and encouragement as I settled into the realization that I wasn’t just starstruck by this girl.

I didn’t have my first full-on crush on a girl until a little later into the year with a new girl in the department. I don’t even remember realizing I liked her. Just all of a sudden, every time I was around her, all those reactions started happening again. And we were in the same friend group, so we were around each other a lot.

She would enter the same room as me and I would have trouble focusing. She would smile at me or laugh at a joke I made and I would almost short-circuit. I had to pin her into this weird top for a costume and I would get a little shaky every time. She would text the group chat and I would just stare at my phone. One time, she hugged me and kept her hands on my waist as we pulled back and she just met my eyes and smiled at me and I am genuinely not sure I have ever short-circuited so hard over a crush.

So that’s how I’ve learned to recognize the signs for myself. I had the same kind of reactions that I had with guys I liked. My head spun, my heart raced, my brain would either never shut up or totally shut down, I found myself going out of my way to spend time with her or just be in the same room as her. I’d see her and I’d get that cheesy warm, fuzzy feeling. I’d get really nervous in a way I never got around other friends. 

That being said, my feelings for the girl on the bus and my friend felt so different from what I’d felt before. With my friend, in particular, I’ve never been more sure of a crush. I felt everything more strongly. I’m a pro at finding reasons to stop liking someone so much, and I couldn’t find a single one with her. I could talk myself out of wanting to pursue any crush in college, but the only reasons I had for not telling her how I felt were that the thought completely terrifies me with anyone, I wasn’t sure how she felt and didn’t want to mess up the friendship, and I was about to graduate while she would still be in college for a long time. All outside things. Nothing to do with her.

And it did take me a while to understand it. I think I actually more typically get crushes on guys, so that made it even harder to figure out. Honestly, talking about it helped me a lot. It was easier to make sense of it when I had friends getting excited with me and freaking out over how they hadn’t seen me like that about a crush before.

Being on here helped me, too. I was still scared to talk to friends out loud, so it helped to see what people on here said and find things I could relate to. Actually, one of the first signs I just didn’t realize was that I was starting to read and even write female character x reader fics and trying to convince myself it was for curiosity and expanding my writing.

The one other thing I can think of that helped me was overthinking things the way I always do. It made me try to analyze my own feelings in a way I never had before. I tried to imagine dating this girl. The thought scared me, but because I was starting to realize that dating anyone intimidated me and was an entirely separate problem. Also, being ace does add a new layer of navigation. But when I was first really trying to figure out if I liked her, I imagined how I would feel if she liked me. I realized I would feel a kind of excitement I wasn’t sure I’d ever even felt before, and that was my answer.

It doesn’t have to be any of my business how your family feels, but if you want to talk about that, I’m here. I totally understand that it’s SUCH a difficult situation to be in, but if this is who you are, no one has the right to tell you otherwise or how to live your life. I know that’s a lot easier said than done. But you don’t have to live your whole life the way your family wants.

I can’t speak from experience not having a supportive family. I told my mom as soon as I got home from the theatre convention. But it’s been 3 years, now, and I haven’t told my brother or my dad. I know they’ll be incredibly supportive. I know it won’t cause problems. But the thought still scares me. The idea of anything having to change scares me. The thought of actually physically having the conversation terrifies me.

So I don’t mean to make it sound like I understand having an unsupportive family. I’m so sorry if that’s your situation. I do understand being scared, though, and feeling like you have to cut yourself off from pursuing something for the sake of not having to deal with it. I can’t preach about living as your most honest, authentic self when I’m not there yet, either. But I’m here with you if you want a friend while you navigate this potential new territory.

The last thing I’ll say is this: once I got over my initial shock and set aside other influences so that I could just focus on myself first, I felt so happy. I felt excited. And I felt free. It kind of felt like a rebirth. Things made sense that never had before. I felt like I’d just opened up a new world for myself. Obviously, we live in a world where it’s not simple and easy and automatically accepted by everyone. But that doesn’t mean we can’t find all the good there is.

[republictrooper]

Thoughts on Discovery S3E4

I am so happy to see so much of Hugh. I always feel like he gets less of a spotlight than he should, he’s DELIGHTFUL and he deserves it after that bullshit they pulled with him back in Season 1. 

(Cut for spoilers beyond this point)

And his speech at the start of the episode was SPOT ON. That “Surviving can turn into living again” thing. Oof. I have BEEN there and I love to see it acknowledged. 

I also appreciate that Hugh has as snarky a bedside manner with Adira as he does with Paul (Seriously, they should just officially adopt them at this point CMON).

Also, are they just straight up gonna make him the ship’s counselor? I’m not 100% sure on how good an example it is if he’s just suddenly ship’s counselor with the requisite degree/training, but gosh, it was nice to see him in kind of a quasi-counselor role. It fits him very well.

I also continue to LOVE Adira. They have a good heart, and just the right amount of snarky teenage rebellion, and I really love that their relationships with Michael and Hugh are shaping up to be just and entertaining and heartwarming as their relationship with Paul.

Interesting to see the first appearance of Zora! It makes me a little taken aback, though. Does this mean Discovery gets abandoned like we saw in the Calypso Short Trek this season? If so, that’s kind of a bummer, given it implies that the Federation is going to revert to the Vdraysh again over X years. Then again, maybe that was just a temporary abandon ship by Saru and they come right back and they’ll retcon/”Clarify” that Zora was never abandoned for a thousand years and just has some internal clock inconsistencies from the time leap? It would kind of destroy the emotional core of Calypso a bit, but would at least tie up some bows and mean we keep the Discovery we know and love instead of getting a new ship just to satisfy the parameters of a 10 minute mini-ep that may or may not have been planned to coincide with the time jump storyline of s2/s3 in the first place. 

Regardless, I love Zora and I hope she gets a happy ending, dammit. And I hate the idea that her story might end abandoned in a nebula with Michael’s mission to reform the Federation ultimately doomed to failure and a reversion to some warlike V’draysh. And I can understand if they decide to give the crew a shiny new 29th century discovery but I LIKE the current ship :(

On the plus side, Saru seems to trust her as of the end of this ep, so I’m hopeful they’re “retcon”/clarify Calypso away from the “Discovery was abandoned for 1k+ years” thing that episode originally seemed to imply.

On the other end of that, Saru remains an awkward turtle duck, and I love him for that. I’m glad he listened to Zora’s advice, even if it didn't turn out well. This crew needs a COUNSELOR, ugh ;_;

Still, the follow up was nice, and that Tilly & Saru scene shows both why Saru is a good captain and why Tilly will be a good captain someday, if that’s how she chooses to go.

As far as Grey Tal goes.... I think it would hurt less if CBS/TPTB didn’t spend so much time hyping him up as the first trans character only to have him be DoA? It feels like Hugh all over again (and I’m still at least 60% sure they only resurrected him because of fan outcry). Like, these big corporations need to stop expecting props for queer rep if they only mean to kill said queer folk within a few episodes of their intro. And twist at the end aside, Grey was killed very quickly and unceremoniously, even moreso than Hugh, during a time when Trans people in particular still face premature death due to violence and murder and poverty at much higher rates than cishet people.

It also means we’re left wondering if Adira’s NB status is meant to be the result of Alien weirdness with their Trill symbiote instead of, you know, NB humans existing from the bout as far back as humans have been sapient.  Hell, As far as I can recall, their NB status still has yet to be spoken in canon, so we don’t know if their pronouns are she/they, just she, some other pronoun combo, and/or if they don’t even yet realize they’re NB at this point in the story

I dunno, I feel like we deserve better, as usual. Their love was so wonderful, and then Gray just dies? I don't know. It feels like GLAAD hyping this is just like GLAAD Hyping Assassin’s Creed Odyssey while ignore the compulsory het they put in the first DLC all over again.

As much as I love Discovery, it is REALLY hard to love the part where they have to give up so much pain and loss for our queer people, especially related to specifically being queer and in love with other queer people. We get enough of that pain and loss IRL.

I hope they can make something good of Grey and Adira’s story. Still. Can’t we just get some nice, safe, HAPPY queers for once? What is this obsession with making them all go through hell? Hugh died and left Stamets traumatized and we had to wait for a completely new season before Hugh came back with NO Guarantee he would and just some wishful thinking on the Mushroom magic, Jett lost her wife, and now Grey and Adira are repeating Hugh and Paul’s story. I suppose there’s a path for somehow bringing Grey back corporeally since he appears to somehow be a separate entity from Tal who can appear to Adira, but why do we have to go through the same song and dance with him we went through with Hugh? Can we just have one happy Queer couple that doesn’t get separated by death, temporarily or permanently?

I don’t think it’s a dealbreaker for the show for me, but I don’t blame anyone for whom it is, and at the least it’s just part of an exhausting pattern. 

Still, if I can disconnect from that for just a moment, I still love Adira a whole lot. I am glad they’re sticking around at least and I hope we continue to see them being affectionately snarky with Michael and Hugh and Paul for a long time to come, but I also hope the narrative is more open about their NB status and doesn’t fall back “it’s the symbiont,” damn it. And that final scene, in another world it would have been absolutely AMAZING just... good, solid queer love, two gay as hell kids being affectionate together. It would be SO GOOD if it wasn’t tainted by Discovery’s weird insistence on inserting death in every queer relationship.

I’m so glad Keyla is finally getting help. I’m really am. She deserves it (and cmon, I’m not saying TPTB owes us Joyla, but that look during the exercise part and that ‘lean against each other’ thing in the shuttle bay at the end were NOT straight).

Anyway, final word:

Trill stuff: Interesting and cool

Adira: The best

Queer stuff: STOP KILLING YOUR GAYS ITS TAINTING EVERYTHING AND I HATE IT but also I still smiled and teared up a bit at the queer affection.

B-Plot: Painful, but I appreciate the exploration of trauma and the steps toward healing

[smallhatlogan]

Why Nonbinary Borderlands Fans are Mad About Zer0′s Pronouns, In a Timeline

2012

Zer0 was introduced in Borderlands 2 as a character meant to be absurdly mysterious in almost every way.  Zer0 is apparently not their real name, they seem not to be human (but it’s unclear if they’re an alien, robot, or something else entirely), no one knows where they came from, etc. Still, in Borderlands 2, they defaulted to he/him, and was assumed male.  It’s worth noting that Borderlands 2 also featured Bloodwing, Mordecai’s pet alien bird. In the original Borderlands Bloodwing was referred to as he/him, but switched between games to she/her. This is explained outside the game by Burch, who says that Bloodwing’s species changes gender halfway through life.

2013

Gearbox released the Diamond Plate Loot Chest. In it was the “Pandoran Gazette” an in-universe newspaper. It included an “Ask Doctor Tannis” advice column, the last question being:

Dear Doctor Tannis,

I have heard you are acquainted with the vault hunter known as "Zer0". I have been meaning to ask - that's not really his true name, is it? Hell, maybe Zer0 isn't even a "he". Do you have any details on this mysterious figure?

- Curious in Old Haven

Dear Curious,

I am indeed acquainted with the towering stack of leather and poorly-written poetry that so many refer to as "Zer0". As you have correctly noted, "Zer0" is not the Vault Hunter's true name. Zer0's actual name and gender are (CONTINUED ON PAGE 9)

Page 9 was not included. To my knowledge, this was where it was first seeded that Zer0 may not be male. 

November 2, 2014

 In a panel titled “Playing as a female character panel - Does it Matter” during PAX Australia, Gearbox CEO Randy Pitchford discussed Zer0’s gender:

“The other things that’s interesting to me is sometimes when there’s characters that don’t have a gender or have an ambiguous gender I’ll choose them...In Borderlands 2 we left Zer0’s identity very ambiguous. What gender is he?” *crowd laughs* “We need better pronouns, don’t we? Don’t we need better pronouns?” (Timestamp) 

“What’s the gender of Zer0?….That says more about me than it does say about Zer0, the fact that I use the pronoun he when I describe Zer0. In fact, um, we purposely have left Zer0’s gender ambiguous. There’s a lot of folks at Gearbox that like to think that maybe Zer0’s of a particular species that doesn’t have gender- That is more androgynous.”  (Timestamp) 

(Timeline continues under cut)

November 25th, 2014

The first episode of Tales From the Borderlands was released. Anthony Burch answered this question on his Ask.fm: 

To my memory, tumblr blew up with excited nonbinary fans. Prior to seeing screenshots of this, I really didn’t have interest in Borderlands. The idea of a cool nonbinary character who used they/them pronouns, admist a virtual desert of representation, made me play through the entire series as fast as I could so I could catch up in time to see these pronouns in action. For a long time afterwards I’ve seen other nonbinary people expressing the same sudden interest in the series after learning this about Zer0. Because, yeah, it was a pretty big deal. 

2015: 

Zer0 appeared again in episode 5 of Tales, released almost a year later after the first. Their voice had changed to one that sounds more ambiguous in terms of gender, but Zer0 was still being referred to as “he/him”. Anthony Burch was one of the writers on this episode. Afterward, he answered this on his ask.fm:

Since he claimed it was honestly a mistake, nonbinary fans held out hope. There were posts going around tumblr clarifying that yes, Zer0 was still nonbinary, and still was meant to use they/them pronouns. It was just a mistake made by a thoughtless cisgender man. Of course, then some presumably-cisgender fan goes to Burch, and validates him, because clearly a character can’t just up and CHANGE pronouns! It’s not like anyone ever does that in real life! 

It’s not a fair point. It’s a dumb point from someone who has no stakes in this.  (Another thing worth noting is it has only been other characters who referred to Zer0 as he/him. Zer0 has never made a point of standing up for their own pronouns.) After this Burch just kind of gives up on the whole idea. 

This statement about characters being “progressive enough not to misgender someone” is weird, because the characters, even the sympathetic ones, in Borderlands have often blatantly failed to be progressive. The original Borderlands has the worst of it, it’s your basic 2009 edgelord shit. There’s blatant misogyny, not to mention the extremely homophobic joke surrounding Mr. Shank (and within that the transphobic joke about his girlfriend being a man in a wig). Burch only started writing for the game in Borderlands 2, however. It’s a huge step up, but there’s still a lot of bigotry. Captain Scarlett makes a “no fatties” joke. Mr Torgue fat-shames Ellie. Mr Torgue uses the R-slur. Multiple characters slut-shame Moxxi. Incest jokes surrounding Scooter, who also is implied to be a huge creep towards women.  Heck, there’s the entirety of Sir Hammerlock’s Big Game Hunt DLC is a racist, colonialist mess. Its antagonist is implied to be gay, one of two gay male characters introduced thus far, and he’s a pathetic, creepy stalker.  This is the game series where there are two common enemy types whose names are straight up ableist.  So citing characters as being “too progressive” rings hollow with this context.  Besides, trans people are often misgendered, even by people who’d otherwise be considered progressive.  Burch left Gearbox the same year, so he’s not entirely to blame for what anything afterwards. He just set a pretty bad precedent.

2019:

Gearbox did seem to take the “make a new nonbinary character” thing to heart.  They give us Fl4k, again a nonhuman character, who uses they/them pronouns. And okay, I love Fl4k, but like most nonbinary people I’m tired of all nonbinary characters being robots, aliens, or otherwise non-human in appearance (a trope that yes, Zer0 falls into as well). Still, Fl4k is cute and having a nonbinary playable character who uses they/them pronouns is cool! I definitely plan to play as them. Many nonbinary fans were suspicious though, it seemed likely that Fl4k might be meant to appease us and they could keep on using he/him for Zer0. We were proven right when they released the gameplay preview on May 1st. We hear Zer0 called “he”. None of us are surprised, but it still hurts, we felt like we’d been baited with Zer0.  Besides, why can only one character at a time be nonbinary? Why can a bird change pronouns but not a person? Why was a writer allowed to go out and promise this if it wasn’t going to be followed through on (yes, he didn’t use the word “promise” but telling a marginalized group something like that isn’t something you can just “forget” without people feeling betrayed)?

And that’s where we’re at, as of me writing this. I feel like there are some comments I’m bound to get on this, so I’ll answer them here: Why are you making such a big deal about this?

Me typing a few paragraphs isn’t making a big deal. But I feel misled and baited. After a few years of no clarification after Burch promising us they/them Zer0, a lot of people hung on to hope. A lot of people became big fans of Zer0 because they’re a fun, badass, nonbinary character. Their design is really, really rad! And heck, they were (at least for a time) the most popular playable character in Borderlands 2. Telling everyone, in-game, “actually Zer0 was never really a he, they’ve been a ‘they’ this whole time” would have been HUGE. Like how Blizzard made Overwatch’s poster girl, Tracer, canonically a lesbian, and then revealed their badass gruff guy (who fills the roll of your basic FPS protagonist), Soldier 76, to be a gay man. They/them are still not widely accepted pronouns. For us who use them, it’s difficult to convince people not to default to something gendered. Especially when we fail to appear completely androgynous. I’ve been told Zer0 can’t possibly be nonbinary because they have a deep voice and “masculine” body shape. But real nonbinary people come in all shapes and sizes with all kinds of voices! 

What about Fl4k?

As I said, I’m very happy about Fl4k. They fall into some problematic tropes even more than Zer0 (as Fl4k is verified beyond a doubt to be a robot, and has an “acceptable” androgynous shape to them). I don’t know their voice yet, I wouldn’t be surprised if it also fell into the category of “acceptably androgynous”. Fl4k is new and already “they/them”. Zer0 is an established character who already has a lot of fans among a bunch of different groups of people. There’s definite value in demonstrating a character can switch pronouns, since pretty much every nonbinary person who uses they/them haven’t used those pronouns their entire life. Besides, there can and should be more than one nonbinary character.  Fl4k being nonbinary but not Zer0 kind of feels like Gearbox expects us to shut up and be happy with what we’re given.

What about nonbinary people who use he/him pronouns? Can’t Zer0 be that?

Those people are real and valid.  However, we’re talking about real people versus a fictional character. I admit I’d feel better if it was stated, in-game, “Yeah, Zer0 is nonbinary and uses he/him”. But even then, it’s REALLY EASY for cisgender people to ignore that information and write Zer0 off as male (And knowing gearbox, they’d put it somewhere easily missed. I’ve surprised so many straight people who’d played through Borderlands 2 with the fact that Sir Hammerlock is gay, simply because it was only verified in a side quest). And you know, we were promised they/them, so like, not doing that kind of sucks. Also I think it’s really important to normalize they/them.

So what are we supposed to do about this? What do you expect to change, anyways?

Honestly? I don’t expect Gearbox to fix this so late. In all likelihood, that’s way too much dialogue to re-record. But I still think it’s worth making our voices heard. We shouldn’t silently put up with this kind of thing. Other people will pull the same shit, being either unsympathetic or unaware of the harm they do. And heck, it’s unlikely, but maybe Gearbox will at least acknowledge their wrongdoing.

Also, it’s maybe worthwhile to ignore canon, and keep referring to Zer0 as “they/them”, or if this whole thing is news to you, it’s not too late to start. It would mean a lot to nonbinary fans, and make a point about how Zer0 is regarded.

[ashandboneca]

heavenly-curse reblogged your post and added:

Im gonna have to be real here,  banishing words like this is not a helpful step,   especially considering that everyone’s path is different and their personal practices do not exist to please everyone. Context matters more than anything.  Blind removal of words we personally don’t like is not a way to build a conscientious community.  

Baby witch: I’ve never liked the term personally and have never used it to reference myself or others.  But if people want to use it for themselves,  it doesn’t hurt anyone. Let it be.  It doesn’t need to be gotten rid of,   just be mindful of how it’s used and call out anyone who is using it to be intentionally derogatory.  If people want to use this as a self descriptor,  leave them alone.  

Fluffy Bunny:  Yes, this one is mostly used as an insult.  I agree that it truly has no place being used.  But if people wish to attempt to reclaim it that’s their prerogative and im not going to berate them for it.

Elder: This is an important term in some traditions and if you don’t want to use it personally? That’s fine. However,  many traditions defer to elders as teachers and places to seek guidance.  It’s not our job to police someones language,  especially considering this term is used by many indigenous religions.  You can warn people of the signs of a dangerous religious authority without telling long established practices that they can’t have their own name for a long term practitioner.

Maiden/ Mother/ Crone: This is a practice specific term.  Most forms of witchcraft or pagan religions don’t use this.  It’s common in wiccan groups,  but not always used.  Regardless,  there is a Male version too (though the roles tend to vary between traditions.  

It can seem exclusionary in group settings unless all have agreed upon it,  but if someone wants to use this in their personal practice as a reference to their journey,  we have no business telling them not to.  As long as they are not forcing the idea onto others,  their practice is theirs and weve no right to tell them how to practice.  

And no,  posting about it on their personal blog doesn’t count as pushing it onto others just because others can read it.

THAT’S something that needs to be phased out in this community.   Constant scrutiny of language used in another’s personal practice when they’re making no push for you to use it needs to STOP.  Just because they post about it doesn’t mean you have to do anything with that post.

If it doesn’t connect with you and your practice,  don’t reblog it.  Or make your own post. It’s that simple.

Thank you for your thoughts. I disagree with you, and while thats fine, I’m just going to respond quickly.

I think that modernizing our language is important, because may terms used in paganism can be appropriative, exclusionary, and inaccurate. It’s not ‘policing’ language to ask people to use better and more inclusive terms.

I should also clarify that I am talking about using these terms in general, and not telling someone how to live.

As I have said in many clarifications, if people want to use baby witch as a self descriptor, cool. That’s their choice. I have no say in how someone chooses to identify. I managed a pagan bookstore for 7 years, and it is a term I saw used as an insult more often than not. YMMV.

Fluffy bunny, you know what, if people want to reclaim it, great. I have only EVER seen it used as an insult, and being dismissive of other’s paths. I don’t think this is a term that is in any way helpful, reclaimed or not. There are other terms that deserve to be reclaimed far more than this one.

My issue with elder is that it, by default, denotes a certain level of respect and authority, regardless of tradition. Practising for 20 years does not mean someone is an elder. If someone is an elder in one tradition, they are considered to hold that respect and deference in other traditions as well. Unlike the organizations that the term was appropriated from (christians, indigenous groups, etc), there is no central organization to hold these people to account should they become abusive, which has happened many many times. And while you do mention we shouldn’t police the language of indigenous groups, I did note that this list is specifically regarding pagan terms.

Regardless of whether m/m/c has a male equivalent, it’s still unnecessarily gendered. I wrote a whole post on degendering witchcraft practices for those who find the inherent sexual and gendered terms outdated, or folks who are trans or non-binary or asexual.

I think that pagans in general do not like to be questioned, not do we like to do the self examination of our traditions or practices. Whether that is because we don’t want to adhere to dogma, or whether we came from oppressive religious backgrounds, I don’t know. I do know that practice should be ever growing and changing, and no tradition is older than 70 years, and was created by people far less woke than us. Language is also ever evolving, and there are countless examples of language that used to be acceptable that is no long acceptable to use. Maybe there are not people forcefully pushing that language on everyone, but it appears in countless books and traditions, and younger or new practitioners should have a choice.

And, at the end of it, no one has to listen to anyone. People can do what they want, identify how they want. However, there are a heck of a lot of other people younger than me who are writing and talking about modernizing witchcraft, and those voices are so vital and important now. I have no more authority than anyone else.

[shiphitsthefan]

Hi! Just wanted to pop in and say hi and introduce myself. Obsessively stalk your blog (I LOVE your writing, btw) - I just recently began to consider myself ace/aro, and I was wondering if you could share a bit more about your experience? No pressure there, ofc, just wanted to give you a hug for all the hate you've been getting. :)

Hello! Welcome aboard, citizen. (And thank you so much–I’m glad my writing makes you happy!) And I’m absolutely okay with sharing my aro experience. I can’t remember if I’ve ever talked about it here or not.

For the vast majority of my life, I had no idea that there was even a word for how I felt. It never occurred to me that people didn’t feel the same way as I did when it came to love. I always heard that women and men married their best friend; since I grew up in an overwhelmingly straight community, once I started dating, I basically lost touch with all of my other friends. My real best friends. It sucked, but I thought that was how it was supposed to be.

The problem was that the people I loved most were other girls. (I thought I was a girl, too, and that, again, everyone felt the same way I did. Autism makes life very interesting.) Still, I wanted to get married–I was supposed to, after all–so I stayed focused on boys, though I did ask a girl to my junior prom, because I’d finally come out as bisexual.

People called me boy-crazy, and oversexed, and obsessive. In actuality, I was trying my best to fit into a worldview I didn’t understand. Being in love didn’t feel any more important than being a good friend; when exes got pissed off that I moved on so quickly, it hurt. I got so much shit dumped on me in high school. College was worse, though, for basically the same reasons.

I finally started realizing that something about my view of relationships was different in my sophomore/junior year of college. When I was distracting myself from being incapable of focusing on my work (undiagnosed autism, ahoy!) I would lurk on news-aggregate forums.

The rest of this is going under a cut because of sensitive subjects. Trigger warnings for child death, sexual coercion, and spousal abuse.

Someone on the forum posted an article about a husband, wife, and their toddler who were involved in a crash and wound up going over a bridge. The wife and child were knocked unconscious. It was impossible for the husband to save them both; he chose his wife. His reasoning was that he couldn’t live without her, and almost all of the commenters on both the article and the forum agreed that he made the right choice, as terrible as it was.

I was horrified, because it made no sense to me. A spouse or partner could be replaced, after all. A child couldn’t. That relationship, to me, was sacred. I couldn’t–and still can’t–imagine any love greater than that of a parent to their child.

The more I thought about it, the more sense all of my previous romantic relationships made. I considered marriage sacred, but I never thought that a partner was irreplaceable. I felt so heartless, because I wanted someone to spend my life with. But I knew, deep down, that I could never love a spouse the way they apparently deserved to be loved. The line between best friend and life partner was blurred for me; paternal love made perfect sense, but romantic love was suddenly more confusing than it had ever been before.

I thought maybe, once I found the right person, it would change. I started dating someone I’d always considered a great friend, a confidante that I’d had since high school. It never meant more than friendship to me–best friends, and I did love him, even though it wasn’t the “right” way.

Once we were engaged, however, it quickly became apparent that I was supposed to change the way I acted around him. Dividing time equally among friends suddenly wasn’t okay. He wanted me to depend on him, on his friendship, then berated me when I didn’t ask friends for help when I needed it. I was constantly confused and bewildered, anxious and scared. Soon enough, I was dependent on him, because he knew how love was supposed to work, or so I thought.

Deep down, I knew something wasn’t right. I married him, anyway.

The more emotionally abusive he became, the less sexually attracted to him I was, but he always made me feel horrible for not wanting to have sex, that I wasn’t taking care of his needs, that I didn’t really love him. And I knew my love wasn’t what it was supposed to be, so I always caved in, even when I didn’t want to. He decided we needed to have a baby, so. Well. He made sure that happened. I didn’t know what to do, because I knew that when I had that child, that my husband was going to immediately take second place in my heart, which is exactly what happened.

He became physically abusive then (though I suppose there’s an argument to be made for spousal rape also being physical abuse). I knew I deserved it, because I was failing him as a wife. (Never mind that, by this point, I’d realized I wasn’t a woman.) When he scared my baby one night, I knew we had to get out. Within a week, we’d escaped. I still haven’t gotten a divorce, but that’s definitely my intention.

So when people say that aromantics don’t experience discrimination, that they don’t suffer “enough” or even at all? I get really fucking pissed off. I tried so, so hard to make myself feel romantic love, and I was hurt irreparably in the process, exposing myself again and again to abusive people and situations, all in the name of trying to be normal. If that isn’t queer trauma, then I don’t fucking know what is.

Long story short, if you don’t feel a difference between friend love and lovefriend love, there’s nothing wrong with you. Not one goddamn thing. Your feelings are valid; your experience is valid; your journey is valid. You are queer, and don’t you dare let anyone tell you otherwise.

I still consider myself bisexual, because I still experience sexual attraction to more than one gender. (Not to all genders, which is why I’m not pan. Also because I’ve identified as bi for so long; I’m kind of fond of the label, not to mention attached.) However, I am celibate, both out of practicality and the metric fuckton of baggage that I bring with me into the bedroom. The asexual experience is never going to be one that I innately “get”, since celibacy and asexuality aren’t the same thing. I like to think that I understand it, though, or that I at least make a definitive effort.

Asexuals are exposed to the same kind of trauma as the rest of us queers. I’m not one to play oppression Olympics; it isn’t my job or business to assign one hurt as more important or greater than another. That being said, I 9000% believe that trans women get the worst kind of phobia and abuse. They’re exposed to the most adversity and danger and violence, especially trans women of color. It is our duty to protect and support trans women in all ways possible and by any means available. We must uplift their voices and make them feel accepted and safe within queer spaces.

But I think asexuals deserve protection, too, and acceptance, and understanding. I don’t think that should be a radical idea. It’s bullshit that people want to gatekeep–and yes, I am going to use the word gatekeep; it may not be the best term to explain community policing, but the concept and rationale behind it is similar. Asexual and aromantic persons are queer enough because they need to be, because they force themselves into the same kinds of molds and masks as other queer persons do to try and belong.

I’m tired of seeing y’all get shit when I understand how fucking hard it is out here, and it’s sickening that the only people who stand up for you are other acespec and arospec individuals. You matter, and I’m never going to stop saying that. You are here, you are queer, and folks need to get used to it.

Anyway. Even with all of the hate I’m getting (which doesn’t bother me, by the by), my inbox is always open to both identified asks and anons. If you need to vent or feel validated, and you don’t want to identify yourselves for painfully obvious reasons, I’ve got you covered.

This got really, really long. I hope it’s cool that I used your question to clarify my position. It was perfect impetus for me to do so. Again, thank you so much for your support. Feel free to keep lurking or to drop me a line any time. :D

[cerebusfire17]

Disgrace and Validity

People--Soldiers--in the military disgust me anymore, and I’m not sure if it’s because I decided to get out, or if it was because I’ve lived in the civilian side of life for so long. 

I’ve seen so many comments saying how happy they are that the military is currently denying entry to trans people. It’s like “Hey, 2000′s called and they want their DADT comments back!” kinda deal. I was hearing this shit when I was in, even after DADT was lifted.

(Note: most of this is paraphrase, not literal text.) Someone will one day read this and tell me to get over it, or some other bullshit. I got over DADT when that was lifted, so I’ll probably get over this when this kind of shit stops, you know? is that fair? I’ll stop caring when it no longer exists. Until then, I’m probably not going to get over people getting treated like less than. It’s not as bad as the Slavs or Armenians, but still, it’s not cool in our society of today, is my main gripe. We just did this shit with gay people, and now we’re doing it to another group because????

                                                            Main shit I’ve seen/read/heard... So far. 

Some Soldiers say, “Good, the military has no time for feelings or this PC crap.”

Yeah, that was the argument they used when it came to Shell Shock, aka, PTSD.

Other soldiers have mentioned, “It’s a mental illness! The tax payers shouldn’t pay for their operations!”

Okay, first off, the military ISN’T going to pay for an operation. It doesn’t even pay for the ones authorized, and even when it does, you’re still given the majority of the bills. The military authorizes someone of the Trans life by having them evaluated, and the the process of treatment comes once it’s clarified that the person is indeed transgendered. After that, they have to evaluate whether or not the person will go through the transition period, with the option of operation SOLELY BASED ON THE POCKET OF THE PERSON GETTING THE OPERATION, not the military of the tax payers. It would be paid the say way as someone who developed mental issues overseas.

And let’s be clear: Not ALL trans people even have an operation. They get treatment yes, but not all of them change their gender via surgery. There are literally people who don’t know the first thing about this subject who only believe that being Trans means changing your genitalia, and that’s it. And they think they’ll look ugly for some reason? I’ve never understood that. Why would they purposely try to look like a dude if they’re trying to be a chick? That makes no sense to me.

Oh, you’re freaked out cause you found out this chick was a dude at one time? 

Okay? 

There are women who found out Ted Bundy was a murderer--the hard way. I think you’ll be okay, you whiny bitches. Go to Thailand, or Singapore and play the game “Who didn’t have a sex change?” Good luck to ya!  Fucking tools.

Also, if the excuse is mental illness, then almost everyone in the military should be thrown out.  If mental illness a problem, we have to fix that, don’t we? So, then I guess that tax payers shouldn’t pay for the soldiers to get treatment for their PTSD. It IS a mental illness, just like DG, right (God, anyone who refers to DG as a “mental illness” needs to stop watching Youtube. Fucking ridiculous and immature. You’re NOT A FUCKING DOCTOR, ffs)?

Then there are those that say, “They shouldn’t be allowed entry because it’s a ‘Pre-existing’ condition.”

So is breaking your arm at 8 and deciding to join 10 years later. So is pregnancy, apparently (Still don’t get that), but no! We shouldn’t allow people who allow others and themselves to “mutilate” their bodies join, that’s why amputees and bitches with fake tits are banned from the mili--

Oh, wait, they’re not.

Oh yes, and then there’s this quip: “The military doesn’t need people who can’t deal with everyday stress to get people killed overseas. They’d be nothing but a distraction!  These pansies probably can’t even handle gun fire!”

Yes, because the Transgendered are totally pansies compared to the big, strong, badass soldiers who are throwing a fit because someone wants to change their genitalia like bitches who get liposuction or lip implants, or breast implants.... Yes, the people who are transgendered are in no way prepared for stress, as the rest of the world berates them for being different and not adhering to the natural order preconceived in the minds of idiots who think they know everything.

It’s not like people who are Transgendered are sitting there judging others performance based on what’s between their legs instead of the merit of their work, like those soldiers i am referencing do. No, they’re not that weak.  I can’t help but think sometimes if I had stay in, would I be saying the same shit as these people or would I know better than to think that? Would this idea that genitalia and changing it, per say, really matter, considering women have been in combat for decades but we only got the authorization to join into it with our peers in mid-2000′s. You know, because they were worried about women, what was between our legs, rape, distracting the males, not being able to handle the gun fire--You know, the same shit they’re saying about Trans people.

How ironic...

It’s amazing how soldiers will sit there are talk about PC culture, “feelings”, and mental illness, treating all three subjects as what’s going to ruin the military, yet PC culture, “feelings” and mental illness were all attained because none of that existed in the military previously. 

I have the most indignant feeling that the soldiers who, whether active or out, suck the military’s dick seem to have forgotten that the military WILL abandon you in the end. If  you’re no longer useful, what use are you now? Do you not remember that there are vets that are homeless, that have no real method of food or drink, no shelters will take them, no job will give them a chance, largely ignored by everyone until someone mentions that Starbucks is hiring Muslims and all of a sudden, “THERE ARE HOMELESS VETS THAT NEED A JOB!” Those words come from people who ignored that Starbucks did the same with Veterans prior to this publicity stunt, but fuck it! Let’s use the Veterans as a method of emotional manipulation and control to make people feel bad for forgetting them for so long. Let’s get on Facebook and share this story, rather than find something to link you to that person.

Some of these soldiers I mention vaguely are the same type of people who believe that they are entitled to benefits because they served. Served? Sir and madam, this is duty. You signed a contract. Sure, you are entitled to those benefits, but don’t confuse what you earn with what you work for. Signing a contract means you have to work at the task/assignment for an amount of time to get and keep those benefits well after the work is done. Working at a regular civilian job is where you earn the benefits for as long as you have worked/will work there. A soldier can easily forget that difference.

These are the same ones who will say they don’t want to pay for others of less fortune’s health care. “Work for it,” they say, yet they do. Every month, every paycheck, no matter where the money comes from. Everything gets taxed, and the taxes get used somewhere. If only they would think of things from the perspective of the people they swore to defend. 

This is the reason we’re taught that Civilians are ranked at the highest.

Although, I have to also say, that the soldiers who are worried that a Trans person can’t handle a fire arm; Neither could you. All of us had to be (re)trained with our firearms because a military weapon fires differently than a civilian one. You know, “line up your sights”? Most civilians don’t need an extensive class on how to Zero their weapons, nor do they take a nail to readjust the sights DWN3, LFT6 just to move two squares down on the target. Nobody who joins the military can properly handle the rifles and weapons we use on the regular (Unless they’re a fanatic, but those tend to be quite rare. We had one, and I”m not sure if there’s another like him.)

To be worried someone can handle a weapon, when we’re all trained the exact same way, isn’t about worrying about if someone CAN handle a weapon, and I only say this because they used to say the same thing about us black folk. (To be fair, I’m not all over negro, but just enough for me to get away with saying nigga and I can cook.) The idea that someone’s training would fail them because they’re transgendered means that you want them to fail at it. It has nothing to do with how they’re trained, it’s who they are that pisses these soldiers off. 

If anything, these soldiers who produced and continue to spread this idea that it’s okay to tell someone they’re not worthy of dying with honor because, what? They take hormone pills and don’t have erections anymore? Because they decided that how they identify themselves is a vital part of their existence in this world, and they have to suffer the consequences by people who lack the self-awareness to even question it, or step in another person’s shoes? Because, despite all of the bullshit comments, the rude remarks of friends and family, the chances of discrimination and sucide is increased slightly by the mocking of ignorant people that surround them, they continue to be who they want to be? Because they decided that YOUR opinion of them is irrelevant and you can’t stand it?

Thank god, the soldiers who have never had anyone treat them like trash to the same extent as a transperson or a black person or even a woman (All whom they are experts on, they will tell you exactly why you are wrong and that you’re using make up information, when in reality they’ve never been to college or never grasped the concept and language of Academic theory.) on a regular basis to tell everyone how grateful they are (Feeling) that the military has decided to not allow anymore Transpeople entry into service (PC) and the chances of them getting genuine help is denied (Mental illness) because it would cause “supposedly” the tax payers to pay for it (Feeling).

Friendly reminder: Be more wary of your authority than your Battle. And stop using civilians as an excuse to justify your position. They said this shit back in 2000, They need to get the fuck over it. But then again, history repeats itself quite often, and everyone is playing the roles all over again. 

I wonder what will happen this iteration.